People with actual farms do not expect visitors to pitch in, especially not immediately or without the visitor showing interest. Yes, it sucks getting up early to take care of animals but to expect someone else to do it is just unethical. Julia is not a hired farmhand or indentured servant! This "farm" strikes me as a cover for dog breeding, since none of their animals appear to be production animals and they don't have veg fields. They likely are able to list the acreage as a "farm" and get a tax break, but use it to breed dogs.
Exceedingly worrying and I think u nailed it when u said Julia isn't a servant, mum seems to think she is just getting free labour as she paid for her ticket to the US, room and board, so she can boss over her. Perhaps because she is Eastern European, she expects Julia to play the typical 'housewife' cooking, cleaning and working on the 'farm'
Yep agree, why on a farm would you keep chickens in such a small coop. No grazing land for sheep, goats and horses, dogs in small cages. I tend to judge someone on how they look after animals and no care involved here. But haven't seen the show only this on my phone! On that note for what I could see the chicken she was trying to feed was a cockerel, poor hens not just cramped but with a cockerel.
So Brandon’s parents have a farm with tons of animals but they have to go to day jobs? Makes me think Brandon is living at home and unable to move out because they have been hamstringing him and milking him for free labor.
I wondered the same thing. I think in thw first episode he said something about being an exterminator gave him a flexible schedule to still "help out" on the farm before and after work and on weekends. If we imagine they'd have to pay a farmhand $15/hour for that labor, and speculate Brandon could do 30 hours a week of it, that would be $450 a week, $1800 a month worth of work he's putting in there unpaid (IF they aren't paying him, that is). Now, if we speculate that Brandon's parents think this is his working off "room and board," there's actually no way renting a single tiny room in a house in his area, splitting basic utilities (although heat is usually included in rent) and groceries would equal $1800 a month. Also, I'd not be shocked if they've made him pay into groceries, utilities, etc from his off the farm job. I think they set up making sure he can't really get ahead financially.
@@smallbeginning2 But, do they? The whole family seems to assume a lot of things about situations, wishes and people without having express conversations, communications and plans Does Brandon even ACTUALLY want that? It's all a big question mark. Also, if the "farm" belongs to the parents, what's to say Brandon works it, with or without Julia, for the next 25 years for free and his parents decide to sell one day and move to Greece (just a random hypothetical) to retire. They could also completely mismanage things and the whole thing could go under before Brandon would be near "inheriting" it. Just seems like a lot of variables. It's like what Dr. Honda pointed out - we have yet to hear from Brandon what BRANDON really wants, expects, understands about his future. I would love for it to come up on the show where Brandon could address that and his parents could address their plans for the "family farm" in a forthright way and they could all have a mutually open conversation about it. Even if only for their own sakes.
Exactly my thought! If you have no problem with the thought of them have sex, what’s the problem with them being unconscious next to each other 8 hours a day?
It’s insane! I’m so confused by this particular move! Like, we know you will be possessed by evil and have sex, make sure no devil spawn come forth from unmarried sex!!! But we can not in any way provide room for it. I think they find the thought of a child conceived out of wedlock to be the most disturbing thing, maybe they think she might have an abortion if she finds out she’s pregnant.
It's not a mixed message. He's a young man they know they're going to have sex. They had a whole convo about birth control which she refused. It's a last ditch effort for birth control.
Yes, many Southern parents would not allow an unmarried couple to share a bed in their house. But not many of those same Southern parents would leave condoms on the nightstand for the unmarried couple. Such bizarre mixed messages!
From my understanding many countries around the world wouldn’t allow unmarried couples to sleep in the same room. My question is then why did the parents not cared about it when they were in DC sharing a hotel room. Wouldn’t they have gotten 3 hotel rooms instead of two if it was an issue for them. I’m just curious that’s all.
clover crispyn I think they’ve stated they don’t care that they have sex/sleep in the same room, just not under their roof. “Their house, their rules.”
people online have been talking about their animal keeping style. The dogs being in kennels, the chicken coop being way too small, the limping pig and the small enclosure for iguanas. They have a whole farm and still give their animals so little space :/ i really hope im misunderstanding the parents and their animal keeping style
The enclosure for the iguanas is so inadequate. As someone who has kept reptiles my entire life, it REALLY bothered me. I’m trying to keep my words calm, but oh boy! They need to be educated immediately. It looked so cruel.
They're bad animal stewards from what has been shown and those dogs in the kennels are kept for breeding - puppy mill style. I also wonder about that chicken coop. Do they allow the chickens to roam? Or are they always confined to that tiny coop? EDIT: I have way too many opinions on this episode 😬 the more I watch the more I'm like 🤨🙄 Why does Julia's room look like a clutter storage room with a bed?? On that big farm they don't have a garage, shed, attic, etc where they can put all the stuff instead of her room? And the parents don't want them to sleep in the same room but leave condoms out for them?? What kind of backwards, nonsensical "logic" is this?! 😐 They make zero sense. Zero. None. Nada. Another edit: I sense that they're going to gang up on Julia more and more as the season progresses. That poor girl walked into a total mess.
Yes the chicken coop is too small for the chickens, I work with animals, and from being around livestock is that chickens need space to walk around, but chicken have a habit of always being close to one another, kind of like “snuggling” with one another. If I should this to my old boss he would flip if he would’ve seen the chickens living like that. The only way to know is to actually live in their home. The dog scene is concerning because dogs like to feel like they belong to a “pack” whether it’s with people or other dogs . Also leaving dogs in a kennel all day everyday they can start to become aggressive, have anxiety, feel abandonment, lack social skills etc.
Brandon's parents are too old-fashioned, Brandon is like in an extended adolescence still missing a tempered identity, the family appears to have some non-human slaves around in their tiny cages, and there's a bizarre admixture of messages about sex being disgusting so here are some condoms! I felt like the condoms should've been thrown. Brandon and Julia are one of the most difficult pairs to watch, because they should have waited for Brandon to grow up. He has to know that he must make a plan to get his queen out of there or help her get home because there's no other way. The choices seem strictly confined to only two: Get out of the parents house with Julia, or send Julia home. At this point any alternatives seem like fantasies and between the animal slavery (not to be confused with pampering, which is excusable given that we're apex predators and it's big of us to treat the weak so well, heartwarming, hopeful, I digress...) and the craziness and the sterling beauty of Julia, Brandon is like such a dollar store Romeo here. Maybe not the best couple to bring up because ya know poison and all that, but he doesn't seem like the kind of person anyone would dream about with his frustrating indecisiveness. I mean ambivalence can be good sometimes, like waiting for people to finish crossing the road even if the traffic light turns green. But geeeezzuuuuuzzzz bro. Come. ON.
The mother is just incredible. They take Julia to present her new bedroom to her. It has ancient pink teddy bears thrown on the bed and literal junk piled on the floor. And Betty, who made no effort to clean the room, has the nerve to say loudly, "Do you like it?" which of course totally put Julia on the spot and Betty knew it. Julia has to either lie or say yes. Betty KNEW that Julia would have to "like" the room. And now Betty has locked Julia in to "liking" the room and she will go around saying, "She SAID she liked it." These parents beat all I have ever seen. Even the 2 framed pictures of Brandon and Julia on the wall are weird, because for one, that seems to be the only attention anyone paid to fixing up that room, but also, Julia has not actually made the decision to stay at this point. Just my personal, unprofessional opinion, but I don't think Betty lives in reality.
like Julia is going to be home alone for a long time might be like "if you don't like the sheets and blanket let me know we can buy something else" "you are our guest and we want you to feel comfortable" "if you need anything just feel free to knock on our bedroom door"
Funny that the mom who doesn't want them to be intimate leaves condoms...it's a pretty rude way to welcome a guest...they are laughing, but it's not really funny to treat adults like they are 15.
Well that's nothing... A day after I got married and spent one night with my husband in his parents house, his mom left me a blanket on the bed and explained it was for making babies, so we don't soil the sheets... 😰😑
the father seems quite aggressive towards brandon, like last time he told him shame on you you lied, the mother though she is controlling and all, she speaks with less aggression. Also, they are not very hospitable in my opinion, the girl just came from Russia, straight to the farm, and they expect her to start working the next day while they are at work somewhere else. they should ease her into it, and start to teach her slowly. plus she is a guest, she could use few days to get used to the new life discovering what is around the farm, and getting over her jetlag.
I think they spent a day or two in DC before coming to the farm, so her jet lag is probably mostly behind her. But I agree 100% with your other comments
@@goosebump801 she should have a jet leg for at least a week or two. You get a day jet leg for each time zone you cross and from Russia to US there are about 11 depending from where to where exactly can be more. So yeah they should have given her a break at least the first week.
@@goosebump801 the jet lag depends on people, it is like 8hrs difference. I know for myself it would take me more that 2 days. and considering that she had to follow the strict schedule made b the mom for the time in DC, she might not have gotten the time to get over it.
