Love yourself. Finding your way out of that cage takes time, and effort. You echoed much of what I learned of myself and it takes time, but you are worth that time and capable of so much.
Personally, I believe the opposite is true. Especially in recent years, the mentality around this has, in my opinion, changed significantly for the better, and acceptance, understanding, and support have grown much stronger.
@@Calyndro I hear you. I think its definitely shifted from " all ADHD's are crazy, fidgety, hyper people" to a clearer understanding of what ADHD actually is. That being said, people don't just destigmatize quickly, so Im sure the original poster is surrounded by very narrow minded people who actually don't legitimize it. I'm sure your circle validates it like mine does, and thats fantastic, but sooo many people i know just don't understand it. Some people I know have seen doctors who roll their eyes at another gen z kid who needs ADHD support because they don't percieve it as legitimate. But ya, your opinion is so valid
In my country people even barely hear of ADHD but they seem to be supportive and understanding of my problems, I always knew something was wrong with me and sometimes people pointed it out but nobody judged me or heavily punished me because of my behavior.
Structures become a drag because a lot of folks with ADHD need challenges and diversity of tasks. I have autism/adhd and as a result of that I basically have chronic fatigue. I'm currently doing much better but that is because I've officially been deemed unfit for labour (less than 2 hours a day/10 hours a week of energy) because I get overwhelmed extremely easily. The amount of meltdowns and burnouts it took to get here are kind of uncountable. In my country there are accomodations for that, and I get financial aid now, which allows me to do things at my own pace. This means I get to do the things I want, even if it is a struggle to fit that in the amount of alotted time, because I really wish I had more energy and more time to do those things, but I have to more or less restrain/limit myself or I'll end up getting burned out. Now I build guitars, get to make art, and even started doing a little bit of videogame development. I've learned to do things for short times, and have become pretty efficient in them as well as happy with results that don't equal someome who works full time. I've learned that spending some time doing something and then having to stay away from it for your own benefit results in triggering me to be more mindful about the project, which actually also benefits those projects. I've become convinced that most everyone works too much and though productivity doesn't define a human being, people would be more productive if they had more room to step back and look or think about their work instead of constantly going at it.
@demelaya, I keep having similar issues at home with my partner. My need for schedules and plans is questioned and undermined by my time blindness making me late to things anyway. I need order to relax and be fun and spontaneous, but he sees me taking too long with errands bc I need some me time to cope as be avoiding him or being spontaneous without him. He sees I'm keyed up an anxious over all the chores that default to me, and will insist that I sit on the couch to watch shows to relax, but can't understand the thought spiral that causes. It's very frustrating and I'm frazzled, but not being able to explain it well enough makes me feel like maybe I'm just imagining it all. It's exhausting.
I don’t know. I have the feeling people get more accepting. Where I live (Germany) more than 50% of the population have someone in their family or are themself depressed. ADHD in adults is a trending topic in magazines and newspapers right now. People here are realising that this isn’t a childhood issue and it doesn’t grow out and it’s under diagnosed in adults.
@@chrizzlybearlol In developed countries such as Germany, I would say that maybe things aren't so bad for ADHDers but in countries like mine, it is just a horror story where the psychiatrists are useless, the people are uneducated and the system is heavily neurotypical.
@ I’m sorry to hear that. I mean the system isn’t much different here. Its capitalism that only values productivity and profit. I mean you can be very successful with adhd. Being smart and hyper focused can be a super power that just comes with its flaws. Right now I’m over being sad. I try to concentrate on the positive aspects and how to care for myself not to burn myself out. There are probably places here too where it’s not so nice. Especially in sectors with less education. But my experience is that when you find places where other neurodivergent people meet like for example computer science or science in general you’re better off. Maybe there’s something like it in your country as well. The fact that we are not alone helps a bit.
I am about to cry I feel horrible, I am not diagnosed yet and my final exam is in 2 months i have no prepration and here now im lying between my books in tears and headache not being able to study
It’s so hard to fight through the overwhelm when your mind feels like it’s working against you. Please be gentle with yourself-you’re doing your best, even if it doesn’t feel like enough right now. You are not failing-you’re navigating something really tough, and the fact that you care enough to be here, even feeling like this, is already a huge testament to your strength. You’ve got this, one step at a time. One thing that really helps me with studying is waking up very early (around 5 AM) and starting right away. My phone is a huge distraction, so I make sure to have everything I need on my PC at my work desk, then turn off my phone or leave it in another room. Sitting down to study first thing in the morning, before my mind gets too distracted by movements around the house, gives me 2-3 good focus hours. Sometimes, if the deadline is really close, I can push for longer, but even those 2-3 hours are better than nothing. I've got affirmations written on sticky notes on my desk "LOCK IN!", "You can do the hard thing", "Just get it done", "YOU'VE GOT THISSS💪🏽", "YES!YOU CAN!" Reading those often gives me the push I need to start. And remember, even if you can only do a little each day, it’s okay. Be kind to yourself-it’s not your fault. And if there are days when you do all the right things-sit at the desk, turn off distractions, and still can’t get yourself to study-it’s fine. Get up, do something else, and don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re doing your best. Progress isn’t always as efficient as we’d like, but it doesn’t take away from all the other amazing things you’re capable of. Sending you so much love and strength. You’ve got this ♥️
I'm right here with you. It's such a miserable experience and here everyone is telling me its all going to be meditated away! There's no *winning* and it hurts!
That's so horrible, I've been there myself many many times. You may have heard if this but try breaking your study time down into 15 minutes, and have longer breaks that last 30 minutes to an hour. If i feel like studying longer i will, but if i dont i wont. Its similar to pomodoro technique, but I used it very loosely giving myself shorter time to study and longer breaks. If you can't make yourself study and you're at a complete block where all you can do is cry, stop, go and do something relaxing. I find making myself study when I am overwhelmed and blocked just pointless and impossible. Before you study try to make yourself as relaxed and happy as you can. I know it feels like you should study all day, but if you can do even just 15 minutes a day you will maintain more than forcing yourself to stick to it all day. I don't know what your subjects are, but learning by actually putting into practice what you're meant to learn helps do. So learning math = do mock maths exams, learning english = write story that involves all the things you are studying etc. I hope this can help you.
Hey girl, these are my adhd study tips 1. having LONG study sessions, it takes me long time to get into something and everytime im interupted i have to get back into it all over again, for me its really comforting to know i have like 6h i can give to just studying, (expecting to study for maybe 3-4h of the 6 because i get distracted a lot 2. Planning it out!!! overview what needs to be studied and estimating and prioritizing it, if something is taking too long, be aware of the schadule and skip it rather than getting stuck. 3. setting: Im so picky about where i study: i do really well in public spaces where i need to be quiet, i love a good library. 4. Food: i use food as a reward, snacks and chocolate, going out for candy, tasty drinks 5. Novelty: I need to keep things nice and fresh and new so ill be like ouuuu im going to drink thei new tea while studying so now im excited to study so i can drink my new tea. or getting excited to go study at a new place. 6. Distractions: Plan for distractions i dont know what distracts you but try to plan for it as much as possible 7. Meds: if you have adhd meds, take them consistently!!!! Or however the bottle/Doctor says will give you the best results 8. No Meds: CAFFEINE. if you think you are above caffeine that silly. as an adhd person stimulants are extremly helpful so get that caffeine in 30-60 min before you want to study, this can be a coffe or a green tea. 9.Study methods: -Studying is boring, make a freind studying the same thing as you and study together, this is so helpful and i was a socically anxious girlie so i know it can be hard but dont knock it till you try it. -NOTES!! for me i write everything down by hand pen and paper, i will not learn it otherwise, i write and rewrite and rewrite again and again. -Research!! how you study will depend a lot on what you are studying so maybe look into study methods that best suit what you are studying - Breaks: people have different relationships with breaks, for me i get fixated on anything and everything so if i get into a flow state where my homework gives me dopamine i cant stop becasue then i will find smt more interesting and never get back to my homework. However, ive known adhd ppl that NEEEEEED breaks so test it out, see what works best for you, make observations. LASTLY FUCKING SLEEP GIRLIE SLEEP IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART AND YOU MIGHT BE THINKING, UGH BUT,,, NOOOOO STOP SLEEP IS THE MOST FUCKING IMPORTANT PART ITS ALWAYS THE TOP PRIORITY ESPECIALLY IF OYU HAVE ADHD LITERALLY GOOD SLEEP CAN LESSEN YOUR ADHD SYMPTOMS SO IF YOUR HATING YOUR BRAIN THEN GO TO BED GIRL, GET THOSE HOURS i hope this helps someone from a student in science :)
Goddamn you summarized everything that took me until my early 30's to figure out. I'm a guy though. In the end, getting over the "always looking for permission" thing was pretty simple - you have to get yourself into the habit that whenever you feel like you need external validation, you carefully consider the decision from all angles (write it down as notes, that helps soooo much!) and go through the decision analytically. If there are big unknowns, you can go ask other people about those specifically, not so they can make the decision for you, but so that you can draw from their expertise to better inform your own decision. It takes 100x longer but it's worth it in the end.
Oh wow. The "fake identity" and "what about me" section sounds like your speaking directly from my own heart. I feel this so much. Thank you for making this video. It makes me feel less alone in this world.
This video has just reduced me to tears because I feel so understood! I'm in my last year of high school and I'm doing a really hard course. And I am also school president. These were things I was so excited about and had so much energy to do but I've realised a pattern where the more excitement I have about something, the more likely I am to burn out or just unintentionally lose interest. I think it's good to realise that giving our 100% all the time, to everything, is not the way to be likeable or fit in. We shouldn't have to push ourselves beyond our limits to meet expectations or please people. If you only have 20% of mental or emotional energy to give, and you do your best, then that is the true 100% effort :) Thank you so much!
I was just thinking about this! It really depresses me how I can’t even be excited about something without eventually ended up exhausted and unable to enjoy it anymore 😢
ive had ADHD my whole life, you can still be a good mom, good partner, good friend despite having it. ADHD dosent define you, its just something that lives beside you as you go through life and it does get better even if it takes time. I have an amazing partner whos managed to stay with me for five years now and despite the constantly being late, the memory issues, the everything hes patient with me and understands and cares for me just the same as i do for him. My mom has ADHD and passed it onto me and my brother and she managed to be a great mom despite it. were there hiccups? of course but the people who love you will understand as you adjust and figure things out. im proud of you Jingwen, keep going. If you need another resource, How to ADHD helped me a LOT with learning about my ADHD and managing it. I cant reccomend her content enough cause shes helped me so much. You got this, it will get easier to manage over time.
