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the WORST MOVIE you've NEVER SEEN - The Astrologer (1976)

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  • Опубликовано: 6 июн 2021
  • On this episode of Weird Movies With Mark, I talk about The Astrologer (1976)
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    Credits Music by: OVERWERK

Комментарии • 1,5 тыс.

  • @FanboyFlicks
    @FanboyFlicks  3 года назад +685

    Unfortunately, the movie was taken down from RUclips so that's why there's no link in the description. if it comes back, I will update

    • @Taripdk1
      @Taripdk1 3 года назад +35

      I was just looking forward to seeing it, now I have to settle for an Indiana Jones movie!

    • @gregsvlogshow
      @gregsvlogshow 3 года назад +79

      yes because they figured out that they can put this movie behind a pay wall and make tens of dollars.

    • @mrskip6811
      @mrskip6811 3 года назад +7

      Ugh. Definitely going to have to find this somehow.

    • @SimGunther
      @SimGunther 3 года назад +7

      It's like they knew you were doing a review and wanted to wash its hands clean of its exposure

    • @entertainmentpowerfuchs5744
      @entertainmentpowerfuchs5744 3 года назад +9

      FanboyFlicks: The worst Movie of all Time are Cool Cat Saves the Kids because all of Derek Savage Projects are terrible. His Movies are worse than M Night Shyamalan and Uwe Boll Movies!

  • @12345.......
    @12345....... 3 года назад +721

    Neil Breen approves the quality of this film.

    • @FreihEitner
      @FreihEitner 3 года назад +24

      I was going to say, what if he faked his death and became Neil Breen... but as with 99.99% of people--both living and dead--he's actually a better actor than Breen.

    • @JustSomeDinosaurPerson
      @JustSomeDinosaurPerson 3 года назад +20

      @@FreihEitner Don't you ever diss the Breen like that again. No one. NO ONE is a better actor than Neil Breen, especially not this nobody who is nowhere near as accomplished or narcissistic.

    • @jesusisunstoppable4438
      @jesusisunstoppable4438 3 года назад +4

      @@JustSomeDinosaurPerson
      LoL Agreed --

    • @FreihEitner
      @FreihEitner 3 года назад +16

      @@JustSomeDinosaurPerson I will give Breen credit for doing what he wants. Lots of us say we're going to write a novel, become a movie star, whatever--he actually did it and I applaud him for that.

    • @colonless7512
      @colonless7512 3 года назад +6

      I can’t help you out of this one Craig

  • @riflebone
    @riflebone 2 года назад +394

    Growing up in the 70's I was led to believe that quicksand would a much bigger problem in my life than it really was.

    • @sionbarzad5371
      @sionbarzad5371 2 года назад +13

      hahahaha same!!!

    • @DocM.
      @DocM. 2 года назад +16

      Comedian John Mulaney has a hilarious joke about this! 😂

    • @ThrottleAddiction
      @ThrottleAddiction 2 года назад

      Yeah and native South Americans would shoot you with a poison dart, without question or warning.

    • @chudleyflusher7132
      @chudleyflusher7132 2 года назад +4

      Agreed! 😂

    • @SpicyTexan64
      @SpicyTexan64 2 года назад

      Copy and paste only makes you look stupid.

  • @soyburglar1878
    @soyburglar1878 3 года назад +239

    I love the bamboo “Kenya Police” sign...as if there’s just one police department for the entire African country of Kenya.

    • @andrewgwilliam4831
      @andrewgwilliam4831 2 года назад +31

      Most countries have a national police force, and it's not completely improbable that Kenya's version would be called "Kenya Police". The likelihood of a Kenyan police station sign being made of bamboo, and it being staffed by White guys, though, seems rather slight...

    • @Hiihtopipa
      @Hiihtopipa 2 года назад

      I would believe that

    • @Hiihtopipa
      @Hiihtopipa 2 года назад

      @@andrewgwilliam4831 Finland has this

    • @Hiihtopipa
      @Hiihtopipa 2 года назад +1

      @@andrewgwilliam4831 they are just called police

    • @soodanimdraws357
      @soodanimdraws357 2 года назад

      @@Hiihtopipa No - sometimes not. Our whole Police force are called _____ (our country) Police. It happens a lot when you’re whole country is one place and not a bunch of states that call each other commies and idiots.

  • @deletedwaffles
    @deletedwaffles 2 года назад +101

    "The Astrologer aired on Television on CBS back in the early 1980s, shortly before Craig Denney mysteriously “passed away”. It is unknown when exactly Denny died and where his body is located. Various sources allege that Denny may have staged his own death to avoid paying taxes to the IRS. His death remains a mystery."
    Bruh.

    • @daxmiller35
      @daxmiller35 5 месяцев назад +1

      2:32 say “priceless” again, douche

  • @ravenlord4
    @ravenlord4 3 года назад +461

    His wife in the movie (with whom he repeatedly makes out) was apparently his real life cousin. I guess this solves the mystery of why he really made this film.

    • @bestthingsinceslicedrice
      @bestthingsinceslicedrice 3 года назад +51

      That some Jerry Springer sht ryt there!

    • @smallies7154
      @smallies7154 3 года назад +94

      he from Shelbyville?

    • @lucri988
      @lucri988 3 года назад +49

      I know a George Micheal Bluth would be proud

    • @MyCatInABox
      @MyCatInABox 3 года назад +10

      @@smallies7154 Ha! 🤣😅

    • @redwolfe7049
      @redwolfe7049 3 года назад +6

      @@smallies7154 dammit. You beat me to it lol.

