To find a sense of peace and improve your sleep, get started with Aura today for free. The first 500 people to use my link will also get 25% off + free trial to the Aura membership: aurahealth.io/colehastings
Personally, I was very upset about one breakup somewhere in 2020. For almost 2 years I was so sad, angry, grumpy, toxic, and frustrated, I thought that I missed the only perfect match for me. After the usual self-improvement (nofap, a lot of exercises, more sleep, etc.) I can see more clearly, how wrong our relationship was and how she is not so special. I wish for everyone reading this to find (like I did) their inner peace and self-love :)
same here, the issue was in your gormone system. you were emotionally binded to that person, and your brain got addicted to getting dopamine from interacting with her. as soon as you learn how to be happy on your own - you'll be able to see clearly. Макс Вердикт на эту тему много чего говорил, возможно знаешь его
Thank you. I am in the same boat as you, being dumped in 2020 and went thorough a similar breakup in 2021. The journey has been long and difficult, I often feel I am regressing down back to where I started. I hope with this video I can regain the progress I've lost and be able to move past what's happened.
How does nofap count as self care? Fapping decreases colon cancer risk, helps you sleep better, releases stress. Only upside with fapping. I will agree that watching porn is probably bad for you psychologically.
I have struggled with a bad breakup for nearly half my life. Even though I am married with 4 kids. I was a drug addict at 21 and relapsed. I was deeply in love with someone and I had to leave the area and move away. I was cowardly. I went to rehab Feb 14 2003. Two weeks later I finally talked to her on the phone. I never heard a person in so much pain and grief. I did that to her. I couldn't fix or change it. I still feel the guilt and pain of the loss. But the pain has kept me sober to never be that person again. At 40 I had a crohns flare,2 weeks in hospital,almost died and lost 12inches of large intestine. I didnt give up and found strength. I am strong, resilient and worthy of love. I am learning to forgive myself. Your videos have finally helped me learn to move on and finally start to be happy. I am lucky, loved and blessed. Thank you
My parents died some years back and I lost a friend to suicide recently. I wanted to move on from the dark valleys of trauma and heal, but I didn’t know how. This video is a start and it came at the right time. Thanks Cole for what you do.
These past two videos on trauma aren’t really optimized for the algorithm. I really don’t care about that, because of how important this information is to get out to people. Please share this with someone who you think it would help. Thanks for watching.
No, thank YOU for making these amazing videos that are incredibly educational and helpful instead of abiding to clickbait algorithms for an extra buck.
@@D-Bless every situation is different. We both had a lot of bad habits when we got together and we did do a lot of growing together but it got to a point when I was trying to cut out more things like drinking smoking and over spending and she wasn't. It was an easy decision but it is still one of the hardest things I've ever done.
The only advice I could ever give to anybody for things like this is just fucking get up and get out there, message random people and make new friends, force yourself to do it, exercise, sleep more, eat more, and become the guy you want to be, I’m 7 days out of a 4.5 year relationship full of love and affection, and it’s the hardest thing I could’ve ever possibly fathomed, I did not know you could hurt like this, I didn’t know a person could literally make you not eat for 3 days and throw up constantly and cry every night, but I know within mtself that I’ll recover soon, what’s helping me right now, and I seriously mean this, go into your fuckin notes on your phone and write everything down, even this comment is helping me, I have that pit of dread in my stomach, but writing your thoughts and feelings gets it out in a way that’s different to other people, nobody’s going to heal you, you’ve got to heal yourself, although I love her to absolute pieces, I found that after writing down the pros and cons of our relationship, the cons really outweighed the pros, try to do this yourself, everyone says it and I always thought pfffft no way will I write how I feel that’s just stupid and pointless, it’s fucking powerful bro, POWERFUL. Talk to yourself in your notes about how much your going to fucking smash life, your going to be the man you’ve always imagined yourself as, and stop the cycle of this horrible feeling, I’m serious bro, it’s made me feel normal whenever I feel like I’m super over the edge, also though make sure you know deep within yourself that it’s okay to feel the way you do, cry, however you feel you need to release it, because you need to release it, it’s never going to disappear in seconds, and people will tell you that they took years to recover or still haven’t or can’t, but the truth is, for you in your situation, your still in love with the idea of being with that person, therefore your not even in love with a person anymore, your in love with memories, which your brain has a massive issue with distinguishing the differences between, don’t sit and think you have to forget about everything because you don’t, you can learn from it and grow from it, just take my advice and start loving yourself and talking to yourself, it’ll start weird and you won’t know what to write, but then all of a sudden it just comes to you, ans it gets easier and easier to talk to yourself, and the motivation to prove everyone wrong gets bigger and bigger , sorry about the long message, but I know how it feels, so I hope this helps out anyone in need
@@JuanPablo-ec1uj update over a month later, with determination and avoiding all ties to her, I can happily say I am confident that I have ridden the wave out, and I’m doing just fine on my own, of COURSE I miss her, but at the end of the day, it’s over now, and I can look at pictures of us and remember the great times, and the memories, yeah sometimes I might take a stumble and go back a step, but I get up and move back on with things and dust myself off, as of now, I’ve probably checked her socials once, to which I discovered she’s talking to a new person, that stung, but guess what? All it means is my void was too big to stay and it had to be filled, but my boots are too big for his little feet, and it’ll all come crashing down eventually, and even if it doesn’t, I don’t really care, I’m pretty okay with it all, I don’t understand these people who get hung up for years over it, even 6 months is far too long in my opinion, like literally take control of your own brain? You live in it forever, make it a nice place, nobody’s expecting you to forget about it, but with persistence and WORKING ON YOU, you can achieve the goal of peace, I’m not done with my journey, but fucking hell, it’s got to be said I feel pretty good and I’m very comfortable with my life and goals and ambitions. Keep your head up everyone, there is light at the end of the tunnel, I’m not one of those ‘oh it’ll get better’ people, but oh my god am I turning into one, it really does get so much better, force yourself into doing things FOR YOU. Good luck everyone
After multiple break-ups, I've learned that relationships and dating are not for me. I am much happier alone. Relationships absorb too much time. I prefer to utilize that time on *ME*.
