Love Sense: from Infant to Adult (Sue Johnson and Ed Tronick)
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- Опубликовано: 3 фев 2016
- Two experts in bonding look at key responses in love relationships.
Dr. Sue Johnson : www.drsuejohnson.com
Dr. Edward Tronick : www.umb.edu/academics/cla/fac...
Science tells us clearly that bonding goes from the cradle to the grave. Staying close to a protective loved one is the main survival strategy of our species. But bonding is more than protection, it is a necessary ingredient for our emotional wellbeing. We can now look at pivotal moments in the dance we call bonding - in infancy and romantic love - and pinpoint the core moves in the emotional dance that defines so much of our lives - our happiness. This drama has only 5 basic moves.
Nowadays when I feel anger or resentment I ask myself, “what am I afraid of?” Then I share it with my wife with a hug. Secondly, I’ll sometimes ask her if it’s okay to just listen to me instead of analyzing which sometimes leads to subtle blaming. Although I understand her analytical approach is one of good hearted intentions.
The withdrawn male partner looks flooded emotionally as his female partner tries to get his attention. She is "protesting" the lack of connection or closeness, and he seems to be protecting himself from how she is reaching for him by shutting down. Those two styles of expressing attachment distress when we don't feel secure with our partner are exhibited so clearly in this video. Thank you, I am honored to be able to work with couples daily using Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy or E.F.T. When couples do the work, and get to a 'bonding event' it is almost magical. Well, for me, I'll say it, it is a magical experience to see the couples bond transform from insecure to secure in front of me. Thank you Dr. Johnson for this model and Dr. Tronick for your research.
Seeing Sue Johnson and Ed Tronick together, drawing ties between infant attachment and adult attachment is wonderful! We are human, and whether infants or adults, we all need love and connection. Simple and profound.
I never thought about in terms of NEED for adults, but I think you are so right. Based on that premise, it’s no wonder relationships can’t - or rarely do - survive prolonged or frequent separation. I had always looked at it as simply the partner left behind is weak, incapable of being alone, but now I see it is much deeper than that. My wife (now ex) and I were physically separated for weeks at a time throughout our marriage and it finally killed it on her part. I was the one who was gone so much, and she got left behind. I don’t feel so resentful toward her, now.
This was beautiful to watch. It made me realize why people act the way they do, but most of all, it helped me understand myself. Thank you for this wonderful demonstration!!
This video clearly illustrated how adult and infant bonding have the same interaction process. It helps show the logic of emotional connection and disconnection. Wonderful!
I really believe that Dr. Sue is the most important psychologist since Carl Jung, and that she will one day win the Noble Peace Prize. You cannot have the success rate that she does at her clinic, which involves the worst of the worst couples (a PTSD war vet combined with a wife that was sexually abused throughout childhood by a step dad) and not have genius working.
My initial response was she is not respecting Ted because he doesn't feel comfortable with her family. Instead of understanding that he feels uncomfortable around her relatives, she pushes the issue and then melts down. Ted totally fixes everything by instead of walking away or insulting her or being verbally abusive- he is sorry, and he communicates with her that her family makes him uncomfortable. He loves her, not wanting to hang out with her family is his choice and has nothing to do with her. She didn't keep arguing, she understood him. Which is why they recovered together as a couple. Imagine he insulted her for her feelings? Abandoned her while she was crying? It would never work
Every now and again I come across a video that really makes me rethink my outlook on life.
The power of emotion and how it organizes moments of disconnection and connection, from infancy to the grave. Thank you Sue & Ed....
Thanks for sharing this video with us Dr. Johnson and Dr. Tronick.
The problem is that reconnection requires both people to care about the other person not just themselves. And to do their respective parts. Without both doing that, there can't be resolution.
I love this therapist! She’s very helpful! VERY!
This is one of the most touching lessons about romantic love for me. I am so grateful for this work of Sue, Edward and many more scientists in this field. Thank you.
Genius, thank you, just watching this process was healing ❤️
Many Thanks for the work of Sue Johnson,Ed Tronick and Diane Poole Heller,among others-bringing back Bowlby,who was first to name all of this, to modern everyday life.My only hope to see this "new "emphasis on attachment widespread for our world!
Wow.... this hit me intimately
Beautiful video! Watching the mother and baby made me cry, first tears of sadness and then tears of gratitude when she turned to the baby. I wondered if the husband was a confederate. I find it helpful to explain the neuroscience--all the adrenaline sending blood from the frontal lobes to arms and legs in the still face and the husband's stonewalling. And the oxytocin flow during repair. Oxytocin is not only the bonding hormone but the anti-stress hormone. The Handy Brain Model is a great visual aid that makes for a powerful demonstration.
I love this video. Moving and informative. I share with couples and in trainings regularly. Thank you!
This is a grear lecture