GARRY! You've literally hit a nail on its head for me! I used to be such a "sociopath" during parties and gatherings but could not figure out what was wrong all the time! I've realised I want to listed to my true self and seek out the people I REALLY want o the around. Not just those that seem or sound successful. The next step is to unlearn to ask the "what do you do?" question at the start of my conversations. THANK YOU!
Justin Kan and Garry are two of the most authentic people I follow. No agenda, no sales, but truly beautiful and unbiased wisdom. This is what we need. Keep it up and looking forward to the next video!
i think scott’s advice borders on sociopathic behavior. if you follow it to a tee, it will definitely put you in the wrong direction of only valuing people based on selfish reasons. but i think if you take it with a grain of salt, it leads you to meet new people who you may look up to and want to learn from. just my opinion on it, don’t take anyone’s advice to an extreme.
Not at that level, but remember going to parties during med school with people asking other people what they do. If it was not medicine-related, they just neglected the person and moved on. Hated every minute of it. The good thing is that you could spot these people right away and decide whether to continue hanging out with them.
It's sad that ambitious people size up every person in their life based on a social or economic currency rather than how they can give & build shared core convictions.
@@paytonj2620 Couldn't agree more. Glad that I found friends who just wanted to hang out and not always talk about work, goals, achievements, and money. Thanks @Garry Tan for putting this video out.
Soooo fricking good to hear this message… There was always just something that ‘seemed’ so wrong about the sociopathic approach to getting ahead despite how popular it’s become as of late. Thanks for sharing Gary and for leading from the front. ❤
I’ve been trying to find the words to describe this! There are so many “business people” who just seem to be hustling to make the quickest buck instead of building something valuable. I believe these are the people that you’re calling sociopaths.
"There's always something someone can teach you" This is so true! Everyone has a unique perspective and being able to have all these opinions just allows everyone to grow together
LOL 7:11 is my favorite part - "don't do that - that's gross!" This is why I don't like going to networking events in the bay area and attend meetups or learning nights instead. Thanks Garry for another great video.
So good, Garry. I always appreciate all the wisdom you share and finding the nuance in things in a way that isn't about using and abusing people but benefitting others, the world, and seeking to be a level-headed, and good person.
I LOVE this. Not only is it helpful career advice, but it’s morally admirable. It’s culturally important to honor your roots and to be loyal toward the people who love and care about you, no matter what their career or financial status, and you’ll be happier for it :)
Thank you so much for this video Gary! I've always worried about this sort of advice whenever I failed at something, because if you don't know anyone who's successful you might actually believe they are all sociopaths of some kind.
Growing up in *LA,* I *FELT* this "gross" behavior everywhere.😥 I always thought it was interesting how *"main stream successful people"* (now looking back were the creatives) had "normal" friends and would be the ones *WILLING* to talk to me lol You articulated this so well.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! That kind of advice always bugged me and I could never pin point why exactly. You nailed it! We have had to drop a few “friends,” but the truth is they were the toxic sociopaths. I’m happy to be finally clear on this distinction. This video was beyond helpful for me. It is life changing. Thank you! Thank you!
Gary, you have a lot of great content, but this one really shows what your thinking and attitude is, this is the base/ foundation/ roots from where you create and this type of thinking is leveling up the society, the common sense and consciousness.
Really enjoying your channel Garry and especially your genuine desire to help others and to really change the world. Really refreshing and encouraging! I’ve been in tech my entire career and listening to you makes me want to keep running for another 20 years!
Gary, I don’t know if you realized this, but this video taught me a lot about how you rose to success and the obstacles you faced. Humans can’t not relate information to their personal lives
Most helpful video ever ,I've always had a problem with nit-picking ur friends according to wealth and success ur gonna surround urself with arrogant assholes instead of true friends who truly make u happy.
Firstly, I absolutely love how you’re testing the video editing and intros. Literally shows how content creation is done from a product mindset.🛠 And ofc love the overall content as well🚀
0:52 "A community of soziopath will never outperform a community of Creators" Uff, I had to pause to sink this sentence in. Thats a quote that i will remember. On point!
Two words: Authenticity and Intent. Big props to Garry, avoid the hornet's nest by seeking out benevolence vs greed. I now believe that Garry is my kind of person and if I ever get a chance to include him in my tribe or have the honor to call him a friend, I'd be lucky to level up my circle in a positive way.
I think leveling up your peers can be what you said too.. the most benevolent people. That’s what I consider a level up not who makes more money. It’s true though you will either rise or fall to their level. You can’t carry them nor them carry you. It’s like when you play instruments.. you don’t want to play with people your level. You need to get around people with more experience so that you can learn. At any given time, we all need Peers, Mentors, and Students. We have to be learning, teaching, and have people who we can reflect and bounce ideas off of with. Great video, you are appreciated! Thank you~
Loved this video. So many things resonated. As a photography graduate and someone who spend 10 yrs as a part of the plastic arts scene, the worse for me is when your friends who are creators turn into creator-sociopaths. I’m sure that happens in every scene. Now I make furniture and invest. I got less friends, or a smaller social circle, but I enjoy my environment much more. I do try and surround myself with people who are better than me at different things. But I only do it organically, as life gives me the chance to meet those people. Being on a hunt for successful people is vomitive.
