Emotion Phobia: The Problem With Fearing Emotions And How To Overcome It | Affect Phobia
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- Опубликовано: 8 июл 2024
- When we fear emotions, mostly we also try to avoid feeling or showing them. This limits us in many ways: we miss out on the motivation and clarity emotions provide, we don't learn how to process emotions and we limit our capacity to establish connection in relationships. In this video you'll learn what emotion phobia is, where it comes from, why it's unhelpful and how to overcome it.
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00:00 Introduction
01:28 What Is Emotion Phobia?
02:15 The Negative Consequences Of Emotion Phobia
02:51 Examples Of Emotion Phobia
03:47 The Truth About Emotions
06:42 Summary
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#emotionphobia #affectphobia #selfleadershipexperts
Keywords: affect phobia, emotion phobia, afraid of emotions, im afraid of my emotions, afraid of showing emotions, afraid of feelings, afraid of being vulnerable, fear of emotions, fear of feeling emotions, fear of showing emotions, fear of expressing feelings, fear of feelings, leigh mccullough, leigh mccullough affect phobia, emotions and feelings, facts about emotions, learning about emotions and feelings
“The belief that we stay strong by ignoring our difficult emotions is false.” (Nancy Colier)
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For the longest time i thought i was afraid of people but turns out i was afraid of emotions
Interesting!
Thank you for talking about emotions. In many fields of our lifes it is apprechiated to be emotional.
Thank you for being here 🙂
This is absolutely phenomenal. And the views on this video show how early humans are in the timeline of understanding our emotionality. Thank you for leading the movement!
PS. Love love love the presentation with drawings and colours, it reminds me of my first few years at school! Which is very emotional 😭
Aw, thanks! I'm glad this resonated with you. I hope with time, the RUclips algorithm will recommend this video more and more :-) And I'm glad you like the presentation with the drawings. :-)
When you are in it the emotion it seems like it will last forever. I have been hopeless for 2 years now. The thought that this could last years more sounds like forever.
Emotions are quicker to come and go. If it lasts for years it sounds more like something else worth getting checked out by a mental health professional so you can feel better ❤️
I have been dealing with fear of emotions especially fear. And I tend to stuff them down. Now I am at the point where my whole body is tense and feels sick like a tight grip and I know I need to feel emotions and let them pass.
Thanks for sharing your experience. Yeah, when we stuff emotions away, they keep doing their work “underground” and it can get to a point of intensity. They want to be heard. All the best to you! 💗
Thanks for the video! What you do is helping many, many people.
Thank you for the encouraging comment. I really appreciate it.
This channel is more helpful than all of the mainstream self help though guys bullshit
Thank you 😊 I'm really glad to hear that!
Thanks Dr. Maika, brilliant content!!! I like watching your videos and the idea of self-leadership
Thank you! 🌻
🙏🏻 Thank you!
🙏🙂
Thanks Dr. That was very beneficial.
Glad it resonated with you! ✨
Thank you! So helpfull...
That‘s great thx 🌻
Thank you for this amazing video...
Glad it resonated with you! ✨
Found this helpful.
That’s great ☺️🙏🏻✨
Thank you, great video
Glad you think so! ✨🌺
After many years of living in a suite of armor walled off from people so I couldn't get hurt I would only have the people that I let in hurt me im trying to live and process my emotions and and feel worthy I don't know the real me I can't take or actually accept complements and im not going to live like that anymore
It’s wonderful you’ve decided not to live like that anymore. Change can be challenging, but it’s worth it ✨ All the best 💗
Thank you 🙏
🙂🙏🏻🌻
Many revert to emotional numbing to protect themselves, but it can become maladaptive and harmful. Emotions express the self. What would a garden be without flowers?
Yes 🙂🌻🌼🌸🌺🌷🌹
Beautifully said 💛
Really great info, thank you
I’m glad this resonated with you ☺️🙏🏻🌷
Thank you🥰💞
🙂🌸
I needed to hear this as I’ve been on a road to finally releasing my emotions and not fighting them
That's wonderful! I'm glad the video was helpful and I wish you all the best for your journey!
@@DrMaikaSteinborn thank you. I have a question though, is there a difference between suppressing your feelings and not letting them control you?
Yes, good question! There's an important difference between these two. Suppressing feelings means we try to deny them, fight their existence by struggling against them, try to shut them out, push them away or ignore them. We may also try to override them by numbing them with busyness, alcohol or drugs. This leads to unhelpful feelings piling up and bursting out unconstructively.
Not letting feelings control us, on the other hand, means that we're very aware of what's happening in our inner world, we accept it (vs. not wanting it to be true), we try to understand the underlying causes and we do things to realse feelings in a way that soothes our nervous system.
