Thank you for watching! My blog is under construction and there is no corresponding blogpost for this video. New blog and newsletter to be announced soon! I look forward to reading your comments on this topic. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. With love always, Jennifer
Jennifer, you looked beautiful then and you look beautiful now. I will say you have a special glow now that’s can be seen in your videos. It’s rude to say you looked better then. You’ve always been beautiful, though. You’re an inspiration. I can see the change in you.
@@viennabrewer6946 lol it's true 😂 If you have a load of actual crabs in a bucket, they move about, but if one tries to get out, they all gang up on them to pull them back down. It's really sad that human beings do the same thing, seemingly unable to realise that it one gets out, they all can, and they could work together to make it happen ❤️
My sister made a positive comment recently that I always look "pulled together" whether I"m at home or out and about. I was totally shocked that she even noticed I had made some changes. But the real positive for me, is that the last couple of times we have gotten together she has upped her style. I noticed this and complimented her. I appreciate seeing women taking time for themselves. it adds beauty to the world.
I only wish more men would do the same! I often see most women around me work on looking pulled together, but far less often the men. They could add beauty to the world, too. I don’t know why society mostly expects this of women…
I recently heard this, and I liked it a LOT: "Never accept criticism from anyone that you wouldn't seek advice from." This seems very straight forward, yet daily we are perfectly ok with letting that ugly in. We really need to go to the ones that reflect our happiness back to us. This was a very good topic - thanks! P.S. The butterfly parallel is perfect. Absolutely wonderful. 🥰
Excellent thing to remember!! 🙌🏻 I’m also going to put this wisdom to good use for all of the unsolicited parenting advice that comes my way at family holiday gatherings. 😂
People have told me, "you're overdressed." My husband told me, "you're showing off." People are un comfortable with change. They try to push you back into their comfort zone. I wasn't even comfortable with the person I was creating. So, I had to make a decision go back or forward. My decision was to go forward and become happy with who I was becoming. It forever changed my life.
I recently heard a great quote, '"What other people think of me is none of my business." I've really taken this to heart because their rude comments are only their thoughts and their thoughts and criticisms can't hurt me. I've noticed a recent spate of spitefulness on the internet towards successful content creators and I always think this says so much about the spiteful person. They come across as petty, narrowminded and jealous. It's such a shame that people feel the need to be so hateful to others.
When I changed my diet to manage my M.S., I discovered many of my friends were afraid of getting healthy themselves. I had poor health most of my life, so I attracted people who also had poor health. Now I have new friends who celebrate my health transformation and tell others about how I went from a wheelchair to riding a bicycle.
That is so incredible! Well done. I too have MS, am Wheelchair-bound and very aware of my eating. Any tips/hints would be appreciated. I'm doing no dairy, no gluten, no processed foods and lots of kale and turmeric!! so, so happy for you. It must have been exhilarating to see the improvements.
I’m so happy for you!! That’s amazing! ❤️ I’ve learned the same about some of my friends and family this year after I changed my diet to help my chronic back pain.
@@katherinenicol3973 I follow the Wahls Protocol part two during normal seasons, Wahls Paleo Plus during flare ups or times of high stress. I have also learned that resting when I am tired is paramount and learning to say no to toxic stress ie stressful relationships. Yoga also helps. I have also learned that during ovulation my symptoms get worse (primarily in my brain/eyes), so I plan to take pajama days during that time. I was crying as I did my first power walk without mobility aids, I walked 7.3km only needing one baclofen for the last 1km which was uphill, as I was so excited to have turned the corner in health and because MS made me a crier. Even though M.S. now only really effects my eyes and brain, I am filled with so much gratitude because of how M.S. has changed my life and for every part of my body that is functioning even when my eye is inflamed. Keep up hope for a better day and put yourself first.
@@JenniferJane78 Oh bless you! I am crying just imagining you. Thank you so much for sharing. So delighted for you. Guess what book I'm about to buy! lol
My husband has commented on how nicely I’m dressing these days. Then he said that he probably needs to step up his own game. So just by example, without saying a word to him, he wants to improve, too! Yay!
I have definitely experienced this. I changed my diet earlier this year to help manage chronic inflammation and pain from a back problem. My daily pain level is much better now and I’ve lost almost 70lbs. Amazingly, I have received almost as many negative comments about the changes as I have positive comments. I’m now shifting my time and energy to the people who want me to be happy and healthy.
I don't know you but I am proud of you! Eating to help your body is so hard and even harder when your facing negative comments. You keep it up, some if us are rooting for you!
@@fairysoulz4903 Thank you so much! ❤️ It hasn’t been easy, but the hard work is paying off. I’m determined to ignore the negativity and keep doing what is best for my health.
@@TheDailyConnoisseur Thank you, Jennifer! ❤️ Your video came at the right time because I was starting to dread the comments I know I’ll probably receive from more distant family/friends during the upcoming holiday season. This helped me get my head on straight. 😅
When I went back to school to finish my degree, got a better job and was able to afford to do more personal care/better clothing, I did get many people who said things like, "Must be nice!" And I replied with, "It is!" Was not going to let anyone try to diminish my accomplishments. That always shut down any response.
That’s a good point. I often find this kind of comment comes from people who put a *great deal* of work into their lives and simply do not have the means/time/luck/success to be able to do the same as the person to whom they are speaking. It can also be a mental block, but I think the success of other individuals can make people feel unhappy that they haven’t achieved the same, despite their sincere efforts. It’s not a nice comment, to be sure, but it often points to some deep hurt that deserves at least internal recognition.
Myka Meier, the author and etiquette coach, gave the best tip I've ever heard for people who snark about a change you've made: say, "Oh, thank you for noticing! I've been working on ------ area for awhile now and you made my day," or something to that effect. Love it! Thanks for the butterfly reminder; we really do change over time.🦋...love your content, Jennifer. You look great!
I actually felt GUILTY about losing my postpartum weight, guilty about looking fresh and glowing with light makeup, and wearing presentable, beautiful clothing. I had friends who would always comment on my appearance, as if it was a disservice or insult to them that I had slimmed down, or developed a daily glamour. I started trying to make excuses or apologize for losing weight or looking nice. Thankfully I realized eventually that these were unhealthy friends for me and I needed to politely declutter them from my life. Now, I try to move forward with modest graciousness. If I get the comment, “Wow, you look nice. Are you going somewhere?” I reply with something like, “Thank you! I just like to show up to my life in a way that brings me joy.” Or, “Thank you! I realized that I am the main character of my own life. This is self care for me.” I really am a more productive & patient mom when I show up for myself, so that’s usually what I say. I really love the butterfly analogy you gave, and the ladder one as well! ❤
When I was a University lecturer in England many of my students were adult returners or non traditional students mostly female. I was so surprised at first how many of these brave people (its hard to start again) found their husbands /partners leaving them or threatening "its me or the studies". Its loss of control on the part of the partners, all I can say to anyone wanting to change their life is just go for it .
I definitely thank Jesus for this video. I needed to hear it. I’m working on getting myself together, intermittent fasting to lose 65lb and I finally recognized the mental block I have to bring slim is that I thought I’d make my mother feel insecure/ jealous and that she’d kick me out of the house. (Mind you all I am now happily married for one year and have been out of my mothers house for 2.5 years.) It would have been nice to see my mom do her best to take care of herself/ be healthier so that I would not feel insecure about being healthy. But today is a new day and I am determined to grow into my best most beautiful self and encourage others to do the same if they’d like to. Thanks for the video and God bless this community! ❤️
It's a good way to find out who your true friends are. People who are not on a path of self-improvement resent those who are. I love what you said about having compassion for them and being magnanimous. I am currently going back to school full time at the age of 67, and some of the comments I hear have been shocking to me, but I realize that I must surround myself with people who are on this path as well. Blessings to you and your family, Jennifer!
I strongly believe that those negative people are depressed. Steer clear of those people!! I've been told, "I don't dress nice or wear makeup because I don't have a man to look nice for." I said, "I don't do it for a man, I do it for me!"
After buying your first book when it first came out I dumped all my old stained and hole ridden sleeping sweats and tees for a few new lovely matching sets. My sister immediately commented “Oh, look at you all fancy now”. She’s always said this whenever I’ve done something good for myself or my family. I finally had an epiphany…. YOU’RE DARN RIGHT I’M FANCY! 😁😁😁
A relative of my husband asked me in a critical tone “What do you actually do ?” Referring to the fact that I don’t work outside the home. I often play the scene back with my ideal response, always different. When I think of what I actually have accomplished I’m so proud of the family my husband and I raised and the home I’ve made. I believe the question came from unhappiness, but knowing she was unhappy for us and about us is sad.
I relate so much to this especially in my journey with Christ. I have been getting stronger in my Christian faith and people around me don’t seem to like it. I’m grateful that God has taken me under his wing and has helped me kind of push all those people’s responses under the rug. This was a great video Jennifer. A glow up is such a good thing. ❤
Amen! God bless you my sister in Christ Jesus! Keep going in your walk with Him and the fruits will always be beneficial for you and your loved ones!!❤️🙏✝️
The past 6 months, I have been doing a huge transformation in all aspects of my life. People who comment, in a snarky way, I just say thank you, smile and move on. I have another woman trying to cut me down in my new career. I'm not blocking her sunshine but she thinks I am. Again, smile and move on. I am working on my Masters in Fine Art, after working in healthcare for over 20 years. I am now going to museums, events, I am mastering small things in my life (I just made a French tarte!), that I want to learn. I started hi lighting my hair again and wearing more put together outfits, even if it's jeans with flats, t shirt and a scarf. I write, draw, create and live my life my way now. I move at my own pace, in my own space, now and love it. Edited to add I have lost over 65lbs now. The same people who whispered behind my back and wanted me to be the funny, fat girl to them now see me and congratulate me, but they are really not happy for me. I'm no longer their foil. One can't win with others but I win with myself.
Thank you for exposing those that I will never understand their controlling mentality. I had a neighbour like that; we used to be friends, but then she started behaving more like an enemy after I lost a few kilos and I was making an effort to look presentable. She would ask me questions like; "Do you always wear makeup to go to the shops?" -She didn't question her adult daughters when they wore makeup to go to the shops 😉-, and "When are you going to cut your hair?". My hair was long, healthy and blonde, but she wanted my hair short, maybe so I would look older and less attractive - I bet she didn't pester her daughters to cut their hair! (She asked me 3 times) LOL. I got tired of her manipulation tactics that didn't work on me anyway. Not interested in having frenemies in my circle.
This year I decided to do a major declutter and got rid of half the stuff we own and work on keeping less. The amount of people who got defensive when I told them how freeing it was to have less just amazed me. It was as if I had personally attacked them with my personal story but I realized it was just that they were comfortable about their own houses.
Congratulations on your major declutter! Because Mom and I recently moved from a house with an eight-acre yard to a villa, we also did major purging. It was a monumental task but worth it at the end because we were shocked at how much we had accumulated over years or even decades. Living with fewer items has been liberating, and we plan to focus on quality, not quantity.
Thank you for this video. I have experienced this most of my life. I have just walked out on a job where my boss never wanted to recognize my hard work and accomplishments, but just criticized. The better I became at the job, the more threatened he felt. Sometimes you have to walk away to keep moving forward.
Great video and much needed!! Have you heard Jordan Peterson talk about the tall poppy syndrome? This is it! And yes my family has done that to me, not fitting in with them anymore, bettering myself, eating and thinking differently ! Good video
I honestly do not care what other people say to me or think of me. It is viewed through their own lens that has nothing to even do with me so I just ignore it. We are all just doing the best we can and we need to be kinder and lift each other up.
That "pant leg" phenomenon, I've also heard people refer to that as the "crab bucket." If a bunch of crabs are in a bucket and one gets close to the top edge to free itself, it is often dragged down by the other crabs grabbing it's limbs in an effort to free themselves.
A lot of people will not feel comfortable saying it out loud - I have been experiencing just walking by you like you're air, or even worse - you say hello and they turn their back... I take it now as a sign that I am doing something RIGHT that bothers others who are not ready to do the same, which is fine but also are not ready to feel great for someone who does and to get inspired by it.
