@@bindureddy4016 my personal experiences, Our marriage failure or personal/professional failures are not a fault of the kid. We are the ones that bring them here, now they deserve love. Hum ehsaan nahi krte hain unko paida krke. Always remember, you will save your baby. Hope this helps.
Wonderful podcast , please invite her again and discuss: 1. Why most people like to remain victims and not get help. 2. Toxic father's effect on daughters 3. Why indian moms dont want to let go of their sons and how this affects the son's marriage in the long run.
@@riritrivedi ma'am my best regard 🙏🏻🌸 you are asset to little seedlings (inner child of grownups and their childrens). We need topics like this to be discussed more. Ma'am Dil kush ho gaya 🙏🏻🌸
@@tmk-y9p I have read many. Like many. I am happy with the topic like these are finally being discussed. It's in the air finally. People like my mom can get a wider understanding of the subject.
I've cried multiple times while watching this video ...this was so relatable.. I'm in a constant survival mode and nervous system has been completely destroyed cuz of my parents as they were themselves abused... now this a high time that we should spread this message and make people aware that parenting a child is not like playing Ludo .. it takes much effort than an Indian society think!!!
As a psychology major, I am so happy that you brought someone like her on the show. People have normalised this behaviour of parents but, it is important to shed light on the same.
I was reading the comments and realised that i am not alone....well we all suffered n may be suffering.... constant emotional fight goes on in mind.....but thanks to this podcast....not gonna pass it to my next generation.....thats a promise
1000%..plz young people follow .acharya prashant..🚩🚩🚩.. As a 22 years young guy.🙋♂️🙋♂️.following him from 2020..life change👍..no marriage& no kids..🤛
I don't tolerate $hit from anyone, and people around me call me egoistic and cold-hearted for this nature of mine. Now I realize how well my parents raised me and taught me about self-worth and self respect.
Dude same... But I am a girl so I am expected to be mellow and my parents who raised me as independent self sufficient, saying no kind of a person.. themselves now get hurt when I practice my boundaries with them... Had a fight with my mother today morning because she wanted to constantly speak in my room while I was working out, asked her to leave and suddenly I am a villain 😂
@@dr.kimayaparkhe I did... 😔 I tried telling her politely she didn't listen ... I actually have told her this like multiple times.... So once she didn't listen I did become dramatic... 🫣
She told my family story, and it broke me. 🥺🥺 My siblings and I have been through so much because of family trauma. I will never let my children experience the same pain we did. It’s hard to heal from these wounds, but I’m determined to break the cycle for the next generation.
If you read the comments you will be surprised how many people have said this! So many have felt their story has been told. We need to build awareness around this - it is urgent need of the hour if we want to prevent this from continuing
Brother..I used to troll u at times...just for fun...bt after watching this podcast i feel so freaking guilty... My mother has Narcissistic personality disorder.... The amount of emotional abuse and neglect me and my dad have suffered is indescribable..my dad a very sensitive man passed away a decade ago... I'm in my mid 30s n still go thru trauma n debilitating memories of what she has done and still doing... Bt cos Indian society is such that nobody thinks mothers can be evil.. Can't even imagine... They keep taking her side and Gaslighting me...thanks to ur podcast more and more ppl ll know that parents can be evil n mean too... Not all..bt a fraction of them are... Thanks Raj bro
Narcissism is very dangerous. emotionally we gone through very much .only people who gone through this will know.. please be aware and gain knowledge about NPD so that you not get in trap of narcissist
Raj actually asks a lot of WHYs, so that a common man understands! He never pretends to be intellectual or to understand everything the guest says, unlike other podcasters who tend to agree most of times. Raj always asks how and why, which I really like about him! Because we don’t want the podcast for the sake of it , but to actually understand the topic. Thanks Raj for doing such an amazing job and for spreading awareness!!
One of the red flags of parents who DONT WANT TO heal themselves is " they dont even rememeber what damage they did years back, and they refuse to accept anything. My mother only remembers the abuse SHE faced, but clearly ignores and denies her kid's suffering because ego hurts to accept that I FAILED AS PARENT" i so badly want to show this to my mother, but she will not even see this complete. Because she was a victim but also full with Ego. Infact i got to learn through her that so many victims are by choice victims , they hate every person and talk which compels them to face their own shadow self. They always need a punching bag, a scape goat, a person BECAUSE of whom they could not do something is always required in thier lives to give them survival. Infact the woman who talk sense , or took divorces are looked down upon by women who didnt have balls to take this step in their life. So instead of admiring or appreciating the one who CHOSE freedom over bondage, they start rediculing her/him. Indain parenting is most toxic because if you go out and try to share anything . you are made to shut up because PARENTS CAN NEVER BE WRONG.. even if they are feeding your poison, you are supposed to think" they are doing it for my best" obedience is demanded respect is demanded nothing is earned by indian parents
The whole comment is spot on. There's another I'd add based on my experience. When you remind your parents about the abuse they couldn't deny, if you tell them how that abuse made your life worse, they'll say "just because we did it, didn't mean we actually meant to do it.", inferring that you overreacted to their abusive actions and somehow this is now your fault. Literally nothing invalidates parental abuse like parents who either deny the abuse or justify it.
@@-summertime-sadness- So true. it feels bad that we kept feeling for the parent's sad life , but they are not even giving a shit about what happened to kids all that while. ONly giving food, clothing, education , and AC in room , completes their job.
And when you talk about your parents behaviour then people will tell you that you are wrong and your parents love you so much and then you stop sharing your problems with anyone and feel lonely and then same people will tell you that you don't share with me anything you don't talk with me 😂😂
@@aakanksha3466 yes, especially ass holes who themselves had a normal rosy childhood will never be able to understand you and your struggles. the very thought that Parents can also be wrong and abusive , is alien to such people. They never understand that its common sense. a parent is a human first and parent next. they can also be assholes like any other person.
Aise case me pehle psychiatrist n medicines role play karte hai.....medicine se patient ko aisi stage par lekar aana Hota Hai jaha se woh psychologist ko sun sake n apne liye baat kar sake
So true. I can really relate. I have been through it. I took advice on this from a close friend, went to a psychiatrist and was full transparent with him/her. More than medicine, the talks matter. You open up your heart you relax and then you take the medicines trusting your doctor that they will help you soothe your inner soul.
So brave of you ... We are not perfect. All of us have been through so much. Recognising and showing a tendency for correction is the job half done. All the best. I am sure you are going to be a great mother.
@@Akash_Gupta_masked thank you for your kind words . Before i used to shout and beat for all the small reasons like to eat home made foods ,to study , not to throw thing here and there etc but then after hearing this podcast i realised i was showing my dominancy bcz of my childhood trauma from my parents and i was impatient to teach my kid about the consequence of their actions so i thought shouting and beating is the only way to teach the kids, thats how my parents were towards me but now when i changed myself i get to see lot more changes in my kids behaviour , she seems lot more confident now , i am very grateful for this timely podcast which stopped me from doing grave mistake of making my child loose her confidence and concentration .i hope all the parents should realise that childrens are not their property and that parents should prioritize the child's welfare over their own rights. Childrens are not born to be rapist , a theif or a murderer but they are made this way , we parents are responsible if our child choose the wrong path bcz we play major role in shaping their future .i only hope that this podcast may reach to many parents as a opportunity to bring a postive change in themselves and heal them before shaping their childs future and which inturn bring a major change in the society with less or no crimes.
I cried so much watching it coz the things I got to know about myself at 28.... So many answers for why am I the person I am today, so many memories of constant nagging, the toxic fear and toxic shame that i have faced... Everything came flashing like a flood.... Thank you for such a brilliant video, this was much.....much needed..!
This is one of the best podcast I have ever seen. Things they discussed were spot on. It's so true that your childhood trauma leads to the wrong decisions in your life. Since childhood I was judged for my dark complexion. When I got physically abused as a child, I told my mom but she simply asked me not to tell anyone. I was in 2nd class and dealt with the whole situation alone. The home environment was so toxic that I just wanted to get married and leave the house forever. As ma'am said I said yes to the first person (arrange marriage) who said yes to me. Got married to the wrong person, toxic in-laws. Thought that the child would change the situation but nothing changed. The whole pregnancy I went through depression and tried committing suicide. Later separated from him. Escaping remained a trait in my whole life. Rather than finding solutions for problems, I just tried to ignore them which later on became unmanageable areas. Today I am independent with a well paying job and supporting my kid too but it's true due to the traumatic things that happened earlier in childhood I have trust issues with everyone. Hats off to you both to discuss such an important topic. Thanks❤❤❤
Same here sis, I am also facing the same but the thing is I am highly educated with no job and 3 year old kid. Due to age , getting job is very difficult.
