We've only been married 3 years but I am so thankful that we have realised a lot of these things early on! Doesn't mean we never argue and have struggles, but makes life so much better. I was a atheist and feminist before I gave my life to the Lord, and have always been a strong leader, but what I realised once I decided to do things God's way when it comes to marriage isn't that I had to make myself lesser than, but I had to figure out how to use that strength to be a good helper for my husband. I also prayed for a really strong man, and I am so thankful that God answered my prayer 🙏
My dad used to say, "Don't let your feelings run your life. Let your commitments run your life, instead." He and my mom recently celebrated their 50th anniversary! That's not by accident, and they didn't just fall into half a century together by mistake. That's commitment. I've seen at least 2 - 3 times when they easily could have and might even should have - in the moment - go their own separate ways, and I know (now, as an adult) that they may have considered that at any given challenge... but they stayed, and they stayed open to learning: about themselves, about relationships, about each other... And they decided to be open to the graces given to them in the forms of support for their marriage from those around them. When Julie said, "You don't run toward failure, you run away from it [as men]." There s a light bulb moment - so simple but so strong.
I love this concept and am blessed by this idea. Thank you! But also... I feel the greatest way to find out how to be a stronger wife isn't to go to the internet, or to professional counselors, even thoroughly qualified ones like this. I find one of the best ways is to ask my husband, "how can I be a stronger wife for you [today, at this chapter in our marriage, this week, etc.]?" Then, take his advice. It doesn't work unless I actually act on his requests and can backfire fast that way. Follow through is key. But when I take it to heart and treat him the way I'd hope he'd treat my requests, or invitations, then problems and issues that bothered us yesterday become manageable or disappear. It take discipline. Especially when tasks and family members requiring prioritization just stack and add up in these times. That's why it's such a challenge. But that challenge level makes the reward of a marriage worthwhile. Right?
I've been married 31 years and it's been horrible, especially the last 5/6 years especially. I feel like I need to escape but can't because of other ties. I don't love him, I don't even like him and feel so condemned.
Please look into the topic of narcissism. If you tried and tried and it doesn't work, and the narcissistic traits fit your husband(s) ... Get help. Get out. Don't suffer. I was very lucky, and can apply what is being said in the vid. But for some, they are being destroyed in a marriage with a narcissist....man & woman!
@@Rudelherz Let's be cautious about labeling someone a narcissist. Evey human being struggles with sin and selfishness and to some degree we're all narcissists. Telling a Christian to bail out of a marriage, even amidst egregious sin, is bad advice. Wisdom would see a struggling couple immerse themselves in community where they can find help and hope.
Thank you for sharing God’s Grace and Blessings; please pray for my Sister, Vickie; she has shingles also on dialysis that she has a speedy recovery. Thank you! 🙏🙏🙏
Dear sister, I am praying for your sister Vickie in Jesus Name! 🙏🏾 Psalm 103:1-5, "Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s."❤
Thnak you guys for your content! is full of wisdom for new generations! I am recently married and I would love to have the eternal love and keep it with my husband but he is not a believer... an excellent man, full of love and I know he loves me but not a believer..... and I know there are a lot like me believing in the lord but our husbands don't, that would be a nice topic to talk about, thank you again guys!
I would like to hear more about the last point "women need protection" I'm convinced that is the role of the man, lead, provide and protect but once I brought it up to my husband and said : I don't think you would protect the way the way I think a man should protect his home /wife.. as you can imagine, that was a really poor choice of words. Lol Being a bodybuilder, my husband may think all you need to protect is muscle mass and physical strength. So I haven't brought up the topic since because I don't know how to present it without hurting or making him feel less
Please tread lightly. As a man I can tell you, our ego is extremely fragile and there is almost no one encouraging men on a regular basis. So we suffer in silence. Women forget that men feel and love just as deeply as any woman, just differently. Best wishes.
