Absolute Mad Lads - The Dogmeat General, Zhang Zongchang

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  • @CountDankula
    @CountDankula  5 лет назад +1182

    Install Raid for Free ✅ IOS: bit.ly/2Oyf2Qb ✅ ANDROID: bit.ly/2YhAygp Start with💰50K silver and get a Free Epic Champion 💥 on day 7 of “New Player Rewards” program

  • @utes5532
    @utes5532 5 лет назад +7315

    >assassinating royalty
    150 dollar fine
    >teaching your dog a trick
    900+ dollar fine

    • @evangeline77x
      @evangeline77x 5 лет назад +355

      But you didn't account for inflation...

    • @fire9042
      @fire9042 5 лет назад +732

      teaching a dog a trick in china is like playing with your food

    • @isaaclemmen6500
      @isaaclemmen6500 5 лет назад +189

      @@evangeline77x $150 during the founding of the federal reserve in 1913, would be $3,880.95 now.

    • @Shruggernauts
      @Shruggernauts 5 лет назад +63

      Settles it, Dankula needs to move to Japan.

    • @WorthlessWinner
      @WorthlessWinner 5 лет назад +35

      admittedly, it was deposed royalty

  • @StarboyXL9
    @StarboyXL9 5 лет назад +6665

    "Yesterday a boy called me dad. I have no idea who his mother is."
    Based Warlord problems

  • @stagbeetle1050
    @stagbeetle1050 5 лет назад +4106

    "I'll destroy your temple then have cannons bombard your mom"
    This one quote is more powerful than over 5000 years of western and Asian poetry combined

    • @gabrielwhite3890
      @gabrielwhite3890 5 лет назад +263

      a lot of people who are also Chinese like me are fooled into thinking poets like Li Bai are the best the country has seen, but Zhang poet master has the best lyricism and word play amongst the mere mortals that attempt to dethrone him

    • @gavin1761
      @gavin1761 4 года назад +26

      stag beetle little did they know. they were ahead of call of duty

    • @Deadassbruhfrfr
      @Deadassbruhfrfr 4 года назад +46

      OG shitposter for sure

    • @yeetimusexe
      @yeetimusexe 4 года назад +4

      “Mom”

    • @amarimacd12
      @amarimacd12 2 года назад +2

      W

  • @seancestnik
    @seancestnik 5 лет назад +2896

    Zongchang: can’t be bothered to remember the names of his concubines so he numbers them
    *still doesn’t know how many there are*

    • @Masterchief0521
      @Masterchief0521 4 года назад +272

      to be fair, that one running off with an Officer really fucked the system

    • @parth88226
      @parth88226 4 года назад +57

      Truly progressive

    • @telephonebear21
      @telephonebear21 4 года назад +66

      @@Masterchief0521 was her number retired, or did the next one get her number (thus throwing out the order)?

    • @xXDarkxIdealsXx
      @xXDarkxIdealsXx 4 года назад +47

      LIttle known story. This is the basis for why Hotels don't have 13th floors/rooms. Cuz #13 left with Zongchang's officer so he only had concubine room #12 and #14 booked at the hotel. (Of course he booked out the entirety of the rest of the hotel with his other 348 thot patrol members but i digress)

    • @thatsmuggamer
      @thatsmuggamer 3 года назад +7

      @@xXDarkxIdealsXx I thought it was because 13 was unlucky

  • @jonfroswa
    @jonfroswa 5 лет назад +1174

    15:08
    "He chose to pay the fine"
    *Smart man. Now come along with us. We'll confiscate any stolen goods and you'll be free to go.*

    • @Siegetower
      @Siegetower 5 лет назад +13

      I was once a youtuber like you. But then I took an arrow to the knee.

    • @romanboi8834
      @romanboi8834 5 лет назад +14

      @@Siegetower how about a more updated version, *I used to be a RUclipsr like you, then I took demonitization to my channel*

    • @Drak976
      @Drak976 5 лет назад +5

      @Divine Lord of Shitpost *Just Working Intensifies*

    • @ctrip6668
      @ctrip6668 5 лет назад +2

      Two words.
      Sweetroll....

  • @InconvenienceTV
    @InconvenienceTV 5 лет назад +1420

    Judging by the poetry, Zhang was a Soundcloud rapper.

    • @BrianTDurden
      @BrianTDurden 5 лет назад +62

      yeah he missed his calling

    • @godemperortrump6932
      @godemperortrump6932 4 года назад +52

      They have a thing for becoming warlords apparently

    • @longyu9336
      @longyu9336 4 года назад +24

      @@godemperortrump6932 Zhang Zongchang>>>>>>>Raz Simone

    • @generalmarkmilleyisbenedic8895
      @generalmarkmilleyisbenedic8895 Год назад

      @@godemperortrump6932they cant even speak english or civilize, the sure as shit cant be a general lol

  • @minet11
    @minet11 5 лет назад +293

    Zongchang adopted a Scottish accent while he was in Japan

  • @via45
    @via45 5 лет назад +1661

    “I will win, and if not I will return in a coffin”
    *Loses
    * returns parading through the town alive in a coffin”
    😂

    • @CardboardSliver
      @CardboardSliver 5 лет назад +96

      Troll level: 1000000000

    • @TheZombieburner
      @TheZombieburner 5 лет назад +66

      No joke, at that exact moment in the video, I said aloud "I like this guy!"

    • @RuiLuz
      @RuiLuz 5 лет назад +4

      LOL! Mad Lad Troll Material

    • @gangganguwu6219
      @gangganguwu6219 5 лет назад +13

      Smoking a cigar aswell!

    • @HazyJ12
      @HazyJ12 5 лет назад +4

      Pulled a sneaky on ya.

  • @raymondjames57
    @raymondjames57 4 года назад +470

    He was progressive,
    He was a shitposter,
    He valued his mother,
    & he was a warlord.
    Absolute mad lad 😂

  • @kuri5332
    @kuri5332 5 лет назад +1243

    reading those 100 year old "poems" feels like reading a 14yos twitter timeline

    • @holderheck
      @holderheck 5 лет назад +95

      Just goes to show you that our culture and Technology advances not people

    • @mykillmielia
      @mykillmielia 5 лет назад +6

      Speaking of soph?

