Are you ignoring the warning signs?
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- Опубликовано: 19 авг 2024
- Relationship expert @jillianturecki6536 shares key warning signs she ignored during an abusive relationship, including what may be the biggest red flag 🚩 of all! Don’t miss this important conversation! Join The Dr. Ramani Network today!
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There are many different signs. These include spending time on phone that was not spent previously, withholding sex from you, withdrawing in communication with you, agitation or anger over Petty stuff or making up situations to get angry or agitated over, lying, being secretive in any way, randomly spending more time caring for and pampering oneself such as putting on makeup or wearing cologne or coloring hair etc. Any type of changed behavior that is not aimed at pleasing or benefiting your relationship. With all of that though, follow your gut. your gut is telling you that something isn't right and it's telling you that this could or is happening, therefore listen to it. Just Free yourself from all of it! Run and don't look back. Go 100% no contact. The mental and emotional abuse is not okay at all! Do not bring anything up to her. Don't try to rationalize or have a conversation about anything. Don't let her know that you know she's in narcissist. All of that can cause a narcissistic rage. If you have not yet witnessed one of those just trust me that you don't want to! A narcissistic rage is beyond any rage I have ever seen or witnessed in my entire life. I am an army combat veteran and served front lines for a year and afghanistan. I have abuse going back from as long as I can remember, the first time in my personal memory is 2 years old. With everything I have been involved in, and my rape, other sexual abuse, their physical abuse, etc in narcissistic rage is by far the worst! If you need to contact your local police department and start a new contact order. No one can protect you like you can! free yourself from it all and move forward in your life. The minute you run and go no contact is the minute your life begins again. If need be seek out professional help. Therapy is the best thing I did for myself. The best gift I gave to me! The abuse is so deep and overwhelming that having a professional guide you through the steps of the healing process is extremely beneficial! Just remember, there is great strength in asking for help. There is great lack and strength or no strength at all in putting on a mask and hiding behind the opinions of society and pretending that you are okay! As human beings we all witness A Time In our lives where we are not okay! Those that heal, move past, and move forward, and have a brighter future are those who ask for help and do the work that is needed through the help! I'm so sorry you are going through this and I wish you the very best! Good luck! Always remember that you are stronger than you believe you are, you are worthy and deserving of better and always, and you are enough just the way you are and who you are today! Take this time for you! Get yourself again. Fix that meal that you're all time favorite, rent that movie you've been wanting to see, have a guys night out with your best friends, remodel a room in your home, go purchase that item you've been wanting to for so long, just do for yourself! Self-acceptance, self-love, and being able to forgive yourself is far more important than what anyone else can give to you! Believe in who you are! You deserve nothing less than that! You're not alone! Feel free to tag me in any other questions that you have! I'll help if I can. Additionally you can hire a cyber expert to help you get remote access to their phone so you can track them and monitor all of their activities without them knowing. You may locate the top cyber specialists locally at digitalinvestigate@gmail.com where you can engage a well-trained professional to assist you..........
This is why I just enjoy being single these days. Not only do I not have to worry about someone abusing me, but I also can quietly listen to myself because the pressure to please someone else or put someone else first doesn't occur when I'm single.
Absolutely 💯
This!
I’ve had more love in my life. I am single! Finding out how to be truly happy alone is the best most freeing feeling s and joy than I ever had before! It’s true!
You can say that again
Or... You can date me. Best of both worlds. I'll ignore you most of the time.
The moment you have to lie about anything going on in a relationship is the alarm bell going off! It’s a huge red flag.
I guess it's the same, if things are just not mentioned to others?
When you grow up with a narcissist, you're already used to all of those feelings. You might know you don't like those feelings, but you probably don't recognize their true cause, nor what to do about them.
Exactly, it feels normal. Only now that I look back at my childhood do I get angry about what they taught that little person.
Betrayal blindness and self doubt are the consequences.
@tinadixon8186 that anger is justified anger, and a very good sign you're healing. Embrace it but dont let it consuume you.
