@@thatgamerbiatch thats really a horrible feeling, ive felt like that too, its difficult. A part of me wants to get angry to flip the tables, but if im exhausted i just tolerate it until i can leave the situation asap. But We have to stand up for ourselves, and your boundries... do your best, value how you feel and if someone hurts you let them know and be clear about it. You have to care about you, enough to do that, you have to! Dont suffer in silence lots of people tread with their careless loud mouths and dont even know the pain they cause.
@@davespark10 I agree with everything you said. It's always been hard to stand up for myself to avoid offending the offenders, but i've decided to be bolder from now on. Thanks for your words. I wish you the best in life buddy👍
@@davespark10 I found it best not to give them that much. I'ma believer but I believe silence is best when possible. They don't care abt ur feelings and when they hurt u. It only feeds them what they want. I just distanced and went no contact as doe the other I'm still trying. But I'm careful abt what u say as to not be there supply etc. See Dr. Ramani here on RUclips. Priceless info.
I was in a relationship with a Christian man who was also a pastor. The amount of lies, manipulation, anger and terrible morals in general was both interesting and terrifying to watch. Amazing to know that many clergy are of this type, using religion for their personal gain, but have no moral obligation to the actual principles of the teachings.
Oh yes - definitely. A lot of narcissistic people are attracted to religion because of the love and praise they get from it. Sadly in it for the wrong reasons. I hope you were able to heal from it.
This is spot on..Listened to this a few times. I now understand why Narcs are in churches all over the place. The reason is because real believers will give them a loving chance. Naive people in church are great supply for the Narc. Most of the worldly people outside the church won't give the narcissist the time of day as they see them for what they are.
Wow I told my ex the very same thing. When I got discarded I saw her for who she really was. I saw pure evil. She reveal to me the darkness in her heart that was always there but I never saw.
I've used "They know not what they do" a few times. And I stopped going to church. So when I do it suddenly I got friends going ," Never knew you to be christlike... Katie, first the water to the homeless guy now this..? " And that's when they get "I am who I am." Out of me.
I remember praying for discernment and God revealing that verse to me sometime after... “Therefore by their fruits you will know them”. THANK U JESUS for revelation and wisdom ❤️
The fruit of the Spirit are not deeds, they are character qualities that turn into deeds of love. Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
It creates confusion, but our God is not one of confusion. I went through this recently with a friend. I prayed for clarity and to be lead through this. You realise when they cannot sit down with you as a friend and listen and talk - or if they do, it is one sided - their way or the highway, no reciprocity. They 'panic' when you mention emotion, they gaslight, invalidate, minimise and deny. Its sad. It made me doubt my perceptions and question if I was the narcissist? But God gives us discernment. Also you can still love someone in Christ (as commanded) and want what's best for them etc but, not allow them to be your friend. Who needs a friend who treats you as a 'codependent pet' rather than as an equal? Unfortunately, inthe church it is often the narcissist who is bolstered and the other person portrayed as the problem through gaslighting - "Oh, they're not being godly because they're not fawning over the Narcissist?" no - God gives us healthy boundaries - and He removes those who would seek to emotionally and psychologically harm us.
Thank you for sharing your experience. This speaks to my heart and I am in desperate need of prayer. 46 years of marriage to a narcissistic husband who went to Bible college and fills pulpits. 2 years ago I stood up to him, (he put severe limits on my volunteering at church and the Christian school, (while he is hardly ever home and does things that are self-centered). It has been a cold war ever since. I stay in my room while he has the living room. He leaves copies of sermons on the "role of wives" and Bible verses in prominent places in the house. I might look at the title and the highlighted sections to see what it is about but while I ignore them they tend to eat me up. Yesterday, he preached at a church about the suffering of Job and one of his points was that Job's wife held Job in disdain because of Job's piety. A direct reference to me, I'm sure. This church knows about our marital problems. We no longer attend the same church, he left the church that we attended and started church-hopping, AGAIN. He has made himself the victim and is going about demonizing me. I need strength to keep my eyes on the Lord, at 70 and no money I'm trapped.
@@gramadidi I hear your voice. I trust it and The Lord is with you. Isaiah 41:10 "Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
You said if someone really gave their life over to God and lived for Him, “they would cease to be a narcissist”. What an amazing statement! Because they would humble themselves and repent of their sin, and would be filled with the fruit of the Spirit. They would stop hurting others. They would seek the help that they need if they were serious about wanting help to change. Thank you for pointing that out.
The narcs crusified Christ and called him inauthentic.. just like they crusify the saints today. They feel only those who feel evil is good are righteous. The church is tramples the christians. The church thinks it is righteous to murder the good and honor the wicked. Those not honoring the wicked are being targeted by the narcasistic antichrist church. Your statement is off.
Ok. Not going to argue with you. My life. My opinion matters most to me. And it seems my dear sir, that you are the one who’s off. Your words make no sense. I’m talking about how my mom appeared to me. That’s my right. I experienced it.
@@Webbgurl2000 evil is not good but it believes it is. Narcs think their selfish lawless way is DIVINE and these are called common evil people. Pitchforks and fire 🔥
@@Webbgurl2000 I'm not sure what the argument is here because I understood what you meant and what the 2 commenters shared, but I don't think the person who said you were off was right. I'm wondering if maybe they just didn't understand your comment or made into something it wasn't. Peace!
I’m going through the same thing with my mom…except my father is the enabler and he doesn’t stick up for his 3 daughters..he just stays silent to not set my mother off. Since you are a father and you are going through the same thing, can I ask you what are you doing to help your kids or to put an end to this toxic family situation?
Thank you, this was spot on! My ex was a covert “Christian” narcissist and I think what hurts worse is the deception. Thank you for reminding us that we will know a tree by its fruits.
This is my Mother-in Law in a nutshell! She proclaims to follow the Lord, but shows no fruit of it. This video was an answer to prayer. Thank you for talking about this subject that is not addressed in the world, or churches! God Bless you, and your transparency!
I wish I had been taught about this tuff much sooner in life. I find narcissism all over the bible now, Sad that this isn't taughr in church, Found two pastor who teach a lot about this topic; RC Blakes and Roberta Morrison. They provide a treasure trove of teaching on this topic.
Yes, totally agreed! I think these are issues we can't afford to stick our head in the sand about in the church. There's too much on the line. Too many people are being victimized and abused, and then sometimes even re-victimized in the church by well-meaning but clueless leaders who don't understand what's really happening. Thanks so much for sharing those resources! I think it's our duty to learn about these things and to be able to discern when we're dealing with a "wolf" for our own sake and for the sake of those we love. Thanks again! :)
Keep up the good work. You give perspectives on this topic that I haven't heard before from anybody else. I totally agree with you on all counts. Good work!
If they can go to a psychiatrist and get help and meds then it’s possible. But getting them to remotely accept they have issues or are a narcissist is the hardest thing to do and they probably won’t go. But some do if they can acknowledge they are one and need help.
My wife plays Christian music at the highest level in the house when she knows that drives me crazy “ and we have a Library of Christian books from Penecostal pastors all over the house ‘ but will watch movies full of the f word “ talk about people behind there back “ and will never say I’m sorry to me or the kids . And gives the silent treatment when she is upset
I'm sorry to hear this brother. Personally, if it were me, I'd have an amicable separation. Not a divorce but a separation. Tough love is required. Check out Robert Clancy videos on deliverance.
Those sound like traits and not necessarily full blown narcissism. I picked up narcissistic behaviors and coping mechanisms from my father and even more from my husband who I believe is full blown. I exercise my capacity to repent, forgive, love, offer grace and mercy. The narcissist does none of these things genuinely.
My abusive, malignant narc brother claims to be a man of God and a family man. It's pathetic and laughable. He's never once expressed genuine remorse for his heinous, evil actions.
