@@ThisOneCassie no shit, I was just offering people with subtitle requirements another way to access them. Because I had been scrolling and noticed if I paused that it came up with subtitles even if that video had none. I'm disabled too dude. It's ok. Instead of being ready to be on the attack at any moment of perceived social injustice you see, perhaps sit into your empathy and try to connect and understand people and you will find your days more enjoyable (as will every one you interact with). Good day
Seeing a queer couple with disabilities and family trauma live as such a healthy loving family unit gives me so much hope for my own future 💕 It’s simply wonderful to see the love and appreciation between you
I love how the whole time Claudia speaking about her mum, Jessica is watching her with so much love and you can see she is enjoying all the happy memories and you can see the sadness in the sad parts 😢🥰❤️
im, like rupert, 1/4 asian (japanese). im so glad to see rupert is getting his culture taught to him and embraced, because that’s something i only ever got when going to my grandmother’s house and which my dad discourages. having those little things like memorable dishes or pictures of your grandparents means so much to us. keep being great moms!
I lost both my parents before I turned 30. I gave birth to my first child almost a year to the day after my mother passed. I didn't know until after her death that I was pregnant and the stress and shock of grief triggered a miscarriage. It was a really rough time. She has been gone for 19 years, but my son knows of her. The weird thing was just before his voice changed, he sounded like her for awhile. I would hear him speaking from the other room in her voice and it was the most bittersweet experience, his laugh was like hers for awhile. I considered it a little gift, to have that little bit of her in my son. It isn't necessarily hard mothering without a mother, but now my biggest fear is having something happening to me before he has children of his own (if he does at all). My mom would have loved him so, so much.
I really appreciate the things you said about grief and seeing that you can heal without losing your love for that person. My husband died only a few days ago, and I have no idea how to navigate grief at this point. I'm 38, and it seems insane... I can't even use the word "widow" right now. That, to me, feels like an elderly lady who was married for 60 years. Anyway, you gave me some hope that I will survive this.
Thank you for recognizing difficult relationships, too. So many people try to insist that we should be grateful that we have one, or that we only have one mom, etc., and it's exhausting.
I just wanted to expresses my appreciation for this video, as someone who’s mother is currently living with a terminal illness (dementia) and as someone who is in the first trimester of pregnancy, I’ve found I don’t have anyone that truly understands how hard it has been and how much I have wished to have a conversation with someone who understands. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life. All the love to you both
My grandmother was my favorite person in the world and her guilty pleasure was reading those trash magazines here in the U.S. like the Globe and Enquirer... I miss her, thank you for bringing that memory to me this morning ❤️
I have several aunts and uncles and literally none of them are my moms siblings (and only 1 from my dad) and its really amazing to see. the majority of them are just friends of my mom and they care so much. when my mom refused to get me mental health care, my Aunt Lori told me that she would help, and if my mom had a problem with it, she would even lie for me. Aunt Lori is a body-piercer, and I was having the biggest anxiety attack from a double piercing i was in the process of getting from her when she brought it up. she had to gauge my lip and give me a few minutes to breathe, and she straight up told me "this is not a typical response to a double. you are hyperventilating, i can feel your pulse in your lip, and you are sweating profusely. I know your mom isn't really a dr person, so if you want to get help I'll help you with it. I love you alot ok?" and it was so sweet
I was having a bad day because I realized that if I have kids they will never get to know how amazing my dad was. They won't get to have an amazing grandpa. Thank you for helping me not feel so alone
Such an uplifting vulnerable video 💞 Thank you for sharing this personal experience with us. Jessica you are such a supportive and loving wife to Claud in this video. So heartwarming 💕 Much love to you both as you celebrate your motherhood experience together this upcoming Mother's Day ♥️
This was so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. Sometimes the things we (society) don't talk about are the things we need to talk about the most. And its always so comforting and validating when someone does speak up about it anyway.
Tobacco factory and lung cancer? Not a coincidence. My auntie got terminally ill from liver and bone cancer. Was an awful experience to see that downfall of such a caring person.
Yep, sounds like she might have come from one of the infamous sacrifical places of manufacturing...we have them in Italy a lot as it's a manufacturing country and also for the food industry.... it's very sad
I come from a mixed background (dad is Norwegian, mum is mixed 1/4 Chinese, 1/4 English, 1/2 German) and trying to keep your culture alive is so much easier said than done, and it makes me so happy to see you looking for ways to help Ruper understand his heritage. My mum's parents died when I was very young and I have basically no connection to both China or Germany as a result, but I can see the influence of my grandparents through food, traditions and stories that my mum has told. Claudia has always reminded me of my own mum (they even look alike) and I just hope you know that you are both doing an excellent job being Rupert's mums
I know it's not the topic of the video, but seeing someone who has lost a parent live a good and happy life while not suppressing the memories of the parent they've lost is very helpful for me as I'm currently in the situation where one of my parents has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and will probably pass away sooner rather than later too and even though I've known this for a few months now the time "afterwards" scares me. So thank you for talking about it, even though it is obviously still hard and probably always will be and not even the main focus of the video.
I lost my father in October it was sudden and was due to complications from childhood cancer he had. I really miss him and am not looking forward to Father’s Day. Although I am married and my husband and children will be a wonderful distraction there will still be something missing. His birthday is in a few days and it’s great to see Claudia talk about her mother and able to discuss the fun times and the good memories.
Enjoyed this video a lot and thank you for the family stories and love getting to know you both more. Loved the question and answers and how you did this video, and I appreciate the love you show and communicate your love between each other and it screams out of the screen how much you love each other. Thank you again for such a great video.
I lost my mother when I was 21 (she was 50). It's been 20 years but every milestone in life is so hard without her as we were incredibly close. I have 3 children now and it kills me that she never got to meet them and that they only know her through pictures and stories.
Mothers day this year really stings for me... left my ab*sive mum 3 years ago, but this year Mothers day is on my mum's birthday. She hasn't stopped harassing me, despite me continuously asking her to stop... healing has been really hard and I'm still not there yet.
I love how Jess and Claudia have such divinely relaxed, nurturing vibes but on wildly different ends of the spectrum. Jess is the 1950s mother who bakes cookies for all the neighbourhood kids, holds the BEST garden parties and who never looks anything but gorgeous and Claudia is your best friend’s cool mum who’s home is always welcoming and who all your friends love
It’s interesting to hear about how Claudia ties her heritage into her desire to be a parent, specifically continuing her mother’s ancestry. I’m Jewish, and I don’t plan on having biological kids because 1. My genes are meh, and 2. I don’t think I’ll handle pregnancy well. But it means I’m going to navigate sharing my heritage with an ethically adopted baby who probably won’t share it, and also learning about my future baby’s heritage so they can understand where they come from. It’s gonna be a ride, y’all.
that sounds exciting too though! you and your child could learn about their heritage together! a parent doesn't need to know everything already, you just need to be a safe travel companion on their learning adventures! edit: I hope that didn't come off obnoxiously positive lmao, I meant it more like "don't worry about trying to be 'perfect' as a parent because being present and loving is all that matters"
@@w0rmg0rl I do appreciate the positivity, and I am also quite excited, I just have to be very careful. There’s a lot of conversation around adoption as a whole and how it should be done (that’s why I specifically said “ethical adoption” in the original post), or if it should be done at all. It might even result in me never adopting, if I never find an expectant parent who wants to go through with it on their own terms (because plenty are coerced into it, and I’m not about to feed that system). Learning about my future child’s heritage is gonna be an exciting adventure, and also potentially harrowing, depending on their ancestry and what they carry with them because of it. The love is always important, maybe the most important thing, but love doesn’t conquer the systems (white supremacy, capitalism, ableism, etc.) that hurt children as we raise them.
