The Unspoken Benefits of Marriage
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- Опубликовано: 6 фев 2025
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Philosophy, Culture and History Books
👉🏿Yurugu: An Afrikan-Centered Critique of European Cultural Thought and Behavior amzn.to/48HZrD8 (Amazon)
👉🏿 Blueprint for Black Power: A Moral, Political, and Economic Imperative for the Twenty-First Century amzn.to/3NZKGls (Amazon)
👉🏿African Cosmology of the Bantu-Kongo: Tying the Spiritual Knot, Principles of Life & Living amzn.to/40AOhxF (Amazon)
👉🏿The Spirit of Intimacy: Ancient Teachings in the Ways of Relationships amzn.to/48LzGBJ (Amazon)
👉🏿Kindezi: The Kongo Art of Babysitting amzn.to/3UHM3ZH (Amazon)
👉🏿Invention Of Women: Making An African Sense Of Western Gender Discourses amzn.to/3O1fxhi (Amazon)
👉🏿The African Origin of Civilization: Myth or Reality amzn.to/4fy3a8o (Amazon)
👉🏿African Religions and Philosophy amzn.to/4hzRLGW (Amazon)
Children's Books:
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👉🏿Lion's in a Flap - A book about feeling worried (Behaviour Matters): amzn.to/4fBp8Hk (Amazon)
👉🏿The Mindful Dragon: A Dragon Book about Mindfulness. Teach Your Dragon To Be Mindful: amzn.to/3ZYflFv (Amazon)
👉🏿The Army Inside You: A Children's Guide to the Microbiome: amzn.to/3DJlHAN (Amazon)
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👉🏿Imhotep of Ancient Kemet: amzn.to/3AqPEVf (Amazon)
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Mind-Sharpening Resources and Games for Children
Qwirkle UK Edition (NEW): amzn.to/4fCRZuw (Amazon)
Ten Frame Towers (highly recommended): amzn.to/4fERu3o (Amazon)
Learning Resources Wipe Clean Hundred Boards: amzn.to/49UVICu (Amazon)
Times Tables Flashcards: Ideal for home learning (Collins Easy Learning KS2): amzn.to/3ZWHPz7 (Amazon)
Connecting Ten-Frame Trays: amzn.to/3PcNj43 (Amazon)
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Greetings all. Sign up to my Substack here: www.elywananda.substack.com I'll compile and share all the sources in this video and email there in the next few days. Also, to help support my work ⚡ Subscribe: ruclips.net/user/MindfulBlackdad Also, below are some links to some books and other products that have helped (are helping) me and my family on our journey of self-realisation. I’m an Amazon Associate so I earn from qualifying purchases. Using these links costs you no extra, but will help support my work. Let me know how you find any of the products you buy!
Philosophy, Culture and History Books
👉🏿Yurugu: An Afrikan-Centered Critique of European Cultural Thought and Behavior amzn.to/48HZrD8 (Amazon)
👉🏿 Blueprint for Black Power: A Moral, Political, and Economic Imperative for the Twenty-First Century amzn.to/3NZKGls (Amazon)
👉🏿African Cosmology of the Bantu-Kongo: Tying the Spiritual Knot, Principles of Life & Living amzn.to/40AOhxF (Amazon)
👉🏿The Spirit of Intimacy: Ancient Teachings in the Ways of Relationships amzn.to/48LzGBJ (Amazon)
👉🏿Kindezi: The Kongo Art of Babysitting amzn.to/3UHM3ZH (Amazon)
👉🏿Invention Of Women: Making An African Sense Of Western Gender Discourses amzn.to/3O1fxhi (Amazon)
👉🏿The African Origin of Civilization: Myth or Reality amzn.to/4fy3a8o (Amazon)
👉🏿African Religions and Philosophy amzn.to/4hzRLGW (Amazon)
Children's Books:
👉🏿 Jabari Tries: amzn.to/4gKDDcU (Amazon)
👉🏿Lion's in a Flap - A book about feeling worried (Behaviour Matters): amzn.to/4fBp8Hk (Amazon)
👉🏿The Mindful Dragon: A Dragon Book about Mindfulness. Teach Your Dragon To Be Mindful: amzn.to/3ZYflFv (Amazon)
👉🏿The Army Inside You: A Children's Guide to the Microbiome: amzn.to/3DJlHAN (Amazon)
👉🏿Riley Can Be Anything amzn.to/3YU7oS7 (Amazon)
👉🏿Imhotep of Ancient Kemet: amzn.to/3AqPEVf (Amazon)
👉🏿Nena: The Green Juice amzn.to/4hva0gR (Amazon)
Mind-Sharpening Resources and Games for Children
👉🏿Qwirkle UK Edition (NEW): amzn.to/4fCRZuw (Amazon)
👉🏿Ten Frame Towers (highly recommended): amzn.to/4fERu3o (Amazon)
👉🏿Learning Resources Wipe Clean Hundred Boards: amzn.to/49UVICu (Amazon)
👉🏿Times Tables Flashcards: Ideal for home learning (Collins Easy Learning KS2): amzn.to/3ZWHPz7 (Amazon)
👉🏿Connecting Ten-Frame Trays: amzn.to/3PcNj43 (Amazon)
👉🏿MathLink Cubes Linking/ Counting Block Set, Early Math Skills: amzn.to/4fBzg2H (Amazon)
Very interesting and important insight. May we learn and do better for ourselves and our children
Great video Ely! Marriage (and raising children) take continuous work but are a blessing for sure!