@@neiljulian6960 I avoid women. I don't talk to them. I am not on any dating apps. If you love yourself, you will realize that someone else's "love" isn't necessary.
@@monk4ever thank you man, i just broke up with my girl. It was devastating. Im thinking i should do same thing you are doing. I've been in a relationship for a very long time i really think i need a break.
Strangely enough, I am starting to feel the same m. I don’t hate men or anything like that, but I want to know what it like to not strive to have that sort of love in my life. It seems like these last 18 years have been a non stop striving to be “loved” by a man. I don’t begrudge past relationships. They taught me a lot. I have a stronger desire to know myself and love myself more than anything now.
As humans we are a vulnerable being even after being in top of the food chain we still crave for basic human emotions, the strongest person is the one who has power over their actions and emotions but it's usually a power so strong that most of are scared to wield it, we look for validation from others, we find solace in someone else but the problem starts when we let them have too much of influence over every small steps in our life. When we wake up the first thing in our mind is them. When we go to sleep the last thing is them as is even they are humans after all and people fall out of love there's literally nothing you can do about it, but to feel so helpless as to not be able to change their decision completely shatter us and our belief in ourselves. When they leave they leave such a huge void in your life when you wake up the first thing you think is them but you don't have them to share this with, whenever you have the time to share something you simply can't because you can't be vulnerable with anyone else. It's like a slow poison it kills us emotionally which is worst thn a physical harm. When one door of happiness closes another opens but we tend to look at the closed one for so long we forget to see the one that's opened. True love exist in movies and we feel and crave to have that but in reality the only person that'll only love you more for your effort is your own self. The truth is you'll always remember and miss them cherish their memories there's no running from that but what you can do is to grieve as much as you can and start working on yourself, start small clean your bed your room take baby steps fill that void they left with productive stuff, ask yourself you miss them whenever you are free and have to think about it. Love will come your way it's inevitable just make sure to invite people who actually love you and instead of crying about your whole life avoid people you see with red flags as soon as they start showing you them. Please be kind to yourself because no one else will be! I know you are going through a lot and i really do hope that in time you heal from it.
Im dealing with fear of rejection based on a strong negative experience in me early teens. Now after more than 6 years pf working on my self i still trying to understand the way it shaped me and untie it. This type of content really help me. Thanks you.
This is just what I needed, thank you Cole, I just had a break up 2 days ago, It turns out that I was the only one thinking that our relationship was going to progress, the whole time He was pretending and he actually told me that. This is an awful/ hurtful experience.
i got dumped a month ago, and watching your videos brings me comfort and peace, the healing process is slow and painful but at least I'm getting better. keep up the great work!
Hope you get over it fast. Three years single for me and still stunted by the betrayal. 8 years and so much money wasted. Odd thing is, i've done all the silly self improvement cliche stuff. Lost weight, made friends, slept around, saved money, learned skills... Now what? None of it will make me a gullible sap (read 'in love') again like I was when I was 21.
Thank You for this Cole... I'm Gay and i've been experiencing this Break Up trauma since Oct 22 2021.. i'm struggling to survive my emotion sometimes when there are instances break up memories comes in and I start to Overthink.. I Even Question Myself to think that being Gay is Bad because there is this anxiety that Gay equivalent to sadness and pain (But I know my self that I'm Gay and different since my young days).. But anyway I'm sharing this frustration and thanks a lot for the videos/advices you have shared. I've been checking this channel since Nov last year. More powers to you and always take care.. 🍀🙇🏻♂️🍀 Ph Fan here 🇵🇭
i've discovered your videos about breaking up during my first break up of this year, i was traumatized by that relationship and maybe i didn't recover in the right way, bc i fucked up my second relationship during the same year since i was still traumatized by that person. I'm going through healing again but i hope to finally get over these bad feelings and traumas and your video helped and motivated me again.. I hope this time works fine.. Thank you Cole for your hardwork
Time just eases the pain, but it's doesn't heal anything, it just makes you forget things when you are with others, but the moment you are alone and down all of it comes back!
You are wise beyond you’re years, Cole. Time may not heal all, but it still doesn’t stop your life from moving forward, so there’s the score. That’s why you might never “fall in love” again, at least not like the first time. It’s subtle, but you might notice it. Good luck to all!
@@Yo-nq9ul my wife had onset dementia and at the time it was difficult but it was just as difficult if not more with life after. Life is always a challenge and I would never have done the things I have done if that had never happen. It’s a bit of a paradox
Thank you for sharing your video, "It's Time to Move the F*ck On." Your message resonated with me, as I have been struggling with the aftermath of childhood trauma as well. I often feel isolated and overwhelmed in social situations, making it challenging to connect with others. Despite my efforts to get involved in groups and teams, I have been told that I come across as if I have ulterior motives due to incongruent body language and appearing visibly uncomfortable. In my case, I experienced a traumatic brain injury when I was nine years old. However, the trauma started much earlier in my life, as I was already receiving support from programs like ESD and Head Start to help me learn to be around adult men when I was just three years old. This was reportedly caused by a jump scare incident when I was two or three years old. Thank you for creating content that speaks to the experiences of those who have endured trauma. It can be a long and challenging road to heal, but your message of resilience and perseverance gives me hope.