I’m happy to hear Claudia talk about this. My dad passed away last year and I don’t have kids yet and I had been so looking forward to him being a really fun papaw to my future kids. I had dreamed of him dressing as Santa Claus for my kids. It’s really hard to let go of the dreams you have for someone and have to reshape your entire vision of what your future family looks like. 💔
My father passed away last June too. My condolences to you! I know it's difficult. I was hoping to have my father around if I get married in the future. Thinking about these things kind of feels like loosing them again...kinda?
my fathers third death year was a few days ago, and i often mourn about the fact that he didnt even got to see me graduating, he missed me getting together with my current partner only by a few months, my partner never got to meet him. He didnt know about my career plans, he missed so much of my development that was so rapid the last two years. I wish i could have spent more time with him and i feel like i didnt got the chance to actually know him. He was always at work a lot and when he died i was still in my akward teenage phase where everyone i knew from childhood felt kinda like a stranger. And i was aware that he had cancer and was getting worse, but i was so used to him being sickly and always strong and enduring everything. So when i was told that he would expectetly die in a few weeks the day before he passed, i kind of unconsiously had known that but it was a huge shock. I remember how i couldnt sleep that night thinking about how i should probably come out to him tomorrow and just in general spent time with him but that was the exact night he passed so i never got the chance. I hope you dont mind my vent, it was freeing to get that out and hear from other peoples experiences of loss. I wish you guys that time will ease your pain
I love the moment when Jessica gently placed her hand on Claud's back right before she started talking about her mom's illness. It was such a sweet, in-tune with Claud's feelings gesture.
It’s funny, the way Claudia describes her mother, it’s very similar to how Jessica seems. (Loving life, joyous and the picture of her Mom in the yellow dress and hat seems like something Jessica would wear.)
My boyfriend and I always love your videos, especially when Claudia joins you. Gives us hope as a queer disabled couple who want to eventually adopt. Thank you for making this video, I think a lot of people will find this helpful and inspiring. I know people who wanted to be mothers who felt unable because they were raised without their mum and I wish she could have seen this video sooner in their life. Love to you both 🖤💜
Seeing this video in my subscription feed less than 2 months after losing my mother well before I was ready (She was 50, I'm 17) was kind of a punch in the gut, especially because I want to become a foster parent when I'm older and get quite sad thinking about how my future children won't have a grandmother. Watching this is going to be difficult (I knew from a previous mention of Claudia's situation that it would be) but here we go. Maybe it'll help me grieve.
I lost my father around the same age as you, and I just want to promise you that time will ease the pain. I hope you get through the immediate grieving phase with the support you need from friends and family and that you can take your time grieving the way you need to process♡
I'm so sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself and allow room for grieving in all it's forms (including anger at the horrible injustice of it all). It WILL get easier. 🤎
I am a cancer genetic counselor and work with a lot of cancer patients and their families. Thank you for sharing your mum with us 💜 I wish we could give better explanations of why cancer happens, there are just so many variables. Someone can smoke tobacco for decades and never get cancer, and someone can do everything to prevent cancer and still develop it due to factors outside their control. So much love to you all ❤️
I'm not a parent, but my three older sisters are mothers. We lost our mom to cancer 14 years ago, when I was 14. I know my sisters have missed her maternal presence, especially during pregnancy. Claudia was so casual about it but something she said struck me: "but I have my sister." I'm so lucky that if I ever have children, I have sisters to talk to about it. While losing a parent makes life more difficult in a lot of ways, I consider myself privileged to have at least one older sister who "has it together" so to speak. One who stepped up in major ways to parent me, even now as I'm well into adulthood. I usually ignore mothers day - and fathers day but that's its own story - this year I'm going to try to make an effort to call my sisters. Thank you.
I'm 21 weeks pregnant and my mom died 2 months ago, very suddenly. And I think right now it's still too difficult for me to watch this video...I feel so lonely without her. She was my only friend and was supposed to be my biggest supporter once my child would be born. I will put this video on muted and let it go till the end, for the algorythm. And maybe in a few months I will be able to return. Thank you for sharing your experience
I also lost a parent to cancer in my mid 30s, and cried along with you while watching you talk about your mom. thank you for sharing that with us, and for making me feel less alone
I lost my mum to cancer when I was 31, our son was 8yro. I felt Claudia's pain, as well. I believe her sharing both her pain, as well as, the lovely stories from her mum's life, will be very helpful. Have a wonderful day, Manda. :)
I did not lose my mum, but she did have a minor stroke and breast cancer in a short time and while she's ok now, hearing Claudia's story made me face some aspects of the situation I hadn't fully taken in before. Like, we went from the stress of the hospitalisation to adjusting to the new routine to it being just something that happened and I never fully stopped to process what happened and what could have
Thank you for this i had to cut my mother off during the pandemic she won't be safe (not even hand washing) and she won't vax my siblings i haven't seen them in 2 yrs bc I want to protect myself im sick enough and I won't risk my high risk bfs life I've been struggling with the guilt of not seeing my siblings while trying to build my own family/life
As a disabled person, and as someone whose mother died when I was 11, I am absolutely terrified of having kids and being a mother myself. I didn't know I needed this until I saw it and almost sobbed at the title.
I know we don't hear from Claudia much, so her allowing herself to be so vulnerable like this.. I feel is truly felt in my heart. Her words are so honest, I feel it deeply.
I cut contact with my parents a few months ago at the age of 18. The timing of this video is funny because recently I've been worried about not being able to see myself as a mother, and children are definitely something that I want in my future. Thanks for making this video, can't have been an easy one to make
i love how much you guys reinforce the fact that you CAN have relatives that are not blood-related! I mean, I'm a teenager, but I can already say that there are people from my blood family that I do not wanna associate with moving forward, and that I have non-blood family that I already hold way closer to me than them. And the fact that that is an option, and that it is something my parents encourage of me to be able to do, is SO important. I don't think anybody should have to stay and comply with a shitty family just because "Its BlOod rElaTeD!!" it's just bs!! PS. also doesn't help when you're lgbtq and your blood family might actively be homophobic/transphobic. Finding a chosen family that is lgbtq or lgbtq friendly is So So important and valuable, coming from an enby lesbian 💜
I lost my mom to breast cancer 6 years ago. I was 23 at the time, and even then, the scariest thought was that someday I might have kids, and they wouldn't ever get to know their grandmother. My wife and I have been together for 4 years now, married for 3 months, and kids are a serious possibility, so it's very comforting to hear Claudia talk about her personal experience losing her mom and then becoming one herself.
My mom is from Johor Malaysia. Knock Wood, she's still active and relatively health for someone her late 60s. She was the 2nd of 8 kids, her oldest sister passed away young in her 40s in KL. I do not want to imagine my mother without her 4 grand children. She is close to all of them and basically helped raise them, helping my new parent siblings and in-laws during the new born days living with them. It was cool to hear about some similarities with Claudia's mother, but we are lucky enough to have happier outcome. This was great video even when we don't expect Claudia to get deep into her personal life on the internet. Just thankful she's willing to share.
WTF you even have a family friend which even I called Aunty Lily. My mother's friend is from Kota Kinabalu. She was my baby sitter when I was young. Now she is handling her own grand children from her own 4 kids that I grew up with. This is just funny with the similarities.
Wow, just wow! Seeing the title, I figured it was going to be a sensitive video. But this was beyond what I thought. Thank you to Claudia for being so open and honest about such an emotional topic (and somehow keeping it playful…). It is so generous that you share so much of yourselves so we can see that we are not alone with our own challenges.