I feel this so much. I grew up with "if you could just behave like everyone else, then this wouldn't happen". I hated myself for not being disciplined enough to pass as normal. The first time anyone said ADHD might be a possibility is when I was 25. I can't afford a formal diagnosis, But my doctor has now tried every ADHD medication to no effect. I rely on my intensely stressful office job for my visa and healthcare. I've lived in this country for 5 years, and still don't have the security of residency. This year I left my loving boyfriend after recognizing I don't love him in the way he deserves. I'm hanging on my by fingernails until the day I can quit my job in a blaze of glory. I am trying to sincerely improve on a personal level before looking for a romantic relationship again.
5:15 is so insanely relatable. I lost myself in a 3 year relationship because I spent all of my mental energy on trying to be a good partner. Eventually I became so burnt out that I had to stop that effort too and my girlfriend stopped feeling cared for. I don't think I'm made to be in a relationship.
If you're spending all your time and energy on "being a good partner" something is wrong. I say this as someone who is neurodivergent and has previously poured all their time and energy into a relationship, it lead to the relationship being unhealthy and I had to unlearn that.
@ I think I’ve unlearned that part, but I can’t really learn how to be the perfect amount of “enough” for monogamous relationships. I’m incredibly inattentive to the point where it’s impossible for me to remember birthdays and anniversaries, hell, even having to try to remember to ask people how their day was every single day is draining for me. There were just too many expectations that I couldn’t meet. Being in a partnership just isn’t for me at this point, and I’ve accepted that.
@@zoey2421 i feel you so much. i never thought that it could be my adhd but relationships are so so draining for me. the most basic aspects of relationships are a chore. i wish i could be the kind of person who can be in a romantic relationship but right now it just does not seem possible
@@zoey2421 It helped me a lot to use Google Calendar for all Appointments, including Birthdays. I still need to ask some people multiple times, but it got a lot better over time
You also don't have to be a "perfect" partner or "ideal" version of yourself to be able to show up for the right person. I don't think it's really about changing yourself completely, and more about accepting that you will always have flaws and although we can do our best we will never be able to be this perfect person for some neurotypicals or even for some neurodiverent people. Growth and love can co-exist.
I’m not diagnosed but I really resonate with so many ADHD traits. Thank you so much for sharing this video with us, it really makes us feel like we’re not alone who feel this way.
Same. I only seek advice specifically for autistic or adhd people because that's the only thing that actually works for me. When I tried taking neurotypicals advice, it only made my situation worse
Wow, your level of articulating things so precisely is very admirable. Listening to you untangled a lot of jumbled thoughts in my mind. Also that part about you playing a lovable character who takes care of everything, which in turn makes you isolate yourself because now you can't ask for help, otherwise you'll break your charcter, THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE, I RELATE TO IT SO MUCH. Thank you for mustering up the courage to be vulnerable and speak out. It was valuable for me.
This was like listening to my own life story honestly. Thank you for speaking honestly about these things, especially the uncomfortable stuff. I have physically felt myself getting “bored” with the person I was in love with and I tried so hard to stop it, it ripped me apart. I was ashamed to tell anyone because I just think anyone will think I’m a bad person. Hearing someone else talk about these things is a a relief seriously. Thank you
Its hard to built a structure for us ADHD ppl. I noticed I need structure, through observing myself & I noticed I thrive in specific structure - but not all structure! I need to sort out the ones whos not serving me. I was used to use all energy "to fit" in the structure that u mentioned as well - for over 20 yrs. Everyday puctuality. I am very punctual for specific very important meetings, like doctors appointments or meetings. But if some meeting seams senceless over time to me, (which is true), my brain is to stubborn & prioritises other things. Anyway some structure really puts me into flow & allows me to do things other ppl arent able to. For me thats maths & informatics. Also homeoffice & working sucesses are defined differently so i think i should focus on those - even though i like to have sales calles and are highly expressionistic aswell. You definitely are not alone!
I was having crazy anxiety and this popped up. I cried listening to it and I'm still crying now. Thank you. Thank you. Sincercely thank you, Jingwen. I love you, you are an amazing human being. Thank you.
12:54 had me tearing up. I really appreciate your video and your openness to share the depth of your journey. And you're absolutely right, when you're doing something you truly love, giving 100% will come easily and you won't be fighting yourself. The journey will still be hard, but you will not be fighting yourself, and that makes a significant difference. I fought doing music as a career for years, and I was so unhappy. When I finally decided to completely commit to it, it was like this huge weight was lifted off of me. I was happy. That was maybe 7 years ago and I have NEVER looked back. Everything has been this further confirmation that I'm doing what is perfect for me. It is definitely not the path for most, but it is the path for me. Find the thing that you connect with and fulfills you 💛 Trust yourself.
Also I think this might be moreso with people who have adhd versus those who don't. In this world, it's easy to feel stupid or incompetent because you're being judged on how you measure up with other people's abilities. You aren't meant to be compared to them. You are meant for your own journey that will be perfect to you. You will find the thing and it will make you feel smart and competent. It will make you feel like you've found your place or your people. I think that's what I was trying to say in the previous response. Trust yourself. Over other people's opinions. Learn to listen to that quiet voice. It is speaking your truth.
i started absolutely sobbing because i couldn't help relating to everything you said and feeling all those feelings from one of the hardest times in my life again. you're right though - we're going to be okay. i remember feeling like this last year but now? this year has been (on balance) the best year i can remember. nothing's perfect! i still struggle every single day. but i understand myself so much more and that means everything. it helps me do 500% for others when i can, while stepping back and letting people know i'm struggling and working on filling up my cup when i can't. i'm so proud of you for taking care of yourself like this, and thank you so much for making this video. i know it's going to help even more people than you ever imagined.
Dear Jinwen, Thank you so much for this video that's nearly put me in tears. You've articulated everything I've been feeling/ going through. I got diagnosed with ADHD this year at age 19, but was overlooked even though all the males in our family have a diagnoses. I was called names by my own relatives, ditzy, confused, disorganized, chaotic, illogical, emotionally unstable, etc. I don't know how to prioritize myself or organize my OWN life. I recently fell apart due to my new university routine (which ultimately led to my diagnoses). Years ago they diagnosed me with anxiety disorder and gave me meds for it, even though now I'm sure it's just ADHD. I don't know how to navigate friendships and I feel like everyone can see my flaws, even though it's probably just in my head. Anyways, sorry for going on and on, but all this is to say that I'm so glad i'm not alone. I'm so tired! But your journey has definitely caused me to reflect on my life, and want to change things before I reach a mountain of regret. Shoot, even today I just realized I'm studying something I HATE because i thought it would make my family happy. The people pleasing never ends. But I must say, just because we show love differently, doesn't mean we are INCAPABLE of love! If you became a mother, you'd be a great, understanding one. ADHD is tough, but it's not the end of the world. We got this. You got this
Random comment reader here. This rant was so fun to read. Thanks xD All the best to you commenter, and may you find the outlet(s) you deserve be it via a comment or a therapist or a friend or all of the above or MORE AHAHAHAHAHA - from a fellow talker
I feel like you spoke to and from my soul. I’m 31 and I got diagnosed like five years ago now and there’s a whole level of masking I didn’t realize I was still doing until this video. Masking even to myself. I’m crying, thank you for this video, everything you said is so validating ❤
I’ve been stuck on a hopeless loop for years after high school but this year hit me like a truck. I’ve been told that I have a lot symptoms when I started to open up and talked about how felt to my counselor in college but not diagnosed yet but thank you so much for posting this video 💗
i have never felt so understood while watching a video. your video, what you explain is exactly how i feel. im grateful that you shared such a vulnerable experience with us. thank youu truly.❤
aw, this video touched my heart. I am 31, and when I was 24 I felt a lot of what you are feeling too. If I could speak to my younger self I would say that the key to feeling true self love and acceptance with ADHD only comes when you stop fighting yourself. Telling yourself to try harder, telling others you will try harder. Treating your struggles like a shameful secret. It goes against every instict youve learned to protect yourself, but its almost like deconstructing a religion. If you unashamedly can recognize your limitations WITHOUT accepting that these are intrinsically flawed features, other people will follow. People cant empathize with what they do not understand, and to help them do that, you have to understand yourself.
I’m still undiagnosed but wow I’ve never related to something more, I’m 22 and still haven’t accomplished anything in my life yet that truly resonates with me I have no sense of identity because of it. I’m in school and currently failing because of the mental load that comes with adhd. I constantly think about all the things I need to do but never actually able to do them. I have ruined most of my friendships because I just didn’t know how to show up how they needed me to. I’m so scared for my future and feel extremely hopeless
I'm having the same problems, except I'm not diagnosed officially. I want to hug you so much, it's really an uroborus when you are being so mean to yourself and don't forgive all of the things and mistakes that you do. Thank you for this very personal monologue, I wish you find peace with your brain and life and everything you want!
I do not know you but I am so proud of you. I have been trying over the last half year to get myself to this road of self illumination and understanding that you seem to have reached. It was not until the last few months alone that I even realized I needed to look inward. But taking the next step is so hard after this. I am often upset with myself for not understanding why I cannot seem to adapt to so many situations yet I can thrive in the few that I am used to (environments, work, around certain people, etc.). And it feels weird because I am working in health care and am regularly expected to provide answers for people and I feel wholly incompetent and unwell. But... All this to say thank you for posting your journey, the positives and the negatives. I am certain it is helping people.
11:08 The tears flooded. I have my assessment tomorrow and everything's a little emotional right now ha. I totally relate to a lot of what you said. It's not an easy path to finally build a way of life and a foundation of self after decades of masking. I'm proud of you!
THIS. THIS SENTIMENT RIGHT HERE. I love learning and learning about myself but as I got older I found that knowing too much about yourself sometimes can be torture.
This needs to go *viral.* This resonates with me so much, every word is so perfectly chosen and truer than I could ever put into words. Thank you for creating this!!!