The plough and the seed springs to mind …. the plough attracts the seeds…We have been blessed with His fruit - gentleness, kindness, goodness, patience, faithfulness and self control - together these create joy, peace and ultimately ever expanding capacity for love. Women have an innate creative gentleness & patience to nurture & lead. We’ve come as a team with men thus far… However “creation” is clearly not exclusively our dominion, we have all been blessed that, whoever sees the opportunity to nurture another, is the one blessed, at that time, to take it … The call now … “all hands on deck”
Lots of good info here! Julie says, 'Flowers aren't my thing' 💐 ha! I say, just bring me diamonds 💍💎 dahling! In my experience Marriage has been easier than Parenting. I thank God my hubby & I hv kept a united front and learned from one another. ❤️
I wouldn't recommend donating to get the book, just buy it somewhere else. I did the donation and after 2 months I never got the book. They have sent me 2 letters and emails showing me how to donate more though.
@Moore Basics, we are sorry to hear that you have not received a book you wanted to when you made a donation to us. We strive to follow through with all requests for orders in a timely manner. We would be happy to look into this for you to verify what happened to your order and make sure you receive it. Please feel free to send us an email with your full name and address to help@focusonthefamily.com. Please be sure to explain that you had made a donation but never received the book. Please accept our apologies for the inconvenience. Blessings!
Sounds simple enough... so why do we resist? I have this underlying concern I will enable him by encouraging him 90% of the time. he tends to ignore the bad things he does instead of correct them... so then I become the truth teller. Husbands can be intimacy avoiders because they have no modeling ... Focus helped my marriage with airing David Clarke.. I bought Married but Lonely and Honey we need to Talk.. We are now on the latter... No women in Christ wants to be a nag.. but what we have learned is certain Men need less dialogue and more one way communication .. we are learning.. This I believe is the next step..We so want to please the Lord.. it has to start somewhere.. instead of waiting for everything to " feel " right. God is not growing us in a petri dish that's for sure. Thanks for the insight and years of experience! We have to let Go and allow God to work.
What can a christian wife do if a man hasn't been there for his family, and not provided to his kids and wife for over a decade, as well as having affairs outside the marriage?
Thanks for your comment, Debbie. We're sorry if you're asking this question because of your own current circumstances. Please check out our website for more information about emotionally abusive spouses, including this Q&A - bit.ly/3vTx0Px. Also, as part of our ministry here at Focus on the Family, we have a staff of pastoral counselors available to offer reassurance, answer questions, and pray with you. We’d like to invite you to call one of them at your convenience. Just call 800-232-6459 between 6:00 A.M. - 8:00 P.M. (MT), Mon - Fri. The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a pastoral counselor to call you back. There’s no cost for this -- we just want to come alongside you in any way we can. We hope to hear from you soon.
Emotionally abusive, does that include things like deception? Blatantly not telling the whole story? Does it include not ever considering you before others? I have many hurts going back decades.
In abusive situations of any kind this info can be very harmful actually....look for other advice.... offered here at F on the Family. Leslie Vernick, David E Clark and probably others will be more helpful
I'm going to come right out and say it: this is extremely damaging. Let's break down a couple of things to start: 1) women'd empowerment taking away men's voices. The last time I saw someone have a temper tantrum about not getting to speak unless everyone else was silent was when I was a camp counsellor for children. 2) Staying in a marriage LONGER only to result in divorce doesnt mean marriages were "better". It means people tolerated misery for longer. And if the end result for marriages is the same, why are you still teaching the same things, hoping for better results? 3) relational power" is a flowery way of saying "manipulation" and is considered a substitute for "real" power. Sure, your husband can make every decision for your family BUT you can "use your relational power" (ie manipulate) him into doing what you want by giving or witholding a confidence boost for him. On that note: 4) RESPECT IS NOT THE SAME AS ENCOURAGEMENT. In their example, the husband is actively making his wife's life harder, but because she doesn't "use her relational power" correctly and "show him enough respect" his lack of participation in their family is somehow her fault?! 5) RESPECT AND LOVE ARE NOT THE SAME. ALL christians are called to love one another. Asking a husband to love his wife is NOT an additional responsibility, if he truly viws her as equal in the faith. RESPECT is taught as uniquely between a wife and husband ON TOP OF loving him as a believer. But if we taught that, it would become obvious we are asking the wife to do MORE ON TOP OF accepting our husbands, leaning in to them when they're actively making our lives harder, and asking them in juuuuuust the right way to help us out, and if he doesn't, being responsible for the fallout. 6) saying wives "don't know how" to respect their husbands is gaslighting. Women know how to respect parents, teacher, pastors, peers, bosses and coworkers. But we DON'T know how to respect our husbands? More like, there is something so fundamentally flawed with this concept of "marital respect" that you have to literally brainwash women to accept it. 7) Saying a man is the "spiritual leader" but the wife is responsible for his actual participation of that role is absurd. No one should berate or belittle their spouse. But Focus on the Family seems determined to insulate men from responsibility of their own feelings and fallout. 8) Believing the best in your spouse is good. But you are NOT responsible if they refuse to believe it themselves.