I've definitely learned from it - that one of the best practices of self-care is to allow people who cannot be happy for you - out of your circle. The more of the people who do not match your vibe you allow out - the clearer your aura will be to attract the right ones that will be there to celebrate you.
I deal with that a lot with my own family. It's hard to have a relationship with my family, I try to talk & keep them informed with the kids & all the exciting new things we are doing but it just turns into a competition that I wasn't trying to start. I am closer to our church family & building a relationship with all of them, they are so positive, encouraging & absolutely loving towards my kids & I 🤍
Thank you. I have to admit I wasn't even sure what a "Glow Up" is but definately relate to people wanting to squash it. It makes people uncomfortable when people around them change. Lack of comfort leads to fear.
Hello Jennifer, I enjoy your videos. I like very much the way you look currently. I am 54, I work and I raised my 3 children today young adults. Thanks to your advices, I managed to overcome the blues that I experienced recently. I work and I raised my 3 children today young adults. Gradually, I lost 11 kg. . More aware, more confident, more grateful and more present to pick the moments of happiness, peace.I got closer to God too and I feel better . Family, friends or colleagues noticed it and until now I heard only positive remarks .Alors, merci beaucoup! 😘Nadège from Spain
Jennifer, have you ever heard of Tall Poppy Syndrome? It's a phenomenon that has been documented in communities where one person will start to succeed and rise above, but other cut them down to bring them back into place. It is common in marginalized communities and populations. For example, a student is the first in her family to go to college, and a friend from home might say, "well at least I didn't forget where I came from". This is something that I've experienced, and I found it gave me a sense of imposter syndrome, where I felt like a fraud in my new role, and I felt that I was betraying and couldn't fully return to the old life. People also don't like change, and they will actively resist it. But we must remember that it is God's will to make all things new!
When my aunt praised my achievement on getting accepted into a top college, my older cousin said "now that you're in, let's see if you can get out/graduate." Sour grapes, anyone? To this day, I still remember feeling that "why aren't you happy for me" feeling.
Thanks for addressing this, Jennifer! Another analogy is the "crab claw" concept, where if one crab is trying to escape a pot of boiling water, the other crabs will try to drag it down. I had to distance myself from my mother, because she was constantly putting me down, using sarcasm to hurt me, supporting anyone who was against me, and she obviously did not want me to better myself. As for why this kind of thing happens, I think it highlights peoples' insecurities when we grow, but they don't. So, instead of being inspired by our growth, they allow themselves to be overcome with jealousy. From what I've experienced, that's often because they feel inferior and they don't want to do the work to either better themselves or heal their own wounds. Anyway, thanks for another thoughtful and helpful video. Blessings! - Claire
I retired from teaching and then decided to go back to sub a bit. I was shocked to see what everyone was wearing post covid. I have noticed I only get compliments from kids and other teachers when I wear a dress. No compliments for jeans!!! I find that to be very interesting !!!
In my experience, I feel those who try to pull you back are afraid. Afraid that your transformation is going to take you away from them. They truly want what is best for you, but can't see beyond their own insecurities. By continuing to care for them and spend time with them, hopefully they will find their own transformation. Jennifer, thank you for talking about this very real and upsetting subject.
This is an excellent and important point. I agree. I really don't think negative comments are actually that people want you to be unhealthy in any way. As you say, they are afraid you will outgrow them and leave you. But, truly, we all glow-up at different rates and in different ways that resonate with us. We need to stay humble and focused in our glow-up periods. Really, we aren't trying to outpace others, anyway.♥️🇨🇦
And sometimes you actually are moving away from them. There is nothing wrong with that. We all need to change and grow. Life is too short to live with negativity.
Over the years I have experienced the opposite problem. I have had people try to change me to their image, and in a couple of instances even obliquely taken me on as a “project”. They were totally unaware that years earlier I had been in a professional position and had acquired a vast wardrobe that others envied. Then I moved to another part of the country and the culture was very relaxed. I stood out like a sore thumb and had to adapt. Health issues took a toll and I gained weight. These do-gooders were totally unaware of how insulting they were to me. The solution was to ditch the relationship and do the best I could under given circumstances. I owe no one an explanation. Thanks for your lovely suggestions and recommendations, Jennifer. You’re the best. ❤
Thank you for this wise encouragement, Jennifer. Prior to my son’s wedding, I embarked on a walking program to lose weight. Little seemed to change until the 6 -week mark. Suddenly, the comments began. At a gathering, one of my favorites came from a friend who falls into the ‘naturally skinny’ category. She pointedly apprised me, looking up and down and said, “Hmmm…you look…zippy.” Not thinner. Not ‘great’. Not slimmer. But rather an undefined faux compliment that has now become a joke in our family. Sadly, at times even friends find it hard to graciously recognize positive change.
Hello Monday! Good morning, Jennifer! You are the best at motivating on Mondays! This year, I turned 70. Without sounding sad, I am aware that my time ahead on this earth is much less than the time behind me. Living my best quality of life, ( within our means), and leaving a positive legacy for those I leave behind to grow on, is in the forefront of my goals. Your experiences, your research, your books and your passion to live a beautiful life are always a refreshing reminder of how I can improve the quality of life for those around me by a focus on my own self growth. This term “Glow Up” is so positive and fun! In my journal and planner, I sometimes write a little “jeu de mots” and call it “Self Glowth” instead of self growth. Wishing everyone a best blessed week and new month ahead! Lynne
I've always tried to improve my life in little ways and big ones. And it really brings me joy when I see someone else doing the same. So after watching this video, I'm going to remember to verbalize it to someone undergoing a glow up- "WOW, you look great; you are doing great; you've made some really impressive changes"- etc. Because maybe my words of appreciation and encouragement will counteract any negative things they are experiencing. BTW--I'm a woman who uses a male name on social media to avoid trolls, NOT some man creeping on your videos, lol.
The crabs in the barrel mentality is real. Unfortunately, people that hate to see others make positive changes in their lives, are unhappy with themselves and they rarely give others encouragement or positive feedback. I've learned to ignore negative voices that have nothing to add towards my personal life. Great advice Jennifer!
Oh boy! This is the story of my life! Many and my friends and family seem perfectly fine giving me "back-handed compliments" as though they are real compliments. It is passive/aggressive and is actually a way to try to keep me in my place. In reality it is better to get no compliment vs one that causes me to question what I am feeling good about. I have started moving on from people that only like me when they feel superior or at least feel they are on an even playing field with me. It truly is sad and is more of a reflection on them and on their own insecurities. I have always been supportive and cheered friends and family when they have had success. This was a very important topic for all people to think about and discuss.
I've found two extremes in people's responses to a glow-up. One is they notice and compliment and seem positive. They other is a non- compliment. They say nothing at all. I find that strange coming from women. I always find it easy to compliment a women who looks good. I really enjoy fashion and someone who is pulled together is well worth complimenting.
Thank you, your such an inspiration!! I have experienced this kind of pain with friends and have been a not so good friend when I felt insecure as well. It’s the ugly human nature. However, God is always faithful to keep working on us. You are courageous to put yourself out there and be a light to those who are open and willing to do better for themselves. ❤ Thank you!
One of my best friends had a glow up and looks amazing. I am so happy for her. She has always been beautiful both in and out. Now she is stunning. I on the other hand..are constantly being asked if I am pregnant by "Church friends." My stomach used to be flat, before my two kids ( both c-sectons). With my son I lost all the baby weight, by 6 months. With my daughter who turned 2 it has been harder to get rid of that mommy pouch. Those last ten pounds. I am what people call "skinny fat." It is hard from were it comes from. Some women have even touched my stomach 😕. It is rude. When I tell them I'm not pregnant, they don't even apologize. I do eat healthy and workout. The women who ask aren't fit, but I never comment on someone's body unless it's positive. So why do people feel they can comment on mine.
Can't believe what you accomplish running a household having 4 children and all the other things you do. Your an inspiration to all young mothers as you show you can have it all. Self care and time to do the things you love are important as mothers. I wish I had someone like you for inspiration when I had young children. I am 70 yes old and admire the fine young interesting lady you are.
I have only positive experiences as my online presence is limited. So I get only compliments from people that are somehow close to me. My “glow up phase” happened parallel to my job change. My new colleagues have never seen the old me. People at work think I am incredibly chic and few female colleagues have told me so. But I noticed that I get different treatment from people after this glow up. Strangers treat me different. And this may or may not be related but I’ve got more money for my work then ever before.
Thank you for this! My Gran raised me & was a very wise person.. " You can tell how good a woman friend is going to be when you 1st encounter her. If her eyes "price" you up & down instead of smiling directly at you, then just ditch her!!
People will try and keep you from moving forward because they feel left behind. I’ve also learned in life that a lot of people are change-averse, which is why many people never better themselves. They take it personally when people close to them change because they feel like it’s a judgement on who they are. One thing I’ve noticed about women and weight loss is this: women often lose the extra weight when they drop the dead weight in their life. That could be many different things but is often the expectations of others. Jennifer you dropped the dead weight! You asked for help, you put yourself first at times, and that’s healthy. We all wear many hats. It’s not healthy to let one of our identities become our sole focus. I am a wife, mom, person - and I need to take care of all the facets of myself. No shame in that.
Misery loves company, so people who are miserable want others to be too. I can just picture what they look like, sitting there criticizing you online. I've been following you from the start, and I think you look fantastic, and I can tell that you feel healthy, happy and vibrant. I try to emulate your healthy self care habits. You seem to have your life together, and I don't think many people do, and they envy that. They try and fail. I know I have. I read a quote recently that said, "who are you taking advice from? Do you want their lifestyle? Their bank account? Their health? If not, their opinion doesn't matter." So, don't listen to the people who are still struggling in those areas, wanting to drag you down to their level. I take advice from you because I do want your lifestyle, health, and bank account! I want mine to look like yours. I want my house paid off. I want to take time to care for myself (and I'm sure that it's healthy for your children to see you doing that, which makes you a calm, poised, patient mother). I want to be slim and well dressed for the season without a closet packed with things that don't fit. I want to eat mostly natural, homemade meals. You are an overall inspiration, and I adore you! I love the tiny butterfly on your pinky! So cute!
It's encouraging to know I'm not the only person who has experienced criticism in response to self-improvement. May we all continue to become more disciplined and elegant, while maintaining gracious, kind responses towards those who don't understand. Maybe (hopefully!) some day they will :)
All the time!!!!! But after losing 75 pounds, I feel so so so good and I'm having the time of my life looking presentable in clothes that fit nice. I'm 56 years old, have had five children, and I have incredible energy to be with my nine grandchildren. I love your books and definitely am inspired by Madame Chic
Loved this candid video, Jennifer. As you know, upright behavior and self-betterment is always under attack by The Devil. Anyone seeking more order, truth, and beauty (Christ Himself, right?), will be criticized by people reacting through sinful ways. We must always pray for those who hate us Matthew 5:43
I experienced this not after self improvement but back in the day when I was thin, ran regularly, dressed nice. It just made people mad for some reason. They told me I was too skinny that I worked out too much, made snarky comments about my clothes which were always modest but nice. Now as a mom I’ve gained weight I wear leggings most days and that seems to make people really happy! No one makes snarky comments to me anymore ever. But I’m embarking on a journey to try to get back to my healthy habits so I’m expecting that to happen again. Thank you Jennifer for talking about this.
I know I made those comments in my own head because I was jealous of how the person looked. I think it comes down a lot to jealousy and feeling insecure about yourself. At least that was the reason for me being negative about thin people.
