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One thing I’ve learned as an ENFJ to avoid the burnout, explosive anger, hysterical sobbing and eventual self isolation is to maintain well communicated dynamic barriers and constantly quick reflecting in the moment to understand where my mind and emotions are with a situation. Also to constantly self validate and remind myself that my priorities are foremost.
@Just Nikki Ok this is weirdly cosmic I was about to reply in agreement when I realized you had just replied to me on a dear Kristin video. We're connected and I'm a little scared lol
YES!!!! And recognize if its really worth my time. I don't know if your astrological sign is a factor on personality type but as a Virgo the perfectionist portion can also make things more time consuming as well.
As an ENFJ male this is so refreshing. Its so hard being understood. I know my type is the rarest male type..and it shows all the time. I feel weird sometimes.
ron gaines There’s nothing wrong with you!!! As an ENFJ, I used to want to be different until I realized I was born this way and I’d just make the most of it. And when I want to criticize one of my (quite possibly) annoying personality traits, I remember I AM who I AM - some people won’t like it and that’s just too dang bad. I’m willing to live with rejection because the one, true King loves me and that’s all I need. 💗 Lots of people won’t understand you but when you find the one person who does - it’ll be AMAZING!!! 😉 Take good care. 💗
I hope this isn't asking anything too deep but have you ever gotten really mad/vindictive about... well, being the way we are? The anger of not being understood and never being able to rest is something I'm struggling with, because it makes me feel selfish and immature but I feel as if I'm the only one looking out for me. Apologies, again.
I think that as an enfj the reason I can hold multiple conflicting ideas is because I care enough to understand everyone’s side. So i can understand why this is good and also that is good.
Love the “quick hits” breakdown. Wow! You nailed it! We crave deep and real communication and relationships. But because we can so quickly identify with many kinds of people on so many different levels, we instantly “bond” with them, not always considering how many ways we wouldn’t relate to them at all as friends. But I can say that I’m very selective about who I invite into my personal life. I’ve never had a friend betray me, because I choose my friends wisely. I have definitely been too trusting, however, with some people. But I’m a quick learner. We’re also very fun loving and child like. That could be why our more serious, deep thinking side doesn’t come through as clearly to some people. There have been times when I think people have been stunned to realize I actually have a lot of depth beneath my easy going, often smiling nature. ENFJs do hold too much in. Oftentimes we don’t even realize it, until our balloon is popped. Then we get flooded and bust and have an emotional breakdown that isn’t pretty. I hate it when that happens. 😔
Hear you. Had my share of explosions,including at work, for which I had to apologize. Takes time to increase patience (yeah, we’re already so dang patient right!?) with annoying folks who don’t understand their influence. Overwhelm is a thing, just hang in there, and try not to blame yourself.
yes, its difficult being a rare type, isn't it! Rare types can't find validation easy. It's easier when someone guides us with these unique struggles. ❤
I've always grew healthy as an ENFJ. MY GUIDANCE COUNCELOR STATED THAT I HAD THE 2ND RAREST PERSONALITY TYPE. WE ARE NUMBER ONE EXTRAVERTED TYPE. . SINCE I FOUND THAT OUT 35 YEARS AGO, I HAVE ALWAYS USED MY ENFJ STRENGTH TO STRIVE AND MAKE THE MOST OUT OF MY LIFE. MY LIFE HAS BEEN SO FULLFILLING LEARNING TO USE MY ENFJ TO MY FULLENT. I AM A NAMI. MENTAL HEALTH COUNCELOR AND LOVE MY JOB. ITS LIKE IM GETTING 6 FIGURES JUST BEING MYSELF, AS ENFJL....... THE BIGGEST ASSET IS MY ABILITY TO GET ALONG WITH ANY PERSONALITY TYPE,. WE ARE THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF RELATING TO ALL 16 PERSONALITYY TYPES. WE LOVE TO TALK AND BE SOCIAL.
This is so incredible. I have struggled for so long to figure out why I react the way I do. Suddenly, I realize that there has always been that issue of looking for so sort of validation and instead, getting negative feedback. I worked for a church with a lead pastor who believed in the idea that silence was approval. So the only time I heard from him was when he didn't like something. The fast I went, the more productivity I poured out, the worse it got for me. I found myself exploding in anger and rage and couldn't figure it out. This is so very helpful.
Many times I wonder about what people think of me. If I am good enough and if I do enough... And once my therapist told me: "If people are not complaining you can assume that they feel great and you are doing an excellent job." As you can tell I remembered that. In the end if something's wrong and nobody is complaining that is their responsibility to complain about. This helps. At.least it helps me. I really hope it helps other who read this comment too.
especially when people are propelling the vibe in a negative direction as like a coping mechanism, and getting sucked into that. I really don't understand how people will call the entire room negative if they're the one ruminating on said bad vibe unconsciously. Those are like the hardest because there's not much you can do, Fe users kinda know this subconsciously and i'm so happy my Si user counterpart exists because ESFJ and ISFJ have more.. patience when it comes to dealing with the day-to-day people who by default are not in a healthy state of mind the moment they wake up almost.
I’m an ENFJ and rarely do people believe I studied pure mathematics and spend most of my time thinking about philosophy. Makes for my favorite conversations with my friends. But when I first meet people I tend to be reserved until I start opening about my current interests.
Ditto I'm a divergent ENFJ in CPT so TiNi subtype. I have a degree in mathematics & one in philosophy & English. The philosophical side of us is generally ignored altogether. I'm too exceptional at mathematics with a very high IQ; too much attention is given to FeSe when it's a mode of expression for the bedrock of our cognition- TiNi.
That is true, more than anything I get myself down when people criticize me. I need to withdraw myself fm the situation and be more calm when someone gives me negative feedback. However, I think we can also achieve a lot as an ENFJ. The important thing to note, also, is that we’re not afraid to stand up for the weaker ones in society, or help them out when we see them being bullied. For me, social justice is quite important!
This is so accurate lol. As an ENFJ I'm baffled by the behavior of the ENFJ that was described at the beginning - the one who flipped out about the wedding. I personally would have made a 'omg that's so mean! lol' type of comment and laugh it off to maintain the peace of the conversation and just be internally judging lelz.
This comment section is the best I have ever been on any. I can't express enough how comforting it is to find people of the same type, especially being a male ENFJ which society forces to set aside their feelings. I hope all of you are doing great in this journey of perspective that we share 😭
Hey Personality Hackers, My name is Gray and I am definitely an ENFJ. I almost cried multiple times during this amazing and introspective podcast. Funny thing is a lot of the advice mentioned for personal growth are things that I always promote me loving to do. I get the best results from taking my spiritual baths and yoga practice ( hence me crying for joy). I wanted to thank you both for affirming my thoughts it means so much to be seen. I look forward to indulging in more of your podcast. Love, Gray
Thank you for such a detailed, well organized, very true and correct statements about ENFJ. It has been very helpful. Both of you seem very intelligent and eloquent in your speech. I would like to add for my fellow ENFJs and for your channel regarding the TI overthinking of an ENFJ. ENFJ can also be very static and not active because of their overthinking. This can leave them in a state where they end up not taking action, not moving around and doing things because of their overthinking. All of your suggestions are great; I would like to add that mindfulness and cognitive reconstructions of thoughts are very useful. Feeling good by David Burns is a book that explains the cognitive reconstructions. Hope this helps !!! MJ ENFJ Film Director/Teacher/Mentor
So glad you mentioned that an ENFJ can also be rather inactive and an over thinker. I was beginning to think that I might not be an ENFJ after all, but you just saved me from that mistake!
ENFJ here. Personality Hacker duo hitting all the nails on the head! Thank you. I have two parents with narcissistic traits and both abusive and neglectful. Imagine being a young and adult ENFJ + empath, knowing there wasn't harmony & home wasn't a safe place. As a child, I received zero validation of my emotional breakdowns & meltdowns when abused & blamed for, "getting myself into a state." I ran away from home at 5y.o., got caught & returned home. I was an alcoholic ages 14 to 16. I'm 38 with complex PTSD, just learning the power of 'No'. I still search for external validation from others. Though through therapy (since I was 11y.o.) I'm working on being authentically me, accepting who I am, and developing my lower cognitive functions, e.g. Logic (3y.o.) is sooo draining, yet working towards being more competent in this. Slowing down & reading has been part of my internal learning of slowing down. Lighting incense with a familiar smell I like & walking with no particular destination while listening to music, swimming have helped lots (to get rid of the monkey-mind). I dated an introvert last year (probably INTP), and learnt a lot from them about how efficient this "slowing down" is. And yes, consistency is a true internal strength. I'm consistent across every aspect of me, e.g. I'm curious academically and curious in a relationship, i.e. genuinely interested in my partner. Relational quality is the only way anyone gets into my closest orbits, more so now as a mature adult because I've become efficient & faster with using my intuition to keep negative, low-quality humans out or not in my closer orbits. Love being ENFJ. Here's sending lots of love and hugs to ENFJs here. May you all find like-minded, supportive circles in which you will thrive.
Kathy O’Brien’s book on PTSD is awesome! It’s all about journaling your triggers so you can objectively look at them with the logic side of the brain. As an ENFJ, The journaling process has helped me unload a monkey mine in paper and work out my own triggers.
I SO appreciate this breakdown of an ENFJ! The part about being able to anticipate people's needs has caused me huge problems. You explained it exACTly - at work, people do not see the work I do - they think its 'magic' when I actually put in great thought. And as SOON as I don't meet a need, I hear about it. Its bullshit really. And I got burnt out but I'm shifting that shit pronto.
This really hit hard. I felt like I was understood as an ENFJ. I get burned out sometimes always being there for others and hurt when I don’t receive reciprocation
I found this podcast bc I am shifting towards a perspective phase, after years of being caught up in harmony/sensing through partying and constant socialization. And in spending more time alone I have started being so so hard on myself, the inner mean girl you mentioned was in full swing. It’s very comforting to hear you describe exactly what’s happening to me right now & for me to understand more accurately all of my current growing pains. So my next focus is to keep developing my perspective & not believe my inner 3 year old. Thank you so so so much!