Thanks for the video. Got broken up with 2 days ago and it's so painful to accept that 7 years are gone just like that. It's so hard but I appreciate your motivation and tips
I went through break up late September this year.. and, I hate to say but it happened because I wasn’t my best self (if that makes sinse) my former girlfriend, broke up with me because I would always shun her. Thinking I was always right. And always saying I’m the one always having to apologize. For 3 years until February this year everything was ok but I let the stress of life get to me.. it still kills me even 2 1/2 months into this because while had a short fuse (never did hit her or run her down but did have a short fuse) she was everything to me and I thought she was it. But, because of how I was then she broke it off…. I’ve been trying to figure out ways to cope. Especially with the guilt knowing she could’ve been my life partner if I would’ve kept my mouth shut.. trying to remind myself there’s many out there. But dang it I wish there was a thing such as second chances . This video helped a lot because living life without her has been hard . But been trying to work and improve myself. Just trying to figure out how to live with guilt
It’s been 4 months since we talked and 8 months since we broke up. We ended our last conversation with each other with the agreement that we wanted to be with each other but now wasn’t a good time since we’re going to different universities and have 6 hours between us. Just learned she’s going on a first date with someone else. I feel a little betrayed and lied to but it’s her life, not mine. I will focus on myself and move on. Thanks Cole
Fuck, I was at that last step. I found the bridge between my trauma and my psychical body. But the anger and the aggression that came out scared me shitless, so I regressed back. I haven’t been able to get back to that point since
When my partner died sudden and unexpectedly it was traumatic and I began having unusual symptoms, one of them being jabbing pains all over, brought on by the emotional and mental trauma. It was an extremely lonely time and it wasn't until 10 years after that I felt like I had truly let go and didn't feel so horrible. I think it's important to have professional supports (therapists, doctors ) and having a pet was healing for me especially during the times when I was unbearably lonely yet couldn't stand to be around anyone. It was also helpful to talk to others that had experienced similar trauma and were further along in their healing, it gave me hope. 💚
Will you allow yourself to be disrespected like that by yourself? All I can see is that you want to be different, if she abuses you, please seek help and try to move on, it might be hard but living differently is worth it
As someone Who was there she ended it back in April. Fast forward, I’m better off.. she jumped into a new bf and well msg me last week happy late birthday but at the end of The day look at it as doing both of you a favor
I'll keep it a 💯 I'm still a teenager and iv not been thru any hard relationships and iv got over it. But I still feel this would be important for an older me or anyone suffering from their past..
Three years single for me and still stunted by the betrayal. 8 years and so much money wasted. Odd thing is, i've done all the silly self improvement cliche stuff. Lost weight, made friends, slept around, saved money, learned skills, wasted the time of three different therapists... Now what? None of it will make me a gullible sap (read 'in love') again like I was when I was 21.
I’m a lot older than you. I was married for 8 years and have a kid from that marriage. Trust me when I say that no individual person in a marriage or long term relationship should make or break your life. If she/he isn’t there for you emotionally, don’t waste time ruminating on them. It isn’t worth it. Focus on yourself only and what you can actually control. I’ve realized in the years since that the divorce was for the best.
Recovery is hard. A year after a traumatic relationship, I’m blessed to be alive and finally expressing myself through music, but feel fears and such mistrust to eventually try to have intimate relationships again. I know it will take time, but I think this time, I’m learning to be careful.
My current ex wife is a meth addict. She left me and our son last year. She lied, cheated, and mistreated me for 7 years. I miss her, and I wish none of it ever happened. But I have to cut her out to save my son the grief. Ever since my life has been improving. The day I find someone new to love, would be the final nail in her coffin.
The first Video helped me realize I need to let her go. Thank you for that. It hurts more now, just as you said. But I know it will be better. Meditation and Journal ready :)
I really needed this video and it came out just when I needed it. It's amost 5 years later and i'm still trying to fix myself from dealing with the abuse that came from dating a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder. I changed in positive ways, but I also picked up toxic and negative traits over the years.
From what i've learn through my years of prentending bullying didn't affect me i realize i will never cure, still i can learn and develop with my frustrations but i can't cure what made my personality, the way i treat people and my believes reflect the way i endure the frustrations, ppl never will get over their frustration, they will change but not cure, especialy someone who is mentaly ill
Yo Michael you’re next videos for class should be about why this world is not “social” and why it is not POSSIBLE. Mom, father, brother, child, etc. People need to wake up on how brutal this place is. All these kids are being set up for chasing “relationships” (constant cycles of abuse/ trauma bonding) the lies need to stop.