I got diagnosed a month ago at 29, it was hard to take, growing up I always was trying to fit with everyone around me, feeling bad when I couldn't, feeling disappointed seeing how others where able to do everything I couldn’t, trying to be accepted because I couldn’t accept myself because I didn't understand the reason of why everything was so different for me, the world we live today is not made for us, people will judge us even when we try our best. I'm getting myself back, and loving what I really am
Jingwen. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 8 years old and took medications until I was 18 years of age. I can tell you it will never be easy and the important thing to do here is to understand who you are, but more importantly, once you do, accept yourself for what you are. It took me into my 30's to do this and I can't tell you how much happier I have been for doing so. You need to be able to love and accept yourself first. If you can't do that for yourself, how can you do that for anyone else? You got this, take whatever time is necessary to get an understanding of yourself, and don't proceed any further in your life until you do. Good Luck on your journey Jingwen and may it open up a new and beautiful chapter in your life!
The part about feeling like you can never give your partner the love and attention they deserve and therefore feeling undeserving hits me hard Wow I did not expect this to speak so out of my soul and I am sobbing wtf
this brought tears to my eyes (rare). I have not been diagnosed officially and it's getting hard to resist the temptation to self-diagnose when such videos resonate so hard with me. Some confusion about my self that I could not have pinpointed, you did. Thank you
thank you for this video! you're so much younger than I am, so you have so much time to grow and learn and be you want to me. I'm much older but I'm so glad to have finally have the same revelations you are sharing.
This video has carried me through the emotional rollercoaster that being late-diagnosed is. Thank you for being this vulnerable with us, it makes me feel less alone
I'm glad to have stumbled upon your video. Thank you so much for sharing this. You're such a brave soul. If this may be of any comfort or interest to anyone, I'd like to share what I experienced over the pandemic. I have a friend who I've gotten quite close to over the pandemic. I learned a lot about ADHD from them since they were very open to sharing their knowledge and their experience with it. They talked about how "getting bored" was legitimately a problem for them, and repeated over and over again that it's different from how typical people get bored from time to time. It was the kind of bored that would make it harder to function at a standard society wanted. They also said the same thing as you did. They didn't want kids. Dealing with ADHD was hard for them and they didn't want that to happen if they had a child. And to be honest, I've looked into ADHD because this same friend has told me that I might have it, based on random experiences I've shared with them. ADHD manifests much differently in women. Women have a tendency to mask, which also makes it harder for women to get diagnosed, especially in childhood. These are things I've heard from them that I later searched online to fact check. Because my initial reaction was to get offended that some unlicensed student was making all these assumptions about me. But the more I searched, the more I started to think it was possible. Let me say this in advance. I am not diagnosed, so I can't be certain. But some things have led me to consider getting an assessment. Some random experiences I shared with that friend include: - Not knowing how to study even up to present. Acing my exams despite that. That was until college hit (Taking longer than my peers to graduate it seems). - A few elementary teachers who have told my mom that I had no problems except I tend to daydream in class. - Not writing notes or assignments down (usually would have to copy from a classmate after class at my tutor's request) - Being very messy. I joked about how old expired snacks were found at the bottom of my bag and some random stationery and some trash like food wrappers or pencil sharpening waste. I also shared how people said I was like I guy with how disorganized I was and still am (idk if this is a fact-verified gender stereotype but pls don't come for me). And a pile of clothes often occupying half my sleeping space because just starting to organize that pile seems like such an insurmountable task. - Mom often joking about how dad has ADHD with how he can't stay put when bored and always has to be doing something. I've been planning to get an assessment for the longest time, but I always delayed that plan. I was worried that I might really have ADHD. I was also worried that it's not ADHD and the problem might be with myself. But I think what I crave most is clarity. And your video has given me strength to try no matter what the outcome. I'll go seek an assessment soon. Sorry if this was a lot. A wall of text, really. And thank you. Watching the video and reading the comments gave me a lot of comfort and encouragement (And if it turns out I don't got it, this comment will turn out a bit funny ahahahaha but thank you for the positive feelings and spreading awareness nonetheless
This is a really honest beautiful reflection and I can relate to so much of it. I got diagnosed at 28, and life kinda fell apart for me a bit as I started to unmask. I'm 32 now, and I'm just figuring out how to actually care for myself properly. You're not alone. Thank you for sharing your story.
39 and still feel like I don't know anything. Thanks from the bottom of my soul, and my heart because every word was exactly what I feel like and it feels like we are alone, misunderstood and judged because we feel, perceive, live, do, in a different way that remains a mystery even for ourselves. I cried through the whole video, it felt like I was talking to my best friend. Thanks for this.
I very likely have ADHD, a lot of what you described in your experience I have lived everyday. Its only now, in my 30's that have taken the steps to address it (getting diagnosed) and not let my life be dictated by it. Kudos to you.
You are so amazing. You know yourself incredibly well. The fact that you know these things about yourself, and you're willing to say them publicly to help others, is more than most people. You will find someone who accepts you for you. No one is perfect.
I just found I have ADHD At age 40. I feel you on this, the hardest part is feeling you have lost yourself and being unable to trust what you think. The best thing I did was educate myself on what this is, learn to trust yourself again, do what is right for you. Those that love you will understand if you also educate them. Don't be afraid.
Hi, what you describe has been the story of my life! I am 58 years old and i have lived my entire life hidding my adhd, i have learned how to mask my symptoms to everyone, partly because i did not know i was adhd, as i have been diagnosed only 1 month ago. My adhd has cost me alot, relationship, marriage and most of all my daughter! Now that i know my mental state i appreciate myself more. I am finally starting living just by shouting that i am adhd... So don't worry you're not alone... Take care...
thank you, thank you, thank you. It seems like you are growing into yourself. I got diagnosed with 22. i am 25 now and I still find myself struggling at the same points. That sucks. but i find ways to work around every day.
I’m 14 years old and have been depressed since 8. I always struggled in school especially in English and math. So when my school said they were testing people for dyslexia I told my father I wanted to because I was always failing my spelling tests. He said no because he didn’t want it to be a crutch for me. So I suffered for years until half a year ago I went and got one anyway despite his wishes. Turned out I was dyslexic I was just so good at masking that I was still over average on reading I just couldn’t spell words. I got a new math teacher this year and he says that I’m actually on a A+ level I’m just not putting in the work. So now with a little help from my mother and a whole lot of effort from me I’m in the process of getting a ADHD diagnosis after my therapist’s recommendation. Getting hurt by the world is already hell but when it comes from the people that has control over you it ruins your life. But I’m getting help now so take that father
Learn to think and you can stop learning, look into metacognition create a base understanding and then your just looking for the formula not trying to conceptualize the impossible much love yall 💛
Don’t stop advocating for yourself. I think your dad loves you but doesn’t understand. There are lots of resources to help you. A coach or therapist who specializes in ADHD can help too. Keep going! You got this!
I just turned 50, only figuring out I was neurodivergent in my mid 40's, still not officially diagnosed. I love how in touch with yourself you are in this video, I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I don't regret those decades of not knowing I have a different brain, I regret not gaining the vantage point that would allow me to see that no matter what your cognitive dynamics are, you are unique and human and worthy of love, dignity and respect. I know that even if I'd been told that years ago, I probably wouldn't have had the capability to understand that deeply, having so internalized a neurotypical image of what I thought I was supposed to be. You go, Girlie!
I can't believe how articulate you explained the feelings. I feel like i have started this process myself and I cried throughout the whole video listening to someone who understands. Thank you.
This is so relatable! I went from a very physical job to an office job just like you. I always suspected I had ADHD but I never bothered getting a formal diagnosis because I was managing ok. But once I started a full time office job where I’m sitting in one spot all day starting at a computer it drove me insane! I can’t concentrate, I feel restless, can’t sit still. It feels so unnatural. I was diagnosed about 6 months ago. Now I’m on medication. My workplace has put a whole bunch of accommodations in place for me which is nice, but I still struggle. I feel like a square peg in a round hole. Even though I sit all day I come home feeling more exhausted than I ever did in my physical job. All the relationship stuff is relatable too but too much to even mention here!
I’m on the cusp of working on my adhd, a semi self diagnosis and concurred diagnosis from other ppl w adhd, I have wrestled with the idea of “what if I’m just looking for an easy way” or “what if all I’m looking for is something to blame” And the fact is, with or without diagnosis I would still be me with the same problems, impulsive behavior and thoughts, anxieties and depressions I can’t control or understand sometimes. The reflection, dedication to the self is the most loving thing you could do in the midst of all of this turmoil. It was really helpful to hear your story, I felt validated and felt “not crazy” finally I hope we can find some more peace as we move along in our lives.
I feel for you... I wish you the best moving forward! I find so much of this relatable. ADHD is not fun... I'm going through a really similar situation too though I'm still trying to rebuild the relationship, and hang in there... but it gets really hard, especially feeling like you're always the problem and doing things wrong regardless of how hard you're trying.
I was late diagnosed three years ago, at the age of 31. I did feel that something was "wrong" for some time but still the diagnosis was one of the biggest mindf*cks of my life. Noone can prepare you for the emotions that come. At the beginning I felt relief that I finally knew why I felt like an alien but later I was angry, disappointed and plainly sad. Not at myself but at my parents who didn't notice my struggles, at our modern society that is just so unfriendly towards neurodivergent people. I had to learn to be kind to myself because I will never be able to change how my brain functions but it's still hard knowing that things will always be a little harder for me than for a neurotypical person. That "FIT IN" part really struck a cord with me as even now it's not easy for me to be part of a group. I want to be true to myself and not mask but it's very painful to "my inner child" when I feel that I don't fit in. Thank you for creating this video, I'm sure most late diagnosed ADHD adults will feel less alone when seeing this. I wish you all the best Jingwen!
Thank you for sharing ❤ I recently taking on a path of loving myself and understanding what makes me, me. Took me till near the end of my 25th year of my life but grateful to have growth and realize these changes and I wish for you a wonderful growth and love to your journey.
Thank you so much for making this. I was crying through most of it. I understand every bit you said. And related to a lot of it. What resonated with me the most was what you said about finding your own identity and voice, depending on others for making decisions, not trusting yourself because you know you are impulsive... Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And from my perspective you are so brave to have made the decision to find yourself first. I'm at a loss of words because I'm so impressed. I can't do that for myself.