Just wanted to let you kmow as I was shamed for being angry and was manipulated into believing I was wrong for not forgiving and that I was responsible for the destruction by "being a victim". It kept me stuck in a very unhealthy place even longer.
I've been trying to heal all my life. I'd recognize a problem as a teen, seek help, just to develop another one. True healing didn't start until I admitted and accepted that i was victim. There is NO shame in thst word.
If you don't accept you're a victim, then there was no victimization and that means there is no trauma to heal from. Not being a victim means there's no ugly reality for people to own up too. It protects the perpetrators by silencing victims with shame and denial. Viictims continue to struggle and the abusers get to live happily. The result can be seen in the news or even taking a walk town. Not being belief, validated, or supported and being retraumatize repeatedly compounding the event makes the person hopeless and pain so unbearable that people literally slowly kill themselves to be able to live with it.
These narratives need to be understood and corrected. They are tools used to disort a person.
Very true.
@@mermaidrapunzel exactly. Thank you. I'd never even heard the word narcissism until 5 months ago.
I was so much invested in the relationship emotionally, financially, mentally....i even failed my academics ...i feel so used up...😢
And yet the wisdom you achieved by recognizing the toxic relationship is already, maybe silently filling you back up. At least this is what I tell myself.
🏃 run
I ignored all the signs at the beginning but I knew something was wrong from the very beginning. 🤦🤦
Disgust was my biggest and most unexpected sign. As truth came out about the depth of deceit and betrayal, I found myself more and more (physically as well!) repulsed. I unpack rhis again and again in therapy, because there's an amount of fear behind it, but yeah, disgust and then running away, as in shutting down, was a very unnerving sign that I was highly anxious around certain individuals.
I got a new job with a new company and I am so happy about this. However, I didn't tell my narc father because he will find a way to turn that positive news into gossip and spin it as failure on my part in some way. I learned my lesson when I purchased my first home. He told me that I was an ungrateful daughter for not spending the down payment for my home on him instead of buying my first property. Mind you he inherited a house where the mortgage was paid off already. So freaking crazy! 🤦♀️
It was to keep you "in your place". Zero love. Same as my dad.
if you don't know how, or are unable/unwilling to say NO to toxic people, your body will say it through physical (and even mental) illnesses that eventually you won’t be able to ignore.
my refusal to give in to the narcissist, almost cost me my life. my refusal to give up on myself, is now what keeps me alive.
cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
@@carparthero because of your unique handle, I pressed some buttons on my phone and found out I could look at some of your other comments. You seem to have a really good head on your shoulders. I had the basically the same experience, and I did get extremely ill, almost died. I needed to read your sentence, "my refusal to give up on myself is what keeps me alive." I can't even express to you how much this helped me instantly, and I'm sure will continue to help. Thanks sooo much!
God bless you!
Your body is a barometer of truth. Sleeping issues. Panic attacks. Digestive issues. Neurological issuea. Auto-immune issues. Etc. Etc. up to C-PTSD. The effects of stress of health are well documented. So is our ability to ignore warning signs. Looking back: my body knew before I did.
Oh my gosh this resonates so much. Thank you. And yes the amount of illness autoimmune diseases Etc from narcissistic relationships in my life is astonishing
You will suppress "no" if you have an abuse history from childhood. Abusers warn you not to tell anyone, lest YOU get hurt even worse. They even tell you to suppress your memories. You are never allowed to say "no" because you are basically just supposed to play possum.
The repulsion feeling was my best friend! It was the emotion that made me say enough is enough.
I just read of pathological accommodation. What a great term to describe living with a narcissist.
Like Dr. Gabor Mate likes to say when you get ill:
What are you not saying no to?
What are you not saying no to, that your body is saying for you?
Deep down I knew something wasn't right and I knew I didn't recognize myself anymore but I didn't let myself put it in words or even thoughts.
It's been 3 years and I still don't feel like myself again. Thank goodness I got out and thank you Dr. Ramani for everything you do 🌻
I hid the most terrible abuse episodes from everyone. Why was I ashamed??? I just did not want to dish dirt.