I can’t get over the loss of my fiancée she didn’t break up with me but passed away and was upset with me when it happened I tried to keep her alive and failed
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, Light, and experiences with the world. You're such a gift 🤍 your videos help me tremendously, while I am walking through the valley of my shadows atm. Feel loved ✨
Thank you for sharing this information Cole. It will help a lot of people. I’ve been learning to use these tools and practices for many years now and although it’s a long journey, things will get better. 🙏🏼
It’s been two to three months now and the pain gets worse. I don’t know what’s going on with me i never felt like this ever. I think the breakup caused some trauma i didn’t even know off. I can’t stop crying, can’t stop dreaming of her and more. I even lost the will to live even i know its wrong i just can’t get off the thoughts of my mind no matter how hard i try. I put my last hope in her just to prove she gave me empty promises and words. Idk why but my Disappointment is so significant idk if i can ever trust again tbh
@Lila K I mean if you once loved someone with all your heart its just hard ngl. Its still hard and thinking of it every day. But life has to go on no matter what. You gotta work on yourself and in the last months i realized a lot. I Hope i will be able to let go completely and stop thinking about her. So Yeah idk id say it gets better when you start working on yourself and stop to podestalize the other person and see them for what they are not for what you want them to be. I Hope that answers your question
Man, Cole you are such a life saver. I'm going through an intense heartbreak and I'm really struggling to move on because I see her everyday at work. It's not easy to navigate but in time I believe I will move on. I want to thank you for all of your helpful videos, you have been truly a life saver to me 🙏🏻
You cannot heal from your past but try to learn for the future. I struggle with this. My mental health hasn't been great the last year with epilepsy diagnosis and anxiety
Cole i am sure you get this a lot, but you have the perfect voice for radio, voice overs and documentarty commentaries, you should explore those avenues professionally
I wanted to thank you Cole for this upload. I recently picked up Better help (thanks for the code btw) as where I have been on a break from relationships, I find when think of prior relationships on what I look for I would dwell on a certain one and end up having feelings/emotions come back in the forefront. It has stifled me and causes me to be cautious on initiations recently. Thank you for this perspective and ideas given to look into my "triggers" or "feelings" that arise that could be halting my progress
new healing meme format dropped of Coles deep squat. hip opening stretches feel so amazing for me too, feels great to be a flexible man. thanks for the video Cole, have had The Body Keeps the Score on my list for a while now and definitely want to dive in after this. love when "self-help" books are rooted in psychology foundations like that one.
Many years ago I had super disturbing thoughts relating to an addiction that left me traumatized. Thanks to your videos I understood a great deal of myself, and even though the trauma never really went away completely, the tense OCD-like reactions didn't stop me from keeping my head up high.
Strange it says there are a lot more comments than there actually are. Anyway, thank you for bringing attention to Trauma, it's vital we all learn about it, not only to recognise our own, but to also hopefully not inflict it on others (like how breaking people's trust causes such a deeper cost than anything that was "gained" by the breaker of trust), I'm sure you're familiar with Rich Roll podcast, and he's had both Gabor Mate (when the body says no) and Paul Conti (Trauma, the invisible epidemic) on in the last week, everyone doing their bit in raising education about trauma, attachment and abandonment
Going through another breakup at 43. 3 months in after 1.5 years relationship. I pushed her away, I couldn't truly go for it in the relationship... But then when she's gone my mind does a 180 and just wants her back! She told me recently she has already been dating someone else since 1.5 months after our breakup. Why can she move on so quickly? We didn't end on bad terms. We tried to be friends but now I realise i can't. I have to go no contact. I feel like a silly teenager 😡
To find a sense of peace and improve your sleep, get started with Aura today for free. The first 500 people to use my link will also get 25% off + free trial to the Aura membership: aurahealth.io/colehastings
Hehe NO
Personally, I was very upset about one breakup somewhere in 2020. For almost 2 years I was so sad, angry, grumpy, toxic, and frustrated, I thought that I missed the only perfect match for me. After the usual self-improvement (nofap, a lot of exercises, more sleep, etc.) I can see more clearly, how wrong our relationship was and how she is not so special. I wish for everyone reading this to find (like I did) their inner peace and self-love :)
same here, the issue was in your gormone system. you were emotionally binded to that person, and your brain got addicted to getting dopamine from interacting with her. as soon as you learn how to be happy on your own - you'll be able to see clearly. Макс Вердикт на эту тему много чего говорил, возможно знаешь его
Thank you. I am in the same boat as you, being dumped in 2020 and went thorough a similar breakup in 2021. The journey has been long and difficult, I often feel I am regressing down back to where I started. I hope with this video I can regain the progress I've lost and be able to move past what's happened.
@@denkryvoshei4589 nice
How does nofap count as self care? Fapping decreases colon cancer risk, helps you sleep better, releases stress. Only upside with fapping. I will agree that watching porn is probably bad for you psychologically.
How long you loved each.... Year??
I have struggled with a bad breakup for nearly half my life. Even though I am married with 4 kids. I was a drug addict at 21 and relapsed. I was deeply in love with someone and I had to leave the area and move away. I was cowardly. I went to rehab Feb 14 2003. Two weeks later I finally talked to her on the phone. I never heard a person in so much pain and grief. I did that to her. I couldn't fix or change it. I still feel the guilt and pain of the loss. But the pain has kept me sober to never be that person again. At 40 I had a crohns flare,2 weeks in hospital,almost died and lost 12inches of large intestine. I didnt give up and found strength. I am strong, resilient and worthy of love. I am learning to forgive myself. Your videos have finally helped me learn to move on and finally start to be happy. I am lucky, loved and blessed. Thank you
I wouldn't be so hard on yourself. Sounds like you did the best for you with the capacity you had at the time.
You are incredible. A great example of what it’s like to go through hell and make it out
Ladies and gentlemen: may I Present to you-The Chad
@ATHARVA BIRTHARIA I'll be your friend
Hal Carter maybe be open to reconnecting with her IF it'll heal the wound
My parents died some years back and I lost a friend to suicide recently. I wanted to move on from the dark valleys of trauma and heal, but I didn’t know how. This video is a start and it came at the right time. Thanks Cole for what you do.
I'm very happy I could help, and I'm sorry for your. Keep going
The pain never really goes away, you just elevate and get used to it by growing stronger.
Exactly, ive described it as running your hand over a past scar tbh
Time doesn’t heal , only we become much stronger / braver to face the pain .
Yo cole, You're literally the only self care channel that I binge watch ... REPEATEDLY
That means a lot. I appreciate you
These past two videos on trauma aren’t really optimized for the algorithm. I really don’t care about that, because of how important this information is to get out to people. Please share this with someone who you think it would help.
Thanks for watching.
