As someone who lost a baby and had a funeral service for him, I am 100% with the brother and his wife who asked for babies NOT to be at the funeral. Losing a child is the absolute WORST thing that could ever happen, and OP's wife should have been at least understanding of that request. At least for an hour in order to attend the service.
My heart aches for you. I’ve no words of comfort that will heal that shattered place in your heart and soul. Prayers for strength and comfort are the best I can do for you. We lost our son at 6 weeks and there are no words to describe our pain. I’ve lost two siblings and I see that pain in my dad’s eyes. You’re a warrior with strength unmatched in my eyes. Prayers and blessings to you for strength and comfort throughout your life.
Agreed. The funeral of a child is NOT the place to bring other kids. Not just because it is insensitive to the grieving parents, but because it is also extremely scarring for a child to see another child deceased.
I am so very sorry. Not bringing the baby to another baby’s memorial service should go without saying. She could’ve even attended with her husband on FT and muted. Something. I hope it was a post partum issue contributing to her mind set, because I’d hate to think someone is really that self-centered to make an infant’s funeral about themselves.
Last story: if you can't dish it, don't serve it. She asked an invasive question and got upset when asked one back. No need for OP to apologise at all unless the girl decides to say sorry and make amends first.
Or how about, don't take a young child to any type of event like that. Basic logic states that babies and young kids don't belong at quiet events like that
Brother made it clear to not bring the baby which is understandable. Sounds like wife wanted to go only to bring her baby and draw attention to her and her angel.
Plus, how hard would it be on the mother of a living baby to go to an event like that? It sure wouldn't help with the wife's post-partum anxiety and may even worsen it. The wife wasn't even thinking about her own mental health when she demanded to go.
@@codyjohnson6427 2 months ago was the funeral of my grandfather. A friend of my mother came with her 4 years old son. He didn't do anything wrong, he was silent (even tho he didn't understand what was happening), even he hugged me... But still, it wasn't something for kids. I understand some people would need a hug from someone, I know that the mother and the kid tried to cheer me up, but... I don't like kids and I NEEDED to be alone... That hug made me fell even worst. It was a day when I needed to be left alone, I sat beside the casket in silence all morning, I just was listening the music my grandad liked and nothing more... Some kids (like the son of my mother's friend) are well-behaved and don't do anything wrong... But still, I feel it wasn't a place for a child that never knew my grandfather.
‘Now sarah gets to live the life adelaide deserved’ is such an awful way of putting it! Because, intentional or not, it implies that OP somehow is living her sister’s life, instead of her own. (Like, if Adelaide had been alive, OP would not be marrying right now) Like… her mother sees OP as some sort of fake adelaide, a replacement, and not her own person, a separate daughter. That’s just so awful and sad, my condolences to the OP.
How inconsiderate of the mother to ruin her daughter's wedding day by bringing up a sister that didn't have the chance to do so, and then react as if OP had no right to respond the way she did to her speech at the wedding. Yes, you have every right to grieve a child you lost, but there's a time and place to bring that up, and your daughter's wedding wasn't it. OP is NTA.
And it’s been 20 years and she has used every milestone of OPs as yet another memorial for Adelaide. I hope OP sees that they think they only ever had one daughter and cut them and their flying monkeys out of her life. If OP ever becomes pregnant, I hope she limits this knowledge in order to continue to keep her parents away.
That mother doesn't care about her living daughter at all. In fact her speech wasn't really about anyone but herself. For her own sake daughter needs to keep with the low contact with her me me me mother.
I'd call it well beyond inconsiderate to the point of severe mental problems. The mother and Adelaide had been in a car wreck when OP was 12, could the accident have clearly been the mothers fault?
It seems that OP's mother and her relatives "hope" that she "dies" instead of OP's sister. How dare you live instead of my beloved child. How dare you be happy? That I didn't see her happy, but you.
Beth has the patience of a saint. Allowing students to be blatantly disrespectful to a member of staff is the real issue. OP's daughter purposely missed her appointment. Actions have consequences and OP's daughter is being held accountable. OP's wife and the other parents are enabling the behavior. At my school, if you missed the school sponsored physical, you had to make your own arrangements to get a physical. If you mouthed off to a teacher, you got detention. Called a teacher names? Suspension at minimum and depending on how egregious or if it was recurring, expulsion.
I bet if Beth let the girls compete without doing the concussion test and one of the students suffered an injury because of it, the mother would have been demanding Beth's head on a pike for negligence. Also, the mothers complaining about Beth also complain about how 'disrespectful kids are nowadays.'
Funeral decision: This is a BAD idea for a mother with Post-Partum to go to a funeral where a child her child's age is dead. She needed to stay home with the baby.
I'm personally just trying to figure out if the mother who just has to have her baby there is narcissistic sociopathic or psychopathic because this is a person needs help levels of complete and total lack of empathy
What I think it is is this woman is in the trauma Olympics. Where no one's trauma is as bad as hers and she's winning. What she wants is to bring that baby to the funeral so she can have her seen. Babies cry. That's what they do. It's not their fault. They're babies. So inevitably when the baby cries and she gets her seen. She'll get to tell everyone about how much she's struggling with postpartum depression and her anxiety. And she just couldn't handle this happening to her child. That way everybody will gather around here and Pat her on the back and tell her it'll be okay and it won't happen to her. Instead of being there for The grieving parents. She'll get to have her little scene and be content in the fact that nobody has as much trauma and as much suffering in their life as she does. That's what it's about. We all know that person who's always in the trauma Olympics. Where every time you talk about when something bad happens in your life and you're struggling, they're struggling so much worse and you don't even know. That's what this is.
I literally laughed out loud during the 5th "shaming" story when OP turned tables on the idiot. You ought to think about awarding the reverse of AH scores for some of your OPs like the woman in this story.
I love when misogynists and incels like that guy are slapped with the uno reverse card. Especially ones that don't understand basic biology, like how the vagina is a muscle and doesn't get weaker with use. The muscles only get "loose" if the woman is REALLY turned on. So what this guy is really complaining about is that he doesn't like it when the woman he sleeps with is enjoying herself. Virgins are only USUALLY tight because they're nervous and often have partners that don't take the time to preheat the oven. A virgins first time can have 0 blood, very little discomfort, be loose and end with a big "O" moment if the guy ACTUALLY knows what he's doing.
*4th Story:* Anyone else getting the feeling that the dead sister was the mom's golden child? That is a hell of a cruel thing to do to your still-living kid(s).
Story 4..MASSIVE NTA. Let me get this straight: it's been 20 years since this mother lost one of her daughters, and she thinks that, instead of grieving her daughter in a normal(ish) way, it's a good idea to, during the speeches at her other, still living daughter's wedding, make a speech about the dead sister?! And BOTH sides of the family give OP flak for it?! Have we entered wonderland?! Now, I understand that grieving can be done in a number of ways, some good, some bad, and some that shouldn't even be done to begin with, and what this mother did is SQUARE in the latter. There is a time and place for everything, but that was the worst timing, and the absolute worst place.
The mother has turned her entire grief for the loss into being all about herself and has become self absorbed in it to the detriment of others who she should care about.
TBH OP knew what was coming when she invited her mom, C'mon EVERYTHING is about "her precious baby that was taken too soon", why her wedding would be different? It almost gives the feeling like OP's "mom" thinks of her as "the wrong daughter", if she was presented the opportunity of exchanging who died and who lived she'd choose OP's sister.
It's clear Adelaide is mom's favorite and she turned her grief into her personality. At this rate, it's a miracle she hasn't chased away everyone until she has nothing but Adelaide's memory to comfort and support her
I'm almost certain that the mom lied about what OP said to her at the apartment. The worst part is since the mom went on a mission to tell everyone it's unlikely any would believe OP's actual account.
As a collegiate competitive cheerleader, get your concussion test done before the season starts. You don’t throw a fit because it helps in the long run. I got concussed for 2 months because of cheer, and the original concussion test helps so much. Wish this kid knew the importance of it and the importance of basic respect.
Problem is it sounds like any guidance to not be a horrible person by OP is tossed aside by whatever entitled nonsense his wife gives. It sounds like daughter has no reason to have missed her test other than to try to assert any power she thinks she has.
What, praytell, _is_ a concussion test? My initial burst of imagination was someone hitting you with a 2x4 and recording the results lol. I'm sure it's much more medical and much less yokel than that, though.
I've been a pastor for over 30 years now. I have presided over a lot of funerals. (This is my go-to saying: give me two funeral over one wedding any day of the week.) Most funerals are relatively easy: Grandma/grandpa dies. They are old, everyone is sad. We eat really bad potluck food and go home to grieve. And then there are the difficult ones: the infant, the child, the teenager, the one just about to get married. If mom can't let the baby be with a stranger for even one to two hours, as a father of two, I completely get that--anxiety through the roof! But bringing a similar aged baby to a funeral for a baby is just inconsiderate. FYI: most funerals are live streamed now. My grandmother's was, which allowed my extended family to attend remotely.
I laughed at the "bad potluck food". It's usually pretty true. Tell me, do the members of your congregation insist on making those creamy jello salads with walnuts and whatnot from the 70's still? Mine did, but I guess it's comfort food for people of a certain era.
@@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon Yes. They still show up. But you have to be careful with the Jello-salads. Sometimes they are topped with Miracle Whip and sometimes with whipped cream. I avoid it at all costs.
@jamiesuejeffery Yes! I learned that the *hard* way as a kid 😬 Over time, I started to notice a bit of a pattern where the green one with the raisins and shredded carrots was "savory" and the red/pink ones with the canned fruit and what feels like ricotta cheese was the "sweet" one. Of course, even _those_ guidelines didn't always keep you safe! The 70's must have been horrifying to eat through as children 🫣
Story 3: The daughter was given a time, she chose not to go at that time, and that's it. What the peck did she expect? Why is the wife siding with her? Everyone has plans, and you can't simply make them change plans because you're inconsiderate
Daughter needs to learn that the world does not revolve around her and that there consequences. Wife and daughter can protest all they want but will end of the laughingstock when Beth provides the footage along with the policy which daughter and or parent signed before she became a cheerleader.
Another channel covered this one with comments, apparently the old athletic director was a push over and the students are rude to Beth because they don't want to follow schedules and actually qualify for sporting events/teams
@@christinacartter9784that makes things even worse for Beth! I’m glad she came to the job with the mindset already to cover herself. Schools don’t always look after their staff and being new she could’ve been ripe for the chopping block. All teachers should have body cameras
The last story: NTA. That woman didn’t have the right to ask op if he’s circumcised or not. She doesn’t get to play the victim when he asked about her pubic hair situation. She wanted to know if he was clipped and he asked her if she shaves. Fair is fair. She doesn’t get to runaway like a scared bunny and she’s not entitled to an apology.
Uh, she does get to run away like a scared bunny. In fact, that's exactly what she did do and any attempt to prevent her from doing so could be found illegal. Her reasons for running away don't have to be justified.
