Narcissistic Triangulation Control Tactics
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- Опубликовано: 13 сен 2024
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Friday, June 24, 2022 6/24/22
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I've been made bitter and angry and wanting to hurt people! The first thing they do is call you crazy, and I know reaction is not the best option
I'm sorry James. How people treat you is not your fault and we aren't in co trol of how we feel and they're not right or wrong. Whats important is what you do about your anger and how do you express it?
Dear whoever is reading this, I wish there was a way for everyone to surpass the current obstacles or sadness/ stress and let happiness enter your heart! I truly sense and wish you that you will have a beautiful, fullfilled life ahead of you! Nothing in life is ever easy, but what's important is that YOU keep going!
Youre worthy of love and happiness, never allow anyone to tell you otherwise! I wish all of you plenty of health and strength during these tough times. You are loved, you are strong, you got this! Never forget that! stay healthy, happy and loved!
Sending much Love over from Germany 💕🙏✨
Thats kind, please follow your advice too. Danke!
Soooo true with the imaginary friends....The BPD person I had dated had done the same exact tactic - multiple times. He would tell me that these imaginary people didn't like how I was treating him, in addition to 'elaborate stories' with imaginary people to showcase what an incredible man and hero he is. It took some time to realize that this world he shared was fabricated. Once you recognize it, it doesn't just blow your mind or make you feel gullible, it gives you the opportunity to recognize just how disturbed they are.
Their mention of the 'imaginary friend' was just casual and cheerful at first for about 3 months. Then only mentioned when they wanted to contradict, correct or shame me for something ... for about 6 months. I suffered in silence for about 3 months ... so it took me about a year to realize there was something fishy. I kept it to myself for about 6 months and noticed the 'mentions' were getting increasingly sadistic (disguised 'mindfuckery'). Then it took me about 6 months to be certain and safely exit ... so it went on for about 2 years in total. It wasn't safe to feel sad or scared when I was with them so then it took about another year, away safe&sound, to post-feel ... so about 3 years in total! Yikes! Thank you for including it in your 'Triangulation' theme!
Its incredible. So did you ever confront her on this? I'm just curious even though I know she would just deny it and call you crazy and threaten to call the police on you for even questioning her you terrible man!
@@daviddemars No, I didn't confront them. I instinctually kept my 'awareness' to myself and approached the situation with utmost caution. The 'imaginary friend' was not the only form of tyranny in their repertoire (grudges, hard done by, projecting, accusing, blaming, sulking, mood swings, pushiness, rudeness, abruptness, entitlement, twisting, changing goal posts, deceit etc). Now that I think of it, they had 'imaginary enemies' too! As you outlined in this Vid, it was 'threatening' and 'predatory' so I 'bought time' to back away slowly, then bolt. If anything, I confronted them with only banal complaints. By the way, that is a Theme that I find interesting: 'Changing Goalposts!' I think that is also a 'triangulation' tactic? Sigh!
I remember sharing confidences too! They would be thrown back in my face, sometimes with a twist that they would insert! Worse was when they shared it in front of people, me standing right there! Thanks for sharing, Lizzys!❤
This yes
He has zero loyalty and no security in your relationship. You know you're worthy of it now...right?
@@daviddemars Yes!
@@jenniferellis9249 Absolutely, Chicklet!! You too!!❤️❤️
Once this happens, even just once, you must recognize that nothing you share is off limits. They will also use your words to come back and belittle or laugh at you.
I had a roommate and I dated a guy for 4 years that did exactly what you described to me and I was relieved when I got the discard and then I moved out of State. So grateful that I got out when I did I just wish it happened sooner but I’m sure most of us who are survivors feel this way.