  • @camarossdriver
    @camarossdriver 3 года назад +143

    Works at a carnival..gets married...gets divorced...steals diamonds...gets caught...goes to jail...we've all been there,RIGHT?

    • @lordkrythic6246
      @lordkrythic6246 3 года назад +18

      If I had a nickel for every time...

    • @camarossdriver
      @camarossdriver 3 года назад +5

      @@lordkrythic6246 HAHAHAHA!!!!

    • @camarossdriver
      @camarossdriver 3 года назад +6

      @@lordkrythic6246 Ain't that the truth.

    • @fcsuper
      @fcsuper 3 года назад +5

      No need to rehash the details of what we've all experienced.

    • @benhislop1458
      @benhislop1458 3 года назад +6

      I just got out of that cycle, kinda makes me miss the carnival

  • @Random_Tangent
    @Random_Tangent 3 года назад +67

    This movie should have been about an Astrologer who made $4m then made a movie about himself because he predicted that it would make $175m at the box office, but instead he ends up losing it all. oh... wait...

    • @thediplomasta5891
      @thediplomasta5891 2 года назад

      Policy academy made 100 million. This movie-in-movie was apparently almost twice as good as that. 🤣

  • @guida-walker-channel
    @guida-walker-channel 3 года назад +334

    One of the best things about Mark's reviews is that, even though he makes fun of all these bad and weird movies (which is of course the main attraction of this channel), he also takes the time to praise and appreciate any technical or artistic aspects that are well done or that show there is some actual talent among the disaster. That's really interesting and even endearing because it shows respect for many of the creators involved; most bad film critics on YT only care about mocking the movies and are usually dismissive and sometimes even nasty, which is always a turn-off (for me, anyway).

    • @geraldfriend256
      @geraldfriend256 2 года назад +12

      Oh hi Mark

    • @matthew6173
      @matthew6173 2 года назад +2

      You're stunning

    • @joannetiu471
      @joannetiu471 2 года назад +8

      I appreciate this comment

    • @alexs7670
      @alexs7670 2 года назад +13

      Thats the thing with good, bad movies; there's usually something to genuinely like about. I think in most cases it's just that the scope is too big. Like if the guy who made this movie just invested in a more humble but likely to succeed movie he would have done fine.

    • @lobsterwhisperer7932
      @lobsterwhisperer7932 2 года назад +6

      its a great channel and should have more subscribers

  • @gregsvlogshow
    @gregsvlogshow 3 года назад +363

    Movie making tip #1: If you're the star of your own movie and you're shlubby looking, don't put yourself in a scene where you are in a police lineup with no shirt on with people who are in better physical shape than you. LOL

    • @shia_labeouf
      @shia_labeouf 3 года назад +72

      Seems to be part of the delusion these ego-project filmmakers have. Neil Breen does the same thing. We don't want to see your balls Neil.

    • @JamesBuggemo
      @JamesBuggemo 3 года назад +23

      I remember where I was the first time I saw Neil's balls like my parents remember where they were when JFK was assassinated.

    • @ro4eva
      @ro4eva 3 года назад +10

      @@JamesBuggemo -- That definitely sounds like it was a traumatic experience, but at least you didn't fall into an orbit around them.

    • @CamLewis1
      @CamLewis1 3 года назад +9

      Did you happen to notice there are no Kenyans, in that Kenyan Police line up?

    • @deletedwaffles
      @deletedwaffles 2 года назад +19

      @@shia_labeouf I was going to say at least Tommy Wiseau was in shape but then you look at his face.

  • @jaws5dog
    @jaws5dog 3 года назад +129

    Yes Mark....this movie IS the movie of how he came up with THIS movie. So strap yourself in buddy....because youve just been MIND TRAPPED !!!!!!!!

    • @ro4eva
      @ro4eva 3 года назад +6

      "WHOA!" -- Keanu Reeves

  • @levacfamily3177
    @levacfamily3177 3 года назад +200

    Every time there’s a new Fanboy Flicks, my day is immediately made better. Thanks Mark.

  • @zbh9268
    @zbh9268 3 года назад +62

    "Just because they're psychic doesn't mean they're smart."
    - Bardock , TFS

    • @MrJohndoakes
      @MrJohndoakes 3 года назад +3

      But he didn't say he was psychic, just an astrologer. The movie is insane either way.

  • @_SimpleJack_
    @_SimpleJack_ 3 года назад +77

    An astrology movie within an astrology movie, eat your heart out Chris Nolan!

  • @darrelsam419
    @darrelsam419 3 года назад +115

    The strange thing about this movie is that it ended with the main character villainized and doesn't have a happy ending, usually ego-stroke movies have a happy ending where the main character is super rich and successful.

    • @viperwithasniper6272
      @viperwithasniper6272 3 года назад +9

      Yeah. This movie is probably just trying to be different and edgy

    • @stormryder4305
      @stormryder4305 3 года назад +12

      It already has the climax way ahead of it's ending. He should have ended it much earlier. But his super ego get the best of him...so the anti climax and the ending make sense. He scammed his "success" anyway. It's not likely he's going to get away with it.

    • @andymackie8283
      @andymackie8283 3 года назад +14

      The Room only has a happy ending if you're not Tommy Wiseau.

    • @Xorxfon
      @Xorxfon Год назад +1

      @@andymackie8283 or Lisa...

  • @tylerlacor8116
    @tylerlacor8116 3 года назад +73

    Believe it or not, weirdly the Victorians were REALLY into having picnics in graveyards.

    • @themoviedealers
      @themoviedealers 3 года назад +11

      Not a lot of public parks then.