I 100% agree with this video. However, I worked at Facebook as a contractor in a low level position and the percentage of sociopaths to true creators doesn’t match this idea. Now, this could be because most of the people I came in contact with were not creators even as employees. It made me really discouraged when I’d reach out to them and they treated me like second class when all I wanted was for a little guidance on how to level up my skills to be more valuable as a person. Very few people helped me and those that did , stopped because well, they are probably busy and can’t hold my hand or considered me already to be “below” their creative skill level. I believe 100% that this is still possible for me, I’d just like to know where to start
The reality is--you cannot avoid sociopaths at a certain point. It's not always a good idea to alienate them, and sometimes it is not even possible. They have access to knowledge and they act as gatekeepers. They run companies, invest, and sometimes have niche expertise. It's a good idea to maintain formality and tolerance with them, but not a great idea to invite them to your wedding or introduce them to your close circle.
This advice answered a question I had for a while! It’s about surrounding yourself with the right tribe. Thanks for sharing your insight, Garry! Very helpful ☺️
Thank you Garry for leading people in the right direction, and letting them know that it is ok to choose virtues and be a better person than maximizing for local gains.
Really like this message and your humility coming from someone successful. Never thought of it in terms of geekiness and creators, but that's what a lot of my current friends are despite not having tons of net worth. One of the best old playground songs goes "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold"
Too real! I was a musician and owned a music school for almost 10 years before switching into tech. Some of my closest friends still have no clue what startups are, but that doesn’t make them any less interesting. In fact, it’s boring if *all* of your friends are in tech. I hope your artist + teacher friends come to your parties now, Garry. :)
Thank you for this Gary. Always thought it weird and felt uncomfortable with "upgrading" my friend set that way. Good to know how geeks can beat sociopaths too
You can spot sociopaths easily in professional environments, when they join, legit people leave institutions. They avoid presenting downside risk at the onset of a relationship. They like proper nouns a lot. Great post Garry! Smashing the like.
So true. Except LinkedIn makes it so easy to respond in that manner. I don't think people realize how corny it is. I love when people DM you to congratulate me on something, it means more than just a "Congrats. ..."
I find it encouraging to hear from you that being a good person is still of value in business, in a landscape that appears to be dominated by creepy power driven sociopaths. I hope its true.
Love this Garry. Completely agree on your take. Provide value to others and just be genuinely curious in others and in learning. You should be leveling up your ideas and your frameworks for different thoughts.
I just have to say after watching this video that my view has shifted dramatically. Up until 30 minutes ago, I viewed tweets like this just as advice to surround yourself with quality people, never realizing the sociopathic behavior behind it. If you orient your worldview by what serves you and you alone, the tweet is sound. However, if you want a truly meaningful life with truly meaningful people, you need to orient your behavior on how to bring those around you up. Our society is unraveling because of the sociopathic beliefs and actions of people like Scott Galloway.
Your heart is absolutely in the right place, Garry. Thanks for this. There are many who need a poignant advice and/or reminder like this, including myself.
Thank you! This video really comes at the right time. I have followed your youtube for over a year when you have less than 10K subscribers. Your videos always inspire me. Since I followed your channel, I have grown my crypto startup from 2 co-founders to become 23 people without backing by VCs. I also made some financial success thanks to the bull market. I started to think this is a waste of time to talk to my friends who have not believed in me when I joined crypto space in 2017. I started to decline their requests for gathering as I wanted to be with crypto people who share the some vision with me. After watching this video, I will think more about my attitude in this weekend.
3 года назад
Ok! THIS STATEMENT OF VALUES made me definitively want to work with Jerry Tan or his organization. Synergy comes about from shared values, and happiness at work is a MUST now for a whole generation of CREATORS. 🤩
This is exactly why I stopped going to SF parties. It isn't just sociopaths though Garry, its an emerging culture that feels almost imported finance corporate climbing from NY.
I think levelling up your friends is not just about attracting people who are more successful than you in terms of wealth and fame, but it can also mean meeting people who are smarter than you, funnier than you, more organised than you, these are all qualities that lead to a more well-rounded person that can help you be more sucessful.
so good, Gary. What profound wisdom. I've learnt this myself in the past 2 years going through countless networking dinners. Realised this but good to see that validated through your videos. Cheers from Singapore
I agree with your pov to some extent and I agree with the other dude's pov to some extent. Your pov is generally correct only if your life has been easy and shinning from the beginning. For someone whose past was haunting them, it is important to upgrade. I upgraded my peer group twice, first time is when I live in a small town when people hate to see outside. The second time is when my friends want to drink and party and I have to move forward and study. Can't say I'm the happiest person in the world, nor have I dumped them completely, but life is full of hard decisions.