I love your message, your channel and the humble Penny my two favourite on RUclips now
@@msgoldndiamondsarefromafri8112 Thanks, I'm in good company. The Humble Penny are doing superb work! 🙏🏿
Thanks for posting this video. It is again more evidence that the vast majority of the problems we face as black British people is because we refuse to marry and refuse to raise children in two parent households.
I feel so lucky that I grew up in a household with my married parents.
They are no longer together but they both own houses which means they will pass down generational wealth to me and my siblings.
I pity the people who think getting married and two parent households are 'respectability politics'.
How does marriage benefit women?
@ If you think marriage doesn’t benefit women after watching this video then I can’t help you.
So the only benefit you saw in your parents marriage is passing down their own property to you? How about you working hard to make yours.
@ what a ridiculous take!
The point I was making is that me and my siblings will inherit generational wealth which a lot of people in the black community do not because their parents never owned homes because they were never together.
Of course there were many other advantages of me growing up in a stable home with both of my parents and I actually do think that this helped me to enter the professional career I am in now.
@@extrude22most marriages end divorces so the money will be gone in 3 generations
Kudos to you Ely, this is a very unpopular topic, and has unfortunately garnered resistance. Due to being relegated as an antiquated institution. Tragically, despite all the available evidence a sizeable proportion of Black British believe this. Great videos Ely 👊🏿
Keep up the good work
Extremely important topic, we should encourage marriage because two heads is better than one . I n the UK in black community, it’s a concern, a serious concern. I just hope that’s young black boys will do better
Highly informative video. Interesting to note a similar trend across the pond. Asians don't do the cohabiting thing and thus don't slide into vast non-partnered births (i.e. random hook ups). They also tend to earn higher salaries (in the usa) than whites. I'm not sure if this is also true in the UK but I wouldn't be surprised if it were so. Culture, habits, marriage and financial outcomes are all linked strongly.
Thanks. Yes, here in the UK, on average Indians and Chinese earn more than White folks, but Pakistanis and Bangladeshis earn lower (and lower than Black folks, actually). I'll be returning to to the points you made in a future video.
Great video Ely, on point as usual 💯
Great video as per usual Ely. I have a wild take... Before marriage, maybe even before serious relationships, many in the BC should undergo therapy. I dont think many have the right mindset for marriage and should not use the feeling of love as a barometer for the potential success of that marriage. There are various causes... The main one being raised in a harsh, unloving, often abusive household in childhood with the trauma lingering into adulthood. Feelings of abandonment is why many BM are afraid of commitment and responsibility & why many BW are incapable of being traditionally feminine and vulnerable, and lead with their sexuality (likely never having a father that showed them unconditional, non-5exual love)
@@falconblack Much appreciated bro and I wholeheartedly agree. Marriage has to be the cherry on top of all the inner work that has already been done. I'm a fairly level headed, stable character but marriage (and parenting, especially) has forced me to do a lot of maturing and adapting. I think economics are very key too and I'll be touching on that in future videos hopefully.
@@elywananda100% another unspoken benefit is the stability... Not chasing tail swiping in tinder all day, obsessed with relationships and most likely corn. It frees up the mind to focus on greater things
@@falconblack Absolutely. This is a biggie. I think a lot of the time, people don't realise how a lot of the stuff we busy ourselves with is meaningless and empty. Life is so lacking in depth, but because we're immersed in all this stuff, we don't realise. I would say though that many people will struggle to detach themselves from this stuff in order to actually build a marriage and family. This is why for those who are up for it, we must focus heavily on the children - raising them up so they don't enter adulthood with a mountain of destructive habits to try and unlearn.