Theologically, narcissism is idolatry. The narcissist is the center of his world and NO ONE else can occupy that space. He is his own idol, his own God. They are living an artificial life with an artificial religion. IF they are "Christian," it is because it brings them some benefit quite apart from any faithful benefit. The great enemy of God throughout scripture is not Satan. It is idolatry. Also, the word hypocrisy is a Greek word for our word "actor." The Greek actors wore large masks on stage to protect them from public abuse. Thus, a hypocrite is a mask wearer. No one is more a mask wearer than a narcissist. Rev. Dr. Timothy Boschen
I stumbled upon this video while searching for yet more about Narcissism but so wanting some Godly 'Word based' insight. My wife (25yrs married) divorced me 10 months ago 'in the name of God'... but all so sudden and none of it makes any Godly sense, common sense, logic, rational thinking... I didn't know what 'Narcissism' was until someone told me my wife may have NPD... I've since been googling it over the past months, article after article, video after video... and I can sadly tick EVERY box! This video however really has answered some very important questions I have had about 'how can she, as a born again believer 'told by God to divorce me' truly justify what she has done... well, it sadly seems to me that she can't believe in Jesus and walk in His ways if she is doing the terrible, cruel things towards myself and our children. No fruit of the Spirit, just so much selfishness, pride, lack of empathy/compassion... I can see you have experienced something similar by the pauses you make in your video and come close to tears. I do trust that our faithful and true Heavenly Father has been doing a precious healing in your own heart. May the Lord continue to bless you as you share this important and helpful understanding regarding these issues.
My wife of 29 years 4 years ago divorced me. Right before the divorce I was sharing with a therapist some of my wifes behavior and comments. I barely got the 3rd example out of my mouth and she said Covert Narcissist. I had never heard of it. I do now as I've done much reading. When I approached my wife and suggested counseling she ran. She ran right to an attorney. She knew the jig was up!!
My mom is a narcissist and in the past couple of years she claims to be a Christian. She recently started reading the bible, listens to Christian music while singing along and goes to church. Me and my brother are the only people that see that it's all fake. She is a covert narcissist and is just trying to keep up appearances. Also thank you so much for your videos. I see these things in the bible too and wondered if anyone else saw the same thing.
Thank you so very much. The comparison of the NARC'srelationship with me and with God opened my eyes to the answer to this question. The NARC can only have a superficial relationship, whether man or God. "How can a person love God, whom they cannot see, if they cannot love man who they can see?"
How can they have a "born again experience" when God uses the conscience to convict you you're a sinner. A narcissist does not believe they ever do wrong therefore cannot acknowledge they are a sinner. Ine nust acknowledge he\she is a sinner befor one can trust Christ's death on the cross for their sin.
It's very difficult. But it can only be done by the touch of the Holy Spirit. But because they will not allow themselves to totally surrender and hit bottom enough to receive His true forgiveness, they will never repent! And A true godly sorrow that leads to repentance is the only way. They are GOoD at a worldly sorrow that only leads to death. But it's rare for them to have a godly sorrow. So we pray 🙏 that for them. Lord turn their hearts towards you and you allow.
And the sad part is JesUS is exactly what they are looking for, but don't surrender fully. I think they think deep down that they are NOT worthy of His forgiveness etc. They feel defective at their core and not really worthy of His Love, Grace and forgiveness 🙏 😢
I had a Male coworker who claimed to be a Christian. He sounded genuine and claimed to go to church every week. But he also said he struggled in his past with sex addiction, that God delivered him from. He ended up sexually assaulting me. I didn't report it, I was so shocked. He afterwards, ended up treating me like I had done something wrong, and like I was bad. He had zero remorse and never apologized or repented. I ended up quitting that job soon after. But what gets me angry is, he lives on a busy street in my town and I occasionally drive by his apartment going to the grocery store, and I always see this large cross decoration he has in his window. I always think what a hypocrite he is, and how he probably still uses this to trick others. He is a full on sexual predator.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry you went through something so terrible and for it to be done using the cloak of the Lord's name is disgusting. If we look at Jesus' life on earth, we know he lifted women up rather than exploiting them. I think if we were truly functioning how we're meant to as the church, then a predator would be terrified to step foot in church for fear of exposure rather than finding it such a nice place to hide.
@@FurnaceForged This also will Bring more atheist and millions against God and the Bible. who will be going against the church when you have so called christians doing the wicked things to people. phisychopathic narcissist. God can't Blame the atheist or one who lost the chance of knowing any thing about scripture seeing all the wicked ones coming out of the church and claiming them self, one of God sure is Hypocrite. i would say the one who does not know God or Jesus at all Are the ones who may have the easy way of life on earth for they lived by mans way. but then yet , God could give all man a chance some how a free will, to know he is Creation.
Thanks for your comment, Laura! :) I used to think fruit meant actions, and that someone who went to church regularly, quoted scripture, seemed to have a desire to serve God, etc. was displaying good fruit & I generally trusted that. But now I know that's not always the case. I heard someone describe fruit one time, too, as including what a person produces in the environment and the people around them. For example, does being around that person produce peace in you? Produce joy in your life? Love? Goodness? From what I've experienced, being around a narcissist ultimately causes a lot of chaos, confusion and turmoil, i.e., bad fruit.
@@FurnaceForged wow! That's deep. Mine definitely produces turmoil, and I've let him put me in a bad place in my efforts of trying to be a submissive wife, which he threw in my face every time I didn't agree with him. I'm so isolated living in Alaska with extremely cold weather you can't even imagine, with 2 kids by him. 5 &3, wanting and needing divorce but don't want to be stuck living up here. Please pray for my situation. Thank you
Yes, Laura, praying for you! Jesus said in Luke 4:18 that he was sent so captives could be released and that the oppressed may go free. So it's in his Name that I pray for freedom in your situation and that he would guide you on the path to follow. Amen
@@FurnaceForged For me it was not only confusion and cognitive dissonance, but negativity, depletion of my life force (energy), hopelessness, and eventually suicidal ideation---35 years of marriage and the Christian idolization of marriage, fear, obligation and guilt that kept me bound to a man who had a solid Christian reputation to the outside world, but when alone with me was a different person. Grateful to God I survived. Out 2 years now. 70 years old and trying to build a new life. This kind of pain is unexplainable. Only other survivors know and of course, God knows.
I really appreciate your help because I really need a Christian point of view. I look forward to hopefully learning from your view how we have to be careful with a narcissist, a narcissists trsits and how we can handle them in a Christian way and how we're supposed to distance ourselves from them if we have to. Thank you so very much and God bless you.
Amen, Amen!!! Thank you for these videos, they bless me in knowing that others see all this happening in our world today. Most "Christians" I know have never been born-again. The evidence of their lost state is that they lack all the fruit of the Spirit. Galatians 5:22-23 "22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." These people have a form of religion but deny God in their lifestyle. 2 Timothy 3:1-5 Difficult (ragingly insane) Times Will Come 3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
Wonderful Lily Bean. I have been wondering since 1997 ( when we married) what the heck is going on. As an empathetic person I cut my wife lots of slack over the years ( on account of how hard her childhood had been) and have largely put up with her rage. Things like her/us going to Church and then fifteen minutes later at home being yelled at with f words have caused lots of confusion for our girls and myself. You shall know them by their fruits!!! In 2012 suicide was in and out of my head as the confusion made me feel insane. I couldn't comprehend how someone who professes Christianity can do this. I don't feel at ease around my wife at all ...always on edge waiting for wrath, sarcasm , subtle criticism , accusations , unrealistic/unfair expectations, demeaning names or whatever. Used to be darling when I comply...A hole if I refuse to comply. More subtle now but still manipulation. I believe this stuff has massively damaged our girls. Please pray for Bella 21 and especially Lucy 18...Lucy is battling so hard with anxiety and depression. Blessings. Dave. New Zealand.
I'm dealing with the exact things you are! I don't feel comfortable being around my wife, we've been separated for 4 years. My wife is slowly turning our children against me. The relationship with my older 2 girls is very stained, they barely talk with me, ages 16&14. If I don't comply with her demands I'm concerned what else she may do. I'll be praying for you brother!