I totally get what Claud said about wanting to have children even more after losing her mum, though in my case it was more of a pessimistic thought - I'm lucky to say my parents are still around, but my grandad and uncle died within a month of eachother (one of cancer, one of a sudden blood clot induced heart attack) a few years ago and it totally broke my heart. I did think though, "oh, this is one of the reasons people have children. If you don't your family circle just gets smaller and smaller til there's no one left". I was extremely depressed and emotional for about a year about they died so these sorts of thoughts came up a lot. I feel a lot better these days but it's funny, i forgot I'd even had those thoughts
I have a mother (we don't have the closest of a bond but we're fairly close) and I've never ever wanted children or to be a parent but this was very interesting to watch. My mom was born in Venezuela to an American mom (who, to make explaining this more complicated, was born in Costa Rica) but because of her family structure, she isn't that connected to her heritage or the people she knew as a small child there (she's tried to learn more in recent years but there's only so much she can do). So I'm even further distanced from that because I've never been (and will likely never be able to visit Venezuela), I'm very white and American and I've never been mistaken for anything but. This is something I've been thinking at lot more about recently. I want to connect to that and build an attachment to my origins but I have very little family to do that with (who are refugees all over the globe so I don't really have access to them). I want to be able to claim that heritage in a way I never felt allowed to because I never felt "Venezuelan enough" (logically I understand that's nonsense but the feelings still happen). I want to be able to build that connection, to have the decorations and the artwork and to eat the arepas but I know that I will kinda have to do it alone. There really isn't anyone who can show me that the way that your mother was able to because of her strong connection to Malaysian culture. I hope this made sense, like I said I've been thinking a lot about this but the thoughts aren't fully fleshed out yet so I don't know.
You can always reconnect to your ancestors, they ain't goin nowhere! You may start out alone, but you won't be for long. Only you can decide who you are, waiting for someone else's approval isn't worth it.
Yes, as someone who grew up with parents who either didn’t have friends or only really had childhood lifelong friends (only one came around, he’s still my Uncle to this day), it is very important to model healthy friendships to your children. Claudia thank you for sharing your pain and Jessie for showing us how you love and support your lovely wife!
I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. I lost my mum to cancer a long time ago. Talk through your pain with those closest to you, and also, hold onto the happy memories, tell them to others, as Claudia has done in this video. ❤️
Hi Khan, I'm so sorry to read this. I lost my mum in 2018. I imagine you are still feeling incredibly raw right now, one piece of advice I was given was to be kind to yourself so I'll pass that on to you. It took me a long time to do it myself but it did help in the end. And eventually the sadness fades, even though it never really leaves you, it does lessen I can promise you that ❤ one day at a time
My dad passed away in 2018 to amyloidosis, and he also was a very health conscious person and kept very fit. When he passed it was a complete shock, he was only 59, and that unfairness that someone who took such good care of themselves becoming so sick due to something so out of there control is definitely felt even today. My fiancé was raised by a single mother and now that we're discussing having children more seriously, the question of fatherhood and fatherly advice is something that kind of hangs over him because my dad isn't here to ask
Though this wasn't brought up in relation to culture (though another family/heritage related situation), my mom told me that it's her job to nurture the bond to me and my siblings roots, so that *if* we don't want part in it/wanna distance ourselves for whatever reason, it will be 100% our own choice, and not have it taken away from us before we could have any say. And when my ex's korean mom were no longer in his life after never truly connecting him to his roots, I felt even stronger in my belief that it's important to embrace one's roots and not shut the door to it beforehand.
Michelle Zauner writes about something similar in her memoir “crying in H-mart”. Her mum was Korean but Michelle grew up in the US and felt too different from the white kids, so she pushed the Korean side of her away. When her mother died of cancer she felt like she had lost all connections to Korea and discovered that again through cooking dishes her mum made for her when she was a child. If you want to read a book that will make you think about maternal connection and cultural heritage I can only recommend it. It will probably make you cry though.
What a selfless video, Claudia, that took courage, well done sweetie, I felt for you. You probably helped countless potential mums out there to know what to expect of their grief. 🤗 🌈
I lost my mum to cancer two years ago, and the thought of having a baby without having her support, her love...without being able to see the joy in her face when we make the announcement, the thought of seeing my child grow up without a maternal grandmother absolutely kills me. :( Thank you so much for sharing your story, Claud, I am still a bit fresh from losing her so it's still so tricky for me to talk about and navigate in my own head, so it is wonderful to see you talk about your experience and your mum and your family's experience with cancer so openly. I can absolutely relate to having time to talk about things right when things get terminal...it makes me feel so much less alone to see someone talk about this. I was 27 when I lost my mom, so a lot of my friends were unable to talk to me about such a serious thing- they simply couldn't know what I was going through.
I am so sorry for your loss and hope it gets easier with time! I too lost my mom 2 yrs ago (at 25) and can relate to everything youre saying! It's important to share these experiences because it can be so isolating when people around you cannot relate
My mum is awesome. I don’t think about the fact that she’s not gonna be here forever. Ironically I’m more prepared for my own death mentally than I am for my loved ones’ deaths lol
@@KitchenWitchery that’s true. But you’d assume the brain would have a bigger problem dealing with its own demise than someone else’s. It’s hard for something to comprehend it’s own annihilation but the concept of others dying isn’t hard to comprehend
This was a wonderful, heartfelt chat about life, loss, and carrying on. Our memories are our greatest treasures and how wonderful that Ru gets to have all these great memories with his two loving mums.
Claudia did an amazing job in this video. It was so lovely to hear her memories of her mum, and her reflections on loss. Sending love from a fellow griefster
When Claudia was talking about her mother’s illness, made me think about when I lost my dad. It’s hard when you lose a parent, no matter your age. I raised my son as a single mother, my dad was the primary male role model for my son. It was very difficult for my son, even though he was in his early 20’s
This video was extremely comforting to me. My mum is everything to me, she's an amazing human and I feel so lucky to have the wonderful strong bond we have but she has a long term, ultimately life-limiting, illness and I'm very aware that she won't be around for most or all of my future children's lives and when she is around her illness will be quite severe and limiting, cognitively and physically. The thought of being a mother without her around is really upsetting and scary for me but hearing Claudia talk has really helped. Just having someone talk and break what, to me, feels like a big silence around this topic has made me feel less scared and alone and more hopeful about having my own children.
I’m sorry for your loss, my grandpa also got lung cancer rather suddenly, just random bad luck. It also took him fast, but the whole family got to say goodbye, even the ones that lived far away. Thank you for sharing, you are both amazing moms!
Thank you for making this video. I lost my mum 3 weeks ago on Sunday and it's so raw, but these are all the thoughts I've been having and have been having all throughout her cancer journey. I'm so anxious about a future without her, but seeing the life you have built around your grief gives me hope I may be about to do the same one day.
This hits me on so many levels ... My partner's mom passed away ten years ago on mother's day, so it's always a weird day for us, but this year I'm also pregnant with our first child, so it's even more special this year, and maybe pregnancy hormones are the reason why this video touched me so much idk. Love you, take care!
10 year anniversaries are hard. Last year was 10 years without my dad and it was incredibly emotional for me, I cried more often than I did in the first year of grief
Claudia and Jessica. Thank you for this video! I lost my husband in 2019 and I want our son to have a continuous connection with his Dad. Also his 2 young sons, it is important to keep traditions and pictures around as they grow up. All the best wishes for you and your family 💜
Thanks so much for talking about your wonderful mum, Claudia. I lost my mum in 2018, same diagnosis but we only had her for 3 months before she sadly passed away. She was an incredible woman and mum, a real lioness when it came to her 3 kids too! It completely broke me for a long time after, made worse by the fact that I work in radiotherapy and my job is to fix people with cancer so I found it very hard to come to terms with the fact that I couldn't do anything for her. But gradually the sadness faded and now, like you, I find strength and even joy in reminiscing over all the beautiful times we had together. The sadness never really goes but once it ebbs and you can remember all the good things it gets easier. I still feel her with me all the time and whenever a Robin comes to visit and does its little Robiny dance I know it's her 🥰 Losing your mum when you're so close is a truly terrible loss but sharing stories is such a healing thing so thank you again from the bottom of my heart for making this video.
my mom recently found an aunt that she hadn't seen since her mom's funeral when she was 13, so it's been really nice seeing pictures of her and also of my mom when she was younger! rupert is lucky to grow up with these pictures and this knowledge of your mother, especially one this wonderful.