@@Julia29853 Totally agree. I know when I lost weight I had one coworker also make a comment at me and I think that was the first time someone actually was jealous of how I looked. It was very strange to experience and I know I was also a bit pissed off because she made it sound as if it was easy and done with a snap of my fingers when in reality it took months. (Too bad I was not disciplined enough to keep that weight off)
I've recently lost some weight, which is about the only positive side effect I've found from managing life with a new chronic (for now) auto-allergic condition. I celebrate that by dressing up, by trying new clothing styles from the thrift store. that combination - visible weight loss and more formal/youthful/colourful clothing, seems to put some people off. What will they do once I hit a healthy goal weight? Boycott me? Well, I'm getting more comfortable in my body, and if someone has a problem with that, that's on them. I don't argue with them, I' ve stopped explaining myself. A neighbour, usually nice, now told me that she think's I have confidence issues and that I should not lose weight for that, as I would only have the same issues in a normal weighing body. That's from the lady who spent her savings on liposuction. Twice. Not sure why she makes my weight loss her business, but I'm not going to engage in that kind of a conversation with her again. She clearly has some work to do on her own things. I'm just gonna mind my own business and get as healthy as I can and enjoy feeling better overall.
I didn't comment on the "5 Things That Age You" video, but I did think at the time that in the before and after pictures you looked younger before. That's only natural! You Were younger, lol. I also think that having a bit more weight in the face makes anyone look younger, to a degree. I only wanted to say that because I don't think you looked at all overweight back then. You just looked like a healthy weight. But like you say, you Feel better and happier now, and that should be the only thing that matters!
Earlier today, I watched a video by someone whose channel focuses on his diabetes journey. He described a program he'd followed for 6 months during which he lost weight, his blood sugar was under control and he was able to cut down on the amount of daily insulin he took by a huge amount. Most of the comments were very supportive. But, of course, a few people had to say that he looked worse!
I recently changed my diet from eating meat to being a vegetarian. My husband had a hard time with it at first and would make comments anytime I would eat, making fun of my food and about me turning "vegan". I should mention I still cook meat for him. I understood it to be insecurity because I had "changed" so I let him have his jabs for a little bit. When it finally became too much I just outright told him to stop, telling him that this was right for me and my body and his comments made me feel like I had to hide from him. I think that's when it really sunk in that he had gone a little too far. Now, he's really supportive! Sometimes it just takes putting your foot down and saying 'no, I have a right to feel good.'
I remember when I first watched one of Jennifer's videos I also was thinking 'well, that's all easy for her to say with all her money and free time and her already gorgeous looks'. Damn, I was so wrong and so damn rude! I totally owe her a massive apology for all my naive and negative thoughts about her. I started reading her books because there was something about her ideas and her thoughts that kept bringing me back to her videos. Now I know that 'glowing up' isn't about what brand your clothes are or how expensive they are. My budget is less then a lot of other people's budget but now I take the time to find clothes that I like, that fit my body type and that I feel more beautiful and more feminine in. I wasn't like that in my 20's, always hiding and covering up. I'm 33 now and I'm slowly getting better and more 'glow up'.
@@TheDailyConnoisseur I am sorry for the negative thoughts I had about you. It's so easy to judge a stranger and not take time to listen and learn. I'm learning a lot from you actually and I'm glad I found your channel. 💕 Have a good day!
@@christiana_mandalynn To be honest it is still a work in progress and probably will always be. I personally find it very easy to be negative or just see the negative in a situation but I am doing my best to change that because being negative all the time, even just in my own head, is very exhausting.
My aunt will often make snarky or downright rude comments about what people wear. Once, she made a comment about my makeup and my husband stepped up and said, "Well, I happen to love her makeup this way." The man doesn't give a rip about makeup, but he is loyal and I love him for it. 😆🥰 I would also note that glow ups are a good measure of who you can trust in your life because it brings out so much truth! People will either be supportive of you OR they will make you less than. Pay attention, ladies. Your real friends will celebrate the good and support you during the bad.
This video is right on time. Some people I called friends have all but deserted me since I have made strides to improve my life. It was upsetting at first, but it’s nice to be loosened from the burden of keeping people like this in my circle.
I honestly think people are reminded of their own flaws and weakness when someone around them improves themselves. My husband and I have 7 children and I can't tell you how triggering that is to people, even family and friends. It's like they think we're trying to show them up! It's even worse when you have a larger family and you keep yourself and the family looking nice. We have moved to a community where our family is the norm, not the exception and that's helped tremendously.
I have had this go both ways. When my 5th child was a baby I had one of my husband’s co-workers tell him that he was noticed that whenever I went out I was “put together”. That encouraged me and helped me to see that people pay attention. I also homeschooled and I can’t count the number of times people commented on how nicely the girls looked & acted as well. I was shocked to find out that the employees at different stores noticed is when we walked in and they paid attention to the fact that the girls behaved appropriately. You never know who is watching and who you are influencing. After living away from our hometown for 26 years we moved back. I remember the first family gathering we hosted. I don’t like to use paper napkins or paper plates so I had cloth napkins and my everyday dishes. This was for a cookout and I had more than one comment about the fact that we were using cloth napkins. The last one is when we were at a funeral and came back to our aunt’s house I changed out of my Dressy clothes and into some jeans. Someone said, “I’m so glad you got out of that dress!” I wear dresses a lot because I like them but this person only wears jeans or slacks. They seemed to dislike me wearing dresses. I don’t know if I answer well to the negative comments, I usually just don’t reply or just say something about it being what I prefer.
To your last bit about not knowing what to say - I have found the best responses I got when I was younger (and still happens sometimes) is when someone just did not answer me when I said something wrong or inappropriate or rude. They were not unkind at all, but the fact that they didn’t say anything made ME consider and judge what I had said and those have been the most effective lessons in learning tact. :)
As an older woman who, with all her heart, puts Christ first in her life, I had a couple of thoughts in response to this video… If you are a Christ follower, you do recognize that you are an instrument of his love, joy, Everything! So there is definitely a very big servant component to who we are as we are put on this earth. I find such joy and life in serving him! I also think that in today’s society, losing weight can be frowned upon in some circles… about eight years ago I lost almost 40 pounds, and I feel fantastic! I’ve kept it off as well! I truly believe that yes, there is a problem that has been around from the dawn of time of comparing ourselves to one another, focusing on ourselves and other people instead of Him. With all my heart I want to encourage other women and men, and support them as they want to grow! Really good topic, Jennifer. And I do support you and glorify and praise God that you are feeling the best you have! I’m turning 59 at the end of this week, and honestly, I feel great! Thank you Lord!
Oh Jennifer. I am in your Chic Society and just love your content!! This happened to me at age 60 in 2017-2018 when I finally lost 60+ pounds with Weight Watchers! I’m now a WW coach, and this happens so often with my grown children and people I haven’t seen in a bit. I believe they feel threatened! So often, all they can talk about is THEIR weight, THEIR health issues.,etc. I try to be as graceful as I can. But wow. We need to share one another’s joy!
Thank you for this video. I have been a stay at home mom for a long time. When I was in my 20s/early 30s I was pulled together as you say. I really have had a calling recently to get back to my old self which is not too far really. I have let relatives put me down for years. I ignored it but the more I ignore it they think that's a green light to keep saying things to me. I put a stop to it and this person won't talk to me but that is ok. I grew up with a Grandma who taught me to be a lady and rise above. Sometimes people just need to be told it is not acceptable to comment in this way.
Thank you for addressing the ‘glow up’ dilemma. I love to cook, set my table with style and tidy up for company. My husband says I make the other wives feel bad about themselves. It really hurt me that that was what he was hearing.
Glow up is showing ourselves the self compassion we deserve and learning to love ourselves. It is important to do this. It is not being conceited. We have to learn to love ourselves because there will be times when people won't be around us. If loving ourselves means getting healthy physically and mentally to lead a more formal and beautiful, joyful life, just know it is worth it. The right, classy friends and family will be there to celebrate your success.
Yes. I remember dropping in to a former workplace...I saw the two girls I used to work with and one said "you dress like THAT to go shopping??" and the other said "you look like a lady". What was I wearing? A knee length brown wool A line skirt, a short sleeve blue pima sweater, and mid heel brown loafers, a brown bag. That was very educational, and I had already been healing from narcissistic abuse so it wasn't terribly shocking.
Hii girls, just wanted to share my part. Whenever I try to pull myself together, start routines and plan to diet and lose weight and be happy all my family members put me down, make fun of me and tell me you always do this and it doesn't work. I really want to try again. I feel motivated after watching this. I want to take care of myself and I love watching your content. I am 22 starting my life, just got a job and really want to improve my health and lose excess weight.Hope you ladies understand, thank you Jennifer for your lovely words!
I had a glow up 3 years ago. I lost 30 lbs at the age of 42. I did this while I was working at my place of employment; when I started there I was overweight. I started walking 4 miles a day in the parking lot. I would walk for each of my breaks every day 5 times a day. I didn't eat until 3 pm each day; I would drink water all day and eat a chicken breast for lunch. I started dropping weight and at the end of 4 months I hit my goal weight. A woman I worked with was always making comments that she thought it was rude that I walked instead of have lunch with everyone in the office. She also said that I was acting anorexic and it was not good for me. She always brought in treats for everyone and would put a donut on my desk, or buy candy and put it on peoples desks. I would give it away or throw it out when she wasn't around if she put things on my desk. She was moody with me after I started dropping the weight and started not inviting me to things outside the office like bowling, or going to sports bar after work on fridays.....I wouldn't have went anyway. It got to the point that she started making rumors about me that I was having an affair with one of my coworkers. People have a hard time when you are making positive change because they are envious of your self control and willingness to stick with diets and are having success. It makes them feel like failures. Not everyone. Some it sparks something in them to change too.
I could never understand how some stranger would be compelled to make negative commentary about another person 9n social media, but I guess I'm just old-fashioned, believing in kindness above all else. You look fantastic!!!
Have you seen the movie "Hitch?" Will Smith, the life coach, tells his student "YOU is a very fluid concept right now." We are all changing constantly, so why not choose to improve and be the best version of ourselves? We are all a fluid concept, building ourselves as our personal brand. Rebranding and "leveling up" is a good thing, and those who oppose are jealous and/or insecure. Let them go.
This was great video! While I was watching this I thought, thankfully, I don't have anyone in my life anymore that tries to put me down. The sad thing was my mom used to do this to me a lot, she was hard to figure out, but I realized she was jealous of me and a lot of other people. I stopped taking it personally and knew that she was very insecure, and I loved her in spite of herself. Now a days, I'm secure and I have a loving family and plenty of great friends. And God healed the hurts that my mom caused.
This is very true. I had a big weight loss years ago and my best friend took it personally as she was still a larger lady. We were estranged for years and the only thing that had changed between us was my weight and the companionable overeating we use to do. Thankfully we have reconnected but it will never be the same.
I was over 60 pounds overweight at one time and at the time I had lost about 15 pounds so I mentioned how excited I was about it to someone I considered a good friend and she said: Well, when someone who is as overweight as you are… it doesn’t really show! 😢 it is the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me. I still struggle with my weight but I try not to hear her voice in my head discouraging me. Mentally it messed me up for many years. But I keep trying! Who knows- maybe someday I will be a healthier weight and size. Thanks for this encouragement!
I'm sure you are losing weight for YOU and not for that bitchy "friend!" Don't bother expecting any praise from THAT tight ass person! People often say the dumbest crap! I am PROUD of you and encourage you to keep losing weight for yourself! You deserve to be healthy happy and as attractive as possible! GO FOR IT!!! ❤
@@Dawn33q Thank You - the older I get the harder it is but I recently started to do some kind of exercise each day. Even if it is just a walk or chair yoga. It seems to be helping and boosts my morale 😁
I found this attitude in my teaching profession. Some do not want to put the effort in to being their best for children's sake. Some are just selfish and lazy. Thanks Jennifer.
I cannot believe what comes out of people's mouths. I get constant comments like that. You are such an inspiration in so many ways. You have made me so much more comfortable in my looks and style at 43 years old because you are 42 and look 25! On another note, my toddler was a mess at Church yesterday and I kept repeating, "None of these things move me!" Well maybe I was screaming it under my breath hahaha.
Thanks, Jennifer, for cheering us on as we improve our health and our lives. I lost weight (at least 15 pounds) and one person really hounded me about it. There have been other changes I have made in my life - such as returning to my faith that seemed to bring a lot of harsh criticism my way. The main cause seemed to be that the people who made comments did not feel as connected or as involved in my life. So, it might be valuable to address this. Of course, some relationships don't weather the changes we make for various reasons. But as I look back, I could have been so excited about the changes I was enjoying that I did not say or do enough to assure those individuals that I was still interested and invested in my relationship with them. Remembering to value special people and maybe find new shared interests and activities is an important part of life.