We've only been married 3 years but I am so thankful that we have realised a lot of these things early on! Doesn't mean we never argue and have struggles, but makes life so much better.
I was a atheist and feminist before I gave my life to the Lord, and have always been a strong leader, but what I realised once I decided to do things God's way when it comes to marriage isn't that I had to make myself lesser than, but I had to figure out how to use that strength to be a good helper for my husband. I also prayed for a really strong man, and I am so thankful that God answered my prayer 🙏
My dad used to say, "Don't let your feelings run your life. Let your commitments run your life, instead."
He and my mom recently celebrated their 50th anniversary!
That's not by accident, and they didn't just fall into half a century together by mistake. That's commitment. I've seen at least 2 - 3 times when they easily could have and might even should have - in the moment - go their own separate ways, and I know (now, as an adult) that they may have considered that at any given challenge... but they stayed, and they stayed open to learning: about themselves, about relationships, about each other... And they decided to be open to the graces given to them in the forms of support for their marriage from those around them.
When Julie said, "You don't run toward failure, you run away from it [as men]." There s a light bulb moment - so simple but so strong.
“Respect is a choice” wow. I’m a single woman, but wow this information is SO good! I know God is preparing my heart thru these teachings!
It’s a choice sure. As a married guy it’s to be given unconditionally.
Always amazing to hear Juli Slattery when she is on the broadcast.
Disappointment is a part of building intimacy-
Excellent Godly content
Thanks Dr. Juli
TFOTF
Love the kindness in her voice. Great podcast.
I love this concept and am blessed by this idea. Thank you!
But also... I feel the greatest way to find out how to be a stronger wife isn't to go to the internet, or to professional counselors, even thoroughly qualified ones like this. I find one of the best ways is to ask my husband, "how can I be a stronger wife for you [today, at this chapter in our marriage, this week, etc.]?" Then, take his advice.
It doesn't work unless I actually act on his requests and can backfire fast that way.
Follow through is key. But when I take it to heart and treat him the way I'd hope he'd treat my requests, or invitations, then problems and issues that bothered us yesterday become manageable or disappear. It take discipline. Especially when tasks and family members requiring prioritization just stack and add up in these times. That's why it's such a challenge. But that challenge level makes the reward of a marriage worthwhile.
Right?
After 43 years of marriage I’m still lost. He’s the only man I’ve ever loved but I wouldn’t say it’s been wonderful.
we were never promised a rose garden. we have to cultivate and work the fields for productive returns
I hear you, and am praying as someone who understands what you're saying.
I've been married 31 years and it's been horrible, especially the last 5/6 years especially. I feel like I need to escape but can't because of other ties. I don't love him, I don't even like him and feel so condemned.
Please look into the topic of narcissism. If you tried and tried and it doesn't work, and the narcissistic traits fit your husband(s) ... Get help. Get out. Don't suffer. I was very lucky, and can apply what is being said in the vid. But for some, they are being destroyed in a marriage with a narcissist....man & woman!
@@Rudelherz Let's be cautious about labeling someone a narcissist. Evey human being struggles with sin and selfishness and to some degree we're all narcissists. Telling a Christian to bail out of a marriage, even amidst egregious sin, is bad advice. Wisdom would see a struggling couple immerse themselves in community where they can find help and hope.