Oh! Sweet. I’m just naturally repelled from people who come to the room to pick contacts to help them rather find people in a room they can help. I just felt that was my defect, but I’m good with that defect.
In the day that I’m so exhaust to catch a successful like a sociopath guru recommend.Your video help me and it’s very positive and supportive thank you so much.
Thank you for this video! I’d love to meet thinkers my age because I don’t want to impose on younger people. I know I have it in me to invent something since I became obsessed with taking my toys apart as a child. I don’t have friends because I spend my time with my novel and my data analytics studies. I’ve tried to hold onto my closest friends but they don’t want to accept me as I am- they want me to fit in and I don’t want to gossip or be superficial. I miss the days we read poetry to one another or discussed the profundities of the universe. I’d like to invent huge digital classroom screens for poor villages. Is that crazy?
The level of insights that Garry is sharing is master class. I wish his insights were available when my career first started. Thanks for sharing and most importantly being candid.
This was great Garry. I'm a early 30s entrepreneur who's a low level millionaire but I don't have any new friends and still keep up with my my best friend from high school and couple friends from college days. I want to connect with other 7-8 figure entrepreneurs/business owners but they seem like psychopath and a-holes like you described. I feel better not trying to suck up to those type of guys just for friendship.
I absolutely love this message. 💗 I think benevolence should be the number one criteria to determine whether you want someone to be your friend, not money or status.
What a beautiful message, man! ❤ What a great distinction between the two. This is something that I personally resonate with and I know many other people around who do too. I just never knew how to clearly describe it yet. This video inspired me to talk about this topic with more people. Thank you! 🙏
Thanks for making this video and now it’s crystal clear on the priority on whom one should be hanging out with. I really like the community of creators > community of social paths. It reminds me of the mantra of whether one wants to be a producer or a consumer of the society.
Garry, I respect the message that “upgrading” friends who are networking just for opportunities will lead you to friendships with sociopaths. I was waiting for a message about “if you made it in life as an entrepreneur, here’s how you can it for my friends (eg. I did it via Y combinator or career karma with specifics). However the message I got was “stay away from sociopaths instead upgrade to geeks and creators.” I’m an ambitious person but life and friendships are not as black and white as that. Can you speak to leveling up the good friends you already have in life? Thanks for the great content!
I'd take this to the whole other extreme. If you think friends can be upgraded, you don't have friends, you have associates. Colleagues at best. You can ditch friends who are unhealthy for you, but if you're looking at someone and asking what they contribute to your capital, they're not friends. Your bond is conditional. You're incapable of loving them because your own value comes first.
This really helped me! I am teaching my son the "average of the 5 people you hang around with" thing but the "network-y" message really bothered me. "Be a geek" is really great advice, it centers around what you are creating and what thrills you as opposed to "how do I look"?
Garry, your channel is the education everyone wishes they had in University! Thank you for all of these golden nuggets. - An aspiring founder/dev from India :)
I always try not to ask what people do (unless they ask me first). In the pandemic a lot of really hardworking, creative, and exceptional people lost their jobs, so it would have been a bummer to ask people what they do only to hear that they're not working now (even if you're totally cool with helping them out. There's also a ton of people who just don't work regular 9-5 jobs (e.g., they're work part time in a few places, they are working towards their big break, they're full-time parent, etc.), so asking such a question always seems odd to me--but then again so is the whole networking thing. I try to talk about the food at the party usually, lol. I wonder what everyone else talks about to break the ice with new folks at dinner parties.
If you think about it, he's also being a sociopath by only picking friends who are highly capable. He said it himself, he only loves hanging out with that kinds of people. He has gone against himself. But I do get his point.
How do you find people who like to challenge themselves? Who are ideas people without being a sociopath? I *get* the kind of people you mentioned who were just stop mid conversation if they feel they can't benefit from you -- to which, I never want to be *that* person either. But I was a super poor kid. I made a lot of friends in the jobs I had a long the way to becoming a Data Scientist. So I have a lot of friends who even now in their late 30s and early 40s are bartenders, servers, firefighters, cops, linesman, flooring installers, carpenters, grocery store managers, lawn mowing business owners, etc. And can't really talk "shop" with them. I've tried Meetups, but like you said, or rather, your friends said, these people are looking for quick transactions (likely need a lot of money) vs "hey, let's build together, how can I help you" (my mind set). I'm looking for friends I'd love to work with projects on and/or go on vacations with. Lifelong friends. I also now have kids... but even so, where would you go/recommend (I'm in DFW, but also online) to try to find creators? And by creators, I don't mean artists -- that's a different mindset/group (I've had 3 Uncles who were tattoo artists, mural artists, so I get it) -- but that group in DFW seems very much more focused on transient experiences. Dopamine hits vs long game focused mindsets.