This is me currently. I hope you’ve developed it! I’m starting to see the shift for myself into the co-pilot phase they mentioned. It makes a whole lot of sense. And it’s refreshing. Although it’s causing waves with people who have known me a while. It’s kind of like shedding old skin and people are confused by the colors 😂
I am an ENFJ and I am a scientist. I love science, and I love learning, but my real passion is helping others. I realize that I have a much farther reach if I am successful in science, and I can help humans the most that way. I may get burned out, but for right now, science is what I am good at, and its a way I can help.
24:57 and from there on, I gasped. THIS IS SO TRUE This is why I always put myself down, even for doing things for people, because I am worried I will forget something and then the person will only point out what I forgot. Or when people confront me with not helping them enough, not really noticing all the times I actually did help them with things.Because people never give me validation for the small things I do, I have gotten so used to accepting the negativity from not doing things and forgetting how to actually receive compliments well when someone notices the help I give. It is like a really evil circle
I dont know why but as an ENJF you have a sense of urgency to heal the world so much that you start to lose yourself. Prior to that, I didn't really have boundaries and I couldn't make decisions at times. I am a very emotional person but my environment has shaped me up to be a man without showing emotions and this has affected a lot of relationships but I am slowly unwiring myself and becoming more in tune with myself. I really do feel like a human after listening to this podcast thank you and God bless all of you.
ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS. I'm an ENFJ and I can attest to your advices and insights being right on the money! Thank you so much! Prayers for you from Pakistan!
My 27 year old son FINALLY took the assessment so I could know and understand him better. I am an INFP (Claircognizant Empath). He is (Meyers Briggs) ENFJ.
23:19 Spot on. You described the ordeal I went through until recently. I was repeatedly accused of not helping in the home by some of my 6 roommates (only the man, interestingly), when in reality I was cleaning other peoples dishes everyday, getting rid of obscene amounts of trash people left laying everywhere, collecting the money that kept falling through the holes in their trousers, cleaning parts of the bathroom everyday, the sink, the children's faces, and on and on. For a year and a half I was cleaning the kitchen before even going to the bathroom and only going to bed when everyone else had already retired. It only got recognized when I decided to travel for a few weeks. When I came back, the house was in a terrible state and my roommates then thanked me after I got it back in order. And the mothers were happy they got the nanny back. This happened a few times and felt like I was trapped. I hated this part of life there so much. The same went for my help with the milk cows and the garden. Now I'm back with my mum for a while, and she thanks me every time I do something. Also, I've always struggled with getting to that introspective place, especially when I know I'm running away from some emotion. Something that has helped immensely this last year is daily Qi Gong practice and regular walks. I've always been making music, and love to get lost in rhythm. I also love cycling and hiking, and always feel like I come back as a better person, but I have to force myself to actually do those things. Thank you so much for this podcasts, it sheds light on some less known aspects of the ENFJ.
Boy, you nailed it regarding the baffling part of how others doh’t see how they aren’t achieving the harmony I as an ENFJ desire. I find myself attacking my husband because of the negative things he blatantly says on so many issues that go against the peaceful vibes I want to have. I find that my anger about it isn’t peaceful either, which is also baffling to me.
As an ENFJ woman I find that my anger springs from a number of things: -frustration, either with others or myself - hurt, through relationship or non-relationship ( ie. being ignored) -'righteous' anger over moral, social and world issues I also study astrology My astrology teacher is also qualified in Myers-Briggs testing. He only needed to look at my birth chart to determine my type and he was correct. In esoteric Soul-centered astrology I am an Energy/Radiation 4 type of Personality, that of 'Harmony Through Conflict'. (The narrators mentioned 'harmony' as part of this personality.)) To get to harmony you need to go through the conflict otherwise it will eat away at you. The trick is HOW to do that. It can be done in a harmonious way, creating peace. For me, it is standing up for myself with a fighting spirit, stating my case, receiving acknowledgement that I have been heard (though perhaps not agreed with) and resting on that in a peaceful manner, with attitude and action from myself that supports it. Also, we need to find and bring beauty in our lives to lift us up. (Ray(diation) 4 also strives for beauty and unity.)
This is the Best Podcast ever on personality types! This is 90% accurate, 10% maybe yet to be devoloped or culture differences...but I really enjoyed and I hope I will be able to apply your suggestions and become a better version of myself! Love From An Indian ENFJ☺
That's so sad. Perhaps there is a strong reaction that you can recognize and come up with a way you want to show up when you are triggered. I breathe out deeply and literally force my mouth shut to keep myself from blurting out a non thought out response. I also hate apologizing so I find it easier to do than make an apology. Good luck to you.
@@t.l1357 it's more positive emotions I have that make me feel like I'm a child, I feel too happy over small things and I'm embarrassed because it is not normal socially to be very happy over small things in life.
Hot wow, I feel so seen and understood!!! I can’t even tell you how much I needed this. Our second baby is 6 weeks old, and I’ve been feeling a bit burnt out and resentful that I’m the only one who seems to anticipate needs and plan ahead. And my ISTJ husband is thrown for a loop at my emotional outbursts when I don’t feel appreciated. This is opening my eyes to how my brain works and what I need. Being able to “feel out” the culture/energy of individuals and groups has always been so innate I struggle to understand how others DONT see it, this makes so much sense!! And the discussion of conflicting perspectives has always been a strength and a challenge for me. A pro is I can understand so many different perspectives, a con is I have trouble taking one specific stand on an issue… My late twenties and early thirties have been a time of self-discovery and being comfortable in my own skin and interests and feeling really good about “me.” I spent so many years trying to create harmony and be what was “expected” it feels wonderful to access my actual self. I’m only half way through this podcast and my mind is being repeatedly blown!!
Definitely I feel that as an ENFJ my ability to read and understand others allows me the ability to be any person. I sometimes struggle with my own identity and knowing who I am and what I like because I seem to be a collection of other people’s experiences and their likes and dislikes. I have taken on so many shapes to fit in and satisfy I think I need to get back to self exploration, although I know I will have difficulty with the whole isolation thing. Anyone with advice for either getting past my adversity to isolation for betterment or with advice on how to practice self exploration without isolation would be very welcome.
Omg I’ve never heard stuff more accurate than the talk about doubling down on service to get feedback and only getting feedback when things aren’t done makes me want to cry
The Fe-Se loop y’all described with the Se being dubbed as the 10-year old definitely hurt my undergrad experience. Consistently keeping myself busy pleasing my then-job, my then-volunteer job, and I just ended up disappointing people in the end. Another point that resonated me was the invisibility of our service. In my case, I get told that I’m “easy to talk to” but the care and attention I give to make myself easy to talk to does not get reciprocated and it really puts me in a bad state! Anyway, great podcast. Very healing to hear my needs and strengths verbalized and that a lot of other ENFJ’s relate.
That QUALITY statement means a lot to me. I struggled for years with figuring out and choosing quality over quantity. Being recently diagnosed as Bipolar and just going through the entire process of slowing down and feeling... really aided me even though uncomfortable. It hurts though when you invested a lot into the quality and it changes and so you feel like you misjudged someone and wasted time. Nevertheless, THANK YOU for this
I always thought I was weird now I know ALL THIS TIME I'VE JUST BEEN A MALE ENFJ and everything said here makes me feel better about all of my concerns during my childhood. TY so much
This is the most insightful view of ENFJ, it's lovely to find something I can relate to. In my professional life I tend to go for quick hits, as my deep understanding of others can be unnerving to my coworkers. This aspect of my personality was the reason why management promoted me. Recently I have been showing my full self, it confuses others and they hold back. Luckily I do have a few close friendship and a close family, but life is busier as I've got older.. meaning it's a struggle to find more meaningful relationships to fill this gap. In pass year I have found yoga, selfcare practice and writing has helped me find my inner calm.
This is helpful. I’m an ENFJ. I do have a question tho. I feel like sometimes I tend to conform. Like a chameleon. It’s true that I’m conflict averse. It maybe the reason why I do this. However, sometimes I wonder if I do this to please people? Also, it make me think if I’m a narcissist. Hope to hear your insights. Are ENFJ types tend to be narcissistic?
Kharla, no, you're not likely narcissistic. The simple fact that you're even questioning whether you're narcissistic is evidence that you're not narcissist, because narcissists don't have enough self awareness to truly question themselves.
Reading these comments and after listening to what I just heard from this detailed, enlightening and amazing podcast, I feel much more connected with myself, my personality, as well as my ENFJ sisters & brothers!! They were so on point, I have to listen to it again.🔥🔥🔥
Male ENFJ here. People think I'm gay. I'm NOT gay. Not even close. 🤣🤣🤣 Edit: I'm a server. I've been in hospitality my entire life. Of course, feedback is very important, and it comes fast. I get feedback at the end of every table. The feedback is mostly tremendous. Edit2: And yes, I have to have a drink after work. During the shutdown, I didn't have a single drink for a month. It turns out that wanting everything to be PERFECT for everyone is pretty stressful. I don't "need" a drink when I'm not juggling 35 people's needs at once. Edit3: Towards the end of the shutdown, I found myself invited to out on a boat. I pretty much have a standing invitation now. It turns out that having a social drink (they're ALL social) without having the need to unwind is pretty freaking NICE. Edit4: fuck everyone that judges my emotions. I cry when I want, wherever i want. I'm an emotional dude. I LOVE being an emotional dude. I feel (lol) like other dudes that can't feel or express their emotions are missing out. It's a whole entire, wonderful world. I think that reading, especially first person fiction, enhances our empathy. That's NOT a bad thing. As far as perspectives processes go, I like to escape into sandbox RPGs. Fallout 4, Red Dead Redemption 2, etc. I used to play a lot of WoW. As a newbie, I leveled up a hunter, because the game tells newbs to roll hunters. But then I made a druid. I hit max level, and was invited to a guild. They wanted me to heal, because druids are great raid healers. I was a TERRIBLE healer at first. It sucked. Then I rolled a Paladin. What do you know, I became a healer because Paladins have a great healing kit. By this time, I was pretty good at it. One night at work I got completely SLAMMED. I had like 40 open checks. As i was clearing out the checks, it suddenly dawned on me that the open checks were a direct correlation to the health bars of my teammates in a raid. I laughed and laughed. I had started playing the MMO in order to escape, but then I discovered that I was doing the exact same thing in the game as I do in real life. That was an eye opener. I don't play MMOs any more. I learned that lesson the hard way. Edit5: yes, I liked my own post. F y'all.
