This video was timely for me!! I have been seeing a widower for 10 months in a platonic relationship and we are just friends! I’ve come to the conclusion that he is too entrenched with his grief and late wife that I am wasting my time! Thanks for the Confirmation I am on the right track!
A man who prefers to live in the past longing for his late wife, who can’t move forward, who can’t stay in the now, who can’t engage in any conversation without reminiscing about their wonderful life.....is a man to walk away from.
I'm in a 3 heart relationship for sure ...photos are still up as is the shrine ..been dating the widower for 10 months and I feel my wants and needs are not always met
It’s very hard to let go of their late partner, however definitely possible if they become emotionally intelligent enough again after the lost. Set healthy boundaries and learn to love yourself more. You can’t be codependent in this type of relationship. I’ve learned a lot from dating a widower. I learned to let go of my own past and be present.
Very helpful as always! It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone and that no matter the amount of time since a past loved passing that this is typical. Appreciate the advice. Thank you!
Thank you as always, for all that you do. I appreciate your time to share and explain these important issues. You helped me see things clearly and gain confidence in my amazing relationship.
I read your book last summer while visiting my widowed BF !IT eased my guilt about my resentment of what was happening. I tried to be patient but it hurts too much. The apt was a shrine every where I turned a picture was staring back. Thanks for letting me know I'm not expecting too much.
Dear Abel!!! Thank you so much for your videos. I am so blessed I have discovered your channel about a year and half ago! Your videos are so helpful they just changed my life completely for the best!!!!! I was watching 2 other you tube channels from the ladies, who were married to a widowers, they both divorced now , so I unsubscribed 😁. But you are such a wise man, and all your advices work out perfectly for my relationship, now marriage!!! May God bless you and your beautiful family ❤
Thank you for this explanation and insight. I had seen these comments about three hearts in the fb group but didn't clearly understand. This situation does not apply to either of us thankfully. We are both very present in our present.
Thank you for educating us! Widower on my street comes out only to check his mail. Finally he says hello to me lol! Such a nice man! Alone all the time. But I need help to be realistic about this ❤️
My husband and I were both widowed. Can you address issues you’ve seen with this type of situation? We are both in our 60’s and have been married 2 1/2 years.
Hello Abel. All your videos are interesting. On 3:31 you mentioned that “divorce statistics for widows and widowers … are extremely high. I’ve heard anywhere from about 66 to as high as 85.” I’m interested in knowing where you heard or read those statistics, as I’m writing a paper on a topic that touches on that. Would you share those sources with me? Thank you in advance.
Thanks for this video..i accepted His feelings for her..i mention once, IM here for you and she's there for you. Still has her clothes in closet but not drawers.
I did ask her how she would fill if I bought my ex something and did not buy her some thing she said its different she can't go back to him but did fill bad
And I did tell her it hurt me real bad she did apologize for not coming to me first and did fil bad that she bought him something and not me I do have insecurity but I love that you
I love this I am married to a widow and she try's real hard to live in the now but I have had one problem she told me she did not need or want to visit the grave I told her if she wanted to go just let me know but just after 1 year of dating and 1 month after we got married covid hit she said iim sorry I did not want to get covid so I did not by you any thing for valentine's day I said ok but 3 days later she snuck off to the store and bought some stuff and took it to the grave for his birthday that stung i was so hurt so i do wonder if i am in a 3 heart relationship we talked about it and trying to move on but i dont know how to get past her doing that
Also I worry she says things like no you are number one but its just words. But she does try real hard to show me I'm number one I fill she is worth giving her some more time to keep proving im number one I do and show her she is number one
What if the man is mourning not an ex wife, but an ex girlfriend? This was from 24 years ago and I think he is scarred for life. I think everyone he has dated since 1997 has come second to her. And I wonder if he will always be like this
My widower goes away with only he and his adult children(no spoused) every year on the anniversary of his wife's death. We are about to be engaged. How can I learn to not let this bother me if he keeps the tradition going?
I am a widow living with a widower and his grown children. I don’t mind being excluded from the time they may need to be together to tell the stories of their mom and life together. I want them to have that space without me anytime they need it. We have to be extra gracious dating a widow and widower especially when they have children. When we lose a spouse a part of us dies with them; our identity as wife or husband for instance. It gets pretty complicated and I do have my struggles with feelings of insecurity over these matters. Hopefully love will prevail.
My X W gave me a problem with putting away photos and we were engaged. He still had their wedding portrait up. I feel he’s hanging on to the past, says it’s for the kids. It’s not for the kids. I didn’t want a 3 heart relationship.
I'm a young widow and was getting discouraged because not loving my late husband this much seems impossible to me (2 years out). But I'm glad you said that everyone starts with a 3 heart relationship. I'm focusing on my own healing right now and I definitely want to love a new man one day and I don't want him to ever doubt if I really love him for who HE is. But I know it will take patience and more work to get there, so I'm hoping for a man who is understanding of that and helps me to make him my first priority ❤️
@Ella a dead husband isn't the same as an ex husband...the last thing I heard from my husband was "I love you, see you later" and later came never. I will always live him and cherish the memories. But I know that my heart is capable of loving two men, one who was in my past and one actively and I believe I will evenive him better because I understand so much more about life and love now. And I'm so glad that men who get this DO exist, I see it in several widowed and remarried friends. The right man will be understanding of my past, patient with me figuring out how to do this and I know he'll get a woman who never lets him or anyone else doubt how much she loves and honors him❤️
@Ella I don't see anything good would be coming from arguing with you. Your words are hurtful and you sound angry, so I wish you the best and God bless you.
