As a 68 year old gay man, I lived through the AIDS crisis, it just makes me sad that the younger gays don't know how devastating this crisis was to our community.
It was devastating. For a (surprisingly short) period, it made men more cautious about casual sex. But very soon promiscuity roared back and won out, first through the fetish of "sucking balls" (which was considered safe sex), then all out again with rimming and "barebacking".
Younger generation is all about trans now. Straight women on testosterone replacing gay men, and to my surprise gay men like it. They like vaginas, so maybe they will turn straight
I am 61 and often see coming out stories and young guys talking about their sexual encounters. But never my own age stories. I just want thank you for having a platform where my age was discussing our gay reality . Please do more of these . There is an audience out here for it. Our stories are very similar and we're not alone. Just older and gay. Thank you
I too am61, will be62 this yr. I like what you said about talking about guy's that are older like 55& up. These young dude's I'm not interested in, it's (Us) older guy's they need to do more stories on. 🙃🙃🙃🤔😐
I’m 65. I would be lying if I said i am fully recovered from my partner’s death in 1996. I would love to work with you guys on a project to help young people understand and appreciate what we had to go through for today to be possible. Love you guys and thank you
I came out in 1984. The Gay world today is a completely different universe from 1984. In 1984 no one could have convinced me of the changes I’ve witnessed today.
I know what you’re saying, I came out that very same year. And I remember telling a relative of mine recently where was all this acceptance when I came out. lol.
I had always loved talking to the older generation. We have a lot to learn from them. We forget they were once young like us. We should cherish them. Because one day that’s going to be us.
Oh you are a wise young man with an older soul. Bless you. I was the same way as a younger man. Had friends of all ages. The older guys were always great at teaching me gay history, giving advice, showing me how good their lives turned out even after hard times (encouraging) , plus some really nice parties/events that they could afford that we young kids could not. I ve been there for my older friends too to help them as they grew/grow older too. I wish I could have young gay friends to do the same for me, but the young gays of today aren’t very kind that way.
69 here and thanks for the channel! My first Pride was actually the 2nd March for Gay and Lesbian Liberation in NYC in 1971. I was a few months short of 17, lol! Was fortunate to live in NJ in the NYC area and found gay programming on a radio station that aired every Sunday, it was my lifeline! Got involved in GAA-NJ and held one end the banner as I marched proudly. I remember it totally blew my mind that there were thousands of gays, lesbians and trans people. It was common for people to have paper bags over their heads at the march with their profession marked on the bag, like teacher, banker, etc. In the fall when I went back to high school I gave a speech in my speech class on gay liberation; thought I was going to pass out, lol! My (hippie) friends in the class applauded me, other students glared. Now I’m a retired therapist in San Francisco (career in HIV for 35 years) married and we just celebrated 23 years together. Felt compelled to share, thanks again for the channel!
Love your input and story! I came out in NYC bars once I moved to NJ from Pittsburgh. Went in to the city every weekend in hopes of being accepted at the bars by anyone . Was sad, alone, met no one for a year there. Then I found out about GAANJ! Made a friend there the first time there. It was ma be 1984. Then I found out about GAAMC in Morristown ( right near where I lived n worked all that time!). And the rest is history where I met all my friends, some boyfriends, got my confidence, learned some history, etc. Well, in addition to the NJ bars (thank you Yacht Club, Charlie’s, The Den, Feathers..,) Glad you did well and made yourself a grand life. Bravo!
1971 was still the risky, dangerous period when being visible as "gay" would likely lead to losing housing and employment. I came along (in Boston) in 1974, when the state had passed "gay" rights, but it was still risky. I wandered in and walked informally in the Commons. Some people threw things in angry protest.
I’m 72 lost one lover of 14 years to AIDS and 20 years until he died from AIDS in 2012. I nursed both of them thinking I was looking at my future, but here I am. Diagnosed with AIDS in 1987. Yes, I feel invisible. I don’t bother going out anymore, it’s a waste of time. Not even men my age want a man my age that’s my experience since my man died in 2012. Gay Death is the reason why a 72 year old can’t find companionship. Thanks guys for this forum.
Sorry to hear about your experience with aging. Come to Ft Lauderdale Florida, go to a place called Tropics in Wilton Manors. Everyone is over 70 and very life affirming. I am not promising you a solution to old age. BUt I am promising you that old gay men are still finding love up to about 95. I know it as I live it every day. Best of Luck
I am 72 and I lost my husband of 15 years just 3 years ago ery suddenly. I met an awesome 75 year old man online and we got married last year and have never been happier. Gay death is what you make it......I was willing to move out of my comfort zone and spread my wings and fly to new heights. Am I lucky ? YES- but if I had not taken the first step to MOVE I would not have the life and the marriage that I have today. Be brave enough to follow your dreams!
Not sure where you are, but many of my older friends ( I’m 63, they are/were in their 70s, 80s, 90s) all got out of the house and made friends at gay groups, breakfast groups, travel groups, book clubs, game clubs, mahjong clubs, etc. some groups were just gay 😅some mixed, some generally straight. But it gets them out of the house, where you make human contact, can possibly make friends, and yes, some times maybe meet a possible partner. Giving up and not going out, not trying gets you nothing ever. I know it can leave one disappointed at times ( I remember that feeling as a youngster leaving bars alone with no numbers of possible dates, no possible partner, sad alone feeling unwanted. But I kept going out and then finally met my guy. Together 29 yrs). And I’m betting that’s how you met your past partners. You went out and met someplace, probably unexpectedly too. But the point is, you didn’t meet by you sitting at home in a chair. Please, don’t stop. Make friends , get out, enjoy life with others, regardless if another special person is met to settle down with you.
so enjoyable ....THANKS FOR THE LITTLE GROUP CHAT....I AM NOW 80 YEAR OLD GAY AND i HAVE BEEN OUT SINCE COLLEGE AND I HAVE BEEN GAY SINCE FOREVER....MY BEST TO ALL OF YOU AND HAPPY NEW YEAR 2024....(also, I have been sober 45 years as of this past December).
Many thanks for the channel. I am 76, was married to my accepting wife for 51 years and cared for her with MS for 26 years. She was not able to ambulate for the last 15 years and she has now passed. Medically proven gay during electronic shock therapy as part of 13 years of reparative therapy. I came out to my wife at 28. I am a father and grandfather of 4 grandsons ranging from 20 to 10 years but I am not yet out to them. I have never had a drink and was a Baptist Pastor years ago. But I am now free to be the gay man I always. I am not sexually active but I sure notice some beautiful gay men.
Very insightful,Am not a gay but this is a very informative podcast wish my African community would listen to this and we help our brothers,sisters,Fathers,mothers and relatives in the community
At 71 I treasured my significantly older gay male friends. The taught me a great deal and helped encourage me along the way. I am so thankful for their friendship and nurturing. Younger guys would do well to develop friendships with older men. I have been a mentor to several younger gay men. The speakers are correct that younger gay men are looking for sugar daddies. I came out in 1971 during my freshman year at Central Michigan University. We helped start Gay Lib at the university. Interesting times.
This 4-some is dynamic covering everything in the older gay man community. I want to know more, get connected in my community, live fully. Thank you for sharing with us all. We hear you.
Can I just say, I love, LOVE, hearing experienced voices talk and frankly teach, within the gay community. We need this, and all the freedom, respect, progress we enjoy today, was entirely due to the more experienced voices within our community. Please Keep sharing your voices, you are giants.
I feel like I can relate to all of these guys on these topics. Just recently turned 60, suddenly widowed 5yrs ago (after 14 years of marriage), and now single, alone, & most of my closest people have either passed away, or moved quite some distance away. So, my life has become lonely and isolated... far, far, far from what it was just 5, 10, 15 years ago. On top of that, I've been living with HIV for 36 years now, undetectable today, but it's still a curse. Not knowing how or where to meet other mature-aged gay men, like myself, has led me to using common apps (scruff, grindr, gay seniors meet, blah blah blah). Basically dead pursuits. I guess my biggest wish is to try and meet, and make new relatable long-term gay male friends 'locally'. How to go about that, continues to elude me(?). I just wasn't meant to be, & feel so alone in this world. It's torturous... everyday.
I'm 66, I came out when I was 21, life in Ireland in the late 70s was extremely homophobic and only started to become a little better in the early 2000s, I'm so pleased to see something of this program, with gay men addressing their their sexuallity and sharing their experiences
I’m 50 in June and can already relate to so much of these topics. Having just retired from the Police service at 49, it’s made me feel old. I’m still single and finding it’s so difficult to find gay guys that I’m attracted to and more importantly can relate to. It’s a real struggle right or is it just me? Thank you guys so much for this podcast, really enjoyed hearing your individual stories. Wishing you all good health.