I feel like the parents think Julia is their property because she comes from another country, or like they're adopting her as their "other child" and they just treat her like Brandon
This reminds me of parents who have a ton of kids, and like the idea of a huge family,but then expect the older kids to do all the work when they did not ask for that responsibility. They want a farm, but don’t have the time do do the care, and also that care is questionable. I have worked with horses and animals for a long time, and they can be dangerous if you don’t know animals well. You also can miss signs that an animal needs medical attention (like a horse colicking). They are not very responsible animal caregivers if they think it’s ok to expect someone who doesn’t know, or necessarily wants to know, how to care for all these animals.
This is exactly like my friends life. Shes from a family of 8 kids and they're literally all used as slave labor on their farm. The older ones also completely raised the younger ones, which ironically pushed them all in to not wanting kids of their own
apollojakenwill I think if you are born into that family and that way of life it’s fine to have those responsibilities expected of you. Not for a guest though. It’s just very rude and unwelcoming in my opinion.
I feel like it really isn't fair of the parents to give Julia what looks to be a storage room with a bed... how is she supposed to stretch out and feel at home here when there are boxes and junk all over her floor!? Where is she supposed to put her belongings?
Remember when the mom said that she hoped "that Julia will fall in love with her room" and not want to sleep in the same room with Brandon? Incredible! Who would be even tolerant of being made to sleep in a storage room? Those parents are nuts or users. Like they are using those dogs.
I haaaaate staying places where I don’t have a space that’s just mine where I can keep all my things. It’s pretty much the reason why I have sworn off staying with my family when I visit.
This room is simply an insult to Julia! I think Mom is a control freak in addition to many other problems. I think she’s jealous of Julia and subconsciously doesn’t want the relationship to work. It obvious to me that she doesn’t like her and is showing her disdain and resentment by intentionally giving her the lousy room while Brandon has the nice room with the new furniture and neat space. Mom is just taking advantage of the fact that Julia is all alone here and may not have the financial means to live somewhere else on her own or with Brandon. She wants to “put Julia in her place” right from the start and show her who’s boss. It is interesting that Brandon seems to be totally oblivious to the outrageous state of this room and didn’t seem to have liftedva finger to try and clear the clutter/garbage to make it more presentable for his beloved fiancé! Alternatively, he could have at least insisted on her having the other nicer room.
Someone found their “farm” on the internet and it seems to be kind of a puppy mill situation. They breed German Shepards, and a few other breeds I believe. It feels like the imported Julia for a free “farmhand” on their hobby farm/puppy mill while they go out to flea markets and meet people to sell puppies. Their friend is mostly definitely breeding those hairless cats for tons of money - look up how much they cost as kittens!!
Yea I’m a breeder, of Standard Poodles and I’m horrified by how they keep their dogs! Those dogs aren’t living in a family situation, so they will have behavioral issues. The puppies won’t know how to behave in a home. None of my dogs are in kennels at all. They all live in my home, sleep on my bed, take up my entire couch, lol. The only “kennel” I have are a couple of crates to put the babies in a night so they are started on crate training. Also with them being stuck in a cage, how are they health wise? I hope they health test their dogs before breeding but with their setup I’m not sure.... it’s just so sad 😞
@@avaannie3906 I think it’s sweet the way you raise your dogs but in all seriousness people who breed and keep dogs in a larger scale do mostly use outside kennels, especially in warmer climates.. The way they manage:/raise the dogs isn’t clear here/. If they have someone come in to help out she works with the dogs I’m sure. I have 2 friends who raise dogs and one has a fancy air conditioned kennel with lots of running room. She plays constantly with the dogs. The other friend breeds larger dogs like these German Sheppards. They stay in the same type kennels as shown on the show but they go out daily for play and exercise. They are treated very well. Those types of dogs are sold young and raised for many different purposes other than house pets. Some may wind up being guard dogs , some sent on to be further trained to be service animals, some to live outside if the family lives in the country. So on.. Hopefully we’ll learn more about this aspect of their farm. I don’t want to assume the worst.
@@jackiesc4061 True and I do understand I am a bit extra. I even bought the puppies I have this litter PJS for Christmas. I also only have 2 moms, but I also don’t think I could put them in kennels, even if I had more. They are large dogs, my male is 70lbs and my moms are 45-50lbs so I wouldn’t want to get too many Poodles to where I would need to have kennels. I’ve just always felt that dogs want to be around you so I don’t like kennels. That’s just my personal thing. However I do get what you are saying. Yes guard dogs, and when you have too many, There is a right way to do kennels, like your friends. Brandon’s family, their kennels don’t look Air conditioned or heated, true we are only seeing a glimpse but it doesn’t look wonderful. I hope I’m wrong and they are breeding the right way. I may just be a little sensitive as people get really judgy when you breed. They think everyone who does, does it like Brandon’s family and that’s just not true.
I'm glad you mentioned the dogs in kennels Dr. Honda! I don't know if you're on Reddit but on r/90dayfianceuncensored this was also brought up. A few people said they lived near this family's farm and the dogs are kept in kennels unless they're being bred, which in my opinion is inhumane. I don't know how anyone could walk past multiple dogs locked up separately and obviously wanting attention without reacting! Just seeing the short clip on the show made me want to cry, I can't imagine living there...
Dr. Honda: "Now the one thing that I am happy about..." Me: "Is that everyone seems differentiated in this moment?" Dr. Honda: "Is that they don't have any roosters. Roosters can be VERY loud."
He’s right though and some of them are loud and just plain mean. I think it’s weird though that they don’t have at least one. Chickens can lay eggs without them, but you do need the rooster to fertilize the eggs.
Does Brandon’s mom have anxiety issues? She always seems rushed to do everything and never wants to slow down in the moment. Maybe she has issues and doesn’t like slowing down thinking her mind will go there.....
My mom was a real constantly rushing type, it wasn’t until the last couple of years of her life i realized how anxiety driven she was, how she couldn’t stand to be left alone with her anxiety. But she was not controlling the way this mom is. GET THERAPY EVERYONE INVOLVED! Betty seems like she feels sex is evil outside of marriage but super aware of the outcomes. Perhaps she has had unwanted outcomes from sex? They seem like they might be super religious but I’m not from a religious culture, so I really don’t know. (Also don’t watch the show, I don’t get that channel, I only see Dr. Kirk’s reactions, so maybe religion is covered by the show?) Have they mentioned religion at all?
I'd say you're spot on that in many of the scenes I definitely sense it and can even feel it from her through the screen! It's an agitation like she's driven internally by a wind up motor. It's definitely exhausting just to watch let alone what I can only imagine it's feel as a cog in that family dynamic! I imagine attempting to not have yourself unknowingly drawn into that frenetic energy you'd feel almost forced into exerting your own boundaries, personal integrity, basic freedoms and liberties.. It's been outrageous watching this poor young adult woman become forced to reclaim her personal liberty and basic human right about decisions fundamental to her personal, bodily integrity! So yeah, I reckon you're spot on, that she shows many signs she struggles to regulate herself but that isn't necessarily the case that in her normal, off screen life she'd have an anxiety disorder because a large part of the diagnostic process is in determining the extent to which it impacts her ability to function day to day. I'd probably even encourage them all to take a midday nap to avoid frying their fragile nervous systems!
@@suvi2787 I typically watch the new episodes every week but I don’t think they’ve mentioned their religion at all. Brandon’s mom has just basically said she doesn’t want to have to even think of her son having sex. That combined with her insisting on being involved in every aspect of his 27 year old life seems like she has a hard time accepting him as a grown adult and not her little boy
I have the sense that they are keeping them away from her because she’s afraid of dogs (like how we would keep our dogs in one room if someone was visiting who was afraid of dogs) - until she gets used to them.
The parents behavior towards animals and their own family made me sick in the stomach. It is very weird to be controlling and it has nothing to do with living on a Farm
At the end of the conversation, Brandon's father's face obviously radiates "I'll physically violate you if you push this any further." There is a reason why Brandon is the way he is, he's not lazy, he's been abused his whole life.
I like this girl. She knows what she wants. I'm having such a hard time being assertive that i would have done the farm jobs even though I'm sh*t scared of animals.
@@puetwa Oh! I didn't know that! I don't actually watch 90 day, I only watch Dr Honda's reaction videos to it so my judgement and understanding are probably very warped!
@@spindelyshankz671 I also only watch his reaction ;) it was a total speculation from my side and a bit of a joke ;) some people just think that way "you stay with us for free, we give you food and water so at least you can help"
It's true, Brandon and Julia are both living there for free. In the Tell All episode, someone said something about paying Julia for her work and Brandon's mother says: sure, and then they can pay me rent.
I hate to pass judgment before having all the information, but as soon as I heard that these people are dog breeders I started having negative feelings. It’s questionable whether dog breeding can ever be ethical. And yes, I’ll bet those German Shepards live in kennels most of the time.
@@habeashumor9814 Breeding is unethical particularly in regards to German Shepherds. Breeders have destroyed those dogs backs for the sake of arbitrary aesthetics
@@habeashumor9814 Honestly, cat and dog breeding cannot ever be ethical or even morally acceptable when literally thousands of unwanted pets wait for a forever home or are put to sleep. All these mills produce are unsocialized animals with a gazillion of genetic and health issues that end up ripping off someone's face in the worst case, and dying from illness at 2 years old at "best".
