My wife and I are 2 months out from D-Day. My wife did this by the book. After I busted her she tried using all the mentioned excuses. “You weren’t giving me enough attention” or “we had nothing in common”. Now that we are working things out I ask her “how is our life different now than before she cheated and she can’t answer it. I have actually pointed out to her that our life is no different than before. That she used those excuses to justify what she was doing when she knew it was wrong.
My wife reason was that "he listened to her..." - which is amazing, since she's been doing nothing but avoiding talking with me for ~4 years. In no way did she ever reach out, open up, or speak about her feelings. She kept constructing a negativ internal narrative around me so she could justify her affair. Regardless of my attempts to reach her. Now after d-day she blames me for her troubles, refusing to look inward, and it's frustrating beyond words.
His justification is that he claims to love us both. I ended our 6th yr relationship when the truth came out. He told me a month later shes pregnant. And there theu are moving In with eachother. I said to him that i rufuse to be a choice or a option to anyone.
My ex-husband also claimed to love us both. He filed for divorce and it was finalized in February, after a 38 year marriage. No chance that the AP could be pregnant, she’s 61!
My husband's excuse is because of too little sex, closeness almost gone and love too. That's how he justifies his affair. I admit that he was right, but, instead of talking to me about it, he had an affair for over 2 yrs and pretended e everything was peachy. He never thought I'd caught him. But I did. And it broke my heart😢😢😢 Mending marriage, but it's so difficult. It hurts all the time. This channel helps. I don't feel so alone all the time. Thanks ❤
Unfaithful wife decided to have her emotional affair because in was going through a horrendous few years of losing a couple jobs and needing her more than ever to be my support and helpmate. She saw that as being clingy and needy and smothering. So she sought her escape by kicking me out of the bedroom for 18 months while she had her little emotional affair with the married youth pastor she worked with. So 3-plus years later, I dont know if I can ever trust her again. She has no empathy with the pain she has caused, she does not try to reconnect or get closer spiritually, emotionally or physically. Trying now to justify my even remaining in the marriage. Of all things, I actually am there for her to support her emotionally and in her job and classes she takes. Just unreal how much pain I still have inside.
Were 5 months in. Last night she just told me that her cheating was justified. This feels completely hopeless now. Tells me I can be angry but I'm not allowed to be angry at her....???
sometimes they do. sometimes, they refuse to. if they get expert help and really go all in, they do wake up and they do see a lifestyle change and they do find new life and healing. it's more than possible. but not without expert help for sure
Hi Samual, I’m the unfaithful and came clean to my husband over 2 weeks ago. Things are rocky but my husband is extremely gracious to me in that he’s willing to work things between us. The past two nights he’s asked “how could you do this to me?” “How did things get that far” “i could Never do that to you ever” i just don’t know what to say other than i screwed up and I’m unhealthy and need to get help. I guess my question is did i give him an “okay” answer? At least for the beginning stages of our recovery. He says he thinks about leaving me every day but just can’t. He says he cares about me too much.
i would say something like "i don't know why i did what i did. i really don't. but i'm going to do all i can to get healthy and do all the recovery work i can to find out why and make sure i never do it again, ever." i would use that verbiage to help him feel safe and that while you don't know why, you'll do all you can to find out why. if you don't know why, it's really difficult to know how to make sure it never happens again and to prevent relapse.
Did your wife ever suspect and confront or even note to you that she had concerns about your connection to your AP? I’m asking about men who’s wives catch on quick and try to stop the train by expressing concern fairly early on not even necessarily about a sexual affair but like before it gets to that point - do people’s wives find out and they keep lying flat out?
My husband... I confronted him multiple times that smth was off in our marriage and asked if he was seeing somebody. He said "no". Shortly after I started confronting him he started actually cheating on me
Omg! This happening now in my marriage. I found that my husband had an emotional affair for a month. And after two weeks we got in a fight, he left me and he asked for the divorce. He is trying to blame all the fault. I feel so sad because I haven’t received any contact for 1 day. Should I wait for him?
Please help me need advice ..my husband left in 2016 found out met a woman put out the country would go there to see her in 2017 he filed for d..I have prayed fast and I not know what to do I want my marriage restored in April got letter the judge granted husband not talk to me what's your advice I been praying day and night
it's tough to tell. how long did it last and how long ago did it come out? it really depends on those factors, but it's pretty common that they will act like that or show those attitudes early on until they get good strong help to go deeper beyond shame to real true sorry and empathy.
unicornxd, i'm not sure what your question is, but the same applies to affairs longer than two years. the fact is, if they are justifying their affair, they will do it as long as the affair exists till they get the right help. if they don't get help, they may always believe and profess that their affair was their spouses fault for not giving enough attention, sex, affirmation etc. hope that helps you.
ouch. i'm so sorry. to me, it sounds like it's time to close the chapter and start a new one of your own healing and your own recovery. it's tough, but we want to change the mindset of the other, in this case spouse, and we just can't. we're powerless to unfortunately. and if he refuses to own up to it, then i would regrettably, hammer down on the divorce and move towards the next season of your life my friend. we just can't make our spouses get it. ya know?