Thank you so much for sharing Jingwen, I cried watching this video because you put to words, what i've been dealing with in my life right now. We WILL raise ourselves right this time.
can't agree more with you, Jingwen. You keep true to yourself and that will lead you to your goal through the real path, even that seems to be a hard one. I think your video also encourages me so much at the moment. Being ADHD in Asian societies esp. in China is challenging but the good news is that more and more people begin to realize what's going on with those "minorities". So keep going and let's share our unique experiences and love~
I got diagnosed few years ago, at 28 - you've put into words everything I strugle with, the masking, identity, shame around my needs and failures to adhere to the "norm"... Healing all that internalized messages that we've accumulated through the years is tough. Thank you for that video, it is so important!
As someone who also thinks they may have ADHD, I related to this quite a bit, I honestly don't know how people go through life without getting a diagnosis, it's so difficult, the only thing that's made it easier is knowing about it and not shaming myself for not being as productive as others, or not performing as well as others do, I related a lot to the masking and basically being lonely and keeping people away, because I knew that even if I care about them I won't be able to give them enough time simply because my brain will find them boring, the only friend that I really get along with so far is someone else who has ADHD symptoms, we can both come up with interesting conversations to keep it going and honestly never really run out of stimulating stuff.
There’s an astounding amount of this that I can relate to. I used to think I was a lazy introvert, but I figured out after many years that I’m just ADHD and autistic.
I am a bit older than you, and happen to have been diagnosed as a kid, but I feel related to your pain and experience. It gets hard and is depressing but you are strong and I'm proud of you
You are on a path to truly love yourself, nothing else matters now. Wishing you all the very best. Anyone who is reading these words please concentrate on self-love, self-esteem, that is not affected by outside people & events ❤
I relate so much especially with my 23 y/o self. I’m 24 as well but after losing my mother last year it kind of reset my identity all over. Like it’s highly disorienting but sobering. I think it fast tracked me on a lot of the pain and confusion. It all demands to be felt. Spiritually, (yoga and philosophy) has helped me face things a ton. Any “grounding” meditations or exercises are a fantastic place to start imo. You need to reconnect to your nervous system. Specifically regaining inner trust because masking is self betrayal in a sense. Just seeing conditioning exactly as it is is enough to dissolve it. A lot of my destructive habits stemmed from not having a good solution to my adhd problems (then maladapting). Realizing i’ve been doing my best got me back on my own side. You so deserve to be on your own side. You were on your own side as a baby. Then at some point you were conditioned not to. That’s some tough conditioning to break man.
im sorry things are hard rn :( i really struggling to be better as well. i really like watching your videos. it feels so authentic. thank you for sharing
I relate to you so much. I really felt like I had to correspond to some expectation and no one even said I had to. I was just trying to read behind peoples intentions and looking at what they were doing and I thought "if I am not there like them" or "if I maybe do it like they do" I will be happy too. I forgot about the things that make me passionate, I wanted to be accepted and I was masking so much that the more I hung out with people the more I felt lost within myself, but if I isolate I feel so lonely sometimes. I've felt like everytime I tried to be myself in the past I was judged for it or called out for something. Now as an adult it can be a bigger challenge to deal with these feelings, but I am so glad I am not alone.
Girl, you have come to such an important point in your life and this realization that you put yourself into a cage hurts as f*&k. But you can be so proud of you. Most likely you will look back onto this moment in some years and be grateful that you had the guts to set yourself free. To rid yourself of some of the cages in your life. It took me over 35 years to get to that point and I am aching, too. But it is also a time of healing. I am leaving behind a lot of stuff that has never fit me. I've let the world fool me, but now I take conscious choices towards the things that really fit me. I am still scared and far from stable, but at least I am me and I am moving on. Take it slow, be gentle and allow yourself some trying out (and possible failure). It's all gonna be okay some day!
Got diagnosed like 7 years ago, i was always the alien in the group, now i feel normal I feel normal because my frame of reference is now myself instead of other people, it made me understand other people better to realize the change in perspective i have. I'm okay with often being misunderstood, i come prepared, i tell people i'm blunt/direct so they dont think i'm being sarcastic or saying something else than what i'm saying. It's kinda like i learned to be my own translator. I really enjoy hanging out with people who have conditions. They usually get it, it's easier and relaxing. The neurotypical people in my life who stick around tend to eventually get it. They are more work, but once they get it they often help med regulate myself because they can see it. All in all, getting a ADHD diagnosis is a journey of self discovery, it's hard, but definitely worth it.
i have a degree in aerospace engineering. i currently wash dishes at a local restaurant. i actually prefer my job now over working in an office with coworkers who dont know and dont care about howy mind works. the work suits me better as it is simple, always changing, and immediately useful. my engineering bosses had no idea who i was and did not care. i had to give up a lot of money but now i understand and appreciate my work. i see its benefit and i am good at it. i work with people like me. i work with people that like me. they like me for me because they have only ever seen the real me. it can still be difficult but at least i know what is causing it and can take steps to deal with it without being judged and looked down upon. thanks for the video. keep your head up and keep moving forward.
you're really brave and I'm sure it'll be worth it. something similar happened to me, when I finally got rid of my toxic relationship (which I was in because I thought it was what I had to do) I was in that exact state: nothing matters, I just don't want to exist like this anymore, this isn't me but I really don't know what I am *complete despair*. then I tried to fight my way as a newborn in an adult body and pull out of myself what really is me and still it hasn't come out completely because it was buried deeper than I thought, since I was a child. it's a long path but at least this time it's being enjoyable!
thank you so much for sharing this and articulating your experience so well. i relate to every word, and yet, I couldn't have described it as well as you have. you are so talented!! i am grateful for this video. we are in this together ♡
I can resonate with everything you just shared. My (i suppose now ex) boyfriend broke up with me two days ago saying he isnt happy with me despite his best efforts to support me. He literally said he needs someone stable and “normal”. I cannot stop crying because all my life i tried so hard to mask my true self and show a different face to the world so people could accept and love me back. Im so in love with him and i need to let him go because he does deserve someone better, someone normal. I feel like im a burden to everyone, the whole world.
It sounds like he didn’t deserve you, not the other way around. If he couldn’t love you for being you and expected you to change into someone you’re not, he didn’t deserve you. There’s people out there who will love you for your true self, not your masked version, and who will love you precisely for not being “normal”. Hang in there, I hope you’ll soon find your person. Someone who is with you because of how you are, not despite of how you are.
Thank you for sharing. It comforts my heart to see that I am not alone in this world. My mind pleasantly expand when I think of how many people around me have similar difficulties and how by unmasking myself I can become an encouragement fo others. Sending love!
I'm m36 and do not have a diagnosis yet, but a very strong suspicion that i got adhd. so many things you said resonated with me. all the selfjudging, masking, people pleasing. the real tearjerker was when you said " it's not your fault". listening to you is one of many many tiny things i have to do, to come to terms with all this and learn how to handle it. thank you
I did what you did and I have to say it didn't work out. Love is so precious and so rare. If ever find someone who loves me again I would never throw it away.
I'm a 41yo guy, currently trying to find out if I have ADHD or not which, as adult in the UK, is antagonisticly difficult. This video was incredibly helpful, I definitely see myself in a lot of what you're saying but more importantly I think, your advice and encouragement is applicable regardless of whether it turns out if I have ADHD or not. Thank you
Got broken up with in part because of my ADHD and inability to get better (he always always encouraged and supported me to get better but got frustrated when I didn’t) and I’m also on track to fail all my classes this semester. I’m trying to take care of myself and work on the ADHD but this is genuinely so so hard. My heart goes out to anyone who relates, we’ll get through it.
Sounds relatable. I'm in my mid 30ies now and always struggled, always been depressed, hated myself, never had any friends or love and I don't think I'll ever be happy in my life.
I was just diagnosed at 31 a month ago and am just realizing I don't really know who I am. My whole life I've never really felt like an actual person and it's ruined relationships, cost me job opportunities, and generally deprived me of happiness. I'm glad I can finally understand why life has been so hard for me but am scared of what comes next. It really helps knowing I'm not the only one struggling.
5:20 OH MY GOD that is waaaaaaay too real, sometimes I question myself whether it was psychopathic or not do be like that because it feels like you're acting even though you know you actually care about them
This is literally so relevant to me. I JUST (like 10 minutes ago) finished writing a 7 page essay started and finished in 5 hours, submitted 4 minutes before the due date. For a class for argumentative writing, where in which I decided to write about ADHD not perceived as a valid enough disability. While also writing said paper about ADHD extremely extremely last minute because ADHD LOLLLL
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Being young is confusing. Figuring yourself out is painful. Loving yourself is hard. But you gotta do what you gotta do.
beautifully said
girl so confusing...
Well said
Thank you for creating this. I hope you find your path in life!
Love yourself. Finding your way out of that cage takes time, and effort. You echoed much of what I learned of myself and it takes time, but you are worth that time and capable of so much.
What is frustrating is that nobody percieves it as a mental disability when it is.
Personally, I believe the opposite is true. Especially in recent years, the mentality around this has, in my opinion, changed significantly for the better, and acceptance, understanding, and support have grown much stronger.
@@Calyndro I hear you. I think its definitely shifted from " all ADHD's are crazy, fidgety, hyper people" to a clearer understanding of what ADHD actually is. That being said, people don't just destigmatize quickly, so Im sure the original poster is surrounded by very narrow minded people who actually don't legitimize it. I'm sure your circle validates it like mine does, and thats fantastic, but sooo many people i know just don't understand it. Some people I know have seen doctors who roll their eyes at another gen z kid who needs ADHD support because they don't percieve it as legitimate. But ya, your opinion is so valid
Indeed... I knotice even people who superficially "understand it" still subconsciously hold you to nerotypical expectations and standards...
In my country people even barely hear of ADHD but they seem to be supportive and understanding of my problems, I always knew something was wrong with me and sometimes people pointed it out but nobody judged me or heavily punished me because of my behavior.
Yeah even some new therapists. Worst is the closest to you or important
"I can't stand structures but I needed them" OH MY GOD you put it into words. Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!
Yes! And at work, I have structures for a reason and people ask me to shift them constantly. They don't realize how disruptive it actually is for me!
Recently said the same thing about my kid
Structures become a drag because a lot of folks with ADHD need challenges and diversity of tasks.