I could certainly add a lot to your conversation ...I came out at the age of 80 with no previous clue about my gayness ... in a 60 year marriage, with 4 adult children and 3 grandchildren. My wife and I are still married and working on our MOM (mixed orientation marriage) ... in the light of open, honest and transparent I am experiencing my gay adolescence ... my wife does not fully understand, but she choses to not stand in my way, and with the exception of my marriage, the last 3 years since coming out have been the best in my life. I feel comfortable in my own skin ... I own my gayness ... I am very active in my local gay community, and belong to several international LGBTQ groups, with friends the world over. I made a comment to my wife earlier this year that I don't know whose life I lived my first 80 years, but it wasn't mine. Only know am I living my real authentic life. Should we talk??
I am stunned. The most about the fact that, happily, you’ve been able to create a Gay social life at that age. I’m 65, did nothing Gay the last 16 years, lived a very different life, all fell apart and now find it very hard to pick up a social life again. Might also have to do with my character and living in a country, Netherlands, where people are extremely individualized and distanced from fellow people. Bravo for you.
It would be great if you could devote an episode exclusively about the issue of gay loneliness. Nearly half of the gay men community is single isn't that worthy of attention?
Most gays are too selfish and wait for the prince on the white horse, not to mention that there is nothing self-criticism. Altruism is an unknown concept today
I’m one of them. I think it’s at least 80%. It worries me sick. Why can’t we connect. I’m 65 and see obviously successful, Gorgeous 50+ Gay men in the apps, mainly more serious Tinder, who now are looking for a serous companion. I really wonder: Why are gorgeous men like that still alone ??? Why, living in progressive Gay urban areas, are they confined to an app ??? I don’t have answers. Also not about myself.
@@louisdewit4429 I'm tired of the apps, would love to connect with men in the real world but yes its tougher when one is older but I'm not giving up yet
It’s a shame. Growing up I had several much older friends who I enjoyed hanging out with and talking and learning from. One was my mentor and there was never any sex or sugar, daddy scenarios. I think the young gay people today like most young people, don’t appreciate, their elders, especially when it comes to what they can learn from them and what they can enjoy and appreciate when it comes to wisdom and experience. I’m 60 now and I’m experiencing all the things you’re talking about. I’m very generous, but not in the way, most young people Mean it today. I’d much rather be alone than to be with somebody who is there just for what they can get from of you.
Oh! One more thing. I quit drinking and doing drugs ~ lost all my many many friends who still meet at the bar for their birthday, and still worry about the booze 🍺 and where to get it on vacation. I never realized how much booze is the instrument that connects us. So, where does a dry middle aged Gay Man make new friends? It's a very lonely life here in Edmonton Alberta Canada. But! I believe he's out there and I will meet him. I just need him! Just one!
I'm 56, so it's interesting to hear the different perspectives. Regarding "gay death," a term I'd never heard, does that come from comparing ourselves to 20-somethings in the bar scene? I hope not! I stopped going to bars when I hit my 30s, so perhaps I was less visible on that scene, but my life was just as vibrant and colorful. I had great friends, great friends with benefits, occasionally good partners, and plenty of activities to keep me engaged in the community. Also, I don't feel shunned by younger people. In fact, I've had to put that I'm not interested in guys under age 35 on my app profiles because, for some reason, daddy types seem to be in high demand, and while I like chatting with younger gay men and acting as a mentor, I'm not really interested in hooking up with them. My type is more like the guy with the mustache in the purple shirt on the couch. Woof! Actually, all of you deserve woofs! I'm HIV negative and take PrEP, have been vaccinated for monkeypox, and I recently started Doxycycline PEP, and I'm trying to spread the word to all my peers. We need to put out there, so I'm glad it was part of your discussion. Also, I get a full STI panel every 3 to 4 months. One thing I've noticed in my city is that even with our health department and gay-friendly health clinics, if you go for an STI panel, they don't do oral or rectal swabs unless you ask. Chlamydia and gonorrhea of the throat or anus is not going to be detected in blood work or a UA. Swabbing is required to detect it. My concern is that there are still a lot of guys who have sexual activity with other guys, but are on the down-low. If you have to ask to get an oral or rectal swab, you are basically admitting that you hookup with men. I think swabs should be a standard part of an STI panel, without asking. And we need to understand that undetectable POZ people are safe. There are a lot of desirable POZ men and I'm happy take them if others don't, but get educated. Don't dismiss POZ people. Thanks for the great content! Cheers from Wichita, Kansas!
My cousin was so lucky that my family took care of him and he felt love by them when his health went downhill. He pass and his life was celabrated by them. I am lucky that my grandmother is welcoming to my partner and I and his mother when she was alive live with us and she accepted us. My parents accept us and so do my brothers. I am in my 50s and my partner is 60. We are 8 years apart. We have been together for 19 years. Our health is going downhill and I am afraid that we might not make it healthwise in 10 years or less.
Gay male here of this panels generation. I feel this pronoun declaration is so totally unnecessary. I feel it is just more dam labels. I have lived in the heart of South Florida's gay communities for the majority of my adult life. People outside of the community in the real world don't have the need to declare their pronouns. Personally to me it just sounds silly for these men to do it. That's my 2 cents and I am sure some will be compelled to be a key board warrior.
I am about to turn 60 in 2024. I am glad that I can reach this milestone. Many folks in their 40s and 50s could not make it during COVID. Be grateful and live your life fully each single day.
I think it's important to realize that in different parts of the country, during our maturation through gay life, the general population of that region had different values instilled in them through the church mostly but also through the class system values of that time. Each of these affected each of us differently. Each of us has a uniquely different story of the minefields we had to maneuver ourselves through. The mid-west was different than the big cities of the northeast. The East Coast was different from the West Coast and the North was different from the South. Of course, there were variations within each of these areas. I had friends from all over the country when I got to college. Each of them had a similar story: I was accepted by my family or I was shunned by my family, I was accepted by my church, or shunned by them. What is very important now is how we handle the present political acceptance within the political party that we belong to and who worked with us to assure us of our rights. We must protect and even fight for our rights or they will be repealed, just like abortion and gun sales. We must come out in mass and stand up for ourselves and the generation that follows us and get those too-good-looking, too-buff porn stars to stand up with us (as an example of inclusivity). In reality, we paid for their lucrative careers whether in photography or online. We need to come together as one, leaving our past to experiences we all shared to some degree and move on into the future. I have less than 15 years until I pass on and I want to work to see that I leave a better place.
Thank you❤ I live in Iowa. I came out when I was 17. I’ve gone through a lot of shit and I can identify with so many things you have all said thank you for your insight all very handsome men!
I'm 60 and gay. I think it's ridiculous to take the time to start a meeting by announcing my pronouns. I don't start every conversation with my shoe size, ethnicity, or equity investments. I'm not going to refer to you or any person as "they" and I will keep repeating your chosen name (Carol, Harold, Suzy, Mike) over and over if I have to in order to avoid complex references that used to be so easy. Even gay and straight are terribly simplistic. Most men I know are somewhat bisexual after several beers. Anyway, I appreciated the conversation once it got started.
Absolutely agree with you. FURTHERMORE, as a full blooded Native American from the Navajo Tribe, my language does NOT have masculine, feminine or neuter pronouns… in fact my language doesn’t have pronouns at all. If you were to announce your “pronouns“ to a group of older Navajo people…. It wouldn’t make sense AT ALL!!! SCREW THOSE PRONOUNS!
Calm yourself. It's just out of solidarity with people in our community who are less able to hide. Your being upset is like straight Clinton voters clutching their pearls about marriage equality. Dont let the hateful break our community into categories.
Two things bother me concerning aging and being gay. One, why are gay people considered a monolithic entity? We are just as diverse and varied socially and intellectually as non gay people. Two, I find my aging to be equal to my straight friends. We are all dealing with loss and loneliness, feeling outside of the dominant paradigm, but isn't that what life is? We all have our time, as it passes, the next generation moves in. Just live your life the best you can and don't blame other people for your problems.
‘We’ do have something in common though. Severe discrimination as a group which brought most of us fear while growing up. Being solitude most of our lives coz serious monogamous Gay relationships are few and far apart. So getting older makes many of us even more set apart on our own. Straight people have no stigma growing up and later in life. They do lose partners but at least have a relationship to look back on and in many cases kids. Straight people men and women tend to have a go at love again after loss coz hetero normative society favors couples so they will make an effort. Gays hardly ever connect so in older age why and how try then ? This adds to loneliness in general for older Gay people. On a whole.
That is one of the worst parts of being gay is every time you have a disagreement with anyone straight the go to is your gay your a queer and it always reminds me that as much as I think I am accepted I am always reminded I am not.
The younger generations missed the AIDS crisis. They don't understand the idea of hearing about 20+ or more people dying every year. And they don't know our collective history. A friend and I asked a couple of young people about Divine and Craig Russell and they just said "who?" We spent 1/2 hour on RUclips looking up clips. Never mind Stonewall and before that.