Thank you for this video. I will make one sometime. Is see the pain in your eyes and it looks like what I see when I look in the mirror. I don't know if they can be saved. I thought so but narcissists are afraid of taking the blame or accepting guilt. In order to be saved you must believe that you need to be saved, that you are to blame and thus deserve to be eternally destroyed. Salvation is premised on this, that we are guilty and deserve hell. The narc can't accept guilt and is thus unavailable to be saved. If they can be saved they will feel guilt for their sins they will be sorry. Plain and simple. Love them through it before it is too late but pretending they are really a Christian is the worse thing you can do. I think narcissism is demonic and if you get to them and win them over through love if it is possible. God bless you. I am sorry for your suffering. I agree with everything you said. Jesus is the only cure and only hope for the narc.
I just got discarded from a man that I thought was sent by God. I’m devastated to realize that he seems to be a narcissist. I’ve run into this before however I was blindsided because he was such a strong spiritual Christian man. Never have I met the two in one. I am totally heartbroken and can’t make much sense of this.
So sorry to hear that , yes you definitely have to pray to god for someone who truly loves his law , a narcissist may know what right is but don’t want to live by it.
My dad is a minister (and I am too) but he is a narcissist but I don't know if I should approach this again. He shuts me down on any rebuke and he thinks he is above reproach. I'm so sad because I love him but he has been a narcissist for over 40 years. Very abusive and arrogant 😪
Thank you for sharing Lily, I can tell your pain with the experience of this first hand has brought you to the well thought out conclusions you have, it all comes back to action, doesn't it? And if you are truly born again it will eventuate in action - loving action and true repentance. I'm only finding this out now... It has been a painful unravelling but it all made sense to me when I realised that there was zero empathy towards me, when I was thrown under the bus and our child was (and still has been withheld from me) after she asked me to leave. There was an still is no ability to look at oneself, come to the table and discuss things as equals or any ability to see things from anything other than their own viewpoint, no matter how skewed or heartless that view point is... The only thing that matters to them is them being right. All their Christian pre-tense gets sacrificed on the altar of this sadly. It boggles the mind, especially when you had been in a relationship with them and all the while they portray the loving, caring Christian. ALL of that goes out the window when you stand up to their gaslighting and begin to have a deeper self-respect for yourself and for your own boundaries. They do not like it and they will make you pay in the most painful way possible. 'Christian' narcissists are real... but how anyone can call themselves Christian when this is how they behave is beyond comprehension.
Thank you for this. An older lady almost had me fooled. She bounced from church to church but it's someone else's fault. She is a legit criminal to man's laws yet so self righteous. All that shouting, Bible study, etc etc had me so deceived
Thank you for sharing this insight. Your video was very heartfelt. I appreciate the scripture references. I hope you continue to heal from your relationship with the narcissist.
Going thru this with one in a divorce and custody battle with 4 beautiful girls. It's truly heart breaking, she is demonizing me to others as well as our children. ....
This is excellent! Thank you for taking the time and effort to make this extremely important video, with such a beautiful, important message ❤ God Bless you
this describes my narc perfectly. 7 days post discard im in hiding no contact and hes up at the church telling everyone how awful I am. hes so hypocritical, he can't make it out to the car without saying cruel hateful things about our "friends" he just hugged. I feel like a fraud. No more
My experience with a covert narcissist wife has me thinking she’s either fooling herself or trying really hard to fool me. She’s failing to fool me anymore! But I’m very glad she is failing at it. Helps me to know there is no change in her!
Right now, this is my mom 200% and it is so difficult for means my little sister. Even more, my mom has the gift of hearing God's voice!! THANK GOD THAT I FOUND YOUR VIDEO😭😭 You gave me so much valuable information and I will pray to the Lord on what to do next. GOOD BLESS YOU LILY❤️❤️
Thank you for giving this clarity to something I was already concerned about. I met someone 3 years ago who was going through a very rough time in his life and during that time he claimed to have accepted Christ as his Savior. We shared texts about Biblical teaching and quotes and had a couple of phone conversations about it. I truly wanted to believe that he had a changed life and was just navigating a difficult road while being a young believer. We stopped being friends for a year and later this year, we reconnected. He said "I have changed and maybe not in a good way". He didn't want to talk about God or anything to do with God EXCEPT once when he got sick, he asked for prayers and suddenly said he had been talking to God. After the illness passed it was back to business as usual. We had a texting disagreement which was from BOTH our parts. I tried to take the blame and apologize several times. There was only massive anger, no forgiveness, and a discard. I can only continue to pray for him and pray that he has a REAL encounter with Jesus. It's so sad for me.
My dear sister I can tell you’ve been hurt & drained emotionally because I’ve been divorced from one for 4 years now & I still feel drained at times. It took something out of me that’s hard to replace. And you’re absolutely right! I never really knew her because that person didn’t exist, only a false mask of who she pretended to be. I truly believe it’s a Demon inside a human body.
You really need to pray ask god if it’s his will our emotions and feelings could get caught up in thinking what is or isn’t from God especially if we really want something bad enough to believe that it is from God really truly seek and you shall find knock and the door shall be open to the Lord he will not steer you wrong God bless
Break it off sister. Leave him to God and perhaps a strong man of God to disciple him. I married my so called Christian narc and was battered, beaten, cheated on and almost killed! We r divorced. God warned me about him but at the time I couldn't be alone. I was such a dummy. Take heed!
Great explanation of that bible verse in Matthew 7:21. I became a (Baptist) Christian and my ex- kicked me out of the marriage. Nothing I could do or say could appease the person. She was a narcissist and the last 2 years, of the marriage unwinding, was hell on wheels. The SDA church was formed by a (dead) malignant narcissist who called herself a prophet of God and I could not sit in that church for the rest of my life and listen to their slander of Christians and no one but me could seem to see and hear this including my ex-. So I HAD TO leave and the wife had no repentance about throwing me out at all when I told her the truth.
My ex GF covert narcissist hid behind christianity to hide her true self. She went to a very very small church where mostly elderly people go. She’s one of two singers on stage. I believe she does this for one, validation and two, to make her feel grandiose.
I was married to a Narcissist for 14 years, we went to 7 different therapist and neither of them told me my wife was a Narcissist, this is way before internet, now I know that I wasted my money trying to figure out what was wrong with her, she claimed she was a christian, she was not, just a Narcissist
I've heard that verse Matt 7:23 many times............. But I will reply, " I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God's law." When I heard you say and emphasis the word ' knew' I heard that word somewhat different today. Jesus states " I never knew you.' Ironically the narcissist does not "know' themself either. They live a life of lie and deception behind a mask. We know them better than they know themself. May God have mercy. Love you sister! Keep up the good work and fight the good fight!
Narcissists are operating in Witchcraft which is rebellion. (1st Samuel 15:21-24) God's will judge all hidden sin of the narcissists. (Proverbs 28:13; Galatians 5:16-26)
Thank you! I had no idea about this and have been enduring abuse & doubting my self for 14 years of marriage because of my professing Christian husband. Yet, kept coming back in my thoughts what a true Christian walk looks like. God in His mercy has been revealing truth to me. It is such a relief & gives me hope to hear this confirmation from someone else!
Thank you so much. I have some of these traits but I am really getting a lot of critism for getting out of a relationship with a churchy man who claims to always tell me what God wants me to do. My traits got worse and I made even worse choices, and met many people who mistook forgiveness for endorsement. God can forgive us but we have to change what we do for the better, not just becoming a more selfish sinful person. ( as we age we change, but usually the path of least resistance) I see myself and many I know in your VERY helpful video.Thanks again.
Thank you! Well said and so very helpful! Problem, whenever he brings up God, it sparks hope in me, then I find he likes to pick and choose Bible verses to prove me wrong or show me my error! Such a mess , I can only give it to God
Top notch video. I was married for 20 years. I never fathomed this person would pull the stunts she did when she suddenly divorced me. Looking back at what I know now, she was never content, angry and always inventing a dilemma.
2 Timothy 3 describes a narcissist to a tee. 35 years with one and now I’m finally free. Pastors would tell me I had to stay and be abused , God hates divorce and I would say but God hates the abuse of his daughter more.