Interesting. For guys focusing on marriage failure, I would say focus on marriage success. Look around you, the most successful men tend to be married. One hand can't clap (or finds it more difficult anyway).
@@Afrinaturality And to extend that, I don't think you'll find a successful (relatively speaking) group which has low marriage rates.
The exception doesn’t disprove the rule. Most marriages end in divorce so why would you invest in something that has a high risk of failure. There is a silent majority of men who are not married.
@@dre22 Most successful men are married. Check the profiles of the exec boards of top companies. 🤷🏾♀️ In any case, I'm not here to convince anyone. If you prefer not to marry for fear of divorce, that's not my business. Those who have ears to hear, let them hear.
Men are married, because they are successful. They are not successful because they are married. How many low achieving males do you notice getting married?
And it's easy to say don't look at the marriage failures, look at the successes when it's usually the men taking all the risk (unless he is poor) to get married. The vast majority of divorces are initiated by the ladies. Especially in today's culture where it is increasingly taboo for ladies to be expected to be home makers yet the men are expected to retain their traditional gender role.
Today, marriage is a business. It's not what it was 50 years ago. And I say this respectfully.
@ How many people make it to exec boards? Again the exception doesn’t make the rule. The two richest men in the world are single or just dating. That would be Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk Bezos is a divorcee which further adds to the data that most marriages end in divorce. There is a social stigma attached to high profile people in influential positions and who are not married and most of them do it a symbolic gesture.
Thankfully men are waking up to the exercise in futility that’s marriage. Most modern day women want the wedding and don’t want to be wives anyway.
Proverbs 17:6
The bible says:
The glory of children are their fathers.
Tax benefits, Generational wealth etc etc.
Yeah, those are things I'll need to lay out in future videos I think.
I feel the race, has never recovered from the damage of slavery. Its really sad what slavery has done to the race. A group of people hating people that look like them, black men keeping marrying women of other racial groups , anything but a black women, but are happy to give them a baby and leave. All this behavior, comes out of slavery and sadly the black race, have never stopped and changed the direction path, the race was sent on due to. Slavery. (Something to think about and add to this conversation)
Excuse
@kwameopoku3576 I don't agree. But TKS
Black women have thrived.
Black men this and black men that... On any social media we can all easily see a BW promoting her rear end. Zero introspection, no self awareness...Just victimhood. Thats why youre probably single. Nothing to do with your skin colour
@@Dizzeeyout thrived where ?
Another great video, Ely.
The perspective I hear from most men in the West is related to the risk of the marriage failing. For example, them losing their hard earned assets. I agree the laws are more favourable towards women but this shouldn’t deter men from marrying. Marriage as a institution has so many benefits and helps to set the right foundations for your family.
Thanks bro. Yes those are topics (marriage break ups and divorce, and men's rights in marriage) I definitely need to discuss in future.
@ it would definitely be good to discuss those in more detail. Perhaps also the topic of men and women in the black community being nonchalant with procreating - yet frown upon marriage 😁. Creating a child creates a permanent bond between the two, more so than marriage.
Either change the laws if you want to see a change in the behaviour, or set up marriage contracts that benefit men outside of the legal system. Polygamous men do the latter. The polyamours oddball youth are making business contracts for their "romantic unions". It is that simple.
Otherwise no, it's foolish to sign a contract that rewards a traumatized woman's reckless self centered behaviour with a lifetime payment plus 21-26ys of child support. Until this month said women were also able to claim the children on her income taxes while receiving child support and they verbalized that CS is their income online. That's how they see it; not as funds to finance the child's needs.
@@kreativeforce532I have noticed this channel is full of women with kids with men that left them. Hence the distorted view . Yet there are more married black men than black women
Flying has benefits over cross country driving, trains or ferry. But if you say to me there’s a 50% of a crash every time I board a flight, you’ll never catch me flying to where I need to be.
Then sir, don’t have kids!,…
@ I will have children through adoption or a platonic marriage.
this is a ridiculous strawman 🤣
@@fatherfigure89 congratulations for expanding your vocabulary by learning a new word
@@Szahra87You can have kids without marriage. In fact most kids are born out of wedlock
Before I watch this video marriage seems like a wild choice in the day and age. Lets see if this video changes my mind.