@@habeashumor9814 Why do breeders have to keep them in kennels? What is wrong with them running around the farm? I know nothing about what breeders do.
It kills me how almost every episode ends with "...I don't know, but we'll keep watching. /jumpcut/ ALRIGHT! So that's it for this episode..." Got me cry laughing over here.
My grandparents had a large farm and they never forced anyone to help out. They always asked for help if us grandkids stayed with them. It was never expected.
The dogs are in cages because they breed them for sale. They are not pets. They are not spayed or neutered. That's why they are not let loose around the farm, or kept inside the house. Oh, I hope this is not just one step above a puppy mill!
It is a puppy mill. There are plenty of people that breed animals and don't have them in cages. The dogs only going to heat a certain amount of time during the year so it's okay for them to be around each other when they are not fertile. They just want these dog cuz money makers
What I don't understand is why did Brandon and his parents have somebody move in with them if this was the situation. Brandon should've waited until he had his own place before he moved her over.
If the parents were not capable of teaching Brandon about condoms and birth control 10 years ago, what makes them condom and birth control experts today?
@@sirmel11 It depends on the school unfortunately. I'm only 5-ish years older than Brandon and we didn't get explicit education on birth control/condom use in school. I went to a public school in a rural area. Abstinence only education is still a thing in parts of this country. Not saying that absolves Brandon of responsibility at all. Just that we can't necessarily count on our school systems to deliver in that area either.
The way Brandon's parents act like everything is a joke makes me feel really uncomfortable. It has felt really disengenuous. I think we see the real situation with how the father acted at dinner. I wonder if that's how they usually act in private.
This entire situation is just odd, she has to "work" on the farm.... Be treated like a child and has no say what so ever in any of this..... Its a shame since this couple actually seems to like each other
It looks like the mother's behavior has been an effort to keep the father's anger under wraps. She looked so uncomfortable when Brandon's dad couldn't keep his anger under control. He goes from nonplussed to seething in a very short time.
I really liked Julia's mature reactions, like when she gave herself a time limit to make up the mind about staying on the farm. Just watching her situation makes me anxious about her weird situation where a lot of choices are taken from her, I really have hard time trying to stay differentianted and not outright hate Brandon's parents. I really admire Julia's attitude. I just wish we could hear Julia speaking her mind in Russian to understand her better, cause so far we are getting extremely limited version of her personality due to her limited English vocabulary
it's so weird that we have never seen one of these couples asking their significant other if they want to sign up for English classes or anything or help studying when they come here to help them adjust and express themselves.
I don't like how the Mom just tells her she needs to feed the animals, etc. without asking. I mean, they got everything done without her the day before. For the condoms-looks like it was taken as a prank instead of the intended message. And why would she do that if she supposedly doesn't want them having sex in the house prior to marriage?
I think it is good the way they are treating her. They are showing their true selves. She has time to pack her bags and head home. It would be worse if they were all fake nice until they get married. Then she is stuck with them. Brandon is a child. Mom is controlling. Julia just needs to leave.
Julia needs to gtfo of there, that family is a complete nightmare. It might be too late for Brandon but I hope Animal Services will take a look into how the other animals are kept.
I'm really worried about how those puppies are being treated, hopefully they'll address it later on bc my from my first impression, it really looks one of those terrifying breeding farms
I think it's weird how the family comes across. "I understand you're uncomfortable and trying to make it a joke, but it's not a joke." When the whole time the parents have been making jokes about the situation.
@@sarahdee374 hmmm well most American women would take offence to puppy mills right? Makes sense actually now why he's gone to that part of the world. But I don't think puppy mills and backyard breeders are the same thing.
@Sarah Dee yeah this isn't a puppy mill. They're backyard breeders. They've got all the things to qualify as one - pick a breed of dog, have goats, chickens, and pigs..."Profit" (aka just scrape by by not providing adequate care and health testing for the animals.)
Its hilarious hearing brandons parents talk about respect, like the irony! They have zero boundaries and zero respect. They are pretty abusive of julia and it really irks me. Time for some 5 senses grounding.
I’d really like to see someone do that on this show. I’m sure they’re contracted for the season, so they legally can’t, but I wish it happened just once.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Brandon’s parents had foreign exchange students before, since it is common for FESs to be sent to families in rural areas (I was sent to one in Elk, Washington). They act with her as if she’s a foreign exchange student that they’re hosting. I don’t see respect from the parents to her, the type of respect that would be owed to a daughter in law.
You have expressed just what I was thinking. There is something "routine" about their assumptions that they can tell Julia were to sleep and what jobs she's expected to do.
I’m thinking the parents told Brandon they expect Julia to help with farm chores before she arrived and are assuming he had that conversation with her, but just like everything else his conversation style is to avoid confrontation and to just kind of be quiet and hope everyone else figures things out or does things for him. So now Julia is there without the knowledge of what the parents are expecting of her and the parents are assuming Brandon informed Julia of their expectations. Brandon just sits in the middle triangulating everyone to have his conversations for him.
It’s like they just want her for free labor. I get contributing to the household, but to take care of all the animals every single day is a big job! They already pay a farm hand who could do those things. It just seems like a control thing to me. Also I was thinking they may have kenneled the dog just so they wouldn’t bother the film crew?
Well, if she’s going to live there, and doesn’t have the money not job to contribute, she should be expected to help out in some way. The problem is, like Dr. Honda said, no negotiations happened, they didn’t ask her if she wants to help with the animals. Also, it could have waited until the second or third day to let her settle into her new home. Also, I wouldn’t give the main caretaking of animals job to someone who absolutely doesn’t want to do it, too much of it not being done right.
@@Januaryschild The parents ran it by Brandon since he’s the one that probably asked for her to stay with them. If he didn’t negotiate the terms and conditions better or at least gave Julia a heads up I think thats more on Brandon than it is on the parents. Brandon knows his parents expectations, but Julia is completely in the dark. I agree that the parents are not very welcoming and are asking a lot from them, but again Brandon had this whole time before she got there to straighten this out or find other accommodations.
I truly love to see Dr. Honda smile when he sees these couples together. He genuinely hopes they work out and that shows he's truly a good person with no judgement. (Because most of us automatically say something negative, did you see who's he's with? omg she's old lol etc etc etc.
most people will go through money problems in their lives, when it comes to couples, sometimes it destroys the relationship, sometimes they come out of it stronger. Here you have Julia, that already accepted that money will be a problem once they move out, but also seemingly prepared to go through it together. I guess I just don't understand why Brandon isn't more excited with the prospect of starting a life ~of his own~ with the apparent love of his life. I adore my mom, but duuuuude, our relationship got SO much better once I moved out. I understand not everyone has the means to do it (especially at this day and age), but Brandon appears to have a little bit, so why not take the chance at independence? ESPECIALLY with someone that loves you by your side helping out with the emotional labor?
His mom and him talked about it on the bench park. He moved back in because he blew his savings on the vacations he took with Julia. So he is trying to save by staying with them, but I agree my mother can be very overbearing too and I would rather struggle than force my partner to endure this type of situation.
Every time I've been brought to a farm , I've had this kind of in-your-face introduction to it. I think the farm people think it's funny to do that to City people
I grew up on a 99 acre working farm, then moved to the city after college. Growing up there was definitely an expectation that the children would help, mostly because my brother and I were making money from our farm work for college. Now, when my husband and I visit, there is certainly an invitation to help, but never an expectation, because my parents understand my husband is not necessarily comfortable with the work. I think you are right that Brandon’s parents need to communicate to Julia their expectations, Julia needs to communicate hers, and compromise needs to be found, because farm life is NOT for everyone. Seriously - I moved away for a reason 😉 But I get the sense Brandon’s parents essentially feel Julia needs to earn her keep.
I started seeing these videos by chance, but they've helped me tremendously. We don't have access to therapy, but from watching these videos I've realized that the reason my husband and I get into huge fights over seemingly small things is because we're clearly triggering eachothers childhood traumas. It was a very helpful realisation! I have much higher hopes of saving our marriage now. Thank you so much for this easy going and educational resource!
It's crazy and ignorant how Julia is bending over backwards by moving to the US and Brandon's family is forcing her to work for them. I get that there may be some cultural differences at play and the idea that everyone has to help with the farm, but they're not taking into consideration all of the things Julia is already doing by moving to Virginia. She could not work at all during the full 90 days and she still wouldn't be freeloading. The least they could do is have a conversation on which chores she feels okay with taking on.