I don't believe that babies or toddlers belong at funerals. My father passed this year (2023) in May. My one sister brought her 2 year old daughter to the funeral and that little girl screamed (excitedly) while running around and crawling underneath people's chairs/benches and was just all-around a bit of a menace while my sister did absolutely NOTHING to control her kid. I was absolutely MORTIFIED. So were tbe rest of my siblings who all had the good sense to leave their babies and toddlers with a babysitter. The whole thing was upsetting too because we missed a LOT of the service and various eulogies because of this. My own eulogy was ruined because my niece started climbing on the casket while I was trying to speak about my father. My brother has a kkd the same age as our sister's kid and he had his daughter stay with a sitter. Another sister of ours had an infant who was breastfed and even SHE left her son with a sitter. Its an hour... Maybe 2 hours... It's NOT asking much to show some respect the people who are grieving.
I don’t think kids should be at a funeral because they can’t comprehend the reason they’re there. If your kids old enough to know why they’re going to a funeral then they’re old enough to be able to behave themselves.
My first funeral was for my Grandma, Dad's Mother. She had often cared for me and Sis. I was eight during this funeral. I knew the gravity of the situation. My Sis and I (she was seven) were quiet and respectful. Seeing Grandma in the casket was very sad, and we paid our respects as the adults did.
That’s on your sister. My oldest attended her great grandmother’s memorial when she was about 3. She was fine. I sat near a door in case, though. At one point she even started handing Kleenex to people around us. Another daughter on the other hand, was about that age when her great grandfather passed, and we knew she wasn’t the one to be in there, so she stayed in the lobby with my dad in law. All that to say it’s up to the parents to know whether or not it’s appropriate to bring their young children. May your dad’s memory be a blessing to all of you and eventually bring you peace. 🤍
@@stevenandcarminabeedle9089your daughter sounded very mature for her age and was respectful, along with you having a plan in place in case things went sour. Your daughter handing out Kleenex to people is the cutest.
My husband's grandfather passed away at the beginning of November. We didn't have any one to watch our 3 year old daughter for the viewing or funeral. My husband and I have been together for almost 19 years and his grandfather was very close to our girls. My 3yo was so very well behaved and she sat in her stroller during the viewing and she sat with my husband, mother in law and sister in law during the funeral service. She was quiet and didn't run around or distract from the services. Her being there though made my husband's grandmother happy. I think it would have been different if she was running around and not behaving. Now when my cousins 1 year old little girl passed away years ago, I refused to bring my daughters with me.
Fourth story, obviously OP is NTA and should go NC with her family if they're supporting her mom. This almost feels like golden child stuff beyond the grave? OP's mom continues to think of Adelaide decades after her death which is *normally* fine because I can't image the hell it has to be outliving a child. However, she's still and *always* putting her above OP, who's making big strides in her life. In OP's face at times even and that's what happened at OP's wedding. It was a day to celebrate OP and her new husband and instead, OP's mom still made it about Adelaide and the wording made it even more disgusting.
Worse than that, it sounded like mom's story wasn't even about Adelaide, but about HERSELF and HER journey if "healing" and "self discovery". She sounds like a total narcissist.
Story 2: as someone with ppd, I feel like going to the funeral for the baby would make it worse for the mother. A big gathering of grieving family a huge reminder of how things could go wrong. It's best for her mental health that she didn't go in my opinion.
@@DvanderPluijmas I said another post, I'm wondering if this particular mother is narcissistic sociopathic or psychopathic. given the levels of lack of empathy, that would definitely require some therapy
@@robinjameson4261You know what this is as somebody who works with people with mental health issues. Of course, a lot different than what this woman is struggling with. People who behave like the wife in the story or the mother and the wedding story. It's all about making their issues their problems. They're mental health the center of the day when it shouldn't be about them. People like this. It's all the trauma Olympics and how they're winning it. How no one's suffering more than them. Because I guarantee you. She brought that child to the funeral all of a sudden. Somehow she'd make the funeral all about her, her kids and her issues. Because why else would you want to bring a baby to a funeral. It doesn't matter if that funeral is for a 6-month-old or 66-year-old. It's inappropriate.
Story 2: The brother is kind enough not to make or get mad at OPs wife for not coming, but OPs wife isn't kind or understanding enough to go without the baby or to just not go. Ridiculous. Story 3: The daughter is a mini karen, and the mom is a karen. Story 4: Dump the family. The mom is more interested in a corpse than her daughter. The family have their priorities messed up and aren't worth keeping around. Story 5 and 6: Ah yes, equality and hypocrisy, love to see it.
About story 4: exactly, it does not sound like OP would lose anyone important to her. I mean if people care about someone who died 20 years ago more than an actual living sibling - screw them.
Story 2: if I were the dude, that is a hill I would die on. If my spouse showed this lack of awareness that would allow herself to be needlessly cruel to others, I would sacrifice my marriage to stop her.
The story about op's wedding that was ruined by her mother is that op needs to cut ties with her parents and extended family because her parents ruined her wedding by talking about their other daughter who died in a car crash
And going to a yoga retreat to cope? Tell me that you’re the main character who hates your daughter without telling me you’re the main character that hates your daughter?
Also wtaf with her father? Surely he knew his wife was gonna do EXACTLY that... so why surrender the mic? Why not cut her tf off LONG before 5 minutes? Dad needs to stand up. Its' been 25 YEARS.
Last story: bf r slash if a man went up to a woman and asked if her hymen was still intact you’d be giving WAY more than 1/5 and probably not making jokes about it…
That's because the hymen doesn't really exist in the first place. It is a bit of membrane surrounding the opening of the vagina. An intact hymen therefore isn't a thing. It can tear from rough sex certainly, but it would also heal. The whole "intact hymen" is a sexist notion of virginity in the first place.
Story 4: Everyone has a right to grieve in their own way, but *it's been over 20 years now,* and apparently the entire time, her grieving process is…pretending that OP is Adelaide (okay, that's probably a stretch) and making everything about that sister? That is unhealthy, that's entering Therapy territory! As much as telling her to get over it would be insensitive, her grieving is doing more harm than good, and it's costing her family bonds with OP
That last story... if the questions were asked in reverse, you would say dude was weird and sexist. Girls are always asking about things like that because they think it's okay. Truth of the matter, she doesn't know that guy that well, so why ask him?
Yeah he always let women have a pass for those situations. It sucks. Who the f- asked those kind of questions to people they barely know and then become emotional when are shown how delusional they are?
Why the hell did I have to scroll this far to see this? Dabney is always that bit existing in these situations. Roommate is TA and the girl deserved a higher score. Oh just because she's asking a public area question she deserves and and OP should just hit on her because why not? Jesus F*ing christ.
Not to mention the whole "Oh he tried to have sex with her" "Oh you should've just made a sexual comment towards her as a joke back" I don't know why this keeps happening so often, and ik it's for the sake of a joke, but not all college kids wanna show off their privates and fuck everything that breathes and has 2 legs. Idk why OP can't just have good boundaries, drunk or not.
Issue: Circumcision cannot be undone. While you can stretch remaining skin to restore the covering, this does not restore a number of structures present in foreskin such as the peripenic muscles, innervation, and preputial mucosa. The post text was correct -- circumcision is something guys "have no way to change." Your modification, "and is very hard to change," misinforms your audience.
Story 4: URGH OP, you have much more restrain than I do.. I would've walked up there, taken the mic and just be like "okay mom, what do /I/ deserve then? Can you talk about me and not my sister? Try again" and walked back down Reduce contact with your family, block them all. So toxic yuck
OP didn't want to ruin her wedding day. her mom was already making a scene, but it was one that could be ignored. if OP did what you suggested, then it would have led to a fight. you want to not only pick your battles, but your battlefield too. also, never interrupt your enemy while they are making a mistake, or in this case, proving to every one of your loved ones why they are your enemy and how you are the victim.
Story 1: your sister doesn't deserve to be punished for what your mom did and I do have sympathy for her. But unfortunately your grandparents don't have to do anything for her, it's not their job to help forget about how your mom betrayed there son. Also so long as they're not demanding you disown your half-sister or anything like that, no one says no to free college.
That's the wrong their 🥰 There = "The park is over there" (location) Their = "that is their ball" (ownership) They're = "They're going to the park" (They are) /gen + Positive
And sister knows the situation since her dad is in the picture. OP doesn’t mention his family’s financial situation so they may be able to afford Kathy’s college. Kathy’s father may be contributing too. From this story it’s hard to tell how this dynamic has impacted Kathy since we’re getting OPs perspective. From what he provides, she isn’t treated negatively by it. OPs parents have the right to not see someone not their grandchild as one. OPs parents have the right to separate the family from them if they felt like their presence would harm Kathy. And OP has the right to have contact with them after turning 18 and accepting the money.
5:05 vulnerable narcissism. Yes, you have legitimate needs. But they cant come before others needs or at their expense. Sometimes needs get unmet. Thats life. We all should work together to mitigate this from ever happening but key word is mitigate...it will never go away completely. The end.
Story three: Learning about consequences is an essential lesson too many parents never allow their child to learn. OP is a great parent for understanding this, and his wife does not deserve him.
Honestly dude. You make my work and life way more bearable. I listen to your stories every single day on my way to and from work.. I drive about 1000kms per week so a lot of the time I do need to cycle between old episodes and some of my music just to keep things interesting. You always manage to make whatever day I am having a little less shitty. Thankyou my guy ❤️
Depression and anxiety regardless of its cause does not give someone the right to be a bad person. You don't bring a baby to a dead baby's funeral, and it's unreasonable to get mad at someone for enforcing that.
Story 4: ouch… OPs daughter Sarah deserved that day, her mom ruined it. She could’ve mentioned the sister, just don’t make the whole damn speech about her. Something like “it would’ve been beautiful to have your sister here to experience this moment with you, even tho not physically she was still at Sarah’s side at the alter to see her sister off” some simple & sweet… ya know?
I LOVE it when people point out the incredible double standard around sex between men and women. He’s allowed to treat women like trash but gods forbid anyone give him the same treatment for a second
Same the other way around... somehow the many "good guys" get treated badly and the "bad guys" somehow get treated good. And no. Sadly thats not just a movie Stereotype.
Anyone remember when RSlash blamed a horse owner for a 14 year old getting kicked by a horse? He stated “kids forget and it was the horse owner’s responsibility to make sure it didn’t happen” by that logic, the teacher was responsible for reminding the child of their appointment. Just curious.