    • @TheTaoofEternalWar
      @TheTaoofEternalWar 3 года назад +4

      It's an Epicurean thing.

    • @SirWussiePants
      @SirWussiePants 3 года назад +8

      Not only the Victorians. This was a tradition going all the way up into 50s and 60s

    • @PiktcVelns
      @PiktcVelns 3 года назад +5

      Huh.. well I guess I'll Google the nearest one and go there with a tent.. at least I won't be so lonely xD

    • @whoputyouontheplanet3345
      @whoputyouontheplanet3345 3 года назад +5

      My family does this still.

  • @jrjubach
    @jrjubach 3 года назад +12

    i love how the dude yells "DON'T KILL ME!"

  • @Knobs4u
    @Knobs4u 3 года назад +87

    I Got to 8 minutes thinking the video was almost over, he is on the voyage home, moved my mouse saw this isn't even half of the movie, and realized what mark went through lmao. poor guy.-

    • @bigbearkat2010
      @bigbearkat2010 3 года назад +14

      Right? He said they were only 20 minutes in and I was like "wait, what?"

    • @linusfotograf
      @linusfotograf 3 года назад +3

      @@bigbearkat2010 Exactly! There’s material for 5 movies in there.

  • @TheLM281
    @TheLM281 3 года назад +100

    He even looks like a younger close relative of Breen. IT'S ALL CONNECTED WWWWOOOOAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

    • @kiddhkane
      @kiddhkane 3 года назад +5

      That's deep

    • @papersack4290
      @papersack4290 3 года назад

      Lmao

    • @igitha..._
      @igitha..._ 3 года назад

      or Matt Berry

    • @DinnerBells
      @DinnerBells 3 года назад +2

      Plot twist: it IS Breen (before the name change/plastic surgery).

    • @Cesly-mo3uf
      @Cesly-mo3uf 3 года назад +3

      Ummm. That is Breen. He faked his death remember?

  • @treyliles117
    @treyliles117 2 года назад +11

    I love the smug look on Craig's face at 22:08 when he is asked about killing Darian's boyfriend.

  • @WeirdWonderful
    @WeirdWonderful 3 года назад +27

    You'd think taking two extremely rich people into the jungle and leaving them dead would be part of an ingenious plan to seize their fortune. But no, that'd be actually interesting.

    • @thediplomasta5891
      @thediplomasta5891 2 года назад +5

      Also they weren't rich enough to hire any henchmen, while they're out in a dangerous environment, in a foreign country.

  • @MisterBrimm
    @MisterBrimm 3 года назад +113

    It never ceases to amaze me, no matter how many of these terrible movies I am made aware of, there is always more, an endless supply. Which is - of course - good for Mark's line of work.

    • @onometre
      @onometre 3 года назад +3

      this is my favorite bad movie channel because he does these deep cuts, not just doing the most famous bad movies.

    • @joeanthony7759
      @joeanthony7759 2 года назад +1

      Work?

  • @NewOrderOfAlexandria
    @NewOrderOfAlexandria 3 года назад +79

    In two years we'll be living like kings and Queens.
    Two years later, and we weren't living like Kings and Queens.

    • @NewOrderOfAlexandria
      @NewOrderOfAlexandria 3 года назад +9

      @@BaranoffIsaac lmao this abrupt editing should be a meme though

    • @BlueLiminality
      @BlueLiminality 3 года назад

      It sounds like something from the Arrested Development narrator.

    • @moebetta4224
      @moebetta4224 3 года назад +3

      Why are "kings and queens" plural in this context?

    • @-..-_-..-
      @-..-_-..- 3 года назад +2

      @@moebetta4224 either he is two kings and she is two queens or each of them is both a king and a queen, what exactly are you missing

    • @mikabreto
      @mikabreto 3 года назад +2

      @@moebetta4224 Living like royalty would have been a more succinct way to phrase it, but if you extrapolate who is referenced in the term ‘royalty’, the phrase is correct in using the plural.

  • @adiahaalexander9359
    @adiahaalexander9359 3 года назад +62

    Honestly, especially by the end, it started sounding like fanfiction.
    "And then the movie made almost a billion dollars!!"
    Hahahahahaaaaaa

    • @jimmym3352
      @jimmym3352 3 года назад +5

      Though didn't Jaws make that much? I don't know the exact numbers, I'd have to look it up. Of course Jaws is a slightly better movie.

    • @fangal12
      @fangal12 3 года назад +6

      @@jimmym3352 just slightly 😂

  • @soyburglar1878
    @soyburglar1878 3 года назад +17

    It perplexes me how the director of this film (and other terrible films) watched the final product and was like, “Yeah, this is a good representation of my abilities as an actor, writer, producer, director”.

  • @iIliterati
    @iIliterati 3 года назад +97

    The most surprising part of this to me, is the cinematography and blocking/shot set-ups are actually really competently done. Specifically for the time.
    Usually, in the 70s, these independent films had directors that didn't understand anything about directing.
    But this has well framed shots, lit correctly, and moving frames that are appropriate to the scene. He seems as though he could have been an at least competent director.
    That or his director of photography held his hand through it, ala Greg Toland with Citizen Kane.

    • @Paul-qe1jn
      @Paul-qe1jn 3 года назад +3

      Craig should've been just a producer.
      Edit: alright I just read some comments and he's super weird. Good he went this way and failed.

    • @jimmym3352
      @jimmym3352 3 года назад +8

      Certainly much better cinematography than Manos: Hands of Fate. The money went to something. With a decent story and maybe less ego of wanting to implement his own, maybe he could have done something.