    • @dustinchen
      @dustinchen 5 лет назад +6

      @@holderheck experience vs no life experience son

    • @holderheck
      @holderheck 5 лет назад +8

      @@dustinchen I think you missed what I was getting at woosh. Unless you're claiming the warlord had no life experience?

    • @thekamotodragon
      @thekamotodragon 5 лет назад +25

      and to think that this man, according to genetics, would be considered the pinnacle of a male for our species, because of the amount of mates he had that were attracted to him and had to spread his genes with, absolutely fantastic stuff lol.

  • @mike1000232
    @mike1000232 5 лет назад +1951

    By god, I have never heard anything as glorious as a Scotsman trying to pronounce Chinese names

    • @DieFlabbergast
      @DieFlabbergast 5 лет назад +91

      I speak Chinese, and I can tell you there wasn't much wrong with his pronunciation (apart from the lack of tones, which would happen with everybody unless they can speak Chinese).

    • @doomermeme9975
      @doomermeme9975 5 лет назад +19

      @@DieFlabbergast late reply but isnt chinese based on the tone of how things are said? Kind of like how emphasis on words mean different things (I didn't SAY that or i didnt say THAT) a change of volumne and tone like sarcasm?

    • @bakucool
      @bakucool 5 лет назад +18

      @@DieFlabbergast are you sure? He pronounced zh as z.

    • @bakucool
      @bakucool 4 года назад

      @S billings hilarious mate

    • @nomine4027
      @nomine4027 4 года назад +2

      It's pretty epic. Spending all that time with my family from Glasgow has finally come in handy, lol.

  • @trevanminnig3499
    @trevanminnig3499 5 лет назад +2180

    “They were in love”
    ‘And then he killed them’
    “He actually let them marry”
    ‘Oh, THEN he killed them’
    *continues on with story*
    ‘Wait, he just let them fall in love and get married?? Wow... lot of respect I guess

    • @carlosfred8673
      @carlosfred8673 5 лет назад +238

      It's like a fucked up fairy tale. Or a German one at least.

    • @TrollHiddenCave
      @TrollHiddenCave 5 лет назад +147

      Germans make the best fairy tales

    • @justicewarrior9187
      @justicewarrior9187 5 лет назад +84

      @@TrollHiddenCave
      They surely make one of the best Bukkake Porn!!
      Right after Japanese I mean 😀

    • @TrollHiddenCave
      @TrollHiddenCave 5 лет назад +16

      @@justicewarrior9187 lol

    • @nondescriptstraightwhitema6138
      @nondescriptstraightwhitema6138 5 лет назад +99

      Wages war like a boss and accepts the honour of love. Sure good sir.

  • @scotchedtape
    @scotchedtape 5 лет назад +164

    "As long as you're not angry"
    Lmfao
    "I though something was wrong and you were punching walls"
    What a sweetheart.

    • @kepone3121
      @kepone3121 5 лет назад +2

      probably didnt want him to go from punching walls to punching her

  • @vapelord_vixen7828
    @vapelord_vixen7828 5 лет назад +479

    “I’ll destroy your temple then I’ll have cannons bombard your mom.”
    What a legend...

  • @reue1575
    @reue1575 5 лет назад +473

    On, Zhang Zongchang, from the Autobiography of Pu Yi, last Emperor of China.
    "This universally detested monster was a welcome visitor to the Chang Garden and a man in whom I placed the greatest hopes. When I lived in the Northern Mansion in Peking Chang Tsung-chang (zhang) had come in disguise to visit me and show his concern for me. After I moved to Tientsin he would come and see me whenever he was in the city. His visits were always in the middle of the night as he slept by day and smoked opium in the evening, after which he was in very good spirits and would talk for hours about anything."

    • @pedrop218
      @pedrop218 5 лет назад +118

      Basically a Chinese Joe Rogan

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones 4 года назад +61

      @@pedrop218 Cho Lo-Gan?

    • @longyu9336
      @longyu9336 4 года назад +67

      The Virgin Pu Yi:
      Either impotent or gay
      No children
      Wife hated him and had an affair
      Forced his wife to abort her child, almost drove her to suicide
      Wife almost died to Opium addiction
      Probably short dick
      Lived his entire life as a puppet of the Japanese
      Himself universally detested
      Literally born with a golden spoon in hand
      Was brought up and surrounded by literal castrated eunuchs
      Ordered eunuchs, men without testicles, to be cruelly flogged everyday as child
      Complained like a virgin about Eunuchs stealing stuff from his palace
      Lost the mandate of heaven of the Qing-Dynasty and the Aisin-Gioro Clan
      vs the Chad Zhang Zongchang
      Doesn't even know which of his children was born to what woman anymore
      Had a whole harem of women from all four directions, despite numbering them doesn't even know how many he had exactly
      Permitted an officer to marry the concubine after discovering the affair, what a generous chad
      Smoked -weed- Opium everyday, still full of energy
      Massive shlong was as long as 86 silver dollars stacked on top of each other
      "can make a Japan sized whale shut up" according to his legendary poems
      Archieved international acclaim as "China's -basest- most based Warlord" (the Times), enjoyed admiration and loyalty from his subordinates
      A lowborn peasant, fought for his status himself and came out on top as gangster, gangleader and finally warlord of Shandong
      Grew up as peasant with a tough childhood, brought up and surrounded by brad gangsters and chad soldiers.
      "Accidentally" shot the cousin of Puyi, an important japanese puppet/figurehead on a visit in fkn Japan, whilst "cleaning his rifle", they only dared to fine him 150 bucks-->Can truly make a Japan-sized whale shut up
      Doesn't even know how much money he had
      Even the Gods feared him, threatened to fuck the sister of the god of rain, blasted the sky with artillery fire and bitchslapped the statue of the god inside the temple-->The next day, the drought which claimed many lives abruptly ended and it started raining

    • @miguelpadeiro762
      @miguelpadeiro762 5 месяцев назад

      ​@@pedrop218Tbh China must have had no shortage of Joe Rogans with the general chaos and Opium epidemic that were the signature of this period of Chinese history

  • @SpectralUmbreon197
    @SpectralUmbreon197 5 лет назад +1012

    Mostly every sane person: “Guns don’t kill people. People kill people.”
    Zhang ZongChang: *”Well yes, but actually no.”*

    • @Nevir202
      @Nevir202 5 лет назад +19

      LMFAO, massively underrated comment. 🤣

    • @therunningman1
      @therunningman1 5 лет назад +4

      It's actually "almost. All-most."