I feel ya. I do care about my best friends a lot until they feel like I am too much and started stay away from me. Then we dont really talk a lot. We are not the best friend we used to be just because he was afraid that I am sexually interested to him. In fact, actually I do care about people a lot. I want my best friend have a happy and success live. But people always get me wrong. Even a lot of girl when they know me in person deeper, they get started to feel like I am not as attractive as the way I look. It is so damn! I want people to understand that kindness does not always mean someone has sexual interest to you
Thank you guys so much for sharing this information with me. I’m not going to disclose my age, but I feel young enough to where this information will help me the rest of my life. I can relate to everything said about ENFJs in this video. Listening to this podcast has helped me put my struggles, mind functions, and feelings into words. The analogy of the car and the different roles functions play helped me understand how my mind works. Thank you guys and everyone at work at Personality Hacker for making this podcast possible! :)
I absolutely love you guys! My husband is an INTP and I am an ENFJ. I was a psyc major in college and was introduced to Myers Brigs through my studies. My husband also came to our relationship with a knowledge and appreciation for the Myers Briggs typing system. Because of this, we both like to dive into and learn about it. I stumbled upon this podcast while searching for pysc related podcasts on my iPhone and I am so happy that I did. I really enjoy your way of explaining the system, and am happy to say that with this podcast on my own type, I was not at all disappointed. I wanted to elaborate on something that has come up with that finicky 3 year old process, just a pinch. Living with and loving/trying to better understand someone who rests so comfortably in my blind spot has really shined a light on this area for me. It is such a struggle for me and for us as a couple at times; genuinely it can feel like we speak different languages. It is almost as if I cannot comprehend communication without some emotional context, or something (hard to describe). On a more positive note, being forced to try to understand and develop this part of my cognitive functioning has led to some incredible happenings; working on that area coupled with the more natural introverted intuition has led to a new developing skill in coming up with some really neat creative, logical, data based solutions to real life everyday issues (I suppose this could just be "Perspectives" as work, but it feels very much influenced by the way my husband thinks rubbing off on me). It is so neat when it happens; still happens fairly infrequently and seemingly kind of subconsciously; almost like these solutions just pop into my head (again sounds kind of like intuition, but more influenced... a kind of influenced intuition L.O.L.). Hopefully with time and more practice it will become a more intentional way of problem solving. Still really neat! Thanks so much for all you guys do and for giving all of us a really neat, unique space to share!
@@PowerRedBullTypology that can be interesting at times as well, for certain. We are both intuitive but we come to our pattern recognition based conclusions using very different information, as you likely understand very well. :)
@@PowerRedBullTypology "Hmm," both I think. Let's see, he uses real time factual data to pattern recognize and pump out the most logical and useful solutions/answers to things, while I rely on emotional information and my understanding of social norms to form somewhat philosophical understandings of relationships and human dynamics. So yeah, I'll stand by that answer...both. Very logical/literal of you to note that discrepancy in my comment. lol
This is really interesting. Last year I got burnout at work but I didn't see it coming I was so outward looking and worried about everyone else. As soon as I saw a hint of burnout from anyone on my team I gave them support and did everything I could to sort it out. In the end I was over worked and got really angry that others didn't spot that I was doing too much. Others didn't do for me what I did for them I was a victim of my own success so most people thought I was coping well. I took a personality test to gain some insight to how this could happen. Finding out I'm an ENFJ has been an eye-opener for me. I now understand why I get so angry when people act in way that I think is unacceptable. I thought they must be doing it on purpose because it's so clear to me what 'correct behaviour is'. I now have more insight on how others think differently and I'm trying to be more forgiving and less judgemental.
Damn, Antonia's good! Bubble baths are part of my daily routine, as well. Antonia & Joel, if you're reading this, thanks for making this ENFJ feel understood!
Wow. It’s like you’re inside myself! That was very clever and very inspiring. Thank you very much. Very helpful.. and of course as an ENFJ it felt healing listening to people understand us so deeply, and actually have the desire to understand us! Thank you!
I find Introverted Intuition is really quick. I just have to remember to consciously sit down alone with no distractions and ask myself good questions and capture the answers, which will come quickly, by writing them down.
Antonia I'm going to prove one of your theories true. I am a professional artist/teacher of art to all ages and backgrounds of people. Lately, I have been putting myself in uncomfortable teaching opportunities to improve my teaching and unlearn my learned biases. One example, I have been a resident artist for the city juvenile detention center. I teach art to kids facing felony criminal charges. The result has broken biases and I have learned over the years. A real life experience of using all four aspects of my ENFJ personality to not only grow in my profession but also spiritually. I responded well to the observation of quality over quantity. Antonia here is your theory proven. Most artist are collectors and I am no exception. What I enjoy most is the hunt and paying very little for an expensive or valuable object. After years of collecting, I obviously acquired many objects. Many I didn't attend too. When I took inventory of why I got many of the objects, I arrived at an answer I didn't expect. I got them because it satisfies my ego but it didn't satisfy my spirit. In fact, I discovered many of the pieces I got, I didn't even like. I got them because they were made by well known artists and cheap but that's not at all good reason to buy it or collect. All ego and no value was my technique. Same thing with collecting books. I made a decision to be mindful of this impulse when hunting which had been liberating and I saved a lot of money. I traded in at least half my books and gave away, donated to charities at least half my art collection. I have so much more space, a quality collection of art, and books I love. In terms of collecting as metaphor for personal growth.... Rather than go many quick hits, I go for much more quality experience, collecting, selecting healthy people, and meaningful activities. This change has helped me manage my emotional universe as well as make informed decisions objectively. Big thanks for the best pod cast I have heard on ENFJ. Gratitude!
Inundated with this type of vlog lately, ahh the algorithm. Still, loved this one, nicely done! Worked out my ENFJ daily needs through being a mom first, as well as my longest most fave career. Totally loved advising (coaching, cheerleading, & esp finding great steps/solutions for) college students in a field I love, and with students I adore. Students of all different backgrounds, ages, etc. Kaleidoscope of joy, honestly. Ok, I was no pushover, did not always anticipate solutions, not at all self-sacrificing, but I did swoop in to help when necessary. Just always tried to make sure the world turned in the best way for everyone’s benefit. (Including the University, and the Academy as they say. Try explaining to a 20-year old what plagiarism actually is. Or explaining to a professor that they should probably explain this topic in the syllabus.) Gotta say it was often overtiring, but still always incredibly rewarding. Consistently felt gratitude from all kinds of folk (not always management grr) and I know my work really mattered. Problem is, as a retiree now, while I’m relieved to not have to deal with admin any more, and insanely boring admin details (calculating proper GPAs for ex, then explaining why someone just missed out on Honors) I have no more feedback loop, no more interaction with tons of interesting people & their amazing stories. Loved the rush tbh. But I was losing my mind with the pressure and the general technical architecture of the system, indeed some bad directions I saw the whole system going. (OMG, so ENFJ…) Covid for sure made my job less fun, i.e. fewer people, more screens, and it was truly time to go. But dang I miss a whole lot of it. So now wondering what is next? Having trouble focusing on the stuff I thought I’d love, like gardening, crafting, etc. Stuff I used to do as an escape from the stress. But no hordes of people to interact with & coach! Dang, unexpected doldrums. Looking for a solution/new plan… Meditation maybe next, thx for the great ideas.
It’s pretty interesting how ENFJ have a strong sense of what’s morally right and wrong. However, also be so open to understanding other perspective. Which they actually get judged about for being understanding of the other side’s (the “wrong” person’s) perspective. It’s hard for others to understand this behavior and people tend to question the ENFJ’s character leaving them feeling misunderstood. The contradiction of this personality is confusing and I never knew how to explain why I’d be understanding and forgiving even though some people is so obviously wrong.
I took the test a couple of weeks ago. I recognized certain things when I was very young (first memory of my intuition was at two). As I’ve aged it became stronger and now it’s almost uncontrollable. I’ve made big changes in my life and am learning to live with myself (married for most of my life to a narcissist-divorced two years). I fear me discovering myself has brought out so much of my ENFJ personality that I can’t turn it off. I tend to stay quiet because it’s almost overwhelming. I notice everything about everyone (what they do, what they don’t do, their body language, the change of pitch I their voice, their facial expressions or lack of) and it happens quickly with no effort or knowledge I’m even doing it. Is it common with age for this to happen? I can read people immediately but I never TRY to make a connection - in fact it’s the opposite. I always (silently) look for something “wrong” and can spot phoniness from a mile away. but if I feel connection, I have an insatiable need to explore it.
Interesting... I and others believe I am an INFJ but lingering in identifying with ENFJ. I like how you talk about “hypnotizing the 10 year old”. I was indeed literally hypnotized at 10 years old by my father 😆 and the meditative state I was in was so calm and quiet. It was eerie but felt nice.
Yes!! Antonia's comments around the 12min mark are spot on! I feel especially baffled at the moment with COVID and the debate about social distancing/masks. I just want everyone to care for each other's safety and do their part to mitigate risk (for themselves and for the community), yet some people are so against this concept for one reason or another. I can't help but debate it when the reasons aren't well thought-out, sharing scientific data and advice with people, but then it overwhelms me and I try to move on with my day.