They say they live on a "farm" but do not own enough animals for production or processing purposes, and they work day jobs so the "farm" is either a hobby or a cover-up for a puppymill(assumption based on the living conditions shown for the dogs vs. the living conditions of all the other animals). Being someone who lives in an extremely rural, farm-filled area, the parents also don't strike me as "farm people" at all. In the southern United States, staying on the farm implies you are the family's guest and are actually encouraged to relax vs. work. Additionally, the amount of actual "farm" animals they own does not even warrant a second hand to assist in caring for them. Feeding a couple of pet pigs/chickens/goats and running water could easily be a one person job. I really think they are pushing Julia to do these tasks to exert a level of control over her.
and honestly i would have preferred brandon to take me around the farm on his own showing me everything so that a convo can take place without the parents intervening
I was wondering the same thing about the dogs. Everytime we've seen them they've been locked in cages. perhaps that's just when the cameras are rolling to keep them from causing chaos but i'd love it if they'd show a few shots of the dogs running and playing. it gives me a bad feeling - almost want to look them up online and see just what's going on there. PS my cat agrees with your cat, everytime you cat meows mine comes running to see who's invading his space and will meow back. he also loves to watch your hand movements, as someone who also speaks with their hands i'm curious does your cat try to follow your hands? lol
I'm from the south. The first time we spent Christmas with my boyfriend's parents, They cleared out their master bedroom and put red satin sheets on the bed and insisted we stay in there. Blew my mind
I remember having a confrontation with my parents similar to this. My wife (then girlfriend) and I went on a trip with my parents and my father made a huge deal about us sleeping in the same room. I offered to pay for my own hotel room with her but it was clear he was going to make the entire trip hostile over it so I caved. I feel for Brandon in this episode.
I start my day with Dr kirk and it's really changing me. I'm now open and communicative with my feelings and less avoidant.... I'm still hard core avoidance but I'm glad I'm moving in a better direction
It was good to see Brandon start to try standing up to his parents and experiementing with his approach to this. It seems to be out of his comfort zone, and I recognise some signals that suggest the established power dynamic is somewhat debilitating to him. His Mum gives him frequent evil stares to express her disaproval, and no doubt that this has become a bullying and control tactic that I imagine would likely trigger a physiological fear response in Brandon and influence him to numb/supress many of his natural responses. I find his behaviour in general to be iritating, but am rooting for him in his efforts to take back his power and do understand that it's not his fault that things became this way, even though he is responsible for changing them now that he is an adult. I think that the Mother is exasperatingly invasive and emotionally blackmailing, and it seems that she has numerous deep fears that she is unconsciously reacting to by trying to control Brandon. However, just like with all of us, inside her there is a vulnerable being who clearly did not grow up feeling safe in life and relationships. It would be amazing to see them all get therapy and work through these issues, and reach a place of better understanding about themselves. Like Dr Honda says, everyone deserves healing. It's sad how much suffering we cause ourselves and others through our unconsciousness! This is why working on ourselves is an ongoing process. Happy New Year everyone!
My boyfriend’s dad raises cattle and has a hobby farm with a large mix of animals as well and whenever we are visiting there’s no expectation that we help out or do chores. The farm keeps going if we are there or not. A lot of the times we love helping out and pitching in but I’m a city girl 100% and have 0 experience with farms so there’s a lot I can’t/ don’t feel comfortable doing and both my boyfriend and his dad totally respect that. Usually I try to pitch in with other stuff like cooking, dishes, laundry etc but that’s just part of being a good house guest but shouldn’t be expected like this.
Dr. Honda, I’m totally hooked on your RUclips channel! Thank you so much for giving us thoughtful, informative and insightful reviews on the participants of the show. I was wondering: do you have any plans reviewing the movie The Undoing with Nicole Kidman and Hugh Grant? I’m so curious about your thoughts on that one!
Dr. Honda, you are amazing. I wish you were in Santa Barbara so I could see you. I am a daughter of a “ghost” mother. Spent many years trying to engage her. A lot of pain and anxiety. Married a very nice person, but an emotional ghost. As you said...if I wasn’t the product of this I wouldn’t be able to tolerate this deprivation...but I realize it’s a place I am familiar with. Depression and anxiety have been my life...thank you for sharing your gift with us..your family is lucky to have you!
This reminds me of exchange students from European countries who come to The US. They often end up at farms in rural areas. At some of these farms they are not being treated as a high school kid, but as free labor. Many are told how lucky they are to be in America and therefor should not complain of the poor living conditions and constant labor. Some people just want to take advantage of foreigners. Edit: Not all farmers who take in exchange students are like this, but enough for it to be a problem.
The cat made some very good points and didn’t hold back.
I totally agree with Dr Honda's cat!!! Love the Cat!!
😂 and my cats were looking for his cats 🐱 😼
the cat always cracks me up. Chill video, and all of a sudden... SCREAMING
@@rayannevieira9988 I know right ,it was hilarious and unexpected :)
The cats on Julia’s side I think it understands Brandon needs to grow up 🤔
People with actual farms do not expect visitors to pitch in, especially not immediately or without the visitor showing interest. Yes, it sucks getting up early to take care of animals but to expect someone else to do it is just unethical. Julia is not a hired farmhand or indentured servant! This "farm" strikes me as a cover for dog breeding, since none of their animals appear to be production animals and they don't have veg fields. They likely are able to list the acreage as a "farm" and get a tax break, but use it to breed dogs.
I don't like these people. Dogs in small concrete jails. Chickens in pens that are too small.
Exceedingly worrying and I think u nailed it when u said Julia isn't a servant, mum seems to think she is just getting free labour as she paid for her ticket to the US, room and board, so she can boss over her. Perhaps because she is Eastern European, she expects Julia to play the typical 'housewife' cooking, cleaning and working on the 'farm'
@@nishachatwani7840 I was also wondering how or if Julia is getting paid.
So many unethical things happening here.
@@kokolatte825 lol helllll no she's not getting paid. These people are horrible.
Hi, ER Veterinary Nurse here. I’m extremely concerned about how they keep the animals. Red flags everywhere.
Yes, seems like a possible puppy mill...
Hi fellow RVN 👋❤️
I saw them red flags everywhere too. It’s very sad.
Yep agree, why on a farm would you keep chickens in such a small coop. No grazing land for sheep, goats and horses, dogs in small cages. I tend to judge someone on how they look after animals and no care involved here. But haven't seen the show only this on my phone! On that note for what I could see the chicken she was trying to feed was a cockerel, poor hens not just cramped but with a cockerel.
@@sistermadrigalmorning233 I wouldn’t go that far but what they’re doing doesn’t look good
Yes, very sad to see animals in those type of conditions.
So Brandon’s parents have a farm with tons of animals but they have to go to day jobs? Makes me think Brandon is living at home and unable to move out because they have been hamstringing him and milking him for free labor.
I wondered the same thing. I think in thw first episode he said something about being an exterminator gave him a flexible schedule to still "help out" on the farm before and after work and on weekends. If we imagine they'd have to pay a farmhand $15/hour for that labor, and speculate Brandon could do 30 hours a week of it, that would be $450 a week, $1800 a month worth of work he's putting in there unpaid (IF they aren't paying him, that is). Now, if we speculate that Brandon's parents think this is his working off "room and board," there's actually no way renting a single tiny room in a house in his area, splitting basic utilities (although heat is usually included in rent) and groceries would equal $1800 a month. Also, I'd not be shocked if they've made him pay into groceries, utilities, etc from his off the farm job. I think they set up making sure he can't really get ahead financially.
@@suzannem1135 I think they want him to inherit the farm and keep it going
ding ding ding
@@smallbeginning2 But, do they? The whole family seems to assume a lot of things about situations, wishes and people without having express conversations, communications and plans Does Brandon even ACTUALLY want that? It's all a big question mark. Also, if the "farm" belongs to the parents, what's to say Brandon works it, with or without Julia, for the next 25 years for free and his parents decide to sell one day and move to Greece (just a random hypothetical) to retire. They could also completely mismanage things and the whole thing could go under before Brandon would be near "inheriting" it. Just seems like a lot of variables. It's like what Dr. Honda pointed out - we have yet to hear from Brandon what BRANDON really wants, expects, understands about his future. I would love for it to come up on the show where Brandon could address that and his parents could address their plans for the "family farm" in a forthright way and they could all have a mutually open conversation about it. Even if only for their own sakes.
Exactly what I thought from the beginning when they said he is in dept. Something is definitely wrong there!
I find it kind of strange that the mom leaves condoms in Julia's room but won't let them stay in the same room. Feels like mixed messages to me.
Exactly my thought! If you have no problem with the thought of them have sex, what’s the problem with them being unconscious next to each other 8 hours a day?
They put them there as a “joke” and when the topic of sleeping in the same room comes up they are like “THIS ISN’T A JOKE!!!”
I was thinking the same thing too!! So you can't sleep in the same room together, but here is some condoms!!??
It’s insane! I’m so confused by this particular move! Like, we know you will be possessed by evil and have sex, make sure no devil spawn come forth from unmarried sex!!! But we can not in any way provide room for it. I think they find the thought of a child conceived out of wedlock to be the most disturbing thing, maybe they think she might have an abortion if she finds out she’s pregnant.
It's not a mixed message. He's a young man they know they're going to have sex. They had a whole convo about birth control which she refused. It's a last ditch effort for birth control.
Yes, many Southern parents would not allow an unmarried couple to share a bed in their house. But not many of those same Southern parents would leave condoms on the nightstand for the unmarried couple. Such bizarre mixed messages!
It doesn’t seem to be a religion thing. It’s some kind of vague “respect” thing. I agree with the commenters who think it’s mostly about control.