Jessica, I had to pause this video 8.5 minutes in because the way you were supporting Claudia while she was talking about her mother’s illness was so beautiful and loving it made me tear up. Such a wonderful, touching video and Claudia I think you are very brave for talking about something so personal on camera. Just hats off to you both. The love is so evident. And Claudia, your mother sounds like she was a wonderful person.
by sharing your mother's story within this video, your mother can never be forgotten. it's said a person dies twice; once the moment your heart ceases to beat, twice the moment your name ceases to exist. by sharing your mother's story, her name will never be forgotten, and someone, somewhere- will always remember her. i wish you well on grieving during this tenth year, and in the future, and wishing you well on raising a lovely little baby. you and jessica are the mothers i wished i'd had. happy mother's day.
Thank you Claudia for sharing and being so open and vulnerable. I'm from a white dad and Asian mom. We lost my moms parents when I was young and I've felt disconnected from my heritage at so many points throughout my life. Meeting my boyfriends Chinese grandparents, I realized that more of it has stayed with me than I realized because my mom would cook their food and share their stories. It's important what you're doing for Rupert, and he will value it so much one day!
The way your voice Changes when you start talking about the cancer diagnosis breaks my heart for you. I know that feeling. My mum had cervical cancer when I was 8. Our lives were up ended and I was one confused little person. My mum didn't physically die. She developed treatment resistant paranoid schizophrenia unstead. So I lost my mum, but she is still here. It has been a very confusing and difficult being a mum myself with no helpful reference points or any of the normal support people receive from their mums. I feel that loss from time to time over the 15 years I have been a parent.
Thank you for sharing something so genuine and honest. The love here is so palpable. So many people will feel less alone through watching this video... it's really a gift. Thank you.
Sending love to Claudia. My dad's 11th death-aversary (that's what I call it) was on March 11th of this year. He had Hodgkins and non-hodgkins lymphoma and passed when he was 50 - I was 20. Cancer sucks. ❤️
This is such a sweet video regarding a topic that may be difficult for a lot of people. I love that Jessica also encourages Claudia to embrace her Malasyan heritage and is involved in that too! Such good team they are, and also the best lesbian moms for us too
Thank you, Claudia, for sharing so much about your mother! And thank you both for sharing your motherhood journey with us! And that product must be something, your hair is really lovely!
May have cried almost the whole way through this. Thank you so much for sharing, it means a huge amount to hear about other people's experiences to help ease my own ❤️
My mum died of ovarian cancer when I was 2. From how everybody describes her, and the diary & tape that she made for me when she knew she was dying, she sounds a lot like Claudia's mum. I don't want children (partly because of health issues, partly trauma), but I 100% understand the desire for a mother-daughter bond (I have a step-mother, but it's not the same).
It's my Dad who died of cancer when I was 16. Then I ended making a horrible choice of husband so I was doubly glad I was raised by such a strong mother and wonderful father. Claudia, my Dad was a chef too! He was the very best father. Because their own father is... how to say this... a complete waste of space, my Dad not being here has been even more of a loss. He would have loved my daughters as much as he loved his 6 daughters and 2 sons. I've told so many stories - as has my Mom - that my girls truly know how much their grandfather would have loved them. My brother is gay and he often asked me when he was younger, if Dad had lived long enough to know that he was gay, would he have still loved him. I was so glad to have been able to tell him with all honesty that Dad would have - and did - loved him. Period. Like your Mom, when they found Dad's cancer it had already spread everywhere. He was 43 when he died and my youngest sibling was only 8 months old. Mom was 41 with 6 of her 8 children still at home. We got 4 months but as you said, it gave us all a tiny bit of time before it was time for him to go. Both of my brothers are amazing family men. One has a lovely wife and 4 beautiful daughters and the other has been the greatest son, brother, and uncle you could ever ask for. He's never found his life's partner yet and at 53 he says he's not likely to now. All of his niece's and nephew's love him and he has taken turns spoiling them all. He's very handsome in a silver fox type of way and quite wealthy - we're in the US - and we just want him to be happy. Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us. Grandparents, whether they are still here or not, had a big impact on our lives. My children's paternal great-grandmother was an important person in my girls lives. When your own father isn't a good parent/person but you carry his blood, Grandma Vernis became a very important person that I could remind my girls they could always be proud to have contributing to their inheritance. She was 94 when she peacefully passed and my girls still tell stories about her. She lived 8 hours from us, but we made the trip to see her and were welcomed even after I divorced her grandson. She wrote the girls letters - me too! - and would make plans with them for activities they would do the next time we visited. What I'm saying is that your Mom isn't gone. She's in you and your memories. Share your stories and then when Rupert gets older he can talk about his Grandmother with his cousins. So keep telling those stories!
my parents aren't very nice people and i recently decided to cut contact with them for my health and safety. not having a 'mom' figure to turn to in times of need have been hard - so i really appreciate the video & thanks so much for sharing claudia
Claudia thank you ! Thank you for sharing your story it was lovely to hear about your mum ❤️ only the best people get taken away too young to be the most beautiful Angels ❤️ thank you for sharing I know that must of been hard ❤️ happy Mother's Day to you both ❤️
I’m excited for next mother’s day ( in my country it’s in May) because I’ll be in my final foster family then. My bio mother and I, we love each other but umm yeah it’s extremely toxic and abusive. I write mother’s day cards every year still to her but it never feels genuine. Next time, I really feel like I’ll be able to enjoy giving for mother’s day, but to my foster mom. Oftentimes I think about what it’ll be like becoming a mother because I really want to become a mom, but with what I grew up with it feels like mothering is a big unknown void
I gave birth with my mum there, she was marching me around the hospital while I was having major contractions, I didn’t want my then husband anywhere near me. (Married to a woman now 😊🏳️🌈)
I felt really honoured to hear Claudia talk about her mum. She sounds incredible. Sounds like she has left a solid foundation for Rupert to have an amazing mum in Claudia too (and Jessie, of course).
I emigrated to Canada from Britain with my son when he was 5. I have been so lucky to have made some wonderful friends who fortunately love him. He was 21 last week and they all came to celebrate as his Canadian aunties and uncles and I was so touched by their love for him
*Captions are being made, thank you for your patience!*
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If you require captions and they have none, you can watch it as you scroll your phone. So just pause your scrolling and let it go
@@sometimesawful ????? what are you talking about, deaf people exist, hard of hearing people exist, people with auditory processing issues exist????
@@ThisOneCassie no shit, I was just offering people with subtitle requirements another way to access them. Because I had been scrolling and noticed if I paused that it came up with subtitles even if that video had none. I'm disabled too dude. It's ok. Instead of being ready to be on the attack at any moment of perceived social injustice you see, perhaps sit into your empathy and try to connect and understand people and you will find your days more enjoyable (as will every one you interact with). Good day
Only three days and captions up already! Typing takes forever for me so thanks to the typist!
Seeing a queer couple with disabilities and family trauma live as such a healthy loving family unit gives me so much hope for my own future 💕
It’s simply wonderful to see the love and appreciation between you
Thank you so much, thats so kind 💖
I love how the whole time Claudia speaking about her mum, Jessica is watching her with so much love and you can see she is enjoying all the happy memories and you can see the sadness in the sad parts 😢🥰❤️
The are such a great example of a loving couple!
came to say this ^ ^ Jessica is the best wife. She notices Claudia SO much.
They are such a healthy, loving couple and it's beautiful 🥰
She's also lip-reading lol
im, like rupert, 1/4 asian (japanese). im so glad to see rupert is getting his culture taught to him and embraced, because that’s something i only ever got when going to my grandmother’s house and which my dad discourages. having those little things like memorable dishes or pictures of your grandparents means so much to us. keep being great moms!
I lost both my parents before I turned 30. I gave birth to my first child almost a year to the day after my mother passed. I didn't know until after her death that I was pregnant and the stress and shock of grief triggered a miscarriage. It was a really rough time. She has been gone for 19 years, but my son knows of her. The weird thing was just before his voice changed, he sounded like her for awhile. I would hear him speaking from the other room in her voice and it was the most bittersweet experience, his laugh was like hers for awhile. I considered it a little gift, to have that little bit of her in my son. It isn't necessarily hard mothering without a mother, but now my biggest fear is having something happening to me before he has children of his own (if he does at all). My mom would have loved him so, so much.
