SHUT DOWN The Narcissist With THESE 20 KEY PHRASES (Disarm The Narcissist Today)
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- Опубликовано: 15 окт 2024
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Do you know someone who is a narcissist? It can be difficult to deal with them, but these 20 key phrases will help shut them down and disarm them today.
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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
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• SHUT DOWN The Narcissi...
• SHUT DOWN The Narcissi...
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I'll see you all there!
I feel like a codependent narc magnet. Have stopped dating after years of allowing the wrong relationships. Used grey rock with success. But in work environments you can't do much but endure.
I Love it," Your Anger is NOT my responsibility" this is so true.
Yes 💯
ur life is not my responsibility is even better, or saying thats ur choice, when they do something
I love that !
You are completely right.
So why are you following me to bars?
So funny you hit the nail as far as how my Covert Narc who is so self absorbed and just always has to be talking and antagonizing/ exasperating people. Stares at everyone and makes people feel uncomfortable. But yet he thinks he is the “nicest guy”! Thank you for this! I have been conditioning him back for years but it takes time to unravel all the games and double talk.
Exactly.. And no matter how many people saw or heard something they said or did, They will deny it and call everyone else is crazy or liars. They are never at fault regardless of what they did..never take responsibility or accountability
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Saying I agree with you shuts the narcissist down because they expect you to disagree 😅- they don’t know how to react to that answer
This might help you better as well slay.rebeccazung.com/home
Thank u... I need these in my head after 19 yrs of being afraid to defend myself. Therapy ladies! I'm in over 2 years and back to the great me I ALWAYS WAS;)
I'm 44 getting divorced. (It's ugly) I've have been with a narcissist for 14 yrs. I believe! Now I will say that's who she is! We have 2 children, a boy and a girl.
This comes from what I precieve and feel! Your vids are dialed in for a narcissist! I'm at my wits end! At this point I have to block her on my phone in the morning and at night! The things you said, that encompassed the personality of a narcissist is pretty fucken dialed in sister! Thank you! It's a bumpy road but your knowledge and verbal diarrhea about narcissists, your second to none!!!! Thank you sister!
It’s not up to us to defuse the situation. Or apologize, or agree in any way. Just let them have it 100% with no apologies without being understanding, without being nice, without being agreeable!
This might help you better as well slay.rebeccazung.com/home
Helpful!
Here is one I use...
Thank you for your feedback.
thank you, these tips may also be helpful in toxic texts.
Helpful!!!! Funny thing these things one says to a narcissist, I am hearing from the narcissist. I need another phone....
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Your anger is not my responsibility ❤ i love the others as well ❤ Thank you so much Rebecca❤
So glad you found them helpful! Keep Slaying!
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"IF I WERE YOU, I would PROBABLY feel the same way."
Quite powerful. Amazing how just a use of few simple words can drastically change a situation.
Helpful! I'm not going to put up with them anymore! Shut them down!
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Shut down the ex a covert narcissist!!!!
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Thank you so much Rebecca. There are so many of us that are really thankful for you sharing your vast experience with these matters. So many really helpful tips. Just the sort of empowerment we need.
True 👍
You're right I need this help I've been through hell
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Great phrases! Thank you very much! Only thing is that it would take a pretty long time to practice them. I would hope be completely done with the relationship with a narcissistic person after saying just the first few phrases. If you have to say more than, say, five of these, you’ve been involved with the narcissist way too long! Distance yourself from them and then safely go no contact. In a way, the fewer times you use things comments, the better, because it means that you have broken away for him or her once and for all.
A year before I left my ex wife, unconsciously used some of these phrases, she laughed at them and denied me that I can do I, even i conveyed some of them through friends and family especially the one that if you crossed the line I'll leave and this time will be final, she laughed at the messenger.
Guess what, when I left, oh man , the things she joked about became reality, I can't think how she is now mentally, poor my kids , they took that burden 😭
So sorry to hear your story. But hey you got this! Keep SLAYing!