No, thank YOU for making these amazing videos that are incredibly educational and helpful instead of abiding to clickbait algorithms for an extra buck.
Just broke up with the girl I thought I would marry. It's been hard but by far the most productive break up I've ever had.
Hey bro is it ok for a guy to break with his girlfriend?.. I want to break up.
@@D-Bless every situation is different. We both had a lot of bad habits when we got together and we did do a lot of growing together but it got to a point when I was trying to cut out more things like drinking smoking and over spending and she wasn't. It was an easy decision but it is still one of the hardest things I've ever done.
@@thesoftersidepodcast I honestly know the feeling... I wish you the best of all possible journeys. I pray you find love again.
@@D-Bless no.
to leave the past, one must kill themselves in the past. change so much that your past self become unrecognizable. thats what i learned
That’s a huge part of it. It’s how I moved on
So true
It's been 3 years and I'm still caught in a trauma loop that I can't break free from.
The only advice I could ever give to anybody for things like this is just fucking get up and get out there, message random people and make new friends, force yourself to do it, exercise, sleep more, eat more, and become the guy you want to be, I’m 7 days out of a 4.5 year relationship full of love and affection, and it’s the hardest thing I could’ve ever possibly fathomed, I did not know you could hurt like this, I didn’t know a person could literally make you not eat for 3 days and throw up constantly and cry every night, but I know within mtself that I’ll recover soon, what’s helping me right now, and I seriously mean this, go into your fuckin notes on your phone and write everything down, even this comment is helping me, I have that pit of dread in my stomach, but writing your thoughts and feelings gets it out in a way that’s different to other people, nobody’s going to heal you, you’ve got to heal yourself, although I love her to absolute pieces, I found that after writing down the pros and cons of our relationship, the cons really outweighed the pros, try to do this yourself, everyone says it and I always thought pfffft no way will I write how I feel that’s just stupid and pointless, it’s fucking powerful bro, POWERFUL. Talk to yourself in your notes about how much your going to fucking smash life, your going to be the man you’ve always imagined yourself as, and stop the cycle of this horrible feeling, I’m serious bro, it’s made me feel normal whenever I feel like I’m super over the edge, also though make sure you know deep within yourself that it’s okay to feel the way you do, cry, however you feel you need to release it, because you need to release it, it’s never going to disappear in seconds, and people will tell you that they took years to recover or still haven’t or can’t, but the truth is, for you in your situation, your still in love with the idea of being with that person, therefore your not even in love with a person anymore, your in love with memories, which your brain has a massive issue with distinguishing the differences between, don’t sit and think you have to forget about everything because you don’t, you can learn from it and grow from it, just take my advice and start loving yourself and talking to yourself, it’ll start weird and you won’t know what to write, but then all of a sudden it just comes to you, ans it gets easier and easier to talk to yourself, and the motivation to prove everyone wrong gets bigger and bigger , sorry about the long message, but I know how it feels, so I hope this helps out anyone in need
@@jlfromhh620 Thanks bro, I really needed this 💯
I hope you can break free and learn to love again 💖
@@JuanPablo-ec1uj update over a month later, with determination and avoiding all ties to her, I can happily say I am confident that I have ridden the wave out, and I’m doing just fine on my own, of COURSE I miss her, but at the end of the day, it’s over now, and I can look at pictures of us and remember the great times, and the memories, yeah sometimes I might take a stumble and go back a step, but I get up and move back on with things and dust myself off, as of now, I’ve probably checked her socials once, to which I discovered she’s talking to a new person, that stung, but guess what? All it means is my void was too big to stay and it had to be filled, but my boots are too big for his little feet, and it’ll all come crashing down eventually, and even if it doesn’t, I don’t really care, I’m pretty okay with it all, I don’t understand these people who get hung up for years over it, even 6 months is far too long in my opinion, like literally take control of your own brain? You live in it forever, make it a nice place, nobody’s expecting you to forget about it, but with persistence and WORKING ON YOU, you can achieve the goal of peace, I’m not done with my journey, but fucking hell, it’s got to be said I feel pretty good and I’m very comfortable with my life and goals and ambitions. Keep your head up everyone, there is light at the end of the tunnel, I’m not one of those ‘oh it’ll get better’ people, but oh my god am I turning into one, it really does get so much better, force yourself into doing things FOR YOU. Good luck everyone
@@jlfromhh620 i wish you didn't check her socials or your old pics with her bro but its fine, how's life now update pls🫶🏻
That video is actually how I found your channel! Some real gems were dropped in it, thank you 🙏🏽 ❤
Hey there Khalilah!❤️❤️
After multiple break-ups, I've learned that relationships and dating are not for me. I am much happier alone. Relationships absorb too much time. I prefer to utilize that time on *ME*.
how?
how do you stay away from getting into a relationship?
@@neiljulian6960 I avoid women. I don't talk to them. I am not on any dating apps. If you love yourself, you will realize that someone else's "love" isn't necessary.
@@monk4ever thank you man, i just broke up with my girl. It was devastating. Im thinking i should do same thing you are doing. I've been in a relationship for a very long time i really think i need a break.
Strangely enough, I am starting to feel the same m. I don’t hate men or anything like that, but I want to know what it like to not strive to have that sort of love in my life. It seems like these last 18 years have been a non stop striving to be “loved” by a man. I don’t begrudge past relationships. They taught me a lot. I have a stronger desire to know myself and love myself more than anything now.