Sorry to hear about your experience sister. I also grew up under a lot of scrutiny and control. As a result, it affected my confidence. I did not have the courage to say no to anyone or to even fight back. Fortunately, I learnt to fend for myself after going through compulsory military training. But the trauma is still there....
'Escaping remain a trait in my whole life rather than finding solution to a problem' is so true for me also, reasoning having a abusive childhood where everyone innhouse disrespect me even the younger sibling and I was always told to shut up and not to complain...
Raj was my school senior and I feel so proud to see where has he reached now. I have severe child traumas and since a while, I have been severely depressed and had often had dark thoughts as well. This session was extremely helpful! I felt heard and seen after a long long time. It's a humble request to invite more such people, who can provide people like me: a healthy therapy session. Thank You Raj! :)
Best line she spoke when she said that people are more comfortable in being suppressed and miserable because it takes hard work to be independent and happy...so true ...no one wants to do that hard work because ideally it needs to be done till your last breath
This just goes to say that we need to be kind to others. You never know how much of trauma the other person might be carrying. Some of us were lucky to have the right kind of parenting, some weren’t. I wish every child gets the parents he or she deserves.
I gave trauma to someone in in my toxic guilt I left a boy he went to wrong path I harmed myself and after he came back.... We thought we will went to relationship but my expectations and demands were high with time in guilt and self hate I forgot to love others and gave importance to my pain my problems rather then understanding him..... I harmed myself many times or in such situations I called him and cried over past things my anger I sended him self harm pic I burnt myself when again I remember that he suffered because of me I question him alote... About why he changed .... I never gave him proper commitments and never loved him properly he left me after 4 years when I am ready for relationship he failed because of me 3times he left me
@@Artistic_vibes1710 sis you need therapy not a relationship You are extremely scared First seek therapy,then move on from what happened in the past May be what you did to the guy was wrong but you need to forget him so that you don't do the same with any other person in the future
Honestly this woman is a gem of a person because now a days stupid 'lucky' people give parents GOD level position, but Mrs. Riri is indeed knowledgeable and saying that parents can be wrong because in the end parents are also human being.
Now people are talking about this.. 18 years back when i ran away from home because of over protective parents, I wasn’t able to explain this.. thanks for the interview..
Also marriage is not a medicine or rehab centre.. Ki ladka/ladki bigad re hai to shadi karwa do jimmedari a jayegi... This solution is so toxic and disaster where other partner and family suffers most
Pehle karte the aisa aur tabhi hum.log iss duniya me aaye 😂 Tab koi psychologist par nhi jate the ....toh ye solution bhi work karta tha bahut se logo par Kiya hai ...aur life me kahi bhi dekh lo work place relationship etc kuch bhi agar aapko adjust karna jante ho toh hi survive kar sakte ho aur adjustment ki key 🔑 believe me .
Lies, acting, dhoka, secrets, hidings, incapabilities, inappropriate, illegal, wrongs, inhumanity, planwse using, destruction etc based forceful marrg illegal drama, agar sab sach sab le kar bol kar karte to jo islam/non islam humanity to kavi vi wrong nehi hota. All clear bfre love bfre marrg
@@tmk-y9p Adjustment is key … agree but upto reasonable limit…. I don’t think unreasonable things / unresolved trauma should be shoved under the rug. Also past times were not complex … times have changed quite a bit … women getting more autonomy… better economic prospects… globalization and information revolution lot has changed and people don’t necessary know or have tools to deal with issues arising due to all these changes …sure people should be reasonable but would that resolve everything … not necessary
Brilliant Podcast. Thank you Raj. As a single-mother of two young men in their 20's I have found that acceptance & authenticity are the keys to acknowledging & unlocking the potential of our children. As a mother, I apologize when I push their boundaries, demonstrate respect & warmth by my own behaviour, discuss issues openly & honestly, claim my responsibility in the situation, respect their individuality without labelling them & tell them that it is healthy to be strong, sensitive, masculine & decisive. This is how both my sons are well-adjusted, self-respecting, productive young men today. A mother is the template for the way your sons will think about, interact with & relate to women. Do a favour for all women ladies. Be the kind of woman who is easy to love, easier to respect & impossible to walk away from. Teach your sons by your own example what it means to be fearless & family-oriented. Being an Amma in Bharat is a sadhana in sacrifice & surrender. Our sons deserve the best & it starts with us. PS: I do not have daughters, hence I could not say anything with authority, but our young women also require all of this. *Parenthood is accidental but Motherhood is a choice* #PriyaKaGyan
Yes a mother is a gateway even though atmosphere is not good but she overcomes all this and makes it good for her children. And your words are absolutely right that being a mother in india is a herculean task.
Totally agree with you mam....well said....I am also a mother of only two sons....And your words inspires me a lot and fill a kind of positivity. Thank you
I love that she pointed out about parents treating their kids differently. Whenever I try to bring this up with my mom she gets upset at me. But I’m a younger sibling and that too a daughter, I had an older brother. I think many people would relate to the differences in upbringing. I was always taught to help my mom at home but my brother was never expected to do any housework. I saw it as just helping my mom, and I’m glad I helped her but now it’s very irritating as he still does not do one thing at home at 33 years old. It sets the expectation that women will do it all even working women because we were once girls who went to school and were expected to help at home while our brothers didn’t help at home after school, it teaches us that women need to do it all after marriage too even if we are working. Another thing was the amount of authority my brother had over me even just being 3 years older than me he was given so much power to dictate what I can and can’t do. My parents saw it as protection but all I saw was that he had more freedom than me and I wasn’t given any independence even after being an adult. Even when I was 20 and he was 23, I had no say over my life but he had so much power not only on his own life but mine too. Whatever he said would be the final thing even if my mom was on my side. This teaches that a woman’s opinion is lower even if she is more older or is at a hierarchy and should have more authority than the man. These things are so normalized that no one thinks about the long term effects of it. I also grew up with many other situations at home like verbal abuse and seeing mental torture of my mom, and my brother learned all these behaviors including physical abuse. This is obviously wrong but even the other things, the ego, the arrogance, the disrespect, anger issues. it’s all wrong and it’s so common in our society.
Please bring this kind of Guest who has the ball to speak the truth of our stone aged outdated culture, not like Mr Sandip Das kind of guests who support the blind faith and outdated culture. Thank you very much for introducing such kind of brilliant guests.🙏
So glad to see senior psychologists speaking about psychological trauma in detail. As a young trauma trained Psychotherapist, I'm extremely impressed to see ma'am talking about all these things with so much clarity because i never learnt about trauma during my BSc or MSc. It is only when i started researching during my PhD did i learn about this on my own but unfortunately couldn't finish my PhD due to unfortunate unforeseen events.
But i feel a very crucial aspect is missing. Acknowledging how the root system of patriarchy breeds such parents. How previous invasion, current capitalist society, and patriarchal norms effect the emotional and mental state of future parents. If we are taking about a disorder, we can't simply treat the superficial symptoms without focusing on the deeper rooted underlying issue. This was a great video though. The symptoms will help us identify but it will not solve anything.
But i feel a very crucial aspect is missing. Acknowledging how the root system of patriarchy breeds such parents. How previous invasion, current capitalist society, and patriarchal norms effect the emotional and mental state of future parents. If we are taking about a disorder, we can't simply treat the superficial symptoms without focusing on the deeper rooted underlying issue. This was a great video though. The symptoms will help us identify but it will not solve anything.
@@Oceangrace90 This video is educational and the purpose is to create awareness on a mass level so that the systemic issues which you have wisely pointed out can be resolved. Psychologists alone cannot solve systemic issues, for that we need to make everyone aware that these systemic issues are making us not just psychologically sick but physically sick as well. For people who are highly impacted by these systemic issues should seek therapy from Psychotherapists that are liberation oriented, caste sensitive and feminist.
@@Oceangrace90 Since it's not possible to provide therapy on a mass level, we have to make people aware by making such content. If nobody makes such content, nobody will understand that they are sick due to collective trauma caused by systemic issues. I hope this is helpful.