Omg tHank you! I am an e n f j . I was excited recently to find validation in the fact that e n f js are also not simply educated but scholarly. Then this podcast which helps identify processes! This is so important. I'm almost embarrassed that I never saw it the way we are seen. Yes to the example of the shorts..... but not for the obvious reasons! I would have thought that the shorts were an intentional, even if neglectful, still intentional choice to choose 'rudeness' . It never occured to me its not obvious . i can't beleive how good i am at hard things and how bad I am at simple logic like this
I as an ENFJ, according to the result of the test, can relate to some of this podcast. Mainly the bits about being able to sense what people are feeling in the room and what to say to make people feel comfortable. I really know how to quickly get to a deep level of conversation with people and others I can have small talk with. I generally think that I wear my heart on my sleeve, with a t shirt that says I'm ready to speak about my emotions and I have found that some people present a barrier. I really enjoy trying to break down that barrier and get people to open up. I tend to make fun of myself in order to make people feel relaxed and really be myself. When I enter a room or speak with people I really do stick to being myself. I suppose this is how over the years people have always tried to make fun of me and I usually dont rise to the insults but when people who I feel really close to say things, more often than not they aren't really directed at me as a negative, I can get stuck playing them over in my head and they resurface later on. I really play over past experiences vividly in my mind to the point where when people are talking my mind is racing like a computer searching through relatable files to use to in conversation with people and it usually comes I'm the form of telling them stories about past experiences I've had. I am truly a people person but find I enjoy doing things on my own, like going camping. I can slow down and really just chill out in the woods and try to be present. I have recently been going through some pretty rough seas within my mind and feel at 32 I'm learning loads about myslef that I thought I already knew. I thought I was a bit of a make it on my own sort of guy but recently I have found that I have been really clinging to my partner, she is an INFG and because she deals with her emotions internally I have been freaking out thinking I am losing her. I have questioned everything about myslef and have been comparing myself to others. People I don't know. I have come to realise that the people I have been comparing myself to is all the things in my life that I believe I lack at and my partner is more interested in them. Its bonkers because she has said yes to my marriage proposal and has told me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and I doubt myslef. I have found myself here through this happening after we both took the test the other day. Now I am looking to see how i can use this new found knowledge and apply it to my life in a way that makes my mind chill the hell out. I guess this is a long winded message to say that I am glad that I can read and listen to other people that I can relate to and it's made me feel better about my situation and I'm slowly making tweaks and trying to recognise behavioural patterns ruminating that make me feel needy and unhappy. Thank you for taking the time to make this podcast.
I wrote that message half way through the podcast. It was great how you both got into the nitty gritty of the processes and everything you both said I had already written in the comments section. I am a gardener and feel I have been able to work on my perspective process through doing repetitive work surrounded by nature. I am pretty in touch with my emotions and feel I am more of a man through the act of crying and feeling comfortable doing so. I love to teach and I am forever sharing information about bettering myself in the chance people I tell try it for themselves. I guess I have let it slip somehow and the teacher in me has turned into a naughty pupil hitting me on the back of the head with pieces of paper. I feel like you have both lifted my mood and boosted my confidence in being able to get myslef back on track. Thank you.
Hey Hunners a Hings, Congratulations on your engagement!! You mentioned that sometimes you compare yourself to others. Can I give you an unsolicited opinion? When we compare ourselves to others we will always fall short. Every. Single. Time. Because no one is 100% ‘perfect’ and there’s always people that can outperform us in any category at any time. Did she accept your proposal because you have the best 6-pack abs in the world, or because of the amount of money you make? Of course not - (and if she is truly this superficial - ya better run - fast!! 😂) She loves YOU for YOU - ALL of you - (Even though sometimes we all can be annoying, plus your personality quirks and mostly because of the content of your notable character.) 👍 Your Fiancée chose YOU for many reasons!! You must be doing a lot of things right, but turning into a simpering guy who dwells in his shortcomings is not one of them. I guarantee you that you would do well to stop comparing yourself to others and double down on your strengths. She’s gonna find this WAY more sex-y!! 😂 🎈 Congrats!! 🎈
This is fantastic work guys, so spot on. As a 37 year old, I found myself naturally going through these stages, especially the meditation side. About to listen to the 3year old type now, nonetheless thank you very much for what you do, seriously keep it up!
"The feedback that you get is regarding the things you have not handled." Oh my goodness, I feel so understood at this moment. The absolute BANE of my life, especially with respect to my family. All the good things you do and then you get called out and disrespected because of a tiny little infraction. Uhhhh.... It has taken me many years to realize that my family truly does not deserve me. My parents did not deserve to have me as a daughter.
This was incredibly accurate. I’m glad you also broke it down by male and female, cause as a dude there’s a lot of social situations where I find myself caught between internal moral feelings and the current socially acceptable way to go about things. I also enjoy the fact that there was recommendations on how to access certain pathways. The harmony process I’ve developed super far. But it was interesting to hear the co-pilot and 10 year old piece. The 3 year old I innately knew through just self reflection. But those other two were interesting to hear and expand upon. Glad I found this!
Also I can relate a lot to this quick hits and deep level. For me I really enjoy interacting with new and many people. I can go into a room with 50 people and have quick 1:1 conversations with everyone. There are times I have friends that wonder why I never dig deeper into the conversations, spend more time and get to know them even better. And like, I love deep conversations, I really enjoy it, but I also feel like I can get a bit lost. A bit, I have so many people to connect with being able to connect on a deep level with everyone isn't possible, but at the same time I strive for having as many connections as possible, so it is hard to find the right balance. And when it comes to those deeper connections, I believe it depends a lot on the person you are with as well. There are moments when I am with a person and I can see their true passions or happiness for something, and I suddenly feel the need to really motivate them, and praise them for being so open about their genuine happiness. It makes me want to get to know them on a deeper level because I want to remind them how precious this happiness is. I think as an enfj you go more into the deep connections when you realise the person you talk with allow you to, or starts to show parts of themselves that can be a result of safety, comfort and friendship. For me I don't want to dig too deep into the deeper meaning of someone's life unless I start to feel that they are ready for it.
Im an ENFJT, and this sounds dead on. The main issues im having is not being able to turn it off. I HAVE to help people, generally i feel unappreciated. I feel that my energy is naturally so much brighter then others and i do not get the feedback, and im am exhausted. I care about everything much more then others.
A lot of good content regarding ENFJ and extroverts in general; meditation is one of the things I have had to learn and have regular quiet time. I am an Aquarius and an ENFJ-A and have had to learn to manipulate my energy levels as to not overwhelm those around me and give those around me their light and time and enjoy it.
Thank you for this effort and helping people to understand them better , you really made me realize a lot of things and what I need to work on. I just feel so understood and enlightened heh and in the past I’ve never been able to connect the dots and express how I’m feeling into words. Again, Thank you so so much
I've found my sanctuary in the gym. I put my headphones in, working out, and suddenly the cacophony of the outside world fades away. I often have my most helpful, penetrating insights while exercising.
As an ENFJ, the military and its culture was very hard for me. I always went out of my way to make sure work was done, but was only noticed if something couldn't be done. I started to lose myself and become negative towards my peers because they expected more from me than I could produce during stressful times.
Referring to the segment of “how people should act.” I was on a date last Saturday and the girl said “You’re so boney!” I was shooketh to say the least. One thing I found myself really good at is not getting upset, accepting that nobody is perfect, and not holding them to my high standards. Usually just make a slick joke about it. It shows my stance without ruining the vibe by taking offense. I realized that my ideals are just that, my ideals, and not everyone is gonna live up to them. I learned by bad example to just accept people as they are; I was always harshly judged and ridiculed by my parents and always felt like I was doing something wrong. One thing I’ve always loved is doing something way out of the norm just for the laughs and attention. For example, on that date, it was at my sisters birthday party, very lively atmosphere, lots of high energy Mexican music. All of a sudden an terrible slow song comes on, you could hear and feel the room just get mad and weirded out. (Awful DJ, my sister was pissed) The whole dance floor cleared, not a soul. I, a person that would never dance, more know as a shy introvert (around my family), get the brilliant idea to go slow dance with my date. Everyone found it hilarious, all the attention was on us. I think most of them understood the joke I was trying to make. My mom was taking video and cousins came over and started slow dancing with each other (2 guys). Stuff like this makes my energy go up so much.
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Wow! For 20 years I've had test go from ENFP to ENFJ
Finally! Its clicked.
I'm definitely an ENFJ.
This explains a lot!
@@toniriedl2399 Great news. Thanks for sharing your journey. ~ Joel
One thing I’ve learned as an ENFJ to avoid the burnout, explosive anger, hysterical sobbing and eventual self isolation is to maintain well communicated dynamic barriers and constantly quick reflecting in the moment to understand where my mind and emotions are with a situation. Also to constantly self validate and remind myself that my priorities are foremost.
@Just Nikki Ok this is weirdly cosmic I was about to reply in agreement when I realized you had just replied to me on a dear Kristin video. We're connected and I'm a little scared lol
I love this comment! I relate so much, thats such good advice
Easier said than done, but thank youuu Ill try it :)
I am this. Explosive anger? I had that once in my 31y relationship and it resulted in a broken coffee pot lol
YES!!!! And recognize if its really worth my time. I don't know if your astrological sign is a factor on personality type but as a Virgo the perfectionist portion can also make things more time consuming as well.
As an ENFJ male this is so refreshing. Its so hard being understood. I know my type is the rarest male type..and it shows all the time. I feel weird sometimes.
INFJ is the rarest type for men. About 2% of men are supposed to be ENFJ, only 0.5% are INFJ.
ron gaines
There’s nothing wrong with you!!!
As an ENFJ, I used to want to be different until I realized I was born this way and I’d just make the most of it. And when I want to criticize one of my (quite possibly) annoying personality traits, I remember I AM who I AM - some people won’t like it and that’s just too dang bad.
I’m willing to live with rejection because the one, true King loves me and that’s all I need. 💗
Lots of people won’t understand you but when you find the one person who does - it’ll be AMAZING!!! 😉
Take good care. 💗
I hope this isn't asking anything too deep but have you ever gotten really mad/vindictive about... well, being the way we are? The anger of not being understood and never being able to rest is something I'm struggling with, because it makes me feel selfish and immature but I feel as if I'm the only one looking out for me. Apologies, again.
@@davidr9712
I think that as an enfj the reason I can hold multiple conflicting ideas is because I care enough to understand everyone’s side. So i can understand why this is good and also that is good.
Male ENFJ here. I’m 20 mins in and I have heard more truths about myself than I’ve ever heard in my entire life.
That's exactly where I'm at the video and I was looking for comments like this of other ENFJ's because I'm too blown away lmao.
I always thought I was weird or too welcoming. And as a ENFJ, I get it.
You’re just nice. That’s a good thing
"Lonely surrounding by people" I am there right now. This was so helpful... thank you. ❤
Great point, same.
Love the “quick hits” breakdown. Wow! You nailed it! We crave deep and real communication and relationships. But because we can so quickly identify with many kinds of people on so many different levels, we instantly “bond” with them, not always considering how many ways we wouldn’t relate to them at all as friends. But I can say that I’m very selective about who I invite into my personal life. I’ve never had a friend betray me, because I choose my friends wisely. I have definitely been too trusting, however, with some people. But I’m a quick learner.
We’re also very fun loving and child like. That could be why our more serious, deep thinking side doesn’t come through as clearly to some people. There have been times when I think people have been stunned to realize I actually have a lot of depth beneath my easy going, often smiling nature.