I have had that experience of having people I know making negative comments when positive changes take place. I have heard things like " why are you dressing up?" "Why do you were your jewelry if you're only going to the market? why don't you use paper plates and cups when you live alone? why do you spend so much time cleaning and organizing your home when you live alone? It makes me sad to think that they don't value themselves and think it's too much trouble to do nice things for themself and their homes. My response is always the same "because I am worth it" and "I am sorry you don't feel that way about yourself" It has caused a dividing line between myself and some people, but I strongly feel that in many cases that line of division was necessary. The plan is to move ahead with improvement despite the people tugging at the pants leg and to surround myself with like mined positive people. Life is short, live it the best way you can, you are worth making the effort. Hooray!! to positive evolution.
Our daughter is an author and gets some really nice reviews, but of course, really nasty ones, too. It breaks my heart that her focus is mostly on the bad and not the good. I have suggested she watch your videos to learn how to handle these things with grace, how to be 'unbothered', and 'unmoved'. I'll be sharing this one with her! Thank you for your calm insight, it is helping me learn to deal with life's stress in a better way.
Please share this Andy Warhol quote with your daughter. It's my favorite: “Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.”
@@TheDailyConnoisseur I love that! I recently watched your video with all the quotes, I could share them all with her but this one really resonated. Thank you!
I read an article somewhere, a long while ago, that said something about that, for 1 negative comment, you need 5 (?) positive ones to counter it. Something about negative comments tend to stick longer and deeper in our brain. Which really is a shame but I guess that's how our human brains work?
Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if all women uplifted each other the way you do Jennifer! Thank you for the continued inspiration and for challenging us to strive to make ourselves and our lives better! Hello to all the beautiful ladies!
This video has come at the perfect time! I’ve been struggling with this in my real life. A friend of mine has made at least 5 comments of “Oh wow, well you dressed up today.” “Where are you going?” “Where are you coming from?” “Gosh you are so dressed up these days.” Finally she said her daughter wants to know why I’m always so dressed up? I responded to her daughter that dressing this way makes me feel good, and I like to feel as good as I can everyday. My friend then made a snarky comment of “Well I’d rather be comfortable.” I told her I was very comfortable. It’s been draining on our friendship, making me feel insecure and I feel like I don’t even want to be around her these days.
Keep on doing what you’re doing despite the constant barrage of condescending comments. Believe me eventually it will stop.. I know because I was in your shoes but after many years people realized their comments didn’t stop me from always carrying myself well so they quit criticizing. Now I get compliments . In any case compliments or criticism does not define how I carry myself. I have come a long way and still working on myself. You got this ❤️
You could say to her "I'm happy. Why are you upset I'm happy?" And let her think about that. She may come back with something but ultimately this attitude is about her, not you.
We cannot control how people react to us. We can only control how we react to them. I personally have decided to only be around people who inspire me, accept me for who I am, and make me laugh and not take life so seriously. Life’s too short to be around people who are negative and not happy with themselves. You need to be true to your own self. 💜
It is so bizarre that people feel the need to say these things! And, oddly, I've even had grief about using public transport. With traffic chaos in my rapidly growing community, plus the cost of gas, I've been using the bus when I can- and people are just so weird about it. It's like when people first let dandelions grow in their lawn as a sign they didn't use herbicides I suppose. People are weird :)
I decided to start working out and changing my diet after some health issues. I lost 20 pounds. I really didn't get a lot of negative comments. Most comments were from women who would ask me questions about my diet and skin care routine. Even my mom asked me what products did I use because my skin looked so beautiful and glowy. I have had a couple of women tell me I'm too thin but overall most people are very positive.
About eight years ago (I was 57) I decided to try and learn how to play the violin. Everyone seemed to find it humorous that I would attempt something so difficult at that stage in my life. It was difficult, but I was doing pretty well. Then the music shop where I took lessons closed and I never found another teacher. One reason I didn’t get back to it was remembering the snarky comments about being too old. I’ve pretty much forgotten what I learned and every time I see my violin propped against the wall in my closet it makes me sad that I allowed other’s opinions to discourage me.
It's very easy to find a violin teacher online. My friend in northern British Columbia takes violin lessons via zoom from a teacher in New York. And very affordably. xo karen
Thank you for this video. When others make unkind comments, it is a reflection back on them. It shows where they are in their life and it is hard to see their negativity especially with loved ones. It is truly about them and not us. ❤
You inspired me for a glow up most recently. Changing my wardrobe to more womanly clothes than T-shirts and denim pants. And I was surprised that I felt more feminine which I really like the most. Before, the most feminine I ever wear is a pair of earrings. Thanks for the inspiration! You are not frumpy. Your style is exactly the style that I've always dreamt and wanted. Slowly realizing it. I remember now that I was doing it before in my professional life. Have to go back to my true me. Thanks again! I'm 60 years old, but never too old!
I agree with you in that the best way to cope with this kind of negativity is to realize that your own growth may cause discomfort in another person but that is their own issue and not something that is within our own control. I experience this when I share my international travel experiences with some people. Even though, let me tell you, international travel can be far from glamorous. That is not why I do it. I do it to educate myself by experiencing other cultures and to learn and share. Traveling , unless you have a personal valet and guide, can often be a lot of work but for some reason many people think it’s a very upper class thing to do. By the way, the US dollar is up right now and so it can be a very economical way to vacation depending upon your destination. Sometimes I do not share my travel experiences just because I know I will be judged as being a snob. I just returned from a 2 week trip to New Zealand. It took me 23 hours to get home but it was so worth it to me. Thank you for supporting my personal growth. I appreciate it!
I have lost a little over 40lbs since January and I am lucky that all my friends and family are happy for me trying to improve my health. I think it helps that all my friends and family are healthy themselves, so they don't feel threatened when someone else in their life tries to work on something they too feel like they need to work on. I have also been working on my style, and friends and coworkers are so complimentary. It really helps me to feel comfortable. I'm sorry to everyone who doesn't feel supported in their journey. It's hard enough without feeling criticized for trying to better yourself.
Thank you for speaking to us about this. This video is perfect timing for me. Just last week, I ran into a co-worker while shopping, on an off day. I was so taken off guard by the rude comments that were made about how I was dressed "just to go to the store", that I just stood speechless. It amazes me that when one tries to improve themselves and their quality of life, others take offense to it. Thank you Jennifer.
Yes! I am usually caught off guard and struggle with what to say. I’ve had people demand to know why I’m dressed the way I am as if I owe them an explanation!
Everything seems to be going backward. The worse seems to be the better. I’m so grateful for your videos. God wants us to be our best selves-not our worst selves. Your videos are so uplifting and grounding. Thanks and many blessings to you and your family.
Jennifer, my childhood years were the 1960s. When I was a little girl, I remember so looking up to the older girls, the ones who were in their teens and 20s. Those girls ALL had class and poise! They were ladies. You remind me of them. Thanks for holding up the standard!
Good morning from Montana! I am new to your channel! So blessed to have you sent to me from above. I had lived for a very, very long time being all things to all people all the time. I actually became catatonic ( I was in a walking coma) Unfortunately I thought my goal was to get better and get back to my normal life! What a fool I was to not have my aha moment then! It came a few more years later...... When I realized I didn't have to live a hyper vigilant lifestyle. After 32 years of being an Activities Professional in Geriatrics. I put in my 2 weeks notice. Now I'm trying to figure living the rest of my life🐨 My husband is self employed and at first the codependent side of me jumped right in and was helping him..... But still was working that hyper vigilant lifestyle. Then I told my husband.. this lifestyle is slowly hurting our nervous system. I told him I would be able to run errands for him and pick up workers data entry and such.. but not work out in the field with him anymore . That was hard for me to tell him because I am such a people pleaser. I think God sent me your youtube channel. You are going to be a true blessing in my life🐻 Thanks again🐨
Jennifer, I really like your video. I once was having lunch with a friend that had called and asked me to meet her. Her immediate reaction to me was, your all dressed up. I said no, this is just my everyday wardrobe. She then turned it on herself and said she looked like a slob. The funny thing was that I wasn’t thinking that at all. I changed for me. It was never about anyone else. I wanted to feel more put together. I wanted to keep learning and exploring the good things in the world. It has never been about looking down on others. It’s sad but most of us are terribly insecure. I think we should just take it with a grain of salt. We never need to explain or apologise. Walk in love and kindness. That’s the most beautiful glow up we can have. How’s your dad, by the way?
Thank you, this was so timely as I’ve just lost my closest friend of 20 years. She was very uncomfortable with the changes in me. I noticed how many uncalled for comments you received during your transformation and it always made me shake my head. It’s too bad sometimes others view our growth as an indictment of them. I am inspired by it!
Oh goodness, yes! I have a couple of family members ( Aunt and female cousin) who were constantly commenting on why I fixed my hair everyday...why did I curl my eyelashes....why did I do skin treatment ( red light therapy) that wouldn't work....etc. I was ridiculed and humiliated constantly on social media by this female cousin on my apparel or appearance. I let it go on for 10 years! Yes! 10 years before I had to sever ties, in a firm, but calm way💔 It is so heartbreaking to undergo such scrutiny, but if we can look past the issues that are within THEM, we can feel triumphant in our goals to elevate our lives unapologetically ❤Thank you for sharing this video, Jennifer, and for being our support system 🌷🙏
Thank you for watching! My blog is under construction and there is no corresponding blogpost for this video. New blog and newsletter to be announced soon! I look forward to reading your comments on this topic. Thank you for sharing your experiences with us. With love always, Jennifer
Jennifer, you looked beautiful then and you look beautiful now. I will say you have a special glow now that’s can be seen in your videos. It’s rude to say you looked better then. You’ve always been beautiful, though. You’re an inspiration. I can see the change in you.
@@marigoldjones902
Totally agree with this. She looked gorgeous then and now.
They're like crabs in a bucket
@@hellybelle5
😂
This made me laugh
@@viennabrewer6946 lol it's true 😂 If you have a load of actual crabs in a bucket, they move about, but if one tries to get out, they all gang up on them to pull them back down. It's really sad that human beings do the same thing, seemingly unable to realise that it one gets out, they all can, and they could work together to make it happen ❤️
My sister made a positive comment recently that I always look "pulled together" whether I"m at home or out and about. I was totally shocked that she even noticed I had made some changes. But the real positive for me, is that the last couple of times we have gotten together she has upped her style. I noticed this and complimented her. I appreciate seeing women taking time for themselves. it adds beauty to the world.
That is beautiful!
I love that your glow encouraged your sister! This is the best kind of viral / contagious!
All very true Jenifer. Loved this video.
I only wish more men would do the same! I often see most women around me work on looking pulled together, but far less often the men. They could add beauty to the world, too. I don’t know why society mostly expects this of women…
In 2017, I knew I was doing something right when one of my cousins said that I always looked put together “these days”.
I recently heard this, and I liked it a LOT: "Never accept criticism from anyone that you wouldn't seek advice from." This seems very straight forward, yet daily we are perfectly ok with letting that ugly in. We really need to go to the ones that reflect our happiness back to us. This was a very good topic - thanks! P.S. The butterfly parallel is perfect. Absolutely wonderful. 🥰
Yes! This is so true 🦋
I love that! Very true
I love that quote! I'm going to put that in my journal. Thanks. 😊👍🐾
Excellent thing to remember!! 🙌🏻 I’m also going to put this wisdom to good use for all of the unsolicited parenting advice that comes my way at family holiday gatherings. 😂
@@suefrack2958 That’s what I was going to comment, as well. :)
People have told me, "you're overdressed." My husband told me, "you're showing off." People are un comfortable with change. They try to push you back into their comfort zone. I wasn't even comfortable with the person I was creating. So, I had to make a decision go back or forward. My decision was to go forward and become happy with who I was becoming. It forever changed my life.