I was ashamed of the position I put myself in having left the same situation earlier 😢 twice really?
@@beverlystover3987 or we repeat what we don’t repair 👩🔧
Toxic people can bring you down so so far in life! Make sure to always be your pwn best friend and not your own enemy and get away from toxic ppl asap or learn to detach from them ❤
I have been lying to everyone outside of my family about my toxic relationship, during couples dates, parties, etc. I kept the secret from my closest family for 27 years and finally 2 years ago started sharing my true story with them. My mother and sister fail to understand, don't believe, and they tell me to ignore everything I am experiencing. I ended up in hypertensive crisis (220-130). My physician narc husband told the PA who was about to send me to ER: "Just give her the med, and send her home." I told Mom and sis that my high BP was caused by him. They tell me to move on. They tell me to forget. They tell me to turn towards other people in my circles for joy. What they don't understand is that the void I feel in my soul turned into Grand Canyon, and I am trying so hard to stay on the edge and not to fall in 😢
Niko to ko nije doziveo ne moze shvatiti isto tako moja djeca kazu ma sta te briga ne obracaj paznju na njega a odrasli su imaju svoje zivote a ja u paklu,povecan pritisak,bolovi u zeludcu od silnih stresova.Potpuno te razumijem i saljem zagrljaj.❤
I’m learning so much about myself as I travel through the first year of my divorce. Congratulations to me. And the suppressing the the word no is an eye opener. Thank you for this story. I hid it all.
That’s so good! Isolation, the 1st time you feel you need to with hold or lie about what’s going on
That lady express soo clearly this weird "feeling of secret" and the way it impact us. A part of me is still wondering why... I definitely want to ear more about that aspect, thanks for sharing 🙏
The same happens to me as daughter of a NM. Take care when narcisistic mothers lie that our symthoms (alarms) are not from high anxiety, but schizophrenia. Hipervigilance is not persecution mania, for example.
I was actually told by my narcissistic fiancée that I was not allowed to tell anyone, family, friends about what was happening in our relationship, that he pushed me down the steps, hit me, serial cheated on me. He said that our personal relationship was just that, it was to be private. I did leave him when one of his side women contacted me with proof that he was seeing her, even though I knew about her AND many other women. He actually told her that he broke up with me but I refused to move out of the house. Who says that about their fiancé ?? All the while, he and I were planning trips and taking them. My biggest fear now is that I have become narcissistic. I struggle, because when I listen to these videos on RUclips, I feel like I have some of the traits. I want bad things to happen to him. I went NC with him so that I could get some clarity and healing but I also like the fact that I know it bothers him. I know that when children grow up with narcissistic parents, they can become narcissistic themselves. I feel like I’m becoming a narcissistic person. I look back on the person that I was when I met him, and she was accomplished and kind and forgiving. Now, I feel mentally sick.
Nisi narcisoidna samo mnogo povredena.
Pray to God, your confession is already a step to deliverance. We all have narcissistic traits to some degree (sin) but that doesn't mean you are one. A narcissist thinks they are God, that they are perfect. Just like lucifer does and always first decieves people as the angel of light when he is, in fact, the devil. He doesn't feel remorse but continues decieving people. But you are not like that. You are loved and a child of God, in Christ❤
@@sladaslada1616
This is exactly what happened to me, I've been clawing my way back, looking forward to my future for the first time in years!
Eww what is wrong with families and the community not stepping in? This is a sick world
This chanel appeared at the right time, and I'm praying that the person I am sharing it with can see the truth and find the strength to say no more. He has convinced her of so much that she refers to his beliefs when you ask her about herself. Everything returns to him. Thank you for what your doing. Keep exposing them and help the victims to see it's not their fault
I’m so happy you interview her Dr Ramani. She has been so helpful to me in my journey.
Sometimes it’s slow abuse then picks up pace after a while and just gets worse
The first red flag is when you question yourself
After leaving my psychopathic family I became friends with a girl. I made a joke early on about her being a narcissist because it felt like she was mirroring me. Not only did i allow her to gaslight me, but i gaslit myself into thinking l was just seeing narcissism everywhere. Truth was i knew what I was seeing but didn't want to believe it because I desperstly needed someone. I decided I didn't care. It's easy to do when you have betrayal blindness and are traumatized and alone.
u cant tell others cuz when u kiss and make up with the the narc, your others will hate him.