ENFJs do hold too much in. Oftentimes we don’t even realize it, until our balloon is popped. Then we get flooded and bust and have an emotional breakdown that isn’t pretty. I hate it when that happens. 😔
So true!
Wow this is the comment all of us enfjs are looking for
that's nice, however in my early life I've been betrayed sadly, but it made me an individual I am today. I learned to put boundaries.
I can so relate
Hear you. Had my share of explosions,including at work, for which I had to apologize. Takes time to increase patience (yeah, we’re already so dang patient right!?) with annoying folks who don’t understand their influence. Overwhelm is a thing, just hang in there, and try not to blame yourself.
I really like the way that the podcast hosts give each other equal time and respect while speaking.
Funny how all the ENFJs (myself included) had the same idea of wanting to express gratitude for the information, advice, and AFFIRMATION 🤣
Truth
yes, its difficult being a rare type, isn't it! Rare types can't find validation easy. It's easier when someone guides us with these unique struggles. ❤
I've always grew healthy as an ENFJ. MY GUIDANCE COUNCELOR STATED THAT I HAD THE 2ND RAREST PERSONALITY TYPE. WE ARE NUMBER ONE EXTRAVERTED TYPE. . SINCE I FOUND THAT OUT 35 YEARS AGO, I HAVE ALWAYS USED MY ENFJ STRENGTH TO STRIVE AND MAKE THE MOST OUT OF MY LIFE.
MY LIFE HAS BEEN SO FULLFILLING LEARNING TO USE MY ENFJ TO MY FULLENT. I AM A NAMI. MENTAL HEALTH COUNCELOR AND LOVE MY JOB. ITS LIKE IM GETTING 6 FIGURES JUST BEING MYSELF, AS ENFJL.......
THE BIGGEST ASSET IS MY ABILITY TO GET ALONG WITH ANY PERSONALITY TYPE,. WE ARE THE ONLY ONE CAPABLE OF RELATING TO ALL 16 PERSONALITYY TYPES. WE LOVE TO TALK AND BE SOCIAL.
And you sure learned how to use capslock too! :p
I AM New At This...
This is so incredible. I have struggled for so long to figure out why I react the way I do. Suddenly, I realize that there has always been that issue of looking for so sort of validation and instead, getting negative feedback. I worked for a church with a lead pastor who believed in the idea that silence was approval. So the only time I heard from him was when he didn't like something. The fast I went, the more productivity I poured out, the worse it got for me. I found myself exploding in anger and rage and couldn't figure it out. This is so very helpful.
King David has often been typed as an ENFJ. So take heart! You’re in good company.
Many times I wonder about what people think of me. If I am good enough and if I do enough... And once my therapist told me: "If people are not complaining you can assume that they feel great and you are doing an excellent job."
As you can tell I remembered that. In the end if something's wrong and nobody is complaining that is their responsibility to complain about.
This helps. At.least it helps me. I really hope it helps other who read this comment too.
No Shit...!
As an ENFJ...when the vibes in the room are off...I can feel it and sometimes it makes me feel uncomfortable as the room. I don't like that feeling.
Same Here...
especially when people are propelling the vibe in a negative direction as like a coping mechanism, and getting sucked into that. I really don't understand how people will call the entire room negative if they're the one ruminating on said bad vibe unconsciously. Those are like the hardest because there's not much you can do, Fe users kinda know this subconsciously and i'm so happy my Si user counterpart exists because ESFJ and ISFJ have more.. patience when it comes to dealing with the day-to-day people who by default are not in a healthy state of mind the moment they wake up almost.
Can you make more videos on ENFJ's please? This podcast was so informative, convicting, insightful and encouraging. Thanks so much guys.💕
I’m an ENFJ and rarely do people believe I studied pure mathematics and spend most of my time thinking about philosophy. Makes for my favorite conversations with my friends. But when I first meet people I tend to be reserved until I start opening about my current interests.
Me too
Ditto I'm a divergent ENFJ in CPT so TiNi subtype. I have a degree in mathematics & one in philosophy & English. The philosophical side of us is generally ignored altogether. I'm too exceptional at mathematics with a very high IQ; too much attention is given to FeSe when it's a mode of expression for the bedrock of our cognition- TiNi.
Its not easy to be socialy aware and make fast friends, as an intuitive. *hug * Bless! ❤
That is true, more than anything I get myself down when people criticize me. I need to withdraw myself fm the situation and be more calm when someone gives me negative feedback. However, I think we can also achieve a lot as an ENFJ. The important thing to note, also, is that we’re not afraid to stand up for the weaker ones in society, or help them out when we see them being bullied. For me, social justice is quite important!
Preaching to the choir :)
The entire point! You’re the best.
This is so accurate lol.
As an ENFJ I'm baffled by the behavior of the ENFJ that was described at the beginning - the one who flipped out about the wedding. I personally would have made a 'omg that's so mean! lol' type of comment and laugh it off to maintain the peace of the conversation and just be internally judging lelz.
Agree! That seemed extreme to me.
Same. xD
People have expectations, take people for granted. A genuine thank you is appreciated.
This comment section is the best I have ever been on any. I can't express enough how comforting it is to find people of the same type, especially being a male ENFJ which society forces to set aside their feelings. I hope all of you are doing great in this journey of perspective that we share 😭
I searched everywhere for answers than I came across personality types and I think it’s the best form of healing
Hey Personality Hackers,
My name is Gray and I am definitely an ENFJ. I almost cried multiple times during this amazing and introspective podcast. Funny thing is a lot of the advice mentioned for personal growth are things that I always promote me loving to do. I get the best results from taking my spiritual baths and yoga practice ( hence me crying for joy). I wanted to thank you both for affirming my thoughts it means so much to be seen. I look forward to indulging in more of your podcast.
Love,
Gray
What's a spiritual bath?
Thank you for such a detailed, well organized, very true and correct statements about ENFJ. It has been very helpful. Both of you seem very intelligent and eloquent in your speech. I would like to add for my fellow ENFJs and for your channel regarding the TI overthinking of an ENFJ. ENFJ can also be very static and not active because of their overthinking. This can leave them in a state where they end up not taking action, not moving around and doing things because of their overthinking. All of your suggestions are great; I would like to add that mindfulness and cognitive reconstructions of thoughts are very useful. Feeling good by David Burns is a book that explains the cognitive reconstructions. Hope this helps !!!
MJ ENFJ Film Director/Teacher/Mentor
So glad you mentioned that an ENFJ can also be rather inactive and an over thinker. I was beginning to think that I might not be an ENFJ after all, but you just saved me from that mistake!
ENFJ here. Personality Hacker duo hitting all the nails on the head! Thank you.
I have two parents with narcissistic traits and both abusive and neglectful. Imagine being a young and adult ENFJ + empath, knowing there wasn't harmony & home wasn't a safe place. As a child, I received zero validation of my emotional breakdowns & meltdowns when abused & blamed for, "getting myself into a state."
I ran away from home at 5y.o., got caught & returned home. I was an alcoholic ages 14 to 16.
I'm 38 with complex PTSD, just learning the power of 'No'. I still search for external validation from others. Though through therapy (since I was 11y.o.) I'm working on being authentically me, accepting who I am, and developing my lower cognitive functions, e.g. Logic (3y.o.) is sooo draining, yet working towards being more competent in this.
Slowing down & reading has been part of my internal learning of slowing down. Lighting incense with a familiar smell I like & walking with no particular destination while listening to music, swimming have helped lots (to get rid of the monkey-mind).
I dated an introvert last year (probably INTP), and learnt a lot from them about how efficient this "slowing down" is.
And yes, consistency is a true internal strength. I'm consistent across every aspect of me, e.g. I'm curious academically and curious in a relationship, i.e. genuinely interested in my partner.
Relational quality is the only way anyone gets into my closest orbits, more so now as a mature adult because I've become efficient & faster with using my intuition to keep negative, low-quality humans out or not in my closer orbits.
Love being ENFJ.
Here's sending lots of love and hugs to ENFJs here. May you all find like-minded, supportive circles in which you will thrive.
Kathy O’Brien’s book on PTSD is awesome! It’s all about journaling your triggers so you can objectively look at them with the logic side of the brain. As an ENFJ, The journaling process has helped me unload a monkey mine in paper and work out my own triggers.
I have probably never heard of my personality broken down so eloquently well and made comple sense of it like this EVER. Wow. Job well done guys. 👏🏾💯💕
I SO appreciate this breakdown of an ENFJ! The part about being able to anticipate people's needs has caused me huge problems. You explained it exACTly - at work, people do not see the work I do - they think its 'magic' when I actually put in great thought. And as SOON as I don't meet a need, I hear about it. Its bullshit really. And I got burnt out but I'm shifting that shit pronto.
This really hit hard. I felt like I was understood as an ENFJ. I get burned out sometimes always being there for others and hurt when I don’t receive reciprocation
❤ Awe. A very kind hearth! Self love and self care is so important to balance THIS. Want to receive a self care guide? ❤ (ENFJ channel where I'm at)
I found this podcast bc I am shifting towards a perspective phase, after years of being caught up in harmony/sensing through partying and constant socialization. And in spending more time alone I have started being so so hard on myself, the inner mean girl you mentioned was in full swing. It’s very comforting to hear you describe exactly what’s happening to me right now & for me to understand more accurately all of my current growing pains. So my next focus is to keep developing my perspective & not believe my inner 3 year old. Thank you so so so much!
This is me currently. I hope you’ve developed it! I’m starting to see the shift for myself into the co-pilot phase they mentioned. It makes a whole lot of sense. And it’s refreshing. Although it’s causing waves with people who have known me a while. It’s kind of like shedding old skin and people are confused by the colors 😂
I am an ENFJ and I am a scientist. I love science, and I love learning, but my real passion is helping others. I realize that I have a much farther reach if I am successful in science, and I can help humans the most that way. I may get burned out, but for right now, science is what I am good at, and its a way I can help.
Enfjs are the highest form of not just educated but scholarly
Yes! A new ENFJ-personality type advice. Thanks from an ENFJ. Love the work you are doing for all the MBTI-personalitytype nerds out here :D
Jefen Hu agree🤗🤗👍💞
24:57 and from there on, I gasped. THIS IS SO TRUE
This is why I always put myself down, even for doing things for people, because I am worried I will forget something and then the person will only point out what I forgot. Or when people confront me with not helping them enough, not really noticing all the times I actually did help them with things.Because people never give me validation for the small things I do, I have gotten so used to accepting the negativity from not doing things and forgetting how to actually receive compliments well when someone notices the help I give. It is like a really evil circle
Enfjs in the comment section, isnt it amazing that we can relate to all this!!