    • @richardsolomon5375
      @richardsolomon5375 5 лет назад +28

      @@bantika6972 so do hammers, knives, CARS!!, marriage, and junk food. We should outlaw all of those!

    • @exine5349
      @exine5349 5 лет назад

      @@richardsolomon5375 Hammers purpose is to hammer stuff, cars are meant to transport, marriage is well...might as well have said murder, junk food just requires eating in moderation(very little of usually.) Guns are meant to kill

    • @cavscout7113
      @cavscout7113 5 лет назад +16

      Actually guns are meant to shoot .....Not kill

  • @nickwalker4936
    @nickwalker4936 5 лет назад +492

    There’s already Zongchang memes flooding the internet.
    Godspeed, Count.

    • @snorungar70
      @snorungar70 5 лет назад +5

      Nick The Undying yepp! spread it!

  • @MiniMight
    @MiniMight 5 лет назад +475

    "i don't even know his mother"
    H E C A L L M E D A D D Y I D O N T E V E N K N O W H I S M O M M A

  • @thephoenixempyre2300
    @thephoenixempyre2300 5 лет назад +2820

    Dankula: I'M ABOUT TO DO DRUGS AND BANG HOOKERS!
    The Gf: Well, at least you're not angry...
    The best relationship

    • @stephen5857
      @stephen5857 5 лет назад +74

      Lux Aeterna I think you mean wiafu

    • @LongDingus
      @LongDingus 5 лет назад +138

      @@stephen5857 shut the fuck up you god damn weeb

    • @goblinteehee
      @goblinteehee 5 лет назад +73

      @@LongDingus They are married you maluable gremlin

    • @LongDingus
      @LongDingus 5 лет назад +11

      @@goblinteehee we know?

    • @He-who-wakes
      @He-who-wakes 5 лет назад +10

      Bunch of wee cunts

  • @Unbeniamhable
    @Unbeniamhable 5 лет назад +458

    “I’d like to order a 23”
    “Extra t h i c c”

    • @MosoKaiser
      @MosoKaiser 5 лет назад +2

      *T* *H* *I* *C* *C*

    • @0DarkTime0
      @0DarkTime0 5 лет назад +1

      We saw the video... Thanks for repeating the exact lines from it..

    • @happytrix6167
      @happytrix6167 5 лет назад

      @@0DarkTime0 smileW

    • @Blurns
      @Blurns 5 лет назад +2

      I'd like a largeeeeee -WHAT

    • @heinzarniaung2915
      @heinzarniaung2915 5 лет назад +1

      More like *E X T R A T H E C C*

  • @awaister
    @awaister 5 лет назад +674

    Zhang Zongchang seems like a nice guy after watching Madlad Uday Hussein

    • @fillosof66689
      @fillosof66689 5 лет назад +96

      As far as warlords go, he was better than okay. Turns out all you need is to not go on random murder/torture/rape sprees.

    • @TESkyrimizer
      @TESkyrimizer 5 лет назад +72

      @@fillosof66689 bruh honestly that sounds like such a simple non-issue and yet it is such an issue with most warlords
      Its quite possible that zongzhang had a good eye for picking men he could trust and had very few internal conflicts

    • @daltonharmon1018
      @daltonharmon1018 3 года назад +6

      I dont think anyone is quite as bad as him not even vlad the impaler who literally tortured people by having their feet skin licked off by goats

    • @mjtechnoviking44
      @mjtechnoviking44 3 года назад +8

      @@daltonharmon1018 vlad also the reason you speak English and not Arabic.

    • @daltonharmon1018
      @daltonharmon1018 3 года назад +5

      @@mjtechnoviking44 to be fair english has caused a lot of historical harm when you think about it. It's even killed off a lot of now dead languages even so... Uday was a bastard to say the least

  • @stu2729
    @stu2729 5 лет назад +444

    This will be my new go-to insult. "I´ll have canons bombard your mum".

    • @chickenbouilloncube7038
      @chickenbouilloncube7038 5 лет назад +4

      two “n”s, pal

    • @tamask7749
      @tamask7749 5 лет назад +13

      @@chickenbouilloncube7038 NNIGGA PLZ

    • @LSPD1909
      @LSPD1909 5 лет назад +1

      Chicken BouillonCube NNIGGA PLZ

    • @nxxynx5039
      @nxxynx5039 5 лет назад

      @@chickenbouilloncube7038 nah those printers are heavy as shit

    • @stu2729
      @stu2729 5 лет назад +11

      @@chickenbouilloncube7038 my bad, not my native language. I´m from germany so I only understand arabic.

  • @ShadowAkatora
    @ShadowAkatora 5 лет назад +211

    **WARLORD CHINA TOUR 1923**
    -Changdong
    -Shanghai
    -Shenyang
    -Nanjing
    -Chongqing
    -Szechuan

    • @ranchurdhimster4955
      @ranchurdhimster4955 5 лет назад +5

      -Sauce

    • @ctrip6668
      @ctrip6668 5 лет назад +5

      -Orange chicken
      -Beef and Broccoli
      -Crab Rangoon

    • @pizza-for-mountains
      @pizza-for-mountains 5 лет назад +3

      @@ctrip6668 I told you to stay put and enjoy the crab rangoon

    • @ctrip6668
      @ctrip6668 5 лет назад +2

      @@pizza-for-mountains"So you must be the second guy, who didn't listen, and decided to join the other monkeys and start throwing his shit around..."