Yeah, I knew someone who would send themselves flowers with whole love letters from "secret admirers" attached. Her boyfriend wouldn't listen to anyone trying to tell him about her being full of it. Finally he found her at the mall returning the bracelet that her "secret love" had sent her. She had told her boyfriend that she was just going to put it back into the shipping package it came in marked Return to Sender enclosing a note that she was happy with him and didn't want to be with anyone else. She of course told a whole other series of lies to explain "what had happened" and he was almost convinced until he saw their shared JC Penney credit card statement where it showed not only the purchase and date but also the date it was returned and the cost re-credited back to the account. This girl was bat shit whack a doodle. We couldn't leave this poor guy alone for almost two weeks because she had done so much damage to him we were that worried he would hurt himself. So we all just took shifts, three people each shift. Its funny but people are always curious as to how such a fairly large group of us are all so close without having grown up or gone to school together or something. We tell them we actually do all have one thing in common and that is Narcissistic Abuse. We met some of us in support groups, some at random, just different ways and over the many long, long years have all just been there for each other. We do love a good David DeMars video. I can't wait to see who else brings this one up at brunch on Sunday. By the way, we take turns cooking brunch and seeing as how none of us can even boil water properly you'd think we would just go out somewhere but in some perverse way we tend to bond over indigestion as well. Anyway, ya'll listen to this guy because he knows his stuff AND he has lived through it. And if you have ever been through it, like not thinking you have but knowing you have that is everything right there knowing that the one who is talking actually does get it because they lived it. Some of these "experts" don't know a thing about it and they think they are so smart but people can tell. Always. Just give it time and you will know Fake as well as you know Real when you see and hear it. Thanks David! Have a Great Weekend. Be glad you will never have to eat my pancakes!
Hello! I have to thank you very much for your comment, your personality comes through and its beautiful. The support all of you have for eachother and give to those in need is priceless and so fortunate. Thank you so much again and say hello to everyone.
I was almost driven to doing that because I was being bullied and rejected by coworkers, I finally came to grips with the fact that these individuals were toxic and who gives a do wa ditty what they think. Being gang stalked wasn’t fun but it’s like it’s said if more than one person has to go after you you must be more powerful than you think 👍👍
Happy Friday David thank you this is a great topic Lizzie from PA, here.😄
Hey Liz have a wonderful day
@@sgtmuffinbadger6147 hi, you as well my friend.😄
Hi Lizzys! Yay for Friday!!!😎❤️
Hi Liz, I hope you have some fun plans for your weekend!
@@rorywright5692 TGIF, may you have a great weekend rory.😃😃😃
The one second we were in a pub or club with a groep all attention in me was just lost. All other guys there suddenly became more interesting. And then at the end of the night, saying she felt terrible, and said she hoped I would stay over, so she could make up for it. Also just because of her sexual needs of course, not because she actually felt bad for having 0 attention for me. Even some of the guys there told me "yo she's fcked". I shouldve taken that hint more seriously.
They even triangulation with random strangers, just to trigger some jealousy.
Hi and thanks for sharing your comment. Its such an awful feeling to be treated in a way that shows other people you don't matter. I was at a nice party and I saw the woman I brought flirting with men to the point where people were asking me if she was with me and I told them all "no".
@@daviddemars lmao saying no to that is next level confidence. Wish I had that too back then, but she is gone now, so things are a lot calmer, less stressful and just way more better in life in general now since im out of the FOG
@@daviddemars Good for you!!!😎
Block the narc and block the flying monkeys block them all before they lash their furore of sheer cataclysmic anger.
I realized in my past toxic relationships, they never made me feel safe emotionally, things I would share in confidence would be thrown in my face, so being emotionally vulnerable was out of the question. Intimacy means into me, you see, transparency couldn't happen, so for me to exist in these crazy relationships I had to hide, for fear of being shamed, or worst used as ammunition for leverage towards future disagreements.🌹
What a toxic cycle. Shame is a secret so what we do not tell others means we don't feel worthy of. Im sorry Liz.
@@daviddemars yes, david, being vulnerable In a relationship is the true hallmark for trust, and true intimacy, without these ingredients, you won't feel emotionally safe with someone, just a thought ❤
@@lizzysbeautyshowetc.6895 Yup true and good relationships are based on trust faithfulness and honesty. That is true intimacy.
@@sgtmuffinbadger6147 absolutely, you should never be afraid of being honest of who you are, and it goes both ways, if you dont have that, you have nothing.
@@lizzysbeautyshowetc.6895 Exactly.