That comment is so Fe dominant!
I dont know why but as an ENJF you have a sense of urgency to heal the world so much that you start to lose yourself. Prior to that, I didn't really have boundaries and I couldn't make decisions at times. I am a very emotional person but my environment has shaped me up to be a man without showing emotions and this has affected a lot of relationships but I am slowly unwiring myself and becoming more in tune with myself. I really do feel like a human after listening to this podcast thank you and God bless all of you.
ABSOLUTELY LOVED THIS.
I'm an ENFJ and I can attest to your advices and insights being right on the money!
Thank you so much!
Prayers for you from Pakistan!
My 27 year old son FINALLY took the assessment so I could know and understand him better. I am an INFP (Claircognizant Empath). He is (Meyers Briggs) ENFJ.
I feel seen/heard and understood more now than i have ever have in my entire life!
I mean, we are just social chameleons after all. I've been saying that my whole life even before I knew what Myers-Briggs was.
Me too. I am flexible depending on who I’m talking to.
Social chameleons, yes. But if we don't use that trait to inspire others, then we we are left feeling very unfulfilled.
23:19 Spot on. You described the ordeal I went through until recently. I was repeatedly accused of not helping in the home by some of my 6 roommates (only the man, interestingly), when in reality I was cleaning other peoples dishes everyday, getting rid of obscene amounts of trash people left laying everywhere, collecting the money that kept falling through the holes in their trousers, cleaning parts of the bathroom everyday, the sink, the children's faces, and on and on. For a year and a half I was cleaning the kitchen before even going to the bathroom and only going to bed when everyone else had already retired. It only got recognized when I decided to travel for a few weeks. When I came back, the house was in a terrible state and my roommates then thanked me after I got it back in order. And the mothers were happy they got the nanny back. This happened a few times and felt like I was trapped. I hated this part of life there so much. The same went for my help with the milk cows and the garden. Now I'm back with my mum for a while, and she thanks me every time I do something.
Also, I've always struggled with getting to that introspective place, especially when I know I'm running away from some emotion. Something that has helped immensely this last year is daily Qi Gong practice and regular walks. I've always been making music, and love to get lost in rhythm. I also love cycling and hiking, and always feel like I come back as a better person, but I have to force myself to actually do those things.
Thank you so much for this podcasts, it sheds light on some less known aspects of the ENFJ.
Boy, you nailed it regarding the baffling part of how others doh’t see how they aren’t achieving the harmony I as an ENFJ desire. I find myself attacking my husband because of the negative things he blatantly says on so many issues that go against the peaceful vibes I want to have. I find that my anger about it isn’t peaceful either, which is also baffling to me.
As an ENFJ woman I find that my anger springs from a number of things:
-frustration, either with others or myself
- hurt, through relationship or non-relationship ( ie. being ignored)
-'righteous' anger over moral, social and world issues
I also study astrology My astrology teacher is also qualified in Myers-Briggs testing. He only needed to look at my birth chart to determine my type and he was correct. In esoteric Soul-centered astrology I am an Energy/Radiation 4 type of Personality, that of 'Harmony Through Conflict'. (The narrators mentioned 'harmony' as part of this personality.)) To get to harmony you need to go through the conflict otherwise it will eat away at you. The trick is HOW to do that. It can be done in a harmonious way, creating peace. For me, it is standing up for myself with a fighting spirit, stating my case, receiving acknowledgement that I have been heard (though perhaps not agreed with) and resting on that in a peaceful manner, with attitude and action from myself that supports it. Also, we need to find and bring beauty in our lives to lift us up. (Ray(diation) 4 also strives for beauty and unity.)
This is the Best Podcast ever on personality types! This is 90% accurate, 10% maybe yet to be devoloped or culture differences...but I really enjoyed and I hope I will be able to apply your suggestions and become a better version of myself!
Love From An Indian ENFJ☺
I’m ENFJ-T and I’ve always felt ashamed at how expressive I am emotionally and needed to suppress this In myself.
That's so sad. Perhaps there is a strong reaction that you can recognize and come up with a way you want to show up when you are triggered. I breathe out deeply and literally force my mouth shut to keep myself from blurting out a non thought out response. I also hate apologizing so I find it easier to do than make an apology. Good luck to you.
@@t.l1357 it's more positive emotions I have that make me feel like I'm a child, I feel too happy over small things and I'm embarrassed because it is not normal socially to be very happy over small things in life.
@@t.l1357 I appreciate you taking the time out of your day to reply to me, I feel blessed by this!
I wish I would have known this in my late teens
Oh MY GOD . you just saved me years of therapy. The 'doubling down until we are validated
Fax
😔
I’m 18 now and just watching this
Hot wow, I feel so seen and understood!!! I can’t even tell you how much I needed this. Our second baby is 6 weeks old, and I’ve been feeling a bit burnt out and resentful that I’m the only one who seems to anticipate needs and plan ahead. And my ISTJ husband is thrown for a loop at my emotional outbursts when I don’t feel appreciated. This is opening my eyes to how my brain works and what I need.
Being able to “feel out” the culture/energy of individuals and groups has always been so innate I struggle to understand how others DONT see it, this makes so much sense!!
And the discussion of conflicting perspectives has always been a strength and a challenge for me. A pro is I can understand so many different perspectives, a con is I have trouble taking one specific stand on an issue…
My late twenties and early thirties have been a time of self-discovery and being comfortable in my own skin and interests and feeling really good about “me.” I spent so many years trying to create harmony and be what was “expected” it feels wonderful to access my actual self.
I’m only half way through this podcast and my mind is being repeatedly blown!!
Definitely I feel that as an ENFJ my ability to read and understand others allows me the ability to be any person. I sometimes struggle with my own identity and knowing who I am and what I like because I seem to be a collection of other people’s experiences and their likes and dislikes. I have taken on so many shapes to fit in and satisfy I think I need to get back to self exploration, although I know I will have difficulty with the whole isolation thing. Anyone with advice for either getting past my adversity to isolation for betterment or with advice on how to practice self exploration without isolation would be very welcome.
ENFJ here. Thanks for making me cry! (no witnesses, whew)
Colman Swisher
Ain’t nothing wrong with that!! 😂
Women love Ryan Gosling and didn’t he cry in the Notebook? 😂
Omg I’ve never heard stuff more accurate than the talk about doubling down on service to get feedback and only getting feedback when things aren’t done makes me want to cry
I think one of the best advices for ENFJ is to follow their own advice.
this is so helpfulllllll I can’t believe I found this at a young age im 19 I feel so thankful to be able to solve my personality now
Same!
Touche
The Fe-Se loop y’all described with the Se being dubbed as the 10-year old definitely hurt my undergrad experience. Consistently keeping myself busy pleasing my then-job, my then-volunteer job, and I just ended up disappointing people in the end.
Another point that resonated me was the invisibility of our service. In my case, I get told that I’m “easy to talk to” but the care and attention I give to make myself easy to talk to does not get reciprocated and it really puts me in a bad state!
Anyway, great podcast. Very healing to hear my needs and strengths verbalized and that a lot of other ENFJ’s relate.
That QUALITY statement means a lot to me. I struggled for years with figuring out and choosing quality over quantity. Being recently diagnosed as Bipolar and just going through the entire process of slowing down and feeling... really aided me even though uncomfortable. It hurts though when you invested a lot into the quality and it changes and so you feel like you misjudged someone and wasted time. Nevertheless, THANK YOU for this
This is scary accurate and found me exactly when I needed it. Thank you.
This is absolute gold. Thank you SO much for your brilliance and insight. 💗
I always thought I was weird
now I know ALL THIS TIME I'VE JUST BEEN A MALE ENFJ and everything said here makes me feel better about all of my concerns during my childhood. TY so much
This gave me so much clarity. It was spot on.
Just seeing this...geez. Perceived unappreciated has governed a lot of my life. Thank you so much.
This is the most insightful view of ENFJ, it's lovely to find something I can relate to.
In my professional life I tend to go for quick hits, as my deep understanding of others can be unnerving to my coworkers. This aspect of my personality was the reason why management promoted me.
Recently I have been showing my full self, it confuses others and they hold back.
Luckily I do have a few close friendship and a close family, but life is busier as I've got older.. meaning it's a struggle to find more meaningful relationships to fill this gap.
In pass year I have found yoga, selfcare practice and writing has helped me find my inner calm.
I knew Oprah was a good inspiration for ENFJ, but now I know what I can do to be strong. Thank you so much for this lovely podcast!
This is helpful. I’m an ENFJ. I do have a question tho. I feel like sometimes I tend to conform. Like a chameleon. It’s true that I’m conflict averse. It maybe the reason why I do this. However, sometimes I wonder if I do this to please people? Also, it make me think if I’m a narcissist. Hope to hear your insights. Are ENFJ types tend to be narcissistic?
Kharla Mendez no the opposite of narcissistic, empaths
Kharla, no, you're not likely narcissistic. The simple fact that you're even questioning whether you're narcissistic is evidence that you're not narcissist, because narcissists don't have enough self awareness to truly question themselves.
My chameleon side feels so natural then when pressed as to who I am, sometimes I don't even know.
The worst think ENFJ having is ..they trend to attract many narcissist in their life ... I met many narcissists ...
I do the same.
Wow this is so me... thank you for the super useful insight into my blind spots and how to improve them
Reading these comments and after listening to what I just heard from this detailed, enlightening and amazing podcast, I feel much more connected with myself, my personality, as well as my ENFJ sisters & brothers!! They were so on point, I have to listen to it again.🔥🔥🔥
Cool! I’m an ENFJ and this was very interesting.
Male ENFJ here. People think I'm gay. I'm NOT gay. Not even close. 🤣🤣🤣
Edit: I'm a server. I've been in hospitality my entire life. Of course, feedback is very important, and it comes fast. I get feedback at the end of every table. The feedback is mostly tremendous.
Edit2: And yes, I have to have a drink after work. During the shutdown, I didn't have a single drink for a month. It turns out that wanting everything to be PERFECT for everyone is pretty stressful. I don't "need" a drink when I'm not juggling 35 people's needs at once.