  • @6ucket
    @6ucket 5 лет назад +348

    After the Uday mad lad, 6:02 practically makes him look like a saint

    • @TESkyrimizer
      @TESkyrimizer 5 лет назад +50

      In truth I think even most men of power would see that as a matter of respect and execute them both out of principle. Zongzhang isn't just a good person compared to Uday Id say he's a good person compared to 95% of people with power.

  • @harveyweinstein349
    @harveyweinstein349 5 лет назад +318

    There really needs to be a movie or mini series made about this guy. Opportunity for incredible satirical comedy as well

  • @purpandorange
    @purpandorange 5 лет назад +508

    This is what shitposters used to be before the computer gave us an outlet to do our shitposting on and no longer did we have to wage endless war just to meme on some statues.

    • @derriduresique5627
      @derriduresique5627 5 лет назад +30

      How depressing that the modern day shitlord has fallen so far.

    • @fartcriminals9623
      @fartcriminals9623 5 лет назад +1

      What a great lineage warlords to memers

  • @Nassuklovni
    @Nassuklovni 4 года назад +267

    The dude took his own mother to battlefields, to show her how good of a warlord he was. At the same time he kept a platoon of whores and treated them like toilet paper. There maybe were some mommy-issues and not enough hugs received as a child.

    • @prestonjones1653
      @prestonjones1653 2 года назад

      Well he was Asian.

    • @generalmarkmilleyisbenedic8895
      @generalmarkmilleyisbenedic8895 Год назад +10

      But would he have listened to her counsel as much if he didnt like her?

    • @drewwalton5973
      @drewwalton5973 10 месяцев назад +3

      @@generalmarkmilleyisbenedic8895
      Doesn’t mean he didn’t like her. Being neglected can very easily lead you to be striving for their approval later in life

  • @kitchenjail3546
    @kitchenjail3546 5 лет назад +470

    Dude managed to convince a God to give him rain with the sheer power or slaps, 4th grader level insults and artillery.
    Just. Wow.

    • @takafumiarisawa70
      @takafumiarisawa70 5 лет назад +33

      What else would you do if they're bombarding your mom. And you wouldn't believe what he did to get the anti-STD spell.

    • @GIN.356.A
      @GIN.356.A Год назад +5

      I know this is a 4 year old comment, but I just wanna add that slaps, 4th grader insults, and artillery, can pretty much solve any problems in life 😂😂😂

    • @generalmarkmilleyisbenedic8895
      @generalmarkmilleyisbenedic8895 Год назад +4

      @@GIN.356.Aafter 4 years i can confirm

  • @PotWeedKush
    @PotWeedKush 5 лет назад +713

    Can I just say that Vlad The Impaler is the original shitposter.

    • @daneoconnor6457
      @daneoconnor6457 5 лет назад +153

      More of a postuptheshitter

    • @yungsaika3438
      @yungsaika3438 5 лет назад +53

      Shitter-Poster

    • @dantebanducci235
      @dantebanducci235 5 лет назад +75

      Like when the Turkish emissary wouldn’t remove his turban, so he had it nailed to his head.

    • @simonpeter5032
      @simonpeter5032 5 лет назад +6

      Caligula before him

    • @farkasmactavish
      @farkasmactavish 5 лет назад +18

      He did stick posts up people's shitters, yes.

  • @haroldthaf
    @haroldthaf 5 лет назад +934

    You'd be surprised how many people go around cleaning their rifles.
    WW2 was basically a mass rifle cleaning event.
    STAHP

    • @StandingTNT
      @StandingTNT 5 лет назад +25

      With some accidentall shots...

    • @suspicioususer
      @suspicioususer 5 лет назад +3

      But they don't them while loaded

    • @ma_na_gurab
      @ma_na_gurab 4 года назад +8

      also dont forget to take your atomic bomb to a walk in japan

    • @Strelok10
      @Strelok10 3 года назад +1

      @@ma_na_gurab Mmyes, The Expanse references. Cheers.

  • @mishamazureka3486
    @mishamazureka3486 5 лет назад +191

    Absolute Mad Lads: Steve, That Bloke What Lives Across The Street From Me and Has Four Pitbulls

    • @uremawifenowdave
      @uremawifenowdave 5 лет назад +17

      You mean Steve, that really nice guy that lives across the road, NO STEVE PLEASE DON’T USE THOSE PLIARS ON MY SCROTUM!

  • @dagdamor1
    @dagdamor1 5 лет назад +774

    As a proud Chinese American, I heartily endorse the screensavers on your background monitors.

    • @HiddenEvilStudios
      @HiddenEvilStudios 5 лет назад +31

      Definitely am now an american citizen!
      *GOD BLESS THE ALLEGIANCE FLAG!*

    • @Ab-ox7mo
      @Ab-ox7mo 5 лет назад +3

      yeah the chinese love that panda with the face

    • @TheBelovedDisciple144
      @TheBelovedDisciple144 5 лет назад +5

      That makes you a bonafide White Supremist! Congratulations!

    • @angsern8455
      @angsern8455 5 лет назад

      dagdamor1 you dare talk to your Father this way?

    • @excitableboy7031
      @excitableboy7031 5 лет назад +2

      What does the panda one say tho

  • @condescendingjerkwad8346
    @condescendingjerkwad8346 5 лет назад +72

    "I will destroy your temple and have cannons bombard your mother." -- Zhang Zhongchang.

  • @Erraddo
    @Erraddo 5 лет назад +339

    He either was the best shitposter in history, or the most functional of mental cases...

  • @TheComedyButchers
    @TheComedyButchers 5 лет назад +694

    Waiting for an Absolute MadLads on Theodore Roosevelt

  • @gaydubbbz8148
    @gaydubbbz8148 4 года назад +353

    "the sky god is also named zhang,
    why does he make life hard for me ?
    if it doesn' t rain in 3 days i' ll destroy your temple then i' ll have canons bombard your mom"
    -zhang zongchang
    greatest poete of the 19th century

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones 4 года назад +26

      *20th. He died in 1932.

    • @aurexify
      @aurexify 2 года назад +13

      My man thinks we're living in the 20th century

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones 2 года назад

      @@aurexify we arent.