From my understanding many countries around the world wouldn’t allow unmarried couples to sleep in the same room.
My question is then why did the parents not cared about it when they were in DC sharing a hotel room. Wouldn’t they have gotten 3 hotel rooms instead of two if it was an issue for them. I’m just curious that’s all.
Or let the fiance sleep in a junk room
clover crispyn I think they’ve stated they don’t care that they have sex/sleep in the same room, just not under their roof. “Their house, their rules.”
I think they're there if they make a mistake. She's trying to prepare them for everything.
people online have been talking about their animal keeping style. The dogs being in kennels, the chicken coop being way too small, the limping pig and the small enclosure for iguanas. They have a whole farm and still give their animals so little space :/ i really hope im misunderstanding the parents and their animal keeping style
I wonder how big the farm is? Like acreage?
Doesn't bode well for Julia. They will try to keep her in a small space also.
Still don’t know why they call it a farm
I heard crickets can jump 3 feet. The open container 🧐
The enclosure for the iguanas is so inadequate. As someone who has kept reptiles my entire life, it REALLY bothered me. I’m trying to keep my words calm, but oh boy! They need to be educated immediately. It looked so cruel.
They're bad animal stewards from what has been shown and those dogs in the kennels are kept for breeding - puppy mill style.
I also wonder about that chicken coop. Do they allow the chickens to roam? Or are they always confined to that tiny coop?
EDIT: I have way too many opinions on this episode 😬 the more I watch the more I'm like 🤨🙄
Why does Julia's room look like a clutter storage room with a bed?? On that big farm they don't have a garage, shed, attic, etc where they can put all the stuff instead of her room?
And the parents don't want them to sleep in the same room but leave condoms out for them?? What kind of backwards, nonsensical "logic" is this?! 😐 They make zero sense. Zero. None. Nada.
Another edit: I sense that they're going to gang up on Julia more and more as the season progresses. That poor girl walked into a total mess.
Yes the chicken coop is too small for the chickens, I work with animals, and from being around livestock is that chickens need space to walk around, but chicken have a habit of always being close to one another, kind of like “snuggling” with one another. If I should this to my old boss he would flip if he would’ve seen the chickens living like that. The only way to know is to actually live in their home. The dog scene is concerning because dogs like to feel like they belong to a “pack” whether it’s with people or other dogs . Also leaving dogs in a kennel all day everyday they can start to become aggressive, have anxiety, feel abandonment, lack social skills etc.
“I have too many opinions on this episode,” and like 8 edits 😂 Can relate soooo hard 🤣
Brandon's parents are too old-fashioned, Brandon is like in an extended adolescence still missing a tempered identity, the family appears to have some non-human slaves around in their tiny cages, and there's a bizarre admixture of messages about sex being disgusting so here are some condoms! I felt like the condoms should've been thrown. Brandon and Julia are one of the most difficult pairs to watch, because they should have waited for Brandon to grow up. He has to know that he must make a plan to get his queen out of there or help her get home because there's no other way. The choices seem strictly confined to only two: Get out of the parents house with Julia, or send Julia home. At this point any alternatives seem like fantasies and between the animal slavery (not to be confused with pampering, which is excusable given that we're apex predators and it's big of us to treat the weak so well, heartwarming, hopeful, I digress...) and the craziness and the sterling beauty of Julia, Brandon is like such a dollar store Romeo here. Maybe not the best couple to bring up because ya know poison and all that, but he doesn't seem like the kind of person anyone would dream about with his frustrating indecisiveness. I mean ambivalence can be good sometimes, like waiting for people to finish crossing the road even if the traffic light turns green. But geeeezzuuuuuzzzz bro. Come. ON.
Well stated!!!
The mother is just incredible. They take Julia to present her new bedroom to her. It has ancient pink teddy bears thrown on the bed and literal junk piled on the floor. And Betty, who made no effort to clean the room, has the nerve to say loudly, "Do you like it?" which of course totally put Julia on the spot and Betty knew it. Julia has to either lie or say yes. Betty KNEW that Julia would have to "like" the room. And now Betty has locked Julia in to "liking" the room and she will go around saying, "She SAID she liked it." These parents beat all I have ever seen. Even the 2 framed pictures of Brandon and Julia on the wall are weird, because for one, that seems to be the only attention anyone paid to fixing up that room, but also, Julia has not actually made the decision to stay at this point. Just my personal, unprofessional opinion, but I don't think Betty lives in reality.
like Julia is going to be home alone for a long time might be like "if you don't like the sheets and blanket let me know we can buy something else" "you are our guest and we want you to feel comfortable" "if you need anything just feel free to knock on our bedroom door"
T to try it were h h great teeth are we we were red d see we a sa
Funny that the mom who doesn't want them to be intimate leaves condoms...it's a pretty rude way to welcome a guest...they are laughing, but it's not really funny to treat adults like they are 15.
Well that's nothing... A day after I got married and spent one night with my husband in his parents house, his mom left me a blanket on the bed and explained it was for making babies, so we don't soil the sheets... 😰😑
@@annap.8709 disgusting
@@pinkpugginz yes it was. She pissed me off so much, I didn't give her a grandchild for the next 10 years.
Do they really think their child needs magnums? LOL
the father seems quite aggressive towards brandon, like last time he told him shame on you you lied, the mother though she is controlling and all, she speaks with less aggression.
Also, they are not very hospitable in my opinion, the girl just came from Russia, straight to the farm, and they expect her to start working the next day while they are at work somewhere else. they should ease her into it, and start to teach her slowly. plus she is a guest, she could use few days to get used to the new life discovering what is around the farm, and getting over her jetlag.
I think they spent a day or two in DC before coming to the farm, so her jet lag is probably mostly behind her. But I agree 100% with your other comments
@@goosebump801 she should have a jet leg for at least a week or two. You get a day jet leg for each time zone you cross and from Russia to US there are about 11 depending from where to where exactly can be more.
So yeah they should have given her a break at least the first week.
@@goosebump801 the jet lag depends on people, it is like 8hrs difference. I know for myself it would take me more that 2 days. and considering that she had to follow the strict schedule made b the mom for the time in DC, she might not have gotten the time to get over it.
I have a pretty strong suspicion that the father was/is physically abusive.
6-8 hour differences is hard to adjust. Our body is used with a natural schedule. It takes weeks for most of the people to adjust to new rythm.
I feel like the parents think Julia is their property because she comes from another country, or like they're adopting her as their "other child" and they just treat her like Brandon
Yeah they treat her like a teenage foreign exchange student, especially about the farm chores.
@@Super_Grover_ I know right!?
Plus they see Brandon as property, I think, that's why it gets extended to Julia.
@@chelmull8911 I agree!
Totally. They ordered a new wife/farm hand from the internet like an object.
This reminds me of parents who have a ton of kids, and like the idea of a huge family,but then expect the older kids to do all the work when they did not ask for that responsibility. They want a farm, but don’t have the time do do the care, and also that care is questionable. I have worked with horses and animals for a long time, and they can be dangerous if you don’t know animals well. You also can miss signs that an animal needs medical attention (like a horse colicking). They are not very responsible animal caregivers if they think it’s ok to expect someone who doesn’t know, or necessarily wants to know, how to care for all these animals.
Also- love the kitty input!!
This is exactly like my friends life. Shes from a family of 8 kids and they're literally all used as slave labor on their farm. The older ones also completely raised the younger ones, which ironically pushed them all in to not wanting kids of their own
@@Dani-gm4ui it’s like the oldest dugger daughter who isn’t married yet. I think she doesn’t want kids because she had to raise her siblings.
@Jenny Agrippa it's called entitlement.
apollojakenwill I think if you are born into that family and that way of life it’s fine to have those responsibilities expected of you. Not for a guest though. It’s just very rude and unwelcoming in my opinion.
The “whoa, hot take” sent me 😂😂
I have a very vocal cat too and she’s always passionate about what she’s talking about so I feel ya there
Same. I genuinely laughed out loud 🤣🤣🤣
🐺🐺💖💖🐺🐺💖💖🐺🐺
I feel like it really isn't fair of the parents to give Julia what looks to be a storage room with a bed... how is she supposed to stretch out and feel at home here when there are boxes and junk all over her floor!? Where is she supposed to put her belongings?
Remember when the mom said that she hoped "that Julia will fall in love with her room" and not want to sleep in the same room with Brandon? Incredible! Who would be even tolerant of being made to sleep in a storage room? Those parents are nuts or users. Like they are using those dogs.
I haaaaate staying places where I don’t have a space that’s just mine where I can keep all my things. It’s pretty much the reason why I have sworn off staying with my family when I visit.
@@katerineella274 I think tlc probably added all that in there for a touch of drama and to make us do this
This room is simply an insult to Julia! I think Mom is a control freak in addition to many other problems. I think she’s jealous of Julia and subconsciously doesn’t want the relationship to work. It obvious to me that she doesn’t like her and is showing her disdain and resentment by intentionally giving her the lousy room while Brandon has the nice room with the new furniture and neat space. Mom is just taking advantage of the fact that Julia is all alone here and may not have the financial means to live somewhere else on her own or with Brandon. She wants to “put Julia in her place” right from the start and show her who’s boss.