That line, "when a marriage is not working, do not have kids" Thank You for addressing. it is not about blaming parents, it more about making them understand. If parents don't take therapy, their children have to. Someone has to break toxic generation traumas
West me family hi nhi toh toxicity hi nhi life me logo k phir bhi West k log depressed hai kyu ? Indians family toxicity se bhari hai par uska sub production hai time pass gonna with somebody 😂aur aapko itna depressed nhi hote
This is your most valuable podcast ever. Infact for us suppressed, repressed and often depressed Indians of multiple generations, this is like a stairway to heaven out of living hell. Please invite Dr. Trivedi more often cuz she’s a gem who can stop wars and bring in world peace.
This happens in our families very often and most of the children are growing in toxic environment but it is our responsibility to raise our children in different environment now after getting this awareness..
@@ZoldicsDiaries a lot of things are toxic though, those are swept under the rug by most of us, only to manifest later in life as diseases such as Alzheimer’s, cancer etc
It is high time parental abuse is spoken about openly in India. Most problems in adulthood stem from inadequate, abusive, and neglectful parenting. As someone who had to deal with an abusive father which resulted in so many mental and physical issues that are brushed aside like it's nothing, it makes me angry that people expect you to put up with abusive/disgusting behaviors just because they are your parents. A child needs caring, supportive parents to reach their true potential. I still struggle with the aftermath of an abusive father even in my 50s.
I'm sorry for you. Hope you're finding help and getting better. I can relate to it. After being negligent, all life parents expect kids to be kind and caring in their old age.
"24 hours a day, we can't always be in a good mood. We love, we show anger, we play, we fall-it's all part of life. It's important to remember that experiencing and expressing different emotions is natural, and our children learn from how we manage these emotions. It's okay to be human, just as long as we show love and understanding through it all."
India is never ready for any kind of education. We are already wayyy behind. Other cultures have managed to move ahead despite their flaws, but we are still grappling with how to prove a wrong attitude as wrong because here people equate knowledge with age. In this scenario basic, uneducated, toxic people simply get the licence to bully and torture younger people and everyone around them. This has not only ruined our country but also the whole planet.
India konsi India abhi Wali ya Purane Wali....itne bade podcast ka conclusion kya hai deep breathing ,bharamari prayanama, self discipline self regulation toh solution humare ancestors se hi mila hai podcast me .
🤦🏻♀️ Trauma is also due to your ancestors and such things aren't the REAL SOLUTIONS changing the toxicity of Indian culture and traditions is the real solution .
I watched the episode from start to end, and every time Riri spoke, it validated all the childhood toxicity I went through growing up. I felt understood and validated. I'm currently 28, living separately from my family since 2019, and this episode only made me realise how good of a decision it was.
I grew up in a family that was dysfunctional right from the beginning. My (authoritarian) parents provided me materially, financially, and educationally, but at the same time, they were verbally and emotionally toxic. And whatever and whenever they provided, it was never out of love, as if someone had forced them against their will to provide me. I was never raised with love. I was raised expecting to fear and obey my parents, and be their emotional and verbal punch bag. I grew up treating my parents as gods, believing that I was nothing without my parents, and since I had no idea how destructive their parenting style was for me, I took the blame for my parents behaviour. I can't even count how many times my parents had passed humiliating remarks on me, like how useless I was, good for nothing, family destroyer, and so on, so much that they got fit in my mind like voices in my head. The verbal abuse was so frequent that I had started verbally abusing myself too. Whatever I did, whatever I was, whatever I achieved, they appreciated nothing. They only criticised. I grew up my whole life thinking I was never good, was never enough. I used to think I was the reason why my parents were toxic. I hated myself my whole life.
I was 16 when I felt for the first time that something was off with the way my parents were behaving with me, but I was 22 when I finally came to terms with it and stopped blaming myself for their behavior. I left at 23 and didn't look back. I went back once for a few days, but I felt no change there. I was better away from my family out of toxicity. My parents never wanted me to be successful and independent. They always cripple me so that they could treat me like their emotional punch bag. My parents made me feel my whole life that I should be thankful for having parents like them and I'd never be able to survive being on my own, but after 5 years of living separately, I'm doing fine. I'm currently planning a healing journey for myself, so that I could undo the damage that I had while growing up with a toxic family.
Awesome podcast I am 63 + yrs. Could understand and related to all examples she gave. I shared it with all my family and friends Thank u for bringing in an expert who explained it in such easy way Last sentence very good .... All lables can change
When my younger sibling was born, I was just 3 years old and my parents seperated me from themselves in order to take care of new child. I was sleeping alone, no hugs etc as a result, now as an adult, I am way too much sensitive to physical touch, I prefer sleeping alone, I hate when someone hugs me etc
In my family, the concept of hugs or showing love via physical touch does not even exist, I guess the last time my parents hugged me was 2 years ago, initially I did not realise it but I sometimes crave for a hug but there's nobody to give me one.
@@rahulmadad1357qki jb vo chiz chaay thi tb nhi mili to dil or dimag ne us.chiz ko hmesha ke ly life se minus krdia...same happen s with me and then also my family complain that im rude😂
Raj, this episode is a favor to so many many adults who have grown up in abusive homes. There are no laws in India to address these issues, and a lot of abusive behaviour by parents is thought to be a way to discipline children. I can tell you, it's a terrible situation out there. I hope more people watch this episode. Thanks to the guest for her clarity of thoughts and advice.
It was a much needed episode for me today. I have been struggling with anger issues, anxiety, stress, self harm, trust issues and so many things for 12-15 years now. I am a 30 years old single woman, I recently came out of a relationship. It wasn't toxic but lately, I began to feel anxious and misunderstood for the past 1-2 years. I have a really toxic family: my siblings, parents, cousins and relatives have made my life a hell and somewhere I too have become a toxic individual. Last week I thought of getting therapy but then didn't take a step ahead. But after watching this video I got clarity in so many things. I joined the gym 3 years back to improve my mental health but the improvement was not very great. And it's true that mental issues do affect physiological wellbeing. I am really thankful to Ma'am for giving us an insight into mental health and Raj, your questions were really good and enlightening. Keep up the great work! God bless you ❤
As a psychologist i just want to thankyou for doing it so well. It is sỏ extremely important to share all this basic information and psychological awareness with people to make lives functional and better in some way. Loved her absolutely for putting it all complexities of human behaviours in such clear and simple words.
I am 32 now and grew up in a domestic violence household. I was diagnosed with CPTSD last year, and it's been a year of therapy & constant work on myself with the support of my loving partner. I finally feel like I am starting to go through my developmental phase where I am learning to build my confidence, trust and belief in myself. Depression is a co-occurring condition of CPTSD but it's not your whole picture. It is my humble request to everyone who has gone through such a childhood, to at least try to get diagnosed, there's a high probability that you may have CPTSD if not anything else. Lack of focus, problems staying in one job/career/task, and memory problems are common for us folks. Please try to get help. Best of luck to everyone. :)
I have seen 'kalesh' in my home ,whether its between my parents or my mother - dadi(she lives with her other son now). Its worst to be in this kind of environment. My whole personality is made around my household drama. I have anxiety , communication issues, negative outlook, no social life. It makes me have a disbelief in shaadi and other things. I got starled even at small noises. But recently there was a fight between my parents,and surprisingly i felt nothing. I feel like parent should resolve their issues maturely and have communication and stop torturing their kids. In parents case ,i feel my father is quite disrespect towards my mother and her sacrifices, irresponsible and careless towards things ,always blame others. I feel bad for my mother and always have her back, she always tried to protect us from these dramas and maintain a light environment at home. We have 4 cats(stray)and 1 dog (stray).She is spiritual person. She has veey strong personality and she says that "mujhe sirf mere ghar m shanti chahiye kyuki mere bache hai samne".
Doc said she finds conclusions difficult and then ended up giving the best conclusion ever 😍 thank you thank you thank you for this talk!! Umeed pe duniya kayam hain ❤
Raj, At this young age, taking up such a sensitive issue and talking up on all possible human problems ( mental , physical n emotional) . Diving in so deeply . You need a Big applause and loads n loads of Best wishes. Kush raho aur society ko aware karaney ke brand ambassador bano . Heartfelt thanks. I really sat down and heard your beautiful inspiring podcast.🤘
Thank you for explaining the difference between True forgiveness and Pseudo- Forgiveness!!!!!!!! Forgiveness is emotional, and Not Intellectual. People need to understand this after a betrayal. And only someone who understands psychology can guide them through this. Worst advice that people give each other is to Let go,forgive,forget,take revenge, etc and it comes back as stress later.