I am having a very difficult time understanding why a revenge affair would not be justified. Am I not entitled to a similar level of pleasure and excitement? Now my spouse has had so much more experience than me. And, I am not chopped liver in terms of physical attractiveness. So, the opportunitiesare there.
the question about being justified, well yes sure. you CAN react in that way, but you'll be doing more damage. you'll create more pain and more hurt and make it even more difficult for you to heal and for your spouse to heal and create more collateral damage. you certainly are free to do so, but i assure you, from talking to people who did the very same thing: it only made everything hurt more and worse and never helped. here is an article on the site that may help you: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/2009-04/two-wrongs
Where was this 25 years ago my husband and I were married 25 years in the church blah blah blah and what I came out with was a divorce he was sleeping with my cousin for 5 years I tried I hung in there for 5 years through our marriage in the toilet I did everything I could😢 I prayed I went from size 16 tight jeans to size 8 in 6 months almost killed myself
Hello, is there a blog where you share your personal story? & also, what would you recommend for couples who can’t afford EMS? Do you guys have resource/infidelity therapist recommendations for out of state (California) or how to go about finding the right type of help? I feel like we’ve searched and not much comes up, especially stuff that is both infidelity and Christian based... I know you guys talk about how crucial it can be to get the right kind of help and don’t know exactly where to start or what exactly to look for, especially when finances are tough.
hi there. here is a link to our online program that's far more cost effective, which you can also file for scholarship help as well: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online there are more online programs for you individually as well found here: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses here is the scholarship app: www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request
PLEASE! My unfaithful wife and I have been watching a lot of your videos and they are helping. Thank you. Only thing we haven't been able to find, are any about multiple AP's. Like 13! Is there anyway to get past that/this!? It seems a lot different than 1 AP. Hopefully you can help! Thanks! Jaded
it's possible to move forward. he may or may not be sex addict. he may or may not have an addiction. what help have you done so far? what steps have you both taken to find any healing or clarity?
Thanks for the quick reply! This has been very rough! It's she, that was unfaithful. Counseling so far. Married counselor pretty much ran us out the door and said we weren't ready for a couples counselor. D Day, was July 4th 2017. And she's not a sex addict. Been together over 5 years. 1st wedding anniversary was this July 2nd.
Hi, I'm so sorry you feel broken. I'm only 4 months since our reveal of an emotional affair, more a disaster barely averted. I thankfully don't feel broken, but it's rough, w/ many horrible days. Only by the grace of God am I, and he, doing as well as we are. Samuel has mentioned he can't keep up w/ all comments, no staff for that. If he doesn't see this, look under the description box and find the links to the website. Lots of stories, people to contact and some free online supports, to connect w/ others going through this terrible time. God bless. He always cares, and lots of people out here care about your pain and relate to it too.
Hi Samuel, I am the unfaithful. I have taken responsibility, I have been going to counseling seeing our priest but can't get my spouse the betrayed to get help. I have written to you about this. I am not justifying my 6 month emotional affair but I feel I have owned up and taken responsibility for my behavior and actions. Still my husband refuses to get help.
i would continue to work on you and allow the progress of your own recovery to shine through. that way he sees your committed to doing recovery work even when things are uncertain.
I do BELEAVE that my man is trying to Justify the Affair and Infedelity But Really do not care about that I just want him home for good and forever I need him.
they justify the affairs with nonsensical inventive narratives that usually involve someone else who isn’t even in the country lol at least their message is loud and clear , just wear earphones during the tying loose ends.
My wife and I are 2 months out from D-Day. My wife did this by the book. After I busted her she tried using all the mentioned excuses. “You weren’t giving me enough attention” or “we had nothing in common”. Now that we are working things out I ask her “how is our life different now than before she cheated and she can’t answer it. I have actually pointed out to her that our life is no different than before. That she used those excuses to justify what she was doing when she knew it was wrong.