@Ella I understand and I am sorry, but it doesn't give you the right to hurt others with your words. Everyone has their own struggles and I don't think they can or should be compared. And just so you know, the reasons I have not dated for almost two years at all is because I never want to use anyone to cure my pain. I will date when I'm ready to love someone for who he is and not trying to fill a void that can't be filled. And with that, I agree with you. I, too think it's wise to heal first before getting in new relationships too early and causing so much hurt and trauma to others.
Yeah, I am definitely the mistress in this relationship. I don't mind hardly any of the things that come up. But, come on. After 18 months, we are still at the stage where he tells he says he is still married to his wife. And can I understand what he is saying when he says " I am in love with my wife, but I only love you." And little things like that that I will always treasure and hold dear to my heart. What he has been saying to me all along without really saying it is "Honey, I can't leave my wife for you." I am a non-jealous person who has lost her whole family to death. I wish with all my heart that his wife was still alive. I don't do mistress. It feels alienating and like I want to protect myself and not be vulnerable in this relationship. It's not right, especially when I get it. I have dreams of people in my family every night.
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This video was timely for me!! I have been seeing a widower for 10 months in a platonic relationship and we are just friends! I’ve come to the conclusion that he is too entrenched with his grief and late wife that I am wasting my time!
Thanks for the Confirmation I am on the right track!
Hello Phyllis,how are you today ? Feeling better? God bless you and keep you safe...I'm a widower and I would love to know you more!
A man who prefers to live in the past longing for his late wife, who can’t move forward, who can’t stay in the now, who can’t engage in any conversation without reminiscing about their wonderful life.....is a man to walk away from.
true tho, just have the find the right man who has got you.
I can relate to that...I'm struggling to cope
@@nicolam2196 struggling ?
@John Kyle Oh I did. No regrets either.
I'm in a 3 heart relationship for sure ...photos are still up as is the shrine ..been dating the widower for 10 months and I feel my wants and needs are not always met
It’s very hard to let go of their late partner, however definitely possible if they become emotionally intelligent enough again after the lost. Set healthy boundaries and learn to love yourself more. You can’t be codependent in this type of relationship. I’ve learned a lot from dating a widower. I learned to let go of my own past and be present.
Very helpful as always! It’s comforting to know that I’m not alone and that no matter the amount of time since a past loved passing that this is typical. Appreciate the advice. Thank you!
May God comfort you emotionally and bless you with the desires of your heart Christine .
Helpful insights. Appreciate the advice.
Yes very helpful
Thank you as always, for all that you do. I appreciate your time to share and explain these important issues. You helped me see things clearly and gain confidence in my amazing relationship.
Thank you so very much Abel :) your videos have really helped my widower and I..we are both very grateful. Please keep it up 🤗
You're most welcome, Judith.
I read your book last summer while visiting my widowed BF !IT eased my guilt about my resentment of what was happening. I tried to be patient but it hurts too much.
The apt was a shrine every where I turned a picture was staring back. Thanks for letting me know I'm not expecting too much.
Exactly...his whole house screamed JOYCE. I finally had to break it off..couldn't
stand to be in that house anymore
OMG! I needed to hear this. Thank you.
Dear Abel!!! Thank you so much for your videos. I am so blessed I have discovered your channel about a year and half ago! Your videos are so helpful they just changed my life completely for the best!!!!! I was watching 2 other you tube channels from the ladies, who were married to a widowers, they both divorced now , so I unsubscribed 😁. But you are such a wise man, and all your advices work out perfectly for my relationship, now marriage!!! May God bless you and your beautiful family ❤
Thanks for the kind words, Tatiana. Glad you've found my videos helpful.
Thank you for this explanation and insight. I had seen these comments about three hearts in the fb group but didn't clearly understand. This situation does not apply to either of us thankfully. We are both very present in our present.
Wow, thanks. This is my favorite
Video of yours. Describes my problem
Exactly. Jana. - Texas
Hello Jena i hope you are good today? God bless you and keep you safe. Amen
Thank you for educating us! Widower on my street comes out only to check his mail. Finally he says hello to me lol! Such a nice man! Alone all the time. But I need help to be realistic about this ❤️
My husband and I were both widowed. Can you address issues you’ve seen with this type of situation? We are both in our 60’s and have been married 2 1/2 years.
Can you get a little more specific, Lori?
Hello Abel.
All your videos are interesting.
On 3:31 you mentioned that “divorce statistics for widows and widowers … are extremely high. I’ve heard anywhere from about 66 to as high as 85.” I’m interested in knowing where you heard or read those statistics, as I’m writing a paper on a topic that touches on that. Would you share those sources with me?