As humans we are a vulnerable being even after being in top of the food chain we still crave for basic human emotions, the strongest person is the one who has power over their actions and emotions but it's usually a power so strong that most of are scared to wield it, we look for validation from others, we find solace in someone else but the problem starts when we let them have too much of influence over every small steps in our life. When we wake up the first thing in our mind is them. When we go to sleep the last thing is them as is even they are humans after all and people fall out of love there's literally nothing you can do about it, but to feel so helpless as to not be able to change their decision completely shatter us and our belief in ourselves. When they leave they leave such a huge void in your life when you wake up the first thing you think is them but you don't have them to share this with, whenever you have the time to share something you simply can't because you can't be vulnerable with anyone else. It's like a slow poison it kills us emotionally which is worst thn a physical harm. When one door of happiness closes another opens but we tend to look at the closed one for so long we forget to see the one that's opened. True love exist in movies and we feel and crave to have that but in reality the only person that'll only love you more for your effort is your own self. The truth is you'll always remember and miss them cherish their memories there's no running from that but what you can do is to grieve as much as you can and start working on yourself, start small clean your bed your room take baby steps fill that void they left with productive stuff, ask yourself you miss them whenever you are free and have to think about it. Love will come your way it's inevitable just make sure to invite people who actually love you and instead of crying about your whole life avoid people you see with red flags as soon as they start showing you them. Please be kind to yourself because no one else will be! I know you are going through a lot and i really do hope that in time you heal from it.
thank you
Im dealing with fear of rejection based on a strong negative experience in me early teens. Now after more than 6 years pf working on my self i still trying to understand the way it shaped me and untie it. This type of content really help me. Thanks you.
This is just what I needed, thank you Cole, I just had a break up 2 days ago, It turns out that I was the only one thinking that our relationship was going to progress, the whole time He was pretending and he actually told me that. This is an awful/ hurtful experience.
It’s been almost a year and it’s been the exact same. I still love her and I’ve done everything to self improve but the void will never go away.
I think the feeling will still remain as it is Im experiencing the same
Unfortunately the pain never goes away. You just learn to live with it
i got dumped a month ago, and watching your videos brings me comfort and peace, the healing process is slow and painful but at least I'm getting better. keep up the great work!
Keep going. Glad they helped
Hope you get over it fast. Three years single for me and still stunted by the betrayal. 8 years and so much money wasted.
Odd thing is, i've done all the silly self improvement cliche stuff. Lost weight, made friends, slept around, saved money, learned skills... Now what? None of it will make me a gullible sap (read 'in love') again like I was when I was 21.
Thank You for this Cole... I'm Gay and i've been experiencing this Break Up trauma since Oct 22 2021.. i'm struggling to survive my emotion sometimes when there are instances break up memories comes in and I start to Overthink.. I Even Question Myself to think that being Gay is Bad because there is this anxiety that Gay equivalent to sadness and pain (But I know my self that I'm Gay and different since my young days).. But anyway I'm sharing this frustration and thanks a lot for the videos/advices you have shared. I've been checking this channel since Nov last year. More powers to you and always take care.. 🍀🙇🏻♂️🍀 Ph Fan here 🇵🇭
1 year after a 6 month intense relationship and I am still processing the trauma of the breakup. Stay strong guys
It’s really tough. I was madly in love with her in a 8 month relationship. 7 months later and I’m still struggling to sleep. And she moved in so fast
@@samsonite99 stay strong man!
@@samsonite99They always do. Hope things are getting better for you.
So in love with this channel it helped me through my darkest times
Thank you for putting stuff like this out into the world, it’s nice to know some people out there care.
break ups heal but losing a loved one never heals
Recently had a breakup…been extremely emotional and stressed about it since…this video definitely helped me see things differently thank you!!!
I did EMDR with my therapist! I had things come up in my mind that I didn’t even realize were still bothering me. Love your videos!
i've discovered your videos about breaking up during my first break up of this year, i was traumatized by that relationship and maybe i didn't recover in the right way, bc i fucked up my second relationship during the same year since i was still traumatized by that person. I'm going through healing again but i hope to finally get over these bad feelings and traumas and your video helped and motivated me again.. I hope this time works fine..
Thank you Cole for your hardwork
Time just eases the pain, but it's doesn't heal anything, it just makes you forget things when you are with others, but the moment you are alone and down all of it comes back!
I agree, time does not heal anything, but time does make the sting fade
You are wise beyond you’re years, Cole. Time may not heal all, but it still doesn’t stop your life from moving forward, so there’s the score. That’s why you might never “fall in love” again, at least not like the first time. It’s subtle, but you might notice it. Good luck to all!
I have struggled with the death of my wife 3 half years later however I have accepted being alone and have some what excelled in parts of my life
I am so sorry for your loss I wish you the best
@@Yo-nq9ul my wife had onset dementia and at the time it was difficult but it was just as difficult if not more with life after. Life is always a challenge and I would never have done the things I have done if that had never happen. It’s a bit of a paradox
@@ADSCoachSimonB2112 I respect that 💪💯
Sending you so much love.
Thank you for sharing your video, "It's Time to Move the F*ck On." Your message resonated with me, as I have been struggling with the aftermath of childhood trauma as well.
I often feel isolated and overwhelmed in social situations, making it challenging to connect with others. Despite my efforts to get involved in groups and teams, I have been told that I come across as if I have ulterior motives due to incongruent body language and appearing visibly uncomfortable.
In my case, I experienced a traumatic brain injury when I was nine years old. However, the trauma started much earlier in my life, as I was already receiving support from programs like ESD and Head Start to help me learn to be around adult men when I was just three years old. This was reportedly caused by a jump scare incident when I was two or three years old.
Thank you for creating content that speaks to the experiences of those who have endured trauma. It can be a long and challenging road to heal, but your message of resilience and perseverance gives me hope.
The berserk background on the computer goes hard.
