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Lessons from the Dying | Marie-Jo Cleghorn | TEDxQueensU
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- Опубликовано: 26 фев 2017
- After an extensive career working as a nurse, Marie-Jo has developed a passion for palliative care. By having an opportunity to work closer with the dying, Marie-Jo has been forced to look inwards and truly question if she knows herself. She discusses three lessons that have given her a unique perspective on why your words matter and how sometimes there is no tomorrow. Understanding why these aspects are important come from a willingness to ask the question “how am I living?”
Born in Kingston, Jamaica, Marie-Jo moved to Kingston, Ontario when she was 6. She graduated from Queen’s University in 1990 with a Bachelor of Science degree in Nursing, and a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology. She attained her Masters of Health Science degree while living in New Zealand.
Marie-Jo has worked across the spectrum of nursing from Community to Acute Care, from bedside to education based positions. While she has enjoyed almost every opportunity she has experienced, she considers Palliative Care her ‘home’. She believes it is a privilege to care for the dying, but more importantly, she has become a better person because of it.
This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at ted.com/tedx
My wife died suddenly 2 days ago. I am feeling huge grief.
The more I think about it the more I understand that she is not gone.
She left behind the impact she had on others. She made me a better person.
She guided our children and grandchildren.
She had a positive impact on everyone she met.
"So long as someone remember us we still live"
So sorry for your lost ..You must believe GOD has a place for you as he/she has for your wife .You will see your wife again but your purpose is not finished yet . Love your family as well as your friends ,make time for them ,make your time left important to yourself and in honor of your wife ! She'll be proud of you !! GOD BLESS .
@@larrylamb3480 Thanks for our comment.
Every day I write my Wife an e-mail telling her what is going on with me and that someday we will be together again, Does she get the mail? Yes, I think so.
Surely GOD can have a very a big server and a bunch of terminals for the good that are with Him.
She has to be with GOD, for if she is not then I have no chance.
I'm sorry for your loss. The spirit is forever and this life here is just part of the journey. Love is all that is real and your love for your wife is forever.
@@MICKEYISLOWD Thanks for your kind comment.
I hope you are correct. I do miss her so much.
We were together for 53 years.
"End? Oh, the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The pale rain curtain of this world lifts, and all turns to silver glass. And then you see it: white shores. And beyond, a far green country, under a swift sunrise." - Gandalf to Pippin.
Fear not. Whether it be in the afterlife or a future incarnation, you will certainly see your wife again.
I am completely blown away this woman has just helped me with my journey of dying.
I am dying a slow painful trying death but I refuse to let it change me as this journey continues I will show the people I love the brave man I am and love them dearly both here and the after! May God bless you all always!!
Jeffrey Sampson wishing you all the best🙌🙏🙌
@@Niuniany Thank you much. May you always be blessed.
🙏🏾🧡🙏🏾
No job will break your heart and also lift you up quite like hospice nursing. The willingness to be exposed to the pain and death on a daily basis is an act of love. Thanks isn’t enough❤️
I had a heart attack and am sitting here in a ward with men in their 80s that are sick some are seeing birds on the floor and some are seeing children in the room.
They have one foot in the next world I'm praying for them and am privileged to meet them as they are beautiful people
IHOPE God is gentle with them when they go
death so much peacefullness,bikram
@@ramapradhan6672 only when the soul is prepared.
How are you sir ?
Life is not a competition..what a beautiful statement if only more felt that way..our ego gets in the way of letting us grow.
I really agree with you on that!! So glad to hear someone's saying it out there!!! Kudos to her!! 👏👏👏👍👍👍💗💗💗💖
So true about one's EGO. I use that now. "It's not a competition."
Humans are still biological beings, so the harsh, merciless rules of survival apply.
My baby brother died suddenly when I was 11-years-old. Since then I have always sought to show my appreciation and love, as well as take more pictures, with my friends, loved ones, and silly strangers I meet along the way. I am now a cancer research associate and applying to medical school. I want to be a pediatric oncologist so that I can carry out research at the frontlines of pediatric disease/cancers. I want to transmute my love for my brother into hope for others.
I wish I had such a sister. Your brother had such a positive impact on your life. I am sure he knows. God bless you.
Wish you luck good health peace and God's s grace
I've been watching lots of Ted Talks on the dying recently. I wanted to find some wisdom from the dying to learn how to live. This talk was by far the most profound to me. Thank you!