This is the best parallel drawn and explanation of how narcissists can seemingly be a Christian. This is exactly how my ex was. There for the benefits but as soon as it becomes challenging and requires death to self, they're unwilling. How can someone be saved if they can't admit when they're wrong?
Your application of scripture is so direct, meaningful and has the ring of truth. Jude seems also to be speaking of these qualities in men of our times. He also says to hate the garment, which I take to mean the personality and choices they make, but not to hate the flesh, which seems to me to be saying it's not our place to hate one another as God gets to judge them not us. I don't know if I'm getting this right but if I am it is very hard. It requires having God as your helper, just like you point out. Thank you for this video.
Is there a spectrum in narcissism? Or what can be someone´s problem when they constantly take too much space sosially, brag, tell stories and exaggerate to the point where you would call it lying, lose friends continually because of miscommunication like little lies or exaggeration, talking behind peoples back, dont listen if you confront them, they just ignore or change the subject…but at the same time they are loving, generous, in good moods, no problem to interrupt them, very hospitable, at least as long as you dont confront them with lies or how they do things.
I held onto my ex Wife was a Christian & that’s why I excepted her behaviour,I’ve only learned about narcissism since divorce.God has restored me now & I am educated now for the future of not making same mistake 🙏
Christian resources are very hard to find. Also when you get the courage to share with your pastors, they never usually understand. They just can't believe that the person is as bad as you say. Thsnks for your video. I really appreciate it.
The Bible does say, in the last days, the love of many will grow cold. Which means Self increases & it’s better described as narcissist. It’s ok to let go of a narcissist after all we know that the biggest narcissist was throw out of heaven.
I like that you noted that only God knows peoples hearts because I don’t think it’s right for us to judge whether or not someone is going to heaven or not. But it is good to know who they are and that what they say may not be truth and not out of love but out of selfish gain.
If they know that we are Christians by our love but a narcissist can’t love, can a narcissist truly get saved? Our narcissistic daughter hates us big time.
This hit hard...I was so confused about what God wanted me to do. I’ve been with a covert narcissist who professed to be a Christian for nine years. I always believed that couldn’t be possible to be both because my spirit was always conflicted. What he said and what he did, never matched. We are now separated but he has been reaching out to me recently and I’m so wary of his motivation and his intentions. I will continue to pray for healing and discernment. Thank you for this video! 🙏🏻
I'm sorry that you spent so much time with him. I've spent my time with many covert narcs over the years, including family, friends and women I loved. They never love you, not at all actually, not as much as you want to love them. Narcissists never want you, they 'just' need you. The wheat and the tares is similar to that of givers and takers. Generally you're strongly one or the other. And as much as you can avoid going back to him or having any contact as he will seek to destroy you in so many ways. I also would be extremely wary of his intentions as they probably right from the start might have appeared to be honest but were most definitely not.
@@HardRealist Thanks for the reply...it's been seven months now and he has been really pushing for a reconciliation based on ZERO change but lots of, "God is working on me". I won't be fooled again...I see him now for what he really is...a horrible person.
@@sassydog104 Good for you. Remember all of our relationships are based upon trust. He's broken basic trust probably time and again, and he doesn't care that you trust him. Only that you give in. God bless and I hope you can find yourself again as much as possible as more time goes by.
Praise the Lord, Sister Lily! God's word doesn't lie nor the Holy Spirit. (Romans 8:1-39; John 3:1-21) Narcissistic people claimed to be born again, but are wolves in sheep's clothing, uncircumcised in heart. The devil is after God's elected ones. (Matthew 24-25) If anyone profess Christ as Lord and Savior must have the indwelling Holy Spirit according to Romans 8:1-39 and Galatians 5:1-26.
Excellent points. I've had similar questions about this. I believe that a believer in Jesus Christ can also be a narcissist. There are many believers that get saved and believe and become born again and these same people have some severe past abuse and trauma which has been a large part of the narcissistic behavior they exhibit. I believe there is a clear difference between justification unto salvation and sanctification both presently and the fact that Jesus knows all that are his and we are predestined before the foundation of the world (I'm not a Calvinist by the way). Just trying to make a point that many people tie in justification and sanctification and miss out on the healing and equipping that happens as we are taught of the Holy Spirit and walk with Jesus. With that said, God judges the heart and I'm not sure of who is saved or not except for myself because the Holy Spirit confirms with our spirit that we belong to Jesus. There are a ton of false converts in the churches. We can only be free from ourselves when we are born again. Also, I think I was a narcissist before I got saved and over time many of the things I did which I've learned are narcissistic behavior I don't do anymore. At times I do bad stuff in my head especially. But I've learned and cherish forgiving others and sending away the offenses that come my way and not passing a verdict on what someone is thinking or assuming why they have done something against me (judging in the way only God can do) I've been set free. I don't discard narcissists as a first act. But free will gets in many a narc's way. Keep making videos. I agree with you. And there are not many resources on this from authentic Christians. Subscribed.
They can also put on a good act of repentance in order to get revenge but they will briefly drop the mask from time to time most the time people miss it cause it's so brief
Anyone else feel drained or intimidated by being around certain people.
@Roy Savage you're lucky you don't feel intimidated. It's worse than feeling drained😓
@@thatgamerbiatch thats really a horrible feeling, ive felt like that too, its difficult. A part of me wants to get angry to flip the tables, but if im exhausted i just tolerate it until i can leave the situation asap. But We have to stand up for ourselves, and your boundries... do your best, value how you feel and if someone hurts you let them know and be clear about it. You have to care about you, enough to do that, you have to! Dont suffer in silence lots of people tread with their careless loud mouths and dont even know the pain they cause.
@@davespark10 I agree with everything you said. It's always been hard to stand up for myself to avoid offending the offenders, but i've decided to be bolder from now on. Thanks for your words. I wish you the best in life buddy👍
@@davespark10 I found it best not to give them that much. I'ma believer but I believe silence is best when possible. They don't care abt ur feelings and when they hurt u. It only feeds them what they want. I just distanced and went no contact as doe the other I'm still trying. But I'm careful abt what u say as to not be there supply etc. See Dr. Ramani here on RUclips. Priceless info.
I understand what u mean when u say intimidated..u might mean “uncomfortable” i never be around ppl i dnt feel comfortable around
I was in a relationship with a Christian man who was also a pastor. The amount of lies, manipulation, anger and terrible morals in general was both interesting and terrifying to watch. Amazing to know that many clergy are of this type, using religion for their personal gain, but have no moral obligation to the actual principles of the teachings.
Oh yes - definitely. A lot of narcissistic people are attracted to religion because of the love and praise they get from it. Sadly in it for the wrong reasons. I hope you were able to heal from it.
That is a jezebel or antichrist spirit controlling them. It's not uncommon.
This is spot on..Listened to this a few times. I now understand why Narcs are in churches all over the place. The reason is because real believers will give them a loving chance. Naive people in church are great supply for the Narc. Most of the worldly people outside the church won't give the narcissist the time of day as they see them for what they are.
The last words I told my ex narcissist is “I never knew you”
Wow I told my ex the very same thing. When I got discarded I saw her for who she really was. I saw pure evil. She reveal to me the darkness in her heart that was always there but I never saw.
@@jayscrillins1475 same
AND THEY NEVER KNEW YOU FOR THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW THEM SELF.
I've used "They know not what they do" a few times. And I stopped going to church. So when I do it suddenly I got friends going ," Never knew you to be christlike... Katie, first the water to the homeless guy now this..? "
And that's when they get "I am who I am." Out of me.
OMG....I feel and know what you feel.
I remember praying for discernment and God revealing that verse to me sometime after... “Therefore by their fruits you will know them”. THANK U JESUS for revelation and wisdom ❤️
The fruit of the Spirit are not deeds, they are character qualities that turn into deeds of love.