I’m happy for you ♥️
I recently heard a great quote, '"What other people think of me is none of my business." I've really taken this to heart because their rude comments are only their thoughts and their thoughts and criticisms can't hurt me. I've noticed a recent spate of spitefulness on the internet towards successful content creators and I always think this says so much about the spiteful person. They come across as petty, narrowminded and jealous. It's such a shame that people feel the need to be so hateful to others.
When I changed my diet to manage my M.S., I discovered many of my friends were afraid of getting healthy themselves. I had poor health most of my life, so I attracted people who also had poor health. Now I have new friends who celebrate my health transformation and tell others about how I went from a wheelchair to riding a bicycle.
That is so incredible! Well done. I too have MS, am Wheelchair-bound and very aware of my eating. Any tips/hints would be appreciated. I'm doing no dairy, no gluten, no processed foods and lots of kale and turmeric!! so, so happy for you. It must have been exhilarating to see the improvements.
I’m so happy for you!! That’s amazing! ❤️ I’ve learned the same about some of my friends and family this year after I changed my diet to help my chronic back pain.
You GO girl!! ❤
@@katherinenicol3973 I follow the Wahls Protocol part two during normal seasons, Wahls Paleo Plus during flare ups or times of high stress. I have also learned that resting when I am tired is paramount and learning to say no to toxic stress ie stressful relationships. Yoga also helps. I have also learned that during ovulation my symptoms get worse (primarily in my brain/eyes), so I plan to take pajama days during that time. I was crying as I did my first power walk without mobility aids, I walked 7.3km only needing one baclofen for the last 1km which was uphill, as I was so excited to have turned the corner in health and because MS made me a crier. Even though M.S. now only really effects my eyes and brain, I am filled with so much gratitude because of how M.S. has changed my life and for every part of my body that is functioning even when my eye is inflamed. Keep up hope for a better day and put yourself first.
@@JenniferJane78 Oh bless you! I am crying just imagining you. Thank you so much for sharing. So delighted for you. Guess what book I'm about to buy! lol
My husband has commented on how nicely I’m dressing these days. Then he said that he probably needs to step up his own game. So just by example, without saying a word to him, he wants to improve, too! Yay!
I have definitely experienced this. I changed my diet earlier this year to help manage chronic inflammation and pain from a back problem. My daily pain level is much better now and I’ve lost almost 70lbs. Amazingly, I have received almost as many negative comments about the changes as I have positive comments. I’m now shifting my time and energy to the people who want me to be happy and healthy.
I don't know you but I am proud of you! Eating to help your body is so hard and even harder when your facing negative comments. You keep it up, some if us are rooting for you!
I'm happy for you! What great news ♥
There’s nothing wrong to become more beautiful and attractive too.
@@fairysoulz4903 Thank you so much! ❤️ It hasn’t been easy, but the hard work is paying off. I’m determined to ignore the negativity and keep doing what is best for my health.
@@TheDailyConnoisseur Thank you, Jennifer! ❤️ Your video came at the right time because I was starting to dread the comments I know I’ll probably receive from more distant family/friends during the upcoming holiday season. This helped me get my head on straight. 😅
When I went back to school to finish my degree, got a better job and was able to afford to do more personal care/better clothing, I did get many people who said things like, "Must be nice!" And I replied with, "It is!" Was not going to let anyone try to diminish my accomplishments. That always shut down any response.
It must be nice…that comment diminishes the hard work you did to get to that new place in your life. Congratulations.
Ah, the classic, "Must be nice!" haha
That’s a good point. I often find this kind of comment comes from people who put a *great deal* of work into their lives and simply do not have the means/time/luck/success to be able to do the same as the person to whom they are speaking. It can also be a mental block, but I think the success of other individuals can make people feel unhappy that they haven’t achieved the same, despite their sincere efforts. It’s not a nice comment, to be sure, but it often points to some deep hurt that deserves at least internal recognition.
That's a good response. Sometimes, I just laugh, and if someone persists I just don't respond. The silence kills them. But your response is good!
Awesome way to respond.
Your light not only draws people to you , but it exposes the darkness in those around you .
Myka Meier, the author and etiquette coach, gave the best tip I've ever heard for people who snark about a change you've made: say, "Oh, thank you for noticing! I've been working on ------ area for awhile now and you made my day," or something to that effect. Love it! Thanks for the butterfly reminder; we really do change over time.🦋...love your content, Jennifer. You look great!
I actually felt GUILTY about losing my postpartum weight, guilty about looking fresh and glowing with light makeup, and wearing presentable, beautiful clothing. I had friends who would always comment on my appearance, as if it was a disservice or insult to them that I had slimmed down, or developed a daily glamour. I started trying to make excuses or apologize for losing weight or looking nice. Thankfully I realized eventually that these were unhealthy friends for me and I needed to politely declutter them from my life.
Now, I try to move forward with modest graciousness. If I get the comment, “Wow, you look nice. Are you going somewhere?” I reply with something like, “Thank you! I just like to show up to my life in a way that brings me joy.” Or, “Thank you! I realized that I am the main character of my own life. This is self care for me.” I really am a more productive & patient mom when I show up for myself, so that’s usually what I say.
I really love the butterfly analogy you gave, and the ladder one as well! ❤
Your friends are jealous
When I was a University lecturer in England many of my students were adult returners or non traditional students mostly female. I was so surprised at first how many of these brave people (its hard to start again) found their husbands /partners leaving them or threatening "its me or the studies". Its loss of control on the part of the partners, all I can say to anyone wanting to change their life is just go for it .
I definitely thank Jesus for this video. I needed to hear it. I’m working on getting myself together, intermittent fasting to lose 65lb and I finally recognized the mental block I have to bring slim is that I thought I’d make my mother feel insecure/ jealous and that she’d kick me out of the house. (Mind you all I am now happily married for one year and have been out of my mothers house for 2.5 years.)
It would have been nice to see my mom do her best to take care of herself/ be healthier so that I would not feel insecure about being healthy. But today is a new day and I am determined to grow into my best most beautiful self and encourage others to do the same if they’d like to. Thanks for the video and God bless this community! ❤️
It's a good way to find out who your true friends are. People who are not on a path of self-improvement resent those who are. I love what you said about having compassion for them and being magnanimous. I am currently going back to school full time at the age of 67, and some of the comments I hear have been shocking to me, but I realize that I must surround myself with people who are on this path as well. Blessings to you and your family, Jennifer!
It is never too late to go to school. Good for you.
Good for you! Yes, be magnanimous ♥
I love that you are returning to school at 67 !!! Love the thoughts you shared as well , surrounding yourself with like minded individuals
Jennifer , keep doing what makes you feel your best and please share with those of us that love to see women succeed !!! ❤️ God bless
You are an inspiration for us younger generatin
I strongly believe that those negative people are depressed. Steer clear of those people!! I've been told, "I don't dress nice or wear makeup because I don't have a man to look nice for." I said, "I don't do it for a man, I do it for me!"
After buying your first book when it first came out I dumped all my old stained and hole ridden sleeping sweats and tees for a few new lovely matching sets. My sister immediately commented “Oh, look at you all fancy now”. She’s always said this whenever I’ve done something good for myself or my family. I finally had an epiphany…. YOU’RE DARN RIGHT I’M FANCY! 😁😁😁
Yes! 🔥
🙌👏
Absolutely!!!
It's like being stressed out, sleep deprived etc. Shows the society you "work" hard. Lots of us are brought up that way but we can change it. Merci ❤🌹
The harsh truth is that women are only supportive of you if you suffering, not when you trying to make your life better!
A relative of my husband asked me in a critical tone “What do you actually do ?” Referring to the fact that I don’t work outside the home. I often play the scene back with my ideal response, always different. When I think of what I actually have accomplished I’m so proud of the family my husband and I raised and the home I’ve made. I believe the question came from unhappiness, but knowing she was unhappy for us and about us is sad.
you mind your own got damn business, that's what you do!
I relate so much to this especially in my journey with Christ. I have been getting stronger in my Christian faith and people around me don’t seem to like it. I’m grateful that God has taken me under his wing and has helped me kind of push all those people’s responses under the rug. This was a great video Jennifer. A glow up is such a good thing. ❤
Good for you Kimberly! Growing in our relationship with Christ is the best glow-up any of us could have!
That’s wonderful, and themost important area to grow.
We are His daughters. We are royalty. ❤
Amen! God bless you my sister in Christ Jesus! Keep going in your walk with Him and the fruits will always be beneficial for you and your loved ones!!❤️🙏✝️
The past 6 months, I have been doing a huge transformation in all aspects of my life. People who comment, in a snarky way, I just say thank you, smile and move on. I have another woman trying to cut me down in my new career. I'm not blocking her sunshine but she thinks I am. Again, smile and move on. I am working on my Masters in Fine Art, after working in healthcare for over 20 years. I am now going to museums, events, I am mastering small things in my life (I just made a French tarte!), that I want to learn. I started hi lighting my hair again and wearing more put together outfits, even if it's jeans with flats, t shirt and a scarf. I write, draw, create and live my life my way now. I move at my own pace, in my own space, now and love it. Edited to add I have lost over 65lbs now. The same people who whispered behind my back and wanted me to be the funny, fat girl to them now see me and congratulate me, but they are really not happy for me. I'm no longer their foil. One can't win with others but I win with myself.
Thank you for exposing those that I will never understand their controlling mentality. I had a neighbour like that; we used to be friends, but then she started behaving more like an enemy after I lost a few kilos and I was making an effort to look presentable. She would ask me questions like; "Do you always wear makeup to go to the shops?" -She didn't question her adult daughters when they wore makeup to go to the shops 😉-, and "When are you going to cut your hair?". My hair was long, healthy and blonde, but she wanted my hair short, maybe so I would look older and less attractive - I bet she didn't pester her daughters to cut their hair! (She asked me 3 times) LOL. I got tired of her manipulation tactics that didn't work on me anyway. Not interested in having frenemies in my circle.
This year I decided to do a major declutter and got rid of half the stuff we own and work on keeping less. The amount of people who got defensive when I told them how freeing it was to have less just amazed me. It was as if I had personally attacked them with my personal story but I realized it was just that they were comfortable about their own houses.
They were probably feeling guilty about what they have accumulated
Or maybe they would like to do the same but as they havent the courage, they want to make you wrong and even feel offended 😐
It's true, people feel attacked, like the way you think is considered the wrong way .i always agree with those who say to each their own.
Congratulations on your major declutter! Because Mom and I recently moved from a house with an eight-acre yard to a villa, we also did major purging. It was a monumental task but worth it at the end because we were shocked at how much we had accumulated over years or even decades. Living with fewer items has been liberating, and we plan to focus on quality, not quantity.
The reality is that it is always about them, so I just feel compassion for them. Great job you, I did the same this year.
Thank you for this video. I have experienced this most of my life. I have just walked out on a job where my boss never wanted to recognize my hard work and accomplishments, but just criticized. The better I became at the job, the more threatened he felt. Sometimes you have to walk away to keep moving forward.
Great video and much needed!! Have you heard Jordan Peterson talk about the tall poppy syndrome? This is it! And yes my family has done that to me, not fitting in with them anymore, bettering myself, eating and thinking differently ! Good video
I honestly do not care what other people say to me or think of me. It is viewed through their own lens that has nothing to even do with me so I just ignore it. We are all just doing the best we can and we need to be kinder and lift each other up.
That "pant leg" phenomenon, I've also heard people refer to that as the "crab bucket." If a bunch of crabs are in a bucket and one gets close to the top edge to free itself, it is often dragged down by the other crabs grabbing it's limbs in an effort to free themselves.
A lot of people will not feel comfortable saying it out loud - I have been experiencing just walking by you like you're air, or even worse - you say hello and they turn their back... I take it now as a sign that I am doing something RIGHT that bothers others who are not ready to do the same, which is fine but also are not ready to feel great for someone who does and to get inspired by it.
I've definitely learned from it - that one of the best practices of self-care is to allow people who cannot be happy for you - out of your circle.
The more of the people who do not match your vibe you allow out - the clearer your aura will be to attract the right ones that will be there to celebrate you.