The moment women stop giving you kids and access to them without it (which they are starting to do especially with current baby rate drops). Then you will quickly realise the benefits.😅
We are our own worst enemy
We can't appropriate the events and lives of the past who truly suffered horrifically and claim our modern ills is because of slavery. We were thriving in marriage during post slavery. Post civil rights w had marriage. People came to this country married or got married. To blame it on slavery is a cop out that has been used by white Liberals and activists who want to deny the fact that our own decadence has increased generationally with hook up culture, idol worship of celebrities who go from partner to partner, the feminist movement that in some sections has an anti marriage ideology, lack of gathers who themselves had no fathers or came from broken homes, like wise daughters raised in broken house holds and imitate their mothers who had multiple short term partners. The relience on welfair ir benifits to survive due to economic struggle amongst black woman, the rise of promiscous boys/men with anti social behaviour getting girls/woman pregnant , and also the fact that some woman knowingly do this with a means to get pregnant as baby momm culture has been widely accepted more in diaspora, and also for a means to have the government be the husband financially. The issues with are very recent things. Campaigners from activists through the use of social media have made it harder to even have these conversations because they claim the shame element of it is more detrimental than the lives our behaviours have caused. Especially since it won't effect them but they can appear ritchous and progressive but at the end of the day, a child will suffer, generational wealth will dissipate, and the diaspora will be stigmatised for the type of children that continue this trend in the future, with mostly negative effects to society and to themselves. The monaham report warned this will happen way back in the 80s. And here we are....
🔥
No arguments from me here!
Women are more promiscuous than men
That’s the first failure u need to understand
Most marriages end in divorce for all races so why would you invest in something that has a high risk of failure? Please make it make sense.
The data in the video provide some answers that question. The key take away is that the break-up rate among non-married parents is about double that of married parents. That makes marriage the more secure option.
@ You’re comparing apples and oranges. Most people are born out of wedlock so a non married arrangement is pretty standard. It’s also easier for non married parents to go their separate ways because they don’t need to seek annulment and go through the court system to agree alimony, division of assets etc. There are very few if any legal hurdles compared for non married parents compared to married couples.
Fact of the matter is most marriages end in divorce so the odds are stacked against anyone who desires marriage. That is the reality.
@ I'll comeback to this in a future video. It's a very important area.
@@elywananda We just need some intellectual honesty, that’s all
@@dre22 most marriages end in divorce? What statistic/nation is this based on?
There are so many people living through hell whilst married and are staying together for the sake of children. I am not convinced that children who grow up in a dysfunctional home (albeit with married parents) will not have any emotional, behavioural issues. Toxicity, abuse etc can never be positive for any child to go through. If you ask adults who had married parents with a toxic relationship, many will tell you they wish their parents had rather divorced
can you put a percentage on the number of couples 'living through hell'?
That’s why as a woman you either marry or use a donor. Most donor kids report having zero childhood trauma for this exact reason.
Marriage and kids isn't for everyone. Marry if you want to but it's not by force. Same with kids. Life is too short to do things you don't want to do because you're "part of a group" or for "statistics".
Marriage, when done by two people with genuine intention, can be good, absolutely.
I personally will never marry. I'm a homeowner, I've done well, and I've done all this without a live-in girlfriend or wife. The more I achieve, the less desirable marriage becomes. I dont trust a wife wouldn't leave once she's gotten everything she wants. That's all I observed happening, growing up.
And I wouldn't have kids without a life long commitment. That doesn't exist in western culture anymore.
That's a stretch to say life long partners don't exist in Western culture anymore. I know plenty of people who've been married for 30 plus years to the same person! Also, you could potentially meet a woman who has achieved as much as you, or more than you lol, so you'd be marrying your equal in that respect. However, I suspect a woman like that would be too intellectually challenging for your pea sized brain.
There are also plenty of successful black women home owners with thriving careers in the UK and US. And guess what we are told to settle with black men who earn far less than us and who are not home owners. Black women in general feel more pressure to settle, especially if they want children, whereas black men like you have the privilege to adopt your thinking as long as you live.
I appreciate where you're coming from. Personally, I don't share the idea that women are just itching to fleece men of their stuff. Or to be more accurate, I don't think that righteous women are seeking to do that. Problem is that there are a shrinking amount of righteous women *and* *men* out here. We're all loaded up with layers upon layers of destructive learned behaviours, hang ups, trauma, etc - into our very bodies. So even those who intend to do the right things, end up doing otherwise, because they are basically ruled by their (our) lower natures. This is why all of my energies are focused on parenting. We've got to start from the womb, training them up to become righteous adults.