    • @jamesmaysflyingwashingmach7459
      @jamesmaysflyingwashingmach7459 3 года назад +7

      I’m glad you said that, because throughout this review I was thinking “y’know, this movie doesn’t LOOK half bad” lol

    • @sargonsblackgrandfather2072
      @sargonsblackgrandfather2072 2 года назад

      It’s not terrible agreed but the fact that he keeps centring characters right in the middle of the frame is an amateur giveaway

  • @planetschlock
    @planetschlock 3 года назад +195

    I like to believe that there's a 16+ hour version of this movie that details all the stuff this movie glossed over with narrative shorthand.
    #ReleaseTheDenneyCut

    • @Trollificusv2
      @Trollificusv2 2 года назад +11

      @Patrick Whelpley I'll wait for the documentary: "Making The Astrologer", which is about a man making a documentary about a single subplot in a bad movie, which is titled "The Astrologer".

    • @kanton4108
      @kanton4108 2 года назад +4

      Peter Jackson accepts this challenge

    • @jordanbridges
      @jordanbridges 2 года назад

      "This is the 30 minute poop due to bad chilaquiles."

  • @thishominid871
    @thishominid871 3 года назад +11

    Having a picnic in a cemetery is the only normal thing that I've seen so far in this.

  • @PerpetratorOfTruth
    @PerpetratorOfTruth 3 года назад +75

    He didn't die in the 80s. He just changed his name to Billy Zane.

    • @wolfpac1970
      @wolfpac1970 3 года назад +7

      ROTFLMAO....I was thinking he looked like Billy Zane too.

    • @AvengerII
      @AvengerII 3 года назад +8

      @@wolfpac1970 I thought he looked more like Mark Ruffalo.
      I can at least stand Billy Zane! I don't like Ruffalo, period...

    • @bignumber59
      @bignumber59 3 года назад +1

      @@AvengerII Throwing Bill Paxton's name into the ring here.

    • @victorfortunato
      @victorfortunato 3 года назад

      I'm going to said Brad Davis

    • @seerofallthatisobvious1316
      @seerofallthatisobvious1316 3 года назад +3

      Sorry but you're all wrong, the correct answer is George Hamilton, we were looking for George Hamilton.

  • @twarnold14
    @twarnold14 3 года назад +81

    Bold choice to have your ego stroking movie end with a martyr’s death where no one is sad. At least The Room has a cringe scene where everyone one cries.

    • @JerryD9000
      @JerryD9000 3 года назад +6

      I thought the EXACT same thing about the ending. Kind of a weird ego stroke there.

    • @-..-_-..-
      @-..-_-..- 3 года назад +18

      yeah i almost feel like it wasnt an ego stroke but his attempt at some tragic character study that feels like an ego stroke partly by intention and partly just bc he's playing the lead and he and the lead share a name, like, ok:
      its about a hack fraud without talent who due to his conmannery gets a lot of people killed in addition to murdering a guy after which he becomes rich and makes an ego trip movie about how cool he is that really just shows off what an asshole conman he is, then his life falls apart and he dies hated by everyone. if the director weren't the star nobody would ever call it an ego project. it still seems like a pile of shit but i can at least understand the concept, or i can weasel an unintended concept around the larger plot points, idk
      like mark says a number of times that he should have seen this or that coming but it feels to me (based only on what's in the video) that that's largely the point. he's a fraud. mark says he is talented at everything but from what he shows in the video it just feels like he blunders into horribly dangerous situations that endanger and destroy those around him, leaving him standing and enriched. fate blatantly intervenes and kills the cop that was chasing him at literally the exact moment he gets himself caught and he has literally nothing to do with it. he's starts the movie a lying thief, the stars reward him with prosperity and he begins to believe in his own powers when he's valorized by the plot, his stars change and the forces of the plot come down upon him when he tries doing the same shit he did to succeed earlier in the movie (killing his wife's lover) bc his success wasnt truly a function of his personal qualities as he'd deluded himself into believing but rather of the ebbs and flows of fortune *in spite* of his personal qualities. this all comes together to feel like a critique of those who find themselves in positions of success and prestige and power and then look around and explain to themselves and everyone around them what it is that makes them so successful and special. he's far from the only example but think about donald trump having books ghostwritten or giving speeches and interviews where he explains how special and genius he is and why he got to be a multimillionaire while all around him there was suffering. the truth of the matter is that those at the top of the mountain very often *did* just fall there, and absent their very own personal sisyphus (represented in the movie by the fact that the first half of the movie is craig getting to tell his own story looking back from the very height of his success) pushing them toward the summit they'd have rolled back down just like the rest of us.
      idk possible im reading into it entirely too far as someone who hasnt even seen the thing but there's *something* interesting here that could have been wrestled into a coherent movie. either way it was obviously made as poorly as one could ever possibly imagine.
      idk like i said these are just a pile of incomplete stream of consciousness thoughts based on what's in the vid,, it definitely doesn't feel like craig the filmmaker is trying to valorize craig the character though, it feels like he's making a metacritique of vanity projects in general and just failing at it
      idk

    • @-..-_-..-
      @-..-_-..- 3 года назад +6

      @@makeitthrough_ lmfaooo i forgot about this shit, tbf i was heavily drunk so i didnt even bother whittling the rambling down but i stand by everything i said, i think someone with vision could redo this with lots of changes into a legitimately great movie. it'd just take trimming, neater execution of the ideas, and more obvious self-awareness

  • @kupariusa4202
    @kupariusa4202 3 года назад +35

    The Seto people of Estonia have picnics at the graves of their loved ones as a sign of respect and to let the departed know they are not forgotten.