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It is true that changing your perspective from participant to observer when the narc is attacking, as if they are in a Petrie dish, puts you in a mental distancing position. That mental barrier does work to keep them from sucking you in, which is their desire and will absolutely pi$$ them off and disarm them. 😀
My effective and stunning direct reply to a recent blame shifting attempt. Most effective to do this live as their tantrum is transpiring:
- realize what they’re doing
- restate and summarize out loud in a tone that conveys utter disbelief what they are blaming you for; so they hear what they said and confirm to you. they will say Yes
- say: “can you actually hear yourself??”
-. laugh at the ridiculousness of it.
- State clearly “I refuse to take on your shit.”
- Laugh some more.
My laughing really made clear to her the ridiculousness of it. The look on her face…. Priceless.
Thanks for the armour Rebecca! Feeling strong & READY. SUPER HELPFUL ❤
Extremely helpful. Thank you so much.
Thank you for your kind words! ❤
I am proud that I have said these to the narc without being educated. I have also said I don't have time for this. That one was delicious.
Yes when we went to counseling, he sat there and calmly lied about me. When I confronted his lies the counselor said that I was being aggressive. smh.
I like "Your anger is not my responsibility." I'd like to add phrases like: "That's not true." "That's a lie." "You are using that against me as ammunition." "You are being immature by having a tantrum, just like a toddler who isn't getting their way?" "You speak toward me with such contempt." "You need to address your childhood issues." "Why is it always about you?" "I am not going to speak to you when you are behaving this way." "By putting me down, does that make you feel better about yourself?" "You are a control freak." "What are you so afraid of?" Of course none of these will change anything most likely but at least if you can't walk away, you will have your dignity.
Thank you for your videos. Very good points to follow to avoid falling down the narc rabbit hole and sitting at the mad-hatters table...
Thanks again...I won this battle he now crying in the corner
So glad you found them helpful! Keep SLAYing!
So true. He's one of these where to other people he won't raise his voice. He'll actually start out weirdly passive. But to me in private, arguments over nothing. Eventually, I realized he judged me based on how others viewed him/me. It was all OTHERS OPINION. while mine meant nothing. Now, ost divorce. Yep, no phone number. He's asked for it; no. With me, he always starts out upset. I guess because he knows he can't control me? It's exhausting. I actually get treated nicer by strangers.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
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Thankyou Rebecca my psychologist said my mistake was responding. Ignoring is what eventually does them on. I love your phrases but mine would not listen.
These comebacks are great. But you don’t actually have to say each of them out loud. If you just say them to yourself before responding, then that will shape what comes out.
When this narc got through my boundaries and hijacked my mind, I had to stop and whatever this was.
Now I know.
You are truly a blessing and you will be blessed Rebecca 💯💐
@user-rj6wg3eg6y CRYPTO ???
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Very helpful. I have an event coming up and these are going to be very helpful! Thank you!
When you said text messages! Part of the separation anxiety part of borderline disorder.
Freeman Diaz yes they can be married or with someone else and still can't let us go. That's sad and pathetic
@@joshuaanzalone2060 Now that I know, it's easier.
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They fight dirty, playing the victim, turning all your friends and loved ones against you while they cheat on you at every opportunity. Even when caught out he denies everything.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
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@@RebeccaZungEsq Thank you so much, I just want to know whether there’s cost involved if I click on the links?
True,true,true
That was my ex.
Helpful! :)
This was awesome! Thank you!!
So glad you found them helpful! Keep Slaying!
Hello Rebecca I’m a new subscriber and I love your professional insight thank you and I look forward to keep watching.
Thank you! What part did you like the most?
Where is the notes on the 20 phrases to use?? What is the correct link please?
It’s like talking to a child ty Rebecca
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
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@@RebeccaZungEsq hi im doing good thanks 🙏 getting stronger everyday ❤️
Without someone to abuse these kinds of people are nothing.
So helpful!
Thank you great reminder!
So glad you found them helpful! Keep Slaying!