I really appreciate the things you said about grief and seeing that you can heal without losing your love for that person. My husband died only a few days ago, and I have no idea how to navigate grief at this point. I'm 38, and it seems insane... I can't even use the word "widow" right now. That, to me, feels like an elderly lady who was married for 60 years. Anyway, you gave me some hope that I will survive this.
❤️ So sorry for your loss.
💚🙏💚 Sending lots of love your way.
Thank you for recognizing difficult relationships, too. So many people try to insist that we should be grateful that we have one, or that we only have one mom, etc., and it's exhausting.
I just wanted to expresses my appreciation for this video, as someone who’s mother is currently living with a terminal illness (dementia) and as someone who is in the first trimester of pregnancy, I’ve found I don’t have anyone that truly understands how hard it has been and how much I have wished to have a conversation with someone who understands. Thank you for sharing such a personal part of your life. All the love to you both
My grandmother was my favorite person in the world and her guilty pleasure was reading those trash magazines here in the U.S. like the Globe and Enquirer... I miss her, thank you for bringing that memory to me this morning ❤️
I have several aunts and uncles and literally none of them are my moms siblings (and only 1 from my dad) and its really amazing to see. the majority of them are just friends of my mom and they care so much. when my mom refused to get me mental health care, my Aunt Lori told me that she would help, and if my mom had a problem with it, she would even lie for me. Aunt Lori is a body-piercer, and I was having the biggest anxiety attack from a double piercing i was in the process of getting from her when she brought it up. she had to gauge my lip and give me a few minutes to breathe, and she straight up told me "this is not a typical response to a double. you are hyperventilating, i can feel your pulse in your lip, and you are sweating profusely. I know your mom isn't really a dr person, so if you want to get help I'll help you with it. I love you alot ok?"
and it was so sweet
This is beyond brave. Thank you so much for sharing this Claudia. It could not have been easy.
Your mother sounded wonderful, I'm sorry you all lost her. She raised a wonderful daughter and you're a wonderful mother.
I was having a bad day because I realized that if I have kids they will never get to know how amazing my dad was. They won't get to have an amazing grandpa. Thank you for helping me not feel so alone
Such an uplifting vulnerable video 💞 Thank you for sharing this personal experience with us. Jessica you are such a supportive and loving wife to Claud in this video. So heartwarming 💕 Much love to you both as you celebrate your motherhood experience together this upcoming Mother's Day ♥️
I think this was one of your best videos.
This was so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing. Sometimes the things we (society) don't talk about are the things we need to talk about the most. And its always so comforting and validating when someone does speak up about it anyway.
Tobacco factory and lung cancer? Not a coincidence. My auntie got terminally ill from liver and bone cancer. Was an awful experience to see that downfall of such a caring person.
Yep, sounds like she might have come from one of the infamous sacrifical places of manufacturing...we have them in Italy a lot as it's a manufacturing country and also for the food industry.... it's very sad
From the first second I was like “DAMN Claudia looks so good!” The shiny hair and something like an extra confidence and contentment..
On the subject of very close family friends, one of my friends puts it this way: Friends are family you choose.
I come from a mixed background (dad is Norwegian, mum is mixed 1/4 Chinese, 1/4 English, 1/2 German) and trying to keep your culture alive is so much easier said than done, and it makes me so happy to see you looking for ways to help Ruper understand his heritage. My mum's parents died when I was very young and I have basically no connection to both China or Germany as a result, but I can see the influence of my grandparents through food, traditions and stories that my mum has told. Claudia has always reminded me of my own mum (they even look alike) and I just hope you know that you are both doing an excellent job being Rupert's mums
I love that the lamp matches Jessica's belt and almost matches Claudia's shirt
I cried when Claudia talked about her mother... 😥😭
I know it's not the topic of the video, but seeing someone who has lost a parent live a good and happy life while not suppressing the memories of the parent they've lost is very helpful for me as I'm currently in the situation where one of my parents has been diagnosed with terminal cancer and will probably pass away sooner rather than later too and even though I've known this for a few months now the time "afterwards" scares me. So thank you for talking about it, even though it is obviously still hard and probably always will be and not even the main focus of the video.
I lost my father in October it was sudden and was due to complications from childhood cancer he had. I really miss him and am not looking forward to Father’s Day. Although I am married and my husband and children will be a wonderful distraction there will still be something missing. His birthday is in a few days and it’s great to see Claudia talk about her mother and able to discuss the fun times and the good memories.
Enjoyed this video a lot and thank you for the family stories and love getting to know you both more. Loved the question and answers and how you did this video, and I appreciate the love you show and communicate your love between each other and it screams out of the screen how much you love each other. Thank you again for such a great video.
I love that England calls it Mothering Sunday it is such a lovely way of acknowledging all people who mothered us.
Thank you for sharing about your wonderful Mum
Such a beautiful reason to have a child. I'm so moved by your story.
I lost my mother when I was 21 (she was 50). It's been 20 years but every milestone in life is so hard without her as we were incredibly close. I have 3 children now and it kills me that she never got to meet them and that they only know her through pictures and stories.
Mothers day this year really stings for me... left my ab*sive mum 3 years ago, but this year Mothers day is on my mum's birthday. She hasn't stopped harassing me, despite me continuously asking her to stop... healing has been really hard and I'm still not there yet.
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Thankyou ❤️🥰😘
💚💚💚💚 wonderful video
I love how Jess and Claudia have such divinely relaxed, nurturing vibes but on wildly different ends of the spectrum.
Jess is the 1950s mother who bakes cookies for all the neighbourhood kids, holds the BEST garden parties and who never looks anything but gorgeous and Claudia is your best friend’s cool mum who’s home is always welcoming and who all your friends love
Perfect descriptions of them both 🥰
Peak mom vibes
I read Jesus
Sounds just like them. ☺
yes I love this
It’s interesting to hear about how Claudia ties her heritage into her desire to be a parent, specifically continuing her mother’s ancestry.
I’m Jewish, and I don’t plan on having biological kids because 1. My genes are meh, and 2. I don’t think I’ll handle pregnancy well. But it means I’m going to navigate sharing my heritage with an ethically adopted baby who probably won’t share it, and also learning about my future baby’s heritage so they can understand where they come from. It’s gonna be a ride, y’all.
that's really interesting:)
This might be a nieve question but can you choose to adopt a Jewish child?
@@NotAnotherKuromi I could, yes, but statistically speaking in the United States, there aren’t a ton of ethnically Jewish kids in need of homes.
that sounds exciting too though! you and your child could learn about their heritage together! a parent doesn't need to know everything already, you just need to be a safe travel companion on their learning adventures! edit: I hope that didn't come off obnoxiously positive lmao, I meant it more like "don't worry about trying to be 'perfect' as a parent because being present and loving is all that matters"
@@w0rmg0rl I do appreciate the positivity, and I am also quite excited, I just have to be very careful. There’s a lot of conversation around adoption as a whole and how it should be done (that’s why I specifically said “ethical adoption” in the original post), or if it should be done at all. It might even result in me never adopting, if I never find an expectant parent who wants to go through with it on their own terms (because plenty are coerced into it, and I’m not about to feed that system). Learning about my future child’s heritage is gonna be an exciting adventure, and also potentially harrowing, depending on their ancestry and what they carry with them because of it.
The love is always important, maybe the most important thing, but love doesn’t conquer the systems (white supremacy, capitalism, ableism, etc.) that hurt children as we raise them.
