Relationship Therapist vs. Hitch: Did HITCH have good dating advice?
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- Опубликовано: 31 янв 2022
- Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker goes toe to toe with Alex Hitchins, the "Date Doctor," with filmmaker Alan Seawright to break down some of the love advice in this movie to see what's good dating and relationship advice and what isn't. They share some of their own dating stories, how Will Smith's character actually learns and grows into understanding relationships more throughout the movie, and the importance of listening, honesty, and being yourself in a relationship.
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Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright & Alan Seawright
Edited by: Emily Colton & Alan Seawright
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis
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One day, while my husband was watching TV in the living room, I was in the kitchen (couldn't reach something because I'm short) and I complained aloud to myself (didn't think anyone else could hear me) about the predicament. My husband turned off the TV, and went out to the garage. A few moments passed and I began to hear saws and hammering and power tools... Eventually my husband came into the kitchen and placed a well made step stool in front of me. He kissed me on the cheek and then went back into the living room and turned the TV back on. Listen to your partner even if they aren't talking directly to you and be attentive to their needs without a self serving motive. Every time I look at that dumb step stool I get the urge to go show the man some love.
One thing to add here: The reason why we turn down random advances with a friendly smile is not necessarily to spare the other person's feelings. It's often also because most women have been in situations where rejection wasn't taken all too well by the man on the receiving end and things escalated. So we try to be extra friendly to diffuse any potential tension that might result in a bad situation. However, unfortunately some guys then take our smiles and friendliness as "try harder". It's kind of a no-win scenario. So guys, always make sure you come across as non-threatening as possible if you make any advances towards a woman who doesn't know you.
I always felt like Hitch's rules ("any man can get any woman," "no dancing," "hide the inhaler") were wrong, but his
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for mentioning the hygiene thing. I'm a nerdy girl that clocks in around a 7 and in my teenage college years I was actively looking for a nerdy guy. He didn't need to be handsome or fit, but I needed to be able to geek out with him. ...there were so many guys I would have really probably hit it off with if they'd just showered. It was crazy to think "oh I think this guy is cute..oh! He likes Doctor Who and ....OMG I can't breathe, doesn't he know what soap is?!"
"It's okay if she says no" is the best dating advice you could ever give.
Honestly, when Hitch says to Allegra he did "nothing" at the end, I have to disagree. Albert didn't do everything he said, but Hitch gave him enough mental preparedness to have a little confidence. And Albert did listen to Allegra quite well, which was the most important thing Hitch said in the whole movie. How Albert was at the beginning of the movie compared to the end was remarkable. He will still a dork, his personality stayed the same, but he had CONFIDENCE. And he started to believe in himself and possibilities.
“My goal is to become fit enough and attractive enough that when people see me with my wife they go ‘yeah, that makes sense’”
The two best dating advice bits I've ever received were from my little brother and a good friend. One told me to be completely myself, that way if I'm not to someone's taste, that's fine, but if they like me they actually like ME. The other told me to find a plan to make myself happy, and not wait for a partner to "complete me," and if the right person came along, I'd be ready to be my best self and a good partner. Gold.
"I was no longer so in love with the idea of love that I fell for anyone who gave me the light of day... I was okay on my own. When I got to a place where I didn't NEED somebody..."
Hitch didn't believe his own pitch, but his advice in telling men to simply be themselves to get their dream girls actually worked, which is what made Allegra fall for Albert.
The scene with "Chip"!! I just noticed! He's like hovering over her, the camera is at her eye level looking up at him, making him seem like he's trying to look down on her and corner her, Hitch sits down with her and gives her space. Women notice body language like that all the time so be mindful of how you position yourself. Also great attention to detail with the filming aspect.
One of my favorite pieces of advice from this movie is from the very beginning. When he's talking about the first date, he says to relax. She's already said yes to spending time with you, instead of doing any number of other things. That is not something I had thought of in that way, before. It's great advice for not only dating, but in my work in sales. If I get an appointment with a prospect, I can relax because they have already agreed to meet with me, so obviously are open to what I have to offer.
"The best lovers are the best listeners." I couldn't agree more with this advice.
Omg Jono’s “this woman right here, what does HER list look like?” thing… I have said that to SO MANY FRIENDS. Like how the hell does someone who refuses to get off the couch think they have the right to EXPECT a partner to exercise like crazy to maintain a certain body type? Or a hundred other utterly incompatible things! Good lord.
My favorite thing about this movie as a whole is: Hitch never exactly blamed women for not looking at those guys as "options". He helped them to get lookable as options, helped them to be more confident, comfortable and smooth with the whole dating thing. In the end he just learned that love is unpredictable and it may end up in different ways for everybody (like, even if the girl didn't end up falling for the guy, it's okay because he learned a bunch of things and improved himself anyway). Which is the exact opposite of the incel fantasy that thinks that a pretty girl will fall with any guy that treats her merely nicely and if the doesn't she's a futile whore :p
Speaking as a sister. My brother went through a couple relationships that were icky. Us, his six sisters, could always tell based on how the girl acted around us. The craziest never wanted to be alone with us to the extent of following him around the house and leaving a room if we entered. The best would come to family gatherings and hang out with us individually. So yes, winning over roommates and family is important because we will SEE if you're not good for them.
"The best foreplay is relationships itself" - best quote 👍
This episode had me more upset with you guys than I've ever been.
This makes me thankful for the relationship I have with my husband. When we first got together people acted like I was out of his league (kind of messed up really) simply because I looked one way and he looked another. I wasn't looking for a relationship because I was enjoying being single for the first time in my life but he was such a good guy. I didn't want to miss out on someone amazing simply because I wasn't looking at that exact moment. Best decision I've ever made and I think we fit together perfectly. We bring out the best in each other.
A lot of people, especially in high school and college wondered why my boyfriend and I were together. I’m a thin blond girl and my boyfriend is a large guy with thick glasses. One time someone even asked if I was drunk when I started dating him (almost punched that person) but then I was visiting him at college and said something and his friends said “ooohh this makes sense now” gesturing between the two of us. Our personalities just fit. We’ve been dating for 6 1/2 years, and I think we have more to look forward to