It is interesting that Brandon seems to be totally oblivious to the outrageous state of this room and didn’t seem to have liftedva finger to try and clear the clutter/garbage to make it more presentable for his beloved fiancé! Alternatively, he could have at least insisted on her having the other nicer room.
Someone found their “farm” on the internet and it seems to be kind of a puppy mill situation. They breed German Shepards, and a few other breeds I believe. It feels like the imported Julia for a free “farmhand” on their hobby farm/puppy mill while they go out to flea markets and meet people to sell puppies. Their friend is mostly definitely breeding those hairless cats for tons of money - look up how much they cost as kittens!!
Ew what horrible people!!😞
Omg I hope this isn't true, but I wouldn't be surprised. Poor Julia shes literally a male or bride/slave laborer
Yea I’m a breeder, of Standard Poodles and I’m horrified by how they keep their dogs! Those dogs aren’t living in a family situation, so they will have behavioral issues. The puppies won’t know how to behave in a home. None of my dogs are in kennels at all. They all live in my home, sleep on my bed, take up my entire couch, lol. The only “kennel” I have are a couple of crates to put the babies in a night so they are started on crate training. Also with them being stuck in a cage, how are they health wise? I hope they health test their dogs before breeding but with their setup I’m not sure.... it’s just so sad 😞
@@avaannie3906 I think it’s sweet the way you raise your dogs but in all seriousness people who breed and keep dogs in a larger scale do mostly use outside kennels, especially in warmer climates.. The way they manage:/raise the dogs isn’t clear here/. If they have someone come in to help out she works with the dogs I’m sure. I have 2 friends who raise dogs and one has a fancy air conditioned kennel with lots of running room. She plays constantly with the dogs. The other friend breeds larger dogs like these German Sheppards. They stay in the same type kennels as shown on the show but they go out daily for play and exercise. They are treated very well. Those types of dogs are sold young and raised for many different purposes other than house pets. Some may wind up being guard dogs , some sent on to be further trained to be service animals, some to live outside if the family lives in the country. So on..
Hopefully we’ll learn more about this aspect of their farm. I don’t want to assume the worst.
@@jackiesc4061 True and I do understand I am a bit extra. I even bought the puppies I have this litter PJS for Christmas. I also only have 2 moms, but I also don’t think I could put them in kennels, even if I had more. They are large dogs, my male is 70lbs and my moms are 45-50lbs so I wouldn’t want to get too many Poodles to where I would need to have kennels. I’ve just always felt that dogs want to be around you so I don’t like kennels. That’s just my personal thing. However I do get what you are saying. Yes guard dogs, and when you have too many, There is a right way to do kennels, like your friends. Brandon’s family, their kennels don’t look Air conditioned or heated, true we are only seeing a glimpse but it doesn’t look wonderful. I hope I’m wrong and they are breeding the right way. I may just be a little sensitive as people get really judgy when you breed. They think everyone who does, does it like Brandon’s family and that’s just not true.
I'm glad you mentioned the dogs in kennels Dr. Honda! I don't know if you're on Reddit but on r/90dayfianceuncensored this was also brought up. A few people said they lived near this family's farm and the dogs are kept in kennels unless they're being bred, which in my opinion is inhumane. I don't know how anyone could walk past multiple dogs locked up separately and obviously wanting attention without reacting! Just seeing the short clip on the show made me want to cry, I can't imagine living there...
That is heart-breaking and horrific. :( Dr. Honda had the right hunch then...someone should report this...
Dr. Honda: "Now the one thing that I am happy about..."
Me: "Is that everyone seems differentiated in this moment?"
Dr. Honda: "Is that they don't have any roosters. Roosters can be VERY loud."
He’s right though and some of them are loud and just plain mean. I think it’s weird though that they don’t have at least one. Chickens can lay eggs without them, but you do need the rooster to fertilize the eggs.
Does Brandon’s mom have anxiety issues? She always seems rushed to do everything and never wants to slow down in the moment. Maybe she has issues and doesn’t like slowing down thinking her mind will go there.....
My mom was a real constantly rushing type, it wasn’t until the last couple of years of her life i realized how anxiety driven she was, how she couldn’t stand to be left alone with her anxiety. But she was not controlling the way this mom is. GET THERAPY EVERYONE INVOLVED! Betty seems like she feels sex is evil outside of marriage but super aware of the outcomes. Perhaps she has had unwanted outcomes from sex? They seem like they might be super religious but I’m not from a religious culture, so I really don’t know. (Also don’t watch the show, I don’t get that channel, I only see Dr. Kirk’s reactions, so maybe religion is covered by the show?) Have they mentioned religion at all?
I'd say you're spot on that in many of the scenes I definitely sense it and can even feel it from her through the screen! It's an agitation like she's driven internally by a wind up motor. It's definitely exhausting just to watch let alone what I can only imagine it's feel as a cog in that family dynamic! I imagine attempting to not have yourself unknowingly drawn into that frenetic energy you'd feel almost forced into exerting your own boundaries, personal integrity, basic freedoms and liberties.. It's been outrageous watching this poor young adult woman become forced to reclaim her personal liberty and basic human right about decisions fundamental to her personal, bodily integrity! So yeah, I reckon you're spot on, that she shows many signs she struggles to regulate herself but that isn't necessarily the case that in her normal, off screen life she'd have an anxiety disorder because a large part of the diagnostic process is in determining the extent to which it impacts her ability to function day to day. I'd probably even encourage them all to take a midday nap to avoid frying their fragile nervous systems!
It could be that Betty is crazy. That’s my thinking.
@@suvi2787 I typically watch the new episodes every week but I don’t think they’ve mentioned their religion at all. Brandon’s mom has just basically said she doesn’t want to have to even think of her son having sex. That combined with her insisting on being involved in every aspect of his 27 year old life seems like she has a hard time accepting him as a grown adult and not her little boy
She have control issue.
Brandon’s mum is going to be checking the cup of condoms everyday!
😆FACTS
puhuhahahahahaahah
19:11 Dr. Kirk - “I’m still scared for the dogs..?”
Me: still being concerned for the dogs as well, lol
I have the sense that they are keeping them away from her because she’s afraid of dogs (like how we would keep our dogs in one room if someone was visiting who was afraid of dogs) - until she gets used to them.
@@LyLy-ct9ib I doubt it. That's a typical back yard breeder setup.
Anything is possible though.
The parents behavior towards animals and their own family made me sick in the stomach. It is very weird to be controlling and it has nothing to do with living on a Farm
At the end of the conversation, Brandon's father's face obviously radiates "I'll physically violate you if you push this any further."
There is a reason why Brandon is the way he is, he's not lazy, he's been abused his whole life.
Yes!
I bet for that same reason the father's other kids don't keep in touch
@@baseliacaliga good observation!
@@baseliacaliga where is this mentioned. I missed it
I like this girl. She knows what she wants. I'm having such a hard time being assertive that i would have done the farm jobs even though I'm sh*t scared of animals.
It makes me feel uncomfortable, like they bought Julia a plane ticket so she can be free farm labour?
She has to pay the plane ticket back! ;) also all that free food and roof above her head. Haaaloooo, nothing is ever for free ;)
@@puetwa Oh! I didn't know that! I don't actually watch 90 day, I only watch Dr Honda's reaction videos to it so my judgement and understanding are probably very warped!
@@spindelyshankz671 I also only watch his reaction ;) it was a total speculation from my side and a bit of a joke ;) some people just think that way "you stay with us for free, we give you food and water so at least you can help"
It's true, Brandon and Julia are both living there for free. In the Tell All episode, someone said something about paying Julia for her work and Brandon's mother says: sure, and then they can pay me rent.
The only animal enjoying themselves in this video is Dr. Honda's cat... She is speaking up for the others on the show.
I hate to pass judgment before having all the information, but as soon as I heard that these people are dog breeders I started having negative feelings. It’s questionable whether dog breeding can ever be ethical. And yes, I’ll bet those German Shepards live in kennels most of the time.
@@habeashumor9814 Breeding is unethical particularly in regards to German Shepherds. Breeders have destroyed those dogs backs for the sake of arbitrary aesthetics
@@habeashumor9814 Honestly, cat and dog breeding cannot ever be ethical or even morally acceptable when literally thousands of unwanted pets wait for a forever home or are put to sleep. All these mills produce are unsocialized animals with a gazillion of genetic and health issues that end up ripping off someone's face in the worst case, and dying from illness at 2 years old at "best".
@@habeashumor9814 Why do breeders have to keep them in kennels? What is wrong with them running around the farm? I know nothing about what breeders do.
@@greta8746 that’s what I would like to know
Learning about Dr. Honda’s many hobbies and talents is one of my favorite parts about his videos.
It kills me how almost every episode ends with
"...I don't know, but we'll keep watching.
/jumpcut/
ALRIGHT! So that's it for this episode..."
Got me cry laughing over here.