I deal with that a lot with my own family. It's hard to have a relationship with my family, I try to talk & keep them informed with the kids & all the exciting new things we are doing but it just turns into a competition that I wasn't trying to start. I am closer to our church family & building a relationship with all of them, they are so positive, encouraging & absolutely loving towards my kids & I 🤍
Thank you. I have to admit I wasn't even sure what a "Glow Up" is but definately relate to people wanting to squash it. It makes people uncomfortable when people around them change. Lack of comfort leads to fear.
Glow Jenifer Glow !!!
Hello Jennifer, I enjoy your videos. I like very much the way you look currently. I am 54, I work and I raised my 3 children today young adults. Thanks to your advices, I managed to overcome the blues that I experienced recently. I work and I raised my 3 children today young adults.
Gradually, I lost 11 kg. . More aware, more confident, more grateful and more present to pick the moments of happiness, peace.I got closer to God too and I feel better . Family, friends or colleagues noticed it and until now I heard only positive remarks .Alors, merci beaucoup! 😘Nadège from Spain
Jennifer, have you ever heard of Tall Poppy Syndrome? It's a phenomenon that has been documented in communities where one person will start to succeed and rise above, but other cut them down to bring them back into place. It is common in marginalized communities and populations. For example, a student is the first in her family to go to college, and a friend from home might say, "well at least I didn't forget where I came from". This is something that I've experienced, and I found it gave me a sense of imposter syndrome, where I felt like a fraud in my new role, and I felt that I was betraying and couldn't fully return to the old life. People also don't like change, and they will actively resist it. But we must remember that it is God's will to make all things new!
I have never heard of that. Thank you for sharing it! ♥
Very wise comment!
When my aunt praised my achievement on getting accepted into a top college, my older cousin said "now that you're in, let's see if you can get out/graduate." Sour grapes, anyone? To this day, I still remember feeling that "why aren't you happy for me" feeling.
Crab pot theory! The crab that gets too the top of the pot, the other crabs trying to climb out, pull the climbing one out. 😊
Thanks for addressing this, Jennifer! Another analogy is the "crab claw" concept, where if one crab is trying to escape a pot of boiling water, the other crabs will try to drag it down. I had to distance myself from my mother, because she was constantly putting me down, using sarcasm to hurt me, supporting anyone who was against me, and she obviously did not want me to better myself. As for why this kind of thing happens, I think it highlights peoples' insecurities when we grow, but they don't. So, instead of being inspired by our growth, they allow themselves to be overcome with jealousy. From what I've experienced, that's often because they feel inferior and they don't want to do the work to either better themselves or heal their own wounds. Anyway, thanks for another thoughtful and helpful video. Blessings! - Claire
I retired from teaching and then decided to go back to sub a bit. I was shocked to see what everyone was wearing post covid. I have noticed I only get compliments from kids and other teachers when I wear a dress. No compliments for jeans!!! I find that to be very interesting !!!
In my experience, I feel those who try to pull you back are afraid. Afraid that your transformation is going to take you away from them. They truly want what is best for you, but can't see beyond their own insecurities. By continuing to care for them and spend time with them, hopefully they will find their own transformation. Jennifer, thank you for talking about this very real and upsetting subject.
This makes sense. I agree!
This is an excellent and important point. I agree. I really don't think negative comments are actually that people want you to be unhealthy in any way. As you say, they are afraid you will outgrow them and leave you. But, truly, we all glow-up at different rates and in different ways that resonate with us. We need to stay humble and focused in our glow-up periods. Really, we aren't trying to outpace others, anyway.♥️🇨🇦
So true! Helps us to view them more with compassion than with equally demeaning comments and attitudes back.
Yes. It’s not always jealousy, which we are quick to name. Sometimes it’s genuinely a fear of being left behind by the new you.
And sometimes you actually are moving away from them. There is nothing wrong with that. We all need to change and grow. Life is too short to live with negativity.
Over the years I have experienced the opposite problem. I have had people try to change me to their image, and in a couple of instances even obliquely taken me on as a “project”. They were totally unaware that years earlier I had been in a professional position and had acquired a vast wardrobe that others envied. Then I moved to another part of the country and the culture was very relaxed. I stood out like a sore thumb and had to adapt. Health issues took a toll and I gained weight. These do-gooders were totally unaware of how insulting they were to me. The solution was to ditch the relationship and do the best I could under given circumstances. I owe no one an explanation. Thanks for your lovely suggestions and recommendations, Jennifer. You’re the best. ❤
Thank you for this wise encouragement, Jennifer. Prior to my son’s wedding, I embarked on a walking program to lose weight. Little seemed to change until the 6 -week mark. Suddenly, the comments began. At a gathering, one of my favorites came from a friend who falls into the ‘naturally skinny’ category. She pointedly apprised me, looking up and down and said, “Hmmm…you look…zippy.” Not thinner. Not ‘great’. Not slimmer. But rather an undefined faux compliment that has now become a joke in our family. Sadly, at times even friends find it hard to graciously recognize positive change.
Zippy! So funny. At least you can laugh at it. ♥
@@TheDailyConnoisseur Indeed. We do.
Maybe “zippy” was something she considered to be a compliment, Language is a tricky thing sometimes!
Hello Monday!
Good morning, Jennifer!
You are the best at motivating on Mondays!
This year, I turned 70. Without sounding sad, I am aware that my time ahead on this earth is much less than the time behind me.
Living my best quality of life, ( within our means), and leaving a positive legacy for those I leave behind to grow on, is in the forefront of my goals.
Your experiences, your research, your books and your passion to live a beautiful life are always a refreshing reminder of how I can improve the quality of life for those around me by a focus on my own self growth.
This term “Glow Up” is so positive and fun!
In my journal and planner, I sometimes write a little “jeu de mots” and call it “Self Glowth” instead of self growth.
Wishing everyone a best blessed week and new month ahead!
Lynne
I've always tried to improve my life in little ways and big ones. And it really brings me joy when I see someone else doing the same. So after watching this video, I'm going to remember to verbalize it to someone undergoing a glow up- "WOW, you look great; you are doing great; you've made some really impressive changes"- etc. Because maybe my words of appreciation and encouragement will counteract any negative things they are experiencing. BTW--I'm a woman who uses a male name on social media to avoid trolls, NOT some man creeping on your videos, lol.
The crabs in the barrel mentality is real. Unfortunately, people that hate to see others make positive changes in their lives, are unhappy with themselves and they rarely give others encouragement or positive feedback. I've learned to ignore negative voices that have nothing to add towards my personal life. Great advice Jennifer!
Oh boy! This is the story of my life! Many and my friends and family seem perfectly fine giving me "back-handed compliments" as though they are real compliments. It is passive/aggressive and is actually a way to try to keep me in my place. In reality it is better to get no compliment vs one that causes me to question what I am feeling good about. I have started moving on from people that only like me when they feel superior or at least feel they are on an even playing field with me. It truly is sad and is more of a reflection on them and on their own insecurities. I have always been supportive and cheered friends and family when they have had success. This was a very important topic for all people to think about and discuss.
I've found two extremes in people's responses to a glow-up. One is they notice and compliment and seem positive. They other is a non- compliment. They say nothing at all. I find that strange coming from women. I always find it easy to compliment a women who looks good. I really enjoy fashion and someone who is pulled together is well worth complimenting.
Thank you, your such an inspiration!! I have experienced this kind of pain with friends and have been a not so good friend when I felt insecure as well. It’s the ugly human nature. However, God is always faithful to keep working on us. You are courageous to put yourself out there and be a light to those who are open and willing to do better for themselves. ❤ Thank you!
One of my best friends had a glow up and looks amazing. I am so happy for her. She has always been beautiful both in and out. Now she is stunning.
I on the other hand..are constantly being asked if I am pregnant by "Church friends." My stomach used to be flat, before my two kids ( both c-sectons). With my son I lost all the baby weight, by 6 months. With my daughter who turned 2 it has been harder to get rid of that mommy pouch. Those last ten pounds. I am what people call "skinny fat." It is hard from were it comes from. Some women have even touched my stomach 😕. It is rude. When I tell them I'm not pregnant, they don't even apologize. I do eat healthy and workout. The women who ask aren't fit, but I never comment on someone's body unless it's positive. So why do people feel they can comment on mine.
Can't believe what you accomplish running a household having 4 children and all the other things you do. Your an inspiration to all young mothers as you show you can have it all. Self care and time to do the things you love are important as mothers. I wish I had someone like you for inspiration when I had young children. I am 70 yes old and admire the fine young interesting lady you are.
I have only positive experiences as my online presence is limited. So I get only compliments from people that are somehow close to me. My “glow up phase” happened parallel to my job change. My new colleagues have never seen the old me. People at work think I am incredibly chic and few female colleagues have told me so. But I noticed that I get different treatment from people after this glow up. Strangers treat me different. And this may or may not be related but I’ve got more money for my work then ever before.
Thank you for this! My Gran raised me & was a very wise person.. " You can tell how good a woman friend is going to be when you 1st encounter her. If her eyes "price" you up & down instead of smiling directly at you, then just ditch her!!
People will try and keep you from moving forward because they feel left behind. I’ve also learned in life that a lot of people are change-averse, which is why many people never better themselves. They take it personally when people close to them change because they feel like it’s a judgement on who they are.
One thing I’ve noticed about women and weight loss is this: women often lose the extra weight when they drop the dead weight in their life. That could be many different things but is often the expectations of others. Jennifer you dropped the dead weight! You asked for help, you put yourself first at times, and that’s healthy. We all wear many hats. It’s not healthy to let one of our identities become our sole focus. I am a wife, mom, person - and I need to take care of all the facets of myself. No shame in that.
Misery loves company, so people who are miserable want others to be too. I can just picture what they look like, sitting there criticizing you online. I've been following you from the start, and I think you look fantastic, and I can tell that you feel healthy, happy and vibrant. I try to emulate your healthy self care habits. You seem to have your life together, and I don't think many people do, and they envy that. They try and fail. I know I have. I read a quote recently that said, "who are you taking advice from? Do you want their lifestyle? Their bank account? Their health? If not, their opinion doesn't matter." So, don't listen to the people who are still struggling in those areas, wanting to drag you down to their level. I take advice from you because I do want your lifestyle, health, and bank account! I want mine to look like yours. I want my house paid off. I want to take time to care for myself (and I'm sure that it's healthy for your children to see you doing that, which makes you a calm, poised, patient mother). I want to be slim and well dressed for the season without a closet packed with things that don't fit. I want to eat mostly natural, homemade meals. You are an overall inspiration, and I adore you! I love the tiny butterfly on your pinky! So cute!
I love this. Thank you for the encouragement! ❣
It's encouraging to know I'm not the only person who has experienced criticism in response to self-improvement. May we all continue to become more disciplined and elegant, while maintaining gracious, kind responses towards those who don't understand. Maybe (hopefully!) some day they will :)
I’ve experienced with my goals to no longer gossip.
All the time!!!!! But after losing 75 pounds, I feel so so so good and I'm having the time of my life looking presentable in clothes that fit nice. I'm 56 years old, have had five children, and I have incredible energy to be with my nine grandchildren. I love your books and definitely am inspired by Madame Chic
YOU are inspiring! Your family is blessed to have you on their team as a leader! You GO girl!
Loved this candid video, Jennifer. As you know, upright behavior and self-betterment is always under attack by The Devil. Anyone seeking more order, truth, and beauty (Christ Himself, right?), will be criticized by people reacting through sinful ways. We must always pray for those who hate us Matthew 5:43
Amen 🙏
I experienced this not after self improvement but back in the day when I was thin, ran regularly, dressed nice. It just made people mad for some reason. They told me I was too skinny that I worked out too much, made snarky comments about my clothes which were always modest but nice. Now as a mom I’ve gained weight I wear leggings most days and that seems to make people really happy! No one makes snarky comments to me anymore ever. But I’m embarking on a journey to try to get back to my healthy habits so I’m expecting that to happen again. Thank you Jennifer for talking about this.
Absolutely true!
I know I made those comments in my own head because I was jealous of how the person looked. I think it comes down a lot to jealousy and feeling insecure about yourself. At least that was the reason for me being negative about thin people.