Thank you for sharing your experience; it is identical to what I went through the last 12 years 😢
same to me 23 years that i couldnt say anything to my family
The most important, words, of it all !
and to find out, into ones own Truth, again, take some yrs to get there, after abuse. When hit with this, several times, in a row. From dishonest persons, who cant be kind or just fling around with lies, nasty words, which makes one wonder, how they can bear going around pulling down others with so many crazy things, again and again.
They way out, for me, has been to, find what is ones own needs and feelings, (and for the kids sake, to show them something else) and to become Honest enough for oneself. Beacause that, I could not be, then, I was too afraid. Just shut me down totally.
If thats not even acknowledged at all, discussed, or even a bit respected, or, met at all, one cant stay. Thank you both
There's this video that you asked, how does they make you feel when they leave when they tell you they are coming, I watched it today morning and my entire brain was screaming tension, should I say coincidence?
No it's not a coincidence, I would say. I was really terrified of this threat, because that's what it is to someone who doesn't want to meet or even talk to a person. It kept me in a loop until I realised that it's just another ploy to stay relevant and exercise control.
I think i've gone thru this stress. If you read the book, "How to Stop a Stalker"......he mentions that the stalked party often shows signs of PTSD. Crazy family members? Read that book - and learn how to stop "the insanity."
Can we also talk about though how narcissists DO at times want you to go see your friends and family because it gives them an opportunity to do the things they're hiding from you
Dear Dr. Romani. I was married for 16 years before I left. I walked into a police station and spoke to a great officer who listened to me. I had no expectations out of fear but I knew I had to talk to someone and let the cards fall where they lay. The officer was kind and he sat patiently passing tissues and afterwards said he needs to verify my stories with my then husband. He cane back with a more serious face and said, I spoke with him, he laughed and said "if it was that bad whu didn't she leave a long time ago?"I was given a 5yr dvo because of cohesive control and my ex filled for divorce himself that same week out of rage, and took the dvo with a no admission to guilt...it wasn't smooth sailing thereafter, but no a year later we have that space...but...yep, I have found myself in a more tight binding relationship with a charismatic man who love bombed me and is living with me rent free, still legally married. This will be a challenge ahead, but I am seeing a counsellor finally and am taking steps to the exit....
All of this all of this so true
doctor...how to defeat a narcissistic personal disorder FOREVER IN OUR LIVES if we work in the same place? and they know about our lives...but there are limits
PLEASE HELP DOCTOR
😭🙏
I just hear run when I close my eyes
I feel the disgust part
doctor...how to defeat a narcissistic personal disorder FOREVER IN OUR LIVES if we work in the same place? and they know about our lives...but there are limits
PLEASE HELP DOCTOR
This Nailed it!
Hs. So eye opening. Yes. Yes. Yes.
9th, 11 July 2024
Omg this is me too😢
Oh this sounds soooo familiar
Let's rewind the past 21 years of history and see.
I was in a relationship with someone.We had constant fights over his lack of boundaries as he entertained one of my friend too much.He used to tell me that they are just friends and I am being overpossessive,controlling and obsessive. Turns out now they are together.Even now he says that things developed recently and that I will not understand this and said sorry for everything conveying that whatever he did was intentional.
I sacrificed my career for him and he did this to me.What was my fault? Where did I go wrong?
Is it even possible that they had no feelings for one another ? They are at a physical distance from one another and suddenly the relationship surfaces like how is that even possible?
I always felt like something was wrong and ignored all the signs but I just can't imagine that someone whom I have loved so much would hurt me so badly and do these shitty things to me.
Interesting. 😳
Warning signs mean ANY lies/ manipulation...
ANY(!)... because these are "base values".
She will explain it / apologize / atone, or: "GO AWAY!" ;)))
BR
❤️🩹
Hello