Thanks!
That narcissist only has access to me via snail mail, and despite my communications being limited to matter-of-fact tone over strictly estate business matters, his notes & letters always work in some sort of snarky remark, or involve springing some bomb shell on me that he plans to exact against me - like trying to exact attorney fees out of my inheritance when the attorney told me he was to be paid a flat fee percentage of the overall estate. And the fees the narcissist threatens to deduct from my inheritance are for things he didn't charge other heirs - like attorney fees. That's his latest stunt that I can't challenge without getting disinherited. But the crime of embezzlement seems to override the disinherit clause. In other words, he can't use the disinherit clause to circumvent punishment for committing the crime of embezzlement. At least it doesn't appear so. I'm waiting for some confirmation on that. If anyone knows, please let me know. The good thing about snail mail is that it gives you time to strategize & consider your response. He can't lay a glove on me when it comes to the very little I've written to him, but all of his written communications reveal inconsistencies & plots against me. He's never boxed me in a corner where I had to say "I'm not going to tolerate your behavior." I just don't tolerate it. I ignore him & don't respond. He keeps trying to charge things against my inheritance, but the lawyer told him he can't do that, so he's making all actions go through the lawyer so he can charge me attorney fees. So, no more lawyer comments ut nicatuons until the accounting comes. How he treats as ts me will be very evident to the. Criminal court judge, who will have access to his previous crimes against me. The time for me to make the threat of criminal prosecution isn't ripe until I get the accounting, and can nail him with the threat of embezzlement charges for it.
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
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This was helpful
Helpful!
After listening to your interviews with Judge Toler, as she mentioned this, I would add to those items non negotiable: "my peace of mind." Isn't that what all of us are lacking and why we are here listening to Esquire RZ?
How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪
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Helpful/Useful
Narc husband texts me angry rants, incessantly. Refuses to speak to me, stone walls, passive aggressive. I guess i will text these replies, but expect "what about you" replies🙄
Very very helpful! Thank you so much.
Thank you! What part did you like the most?
Helpful thank you
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Every time I've tried to talk to my dad he just invalidates everything I said because "You're the child, I'm the adult" when his behavior is completely unbearable. I'm alone here at his house with only my dog and sometimes my siblings and mom come over, but I'm always alone with him and he doesn't respect me.
You are so correct. Actually the best trick I do is to demand everything imported by email as you also suggested, or similar. Sometimes I also try to play around with new approaches. Lately I told here: “god gave you a brain to use. Why do you not use it? “. Of course she then gets angry, but she also knows that this is meant as a joke, a bad one but why not. At least not intelligently arguable for a discussion 🤭
Do not let them back in
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👌🏻very helpful
Very helpful!!
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?
Helpful
besides leaving, what kind of action can you take if you are staying in the same house as the narcissist (eg parents own the house, step-parent is a narcissist)?
So Helpful ❤
Stay strong! ❤
I would start every sentence with YOU!
It’s much stronger and it is what they do.
Your behavior is intolerable
You can not speak tome that way
You can’t treat me like this
You need to treat me with respect
You need to stop this immediately
You need to stop his behavior, or I will take action
You need to stop this now!
You need to stop acting like a jerk and upsetting me
You are out of line
You are crossing the line
You are pushing your luck
You’re pushing to far
You won’t like the action I take against you
Anything you start with “YOU” puts the blame clearly where it belongs
This might help you better as well slay.rebeccazung.com/home
So true my sister the covert
I used the “ok” trick yesterday 😭🤣
Very helpful.
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Helpful
Stay strong! ❤
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Helpful
Say take a look at your actions.
