I'm a sex positive asexual and people reaaaaally struggle understanding that 😂 What really bothers me is when people basically imply that life is not worth living without sex (aka _my_ life is not worth living unless I "finally" change my mind)
It's refreshing to see someone who not only discusses important topics with responsibility and maturity but also someone who takes BOTH sides of the issue and gives them both time, attention and consideration! Great video as always Hannah!
Vashti Ramsaroop you'll have to learn to set your boundaries and give people a firm No or you may end up in the worst possible situations. And don't say you're Sorry after lol
also about the impact of sex positivity on children and young teens who are not physically or emotionally ready for sex but can get coerced and pressured into it under the guise of sex positivity, often by predators
K C Yes! And I’ve even seen this predicated with memes that super young people are sharing that imply that being “the best” in bed and doing things exclusively for male partners is the ultimate way to be sexy and worthwhile or that being “kinky” and participating in submissive roles is the only way to be desirable. I think it’s extremely dangerous to teach them those kind of values and I know men that have taken advantage of the situation.
K C Sex positivity done well would teach consent, variety of sexualities and their acceptance and would thus make people confident to make choices that cater to them - not for kinky sex for the sake of it but depending if it's good for a person. It's rather likely that these young people didn't have such an approach in their sex-ed.
Great videos! I saw an example of “non-consensual culture” being ingrained at a young age the other week. I was with my friend and his 3 year old kid and after playing a card game he jokingly/playfully started tossing the cards at her (not in a bad way). After a couple of minutes though she asked him to stop and he kept doing it and she kept getting more assertive and louder, shouting “NO DADDY” really loudly so people around us heard. He *still* didn’t seem inclined to stop so I suggested that maybe when you ask someone to stop something it’s respectful to do so and he seemed to finally get the hint and also get my point. It made me sad though that my friend - a good guy who is generally understanding to these things - didn’t recognise his own behaviours or listen to his 3 year old daughter, reinforcing to her that even shouting no several times isn’t enough. But fair play to her for standing her ground and doing what she could to get him to stop once she was no longer having fun, I was proud of her and disappointed in him.
I was out with my friend and her 7 year old boy. He kept wanting to put things in my pocket and I was like, oh, you have to get a girls permission to put things in her pockets. Sometimes it’s easy to start small.
I'm sex positive for sure. I believe that everyone can love who they want, how they want. Lots of my friends are quite happy having casual sex and I can see the pros and cons to it. I personally don't like having random hook ups and I only like being intimate with people that I've been seeing for a few months or that I'm in a relationship with. I was a virgin until I was 21 (I'm 24 now) and I used to get called prude and (lightly) teased about it from my friends. I wanted to wait until I knew the man I was with respected me and cherished me. I don't like the pressure and the unwritten law that you have to sleep with multiple people in order to be happy or that you're 'missing out' if you don't sleep around. I'm still with the man I lost my virginity with and I couldn't be happier, the sex we have is amazing and I hope to marry him some day.
This is who I want to be in five years! I don't make friends quickly and I don't see myself hooking up randomly even though I totally support people who do. I'm happy with my decision to take my time and wait until it feels right but it's hard having "sex positive" friends who have a sometimes rigid perspective.
This video touched on a lot of points that have made me feel uncomfortable with the sex positivity movement. It's frustrating that women are shamed for being 'too' sexually active or not sexually active 'enough'... and it's usually men that decide where women sit on that scale. Thank you for contributing your thoughts in such a balanced way, I always learn so much from you!
maybe it's different here in Belgium, But, judging, setting up a scale is NOT sex positive. this doesn't happen over here. people are very respectful and open. there is no kink shaming, or shaming of any kind. we watch over that.
Can we invent the concept of "choice positive" ?! Somedays I feel super sexual, some other I feel super not. And the only thing I want is people to respect that, whether they are able to understand it or not. Cool video Hannah, it always makes very optimistic to watch RUclips Content Creators exposing that kind of open-minded vibes.
This really spoke to me, because I want to be sex positive but since I'm in a committed, monogamous, heterosexuell relationship and never had one nights stands or many partners anyway, I feel like I don't fit into that sex positive mold. Sometimes I feel like I'm not "enough" of a free sexual being, being 26 and not chasing sex and my sexual freedom and getting any guy I fancy. You just put it in better words. Thank you for that.
brokebutfun Talk to your husband about your feelings. Show him the videos. He may be all for a little sex-positivity. It's better than the alternative. Been there, wish my ex would have talked.
Yes, that is actually what I meant. Also, I don't have a husband and am not interested in swinging and quite sure my partner isn't either :D I just meant that I feel labeled as a prude for not using the sexual freedom a lot of people enjoy amd that I feel the sex positive movement "pushes". But thanks for responding anyway
brokebutfun I totally get you on this. I too am in a long term relationship and I’ve never been very sexually adventurous in terms of how many partners I’ve had and it feels like sex positivity has turned into just a new way to shame people for being “boring”. I’ve especially noticed it with BDSM being pushed as the only way to have good sex. I often feel weird because I’ve had very negative experiences with sex in my past and much of the BDSM that is being pushed is very triggering for me. This all leaves me feeling like there’s something wrong with me because I can’t get into it like everyone else seems to.
I know this was almost a year ago. But I wanted to put my two cents in. (I just found her channel lol) sex positivity to me and I think a lot of people. Its isn't about having sex, being very sexual. Its accepting everyone and their relationship with sex and normalizing it and conversation. Getting rid of the taboo and respecting people and their choices.
THANK YOU for aknowledging the norm of sexual activity. It's particularly prominent in my age group (early 20s), however I'm 22 and a virgin (and dont really believe in the concept of virginity but yeah). Not by choice as such, I just don't find a lot of people attractive and just seem to have a bit of bad luck. I want to have sex sure! But I feel this immense pressure because of my age. And it can be incredibly stressfull and upsetting when people view virgins over a certain age to be odd, when I'm here trying really hard to just find someone I like. I feel like i should be out having loads of sex and I'm just not.
I'm honestly not sure what to say, your comment just resonated with me. Having sex with people you don't want to, just because it's expected of you, can mess with your relationship to sex in general so I'd say try to avoid that :) (I realized your comment is three months old and things might have changed but I'm saying this to anyone else in that position reading this too.)
Agreed. I can relate wholeheartedly. I'm 26 btw. I just want to be with someone who I enjoy. Tbph tho, sex is not something I tend to think about having in general. I only consider it when it's brought up by other people in my age group. Like, they're totally shook that I'm still a virgin. I'm like, I'll be concerned with that when I have my a bit more together. But if I fall for someone nice then sex is okay too.
Flowered Sentiments Virginity is a made up concept. Yes, you have either had sex or not, but the idea of breaking the hymen, ect is completely false as a sign of never had sex. Also, that is also placing importance on PIV sex and dismisses everything else.
that’s very interesting! i have been struggling with sexuality for almost a year now: i realised i have transitioned to asexuality but didn’t understand why, so seeing all my friends talking about sex positivity often made me feel kind of uncomfortable. i felt misrepresented and weird, which lead me to developing extremely low self-esteem and body dysmorphia. i hope in the future people will become more mindful in that sense, but again, nothing can be done instantly. so thanks for spreading this message xx
well, sexuality is not permanent and can change just as well as other things in life. in my personal experience, it was a long and kind of subconscious process of change from being in a relationship with regular sex to understanding that i don’t feel well in that whole situation, and maybe i don’t feel like i want to have sex (even outside of this relationship). i’m still struggling to completely, like, “normalise” this experience and not follow the stereotypes and label myself as weird or suspect any physical anomalies in my body. i’ve been trying to celebrate my sexuality for a long time but this side of sex positivity that Hannah is talking about really made me feel like i don’t have any sexuality at all and there’s no need to celebrate it
Many of these things hit close to home for me. Especially the part about questioning if I’m enough and if my body is enough. I’m really insecure about a lot of things, my sexuality and sensuality in particular because I was “a late bloomer” and so I don’t really know myself very well when it comes to sex. I don’t know what I like and I’m scared to try stuff unless it’s with someone I really trust and even then it’s hard because they have to be excited about trying things with me and that’s not always the case and I’m very much a person who says yes to stuff simply because they asked me and not necessarily because I want to do it.
me tooooooo... and on top of that I have a super sexually liberated partner who really just wants me to be comfortable and knowledgeable and self-confident and it just gets super horrible. I used to think of myself as open (with my first boyfriend who was also a virgin before we got together) and after a semi-abusive second boyfriend and with this new liberated boyfriend it's just a mess, I feel like a potato and super unsexy. All while the sex positivity movement tells me everyone is always horny and confident
acciopluto acciopluto I really relate to this! I feel I was a late bloomer sexually, and my early sexually experiences were predominantly unfulfilling before I started enjoying sex at all. I had a lot of anxiety around not being able to orgasm, worrying what was wrong with me and my body; ironically worrying about it made me more tense, less relaxed, and therefore less likely to reach orgasm at all. I didn't know what I liked and masturbation wasn't particularly appealing to me either - low self esteem and poor body image meant I couldn't really get off on my own. navigating sexuality as a plus-sized gal when I've absorbed messages telling me sexuality is predominantly for thin people to enjoy was another challenge. it was only in a secure, trusting relationship with a partner that I was finally able to relax, and as we experimented together and explored each other's bodies in a very safe, relaxed and consensual setting, I was able tap into my sexuality. I hope my story might help to set you at ease - I thought my sexuality would never really be accessible to me, but in time I felt much more comfortable in it. so take your time and I hope all goes well for you 💛
hannah claire this is exactly what I’m going through right now! I’m glad you found a way out of it and yes, it does help to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Put it this way. If you see just having one nights stands you can assume you are enough of the guy nuts. If you are having a longer meaningful relationship you can assume you are enough of the guy stays with you.