This was my first time at your podcast, it certainly won't be the last. I want humane civil rights for all humans! Too much focus on trivia. I pray to be living when your format is in all educational schools, etc.. It was very informative, enlightening and entertaining! I learned many new things today that I will share with many others. Thank you!♥️🌞🙏♥️
Great podcast with lots of good info along with fascinating stories from the guests thanks to an excellent moderator. Me being 71, he’s only the second gay man with long hair I’ve ever seen in my life!
I'm from the era that when you walked into a bar, before you even got your 1st drink looking across the bar eye's meeting without saying a word, you knew who you were going home with that night!! Lmao, LoL 🤪🤪🤪🙃🙃🤪
I came out at 19 and had my 72nd birthday two days ago. I knew I was different but I also didn’t know about gay men, and I drove to Alaska in the middle of winter and sat in my car in front of a gay bar 2 nights and couldn’t go in. On the third night I gathered my courage and waked in, and my life finally made sense. I have had 4 long term relationships the last of which lasted 23 years until his death two years ago this month. He had a doctors visit and was diagnosed with late stage pancreatic cancer, and 4 month later he died at home, by his request to not go back to the hospital. My life is OK as a solitary man, but I am open to another relationship. This an important conversation to have. I tell people that I moved to Alaska to come out. When I told my mom I am gay, she grabbed her bible and threw it at me, so as I left my mom I hollered because sure and tell dad, and I didn’t speak to my parents for 10 years.
I'm turning 86 and I've managed to keep others in my life. Aging isn't fun but it sure beats disability and demenyia and death. It's important to keep your health. Eat veggies, fruits and fish. Avoid sugar, salt and fats ... especially animal fats found in pork and beef. Give up alcohol. Avoid tobacco and only use marijuana edibles and mushrooms. At a certain point, having sex with yourself trumps everything else. Viagra and porno makes erotic pleasure available. You are your own greatest sexual pardner...no need to hurry or even finish any night. There is always tomorrow. Social pleasure comes from good company, sharing movies,etc. I have a life expectancy of 5.8 more years. Yes, I'm in the "death zone" but grateful for the great gay life I've lived. If my health becomes terrible, I'll stay in charge and check myself out, Hemlock Society style. Otherwise, I'm going to live every day joyfully because so very few of my friends have been as fortunate as I have been. Nice discussion but if you put lipstick on a pig, it is still a pig :-) . Aging can't be avoided or talked away. Just enjoy every good day that comes your way.
Excellent discussion like a fine wine we mellow with age keeping a positive attitude kind spirit & happy soul we will make it to the other side completed👍🏳️🌈⭐️💪🌈💙🙋♂️🇺🇸
Ageing is definitely not a dirty word. As we travel into our 50s, 60s, 70s,80s, 90s +, we can embrace ourselves and say " My " aren't we unique and beautiful ." Now ! Where's that pair of Glasses, hearing aid and ' sensible " footwear?"......😊😊
As I am months away from my 60th, I don't know what the term "coming out" feels like as I never went through that phase because my family always knew especially dad. As for the church I used to attend, no fall-out from that as the preachers only son and myself were sexually involved in our teens for a long time. I am a straight male living in a gay world and my progression through the many years was always smooth because my sexual orientation has always been homosexual, but my lifestyle has always been straight male. Having recently moved from a very rural farming area of many many years and into a gay commune less than two years ago my issue is that I don't know how to communicate with gay people as I don't talk the talk or walk the walk. So although I am here in the mix, I tend to stay to myself away from others. I have never faced gay hate / aggression even when going to gay bars/clubs, or in the past going to pride events. Living through the aids crisis was very difficult as I lost many many friends I was close to as well as my only live-in lover. I've been single and all alone for 34 years to date because of the aids epidemic which is partly responsible for the person I became and still am today. I have been mostly non-sexually active through my 50s. My reason for moving into the gay commune was that I am in my upper years and my death is not far long, so I need to be somewhere amongst friends who will take care of me when I pass. I don't want to be alone when I die, preferring to be with the very people whom I identify with.
I am a gay man of 67 years .Was married to a woman for five years .I decided to put an end to all of that and live my life the way i wanted to .I told my family in no uncertain terms that i was gay and that if you don't like it tough this is how its going to be . I was 27 when i did that .Since then i have lived the way i want to .Wouldn't be seen dead at a pride march or any other gay thing .
At 67 i can understand all the comments by this panel but i have found that as i grow older i have made more straight younger friends. Id like to know if this phenomena is more widespread. I do live in a urban downtown vibrant generally younger community.
The love of my life came to me in my mid 40's, with a man in his mid 30's. He was more accomplished and successful than me, and yes, could have selected a younger mate. Ageism has not been the most hateful obstacle I've faced, but the smug discrimination within a big corporations. Im attracted to men about a decade younger and closer to my own age. 30 and younger seem like kindergarteners, to me now. Instead of getting softer and heavier, age has made me weigh less than any time since my late 20's, and I would not trade my current body. I am lucky to be healthy. I actually look forward to wrinkles and looking old. I reclaim the status that sages once possessed with ease. I dont need to be as strong as I once was. Younger men at work seem to flock near me, and they beam with pride to do the really heavy lifting. I value my wisdom, and so do they. The thing about wisdom, I always thought it was just like an authentic text message, but it is more. Genuine wisdom is an inexhaustible font of perspective that makes the wheels turn in the heads of young people. Im happy to move toward the century mark.
Sorry but I HAVE TO RESPOND. This has NOT been my experience at all. I am in my 60's and as I have gotten older younger men hit on me more now than ever. Sure, some of them are looking for a sugar daddy but so are men my own age that hit on me. I am not attracted to men under 35 or 40 and never have been so maybe that has something to do with it. I like a man with both feet on the ground and a little wear in the saddle if you know what I mean. Fantastic podcast, first time watching but certainly not the last. Maybe do a podcast on queer people finding their groove after 40?
All of you are so lucky to have been accepted into the community and been able to have relationships. I will be 70 later this year and have never dated or had a relationship. Basically still in the closet only a few people know about me. Withe exception of of some former co-workers where I was outed at 39 by my younger boss, who said he just knew about me. I look at the younger guys and think what it must be like to look like that and know what they know at that age.
ooooh, needed to hear this today. I'm 60 now, and very happy to be single. Living in PS, its a combo of older gay guys and rent-a-boi types. Its tough to see friends get hustled, but you can only say so much. The other concern is the prevalent STI's in this town.
Its true in general for society today. The elderly are not turned to for wisdom and history but treated like baggage. Many people are terrified of aging, so to see an old person reminds them of that. With gay men there is so much to learn from those senior among us, so many stories. Eventually all those stories will be gone. Funny that the 25 year old doesn't think he'll ever be 55.
I'm 69. I buried my husband of 43 years (legally married for 7 years) one year ago. I have no desire to meet anyone. No one will ever match my husband, and it wouldn't be fair to anyone I'd meet anyway. I don't even know anyone younger than 50.
🤣 yup , not funny but it is. I hate looking all around seeing where am I going to go pee , and it's now or else the pee is coming out. Especially when when you're traveling 😳. Just saying ✌️😎♥️
I am a proud 60 yo gay man and I am fully supportive of anyone who wants to identify different in this world... You do You!, but I don't understand why these clearly middle aged gay men were asked to specify their pronouns. I would not have done it! It makes me uncomfortable that they were asked to specify their pronouns. I just don't get it... Is this a 'thing' now?
It’s in many ways not any more uncomfortable for some people to have their pronouns asked, than it was for straight people to see gay couples being themselves in real life. This is simply one of many new opportunities for people to be themselves. The world has changed almost unbelievably in the past century, and the changes that continue to happen in this 21st century, most wouldn’t have predicted or believed would/could happen. I’m sure in another few decades, life will be unrecognizable for those of us alive today. Of course no one has to get on board with anything by force. If they had felt strongly against saying what their pronouns are, I’m sure they would not have been kicked out of the studio. I’m lucky to come from a family where my 99 year old aunt recently told me the most beautiful wedding she’d been to was when my two gay friends, who are in their 30s, got married.
It definitely is a thing. The only one that throws me is "them/ they" as it has caused me to cook a LOT of food for a group 0f "them" who showed up as ONE person!
They/them. Gender references exist. Playing around with those images has affects. Seems arrogant to me to expect the world to restructure language itself is naive. I came out at 18yrs in 1979. My 40's were by far my prime years, physically.
7 месяцев назад
To appeal to a wider demographic by being politically correct. It means more to some people than others, to each their own.
I had never heard the "Gay Death" term until this podcast, but I recall reading a great deal about "gay culture/thinking" throughout the 70's. Men, especially the hustlers, were considered "over the hill" by 26. Also, an older friend at the time called me on my 30th birthday to say: "Congratulations, you are no longer young".