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
It creates confusion, but our God is not one of confusion. I went through this recently with a friend. I prayed for clarity and to be lead through this. You realise when they cannot sit down with you as a friend and listen and talk - or if they do, it is one sided - their way or the highway, no reciprocity. They 'panic' when you mention emotion, they gaslight, invalidate, minimise and deny. Its sad. It made me doubt my perceptions and question if I was the narcissist? But God gives us discernment. Also you can still love someone in Christ (as commanded) and want what's best for them etc but, not allow them to be your friend. Who needs a friend who treats you as a 'codependent pet' rather than as an equal? Unfortunately, inthe church it is often the narcissist who is bolstered and the other person portrayed as the problem through gaslighting - "Oh, they're not being godly because they're not fawning over the Narcissist?" no - God gives us healthy boundaries - and He removes those who would seek to emotionally and psychologically harm us.
Wauw so correct!!
good insight, thank you.
Thank you for sharing your experience. This speaks to my heart and I am in desperate need of prayer. 46 years of marriage to a narcissistic husband who went to Bible college and fills pulpits. 2 years ago I stood up to him, (he put severe limits on my volunteering at church and the Christian school, (while he is hardly ever home and does things that are self-centered). It has been a cold war ever since. I stay in my room while he has the living room. He leaves copies of sermons on the "role of wives" and Bible verses in prominent places in the house. I might look at the title and the highlighted sections to see what it is about but while I ignore them they tend to eat me up. Yesterday, he preached at a church about the suffering of Job and one of his points was that Job's wife held Job in disdain because of Job's piety. A direct reference to me, I'm sure. This church knows about our marital problems. We no longer attend the same church, he left the church that we attended and started church-hopping, AGAIN. He has made himself the victim and is going about demonizing me. I need strength to keep my eyes on the Lord, at 70 and no money I'm trapped.
@@gramadidi I hear your voice. I trust it and The Lord is with you. Isaiah 41:10
"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
Exactly. It’s all confusion. Plus they can never repent or say they were wrong so it’s like taking to a wall. They will say “I never did that”.
You said if someone really gave their life over to God and lived for Him, “they would cease to be a narcissist”. What an amazing statement! Because they would humble themselves and repent of their sin, and would be filled with the fruit of the Spirit. They would stop hurting others. They would seek the help that they need if they were serious about wanting help to change. Thank you for pointing that out.
I couldn't agree with you more. It was truly a great insight on her part!
This was such a good video. There is not enough conversation on this subject. Thank you
Totally agree.
Amazing good food the soul
Can’t love God whom we can’t see while refusing to love your brother whom you can see. That’s the narcissistic person
The narcs crusified Christ and called him inauthentic.. just like they crusify the saints today. They feel only those who feel evil is good are righteous. The church is tramples the christians. The church thinks it is righteous to murder the good and honor the wicked. Those not honoring the wicked are being targeted by the narcasistic antichrist church. Your statement is off.
Ok. Not going to argue with you. My life. My opinion matters most to me. And it seems my dear sir, that you are the one who’s off. Your words make no sense. I’m talking about how my mom appeared to me. That’s my right. I experienced it.
@@Webbgurl2000 evil is not good but it believes it is. Narcs think their selfish lawless way is DIVINE and these are called common evil people. Pitchforks and fire 🔥
@@Webbgurl2000 I'm not sure what the argument is here because I understood what you meant and what the 2 commenters shared, but I don't think the person who said you were off was right. I'm wondering if maybe they just didn't understand your comment or made into something it wasn't. Peace!
This is exactly what I’m going through with my wife it’s a shame my kids have to suffer through this I hate that Jezebel Spirit
I’m going through the same thing with my mom…except my father is the enabler and he doesn’t stick up for his 3 daughters..he just stays silent to not set my mother off. Since you are a father and you are going through the same thing, can I ask you what are you doing to help your kids or to put an end to this toxic family situation?
Thank you, this was spot on!
My ex was a covert “Christian” narcissist and I think what hurts worse is the deception.
Thank you for reminding us that we will know a tree by its fruits.
"When they had to choose between dying to self or throwing you under the bus, which did they choose?"
Under bus
They will throw you under the bus every single time!
Amen!!!!!!! Another great insight!!!!
They’re like chameleons. They know what it looks like but can’t truly feel it.
This is my Mother-in Law in a nutshell! She proclaims to follow the Lord, but shows no fruit of it. This video was an answer to prayer. Thank you for talking about this subject that is not addressed in the world, or churches! God Bless you, and your transparency!
I wish I had been taught about this tuff much sooner in life. I find narcissism all over the bible now, Sad that this isn't taughr in church, Found two pastor who teach a lot about this topic; RC Blakes and Roberta Morrison. They provide a treasure trove of teaching on this topic.
Yes, totally agreed! I think these are issues we can't afford to stick our head in the sand about in the church. There's too much on the line. Too many people are being victimized and abused, and then sometimes even re-victimized in the church by well-meaning but clueless leaders who don't understand what's really happening. Thanks so much for sharing those resources! I think it's our duty to learn about these things and to be able to discern when we're dealing with a "wolf" for our own sake and for the sake of those we love. Thanks again! :)
@@FurnaceForged Totally agree. Too many people suffering but don't hav a clue what is being done to them and why.
Keep up the good work. You give perspectives on this topic that I haven't heard before from anybody else. I totally agree with you on all counts. Good work!
Only GOD can change heart and make them new & whole
Any testimonies on this
I am deeply looking for any testimonies but there is nothing. Narcissism seems incurable.. even from a spiritual standpoint
If they can go to a psychiatrist and get help and meds then it’s possible. But getting them to remotely accept they have issues or are a narcissist is the hardest thing to do and they probably won’t go. But some do if they can acknowledge they are one and need help.
My wife plays Christian music at the highest level in the house when she knows that drives me crazy “ and we have a Library of Christian books from Penecostal pastors all over the house ‘ but will watch movies full of the f word “ talk about people behind there back “ and will never say I’m sorry to me or the kids . And gives the silent treatment when she is upset
I'm sorry to hear this brother. Personally, if it were me, I'd have an amicable separation. Not a divorce but a separation. Tough love is required. Check out Robert Clancy videos on deliverance.
Those sound like traits and not necessarily full blown narcissism. I picked up narcissistic behaviors and coping mechanisms from my father and even more from my husband who I believe is full blown. I exercise my capacity to repent, forgive, love, offer grace and mercy. The narcissist does none of these things genuinely.
If they have problems saying sorry (lack empathy) or they get angry when you say no then they are probably a Narcissist.
My abusive, malignant narc brother claims to be a man of God and a family man. It's pathetic and laughable. He's never once expressed genuine remorse for his heinous, evil actions.
Theologically, narcissism is idolatry. The narcissist is the center of his world and NO ONE else can occupy that space. He is his own idol, his own God. They are living an artificial life with an artificial religion. IF they are "Christian," it is because it brings them some benefit quite apart from any faithful benefit. The great enemy of God throughout scripture is not Satan. It is idolatry.
Also, the word hypocrisy is a Greek word for our word "actor." The Greek actors wore large masks on stage to protect them from public abuse. Thus, a hypocrite is a mask wearer. No one is more a mask wearer than a narcissist. Rev. Dr. Timothy Boschen
I stumbled upon this video while searching for yet more about Narcissism but so wanting some Godly 'Word based' insight.
My wife (25yrs married) divorced me 10 months ago 'in the name of God'... but all so sudden and none of it makes any Godly sense, common sense, logic, rational thinking...
I didn't know what 'Narcissism' was until someone told me my wife may have NPD... I've since been googling it over the past months, article after article, video after video... and I can sadly tick EVERY box!
This video however really has answered some very important questions I have had about 'how can she, as a born again believer 'told by God to divorce me' truly justify what she has done... well, it sadly seems to me that she can't believe in Jesus and walk in His ways if she is doing the terrible, cruel things towards myself and our children. No fruit of the Spirit, just so much selfishness, pride, lack of empathy/compassion...
I can see you have experienced something similar by the pauses you make in your video and come close to tears. I do trust that our faithful and true Heavenly Father has been doing a precious healing in your own heart.
May the Lord continue to bless you as you share this important and helpful understanding regarding these issues.
Women can divorce sir! It may not be Godly to you but she has a right to feel the way she does. You cannot judge her.