I was really looking forward to this, and you didn't disappoint! That whole "norm of being sexually active creates a new pressure to have lots of sex" thing is EXACTLY what I was getting at with my comment on the last video. This is just a great discussion in general; outlines my feelings pretty well, especially the conclusion. I'm not NOT sex positive, but I think there needs to be room for everyone, and while I recognize that sex positivity is essentially pushing back against silence and shame... that's not fully accomplished by just not addressing/working through the silence and shame and barrelling on with tips on how to give yourself multiple orgasms, yknow?
Depends on whether or not you have standards for yourself that supercede the natural urge to copulate. Otherwise you're just mindlessly following the crowd.
I don't think the core of being sex positive is saying you need to have sex. Saying that you sex positive doesn't mean that you are now in life style where you are forced to have sex. I've come to the understanding that to say you sex positive means you are in control of what you want in your life. You can no sex at all, and still be under the beliefs of sex positive. It's understanding why you want or don't want sex. It seems like there needs to be a rebranding of the culture now. So instead of saying "sex positive" we should say I'm " sex informative" or "sex knowledgeable". That way you don't get confused by the message of the culture.
Porfirio Diaz I mean... let's be clear, sex isn't a mindless thing only indulged in by lesser beings. Sex, when it's something you want and are excited and comfortable about having, is really nice. Saying there needs to be room for nuance doesn't mean there needs to be a return to attitudes that look down on sex.
Kelso Montoya I think of it that way too -- I think my perspective, though, and from here on in it's entirely personal experience talking, is that sex positivity as a broader conversation and as I was introduced to it left me to come to those nuanced conclusions on my own; it wasn't something I inherently picked up. The comment I left on the last video was essentially this: 1) I started to feel like I was a bad feminist if I didn't want to try anal at least once, and 2) those feelings were compounded by the coincidence of discovering sex positivity and being in what I only realized later was an abusive situation. I was pushed to try things in the name of being sexually liberated, and most of what I saw was praise for all kinds of sexual activity that I didn't really get to work out my feelings towards because of being pushed. And hey, I'll be very clear and say that I don't think sex positivity and abuse are correlated, or that sex positivity is an abusive movement. And as I get further and further away from that situation, my feelings may change. But for right now, I think the points Hannah has brought up are worthwhile critiques of sex positivity, especially the one I specified in my initial comment due to my own personal experiences.
1:10 I think that the problem is not that the world doesn"t teach us how to say no, we know how to do that, the problem is that we don't know how to accept a "no" for an answer. If we put ourselves in the place of the friend who's asking for the coffee, we would feel bad if someone we care about said they didn't want to hang out with us, no matter the reason. If we start to be ok with the fact that other people's desires not always include us, and we don't get offended by that, then we could say "no" with more ease and without having to lie in order to not hurt someone's feelings
Thank you Hannah. Very important point. I feel like I suffered from both: negative attitude to sex in my family and pressure of overpositivity from friends. Both extremes are so bad. Thanks for bringing it up.
Agree on that one. It seems Hannah tries to keep her frontlines safe on both ends, ending as a sex neutral. That seems to a bit strange, as the way Hannah has worked and talked for the last ten years seems quite (sex) positive…Hmm…
There is this French documentary where women shared their stories about non-consensual sex and how lines can easily get blurry both because at times women do not say the word no and freeze, even though they do not consent to what is happening and men have not learned to pay attention to the signs that a woman might not be down for whatever is going on and that it's not because they did not actively say no that consent has been given. So much progress is still needed
filthiestfish No, indeed nobody is a mind reader. If somebody’s discomfort or lack of willingness is skilfully and completely masked then yes, you have absolutely no way of knowing. But if someone is exhibiting signs of obvious discomfort then it’s entirely ridiculous to suggest that an adult male would be oblivious without a loud, hollered no. Inability to pick up on bodily cues regarding mood is seen as a sign of developmental retardation in toddlers. Hell, even dogs can manage it. If somebody is wincing and rigid and unreceptive, 99% of grown men and women will be well aware.
I really appreciate you mentioning asexuality. I struggle to identify with the sex positive movement because Everything I've read about it starts from the assumption that everyone wants sex. As an asexual, I don't.
I am very sex positive and I openly advocate for people to live their best lives. For me, my positivity is about expressing and accepting myself entirely. I have had a range of sexual experiences, some good, some bad, but I still am a firm believer that people should do what feels right to them. Not everyone is going to have the same views or reasons but I think that coming from an open place of understanding and creating a culture where people can feel comfortable talking about their experiences is really what it's all about. Or at least, what it SHOULD BE all about.
SO refreshing this video!!!! You talked about things that NOBODY talks about, you're so open, real and also so articulate! Everybody should watch this video and the "Why I am..." one, so much insight about sex in our society nowadays!!! You are needed on RUclips! Love from Spain Xx
This video was so important. It took me a long time to become sexually active partly by choice of not wanting to be with someone I am not committed to, but also not by choice because it just took me a really long time to be in a committed relationship. Before that, as a feminist who was in theory very sex positive, for the angle of "woman should do what they want with their bodies", I felt very ashamed. It also didn't help that my friends would put a lot of pressure on me. For a very long time I stopped watching your videos because they made me uncomfortable and it wasn't anything you did, I just felt that because I wasn't so sexually liberated and active I wasn't the target audience and it's only after that I re-subscribed to your videos because now that I've done it I was finally "worthy" of taking part which is such an idiotic concept I had in my head but that's how I felt. I'm glad you made this video, it's an important message to share. Sex positivity should really be at the end of the day about allowing choice and working towards the goal of making sure women across the world have that choice.
I'm sex positive aF but I'm personally a virgin which baffles a lot of people I go out on dates with and it sucks cuz I'm all about ok whatever you do you but I personally want to wait to do those things with someone I genuinely. My early sexual experiences weren't great at all because I was pressured by society into thinking being a late bloomer is terrible and that I should do something about it even though that's not really true. Both of your videos on the topic was very interesting and I hope it brings awareness when it comes to peer pressuring people into having a lot of "sexual experiences" or else I'm not really sex positive.
Agree on that one. Sex positivity doesn't mean "sleeping around". It doesn't even mean sleeping with other people at all. I see it as a stance, getting rid of the shame around the subject.
This is great, Hannah. I have to say I'm wary of the sex positive movement because I don't want to sleep with anyone I'm not in a committed relationship with, even though I love how it destigmatises sex.
This is your best video yet. You bring up SO many valid, nuanced points. Love your point of view and the attention to detail you always bring. As someone who is on the fence about sex positivity, I really appreciate hearing someone else's thoughts on the pros and cons. Thank you!
Loved this video from you Hannah! Didn't expect it. I would say I'm more sex-critical feminist. I think the sex positive movement has done a lot for women and it's very valuable to advocate for women's sexual gratification and liberation when it's been repressed for so long. That said, it's complicated. I've come a long way in my relationship with fashion and wear things I never would have years ago, but, that said, why does it seem like we usually celebrate it as liberation when it's skimpy clothing? I can scroll through Instagram, see a woman rocking a skimpy outfit, and say "Awesome! Good for her! All women are beautiful and we should love ourselves!" but I'm 25. Does my teenage cousin feel that way when she sees those pictures? Does my preteen niece? Or does the picture in effect become yet another sexualized image of a woman to them? Does it make them feel insecure? I think it's important to keep questions like that in mind. Like you said, we live in a nonconsensual society. So does sex positivity feed into the objectification and sexualization of women? I don't know. Sometimes it feels like the sex positive branch of feminism is more focused on things like a women's right to wear a crop top than it is on issues like equal access to education, high paying competitive jobs, reproductive health rights, and so many other issues that women face around the world. I know that's not an entirely fair statement, but it rings true to a lot of what I've seen of sex positive feminism (and I don't think it's a coincidence that sex positive feminism is often conflated with "white feminism").
i really appreciated this video, and the previous one. as a woman who has endometriosis and various frequently occurring ovarian cysts, who also has a low sex drive, i went through and still do sometimes, go through feeling the opposite pressures that i'm never good enough, and what ways my health problems have a strong effect on this activity, and why am i not interested as much as many people around me seem to be - with how much they talk about it, etc. i felt/feel constantly conflicted internally, and i feel like all your points in both videos were extremely valid because we're all very different people with different experiences as well as genetics. thank you for all your thoroughly thought-through content, name-sharer! xx
Thank you for this. I haven't been able to put it into words myself, but this video nailed what I was feeling was "wrong" or "missing" in sex-positive discourse. These are important problems that sex-positive (or sex-critical? sex-aware? sexologists?) should be working towards solving.
As someone who considers himself "kink positive" thanks for your thorough and detailed view on the topic, which - since today's the local CSD in Berlin - is something extremely refreshing in the way you differentiate and focus on inclusion and respect rather than an agenda you _have_ to follow, regardless of the point a person is coming from.
5:00 dude what you just said Alone.. About the guilt and shame it brings if you just happen to not be as active as someone else.. But you still compare yourself.. That among a few other Really great point.. It sucks the shame people bring on themselves where they never needed to compare each other in the first place.. We all come from different areas.. And we all might nit be okay with the same things.. That's why it's important to know where your thoughts come from, and to know who you are and Where you are.. At in life in general or where you stand on issues that you are comfortable or Not comfortable with
I'm sex indifferent honestly. Not having it is great. Having lots of it is great too. Why does the world need to be so complicated? Really appreciate the video! This needs to be talked about.
I really love how your opinions have become so much more nuanced over time. I used to be a little bit detached as I didn't feel like I was learning from your videos and now I feel like you offer a really helpful and informative perspective. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I agree completely with where you're coming from with both of these videos, though I'd like to add that the way many "sex positive" people treat BDSM very lightly and positively without appropriate consideration for the people it harms both mentally and physically (and the influence of power structures and imbalances). It has also made me uncomfortable the way that people like to link making choices to do things such as BDSM to a "choice" to be gay, as though they are similar situations or as if the liberation of gay sexuality means that every sexual thing deserves liberation. Not sure if I explained that very well, but I hope that made sense!