I’m happy to hear Claudia talk about this. My dad passed away last year and I don’t have kids yet and I had been so looking forward to him being a really fun papaw to my future kids. I had dreamed of him dressing as Santa Claus for my kids. It’s really hard to let go of the dreams you have for someone and have to reshape your entire vision of what your future family looks like. 💔
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My father passed away last June too. My condolences to you! I know it's difficult. I was hoping to have my father around if I get married in the future. Thinking about these things kind of feels like loosing them again...kinda?
my fathers third death year was a few days ago, and i often mourn about the fact that he didnt even got to see me graduating, he missed me getting together with my current partner only by a few months, my partner never got to meet him. He didnt know about my career plans, he missed so much of my development that was so rapid the last two years. I wish i could have spent more time with him and i feel like i didnt got the chance to actually know him. He was always at work a lot and when he died i was still in my akward teenage phase where everyone i knew from childhood felt kinda like a stranger. And i was aware that he had cancer and was getting worse, but i was so used to him being sickly and always strong and enduring everything. So when i was told that he would expectetly die in a few weeks the day before he passed, i kind of unconsiously had known that but it was a huge shock. I remember how i couldnt sleep that night thinking about how i should probably come out to him tomorrow and just in general spent time with him but that was the exact night he passed so i never got the chance.
I hope you dont mind my vent, it was freeing to get that out and hear from other peoples experiences of loss.
I wish you guys that time will ease your pain
@@evi6784 I'm sorry you lost your father so early. That is a truelly awful time to lose a parent. I hope the best for your future!
@@tinilily thank you, i appreciate it! i am heading in a good direction c: I wish you the best!
I love the moment when Jessica gently placed her hand on Claud's back right before she started talking about her mom's illness. It was such a sweet, in-tune with Claud's feelings gesture.
I've noticed that too...it is very sweet. ☺
Claudia’s mother sounds absolutely wonderful, just like her daughter
It’s funny, the way Claudia describes her mother, it’s very similar to how Jessica seems. (Loving life, joyous and the picture of her Mom in the yellow dress and hat seems like something Jessica would wear.)
My boyfriend and I always love your videos, especially when Claudia joins you. Gives us hope as a queer disabled couple who want to eventually adopt. Thank you for making this video, I think a lot of people will find this helpful and inspiring. I know people who wanted to be mothers who felt unable because they were raised without their mum and I wish she could have seen this video sooner in their life. Love to you both 🖤💜
I’m the same except without a gf lmao, but I agree, they’re amazing role models for queer and disabled/ interacted couples!
Seeing this video in my subscription feed less than 2 months after losing my mother well before I was ready (She was 50, I'm 17) was kind of a punch in the gut, especially because I want to become a foster parent when I'm older and get quite sad thinking about how my future children won't have a grandmother. Watching this is going to be difficult (I knew from a previous mention of Claudia's situation that it would be) but here we go. Maybe it'll help me grieve.
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I lost my father around the same age as you, and I just want to promise you that time will ease the pain. I hope you get through the immediate grieving phase with the support you need from friends and family and that you can take your time grieving the way you need to process♡
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I'm so sorry for your loss. Please be kind to yourself and allow room for grieving in all it's forms (including anger at the horrible injustice of it all). It WILL get easier. 🤎
Sending love.
I am a cancer genetic counselor and work with a lot of cancer patients and their families. Thank you for sharing your mum with us 💜 I wish we could give better explanations of why cancer happens, there are just so many variables. Someone can smoke tobacco for decades and never get cancer, and someone can do everything to prevent cancer and still develop it due to factors outside their control. So much love to you all ❤️
I'm not a parent, but my three older sisters are mothers. We lost our mom to cancer 14 years ago, when I was 14. I know my sisters have missed her maternal presence, especially during pregnancy.
Claudia was so casual about it but something she said struck me: "but I have my sister." I'm so lucky that if I ever have children, I have sisters to talk to about it.
While losing a parent makes life more difficult in a lot of ways, I consider myself privileged to have at least one older sister who "has it together" so to speak. One who stepped up in major ways to parent me, even now as I'm well into adulthood.
I usually ignore mothers day - and fathers day but that's its own story - this year I'm going to try to make an effort to call my sisters. Thank you.
I'm 21 weeks pregnant and my mom died 2 months ago, very suddenly. And I think right now it's still too difficult for me to watch this video...I feel so lonely without her. She was my only friend and was supposed to be my biggest supporter once my child would be born.
I will put this video on muted and let it go till the end, for the algorythm. And maybe in a few months I will be able to return. Thank you for sharing your experience
I just absolutely loved this "Claudia centred" video. And I found myself a bit jealous of Rupert for having these amazing mothers
I also lost a parent to cancer in my mid 30s, and cried along with you while watching you talk about your mom. thank you for sharing that with us, and for making me feel less alone
I lost my mum to cancer when I was 31, our son was 8yro. I felt Claudia's pain, as well. I believe her sharing both her pain, as well as, the lovely stories from her mum's life, will be very helpful.
Have a wonderful day, Manda. :)
Me too! I lost my Mom just after I turned 30. I had my first baby boy at 32.
I did not lose my mum, but she did have a minor stroke and breast cancer in a short time and while she's ok now, hearing Claudia's story made me face some aspects of the situation I hadn't fully taken in before. Like, we went from the stress of the hospitalisation to adjusting to the new routine to it being just something that happened and I never fully stopped to process what happened and what could have
My mom died on mother’s day so every year around that time my thoughts are with all the wonderful mothers we’ve lost too soon!
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My mom died in 2019 & I became a mom in 2021.
I relate to the theme of this. Thanks for sharing, Claudia 💕
Thank you for this i had to cut my mother off during the pandemic she won't be safe (not even hand washing) and she won't vax my siblings i haven't seen them in 2 yrs bc I want to protect myself im sick enough and I won't risk my high risk bfs life I've been struggling with the guilt of not seeing my siblings while trying to build my own family/life
As a disabled person, and as someone whose mother died when I was 11, I am absolutely terrified of having kids and being a mother myself. I didn't know I needed this until I saw it and almost sobbed at the title.
I know we don't hear from Claudia much, so her allowing herself to be so vulnerable like this.. I feel is truly felt in my heart. Her words are so honest, I feel it deeply.
I cut contact with my parents a few months ago at the age of 18. The timing of this video is funny because recently I've been worried about not being able to see myself as a mother, and children are definitely something that I want in my future. Thanks for making this video, can't have been an easy one to make
i love how much you guys reinforce the fact that you CAN have relatives that are not blood-related! I mean, I'm a teenager, but I can already say that there are people from my blood family that I do not wanna associate with moving forward, and that I have non-blood family that I already hold way closer to me than them. And the fact that that is an option, and that it is something my parents encourage of me to be able to do, is SO important. I don't think anybody should have to stay and comply with a shitty family just because "Its BlOod rElaTeD!!" it's just bs!!
PS. also doesn't help when you're lgbtq and your blood family might actively be homophobic/transphobic. Finding a chosen family that is lgbtq or lgbtq friendly is So So important and valuable, coming from an enby lesbian 💜
I lost my mom to breast cancer 6 years ago. I was 23 at the time, and even then, the scariest thought was that someday I might have kids, and they wouldn't ever get to know their grandmother. My wife and I have been together for 4 years now, married for 3 months, and kids are a serious possibility, so it's very comforting to hear Claudia talk about her personal experience losing her mom and then becoming one herself.
My mom is from Johor Malaysia. Knock Wood, she's still active and relatively health for someone her late 60s. She was the 2nd of 8 kids, her oldest sister passed away young in her 40s in KL. I do not want to imagine my mother without her 4 grand children. She is close to all of them and basically helped raise them, helping my new parent siblings and in-laws during the new born days living with them. It was cool to hear about some similarities with Claudia's mother, but we are lucky enough to have happier outcome. This was great video even when we don't expect Claudia to get deep into her personal life on the internet. Just thankful she's willing to share.
WTF you even have a family friend which even I called Aunty Lily. My mother's friend is from Kota Kinabalu. She was my baby sitter when I was young. Now she is handling her own grand children from her own 4 kids that I grew up with. This is just funny with the similarities.