@@Coco-uk9tvStop crying
Ur aren’t pressured by anyone but family and tik tok😂😂😂.
Least married group of humans for a reason
@@Nonso-x7y I know you're African American. Guess what there are black people outside the US, it's not all about you lot.
All this talk of Net zero but then goes and plans a new airport wtf
Huh? Was this comment meant for this video!
So is polygamy. See pastor Dowell.
In theory I can see polygamy working for some people. But I can also see many problems coming from it, because at least here in the West, we're just not conditioned to accept "sharing" a partner.
@@elywananda Oh I reject the western way. Marriage is a choice to be with one partner or polygamy. Polygamy has been proven to work. my Great uncle had 15 wives. Polygamy is needed in the west ,too many people sleep around. As a matter of fact the blacks of Asia (Indian and Pakistanis) muslim community practice it here. And not to be rude but they are far more successful than your community.
@@elywanandathere are studies done on polygamy which show it’s a much less secure option than traditional marriage.
@@aarontownsend9892 That wouldn't surprise me. I feel like polygamy is an excellent idea for a certain type of context. Modern western societies (and I don't use modern to mean "better", just current) are not that context, imo.
@@elywananda monogamy didn’t originate in the west though and it’s existed in tandem with polygamy for a very long time but society transitioned to a one man one woman paradigm because it worked better socially, economically and spiritually.
Polygamous marriages, create greater strained relationships, more uncertainty on familial bonds and potential economic destitution.
I would like to see a survey don't on mixed race marriage's etc. Because I feel that black men stay longer/loyal to women from other racial groups. (Food for thought)
Don't have the stats but from what I've heard, in the US black men have the highest divorce rates whether they marry black, white, Hispanic or Asian.
Men generally stay loyal to good women. Race is besides the point but is all that some people can see apparently
@falconblack I disagree. And I think you should conduct a survey.
@@bluepeter128 you disagree that men treat good women well? Sounds like you're projecting your own failure in picking good men.
@falconblack let the women reply and see. 🤷
Brother let me explain something to you in this place called Great Britain 🇬🇧 today over half or more of Blackmen of Caribbean decent, are married to women from outside their race it’s not what am saying it’s a fact and can check out for yourself and others who don’t believe me on that one, yes there is probably some truth in the fact that the people that rule in this country I’ll say the usual suspects for the most that is the majority them are indeed quite happy that things are the way they where black men and black women are concerned. Yes I will admit that a lot of black men not all of them have done bad things to black woman and believe you me the majority of them have indeed been held to account in one away or another. That’s said the majority of women in general terms especially blackwomen not all of them I want say that loud and clear are dammed right out of order and will not take any accountability for their actions at all , any a lot of them are far to masculine for men in general terms especially the black women and you don’t have take my word for that yeah I respect the fact you’re indeed with a black women brother but for many men in general terms across the board it’s with a heavy heart indeed say this the majority of black men in this place called Great Britain 🇬🇧 today and beyond again not all of them are simply not interesting in marriage to women in general terms especially black women it’s that simple brother I respect your thoughts on this subject yeah.
but why are black men dating out so much , like why you think so?
Who or what made black women "too masculine"?
In order for a society to be successful men are supposed to be the leaders. As you state most Carribean (heritage) men are with white, you are correct there. So in that vacuum black women are more masculine as they have to be. They are alone. Ironically the proper view of marriage and conduct within that institution would address a lot of issues in the black community. It’s not going to happen sadly.
The other ethnic communities haven’t by and large fallen into this trap. They’ve got more common sense than us. I’m female work in a heavily male environment. The South Asian doesn’t get why black men date outside their race so much and blame black men for the situation not the women. That’s because they have a code of conduct even though they don’t necessarily share the same religion.
In the black community a guy can have multiple children, don’t look after them and there’s no consequences for that from the community at all. Try that in the Chinese, Indian, Pakastani etc community and the MEN in the community address that. Those that do that are basically outcasts that’s why they are so few and far between.
This video is telling you the benefits but we as a community will reject it. I live near to area where the young black boy was murdered on the bus recently. We would rather ask the mayor what he’s doing instead of addressing the problems in our homes and in the mirror.
most black people date each other.
Most don’t marry
@@broncosbest6441Why are u worried about carribean men who with white women but not the ones that are having children out of wedlock.
Black women are notorious for sleeping promiscuously with men. The men who are dating outside their race are the least of ur concern.