I would personally argue that's more of a nuance within sex-positive attitudes to BDSM rather than sex-positivity itself, but I can see where you're coming from. I think it's genuinely fantastic that the sex-positive "movement" has taken a lot of sexual subjects, partially including BDSM, out of the taboo sphere, but if we're opening things up to public discourse, we should actually have that discourse, and not just go "it's all amazing!" about everything sex-related.
Yes! Hannah, you rock. As someone who has had their fair share of difficulties with sex, it was so nice to have someone acknowledge the pressure that comes with that. A+ for this vid :)
Yeeeeeeeees thank you! I think when I started being sexual I was pressured, even if subconsciously, by the idea that I had to be super sexual, and do whatever I wanted (but did i really want it?) and that made me push a lot of limits I had cause I thought I was just repressed when in reality,I was just not prepared.
Suya Götz Omg same. I saw myself as a very sexual being before I started having sex and I was convinced I would have a great first time because I knew a lot and I especially thought I was ready for everything, that I should "hurry up and get my virginity out of the way"
I wasn't expecting this video at all but i think it's soooooo necessary. We need to get used to talk about both sides more often. Congrats Hannah, this was super interesting!!!
A lot of the issues you mentioned thankfully don't seem common (from my experience) at a sex positive club I go to. They seem accepting and accommodating of LGBTQ+ people, rape victims, asexual people and people in committed relationships. They host events to help deal with things like shame around sex, and they get consent from everyone in the play area if someone wants to do a scene that could be triggering for some. While every community has its creeps, most people at the club are decent, getting consent for even a hug, and respecting someone saying "no." When I went there, I didn't feel much pressure to be sexual if I didn't want to be. Sometimes people go to just watch other people experiment, or just chat in the social (vanilla/nonsexual) area. I can certainly see how some of the issues you mentioned could happen and I'm sure they do happen. I'm just lucky that I haven't encountered much of that personally.
I learned all about consent and honoring other people's boundaries from the sex positive leather club I belonged to as a young man. Now that I think of it, there was a monogamous couple who were part of our tribe and nobody in the tribe ever pressured them to act out of accordance with their agreements.
i mean sex positivity in my opinion means just being fine with sex and how someone identifies and accepting them no matter what. like not shaming poeple whom dont have sex but just talking about it with people and accepting everyone
Many of the features you list seem to me to be points in favour of sex-positivity. we need to get past the negative feelings that many people have about sex.
I'm very positive towards having sex when I want to, with people who also want to, in whatever way we both want. Why does the world have to be so much more complicated than that?
ur literally always one step ahead of the game i dont know HOW u put my thoughts into words better than i ever could but this is excellent n i am SO excited to see u at the book to the future event in birmingham !!
I agree with pretty much all of this. To add another example, I'm autistic, and sex can get a lot more complicated than sex positivity would have it - the energy that goes into understanding and predicting your partner, plus all the sensory issues... I think the conclusion is that the principles of sex positivity are generally good, but that it doesn't always work out in practice in the real world.
The consent thing about not being taught to say no in life in general is so true and so important! Thank you for being so articulate, this was really interesting.
I've just watched your video about being single. I just love how open and honest you are about your feelings, it's so helpful to people in similar situations. I also love how tolerant and understanding you are of the diversity in our society. I think this was very much reflected in your last two videos about sex positivity. Keep up the good work Hannah.
I didn’t realize it was Sex Positive, A Thing, rather than just like.... sex positive, have sex when/if you want and if the other person/people involved also want.
Thank you for this video. As someone who is not at all comfortable in my own skin, I don't really want to think about sex at all. Because I don't really like sex, it causes a lot of guilt in my relationships. It's nice to know that at least some people think it is ok to not really be into sex.
To me, being sex positive means letting people do what they want as long as they're aware of the risks and everyone is consenting and that includes being aware of everything you've covered here. A kind of 'You do you and whatever you choose is fine' approach.
I didn't want to watch the first part of this bc i was scared you wouldnt address these things, stoked to see you exploring the flaws with sex positivity too :)
I don’t think that sex positivity ignores non-consensual culture or pressures people to have more sex, at least not true sex positivity (in the same way that true feminism is inclusive but not all people who call themselves feminists are). I think you agree with sex positivity but not in the cases you are describing (as in not real sex positivity). I love that you’re talking about this, I just found your channel and you do an amazing job explaining and being incredibly informed on everything I’ve watched so far. I subscribed after the first video I saw and I can’t wait to see more 💜💜
I was really looking forward to this video because the title confused me. The reason being I always identified the concept of being sex positive with being okay with anything you decide to do in regards of your sexuality as long as is all consentual; includying not doing anything sexual at all! :) You did not disappoint at all with this video and I agree completely. The goal is to free oneself from the norms that opress in regards of sexuality (and a bunch of other things but that’s for another video😂), not create new ones that also opress in a different way. Whatever anyone does (or doesn’t), be safe, be responsable and be happy ❤️
YEEES!!! One of the worst things is when "sex positivity" plays into University Life. In my first year, all the drinking games (never have I ever for example) were SO centered around sex and I always felt ashamed for not having done something or not wanting to do something, and that I wasn't enough of a "sex positive powerful woman" because of it. Great video hannah!
"The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that seeks to change cultural attitudes and norms around sexuality, promoting the recognition of sexuality (in the countless forms of expression) as a natural and healthy part of the human experience and emphasizing the importance of personal sovereignty, safer sex practices, and consensual sex (free from violence or coercion)" (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement). That's why I'm sex positive. And still have close to zero sexual encounters with other people.
I’m glad you mentioned that some of us aren’t interested in things. I’m demisexual and I’ve had a lot of criticism from sex positive people telling me I’m just repressed. -.-
Thank you for sharing this, I've just seen people on Twitter complaining about the sex positivity movement and was really confused - thank you for clearing it up, I think I still identify as sex positive but definitely will discuss the negatives and the issues in the movement and try to change that now.
I'm confused too. As I see it, sex positivity is not about sleeping around, or sleeping with other people at all. It's about acknowledging sex (activities or attitudes, with other people or not) as a valid part of life, with consenting people (preferably adults) and without shame. Correct me if I'm missing something here.
Thank you for this video. I consider myself to be sex positive, but I often feel uncomfortable in my body. I always thought one cancels the other. It's good to hear that you can be sex positive, but still have your problems and limits.
I am an asexual, and for me being more sex-positive (in my own way) is within me being more open and comfortable talking about sex, sexualities, relationships, and sexual parts.. its a big step because I used to be so insecure about my lack of sexuality.. I agree with what you said about how it can be harmful to those who aren't as sexual though. Lovely and informative video as always Hannah!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you mentioned power structures and asexuality! These are two things that many people ignore when they make their "sex is okay everyone loves sex so don't worry about it!" posts thinking they're super inclusive. I love your channel and discussions you bring to your channel ❤
thankyou for mentioning asexuality! as someone who is ace and has felt pressure from partners, family and media, this is so refreshing to here as i myself think i'm critically sex positive too but not out there having it.
I am so thankful that you talked about this! For me personally, I've decided that I don't want to have sex until I'm married. Honestly, I've received a lot of negativity about this for years, people saying that I'm "boring", a "prude", or that I'm a 20 year old virgin because no one wants me, when really, that's just not the case. Despite my waiting to have sex, I think sex is in more ways than not, a gift that God or whatever you believe in has given the human race, and I very much so look forward to the day that I do finally have sex. So, thank you for addressing all sides of the ways people view sex!
Thank you Hannah, this was really great to watch because watching your last video I felt that pain again with being trans and wanting to go out and have relationships but having a lot of fear to do with hookup culture and just the whole idea of dating apps and stuff like that. It's hard because my body wants it but I also don't want to be exposed to strangers feeling like they can just say whatever to me, as well as that fear of getting pregnant which is just an Ever consuming nightmare for me. So I think I'm critically sex positive because I want people to be happy and be able have the interactions that they want, but being part of a group not currently accepted by Society I feel it's really hard to just get into a safe place to live just in general without including sex. And it's hard that a lot of access to things is blocked by money. So I don't know I had never heard of critically sex positive before but it really makes sense, cuz it's just saying that I am has always felt untrue because I have a lot of trepidation and fear not only for myself but for other people being in positions that make someone safe. This all seems very reminiscent of the 1920s flapper culture, where it's like suddenly women can have sex but then it was that they needed to be promiscuous and sexy, and then also view other women as the enemy in a competition for men. It just seems like when a lot of expectation is put out and people are pressured to be a certain way it's just generally a bad time
Nice mini series, a great conclusion would have been to upload a video on how to battle the shame that one might feel in relation to sex. A lot of videos about sex positivity jump straight all the things you can do once you are sex positive, but they don't really say much about to become more confident and less filled with shame at the thought of sex. Sharing ressources on on overcoming sex shame would have been great too
thanks bub ❤️ it's so nice to have some representation of this feeling, especially when I didn't even realise it was missing! There is a lot of expectation to be sexually active especially at university - it's weird how quickly the culture has u-turned from the expectation to save sex until marriage. I am completely up for every person to make their own choices though, I just now wish both sides were shown a bit more in the media, not including historical dramas!
THIS IS SO GOOD thank you! The issues with sex positivity are rarely discussed, at least in such a balanced and nuanced way. Also MJ&J make SUCH good content!