My grandparents had a large farm and they never forced anyone to help out. They always asked for help if us grandkids stayed with them. It was never expected.
The dogs are in cages because they breed them for sale. They are not pets. They are not spayed or neutered. That's why they are not let loose around the farm, or kept inside the house. Oh, I hope this is not just one step above a puppy mill!
It is a puppy mill. There are plenty of people that breed animals and don't have them in cages. The dogs only going to heat a certain amount of time during the year so it's okay for them to be around each other when they are not fertile. They just want these dog cuz money makers
What I don't understand is why did Brandon and his parents have somebody move in with them if this was the situation. Brandon should've waited until he had his own place before he moved her over.
Because he is selfish and impatient/the parents needed more free labor and entertainment from torturing their son xD
The one dislike is Brandon's mom 😂
The least they could have done was to clean the room they "set up" for her...they have their junk all over the place. Who would be happy about that?
I saw that too I was like ummm 🤔 why is there clutter.
Right!! If my fiancé and I couldn’t share a room I’m at LEAST making him give me the nicer one!
Agree 100% !!!!!
@@zoejohnson8411 absolutely!! My thoughts exactly
It was the parents' subliminal message, "Julia, we don't want you here." Julia knew it from the first moment when she met them.
If the parents were not capable of teaching Brandon about condoms and birth control 10 years ago, what makes them condom and birth control experts today?
Exactly. They should have done that 10 years ago. Or more.
@@msherry5 i mean they teach that in school.
eh, they teach you that in school too
@@sirmel11 It depends on the school unfortunately. I'm only 5-ish years older than Brandon and we didn't get explicit education on birth control/condom use in school. I went to a public school in a rural area. Abstinence only education is still a thing in parts of this country. Not saying that absolves Brandon of responsibility at all. Just that we can't necessarily count on our school systems to deliver in that area either.
On a farm of all places too. I'd think that's one place where you'd get first hand experience in the miracle of life
The way Brandon's parents act like everything is a joke makes me feel really uncomfortable. It has felt really disengenuous. I think we see the real situation with how the father acted at dinner. I wonder if that's how they usually act in private.
Interesting take. I had not considered this.
This entire situation is just odd, she has to "work" on the farm.... Be treated like a child and has no say what so ever in any of this..... Its a shame since this couple actually seems to like each other
Julia has a baby by seasons end.
Poor Julia~
@@viviansmith5060 they can make their own decisions. They know the risk.
@@viviansmith5060 Is that a speculation?
@@mayamorabito1669 nope. Its a fact.
@@trounbyfire yeah, did I say otherwise?
They treat her literally like an au pair. 🙄
Or like a teenage foreign exchange student, especially when talking about the farm chores.
Even an au pair has a week to adjust to the time change!
Cat- “MeooOOow”
Dr. Honda- “Yeah, I hear you.”
Me- “wow, he’s even validating and actively listening to his cat👁👄👁”
It looks like the mother's behavior has been an effort to keep the father's anger under wraps. She looked so uncomfortable when Brandon's dad couldn't keep his anger under control. He goes from nonplussed to seething in a very short time.
So scary. I get DV vibes
He doesn't seem that mad to me. Just frustrated because it's the same problem over and over again.
I really liked Julia's mature reactions, like when she gave herself a time limit to make up the mind about staying on the farm. Just watching her situation makes me anxious about her weird situation where a lot of choices are taken from her, I really have hard time trying to stay differentianted and not outright hate Brandon's parents. I really admire Julia's attitude.
I just wish we could hear Julia speaking her mind in Russian to understand her better, cause so far we are getting extremely limited version of her personality due to her limited English vocabulary
it's so weird that we have never seen one of these couples asking their significant other if they want to sign up for English classes or anything or help studying when they come here to help them adjust and express themselves.
I don't like how the Mom just tells her she needs to feed the animals, etc. without asking. I mean, they got everything done without her the day before. For the condoms-looks like it was taken as a prank instead of the intended message. And why would she do that if she supposedly doesn't want them having sex in the house prior to marriage?
In the last episode she even said she wasn’t ok with them sharing a room or having sex after marriage 😮😵😵
I think it is good the way they are treating her. They are showing their true selves. She has time to pack her bags and head home. It would be worse if they were all fake nice until they get married. Then she is stuck with them. Brandon is a child. Mom is controlling. Julia just needs to leave.
@@LB-gz3ke that’s an interesting way to see it. They are who they are. Take it or leave it.
@@justwatching1980 And she should definitely leave it, lol. But at this point, if she stays, at least she knows what she is getting.
Julia needs to gtfo of there, that family is a complete nightmare.
It might be too late for Brandon but I hope Animal Services will take a look into how the other animals are kept.
I'm really worried about how those puppies are being treated, hopefully they'll address it later on bc my from my first impression, it really looks one of those terrifying breeding farms
Brandon and Julia need to get away from the parents asap.
I think it's weird how the family comes across.
"I understand you're uncomfortable and trying to make it a joke, but it's not a joke."
When the whole time the parents have been making jokes about the situation.
I agree with the parents' statement about Brandon taking a stand and being assertive. But not towards Julia.
"Why are those dogs in kennels" because they are backyard dog breeders disguising as a farm :( :(
called a puppy mill!!
Now they really need to leave. Puppy mills suck. People who run puppy mills probably suck also. Pure speculation.
@@sarahdee374 hmmm well most American women would take offence to puppy mills right? Makes sense actually now why he's gone to that part of the world. But I don't think puppy mills and backyard breeders are the same thing.
That's what I think
@Sarah Dee yeah this isn't a puppy mill. They're backyard breeders. They've got all the things to qualify as one - pick a breed of dog, have goats, chickens, and pigs..."Profit" (aka just scrape by by not providing adequate care and health testing for the animals.)
Its hilarious hearing brandons parents talk about respect, like the irony! They have zero boundaries and zero respect. They are pretty abusive of julia and it really irks me. Time for some 5 senses grounding.
I loved the light in his eyes when Dr Honda was talking about his neighbors chickens. 😊🐣
Julia run for the hills, these people want a free farm hand.
How are you going to put condoms in their room and expect them not to have sex? It makes no sense too me.
Starting this year off with a breakup, your videos give me hope in people and in the future. Thank you!
She’s better than me. After the pigs alone I would’ve been like no way. Then the condoms, then the family is weird. I would’ve gone back to my country
I’d really like to see someone do that on this show. I’m sure they’re contracted for the season, so they legally can’t, but I wish it happened just once.
I wouldn’t be surprised if Brandon’s parents had foreign exchange students before, since it is common for FESs to be sent to families in rural areas (I was sent to one in Elk, Washington). They act with her as if she’s a foreign exchange student that they’re hosting. I don’t see respect from the parents to her, the type of respect that would be owed to a daughter in law.
You have expressed just what I was thinking. There is something "routine" about their assumptions that they can tell Julia were to sleep and what jobs she's expected to do.
Haha it's just so adorable when Dr Honda has dialogs with his cat!
- Meoow
- yeah
- meooow!
- I hear you.
I’m thinking the parents told Brandon they expect Julia to help with farm chores before she arrived and are assuming he had that conversation with her, but just like everything else his conversation style is to avoid confrontation and to just kind of be quiet and hope everyone else figures things out or does things for him. So now Julia is there without the knowledge of what the parents are expecting of her and the parents are assuming Brandon informed Julia of their expectations. Brandon just sits in the middle triangulating everyone to have his conversations for him.
I suspect that’s sadly true. It seems that way from what we’ve seen, anyway.
*MROW* "Woah- hot take!"
Totally caught me off guard haha. Keep up the awesome content, I really appreciate it :)
I gave a thumbs up for the great commentary and Dr. Honda’s fantastic vocal cat.
It’s like they just want her for free labor. I get contributing to the household, but to take care of all the animals every single day is a big job! They already pay a farm hand who could do those things. It just seems like a control thing to me. Also I was thinking they may have kenneled the dog just so they wouldn’t bother the film crew?
Well, if she’s going to live there, and doesn’t have the money not job to contribute, she should be expected to help out in some way. The problem is, like Dr. Honda said, no negotiations happened, they didn’t ask her if she wants to help with the animals. Also, it could have waited until the second or third day to let her settle into her new home. Also, I wouldn’t give the main caretaking of animals job to someone who absolutely doesn’t want to do it, too much of it not being done right.
@@Januaryschild The parents ran it by Brandon since he’s the one that probably asked for her to stay with them. If he didn’t negotiate the terms and conditions better or at least gave Julia a heads up I think thats more on Brandon than it is on the parents. Brandon knows his parents expectations, but Julia is completely in the dark. I agree that the parents are not very welcoming and are asking a lot from them, but again Brandon had this whole time before she got there to straighten this out or find other accommodations.
I truly love to see Dr. Honda smile when he sees these couples together. He genuinely hopes they work out and that shows he's truly a good person with no judgement. (Because most of us automatically say something negative, did you see who's he's with? omg she's old lol etc etc etc.