    • @aurexify
      @aurexify 2 года назад +12

      @@oz_jones Wow no shit Captain Obvious I couldn't tell

    • @JamesOrthodoxOfficial
      @JamesOrthodoxOfficial Год назад +2

      ​@@aurexifyDude fr is onto something

  • @Lakefront_Khan
    @Lakefront_Khan 5 лет назад +311

    Your wife is trooper AND adorable, good shit man.

    • @Kolajer
      @Kolajer 5 лет назад +17

      Sue is an absolute bliss of a lass

    • @jordanrodgers9737
      @jordanrodgers9737 5 лет назад +44

      Sue is great, but could we get subtitles for her maybe?

    • @Mark-cd3sy
      @Mark-cd3sy 5 лет назад

      A*

    • @spiritupgrades
      @spiritupgrades 5 лет назад +2

      Electronic Corgi I can’t wait for the mad lad vid on the Countess

  • @glorioustigereye
    @glorioustigereye 5 лет назад +311

    Zhang: (Finds out about the affair.)
    Me: Oh God their gonna die.
    Zhang: (Lets them marry)
    Me: This is so heart warming and wholesome.

  • @tacticool_weeb8450
    @tacticool_weeb8450 5 лет назад +214

    Whenever me and the bro’s get together “WARLORDS ON TURE “ shall be yelled

  • @lorgarbeareroftheword5836
    @lorgarbeareroftheword5836 5 лет назад +372

    I vote "Nobunaga Oda" for madlad.

    • @VioletDeathRei
      @VioletDeathRei 5 лет назад +20

      To be fair he was a genuinely competent leader and strategist, but very good at making enemies.
      (Not following you I swear lol, just actually agree it's a good choice.)

    • @lorgarbeareroftheword5836
      @lorgarbeareroftheword5836 5 лет назад +10

      @@VioletDeathRei
      Lol, what are the chances of all these meetings?
      Its a fun day on the internet.
      :)

    • @stiankwaknyberg5297
      @stiankwaknyberg5297 5 лет назад +2

      I counter that (literally) with "Yi Sun-shin".

    • @IsraelLuisGeerRivera-ff4cg
      @IsraelLuisGeerRivera-ff4cg 5 лет назад +3

      Lorgar Bearer of the Word invades your lands in CIV V and there's nothing you can do because samurais are OP.

    • @shadowxgaming4247
      @shadowxgaming4247 5 лет назад +1

      Oooh, why not do Cao Cao or some more Chinese warlords? There are quite a bit of Mad Lads in Romance of the Three Kingdoms.

  • @LukeHimself
    @LukeHimself 5 лет назад +52

    *The poetry! Oh god that poetry was top notch comedy!!!*

  • @Sen-115DK
    @Sen-115DK 3 года назад +95

    It should definitely be a movie.
    A War Comedy movie about the Dogmeat General.
    10 out of 10 would watch.

    • @fatloser6913
      @fatloser6913 2 года назад +6

      I think there is a moive about him, its call the bitter tea of general yen

    • @DatMetalBoi75
      @DatMetalBoi75 Год назад +1

      Cast Ken Jeong as the dogmeat general for comedic purposes

    • @generalmarkmilleyisbenedic8895
      @generalmarkmilleyisbenedic8895 Год назад

      @pattersonstopmotions1282nah only based chinaman there is

    • @josh1200
      @josh1200 Год назад +4

      ​@pattersonstopmotions1282 Everyone from history did horrible things. If that's all people focused on, they'd become depressed.

  • @thomasturner6980
    @thomasturner6980 5 лет назад +258

    Count Dankula is the most reliable history source in the world

    • @victorsavu
      @victorsavu 5 лет назад +3

      and that's a fact

    • @tastyloaf5487
      @tastyloaf5487 5 лет назад

      The more you know ⭐

    • @Enkabard
      @Enkabard 5 лет назад +10

      Its true, even wikipedia cites Dankula word by word

    • @georgezikos8615
      @georgezikos8615 5 лет назад +2

      I would like to recommend to you'Internet Historian'

    • @lordmctheobalt
      @lordmctheobalt 5 лет назад +3

      let me introduce you to sabaton...

  • @ashtonbrown17
    @ashtonbrown17 5 лет назад +38

    >getting a star made from Marlboro
    >not being excited about it

  • @Sujjin21
    @Sujjin21 5 лет назад +46

    "As long as you're not angry.." She sounded so sweet too 😂🤣 got a keeper there

  • @achftw
    @achftw 5 лет назад +150

    The fact that Raid sponsors you is almost enough to make me want to play it.

  • @kiabahjoe470
    @kiabahjoe470 5 лет назад +518

    “used his mother as a counsel”
    i feel this energy because i have this energy

    • @bondfall0072
      @bondfall0072 5 лет назад +31

      A wise man once said "A boys best friend is his mother."

    • @carsoncasmirri3874
      @carsoncasmirri3874 5 лет назад +20

      kiabah joe I mean shit. At least in domestic matters who best to ask counsel of than a homemaker and a mother

    • @SirDankleberry
      @SirDankleberry 4 года назад +8

      Smart Zong.

    • @gopherasoda2492
      @gopherasoda2492 4 года назад +3

      Same

    • @Exli3r
      @Exli3r 3 года назад +5

      Mum knows best

  • @aabcyyt
    @aabcyyt 4 года назад +70

    Everyone: Murder
    Dankula: muhlrdah

  • @bigboibenjamin7094
    @bigboibenjamin7094 5 лет назад +230

    Absolute Mad Lads: Raid Shadow Legends

    • @unherolike
      @unherolike 5 лет назад +2

      His story isnt over that Madlad said he was comming back some day.

  • @aarontbradley1
    @aarontbradley1 5 лет назад +54

    I think this might be my favorite madlads so far lmao this dude was legendary LOL

  • @Vollification
    @Vollification 3 года назад +36

    I can't stop watching this XD
    2:56
    "Are you implying that I'm a peasant?"
    "No, I'm implying that I'm a peasant and that I'm willing to shoulder any burden you place upon me."
    That is so metal. Everyone else surely gave the local warlord the most expensive gifts they could bring and Zhang Zongchang basically did a Churchill with his symbolism "I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears and sweat."
    How can you top that?