I grew up in a Christian home that I always considered to be “sex positive.” Though, we used the term before it was a thing like it is now. What I mean by it is that though my parents instilled the value of waiting for marriage to have sex, they (particularly my mom) were very open to talking to us about it and making sure we had a healthy view of it. They taught us to see sex as a regular and wonderful part of life but that it was meant to be in the context of marriage, which to me really has strengthened my marriage in that this special bond we have is between only my husband and I. I realize now that the term “sex positive” does not totally mean what I always believed it to mean but I really appreciate how my parents raised me. Especially because I have friends that I definitely watched struggle with losing their virginity after marriage because it had been put on a pedestal and also friends who were TERRIFIED to have sex for the first time instead of looking forward to it. My parents also made it very clear that they wanted us to save sex for marriage, but they made the topic so safe in our house that if one of us decided to have sex before marriage we would have been able to go to our parents for help in how to stay safe and protect ourselves. They were smart in teaching us about safe sex anyway just in case we didn’t come to them. All in all, I think my parents did an amazing job in raising us when it comes to the birds and the bees ;)
If you are shaming anyone for their sexuality (including asexual people), then you are NOT being sex positive. That is not what we're about. Sex positive also does not mean "more sex is always better", it means "don't judge me for what I want - or don't want - from sex". Boundaries are just as important, if not more so, than desires, and ought to be respected. To belittle someone for not wanting to have sex would be antithetical to everything we stand for. If people are doing that in the name of sex positivity, then I hope that they will either learn their mistake, or else discover that our movement has no place for that sort of attitude :(
Great video! I found particularly important what you said about sex work. That topic has been extremely difficult for me to get behind as a feminist exactly because of all the power structures in place. most sex workers aren't empowered happy people with health insurance working for indie porn companies in California but victims of trafficking and scams and brutality and lack of social security, and lumping them all together is really harmful.
Lumping people together is harmful. Period. Humans are not sardines in a tin box. So as with any kind of work, care and helpfulness for the individuals are a bonus.
I grew up during the sex positive movement and what I hear girls call sex positivity baffles me today. It sounds more akin to hetero sex negative and religious fundamentalist complaints about sex + made in the 1970s - 90s. The most important thing to know about the sex positive movement is that it less carceral at it’s core. It was born out of a need to push back against excessively carceral policy and legislation designed to roll back the freedoms won during the sexual revolution. The things we see fundamentalists trying to do once again today. The climate we have in 🇺🇸 today is exactly like the climate sex positivity was born in. Keep in mind it also took place during the AIDS/HIV crisis so going out and sleeping with everyone wasn’t a top priority. No one has time to worry about the every day personal choices of billions of people. You have freedoms and responsibilities. Being able to say no or yes, depending on what you want, is central to the sex positive movement. Making sure religious fundamentalists and hetero sex negative MacKinnonites do not remove this right with carceral/highly punitive/controlling policy and legislation is at the core.
I'd consider my friends sex positive and I have also a few friends on the asexual spectrum, including me. And I never got the impression, sex positive people shame others as prude. Most of my friends are also feminists and anti-capitalists, so maybe it's different from other sex positive circles. It was interesting to hear that some sex positive people take it in a negative way, so I can be more aware of that. I personally don't consider 'prude shamers' sex positive, because for me sex positivity also includes deciding for yourself how and if you want to have sex and that no one has to have sex at all. great video! and thanks for mentioning asexual people :)
I used to just think that sex positive meant that you're okay with people doing sex their own way, even if it meant not having it/having tons of it, and being open about talking about all things sex related. now that I heard this I'm thinking I fall on the critical side of sex as well because you raise some really good points :)
"The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that seeks to change cultural attitudes and norms around sexuality, promoting the recognition of sexuality (in the countless forms of expression) as a natural and healthy part of the human experience and emphasizing the importance of personal sovereignty, safer sex practices, and consensual sex (free from violence or coercion)." (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement). I subscribe to that one definition.
I suppose I would call myself a sex positive asexual, although I was glad to hear you remembering asexual people with this video. My early-on experiences with sex positivity were a good bit negative because it did indeed feel like there was an implied pressure toward engaging in sexual activity. Over time, I came to the understanding that this was more of a problem I had with certain people within the sex positive movement than with the idea of sex positivity itself. I've seen some talk about the idea of a sex neutral feminism, one that aspires to bring about a world where sex is a thing people may or may not do with no pressure either way, and I like that, although with the caveat that it is a goal and not a practice that ignores existing power structures. It's a way I feel a lot of sex positive people probably view it, but maybe the idea of specifically calling it sex _positive_ can turn some people away. I've made my peace with the movement, but understand how there are still some concerns being had. Also, burn capitalism to the ground.
Wow, I just realized that that's exactly what I'd like: a sex-neutral movement. A movement where sex is neither demonized nor overblown as the best thing in the entire world. No pressure either way, just support, resources, advice, etc.
"The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that seeks to change cultural attitudes and norms around sexuality, promoting the recognition of sexuality (in the countless forms of expression) as a natural and healthy part of the human experience and emphasizing the importance of personal sovereignty, safer sex practices, and consensual sex (free from violence or coercion)." (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement) "burn capitalism to the ground"? That has been tried, like in Russia and China. A lot of people died in the process, so I'm not sure the attempt was a success.
Super interesting take, I had never considered this side of sex positivity. While being "positive" about sexuality and is important, we must also be aware of the context the sexuality is in
i had a couple of opinions on this video, but i appreciate that you made it nonetheless: i feel like a lot of these things are not inherently part of sex positivity: i.e. calling someone a prude is NOT sex positive idk i feel like it is valid to say that sex positivity ignores the gray of consent or the cultural stigma on saying no in general, but i feel like the move toward clear consent should always be a GOAL sex positivity may be western in origin, but it can still be applied to religions and cultures i think sex positivity, in its truest form, accepts that negative things can happen in sex and means to tell you that it happens (youre not broken), it doesn't have to happen, and youre allowed to avoid it all if you want i appreciated the video, but i feel like sex positivity is just raising awareness about sexual health, consent, and removing guilt and stigma around sex and i didn't feel like there are many reasons to NOT be sex positive
Agree. I for one would like to see a concluding video from Hannah, explaining where she really stands on this. For ten years has been quite sex-positive all around the Internet and books, if you ask me.
Yes! As a person who grew up on Sex Positivity the hardest thing to undersatand for me was that I'm not flawed/less sexy or atractive/less healthy just because I don't want sex all the time or as much as everyone else. Sex shouldn't be demonized or misstaught about but you should have it only when you want to have it.
I think it's always incredible to hear topics being given their due critical analysis. Even something like sex positivity that seems, on the surface, to be fully wonderful has its flaws. It becomes complicated to address that, especially on the internet...but we can never appreciate and address the complexity of the human experience if we don't give thought to how we can be better, more inclusive, and more understanding of the multitudes hidden within everything and everyone. Thank you for making this video, Hannah, and for recognizing the subjective and nuanced experiences of people.
Yes, this is so good! Sex positivity is something I have and will always support, but it's too oversimplified in some cases and can definitely be twisted and manipulated by people who want to use it wrongly. It's something we all need to learn and explore for ourselves, I think. I'm not sure if this is mentioned in the video because I paused it but, there's also this idea that people 'owning their sexuality' = having a lot of sex, and that's just not true and again puts pressure on people to have a lot of sex otherwise they're somehow not confident in themselves. You can own your sexuality in lots of ways and in many ways that's also when you choose to not have as much sex, too! That's still you being true to yourself and your desires and that's definitely owning it! Owning your sexuality /should/ = /you/ owning it and making your own decisions about it!
As a trans person, sex was always a very difficult topic/experience for me. Now that I'm in a monogamous relationship, I can be more open about my needs and dysphoria and the like. I consider myself sex positive so I really appreciate this perspective since it makes me realize why I've always felt weird calling myself sex positive.
I really like this video series. I started to check out articles on why not be sex positive when you posted your last video and found there are good and critical points to not be sex positive. Your video today puts more of those points, which overlaps with yours, makes sense on why sex positivity is not the END ALL BE ALL stance. Now that I think about it, they tends sex positive and sex negative immediately creates a binary view, which I think tends to encourage that you have to be one or the other. There's no room for nuance to say if your positive or negative. I like the idea of being sex critical, which allows for more nuance.
"The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that seeks to change cultural attitudes and norms around sexuality, promoting the recognition of sexuality (in the countless forms of expression) as a natural and healthy part of the human experience and emphasizing the importance of personal sovereignty, safer sex practices, and consensual sex (free from violence or coercion)." (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement) I think that one definition contains nuance.
I'm a sex positive asexual and people reaaaaally struggle understanding that 😂
What really bothers me is when people basically imply that life is not worth living without sex (aka _my_ life is not worth living unless I "finally" change my mind)
It's refreshing to see someone who not only discusses important topics with responsibility and maturity but also someone who takes BOTH sides of the issue and gives them both time, attention and consideration! Great video as always Hannah!
Jeff Garlick right
Why is "no" the hardest word in my vocabulary? Making it worse, when I do say "no", it's almost always followed by "I'm sorry!"
Because you are weak
Maybe you don't want to harm people
Vashti Ramsaroop you'll have to learn to set your boundaries and give people a firm No or you may end up in the worst possible situations. And don't say you're Sorry after lol
Xxx.vidos
Vashti Ramsaroop right
also about the impact of sex positivity on children and young teens who are not physically or emotionally ready for sex but can get coerced and pressured into it under the guise of sex positivity, often by predators
Great comment and great point!
K C Yes! And I’ve even seen this predicated with memes that super young people are sharing that imply that being “the best” in bed and doing things exclusively for male partners is the ultimate way to be sexy and worthwhile or that being “kinky” and participating in submissive roles is the only way to be desirable. I think it’s extremely dangerous to teach them those kind of values and I know men that have taken advantage of the situation.
K C Sex positivity done well would teach consent, variety of sexualities and their acceptance and would thus make people confident to make choices that cater to them - not for kinky sex for the sake of it but depending if it's good for a person. It's rather likely that these young people didn't have such an approach in their sex-ed.
Just got broken up with for refusing to push my boundaries. I needed this. Thank you.