    • @robbylebotha
      @robbylebotha 3 года назад +12

      Given how many people have existed before us, we probably live, eat, work and picnic on graves more than we think. 🤗

    • @skylx0812
      @skylx0812 3 года назад +8

      It was done here in the states in the early 1900s. They were well kept and the middle class used them as parks.

    • @rudeboyjohn3483
      @rudeboyjohn3483 3 года назад

      @@robbylebotha *American here, staring into the vast void*

    • @robbylebotha
      @robbylebotha 3 года назад +1

      @@rudeboyjohn3483 you're probably sitting on a dinosaur mate 🤣

  • @ridingnerdy6406
    @ridingnerdy6406 2 года назад +7

    Fun fact, cemeteries WERE popular picnic spots back in the day. Although I believe it had fallen out of practice by the 70's.

    • @mgratk
      @mgratk 2 года назад +1

      I think they still have events at that famous LA cemetery, is it Fairlawn or something? Not sure I recall the name correctly. It's like movie nights or concerts or something. I'm sure I've seen youtube videos of at least one such event. Weird.

    • @IsmailofeRegime
      @IsmailofeRegime 2 года назад

      Also, to be fair to a film that does not deserve fairness, if it's about some New Age astrologer guy it'd make sense to do something "weird" and archaic like picnic at a cemetery.

  • @animaldrew2279
    @animaldrew2279 3 года назад +11

    Welcome back TO! the show. Never gets old. Also this movie is bonkers. I can imagine a young Neil Breen being blown away by the editing and thinking, “what if I just did away with cinematography and just used stock footage? I’d save HUNDREDS.”

  • @grapeshot
    @grapeshot 3 года назад +82

    After she kills the guy then the Wonderful World of Disney music kicks in.

  • @warnerd79
    @warnerd79 3 года назад +5

    "I was gonna get a professional but I thought no, I remember the way that you turned 5 dollars into 25 dollars back at the carnival. And I was like thats my guy." LMAO!!!!

  • @deadseamonster
    @deadseamonster 3 года назад +7

    I think I saw Rich Evans holding a balloon in the amusement park scene.

  • @donkrouskop1743
    @donkrouskop1743 3 года назад +35

    Mark, I can't put into words how much joy it brings me when part of a movie is so bad that you don't even bother to come up with a joke. "We don't need three and a half minutes of this shit!" made me so happy I almost cried.

    • @FanboyFlicks
      @FanboyFlicks  3 года назад +15

      Moments like that are when I just let the real frustration that's been built up from watching the mvie multiple times, come through

  • @AllanM444
    @AllanM444 3 года назад +36

    i laughed so hard when you were like "wow... that's deep..."

  • @Malum09
    @Malum09 2 года назад +7

    Movies directed and starring the same guy are always a goldmine of “what the hell were they thinking?”

    • @thediplomasta5891
      @thediplomasta5891 2 года назад +2

      It's exposure. They hang around in movie town with all these other movie makers that make it look so easy. Little do they know that the successful have already made a deal for their success. And it has nothing to do with skill or anything else.

  • @m.w.6604
    @m.w.6604 3 года назад +10

    I listen to these when I go to bed. Its like Mark is telling me a weird bedtime story.

  • @xnsimmonsx
    @xnsimmonsx 3 года назад +22

    That police sign was hilarious.

  • @Shadeogray1113
    @Shadeogray1113 3 года назад +51

    This is a true story: much like Birdemic, The Room, Sharknado... Tim Allen's Santa Clause?

    • @rolmodel12.
      @rolmodel12. 3 года назад

      Wait! Are yooou saying, you DON'T believe in The Santa Clause?! 😱

  • @xecutionerflow2504
    @xecutionerflow2504 3 года назад +6

    “Don’t kill me!”
    Bang!
    😂🤣😭

  • @Fatamorgana420
    @Fatamorgana420 3 года назад +6

    The 'Kenya Police' sign made of bamboo is glorious. Must suck to live there, though, being that there's only 1 police station for the entire country.

  • @cancer4cure483
    @cancer4cure483 3 года назад +19

    You know there is a fan theory that Tommy Wiseau is actually a vampire. Well, I've got a theory about this movie too - it came from parallel dimension where all this things are actually happened. Also Craig didn't die, he came back where he came from.

    • @bestthingsinceslicedrice
      @bestthingsinceslicedrice 3 года назад +1

      For me the room seems to be the prequel to the matrix where Johnny found out that the world he lives in is a lie and that Lisa is actually an agent.
      How I came to the conclusion? The picture of the spoons and when Johhnny said. Im fed up with this world then blam!

    • @cancer4cure483
      @cancer4cure483 3 года назад

      @@bestthingsinceslicedrice That's a good one.

  • @keshabchandra6884
    @keshabchandra6884 3 года назад +8

    In India , your video comes late at night. I watch it before going to sleep. 2 years ago i found your channel and binged all the videos up to then. The music, your voice and the weird movies in spotlight make me feel like I'm in a different, weird but comfortable world. Love from one of your Asian fan.

  • @cindigonzalez7350
    @cindigonzalez7350 3 года назад +6

    Me and my mother actually do eat at cemeteries, but we also pick up trash and stuff too and pick up flowers. We just enjoy the cemetary because it's peaceful.