  • @Cneqq
    @Cneqq 5 лет назад +187

    swear dankula is holding back laughter that he has to do that stupid ad everytime lol

    • @FixedFace
      @FixedFace 5 лет назад +17

      plot twist: he plays the game three hours a day

    • @tripp8957
      @tripp8957 5 лет назад

      Honestly tho

  • @hallabalooza
    @hallabalooza 5 лет назад +324

    Absolute Mad Lads *John McAfee* when?

    • @iandrsaurri625
      @iandrsaurri625 5 лет назад +14

      John McAfee is brilliant. It needs to be done or we riot

    • @johnblackstone5261
      @johnblackstone5261 5 лет назад +8

      He is in DIRE NEED OF A MAD LADS EPISODE

    • @lorgarbeareroftheword5836
      @lorgarbeareroftheword5836 5 лет назад +4

      After Nobunaga Oda.
      Pass it along.

    • @iandrsaurri625
      @iandrsaurri625 5 лет назад +6

      @Phil Ill It is irrelevant if he has been covered before. There is sm that has happened recently about McAfee no one else covered yet. Also Dank would give a brilliant take

    • @will9788
      @will9788 5 лет назад

      Yes this

  • @iankouf39
    @iankouf39 4 года назад +31

    "Warlords on tour" is what I'll be calling nights out with the boys from now on.

  • @folioshmolio
    @folioshmolio 5 лет назад +52

    Who needs history class when we have absolute mad lads

    • @pealopao3160
      @pealopao3160 5 лет назад

      That's how history should be teached.

  • @FrozenPhotonX_X
    @FrozenPhotonX_X 5 лет назад +277

    How about an Absolute Mad Lads on Ned Kelly, the Australian Outlaw famous for wearing a suit of armor during a shootout with the cops?

    • @lorgarbeareroftheword5836
      @lorgarbeareroftheword5836 5 лет назад

      What kind of armor?

    • @ea.fitz216
      @ea.fitz216 5 лет назад +4

      Lorgar Bearer of the Word Kinda like a knight’s suit. Google a picture of it.

    • @hugovasquez8222
      @hugovasquez8222 5 лет назад +18

      @@lorgarbeareroftheword5836 he forged weird Minecraft looking armor with a Buckethelmet fully armored except his legs (you can guess where he got shot at)

    • @hugovasquez8222
      @hugovasquez8222 5 лет назад +10

      Please Not again...
      I know he would fit in the Format but ned Kelly is covered in sooooo many Videos.
      I rather Watch Mad lads about some dude ive Never heard of before.

    • @dh-vc2yc
      @dh-vc2yc 5 лет назад +1

      @@hugovasquez8222 I've never heard of it but I'm not Australian so we don't really hear things about other countries

  • @blockhead134
    @blockhead134 4 года назад +28

    "Ok, as long as your not angry..." She is a treasure

  • @crematedchimera9122
    @crematedchimera9122 5 лет назад +190

    This is the earliest I've ever been. I appreciate the mystery over who the Mad Lad will be.

  • @robincray116
    @robincray116 5 лет назад +328

    You forgot his best nickname "old 86" cause his member was 86 Mexican silver coins long.

    • @theapexsurvivor9538
      @theapexsurvivor9538 5 лет назад +16

      Oh gods, it's true! That's glorious.

    • @michaelkeha
      @michaelkeha 5 лет назад +30

      wait are they stacked on top of each other or laid end to end

    • @theapexsurvivor9538
      @theapexsurvivor9538 5 лет назад +37

      @@michaelkeha stacked when flaccid, end to end when at full mast.

    • @1207rorupar
      @1207rorupar 5 лет назад +1

      But how did they get Mexican silver coins?!

    • @ZiiPerHeaD
      @ZiiPerHeaD 5 лет назад +2

      TheApexSurvivor imagine when he pitches his tent i’d be more like a log in mud

  • @dolphinboi-playmonsterranc9668
    @dolphinboi-playmonsterranc9668 5 лет назад +255

    "How should we go about this battle?"
    I think we should flank them from the river.
    I think we should rain mortars from above.
    I think everyone should get along and play nice.
    "Okay mommy, we'll begin peace proceedings."

  • @antigrav6004
    @antigrav6004 5 лет назад +50

    "All good pirates listen to their mom" -castle in the sky

  • @cobalt2361
    @cobalt2361 5 лет назад +27

    "he gets shot dead and instantly killed" -Count Dankula, 2019

  • @YNWA-1888
    @YNWA-1888 4 года назад +32

    11:30 "well as long as you're no angry" she's a keeper 😅

  • @sharqueeshajohnalaneesha2019
    @sharqueeshajohnalaneesha2019 5 лет назад +381

    We should abolish taxation and crowdfund the government

    • @PugMaxer
      @PugMaxer 5 лет назад +13

      Then billionaires run the government...

    • @tristman8413
      @tristman8413 5 лет назад +61

      @@PugMaxer like they don't already lol

    • @bakpfeife2224
      @bakpfeife2224 5 лет назад +7

      @@PugMaxer Anonymous donors... and with billionares funding the government but everyone else voting it will have way less budget and thus way less functions which is kinda nice(It would have way more focus on protecting citizens assets though).

    • @tastyloaf5487
      @tastyloaf5487 5 лет назад +6

      YES! Cut the fatcats and their yachts, lower taxes, people have greater income (less income taxation) and food and services are cheaper without taxation, allowing people to give more to the charities and public services THEY CHOOSE!

    • @prinzeugenvansovoyen732
      @prinzeugenvansovoyen732 5 лет назад +3

      @@tastyloaf5487 maybe crowdfound with the possibility for specific stuff like i want a tunnel or new train but give a realistic minimum yearly ammount like idk 300€

  • @TheBelovedDisciple144
    @TheBelovedDisciple144 5 лет назад +318

    Absolute Mad Lads: Alex Jones
    When?

  • @allisonanne571
    @allisonanne571 4 года назад +43

    Lmfao he confronted the man who was having an affair with his concubine and just went “Well, you two really like each other, so okay. It’s cool.”