Boundaries = very important
Great videos! I saw an example of “non-consensual culture” being ingrained at a young age the other week. I was with my friend and his 3 year old kid and after playing a card game he jokingly/playfully started tossing the cards at her (not in a bad way). After a couple of minutes though she asked him to stop and he kept doing it and she kept getting more assertive and louder, shouting “NO DADDY” really loudly so people around us heard. He *still* didn’t seem inclined to stop so I suggested that maybe when you ask someone to stop something it’s respectful to do so and he seemed to finally get the hint and also get my point. It made me sad though that my friend - a good guy who is generally understanding to these things - didn’t recognise his own behaviours or listen to his 3 year old daughter, reinforcing to her that even shouting no several times isn’t enough. But fair play to her for standing her ground and doing what she could to get him to stop once she was no longer having fun, I was proud of her and disappointed in him.
Sam that’s is not a good dad move right there
Sam shout out to her
I was out with my friend and her 7 year old boy. He kept wanting to put things in my pocket and I was like, oh, you have to get a girls permission to put things in her pockets. Sometimes it’s easy to start small.
I'm sex positive for sure. I believe that everyone can love who they want, how they want. Lots of my friends are quite happy having casual sex and I can see the pros and cons to it. I personally don't like having random hook ups and I only like being intimate with people that I've been seeing for a few months or that I'm in a relationship with. I was a virgin until I was 21 (I'm 24 now) and I used to get called prude and (lightly) teased about it from my friends. I wanted to wait until I knew the man I was with respected me and cherished me. I don't like the pressure and the unwritten law that you have to sleep with multiple people in order to be happy or that you're 'missing out' if you don't sleep around. I'm still with the man I lost my virginity with and I couldn't be happier, the sex we have is amazing and I hope to marry him some day.
This is who I want to be in five years! I don't make friends quickly and I don't see myself hooking up randomly even though I totally support people who do. I'm happy with my decision to take my time and wait until it feels right but it's hard having "sex positive" friends who have a sometimes rigid perspective.
There is no conclusion to the sex positivity topic. It's individual, evolving, and quite subjective.
Hilly In Seattle I completely agree!
I think this is important to realise and can apply to more than people may think
This was great I was not expecting a part 2. Super nuanced and interesting to hear both
Riya the Human I agree this is great! Thanks Hannah!
Riya the Human right
This video touched on a lot of points that have made me feel uncomfortable with the sex positivity movement. It's frustrating that women are shamed for being 'too' sexually active or not sexually active 'enough'... and it's usually men that decide where women sit on that scale. Thank you for contributing your thoughts in such a balanced way, I always learn so much from you!
maybe it's different here in Belgium, But, judging, setting up a scale is NOT sex positive. this doesn't happen over here. people are very respectful and open. there is no kink shaming, or shaming of any kind. we watch over that.
Can we invent the concept of "choice positive" ?! Somedays I feel super sexual, some other I feel super not. And the only thing I want is people to respect that, whether they are able to understand it or not.
Cool video Hannah, it always makes very optimistic to watch RUclips Content Creators exposing that kind of open-minded vibes.
This really spoke to me, because I want to be sex positive but since I'm in a committed, monogamous, heterosexuell relationship and never had one nights stands or many partners anyway, I feel like I don't fit into that sex positive mold. Sometimes I feel like I'm not "enough" of a free sexual being, being 26 and not chasing sex and my sexual freedom and getting any guy I fancy. You just put it in better words. Thank you for that.
brokebutfun Talk to your husband about your feelings. Show him the videos. He may be all for a little sex-positivity. It's better than the alternative. Been there, wish my ex would have talked.
Yes, that is actually what I meant. Also, I don't have a husband and am not interested in swinging and quite sure my partner isn't either :D I just meant that I feel labeled as a prude for not using the sexual freedom a lot of people enjoy amd that I feel the sex positive movement "pushes". But thanks for responding anyway
brokebutfun I totally get you on this. I too am in a long term relationship and I’ve never been very sexually adventurous in terms of how many partners I’ve had and it feels like sex positivity has turned into just a new way to shame people for being “boring”. I’ve especially noticed it with BDSM being pushed as the only way to have good sex. I often feel weird because I’ve had very negative experiences with sex in my past and much of the BDSM that is being pushed is very triggering for me. This all leaves me feeling like there’s something wrong with me because I can’t get into it like everyone else seems to.
I know this was almost a year ago. But I wanted to put my two cents in. (I just found her channel lol) sex positivity to me and I think a lot of people. Its isn't about having sex, being very sexual. Its accepting everyone and their relationship with sex and normalizing it and conversation. Getting rid of the taboo and respecting people and their choices.
THANK YOU for aknowledging the norm of sexual activity. It's particularly prominent in my age group (early 20s), however I'm 22 and a virgin (and dont really believe in the concept of virginity but yeah). Not by choice as such, I just don't find a lot of people attractive and just seem to have a bit of bad luck. I want to have sex sure! But I feel this immense pressure because of my age. And it can be incredibly stressfull and upsetting when people view virgins over a certain age to be odd, when I'm here trying really hard to just find someone I like. I feel like i should be out having loads of sex and I'm just not.
I'm honestly not sure what to say, your comment just resonated with me. Having sex with people you don't want to, just because it's expected of you, can mess with your relationship to sex in general so I'd say try to avoid that :)
(I realized your comment is three months old and things might have changed but I'm saying this to anyone else in that position reading this too.)
Agreed. I can relate wholeheartedly. I'm 26 btw. I just want to be with someone who I enjoy. Tbph tho, sex is not something I tend to think about having in general. I only consider it when it's brought up by other people in my age group. Like, they're totally shook that I'm still a virgin. I'm like, I'll be concerned with that when I have my a bit more together. But if I fall for someone nice then sex is okay too.
Maddy Hatter 18 and still have my v card. Also just hold on to yours a till your ready to lose it okay.
Flowered Sentiments Virginity is a made up concept. Yes, you have either had sex or not, but the idea of breaking the hymen, ect is completely false as a sign of never had sex. Also, that is also placing importance on PIV sex and dismisses everything else.
I'm 31 and still a virgin.
that’s very interesting! i have been struggling with sexuality for almost a year now: i realised i have transitioned to asexuality but didn’t understand why, so seeing all my friends talking about sex positivity often made me feel kind of uncomfortable. i felt misrepresented and weird, which lead me to developing extremely low self-esteem and body dysmorphia. i hope in the future people will become more mindful in that sense, but again, nothing can be done instantly. so thanks for spreading this message xx
myautumn could you explain how does one transition to a sexuality? Not mocking, genuinely curious!
Please do videos on body positivity like this!! I think consent is so tied into being fully embodied in your bod, if that makes sense xx thanks
well, sexuality is not permanent and can change just as well as other things in life. in my personal experience, it was a long and kind of subconscious process of change from being in a relationship with regular sex to understanding that i don’t feel well in that whole situation, and maybe i don’t feel like i want to have sex (even outside of this relationship). i’m still struggling to completely, like, “normalise” this experience and not follow the stereotypes and label myself as weird or suspect any physical anomalies in my body. i’ve been trying to celebrate my sexuality for a long time but this side of sex positivity that Hannah is talking about really made me feel like i don’t have any sexuality at all and there’s no need to celebrate it
Great now if we could convince everybody else in the human race that they're a sexual then we would rid the universe of its biggest cancer humanity
Drabswin recently had a check up; everything’s fine, but thanks for your concern
Many of these things hit close to home for me. Especially the part about questioning if I’m enough and if my body is enough. I’m really insecure about a lot of things, my sexuality and sensuality in particular because I was “a late bloomer” and so I don’t really know myself very well when it comes to sex. I don’t know what I like and I’m scared to try stuff unless it’s with someone I really trust and even then it’s hard because they have to be excited about trying things with me and that’s not always the case and I’m very much a person who says yes to stuff simply because they asked me and not necessarily because I want to do it.
me tooooooo... and on top of that I have a super sexually liberated partner who really just wants me to be comfortable and knowledgeable and self-confident and it just gets super horrible. I used to think of myself as open (with my first boyfriend who was also a virgin before we got together) and after a semi-abusive second boyfriend and with this new liberated boyfriend it's just a mess, I feel like a potato and super unsexy. All while the sex positivity movement tells me everyone is always horny and confident
You'll be fine. Don't put pressure on it.
acciopluto acciopluto I really relate to this! I feel I was a late bloomer sexually, and my early sexually experiences were predominantly unfulfilling before I started enjoying sex at all. I had a lot of anxiety around not being able to orgasm, worrying what was wrong with me and my body; ironically worrying about it made me more tense, less relaxed, and therefore less likely to reach orgasm at all. I didn't know what I liked and masturbation wasn't particularly appealing to me either - low self esteem and poor body image meant I couldn't really get off on my own. navigating sexuality as a plus-sized gal when I've absorbed messages telling me sexuality is predominantly for thin people to enjoy was another challenge. it was only in a secure, trusting relationship with a partner that I was finally able to relax, and as we experimented together and explored each other's bodies in a very safe, relaxed and consensual setting, I was able tap into my sexuality. I hope my story might help to set you at ease - I thought my sexuality would never really be accessible to me, but in time I felt much more comfortable in it. so take your time and I hope all goes well for you 💛
hannah claire this is exactly what I’m going through right now! I’m glad you found a way out of it and yes, it does help to know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Put it this way. If you see just having one nights stands you can assume you are enough of the guy nuts. If you are having a longer meaningful relationship you can assume you are enough of the guy stays with you.
I was really looking forward to this, and you didn't disappoint! That whole "norm of being sexually active creates a new pressure to have lots of sex" thing is EXACTLY what I was getting at with my comment on the last video. This is just a great discussion in general; outlines my feelings pretty well, especially the conclusion. I'm not NOT sex positive, but I think there needs to be room for everyone, and while I recognize that sex positivity is essentially pushing back against silence and shame... that's not fully accomplished by just not addressing/working through the silence and shame and barrelling on with tips on how to give yourself multiple orgasms, yknow?
Hannah Witton Lol GOOD! Thanks so much for taking the time to talk about this in all (or at least some) of its facets ❤
Depends on whether or not you have standards for yourself that supercede the natural urge to copulate.
Otherwise you're just mindlessly following the crowd.