I remember that, but he was still on OP side, he just said that because its true that kids dont understand the danger of some situations until they happen sometimes
One of my husband's best friends lost his son a few weeks after he was born, I couldn't find anyone to babysit so I didn't go. I wanted to be there for them and show support but I couldn't show up at a newborn's funeral with my baby
Story 2 : I understand the problems the wife has that causes her to be irracional but not for a second did she had that moment of clarity of "I'm trying to take my son to a funeral for a child his own age, what am i doing?" it's guaranteed that someone at the funeral was going kick OP and her out when they saw OP's son because he's literally the same age. NTA Stroy 4 : "Now my Sarah gets the live the life Adelaide *deserved* ." I think that says it all. NTA
Plus, you're never going to convince me that the wife doesn't want to bring that child to the funeral so she can make the day of the funeral all about her and her issues. Because I don't care how much you're struggling mentally. You understand how inappropriate that is. But if you want to be the center of attention because you've been the center of attention because of your struggles and your issue. And now all of a sudden something's going to be about somebody else's issues and somebody else's day. No, you don't want that. So bringing the child bringing yourself and creating that scene that you know that child's going to create at the funeral makes it all about you again. Because then you can go on to everybody about how much you're struggling with postpartum and how hard everything's been for you. And oh my god. If what happened to them happen to me. I don't know if I could handle it. Come on. You can see the writing on the wall with that one. And you're absolutely right. This would be the hell I die on all the way to the divorce attorney.
Story 1: NTA. They make it seem like Kathy is a burden to them and made it seem like it's her fault for being an affair baby. She didn't choose to be born this way! If anything, everyone should be mad at the mom for even cheating in the first place!
Can I give an example to make people feel better after Story 1? My parents divorced when I was young and when my mom remarried years later she had a baby, my youngest sister (yes we're technically half-sisters but we don't call each other that.) With nobody asking her to do this, my paternal grandmother Maw Maw immediately and always considered her to be one of her grandchildren. Maw Maw was mentally disabled, and my mom didn't want to accidentally trick her/lead her on, so my mom at one point told her "You're very sweet to her, but you know she's not your son's baby, right?" and she said "I know but she's your baby, so she's my baby too." My mom shrugged and went "alright!" I always appreciated Maw Maw for that. 🥺
I’m glad Beth has the guts to stay. I can’t see any other teacher putting up with the students bs even with the measures she takes. Beth needs more people like OP on her side.
Last story: “I don’t think he’s out of line to ask you to apologize.” Nope. Friend is thinking with his crotch and not his head. That question was invasive and un-welcome. She started it. Op should NOT apologize for ending it.
@@lorilancaster5917 I don't know if that's the case or not, but I do think she was interested in the guy, and that's why she asked. She got embarrassed when it was turned back on her though. That could also be why the friend wants him to apologize. It may be he knows she was interested in him, and is trying to set the two up.
@@coppercornI agree that is a good possibility. However the girl should apologize for being a creep if she really has a crush on OP or else she can forget about anything happening. Friend should stay out of it. If the girl has a problem she has the means to tell OP herself.
It's their money. Kathy has 3 parents! 3! Her father, her mother and her Step-father.. I don't blame the grandparents, she's not their relative. I love how people always mad over someone else's money.. Nta
Last story: You don't ask questions you aren't willing to answer yourself. No need to apologize. But OP should rethink his approach. There are people out there who would have answered in a blink of an eye. So saying something like that it is a question reserved for a private conversation with friends or something like that might be better.
In the last story OP is mildly TA because he could’ve simply said “that question is a bit invasive” or somthing along those lines. Part of college is learning how to react to uncomfortable situations in a mature way before escalating to dishing back the energy.
Story 2: I was not expecting it to go that way. I thought the grieving parents would be the ones upset that OP's wife wouldnt leave the baby with a sitter and come to the funeral. But no, it went absolutely bonkers. I hope OP's wife gets more treatment and heals cuz she's really not in the right mind
So last story, I guess it's ok to s_ exual harass if it's in college? I wonder if rslash would have said that comment if a college man asked a college woman if she had a piercing down?
Maybe I'm mixing up 2 similar stories, but I think I rememeber reading that op said the comments that the mom was slighly drunk, or high plus she was arguing about something with the now deceased daughter so she wasn't paying attention and that's what caused the accident
I was wondering if guilt is what has made OP's mom be obsessed with her deceased daughter. Maybe she feels like she can atone if she keeps her daughter's memory alive or if she plays the part of the grieving mother.
For the grieving parent story, I understand that everyone grieves differently, and that losing a child is probably the worst thing a parent can go through, but OP's mom is totally the AH here. The questions that I have are if the deceased sister was a golden child, maybe a rainbow baby, or even if the accident was the mother's fault. None of this excuses her behavior, but it would explain it. Rslash is right - the mom lost 2 daughters by pushing the living one away. When my best friend's brother, David, died of cancer a few years ago it hit their mom very hard. She still grieves to this day, but she has only grown closer to her remaining son. She goes out of her way to spend time with him because she never knows how much time they'll have together. They were always a close family, but the loss of David reminded them to cherish who they have while remembering and honoring those they've lost
First story : I just feel sad for the sister to be honest. She didn't choose to be born or to be an affair baby. I feel she's being punished for something she didn't do.
How is she being punished? No one is doing anything to her. Those people have no obligation to be grandparents to a child they have no relation to, just because their son is a willing cuckold. If ANYONE was punished for no reason, it was OP when her parents cut her grandparents out of her life for disagreeing with them.
She isn't being punished. And the only one that was punished was OP. OP actually was punished for something she didn't do by being cut off from her grandparents. Unrelated people aren't obligated to pay for the sister. That should have been up to the three parents. That's right, three parents given the cheated on partner stayed and took responsibility. Complete with an entirely different set of grandparents that could have saved up for the sister's future.
@@impishrebel5969 OP's parents suck for cutting him from his grandparents. On that point, I completely agree with you. That's a messy situation and OP shouldn't suffer for his parent's decisions. That being said, his sister is being rejected by the grandparents. It must hurt like hell.
She isn't being punished, not getting money from strangers is not a punishment. I assume she has her own grandparents, maybe they'll give her money, and if they don't it's ok too
Yeah, several good points are brought up by others here. She has her own set of grandparents from the biological (and still in the picture) father's side. And while we haven't been told this, there's probably a good chance that they only care about the sister, if they're interested in this grandchild at all. Should we be upset at them for not being interested in OP despite the fact that OP's not related to them? This just pushes me further onto OP's side. Could I be wrong? Absolutely, but I feel that logically, this makes some degree of sense.
It's always great to learn something the hard way when there's low stakes because it sticks and the consequences are minimal. Missing out on a month of cheer as punishment for bad time keeping and sassing an adult isn't that big of a deal. Being late to work and sassing your boss when you dont get your way is a bigger deal.
11:06 - It is okay to grieve the loss of a child BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF EVERYONE ELSE! What that mother said was monstrous! And to think she revolves her entire existence around said child that passed. I will never understand such sorrow but it really peeves me when parents treat their alive children like parasites or worse… that they don’t deserve anything that comes their way just because another child has passed.
I actually think rslash kinda missed the point in the first story, the dad may not have officially adopted her but he obviously sees this girl as being a part of his family and his own parents won't accept HIS decision. I'd cut them out of my life too and be pissed that they continued to influence they son against his half sister. Despicable.
Why does bob only get 1? He ranks up there with people who say "I'm a nice girl/guy, why won't you date me?" He brags about his conquests(even if some are made up), puts other women down, then when he's called out, he does a 180 and pretends he's a "nice guy". Bob needs at least 3.
As a teacher... Yep. Everything's on camera and parents still double down about how unfair we are to their children even when there's evidence otherwise? Seems... about right.
Last story: Honestly that's so hypocritical. OP is clearly uncomfortable with the question this could border sexual harassment. They're in college, they're old enough to realise that questions like that are just gross and invasive to some people. Who the fuck cared about what the host is thinking or feeling?? If anything, since he's inviting these people some responsibility falls onto him for having his guests make OP uncomfortable. She got a taste of her own medicine and OP has nothing to apologise for
Last story: even if you are trying to score with that girl I still win the apologize, don't ask questions if you're not willing to answer them yourself. She doesn't get to be mad that you asked her a personal question after she tried to ask you.
And why should OP apologize if she won’t first? She was the one out of line. They are called privates for a reason. They aren’t called “have a looksies”!
About the last 2 stories, i'll give you an example of how one should react when you ask an inexperienced question. Many years ago, my mom was walking along with a friend of hers who happened to be Native American. She asked, "So, how much Native American are you?" He responded, "Well, how much white are you?" She paused, and said something along the lines of "...That's fair."
In the last story, OP said she blushed. I feel like she may have taken his barb as a counter proposition to have a look, and got to feeling some type of way... Whoops
I can't help but notice the mother's speech was about how "OP is living the life Adelaide should have had". Like... am I just bitter, or does that sound one step away from: "Why couldn't it have been Sarah I lost in the car accident instead?" Either way, what a disgusting time to bring this all up. It's been 20 years by OP's description. I know there's no cap on grief, but there's a time and a place to bring it up.
Story 2: I actually agree that baby shouldn't go to funerals, it's nothing against them but imagine a baby causing a fuss during the funeral it's just not good idea. Plus I'm pretty sure thing of the sea child the same age as your child probably won't be good for her anxiety. I know we got to take baby steps but she can't hover over your kid forever and it wouldn't even have been that long.
I would say maybe OP should’ve told his wife how would she have felt if the shoe was on the other foot. However instead of the wife getting the point, she’d likely throw a bigger tantrum and accuse OP of being a horrible person. OP please get her therapy asap!
2nd story: so reasonably you agreed with your brother that a baby shouldn't be at his dead childs funeral and your wife can't leave her with a babysitter and is saying you're not on "her side" or "defending her" ok wow your wife has attachment issues and is so making it about herself. Also your mother omg how can she be so ok with disrespecting your brother HER SON'S wish to not have a reminder of what he lost at the funeral.
I noted something else and it's... "why didn't you defend me?" Defend you from what? Nobody is talking you down or belittling you?? Why are you taking it as an attack. It must be part of her anxiety. Being politely asked to not bring your child that would emotionally hurt the grieving parents is NOT an attack.
People need to realize that, even if we're married or close family with someone, we don't have to side with them if they're in the wrong, especially so blatantly.
Story 1: Why is it OP's paternal grandparent's job to give the step-daughter money? That's her paternal grandparent's job! Are they saving money for OP? And if they aren't able to, well tough shit, mom should have cheated with someone who was rich.
First story: the grandparents do have the right to give money or not give money to whoever they want. And the parents and sister have the right to be pissed about OP accepting their refusal to recognize a child who hasn't done anything wrong and see her as a shitty person. She absolutely has a right to accept their money, but it doesn't mean that there won't be consequences in how the rest of her family views her.
Story 4: tell that side of the family that when there living in the shadow of your sibling to the point your mom makes every single thing you do about your sister they can have an opinion. It's been 20 years and she couldn't even give you your wedding day to focus on you, like get some help but don't come to your daughter for being done with you after all of that. But I do want to say if you can try not to remember your sister the way your mom has shoved her down your throat, I really hate the idea that you start to resent your sister because of what your mom's doing, you deserve to remember her fondly.