@@kallistoindrani5689 it’s good you recognize that so you can overcome it! I think jealousy is at the root of alot of what Jennifer mentioned today.
@@Julia29853 I agree, Amen!
@@Julia29853 Totally agree. I know when I lost weight I had one coworker also make a comment at me and I think that was the first time someone actually was jealous of how I looked. It was very strange to experience and I know I was also a bit pissed off because she made it sound as if it was easy and done with a snap of my fingers when in reality it took months. (Too bad I was not disciplined enough to keep that weight off)
I've recently lost some weight, which is about the only positive side effect I've found from managing life with a new chronic (for now) auto-allergic condition. I celebrate that by dressing up, by trying new clothing styles from the thrift store. that combination - visible weight loss and more formal/youthful/colourful clothing, seems to put some people off. What will they do once I hit a healthy goal weight? Boycott me? Well, I'm getting more comfortable in my body, and if someone has a problem with that, that's on them. I don't argue with them, I' ve stopped explaining myself.
A neighbour, usually nice, now told me that she think's I have confidence issues and that I should not lose weight for that, as I would only have the same issues in a normal weighing body. That's from the lady who spent her savings on liposuction. Twice. Not sure why she makes my weight loss her business, but I'm not going to engage in that kind of a conversation with her again. She clearly has some work to do on her own things. I'm just gonna mind my own business and get as healthy as I can and enjoy feeling better overall.
I didn't comment on the "5 Things That Age You" video, but I did think at the time that in the before and after pictures you looked younger before. That's only natural! You Were younger, lol.
I also think that having a bit more weight in the face makes anyone look younger, to a degree. I only wanted to say that because I don't think you looked at all overweight back then. You just looked like a healthy weight.
But like you say, you Feel better and happier now, and that should be the only thing that matters!
Absolutely taking points from this video! I recently turned 39 and daily try to improve my daily life, in all aspects!
Earlier today, I watched a video by someone whose channel focuses on his diabetes journey. He described a program he'd followed for 6 months during which he lost weight, his blood sugar was under control and he was able to cut down on the amount of daily insulin he took by a huge amount. Most of the comments were very supportive. But, of course, a few people had to say that he looked worse!
I recently changed my diet from eating meat to being a vegetarian. My husband had a hard time with it at first and would make comments anytime I would eat, making fun of my food and about me turning "vegan". I should mention I still cook meat for him. I understood it to be insecurity because I had "changed" so I let him have his jabs for a little bit. When it finally became too much I just outright told him to stop, telling him that this was right for me and my body and his comments made me feel like I had to hide from him. I think that's when it really sunk in that he had gone a little too far. Now, he's really supportive! Sometimes it just takes putting your foot down and saying 'no, I have a right to feel good.'
I remember when I first watched one of Jennifer's videos I also was thinking 'well, that's all easy for her to say with all her money and free time and her already gorgeous looks'. Damn, I was so wrong and so damn rude! I totally owe her a massive apology for all my naive and negative thoughts about her.
I started reading her books because there was something about her ideas and her thoughts that kept bringing me back to her videos. Now I know that 'glowing up' isn't about what brand your clothes are or how expensive they are. My budget is less then a lot of other people's budget but now I take the time to find clothes that I like, that fit my body type and that I feel more beautiful and more feminine in. I wasn't like that in my 20's, always hiding and covering up. I'm 33 now and I'm slowly getting better and more 'glow up'.
I appreciate this ♥️
@@TheDailyConnoisseur I am sorry for the negative thoughts I had about you. It's so easy to judge a stranger and not take time to listen and learn. I'm learning a lot from you actually and I'm glad I found your channel. 💕 Have a good day!
❤ What a remarkable shift in mindset and attitude! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing that!
@@christiana_mandalynn To be honest it is still a work in progress and probably will always be. I personally find it very easy to be negative or just see the negative in a situation but I am doing my best to change that because being negative all the time, even just in my own head, is very exhausting.
My aunt will often make snarky or downright rude comments about what people wear. Once, she made a comment about my makeup and my husband stepped up and said, "Well, I happen to love her makeup this way." The man doesn't give a rip about makeup, but he is loyal and I love him for it. 😆🥰
I would also note that glow ups are a good measure of who you can trust in your life because it brings out so much truth! People will either be supportive of you OR they will make you less than. Pay attention, ladies. Your real friends will celebrate the good and support you during the bad.
This video is right on time. Some people I called friends have all but deserted me since I have made strides to improve my life. It was upsetting at first, but it’s nice to be loosened from the burden of keeping people like this in my circle.
Be strong and true to yourself. You are fabulous.
I honestly think people are reminded of their own flaws and weakness when someone around them improves themselves. My husband and I have 7 children and I can't tell you how triggering that is to people, even family and friends. It's like they think we're trying to show them up! It's even worse when you have a larger family and you keep yourself and the family looking nice. We have moved to a community where our family is the norm, not the exception and that's helped tremendously.
I have 7 children and I try to make sure take care of themselves and are well taken care of. Would love to find a community like yours.
I have had this go both ways. When my 5th child was a baby I had one of my husband’s co-workers tell him that he was noticed that whenever I went out I was “put together”. That encouraged me and helped me to see that people pay attention.
I also homeschooled and I can’t count the number of times people commented on how nicely the girls looked & acted as well. I was shocked to find out that the employees at different stores noticed is when we walked in and they paid attention to the fact that the girls behaved appropriately. You never know who is watching and who you are influencing.
After living away from our hometown for 26 years we moved back. I remember the first family gathering we hosted. I don’t like to use paper napkins or paper plates so I had cloth napkins and my everyday dishes. This was for a cookout and I had more than one comment about the fact that we were using cloth napkins.
The last one is when we were at a funeral and came back to our aunt’s house I changed out of my
Dressy clothes and into some jeans. Someone said, “I’m so glad you got out of that dress!” I wear dresses a lot because I like them but this person only wears jeans or slacks. They seemed to dislike me wearing dresses.
I don’t know if I answer well to the negative comments, I usually just don’t reply or just say something about it being what I prefer.
To your last bit about not knowing what to say - I have found the best responses I got when I was younger (and still happens sometimes) is when someone just did not answer me when I said something wrong or inappropriate or rude. They were not unkind at all, but the fact that they didn’t say anything made ME consider and judge what I had said and those have been the most effective lessons in learning tact. :)
You don’t OWE anyone an explanation….no matter who they are.
@@heidimeigs5192 Thank you for your encouragement! I think I just do better not replying.
As an older woman who, with all her heart, puts Christ first in her life, I had a couple of thoughts in response to this video… If you are a Christ follower, you do recognize that you are an instrument of his love, joy, Everything! So there is definitely a very big servant component to who we are as we are put on this earth. I find such joy and life in serving him! I also think that in today’s society, losing weight can be frowned upon in some circles… about eight years ago I lost almost 40 pounds, and I feel fantastic! I’ve kept it off as well! I truly believe that yes, there is a problem that has been around from the dawn of time of comparing ourselves to one another, focusing on ourselves and other people instead of Him. With all my heart I want to encourage other women and men, and support them as they want to grow! Really good topic, Jennifer. And I do support you and glorify and praise God that you are feeling the best you have! I’m turning 59 at the end of this week, and honestly, I feel great! Thank you Lord!
Lovely comment, Lisa!!
Good for you and happy birthday!!!
To God be the glory🙏🏻
Oh Jennifer. I am in your Chic Society and just love your content!!
This happened to me at age 60 in 2017-2018 when I finally lost 60+ pounds with Weight Watchers! I’m now a WW coach, and this happens so often with my grown children and people I haven’t seen in a bit. I believe they feel threatened! So often, all they can talk about is THEIR weight, THEIR health issues.,etc.
I try to be as graceful as I can. But wow. We need to share one another’s joy!
Thank you for this video. I have been a stay at home mom for a long time. When I was in my 20s/early 30s I was pulled together as you say. I really have had a calling recently to get back to my old self which is not too far really. I have let relatives put me down for years. I ignored it but the more I ignore it they think that's a green light to keep saying things to me. I put a stop to it and this person won't talk to me but that is ok. I grew up with a Grandma who taught me to be a lady and rise above. Sometimes people just need to be told it is not acceptable to comment in this way.
Thank you for addressing the ‘glow up’ dilemma. I love to cook, set my table with style and tidy up for company. My husband says I make the other wives feel bad about themselves. It really hurt me that that was what he was hearing.
They just need to step it up then!
Glow up is showing ourselves the self compassion we deserve and learning to love ourselves. It is important to do this. It is not being conceited. We have to learn to love ourselves because there will be times when people won't be around us. If loving ourselves means getting healthy physically and mentally to lead a more formal and beautiful, joyful life, just know it is worth it. The right, classy friends and family will be there to celebrate your success.
Yes. I remember dropping in to a former workplace...I saw the two girls I used to work with and one said "you dress like THAT to go shopping??" and the other said "you look like a lady". What was I wearing? A knee length brown wool A line skirt, a short sleeve blue pima sweater, and mid heel brown loafers, a brown bag. That was very educational, and I had already been healing from narcissistic abuse so it wasn't terribly shocking.
Hii girls, just wanted to share my part. Whenever I try to pull myself together, start routines and plan to diet and lose weight and be happy all my family members put me down, make fun of me and tell me you always do this and it doesn't work. I really want to try again. I feel motivated after watching this. I want to take care of myself and I love watching your content. I am 22 starting my life, just got a job and really want to improve my health and lose excess weight.Hope you ladies understand, thank you Jennifer for your lovely words!
I had a glow up 3 years ago. I lost 30 lbs at the age of 42. I did this while I was working at my place of employment; when I started there I was overweight. I started walking 4 miles a day in the parking lot. I would walk for each of my breaks every day 5 times a day. I didn't eat until 3 pm each day; I would drink water all day and eat a chicken breast for lunch. I started dropping weight and at the end of 4 months I hit my goal weight. A woman I worked with was always making comments that she thought it was rude that I walked instead of have lunch with everyone in the office. She also said that I was acting anorexic and it was not good for me. She always brought in treats for everyone and would put a donut on my desk, or buy candy and put it on peoples desks. I would give it away or throw it out when she wasn't around if she put things on my desk. She was moody with me after I started dropping the weight and started not inviting me to things outside the office like bowling, or going to sports bar after work on fridays.....I wouldn't have went anyway. It got to the point that she started making rumors about me that I was having an affair with one of my coworkers. People have a hard time when you are making positive change because they are envious of your self control and willingness to stick with diets and are having success. It makes them feel like failures. Not everyone. Some it sparks something in them to change too.
I could never understand how some stranger would be compelled to make negative commentary about another person 9n social media, but I guess I'm just old-fashioned, believing in kindness above all else. You look fantastic!!!
Have you seen the movie "Hitch?" Will Smith, the life coach, tells his student "YOU is a very fluid concept right now." We are all changing constantly, so why not choose to improve and be the best version of ourselves? We are all a fluid concept, building ourselves as our personal brand. Rebranding and "leveling up" is a good thing, and those who oppose are jealous and/or insecure. Let them go.
This was great video! While I was watching this I thought, thankfully, I don't have anyone in my life anymore that tries to put me down. The sad thing was my mom used to do this to me a lot, she was hard to figure out, but I realized she was jealous of me and a lot of other people. I stopped taking it personally and knew that she was very insecure, and I loved her in spite of herself. Now a days, I'm secure and I have a loving family and plenty of great friends. And God healed the hurts that my mom caused.
This is very true. I had a big weight loss years ago and my best friend took it personally as she was still a larger lady. We were estranged for years and the only thing that had changed between us was my weight and the companionable overeating we use to do. Thankfully we have reconnected but it will never be the same.
I was over 60 pounds overweight at one time and at the time I had lost about 15 pounds so I mentioned how excited I was about it to someone I considered a good friend and she said: Well, when someone who is as overweight as you are… it doesn’t really show! 😢 it is the most hurtful thing anyone has ever said to me. I still struggle with my weight but I try not to hear her voice in my head discouraging me. Mentally it messed me up for many years. But I keep trying! Who knows- maybe someday I will be a healthier weight and size. Thanks for this encouragement!