I'm 58 and came out in 1980. The Catholic church abandoned me as a teenager. My family was always embarrassed by my “ Artistic flamboyancy “ ~ as I got older I tried to be straight, desperately so! Engaged once. I live in a very conservative homophobic place and it was a nightmare living here in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. BUT! I was young and a little delusional that nothing would happen to me. I have noticed that aging, I've always been attracted to older men, but now I'm attracted to men my age. Men my age want the young guys. I'm invisible to the younger men unless they're looking for money and turned down by men my age. So, in desperation, I married a man so not right for me. I still have this holdout for that man who will love me and his kisses set me on fire. If you're out there HERE I AM! 😊 well don't call after ten, I'm in bed. 😅
I'm 59 years old , when I was young I had friends right up to 80 and in the club scene. We all treated each other like family. But now I find this is all gone and us mature gay men don't seem to be wanted for the most part in the modern gay community, unless your a sugar daddy or really super hot good looking. I find aspects to ageing in the modern gay community quite depressing in this respect. It's a terrible shame as I learnt a lot from my older gay bar friends. Modern gay society has very little gay older role models to learn from I do blame this from the internet and all the apps on modern days it teaches sex like ordering a pizza . But one doesn't make many friends that way. I'm my time if you wanted sex you had to put to places and earn it by meeting people. Worst case scenario you didn't pull but you sure could of made some new friends that way even in old fashioned cruising, you could make friends
Thank you to those who have been kind with your compliments. I’m quite flattered, but I do hope that this discussion was a benefit to many of you. #gaygoinggray is a good thing!
I didn't do the 'came out' thing, I just let them guess or whatever; then again, It was Europe, but then again we obviously went through the same... but it was different; like they wouldn't censor any gay artists on tv, like many British bands. We couldn't care less about their intimate relationships, only good music and films, etc. But, America, under MF Reagan = AIDS spreading lord... Well, everybody freaked out. Politics as usual. I grew up afraid, like kissing another guy and crap like that; and of course I educated myself - many times watching the most horrible documentaries of fallen ones. Horrible times.
This is so helpful. I feel all these ways and can relate to most everything. I need to make more gay friends. I didn't know about my own gay death. I am waking up now and it's good but it's painful. Thank you
That John fellow is Gorgeous. I’m sure he will attract many young men. Young men tend to contact me, 65 year old. Not in my own country, Netherlands, but my profile explodes in certain other places. And Not for money. I’ve checked that in conversations. Other cultures, races many times are just many times into older men. In Dubai my app exploded. I did not know what happened. In 10 days i met 5 different men in their 30ties and could have met a lot more. Wining, dining and ‘romance’. And they took me out. So really not for financial benefit. I asked them why old ? They all responded they have always liked older men. Also sexually. My first experience with that was with a late 30ties guy in Spain. He explained me all. It was on a Gay beach and he was chatting me up. I pointed out a really sexy muscular young man to him and asked: What about him ? And he responded, with facial expression of dislike, ‘He does nothing to me. I would even be disgusted’. I freaked out. Could not understand it. It was a new phenomenon to me and saw evidence of it many times during that week. The phenomenon exists but not in all places. In my culturally and racially diverse Amsterdam Nothing happens. Interesting. So i’ll need to move. That’s ok. Climate here is a disaster. Yet i’d like to have a love in my own age group. No response there either. Try to find a 60+ guy in a bar or on an app. Sheer impossible and if there is a decent looking one, they want a much younger guy. (look at the ‘Daddyhunt’ app). So solitude and with that loneliness kicks in. Exactly what Chris here is mentioning. I find that a big problem. Don’t really know how to deal with that.
John is such a gorgeous and charming dream man!❤ If you're feeling sad and lonely There's a service I can render Tell the one who loves you only I can be so warm and tender
As someone in Generation X, I have seen acceptance from younger generations due to education and simple growth in our culture. And the internet helped out A LOT.
Thanks for the presentation. In my mid 60's and single I find it very difficult meeting like minded men my age. Especially living in a rural farm community. And im not into hook up apps. Suggestions and comments welcome. Spokane, Wa.
You think Spokane is bad? Try Yakima - a wasteland..... And like minded (fairly old fashioned) man who came out late in life? Forget it...... Yeah, I'm gay, (caregiver to my ex-wife) but I am not part of the gay community, nor do I want to be. Don't have time for the shallowness and cheap behavior - don't want it in my life. Wishing you well - and with respect...
@@RT3319 I'll consider that at least we are like minded. I'm still holding out for a close relationship before my exit. Everyone deserves to be loved. And I'm ready to give plenty. Thanks for your comments and I hope life treats you and your x wife well. Peace and love my Yakima brother.
I just turned 60 in July and I think the worst part is that I still feel like I'm in my 30s. I still have the level of energy just not always. I have no major health problem that prevent me from doing anything. I can still party like I used to, but it's a bit creepy for me to behave that way so I don't. Is that weird?
I would like to have heard about the older men who were married but had realizations that they were gay and what the mental transition looked like. Also did they weigh the affect that that had on their wives committing to decades of marriage to them?
Looking back to my days as a medical student around 1995, when HIV was spreading rapidly and infecting people, it was a really tough time. Lots of people were getting diseases like PCP or cryptococcal meningitis, and it made me feel awful and deeply sorry for the victims and their families. But today, I'm living happily with my boyfriend who has HIV, and we know that HIV is now under human control. I always encourage patients to use condoms because hepatitis B and C are also big concerns. hard to treat and they can lead to liver cancer. You can get infected through vaginal or anal intercourse, so please be careful.
When I was at 20s, I’m always into men with age range from 30s--60s; When I was at 30s, I’m always into men with age range from 40s-60s; now I’m at my 40s, I still cannot switch my eyes away from this man in purple polo sitting in the couch…
So much of the gay talk fits orphan s. My chosen family, my him-he-his usage, and probably the cultural/philosophical stuff of being labeled bears cubs chubs otters fems, twinks, daddy's , etc. Or, to say a lot like a juvenile ( because it's so much the slang jargon a lone teen might come up with trying to map their way struggling to adulthood).
It was an interesting conversation except for a couple of cringey moments. I came out at the age of 20 and I find that most men that come out much later are the most militant. My upstairs neighbour came out at the age of 50-something. His balcony was quickly festooned with rainbow flags. It's a normal reaction but for the rest of us who came out in our late teens and early twenties, it seems like overkill. Now, at 67, I don't talk about my sex life. I don't think it's an interesting topic of conversation and I don't see why people around me have to know. As for STDs, I don't have sex with strangers which reduces some (not all) of the risk.
As a 68 year old gay man, I lived through the AIDS crisis, it just makes me sad that the younger gays don't know how devastating this crisis was to our community.
It was devastating. For a (surprisingly short) period, it made men more cautious about casual sex. But very soon promiscuity roared back and won out, first through the fetish of "sucking balls" (which was considered safe sex), then all out again with rimming and "barebacking".
Hi sexy how are you doing
Younger generation is all about trans now. Straight women on testosterone replacing gay men, and to my surprise gay men like it. They like vaginas, so maybe they will turn straight
I am 61 and often see coming out stories and young guys talking about their sexual encounters. But never my own age stories. I just want thank you for having a platform where my age was discussing our gay reality . Please do more of these . There is an audience out here for it. Our stories are very similar and we're not alone. Just older and gay. Thank you
I too am61, will be62 this yr. I like what you said about talking about guy's that are older like 55& up. These young dude's I'm not interested in, it's (Us) older guy's they need to do more stories on. 🙃🙃🙃🤔😐
@@HoolyDooly-si2zz WoW! What a story. I Surely hope your OK now. 😐
@@RoctoberSlots-b8wYeah Man I’m 73 and still love to Play
I’m 65. I would be lying if I said i am fully recovered from my partner’s death in 1996. I would love to work with you guys on a project to help young people understand and appreciate what we had to go through for today to be possible. Love you guys and thank you
I came out in 1984. The Gay world today is a completely different universe from 1984. In 1984 no one could have convinced me of the changes I’ve witnessed today.
Wow. Could you, please, share those unbelievable changes?
@@jeremifrancisco1 *!Do you find it strange that i never had to come out ..?*
I know what you’re saying, I came out that very same year. And I remember telling a relative of mine recently where was all this acceptance when I came out. lol.
@@davidmolina7543 I agree!
I had always loved talking to the older generation. We have a lot to learn from them. We forget they were once young like us. We should cherish them. Because one day that’s going to be us.
Oh you are a wise young man with an older soul. Bless you. I was the same way as a younger man. Had friends of all ages. The older guys were always great at teaching me gay history, giving advice, showing me how good their lives turned out even after hard times (encouraging) , plus some really nice parties/events that they could afford that we young kids could not. I ve been there for my older friends too to help them as they grew/grow older too. I wish I could have young gay friends to do the same for me, but the young gays of today aren’t very kind that way.