My wife of 29 years 4 years ago divorced me. Right before the divorce I was sharing with a therapist some of my wifes behavior and comments. I barely got the 3rd example out of my mouth and she said Covert Narcissist. I had never heard of it. I do now as I've done much reading. When I approached my wife and suggested counseling she ran. She ran right to an attorney. She knew the jig was up!!
My mom is a narcissist and in the past couple of years she claims to be a Christian. She recently started reading the bible, listens to Christian music while singing along and goes to church. Me and my brother are the only people that see that it's all fake. She is a covert narcissist and is just trying to keep up appearances.
Also thank you so much for your videos. I see these things in the bible too and wondered if anyone else saw the same thing.
Thanks so much for your comments and for sharing your insights! :)
Ex was like that
ex friend was like this and I noticed it is done to receive the praises of man like the Pharisees instead of looking for the praises of God.
Thank you so very much. The comparison of the NARC'srelationship with me and with God opened my eyes to the answer to this question. The NARC can only have a superficial relationship, whether man or God. "How can a person love God, whom they cannot see, if they cannot love man who they can see?"
Sis I feel you and I hear you. You are on point honey. I went through that.
How can they have a "born again experience" when God uses the conscience to convict you you're a sinner. A narcissist does not believe they ever do wrong therefore cannot acknowledge they are a sinner. Ine nust acknowledge he\she is a sinner befor one can trust Christ's death on the cross for their sin.
It's very difficult. But it can only be done by the touch of the Holy Spirit. But because they will not allow themselves to totally surrender and hit bottom enough to receive His true forgiveness, they will never repent! And A true godly sorrow that leads to repentance is the only way. They are GOoD at a worldly sorrow that only leads to death. But it's rare for them to have a godly sorrow. So we pray 🙏 that for them.
Lord turn their hearts towards you and you allow.
And the sad part is JesUS is exactly what they are looking for, but don't surrender fully. I think they think deep down that they are NOT worthy of His forgiveness etc. They feel defective at their core and not really worthy of His Love, Grace and forgiveness 🙏 😢
@Yahweh Goodness! exactly 💯
I had a Male coworker who claimed to be a Christian. He sounded genuine and claimed to go to church every week. But he also said he struggled in his past with sex addiction, that God delivered him from. He ended up sexually assaulting me. I didn't report it, I was so shocked. He afterwards, ended up treating me like I had done something wrong, and like I was bad. He had zero remorse and never apologized or repented. I ended up quitting that job soon after. But what gets me angry is, he lives on a busy street in my town and I occasionally drive by his apartment going to the grocery store, and I always see this large cross decoration he has in his window. I always think what a hypocrite he is, and how he probably still uses this to trick others. He is a full on sexual predator.
Thank you for sharing your story. I'm so sorry you went through something so terrible and for it to be done using the cloak of the Lord's name is disgusting. If we look at Jesus' life on earth, we know he lifted women up rather than exploiting them. I think if we were truly functioning how we're meant to as the church, then a predator would be terrified to step foot in church for fear of exposure rather than finding it such a nice place to hide.
@@FurnaceForged This also will Bring more atheist and millions against God and the Bible. who will be going against the church when you have so called christians doing the wicked things to people. phisychopathic narcissist. God can't Blame the atheist or one who lost the chance of knowing any thing about scripture seeing all the wicked ones coming out of the church and claiming them self, one of God sure is Hypocrite. i would say the one who does not know God or Jesus at all Are the ones who may have the easy way of life on earth for they lived by mans way. but then yet , God could give all man a chance some how a free will, to know he is Creation.
@@FurnaceForged Deep!!!!
Thank you for such a great video and speaking truth! I have wrestled with this same question. You will know them by thier fruits.
Thanks for your comment, Laura! :) I used to think fruit meant actions, and that someone who went to church regularly, quoted scripture, seemed to have a desire to serve God, etc. was displaying good fruit & I generally trusted that. But now I know that's not always the case. I heard someone describe fruit one time, too, as including what a person produces in the environment and the people around them. For example, does being around that person produce peace in you? Produce joy in your life? Love? Goodness? From what I've experienced, being around a narcissist ultimately causes a lot of chaos, confusion and turmoil, i.e., bad fruit.
@@FurnaceForged wow! That's deep. Mine definitely produces turmoil, and I've let him put me in a bad place in my efforts of trying to be a submissive wife, which he threw in my face every time I didn't agree with him. I'm so isolated living in Alaska with extremely cold weather you can't even imagine, with 2 kids by him. 5 &3, wanting and needing divorce but don't want to be stuck living up here. Please pray for my situation. Thank you
Yes, Laura, praying for you! Jesus said in Luke 4:18 that he was sent so captives could be released and that the oppressed may go free. So it's in his Name that I pray for freedom in your situation and that he would guide you on the path to follow. Amen
@@FurnaceForged For me it was not only confusion and cognitive dissonance, but negativity, depletion of my life force (energy), hopelessness, and eventually suicidal ideation---35 years of marriage and the Christian idolization of marriage, fear, obligation and guilt that kept me bound to a man who had a solid Christian reputation to the outside world, but when alone with me was a different person. Grateful to God I survived. Out 2 years now. 70 years old and trying to build a new life. This kind of pain is unexplainable. Only other survivors know and of course, God knows.
“They want to perks but not pay the cost”. And “when it came to dying to self or selling you out, which did they choose?”
Well put 💯
Ticks sucking the blood out of you when theres none left they jump on to the next victim
I really appreciate your help because I really need a Christian point of view. I look forward to hopefully learning from your view how we have to be careful with a narcissist, a narcissists trsits and how we can handle them in a Christian way and how we're supposed to distance ourselves from them if we have to. Thank you so very much and God bless you.
Thank you for this video. It really did help bring clarity to my relationship. And yes they did throw me under the bus!
They have the same relationships with God as they have with us. Brilliant, best explanation I have heard. 💕
Amen, Amen!!! Thank you for these videos, they bless me in knowing that others see all this happening in our world today.
Most "Christians" I know have never been born-again. The evidence of their lost state is that they lack all the fruit of the Spirit.
Galatians 5:22-23
"22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law."
These people have a form of religion but deny God in their lifestyle.
2 Timothy 3:1-5
Difficult (ragingly insane) Times Will Come
3 But realize this, that in the last days difficult times will come. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, boastful, arrogant, slanderers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 unloving, irreconcilable, malicious gossips, without self-control, brutal, haters of good, 4 treacherous, reckless, conceited, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 holding to a form of godliness although they have denied its power; avoid such people as these."
Wonderful Lily Bean. I have been wondering since 1997 ( when we married) what the heck is going on. As an empathetic person I cut my wife lots of slack over the years ( on account of how hard her childhood had been) and have largely put up with her rage. Things like her/us going to Church and then fifteen minutes later at home being yelled at with f words have caused lots of confusion for our girls and myself. You shall know them by their fruits!!! In 2012 suicide was in and out of my head as the confusion made me feel insane. I couldn't comprehend how someone who professes Christianity can do this. I don't feel at ease around my wife at all ...always on edge waiting for wrath, sarcasm , subtle criticism , accusations , unrealistic/unfair expectations, demeaning names or whatever. Used to be darling when I comply...A hole if I refuse to comply. More subtle now but still manipulation. I believe this stuff has massively damaged our girls. Please pray for Bella 21 and especially Lucy 18...Lucy is battling so hard with anxiety and depression. Blessings. Dave. New Zealand.
Story of my life...I think the thing that has kept me sane all these years since 1997 was being open to the girls during this roller coaster.
I'm dealing with the exact things you are! I don't feel comfortable being around my wife, we've been separated for 4 years. My wife is slowly turning our children against me. The relationship with my older 2 girls is very stained, they barely talk with me, ages 16&14. If I don't comply with her demands I'm concerned what else she may do. I'll be praying for you brother!
Your have spoken the truth undiluted. He is the way, the truth and the life. Thank you my sister. Amen.