Slow clap. This is a like PSA for founders honestly. Especially now that startups are "hot" and these people are bamboozling all over the place. The problem is that some of them are so slick that they do a damn good job of mimicking what creatives look and sound like, so your bullshitometer MUST be on point, especially when hiring or deciding to work with someone.
Loved the video. One should also ask oneself if life isn't about more than leveraging contacts. Just enjoy your friends and the time you are spending with them.
Love it Gary! Making an important distinction here. It is a million times better hanging out with friends who wants the best for you than just for them. The later is exactly what sociopaths do... Nevertheless, these sociopath, just like you said may have just taken the wrong advice. I hope they come and see this video. Let's CHANGE! I also want to argue that the best way to upgrade your friend is to upgrade yourself :)
I get what you’re saying, but I think there is a more favorable way of understanding Galloways comments. Yes as you grow in your career you need to keep good friends around - friends who will tell you the truth, who will tell you like it is and keep you grounded. but you are also removing some people along the way. Negative people, people who do not want to see you succeed, people who don’t support you. Some of these people are childhood friends and some of these people unfortunately may be family members. I think that may be related to what Galloway was talking about. The fact that he referred to it as upgrading your peer group made it sound a little sociopathic.
Sometimes your current peer group just refuse to change. Offered my best-friend “Chaos Monkeys” as I knew he’d enjoy the book giving insight into Tech startup world, knowing it also might give him more inspiration to finally start the business. Turned me down and said he wouldn’t have time as he was too busy working at the local “Pub” for minimum wage. One can only turn to Reddit so much. What’s the best solution to finding people who could be potential co-founders in a non-organic way?
Thank you, Garry. I was invited to a millionaire's group. I used to believe that statement too (you are the ave of the income of the people you most hang out with) but then, after a while, I started to see other people's intentions. I stopped joining because there were lots of compromises with the value of goodness just so that everyone can network and keep their companies successful. I cannot stomach how people can take advantage of others while talking about values of honor, respect, and self-improvement. So I left the group. I must have lost a lot of financial opportunities but I have no regrets in my action. My conscience is clear and I get to be who I am. Most importantly, I get to live with my principles of honesty, kindness, and integrity.
Thank you, Gary. Very good food for thought here, goes to the value of keeping long term relationships to help keep you grounded and keep a balanced perspective
Really digging your msg! I relate to a lot of this and feel like your able to say what im thinking a lot better than I can, (so I can share easily with friends haha). Been following since the coinbase video and I must say, feeling the same vibes as when I first followed graham Stephan at 10k and thinking to myself, this guys gonna blow up! Great advice whether you want to build that billion dollar business or simply be a better person, haha peace ✌️
The best example I could think of for this video is "Geeks > Sociopaths" with a wild thumbnail or even just the stock footage 3:23. There are other good examples to look at like Veritasium he's a master of this, and even talks to his friend Mark Roper about what the best thumbnail and title is and they have some of the most viewed content on this site. ie: Porch pirates vs Glitter bomb (he's a former NASA engineer)
![Twenty One Pilots - “The Line” (from Arcane Season 2) [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/E2Rj2gQAyPA/mqdefault.jpg)
"Geeks beats sociopaths." A title of a good research/essay to make.
It's not true, though. Look at politicians.
Gary Tan is such a real one.
Literally teaching us how to spot the fake and snakes.
Big thanks!!
GARRY! You've literally hit a nail on its head for me! I used to be such a "sociopath" during parties and gatherings but could not figure out what was wrong all the time! I've realised I want to listed to my true self and seek out the people I REALLY want o the around. Not just those that seem or sound successful. The next step is to unlearn to ask the "what do you do?" question at the start of my conversations. THANK YOU!
Justin Kan and Garry are two of the most authentic people I follow. No agenda, no sales, but truly beautiful and unbiased wisdom. This is what we need. Keep it up and looking forward to the next video!
i think scott’s advice borders on sociopathic behavior. if you follow it to a tee, it will definitely put you in the wrong direction of only valuing people based on selfish reasons. but i think if you take it with a grain of salt, it leads you to meet new people who you may look up to and want to learn from. just my opinion on it, don’t take anyone’s advice to an extreme.
Not at that level, but remember going to parties during med school with people asking other people what they do. If it was not medicine-related, they just neglected the person and moved on. Hated every minute of it. The good thing is that you could spot these people right away and decide whether to continue hanging out with them.
It's sad that ambitious people size up every person in their life based on a social or economic currency rather than how they can give & build shared core convictions.
@@paytonj2620 Couldn't agree more. Glad that I found friends who just wanted to hang out and not always talk about work, goals, achievements, and money.
Thanks @Garry Tan for putting this video out.
@@paytonj2620 *some ambitious people
How dumb it is to let people down who do different things. How can you grow that way?