I also liked what she said about forgiveness, especially when it concerns betrayal in marriage. The man tends to expect that his one sorry is enough and the wife should come back to him and forgive and forget everything.
This video I am sure will hit a lot of people on personal level..i could not hold my tears hearing her talk about certain topics..I have always had this battle within me and now it all makes sense..thank you so much for such an amazing content..
My feedback: Hats off for the choice of guest! She’s the BEST in her field!! She is very genuine, very sensitive, very intelligent! Raj, there was jumping of topics. You could have it better structured. But your questions were good and expressed beautifully.
One more thing people should understand.. you're not a product of your circumstances. Its how you deal with your circumstances to come out victorious. So never blame your circumstances for the failure if you're
Wow. What a great conversation! This should be a mandatory subject in high school education. Please bring more discussion on this subjects. Mental health issues are NEXT pandemic.
This was an emotional one for me, it made me teary eyed; definitely something that needs to be talked about more openly; thank you so much for shedding light on this topic!
Psychologist here- originally from India however practising in Australia. There's a lot of overlap between ADHD and trauma because emotional dysregulation and executive dysfunctioning is present in both. Also one can have Borderline Personality Disorder without trauma however complex trauma is often highly correlated with individuals diagnosed with BPD-the genetic vulnerability and poor neglectful or abusive environment provide the perfect mix for this to occur. All in all, mental health is very complex and exactly what attracted me to the subject and profession 20 years ago. Great Podcast. There definitely needs to be more awareness around mental health, impacts of family of origin and treatment options especially in a country like India where the vast majority operate from a foundation of 'shame' and 'guilt'.
I disagree with one thing. Social media making people aware of these things is just making a lot of them see the littlest of things through a magnifying lens. I strongly believe the psychologists/psychiatrists who speak on such platforms should emphasize on the fact that people should never self diagnose any mental illness/disorder/issues and blame others for their situation. They should get a definitive diagnoses/answers from a psychiatrist/psychologist. This way it doesn’t take away necessary care and affection needed from actually suffering people. Not everyone comes from bad families or have any form of trauma( abuse, depression, ptsd, generational trauma, bipolar etc) but I’ve seen some people use that as an excuse to garner sympathy and attention. Please tell your audience to get a proper review of their trauma/situation from a professional and never to self diagnose. Lifestyle coaches without practicing psychological degrees are not professional enough for this. I posted a similar comment on instagram and got attacked instantly because it triggered fake feelings of people strongly believing they have such a condition . I took it down the comment on instagram because of the constant hate pings that I couldn’t keep up with and try to make them understand what I mean. I speak as a person who took care of her mom for several years with severe schizophrenia (hallucinations, clinical depression, anxiety,etc ) who passed from suicide. She was of course clinically diagnosed and was on medication for a long time. Some People use these psychology terms to get attention and validation and that is a disgrace to people who are/were suffering.
Dear raj shamani. Its almost an year am following u... U r taking this whole podcasts things so passionately that u have really changed... I remember u used to interrupt guests a lot(out of curiousity) but now i realise that u have restructured urself too much... In a way to follow ur passion or curiousity to gain the knowledge.. Its all about the passion u follow... Good going . Keep it up
I have no words to express my thoughts on this. This single podcast is equivalent to all podcasts on life lessons I have watched till date. Excellent podcast!!! 👍🙏 thank you so much
Unbelievable! Amazing Podcast! I m feeling so blessed to have this podcast in this moment of my life...my baby is 11 months old and I have so much to do 🌞 Thank you so much for this beautiful podcast 🙏🏻❤
The most important program! Such program must be conducted again and again not onlyfor nation but for whole humanity. Because all the world is about thoughts which must be prerequisites in life for upbrinhing !!!
This is how most podcasters should conduct a podcast. Good points, perfect examples. So much helpful. Kudos to Raj and the team. Thanks for bringing such a nice guest.
My parents have been fighting ever since I was born, and I’m exhausted by it all. My mom even tried to divorce my dad, but he refused. What started as small arguments has now turned into a constant, daily battle, and sometimes their fights even become violent. You can imagine how this could affect me mentally, yet despite everything, I’m actually a happy and joyful person. I don’t really understand why this is, but I believe it’s all about how our minds work. If we tell ourselves the situation is bad and react that way, we’ll act like it. But if we don’t let it control us, we can still stay happy. It’s really about how we manage our thoughts.🕊️✨
Lovely content Raj shamani.. There is a quote i read somewhere which says "Be the one you needed when you were younger" This line moved me that day. I also have personally gone through lots of childhood traumas or bad experiences which made me a very low self esteemed person until i read that line. This content moved me a lot! Today I'm a mother of a 2yr old son & I'm continuously working to give him a good childhood, to be a person whom i needed when i was younger. And I'm healing gradually from pain. Though i haven't forgive my parents but im trying to heal myself for a better life. Luckily in my 2nd innings i have got a good husband & great inlaws. So god has been kind to me ❤ Thankyou so much for bringing up contents like this. People need to hear this. Keep up the good work 💐
Best podcast ive ever watched. @Raj pls rename it ..its not just about abuse in fact its much much beyond that...its about how to become a better human before becoming a better parent. To be watched till the end.Neuroplasticity allows everyone to transform themselves regardless of what they've gone through. Nothing is permanent.
This is a life saving podcast.. Finally I got the perfect guideline to how to raise a child.. I shared this to all my loved ones.. Thank you so much 🙏🙏
Excellent work... one of the best podcasts that I have ever watched on parenting and childhood trauma, everything said here is so true for so many people in our society today...keep up the great work...!!!
Amazing Raj Shamani 👏 This is something that everyone of us should be aware of and not so much discussed topic and you got such an apat person to talk on it.
Such an informative and comprehensive talk. She is so knowledgeable and wise. I agree there is hardly any awareness on Complex PTSD and we need to invest so badly in it. Thanks for this interesting and thought provoking interview 👏👏
Hi raj, glad to see riri, just one suggestion plz podcast pure Hindi main banao. Childhood trauma BPL population main bahut jyada hai. They need such knowledge n awareness but mostly psychology related videos n podcasts are in hindi. Being a clinical psychologist myself I too face this issue of language at times.
Bro ! I can surely pridict now why there is too much difference between my both kids ..bcos i wasn't emotionally n physically available for my first child he found himself in creach only ... N his dadi was not available..she was like is ko school chod do .. meri khud ki routine ha .. husband was working out of station.. so he is quite .. n so much responsibe .. dutyful .. care taker but he don't knw how to initiate talk or handle people .. On the other hand ..i left job ..after my second child.. always available.. husband was also in town. .she is very cool, talkative , expressive... .. Sometime now after 12-13 years sometimes..i regret leaving the job n progress.. but this podcast .. made me feel otherwise.. that decision of being with the kids was the best one .. ❤
@@Wimpy-f61 every one have different scenario.. but it was not about being house wife but giving positive time to your kids .. being available emotionally... certain factors matters.. apart from individual personality of kids .. you know your case better ..I can't say as u said wrong .. assertively.. but I'm open to listen .. your point can be valid in your case ..so chill
@sonasandhuji ....no I still not agree it's how they are genetically made..it's all about genes...so don't regret..both my kids received same upbringing same..values..
Thanks a lot for this episode, Raj. We as society is falling apart, and max of them doesn't know/ accept that it starts from the way parents used to treat their kids while bringing them up. Gratitude 🙏🙏
![Megan Thee Stallion - Mamushi (Remix) [feat. TWICE] [Official Audio]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/5c0_u9PsrsQ/mqdefault.jpg)
That line, "when a marriage is not working, do not have kids" Thank You for it
I wish some one said this to me 😢now i have one n this gave me that i can heal myself
🙏
@@bindureddy4016 Heal better now that you the problem. Make the world a better place for the kid, trust me you can do this. God Bless
Are you married?
@@bindureddy4016 my personal experiences, Our marriage failure or personal/professional failures are not a fault of the kid. We are the ones that bring them here, now they deserve love. Hum ehsaan nahi krte hain unko paida krke. Always remember, you will save your baby. Hope this helps.