I have autism/adhd and as a result of that I basically have chronic fatigue.
I'm currently doing much better but that is because I've officially been deemed unfit for labour (less than 2 hours a day/10 hours a week of energy) because I get overwhelmed extremely easily. The amount of meltdowns and burnouts it took to get here are kind of uncountable.
In my country there are accomodations for that, and I get financial aid now, which allows me to do things at my own pace. This means I get to do the things I want, even if it is a struggle to fit that in the amount of alotted time, because I really wish I had more energy and more time to do those things, but I have to more or less restrain/limit myself or I'll end up getting burned out.
Now I build guitars, get to make art, and even started doing a little bit of videogame development. I've learned to do things for short times, and have become pretty efficient in them as well as happy with results that don't equal someome who works full time. I've learned that spending some time doing something and then having to stay away from it for your own benefit results in triggering me to be more mindful about the project, which actually also benefits those projects. I've become convinced that most everyone works too much and though productivity doesn't define a human being, people would be more productive if they had more room to step back and look or think about their work instead of constantly going at it.
@demelaya, I keep having similar issues at home with my partner. My need for schedules and plans is questioned and undermined by my time blindness making me late to things anyway. I need order to relax and be fun and spontaneous, but he sees me taking too long with errands bc I need some me time to cope as be avoiding him or being spontaneous without him. He sees I'm keyed up an anxious over all the chores that default to me, and will insist that I sit on the couch to watch shows to relax, but can't understand the thought spiral that causes. It's very frustrating and I'm frazzled, but not being able to explain it well enough makes me feel like maybe I'm just imagining it all. It's exhausting.
@@demelaya 👏👏👏👏
And to imagine that depite going through so much pain, 90% of people are gonna brush it off as laziness.
I don’t know. I have the feeling people get more accepting. Where I live (Germany) more than 50% of the population have someone in their family or are themself depressed. ADHD in adults is a trending topic in magazines and newspapers right now. People here are realising that this isn’t a childhood issue and it doesn’t grow out and it’s under diagnosed in adults.
@@chrizzlybearlol In developed countries such as Germany, I would say that maybe things aren't so bad for ADHDers but in countries like mine, it is just a horror story where the psychiatrists are useless, the people are uneducated and the system is heavily neurotypical.
@ I’m sorry to hear that. I mean the system isn’t much different here. Its capitalism that only values productivity and profit. I mean you can be very successful with adhd. Being smart and hyper focused can be a super power that just comes with its flaws. Right now I’m over being sad. I try to concentrate on the positive aspects and how to care for myself not to burn myself out. There are probably places here too where it’s not so nice. Especially in sectors with less education. But my experience is that when you find places where other neurodivergent people meet like for example computer science or science in general you’re better off. Maybe there’s something like it in your country as well. The fact that we are not alone helps a bit.
"Let's raise ourselves right this time" is such a powerful statement.
I am about to cry I feel horrible, I am not diagnosed yet and my final exam is in 2 months i have no prepration and here now im lying between my books in tears and headache not being able to study
It’s so hard to fight through the overwhelm when your mind feels like it’s working against you. Please be gentle with yourself-you’re doing your best, even if it doesn’t feel like enough right now. You are not failing-you’re navigating something really tough, and the fact that you care enough to be here, even feeling like this, is already a huge testament to your strength. You’ve got this, one step at a time.
One thing that really helps me with studying is waking up very early (around 5 AM) and starting right away. My phone is a huge distraction, so I make sure to have everything I need on my PC at my work desk, then turn off my phone or leave it in another room. Sitting down to study first thing in the morning, before my mind gets too distracted by movements around the house, gives me 2-3 good focus hours. Sometimes, if the deadline is really close, I can push for longer, but even those 2-3 hours are better than nothing.
I've got affirmations written on sticky notes on my desk "LOCK IN!", "You can do the hard thing", "Just get it done", "YOU'VE GOT THISSS💪🏽", "YES!YOU CAN!" Reading those often gives me the push I need to start. And remember, even if you can only do a little each day, it’s okay. Be kind to yourself-it’s not your fault.
And if there are days when you do all the right things-sit at the desk, turn off distractions, and still can’t get yourself to study-it’s fine. Get up, do something else, and don’t beat yourself up about it. You’re doing your best. Progress isn’t always as efficient as we’d like, but it doesn’t take away from all the other amazing things you’re capable of.
Sending you so much love and strength. You’ve got this ♥️
I'm right here with you. It's such a miserable experience and here everyone is telling me its all going to be meditated away! There's no *winning* and it hurts!
That's so horrible, I've been there myself many many times. You may have heard if this but try breaking your study time down into 15 minutes, and have longer breaks that last 30 minutes to an hour. If i feel like studying longer i will, but if i dont i wont. Its similar to pomodoro technique, but I used it very loosely giving myself shorter time to study and longer breaks. If you can't make yourself study and you're at a complete block where all you can do is cry, stop, go and do something relaxing. I find making myself study when I am overwhelmed and blocked just pointless and impossible. Before you study try to make yourself as relaxed and happy as you can. I know it feels like you should study all day, but if you can do even just 15 minutes a day you will maintain more than forcing yourself to stick to it all day. I don't know what your subjects are, but learning by actually putting into practice what you're meant to learn helps do. So learning math = do mock maths exams, learning english = write story that involves all the things you are studying etc. I hope this can help you.
You can it ❤ this is for the bright future you ❤
Hey girl, these are my adhd study tips
1. having LONG study sessions, it takes me long time to get into something and everytime im interupted i have to get back into it all over again, for me its really comforting to know i have like 6h i can give to just studying, (expecting to study for maybe 3-4h of the 6 because i get distracted a lot
2. Planning it out!!! overview what needs to be studied and estimating and prioritizing it, if something is taking too long, be aware of the schadule and skip it rather than getting stuck.
3. setting: Im so picky about where i study: i do really well in public spaces where i need to be quiet, i love a good library.
4. Food: i use food as a reward, snacks and chocolate, going out for candy, tasty drinks
5. Novelty: I need to keep things nice and fresh and new so ill be like ouuuu im going to drink thei new tea while studying so now im excited to study so i can drink my new tea. or getting excited to go study at a new place.
6. Distractions: Plan for distractions i dont know what distracts you but try to plan for it as much as possible
7. Meds: if you have adhd meds, take them consistently!!!! Or however the bottle/Doctor says will give you the best results
8. No Meds: CAFFEINE. if you think you are above caffeine that silly. as an adhd person stimulants are extremly helpful so get that caffeine in 30-60 min before you want to study, this can be a coffe or a green tea.
9.Study methods:
-Studying is boring, make a freind studying the same thing as you and study together, this is so helpful and i was a socically anxious girlie so i know it can be hard but dont knock it till you try it.
-NOTES!! for me i write everything down by hand pen and paper, i will not learn it otherwise, i write and rewrite and rewrite again and again.
-Research!! how you study will depend a lot on what you are studying so maybe look into study methods that best suit what you are studying
- Breaks: people have different relationships with breaks, for me i get fixated on anything and everything so if i get into a flow state where my homework gives me dopamine i cant stop becasue then i will find smt more interesting and never get back to my homework. However, ive known adhd ppl that NEEEEEED breaks so test it out, see what works best for you, make observations.
LASTLY FUCKING SLEEP GIRLIE SLEEP IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART AND YOU MIGHT BE THINKING, UGH BUT,,, NOOOOO STOP SLEEP IS THE MOST FUCKING IMPORTANT PART ITS ALWAYS THE TOP PRIORITY ESPECIALLY IF OYU HAVE ADHD LITERALLY GOOD SLEEP CAN LESSEN YOUR ADHD SYMPTOMS SO IF YOUR HATING YOUR BRAIN THEN GO TO BED GIRL, GET THOSE HOURS
i hope this helps someone
from a student in science :)
Goddamn you summarized everything that took me until my early 30's to figure out. I'm a guy though. In the end, getting over the "always looking for permission" thing was pretty simple - you have to get yourself into the habit that whenever you feel like you need external validation, you carefully consider the decision from all angles (write it down as notes, that helps soooo much!) and go through the decision analytically. If there are big unknowns, you can go ask other people about those specifically, not so they can make the decision for you, but so that you can draw from their expertise to better inform your own decision. It takes 100x longer but it's worth it in the end.
That's actually huge. I'm going to write that down
Oh wow. The "fake identity" and "what about me" section sounds like your speaking directly from my own heart. I feel this so much. Thank you for making this video. It makes me feel less alone in this world.
This video has just reduced me to tears because I feel so understood! I'm in my last year of high school and I'm doing a really hard course. And I am also school president. These were things I was so excited about and had so much energy to do but I've realised a pattern where the more excitement I have about something, the more likely I am to burn out or just unintentionally lose interest. I think it's good to realise that giving our 100% all the time, to everything, is not the way to be likeable or fit in. We shouldn't have to push ourselves beyond our limits to meet expectations or please people. If you only have 20% of mental or emotional energy to give, and you do your best, then that is the true 100% effort :) Thank you so much!
I was just thinking about this! It really depresses me how I can’t even be excited about something without eventually ended up exhausted and unable to enjoy it anymore 😢
ive had ADHD my whole life, you can still be a good mom, good partner, good friend despite having it. ADHD dosent define you, its just something that lives beside you as you go through life and it does get better even if it takes time. I have an amazing partner whos managed to stay with me for five years now and despite the constantly being late, the memory issues, the everything hes patient with me and understands and cares for me just the same as i do for him. My mom has ADHD and passed it onto me and my brother and she managed to be a great mom despite it. were there hiccups? of course but the people who love you will understand as you adjust and figure things out. im proud of you Jingwen, keep going. If you need another resource, How to ADHD helped me a LOT with learning about my ADHD and managing it. I cant reccomend her content enough cause shes helped me so much. You got this, it will get easier to manage over time.
I feel this so much. I grew up with "if you could just behave like everyone else, then this wouldn't happen". I hated myself for not being disciplined enough to pass as normal. The first time anyone said ADHD might be a possibility is when I was 25. I can't afford a formal diagnosis, But my doctor has now tried every ADHD medication to no effect. I rely on my intensely stressful office job for my visa and healthcare. I've lived in this country for 5 years, and still don't have the security of residency. This year I left my loving boyfriend after recognizing I don't love him in the way he deserves.