Malaysian here too. 💛
Wow, just wow! Seeing the title, I figured it was going to be a sensitive video. But this was beyond what I thought. Thank you to Claudia for being so open and honest about such an emotional topic (and somehow keeping it playful…). It is so generous that you share so much of yourselves so we can see that we are not alone with our own challenges.
I totally get what Claud said about wanting to have children even more after losing her mum, though in my case it was more of a pessimistic thought - I'm lucky to say my parents are still around, but my grandad and uncle died within a month of eachother (one of cancer, one of a sudden blood clot induced heart attack) a few years ago and it totally broke my heart. I did think though, "oh, this is one of the reasons people have children. If you don't your family circle just gets smaller and smaller til there's no one left". I was extremely depressed and emotional for about a year about they died so these sorts of thoughts came up a lot. I feel a lot better these days but it's funny, i forgot I'd even had those thoughts
I have a mother (we don't have the closest of a bond but we're fairly close) and I've never ever wanted children or to be a parent but this was very interesting to watch. My mom was born in Venezuela to an American mom (who, to make explaining this more complicated, was born in Costa Rica) but because of her family structure, she isn't that connected to her heritage or the people she knew as a small child there (she's tried to learn more in recent years but there's only so much she can do). So I'm even further distanced from that because I've never been (and will likely never be able to visit Venezuela), I'm very white and American and I've never been mistaken for anything but. This is something I've been thinking at lot more about recently. I want to connect to that and build an attachment to my origins but I have very little family to do that with (who are refugees all over the globe so I don't really have access to them). I want to be able to claim that heritage in a way I never felt allowed to because I never felt "Venezuelan enough" (logically I understand that's nonsense but the feelings still happen). I want to be able to build that connection, to have the decorations and the artwork and to eat the arepas but I know that I will kinda have to do it alone. There really isn't anyone who can show me that the way that your mother was able to because of her strong connection to Malaysian culture.
I hope this made sense, like I said I've been thinking a lot about this but the thoughts aren't fully fleshed out yet so I don't know.
You can always reconnect to your ancestors, they ain't goin nowhere! You may start out alone, but you won't be for long. Only you can decide who you are, waiting for someone else's approval isn't worth it.
Yes, as someone who grew up with parents who either didn’t have friends or only really had childhood lifelong friends (only one came around, he’s still my Uncle to this day), it is very important to model healthy friendships to your children.
Claudia thank you for sharing your pain and Jessie for showing us how you love and support your lovely wife!
I've always wanted to be a mum but i lost my mum when I was younger so it's always seemed more difficult for me, this is lovely
I lost my mom to cancer 2 months ago… I needed this video thank you 😢❤️
I am so sorry for the loss of your mum. I lost my mum to cancer a long time ago. Talk through your pain with those closest to you, and also, hold onto the happy memories, tell them to others, as Claudia has done in this video. ❤️
Hi Khan, I'm so sorry to read this. I lost my mum in 2018. I imagine you are still feeling incredibly raw right now, one piece of advice I was given was to be kind to yourself so I'll pass that on to you. It took me a long time to do it myself but it did help in the end. And eventually the sadness fades, even though it never really leaves you, it does lessen I can promise you that ❤ one day at a time
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@@agirlsarahandherhuskyluna this is good advice my mom was all about spreading kindness it’s time I extend that kindness to myself as well… thank you!
@@KitchenWitchery thank you so much!!
My dad passed away in 2018 to amyloidosis, and he also was a very health conscious person and kept very fit. When he passed it was a complete shock, he was only 59, and that unfairness that someone who took such good care of themselves becoming so sick due to something so out of there control is definitely felt even today.
My fiancé was raised by a single mother and now that we're discussing having children more seriously, the question of fatherhood and fatherly advice is something that kind of hangs over him because my dad isn't here to ask
Such a great topic - your videos are always fantastic
Though this wasn't brought up in relation to culture (though another family/heritage related situation), my mom told me that it's her job to nurture the bond to me and my siblings roots, so that *if* we don't want part in it/wanna distance ourselves for whatever reason, it will be 100% our own choice, and not have it taken away from us before we could have any say. And when my ex's korean mom were no longer in his life after never truly connecting him to his roots, I felt even stronger in my belief that it's important to embrace one's roots and not shut the door to it beforehand.
That's beautiful 😍
Michelle Zauner writes about something similar in her memoir “crying in H-mart”. Her mum was Korean but Michelle grew up in the US and felt too different from the white kids, so she pushed the Korean side of her away. When her mother died of cancer she felt like she had lost all connections to Korea and discovered that again through cooking dishes her mum made for her when she was a child. If you want to read a book that will make you think about maternal connection and cultural heritage I can only recommend it. It will probably make you cry though.
What a selfless video, Claudia, that took courage, well done sweetie, I felt for you. You probably helped countless potential mums out there to know what to expect of their grief. 🤗 🌈
I lost my mum to cancer two years ago, and the thought of having a baby without having her support, her love...without being able to see the joy in her face when we make the announcement, the thought of seeing my child grow up without a maternal grandmother absolutely kills me. :(
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Claud, I am still a bit fresh from losing her so it's still so tricky for me to talk about and navigate in my own head, so it is wonderful to see you talk about your experience and your mum and your family's experience with cancer so openly. I can absolutely relate to having time to talk about things right when things get terminal...it makes me feel so much less alone to see someone talk about this. I was 27 when I lost my mom, so a lot of my friends were unable to talk to me about such a serious thing- they simply couldn't know what I was going through.
I am so sorry for your loss and hope it gets easier with time! I too lost my mom 2 yrs ago (at 25) and can relate to everything youre saying! It's important to share these experiences because it can be so isolating when people around you cannot relate
My mum is awesome. I don’t think about the fact that she’s not gonna be here forever. Ironically I’m more prepared for my own death mentally than I am for my loved ones’ deaths lol
@@KitchenWitchery that’s true. But you’d assume the brain would have a bigger problem dealing with its own demise than someone else’s. It’s hard for something to comprehend it’s own annihilation but the concept of others dying isn’t hard to comprehend
This was a wonderful, heartfelt chat about life, loss, and carrying on. Our memories are our greatest treasures and how wonderful that Ru gets to have all these great memories with his two loving mums.
Claudia did an amazing job in this video. It was so lovely to hear her memories of her mum, and her reflections on loss. Sending love from a fellow griefster
Claud you are QUEEN!! It’s clear you’re having a hard time with the conversation, thank you for having it.
When Claudia was talking about her mother’s illness, made me think about when I lost my dad. It’s hard when you lose a parent, no matter your age. I raised my son as a single mother, my dad was the primary male role model for my son. It was very difficult for my son, even though he was in his early 20’s
This video was extremely comforting to me. My mum is everything to me, she's an amazing human and I feel so lucky to have the wonderful strong bond we have but she has a long term, ultimately life-limiting, illness and I'm very aware that she won't be around for most or all of my future children's lives and when she is around her illness will be quite severe and limiting, cognitively and physically. The thought of being a mother without her around is really upsetting and scary for me but hearing Claudia talk has really helped. Just having someone talk and break what, to me, feels like a big silence around this topic has made me feel less scared and alone and more hopeful about having my own children.
I’m sorry for your loss, my grandpa also got lung cancer rather suddenly, just random bad luck. It also took him fast, but the whole family got to say goodbye, even the ones that lived far away.
Thank you for sharing, you are both amazing moms!
Thank you for making this video. I lost my mum 3 weeks ago on Sunday and it's so raw, but these are all the thoughts I've been having and have been having all throughout her cancer journey. I'm so anxious about a future without her, but seeing the life you have built around your grief gives me hope I may be about to do the same one day.
This hits me on so many levels ... My partner's mom passed away ten years ago on mother's day, so it's always a weird day for us, but this year I'm also pregnant with our first child, so it's even more special this year, and maybe pregnancy hormones are the reason why this video touched me so much idk. Love you, take care!