I don't think the core of being sex positive is saying you need to have sex. Saying that you sex positive doesn't mean that you are now in life style where you are forced to have sex. I've come to the understanding that to say you sex positive means you are in control of what you want in your life. You can no sex at all, and still be under the beliefs of sex positive. It's understanding why you want or don't want sex. It seems like there needs to be a rebranding of the culture now. So instead of saying "sex positive" we should say I'm " sex informative" or "sex knowledgeable". That way you don't get confused by the message of the culture.
Porfirio Diaz I mean... let's be clear, sex isn't a mindless thing only indulged in by lesser beings. Sex, when it's something you want and are excited and comfortable about having, is really nice. Saying there needs to be room for nuance doesn't mean there needs to be a return to attitudes that look down on sex.
Kelso Montoya I think of it that way too -- I think my perspective, though, and from here on in it's entirely personal experience talking, is that sex positivity as a broader conversation and as I was introduced to it left me to come to those nuanced conclusions on my own; it wasn't something I inherently picked up. The comment I left on the last video was essentially this: 1) I started to feel like I was a bad feminist if I didn't want to try anal at least once, and 2) those feelings were compounded by the coincidence of discovering sex positivity and being in what I only realized later was an abusive situation. I was pushed to try things in the name of being sexually liberated, and most of what I saw was praise for all kinds of sexual activity that I didn't really get to work out my feelings towards because of being pushed.
And hey, I'll be very clear and say that I don't think sex positivity and abuse are correlated, or that sex positivity is an abusive movement. And as I get further and further away from that situation, my feelings may change. But for right now, I think the points Hannah has brought up are worthwhile critiques of sex positivity, especially the one I specified in my initial comment due to my own personal experiences.
1:10 I think that the problem is not that the world doesn"t teach us how to say no, we know how to do that, the problem is that we don't know how to accept a "no" for an answer. If we put ourselves in the place of the friend who's asking for the coffee, we would feel bad if someone we care about said they didn't want to hang out with us, no matter the reason. If we start to be ok with the fact that other people's desires not always include us, and we don't get offended by that, then we could say "no" with more ease and without having to lie in order to not hurt someone's feelings
Wow, that's great insight. I never thought of it that way. You're totally right! We need to start encouraging people to not take no's personally.
Thank you Hannah. Very important point. I feel like I suffered from both: negative attitude to sex in my family and pressure of overpositivity from friends. Both extremes are so bad. Thanks for bringing it up.
Same
I think the word you're looking for is "nuance." You have a nuanced sex-positive view. Which is why I follow you.
Agree on that one. It seems Hannah tries to keep her frontlines safe on both ends, ending as a sex neutral. That seems to a bit strange, as the way Hannah has worked and talked for the last ten years seems quite (sex) positive…Hmm…
There is this French documentary where women shared their stories about non-consensual sex and how lines can easily get blurry both because at times women do not say the word no and freeze, even though they do not consent to what is happening and men have not learned to pay attention to the signs that a woman might not be down for whatever is going on and that it's not because they did not actively say no that consent has been given. So much progress is still needed
ElisabethR oh do you remember the name of the docu?
Yes, it's called 'Sexe sans consentement'
Anyone know how someone could view this in England?
The end result is that men will simply choose not to engage with women.
At least video games don't have blurred lines of consent.
filthiestfish No, indeed nobody is a mind reader. If somebody’s discomfort or lack of willingness is skilfully and completely masked then yes, you have absolutely no way of knowing. But if someone is exhibiting signs of obvious discomfort then it’s entirely ridiculous to suggest that an adult male would be oblivious without a loud, hollered no. Inability to pick up on bodily cues regarding mood is seen as a sign of developmental retardation in toddlers. Hell, even dogs can manage it. If somebody is wincing and rigid and unreceptive, 99% of grown men and women will be well aware.
I really appreciate you mentioning asexuality. I struggle to identify with the sex positive movement because Everything I've read about it starts from the assumption that everyone wants sex. As an asexual, I don't.
That is, if you equal sex with sexual activities with another person. There is more to that word that needs to be explained…
I am very sex positive and I openly advocate for people to live their best lives. For me, my positivity is about expressing and accepting myself entirely. I have had a range of sexual experiences, some good, some bad, but I still am a firm believer that people should do what feels right to them. Not everyone is going to have the same views or reasons but I think that coming from an open place of understanding and creating a culture where people can feel comfortable talking about their experiences is really what it's all about. Or at least, what it SHOULD BE all about.
I absolutely love your balanced views on sex positivity! Great video!
SO refreshing this video!!!! You talked about things that NOBODY talks about, you're so open, real and also so articulate! Everybody should watch this video and the "Why I am..." one, so much insight about sex in our society nowadays!!! You are needed on RUclips! Love from Spain Xx
This is honestly amazing I've never heard anyone voice this so eloquently ❤️
This video was so important. It took me a long time to become sexually active partly by choice of not wanting to be with someone I am not committed to, but also not by choice because it just took me a really long time to be in a committed relationship. Before that, as a feminist who was in theory very sex positive, for the angle of "woman should do what they want with their bodies", I felt very ashamed. It also didn't help that my friends would put a lot of pressure on me. For a very long time I stopped watching your videos because they made me uncomfortable and it wasn't anything you did, I just felt that because I wasn't so sexually liberated and active I wasn't the target audience and it's only after that I re-subscribed to your videos because now that I've done it I was finally "worthy" of taking part which is such an idiotic concept I had in my head but that's how I felt. I'm glad you made this video, it's an important message to share. Sex positivity should really be at the end of the day about allowing choice and working towards the goal of making sure women across the world have that choice.
I'm sex positive aF but I'm personally a virgin which baffles a lot of people I go out on dates with and it sucks cuz I'm all about ok whatever you do you but I personally want to wait to do those things with someone I genuinely. My early sexual experiences weren't great at all because I was pressured by society into thinking being a late bloomer is terrible and that I should do something about it even though that's not really true. Both of your videos on the topic was very interesting and I hope it brings awareness when it comes to peer pressuring people into having a lot of "sexual experiences" or else I'm not really sex positive.
*I genuinely trust
Agree on that one. Sex positivity doesn't mean "sleeping around". It doesn't even mean sleeping with other people at all. I see it as a stance, getting rid of the shame around the subject.
This is great, Hannah. I have to say I'm wary of the sex positive movement because I don't want to sleep with anyone I'm not in a committed relationship with, even though I love how it destigmatises sex.
This is your best video yet. You bring up SO many valid, nuanced points. Love your point of view and the attention to detail you always bring. As someone who is on the fence about sex positivity, I really appreciate hearing someone else's thoughts on the pros and cons. Thank you!
Loved this video from you Hannah! Didn't expect it. I would say I'm more sex-critical feminist. I think the sex positive movement has done a lot for women and it's very valuable to advocate for women's sexual gratification and liberation when it's been repressed for so long. That said, it's complicated. I've come a long way in my relationship with fashion and wear things I never would have years ago, but, that said, why does it seem like we usually celebrate it as liberation when it's skimpy clothing? I can scroll through Instagram, see a woman rocking a skimpy outfit, and say "Awesome! Good for her! All women are beautiful and we should love ourselves!" but I'm 25. Does my teenage cousin feel that way when she sees those pictures? Does my preteen niece? Or does the picture in effect become yet another sexualized image of a woman to them? Does it make them feel insecure? I think it's important to keep questions like that in mind. Like you said, we live in a nonconsensual society. So does sex positivity feed into the objectification and sexualization of women? I don't know. Sometimes it feels like the sex positive branch of feminism is more focused on things like a women's right to wear a crop top than it is on issues like equal access to education, high paying competitive jobs, reproductive health rights, and so many other issues that women face around the world. I know that's not an entirely fair statement, but it rings true to a lot of what I've seen of sex positive feminism (and I don't think it's a coincidence that sex positive feminism is often conflated with "white feminism").
i really appreciated this video, and the previous one. as a woman who has endometriosis and various frequently occurring ovarian cysts, who also has a low sex drive, i went through and still do sometimes, go through feeling the opposite pressures that i'm never good enough, and what ways my health problems have a strong effect on this activity, and why am i not interested as much as many people around me seem to be - with how much they talk about it, etc. i felt/feel constantly conflicted internally, and i feel like all your points in both videos were extremely valid because we're all very different people with different experiences as well as genetics. thank you for all your thoroughly thought-through content, name-sharer! xx
Thank you for this. I haven't been able to put it into words myself, but this video nailed what I was feeling was "wrong" or "missing" in sex-positive discourse. These are important problems that sex-positive (or sex-critical? sex-aware? sexologists?) should be working towards solving.
As someone who considers himself "kink positive" thanks for your thorough and detailed view on the topic, which - since today's the local CSD in Berlin - is something extremely refreshing in the way you differentiate and focus on inclusion and respect rather than an agenda you _have_ to follow, regardless of the point a person is coming from.
5:00 dude what you just said Alone.. About the guilt and shame it brings if you just happen to not be as active as someone else.. But you still compare yourself.. That among a few other Really great point.. It sucks the shame people bring on themselves where they never needed to compare each other in the first place.. We all come from different areas.. And we all might nit be okay with the same things.. That's why it's important to know where your thoughts come from, and to know who you are and Where you are.. At in life in general or where you stand on issues that you are comfortable or Not comfortable with
I'm sex indifferent honestly. Not having it is great. Having lots of it is great too. Why does the world need to be so complicated? Really appreciate the video! This needs to be talked about.
I really love how your opinions have become so much more nuanced over time. I used to be a little bit detached as I didn't feel like I was learning from your videos and now I feel like you offer a really helpful and informative perspective. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
I agree completely with where you're coming from with both of these videos, though I'd like to add that the way many "sex positive" people treat BDSM very lightly and positively without appropriate consideration for the people it harms both mentally and physically (and the influence of power structures and imbalances). It has also made me uncomfortable the way that people like to link making choices to do things such as BDSM to a "choice" to be gay, as though they are similar situations or as if the liberation of gay sexuality means that every sexual thing deserves liberation. Not sure if I explained that very well, but I hope that made sense!