The third story is why I'm against homeschooling unless absolutely necessary. You can't learn socializing in a home school environment, and I've known people who struggle to socialize as a result.
you just need to give your kid opportunities to socialize. sign them up for a sport or something like dance classes. something that lets them interact with peers outside of the home. best situation really. the kids can learn at their own pace in the safety of their own home, and outside of the stress of school, and get to interact with people their own age who share their interests.
Babies shouldn’t be at funerals, my dad passed away four weeks ago on Monday, and my cousin brought her four toddlers and babies to the viewing and service and they continually yelled out and laughed the whole service. At the viewing they were waving hello and yelling “hello” to my dad who was lying dead in his casket. The parents who barely supervise their children at all thought it was cute.
Sadly been in an almost exact situation as the families who lost a baby / nephew. I was pregnant and so was SIL and she lost her baby and i didnt. I wanted to go to be there for them all and for my ex but there was no way that was going to happen. The still pregnant one showing up?? Hell no! Doesnt help we were due within a few weeks of each other
Story One: I understand the grandparent's position in this and they have every right to feel this way people should remember that OP's half-sister shouldn't be punished because it's not like she chose to be the product of this debacle. Should the parents be punished?
S1) Your grandparents have every right to choose what they do with their money. If they are your paternal grandparents and had made it crystal clear that they don't see Kathy as family that's their right. S2) You wife sucks. This was a tremendous loss one that is so unbearably unimaginable. They had one request. One. She could have taken your offer or stayed home with grace. S3) Beth is making OP's daughter face consequences. Job interviwer's aren't going to see you if your there late if you don't contact them before hand letting them know you'll be late. The daughter needs to learn that the world won't cater to her. Let your wife know that you won't aide in helping your daughter feel entitled to something she neglected. S4) Your family is giving you an amazing gift OP. The gift of never talking to them again. Block anyone taking these abusers side and live your best life. Maybe let them know that in that she wished death upon you for something outside your control and now its been made crystal clear should you have children their safety as well as well being would be put at risk cause your not your mom's golden child. Your life events aren't her means to get attention. Mom can get therapy or stay gone. Dad can ensure she gets therapy or continue to enable this nonsense and join her in staying gone. S5) Bob isn't entitled to anything form OP. Dude proved he has no self control with high odds he'd cheat as soon as possible. OP needs to tell anyone taking the douche cannon on fire side to either keep their thoughts to themselves or be ready to be kicked to the curve with Bob. S6) The best response would have been "You'll never know."
Story 1: if OPs step sister is still connected with her bio dad, then she likely has bio grandparents on her dads side who can provide her with the same offer.
What was the mom usually has no problem leaving the baby with her mother-in-law for an hour but suddenly it's the funeral of a six-month-old baby and she is asked out of respect not to bring her baby, and suddenly there's nobody can leave her baby with, she has to bring that baby. This is pure narcissism
I mean, I agree with you, but the mother in law was going to be at the funeral, as well as the husband. Those are the only two she lets babysit, so she really was out of "trusted people" to babysit for her.
Last story, I can't really agree with the comment of op having to say "would you like to check". Imagine if the roles were reversed and a guy asked a girl about her nipple color or other invasive question. In that situation should she say "would you like to check" too? No one, regardless of gender, has to act interested or in a sexual way just because some people don't have common sense.
I mean, I’d probably respond like that. I’ve tried the whole “let guys down gently and be polite” route. Now? Fuck it. If they can dish it out, they can take it.
@@beautifulmidnight This isn't about being gentle/polite or aggresive in your response though. There's nothing aggressive about "would you like to check", it's just a half flirty half jokey way of avoiding a real response. You can go ahead and use it if you're fine with it, but my point is that no one has too feel *obligated* to do a sexual joke just because the other person is crass and asking inappropriate questions.
With the second story, why does the wife even WANT to go to a baby's funeral?! Like I have a lot of anxiety in general that I have to take responsibility for but why would I put myself in a situation where my worst fears were realised for someone else? Mental illness doesn't always make sense but sometimes it's the person behind them that is acting badly and not making sense.
I think what feels particularly callous about her wanting to bring the baby is that her anxiety is likely driven by a fear tht something terrible could happen to the baby, which is exactly what happened to the parents of the baby lost. She experiences that fear yet wont try to understand why they don’t want the baby there.
Last Story: The women should get 2.5/5 at least. She was being a creep and OP has every right to respond the same. Saying he has to say something sexual cause it's college is stupid. If the roles were switched the score would be higher. This is dumb.
The wife with the baby is the ah. You do not bring your child to a funeral for a child of the same age. A baby died and you'd basically be rubbing your child in the other mothers face.
That was a weird comment at the end there about the room mate, like aight, avoid rslash if he invites men and women to his place, he's probably just trying to cheat on his wife
5:20 my sister has had post partum anxiety with both her kids but within reason. I promise you if she pulled some shit like this I would've grabbed her and asked what her damage is because you don't do that to grieving parents.
Story 1: although money is involved, it doesn't sound like it's really the issue. Sure the grandparents have the right not to give the money, but the parents also have a right to say who can be in their children's life. But if the bio dad isn't giving up his his rights, then they need to put some pressure on him and his family to pay for the sister's tuition
It's not her sister who she resents, It's her mother, and she should. I hope OP doesn't let her mother ruin her memory of her sister for herself, and standing up to her should make that easier.
If the wife wanted to attend the funeral of her nephew and had, she’d have lost her mind completely! It was good that she stayed home and she clearly needs more therapy and medication because her behaviour is not normal. I don’t cry easily, I don’t show emotion in public. The first time I attended a small child’s funeral was the most ghastly experience. I’m a seasoned combat veteran and I had to excuse myself to get it together. My husband sat there with tears running his face, silently, and all I could think of was the sheer, raw pain of the parents and family. You see that wee white coffin and your mind scrambles for some sense of sanity. Unfortunately, we’ve had to attend 3 of such funerals and it takes every ounce of strength and courage to attend. They’ve been as wretched as it comes. My heart is still hurting for the parents. They’ve all grown children now but a child never leaves your heart or mind. We lost our son six weeks after he was born. We opted out of a funeral but he would be 27 years old today. We had two children after and they’ve always known about their big brother in Heaven. OP did nothing wrong and everything right. His wife would have lost her mind entirely had she attended.
Story 5: as someone who cares about body count (come at me all you want in the comments its fine). I agree with OP. Body count is a tool for assessing *both* men and women. It is used to see if the person values short term gratification over long term gratification. So Bob cannot use it against girls if he is not willing to have it used against him.
2nd story, that baby is gonna have lifetime therapy if OP dont get wife better help, she is nuts. 4th story, Gratz mom, you now has no kids and no grandkids. smh
On story 4 I just wanted to comment on how crazy it is. My sister unalived herself when she was a teen. My parents have never once put her passing grief before me. They actively bc extremely clingy towards me. It's crazy to hear a story that's reverse situation. It's obvious the older sister was the golden child and the one alive was unwanted
Story 1: I think it should be said that Kathy is also NTA because she shouldnt be punished for her parents cheating or the fact she is a product of said cheating. Now if she was acting entitled then yah she would get a score but from what I heard/read I stand by the NTA.
I don’t think the friends WERE saying it was ok for Bob to slut-shame people, just that it’s not good to bring yourself down to that level. Two wrongs don’t make a right, you know? I do agree with the other half of the friend group though, him getting a taste of his own medicine is absolutely hilarious.
When my Dad died, both my sisters brought their kids to Grandad's funeral service. Yeah, little kids who were fascinated by the garden at the back, and my tiny niece dancing like a wee fairy around the coffin. Was anybody upset? Nope. In fact, I know that Dad would have thought it was hilarious and would have enjoyed every minute of it. He loved the kids and was devastated that he couldn't see them often during his illness. The kids were quiet. They didn't really understand, which was fine, we were there as a family for Dad/Grandad's funeral service. Just sad he wasn't there to see his little dancing granddaughter. There's a time and place maybe to have kids or not at funeral services. Ours was a celebration and time of remembrance for friends, family, colleagues, youth group members to recall and share the good times we all had with my great Dad.
As someone who lost a baby and had a funeral service for him, I am 100% with the brother and his wife who asked for babies NOT to be at the funeral. Losing a child is the absolute WORST thing that could ever happen, and OP's wife should have been at least understanding of that request. At least for an hour in order to attend the service.
i’m so sorry for your loss
I'm so very sorry
My heart aches for you. I’ve no words of comfort that will heal that shattered place in your heart and soul. Prayers for strength and comfort are the best I can do for you. We lost our son at 6 weeks and there are no words to describe our pain. I’ve lost two siblings and I see that pain in my dad’s eyes. You’re a warrior with strength unmatched in my eyes. Prayers and blessings to you for strength and comfort throughout your life.
Agreed. The funeral of a child is NOT the place to bring other kids. Not just because it is insensitive to the grieving parents, but because it is also extremely scarring for a child to see another child deceased.
I am so very sorry. Not bringing the baby to another baby’s memorial service should go without saying. She could’ve even attended with her husband on FT and muted. Something. I hope it was a post partum issue contributing to her mind set, because I’d hate to think someone is really that self-centered to make an infant’s funeral about themselves.
'"now she's living the life my Adelaide deserved" translates to: "you should have died instead"
that is just unforgivable
Even if that's not what she ment that plus her history of behavior really makes it feel that way
Last story: if you can't dish it, don't serve it. She asked an invasive question and got upset when asked one back. No need for OP to apologise at all unless the girl decides to say sorry and make amends first.
Moral of the story for the last two stories.
Pretty much. Though I'd just say that only my special friends get to find that out. 😊
Story 2: Do not take a baby to the funeral of another baby! That's just basic empathy.
Or how about, don't take a young child to any type of event like that. Basic logic states that babies and young kids don't belong at quiet events like that
Brother made it clear to not bring the baby which is understandable. Sounds like wife wanted to go only to bring her baby and draw attention to her and her angel.
Plus, how hard would it be on the mother of a living baby to go to an event like that? It sure wouldn't help with the wife's post-partum anxiety and may even worsen it. The wife wasn't even thinking about her own mental health when she demanded to go.
Taking a baby to a funeral, full stop, is just poor form.
@@codyjohnson6427 2 months ago was the funeral of my grandfather. A friend of my mother came with her 4 years old son. He didn't do anything wrong, he was silent (even tho he didn't understand what was happening), even he hugged me...
But still, it wasn't something for kids. I understand some people would need a hug from someone, I know that the mother and the kid tried to cheer me up, but... I don't like kids and I NEEDED to be alone... That hug made me fell even worst.
It was a day when I needed to be left alone, I sat beside the casket in silence all morning, I just was listening the music my grandad liked and nothing more...
Some kids (like the son of my mother's friend) are well-behaved and don't do anything wrong... But still, I feel it wasn't a place for a child that never knew my grandfather.
‘Now sarah gets to live the life adelaide deserved’ is such an awful way of putting it!
Because, intentional or not, it implies that OP somehow is living her sister’s life, instead of her own. (Like, if Adelaide had been alive, OP would not be marrying right now) Like… her mother sees OP as some sort of fake adelaide, a replacement, and not her own person, a separate daughter.