I m doing the same but now.......☺️☺️☺️
Agreed!
hi there. did you read the meditations by Marcus Aurelius? Or anything from Senaca or Montaigne?
@@demiurge1608 I read Meditations many years ago and tbh back then, it didn't really connect with me. I know if I read it again today, I'd gain much more from it. I'm familiar with Seneca, but don't know about Montaigne. Is there anything in particular you'd recommend?
@@howisjason yes, I would recommend on the shortness of life by Seneca and essays by Montaigne. Also all the books by William Irvine as a modern interpretation of the stoic philosophy is a must read in my opinion. my best wishes..
palliative care is the only branch of nursing i never did. i left the profession with a heavy heart because there was rarely time to slow down and really be with someone and really listen. being a hospice nurse seems really rewarding. we all die. and we live better by loving more deeply, and slowing down, and being kinder than necessary... when we remember that.
The reality is; we are all dying. The key take away is how we learn to live our life. Each day, one day at a time, to its fullest. This presentation is a learning experience for us.
I lost my wife to cancer in 89
It made me angry and bitter at first
Then I realized in time it had taught me so much
That life is to short to worry about the little things
To have empathy for others
It was tough but I survived and gained so much from it
Sorry for your loss Don. Your wife would be proud to see you fly...
Death causes suffering to everyone but the person who died. Yet there is meaning to be found in this suffering, as you yourself discovered.
I don't think, as some do, that God predetermines all the bad things in the world for the purpose of growth. The world exists in such a way that there is no need for His active involvement. But He can and does use these things to bring about positive change, and we ourselves have this ability too.
I learned to see god during my wifes bought with cancer and in her death
Nicely said thank you. Your words are helpful.
Good for you!!!👍👍👍👍💛💙
I have hospiced 3 friends in their homes and buried many more, including my firstborn. I know every word you speak to be true. Thanks for articulating and sharing this priceless wisdom.
As a Hospice nurse, this is the most amazing Ted Talk that i have ever had the privilege of seeing. Absolutely incredible. Thank you.
👏👏👏👏👏 to you!!! 💗💗🤗
Did you hear the day Gary. Died She was off and his wife called asked her to come over or am I hearing wrong
I'm a hospice nurse. This talk portrays what me and my colleagues are learning every day helping our patients and their families.
Bless you, for all that you do and have done.
thank you for the work that you n your colleagues do, God bless you!❤
I have my hospice volunteer interview coming up and I’m wicked nervous.. I am worried about saying or doing the wrong things. Have you ever seen a volunteer that sucked? Lol I know that’s a random question
@@onelove5206 no, I never had a bad volunteer experience, but I guess some people wouldn't qualify...such as someone with interest in drugs, free stuff or just someone "too much into preaching".
"Dying has a way of showing us what we most need to see.
This life is but a vapor that will one day cease to be." ~kk~
Read Quran
I’ve lost family over the years; more frequently, I’ve had to put pets to sleep. Pet or human, I am reminded of my mortality, and how precious our time is with one another.
@@azeemqurbanali3281 When you say ‘read the Quran’; that’s very broad. Any passages you’d recommend?
@@tangoxraysierra bro every passage in Quran is priceless it has so much depth in it that you would be overwhelmed tbh. Read the whole Quran little by little and see the RUclips video regarding it I would recommend bayyinah channel
In America we all feel like we are in a race to get to the next finish line of our goals.
I have talked to more than a few people who came here from other countries. They have said they never knew what depression was until they got here got a good job, a nice place to live, and all the toys they thought they needed.
Life is a rollers-coaster. Enjoy the ride.
An amazing, moving, potentially life-changing talk by a woman who has used experiencing death as a way to enrich life. Thank you, Marie-Jo.
It’s a beautiful thing to see someone doing what they were called to do. Thank you for honoring your calling.
This is the most beautiful TED talk I have ever listened to. Absolutely brilliant. I’m in tears. Well done in every way
Marie-Jo Simply, Thank You for your precious insights and valued lifes lessons. You make a difference and inspire me to strive to follow. God bless you!