I have a narcissistic sibling. As well as multiple narc exs that used to try pitting myself against my own mother. And when we overcame them, 3 incredibly toxic females have obsessively plotted against me now for like 4 years. Unable to get a reaction from me at all. Then all of a sudden a elder narc, over 60 older African American female. Has created 2 daughter narcs, who has been jealous of mensince she moved in the house directly next to me. Last year my ex tried to violate Mt probation saying I punched her in the face, even though she targeted me. Projecting blame and I figured out what they project is how they feel. I beat the case when she made herself look psychotic. Then this year targeted with misdemeanor trespass and harassment after they threatened me for a sign I out on my gate. She's now poisoned 2 of my dogs, beat the case against me, and have recorded months of evidence of things she's done. Now all of a sudden I'm made aware that my neighbor joined up with sibling and exes, to s heme up a way to kill me or in their words dispose of me. I blew the lid off their game which involved murder or incarceration by means of a false rape allegation. Via convincing my 9 year old nephew, that sees me as his hero, that I raped not only him but his sister as well. Thank God he refused to be coerced. My little man did well. So now I'm almost certain my neighbor is going to murder me. But the truth won the day, regardless of severity of their lies. There is hope. Don't interact, don't give any reaction, don't let their gaslighting make you question yourself. The narcs devalued me because I was everything they wish they could be, not because I was worthless. Idk who will read this but I hope it helps someone going through it with people like this.
Hello Vixxa! Such a horrible thing to go through! Hope your day is bright and sunny! Thanks for sharing here!!😎
May yours be beautiful and full of people who care for you!
Is it possible David, that he triangulated me with all the things he lived and breathed to look at, to watch incessantly, see, chat with, fantasize with, compare me too? I felt I always fell short in what ever he was asking, looking, needing, wanting! He had and gave so much more time with them, for them, to them! Do you remember that old game, pickle in the middle? That’s what it felt like to me! I could never live up to what he expected. Thanks, David!
Hi Rory, all that matters is how bad it made you feel. Comparing ourselves to others is what kills our self esteem and when the person we are committed to compares us to others, it can destroy us.
@@daviddemars Made me feel so bad, I lost myself for a while! I love getting me back!! Thanks David!😎
@@rorywright5692 You're in great company!
@@daviddemars Thank you for being so supportive , not just now, but over the years!!😎
@@rorywright5692 😁
That story about the people he never got to meet I was in a very similar situation. The abuser was dating me and all the while he was telling these people in a ski meetup that I belonged to that I was a cougar that was stalking him and saying other things about me being a bad skier, not true by the way. I finally had enough and allowed him to discard me, best thing I ever did to get rid of him and the toxic narcissistic roommate. The stories you’ve told us David I have experienced in my own life so I’m totally on board with being supportive for everyone on here. Best form of validation I can offer is I believe you because I went through it.
Hi, Calanthiarose😎! This right here is so beautiful!! We could all have virtual pancakes together!! Thank you so much for sharing this!!
Cute
Hi David, another great video.
I'll always remember in the beginning of this toxic relationship, probably in the lovebombing stages, he use to always joke about his body for example getting older or that his hair was a mess, it turned into kind of a fun thing where we would both say silly things, however when the devaluing stage began and I said things about myself, he turned to me and said" your very self critical" I will always remember I was blown away by this comment. I guess this was his mask finally coming off him. He also went out of his way to glare at other women, he didn't give a damn if this hurt me or not. Ohh I get shivers thinking back to those times and much much more David. Thank God I'm not in that hell anymore. God Bless. Lisa. Ireland 💚
Hi, Lisa! Great to see you! Yes, they know how to turn things around on you! When I would say something hurt me, he would say, yes, everything is done to hurt little Rory! So condescending & hurtful! Thanks for sharing! ❤️😎
Very yucky, those behaviors are serious jabs at our self worth.
@@rorywright5692 Hi Rory, yes it's like as if they knew the spot that would hurt us. I will never be that vulnerable ever again Rory xxx
@@daviddemars Oh my self worth was definitely gone at that stage David 💚
@@lisasweeney8789 You found it again though!
Regarding the made up friend and how long it went on, well I dated the abuser for about three months and the made up friend existed the entire time. After it ended and I analyzed the situation, I came to the conclusion that the made up friend was the abuser. The abuser was describing her likes, behaviors, dirty desires, and things she had done in the past.
My soon to be ex wife did this the last time we got back together . She used real people, but claimed they never liked me or were really mad at me for the way I treated her. I thought it was really odd. I’m so glad I stumbled across your channel and others like it. I now see basically everything she did was text book borderline. Freeing to realize I’m not crazy and to be able to identify and put a name to these behaviors.
Yeah I definitely don't miss the flying monkeys or them turning my own family against me. Good riddance.