@@tedchel4886 bless you. I wish things were different too. I’m ashamed of our generation being disrespectful and shallow.
69 here and thanks for the channel! My first Pride was actually the 2nd March for Gay and Lesbian Liberation in NYC in 1971. I was a few months short of 17, lol! Was fortunate to live in NJ in the NYC area and found gay programming on a radio station that aired every Sunday, it was my lifeline! Got involved in GAA-NJ and held one end the banner as I marched proudly. I remember it totally blew my mind that there were thousands of gays, lesbians and trans people. It was common for people to have paper bags over their heads at the march with their profession marked on the bag, like teacher, banker, etc. In the fall when I went back to high school I gave a speech in my speech class on gay liberation; thought I was going to pass out, lol! My (hippie) friends in the class applauded me, other students glared. Now I’m a retired therapist in San Francisco (career in HIV for 35 years) married and we just celebrated 23 years together. Felt compelled to share, thanks again for the channel!
Love your input and story! I came out in NYC bars once I moved to NJ from Pittsburgh. Went in to the city every weekend in hopes of being accepted at the bars by anyone . Was sad, alone, met no one for a year there. Then I found out about GAANJ! Made a friend there the first time there. It was ma be 1984. Then I found out about GAAMC in Morristown ( right near where I lived n worked all that time!). And the rest is history where I met all my friends, some boyfriends, got my confidence, learned some history, etc. Well, in addition to the NJ bars (thank you Yacht Club, Charlie’s, The Den, Feathers..,)
Glad you did well and made yourself a grand life. Bravo!
1971 was still the risky, dangerous period when being visible as "gay" would likely lead to losing housing and employment. I came along (in Boston) in 1974, when the state had passed "gay" rights, but it was still risky. I wandered in and walked informally in the Commons. Some people threw things in angry protest.
I’m 31 and I really appreciate this perspective and nuggets of wisdom.
Yeah Man so glad a young dude is interested in us older men
I’m 72 lost one lover of 14 years to AIDS and 20 years until he died from AIDS in 2012. I nursed both of them thinking I was looking at my future, but here I am. Diagnosed with AIDS in 1987. Yes, I feel invisible. I don’t bother going out anymore, it’s a waste of time. Not even men my age want a man my age that’s my experience since my man died in 2012. Gay Death is the reason why a 72 year old can’t find companionship. Thanks guys for this forum.
I am your twin...
Sorry to hear about your experience with aging. Come to Ft Lauderdale Florida, go to a place called Tropics in Wilton Manors. Everyone is over 70 and very life affirming. I am not promising you a solution to old age. BUt I am promising you that old gay men are still finding love up to about 95. I know it as I live it every day. Best of Luck
I am 72 and I lost my husband of 15 years just 3 years ago ery suddenly. I met an awesome 75 year old man online and we got married last year and have never been happier. Gay death is what you make it......I was willing to move out of my comfort zone and spread my wings and fly to new heights. Am I lucky ? YES- but if I had not taken the first step to MOVE I would not have the life and the marriage that I have today. Be brave enough to follow your dreams!
@@stevendaniel8126 Buy you a drink? 😊
Not sure where you are, but many of my older friends ( I’m 63, they are/were in their 70s, 80s, 90s) all got out of the house and made friends at gay groups, breakfast groups, travel groups, book clubs, game clubs, mahjong clubs, etc. some groups were just gay 😅some mixed, some generally straight. But it gets them out of the house, where you make human contact, can possibly make friends, and yes, some times maybe meet a possible partner. Giving up and not going out, not trying gets you nothing ever. I know it can leave one disappointed at times ( I remember that feeling as a youngster leaving bars alone with no numbers of possible dates, no possible partner, sad alone feeling unwanted. But I kept going out and then finally met my guy. Together 29 yrs). And I’m betting that’s how you met your past partners. You went out and met someplace, probably unexpectedly too. But the point is, you didn’t meet by you sitting at home in a chair. Please, don’t stop. Make friends , get out, enjoy life with others, regardless if another special person is met to settle down with you.
so enjoyable ....THANKS FOR THE LITTLE GROUP CHAT....I AM NOW 80 YEAR OLD GAY AND i HAVE BEEN OUT SINCE COLLEGE AND I HAVE BEEN GAY SINCE FOREVER....MY BEST TO ALL OF YOU AND HAPPY NEW YEAR 2024....(also, I have been sober 45 years as of this past December).
Many thanks for the channel. I am 76, was married to my accepting wife for 51 years and cared for her with MS for 26 years. She was not able to ambulate for the last 15 years and she has now passed. Medically proven gay during electronic shock therapy as part of 13 years of reparative therapy. I came out to my wife at 28. I am a father and grandfather of 4 grandsons ranging from 20 to 10 years but I am not yet out to them. I have never had a drink and was a Baptist Pastor years ago. But I am now free to be the gay man I always. I am not sexually active but I sure notice some beautiful gay men.
I hope you find someone and can live who you are freely, it is never late.
God bless you for all you have done and just being you!🙏❤️
I'm 54 and attracted to 70 somethings
Bless you, I hope you find your happy{er} place. I want the same.
I'm 70 now,, I came out in 1977 and have never regretted it for a moment... Best thing I ever did....
We need more talks like this I listened to every word and very valuable advice for us younger guys gay and straight ❤
Very insightful,Am not a gay but this is a very informative podcast wish my African community would listen to this and we help our brothers,sisters,Fathers,mothers and relatives in the community
At 71 I treasured my significantly older gay male friends. The taught me a great deal and helped encourage me along the way. I am so thankful for their friendship and nurturing. Younger guys would do well to develop friendships with older men. I have been a mentor to several younger gay men. The speakers are correct that younger gay men are looking for sugar daddies. I came out in 1971 during my freshman year at Central Michigan University. We helped start Gay Lib at the university. Interesting times.
This 4-some is dynamic covering everything in the older gay man community. I want to know more, get connected in my community, live fully. Thank you for sharing with us all. We hear you.
Can I just say, I love, LOVE, hearing experienced voices talk and frankly teach, within the gay community. We need this, and all the freedom, respect, progress we enjoy today, was entirely due to the more experienced voices within our community.
Please Keep sharing your voices, you are giants.
I feel like I can relate to all of these guys on these topics. Just recently turned 60, suddenly widowed 5yrs ago (after 14 years of marriage), and now single, alone, & most of my closest people have either passed away, or moved quite some distance away. So, my life has become lonely and isolated... far, far, far from what it was just 5, 10, 15 years ago. On top of that, I've been living with HIV for 36 years now, undetectable today, but it's still a curse. Not knowing how or where to meet other mature-aged gay men, like myself, has led me to using common apps (scruff, grindr, gay seniors meet, blah blah blah). Basically dead pursuits. I guess my biggest wish is to try and meet, and make new relatable long-term gay male friends 'locally'. How to go about that, continues to elude me(?). I just wasn't meant to be, & feel so alone in this world. It's torturous... everyday.
I'm 66, I came out when I was 21, life in Ireland in the late 70s was extremely homophobic and only started to become a little better in the early 2000s, I'm so pleased to see something of this program, with gay men addressing their their sexuallity and sharing their experiences
At 84, I respect and appreciate this chat from my younger brothers.
This channel is equally delightful and informative. :)
I’m 50 in June and can already relate to so much of these topics. Having just retired from the Police service at 49, it’s made me feel old. I’m still single and finding it’s so difficult to find gay guys that I’m attracted to and more importantly can relate to. It’s a real struggle right or is it just me? Thank you guys so much for this podcast, really enjoyed hearing your individual stories. Wishing you all good health.
I totally agree.
What I miss most in my life is touch, Simple Touch by other men.
I'm a female but I feel the same way...😢
I could certainly add a lot to your conversation ...I came out at the age of 80 with no previous clue about my gayness ... in a 60 year marriage, with 4 adult children and 3 grandchildren. My wife and I are still married and working on our MOM (mixed orientation marriage) ... in the light of open, honest and transparent I am experiencing my gay adolescence ... my wife does not fully understand, but she choses to not stand in my way, and with the exception of my marriage, the last 3 years since coming out have been the best in my life. I feel comfortable in my own skin ... I own my gayness ... I am very active in my local gay community, and belong to several international LGBTQ groups, with friends the world over. I made a comment to my wife earlier this year that I don't know whose life I lived my first 80 years, but it wasn't mine. Only know am I living my real authentic life. Should we talk??
😲😲
I am stunned. The most about the fact that, happily, you’ve been able to create a Gay social life at that age. I’m 65, did nothing Gay the last 16 years, lived a very different life, all fell apart and now find it very hard to pick up a social life again. Might also have to do with my character and living in a country, Netherlands, where people are extremely individualized and distanced from fellow people. Bravo for you.