Yes I get this! I have metastatic cancer and really do understand about living for the now and also using every opportunity to let my friends and family know I love them. My one surprise in this is my increase in compassion for strangers. I now like to talk to people on the train or bus. Speak to people about about a variety of subjects. I am now no longer worried if it is not considered the norm. Being kind is easy and loving. And it improves our communities. I don't have time to be self absorbed I only have time to do my bit, here and now.
I nearly died on a few occasions as a child from a condition I was born with, I learnt these lessons at a young age and always felt different because of that, kinda too grown up for my age if you get that. I now work in a hospital as a medical secretary in oncology and I hope I bring my empathy with me. If you met me you'd think I was a 'messer' but I'm really a very spiritual/serious person.
For me, personally, this is the most AWESOME and helpful and soulful TEDx presentation that I've listened to thus far! Thank you.
Thank you Marie-Jo. Palliative Care Nurses rock.
"it takes very little energy to be kind"
How can she give this talk w/out bursting into tears! I'm dieing inside over here...
I loved this talk...made me reconsider some things I'm doing,now, or rather not doing,because tomorrow isn't promised
This presentation was a gift from GOD.
How do you know?
Definitely
One part of this talk touched me so deeply. The patient that had to slow down and just spend time with he ones she loved (Lorna), was exactly like my mum. She was very sick for 3.5 years, but only in the last year she finally had to slow down. To stop when she couldn't walk, to catch her breath, to lie on the couch. That, to an active and lively woman like she was, who loved to dance and to walk and be out and about, it was heartbreaking to see. I lost her 6 months ago and it gets harder by the day. Thanks for this talk.
❤
I'm soo sorry... I lost my mom a year and a half ago... she died of a broken heart because my dad died first , and they had been together since they were 15 years old.
I also feel the loss of my Mother very deeply after 17 years. I look forward to being with her in the after Life. 💖🙏
@@phoenixrising5088 you will be with her,I am sure of it:)
Beautiful and comforting talk. My 19 year old niece died in April. She gave her all to her family..worried about everyone until she passed. Rest in peace Natalia Ghaddar. You will never be forgotten.
I am a nurse as well and this story had me in tears.
You are beautiful outside and inside . I know you know the inside is so much more important in life Your wisdom is so beyond your years ! I wish the whole world understood what you realize !!!! But you know ,. Your expression of your soul is so important to all of us ..Never stop doing what you are doing . ITS SO IMPORTANT !!!!!!
should be watched by everyone.
This talk by this wonderful lady will change my life forever. Just lost my mum 2 months ago and now i understand. Thank you
Marie the story is touching. We all know will die but wait for death to embrace. So truth said we should b true to our self. Caroline left a legacy. Thank you, bless you. All your dreams come true.
Powerful, Thought provoking and Insightful! Thank You and God Greatly Bless You, Marie Jo
This Lady's presentation is beyond wonderful; she is Great...period.
What an thought provoking talk. So glad I got to listen to it.
". . . like these blossoms, we are all dying - life in every breath. . . ." Katsumoto
💝
In my 60s I've gone back to being self-absorbed.
Its not fair to put the pressure on people to feel that we have to make a difference. Not everyone is cut out for the same thing.
This talk is cathartic for this lady. She's a bit of an actress. Charismatic, egotistical, in her own way.
Everyone's time counts in different ways. Don't let this talk make you, me, feel less than worthy.
although I'm not a palliative care nurse, I found it amazing how similar our journeys have been. her rendering of the experiences literally brought me to tears as memories of my experiences with my wife, friends, lovers, family. an eloquent dissertation on what we should all understand about life, and how we could live it if we choose.....
Thank you so much for your lessons, it has appended my eyes of what I can do for others instead of feeling sorry for myself. Thank you angel of love!
I’m considering volunteering to serve as a comfort care sitter in my hospital where I’m currently employed as as patient safety assistant. Thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’ve been part in two family members passing and witnessed hospice in action and I want to give back for what someone gave me and my family.
As a dying person I am constantly amused by those that try to speak for us. We are in comptition with time from birth. We only have limited time in the production years. tThen we free fall towards the end. However, the concepts in this presentation i would place in the box of a life well lived.
This woman is amazing
Thank you so much
The loss of Anyone leaves us wondering Why, and What now? it makes us begin searching for answers, especially Is there more to us, Our existence? We talk about these situations in the hopes that we'll get our answers. Life is so tough. I hope that everyone here finds their answers. Don't fear death. Know that one day you'll all be reunited with all your loved-ones again. Have Faith!