Thank you for sharing God’s Grace and Blessings; please pray for my Sister, Vickie; she has shingles also on dialysis that she has a speedy recovery. Thank you! 🙏🙏🙏
Dear sister, I am praying for your sister Vickie in Jesus Name! 🙏🏾
Psalm 103:1-5,
"Bless the Lord, O my soul; And all that is within me, bless His holy name! Bless the Lord, O my soul, And forget not all His benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, Who heals all your diseases, Who redeems your life from destruction, Who crowns you with lovingkindness and tender mercies, Who satisfies your mouth with good things, So that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s."❤
Prayed for you and your sister!
Thnak you guys for your content! is full of wisdom for new generations! I am recently married and I would love to have the eternal love and keep it with my husband but he is not a believer... an excellent man, full of love and I know he loves me but not a believer..... and I know there are a lot like me believing in the lord but our husbands don't, that would be a nice topic to talk about, thank you again guys!
Yes yes yes, Julie. No push back. We need protection. It’s tender.
I needed to hear this, again!
Great talk! We as human are imperfect being and it’s a life long journey to experience marriage. Serving Coffee is definitely for me!
I would like to hear more about the last point "women need protection" I'm convinced that is the role of the man, lead, provide and protect but once I brought it up to my husband and said : I don't think you would protect the way the way I think a man should protect his home /wife.. as you can imagine, that was a really poor choice of words. Lol Being a bodybuilder, my husband may think all you need to protect is muscle mass and physical strength. So I haven't brought up the topic since because I don't know how to present it without hurting or making him feel less
Maybe you could describe for him what actions would make you feel protected or maybe just what actions/attitudes you want to see more of from him
Please tread lightly. As a man I can tell you, our ego is extremely fragile and there is almost no one encouraging men on a regular basis. So we suffer in silence. Women forget that men feel and love just as deeply as any woman, just differently. Best wishes.
This was amazing. An episode for the husbands would be great.
The plough and the seed springs to mind …. the plough attracts the seeds…We have been blessed with His fruit - gentleness, kindness, goodness, patience, faithfulness and self control - together these create joy, peace and ultimately ever expanding capacity for love. Women have an innate creative gentleness & patience to nurture & lead. We’ve come as a team with men thus far… However “creation” is clearly not exclusively our dominion, we have all been blessed that, whoever sees the opportunity to nurture another, is the one blessed, at that time, to take it …
The call now … “all hands on deck”
Love Dr. Juli! Such humility and wisdom!!
Lots of good info here! Julie says, 'Flowers aren't my thing' 💐 ha! I say, just bring me diamonds 💍💎 dahling! In my experience Marriage has been easier than Parenting. I thank God my hubby & I hv kept a united front and learned from one another. ❤️
Needed this. Thank you
I wouldn't recommend donating to get the book, just buy it somewhere else. I did the donation and after 2 months I never got the book. They have sent me 2 letters and emails showing me how to donate more though.
@Moore Basics, we are sorry to hear that you have not received a book you wanted to when you made a donation to us. We strive to follow through with all requests for orders in a timely manner. We would be happy to look into this for you to verify what happened to your order and make sure you receive it. Please feel free to send us an email with your full name and address to help@focusonthefamily.com. Please be sure to explain that you had made a donation but never received the book. Please accept our apologies for the inconvenience. Blessings!
Sounds simple enough... so why do we resist? I have this underlying concern I will enable him by encouraging him 90% of the time. he tends to ignore the bad things he does instead of correct them... so then I become the truth teller. Husbands can be intimacy avoiders because they have no modeling ... Focus helped my marriage with airing David Clarke.. I bought Married but Lonely and Honey we need to Talk.. We are now on the latter...
No women in Christ wants to be a nag.. but what we have learned is certain Men need less dialogue and more one way communication .. we are learning.. This I believe is the next step..We so want to please the Lord.. it has to start somewhere.. instead of waiting for everything to " feel " right. God is not growing us in a petri dish that's for sure.