Tysm for this video - I have been struggling with managing my PTSD my whole life and this video really helped explain things to me. 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼😌
Thanks for the video. Got broken up with 2 days ago and it's so painful to accept that 7 years are gone just like that. It's so hard but I appreciate your motivation and tips
hey cole! just want u to know that u help me with ur videos alot
Your content is amazing. Please keep it up
Love your authenticity
love those last words 😢❤" there is a way out"
Currently reading the Book The body keeps the score
But sometimes you have to stay strong no matter what your going through your still here and everyone counting on you I believe in you ❤️
I went through break up late September this year.. and, I hate to say but it happened because I wasn’t my best self (if that makes sinse) my former girlfriend, broke up with me because I would always shun her. Thinking I was always right. And always saying I’m the one always having to apologize. For 3 years until February this year everything was ok but I let the stress of life get to me.. it still kills me even 2 1/2 months into this because while had a short fuse (never did hit her or run her down but did have a short fuse) she was everything to me and I thought she was it. But, because of how I was then she broke it off…. I’ve been trying to figure out ways to cope. Especially with the guilt knowing she could’ve been my life partner if I would’ve kept my mouth shut.. trying to remind myself there’s many out there. But dang it I wish there was a thing such as second chances . This video helped a lot because living life without her has been hard . But been trying to work and improve myself. Just trying to figure out how to live with guilt
It’s been 4 months since we talked and 8 months since we broke up. We ended our last conversation with each other with the agreement that we wanted to be with each other but now wasn’t a good time since we’re going to different universities and have 6 hours between us. Just learned she’s going on a first date with someone else. I feel a little betrayed and lied to but it’s her life, not mine. I will focus on myself and move on. Thanks Cole
Fuck, I was at that last step. I found the bridge between my trauma and my psychical body. But the anger and the aggression that came out scared me shitless, so I regressed back. I haven’t been able to get back to that point since
Gotta toughen up
I agreed sometimes it replay's in your head over and over again
When my partner died sudden and unexpectedly it was traumatic and I began having unusual symptoms, one of them being jabbing pains all over, brought on by the emotional and mental trauma. It was an extremely lonely time and it wasn't until 10 years after that I felt like I had truly let go and didn't feel so horrible. I think it's important to have professional supports (therapists, doctors ) and having a pet was healing for me especially during the times when I was unbearably lonely yet couldn't stand to be around anyone. It was also helpful to talk to others that had experienced similar trauma and were further along in their healing, it gave me hope. 💚
I’m still in a relationship with a girl who has been abusing me and has seriously assaulted me twice, I can’t find the strength to end it.
Will you allow yourself to be disrespected like that by yourself?
All I can see is that you want to be different, if she abuses you, please seek help and try to move on, it might be hard but living differently is worth it
As someone
Who was there she ended it back in April. Fast forward, I’m better off.. she jumped into a new bf and well msg me last week happy late birthday but at the end of
The day look at it as doing both of you a favor
End it or she gonna end it for you and you gonna feel worse.
Suck it up buttercup and leave her she's showing her colors
I'll keep it a 💯
I'm still a teenager and iv not been thru any hard relationships and iv got over it.
But I still feel this would be important for an older me or anyone suffering from their past..
Thank you so much Cole. One of the few who goes beyond the repetitive self help advices
Three years single for me and still stunted by the betrayal. 8 years and so much money wasted.
Odd thing is, i've done all the silly self improvement cliche stuff. Lost weight, made friends, slept around, saved money, learned skills, wasted the time of three different therapists... Now what? None of it will make me a gullible sap (read 'in love') again like I was when I was 21.
I’m a lot older than you. I was married for 8 years and have a kid from that marriage. Trust me when I say that no individual person in a marriage or long term relationship should make or break your life. If she/he isn’t there for you emotionally, don’t waste time ruminating on them. It isn’t worth it. Focus on yourself only and what you can actually control. I’ve realized in the years since that the divorce was for the best.
Recovery is hard. A year after a traumatic relationship, I’m blessed to be alive and finally expressing myself through music, but feel fears and such mistrust to eventually try to have intimate relationships again.
I know it will take time, but I think this time, I’m learning to be careful.
Thank you for this video. I needed this from all the emotional & mental neglect I had experienced from my family in the past..even now. Thank you. 🙂🙌
I’m glad I could help
My current ex wife is a meth addict. She left me and our son last year. She lied, cheated, and mistreated me for 7 years. I miss her, and I wish none of it ever happened. But I have to cut her out to save my son the grief. Ever since my life has been improving. The day I find someone new to love, would be the final nail in her coffin.
The first Video helped me realize I need to let her go. Thank you for that. It hurts more now, just as you said. But I know it will be better. Meditation and Journal ready :)
I really needed this video and it came out just when I needed it. It's amost 5 years later and i'm still trying to fix myself from dealing with the abuse that came from dating a woman with Borderline Personality Disorder. I changed in positive ways, but I also picked up toxic and negative traits over the years.
Cole Hastings thank you for all your insights into life!
From what i've learn through my years of prentending bullying didn't affect me i realize i will never cure, still i can learn and develop with my frustrations but i can't cure what made my personality, the way i treat people and my believes reflect the way i endure the frustrations, ppl never will get over their frustration, they will change but not cure, especialy someone who is mentaly ill
thank you, whenever i feel lost i come to hear you
Thank you so much Cole
I think your channel is the best thing that has happend to me
Love it how your communication style is very clear and straight to the point! Keep up the good stuff Cole! 👊😎
Thank you, Cole. Helpful stuff.
Thank you Cole! Amazing videos, keep up the great work!
Yo Michael you’re next videos for class should be about why this world is not “social” and why it is not POSSIBLE. Mom, father, brother, child, etc.