10 year anniversaries are hard. Last year was 10 years without my dad and it was incredibly emotional for me, I cried more often than I did in the first year of grief
Claudia and Jessica. Thank you for this video! I lost my husband in 2019 and I want our son to have a continuous connection with his Dad. Also his 2 young sons, it is important to keep traditions and pictures around as they grow up. All the best wishes for you and your family 💜
Thanks so much for talking about your wonderful mum, Claudia. I lost my mum in 2018, same diagnosis but we only had her for 3 months before she sadly passed away. She was an incredible woman and mum, a real lioness when it came to her 3 kids too! It completely broke me for a long time after, made worse by the fact that I work in radiotherapy and my job is to fix people with cancer so I found it very hard to come to terms with the fact that I couldn't do anything for her. But gradually the sadness faded and now, like you, I find strength and even joy in reminiscing over all the beautiful times we had together. The sadness never really goes but once it ebbs and you can remember all the good things it gets easier. I still feel her with me all the time and whenever a Robin comes to visit and does its little Robiny dance I know it's her 🥰 Losing your mum when you're so close is a truly terrible loss but sharing stories is such a healing thing so thank you again from the bottom of my heart for making this video.
my mom recently found an aunt that she hadn't seen since her mom's funeral when she was 13, so it's been really nice seeing pictures of her and also of my mom when she was younger! rupert is lucky to grow up with these pictures and this knowledge of your mother, especially one this wonderful.
Once again I noticed how special you are. You both have such incredibly unique characters and that's why I think I love watching your videos so much 🥰
Jessica, I had to pause this video 8.5 minutes in because the way you were supporting Claudia while she was talking about her mother’s illness was so beautiful and loving it made me tear up. Such a wonderful, touching video and Claudia I think you are very brave for talking about something so personal on camera. Just hats off to you both. The love is so evident. And Claudia, your mother sounds like she was a wonderful person.
by sharing your mother's story within this video, your mother can never be forgotten.
it's said a person dies twice; once the moment your heart ceases to beat, twice the moment your name ceases to exist.
by sharing your mother's story, her name will never be forgotten, and someone, somewhere- will always remember her.
i wish you well on grieving during this tenth year, and in the future, and wishing you well on raising a lovely little baby. you and jessica are the mothers i wished i'd had.
happy mother's day.
Thank you Claudia for sharing and being so open and vulnerable. I'm from a white dad and Asian mom. We lost my moms parents when I was young and I've felt disconnected from my heritage at so many points throughout my life. Meeting my boyfriends Chinese grandparents, I realized that more of it has stayed with me than I realized because my mom would cook their food and share their stories. It's important what you're doing for Rupert, and he will value it so much one day!
The way your voice Changes when you start talking about the cancer diagnosis breaks my heart for you. I know that feeling. My mum had cervical cancer when I was 8. Our lives were up ended and I was one confused little person. My mum didn't physically die. She developed treatment resistant paranoid schizophrenia unstead. So I lost my mum, but she is still here. It has been a very confusing and difficult being a mum myself with no helpful reference points or any of the normal support people receive from their mums. I feel that loss from time to time over the 15 years I have been a parent.
❤️
This is the first time I've been so early to a video I clicked on it as soon as I got a notification
Thank you for sharing something so genuine and honest. The love here is so palpable. So many people will feel less alone through watching this video... it's really a gift. Thank you.
Sending love to Claudia. My dad's 11th death-aversary (that's what I call it) was on March 11th of this year. He had Hodgkins and non-hodgkins lymphoma and passed when he was 50 - I was 20.
Cancer sucks.
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This is such a sweet video regarding a topic that may be difficult for a lot of people. I love that Jessica also encourages Claudia to embrace her Malasyan heritage and is involved in that too! Such good team they are, and also the best lesbian moms for us too
The way Jess smiles while listening to Clad talk about her mother 😍
We are so privileged to have been told about your mother. Thank you so much Claudia 💗
Thank you, Claudia, for sharing so much about your mother! And thank you both for sharing your motherhood journey with us! And that product must be something, your hair is really lovely!
As a disabled single mom, thank you for all of your videos, and proving that happiness is possible.
May have cried almost the whole way through this. Thank you so much for sharing, it means a huge amount to hear about other people's experiences to help ease my own ❤️
My mum died of ovarian cancer when I was 2. From how everybody describes her, and the diary & tape that she made for me when she knew she was dying, she sounds a lot like Claudia's mum. I don't want children (partly because of health issues, partly trauma), but I 100% understand the desire for a mother-daughter bond (I have a step-mother, but it's not the same).
It's my Dad who died of cancer when I was 16.
Then I ended making a horrible choice of husband so I was doubly glad I was raised by such a strong mother and wonderful father.
Claudia, my Dad was a chef too! He was the very best father.
Because their own father is... how to say this... a complete waste of space, my Dad not being here has been even more of a loss.
He would have loved my daughters as much as he loved his 6 daughters and 2 sons.
I've told so many stories - as has my Mom - that my girls truly know how much their grandfather would have loved them.
My brother is gay and he often asked me when he was younger, if Dad had lived long enough to know that he was gay, would he have still loved him.
I was so glad to have been able to tell him with all honesty that Dad would have - and did - loved him.
Period.
Like your Mom, when they found Dad's cancer it had already spread everywhere.
He was 43 when he died and my youngest sibling was only 8 months old.
Mom was 41 with 6 of her 8 children still at home.
We got 4 months but as you said, it gave us all a tiny bit of time before it was time for him to go.
Both of my brothers are amazing family men.
One has a lovely wife and 4 beautiful daughters and the other has been the greatest son, brother, and uncle you could ever ask for.
He's never found his life's partner yet and at 53 he says he's not likely to now.
All of his niece's and nephew's love him and he has taken turns spoiling them all.
He's very handsome in a silver fox type of way and quite wealthy - we're in the US - and we just want him to be happy.
Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us.
Grandparents, whether they are still here or not, had a big impact on our lives.
My children's paternal great-grandmother was an important person in my girls lives.
When your own father isn't a good parent/person but you carry his blood, Grandma Vernis became a very important person that I could remind my girls they could always be proud to have contributing to their inheritance.
She was 94 when she peacefully passed and my girls still tell stories about her.
She lived 8 hours from us, but we made the trip to see her and were welcomed even after I divorced her grandson.
She wrote the girls letters - me too! - and would make plans with them for activities they would do the next time we visited.
What I'm saying is that your Mom isn't gone.
She's in you and your memories.
Share your stories and then when Rupert gets older he can talk about his Grandmother with his cousins.
So keep telling those stories!
my parents aren't very nice people and i recently decided to cut contact with them for my health and safety. not having a 'mom' figure to turn to in times of need have been hard - so i really appreciate the video & thanks so much for sharing claudia
"there's a small child in my office please come collect" "sorry that we died" i'm screaming
Claudia thank you ! Thank you for sharing your story it was lovely to hear about your mum ❤️ only the best people get taken away too young to be the most beautiful Angels ❤️ thank you for sharing I know that must of been hard ❤️ happy Mother's Day to you both ❤️
I’m excited for next mother’s day ( in my country it’s in May) because I’ll be in my final foster family then. My bio mother and I, we love each other but umm yeah it’s extremely toxic and abusive. I write mother’s day cards every year still to her but it never feels genuine. Next time, I really feel like I’ll be able to enjoy giving for mother’s day, but to my foster mom.
Oftentimes I think about what it’ll be like becoming a mother because I really want to become a mom, but with what I grew up with it feels like mothering is a big unknown void
I gave birth with my mum there, she was marching me around the hospital while I was having major contractions, I didn’t want my then husband anywhere near me. (Married to a woman now 😊🏳️🌈)
I felt really honoured to hear Claudia talk about her mum. She sounds incredible. Sounds like she has left a solid foundation for Rupert to have an amazing mum in Claudia too (and Jessie, of course).
I emigrated to Canada from Britain with my son when he was 5. I have been so lucky to have made some wonderful friends who fortunately love him.
He was 21 last week and they all came to celebrate as his Canadian aunties and uncles and I was so touched by their love for him