I would personally argue that's more of a nuance within sex-positive attitudes to BDSM rather than sex-positivity itself, but I can see where you're coming from. I think it's genuinely fantastic that the sex-positive "movement" has taken a lot of sexual subjects, partially including BDSM, out of the taboo sphere, but if we're opening things up to public discourse, we should actually have that discourse, and not just go "it's all amazing!" about everything sex-related.
Yes! Hannah, you rock. As someone who has had their fair share of difficulties with sex, it was so nice to have someone acknowledge the pressure that comes with that. A+ for this vid :)
as a south asian, religious and asexual person I HAVE NEEDED THIS VIDEO for ALL of the the time sex positivity has been a thing. THANk. YOU.
Yeeeeeeeees thank you! I think when I started being sexual I was pressured, even if subconsciously, by the idea that I had to be super sexual, and do whatever I wanted (but did i really want it?) and that made me push a lot of limits I had cause I thought I was just repressed when in reality,I was just not prepared.
Suya Götz Omg same. I saw myself as a very sexual being before I started having sex and I was convinced I would have a great first time because I knew a lot and I especially thought I was ready for everything, that I should "hurry up and get my virginity out of the way"
I wasn't expecting this video at all but i think it's soooooo necessary. We need to get used to talk about both sides more often. Congrats Hannah, this was super interesting!!!
A lot of the issues you mentioned thankfully don't seem common (from my experience) at a sex positive club I go to. They seem accepting and accommodating of LGBTQ+ people, rape victims, asexual people and people in committed relationships. They host events to help deal with things like shame around sex, and they get consent from everyone in the play area if someone wants to do a scene that could be triggering for some. While every community has its creeps, most people at the club are decent, getting consent for even a hug, and respecting someone saying "no." When I went there, I didn't feel much pressure to be sexual if I didn't want to be. Sometimes people go to just watch other people experiment, or just chat in the social (vanilla/nonsexual) area. I can certainly see how some of the issues you mentioned could happen and I'm sure they do happen. I'm just lucky that I haven't encountered much of that personally.
I learned all about consent and honoring other people's boundaries from the sex positive leather club I belonged to as a young man. Now that I think of it, there was a monogamous couple who were part of our tribe and nobody in the tribe ever pressured them to act out of accordance with their agreements.
i mean sex positivity in my opinion means just being fine with sex and how someone identifies and accepting them no matter what. like not shaming poeple whom dont have sex but just talking about it with people and accepting everyone
Many of the features you list seem to me to be points in favour of sex-positivity. we need to get past the negative feelings that many people have about sex.
I'm very positive towards having sex when I want to, with people who also want to, in whatever way we both want. Why does the world have to be so much more complicated than that?
ur literally always one step ahead of the game i dont know HOW u put my thoughts into words better than i ever could but this is excellent n i am SO excited to see u at the book to the future event in birmingham !!
I agree with pretty much all of this. To add another example, I'm autistic, and sex can get a lot more complicated than sex positivity would have it - the energy that goes into understanding and predicting your partner, plus all the sensory issues... I think the conclusion is that the principles of sex positivity are generally good, but that it doesn't always work out in practice in the real world.
The consent thing about not being taught to say no in life in general is so true and so important! Thank you for being so articulate, this was really interesting.
I've just watched your video about being single. I just love how open and honest you are about your feelings, it's so helpful to people in similar situations. I also love how tolerant and understanding you are of the diversity in our society. I think this was very much reflected in your last two videos about sex positivity. Keep up the good work Hannah.
I didn’t realize it was Sex Positive, A Thing, rather than just like.... sex positive, have sex when/if you want and if the other person/people involved also want.
Thank you for acknowledging all us people who don't have any problems with sex but also really kinda don't want it
Thank you for this video. As someone who is not at all comfortable in my own skin, I don't really want to think about sex at all. Because I don't really like sex, it causes a lot of guilt in my relationships. It's nice to know that at least some people think it is ok to not really be into sex.
To me, being sex positive means letting people do what they want as long as they're aware of the risks and everyone is consenting and that includes being aware of everything you've covered here. A kind of 'You do you and whatever you choose is fine' approach.
oh Hannah I love you and your videos so much! it's so rare to see critical discussions like this and I LOVE it
I didn't want to watch the first part of this bc i was scared you wouldnt address these things, stoked to see you exploring the flaws with sex positivity too :)
I don’t think that sex positivity ignores non-consensual culture or pressures people to have more sex, at least not true sex positivity (in the same way that true feminism is inclusive but not all people who call themselves feminists are). I think you agree with sex positivity but not in the cases you are describing (as in not real sex positivity). I love that you’re talking about this, I just found your channel and you do an amazing job explaining and being incredibly informed on everything I’ve watched so far. I subscribed after the first video I saw and I can’t wait to see more 💜💜
I was really looking forward to this video because the title confused me. The reason being I always identified the concept of being sex positive with being okay with anything you decide to do in regards of your sexuality as long as is all consentual; includying not doing anything sexual at all! :)
You did not disappoint at all with this video and I agree completely. The goal is to free oneself from the norms that opress in regards of sexuality (and a bunch of other things but that’s for another video😂), not create new ones that also opress in a different way.
Whatever anyone does (or doesn’t), be safe, be responsable and be happy ❤️
sex critical is such a good phrase! bc these are real good critiques of sex positivity daaang
YEEES!!! One of the worst things is when "sex positivity" plays into University Life. In my first year, all the drinking games (never have I ever for example) were SO centered around sex and I always felt ashamed for not having done something or not wanting to do something, and that I wasn't enough of a "sex positive powerful woman" because of it. Great video hannah!
"The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that seeks to change cultural attitudes and norms around sexuality, promoting the recognition of sexuality (in the countless forms of expression) as a natural and healthy part of the human experience and emphasizing the importance of personal sovereignty, safer sex practices, and consensual sex (free from violence or coercion)" (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement). That's why I'm sex positive. And still have close to zero sexual encounters with other people.
I really love how comprehensive these two videos were, and thank you for talking about power structures!!
People definitely have unrealistic sexpectations
I’m glad you mentioned that some of us aren’t interested in things. I’m demisexual and I’ve had a lot of criticism from sex positive people telling me I’m just repressed. -.-
Thank you for sharing this, I've just seen people on Twitter complaining about the sex positivity movement and was really confused - thank you for clearing it up, I think I still identify as sex positive but definitely will discuss the negatives and the issues in the movement and try to change that now.
I'm confused too. As I see it, sex positivity is not about sleeping around, or sleeping with other people at all. It's about acknowledging sex (activities or attitudes, with other people or not) as a valid part of life, with consenting people (preferably adults) and without shame. Correct me if I'm missing something here.
Thank you for this video. I consider myself to be sex positive, but I often feel uncomfortable in my body. I always thought one cancels the other. It's good to hear that you can be sex positive, but still have your problems and limits.
I am an asexual, and for me being more sex-positive (in my own way) is within me being more open and comfortable talking about sex, sexualities, relationships, and sexual parts.. its a big step because I used to be so insecure about my lack of sexuality.. I agree with what you said about how it can be harmful to those who aren't as sexual though. Lovely and informative video as always Hannah!
I LOVE LOVE LOVE that you mentioned power structures and asexuality! These are two things that many people ignore when they make their "sex is okay everyone loves sex so don't worry about it!" posts thinking they're super inclusive. I love your channel and discussions you bring to your channel ❤
thankyou for mentioning asexuality! as someone who is ace and has felt pressure from partners, family and media, this is so refreshing to here as i myself think i'm critically sex positive too but not out there having it.
What a well rounded, two sided commentary on this topic. You're amazing, this was amazing, shout out
I am so thankful that you talked about this! For me personally, I've decided that I don't want to have sex until I'm married. Honestly, I've received a lot of negativity about this for years, people saying that I'm "boring", a "prude", or that I'm a 20 year old virgin because no one wants me, when really, that's just not the case. Despite my waiting to have sex, I think sex is in more ways than not, a gift that God or whatever you believe in has given the human race, and I very much so look forward to the day that I do finally have sex. So, thank you for addressing all sides of the ways people view sex!
Sex is always positive! Even at its worst, it’s still gonna leave you positive for something.
Thank you Hannah, this was really great to watch because watching your last video I felt that pain again with being trans and wanting to go out and have relationships but having a lot of fear to do with hookup culture and just the whole idea of dating apps and stuff like that. It's hard because my body wants it but I also don't want to be exposed to strangers feeling like they can just say whatever to me, as well as that fear of getting pregnant which is just an Ever consuming nightmare for me. So I think I'm critically sex positive because I want people to be happy and be able have the interactions that they want, but being part of a group not currently accepted by Society I feel it's really hard to just get into a safe place to live just in general without including sex. And it's hard that a lot of access to things is blocked by money. So I don't know I had never heard of critically sex positive before but it really makes sense, cuz it's just saying that I am has always felt untrue because I have a lot of trepidation and fear not only for myself but for other people being in positions that make someone safe. This all seems very reminiscent of the 1920s flapper culture, where it's like suddenly women can have sex but then it was that they needed to be promiscuous and sexy, and then also view other women as the enemy in a competition for men. It just seems like when a lot of expectation is put out and people are pressured to be a certain way it's just generally a bad time
Nice mini series, a great conclusion would have been to upload a video on how to battle the shame that one might feel in relation to sex. A lot of videos about sex positivity jump straight all the things you can do once you are sex positive, but they don't really say much about to become more confident and less filled with shame at the thought of sex. Sharing ressources on on overcoming sex shame would have been great too
thanks bub ❤️ it's so nice to have some representation of this feeling, especially when I didn't even realise it was missing! There is a lot of expectation to be sexually active especially at university - it's weird how quickly the culture has u-turned from the expectation to save sex until marriage. I am completely up for every person to make their own choices though, I just now wish both sides were shown a bit more in the media, not including historical dramas!