When I was a kid I used to witness my mother flirting with men in front of my father when I was 14 years old I got really angry and upset with my mom and I told her that I do not want her to do that ever again in front of me or my father she would discriminate my in public or private it did not matter my wife is 26 years has learned lots of techniques from my evil mother and when I tell her I do not like your attitude your style or how you're speaking to me she's tells me well why is it okay when your mother does it to you and then I have to explain to her that's why I hate my mother so if you want me to hate you then keep it up always turns into an argument always turns into me apologizing
Omg. That's what my ex-girlfriend used todo to me. I was in a very toxic,narcissistic relationship with a woman. I'm a woman and this was my first lesbian relationship. It was so draining for 8 long years. She broke up with continuisly and belittled me and every time we were broken up, I would connect with another woman and she would reel me in again. I finally finally found my worth. I told her alot of times thar she was a narcissist and abusive mentally and emotionally. I would rather her hit me physically because aleast I can see the bruises. I thought I was going crazy. I thought it was always my fault. I was always afraid to say anything because she would turn it against me. She has threatened me,my kids,my ex-husband and my grandson. I thought she would change but she just did it again. How do I know if I'm the narcissist? Mayne it's me. Can I sign up for some classes? She broke up with me again on December 23rd, 2022 and I finally said NO MORE, I'm done. Unfortunately I got her a job at my job so now I see her every day when I go to work. What should I do?
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HELPFUL!
Shut down Shut the door 🚪
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The last phrase is so funny. Lol, had to be from a lawyer. :)
Thank you!
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Wait until the perfect time and tell them “ Stop embarrassing yourself.”
My boyfriend wanted me to let him cheat on me so i said we arent together and we are not friends cuz i wont be
Patty Allen Good on you! 💪
You can now say my "ex-boyfriend"
@@samme1024 yep
@@cyndigooch1162 ty
I get a lot of silent treatments for months.
Helpful 🙏🏼
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Helpful!
Glad you found this helpful! Keep SLAYing!
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Helpful!!!😇
Thank you! ❤ Care to share what you like the most?
LOVE 🙏🙏🙏
For me it usually starts with, why are you yelling? Then why do you think you even have the right to yell at me when I haven’t done anything . An adult should really never have to yell at another adult.. best thing to say is … I hear you, and i disagree with you. It’s ok to disagree. But once you say , i hear you , the person can STFU and stop saying the same thing and getting the same results..
Definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result
I was wondering if you could elaborate on why none of your phrases to shut down a narsasist ever work ?
Why even bother? There is no way you'll ever change their minds.
What might work is just ignore them as they are constantly looking for attention.
Like for example when you are in a multi person conversation: "thanks Jimmy, that's a great point" and then you answer Jimmy's question instead of the narc's one.
Make sure you make eye contact with the narc and dismiss the contact several times throughout the answer.
The narc will probably leave at this point.
Now the narc might try to take the conversation over . Just leave , smile to Jimmy and tell Jimmy: " got to go but let' s continue later , I will talk to you later Jimmy".
Where were you 8 years ago? I needed you then.
Your method may backfire as it is open for back and forth arguments which in turn gets emotional and becomes food for the narcissist.....Better ignore and play grey rock!
Helpful!
Another one I use - “I hate you” haha
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If I said one of these things that person is gonna laugh at my face and ridicule me even more.
Stay strong! ❤
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It's been a month and I still have pain in my back shoulder neck and jaw ... The pain will go away some day ... He will still be an asshole
what are the 20 phrases?
"HELPFUL!!!"
Wat about if it's your supervisor 🤔 are human resource managers
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Ironically, before I ever saw these videos, I asked God to guard my mouth, give me the wisdom and the kindness to absorb what is going on, and ironically, most of the things you have told us to say is things that were already delivered to me by God to do and say, and these are things that absolutely work
Say are you being honest.
You. Miss. Me. Hun 🌹🌹🌹
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Start out ny saying.i am telling you right now.
Very dangerous the covert,always playing the victim
❤
👍👍
Are you really hurt.
The covert narcissist I know none of these will even phase the a hole.
He will just start going off on one of his 3 hours of non stop ranting!
Or send me a 15 page email of just nonsense ranting bullshit.
I will go and copy his latest email to me and u can see what I mean
Covert narcissist
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😻