Soooo fricking good to hear this message…
There was always just something that ‘seemed’ so wrong about the sociopathic approach to getting ahead despite how popular it’s become as of late.
Thanks for sharing Gary and for leading from the front.
❤
I’ve been trying to find the words to describe this! There are so many “business people” who just seem to be hustling to make the quickest buck instead of building something valuable. I believe these are the people that you’re calling sociopaths.
"There's always something someone can teach you" This is so true! Everyone has a unique perspective and being able to have all these opinions just allows everyone to grow together
LOL 7:11 is my favorite part - "don't do that - that's gross!" This is why I don't like going to networking events in the bay area and attend meetups or learning nights instead. Thanks Garry for another great video.
So good, Garry. I always appreciate all the wisdom you share and finding the nuance in things in a way that isn't about using and abusing people but benefitting others, the world, and seeking to be a level-headed, and good person.
That gratitude and appreciation for the people in your circle helps so much!
I LOVE this. Not only is it helpful career advice, but it’s morally admirable. It’s culturally important to honor your roots and to be loyal toward the people who love and care about you, no matter what their career or financial status, and you’ll be happier for it :)
Thank you so much for this video Gary! I've always worried about this sort of advice whenever I failed at something, because if you don't know anyone who's successful you might actually believe they are all sociopaths of some kind.
Growing up in *LA,* I *FELT* this "gross" behavior everywhere.😥
I always thought it was interesting how *"main stream successful people"* (now looking back were the creatives) had "normal" friends and would be the ones *WILLING* to talk to me lol
You articulated this so well.
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! That kind of advice always bugged me and I could never pin point why exactly. You nailed it!
We have had to drop a few “friends,” but the truth is they were the toxic sociopaths.
I’m happy to be finally clear on this distinction. This video was beyond helpful for me. It is life changing.
Thank you! Thank you!
Gary, you have a lot of great content, but this one really shows what your thinking and attitude is, this is the base/ foundation/ roots from where you create and this type of thinking is leveling up the society, the common sense and consciousness.
Really enjoying your channel Garry and especially your genuine desire to help others and to really change the world. Really refreshing and encouraging! I’ve been in tech my entire career and listening to you makes me want to keep running for another 20 years!
Gary, I don’t know if you realized this, but this video taught me a lot about how you rose to success and the obstacles you faced. Humans can’t not relate information to their personal lives
Most helpful video ever ,I've always had a problem with nit-picking ur friends according to wealth and success ur gonna surround urself with arrogant assholes instead of true friends who truly make u happy.
Firstly, I absolutely love how you’re testing the video editing and intros. Literally shows how content creation is done from a product mindset.🛠
And ofc love the overall content as well🚀
0:52
"A community of soziopath will never outperform a community of Creators"
Uff, I had to pause to sink this sentence in. Thats a quote that i will remember. On point!
Two words: Authenticity and Intent. Big props to Garry, avoid the hornet's nest by seeking out benevolence vs greed. I now believe that Garry is my kind of person and if I ever get a chance to include him in my tribe or have the honor to call him a friend, I'd be lucky to level up my circle in a positive way.
I think leveling up your peers can be what you said too.. the most benevolent people. That’s what I consider a level up not who makes more money. It’s true though you will either rise or fall to their level. You can’t carry them nor them carry you. It’s like when you play instruments.. you don’t want to play with people your level. You need to get around people with more experience so that you can learn. At any given time, we all need Peers, Mentors, and Students. We have to be learning, teaching, and have people who we can reflect and bounce ideas off of with. Great video, you are appreciated! Thank you~
Loved this video. So many things resonated.
As a photography graduate and someone who spend 10 yrs as a part of the plastic arts scene, the worse for me is when your friends who are creators turn into creator-sociopaths. I’m sure that happens in every scene.
Now I make furniture and invest. I got less friends, or a smaller social circle, but I enjoy my environment much more.
I do try and surround myself with people who are better than me at different things. But I only do it organically, as life gives me the chance to meet those people.
Being on a hunt for successful people is vomitive.
I 100% agree with this video. However, I worked at Facebook as a contractor in a low level position and the percentage of sociopaths to true creators doesn’t match this idea. Now, this could be because most of the people I came in contact with were not creators even as employees. It made me really discouraged when I’d reach out to them and they treated me like second class when all I wanted was for a little guidance on how to level up my skills to be more valuable as a person. Very few people helped me and those that did , stopped because well, they are probably busy and can’t hold my hand or considered me already to be “below” their creative skill level. I believe 100% that this is still possible for me, I’d just like to know where to start
The reality is--you cannot avoid sociopaths at a certain point. It's not always a good idea to alienate them, and sometimes it is not even possible. They have access to knowledge and they act as gatekeepers. They run companies, invest, and sometimes have niche expertise. It's a good idea to maintain formality and tolerance with them, but not a great idea to invite them to your wedding or introduce them to your close circle.
agreed. lesson of the story is take everything with a grain of salt
This advice answered a question I had for a while! It’s about surrounding yourself with the right tribe. Thanks for sharing your insight, Garry! Very helpful ☺️
Keyword there: "right tribe"
Thank you Garry for leading people in the right direction, and letting them know that it is ok to choose virtues and be a better person than maximizing for local gains.