  • @l456tatertot3
    @l456tatertot3 3 года назад +7

    I love how Mark really explains the ins and outs of the film industry, it’s so interesting. Thanks for another great video Mark 😘

  • @lonecycle4849
    @lonecycle4849 3 года назад +80

    "But Craig says he's staying there. After all, he just talked to a woman for five minutes." Look, I'm not saying I get it, but, well, you know how it is sometimes.

    • @guybrush1701
      @guybrush1701 3 года назад +1

      I'm going through a divorce rn. And being essentially single for the past 2 years, I feel this.

    • @Cesly-mo3uf
      @Cesly-mo3uf 3 года назад +1

      She had that Linda Carter vibe going. So I get it.

  • @Lost_In_Neverwhere
    @Lost_In_Neverwhere 3 года назад +76

    Honestly I would rather watch every Neil Breen movie over and over again than this awful mess. Neil's movies are at least funny xD Great video as always, Mark!

    • @Gunngirl
      @Gunngirl 3 года назад +8

      Oh, that would still be torture. I tried to watch one of Breen’s movies and….😓😬 I couldn’t do it lol. I can only watch reviews where it’s edited.

    • @tamaramanheim8831
      @tamaramanheim8831 3 года назад

      I agree.

    • @-Trauma.
      @-Trauma. 3 года назад +8

      YOU HAVE NO VALUE...ON THE STREETS!

    • @Unethical.Dodgson
      @Unethical.Dodgson 2 года назад +1

      @@Gunngirl Suppose it depends on which you watch.
      I enjoyed some of his movies... unironically even but then I watched... Twisted Pair. Not a great experience. Fell asleep.

    • @lilacsunshine3044
      @lilacsunshine3044 2 года назад +1

      Neil Breen, The ki ng of bad movies,.He has my respect,

  • @thomasgallipoli8376
    @thomasgallipoli8376 Год назад +1

    I can’t be sure but I swear the carnival barker at 2:56 is the guy who sold Jack the Magic Beans in the RiffTrax Live version of Santa & The Icream Bunny.
    Same voice, cadence, and gestures.
    It truly is a small world of bad movies. Lol
    Fun video as usual, Mark. Proud to be a Patreon supporter.

  • @1984Phalanx
    @1984Phalanx Месяц назад +1

    The way you indignantly said "what is that supposed to be, a window into space?" Was great lol. Just some random magic window.

  • @KMoo-oz1kw
    @KMoo-oz1kw 3 года назад +20

    What the hell was going on in this movie?! Can we really be sure this isn't a Neil Breen movie from the 70s?

    • @dubuyajay9964
      @dubuyajay9964 3 года назад +4

      But it doesn't have Neil Breen mass murdering "corrupt" people.

  • @sledzeppelin
    @sledzeppelin 3 года назад +33

    For another truly jaw-dropping narcissistic filmsturbation project, see The Trial Of Billy Jack.

    • @MrJohndoakes
      @MrJohndoakes 3 года назад +7

      That was a sequel, the one afterward ("Billy Jack Goes to Washington") is more mind-boggling.

    • @sledzeppelin
      @sledzeppelin 2 года назад +3

      @@MrJohndoakes Does he film is real-life wife and daughter being assaulted and/or murdered like in the other two?

  • @animewrld6667
    @animewrld6667 3 года назад +9

    As a Kenyan I approve this review😂😂....And I have never seen Cursed diamonds,cobras and quick sand

  • @t045tSKT
    @t045tSKT 9 месяцев назад +2

    I recently had a bad mushroom trip, and Mark brought me back. I watched this episode on repeat for 2 hours. Ty Mark!!!

  • @audreyquinn73
    @audreyquinn73 3 года назад +12

    I was waiting for the Neil Breen reference. You never disappoint, Mark!

  • @GetAwesomeGaming
    @GetAwesomeGaming 3 года назад +26

    to be fair people used to routinely have picnics in cemeteries....granted that time was long before the 70's lol

    • @raam726
      @raam726 3 года назад +1

      Are you serious?

    • @GetAwesomeGaming
      @GetAwesomeGaming 3 года назад +2

      @@raam726 yes actually, although it was a long time ago before public parks were developed. Back in the horse drawn days a cemetery was one of the few public out door spaces that was maintained well enough for people to have picnics and such

    • @Goreratten
      @Goreratten 3 года назад +2

      @@raam726 Usualy it was of the family gathering kind, so the picnic part is just part of the sunday visit of x grave with. maintenance and not the Netflix and chill aka bring a date to a grave.... well i guess some did >.> and still do.

  • @henrycbrennan
    @henrycbrennan 3 года назад +5

    Thanks, Mark, for bringing this movie to light. It deserves a place in the minds of film enthusiasts - way in a back corner somewhere.

  • @dickJohnsonpeter
    @dickJohnsonpeter Год назад +2

    The snake part reminds me that snake shot/rat shot cartridges have existed for about a hundred years. Any revolver can be loaded with it and you just blast the snakes away. It won't kill a person or penetrate walls or anything but all you have to do is point it at the general direction of a snake and that's the end of that problem.

  • @dflatt1783
    @dflatt1783 3 года назад +19

    19:23 That Milk of Magnesia will do that to you sometimes when it gets ahold of you. I stay away.

    • @MyCatInABox
      @MyCatInABox 3 года назад +8

      I'm 3 years clean of the Devil's Milk, myself.
      ...And I continue to go to my meetings...
      "Milk of Magnesia- We don't need ya!"

    • @dflatt1783
      @dflatt1783 3 года назад +2

      @@MyCatInABox 'Devil's Milk' 🤣🤣🤣

  • @kaykutcher2103
    @kaykutcher2103 3 года назад +20

    The bloke went to film school watched Citizen Kane and that's about it.