I talk more about this in this video: “Emotions 101: How To Deal With Emotions And Allow Them To Contribute To Your Life” ruclips.net/video/ly4-SoHp9dc/видео.html
Thank you
🙂🌻
Amazing !!!i will share it!!
Bravo Doctora Maika!!👋🔝👌✨🙏🤗
Thank you so much for the support! ✨🌻
@@DrMaikaSteinborn Thanks to you!!👋🐄
Good One!
Thanks for watching 🙏🏻🙂
💯 👏
🙏🏻💗☺️
hi maika,a month ago there was a time when i was totally gone to depression.it was very hard time for me in my life.but after sometime i became okay.so at some point of life many people become depressed and sometimes they even goes to suicidal thoughts.so what we can do for feeling good and positive in this type of depression situations? And how can we prevent depression not to come again in our life?
Hi Shin jo, yes, many (if not all) people have phases that are tough, unpleasant and that can make us feel depressed. What's important is to observe what triggers these phases for us, individually: what usually happens before and during such a phase that starts it and/or makes it worse? How do we contribute to it? (In a couple of weeks, I have a video coming out about "How to get through a bad day" - that explains this in more detail.) It helps to become more aware of all the things we can do to stay in a good place - and there's a lot of that. I talk about this and preventing depression in this video: ruclips.net/video/R_usZp8aqAs/видео.html
Also, it's really important to ask for help when we need it. Often we think, we have to go through these phases alone, but that's not true. Strength isn't doing everything alone, it's knowing when to look and ask for help.
And I recommend investing into a relationship - someone, a friend, partner, parent, sibling, cousin - someone who we are so close to with whom we can talk when we go through such a phase. That is incredible support and we need it, humans are social beings.
All the best to you 🌱
I don't know what to do. 😭 Had a lot of traumatic experiences since very young that my emotions are like explosion if i let them out
I‘m sorry to hear that you had to go through those traumatic experiences. With trauma, it‘s really, really helpful to see a trauma specialist.
I feel everything deeply even my face show them but in toughest moment i don't cry. Instead i avoid people n lay or sit down alone but still no crying, is this normal behaviour?
Hi Danish! There are many different ways of experiencing and expressing emotions, also stress, grief and sadness. There is not one right way to grieve, it is different for everyone. What's important is to be in touch with our emotions - to make room for them and give ourselves the time to process them (in our own way).
@@DrMaikaSteinborn thank you for your response 😊
Why were we taught not to show anger, fear, and sadness?
That's a good question! I think mainly it's due to false assumptions about these emotions and caregivers not knowing how to process them or teach someone to process them. These emotions can be unpleasant to witness and soothing them in a child requires energy and skill - which not everyone has available or learned. Empathy requires the ability to let these emotions resonate within oneself to a certain degree, but if a caregiver hasn't learned to process them, they may not want to go there and expect the child to soothe itself or not be upset in the first place. These emotions can signal that something is wrong and that's something one needs to be willing to face and have the skill to handle.
Also, anger can be destructive, if it's not processed in a constructive way, and I think many people associate any slight trace of anger with destruction. The healthy way to deal with it would be to ask: “Where is this coming from?” and “How can I take care of that?” Instead it's often pushed down as something that's wrong and shouldn't be there...
There's also interesting gender differences in what is "allowed" for girls and boys with emotions. Boys are allowed to experience and show more anger than girls, whereas girls are allowed to experience and show more of the "weak" emotions like fear and sadness. This has to do with gender expectations - expecting boys/men to be "strong" and girls/women to be "nice"...
@@DrMaikaSteinborn My mother came from a country that was very repressed so emotions were thought of as a luxury, having food and a roof over your head was a blessing and you were shamed for not thinking so, even if your emotions were valid. I think culturally they learned to block out pain and not process emotions and this seeped into the family system. They actually used to say, "Children should be seen and not heard", not hugging your child in Victorian times. Lack of human connection from wars can infiltrate your family, they bring the battle home.
Thank you for sharing this. I've once heard the parenting during times of war and other extreme circumstances being called “survival based parenting”, meaning like you described, the times emphasized survival, and asking for more would have been seen as audacious. A lot of older parenting advice is along these lines that “If you're too emotionally responsive to a child, it'll develop a weak character.” Luckily, these guidelines are being updated and people are learning about the effect of traumata that are handed down from generation to generation.
Bec people think that when ur feeling something u have to act on them.
I avoid positive emotions, not consciously of course - because I experienced how romantic partners tried to destroy them. My ex-wife was even physically attacking me when I was happy for something good happening in my life - and that was rare.