I’m sorry someone said that to you . That’s so unkind . Never give up
I'm sure you are losing weight for YOU and not for that bitchy "friend!" Don't bother expecting any praise from THAT tight ass person! People often say the dumbest crap! I am PROUD of you and encourage you to keep losing weight for yourself! You deserve to be healthy happy and as attractive as possible! GO FOR IT!!! ❤
@@Dawn33q Thank You - the older I get the harder it is but I recently started to do some kind of exercise each day. Even if it is just a walk or chair yoga. It seems to be helping and boosts my morale 😁
I am so sorry.You deserve a better, nicer friend.
@@sherriepiechowski4556 Keep it up Sherrie! We’re rooting for you!
I found this attitude in my teaching profession. Some do not want to put the effort in to being their best for children's sake. Some are just selfish and lazy. Thanks Jennifer.
I cannot believe what comes out of people's mouths. I get constant comments like that. You are such an inspiration in so many ways. You have made me so much more comfortable in my looks and style at 43 years old because you are 42 and look 25!
On another note, my toddler was a mess at Church yesterday and I kept repeating, "None of these things move me!" Well maybe I was screaming it under my breath hahaha.
Haha! I scream it in my head too! Thank you!
Thanks, Jennifer, for cheering us on as we improve our health and our lives. I lost weight (at least 15 pounds) and one person really hounded me about it. There have been other changes I have made in my life - such as returning to my faith that seemed to bring a lot of harsh criticism my way. The main cause seemed to be that the people who made comments did not feel as connected or as involved in my life. So, it might be valuable to address this. Of course, some relationships don't weather the changes we make for various reasons. But as I look back, I could have been so excited about the changes I was enjoying that I did not say or do enough to assure those individuals that I was still interested and invested in my relationship with them. Remembering to value special people and maybe find new shared interests and activities is an important part of life.
I have had that experience of having people I know making negative comments when positive changes take place. I have heard things like " why are you dressing up?" "Why do you were your jewelry if you're only going to the market? why don't you use paper plates and cups when you live alone? why do you spend so much time cleaning and organizing your home when you live alone? It makes me sad to think that they don't value themselves and think it's too much trouble to do nice things for themself and their homes. My response is always the same "because I am worth it" and "I am sorry you don't feel that way about yourself" It has caused a dividing line between myself and some people, but I strongly feel that in many cases that line of division was necessary. The plan is to move ahead with improvement despite the people tugging at the pants leg and to surround myself with like mined positive people. Life is short, live it the best way you can, you are worth making the effort. Hooray!! to positive evolution.
Our daughter is an author and gets some really nice reviews, but of course, really nasty ones, too. It breaks my heart that her focus is mostly on the bad and not the good. I have suggested she watch your videos to learn how to handle these things with grace, how to be 'unbothered', and 'unmoved'. I'll be sharing this one with her! Thank you for your calm insight, it is helping me learn to deal with life's stress in a better way.
Please share this Andy Warhol quote with your daughter. It's my favorite: “Don't think about making art, just get it done. Let everyone else decide if it's good or bad, whether they love it or hate it. While they are deciding, make even more art.”
@@TheDailyConnoisseur I love that! I recently watched your video with all the quotes, I could share them all with her but this one really resonated. Thank you!
I read an article somewhere, a long while ago, that said something about that, for 1 negative comment, you need 5 (?) positive ones to counter it. Something about negative comments tend to stick longer and deeper in our brain. Which really is a shame but I guess that's how our human brains work?
Wouldn't it be a wonderful world if all women uplifted each other the way you do Jennifer! Thank you for the continued inspiration and for challenging us to strive to make ourselves and our lives better! Hello to all the beautiful ladies!
This video has come at the perfect time! I’ve been struggling with this in my real life. A friend of mine has made at least 5 comments of “Oh wow, well you dressed up today.” “Where are you going?” “Where are you coming from?” “Gosh you are so dressed up these days.” Finally she said her daughter wants to know why I’m always so dressed up? I responded to her daughter that dressing this way makes me feel good, and I like to feel as good as I can everyday. My friend then made a snarky comment of “Well I’d rather be comfortable.” I told her I was very comfortable. It’s been draining on our friendship, making me feel insecure and I feel like I don’t even want to be around her these days.
❤ Sounds like she's the insecure one.
Keep on doing what you’re doing despite the constant barrage of condescending comments. Believe me eventually it will stop.. I know because I was in your shoes but after many years people realized their comments didn’t stop me from always carrying myself well so they quit criticizing. Now I get compliments . In any case compliments or criticism does not define how I carry myself. I have come a long way and still working on myself. You got this ❤️
You could say to her "I'm happy. Why are you upset I'm happy?" And let her think about that. She may come back with something but ultimately this attitude is about her, not you.
We cannot control how people react to us. We can only control how we react to them. I personally have decided to only be around people who inspire me, accept me for who I am, and make me laugh and not take life so seriously. Life’s too short to be around people who are negative and not happy with themselves. You need to be true to your own self. 💜
It is so bizarre that people feel the need to say these things! And, oddly, I've even had grief about using public transport. With traffic chaos in my rapidly growing community, plus the cost of gas, I've been using the bus when I can- and people are just so weird about it. It's like when people first let dandelions grow in their lawn as a sign they didn't use herbicides I suppose. People are weird :)
Strangers ask me where I’m going or where I was. I wear daily dresses, fox my hair and make up and out on earrings. I don’t know how to respond.
I decided to start working out and changing my diet after some health issues. I lost 20 pounds. I really didn't get a lot of negative comments. Most comments were from women who would ask me questions about my diet and skin care routine. Even my mom asked me what products did I use because my skin looked so beautiful and glowy. I have had a couple of women tell me I'm too thin but overall most people are very positive.
About eight years ago (I was 57) I decided to try and learn how to play the violin. Everyone seemed to find it humorous that I would attempt something so difficult at that stage in my life. It was difficult, but I was doing pretty well. Then the music shop where I took lessons closed and I never found another teacher. One reason I didn’t get back to it was remembering the snarky comments about being too old. I’ve pretty much forgotten what I learned and every time I see my violin propped against the wall in my closet it makes me sad that I allowed other’s opinions to discourage me.
It's very easy to find a violin teacher online. My friend in northern British Columbia takes violin lessons via zoom from a teacher in New York. And very affordably. xo karen
@@Karen-nq8du Thank you so much Karen. I’ll have to look into that.
Thank you for this video. When others make unkind comments, it is a reflection back on them. It shows where they are in their life and it is hard to see their negativity especially with loved ones. It is truly about them and not us. ❤
You inspired me for a glow up most recently. Changing my wardrobe to more womanly clothes than T-shirts and denim pants. And I was surprised that I felt more feminine which I really like the most. Before, the most feminine I ever wear is a pair of earrings. Thanks for the inspiration! You are not frumpy. Your style is exactly the style that I've always dreamt and wanted. Slowly realizing it. I remember now that I was doing it before in my professional life. Have to go back to my true me. Thanks again! I'm 60 years old, but never too old!
I agree with you in that the best way to cope with this kind of negativity is to realize that your own growth may cause discomfort in another person but that is their own issue and not something that is within our own control. I experience this when I share my international travel experiences with some people. Even though, let me tell you, international travel can be far from glamorous. That is not why I do it. I do it to educate myself by experiencing other cultures and to learn and share. Traveling , unless you have a personal valet and guide, can often be a lot of work but for some reason many people think it’s a very upper class thing to do. By the way, the US dollar is up right now and so it can be a very economical way to vacation depending upon your destination. Sometimes I do not share my travel experiences just because I know I will be judged as being a snob. I just returned from a 2 week trip to New Zealand. It took me 23 hours to get home but it was so worth it to me. Thank you for supporting my personal growth. I appreciate it!
I have lost a little over 40lbs since January and I am lucky that all my friends and family are happy for me trying to improve my health. I think it helps that all my friends and family are healthy themselves, so they don't feel threatened when someone else in their life tries to work on something they too feel like they need to work on. I have also been working on my style, and friends and coworkers are so complimentary. It really helps me to feel comfortable. I'm sorry to everyone who doesn't feel supported in their journey. It's hard enough without feeling criticized for trying to better yourself.
Thank you for speaking to us about this. This video is perfect timing for me. Just last week, I ran into a co-worker while shopping, on an off day. I was so taken off guard by the rude comments that were made about how I was dressed "just to go to the store", that I just stood speechless. It amazes me that when one tries to improve themselves and their quality of life, others take offense to it. Thank you Jennifer.
Yes! I am usually caught off guard and struggle with what to say. I’ve had people demand to know why I’m dressed the way I am as if I owe them an explanation!
@@angelavaughan1997 what is wrong with people in this crazy world? I’m thankful I have not had that reaction.
Everything seems to be going backward. The worse seems to be the better. I’m so grateful for your videos. God wants us to be our best selves-not our worst selves. Your videos are so uplifting and grounding. Thanks and many blessings to you and your family.
Jennifer, my childhood years were the 1960s. When I was a little girl, I remember so looking up to the older girls, the ones who were in their teens and 20s. Those girls ALL had class and poise! They were ladies.
You remind me of them. Thanks for holding up the standard!
Great post Jennifer, you're right it is much harder when it comes from members of your own family, and it is about them, not the recipient.
Good morning from Montana! I am new to your channel! So blessed to have you sent to me from above. I had lived for a very, very long time being all things to all people all the time. I actually became catatonic ( I was in a walking coma) Unfortunately I thought my goal was to get better and get back to my normal life! What a fool I was to not have my aha moment then! It came a few more years later...... When I realized I didn't have to live a hyper vigilant lifestyle. After 32 years of being an Activities Professional in Geriatrics. I put in my 2 weeks notice. Now I'm trying to figure living the rest of my life🐨 My husband is self employed and at first the codependent side of me jumped right in and was helping him..... But still was working that hyper vigilant lifestyle. Then I told my husband.. this lifestyle is slowly hurting our nervous system. I told him I would be able to run errands for him and pick up workers data entry and such.. but not work out in the field with him anymore . That was hard for me to tell him because I am such a people pleaser. I think God sent me your youtube channel. You are going to be a true blessing in my life🐻 Thanks again🐨
Jennifer, I really like your video. I once was having lunch with a friend that had called and asked me to meet her. Her immediate reaction to me was, your all dressed up. I said no, this is just my everyday wardrobe. She then turned it on herself and said she looked like a slob. The funny thing was that I wasn’t thinking that at all. I changed for me. It was never about anyone else. I wanted to feel more put together. I wanted to keep learning and exploring the good things in the world. It has never been about looking down on others. It’s sad but most of us are terribly insecure. I think we should just take it with a grain of salt. We never need to explain or apologise. Walk in love and kindness. That’s the most beautiful glow up we can have. How’s your dad, by the way?
Thank you, this was so timely as I’ve just lost my closest friend of 20 years. She was very uncomfortable with the changes in me. I noticed how many uncalled for comments you received during your transformation and it always made me shake my head. It’s too bad sometimes others view our growth as an indictment of them. I am inspired by it!
I'm sorry you went through that!
Thank you so much, Jennifer. ❤
Oh goodness, yes! I have a couple of family members ( Aunt and female cousin) who were constantly commenting on why I fixed my hair everyday...why did I curl my eyelashes....why did I do skin treatment ( red light therapy) that wouldn't work....etc. I was ridiculed and humiliated constantly on social media by this female cousin on my apparel or appearance. I let it go on for 10 years! Yes! 10 years before I had to sever ties, in a firm, but calm way💔 It is so heartbreaking to undergo such scrutiny, but if we can look past the issues that are within THEM, we can feel triumphant in our goals to elevate our lives unapologetically ❤Thank you for sharing this video, Jennifer, and for being our support system 🌷🙏
Ah, my heart goes out to you. I'm sorry you went through that ♥
@@TheDailyConnoisseur Thanks, Jennifer 🙏❤It has been a hard row to hoe, but God strengthened me through it every step of the way 🙏