Thanks for the insight and years of experience! We have to let Go and allow God to work.
I really loved this talk! When will the second half of it be up?
Hello, Lucia! You can listen to Part 2 of the podcast "Encouraging Your Husband to Be a Hero" by visiting the link here: bit.ly/3k076ns. Blessings!
Great 👍!!!!!!
What can a christian wife do if a man hasn't been there for his family, and not provided to his kids and wife for over a decade, as well as having affairs outside the marriage?
Yes! Favorite coffee!
I wonder how this applies to men who are emotionally abusive.
Thanks for your comment, Debbie. We're sorry if you're asking this question because of your own current circumstances. Please check out our website for more information about emotionally abusive spouses, including this Q&A - bit.ly/3vTx0Px. Also, as part of our ministry here at Focus on the Family, we have a staff of pastoral counselors available to offer reassurance, answer questions, and pray with you. We’d like to invite you to call one of them at your convenience. Just call 800-232-6459 between 6:00 A.M. - 8:00 P.M. (MT), Mon - Fri. The Family Help Center staff member who answers the phone will arrange for a pastoral counselor to call you back. There’s no cost for this -- we just want to come alongside you in any way we can. We hope to hear from you soon.
Emotionally abusive, does that include things like deception? Blatantly not telling the whole story? Does it include not ever considering you before others? I have many hurts going back decades.
In abusive situations of any kind this info can be very harmful actually....look for other advice.... offered here at F on the Family. Leslie Vernick, David E Clark and probably others will be more helpful
Definitely the power comes in what the other needs
Hence the tit for tat dance
I'm going to come right out and say it: this is extremely damaging. Let's break down a couple of things to start:
1) women'd empowerment taking away men's voices. The last time I saw someone have a temper tantrum about not getting to speak unless everyone else was silent was when I was a camp counsellor for children.
2) Staying in a marriage LONGER only to result in divorce doesnt mean marriages were "better". It means people tolerated misery for longer. And if the end result for marriages is the same, why are you still teaching the same things, hoping for better results?
3) relational power" is a flowery way of saying "manipulation" and is considered a substitute for "real" power. Sure, your husband can make every decision for your family BUT you can "use your relational power" (ie manipulate) him into doing what you want by giving or witholding a confidence boost for him. On that note:
4) RESPECT IS NOT THE SAME AS ENCOURAGEMENT. In their example, the husband is actively making his wife's life harder, but because she doesn't "use her relational power" correctly and "show him enough respect" his lack of participation in their family is somehow her fault?!
5) RESPECT AND LOVE ARE NOT THE SAME. ALL christians are called to love one another. Asking a husband to love his wife is NOT an additional responsibility, if he truly viws her as equal in the faith. RESPECT is taught as uniquely between a wife and husband ON TOP OF loving him as a believer. But if we taught that, it would become obvious we are asking the wife to do MORE ON TOP OF accepting our husbands, leaning in to them when they're actively making our lives harder, and asking them in juuuuuust the right way to help us out, and if he doesn't, being responsible for the fallout.
6) saying wives "don't know how" to respect their husbands is gaslighting. Women know how to respect parents, teacher, pastors, peers, bosses and coworkers. But we DON'T know how to respect our husbands? More like, there is something so fundamentally flawed with this concept of "marital respect" that you have to literally brainwash women to accept it.
7) Saying a man is the "spiritual leader" but the wife is responsible for his actual participation of that role is absurd. No one should berate or belittle their spouse. But Focus on the Family seems determined to insulate men from responsibility of their own feelings and fallout.
8) Believing the best in your spouse is good. But you are NOT responsible if they refuse to believe it themselves.
I skipped number seven on acccident.. but you are correct on this point.
I don’t think that’s what they were saying at all
@@heymel Is there a particular point you that stands out to you? I would be happy to revisit and add context or correct.
Men can be dumb sometimes.😂
-Jim Daly
Women too, my friend.😅lol
Yeah, I don't find that statement funny at all. Enough with derogatory words. Imagine calling women dumb.
Did he use the F word? What? 25:53????