Thank you in advance.
How soon after dating to address the pictures or 3heart relationship?
Thanks for this video..i accepted His feelings for her..i mention once, IM here for you and she's there for you. Still has her clothes in closet but not drawers.
I did ask her how she would fill if I bought my ex something and did not buy her some thing she said its different she can't go back to him but did fill bad
I want to marry again and have a complete family. I hope to find my life partner even here.
And I did tell her it hurt me real bad she did apologize for not coming to me first and did fil bad that she bought him something and not me I do have insecurity but I love that you
I love this I am married to a widow and she try's real hard to live in the now but I have had one problem she told me she did not need or want to visit the grave I told her if she wanted to go just let me know but just after 1 year of dating and 1 month after we got married covid hit she said iim sorry I did not want to get covid so I did not by you any thing for valentine's day I said ok but 3 days later she snuck off to the store and bought some stuff and took it to the grave for his birthday that stung i was so hurt so i do wonder if i am in a 3 heart relationship we talked about it and trying to move on but i dont know how to get past her doing that
Hi Jim. You said you talked about it with her. What was her explanation for giving something for her deceased husband but not for you?
She said she was filling guilty and wanted to show him thanks for all he had done im scared her heart is still with him
I told her I don't care she went i just wish she would have talked to me first
Also I worry she says things like no you are number one but its just words. But she does try real hard to show me I'm number one I fill she is worth giving her some more time to keep proving im number one I do and show her she is number one
What if the man is mourning not an ex wife, but an ex girlfriend? This was from 24 years ago and I think he is scarred for life. I think everyone he has dated since 1997 has come second to her. And I wonder if he will always be like this
My widower goes away with only he and his adult children(no spoused) every year on the anniversary of his wife's death. We are about to be engaged. How can I learn to not let this bother me if he keeps the tradition going?
What do they do when they go away?
@@DatingaWidower They have a good time together and reminisce.
If this bothers you , you may want to share it with him..your feelings..if he doesn’t adjust for you , I’d leave him til he’s healed more!!
@@Tbn48ibp Told him and he turned on me and said I'm heartless. We are NO LONGER together, thank God.
I am a widow living with a widower and his grown children. I don’t mind being excluded from the time they may need to be together to tell the stories of their mom and life together. I want them to have that space without me anytime they need it. We have to be extra gracious dating a widow and widower especially when they have children. When we lose a spouse a part of us dies with them; our identity as wife or husband for instance. It gets pretty complicated and I do have my struggles with feelings of insecurity over these matters. Hopefully love will prevail.
My X W gave me a problem with putting away photos and we were engaged. He still had their wedding portrait up. I feel he’s hanging on to the past, says it’s for the kids. It’s not for the kids. I didn’t want a 3 heart relationship.
May I ask how it's going now?
@@anitafetters1816we split again two years ago.
Thanks
I included her into our conversations. Oops!
I'm a young widow and was getting discouraged because not loving my late husband this much seems impossible to me (2 years out). But I'm glad you said that everyone starts with a 3 heart relationship. I'm focusing on my own healing right now and I definitely want to love a new man one day and I don't want him to ever doubt if I really love him for who HE is. But I know it will take patience and more work to get there, so I'm hoping for a man who is understanding of that and helps me to make him my first priority ❤️
@Ella a dead husband isn't the same as an ex husband...the last thing I heard from my husband was "I love you, see you later" and later came never. I will always live him and cherish the memories. But I know that my heart is capable of loving two men, one who was in my past and one actively and I believe I will evenive him better because I understand so much more about life and love now. And I'm so glad that men who get this DO exist, I see it in several widowed and remarried friends. The right man will be understanding of my past, patient with me figuring out how to do this and I know he'll get a woman who never lets him or anyone else doubt how much she loves and honors him❤️
@Ella I don't see anything good would be coming from arguing with you. Your words are hurtful and you sound angry, so I wish you the best and God bless you.
@Ella I understand and I am sorry, but it doesn't give you the right to hurt others with your words. Everyone has their own struggles and I don't think they can or should be compared. And just so you know, the reasons I have not dated for almost two years at all is because I never want to use anyone to cure my pain. I will date when I'm ready to love someone for who he is and not trying to fill a void that can't be filled. And with that, I agree with you. I, too think it's wise to heal first before getting in new relationships too early and causing so much hurt and trauma to others.
Yeah, I am definitely the mistress in this relationship. I don't mind hardly any of the things that come up. But, come on. After 18 months, we are still at the stage where he tells he says he is still married to his wife. And can I understand what he is saying when he says " I am in love with my wife, but I only love you." And little things like that that I will always treasure and hold dear to my heart. What he has been saying to me all along without really saying it is "Honey, I can't leave my wife for you." I am a non-jealous person who has lost her whole family to death. I wish with all my heart that his wife was still alive. I don't do mistress. It feels alienating and like I want to protect myself and not be vulnerable in this relationship. It's not right, especially when I get it. I have dreams of people in my family every night.
If he can't open his heart to you, why are you still with him?
@@DatingaWidower good point!