That’s just so awful and sad, my condolences to the OP.
To me it had more of a "why did she die and not you" vibe.
Honestly? I would've gone NC 15 years ago.
How inconsiderate of the mother to ruin her daughter's wedding day by bringing up a sister that didn't have the chance to do so, and then react as if OP had no right to respond the way she did to her speech at the wedding. Yes, you have every right to grieve a child you lost, but there's a time and place to bring that up, and your daughter's wedding wasn't it. OP is NTA.
And it’s been 20 years and she has used every milestone of OPs as yet another memorial for Adelaide. I hope OP sees that they think they only ever had one daughter and cut them and their flying monkeys out of her life. If OP ever becomes pregnant, I hope she limits this knowledge in order to continue to keep her parents away.
OP’s “mom” doesn’t care about OP at all to OP’s “mom” she basically had one daughter and that was OP’s sister
That mother doesn't care about her living daughter at all. In fact her speech wasn't really about anyone but herself. For her own sake daughter needs to keep with the low contact with her me me me mother.
I'd call it well beyond inconsiderate to the point of severe mental problems. The mother and Adelaide had been in a car wreck when OP was 12, could the accident have clearly been the mothers fault?
It seems that OP's mother and her relatives "hope" that she "dies" instead of OP's sister.
How dare you live instead of my beloved child. How dare you be happy? That I didn't see her happy, but you.
Beth has the patience of a saint. Allowing students to be blatantly disrespectful to a member of staff is the real issue. OP's daughter purposely missed her appointment. Actions have consequences and OP's daughter is being held accountable. OP's wife and the other parents are enabling the behavior. At my school, if you missed the school sponsored physical, you had to make your own arrangements to get a physical. If you mouthed off to a teacher, you got detention. Called a teacher names? Suspension at minimum and depending on how egregious or if it was recurring, expulsion.
I bet if Beth let the girls compete without doing the concussion test and one of the students suffered an injury because of it, the mother would have been demanding Beth's head on a pike for negligence.
Also, the mothers complaining about Beth also complain about how 'disrespectful kids are nowadays.'
OP should say something like this
be thankful I'm not grounding you for the tantrum you threw
Funeral decision: This is a BAD idea for a mother with Post-Partum to go to a funeral where a child her child's age is dead. She needed to stay home with the baby.
I'm personally just trying to figure out if the mother who just has to have her baby there is narcissistic sociopathic or psychopathic because this is a person needs help levels of complete and total lack of empathy
Oh man didn't think about that aspect. Double whammy justified
What I think it is is this woman is in the trauma Olympics. Where no one's trauma is as bad as hers and she's winning. What she wants is to bring that baby to the funeral so she can have her seen. Babies cry. That's what they do. It's not their fault. They're babies. So inevitably when the baby cries and she gets her seen. She'll get to tell everyone about how much she's struggling with postpartum depression and her anxiety. And she just couldn't handle this happening to her child. That way everybody will gather around here and Pat her on the back and tell her it'll be okay and it won't happen to her. Instead of being there for The grieving parents. She'll get to have her little scene and be content in the fact that nobody has as much trauma and as much suffering in their life as she does. That's what it's about. We all know that person who's always in the trauma Olympics. Where every time you talk about when something bad happens in your life and you're struggling, they're struggling so much worse and you don't even know. That's what this is.
I literally laughed out loud during the 5th "shaming" story when OP turned tables on the idiot. You ought to think about awarding the reverse of AH scores for some of your OPs like the woman in this story.
I love when misogynists and incels like that guy are slapped with the uno reverse card. Especially ones that don't understand basic biology, like how the vagina is a muscle and doesn't get weaker with use. The muscles only get "loose" if the woman is REALLY turned on. So what this guy is really complaining about is that he doesn't like it when the woman he sleeps with is enjoying herself. Virgins are only USUALLY tight because they're nervous and often have partners that don't take the time to preheat the oven. A virgins first time can have 0 blood, very little discomfort, be loose and end with a big "O" moment if the guy ACTUALLY knows what he's doing.
Gotta love reverse UNO cards.
need to lose some of the friends, I see
*4th Story:* Anyone else getting the feeling that the dead sister was the mom's golden child? That is a hell of a cruel thing to do to your still-living kid(s).
Sounds like she was the dad’s too. I would say they made OP compete with a ghost but they never gave her the chance. Instead they made OP the ghost
@@lorilancaster5917 Ooooh, that was so well-said! Like, a total zinger!
Story 4..MASSIVE NTA. Let me get this straight: it's been 20 years since this mother lost one of her daughters, and she thinks that, instead of grieving her daughter in a normal(ish) way, it's a good idea to, during the speeches at her other, still living daughter's wedding, make a speech about the dead sister?! And BOTH sides of the family give OP flak for it?! Have we entered wonderland?! Now, I understand that grieving can be done in a number of ways, some good, some bad, and some that shouldn't even be done to begin with, and what this mother did is SQUARE in the latter. There is a time and place for everything, but that was the worst timing, and the absolute worst place.
The mother has turned her entire grief for the loss into being all about herself and has become self absorbed in it to the detriment of others who she should care about.
TBH OP knew what was coming when she invited her mom, C'mon EVERYTHING is about "her precious baby that was taken too soon", why her wedding would be different? It almost gives the feeling like OP's "mom" thinks of her as "the wrong daughter", if she was presented the opportunity of exchanging who died and who lived she'd choose OP's sister.
It's clear Adelaide is mom's favorite and she turned her grief into her personality. At this rate, it's a miracle she hasn't chased away everyone until she has nothing but Adelaide's memory to comfort and support her
I'm almost certain that the mom lied about what OP said to her at the apartment. The worst part is since the mom went on a mission to tell everyone it's unlikely any would believe OP's actual account.
@@chaudxvictim blaming isnt cute.
As a collegiate competitive cheerleader, get your concussion test done before the season starts. You don’t throw a fit because it helps in the long run. I got concussed for 2 months because of cheer, and the original concussion test helps so much. Wish this kid knew the importance of it and the importance of basic respect.
Problem is it sounds like any guidance to not be a horrible person by OP is tossed aside by whatever entitled nonsense his wife gives. It sounds like daughter has no reason to have missed her test other than to try to assert any power she thinks she has.
What, praytell, _is_ a concussion test? My initial burst of imagination was someone hitting you with a 2x4 and recording the results lol. I'm sure it's much more medical and much less yokel than that, though.
I've been a pastor for over 30 years now. I have presided over a lot of funerals. (This is my go-to saying: give me two funeral over one wedding any day of the week.) Most funerals are relatively easy: Grandma/grandpa dies. They are old, everyone is sad. We eat really bad potluck food and go home to grieve. And then there are the difficult ones: the infant, the child, the teenager, the one just about to get married. If mom can't let the baby be with a stranger for even one to two hours, as a father of two, I completely get that--anxiety through the roof! But bringing a similar aged baby to a funeral for a baby is just inconsiderate. FYI: most funerals are live streamed now. My grandmother's was, which allowed my extended family to attend remotely.
I laughed at the "bad potluck food". It's usually pretty true. Tell me, do the members of your congregation insist on making those creamy jello salads with walnuts and whatnot from the 70's still? Mine did, but I guess it's comfort food for people of a certain era.
@@OuchingTigerLimpingDragon Yes. They still show up. But you have to be careful with the Jello-salads. Sometimes they are topped with Miracle Whip and sometimes with whipped cream. I avoid it at all costs.
@jamiesuejeffery Yes! I learned that the *hard* way as a kid 😬 Over time, I started to notice a bit of a pattern where the green one with the raisins and shredded carrots was "savory" and the red/pink ones with the canned fruit and what feels like ricotta cheese was the "sweet" one. Of course, even _those_ guidelines didn't always keep you safe! The 70's must have been horrifying to eat through as children 🫣
Story 3: The daughter was given a time, she chose not to go at that time, and that's it. What the peck did she expect? Why is the wife siding with her?
Everyone has plans, and you can't simply make them change plans because you're inconsiderate
Daughter needs to learn that the world does not revolve around her and that there consequences. Wife and daughter can protest all they want but will end of the laughingstock when Beth provides the footage along with the policy which daughter and or parent signed before she became a cheerleader.
Yup. I'm glad the mom wasn't an entitled parent and actually could see that maybe her daughter was in the wrong. Great stuff
Another channel covered this one with comments, apparently the old athletic director was a push over and the students are rude to Beth because they don't want to follow schedules and actually qualify for sporting events/teams
@@christinacartter9784that makes things even worse for Beth! I’m glad she came to the job with the mindset already to cover herself. Schools don’t always look after their staff and being new she could’ve been ripe for the chopping block. All teachers should have body cameras
@@codyjohnson6427 I think it was the dad. The mother sounds like she could be part of the reason her daughter is all about herself.
The last story: NTA. That woman didn’t have the right to ask op if he’s circumcised or not.
She doesn’t get to play the victim when he asked about her pubic hair situation.
She wanted to know if he was clipped and he asked her if she shaves.
Fair is fair. She doesn’t get to runaway like a scared bunny and she’s not entitled to an apology.
Uh, she does get to run away like a scared bunny. In fact, that's exactly what she did do and any attempt to prevent her from doing so could be found illegal. Her reasons for running away don't have to be justified.
I don't believe that babies or toddlers belong at funerals. My father passed this year (2023) in May. My one sister brought her 2 year old daughter to the funeral and that little girl screamed (excitedly) while running around and crawling underneath people's chairs/benches and was just all-around a bit of a menace while my sister did absolutely NOTHING to control her kid.
I was absolutely MORTIFIED. So were tbe rest of my siblings who all had the good sense to leave their babies and toddlers with a babysitter.
The whole thing was upsetting too because we missed a LOT of the service and various eulogies because of this. My own eulogy was ruined because my niece started climbing on the casket while I was trying to speak about my father.
My brother has a kkd the same age as our sister's kid and he had his daughter stay with a sitter. Another sister of ours had an infant who was breastfed and even SHE left her son with a sitter.
Its an hour... Maybe 2 hours... It's NOT asking much to show some respect the people who are grieving.
I don’t think kids should be at a funeral because they can’t comprehend the reason they’re there. If your kids old enough to know why they’re going to a funeral then they’re old enough to be able to behave themselves.
My first funeral was for my Grandma, Dad's Mother. She had often cared for me and Sis. I was eight during this funeral. I knew the gravity of the situation. My Sis and I (she was seven) were quiet and respectful. Seeing Grandma in the casket was very sad, and we paid our respects as the adults did.
That’s on your sister. My oldest attended her great grandmother’s memorial when she was about 3. She was fine. I sat near a door in case, though. At one point she even started handing Kleenex to people around us. Another daughter on the other hand, was about that age when her great grandfather passed, and we knew she wasn’t the one to be in there, so she stayed in the lobby with my dad in law. All that to say it’s up to the parents to know whether or not it’s appropriate to bring their young children. May your dad’s memory be a blessing to all of you and eventually bring you peace. 🤍
@@stevenandcarminabeedle9089your daughter sounded very mature for her age and was respectful, along with you having a plan in place in case things went sour. Your daughter handing out Kleenex to people is the cutest.