Hi sir I'm very attracted to men over 70
It would be great if you could devote an episode exclusively about the issue of gay loneliness. Nearly half of the gay men community is single isn't that worthy of attention?
Most gays are too selfish and wait for the prince on the white horse, not to mention that there is nothing self-criticism. Altruism is an unknown concept today
I agree
I’m one of them. I think it’s at least 80%. It worries me sick. Why can’t we connect. I’m 65 and see obviously successful, Gorgeous 50+ Gay men in the apps, mainly more serious Tinder, who now are looking for a serous companion. I really wonder: Why are gorgeous men like that still alone ??? Why, living in progressive Gay urban areas, are they confined to an app ??? I don’t have answers. Also not about myself.
@@louisdewit4429 I'm tired of the apps, would love to connect with men in the real world but yes its tougher when one is older but I'm not giving up yet
@@louisdewit4429I'm glad to know I'm not alone in my thoughts.
It’s a shame. Growing up I had several much older friends who I enjoyed hanging out with and talking and learning from. One was my mentor and there was never any sex or sugar, daddy scenarios. I think the young gay people today like most young people, don’t appreciate, their elders, especially when it comes to what they can learn from them and what they can enjoy and appreciate when it comes to wisdom and experience. I’m 60 now and I’m experiencing all the things you’re talking about. I’m very generous, but not in the way, most young people Mean it today. I’d much rather be alone than to be with somebody who is there just for what they can get from of you.
Oh! One more thing. I quit drinking and doing drugs ~ lost all my many many friends who still meet at the bar for their birthday, and still worry about the booze 🍺 and where to get it on vacation. I never realized how much booze is the instrument that connects us. So, where does a dry middle aged Gay Man make new friends? It's a very lonely life here in Edmonton Alberta Canada. But! I believe he's out there and I will meet him. I just need him! Just one!
I'm 56, so it's interesting to hear the different perspectives. Regarding "gay death," a term I'd never heard, does that come from comparing ourselves to 20-somethings in the bar scene? I hope not! I stopped going to bars when I hit my 30s, so perhaps I was less visible on that scene, but my life was just as vibrant and colorful. I had great friends, great friends with benefits, occasionally good partners, and plenty of activities to keep me engaged in the community. Also, I don't feel shunned by younger people. In fact, I've had to put that I'm not interested in guys under age 35 on my app profiles because, for some reason, daddy types seem to be in high demand, and while I like chatting with younger gay men and acting as a mentor, I'm not really interested in hooking up with them. My type is more like the guy with the mustache in the purple shirt on the couch. Woof! Actually, all of you deserve woofs!
I'm HIV negative and take PrEP, have been vaccinated for monkeypox, and I recently started Doxycycline PEP, and I'm trying to spread the word to all my peers. We need to put out there, so I'm glad it was part of your discussion. Also, I get a full STI panel every 3 to 4 months. One thing I've noticed in my city is that even with our health department and gay-friendly health clinics, if you go for an STI panel, they don't do oral or rectal swabs unless you ask. Chlamydia and gonorrhea of the throat or anus is not going to be detected in blood work or a UA. Swabbing is required to detect it. My concern is that there are still a lot of guys who have sexual activity with other guys, but are on the down-low. If you have to ask to get an oral or rectal swab, you are basically admitting that you hookup with men. I think swabs should be a standard part of an STI panel, without asking. And we need to understand that undetectable POZ people are safe. There are a lot of desirable POZ men and I'm happy take them if others don't, but get educated. Don't dismiss POZ people. Thanks for the great content! Cheers from Wichita, Kansas!
My cousin was so lucky that my family took care of him and he felt love by them when his health went downhill. He pass and his life was celabrated by them. I am lucky that my grandmother is welcoming to my partner and I and his mother when she was alive live with us and she accepted us. My parents accept us and so do my brothers. I am in my 50s and my partner is 60. We are 8 years apart. We have been together for 19 years. Our health is going downhill and I am afraid that we might not make it healthwise in 10 years or less.
What a fantastic channel, thank you for creating it!
Hi
Gay male here of this panels generation. I feel this pronoun declaration is so totally unnecessary. I feel it is just more dam labels. I have lived in the heart of South Florida's gay communities for the majority of my adult life. People outside of the community in the real world don't have the need to declare their pronouns. Personally to me it just sounds silly for these men to do it. That's my 2 cents and I am sure some will be compelled to be a key board warrior.
I agree. That and transgendered youth (identifying as transgendered at 7?) have hurt the lgptq community.
I am about to turn 60 in 2024. I am glad that I can reach this milestone. Many folks in their 40s and 50s could not make it during COVID. Be grateful and live your life fully each single day.
I think it's important to realize that in different parts of the country, during our maturation through gay life, the general population of that region had different values instilled in them through the church mostly but also through the class system values of that time. Each of these affected each of us differently. Each of us has a uniquely different story of the minefields we had to maneuver ourselves through. The mid-west was different than the big cities of the northeast. The East Coast was different from the West Coast and the North was different from the South. Of course, there were variations within each of these areas. I had friends from all over the country when I got to college. Each of them had a similar story: I was accepted by my family or I was shunned by my family, I was accepted by my church, or shunned by them. What is very important now is how we handle the present political acceptance within the political party that we belong to and who worked with us to assure us of our rights. We must protect and even fight for our rights or they will be repealed, just like abortion and gun sales. We must come out in mass and stand up for ourselves and the generation that follows us and get those too-good-looking, too-buff porn stars to stand up with us (as an example of inclusivity). In reality, we paid for their lucrative careers whether in photography or online. We need to come together as one, leaving our past to experiences we all shared to some degree and move on into the future. I have less than 15 years until I pass on and I want to work to see that I leave a better place.
Thank you❤ I live in Iowa. I came out when I was 17. I’ve gone through a lot of shit and I can identify with so many things you have all said thank you for your insight all very handsome men!
I'm 60 and gay. I think it's ridiculous to take the time to start a meeting by announcing my pronouns. I don't start every conversation with my shoe size, ethnicity, or equity investments. I'm not going to refer to you or any person as "they" and I will keep repeating your chosen name (Carol, Harold, Suzy, Mike) over and over if I have to in order to avoid complex references that used to be so easy. Even gay and straight are terribly simplistic. Most men I know are somewhat bisexual after several beers. Anyway, I appreciated the conversation once it got started.
Absolutely agree with you. FURTHERMORE, as a full blooded Native American from the Navajo Tribe, my language does NOT have masculine, feminine or neuter pronouns… in fact my language doesn’t have pronouns at all. If you were to announce your “pronouns“ to a group of older Navajo people…. It wouldn’t make sense AT ALL!!! SCREW THOSE PRONOUNS!
Do you want respect? Then respect others. It takes absolutely nothing to respect someone and call them what they want. Get over it!
@briankraemer8139 I agree with you about asking these gentleman to announce their pronouns. It's a bit silly.
Calm yourself. It's just out of solidarity with people in our community who are less able to hide. Your being upset is like straight Clinton voters clutching their pearls about marriage equality. Dont let the hateful break our community into categories.
My pronouns are "me, my, mine".
Its a privilege that i made it this far, so many of my friends died from AIDS
Two things bother me concerning aging and being gay. One, why are gay people considered a monolithic entity? We are just as diverse and varied socially and intellectually as non gay people.
Two, I find my aging to be equal to my straight friends. We are all dealing with loss and loneliness, feeling outside of the dominant paradigm, but isn't that what life is? We all have our time, as it passes, the next generation moves in.
Just live your life the best you can and don't blame other people for your problems.
‘We’ do have something in common though. Severe discrimination as a group which brought most of us fear while growing up. Being solitude most of our lives coz serious monogamous Gay relationships are few and far apart. So getting older makes many of us even more set apart on our own. Straight people have no stigma growing up and later in life. They do lose partners but at least have a relationship to look back on and in many cases kids. Straight people men and women tend to have a go at love again after loss coz hetero normative society favors couples so they will make an effort.
Gays hardly ever connect so in older age why and how try then ? This adds to loneliness in general for older Gay people. On a whole.
🙄 Yeah buddy, alrighty then.
That is one of the worst parts of being gay is every time you have a disagreement with anyone straight the go to is your gay your a queer and it always reminds me that as much as I think I am accepted I am always reminded I am not.
You’re not your😊
Wow 😯 listening to these guys brought back some buried memories!
To the black guy, honey you are still young and handsome !
The gentleman in the mustache is hot!
The younger generations missed the AIDS crisis. They don't understand the idea of hearing about 20+ or more people dying every year. And they don't know our collective history. A friend and I asked a couple of young people about Divine and Craig Russell and they just said "who?" We spent 1/2 hour on RUclips looking up clips. Never mind Stonewall and before that.