I'm hanging on my by fingernails until the day I can quit my job in a blaze of glory. I am trying to sincerely improve on a personal level before looking for a romantic relationship again.
If you tried all types of ADHD medication and they don’t work, I recommend going to your therapist to test for autism.
Fight your work space. Make it better. Unionize. Running is not the only thing you can do.
5:15 is so insanely relatable. I lost myself in a 3 year relationship because I spent all of my mental energy on trying to be a good partner. Eventually I became so burnt out that I had to stop that effort too and my girlfriend stopped feeling cared for. I don't think I'm made to be in a relationship.
If you're spending all your time and energy on "being a good partner" something is wrong. I say this as someone who is neurodivergent and has previously poured all their time and energy into a relationship, it lead to the relationship being unhealthy and I had to unlearn that.
@ I think I’ve unlearned that part, but I can’t really learn how to be the perfect amount of “enough” for monogamous relationships. I’m incredibly inattentive to the point where it’s impossible for me to remember birthdays and anniversaries, hell, even having to try to remember to ask people how their day was every single day is draining for me. There were just too many expectations that I couldn’t meet. Being in a partnership just isn’t for me at this point, and I’ve accepted that.
@@zoey2421 i feel you so much. i never thought that it could be my adhd but relationships are so so draining for me. the most basic aspects of relationships are a chore. i wish i could be the kind of person who can be in a romantic relationship but right now it just does not seem possible
@@zoey2421 It helped me a lot to use Google Calendar for all Appointments, including Birthdays. I still need to ask some people multiple times, but it got a lot better over time
You also don't have to be a "perfect" partner or "ideal" version of yourself to be able to show up for the right person. I don't think it's really about changing yourself completely, and more about accepting that you will always have flaws and although we can do our best we will never be able to be this perfect person for some neurotypicals or even for some neurodiverent people. Growth and love can co-exist.
I’m not diagnosed but I really resonate with so many ADHD traits. Thank you so much for sharing this video with us, it really makes us feel like we’re not alone who feel this way.
Same. I only seek advice specifically for autistic or adhd people because that's the only thing that actually works for me. When I tried taking neurotypicals advice, it only made my situation worse
Wow, your level of articulating things so precisely is very admirable. Listening to you untangled a lot of jumbled thoughts in my mind. Also that part about you playing a lovable character who takes care of everything, which in turn makes you isolate yourself because now you can't ask for help, otherwise you'll break your charcter, THIS MAKES SO MUCH SENSE, I RELATE TO IT SO MUCH.
Thank you for mustering up the courage to be vulnerable and speak out. It was valuable for me.
This was like listening to my own life story honestly.
Thank you for speaking honestly about these things, especially the uncomfortable stuff. I have physically felt myself getting “bored” with the person I was in love with and I tried so hard to stop it, it ripped me apart. I was ashamed to tell anyone because I just think anyone will think I’m a bad person. Hearing someone else talk about these things is a a relief seriously. Thank you
“The price of fitting in” was beautifully put
Its hard to built a structure for us ADHD ppl. I noticed I need structure, through observing myself & I noticed I thrive in specific structure - but not all structure! I need to sort out the ones whos not serving me. I was used to use all energy "to fit" in the structure that u mentioned as well - for over 20 yrs. Everyday puctuality. I am very punctual for specific very important meetings, like doctors appointments or meetings. But if some meeting seams senceless over time to me, (which is true), my brain is to stubborn & prioritises other things. Anyway some structure really puts me into flow & allows me to do things other ppl arent able to. For me thats maths & informatics. Also homeoffice & working sucesses are defined differently so i think i should focus on those - even though i like to have sales calles and are highly expressionistic aswell. You definitely are not alone!
I was having crazy anxiety and this popped up. I cried listening to it and I'm still crying now. Thank you. Thank you. Sincercely thank you, Jingwen. I love you, you are an amazing human being. Thank you.
12:54 had me tearing up. I really appreciate your video and your openness to share the depth of your journey. And you're absolutely right, when you're doing something you truly love, giving 100% will come easily and you won't be fighting yourself. The journey will still be hard, but you will not be fighting yourself, and that makes a significant difference. I fought doing music as a career for years, and I was so unhappy. When I finally decided to completely commit to it, it was like this huge weight was lifted off of me. I was happy. That was maybe 7 years ago and I have NEVER looked back. Everything has been this further confirmation that I'm doing what is perfect for me. It is definitely not the path for most, but it is the path for me. Find the thing that you connect with and fulfills you 💛 Trust yourself.
Also I think this might be moreso with people who have adhd versus those who don't. In this world, it's easy to feel stupid or incompetent because you're being judged on how you measure up with other people's abilities. You aren't meant to be compared to them. You are meant for your own journey that will be perfect to you. You will find the thing and it will make you feel smart and competent. It will make you feel like you've found your place or your people. I think that's what I was trying to say in the previous response. Trust yourself. Over other people's opinions. Learn to listen to that quiet voice. It is speaking your truth.
i started absolutely sobbing because i couldn't help relating to everything you said and feeling all those feelings from one of the hardest times in my life again. you're right though - we're going to be okay. i remember feeling like this last year but now? this year has been (on balance) the best year i can remember. nothing's perfect! i still struggle every single day. but i understand myself so much more and that means everything. it helps me do 500% for others when i can, while stepping back and letting people know i'm struggling and working on filling up my cup when i can't.
i'm so proud of you for taking care of yourself like this, and thank you so much for making this video. i know it's going to help even more people than you ever imagined.
Dear Jinwen,
Thank you so much for this video that's nearly put me in tears. You've articulated everything I've been feeling/ going through. I got diagnosed with ADHD this year at age 19, but was overlooked even though all the males in our family have a diagnoses. I was called names by my own relatives, ditzy, confused, disorganized, chaotic, illogical, emotionally unstable, etc.
I don't know how to prioritize myself or organize my OWN life. I recently fell apart due to my new university routine (which ultimately led to my diagnoses). Years ago they diagnosed me with anxiety disorder and gave me meds for it, even though now I'm sure it's just ADHD. I don't know how to navigate friendships and I feel like everyone can see my flaws, even though it's probably just in my head. Anyways, sorry for going on and on, but all this is to say that I'm so glad i'm not alone. I'm so tired! But your journey has definitely caused me to reflect on my life, and want to change things before I reach a mountain of regret. Shoot, even today I just realized I'm studying something I HATE because i thought it would make my family happy. The people pleasing never ends. But I must say, just because we show love differently, doesn't mean we are INCAPABLE of love! If you became a mother, you'd be a great, understanding one. ADHD is tough, but it's not the end of the world. We got this. You got this
Random comment reader here. This rant was so fun to read. Thanks xD
All the best to you commenter, and may you find the outlet(s) you deserve be it via a comment or a therapist or a friend or all of the above or MORE AHAHAHAHAHA
- from a fellow talker
@ Awee thank you!! Same to you
This is such a 1-1 to my life it's insane. The only things different are that I'm of the opposite gender and I'm studying something I somewhat like.
I needed to hear that “it’s not our fault” 😭😭😭😭😭😭❤️
I feel like you spoke to and from my soul. I’m 31 and I got diagnosed like five years ago now and there’s a whole level of masking I didn’t realize I was still doing until this video. Masking even to myself. I’m crying, thank you for this video, everything you said is so validating ❤
I’ve been stuck on a hopeless loop for years after high school but this year hit me like a truck. I’ve been told that I have a lot symptoms when I started to open up and talked about how felt to my counselor in college but not diagnosed yet but thank you so much for posting this video 💗
Wish nothing but content, love, success, and stability for you, me, and everyone who is struggling with ADHD. We deserve nothing but the best.
i have never felt so understood while watching a video. your video, what you explain is exactly how i feel. im grateful that you shared such a vulnerable experience with us. thank youu truly.❤
aw, this video touched my heart. I am 31, and when I was 24 I felt a lot of what you are feeling too. If I could speak to my younger self I would say that the key to feeling true self love and acceptance with ADHD only comes when you stop fighting yourself. Telling yourself to try harder, telling others you will try harder. Treating your struggles like a shameful secret. It goes against every instict youve learned to protect yourself, but its almost like deconstructing a religion. If you unashamedly can recognize your limitations WITHOUT accepting that these are intrinsically flawed features, other people will follow. People cant empathize with what they do not understand, and to help them do that, you have to understand yourself.
I’m still undiagnosed but wow I’ve never related to something more, I’m 22 and still haven’t accomplished anything in my life yet that truly resonates with me I have no sense of identity because of it. I’m in school and currently failing because of the mental load that comes with adhd. I constantly think about all the things I need to do but never actually able to do them. I have ruined most of my friendships because I just didn’t know how to show up how they needed me to. I’m so scared for my future and feel extremely hopeless
I'm having the same problems, except I'm not diagnosed officially. I want to hug you so much, it's really an uroborus when you are being so mean to yourself and don't forgive all of the things and mistakes that you do. Thank you for this very personal monologue, I wish you find peace with your brain and life and everything you want!
I do not know you but I am so proud of you. I have been trying over the last half year to get myself to this road of self illumination and understanding that you seem to have reached. It was not until the last few months alone that I even realized I needed to look inward. But taking the next step is so hard after this. I am often upset with myself for not understanding why I cannot seem to adapt to so many situations yet I can thrive in the few that I am used to (environments, work, around certain people, etc.). And it feels weird because I am working in health care and am regularly expected to provide answers for people and I feel wholly incompetent and unwell. But... All this to say thank you for posting your journey, the positives and the negatives. I am certain it is helping people.
Damn, I am 33 and was diagnosed at 29 and relate to so much of what you are saying. And am crying 🙏❤️ thank you for your honesty!
11:08 The tears flooded. I have my assessment tomorrow and everything's a little emotional right now ha. I totally relate to a lot of what you said. It's not an easy path to finally build a way of life and a foundation of self after decades of masking. I'm proud of you!
THIS. THIS SENTIMENT RIGHT HERE. I love learning and learning about myself but as I got older I found that knowing too much about yourself sometimes can be torture.
This needs to go *viral.* This resonates with me so much, every word is so perfectly chosen and truer than I could ever put into words. Thank you for creating this!!!