Thank you for this video. I will make one sometime. Is see the pain in your eyes and it looks like what I see when I look in the mirror. I don't know if they can be saved. I thought so but narcissists are afraid of taking the blame or accepting guilt. In order to be saved you must believe that you need to be saved, that you are to blame and thus deserve to be eternally destroyed. Salvation is premised on this, that we are guilty and deserve hell. The narc can't accept guilt and is thus unavailable to be saved. If they can be saved they will feel guilt for their sins they will be sorry. Plain and simple. Love them through it before it is too late but pretending they are really a Christian is the worse thing you can do. I think narcissism is demonic and if you get to them and win them over through love if it is possible. God bless you. I am sorry for your suffering. I agree with everything you said. Jesus is the only cure and only hope for the narc.
Your videos are very helpful! Much Love and hope you are in a better place today, as I know I am too ❤️
Wonderful, simple insight that's SPOT on! It amazes me that anyone could give this a thumbs down. Seriously?
Prob a narc lol
I just got discarded from a man that I thought was sent by God. I’m devastated to realize that he seems to be a narcissist. I’ve run into this before however I was blindsided because he was such a strong spiritual Christian man. Never have I met the two in one. I am totally heartbroken and can’t make much sense of this.
So sorry to hear that , yes you definitely have to pray to god for someone who truly loves his law , a narcissist may know what right is but don’t want to live by it.
This is such a helpful and humble piece on the subject, thank you and God bless you all!
My dad is a minister (and I am too) but he is a narcissist but I don't know if I should approach this again. He shuts me down on any rebuke and he thinks he is above reproach. I'm so sad because I love him but he has been a narcissist for over 40 years. Very abusive and arrogant 😪
Yes. I had a friend whose dad sounds similar. He was also sexually abusing her for years. I’d stop trying to show him anything.
Thank you for sharing Lily, I can tell your pain with the experience of this first hand has brought you to the well thought out conclusions you have, it all comes back to action, doesn't it? And if you are truly born again it will eventuate in action - loving action and true repentance.
I'm only finding this out now... It has been a painful unravelling but it all made sense to me when I realised that there was zero empathy towards me, when I was thrown under the bus and our child was (and still has been withheld from me) after she asked me to leave. There was an still is no ability to look at oneself, come to the table and discuss things as equals or any ability to see things from anything other than their own viewpoint, no matter how skewed or heartless that view point is... The only thing that matters to them is them being right. All their Christian pre-tense gets sacrificed on the altar of this sadly. It boggles the mind, especially when you had been in a relationship with them and all the while they portray the loving, caring Christian. ALL of that goes out the window when you stand up to their gaslighting and begin to have a deeper self-respect for yourself and for your own boundaries. They do not like it and they will make you pay in the most painful way possible. 'Christian' narcissists are real... but how anyone can call themselves Christian when this is how they behave is beyond comprehension.
Thank you for this. An older lady almost had me fooled. She bounced from church to church but it's someone else's fault. She is a legit criminal to man's laws yet so self righteous. All that shouting, Bible study, etc etc had me so deceived
Thank you for sharing this insight. Your video was very heartfelt. I appreciate the scripture references. I hope you continue to heal from your relationship with the narcissist.
Workers of iniquity = narcissists
And the rest of humanity
Thank you for sharing. Heart felt and God inspired 🙏 so encouraging
Going thru this with one in a divorce and custody battle with 4 beautiful girls. It's truly heart breaking, she is demonizing me to others as well as our children. ....
This is excellent! Thank you for taking the time and effort to make this extremely important video, with such a beautiful, important message ❤ God Bless you
this describes my narc perfectly. 7 days post discard im in hiding no contact and hes up at the church telling everyone how awful I am. hes so hypocritical, he can't make it out to the car without saying cruel hateful things about our "friends" he just hugged. I feel like a fraud. No more
Thank you so much for what you do. I was really glad I found your channel, it’s exactly what I’ve been looking for and haven’t been able to find
I'm so glad you've found it helpful. Welcome!
Check Pastor RC Blake’s. He is great. I found clarity by listening to him. He is awesome
My experience with a covert narcissist wife has me thinking she’s either fooling herself or trying really hard to fool me. She’s failing to fool me anymore! But I’m very glad she is failing at it. Helps me to know there is no change in her!
This info is so needed for victims of narc abuse from Christians and churches. 🙏
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve been so confused. I needed this video.
Thanks for the video, I needed this today
Right now, this is my mom 200% and it is so difficult for means my little sister. Even more, my mom has the gift of hearing God's voice!! THANK GOD THAT I FOUND YOUR VIDEO😭😭 You gave me so much valuable information and I will pray to the Lord on what to do next. GOOD BLESS YOU LILY❤️❤️
An extremely interesting question! :)))
They can't...
But they often pretend they are.
Sweet and bitter water cannot come from the same fountain. So yeah they will be changed
They try to define your reality and when you try to defend yourself, you look bad because how can you argue with God's word!
Thank you for giving this clarity to something I was already concerned about. I met someone 3 years ago who was going through a very rough time in his life and during that time he claimed to have accepted Christ as his Savior. We shared texts about Biblical teaching and quotes and had a couple of phone conversations about it. I truly wanted to believe that he had a changed life and was just navigating a difficult road while being a young believer. We stopped being friends for a year and later this year, we reconnected. He said "I have changed and maybe not in a good way". He didn't want to talk about God or anything to do with God EXCEPT once when he got sick, he asked for prayers and suddenly said he had been talking to God.
After the illness passed it was back to business as usual. We had a texting disagreement which was from BOTH our parts. I tried to take the blame and apologize several times. There was only massive anger, no forgiveness, and a discard. I can only continue to pray for him and pray that he has a REAL encounter with Jesus. It's so sad for me.
My dear sister I can tell you’ve been hurt & drained emotionally because I’ve been divorced from one for 4 years now & I still feel drained at times. It took something out of me that’s hard to replace. And you’re absolutely right! I never really knew her because that person didn’t exist, only a false mask of who she pretended to be. I truly believe it’s a Demon inside a human body.
😲 you are right
@@ritajohannessen9804 I’m truly sorry.
You know when it’s over with them , because the last days you spend with them you see how fake they are 🤦🏾♀️
Thank You so much, I can tell this was very hard for you. Im dealing with it with my boyfriend.
And he's still your boyfriend?!
You really need to pray ask god if it’s his will our emotions and feelings could get caught up in thinking what is or isn’t from God especially if we really want something bad enough to believe that it is from God really truly seek and you shall find knock and the door shall be open to the Lord he will not steer you wrong God bless
Break it off sister. Leave him to God and perhaps a strong man of God to disciple him. I married my so called Christian narc and was battered, beaten, cheated on and almost killed! We r divorced. God warned me about him but at the time I couldn't be alone. I was such a dummy. Take heed!
This is so on point, thank you so much for making this, it is very helpful. Your voice also is so calming to listen to :)
Amen. Clarity. Makes sense
Great explanation of that bible verse in Matthew 7:21. I became a (Baptist) Christian and my ex- kicked me out of the marriage. Nothing I could do or say could appease the person. She was a narcissist and the last 2 years, of the marriage unwinding, was hell on wheels. The SDA church was formed by a (dead) malignant narcissist who called herself a prophet of God and I could not sit in that church for the rest of my life and listen to their slander of Christians and no one but me could seem to see and hear this including my ex-. So I HAD TO leave and the wife had no repentance about throwing me out at all when I told her the truth.
God Bless you Lily.
My ex GF covert narcissist hid behind christianity to hide her true self. She went to a very very small church where mostly elderly people go. She’s one of two singers on stage. I believe she does this for one, validation and two, to make her feel grandiose.
I was married to a Narcissist for 14 years, we went to 7 different therapist and neither of them told me my wife was a Narcissist, this is way before internet, now I know that I wasted my money trying to figure out what was wrong with her, she claimed she was a christian, she was not, just a Narcissist
Thank you for this video. You are spot on! I came to the same conclusions just weeks ago.