This was my first time at your podcast, it certainly won't be the last. I want humane civil rights for all humans! Too much focus on trivia. I pray to be living when your format is in all educational schools, etc.. It was very informative, enlightening and entertaining! I learned many new things today that I will share with many others. Thank you!♥️🌞🙏♥️
You should have open this channel internationally … I would like to give my opinions on gay subjects and Experiences from my country aspect.
Great podcast with lots of good info along with fascinating stories from the guests thanks to an excellent moderator. Me being 71, he’s only the second gay man with long hair I’ve ever seen in my life!
Great show. Brought up a lot of memories (I'm 73). Thank you!
I'm from the era that when you walked into a bar, before you even got your 1st drink looking across the bar eye's meeting without saying a word, you knew who you were going home with that night!! Lmao, LoL 🤪🤪🤪🙃🙃🤪
I came out at 19 and had my 72nd birthday two days ago. I knew I was different but I also didn’t know about gay men, and I drove to Alaska in the middle of winter and sat in my car in front of a gay bar 2 nights and couldn’t go in. On the third night I gathered my courage and waked in, and my life finally made sense. I have had 4 long term relationships the last of which lasted 23 years until his death two years ago this month. He had a doctors visit and was diagnosed with late stage pancreatic cancer, and 4 month later he died at home, by his request to not go back to the hospital. My life is OK as a solitary man, but I am open to another relationship. This an important conversation to have. I tell people that I moved to Alaska to come out. When I told my mom I am gay, she grabbed her bible and threw it at me, so as I left my mom I hollered because sure and tell dad, and I didn’t speak to my parents for 10 years.
I'm turning 86 and I've managed to keep others in my life. Aging isn't fun but it sure beats disability and demenyia and death. It's important to keep your health. Eat veggies, fruits and fish. Avoid sugar, salt and fats ... especially animal fats found in pork and beef. Give up alcohol. Avoid tobacco and only use marijuana edibles and mushrooms. At a certain point, having sex with yourself trumps everything else. Viagra and porno makes erotic pleasure available. You are your own greatest sexual pardner...no need to hurry or even finish any night. There is always tomorrow. Social pleasure comes from good company, sharing movies,etc. I have a life expectancy of 5.8 more years. Yes, I'm in the "death zone" but grateful for the great gay life I've lived. If my health becomes terrible, I'll stay in charge and check myself out, Hemlock Society style. Otherwise, I'm going to live every day joyfully because so very few of my friends have been as fortunate as I have been. Nice discussion but if you put lipstick on a pig, it is still a pig :-) . Aging can't be avoided or talked away. Just enjoy every good day that comes your way.
Love this👏🏻❤️🔥 * and, John, wow! So insanely good-looking 🖤 only thing I can focus on, ha.
I tried clubbing at 40 and I discovered that I will never do that again; I am 45 now and I'm in bed as I type this message.
Excellent discussion like a fine wine we mellow with age keeping a positive attitude kind spirit & happy soul we will make it to the other side completed👍🏳️🌈⭐️💪🌈💙🙋♂️🇺🇸
Ageing is definitely not a dirty word. As we travel into our 50s, 60s, 70s,80s, 90s +, we can embrace ourselves and say " My " aren't we unique and beautiful ."
Now ! Where's that pair of Glasses, hearing aid and ' sensible " footwear?"......😊😊
😂😂😂😂😂
As I am months away from my 60th, I don't know what the term "coming out" feels like as I never went through that phase because my family always knew especially dad. As for the church I used to attend, no fall-out from that as the preachers only son and myself were sexually involved in our teens for a long time. I am a straight male living in a gay world and my progression through the many years was always smooth because my sexual orientation has always been homosexual, but my lifestyle has always been straight male. Having recently moved from a very rural farming area of many many years and into a gay commune less than two years ago my issue is that I don't know how to communicate with gay people as I don't talk the talk or walk the walk. So although I am here in the mix, I tend to stay to myself away from others. I have never faced gay hate / aggression even when going to gay bars/clubs, or in the past going to pride events. Living through the aids crisis was very difficult as I lost many many friends I was close to as well as my only live-in lover. I've been single and all alone for 34 years to date because of the aids epidemic which is partly responsible for the person I became and still am today. I have been mostly non-sexually active through my 50s. My reason for moving into the gay commune was that I am in my upper years and my death is not far long, so I need to be somewhere amongst friends who will take care of me when I pass. I don't want to be alone when I die, preferring to be with the very people whom I identify with.
I am gay and honestly when I turned 30 I cried thinking I was not at all where I wanted to be by that stage
Most men (gay & straight) go through an existential, mid-life crisis at age 30, it’s not unusual.
Thsts common at your age, gay or straight. Keep on fighting, you'll get there soon 😊
I am a gay man of 67 years .Was married to a woman for five years .I decided to put an end to all of that and live my life the way i wanted to .I told my family in no uncertain terms that i was gay and that if you don't like it tough this is how its going to be . I was 27 when i did that .Since then i have lived the way i want to .Wouldn't be seen dead at a pride march or any other gay thing .
At 67 i can understand all the comments by this panel but i have found that as i grow older i have made more straight younger friends. Id like to know if this phenomena is more widespread. I do live in a urban downtown vibrant generally younger community.
The love of my life came to me in my mid 40's, with a man in his mid 30's. He was more accomplished and successful than me, and yes, could have selected a younger mate. Ageism has not been the most hateful obstacle I've faced, but the smug discrimination within a big corporations. Im attracted to men about a decade younger and closer to my own age. 30 and younger seem like kindergarteners, to me now. Instead of getting softer and heavier, age has made me weigh less than any time since my late 20's, and I would not trade my current body. I am lucky to be healthy. I actually look forward to wrinkles and looking old. I reclaim the status that sages once possessed with ease. I dont need to be as strong as I once was. Younger men at work seem to flock near me, and they beam with pride to do the really heavy lifting. I value my wisdom, and so do they. The thing about wisdom, I always thought it was just like an authentic text message, but it is more. Genuine wisdom is an inexhaustible font of perspective that makes the wheels turn in the heads of young people. Im happy to move toward the century mark.
Sorry but I HAVE TO RESPOND. This has NOT been my experience at all. I am in my 60's and as I have gotten older younger men hit on me more now than ever. Sure, some of them are looking for a sugar daddy but so are men my own age that hit on me. I am not attracted to men under 35 or 40 and never have been so maybe that has something to do with it. I like a man with both feet on the ground and a little wear in the saddle if you know what I mean. Fantastic podcast, first time watching but certainly not the last. Maybe do a podcast on queer people finding their groove after 40?
Glad this topic was addressed.
John looks like Tom Hanks and Neil Patrick Harris, depending on facial expression.
All of you are so lucky to have been accepted into the community and been able to have relationships. I will be 70 later this year and have never dated or had a relationship. Basically still in the closet only a few people know about me. Withe exception of of some former co-workers where I was outed at 39 by my younger boss, who said he just knew about me. I look at the younger guys and think what it must be like to look like that and know what they know at that age.
Very good podcast.
Love to give it some more traction in the Algorithm.
ooooh, needed to hear this today. I'm 60 now, and very happy to be single. Living in PS, its a combo of older gay guys and rent-a-boi types. Its tough to see friends get hustled, but you can only say so much. The other concern is the prevalent STI's in this town.
Its true in general for society today. The elderly are not turned to for wisdom and history but treated like baggage. Many people are terrified of aging, so to see an old person reminds them of that. With gay men there is so much to learn from those senior among us, so many stories. Eventually all those stories will be gone. Funny that the 25 year old doesn't think he'll ever be 55.
I'm 69. I buried my husband of 43 years (legally married for 7 years) one year ago. I have no desire to meet anyone. No one will ever match my husband, and it wouldn't be fair to anyone I'd meet anyway. I don't even know anyone younger than 50.
The biggest problem I have with aging is always having to wiz.
they got pills for that... talk to your doctor
🤣 yup , not funny but it is. I hate looking all around seeing where am I going to go pee , and it's now or else the pee is coming out. Especially when when you're traveling 😳. Just saying ✌️😎♥️
I am a proud 60 yo gay man and I am fully supportive of anyone who wants to identify different in this world... You do You!, but I don't understand why these clearly middle aged gay men were asked to specify their pronouns. I would not have done it! It makes me uncomfortable that they were asked to specify their pronouns. I just don't get it... Is this a 'thing' now?
Yes it is! You can't assume anything about anyone!😁
It’s in many ways not any more uncomfortable for some people to have their pronouns asked, than it was for straight people to see gay couples being themselves in real life. This is simply one of many new opportunities for people to be themselves. The world has changed almost unbelievably in the past century, and the changes that continue to happen in this 21st century, most wouldn’t have predicted or believed would/could happen. I’m sure in another few decades, life will be unrecognizable for those of us alive today. Of course no one has to get on board with anything by force. If they had felt strongly against saying what their pronouns are, I’m sure they would not have been kicked out of the studio. I’m lucky to come from a family where my 99 year old aunt recently told me the most beautiful wedding she’d been to was when my two gay friends, who are in their 30s, got married.