    • @BenjaminGessel
      @BenjaminGessel 3 года назад +1

      Neal Breen film school... 😁😁😁😁

    • @kaykutcher2103
      @kaykutcher2103 3 года назад +1

      @@BenjaminGessel The Neil Breen film school is much too high of a calibre for this bloke.

    • @BenjaminGessel
      @BenjaminGessel 3 года назад +1

      @@kaykutcher2103 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁👍👍👍👍👍

  • @Chilling_Charizard
    @Chilling_Charizard 2 года назад +2

    I just saw the first clip of the actors and their energy is flatter than a piece of gum being trampled on in a busy walkway.

  • @cacomeatballmarinara2014
    @cacomeatballmarinara2014 3 года назад +4

    I feel like I keep missing parts of the movie but the dialogue makes me think otherwise. “Oh yeah we’ll be living like kings and queens” and then boom “we were *not* living like kings and queens” and it’s jarring like it feels like they skipped a LOT of plot but it looks like the exact type of editing I’d expect for a movie like this

  • @insaneone4369
    @insaneone4369 3 года назад +15

    That 'Corba Temple' was filmed at Mission San Juan Capristrano. Those are the ruins of the old church. It was destroyed during an earthquake in the 1800's. Tons of people were killed inside.

  • @lindaeasley5606
    @lindaeasley5606 3 года назад +10

    The intriguing , glamorous world of a carnie fortune teller

  • @eucliduschaumeau8813
    @eucliduschaumeau8813 Год назад +1

    Your conundrum paradox freak out sequence near the end about the movie being a Moebius strip of itself is priceless.

  • @mechaman7818
    @mechaman7818 3 года назад +2

    2:25 I like that he immediately crosses his arms when he comes out of the trailer. Subconsciously he knew to be embarrassed... Or it was just really cold that night, I dunno.

  • @wyldshot666
    @wyldshot666 3 года назад +24

    Dammit, Mark....you gonna KILL me with laughter yet.

  • @cartoonsomething1627
    @cartoonsomething1627 3 года назад +17

    with a few changes you can always rebrand it as an Alejandro Jorodowski 70's movie...

    • @WilliamsEtcPro
      @WilliamsEtcPro 3 года назад +2

      My God....you're right...

    • @irwinisidro
      @irwinisidro 3 года назад +3

      At least with his films, as weird as they are, they are pretty much coherent and even self aware to an extent.

    • @joegahan7055
      @joegahan7055 3 года назад +1

      Go back to furaffinity

  • @TerrenceNowicki
    @TerrenceNowicki 2 года назад +2

    Wait, so this movie was missing for decades and is about a mystic at a carnival, and a character in it is named "The Great Alexander?" That movie "Carnival Magic" that they used for one of the Netflix MST3K episodes was also missing for decades and was also about a mystic at a carnival, and the mystic had a talking chimp named "Alexander the Great."
    Did both movies have some common source of inspiration? Was Carnival Magic inspired by this movie? Was the director of this movie also murdered by his live-in building contractor and buried under the floor of his own home?

  • @way2dead4u
    @way2dead4u Год назад +3

    the most realistic thing about this movie is that Craig, even after having becoming a millionaire, still dresses like a seven-year-old

  • @danielwebster8019
    @danielwebster8019 3 года назад +5

    "Tire" (edit rubber)movie about telepathic homicidal steel belted radial.

    • @melt8424
      @melt8424 3 года назад +3

      do you mean Rubber from 2010? It's a good comedy/horror flick satire. Its basic premise is intentionally ridiculous.

    • @txbuzzkill6276
      @txbuzzkill6276 3 года назад +2

      @@melt8424 It was on HBO when I got home from work one night. I enjoyed it.

    • @danielwebster8019
      @danielwebster8019 3 года назад +2

      @@melt8424 oops its been a few years since I watched it but that's it.

    • @Watcher4111
      @Watcher4111 2 года назад

      Tire wasnt made to be serious movie

  • @nozoto
    @nozoto 3 года назад +14

    If people are going to picnic next to my grave, I hope they pay respect with a libation of rich wine down my way, hehe. You see, a toast to the great ones who paved the way isn't disrespect, to me.

    • @MikeStar2000
      @MikeStar2000 3 года назад

      The wine will probably pass the peoples livers first.

  • @soukoz
    @soukoz 3 года назад +2

    It's almost sad how in my town the cemetery is less than a mile away from the park's playground. Like there's a walking trail with markers and at the 3/4 of a mile (the start is at the park entrance) you will be in the middle of the cemetery. Which is also weird cause that particular mile marker is shaped and designed like a headstone 🙃 so trash from the park gets blown into the graves everyday.

  • @devonstart2758
    @devonstart2758 3 года назад +1

    im only 4 minutes and change into this.. and that dudes headband is so versatile. Its a small head band, then its a very 70s kerchief, then its a large head wrap.. almost a turban, then back to kerchief. man gets a lot of mileage from that one piece of cloth

  • @HelpMeFindTheseSongs
    @HelpMeFindTheseSongs 3 года назад +5

    Hi Mark, you are my favorite RUclips channel. You're funny, insightful, and I get to learn about terrible movies. Us viewers can tell a lot of work goes into creating each one of your videos, and we appreciate it. Cheers.

  • @robbylebotha
    @robbylebotha 3 года назад +4

    Thank you, I've been searching for the Double Down prequel for a long time.