People need to wake up on how brutal this place is. All these kids are being set up for chasing “relationships” (constant cycles of abuse/ trauma bonding) the lies need to stop.
U are a legend cole thank you and keep killing it 💪🏾❤️
Your videos have helped me greatly since I first started getting anxiety and depression around quarantine 2020, thank you for all of your help.
I can’t get over the loss of my fiancée she didn’t break up with me but passed away and was upset with me when it happened I tried to keep her alive and failed
you can't continue to blame yourself, you have to try and keep it in the past- its over and you are still here
Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge, Light, and experiences with the world. You're such a gift 🤍 your videos help me tremendously, while I am walking through the valley of my shadows atm. Feel loved ✨
Good work Cole.. Keep it up babe.. 😘👍
Thank you for sharing this information Cole. It will help a lot of people. I’ve been learning to use these tools and practices for many years now and although it’s a long journey, things will get better. 🙏🏼
It’s been two to three months now and the pain gets worse. I don’t know what’s going on with me i never felt like this ever. I think the breakup caused some trauma i didn’t even know off. I can’t stop crying, can’t stop dreaming of her and more. I even lost the will to live even i know its wrong i just can’t get off the thoughts of my mind no matter how hard i try. I put my last hope in her just to prove she gave me empty promises and words. Idk why but my Disappointment is so significant idk if i can ever trust again tbh
@Lila K I mean if you once loved someone with all your heart its just hard ngl. Its still hard and thinking of it every day. But life has to go on no matter what. You gotta work on yourself and in the last months i realized a lot. I Hope i will be able to let go completely and stop thinking about her. So Yeah idk id say it gets better when you start working on yourself and stop to podestalize the other person and see them for what they are not for what you want them to be.
I Hope that answers your question
@@lvan229 bro heartbreak is real I feel it too.
Man, Cole you are such a life saver. I'm going through an intense heartbreak and I'm really struggling to move on because I see her everyday at work. It's not easy to navigate but in time I believe I will move on. I want to thank you for all of your helpful videos, you have been truly a life saver to me 🙏🏻
16:51 Thank you, Cole Hastings.
You cannot heal from your past but try to learn for the future.
I struggle with this. My mental health hasn't been great the last year with epilepsy diagnosis and anxiety
This is a thorough video, dude. Really cool
Thank you
Cole i am sure you get this a lot, but you have the perfect voice for radio, voice overs and documentarty commentaries, you should explore those avenues professionally
dear friend do you need help to solve any of your problem specially getting back an ex Dr Avule will help you am a living testimony of him
W¶hat'sapp hjm👇👇
*美麗的✛2349030948101⏯⏯❤️눈‸눈你 好👇*
I've never been in relationship, so I didn't have to go through break-up. My only issue was unrequited love.
Be thankful. Everybody that’s ever said “it’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all” is full of shit.
I wanted to thank you Cole for this upload. I recently picked up Better help (thanks for the code btw) as where I have been on a break from relationships, I find when think of prior relationships on what I look for I would dwell on a certain one and end up having feelings/emotions come back in the forefront. It has stifled me and causes me to be cautious on initiations recently.
Thank you for this perspective and ideas given to look into my "triggers" or "feelings" that arise that could be halting my progress
That Berserk picture SLAPS!!!!
new healing meme format dropped of Coles deep squat. hip opening stretches feel so amazing for me too, feels great to be a flexible man. thanks for the video Cole, have had The Body Keeps the Score on my list for a while now and definitely want to dive in after this. love when "self-help" books are rooted in psychology foundations like that one.
Hope your doin well over there in the USA, Thank You, again. Great video as usual. Peace from the UK bro.
couldn't choose a better topic! 🤗
You always on great timing
Thanks
Many years ago I had super disturbing thoughts relating to an addiction that left me traumatized. Thanks to your videos I understood a great deal of myself, and even though the trauma never really went away completely, the tense OCD-like reactions didn't stop me from keeping my head up high.
Im glad I could help. Who knows, maybe one day the reactions will go away completely if you keep working on it
needed this bro🙏🏾
Got alot of value out of this!
your content is always awesome man!!
Strange it says there are a lot more comments than there actually are.
Anyway, thank you for bringing attention to Trauma, it's vital we all learn about it, not only to recognise our own, but to also hopefully not inflict it on others (like how breaking people's trust causes such a deeper cost than anything that was "gained" by the breaker of trust), I'm sure you're familiar with Rich Roll podcast, and he's had both Gabor Mate (when the body says no) and Paul Conti (Trauma, the invisible epidemic) on in the last week, everyone doing their bit in raising education about trauma, attachment and abandonment
Very needed video right now 😃
Going through another breakup at 43. 3 months in after 1.5 years relationship. I pushed her away, I couldn't truly go for it in the relationship... But then when she's gone my mind does a 180 and just wants her back! She told me recently she has already been dating someone else since 1.5 months after our breakup. Why can she move on so quickly? We didn't end on bad terms. We tried to be friends but now I realise i can't. I have to go no contact.
I feel like a silly teenager 😡
how's going
I LOVE YOUR VIDEOS COLE keep the Good work 🔥💯
Thank you
Thank you, really good video:)
I needed this video! 🙌 ❤️
I feel as if I can never open up to other people again, I've been closed off for so long.
Subscribed. Convinced by the Berserk wallpaper.
18K SUBS... I Started watching COLE.
NOW.....400K MORE
GOD ITS BEEN 2 YEARS ALRESDY COLE
Damn….you’re a real one
The same thing over and over again, I'll tell you how to be happy and rich at the same time.... and it's gonna work 💯%
good explanation thank you
thanks
Book a live coaching session with myself, Cole. I guarantee that I can help you. I go beyond advice, I use a combination of EFT and hypnotherapy.