It definitely is a thing. The only one that throws me is "them/ they" as it has caused me to cook a LOT of food for a group 0f "them" who showed up as ONE person!
They/them. Gender references exist. Playing around with those images has affects.
Seems arrogant to me to expect the world to restructure language itself is naive.
I came out at 18yrs in 1979. My 40's were by far my prime years, physically.
To appeal to a wider demographic by being politically correct. It means more to some people than others, to each their own.
😀😀😀 thoroughly enjoyed watching and listening to your experiences. Thank you from us two oldish Gay men. ( 62 & 72 ) Manchester England.
❤❤❤❤
I had never heard the "Gay Death" term until this podcast, but I recall reading a great deal about "gay culture/thinking" throughout the 70's. Men, especially the hustlers, were considered "over the hill" by 26. Also, an older friend at the time called me on my 30th birthday to say: "Congratulations, you are no longer young".
I love their senses of humor !!! LMFAO :)
I'm 58 and came out in 1980. The Catholic church abandoned me as a teenager. My family was always embarrassed by my “ Artistic flamboyancy “ ~ as I got older I tried to be straight, desperately so! Engaged once. I live in a very conservative homophobic place and it was a nightmare living here in the 70’s, 80’s and 90’s. BUT! I was young and a little delusional that nothing would happen to me. I have noticed that aging, I've always been attracted to older men, but now I'm attracted to men my age. Men my age want the young guys. I'm invisible to the younger men unless they're looking for money and turned down by men my age. So, in desperation, I married a man so not right for me. I still have this holdout for that man who will love me and his kisses set me on fire. If you're out there HERE I AM! 😊 well don't call after ten, I'm in bed. 😅
Love you guys, thank you 👍♥️🙏
I'm 59 years old , when I was young I had friends right up to 80 and in the club scene. We all treated each other like family.
But now I find this is all gone and us mature gay men don't seem to be wanted for the most part in the modern gay community, unless your a sugar daddy or really super hot good looking.
I find aspects to ageing in the modern gay community quite depressing in this respect.
It's a terrible shame as I learnt a lot from my older gay bar friends.
Modern gay society has very little gay older role models to learn from
I do blame this from the internet and all the apps on modern days it teaches sex like ordering a pizza .
But one doesn't make many friends that way.
I'm my time if you wanted sex you had to put to places and earn it by meeting people.
Worst case scenario you didn't pull but you sure could of made some new friends that way even in old fashioned cruising, you could make friends
Thank you to those who have been kind with your compliments. I’m quite flattered, but I do hope that this discussion was a benefit to many of you. #gaygoinggray is a good thing!
You are a nice guy. Very down to earth-guy from Richmond
I didn't do the 'came out' thing, I just let them guess or whatever; then again, It was Europe, but then again we obviously went through the same... but it was different; like they wouldn't censor any gay artists on tv, like many British bands. We couldn't care less about their intimate relationships, only good music and films, etc.
But, America, under MF Reagan = AIDS spreading lord... Well, everybody freaked out. Politics as usual. I grew up afraid, like kissing another guy and crap like that; and of course I educated myself - many times watching the most horrible documentaries of fallen ones. Horrible times.
This is so helpful. I feel all these ways and can relate to most everything. I need to make more gay friends. I didn't know about my own gay death. I am waking up now and it's good but it's painful. Thank you
Great topic guys, great conversation
Your an inspiration Chris!
Thankyou for this great podcast!❤
What great show need more of these shows thank you!!! John you ever in New York dinner on me .
EACH one of these men are so interesting and attractive. Funny and lovely each of them!
That John fellow is Gorgeous. I’m sure he will attract many young men. Young men tend to contact me, 65 year old. Not in my own country, Netherlands, but my profile explodes in certain other places. And Not for money. I’ve checked that in conversations. Other cultures, races many times are just many times into older men. In Dubai my app exploded. I did not know what happened. In 10 days i met 5 different men in their 30ties and could have met a lot more. Wining, dining and ‘romance’. And they took me out. So really not for financial benefit. I asked them why old ? They all responded they have always liked older men. Also sexually. My first experience with that was with a late 30ties guy in Spain. He explained me all. It was on a Gay beach and he was chatting me up. I pointed out a really sexy muscular young man to him and asked: What about him ? And he responded, with facial expression of dislike, ‘He does nothing to me. I would even be disgusted’.
I freaked out. Could not understand it. It was a new phenomenon to me and saw evidence of it many times during that week. The phenomenon exists but not in all places. In my culturally and racially diverse Amsterdam Nothing happens. Interesting. So i’ll need to move. That’s ok. Climate here is a disaster. Yet i’d like to have a love in my own age group. No response there either. Try to find a 60+ guy in a bar or on an app. Sheer impossible and if there is a decent looking one, they want a much younger guy. (look at the ‘Daddyhunt’ app).
So solitude and with that loneliness kicks in. Exactly what Chris here is mentioning. I find that a big problem. Don’t really know how to deal with that.
@@l.g.8028 - Thanks for the response. May i know what country that is ? Just curious.
@@l.g.8028 - Gracias y Feliz año nuevo de Hollanda.
@@l.g.8028- I think i ‘get’ it. I visited your country.
Beautiful but in mind a hundred years behind. Wish you the best.
Nederlander hier! Heel herkenbaar, ook voor een nog relatied jongr man. Chat?
Excellent video you should do more
John is such a gorgeous and charming dream man!❤
If you're feeling sad and lonely
There's a service I can render
Tell the one who loves you only
I can be so warm and tender
As someone in Generation X, I have seen acceptance from younger generations due to education and simple growth in our culture. And the internet helped out A LOT.
Great discussion, thanks a lot.
John / 74
Thanks for the presentation. In my mid 60's and single I find it very difficult meeting like minded men my age. Especially living in a rural farm community. And im not into hook up apps. Suggestions and comments welcome. Spokane, Wa.
You think Spokane is bad? Try Yakima - a wasteland..... And like minded (fairly old fashioned) man who came out late in life? Forget it...... Yeah, I'm gay, (caregiver to my ex-wife) but I am not part of the gay community, nor do I want to be. Don't have time for the shallowness and cheap behavior - don't want it in my life. Wishing you well - and with respect...
@@RT3319
I'll consider that at least we are like minded. I'm still holding out for a close relationship before my exit. Everyone deserves to be loved. And I'm ready to give plenty. Thanks for your comments and I hope life treats you and your x wife well. Peace and love my Yakima brother.
I just turned 60 in July and I think the worst part is that I still feel like I'm in my 30s. I still have the level of energy just not always. I have no major health problem that prevent me from doing anything. I can still party like I used to, but it's a bit creepy for me to behave that way so I don't. Is that weird?
I love this just subscribed to this channel
This has been a thoughtful conversation. I'm glad I watched it.
Thank you for this platform.
I would like to have heard about the older men who were married but had realizations that they were gay and what the mental transition looked like. Also did they weigh the affect that that had on their wives committing to decades of marriage to them?
Where do men of our age make friends? I live is a small community with a very small gay population?
55 and gay from Long Island NY. Can 100% relate to getting old.
Looking back to my days as a medical student around 1995, when HIV was spreading rapidly and infecting people, it was a really tough time. Lots of people were getting diseases like PCP or cryptococcal meningitis, and it made me feel awful and deeply sorry for the victims and their families. But today, I'm living happily with my boyfriend who has HIV, and we know that HIV is now under human control.
I always encourage patients to use condoms because hepatitis B and C are also big concerns. hard to treat and they can lead to liver cancer. You can get infected through vaginal or anal intercourse, so please be careful.
When I was at 20s, I’m always into men with age range from 30s--60s; When I was at 30s, I’m always into men with age range from 40s-60s; now I’m at my 40s, I still cannot switch my eyes away from this man in purple polo sitting in the couch…
I an 65 years old. In 1993 I lost the love of my life....I have never recovered
So much of the gay talk fits orphan s. My chosen family, my him-he-his usage, and probably the cultural/philosophical stuff of being labeled bears cubs chubs otters fems, twinks, daddy's , etc. Or, to say a lot like a juvenile ( because it's so much the slang jargon a lone teen might come up with trying to map their way struggling to adulthood).
This is great. Keep up the good work.❤
It was an interesting conversation except for a couple of cringey moments. I came out at the age of 20 and I find that most men that come out much later are the most militant. My upstairs neighbour came out at the age of 50-something. His balcony was quickly festooned with rainbow flags. It's a normal reaction but for the rest of us who came out in our late teens and early twenties, it seems like overkill. Now, at 67, I don't talk about my sex life. I don't think it's an interesting topic of conversation and I don't see why people around me have to know. As for STDs, I don't have sex with strangers which reduces some (not all) of the risk.