I am thankful that i realised this early in my life and changed my friend circle at the right time.
Really like this message and your humility coming from someone successful. Never thought of it in terms of geekiness and creators, but that's what a lot of my current friends are despite not having tons of net worth. One of the best old playground songs goes "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other's gold"
"Pulling people into circle not because of their status but because of who they are as human beings" THIS RIGHT HERE
It’s only when you leave formal education that you realise the majority of people you’ve hung out with has been purely circumstantial
Too real! I was a musician and owned a music school for almost 10 years before switching into tech. Some of my closest friends still have no clue what startups are, but that doesn’t make them any less interesting. In fact, it’s boring if *all* of your friends are in tech.
I hope your artist + teacher friends come to your parties now, Garry. :)
Ran into this early in my career when my reputation started growing. Totally agree!
Thank you for this Gary. Always thought it weird and felt uncomfortable with "upgrading" my friend set that way. Good to know how geeks can beat sociopaths too
The moment when Gary said micro optimisation really hit me. Can totally relate.
This is definitely true and happened with me, during college I used to hang out with loosers and felt same and now in good company, feeling great.
Creators are a unique bunch ... they seek the highest, truest expression of themselves. Another banger Garry!
You can spot sociopaths easily in professional environments, when they join, legit people leave institutions.
They avoid presenting downside risk at the onset of a relationship.
They like proper nouns a lot.
Great post Garry! Smashing the like.
So true. Except LinkedIn makes it so easy to respond in that manner. I don't think people realize how corny it is. I love when people DM you to congratulate me on something, it means more than just a "Congrats. ..."
Garry is a blessing to society
I find it encouraging to hear from you that being a good person is still of value in business, in a landscape that appears to be dominated by creepy power driven sociopaths. I hope its true.
Love this Garry. Completely agree on your take. Provide value to others and just be genuinely curious in others and in learning. You should be leveling up your ideas and your frameworks for different thoughts.
I just have to say after watching this video that my view has shifted dramatically. Up until 30 minutes ago, I viewed tweets like this just as advice to surround yourself with quality people, never realizing the sociopathic behavior behind it. If you orient your worldview by what serves you and you alone, the tweet is sound.
However, if you want a truly meaningful life with truly meaningful people, you need to orient your behavior on how to bring those around you up.
Our society is unraveling because of the sociopathic beliefs and actions of people like Scott Galloway.
Garry is that elder brother which everyone needs. They may not know it yet but they'd still need.
Your heart is absolutely in the right place, Garry. Thanks for this. There are many who need a poignant advice and/or reminder like this, including myself.
"Don't do that! That's f*ing gross." 😂🤣 So true! At least talk to me for a few minutes before you ask me how much money I make 😅
Thank you! This video really comes at the right time. I have followed your youtube for over a year when you have less than 10K subscribers. Your videos always inspire me.
Since I followed your channel, I have grown my crypto startup from 2 co-founders to become 23 people without backing by VCs. I also made some financial success thanks to the bull market. I started to think this is a waste of time to talk to my friends who have not believed in me when I joined crypto space in 2017. I started to decline their requests for gathering as I wanted to be with crypto people who share the some vision with me.
After watching this video, I will think more about my attitude in this weekend.
Ok! THIS STATEMENT OF VALUES made me definitively want to work with Jerry Tan or his organization. Synergy comes about from shared values, and happiness at work is a MUST now for a whole generation of CREATORS. 🤩
Thanks for the clarity, and reminder on importance of creators over people who just talk really well.
This is exactly why I stopped going to SF parties. It isn't just sociopaths though Garry, its an emerging culture that feels almost imported finance corporate climbing from NY.
I think levelling up your friends is not just about attracting people who are more successful than you in terms of wealth and fame, but it can also mean meeting people who are smarter than you, funnier than you, more organised than you, these are all qualities that lead to a more well-rounded person that can help you be more sucessful.
so good, Gary. What profound wisdom. I've learnt this myself in the past 2 years going through countless networking dinners. Realised this but good to see that validated through your videos. Cheers from Singapore
My respect for Garry just went up 10x. Thank you for saying the right thing. A leader this makes.
“Once you follow what everyone else is thinking and doing then you have stopped thinking”
big thanks for the video gary.
I agree with your pov to some extent and I agree with the other dude's pov to some extent. Your pov is generally correct only if your life has been easy and shinning from the beginning. For someone whose past was haunting them, it is important to upgrade.