The way he is now asking his cat what it thinks, it made my day 🥰
most people will go through money problems in their lives, when it comes to couples, sometimes it destroys the relationship, sometimes they come out of it stronger. Here you have Julia, that already accepted that money will be a problem once they move out, but also seemingly prepared to go through it together. I guess I just don't understand why Brandon isn't more excited with the prospect of starting a life ~of his own~ with the apparent love of his life.
I adore my mom, but duuuuude, our relationship got SO much better once I moved out. I understand not everyone has the means to do it (especially at this day and age), but Brandon appears to have a little bit, so why not take the chance at independence? ESPECIALLY with someone that loves you by your side helping out with the emotional labor?
His mom and him talked about it on the bench park. He moved back in because he blew his savings on the vacations he took with Julia. So he is trying to save by staying with them, but I agree my mother can be very overbearing too and I would rather struggle than force my partner to endure this type of situation.
Every time I've been brought to a farm , I've had this kind of in-your-face introduction to it. I think the farm people think it's funny to do that to City people
I grew up on a 99 acre working farm, then moved to the city after college. Growing up there was definitely an expectation that the children would help, mostly because my brother and I were making money from our farm work for college. Now, when my husband and I visit, there is certainly an invitation to help, but never an expectation, because my parents understand my husband is not necessarily comfortable with the work. I think you are right that Brandon’s parents need to communicate to Julia their expectations, Julia needs to communicate hers, and compromise needs to be found, because farm life is NOT for everyone. Seriously - I moved away for a reason 😉 But I get the sense Brandon’s parents essentially feel Julia needs to earn her keep.
8:15 okay I would LOVE more dr/kitty conversations for the future please :)
Yes and maybe a small cameo 🤞
I started seeing these videos by chance, but they've helped me tremendously. We don't have access to therapy, but from watching these videos I've realized that the reason my husband and I get into huge fights over seemingly small things is because we're clearly triggering eachothers childhood traumas. It was a very helpful realisation! I have much higher hopes of saving our marriage now. Thank you so much for this easy going and educational resource!
"Whoaaa hot take" 🐱 hahaha
The only way to stop puppy mills is to stop buying animals.
Please adopt your pets.
💯
It's crazy and ignorant how Julia is bending over backwards by moving to the US and Brandon's family is forcing her to work for them.
I get that there may be some cultural differences at play and the idea that everyone has to help with the farm, but they're not taking into consideration all of the things Julia is already doing by moving to Virginia. She could not work at all during the full 90 days and she still wouldn't be freeloading. The least they could do is have a conversation on which chores she feels okay with taking on.
They say they live on a "farm" but do not own enough animals for production or processing purposes, and they work day jobs so the "farm" is either a hobby or a cover-up for a puppymill(assumption based on the living conditions shown for the dogs vs. the living conditions of all the other animals). Being someone who lives in an extremely rural, farm-filled area, the parents also don't strike me as "farm people" at all. In the southern United States, staying on the farm implies you are the family's guest and are actually encouraged to relax vs. work. Additionally, the amount of actual "farm" animals they own does not even warrant a second hand to assist in caring for them. Feeding a couple of pet pigs/chickens/goats and running water could easily be a one person job. I really think they are pushing Julia to do these tasks to exert a level of control over her.
I worry about the dogs too!
Dr out here looking out for the dogs too? What a perfect soul this man is.
and honestly i would have preferred brandon to take me around the farm on his own showing me everything so that a convo can take place without the parents intervening
I listen to this through my speakers while I clean up, and when your cat started talking my cat went nuts 😂 Happy New Year Dr. Honda!
His cat does that to all our cats. I wonder what she's shouting that makes them react. 😹
We need someone to react to Dr. Kirk reacting for the reaction inception to be complete.
It was the cat 🐱
Dr. Honda asking his cat: What do you think of Julia?
Cat: *Meoooooooow!!!!*
Dr. Honda: Woah! Hot take!
😂
Kirk Honda responds to his cat the same way I do to my 4 month old son when he squeals to converse when I'm trying to do the dishes.
The dad got mad at Brandon and he pouted 😂
Love your cat by the way!
I was wondering the same thing about the dogs. Everytime we've seen them they've been locked in cages. perhaps that's just when the cameras are rolling to keep them from causing chaos but i'd love it if they'd show a few shots of the dogs running and playing. it gives me a bad feeling - almost want to look them up online and see just what's going on there. PS my cat agrees with your cat, everytime you cat meows mine comes running to see who's invading his space and will meow back. he also loves to watch your hand movements, as someone who also speaks with their hands i'm curious does your cat try to follow your hands? lol
at least all 4 of them laugh alot.... but Brandon & Julia need to start looking for an apartment
He doesn't have money. He wasted it all visiting her and making her think he is a grown man with decent income. He isn't.
I haven't been watching this season, but I wonder if maybe they kenneled the dogs because of the filming crew? Just to keep the dogs out of the way?
I doubt it I can’t see them having that many dogs as pets they are breeding them that’s it
Here’s to a Healthy and happy New Year for the whole Psych in Seattle fam 💜
I'm from the south. The first time we spent Christmas with my boyfriend's parents, They cleared out their master bedroom and put red satin sheets on the bed and insisted we stay in there. Blew my mind
I wonder if the parents are too cheap to pay for the fencing needed to give the dogs a bigger space to run around.
I remember having a confrontation with my parents similar to this. My wife (then girlfriend) and I went on a trip with my parents and my father made a huge deal about us sleeping in the same room. I offered to pay for my own hotel room with her but it was clear he was going to make the entire trip hostile over it so I caved. I feel for Brandon in this episode.
I totally LOVE your cat’s response!
I start my day with Dr kirk and it's really changing me. I'm now open and communicative with my feelings and less avoidant.... I'm still hard core avoidance but I'm glad I'm moving in a better direction
That’s awesome! It’s not easy! Well done 💪🏼
It was good to see Brandon start to try standing up to his parents and experiementing with his approach to this. It seems to be out of his comfort zone, and I recognise some signals that suggest the established power dynamic is somewhat debilitating to him. His Mum gives him frequent evil stares to express her disaproval, and no doubt that this has become a bullying and control tactic that I imagine would likely trigger a physiological fear response in Brandon and influence him to numb/supress many of his natural responses. I find his behaviour in general to be iritating, but am rooting for him in his efforts to take back his power and do understand that it's not his fault that things became this way, even though he is responsible for changing them now that he is an adult.
I think that the Mother is exasperatingly invasive and emotionally blackmailing, and it seems that she has numerous deep fears that she is unconsciously reacting to by trying to control Brandon. However, just like with all of us, inside her there is a vulnerable being who clearly did not grow up feeling safe in life and relationships. It would be amazing to see them all get therapy and work through these issues, and reach a place of better understanding about themselves. Like Dr Honda says, everyone deserves healing. It's sad how much suffering we cause ourselves and others through our unconsciousness! This is why working on ourselves is an ongoing process.
Happy New Year everyone!
Unfortunately in an earlier episode, Brandon said theyre dog breeders. Seeing those dogs like that makes me sad.
They both have to work yet they both try to maintain a farm?
My boyfriend’s dad raises cattle and has a hobby farm with a large mix of animals as well and whenever we are visiting there’s no expectation that we help out or do chores. The farm keeps going if we are there or not. A lot of the times we love helping out and pitching in but I’m a city girl 100% and have 0 experience with farms so there’s a lot I can’t/ don’t feel comfortable doing and both my boyfriend and his dad totally respect that. Usually I try to pitch in with other stuff like cooking, dishes, laundry etc but that’s just part of being a good house guest but shouldn’t be expected like this.
Dr. Honda, I’m totally hooked on your RUclips channel! Thank you so much for giving us thoughtful, informative and insightful reviews on the participants of the show. I was wondering: do you have any plans reviewing the movie The Undoing with Nicole Kidman and Hugh Grant? I’m so curious about your thoughts on that one!
Happy new year, Dr. Honda, and everyone watching! Another great reaction video to start 2021 right 😇
What a vocal kitty!! Love seeing Dr Kirk interact and love his animals.
I'm a bit confused why put condoms by the bed but not let them sleep in the same room?
Dr. Honda, you are amazing. I wish you were in Santa Barbara so I could see you. I am a daughter of a “ghost” mother. Spent many years trying to engage her. A lot of pain and anxiety. Married a very nice person, but an emotional ghost. As you said...if I wasn’t the product of this I wouldn’t be able to tolerate this deprivation...but I realize it’s a place I am familiar with. Depression and anxiety have been my life...thank you for sharing your gift with us..your family is lucky to have you!
This reminds me of exchange students from European countries who come to The US. They often end up at farms in rural areas. At some of these farms they are not being treated as a high school kid, but as free labor. Many are told how lucky they are to be in America and therefor should not complain of the poor living conditions and constant labor. Some people just want to take advantage of foreigners.
Edit: Not all farmers who take in exchange students are like this, but enough for it to be a problem.
Julia has a super sweet and polite attitude. I would have gone straight inside the house and waited next to my belongings
I visited my grandparents farm every summer and you are absolutely expected to help. Absolute city kid, luckily I loved it.
Starting off 2021 with you! This year is going to be better! Thank you for all of your helpful commentary and deep thoughts