I got diagnosed a month ago at 29, it was hard to take, growing up I always was trying to fit with everyone around me, feeling bad when I couldn't, feeling disappointed seeing how others where able to do everything I couldn’t, trying to be accepted because I couldn’t accept myself because I didn't understand the reason of why everything was so different for me, the world we live today is not made for us, people will judge us even when we try our best. I'm getting myself back, and loving what I really am
Jingwen. I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 8 years old and took medications until I was 18 years of age. I can tell you it will never be easy and the important thing to do here is to understand who you are, but more importantly, once you do, accept yourself for what you are. It took me into my 30's to do this and I can't tell you how much happier I have been for doing so. You need to be able to love and accept yourself first. If you can't do that for yourself, how can you do that for anyone else? You got this, take whatever time is necessary to get an understanding of yourself, and don't proceed any further in your life until you do. Good Luck on your journey Jingwen and may it open up a new and beautiful chapter in your life!
The part about feeling like you can never give your partner the love and attention they deserve and therefore feeling undeserving hits me hard
Wow I did not expect this to speak so out of my soul and I am sobbing wtf
4 minutes in and omg i feel your pain in my heart. You are so strong. I hope so strongly that you may see that side of yourself😭❤️❤️❤️
this brought tears to my eyes (rare). I have not been diagnosed officially and it's getting hard to resist the temptation to self-diagnose when such videos resonate so hard with me. Some confusion about my self that I could not have pinpointed, you did. Thank you
thank you for this video! you're so much younger than I am, so you have so much time to grow and learn and be you want to me. I'm much older but I'm so glad to have finally have the same revelations you are sharing.
This video has carried me through the emotional rollercoaster that being late-diagnosed is. Thank you for being this vulnerable with us, it makes me feel less alone
I'm glad to have stumbled upon your video. Thank you so much for sharing this. You're such a brave soul.
If this may be of any comfort or interest to anyone, I'd like to share what I experienced over the pandemic.
I have a friend who I've gotten quite close to over the pandemic. I learned a lot about ADHD from them since they were very open to sharing their knowledge and their experience with it. They talked about how "getting bored" was legitimately a problem for them, and repeated over and over again that it's different from how typical people get bored from time to time. It was the kind of bored that would make it harder to function at a standard society wanted. They also said the same thing as you did. They didn't want kids. Dealing with ADHD was hard for them and they didn't want that to happen if they had a child.
And to be honest, I've looked into ADHD because this same friend has told me that I might have it, based on random experiences I've shared with them. ADHD manifests much differently in women. Women have a tendency to mask, which also makes it harder for women to get diagnosed, especially in childhood. These are things I've heard from them that I later searched online to fact check. Because my initial reaction was to get offended that some unlicensed student was making all these assumptions about me. But the more I searched, the more I started to think it was possible.
Let me say this in advance. I am not diagnosed, so I can't be certain. But some things have led me to consider getting an assessment. Some random experiences I shared with that friend include:
- Not knowing how to study even up to present. Acing my exams despite that. That was until college hit (Taking longer than my peers to graduate it seems).
- A few elementary teachers who have told my mom that I had no problems except I tend to daydream in class.
- Not writing notes or assignments down (usually would have to copy from a classmate after class at my tutor's request)
- Being very messy. I joked about how old expired snacks were found at the bottom of my bag and some random stationery and some trash like food wrappers or pencil sharpening waste. I also shared how people said I was like I guy with how disorganized I was and still am (idk if this is a fact-verified gender stereotype but pls don't come for me). And a pile of clothes often occupying half my sleeping space because just starting to organize that pile seems like such an insurmountable task.
- Mom often joking about how dad has ADHD with how he can't stay put when bored and always has to be doing something.
I've been planning to get an assessment for the longest time, but I always delayed that plan. I was worried that I might really have ADHD. I was also worried that it's not ADHD and the problem might be with myself. But I think what I crave most is clarity. And your video has given me strength to try no matter what the outcome. I'll go seek an assessment soon.
Sorry if this was a lot. A wall of text, really. And thank you. Watching the video and reading the comments gave me a lot of comfort and encouragement (And if it turns out I don't got it, this comment will turn out a bit funny ahahahaha but thank you for the positive feelings and spreading awareness nonetheless
You're brave for speaking out. I think you'd make an excellent parter and mother too.
This is a really honest beautiful reflection and I can relate to so much of it. I got diagnosed at 28, and life kinda fell apart for me a bit as I started to unmask. I'm 32 now, and I'm just figuring out how to actually care for myself properly. You're not alone. Thank you for sharing your story.
39 and still feel like I don't know anything. Thanks from the bottom of my soul, and my heart because every word was exactly what I feel like and it feels like we are alone, misunderstood and judged because we feel, perceive, live, do, in a different way that remains a mystery even for ourselves. I cried through the whole video, it felt like I was talking to my best friend. Thanks for this.
I very likely have ADHD, a lot of what you described in your experience I have lived everyday. Its only now, in my 30's that have taken the steps to address it (getting diagnosed) and not let my life be dictated by it. Kudos to you.
You are so amazing. You know yourself incredibly well. The fact that you know these things about yourself, and you're willing to say them publicly to help others, is more than most people. You will find someone who accepts you for you. No one is perfect.
I just found I have ADHD
At age 40.
I feel you on this, the hardest part is feeling you have lost yourself and being unable to trust what you think.
The best thing I did was educate myself on what this is, learn to trust yourself again, do what is right for you. Those that love you will understand if you also educate them. Don't be afraid.
Hi, what you describe has been the story of my life! I am 58 years old and i have lived my entire life hidding my adhd, i have learned how to mask my symptoms to everyone, partly because i did not know i was adhd, as i have been diagnosed only 1 month ago. My adhd has cost me alot, relationship, marriage and most of all my daughter! Now that i know my mental state i appreciate myself more. I am finally starting living just by shouting that i am adhd... So don't worry you're not alone... Take care...
thank you, thank you, thank you. It seems like you are growing into yourself. I got diagnosed with 22. i am 25 now and I still find myself struggling at the same points. That sucks. but i find ways to work around every day.
I’m 14 years old and have been depressed since 8. I always struggled in school especially in English and math. So when my school said they were testing people for dyslexia I told my father I wanted to because I was always failing my spelling tests. He said no because he didn’t want it to be a crutch for me. So I suffered for years until half a year ago I went and got one anyway despite his wishes. Turned out I was dyslexic I was just so good at masking that I was still over average on reading I just couldn’t spell words.
I got a new math teacher this year and he says that I’m actually on a A+ level I’m just not putting in the work. So now with a little help from my mother and a whole lot of effort from me I’m in the process of getting a ADHD diagnosis after my therapist’s recommendation. Getting hurt by the world is already hell but when it comes from the people that has control over you it ruins your life. But I’m getting help now so take that father
Learn to think and you can stop learning, look into metacognition create a base understanding and then your just looking for the formula not trying to conceptualize the impossible much love yall 💛
Don’t stop advocating for yourself. I think your dad loves you but doesn’t understand. There are lots of resources to help you. A coach or therapist who specializes in ADHD can help too. Keep going! You got this!
This made me cry. Your words touched something inside of me I didn't know was there.
I just turned 50, only figuring out I was neurodivergent in my mid 40's, still not officially diagnosed. I love how in touch with yourself you are in this video, I can relate to so much of what you are saying. I don't regret those decades of not knowing I have a different brain, I regret not gaining the vantage point that would allow me to see that no matter what your cognitive dynamics are, you are unique and human and worthy of love, dignity and respect. I know that even if I'd been told that years ago, I probably wouldn't have had the capability to understand that deeply, having so internalized a neurotypical image of what I thought I was supposed to be. You go, Girlie!
I can't believe how articulate you explained the feelings. I feel like i have started this process myself and I cried throughout the whole video listening to someone who understands. Thank you.
This is so relatable! I went from a very physical job to an office job just like you. I always suspected I had ADHD but I never bothered getting a formal diagnosis because I was managing ok.
But once I started a full time office job where I’m sitting in one spot all day starting at a computer it drove me insane! I can’t concentrate, I feel restless, can’t sit still. It feels so unnatural.
I was diagnosed about 6 months ago. Now I’m on medication. My workplace has put a whole bunch of accommodations in place for me which is nice, but I still struggle. I feel like a square peg in a round hole. Even though I sit all day I come home feeling more exhausted than I ever did in my physical job.
All the relationship stuff is relatable too but too much to even mention here!
This showed up on my timeline recommended and i relate so much as a 26yr old woman with Adhd. I needed to see this, thanks for sharing
I’m on the cusp of working on my adhd, a semi self diagnosis and concurred diagnosis from other ppl w adhd,
I have wrestled with the idea of “what if I’m just looking for an easy way” or “what if all I’m looking for is something to blame”
And the fact is, with or without diagnosis I would still be me with the same problems, impulsive behavior and thoughts, anxieties and depressions I can’t control or understand sometimes.
The reflection, dedication to the self is the most loving thing you could do in the midst of all of this turmoil.
It was really helpful to hear your story, I felt validated and felt “not crazy” finally
I hope we can find some more peace as we move along in our lives.
I feel for you... I wish you the best moving forward!
I find so much of this relatable. ADHD is not fun...
I'm going through a really similar situation too though I'm still trying to rebuild the relationship, and hang in there... but it gets really hard, especially feeling like you're always the problem and doing things wrong regardless of how hard you're trying.
I’ve never felt so seen before. Everything you said, especially about relationships, hit home so hard omg. Thank you so so much for posting this.
I was late diagnosed three years ago, at the age of 31. I did feel that something was "wrong" for some time but still the diagnosis was one of the biggest mindf*cks of my life. Noone can prepare you for the emotions that come. At the beginning I felt relief that I finally knew why I felt like an alien but later I was angry, disappointed and plainly sad. Not at myself but at my parents who didn't notice my struggles, at our modern society that is just so unfriendly towards neurodivergent people. I had to learn to be kind to myself because I will never be able to change how my brain functions but it's still hard knowing that things will always be a little harder for me than for a neurotypical person. That "FIT IN" part really struck a cord with me as even now it's not easy for me to be part of a group. I want to be true to myself and not mask but it's very painful to "my inner child" when I feel that I don't fit in. Thank you for creating this video, I'm sure most late diagnosed ADHD adults will feel less alone when seeing this. I wish you all the best Jingwen!