That's truly great my friend, you took stage right to exit.
Adios contaminos
Right? And what kind of family turns against members because of what someone else says? Despicable.
Your my favorite ☺️👍
He's my favorite too
Thank you very much Laurie!
@@lizzysbeautyshowetc.6895 Thank you too Liz!
Great job !!!
Hello from Ohio, David!!
Hey Rory! Do you miss the Bahamas?
@@daviddemars Yes, I do! But it’s good to be home too!😎
@@rorywright5692 yes it's better in the Bahamas
@@KB-jl9nl Especially Rum punch!!😎
@@rorywright5692 yah mon
Thank you
❤️
Hello David. I didn't see the video where you answered my question until now, and I just wanted to clarify that when I say addict, I'm referring to myself as a validation addict, not to substances, as a result of being bullied?
Hi Monica! I hear what you’re saying!! Good to see you! Have a great day!😎
Hi Monica, thanks for your comment. I think I understand now. We must be validated for our traumatic experiences and slowly begin to validate ourselves but every one of us needs a supportive cast.
How can I understand if I’m just being insecure and too sensitive vs my partner being flirty with others in a red flag sort of way? I notice I do have some sensitivities and don’t want to project them on to him so I’ll err on being quiet and assuming I’m being triggered from past stuff (infidelity in past marriage) and work through it myself. But it gets foggy with my clarity what’s ok and what’s not. I do not want to be controlling or project and I do not want to put up with “bad” behavior either. Any suggestions? Thanks so much David.
Hi Jennifer, thank you for asking.
This is how I approach this common scenario.
The two of you are different as are we all. Emotional issues and problems must be dealt with by both people. Your insecurity is not wrong. Imagine all you tell him is you feel insecure. Whats his response? Is he interested in how you feel? Does he care what your body is doing? Is he concerned with the only thing he has control over and thats if he is causing you to feel this way?
Emotional security is an absolute need that must be provided to both people by both people. Both work together and each give 100% effort to provide security. Its accomplished by communication.
Someone feels insecure, they tell the other person, the other person attempts to reassure you and provide security and if both people cannot achieve this together or with help then the relationship is over and both people must accept this.
Consider hiring help if you value this relationship.
Hi Jennifer G! Great comment and question!😎
@@jenniferellis9249 For sure!!❤️❤️
@@daviddemars thank you, I very much appreciate, value and respect you!!
My Mother and ex both the same. Get me off earth!!!😢
My Narc Father triangulated me and my Mother, my whole life. They did not divorce until long after I left home.
He made her hate me. He made sure I knew she hated me too. The Covert Narcissist is a dangerous cat.
My ex with BPD sent her flying monkeys to spy on me. A year later she’s still doing it from time to time. Even though she’s the one who discarded me. For some reason many just can’t seem to let their ex’s go fully.
Hi David
Thank you for the video.
Did I do something wrong? It feels like you are angry at me.
Hi Jennifer
Thank you, how are you doing today?
@@jenniferellis9249 HI Jennifer, please keep safe, wishing you all the best with loving yourself first.
There is so much cheating these days. It seems like almost everyone I know has been cheated on or cheated. In my experience about 80% were the men cheating. Granted I have more girlfriends than guy friends so the number could definitely be skewed overall in my example. It's the worst when one or the other in the affair go back and forth, using one person to gain power over the situation.
Right, reactive abuse is a thing, like poking the bear
My BPD ex first said the bars he was working in had him swatting off at least 2 vultures (women) a week. Then we'd go out, he'd use the bathroom & come back saying a guy hit on him or wanted to blow him. Then he said my BFF wanted to sleep w him. And then for the grand finale, monkey branched and cheated.
He accused me of cheating and I never did.
Or accidentally send you an oops tex, (it was meant for another woman/ man 😮
One time we had a date dinner and a movie, when we got done with dinner he said I’m out in meeting a girl at the movies, I thought wtf? We had a movie date, no excuse, reason. All I could say was oookkkkyyy and left.
Not sure if it was made up or not but now I’m thinking 🤔
Unfortunately I am a libra . And are motto is you want her go for it…….the end.
I do not agree about this analysis of the Amber/Depp case. Depp can be a really nasty chap as far as I have seen.
😂😂😂😂😂 😂😂😂 it s only for entertainment purposes lol mdrrrr 😂