The format for these 2 videos is really great and it's unfortunate that it's not more common. I'd love to see more videos like this
Speak for yaself, I’d happily say no to all sorts if I don’t feel like it. Do what you want! If people think you’re rude so be it
i had no idea what to expect from this video, and it was SO GOOD and very informative. thank you for the consistently amazing content!!
THIS IS SO GOOD thank you! The issues with sex positivity are rarely discussed, at least in such a balanced and nuanced way. Also MJ&J make SUCH good content!
I really loved this mini series, Hannah! I think it was super comprehensive as well as nuanced. Thank you for your work ❤️
I grew up in a Christian home that I always considered to be “sex positive.” Though, we used the term before it was a thing like it is now. What I mean by it is that though my parents instilled the value of waiting for marriage to have sex, they (particularly my mom) were very open to talking to us about it and making sure we had a healthy view of it. They taught us to see sex as a regular and wonderful part of life but that it was meant to be in the context of marriage, which to me really has strengthened my marriage in that this special bond we have is between only my husband and I. I realize now that the term “sex positive” does not totally mean what I always believed it to mean but I really appreciate how my parents raised me. Especially because I have friends that I definitely watched struggle with losing their virginity after marriage because it had been put on a pedestal and also friends who were TERRIFIED to have sex for the first time instead of looking forward to it. My parents also made it very clear that they wanted us to save sex for marriage, but they made the topic so safe in our house that if one of us decided to have sex before marriage we would have been able to go to our parents for help in how to stay safe and protect ourselves. They were smart in teaching us about safe sex anyway just in case we didn’t come to them. All in all, I think my parents did an amazing job in raising us when it comes to the birds and the bees ;)
If you are shaming anyone for their sexuality (including asexual people), then you are NOT being sex positive. That is not what we're about.
Sex positive also does not mean "more sex is always better", it means "don't judge me for what I want - or don't want - from sex". Boundaries are just as important, if not more so, than desires, and ought to be respected.
To belittle someone for not wanting to have sex would be antithetical to everything we stand for. If people are doing that in the name of sex positivity, then I hope that they will either learn their mistake, or else discover that our movement has no place for that sort of attitude :(
Word.
Great video! I found particularly important what you said about sex work. That topic has been extremely difficult for me to get behind as a feminist exactly because of all the power structures in place. most sex workers aren't empowered happy people with health insurance working for indie porn companies in California but victims of trafficking and scams and brutality and lack of social security, and lumping them all together is really harmful.
Lumping people together is harmful. Period. Humans are not sardines in a tin box. So as with any kind of work, care and helpfulness for the individuals are a bonus.
I grew up during the sex positive movement and what I hear girls call sex positivity baffles me today. It sounds more akin to hetero sex negative and religious fundamentalist complaints about sex + made in the 1970s - 90s.
The most important thing to know about the sex positive movement is that it less carceral at it’s core. It was born out of a need to push back against excessively carceral policy and legislation designed to roll back the freedoms won during the sexual revolution.
The things we see fundamentalists trying to do once again today.
The climate we have in 🇺🇸 today is exactly like the climate sex positivity was born in. Keep in mind it also took place during the AIDS/HIV crisis so going out and sleeping with everyone wasn’t a top priority.
No one has time to worry about the every day personal choices of billions of people. You have freedoms and responsibilities. Being able to say no or yes, depending on what you want, is central to the sex positive movement. Making sure religious fundamentalists and hetero sex negative MacKinnonites do not remove this right with carceral/highly punitive/controlling policy and legislation is at the core.
I'd consider my friends sex positive and I have also a few friends on the asexual spectrum, including me. And I never got the impression, sex positive people shame others as prude. Most of my friends are also feminists and anti-capitalists, so maybe it's different from other sex positive circles. It was interesting to hear that some sex positive people take it in a negative way, so I can be more aware of that.
I personally don't consider 'prude shamers' sex positive, because for me sex positivity also includes deciding for yourself how and if you want to have sex and that no one has to have sex at all.
great video! and thanks for mentioning asexual people :)
Guys let's just get it over with; I love Hannah Witton
I love the way you show both sides of the argument
I agree with all your points but shouldn’t sex positivity BE that as well? Including people in all spectrums of sexuality?
I used to just think that sex positive meant that you're okay with people doing sex their own way, even if it meant not having it/having tons of it, and being open about talking about all things sex related.
now that I heard this I'm thinking I fall on the critical side of sex as well because you raise some really good points :)
"The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that seeks to change cultural attitudes and norms around sexuality, promoting the recognition of sexuality (in the countless forms of expression) as a natural and healthy part of the human experience and emphasizing the importance of personal sovereignty, safer sex practices, and consensual sex (free from violence or coercion)." (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement). I subscribe to that one definition.
Can’t agree more 💛 sex is a complicated thing for me so I’m glad you’ve brought these points up.
Everything you said is so very true, and it needed to be said. Well done!
I suppose I would call myself a sex positive asexual, although I was glad to hear you remembering asexual people with this video. My early-on experiences with sex positivity were a good bit negative because it did indeed feel like there was an implied pressure toward engaging in sexual activity. Over time, I came to the understanding that this was more of a problem I had with certain people within the sex positive movement than with the idea of sex positivity itself. I've seen some talk about the idea of a sex neutral feminism, one that aspires to bring about a world where sex is a thing people may or may not do with no pressure either way, and I like that, although with the caveat that it is a goal and not a practice that ignores existing power structures. It's a way I feel a lot of sex positive people probably view it, but maybe the idea of specifically calling it sex _positive_ can turn some people away. I've made my peace with the movement, but understand how there are still some concerns being had.
Also, burn capitalism to the ground.
Wow, I just realized that that's exactly what I'd like: a sex-neutral movement. A movement where sex is neither demonized nor overblown as the best thing in the entire world. No pressure either way, just support, resources, advice, etc.
"The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that seeks to change cultural attitudes and norms around sexuality, promoting the recognition of sexuality (in the countless forms of expression) as a natural and healthy part of the human experience and emphasizing the importance of personal sovereignty, safer sex practices, and consensual sex (free from violence or coercion)." (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement) "burn capitalism to the ground"? That has been tried, like in Russia and China. A lot of people died in the process, so I'm not sure the attempt was a success.
Loved this video! I’d never heard anyone discuss this before and it’s so interesting!
Super interesting take, I had never considered this side of sex positivity. While being "positive" about sexuality and is important, we must also be aware of the context the sexuality is in
i had a couple of opinions on this video, but i appreciate that you made it nonetheless:
i feel like a lot of these things are not inherently part of sex positivity: i.e. calling someone a prude is NOT sex positive
idk i feel like it is valid to say that sex positivity ignores the gray of consent or the cultural stigma on saying no in general, but i feel like the move toward clear consent should always be a GOAL
sex positivity may be western in origin, but it can still be applied to religions and cultures
i think sex positivity, in its truest form, accepts that negative things can happen in sex and means to tell you that it happens (youre not broken), it doesn't have to happen, and youre allowed to avoid it all if you want
i appreciated the video, but i feel like sex positivity is just raising awareness about sexual health, consent, and removing guilt and stigma around sex and i didn't feel like there are many reasons to NOT be sex positive
Agree. I for one would like to see a concluding video from Hannah, explaining where she really stands on this. For ten years has been quite sex-positive all around the Internet and books, if you ask me.
Yes! As a person who grew up on Sex Positivity the hardest thing to undersatand for me was that I'm not flawed/less sexy or atractive/less healthy just because I don't want sex all the time or as much as everyone else. Sex shouldn't be demonized or misstaught about but you should have it only when you want to have it.
This pair of videos was excellent, thank you so much for making these!!
this is such an eye opening video, hannah! thank you so much
I think it's always incredible to hear topics being given their due critical analysis. Even something like sex positivity that seems, on the surface, to be fully wonderful has its flaws. It becomes complicated to address that, especially on the internet...but we can never appreciate and address the complexity of the human experience if we don't give thought to how we can be better, more inclusive, and more understanding of the multitudes hidden within everything and everyone. Thank you for making this video, Hannah, and for recognizing the subjective and nuanced experiences of people.
Yes, this is so good! Sex positivity is something I have and will always support, but it's too oversimplified in some cases and can definitely be twisted and manipulated by people who want to use it wrongly. It's something we all need to learn and explore for ourselves, I think.
I'm not sure if this is mentioned in the video because I paused it but, there's also this idea that people 'owning their sexuality' = having a lot of sex, and that's just not true and again puts pressure on people to have a lot of sex otherwise they're somehow not confident in themselves. You can own your sexuality in lots of ways and in many ways that's also when you choose to not have as much sex, too! That's still you being true to yourself and your desires and that's definitely owning it! Owning your sexuality /should/ = /you/ owning it and making your own decisions about it!
As a trans person, sex was always a very difficult topic/experience for me. Now that I'm in a monogamous relationship, I can be more open about my needs and dysphoria and the like. I consider myself sex positive so I really appreciate this perspective since it makes me realize why I've always felt weird calling myself sex positive.
I really like this video series. I started to check out articles on why not be sex positive when you posted your last video and found there are good and critical points to not be sex positive. Your video today puts more of those points, which overlaps with yours, makes sense on why sex positivity is not the END ALL BE ALL stance.
Now that I think about it, they tends sex positive and sex negative immediately creates a binary view, which I think tends to encourage that you have to be one or the other. There's no room for nuance to say if your positive or negative. I like the idea of being sex critical, which allows for more nuance.
"The sex-positive movement is a social and philosophical movement that seeks to change cultural attitudes and norms around sexuality, promoting the recognition of sexuality (in the countless forms of expression) as a natural and healthy part of the human experience and emphasizing the importance of personal sovereignty, safer sex practices, and consensual sex (free from violence or coercion)." (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-positive_movement) I think that one definition contains nuance.