Thank you for sharing ❤
I recently taking on a path of loving myself and understanding what makes me, me. Took me till near the end of my 25th year of my life but grateful to have growth and realize these changes and I wish for you a wonderful growth and love to your journey.
Thank you so much for making this. I was crying through most of it. I understand every bit you said. And related to a lot of it. What resonated with me the most was what you said about finding your own identity and voice, depending on others for making decisions, not trusting yourself because you know you are impulsive... Thank you so much for sharing your experience. And from my perspective you are so brave to have made the decision to find yourself first. I'm at a loss of words because I'm so impressed. I can't do that for myself.
Thank you so much for sharing Jingwen, I cried watching this video because you put to words, what i've been dealing with in my life right now. We WILL raise ourselves right this time.
can't agree more with you, Jingwen. You keep true to yourself and that will lead you to your goal through the real path, even that seems to be a hard one. I think your video also encourages me so much at the moment. Being ADHD in Asian societies esp. in China is challenging but the good news is that more and more people begin to realize what's going on with those "minorities". So keep going and let's share our unique experiences and love~
I got diagnosed few years ago, at 28 - you've put into words everything I strugle with, the masking, identity, shame around my needs and failures to adhere to the "norm"... Healing all that internalized messages that we've accumulated through the years is tough. Thank you for that video, it is so important!
damn I knew adhd was bad but wow this is more eye-opening. Hope you make past it Jingwen, you got this
As someone who also thinks they may have ADHD, I related to this quite a bit, I honestly don't know how people go through life without getting a diagnosis, it's so difficult, the only thing that's made it easier is knowing about it and not shaming myself for not being as productive as others, or not performing as well as others do, I related a lot to the masking and basically being lonely and keeping people away, because I knew that even if I care about them I won't be able to give them enough time simply because my brain will find them boring, the only friend that I really get along with so far is someone else who has ADHD symptoms, we can both come up with interesting conversations to keep it going and honestly never really run out of stimulating stuff.
I relate so hard to everything you said, Jingwen. It's so hard :( but it's really inspiring that you're figuring things out and being true to yourself
Thank you so much for this video, you truly shed a great deal of light on ADHD
There’s an astounding amount of this that I can relate to. I used to think I was a lazy introvert, but I figured out after many years that I’m just ADHD and autistic.
I am a bit older than you, and happen to have been diagnosed as a kid, but I feel related to your pain and experience. It gets hard and is depressing but you are strong and I'm proud of you
You are on a path to truly love yourself, nothing else matters now. Wishing you all the very best. Anyone who is reading these words please concentrate on self-love, self-esteem, that is not affected by outside people & events ❤
So much of what you expressed here I can relate to, it's crazy. Stay strong
I relate so much especially with my 23 y/o self. I’m 24 as well but after losing my mother last year it kind of reset my identity all over. Like it’s highly disorienting but sobering. I think it fast tracked me on a lot of the pain and confusion. It all demands to be felt. Spiritually, (yoga and philosophy) has helped me face things a ton. Any “grounding” meditations or exercises are a fantastic place to start imo. You need to reconnect to your nervous system. Specifically regaining inner trust because masking is self betrayal in a sense. Just seeing conditioning exactly as it is is enough to dissolve it. A lot of my destructive habits stemmed from not having a good solution to my adhd problems (then maladapting). Realizing i’ve been doing my best got me back on my own side. You so deserve to be on your own side.
You were on your own side as a baby. Then at some point you were conditioned not to. That’s some tough conditioning to break man.
im sorry things are hard rn :( i really struggling to be better as well. i really like watching your videos. it feels so authentic. thank you for sharing
Thank you~
I relate to you so much. I really felt like I had to correspond to some expectation and no one even said I had to. I was just trying to read behind peoples intentions and looking at what they were doing and I thought "if I am not there like them" or "if I maybe do it like they do" I will be happy too. I forgot about the things that make me passionate, I wanted to be accepted and I was masking so much that the more I hung out with people the more I felt lost within myself, but if I isolate I feel so lonely sometimes. I've felt like everytime I tried to be myself in the past I was judged for it or called out for something. Now as an adult it can be a bigger challenge to deal with these feelings, but I am so glad I am not alone.
Girl, you have come to such an important point in your life and this realization that you put yourself into a cage hurts as f*&k. But you can be so proud of you. Most likely you will look back onto this moment in some years and be grateful that you had the guts to set yourself free. To rid yourself of some of the cages in your life. It took me over 35 years to get to that point and I am aching, too. But it is also a time of healing. I am leaving behind a lot of stuff that has never fit me. I've let the world fool me, but now I take conscious choices towards the things that really fit me. I am still scared and far from stable, but at least I am me and I am moving on. Take it slow, be gentle and allow yourself some trying out (and possible failure). It's all gonna be okay some day!
Got diagnosed like 7 years ago, i was always the alien in the group, now i feel normal
I feel normal because my frame of reference is now myself instead of other people, it made me understand other people better to realize the change in perspective i have.
I'm okay with often being misunderstood, i come prepared, i tell people i'm blunt/direct so they dont think i'm being sarcastic or saying something else than what i'm saying.
It's kinda like i learned to be my own translator. I really enjoy hanging out with people who have conditions. They usually get it, it's easier and relaxing. The neurotypical people in my life who stick around tend to eventually get it. They are more work, but once they get it they often help med regulate myself because they can see it.
All in all, getting a ADHD diagnosis is a journey of self discovery, it's hard, but definitely worth it.
Never felt this understood, thanks for the great video
i have a degree in aerospace engineering. i currently wash dishes at a local restaurant. i actually prefer my job now over working in an office with coworkers who dont know and dont care about howy mind works. the work suits me better as it is simple, always changing, and immediately useful. my engineering bosses had no idea who i was and did not care.
i had to give up a lot of money but now i understand and appreciate my work. i see its benefit and i am good at it. i work with people like me. i work with people that like me. they like me for me because they have only ever seen the real me.
it can still be difficult but at least i know what is causing it and can take steps to deal with it without being judged and looked down upon.
thanks for the video. keep your head up and keep moving forward.
you're really brave and I'm sure it'll be worth it. something similar happened to me, when I finally got rid of my toxic relationship (which I was in because I thought it was what I had to do) I was in that exact state: nothing matters, I just don't want to exist like this anymore, this isn't me but I really don't know what I am *complete despair*. then I tried to fight my way as a newborn in an adult body and pull out of myself what really is me and still it hasn't come out completely because it was buried deeper than I thought, since I was a child. it's a long path but at least this time it's being enjoyable!
thank you so much for sharing this and articulating your experience so well. i relate to every word, and yet, I couldn't have described it as well as you have. you are so talented!! i am grateful for this video. we are in this together ♡
I can resonate with everything you just shared. My (i suppose now ex) boyfriend broke up with me two days ago saying he isnt happy with me despite his best efforts to support me. He literally said he needs someone stable and “normal”. I cannot stop crying because all my life i tried so hard to mask my true self and show a different face to the world so people could accept and love me back. Im so in love with him and i need to let him go because he does deserve someone better, someone normal. I feel like im a burden to everyone, the whole world.
You deserve someone who accepts you for you as well!
It sounds like he didn’t deserve you, not the other way around. If he couldn’t love you for being you and expected you to change into someone you’re not, he didn’t deserve you. There’s people out there who will love you for your true self, not your masked version, and who will love you precisely for not being “normal”. Hang in there, I hope you’ll soon find your person. Someone who is with you because of how you are, not despite of how you are.
You are wonderful. I'm so proud of you. Love and hugs to you. Thank you for sharing. I still struggle every day. We can do this. 💖
You spoke words from my heart I never wanted to speak out loud.
Thank you for sharing. It comforts my heart to see that I am not alone in this world. My mind pleasantly expand when I think of how many people around me have similar difficulties and how by unmasking myself I can become an encouragement fo others. Sending love!
I'm m36 and do not have a diagnosis yet, but a very strong suspicion that i got adhd. so many things you said resonated with me. all the selfjudging, masking, people pleasing. the real tearjerker was when you said " it's not your fault". listening to you is one of many many tiny things i have to do, to come to terms with all this and learn how to handle it. thank you
I did what you did and I have to say it didn't work out. Love is so precious and so rare. If ever find someone who loves me again I would never throw it away.
I'm a 41yo guy, currently trying to find out if I have ADHD or not which, as adult in the UK, is antagonisticly difficult. This video was incredibly helpful, I definitely see myself in a lot of what you're saying but more importantly I think, your advice and encouragement is applicable regardless of whether it turns out if I have ADHD or not. Thank you
wow this was beautifully said !!
Got broken up with in part because of my ADHD and inability to get better (he always always encouraged and supported me to get better but got frustrated when I didn’t) and I’m also on track to fail all my classes this semester. I’m trying to take care of myself and work on the ADHD but this is genuinely so so hard. My heart goes out to anyone who relates, we’ll get through it.
My ex screamed at me "I HATE LIVING WITH YOU"
Diagnosed at 33 yo this year. This video resonated deeply with me.
Sounds relatable. I'm in my mid 30ies now and always struggled, always been depressed, hated myself, never had any friends or love and I don't think I'll ever be happy in my life.
I was just diagnosed at 31 a month ago and am just realizing I don't really know who I am. My whole life I've never really felt like an actual person and it's ruined relationships, cost me job opportunities, and generally deprived me of happiness. I'm glad I can finally understand why life has been so hard for me but am scared of what comes next. It really helps knowing I'm not the only one struggling.
I have never related to a video this much until now
Dear Jingwen, on the bright side you are doing this at 24! not years years later, you are brave I hope you get de best out of your life!
5:20 OH MY GOD that is waaaaaaay too real, sometimes I question myself whether it was psychopathic or not do be like that because it feels like you're acting even though you know you actually care about them
This was so relatable it made me cry
This is literally so relevant to me. I JUST (like 10 minutes ago) finished writing a 7 page essay started and finished in 5 hours, submitted 4 minutes before the due date. For a class for argumentative writing, where in which I decided to write about ADHD not perceived as a valid enough disability. While also writing said paper about ADHD extremely extremely last minute because ADHD LOLLLL
i’ve never resonated with something so much in my life.
100000% same