My husband's grandfather passed away at the beginning of November. We didn't have any one to watch our 3 year old daughter for the viewing or funeral. My husband and I have been together for almost 19 years and his grandfather was very close to our girls. My 3yo was so very well behaved and she sat in her stroller during the viewing and she sat with my husband, mother in law and sister in law during the funeral service. She was quiet and didn't run around or distract from the services. Her being there though made my husband's grandmother happy. I think it would have been different if she was running around and not behaving. Now when my cousins 1 year old little girl passed away years ago, I refused to bring my daughters with me.
Fourth story, obviously OP is NTA and should go NC with her family if they're supporting her mom. This almost feels like golden child stuff beyond the grave? OP's mom continues to think of Adelaide decades after her death which is *normally* fine because I can't image the hell it has to be outliving a child. However, she's still and *always* putting her above OP, who's making big strides in her life. In OP's face at times even and that's what happened at OP's wedding. It was a day to celebrate OP and her new husband and instead, OP's mom still made it about Adelaide and the wording made it even more disgusting.
Worse than that, it sounded like mom's story wasn't even about Adelaide, but about HERSELF and HER journey if "healing" and "self discovery". She sounds like a total narcissist.
Story 2: as someone with ppd, I feel like going to the funeral for the baby would make it worse for the mother. A big gathering of grieving family a huge reminder of how things could go wrong. It's best for her mental health that she didn't go in my opinion.
I agree. And she should not hold her own choice over OP's head, but she does.
@@DvanderPluijmas I said another post, I'm wondering if this particular mother is narcissistic sociopathic or psychopathic. given the levels of lack of empathy, that would definitely require some therapy
@@robinjameson4261You know what this is as somebody who works with people with mental health issues. Of course, a lot different than what this woman is struggling with. People who behave like the wife in the story or the mother and the wedding story. It's all about making their issues their problems. They're mental health the center of the day when it shouldn't be about them. People like this. It's all the trauma Olympics and how they're winning it. How no one's suffering more than them. Because I guarantee you. She brought that child to the funeral all of a sudden. Somehow she'd make the funeral all about her, her kids and her issues. Because why else would you want to bring a baby to a funeral. It doesn't matter if that funeral is for a 6-month-old or 66-year-old. It's inappropriate.
For the last two stories, if you can’t take what you dish out then keep your trap shut.
Story 2: The brother is kind enough not to make or get mad at OPs wife for not coming, but OPs wife isn't kind or understanding enough to go without the baby or to just not go. Ridiculous.
Story 3: The daughter is a mini karen, and the mom is a karen.
Story 4: Dump the family. The mom is more interested in a corpse than her daughter. The family have their priorities messed up and aren't worth keeping around.
Story 5 and 6: Ah yes, equality and hypocrisy, love to see it.
About story 4: exactly, it does not sound like OP would lose anyone important to her. I mean if people care about someone who died 20 years ago more than an actual living sibling - screw them.
Story 2: if I were the dude, that is a hill I would die on. If my spouse showed this lack of awareness that would allow herself to be needlessly cruel to others, I would sacrifice my marriage to stop her.
The story about op's wedding that was ruined by her mother is that op needs to cut ties with her parents and extended family because her parents ruined her wedding by talking about their other daughter who died in a car crash
And going to a yoga retreat to cope? Tell me that you’re the main character who hates your daughter without telling me you’re the main character that hates your daughter?
@@lorilancaster5917I bet there was "stretching" done at that "yoga retreat" the dad doesn't know about.
@@akl2k7thinking she was trying for an Adelaide 2.0?
Not just talking about her. Essentially shaming OP for... checks notes... nor being dead.
Also wtaf with her father? Surely he knew his wife was gonna do EXACTLY that... so why surrender the mic? Why not cut her tf off LONG before 5 minutes? Dad needs to stand up. Its' been 25 YEARS.
Last story: bf r slash if a man went up to a woman and asked if her hymen was still intact you’d be giving WAY more than 1/5 and probably not making jokes about it…
Because Dabny is a bit sexist
That's because the hymen doesn't really exist in the first place. It is a bit of membrane surrounding the opening of the vagina. An intact hymen therefore isn't a thing. It can tear from rough sex certainly, but it would also heal.
The whole "intact hymen" is a sexist notion of virginity in the first place.
@@MrRightobobo yeah unfortunately, very frustrating.
He certainly wouldn't tell a woman to respond with "you want to check?"
Story 4: Everyone has a right to grieve in their own way, but *it's been over 20 years now,* and apparently the entire time, her grieving process is…pretending that OP is Adelaide (okay, that's probably a stretch) and making everything about that sister? That is unhealthy, that's entering Therapy territory!
As much as telling her to get over it would be insensitive, her grieving is doing more harm than good, and it's costing her family bonds with OP
Watch the first part of Melancholia. The mother’s wedding speech is off the hook. 😅
That last story... if the questions were asked in reverse, you would say dude was weird and sexist. Girls are always asking about things like that because they think it's okay. Truth of the matter, she doesn't know that guy that well, so why ask him?
As a woman, I never ask. Know why? Because it’s out of line and none of my damn business even if I had impure thoughts about the person!
Exactly like if this was “ a man came up to me and asked if my hymen was broken yet” we’d be sitting in on a lecture, not his stand up routine
Yeah he always let women have a pass for those situations. It sucks. Who the f- asked those kind of questions to people they barely know and then become emotional when are shown how delusional they are?
Why the hell did I have to scroll this far to see this? Dabney is always that bit existing in these situations. Roommate is TA and the girl deserved a higher score. Oh just because she's asking a public area question she deserves and and OP should just hit on her because why not? Jesus F*ing christ.
Not to mention the whole "Oh he tried to have sex with her" "Oh you should've just made a sexual comment towards her as a joke back"
I don't know why this keeps happening so often, and ik it's for the sake of a joke, but not all college kids wanna show off their privates and fuck everything that breathes and has 2 legs. Idk why OP can't just have good boundaries, drunk or not.
Issue: Circumcision cannot be undone. While you can stretch remaining skin to restore the covering, this does not restore a number of structures present in foreskin such as the peripenic muscles, innervation, and preputial mucosa. The post text was correct -- circumcision is something guys "have no way to change." Your modification, "and is very hard to change," misinforms your audience.
Story 4: URGH OP, you have much more restrain than I do..
I would've walked up there, taken the mic and just be like "okay mom, what do /I/ deserve then? Can you talk about me and not my sister? Try again" and walked back down
Reduce contact with your family, block them all. So toxic yuck
OP didn't want to ruin her wedding day. her mom was already making a scene, but it was one that could be ignored. if OP did what you suggested, then it would have led to a fight. you want to not only pick your battles, but your battlefield too. also, never interrupt your enemy while they are making a mistake, or in this case, proving to every one of your loved ones why they are your enemy and how you are the victim.
Story 1: your sister doesn't deserve to be punished for what your mom did and I do have sympathy for her. But unfortunately your grandparents don't have to do anything for her, it's not their job to help forget about how your mom betrayed there son. Also so long as they're not demanding you disown your half-sister or anything like that, no one says no to free college.
That's the wrong their 🥰
There = "The park is over there" (location)
Their = "that is their ball" (ownership)
They're = "They're going to the park" (They are)
/gen + Positive
How is the sister being "punished"?
@@KomaedasOneTrueHopeIk you're well meaning, with the tags that are there, but ik I would've cried, tags or not 😭😭
@@JoshuaGJustice okay yeah punished the wrong word, I guess ostracized is the word I'm looking for.
And sister knows the situation since her dad is in the picture. OP doesn’t mention his family’s financial situation so they may be able to afford Kathy’s college. Kathy’s father may be contributing too. From this story it’s hard to tell how this dynamic has impacted Kathy since we’re getting OPs perspective. From what he provides, she isn’t treated negatively by it. OPs parents have the right to not see someone not their grandchild as one. OPs parents have the right to separate the family from them if they felt like their presence would harm Kathy. And OP has the right to have contact with them after turning 18 and accepting the money.
5:05 vulnerable narcissism. Yes, you have legitimate needs. But they cant come before others needs or at their expense. Sometimes needs get unmet. Thats life. We all should work together to mitigate this from ever happening but key word is mitigate...it will never go away completely. The end.
Story three: Learning about consequences is an essential lesson too many parents never allow their child to learn. OP is a great parent for understanding this, and his wife does not deserve him.
Honestly dude. You make my work and life way more bearable. I listen to your stories every single day on my way to and from work.. I drive about 1000kms per week so a lot of the time I do need to cycle between old episodes and some of my music just to keep things interesting.
You always manage to make whatever day I am having a little less shitty.
Thankyou my guy ❤️
Hearing that "Douche canoe" is still in circulation brings joy to my heart.
Depression and anxiety regardless of its cause does not give someone the right to be a bad person. You don't bring a baby to a dead baby's funeral, and it's unreasonable to get mad at someone for enforcing that.
Story 4: ouch… OPs daughter Sarah deserved that day, her mom ruined it. She could’ve mentioned the sister, just don’t make the whole damn speech about her. Something like “it would’ve been beautiful to have your sister here to experience this moment with you, even tho not physically she was still at Sarah’s side at the alter to see her sister off” some simple & sweet… ya know?
I LOVE it when people point out the incredible double standard around sex between men and women. He’s allowed to treat women like trash but gods forbid anyone give him the same treatment for a second
Same the other way around... somehow the many "good guys" get treated badly and the "bad guys" somehow get treated good.
And no. Sadly thats not just a movie Stereotype.
@@Council5r/niceguys
Anyone remember when RSlash blamed a horse owner for a 14 year old getting kicked by a horse? He stated “kids forget and it was the horse owner’s responsibility to make sure it didn’t happen” by that logic, the teacher was responsible for reminding the child of their appointment. Just curious.
Do we know that the trainer didn’t remind the 15 year old about the test? The “If you don’t do this, you can’t cheer” test?
@@beautifulmidnight we don’t. It was never mentioned but still, RSlash is never consistent with his judgments and people notice
I remember that, but he was still on OP side, he just said that because its true that kids dont understand the danger of some situations until they happen sometimes
@@camilas.5294 he gave them a butthole score
One of my husband's best friends lost his son a few weeks after he was born, I couldn't find anyone to babysit so I didn't go. I wanted to be there for them and show support but I couldn't show up at a newborn's funeral with my baby
I'm so sorry for your friend's loss. I hope that he understood your situation and that you went to pay him respects once you were able to.