A most profound and thought-provoking talk.
I just caught this TEDx chat and was moved by the insightful nature of your experience. Thank you for sharing. On a familial level I walked through the valley of darkness with my spouse as I slowly watched him succumb to cancer and was there when he breathed his last in the hospital. It was a very difficult journey for the patient but as equally painful to let someone you love go. Some say I am stronger because of the experience. I say it was not my strength but my will and choice to stand by him as he slowly let go of life. It taught me the true value of life and made me more keenly aware of how fragile we ALL are as we live and breathe. I am so grateful for having had several family circumstances that called for patience and deep care for those less fragile than ourselves. May we all learn to become more aware of our surroundings and value what we can contribute in kindness. ThNk you for those moving stories.
Most outstanding presentation I have seen on TED. Thank you
I'm so grateful for your heart-full sharing. It is making a huge difference in many lives. In gratitude.
I believe things come to us when we need it. This is much needed and I listened, learned and will apply. Thank you for one of the most enlightening talks I have seen. You hit it perfectly and it has impacted me greatly. You truly are a gift, thank you for your service.
Marie-Jo, Thank you. You are a powerful woman and you bring an important message to life...
Self reflection is an ongoing process.
Indeed. 💕
Her voice and words are filled with true kindness and love mixed with deep meaning that truly made me cry and truly appreciate life..making a difference i was thinking that is very hard to do..but then i realized small acts of kindness can make really huge differences
One of the best Tedtalks I've seen. Thank you.
This profoundly touched my heart.
Never had a TedX make me cry
Thank you ! You have given me a lot to reflect on .
Thank you for your wonderful message. You shared what I have quoted at least one hundred times that my daughter who passed 52 days before turning 13 years old. She taught me what a book could never teach me. Keep Sharing your stories, they are lessons that we all need to hear, and most importantly learn from.
Wow... you did a super job. I am an occupational therapist who work in the nursing home setting. I occasionally see patients on hospice care in these homes. So I definitely understand what you are talking about. From a fellow TEDx talker and soon to be 2-timer.
Bill Wong I'm actually currently in my OT graduate program and throughout this TED Talk I was in awe. We as OT's don't believe that life ends at a certain age and that engaging in occupations gives people a purpose and sense of identity. It was nice when she touched on the idea of "what are you doing now" rather then consistently procrastinating to "later". Live Now!
Bre Lee thank you for responding to my comment. You are absolutely right. One of the things we should be known for is to encourage people to live their lives to their fullest.
At the same time, I also thought about almost 2 years ago in terms of what happened to an OT colleague. She was three years younger than me. Unfortunately, she passed away from an auto accident. That experience has actually transformed my thinking a lot. In fact, I purposely planned to travel more to meet colleagues from different countries whenever I can. In fact, one item on my professional bucket list is actually going to each major OT national conference at least once.
Bill Wong veux des chanson
Amazing and inspiring. Great lessons learned. Thanks
Thank you for the enlightenment☮️💟✝️
What a quietly powerful and eloquent presentation.....she is so right about everything. A lot to take away from this talk, thank you.
Our current western (?) society doesn't want to hear about death, even less about what there is beyond death. The worrisome high demand for euthanasia in its many forms is a sign of this. So thank you for sharing how death, a most natural part of life, can be a difficult yet beautifully seminal moment in the life of the dying, and of those left behind.
"Worrisome"? What is worrying about a person choosing the method and moment of their death? I'm speaking about "self-deliverance", the rational choice between a demeaning, excruciating dying process (as with some terminal cancers or massively disabling neurological disorders) and a peaceful, pain-free departure? The operative word is "choice".
I can choose to pursue life at all costs, taking advantage of every possible medical treatment, or I can choose dying the way I want. Death itself is not the choice -- it's become an absolute. It's the process and type of death that must be left up to the rational, informed individual.
With my chronic illness that is progressive and has no cure and no control, I and my family are happy that there is a graceful “bow out” when things become too much. Maybe I’ll use it, maybe not, but unless you are in severe pain 24/7 you could never understand. We should all have the choice of “dying with dignity” if dying becomes too much for the sufferer and the family can’t take this punishment anymore. We do this to our pets when we feel their pain is just too much for them, but humans with family watching this horror show shouldn’t have this? You need to connect with people in this population before you write something so myopic and selfish. What you think brings me and my family no relief and you should be ashamed to even have an opinion on euthanasia if you aren’t someone impacted by suffering right this instant.