If parents don't take therapy, their children have to. Someone has to break toxic generation traumas
Yeah and i think now its the time to break this chain not for our children but also to us
Yes.... And we will break this...... 🙌🏻
Yup
Hmm it’s true
@@shreyasinghrohilla4984 why therapy? Wht therapy? Will u recommend therapy to d killer/rapst/goon/attackers etc criminals who attack u knowingly?
Wonderful podcast , please invite her again and discuss:
1. Why most people like to remain victims and not get help.
2. Toxic father's effect on daughters
3. Why indian moms dont want to let go of their sons and how this affects the son's marriage in the long run.
I can relate to the 2nd point
Please bring her again... We want to hear more of her and topics like this.
🙏
@@riritrivedi ma'am my best regard 🙏🏻🌸 you are asset to little seedlings (inner child of grownups and their childrens). We need topics like this to be discussed more. Ma'am Dil kush ho gaya 🙏🏻🌸
Read some books plz ...
@@tmk-y9p I have read many. Like many. I am happy with the topic like these are finally being discussed. It's in the air finally. People like my mom can get a wider understanding of the subject.
Subscribe to her channel
I've cried multiple times while watching this video ...this was so relatable.. I'm in a constant survival mode and nervous system has been completely destroyed cuz of my parents as they were themselves abused... now this a high time that we should spread this message and make people aware that parenting a child is not like playing Ludo .. it takes much effort than an Indian society think!!!
Sundar hai to bol. Chal shadi karlete hai.😂 Apna dono ka past same hai.
Very insensitive comment@@YuvrajSingh-yg7sn
Same , I still suffer and cried everyday I can't tel anyone, feels like ppl will listen but nt understand
@@navpritkkaur4570 Things may not look easy but time will change for sure.
@@YuvrajSingh-yg7sn cheap person
As a psychology major, I am so happy that you brought someone like her on the show. People have normalised this behaviour of parents but, it is important to shed light on the same.
I was reading the comments and realised that i am not alone....well we all suffered n may be suffering.... constant emotional fight goes on in mind.....but thanks to this podcast....not gonna pass it to my next generation.....thats a promise
Yes😢
Same here buck stops with me
Same here...❤... won't pass it on to other generations
Do you have kids? We think we will not pass on but it’s not that easy..
1000%..plz young people follow .acharya prashant..🚩🚩🚩..
As a 22 years young guy.🙋♂️🙋♂️.following him from 2020..life change👍..no marriage& no kids..🤛
I don't tolerate $hit from anyone, and people around me call me egoistic and cold-hearted for this nature of mine. Now I realize how well my parents raised me and taught me about self-worth and self respect.
Dude same... But I am a girl so I am expected to be mellow and my parents who raised me as independent self sufficient, saying no kind of a person.. themselves now get hurt when I practice my boundaries with them... Had a fight with my mother today morning because she wanted to constantly speak in my room while I was working out, asked her to leave and suddenly I am a villain 😂
You can work on, HOW to say no!
@@dr.kimayaparkhe I did... 😔 I tried telling her politely she didn't listen ... I actually have told her this like multiple times.... So once she didn't listen I did become dramatic... 🫣
😂@@gal_targareayn6721
Same with me 😅😅 and all said to me Hitler 😐
She told my family story, and it broke me. 🥺🥺
My siblings and I have been through so much because of family trauma.
I will never let my children experience the same pain we did. It’s hard to heal from these wounds, but I’m determined to break the cycle for the next generation.
If you read the comments you will be surprised how many people have said this! So many have felt their story has been told. We need to build awareness around this - it is urgent need of the hour if we want to prevent this from continuing
@@riritrivedi yes, you are right
We want to create safe environment for our next generation
Brother..I used to troll u at times...just for fun...bt after watching this podcast i feel so freaking guilty... My mother has Narcissistic personality disorder.... The amount of emotional abuse and neglect me and my dad have suffered is indescribable..my dad a very sensitive man passed away a decade ago... I'm in my mid 30s n still go thru trauma n debilitating memories of what she has done and still doing... Bt cos Indian society is such that nobody thinks mothers can be evil.. Can't even imagine... They keep taking her side and Gaslighting me...thanks to ur podcast more and more ppl ll know that parents can be evil n mean too... Not all..bt a fraction of them are... Thanks Raj bro
take care, Empower urself
@@truthwall thank you brother
Narcissism is very dangerous. emotionally we gone through very much .only people who gone through this will know.. please be aware and gain knowledge about NPD so that you not get in trap of narcissist
Take care of your emotional and mental health.I can relate with u bcoz my mother is narcissistic too!!
Same brother
Raj actually asks a lot of WHYs, so that a common man understands! He never pretends to be intellectual or to understand everything the guest says, unlike other podcasters who tend to agree most of times. Raj always asks how and why, which I really like about him! Because we don’t want the podcast for the sake of it , but to actually understand the topic.
Thanks Raj for doing such an amazing job and for spreading awareness!!
Extremely agree 💯
Aka beer biceps. Uska khud ka agenda chata hai
Also Steven Barlett from The Diary of a CEO podcast. He has such good listening skills and he listens to his guests so deep!
Narcissistic personality in parents is an unidentified problem, people should discuss more about it and spread awareness
One of the red flags of parents who DONT WANT TO heal themselves is " they dont even rememeber what damage they did years back, and they refuse to accept anything. My mother only remembers the abuse SHE faced, but clearly ignores and denies her kid's suffering because ego hurts to accept that I FAILED AS PARENT"
i so badly want to show this to my mother, but she will not even see this complete. Because she was a victim but also full with Ego. Infact i got to learn through her that so many victims are by choice victims , they hate every person and talk which compels them to face their own shadow self. They always need a punching bag, a scape goat, a person BECAUSE of whom they could not do something is always required in thier lives to give them survival. Infact the woman who talk sense , or took divorces are looked down upon by women who didnt have balls to take this step in their life. So instead of admiring or appreciating the one who CHOSE freedom over bondage, they start rediculing her/him.
Indain parenting is most toxic because if you go out and try to share anything . you are made to shut up because PARENTS CAN NEVER BE WRONG.. even if they are feeding your poison, you are supposed to think" they are doing it for my best"
obedience is demanded
respect is demanded
nothing is earned by indian parents
The whole comment is spot on.
There's another I'd add based on my experience. When you remind your parents about the abuse they couldn't deny, if you tell them how that abuse made your life worse, they'll say "just because we did it, didn't mean we actually meant to do it.", inferring that you overreacted to their abusive actions and somehow this is now your fault.
Literally nothing invalidates parental abuse like parents who either deny the abuse or justify it.
👍
@@-summertime-sadness- So true.
it feels bad that we kept feeling for the parent's sad life , but they are not even giving a shit about what happened to kids all that while. ONly giving food, clothing, education , and AC in room , completes their job.
And when you talk about your parents behaviour then people will tell you that you are wrong and your parents love you so much and then you stop sharing your problems with anyone and feel lonely and then same people will tell you that you don't share with me anything you don't talk with me 😂😂
@@aakanksha3466 yes, especially ass holes who themselves had a normal rosy childhood will never be able to understand you and your struggles. the very thought that Parents can also be wrong and abusive , is alien to such people. They never understand that its common sense. a parent is a human first and parent next. they can also be assholes like any other person.
A person in depression needs a lot of mental strength to even get up from their bed to do physical work...
Earlier I used to take depression lightly as I had no idea what's that it's after going through it now I understand what it is .
Aise case me pehle psychiatrist n medicines role play karte hai.....medicine se patient ko aisi stage par lekar aana Hota Hai jaha se woh psychologist ko sun sake n apne liye baat kar sake
After taking medication it becomes alot easier . its my personal experience
Trust the god maybe you'll feel 'why so' I'd say believimg in some force which act as a saviour for everything , trust me it helps by experience
So true. I can really relate. I have been through it. I took advice on this from a close friend, went to a psychiatrist and was full transparent with him/her. More than medicine, the talks matter. You open up your heart you relax and then you take the medicines trusting your doctor that they will help you soothe your inner soul.
I personally love the line "you can't own any human being "
Just In love with this conversation ❤
I am a mother of 6 yr kid ,thank you to make me realise my mistake in my behaviour towards my kid and also it helps me heal myself
First step is acknowledgement. Kudos to you. Be proud of yourself.