Story 2 : I understand the problems the wife has that causes her to be irracional but not for a second did she had that moment of clarity of "I'm trying to take my son to a funeral for a child his own age, what am i doing?" it's guaranteed that someone at the funeral was going kick OP and her out when they saw OP's son because he's literally the same age. NTA
Stroy 4 : "Now my Sarah gets the live the life Adelaide *deserved* ." I think that says it all. NTA
Plus, you're never going to convince me that the wife doesn't want to bring that child to the funeral so she can make the day of the funeral all about her and her issues. Because I don't care how much you're struggling mentally. You understand how inappropriate that is. But if you want to be the center of attention because you've been the center of attention because of your struggles and your issue. And now all of a sudden something's going to be about somebody else's issues and somebody else's day. No, you don't want that. So bringing the child bringing yourself and creating that scene that you know that child's going to create at the funeral makes it all about you again. Because then you can go on to everybody about how much you're struggling with postpartum and how hard everything's been for you. And oh my god. If what happened to them happen to me. I don't know if I could handle it. Come on. You can see the writing on the wall with that one. And you're absolutely right. This would be the hell I die on all the way to the divorce attorney.
Story 1: NTA. They make it seem like Kathy is a burden to them and made it seem like it's her fault for being an affair baby. She didn't choose to be born this way! If anything, everyone should be mad at the mom for even cheating in the first place!
Yup, surprised the mom didn't get a butthole score
Seems like everyone but OP and OP’s grandparents are gonna blame the cheating mom for cheating
@@bibigamer502 Yeah, I am going to give them at least 1 or 2 butthole score for that.
Can I give an example to make people feel better after Story 1? My parents divorced when I was young and when my mom remarried years later she had a baby, my youngest sister (yes we're technically half-sisters but we don't call each other that.) With nobody asking her to do this, my paternal grandmother Maw Maw immediately and always considered her to be one of her grandchildren. Maw Maw was mentally disabled, and my mom didn't want to accidentally trick her/lead her on, so my mom at one point told her "You're very sweet to her, but you know she's not your son's baby, right?" and she said "I know but she's your baby, so she's my baby too." My mom shrugged and went "alright!" I always appreciated Maw Maw for that. 🥺
That’s a completely different situation not even comparable
@@PhilipJFry58598 Okay
Cheerleader story: And some wonder why no one wants to teach...
I’m glad Beth has the guts to stay. I can’t see any other teacher putting up with the students bs even with the measures she takes. Beth needs more people like OP on her side.
Last story: “I don’t think he’s out of line to ask you to apologize.” Nope. Friend is thinking with his crotch and not his head. That question was invasive and un-welcome. She started it. Op should NOT apologize for ending it.
I wonder if this girl is the type who thinks all guys want her and she can make them do whatever she wants?
@@lorilancaster5917 I don't know if that's the case or not, but I do think she was interested in the guy, and that's why she asked. She got embarrassed when it was turned back on her though. That could also be why the friend wants him to apologize. It may be he knows she was interested in him, and is trying to set the two up.
@@coppercornI agree that is a good possibility. However the girl should apologize for being a creep if she really has a crush on OP or else she can forget about anything happening. Friend should stay out of it. If the girl has a problem she has the means to tell OP herself.
@@lorilancaster5917 yep, yep
It's their money. Kathy has 3 parents! 3! Her father, her mother and her Step-father.. I don't blame the grandparents, she's not their relative. I love how people always mad over someone else's money.. Nta
Last story: You don't ask questions you aren't willing to answer yourself. No need to apologize. But OP should rethink his approach. There are people out there who would have answered in a blink of an eye. So saying something like that it is a question reserved for a private conversation with friends or something like that might be better.
So it's ok for girl to ask there, but the guy should do it in private?
In the last story OP is mildly TA because he could’ve simply said “that question is a bit invasive” or somthing along those lines. Part of college is learning how to react to uncomfortable situations in a mature way before escalating to dishing back the energy.
Story 2: I was not expecting it to go that way. I thought the grieving parents would be the ones upset that OP's wife wouldnt leave the baby with a sitter and come to the funeral. But no, it went absolutely bonkers. I hope OP's wife gets more treatment and heals cuz she's really not in the right mind
So last story, I guess it's ok to s_ exual harass if it's in college? I wonder if rslash would have said that comment if a college man asked a college woman if she had a piercing down?
I'm curious on who's fault the accident was. If it was OP's mom, then her making the grand speech is EXTRA asshole-ish
Jeebus, that's something I haven't even thought of! 😬
Maybe I'm mixing up 2 similar stories, but I think I rememeber reading that op said the comments that the mom was slighly drunk, or high plus she was arguing about something with the now deceased daughter so she wasn't paying attention and that's what caused the accident
I was wondering if guilt is what has made OP's mom be obsessed with her deceased daughter. Maybe she feels like she can atone if she keeps her daughter's memory alive or if she plays the part of the grieving mother.
don't hold on to someone's death for so long & so tightly , that it affects your relationship with others
For the grieving parent story, I understand that everyone grieves differently, and that losing a child is probably the worst thing a parent can go through, but OP's mom is totally the AH here. The questions that I have are if the deceased sister was a golden child, maybe a rainbow baby, or even if the accident was the mother's fault. None of this excuses her behavior, but it would explain it. Rslash is right - the mom lost 2 daughters by pushing the living one away. When my best friend's brother, David, died of cancer a few years ago it hit their mom very hard. She still grieves to this day, but she has only grown closer to her remaining son. She goes out of her way to spend time with him because she never knows how much time they'll have together. They were always a close family, but the loss of David reminded them to cherish who they have while remembering and honoring those they've lost
And that's a far healthier way to try to come to terms with such a devastating loss.
First story : I just feel sad for the sister to be honest. She didn't choose to be born or to be an affair baby. I feel she's being punished for something she didn't do.
How is she being punished? No one is doing anything to her. Those people have no obligation to be grandparents to a child they have no relation to, just because their son is a willing cuckold.
If ANYONE was punished for no reason, it was OP when her parents cut her grandparents out of her life for disagreeing with them.
She isn't being punished. And the only one that was punished was OP. OP actually was punished for something she didn't do by being cut off from her grandparents. Unrelated people aren't obligated to pay for the sister. That should have been up to the three parents. That's right, three parents given the cheated on partner stayed and took responsibility. Complete with an entirely different set of grandparents that could have saved up for the sister's future.
@@impishrebel5969 OP's parents suck for cutting him from his grandparents. On that point, I completely agree with you. That's a messy situation and OP shouldn't suffer for his parent's decisions. That being said, his sister is being rejected by the grandparents. It must hurt like hell.
She isn't being punished, not getting money from strangers is not a punishment. I assume she has her own grandparents, maybe they'll give her money, and if they don't it's ok too
Yeah, several good points are brought up by others here. She has her own set of grandparents from the biological (and still in the picture) father's side. And while we haven't been told this, there's probably a good chance that they only care about the sister, if they're interested in this grandchild at all. Should we be upset at them for not being interested in OP despite the fact that OP's not related to them?
This just pushes me further onto OP's side. Could I be wrong? Absolutely, but I feel that logically, this makes some degree of sense.
It's always great to learn something the hard way when there's low stakes because it sticks and the consequences are minimal.
Missing out on a month of cheer as punishment for bad time keeping and sassing an adult isn't that big of a deal.
Being late to work and sassing your boss when you dont get your way is a bigger deal.
11:06 - It is okay to grieve the loss of a child BUT NOT AT THE EXPENSE OF EVERYONE ELSE! What that mother said was monstrous! And to think she revolves her entire existence around said child that passed. I will never understand such sorrow but it really peeves me when parents treat their alive children like parasites or worse… that they don’t deserve anything that comes their way just because another child has passed.
The "Resentment" story sounds really familiar. Was her mom the Steward of Gondor in another life?
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I actually think rslash kinda missed the point in the first story, the dad may not have officially adopted her but he obviously sees this girl as being a part of his family and his own parents won't accept HIS decision. I'd cut them out of my life too and be pissed that they continued to influence they son against his half sister. Despicable.
Why does bob only get 1? He ranks up there with people who say "I'm a nice girl/guy, why won't you date me?" He brags about his conquests(even if some are made up), puts other women down, then when he's called out, he does a 180 and pretends he's a "nice guy". Bob needs at least 3.
yeah, i thought bob deserved a higher score too. hypocrisy is disgusting.
As a teacher... Yep. Everything's on camera and parents still double down about how unfair we are to their children even when there's evidence otherwise? Seems... about right.
Last story: Honestly that's so hypocritical. OP is clearly uncomfortable with the question this could border sexual harassment. They're in college, they're old enough to realise that questions like that are just gross and invasive to some people. Who the fuck cared about what the host is thinking or feeling?? If anything, since he's inviting these people some responsibility falls onto him for having his guests make OP uncomfortable. She got a taste of her own medicine and OP has nothing to apologise for
Last story: even if you are trying to score with that girl I still win the apologize, don't ask questions if you're not willing to answer them yourself. She doesn't get to be mad that you asked her a personal question after she tried to ask you.
And why should OP apologize if she won’t first? She was the one out of line. They are called privates for a reason. They aren’t called “have a looksies”!
OP should only apologize once he gets an apology. OP was wronged first, he should be the one who gets an apology first.
About the last 2 stories, i'll give you an example of how one should react when you ask an inexperienced question.
Many years ago, my mom was walking along with a friend of hers who happened to be Native American. She asked, "So, how much Native American are you?"
He responded, "Well, how much white are you?"
She paused, and said something along the lines of "...That's fair."
In the last story, OP said she blushed. I feel like she may have taken his barb as a counter proposition to have a look, and got to feeling some type of way... Whoops
I can't help but notice the mother's speech was about how "OP is living the life Adelaide should have had". Like... am I just bitter, or does that sound one step away from: "Why couldn't it have been Sarah I lost in the car accident instead?"
Either way, what a disgusting time to bring this all up. It's been 20 years by OP's description. I know there's no cap on grief, but there's a time and a place to bring it up.
Story 2: I actually agree that baby shouldn't go to funerals, it's nothing against them but imagine a baby causing a fuss during the funeral it's just not good idea. Plus I'm pretty sure thing of the sea child the same age as your child probably won't be good for her anxiety. I know we got to take baby steps but she can't hover over your kid forever and it wouldn't even have been that long.
I would say maybe OP should’ve told his wife how would she have felt if the shoe was on the other foot. However instead of the wife getting the point, she’d likely throw a bigger tantrum and accuse OP of being a horrible person. OP please get her therapy asap!
2nd story: so reasonably you agreed with your brother that a baby shouldn't be at his dead childs funeral and your wife can't leave her with a babysitter and is saying you're not on "her side" or "defending her" ok wow your wife has attachment issues and is so making it about herself. Also your mother omg how can she be so ok with disrespecting your brother HER SON'S wish to not have a reminder of what he lost at the funeral.
I noted something else and it's... "why didn't you defend me?" Defend you from what? Nobody is talking you down or belittling you?? Why are you taking it as an attack. It must be part of her anxiety. Being politely asked to not bring your child that would emotionally hurt the grieving parents is NOT an attack.