I upgraded my peer group twice, first time is when I live in a small town when people hate to see outside. The second time is when my friends want to drink and party and I have to move forward and study.
Can't say I'm the happiest person in the world, nor have I dumped them completely, but life is full of hard decisions.
Oh! Sweet. I’m just naturally repelled from people who come to the room to pick contacts to help them rather find people in a room they can help. I just felt that was my defect, but I’m good with that defect.
In the day that I’m so exhaust to catch a successful like a sociopath guru recommend.Your video help me and it’s very positive and supportive thank you so much.
Thank you for this video! I’d love to meet thinkers my age because I don’t want to impose on younger people. I know I have it in me to invent something since I became obsessed with taking my toys apart as a child. I don’t have friends because I spend my time with my novel and my data analytics studies. I’ve tried to hold onto my closest friends but they don’t want to accept me as I am- they want me to fit in and I don’t want to gossip or be superficial. I miss the days we read poetry to one another or discussed the profundities of the universe. I’d like to invent huge digital classroom screens for poor villages. Is that crazy?
Garry said all this for the benefit of us even with the risk of offending Scott Galloway. Respect!
The level of insights that Garry is sharing is master class. I wish his insights were available when my career first started. Thanks for sharing and most importantly being candid.
Garry you're the best. Thanks for calling out the sociopaths.
Garry, just found your videos, and omg they are so captivating and inspiring. I’m always like, was that really 15min? Felt like 5.
All of a sudden this has become my favorite channel.
This was great Garry. I'm a early 30s entrepreneur who's a low level millionaire but I don't have any new friends and still keep up with my my best friend from high school and couple friends from college days. I want to connect with other 7-8 figure entrepreneurs/business owners but they seem like psychopath and a-holes like you described. I feel better not trying to suck up to those type of guys just for friendship.
I absolutely love this message. 💗 I think benevolence should be the number one criteria to determine whether you want someone to be your friend, not money or status.
The value creation of the group of friends will always define the group, you can't cheat your way to the top. Nice one Gary!!!!
What a beautiful message, man! ❤
What a great distinction between the two. This is something that I personally resonate with and I know many other people around who do too. I just never knew how to clearly describe it yet. This video inspired me to talk about this topic with more people. Thank you! 🙏
Thanks for making this video and now it’s crystal clear on the priority on whom one should be hanging out with. I really like the community of creators > community of social paths. It reminds me of the mantra of whether one wants to be a producer or a consumer of the society.
I have just been thinking about this. Surround yourself with people that have the right mindset.
I couldn't agree with you more! I like how you emphasized how important it is to be real and true no matter what! Great video, Garry!
Garry, I respect the message that “upgrading” friends who are networking just for opportunities will lead you to friendships with sociopaths. I was waiting for a message about “if you made it in life as an entrepreneur, here’s how you can it for my friends (eg. I did it via Y combinator or career karma with specifics). However the message I got was “stay away from sociopaths instead upgrade to geeks and creators.” I’m an ambitious person but life and friendships are not as black and white as that. Can you speak to leveling up the good friends you already have in life? Thanks for the great content!
I'd take this to the whole other extreme. If you think friends can be upgraded, you don't have friends, you have associates. Colleagues at best. You can ditch friends who are unhealthy for you, but if you're looking at someone and asking what they contribute to your capital, they're not friends. Your bond is conditional. You're incapable of loving them because your own value comes first.
This really helped me! I am teaching my son the "average of the 5 people you hang around with" thing but the "network-y" message really bothered me. "Be a geek" is really great advice, it centers around what you are creating and what thrills you as opposed to "how do I look"?
YES! What are you creating is a more important question than what do you have?
Garry, your channel is the education everyone wishes they had in University!
Thank you for all of these golden nuggets.
- An aspiring founder/dev from India :)
I always try not to ask what people do (unless they ask me first). In the pandemic a lot of really hardworking, creative, and exceptional people lost their jobs, so it would have been a bummer to ask people what they do only to hear that they're not working now (even if you're totally cool with helping them out. There's also a ton of people who just don't work regular 9-5 jobs (e.g., they're work part time in a few places, they are working towards their big break, they're full-time parent, etc.), so asking such a question always seems odd to me--but then again so is the whole networking thing. I try to talk about the food at the party usually, lol. I wonder what everyone else talks about to break the ice with new folks at dinner parties.
If you think about it, he's also being a sociopath by only picking friends who are highly capable. He said it himself, he only loves hanging out with that kinds of people. He has gone against himself. But I do get his point.
How do you find people who like to challenge themselves? Who are ideas people without being a sociopath? I *get* the kind of people you mentioned who were just stop mid conversation if they feel they can't benefit from you -- to which, I never want to be *that* person either. But I was a super poor kid. I made a lot of friends in the jobs I had a long the way to becoming a Data Scientist. So I have a lot of friends who even now in their late 30s and early 40s are bartenders, servers, firefighters, cops, linesman, flooring installers, carpenters, grocery store managers, lawn mowing business owners, etc. And can't really talk "shop" with them. I've tried Meetups, but like you said, or rather, your friends said, these people are looking for quick transactions (likely need a lot of money) vs "hey, let's build together, how can I help you" (my mind set). I'm looking for friends I'd love to work with projects on and/or go on vacations with. Lifelong friends.