Edit3: Towards the end of the shutdown, I found myself invited to out on a boat. I pretty much have a standing invitation now. It turns out that having a social drink (they're ALL social) without having the need to unwind is pretty freaking NICE.
Edit4: fuck everyone that judges my emotions. I cry when I want, wherever i want. I'm an emotional dude. I LOVE being an emotional dude. I feel (lol) like other dudes that can't feel or express their emotions are missing out. It's a whole entire, wonderful world.
I think that reading, especially first person fiction, enhances our empathy. That's NOT a bad thing.
As far as perspectives processes go, I like to escape into sandbox RPGs. Fallout 4, Red Dead Redemption 2, etc. I used to play a lot of WoW. As a newbie, I leveled up a hunter, because the game tells newbs to roll hunters. But then I made a druid. I hit max level, and was invited to a guild. They wanted me to heal, because druids are great raid healers. I was a TERRIBLE healer at first. It sucked.
Then I rolled a Paladin. What do you know, I became a healer because Paladins have a great healing kit. By this time, I was pretty good at it. One night at work I got completely SLAMMED. I had like 40 open checks. As i was clearing out the checks, it suddenly dawned on me that the open checks were a direct correlation to the health bars of my teammates in a raid. I laughed and laughed. I had started playing the MMO in order to escape, but then I discovered that I was doing the exact same thing in the game as I do in real life. That was an eye opener.
I don't play MMOs any more. I learned that lesson the hard way.
Edit5: yes, I liked my own post. F y'all.
Did you know that gay men most often are Fe dominant? Maybe they created the image of how gay men behave.
I feel ya. I do care about my best friends a lot until they feel like I am too much and started stay away from me. Then we dont really talk a lot. We are not the best friend we used to be just because he was afraid that I am sexually interested to him.
In fact, actually I do care about people a lot. I want my best friend have a happy and success live. But people always get me wrong. Even a lot of girl when they know me in person deeper, they get started to feel like I am not as attractive as the way I look. It is so damn! I want people to understand that kindness does not always mean someone has sexual interest to you
Thank you guys so much for sharing this information with me. I’m not going to disclose my age, but I feel young enough to where this information will help me the rest of my life. I can relate to everything said about ENFJs in this video. Listening to this podcast has helped me put my struggles, mind functions, and feelings into words. The analogy of the car and the different roles functions play helped me understand how my mind works. Thank you guys and everyone at work at Personality Hacker for making this podcast possible! :)
I’ve swung back and forth between INFJ and ENFJ. I’m like almost 50/50
I absolutely love you guys! My husband is an INTP and I am an ENFJ. I was a psyc major in college and was introduced to Myers Brigs through my studies. My husband also came to our relationship with a knowledge and appreciation for the Myers Briggs typing system. Because of this, we both like to dive into and learn about it. I stumbled upon this podcast while searching for pysc related podcasts on my iPhone and I am so happy that I did.
I really enjoy your way of explaining the system, and am happy to say that with this podcast on my own type, I was not at all disappointed. I wanted to elaborate on something that has come up with that finicky 3 year old process, just a pinch. Living with and loving/trying to better understand someone who rests so comfortably in my blind spot has really shined a light on this area for me. It is such a struggle for me and for us as a couple at times; genuinely it can feel like we speak different languages. It is almost as if I cannot comprehend communication without some emotional context, or something (hard to describe). On a more positive note, being forced to try to understand and develop this part of my cognitive functioning has led to some incredible happenings; working on that area coupled with the more natural introverted intuition has led to a new developing skill in coming up with some really neat creative, logical, data based solutions to real life everyday issues (I suppose this could just be "Perspectives" as work, but it feels very much influenced by the way my husband thinks rubbing off on me). It is so neat when it happens; still happens fairly infrequently and seemingly kind of subconsciously; almost like these solutions just pop into my head (again sounds kind of like intuition, but more influenced... a kind of influenced intuition L.O.L.). Hopefully with time and more practice it will become a more intentional way of problem solving. Still really neat!
Thanks so much for all you guys do and for giving all of us a really neat, unique space to share!
INTP too with ENFJ girlfriend. A great pairing!
Maybe the miscommunication is because of hte diffrence in perceiving functions (ni/Se vs Ne/Si).
@@PowerRedBullTypology that can be interesting at times as well, for certain. We are both intuitive but we come to our pattern recognition based conclusions using very different information, as you likely understand very well. :)
@@bridgettemurdoch5380 different information or different methods?
@@PowerRedBullTypology "Hmm," both I think. Let's see, he uses real time factual data to pattern recognize and pump out the most logical and useful solutions/answers to things, while I rely on emotional information and my understanding of social norms to form somewhat philosophical understandings of relationships and human dynamics. So yeah, I'll stand by that answer...both. Very logical/literal of you to note that discrepancy in my comment. lol
This is really interesting. Last year I got burnout at work but I didn't see it coming I was so outward looking and worried about everyone else. As soon as I saw a hint of burnout from anyone on my team I gave them support and did everything I could to sort it out. In the end I was over worked and got really angry that others didn't spot that I was doing too much. Others didn't do for me what I did for them I was a victim of my own success so most people thought I was coping well. I took a personality test to gain some insight to how this could happen. Finding out I'm an ENFJ has been an eye-opener for me. I now understand why I get so angry when people act in way that I think is unacceptable. I thought they must be doing it on purpose because it's so clear to me what 'correct behaviour is'. I now have more insight on how others think differently and I'm trying to be more forgiving and less judgemental.
Damn, Antonia's good! Bubble baths are part of my daily routine, as well. Antonia & Joel, if you're reading this, thanks for making this ENFJ feel understood!
Wow. It’s like you’re inside myself! That was very clever and very inspiring. Thank you very much. Very helpful.. and of course as an ENFJ it felt healing listening to people understand us so deeply, and actually have the desire to understand us! Thank you!
I think I have never felt so completely seen and identified as in this episode. Wow. Thank you.
This is so great to listen to. I hope you make more ENFJ content soon!
when someone starts an enfj podcast with "but you're gonna have to slow down and listen...."
welp.... they know me. lol
I find Introverted Intuition is really quick. I just have to remember to consciously sit down alone with no distractions and ask myself good questions and capture the answers, which will come quickly, by writing them down.
As an ENFJ - your video completely resonated with me and brought greater self-awareness. I took notes! Perfectionist you say?! 😂
Thank you very much, for the first time in my life I understand why I do what I do, I am ENFJ
Antonia I'm going to prove one of your theories true. I am a professional artist/teacher of art to all ages and backgrounds of people. Lately, I have been putting myself in uncomfortable teaching opportunities to improve my teaching and unlearn my learned biases. One example, I have been a resident artist for the city juvenile detention center. I teach art to kids facing felony criminal charges. The result has broken biases and I have learned over the years. A real life experience of using all four aspects of my ENFJ personality to not only grow in my profession but also spiritually. I responded well to the observation of quality over quantity. Antonia here is your theory proven. Most artist are collectors and I am no exception. What I enjoy most is the hunt and paying very little for an expensive or valuable object. After years of collecting, I obviously acquired many objects. Many I didn't attend too. When I took inventory of why I got many of the objects, I arrived at an answer I didn't expect. I got them because it satisfies my ego but it didn't satisfy my spirit. In fact, I discovered many of the pieces I got, I didn't even like. I got them because they were made by well known artists and cheap but that's not at all good reason to buy it or collect. All ego and no value was my technique. Same thing with collecting books. I made a decision to be mindful of this impulse when hunting which had been liberating and I saved a lot of money. I traded in at least half my books and gave away, donated to charities at least half my art collection. I have so much more space, a quality collection of art, and books I love. In terms of collecting as metaphor for personal growth.... Rather than go many quick hits, I go for much more quality experience, collecting, selecting healthy people, and meaningful activities. This change has helped me manage my emotional universe as well as make informed decisions objectively. Big thanks for the best pod cast I have heard on ENFJ. Gratitude!
Wow this felt like it was directly addressed to me. The way you broke this down helped me. Thank you!
Inundated with this type of vlog lately, ahh the algorithm. Still, loved this one, nicely done!
Worked out my ENFJ daily needs through being a mom first, as well as my longest most fave career. Totally loved advising (coaching, cheerleading, & esp finding great steps/solutions for) college students in a field I love, and with students I adore. Students of all different backgrounds, ages, etc. Kaleidoscope of joy, honestly. Ok, I was no pushover, did not always anticipate solutions, not at all self-sacrificing, but I did swoop in to help when necessary. Just always tried to make sure the world turned in the best way for everyone’s benefit. (Including the University, and the Academy as they say. Try explaining to a 20-year old what plagiarism actually is. Or explaining to a professor that they should probably explain this topic in the syllabus.)
Gotta say it was often overtiring, but still always incredibly rewarding. Consistently felt gratitude from all kinds of folk (not always management grr) and I know my work really mattered.
Problem is, as a retiree now, while I’m relieved to not have to deal with admin any more, and insanely boring admin details (calculating proper GPAs for ex, then explaining why someone just missed out on Honors) I have no more feedback loop, no more interaction with tons of interesting people & their amazing stories. Loved the rush tbh. But I was losing my mind with the pressure and the general technical architecture of the system, indeed some bad directions I saw the whole system going. (OMG, so ENFJ…) Covid for sure made my job less fun, i.e. fewer people, more screens, and it was truly time to go. But dang I miss a whole lot of it.
So now wondering what is next? Having trouble focusing on the stuff I thought I’d love, like gardening, crafting, etc. Stuff I used to do as an escape from the stress. But no hordes of people to interact with & coach! Dang, unexpected doldrums. Looking for a solution/new plan…
Meditation maybe next, thx for the great ideas.
This was a wonderfully insightful conversation. I thoroughly enjoyed listening.
So less content on ENFJ, this feels refreshing.
It’s pretty interesting how ENFJ have a strong sense of what’s morally right and wrong. However, also be so open to understanding other perspective. Which they actually get judged about for being understanding of the other side’s (the “wrong” person’s) perspective. It’s hard for others to understand this behavior and people tend to question the ENFJ’s character leaving them feeling misunderstood. The contradiction of this personality is confusing and I never knew how to explain why I’d be understanding and forgiving even though some people is so obviously wrong.