  • @SpectralUmbreon197
    @SpectralUmbreon197 5 лет назад +115

    Dankula: * Makes an interesting video about a Chinese Warlord *
    The Chat: *CREEPER?! AWWWWWW MAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!!*

  • @القناةالشاملة-ث5غ
    @القناةالشاملة-ث5غ 5 лет назад +189

    The number one best series ever

    • @gyromurphy
      @gyromurphy 3 года назад +3

      Inshallah.... Yes it is.

    • @pauliewalnuts2527
      @pauliewalnuts2527 2 года назад

      its rewatch ability is up there with avgn.

  • @arch3223
    @arch3223 5 лет назад +35

    You missed this spicy detail about Ol' Dogmeat.
    "A brutal man, Zhang was notorious for his hobby of splitting the skulls of prisoners with his sword, which he called "smashing melons". He loved to boast about the size of his penis, which become part of his legend. He was nicknamed "General Eighty-Six" as his penis when erect was said to measure up to a pile of 86 Mexican silver dollars."

  • @youngroyalty7991
    @youngroyalty7991 5 лет назад +53

    Didn't Know Zhang Zongchang had serious BARS.

  • @C39SHARKDRAKE
    @C39SHARKDRAKE 5 лет назад +129

    As a Scotsman yourself...
    HOW HAVE YOU NOT DONE A MAD LAD ON JOHN PAUL JONES??

  • @inkedskindeep9941
    @inkedskindeep9941 5 лет назад +26

    The poem about Bastards is definetly my favorite. Im sure he was pissed when he wrote it.

  • @Madkent94
    @Madkent94 5 лет назад +488

    You really need to do one of these for the Australian bush ranger "Ned Kelly"
    He built a suit of power armor out of farm equipment and a watering can and had a showdown with the cops. If that isn't mad, then I don't know what is.

    • @userequaltoNull
      @userequaltoNull 5 лет назад +27

      This is... Intriguing.
      Do this.

    • @TheMidnightModder
      @TheMidnightModder 4 года назад +7

      I would Absolutely love to see that

    • @BigPuddin
      @BigPuddin 4 года назад +40

      Apparently, he made his armor out of plow heads, and the cops thought he was the fucking devil when they couldn't kill him. They still have his armor in a museum somewhere.

    • @Garthorium
      @Garthorium 4 года назад +29

      @@BigPuddin Ned Kelly funnily enough is the reason it's illegal to buy full suits of riot armour in Australia. Fully legal to purchase ex police gear/tactical gear, but not a complete suit. Also, his armour would either be in the Melbourne Museum or in NSW. They have tours that follow the Kelly trail to Glenrowan etc.
      They would have been invincible if the armour wasn't so cumbersome, and if they had made some for their arms and legs. Hence the police were able to gun them down.

    • @PL4GU3d
      @PL4GU3d 4 года назад +11

      The Raddest Chad some were donated by supporters of the Kelly gang, but when you look into why he did what he did and why he was supported by many that’s what makes him even more fascinating, almost like the tale of the killdozer or billy the kid but Australian, the tales of Kelly are some that don’t get told enough here down under sometimes.

  • @AlphaBiggotz
    @AlphaBiggotz 5 лет назад +34

    I couldn't hear what the missus said, but I can tell she's a keeper.

    • @MauveGun
      @MauveGun 5 лет назад +7

      She came in because she thought he was mad, and when he asked if she wasn't ok with the opium and hookers she said "no"

    • @lanasmith4795
      @lanasmith4795 5 лет назад +4

      I think what she said was "as long as you're not angry" since she heard him making a lot of noise and yelling and grew concerned

  • @RatFacedJasper
    @RatFacedJasper 5 лет назад +36

    He brought terrible pain upon the world, but also he allowed me to enjoy poetry.
    Shades of grey.

    • @oz_jones
      @oz_jones 3 года назад +3

      Duality of man

  • @Милош-р3д
    @Милош-р3д 5 лет назад +22

    His poetry is the single reason we need S.T.E.A.M. in sted of S.T.E.M.

  • @kellmont0149
    @kellmont0149 5 лет назад +25

    Absolute Mad Lads : Francis Pegahmagabow
    AKA: The candian soldier who crawled into german trenches in WW1 just to watch them sleep

  • @Certified-Bruh171
    @Certified-Bruh171 5 лет назад +94

    Zhang is basically just Majima from the Yakuza series irl

    • @wilhelmt.muller170
      @wilhelmt.muller170 3 года назад +1

      i need a dame dane that he covered

    • @jackakakreanxx5587
      @jackakakreanxx5587 2 года назад +5

      Imagine dynasty warrior but with the story and humor of Yakuza

    • @nightmares8213
      @nightmares8213 2 года назад

      @@jackakakreanxx5587 that’s basically just dynasty warriors 3

  • @Captain_Veinrick
    @Captain_Veinrick 5 лет назад +223

    When Russia undergoes a communist revolution and some people leave cause they knew communism was bad but they fled to China feels bad man

    • @JordiumZ
      @JordiumZ 5 лет назад +1

      Nice xenoblade pfp great taste

    • @12many4you
      @12many4you 5 лет назад

      JordiumZ learned how to spell a word.
      He she did not let what it means or when to implement it.
      But oh glorious day.
      She learned how to spell it.

    • @JordiumZ
      @JordiumZ 5 лет назад

      @@12many4you xenoblade is a game I like and his profile picture is the main character from that game

    • @koikat3708
      @koikat3708 5 лет назад +3

      Well, that's funny because last time I checked, the living conditions in the USSR were far better than in the Russian Empire. But you know, sure. Also I forgot to mention that the general populace had more rights.

    • @robokill387
      @robokill387 5 лет назад +6

      @@koikat3708 yeah, tell that to the people who died in the holodomor.

  • @Crypt0rkid
    @Crypt0rkid 5 лет назад +396

    Ahhhhh yeeeeeah. Getting ready to get autistic up in here.

  • @kornx10
    @kornx10 5 лет назад +19

    11:38 she's probably thinking. What's the worst that could happen.