God bless you, take care ❤
Nice your children are going to be best
So brave of you ... We are not perfect. All of us have been through so much. Recognising and showing a tendency for correction is the job half done. All the best. I am sure you are going to be a great mother.
@@Akash_Gupta_masked thank you for your kind words . Before i used to shout and beat for all the small reasons like to eat home made foods ,to study , not to throw thing here and there etc but then after hearing this podcast i realised i was showing my dominancy bcz of my childhood trauma from my parents and i was impatient to teach my kid about the consequence of their actions so i thought shouting and beating is the only way to teach the kids, thats how my parents were towards me but now when i changed myself i get to see lot more changes in my kids behaviour , she seems lot more confident now , i am very grateful for this timely podcast which stopped me from doing grave mistake of making my child loose her confidence and concentration .i hope all the parents should realise that childrens are not their property and that parents should prioritize the child's welfare over their own rights. Childrens are not born to be rapist , a theif or a murderer but they are made this way , we parents are responsible if our child choose the wrong path bcz we play major role in shaping their future .i only hope that this podcast may reach to many parents as a opportunity to bring a postive change in themselves and heal them before shaping their childs future and which inturn bring a major change in the society with less or no crimes.
I cried so much watching it coz the things I got to know about myself at 28.... So many answers for why am I the person I am today, so many memories of constant nagging, the toxic fear and toxic shame that i have faced... Everything came flashing like a flood....
Thank you for such a brilliant video, this was much.....much needed..!
Om namah shivaya!!
same here
Stay strong.Things will change surely one day.
@Indianprinncessbro I'm not in that state to compare my trauma with other's trauma
I am batteling the same patterns... But now I took a charge... I am going to be healthy with mind and body... All over 😊take care ❤
This is one of the best podcast I have ever seen. Things they discussed were spot on. It's so true that your childhood trauma leads to the wrong decisions in your life. Since childhood I was judged for my dark complexion. When I got physically abused as a child, I told my mom but she simply asked me not to tell anyone. I was in 2nd class and dealt with the whole situation alone. The home environment was so toxic that I just wanted to get married and leave the house forever. As ma'am said I said yes to the first person (arrange marriage) who said yes to me. Got married to the wrong person, toxic in-laws. Thought that the child would change the situation but nothing changed. The whole pregnancy I went through depression and tried committing suicide. Later separated from him. Escaping remained a trait in my whole life. Rather than finding solutions for problems, I just tried to ignore them which later on became unmanageable areas. Today I am independent with a well paying job and supporting my kid too but it's true due to the traumatic things that happened earlier in childhood I have trust issues with everyone.
Hats off to you both to discuss such an important topic.
Thanks❤❤❤
Same here sis, I am also facing the same but the thing is I am highly educated with no job and 3 year old kid. Due to age , getting job is very difficult.
Sorry to hear about your experience sister. I also grew up under a lot of scrutiny and control. As a result, it affected my confidence. I did not have the courage to say no to anyone or to even fight back. Fortunately, I learnt to fend for myself after going through compulsory military training. But the trauma is still there....
'Escaping remain a trait in my whole life rather than finding solution to a problem' is so true for me also, reasoning having a abusive childhood where everyone innhouse disrespect me even the younger sibling and I was always told to shut up and not to complain...
**This video should be listed to all parentsssssss!!!!!**
Absolutely
Agree
And people who are even thinking of having kids
Yes
Agr parents ko ye video share krne ki glti humne kr di... To fir se baate sunni hongi, tum hume sikhaoge ab 😄
Raj was my school senior and I feel so proud to see where has he reached now. I have severe child traumas and since a while, I have been severely depressed and had often had dark thoughts as well. This session was extremely helpful! I felt heard and seen after a long long time. It's a humble request to invite more such people, who can provide people like me: a healthy therapy session. Thank You Raj! :)
Best line she spoke when she said that people are more comfortable in being suppressed and miserable because it takes hard work to be independent and happy...so true ...no one wants to do that hard work because ideally it needs to be done till your last breath
My whole life flashed in front of my eyes.
Same here . More power to you.
same here....related to almost all parts
Same here
Same here
Same here
This just goes to say that we need to be kind to others. You never know how much of trauma the other person might be carrying. Some of us were lucky to have the right kind of parenting, some weren’t. I wish every child gets the parents he or she deserves.
Yes ❤
True 🙏
I gave trauma to someone in in my toxic guilt I left a boy he went to wrong path I harmed myself and after he came back.... We thought we will went to relationship but my expectations and demands were high with time in guilt and self hate I forgot to love others and gave importance to my pain my problems rather then understanding him..... I harmed myself many times or in such situations I called him and cried over past things my anger I sended him self harm pic I burnt myself when again I remember that he suffered because of me I question him alote... About why he changed .... I never gave him proper commitments and never loved him properly he left me after 4 years when I am ready for relationship he failed because of me 3times he left me
@@Artistic_vibes1710 sis you need therapy not a relationship
You are extremely scared
First seek therapy,then move on from what happened in the past
May be what you did to the guy was wrong but you need to forget him so that you don't do the same with any other person in the future
@@random_person_on_internetshe needs Gautam Buddha not therapy 😂
Honestly this woman is a gem of a person because now a days stupid 'lucky' people give parents GOD level position, but Mrs. Riri is indeed knowledgeable and saying that parents can be wrong because in the end parents are also human being.
Now people are talking about this.. 18 years back when i ran away from home because of over protective parents, I wasn’t able to explain this..
thanks for the interview..
@@Dhr6705 where r u now with parents
Where did u run off ??
Abroad ?
Same pinch..
you had the courage bro, kudos to you
Kudos to your courage
Also marriage is not a medicine or rehab centre.. Ki ladka/ladki bigad re hai to shadi karwa do jimmedari a jayegi... This solution is so toxic and disaster where other partner and family suffers most
Pehle karte the aisa aur tabhi hum.log iss duniya me aaye 😂
Tab koi psychologist par nhi jate the ....toh ye solution bhi work karta tha bahut se logo par Kiya hai ...aur life me kahi bhi dekh lo work place relationship etc kuch bhi agar aapko adjust karna jante ho toh hi survive kar sakte ho aur adjustment ki key 🔑 believe me .
Lies, acting, dhoka, secrets, hidings, incapabilities, inappropriate, illegal, wrongs, inhumanity, planwse using, destruction etc based forceful marrg illegal drama, agar sab sach sab le kar bol kar karte to jo islam/non islam humanity to kavi vi wrong nehi hota. All clear bfre love bfre marrg
@@Mihi_Dana-z2x can you explain again
.
@@tmk-y9p Adjustment is key … agree but upto reasonable limit…. I don’t think unreasonable things / unresolved trauma should be shoved under the rug. Also past times were not complex … times have changed quite a bit … women getting more autonomy… better economic prospects… globalization and information revolution lot has changed and people don’t necessary know or have tools to deal with issues arising due to all these changes …sure people should be reasonable but would that resolve everything … not necessary
She must be a very good counsellor....
Good topic everyone should listen and understand that all cannot be covered in one go
Brilliant Podcast. Thank you Raj.
As a single-mother of two young men in their 20's I have found that acceptance & authenticity are the keys to acknowledging & unlocking the potential of our children. As a mother, I apologize when I push their boundaries, demonstrate respect & warmth by my own behaviour, discuss issues openly & honestly, claim my responsibility in the situation, respect their individuality without labelling them & tell them that it is healthy to be strong, sensitive, masculine & decisive. This is how both my sons are well-adjusted, self-respecting, productive young men today.
A mother is the template for the way your sons will think about, interact with & relate to women. Do a favour for all women ladies. Be the kind of woman who is easy to love, easier to respect & impossible to walk away from. Teach your sons by your own example what it means to be fearless & family-oriented. Being an Amma in Bharat is a sadhana in sacrifice & surrender. Our sons deserve the best & it starts with us.
PS: I do not have daughters, hence I could not say anything with authority, but our young women also require all of this.
*Parenthood is accidental but Motherhood is a choice*
#PriyaKaGyan
Well said 👍
Totally mam you are absolutely right......I'm much more confident now and I have started to work on my self from now on.......
Yes a mother is a gateway even though atmosphere is not good but she overcomes all this and makes it good for her children. And your words are absolutely right that being a mother in india is a herculean task.