I've heard that verse Matt 7:23 many times............. But I will reply, " I never knew you. Get away from me, you who break God's law." When I heard you say and emphasis the word ' knew' I heard that word somewhat different today. Jesus states " I never knew you.' Ironically the narcissist does not "know' themself either. They live a life of lie and deception behind a mask. We know them better than they know themself. May God have mercy. Love you sister! Keep up the good work and fight the good fight!
Narcissists are operating in Witchcraft which is rebellion. (1st Samuel 15:21-24) God's will judge all hidden sin of the narcissists. (Proverbs 28:13; Galatians 5:16-26)
Thank you! I had no idea about this and have been enduring abuse & doubting my self for 14 years of marriage because of my professing Christian husband. Yet, kept coming back in my thoughts what a true Christian walk looks like. God in His mercy has been revealing truth to me.
It is such a relief & gives me hope to hear this confirmation from someone else!
Thanks for your comment! God bless you!
Doubting yourself is one symptom of narcissistic abuse. Know that it is not your fault and you are not alone.
Thank you so much. I have some of these traits but I am really getting a lot of critism for getting out of a relationship with a churchy man who claims to always tell me what God wants me to do. My traits got worse and I made even worse choices, and met many people who mistook forgiveness for endorsement. God can forgive us but we have to change what we do for the better, not just becoming a more selfish sinful person. ( as we age we change, but usually the path of least resistance) I see myself and many I know in your VERY helpful video.Thanks again.
my father is a narcissist and he got baptized just to get away from jail. narcissists' never change.
Thank you! Well said and so very helpful! Problem, whenever he brings up God, it sparks hope in me, then I find he likes to pick and choose Bible verses to prove me wrong or show me my error! Such a mess , I can only give it to God
Excellent Christian resource: Pastor Jeff Crippen's sermon series on abusers in the church
So good!
Thank you so so much for this. He had been so fooled. I almost took him back. You and God has saved me by doing this video
He had me so fooled
Ty this confirmed the question I was asking God for. Right on 👍🙏
This is so true. I experienced this.
When we split up he said he didn't believe in God. I said 'What about your baptism?' (as an adult). He said 'I was just pretending'.
Damn
Top notch video. I was married for 20 years. I never fathomed this person would pull the stunts she did when she suddenly divorced me. Looking back at what I know now, she was never content, angry and always inventing a dilemma.
2 Timothy 3 describes a narcissist to a tee. 35 years with one and now I’m finally free.
Pastors would tell me I had to stay and be abused , God hates divorce and I would say but God hates the abuse of his daughter more.
This is the best parallel drawn and explanation of how narcissists can seemingly be a Christian. This is exactly how my ex was. There for the benefits but as soon as it becomes challenging and requires death to self, they're unwilling. How can someone be saved if they can't admit when they're wrong?
Your application of scripture is so direct, meaningful and has the ring of truth. Jude seems also to be speaking of these qualities in men of our times. He also says to hate the garment, which I take to mean the personality and choices they make, but not to hate the flesh, which seems to me to be saying it's not our place to hate one another as God gets to judge them not us. I don't know if I'm getting this right but if I am it is very hard. It requires having God as your helper, just like you point out. Thank you for this video.
You helped me so much with this video Lily.
Is there a spectrum in narcissism? Or what can be someone´s problem when they constantly take too much space sosially, brag, tell stories and exaggerate to the point where you would call it lying, lose friends continually because of miscommunication like little lies or exaggeration, talking behind peoples back, dont listen if you confront them, they just ignore or change the subject…but at the same time they are loving, generous, in good moods, no problem to interrupt them, very hospitable, at least as long as you dont confront them with lies or how they do things.
I held onto my ex Wife was a Christian & that’s why I excepted her behaviour,I’ve only learned about narcissism since divorce.God has restored me now & I am educated now for the future of not making same mistake 🙏
God bless you. I feel like you’ve been badly hurt. Stay strong and endure till the end, I will see you in the heavenly kingdom❤️
Endured until the end? That is sick. That is not what God will say for you to do with someone that is trying to destroy you.
Christian resources are very hard to find. Also when you get the courage to share with your pastors, they never usually understand. They just can't believe that the person is as bad as you say. Thsnks for your video. I really appreciate it.
Wow good points
"Oh Ye Hypocrites"
Thank you God bless you and your family you are having exactly right
God is using you.
The Bible does say, in the last days, the love of many will grow cold. Which means Self increases & it’s better described as narcissist. It’s ok to let go of a narcissist after all we know that the biggest narcissist was throw out of heaven.
I like that you noted that only God knows peoples hearts because I don’t think it’s right for us to judge whether or not someone is going to heaven or not. But it is good to know who they are and that what they say may not be truth and not out of love but out of selfish gain.
If they know that we are Christians by our love but a narcissist can’t love, can a narcissist truly get saved? Our narcissistic daughter hates us big time.
This hit hard...I was so confused about what God wanted me to do. I’ve been with a covert narcissist who professed to be a Christian for nine years. I always believed that couldn’t be possible to be both because my spirit was always conflicted. What he said and what he did, never matched. We are now separated but he has been reaching out to me recently and I’m so wary of his motivation and his intentions. I will continue to pray for healing and discernment. Thank you for this video! 🙏🏻
I'm sorry that you spent so much time with him. I've spent my time with many covert narcs over the years, including family, friends and women I loved. They never love you, not at all actually, not as much as you want to love them. Narcissists never want you, they 'just' need you. The wheat and the tares is similar to that of givers and takers. Generally you're strongly one or the other.
And as much as you can avoid going back to him or having any contact as he will seek to destroy you in so many ways. I also would be extremely wary of his intentions as they probably right from the start might have appeared to be honest but were most definitely not.
@@HardRealist Thanks for the reply...it's been seven months now and he has been really pushing for a reconciliation based on ZERO change but lots of, "God is working on me". I won't be fooled again...I see him now for what he really is...a horrible person.
@@sassydog104 Good for you. Remember all of our relationships are based upon trust. He's broken basic trust probably time and again, and he doesn't care that you trust him. Only that you give in. God bless and I hope you can find yourself again as much as possible as more time goes by.
@@HardRealist Thank you for your kind words. It means a lot to have someone validate my feelings. :) God bless you as well.
Thank you if you only know how much you just helped me . I wish I really knew you along time ago god bless you.
Praise the Lord, Sister Lily! God's word doesn't lie nor the Holy Spirit. (Romans 8:1-39; John 3:1-21) Narcissistic people claimed to be born again, but are wolves in sheep's clothing, uncircumcised in heart. The devil is after God's elected ones. (Matthew 24-25)
If anyone profess Christ as Lord and Savior must have the indwelling Holy Spirit according to Romans 8:1-39 and Galatians 5:1-26.
Excellent points. I've had similar questions about this. I believe that a believer in Jesus Christ can also be a narcissist. There are many believers that get saved and believe and become born again and these same people have some severe past abuse and trauma which has been a large part of the narcissistic behavior they exhibit. I believe there is a clear difference between justification unto salvation and sanctification both presently and the fact that Jesus knows all that are his and we are predestined before the foundation of the world (I'm not a Calvinist by the way). Just trying to make a point that many people tie in justification and sanctification and miss out on the healing and equipping that happens as we are taught of the Holy Spirit and walk with Jesus.
With that said, God judges the heart and I'm not sure of who is saved or not except for myself because the Holy Spirit confirms with our spirit that we belong to Jesus.
There are a ton of false converts in the churches. We can only be free from ourselves when we are born again.
Also, I think I was a narcissist before I got saved and over time many of the things I did which I've learned are narcissistic behavior I don't do anymore. At times I do bad stuff in my head especially. But I've learned and cherish forgiving others and sending away the offenses that come my way and not passing a verdict on what someone is thinking or assuming why they have done something against me (judging in the way only God can do) I've been set free. I don't discard narcissists as a first act. But free will gets in many a narc's way.
Keep making videos. I agree with you. And there are not many resources on this from authentic Christians. Subscribed.
Thanks so much for your comments and for subscribing! :)
God Bless you
They can also put on a good act of repentance in order to get revenge but they will briefly drop the mask from time to time most the time people miss it cause it's so brief