I don't think this lady thinks death is beautiful. When you sit eith someone dying and that sometimes can take many many months or even years. It is horrific watching someone die in agony. This lady is talking about learning the lessons that life is short abd the lessons we should be learning while living. But Bless you for your innocent idea x
Perfect person perfect voice.... for this
Thank you for working in that field, it can be a tough profession.
It's not tough as long as you have a great sense of humour. It is a necessity to be able to laugh in the face of death. I certainly want to leave this planet knowing the best is yet to come. That's the joke of Life.😆
I think she changed my life. Muchas gracias por todo
YOUR words and actions MATTER. 💕
Yes even a loving nurse that cares.
My boyfriend's dad is about to go in hospis. This talk was very helpful. Hugs to everyone that lost or is losing a loved one!!
absolutely brilliant.
Beautiful. Very touching Mary Jo
the hidden lesson "how to live"
be generous with your life ....
My way of living has changed dramatically after coming within minutes of dying twice in 2016.
How exactly sir
@@stundown Material possessions mean much less than before while time with people is much more important. Also, I worry much less about things.
@@davidshanholtz1666 what advice would you give to your 22/23 year old self?
@@stundown Don't live for temporal things.
David Shanholtz you learn the same thing as you get older. I’ve been blessed with abundance but I’ve come to realize it was all a waste of time pursuing it. “Things” mean very little, love is so much more fulfilling. Easy to say perhaps, but the truth nevertheless.
Very nicely presented. Thankyou Marie-Jo. The message sure gets to the core of what really matters. It's such a pity that there is so much stuff, so much clutter, yet so much emptiness out there.
~Who can tell what a day might bring? Therefore gracious God, cause me to live everyday as if it were to be my last, for I cannot know it is not. Help me to live this day as I shall wish I had done when I come to die. Amen
We should all love and care for one another.
@@nadiaclayton5310 YES AMEN💖💖💖
DEEPLY TOUCHED!! BRAVO!! God Bless!
She's getting it. Beautiful.
People don't really know until they have sat beside a few lived ones bedsides when they are in their last hours or minutes of life.
Agreed. It is the epitome of bitter-sweet. I am a private caregiver for the elderly and I've witnessed several deaths, including my mother. It is difficult to see someone take their last breath, but it has also been the most humbling and life changing experience I've ever had.
'as within, so without. as above, so below'
Thank you so much this helped us. Mom lost her best friend and husband of 51 years my brother and I lost our wonderful dad on Thanksgiving 2020 from covid. He was a very healthy 66 year old before this hateful virus. My dad worked so hard for my parents retirement one he'll never get to experience :(
Same here Stephanie, my father was a healthy 66 year old. Covid ravaged his body and he passed away exactly a month ago. Me and my brother left alone in this world , moms in last stage dementia. Don’t know where you’re from but I’m probably half way across the world sharing your grief somewhat
yes I make a nice difference every breath..
I love me and I don't judge myself..
She's incredible. Wow.
You nailed it so hart warming so strong so young so wise
Heart
SOUL .
A Beautiful woman with a ❤️ of Gold. God bless her.
They dont die, we die to ourselve, we change. Everything changes when someone dies. All around us. In us.
4:42 life is about ways that ADD TO ...and DON"T TAKE AWAY FROM to our TIME here ... ♥️
(NoteToMyself)
Some how I need to have your message lead my life every day
This girl is sublime!
Great Talk very impressed restores faith in man kind.
Sooo very spiritually blessed ! This dear soul is soooo very wise ! God bless you sweet ONE ! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Absolutely beautiful talk eloquently said thank you for everything you do
Marie-Jo, I love you and what you stand for...
Thank you🙏💕😊
Needed this now more than ever!!
WHO would give this video a thumbs down!?!?!?
Amazing presentation. Inspiring! Thanks!
Makes me reflect on how I am living.Thsnk you .🌹
Very powerful! Thank you!
That's awesome you went on your day off! Kudos Nurse's rock !
Thank you very much. A great teacher 🌻
13:01 focusing on my screen is how I made a difference