Totally agree with you mam....well said....I am also a mother of only two sons....And your words inspires me a lot and fill a kind of positivity. Thank you
Very well said, ma'am!
I am sure so many people will be able to relate to this video. Every word she spoke is so true. Literally cried and took me back to my childhood
A big virtual hug to you 🥺🤍
You can always heal, at any point in life. More strength to you :)
i cried too
First 3 minutes and I find out more about myself. Riri you are bang on.thank you for helping me to understand myself.
Same... Ki ye sb kbse aur kaise chlta aa rha hai 😢
I love that she pointed out about parents treating their kids differently. Whenever I try to bring this up with my mom she gets upset at me. But I’m a younger sibling and that too a daughter, I had an older brother. I think many people would relate to the differences in upbringing. I was always taught to help my mom at home but my brother was never expected to do any housework. I saw it as just helping my mom, and I’m glad I helped her but now it’s very irritating as he still does not do one thing at home at 33 years old. It sets the expectation that women will do it all even working women because we were once girls who went to school and were expected to help at home while our brothers didn’t help at home after school, it teaches us that women need to do it all after marriage too even if we are working.
Another thing was the amount of authority my brother had over me even just being 3 years older than me he was given so much power to dictate what I can and can’t do. My parents saw it as protection but all I saw was that he had more freedom than me and I wasn’t given any independence even after being an adult. Even when I was 20 and he was 23, I had no say over my life but he had so much power not only on his own life but mine too. Whatever he said would be the final thing even if my mom was on my side. This teaches that a woman’s opinion is lower even if she is more older or is at a hierarchy and should have more authority than the man. These things are so normalized that no one thinks about the long term effects of it. I also grew up with many other situations at home like verbal abuse and seeing mental torture of my mom, and my brother learned all these behaviors including physical abuse. This is obviously wrong but even the other things, the ego, the arrogance, the disrespect, anger issues. it’s all wrong and it’s so common in our society.
Please bring this kind of Guest who has the ball to speak the truth of our stone aged outdated culture, not like Mr Sandip Das kind of guests who support the blind faith and outdated culture.
Thank you very much for introducing such kind of brilliant guests.🙏
Bro u understand the thing and don't try to be a 🤡
So glad to see senior psychologists speaking about psychological trauma in detail. As a young trauma trained Psychotherapist, I'm extremely impressed to see ma'am talking about all these things with so much clarity because i never learnt about trauma during my BSc or MSc. It is only when i started researching during my PhD did i learn about this on my own but unfortunately couldn't finish my PhD due to unfortunate unforeseen events.
Exactly! That's the sad reality of Psychology education in India. I hope to make more psychologists aware about this. Thank you 🙏
But i feel a very crucial aspect is missing. Acknowledging how the root system of patriarchy breeds such parents. How previous invasion, current capitalist society, and patriarchal norms effect the emotional and mental state of future parents. If we are taking about a disorder, we can't simply treat the superficial symptoms without focusing on the deeper rooted underlying issue. This was a great video though. The symptoms will help us identify but it will not solve anything.
But i feel a very crucial aspect is missing. Acknowledging how the root system of patriarchy breeds such parents. How previous invasion, current capitalist society, and patriarchal norms effect the emotional and mental state of future parents. If we are taking about a disorder, we can't simply treat the superficial symptoms without focusing on the deeper rooted underlying issue. This was a great video though. The symptoms will help us identify but it will not solve anything.
@@Oceangrace90 This video is educational and the purpose is to create awareness on a mass level so that the systemic issues which you have wisely pointed out can be resolved. Psychologists alone cannot solve systemic issues, for that we need to make everyone aware that these systemic issues are making us not just psychologically sick but physically sick as well. For people who are highly impacted by these systemic issues should seek therapy from Psychotherapists that are liberation oriented, caste sensitive and feminist.
@@Oceangrace90 Since it's not possible to provide therapy on a mass level, we have to make people aware by making such content. If nobody makes such content, nobody will understand that they are sick due to collective trauma caused by systemic issues. I hope this is helpful.
That line, "when a marriage is not working, do not have kids" Thank You for addressing. it is not about blaming parents, it more about making them understand. If parents don't take therapy, their children have to. Someone has to break toxic generation traumas
Wow..... Finally finally finally..... Finally somebody is talking about it. That too in hindi. What a content.. good work Raj Shamani. 🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤
Family Se Bada Koi Nark Nahi Hai If They are toxic
Yes because you can never escape them
Ehehe i feel you dude. I Feel you.
That's why I leave my house..
West me family hi nhi toh toxicity hi nhi life me logo k phir bhi West k log depressed hai kyu ? Indians family toxicity se bhari hai par uska sub production hai time pass gonna with somebody 😂aur aapko itna depressed nhi hote
@@dancingnachos3634can relate to it and currently facing downs on my life
This is your most valuable podcast ever. Infact for us suppressed, repressed and often depressed Indians of multiple generations, this is like a stairway to heaven out of living hell. Please invite Dr. Trivedi more often cuz she’s a gem who can stop wars and bring in world peace.
This happens in our families very often and most of the children are growing in toxic environment but it is our responsibility to raise our children in different environment now after getting this awareness..
some ppl will label everything as "toxic"🤣🤣
@@ZoldicsDiaries a lot of things are toxic though, those are swept under the rug by most of us, only to manifest later in life as diseases such as Alzheimer’s, cancer etc
1.2 M 😂
@@ZoldicsDiaries your the toxic parent or sibling arent you?
Yes 🙌
It is high time parental abuse is spoken about openly in India. Most problems in adulthood stem from inadequate, abusive, and neglectful parenting.
As someone who had to deal with an abusive father which resulted in so many mental and physical issues that are brushed aside like it's nothing, it makes me angry that people expect you to put up with abusive/disgusting behaviors just because they are your parents.
A child needs caring, supportive parents to reach their true potential. I still struggle with the aftermath of an abusive father even in my 50s.
I'm sorry for you. Hope you're finding help and getting better.
I can relate to it.
After being negligent, all life parents expect kids to be kind and caring in their old age.
@@lelu810 True, they will guilt-trip and shame you for not giving them what they never gave you - talk of entitlement.
Yess truee i absolutely agree with you
Abuse? like what.
It's sad you had to bear it. I hope u heal and pass on a healthy parenting to your child. This cycle breaks..
"24 hours a day, we can't always be in a good mood. We love, we show anger, we play, we fall-it's all part of life. It's important to remember that experiencing and expressing different emotions is natural, and our children learn from how we manage these emotions. It's okay to be human, just as long as we show love and understanding through it all."
The answer is keeping balance
India is not ready for this podcast. So many brainwashed people would be offended by this 😂
Haha yes! But it is what it is :)
India is never ready for any kind of education. We are already wayyy behind. Other cultures have managed to move ahead despite their flaws, but we are still grappling with how to prove a wrong attitude as wrong because here people equate knowledge with age. In this scenario basic, uneducated, toxic people simply get the licence to bully and torture younger people and everyone around them. This has not only ruined our country but also the whole planet.
I strongly believe you.
India konsi India abhi Wali ya Purane Wali....itne bade podcast ka conclusion kya hai deep breathing ,bharamari prayanama, self discipline self regulation toh solution humare ancestors se hi mila hai podcast me .
🤦🏻♀️ Trauma is also due to your ancestors and such things aren't the REAL SOLUTIONS changing the toxicity of Indian culture and traditions is the real solution .
He is the only podcaster i listen and not a single second i felt like i am wasting time
So true
yes... I was judging him by questions he asks.
Same. I left my work
I agree
It seems he is very calm and collected
Even his questions are also very well thought and to the point
True
I played this video only for 1 minute.. but couldn't stop watching till the end.. Beautiful message.
Whenever a girl or woman feels uncomfortable in her own family 😢 she wants to elope! which is generally very normal! #Dimple Kapadia!
I watched the episode from start to end, and every time Riri spoke, it validated all the childhood toxicity I went through growing up. I felt understood and validated.
I'm currently 28, living separately from my family since 2019, and this episode only made me realise how good of a decision it was.
I grew up in a family that was dysfunctional right from the beginning. My (authoritarian) parents provided me materially, financially, and educationally, but at the same time, they were verbally and emotionally toxic. And whatever and whenever they provided, it was never out of love, as if someone had forced them against their will to provide me. I was never raised with love. I was raised expecting to fear and obey my parents, and be their emotional and verbal punch bag.