I took the test a couple of weeks ago. I recognized certain things when I was very young (first memory of my intuition was at two). As I’ve aged it became stronger and now it’s almost uncontrollable. I’ve made big changes in my life and am learning to live with myself (married for most of my life to a narcissist-divorced two years). I fear me discovering myself has brought out so much of my ENFJ personality that I can’t turn it off. I tend to stay quiet because it’s almost overwhelming. I notice everything about everyone (what they do, what they don’t do, their body language, the change of pitch I their voice, their facial expressions or lack of) and it happens quickly with no effort or knowledge I’m even doing it. Is it common with age for this to happen? I can read people immediately but I never TRY to make a connection - in fact it’s the opposite. I always (silently) look for something “wrong” and can spot phoniness from a mile away. but if I feel connection, I have an insatiable need to explore it.
Interesting... I and others believe I am an INFJ but lingering in identifying with ENFJ. I like how you talk about “hypnotizing the 10 year old”. I was indeed literally hypnotized at 10 years old by my father 😆 and the meditative state I was in was so calm and quiet. It was eerie but felt nice.
Yes!! Antonia's comments around the 12min mark are spot on! I feel especially baffled at the moment with COVID and the debate about social distancing/masks. I just want everyone to care for each other's safety and do their part to mitigate risk (for themselves and for the community), yet some people are so against this concept for one reason or another. I can't help but debate it when the reasons aren't well thought-out, sharing scientific data and advice with people, but then it overwhelms me and I try to move on with my day.
Omg tHank you! I am an e n f j . I was excited recently to find validation in the fact that e n f js are also not simply educated but scholarly. Then this podcast which helps identify processes! This is so important. I'm almost embarrassed that I never saw it the way we are seen. Yes to the example of the shorts..... but not for the obvious reasons! I would have thought that the shorts were an intentional, even if neglectful, still intentional choice to choose 'rudeness' .
It never occured to me its not obvious . i can't beleive how good i am at hard things and how bad I am at simple logic like this
I as an ENFJ, according to the result of the test, can relate to some of this podcast. Mainly the bits about being able to sense what people are feeling in the room and what to say to make people feel comfortable. I really know how to quickly get to a deep level of conversation with people and others I can have small talk with. I generally think that I wear my heart on my sleeve, with a t shirt that says I'm ready to speak about my emotions and I have found that some people present a barrier. I really enjoy trying to break down that barrier and get people to open up. I tend to make fun of myself in order to make people feel relaxed and really be myself. When I enter a room or speak with people I really do stick to being myself. I suppose this is how over the years people have always tried to make fun of me and I usually dont rise to the insults but when people who I feel really close to say things, more often than not they aren't really directed at me as a negative, I can get stuck playing them over in my head and they resurface later on. I really play over past experiences vividly in my mind to the point where when people are talking my mind is racing like a computer searching through relatable files to use to in conversation with people and it usually comes I'm the form of telling them stories about past experiences I've had. I am truly a people person but find I enjoy doing things on my own, like going camping. I can slow down and really just chill out in the woods and try to be present. I have recently been going through some pretty rough seas within my mind and feel at 32 I'm learning loads about myslef that I thought I already knew. I thought I was a bit of a make it on my own sort of guy but recently I have found that I have been really clinging to my partner, she is an INFG and because she deals with her emotions internally I have been freaking out thinking I am losing her. I have questioned everything about myslef and have been comparing myself to others. People I don't know. I have come to realise that the people I have been comparing myself to is all the things in my life that I believe I lack at and my partner is more interested in them. Its bonkers because she has said yes to my marriage proposal and has told me she wants to spend the rest of her life with me and I doubt myslef. I have found myself here through this happening after we both took the test the other day. Now I am looking to see how i can use this new found knowledge and apply it to my life in a way that makes my mind chill the hell out. I guess this is a long winded message to say that I am glad that I can read and listen to other people that I can relate to and it's made me feel better about my situation and I'm slowly making tweaks and trying to recognise behavioural patterns ruminating that make me feel needy and unhappy. Thank you for taking the time to make this podcast.
I wrote that message half way through the podcast. It was great how you both got into the nitty gritty of the processes and everything you both said I had already written in the comments section. I am a gardener and feel I have been able to work on my perspective process through doing repetitive work surrounded by nature. I am pretty in touch with my emotions and feel I am more of a man through the act of crying and feeling comfortable doing so. I love to teach and I am forever sharing information about bettering myself in the chance people I tell try it for themselves. I guess I have let it slip somehow and the teacher in me has turned into a naughty pupil hitting me on the back of the head with pieces of paper. I feel like you have both lifted my mood and boosted my confidence in being able to get myslef back on track. Thank you.
Hey Hunners a Hings,
Congratulations on your engagement!!
You mentioned that sometimes you compare yourself to others.
Can I give you an unsolicited opinion?
When we compare ourselves to others we will always fall short.
Every.
Single.
Time.
Because no one is 100% ‘perfect’ and there’s always people that can outperform us in any category at any time.
Did she accept your proposal because you have the best 6-pack abs in the world, or because of the amount of money you make?
Of course not - (and if she is truly this superficial - ya better run - fast!! 😂)
She loves YOU for YOU -
ALL of you -
(Even though sometimes we all can be annoying, plus your personality quirks and mostly because of the content of your notable character.) 👍
Your Fiancée chose YOU for many reasons!! You must be doing a lot of things right, but turning into a simpering guy who dwells in his shortcomings is not one of them.
I guarantee you that you would do well to stop comparing yourself to others and double down on your strengths.
She’s gonna find this WAY more sex-y!!
😂
🎈 Congrats!! 🎈
Can you guys do a video on why ENFJ and INFP get along so well?
This is fantastic work guys, so spot on. As a 37 year old, I found myself naturally going through these stages, especially the meditation side. About to listen to the 3year old type now, nonetheless thank you very much for what you do, seriously keep it up!
"The feedback that you get is regarding the things you have not handled."
Oh my goodness, I feel so understood at this moment. The absolute BANE of my life, especially with respect to my family.
All the good things you do and then you get called out and disrespected because of a tiny little infraction. Uhhhh....
It has taken me many years to realize that my family truly does not deserve me. My parents did not deserve to have me as a daughter.
This was incredibly accurate. I’m glad you also broke it down by male and female, cause as a dude there’s a lot of social situations where I find myself caught between internal moral feelings and the current socially acceptable way to go about things.
I also enjoy the fact that there was recommendations on how to access certain pathways. The harmony process I’ve developed super far. But it was interesting to hear the co-pilot and 10 year old piece. The 3 year old I innately knew through just self reflection. But those other two were interesting to hear and expand upon.
Glad I found this!
Also I can relate a lot to this quick hits and deep level.
For me I really enjoy interacting with new and many people. I can go into a room with 50 people and have quick 1:1 conversations with everyone. There are times I have friends that wonder why I never dig deeper into the conversations, spend more time and get to know them even better. And like, I love deep conversations, I really enjoy it, but I also feel like I can get a bit lost. A bit, I have so many people to connect with being able to connect on a deep level with everyone isn't possible, but at the same time I strive for having as many connections as possible, so it is hard to find the right balance.
And when it comes to those deeper connections, I believe it depends a lot on the person you are with as well. There are moments when I am with a person and I can see their true passions or happiness for something, and I suddenly feel the need to really motivate them, and praise them for being so open about their genuine happiness. It makes me want to get to know them on a deeper level because I want to remind them how precious this happiness is. I think as an enfj you go more into the deep connections when you realise the person you talk with allow you to, or starts to show parts of themselves that can be a result of safety, comfort and friendship. For me I don't want to dig too deep into the deeper meaning of someone's life unless I start to feel that they are ready for it.
35y Female ENFJ, I agree with ALL of what you've said! Very good job! (Kiss from France ;-))
Thank you for the video! This really helps me understand my mom better. (I'm INTP.)
Im an ENFJT, and this sounds dead on. The main issues im having is not being able to turn it off. I HAVE to help people, generally i feel unappreciated. I feel that my energy is naturally so much brighter then others and i do not get the feedback, and im am exhausted. I care about everything much more then others.
A lot of good content regarding ENFJ and extroverts in general; meditation is one of the things I have had to learn and have regular quiet time. I am an Aquarius and an ENFJ-A and have had to learn to manipulate my energy levels as to not overwhelm those around me and give those around me their light and time and enjoy it.
Thank you for this effort and helping people to understand them better , you really made me realize a lot of things and what I need to work on. I just feel so understood and enlightened heh and in the past I’ve never been able to connect the dots and express how I’m feeling into words. Again, Thank you so so much
I've found my sanctuary in the gym. I put my headphones in, working out, and suddenly the cacophony of the outside world fades away. I often have my most helpful, penetrating insights while exercising.
I thought I was INFJ, but ENFJ fits much better. Thank you for this!
Wow I appreciate finding this, especiallly during COVID. Y'all reading me right now XD but it's exactly what I need to hear
As an ENFJ, the military and its culture was very hard for me. I always went out of my way to make sure work was done, but was only noticed if something couldn't be done. I started to lose myself and become negative towards my peers because they expected more from me than I could produce during stressful times.
I had no idea about Elliott Hulse! He helped me immensely 6-7 years ago. So awesome he's a ENFJ too
Referring to the segment of “how people should act.” I was on a date last Saturday and the girl said “You’re so boney!” I was shooketh to say the least. One thing I found myself really good at is not getting upset, accepting that nobody is perfect, and not holding them to my high standards. Usually just make a slick joke about it. It shows my stance without ruining the vibe by taking offense. I realized that my ideals are just that, my ideals, and not everyone is gonna live up to them. I learned by bad example to just accept people as they are; I was always harshly judged and ridiculed by my parents and always felt like I was doing something wrong.
One thing I’ve always loved is doing something way out of the norm just for the laughs and attention. For example, on that date, it was at my sisters birthday party, very lively atmosphere, lots of high energy Mexican music. All of a sudden an terrible slow song comes on, you could hear and feel the room just get mad and weirded out. (Awful DJ, my sister was pissed) The whole dance floor cleared, not a soul. I, a person that would never dance, more know as a shy introvert (around my family), get the brilliant idea to go slow dance with my date. Everyone found it hilarious, all the attention was on us. I think most of them understood the joke I was trying to make. My mom was taking video and cousins came over and started slow dancing with each other (2 guys). Stuff like this makes my energy go up so much.