I've been reading Kohut, Akhtar, Kernberg, Jung and many more about child development and realized, that my upbringing by my mother was horrible. I can't diagnose her and I wouldn't be able to do that even when I'd be a psychiatrist, but her behavior-patterns really aligned with what Akhtar called the shy narcistic person. I found out, that that shaped my own development of a self and that even me used narcissistic defense strategies to cope with her never ending demands and emotional outbursts, but the worst was that feeling, that she never was really present, when she spoke to me she wasn't invested with her character and her being. I guess her self and her self object is completely fragmented and not existing. She is just a shell.
When I was good at maths, she told me, that I wasn't good in maths. When I was reading Fontane and Tolstoi in the 5th class, she told me just that it was good and okay, because she got positive feedback from teachers and other mothers, which I randomly told something about a book I was reading - so she could use my interest in literature for herself, because it shed a light on her as a mother, who looks thereafter, that the child is educated and intellectually advanced. If it didn't bring her anything, she reacted cold blooded and ice cold. There was as well a lot of violence and alot of fear and nightmares when I was child.
By reading so much about psychology I found out, that I am autistic and after two years now I'm diagnosed with it really after a complicated diagnostic process. That added some more Trauma so to say.
Now with 29 I am divorced and have almost no contact with my whole family - just in extreme and overwhelming emotional situations, which I experience like overwhelming my whole system, my affective system goes down and I act out in a destructive way - spending money or drinking alcohol while trying (inwardly desperate) to connect to people my age, because it's difficult to connect to people when it's my thing to not lie or avoid talking about a problematic behavior - even when it's a behavior of the other person itself - because people react to it always like I attacked them when in fact I'm interested in them and want to know why they for example act arrogant or disinterested when they are in a group of what they call their own friends. And it's not, that I misunderstand these things - I'm always right with these things, otherwise they would not react that mortified, they would just simply explain it or mention, that they don't want to talk about it right now, but in a normal tone in a selfregulated manner.
Well, howsoever, because of all these experiences I somehow subconsciously avoid feeling good emotions, which aggravates really my functioning, because I avoid getting good results for my own. It paralyzes me at times, so that I end up being ruminating about why I can't do something or what is happening actually.
It involves joy of all forms. Enjoying taste of a good meal. Enjoying being happy about a specific thing I've planned for myself. Even sports I can't enjoy that way - but the intense muscle tension in moving weights in a gym brings on a physical way relaxation, because afterwards the muscles have to relax. What I like of sports is, that it naturally helps to regulate many processes in the body and brain and I enjoy via that function of sport itself working out.
Well, at least I'm a student now with 29, even though I experience this blockage about learning. I came from working since 15, poor education, criminality, violence and addiction to the point in which I've my own flat and my ideals, which I always do follow and use as my guideline. One of them is estimation. So I'm not angry with myself about avoiding these emotions, but I wish for myself, that I'll be wiser soon and use one of my other ideal, namely courage to establish strong enough boundaries to feel finally save to be excited, joyful, positive, inspired and happy.
I think I've heard some German accent in your English. I'm a German as well. So greetings and thanks for the video. It helped to reflect that all what I've written now in this comment. Have a good time :)
Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like you‘ve been through a lot. I think it‘s wonderful how you are seeking so much understanding and awareness by reading. It sounds like it has already helped you a lot and probably will continue to. My impression is that you‘re well on your way to a sense of safety that allows you to be open to positive emotions. I wish you all the best for that journey!✨ Oh and yes, I‘m German, correctly detected ☺️ Herzliche Grüsse 🙋🏼♀️
@@DrMaikaSteinborn thank you for your reply :). I've been reading it in the morning on my way to work sitting in the bus and somehow I felt really proud of myself, hearing that someone else says more or less the exact same thing I was telling myself all the time lately.
I think I'm proud of myself and that is a really - I don't know - a good feeling. It's a quiet, but dense feeling - this feeling remembers me of an old wise man with a stick in his hand nodding towards oneself with a gentle smile in his face while one is not sure to go through an opened door in front of oneself. It's a modest emotion, one that doesn't need to show itself to others, it just knows, that it is there.
I think so as well, that reading is going to be a source of understanding and being in peace for quite a while. Right now I'm going through Jungs red book in my free time.
Well, thank you again. It made me happy to read that this morning in the bus. Liebe Grüße 🙃
@@Gandalf_the_quantum_G That sounds really great, thanks for sharing and all the best to you!
Great read…I dealt with similar feelings of getting anxiety from feeling good..in one case I took ecstasy in my teens that created the most joyous happy bliss followed by a random panic attack so I have been scared for 20+ years to wanna feel happy or excited this much again. I also in the peak of what I assumed was a happy marriage , after a great vacation and prob happiest week of my life I caught my wife cheating which now by default has associated feeling love and happy In a relationship to scared to wanna ever experience it again because it was associated to fear, betrayal and doom of emotional trauma.
I loved this video. Thank you for making it!
I‘m glad you liked it! Thank you!