  • @jfrancis98
    @jfrancis98 7 месяцев назад +1

    I grew up in the 70s and although I have never seen quicksand, I’m deathly afraid of it to this day.

  • @ghostlightx9005
    @ghostlightx9005 10 месяцев назад +1

    4:22 That "magician" moved the hoop in the exact motion that gives away how the trick is done (instead of moving it horizontally to sell the illusion).

  • @Kirifuki
    @Kirifuki 3 года назад +22

    I ordered a pizza to watch this.

    • @sedevacante0027
      @sedevacante0027 3 года назад +5

      I reheated pizza to watch this.

    • @robbylebotha
      @robbylebotha 3 года назад +8

      Why would a pizza watch this?

    • @nalomelimaia
      @nalomelimaia 3 года назад

      @@robbylebotha pizza is the local prostitutes name.

  • @Horrormaster13
    @Horrormaster13 3 года назад +12

    Can't be worse than Things (1989)

    • @ericv00
      @ericv00 3 года назад +3

      Sure. But you've SEEN Things. You haven't seen The Astrologer.

    • @hmdwgf
      @hmdwgf 3 года назад +3

      Things is definitely one of the 3 worst movies EVER. That movie is the cinematic equivalent of a brain hemmorage.

    • @HelpMeFindTheseSongs
      @HelpMeFindTheseSongs 3 года назад +1

      Where can we see Things? Is there a link?

    • @hmdwgf
      @hmdwgf 3 года назад +1

      @@HelpMeFindTheseSongs You don’t watch Things so much as be visually violated by it. You may never be the same again.

    • @HelpMeFindTheseSongs
      @HelpMeFindTheseSongs 3 года назад +2

      @@hmdwgf I'm sold. I need to see it. I'm a masochist.

  • @Etherman7
    @Etherman7 3 года назад +2

    I really like how she pointed that revolver clearly off to the side (camera wasn't aligned properly for the image to work) and down at his belly, and the cop has a squib on his head explode. Good times.

  • @DenerWitt
    @DenerWitt 3 года назад +13

    the editing in this movie should be considered abstract art

  • @jfljones4787
    @jfljones4787 3 года назад +5

    When Craig has a beard, does he kind of remind you of Torgo?

  • @jameswarner5878
    @jameswarner5878 3 года назад +1

    I thought you described the whole movie and then you said that that was just the first 20 minutes. My face literally had a shocked expression on it, I physically reacted to you saying that.

  • @julioagua
    @julioagua 3 года назад +6

    Isn't having picnics on cemeteries a big part of mexican Day of the Dead?

    • @phoebehill953
      @phoebehill953 3 года назад +5

      Many cultures picnic at the gravesites of their relatives.
      People in America and England did it in the 1800s, because cemeteries were green quiet places to picnic.

  • @grapeshot
    @grapeshot 3 года назад +30

    Oh the 70s when people dress themselves and then looked in the mirror and said I could care less.

    • @lw2835
      @lw2835 3 года назад +4

      It's funny how the 80's were the exact opposite

    • @viscountrainbows6452
      @viscountrainbows6452 3 года назад +2

      The 70s: the decade when hairdressers went on strike

    • @brianmoore9350
      @brianmoore9350 3 года назад +1

      If they could care less that implies that there is some lesser level of care that they could experience.

  • @evanward4303
    @evanward4303 3 года назад +4

    His hype man is badass - 2:33 - "His priceless gym, his priceless vervulation of your very selves... "

  • @glenryan8299
    @glenryan8299 2 года назад +3

    Hard to imagine it goes from this to Star Wars in a year!

  • @feltongailey8987
    @feltongailey8987 3 года назад +4

    Ahhh, the fast and loose 70's. Considering the amount of weed, coke and LSD floating around. I'd say this is a pretty well developed plot. This dude really had it together man.

  • @deanlawliet1353
    @deanlawliet1353 3 года назад +3

    That "The Astrologer" realization was the BEST.

  • @EUROPAMusicOfficialChannel
    @EUROPAMusicOfficialChannel 2 года назад +5

    15:31 I have not laughed so hard at something in weeks. That was the funniest thing - I straight up spit out my drink through my nose. Not joking lol

  • @greatskytrollantidrama4473
    @greatskytrollantidrama4473 3 года назад +2

    Picnic in cemetery used to be relatively common. Especially in small towns without parks. A cemetery might be the best maintained grass in the county.

  • @thew0rdsmyth
    @thew0rdsmyth 3 года назад +3

    Im just waiting for Mark to watch the insane Maximum Overdrive, the only Stephen King directed film.

  • @bigdad1211
    @bigdad1211 3 года назад +3

    I lost brain cells trying to understand this movie. Thank you for watching it for me. You are a hero! 👏

  • @Asaq231
    @Asaq231 3 года назад +16

    Welcome back THREE the show

  • @carminecox7521
    @carminecox7521 3 года назад +1

    I assume no one will ever see this, but historically city-dwellers picnicking in cemeteries was a thing. Before maintaining public parks was common, cemeteries were one of few options for meadowy places to sit and have a good time without getting industrial waste dumped on you or something.

    • @karnerblue7658
      @karnerblue7658 27 дней назад

      Interesting. I never knew that was even a thing. 🧐

  • @JohnSmith-df7uo
    @JohnSmith-df7uo 4 месяца назад +1

    20:19 newspaper article lower left "Dog seized and held for ransom". Why didn't they make a movie about that instead?!

  • @Claypidgeon162
    @Claypidgeon162 3 года назад +3

    Well I know if I won the lottery, the first thing I'd do is have lunch in the cemetery and visit a grimy carnival.