I’m thinking she only feels this way because she doesn’t want to lose another grandchild. She sees how DIL is and doesn’t want to rock the boat.
People need to realize that, even if we're married or close family with someone, we don't have to side with them if they're in the wrong, especially so blatantly.
He’s out of line to ask for an apology. Fair is fair.
Story 1 nta the mom is a 304 and the dad is a simp for staying. On top of them not letting op see his grandparents.
Whats a 304?
@@theoziggy2071 Another way of saying h*e
This. This all day.
@@JoshuaGJustice Exactly, plus sister has three parents and another set of grandparents to save up for her. OP's grandparents don't owe her anything.
@@impishrebel5969and OP isn’t disowning his sister nor protesting his parents by taking the money.
Story 1: Why is it OP's paternal grandparent's job to give the step-daughter money? That's her paternal grandparent's job! Are they saving money for OP? And if they aren't able to, well tough shit, mom should have cheated with someone who was rich.
First story: the grandparents do have the right to give money or not give money to whoever they want. And the parents and sister have the right to be pissed about OP accepting their refusal to recognize a child who hasn't done anything wrong and see her as a shitty person. She absolutely has a right to accept their money, but it doesn't mean that there won't be consequences in how the rest of her family views her.
Are you talking the sister has the right to accept money from people who don’t know her and don’t recognize her as a grandkid?
Story 4: tell that side of the family that when there living in the shadow of your sibling to the point your mom makes every single thing you do about your sister they can have an opinion. It's been 20 years and she couldn't even give you your wedding day to focus on you, like get some help but don't come to your daughter for being done with you after all of that. But I do want to say if you can try not to remember your sister the way your mom has shoved her down your throat, I really hate the idea that you start to resent your sister because of what your mom's doing, you deserve to remember her fondly.
The third story is why I'm against homeschooling unless absolutely necessary. You can't learn socializing in a home school environment, and I've known people who struggle to socialize as a result.
you just need to give your kid opportunities to socialize. sign them up for a sport or something like dance classes. something that lets them interact with peers outside of the home. best situation really. the kids can learn at their own pace in the safety of their own home, and outside of the stress of school, and get to interact with people their own age who share their interests.
Babies shouldn’t be at funerals, my dad passed away four weeks ago on Monday, and my cousin brought her four toddlers and babies to the viewing and service and they continually yelled out and laughed the whole service. At the viewing they were waving hello and yelling “hello” to my dad who was lying dead in his casket. The parents who barely supervise their children at all thought it was cute.
There's this old saying:
"If you're living in a glass house, you better not throw rocks".
Sadly been in an almost exact situation as the families who lost a baby / nephew.
I was pregnant and so was SIL and she lost her baby and i didnt. I wanted to go to be there for them all and for my ex but there was no way that was going to happen.
The still pregnant one showing up?? Hell no! Doesnt help we were due within a few weeks of each other
And that is what we call empathy, something sorely lacking in a lot of people nowadays.
Story One: I understand the grandparent's position in this and they have every right to feel this way people should remember that OP's half-sister shouldn't be punished because it's not like she chose to be the product of this debacle. Should the parents be punished?
S1) Your grandparents have every right to choose what they do with their money. If they are your paternal grandparents and had made it crystal clear that they don't see Kathy as family that's their right.
S2) You wife sucks. This was a tremendous loss one that is so unbearably unimaginable. They had one request. One. She could have taken your offer or stayed home with grace.
S3) Beth is making OP's daughter face consequences. Job interviwer's aren't going to see you if your there late if you don't contact them before hand letting them know you'll be late. The daughter needs to learn that the world won't cater to her. Let your wife know that you won't aide in helping your daughter feel entitled to something she neglected.
S4) Your family is giving you an amazing gift OP. The gift of never talking to them again. Block anyone taking these abusers side and live your best life. Maybe let them know that in that she wished death upon you for something outside your control and now its been made crystal clear should you have children their safety as well as well being would be put at risk cause your not your mom's golden child. Your life events aren't her means to get attention. Mom can get therapy or stay gone. Dad can ensure she gets therapy or continue to enable this nonsense and join her in staying gone.
S5) Bob isn't entitled to anything form OP. Dude proved he has no self control with high odds he'd cheat as soon as possible. OP needs to tell anyone taking the douche cannon on fire side to either keep their thoughts to themselves or be ready to be kicked to the curve with Bob.
S6) The best response would have been "You'll never know."
Those Last 2 Stories: NTA for returning the same energy
Story 1: if OPs step sister is still connected with her bio dad, then she likely has bio grandparents on her dads side who can provide her with the same offer.
OP6: NTA. She asked about your private area, you responded in kind.
What was the mom usually has no problem leaving the baby with her mother-in-law for an hour but suddenly it's the funeral of a six-month-old baby and she is asked out of respect not to bring her baby, and suddenly there's nobody can leave her baby with, she has to bring that baby. This is pure narcissism
I mean, I agree with you, but the mother in law was going to be at the funeral, as well as the husband. Those are the only two she lets babysit, so she really was out of "trusted people" to babysit for her.
Last story, I can't really agree with the comment of op having to say "would you like to check". Imagine if the roles were reversed and a guy asked a girl about her nipple color or other invasive question. In that situation should she say "would you like to check" too? No one, regardless of gender, has to act interested or in a sexual way just because some people don't have common sense.
I mean, I’d probably respond like that.
I’ve tried the whole “let guys down gently and be polite” route. Now? Fuck it. If they can dish it out, they can take it.
@@beautifulmidnight This isn't about being gentle/polite or aggresive in your response though. There's nothing aggressive about "would you like to check", it's just a half flirty half jokey way of avoiding a real response. You can go ahead and use it if you're fine with it, but my point is that no one has too feel *obligated* to do a sexual joke just because the other person is crass and asking inappropriate questions.
With the second story, why does the wife even WANT to go to a baby's funeral?! Like I have a lot of anxiety in general that I have to take responsibility for but why would I put myself in a situation where my worst fears were realised for someone else? Mental illness doesn't always make sense but sometimes it's the person behind them that is acting badly and not making sense.
I think what feels particularly callous about her wanting to bring the baby is that her anxiety is likely driven by a fear tht something terrible could happen to the baby, which is exactly what happened to the parents of the baby lost. She experiences that fear yet wont try to understand why they don’t want the baby there.
Last Story: The women should get 2.5/5 at least. She was being a creep and OP has every right to respond the same. Saying he has to say something sexual cause it's college is stupid. If the roles were switched the score would be higher. This is dumb.
The wife with the baby is the ah. You do not bring your child to a funeral for a child of the same age. A baby died and you'd basically be rubbing your child in the other mothers face.
the way r/ gets so heated abt money issues here and in later videos makes me think he definitely did something he feels guilty about in the past 😭
That was a weird comment at the end there about the room mate, like aight, avoid rslash if he invites men and women to his place, he's probably just trying to cheat on his wife
Whoever sees this have a awesome day
Have an awesome day too !
You too awesome bean! :D
Right back atcha hon 🤗❤️
It’s been awesome so far. My cold broke, so I’m feeling a lot better 🎉
Thanks for that! I hope the same goes for you!
5:20 my sister has had post partum anxiety with both her kids but within reason. I promise you if she pulled some shit like this I would've grabbed her and asked what her damage is because you don't do that to grieving parents.
Story 1: although money is involved, it doesn't sound like it's really the issue. Sure the grandparents have the right not to give the money, but the parents also have a right to say who can be in their children's life.
But if the bio dad isn't giving up his his rights, then they need to put some pressure on him and his family to pay for the sister's tuition
It's not her sister who she resents, It's her mother, and she should. I hope OP doesn't let her mother ruin her memory of her sister for herself, and standing up to her should make that easier.
Story 2: OP needs to get his wife some therapy as she has some deep rooted trust issues that‘s causing her to have a very stressful life
She’s in therapy already.
If the wife wanted to attend the funeral of her nephew and had, she’d have lost her mind completely! It was good that she stayed home and she clearly needs more therapy and medication because her behaviour is not normal. I don’t cry easily, I don’t show emotion in public. The first time I attended a small child’s funeral was the most ghastly experience. I’m a seasoned combat veteran and I had to excuse myself to get it together. My husband sat there with tears running his face, silently, and all I could think of was the sheer, raw pain of the parents and family. You see that wee white coffin and your mind scrambles for some sense of sanity. Unfortunately, we’ve had to attend 3 of such funerals and it takes every ounce of strength and courage to attend. They’ve been as wretched as it comes. My heart is still hurting for the parents. They’ve all grown children now but a child never leaves your heart or mind. We lost our son six weeks after he was born. We opted out of a funeral but he would be 27 years old today. We had two children after and they’ve always known about their big brother in Heaven. OP did nothing wrong and everything right. His wife would have lost her mind entirely had she attended.
Story 5: as someone who cares about body count (come at me all you want in the comments its fine). I agree with OP. Body count is a tool for assessing *both* men and women. It is used to see if the person values short term gratification over long term gratification. So Bob cannot use it against girls if he is not willing to have it used against him.
Story 1 the grand parents have the right to not give the money because of the cheating I totally understand that 0/5 grand parents and op 4/5 parents
2nd story, that baby is gonna have lifetime therapy if OP dont get wife better help, she is nuts.
4th story, Gratz mom, you now has no kids and no grandkids. smh
On story 4 I just wanted to comment on how crazy it is.
My sister unalived herself when she was a teen. My parents have never once put her passing grief before me. They actively bc extremely clingy towards me. It's crazy to hear a story that's reverse situation. It's obvious the older sister was the golden child and the one alive was unwanted
So, when the mother said OP was living the life her sister deserved, does that imply that OP didn't deserve happiness?
Story 1: I think it should be said that Kathy is also NTA because she shouldnt be punished for her parents cheating or the fact she is a product of said cheating. Now if she was acting entitled then yah she would get a score but from what I heard/read I stand by the NTA.
2nd story: She was just angry that she won't get dinner and a cheesecake after funeral, like everyone else
I don’t think the friends WERE saying it was ok for Bob to slut-shame people, just that it’s not good to bring yourself down to that level. Two wrongs don’t make a right, you know?
I do agree with the other half of the friend group though, him getting a taste of his own medicine is absolutely hilarious.
When my Dad died, both my sisters brought their kids to Grandad's funeral service. Yeah, little kids who were fascinated by the garden at the back, and my tiny niece dancing like a wee fairy around the coffin. Was anybody upset? Nope. In fact, I know that Dad would have thought it was hilarious and would have enjoyed every minute of it. He loved the kids and was devastated that he couldn't see them often during his illness. The kids were quiet. They didn't really understand, which was fine, we were there as a family for Dad/Grandad's funeral service. Just sad he wasn't there to see his little dancing granddaughter.
There's a time and place maybe to have kids or not at funeral services. Ours was a celebration and time of remembrance for friends, family, colleagues, youth group members to recall and share the good times we all had with my great Dad.