I also now have kids... but even so, where would you go/recommend (I'm in DFW, but also online) to try to find creators? And by creators, I don't mean artists -- that's a different mindset/group (I've had 3 Uncles who were tattoo artists, mural artists, so I get it) -- but that group in DFW seems very much more focused on transient experiences. Dopamine hits vs long game focused mindsets.
I’ve always naturally associated myself with creators. And I see the benefit in that! Gary you spot on with this one!
WOW! New format, SAME FIRE CONTENT! I love you, Garry!
Slow clap. This is a like PSA for founders honestly. Especially now that startups are "hot" and these people are bamboozling all over the place. The problem is that some of them are so slick that they do a damn good job of mimicking what creatives look and sound like, so your bullshitometer MUST be on point, especially when hiring or deciding to work with someone.
I like Garry's format ... short 10-20 minute spot-on advice. Keep it up, Garry!
Loved the video. One should also ask oneself if life isn't about more than leveraging contacts. Just enjoy your friends and the time you are spending with them.
Your content is on another level👏💯this channel will go platinum real soon.Give this man a Grammy
Incredible!
You have a great channel too! 😁
Awww yeh! Andrew Kirby is a Gary Tan fan too!
Huge respect for your work Andrew! 🙌
Yes andrew kirby has great channels to learn and apply
For as much as I wished it were otherwise, looking at the state of the world it would seem like sociopaths are winning...
You've got to fight your fight.
Hi @@GarryTan, sorry I don't understand what you mean :)
Thanks Garry, it helps me to align my perspective of growing my startup.
Love it Gary! Making an important distinction here. It is a million times better hanging out with friends who wants the best for you than just for them. The later is exactly what sociopaths do... Nevertheless, these sociopath, just like you said may have just taken the wrong advice. I hope they come and see this video. Let's CHANGE! I also want to argue that the best way to upgrade your friend is to upgrade yourself :)
I’m glad I stumbled across this channel over the past few months. Thanks for your humbling advice.
I get what you’re saying, but I think there is a more favorable way of understanding Galloways comments. Yes as you grow in your career you need to keep good friends around - friends who will tell you the truth, who will tell you like it is and keep you grounded. but you are also removing some people along the way.
Negative people, people who do not want to see you succeed, people who don’t support you. Some of these people are childhood friends and some of these people unfortunately may be family members. I think that may be related to what Galloway was talking about. The fact that he referred to it as upgrading your peer group made it sound a little sociopathic.
I agree!
Friends that keep you grounded.
Sometimes your current peer group just refuse to change. Offered my best-friend “Chaos Monkeys” as I knew he’d enjoy the book giving insight into Tech startup world, knowing it also might give him more inspiration to finally start the business.
Turned me down and said he wouldn’t have time as he was too busy working at the local “Pub” for minimum wage.
One can only turn to Reddit so much. What’s the best solution to finding people who could be potential co-founders in a non-organic way?
Thank you, Garry. I was invited to a millionaire's group. I used to believe that statement too (you are the ave of the income of the people you most hang out with) but then, after a while, I started to see other people's intentions. I stopped joining because there were lots of compromises with the value of goodness just so that everyone can network and keep their companies successful. I cannot stomach how people can take advantage of others while talking about values of honor, respect, and self-improvement. So I left the group. I must have lost a lot of financial opportunities but I have no regrets in my action. My conscience is clear and I get to be who I am. Most importantly, I get to live with my principles of honesty, kindness, and integrity.
I feel like this is what I needed see right now.
Man I feel like copy-pasting you comment ,but don't sue me.
Thank you, Gary. Very good food for thought here, goes to the value of keeping long term relationships to help keep you grounded and keep a balanced perspective
Really digging your msg! I relate to a lot of this and feel like your able to say what im thinking a lot better than I can, (so I can share easily with friends haha). Been following since the coinbase video and I must say, feeling the same vibes as when I first followed graham Stephan at 10k and thinking to myself, this guys gonna blow up! Great advice whether you want to build that billion dollar business or simply be a better person, haha peace ✌️
The best example I could think of for this video is "Geeks > Sociopaths" with a wild thumbnail or even just the stock footage 3:23. There are other good examples to look at like Veritasium he's a master of this, and even talks to his friend Mark Roper about what the best thumbnail and title is and they have some of the most viewed content on this site. ie: Porch pirates vs Glitter bomb (he's a former NASA engineer)
Be real. Be true. Best advice. Thanks Gary!!!
I needed to hear this. My friends are me. I can't change me. Thanks Garry