  • @Manhattan_project.420
    @Manhattan_project.420 5 лет назад +55

    do one about the guy who lost a leg got shot a dozen times still landed his plane and was denied a Victoria cross

  • @DFOSpitfire
    @DFOSpitfire 5 лет назад +16

    This series is my favorite tbh, makes some history entertaining.

  • @Vollification
    @Vollification 3 года назад +10

    Zongchang
    Declares war on the sky and could declare victory XD
    You have to join his army.

  • @jessecabrera7484
    @jessecabrera7484 5 лет назад +49

    This lad was truly the first mr. worldwide 👉😎👉

  • @devilmaylift
    @devilmaylift 5 лет назад +20

    Ernest Hemingway. One of the greatest mad lads

  • @pikminman13
    @pikminman13 5 лет назад +430

    Highly skilled Russian mercenaries?
    Sounds like they had some Heavies...

    • @willworkforfood7028
      @willworkforfood7028 5 лет назад +62

      Their armoured trains where basically bunch of Heavies standing on the payload.

    • @alexkaplan6581
      @alexkaplan6581 4 года назад +32

      @@willworkforfood7028 hulong heater gang.

    • @MozrowDrops
      @MozrowDrops 4 года назад +19

      POOOOOTIS DISPENSER ERE NOOOOOOOOOWWWW

    • @LordDeathslayer
      @LordDeathslayer 3 года назад +3

      @@willworkforfood7028 DUMB KART NOT POOSH SELF

    • @DOOT_II
      @DOOT_II 2 года назад +3

      _WHO TOUCHED MY GUN_

  • @ciarfah
    @ciarfah 5 лет назад +46

    I can hear Dank's soul leave his body every time he shills for raid

    • @marciaosullivan3200
      @marciaosullivan3200 5 лет назад +3

      See he can't be anti semitic he loves to shill like his Jewish friend's

  • @markparkinson6378
    @markparkinson6378 5 лет назад +6

    That intro music, man! Every time you introduce someone with that music, it makes them so much scarier!

  • @Transblucency
    @Transblucency 5 лет назад +104

    I'm starting to think these desktops aren't just coincidence.

    • @valar_dohaeris7387
      @valar_dohaeris7387 3 года назад +2

      Pretty sure the desktop on the left displays a commonly used meme emote in China. Someone correct me if I am wrong though.

  • @TidusDX
    @TidusDX 5 лет назад +19

    Barr's Pineapplade. The beverage of true Madlads.

  • @numbmind120
    @numbmind120 5 лет назад +77

    I'd love to see a Mad Lads episode on John Paul Jones, a American Revolutionary War Naval captain/privateer who happens to be from Scotland.

    • @alanmilland3842
      @alanmilland3842 5 лет назад +10

      and also played bass with Led Zeppelin. True madlad.

    • @GonzoIV
      @GonzoIV 5 лет назад

      Never heard of him, gotta do some research on him

    • @voraciousblackstn
      @voraciousblackstn 5 лет назад

      Father of the US Navy, truely a Mad Lad.

    • @sixT4T
      @sixT4T 5 лет назад

      yep we know who he is but here's an E for effort anyway choadtard

    • @jacobduty28
      @jacobduty28 5 лет назад

      He has not yet begun to fight.

  • @concernedcitizen6577
    @concernedcitizen6577 4 года назад +17

    Here are some of the Dogmeat General's best poetry:
    “Praying For Rain”
    The sky god is also named Zhang
    Why does he make life hard for me
    If it doesn’t rain in three days
    I’ll demolish your temple
    Then I’ll have cannons bombard your mom
    “Poem About Bastards”
    You tell me to do this
    He tells me to do that
    You are all bastards
    Go fuck your mother
    “Untitled”
    Someone asks me how many women I have
    I really don’t know either
    Yesterday a boy called me ‘dad’
    I don’t know who his mother is
    “Visiting Mount Tai”
    From afar, Mount Tai looks blackish
    Narrow on top and wide at the bottom
    If you flipped it upside down
    It would be narrow at the bottom and wide on top
    “Visiting Pengai Pavillion”
    What a pavilion
    Place is fucking nice
    If the gods can get here
    I’ll take a seat too
    Have a drink by the window
    Sing some songs to the ocean
    Play some cards
    I think I’ll get drunk
    “Lightning”
    I saw lightning in the sky
    It’s like God wants to get lit
    If God isn’t lighting up
    Then why is there lightning?

  • @mathieuleader8601
    @mathieuleader8601 5 лет назад +51

    they need to do a Simpsons episode with Seymour Skinner as General Chang with Agnes as his elderly advisor

    • @ThierryRocksTV
      @ThierryRocksTV 5 лет назад

      Would be the funniest episode since anything from like Season 13 lol

    • @mathieuleader8601
      @mathieuleader8601 5 лет назад +8

      @@ThierryRocksTV "You're failing, Seymour! What is it about you and failure?"

    • @snorungar70
      @snorungar70 5 лет назад

      Mathieu Leader don't forget Hillary!

  • @itsenzo3000
    @itsenzo3000 5 лет назад +20

    Zongchang aka "he bless the raaain down in chiiiiiiinaaaaaaa"

  • @FrozenPhotonX_X
    @FrozenPhotonX_X 5 лет назад +873

    Dankula's mustache on the right side is attached to his beard, but his left side isn't.
    *This annoys me to an unfathomable degree*

  • @altcapright9114
    @altcapright9114 5 лет назад +97

    "includes paid promotion"
    How hasn't BBC bitched about this yet.

  • @daddytachanka8076
    @daddytachanka8076 5 лет назад +25

    I’m so happy you got a sponsor for the video... even if it’s Raid Shadow Legends.

  • @yoinkster6491
    @yoinkster6491 4 года назад +69

    Imagine if he was alive during world War two.

    • @xxxhalo4everxxx
      @xxxhalo4everxxx 3 года назад +10

      No communist china too iam sure

    • @KaiHung-wv3ul
      @KaiHung-wv3ul 4 месяца назад

      He’d single handedly destroy the entire Japanese empire.