My wife reason was that "he listened to her..." - which is amazing, since she's been doing nothing but avoiding talking with me for ~4 years. In no way did she ever reach out, open up, or speak about her feelings. She kept constructing a negativ internal narrative around me so she could justify her affair. Regardless of my attempts to reach her. Now after d-day she blames me for her troubles, refusing to look inward, and it's frustrating beyond words.
His justification is that he claims to love us both. I ended our 6th yr relationship when the truth came out. He told me a month later shes pregnant. And there theu are moving In with eachother. I said to him that i rufuse to be a choice or a option to anyone.
My ex-husband also claimed to love us both. He filed for divorce and it was finalized in February, after a 38 year marriage. No chance that the AP could be pregnant, she’s 61!
My husband's excuse is because of too little sex, closeness almost gone and love too. That's how he justifies his affair. I admit that he was right, but, instead of talking to me about it, he had an affair for over 2 yrs and pretended e everything was peachy. He never thought I'd caught him. But I did. And it broke my heart😢😢😢
Mending marriage, but it's so difficult. It hurts all the time.
This channel helps. I don't feel so alone all the time.
Thanks ❤
Unfaithful wife decided to have her emotional affair because in was going through a horrendous few years of losing a couple jobs and needing her more than ever to be my support and helpmate. She saw that as being clingy and needy and smothering. So she sought her escape by kicking me out of the bedroom for 18 months while she had her little emotional affair with the married youth pastor she worked with. So 3-plus years later, I dont know if I can ever trust her again. She has no empathy with the pain she has caused, she does not try to reconnect or get closer spiritually, emotionally or physically. Trying now to justify my even remaining in the marriage. Of all things, I actually am there for her to support her emotionally and in her job and classes she takes. Just unreal how much pain I still have inside.
Were 5 months in. Last night she just told me that her cheating was justified.
This feels completely hopeless now.
Tells me I can be angry but I'm not allowed to be angry at her....???
More awesomeness. Bless you Samuel and your beautiful humility.
Excellent video
Do they ever wake up
Do they know they r lying to them self?
And others
sometimes they do. sometimes, they refuse to. if they get expert help and really go all in, they do wake up and they do see a lifestyle change and they do find new life and healing. it's more than possible. but not without expert help for sure
Hi Samual, I’m the unfaithful and came clean to my husband over 2 weeks ago. Things are rocky but my husband is extremely gracious to me in that he’s willing to work things between us. The past two nights he’s asked “how could you do this to me?” “How did things get that far” “i could Never do that to you ever” i just don’t know what to say other than i screwed up and I’m unhealthy and need to get help. I guess my question is did i give him an “okay” answer? At least for the beginning stages of our recovery. He says he thinks about leaving me every day but just can’t. He says he cares about me too much.
i would say something like "i don't know why i did what i did. i really don't. but i'm going to do all i can to get healthy and do all the recovery work i can to find out why and make sure i never do it again, ever." i would use that verbiage to help him feel safe and that while you don't know why, you'll do all you can to find out why. if you don't know why, it's really difficult to know how to make sure it never happens again and to prevent relapse.
Heidi, how ur relationship now. U took a brave step of coming clean. Pls tell ur doing great as a couple now
Did your wife ever suspect and confront or even note to you that she had concerns about your connection to your AP?
I’m asking about men who’s wives catch on quick and try to stop the train by expressing concern fairly early on not even necessarily about a sexual affair but like before it gets to that point - do people’s wives find out and they keep lying flat out?
My husband... I confronted him multiple times that smth was off in our marriage and asked if he was seeing somebody. He said "no". Shortly after I started confronting him he started actually cheating on me
Omg! This happening now in my marriage. I found that my husband had an emotional affair for a month. And after two weeks we got in a fight, he left me and he asked for the divorce. He is trying to blame all the fault. I feel so sad because I haven’t received any contact for 1 day. Should I wait for him?
No.
Please help me need advice ..my husband left in 2016 found out met a woman put out the country would go there to see her in 2017 he filed for d..I have prayed fast and I not know what to do I want my marriage restored in April got letter the judge granted husband not talk to me what's your advice I been praying day and night
What stage is guilt only because caught not what was done? How long should that go on?
it's tough to tell. how long did it last and how long ago did it come out? it really depends on those factors, but it's pretty common that they will act like that or show those attitudes early on until they get good strong help to go deeper beyond shame to real true sorry and empathy.
Wow i wish my ex
Could hear this
:(
What about when the affair is longer than 2 yrs??
unicornxd, i'm not sure what your question is, but the same applies to affairs longer than two years. the fact is, if they are justifying their affair, they will do it as long as the affair exists till they get the right help. if they don't get help, they may always believe and profess that their affair was their spouses fault for not giving enough attention, sex, affirmation etc. hope that helps you.
Overcoming Infidelity - he doesn't want help. In fact we've been separated for a year now, not divorced yet. I feel so helpless at this point.
ouch. i'm so sorry. to me, it sounds like it's time to close the chapter and start a new one of your own healing and your own recovery. it's tough, but we want to change the mindset of the other, in this case spouse, and we just can't. we're powerless to unfortunately. and if he refuses to own up to it, then i would regrettably, hammer down on the divorce and move towards the next season of your life my friend. we just can't make our spouses get it. ya know?
I am having a very difficult time understanding why a revenge affair would not be justified. Am I not entitled to a similar level of pleasure and excitement? Now my spouse has had so much more experience than me. And, I am not chopped liver in terms of physical attractiveness. So, the opportunitiesare there.
the question about being justified, well yes sure. you CAN react in that way, but you'll be doing more damage. you'll create more pain and more hurt and make it even more difficult for you to heal and for your spouse to heal and create more collateral damage. you certainly are free to do so, but i assure you, from talking to people who did the very same thing: it only made everything hurt more and worse and never helped. here is an article on the site that may help you: www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/2009-04/two-wrongs
Awesome video
thanks Cathy.
Link for course please
Where was this 25 years ago my husband and I were married 25 years in the church blah blah blah and what I came out with was a divorce he was sleeping with my cousin for 5 years I tried I hung in there for 5 years through our marriage in the toilet I did everything I could😢 I prayed I went from size 16 tight jeans to size 8 in 6 months almost killed myself
Hello, is there a blog where you share your personal story? & also, what would you recommend for couples who can’t afford EMS? Do you guys have resource/infidelity therapist recommendations for out of state (California) or how to go about finding the right type of help? I feel like we’ve searched and not much comes up, especially stuff that is both infidelity and Christian based... I know you guys talk about how crucial it can be to get the right kind of help and don’t know exactly where to start or what exactly to look for, especially when finances are tough.
hi there. here is a link to our online program that's far more cost effective, which you can also file for scholarship help as well: www.affairrecovery.com/product/ems-online there are more online programs for you individually as well found here: www.affairrecovery.com/programs-and-courses/online-courses here is the scholarship app: www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request
PLEASE! My unfaithful wife and I have been watching a lot of your videos and they are helping. Thank you.
Only thing we haven't been able to find, are any about multiple AP's. Like 13! Is there anyway to get past that/this!?
It seems a lot different than 1 AP.
Hopefully you can help!
Thanks! Jaded
it's possible to move forward. he may or may not be sex addict. he may or may not have an addiction. what help have you done so far? what steps have you both taken to find any healing or clarity?
Thanks for the quick reply! This has been very rough! It's she, that was unfaithful. Counseling so far. Married counselor pretty much ran us out the door and said we weren't ready for a couples counselor. D Day, was July 4th 2017.
And she's not a sex addict. Been together over 5 years. 1st wedding anniversary was this July 2nd.
What is "D-Day?
Disclosure Day. And it sucks eggs.
And beyond!
I would call it dooms day! I still get goosebumps thinking of it!
I need to talk to you please.im a broken woman
Hi, I'm so sorry you feel broken. I'm only 4 months since our reveal of an emotional affair, more a disaster barely averted. I thankfully don't feel broken, but it's rough, w/ many horrible days. Only by the grace of God am I, and he, doing as well as we are.
Samuel has mentioned he can't keep up w/ all comments, no staff for that. If he doesn't see this, look under the description box and find the links to the website. Lots of stories, people to contact and some free online supports, to connect w/ others going through this terrible time. God bless. He always cares, and lots of people out here care about your pain and relate to it too.
Hey Carla you can reach out to support@hope-now.com. To healing, The Hope-Now Team
Hi Samuel, I am the unfaithful. I have taken responsibility, I have been going to counseling seeing our priest but can't get my spouse the betrayed to get help. I have written to you about this. I am not justifying my 6 month emotional affair but I feel I have owned up and taken responsibility for my behavior and actions. Still my husband refuses to get help.
i would continue to work on you and allow the progress of your own recovery to shine through. that way he sees your committed to doing recovery work even when things are uncertain.
She weighed 300 pounds and hes justifying it. Wth?
I do BELEAVE that my man is trying to Justify the Affair and Infedelity But Really do not care about that I just want him home for good and forever I need him.
You dont need him. You need what's best for you. Take care of yourself.
they justify the affairs with nonsensical inventive narratives that usually involve someone else who isn’t even in the country lol
at least their message is loud and clear , just wear earphones during the tying loose ends.
❤️