I grew up treating my parents as gods, believing that I was nothing without my parents, and since I had no idea how destructive their parenting style was for me, I took the blame for my parents behaviour.
I can't even count how many times my parents had passed humiliating remarks on me, like how useless I was, good for nothing, family destroyer, and so on, so much that they got fit in my mind like voices in my head. The verbal abuse was so frequent that I had started verbally abusing myself too.
Whatever I did, whatever I was, whatever I achieved, they appreciated nothing. They only criticised. I grew up my whole life thinking I was never good, was never enough. I used to think I was the reason why my parents were toxic. I hated myself my whole life.
I was 16 when I felt for the first time that something was off with the way my parents were behaving with me, but I was 22 when I finally came to terms with it and stopped blaming myself for their behavior. I left at 23 and didn't look back. I went back once for a few days, but I felt no change there. I was better away from my family out of toxicity.
My parents never wanted me to be successful and independent. They always cripple me so that they could treat me like their emotional punch bag. My parents made me feel my whole life that I should be thankful for having parents like them and I'd never be able to survive being on my own, but after 5 years of living separately, I'm doing fine.
I'm currently planning a healing journey for myself, so that I could undo the damage that I had while growing up with a toxic family.
@@-summertime-sadness-all the best to you
Awesome podcast
I am 63 + yrs. Could understand and related to all examples she gave.
I shared it with all my family and friends
Thank u for bringing in an expert who explained it in such easy way
Last sentence very good .... All lables can change
When my younger sibling was born, I was just 3 years old and my parents seperated me from themselves in order to take care of new child. I was sleeping alone, no hugs etc as a result, now as an adult, I am way too much sensitive to physical touch, I prefer sleeping alone, I hate when someone hugs me etc
why you hate, when someone hugs you? Do you feel distrust on that person or you think he/she is just pretending?
In my family, the concept of hugs or showing love via physical touch does not even exist, I guess the last time my parents hugged me was 2 years ago, initially I did not realise it but I sometimes crave for a hug but there's nobody to give me one.
Yes i m also want to sleep alone .I hate touching
@@rahulmadad1357qki jb vo chiz chaay thi tb nhi mili to dil or dimag ne us.chiz ko hmesha ke ly life se minus krdia...same happen s with me and then also my family complain that im rude😂
Yeah I feel uncomfortable no matter who the other person is ..... I don't even hold hands
Raj, this episode is a favor to so many many adults who have grown up in abusive homes. There are no laws in India to address these issues, and a lot of abusive behaviour by parents is thought to be a way to discipline children. I can tell you, it's a terrible situation out there. I hope more people watch this episode. Thanks to the guest for her clarity of thoughts and advice.
It was a much needed episode for me today. I have been struggling with anger issues, anxiety, stress, self harm, trust issues and so many things for 12-15 years now. I am a 30 years old single woman, I recently came out of a relationship. It wasn't toxic but lately, I began to feel anxious and misunderstood for the past 1-2 years. I have a really toxic family: my siblings, parents, cousins and relatives have made my life a hell and somewhere I too have become a toxic individual. Last week I thought of getting therapy but then didn't take a step ahead. But after watching this video I got clarity in so many things. I joined the gym 3 years back to improve my mental health but the improvement was not very great. And it's true that mental issues do affect physiological wellbeing. I am really thankful to Ma'am for giving us an insight into mental health and Raj, your questions were really good and enlightening. Keep up the great work! God bless you ❤
As a psychologist i just want to thankyou for doing it so well. It is sỏ extremely important to share all this basic information and psychological awareness with people to make lives functional and better in some way.
Loved her absolutely for putting it all complexities of human behaviours in such clear and simple words.
🙏🙏
I am 32 now and grew up in a domestic violence household. I was diagnosed with CPTSD last year, and it's been a year of therapy & constant work on myself with the support of my loving partner. I finally feel like I am starting to go through my developmental phase where I am learning to build my confidence, trust and belief in myself. Depression is a co-occurring condition of CPTSD but it's not your whole picture. It is my humble request to everyone who has gone through such a childhood, to at least try to get diagnosed, there's a high probability that you may have CPTSD if not anything else. Lack of focus, problems staying in one job/career/task, and memory problems are common for us folks. Please try to get help. Best of luck to everyone. :)
Thank you so much for speaking against this open relationship narrative 🤔
I have seen 'kalesh' in my home ,whether its between my parents or my mother - dadi(she lives with her other son now). Its worst to be in this kind of environment. My whole personality is made around my household drama. I have anxiety , communication issues, negative outlook, no social life. It makes me have a disbelief in shaadi and other things. I got starled even at small noises. But recently there was a fight between my parents,and surprisingly i felt nothing. I feel like parent should resolve their issues maturely and have communication and stop torturing their kids. In parents case ,i feel my father is quite disrespect towards my mother and her sacrifices, irresponsible and careless towards things ,always blame others. I feel bad for my mother and always have her back, she always tried to protect us from these dramas and maintain a light environment at home. We have 4 cats(stray)and 1 dog (stray).She is spiritual person. She has veey strong personality and she says that "mujhe sirf mere ghar m shanti chahiye kyuki mere bache hai samne".
I can really feel your emotions my story is very similar to yours , how a childhood trauma can affect your mental peace.
I was almost crying while watching entire podcast
Take care bro. Supreme power is always with us.
Same bro starting ke 5 min mai my eyes got heavy, badi mushkil se pause kr kr ke apne ko sambhal sambhal ke dekha hai.
😂 familiar pain bolte isko 😂
Doc said she finds conclusions difficult and then ended up giving the best conclusion ever 😍 thank you thank you thank you for this talk!! Umeed pe duniya kayam hain ❤
Raj,
At this young age, taking up such a sensitive issue and talking up on all possible human problems ( mental , physical n emotional) .
Diving in so deeply . You need a Big applause and loads n loads of Best wishes.
Kush raho aur society ko aware karaney ke brand ambassador bano .
Heartfelt thanks.
I really sat down and heard your beautiful inspiring podcast.🤘
Thank you for explaining the difference between True forgiveness and Pseudo- Forgiveness!!!!!!!!
Forgiveness is emotional, and Not Intellectual. People need to understand this after a betrayal. And only someone who understands psychology can guide them through this.
Worst advice that people give each other is to
Let go,forgive,forget,take revenge, etc
and it comes back as stress later.
🙏🙏
Very important point
I also liked what she said about forgiveness, especially when it concerns betrayal in marriage. The man tends to expect that his one sorry is enough and the wife should come back to him and forgive and forget everything.
This video I am sure will hit a lot of people on personal level..i could not hold my tears hearing her talk about certain topics..I have always had this battle within me and now it all makes sense..thank you so much for such an amazing content..
This could be a starting point for many who want to heal themself, and for people who are in dilemma of go or not to therapy. Great job!
i swear this was most needed for me at this time .. thank in a bunch
some ppl will label everything as "toxic"🤣🤣
@@ZoldicsDiaries no no... Some will make things toxic separating by their own understanding what to be in toxic
🙏🙏
My feedback:
Hats off for the choice of guest! She’s the BEST in her field!! She is very genuine, very sensitive, very intelligent!
Raj, there was jumping of topics. You could have it better structured. But your questions were good and expressed beautifully.
That’s what I called “ Educational Content “❤
One more thing people should understand.. you're not a product of your circumstances. Its how you deal with your circumstances to come out victorious. So never blame your circumstances for the failure if you're
Yes , that' s what she said... not to use one' s circumstances as CRUTCH 🙂
Wow. What a great conversation! This should be a mandatory subject in high school education.
Please bring more discussion on this subjects.
Mental health issues are NEXT pandemic.
This was an emotional one for me, it made me teary eyed; definitely something that needs to be talked about more openly; thank you so much for shedding light on this topic!
For me also
Virtual hugs to you both. Hope you get help and feel better.
Psychologist here- originally from India however practising in Australia. There's a lot of overlap between ADHD and trauma because emotional dysregulation and executive dysfunctioning is present in both. Also one can have Borderline Personality Disorder without trauma however complex trauma is often highly correlated with individuals diagnosed with BPD-the genetic vulnerability and poor neglectful or abusive environment provide the perfect mix for this to occur. All in all, mental health is very complex and exactly what attracted me to the subject and profession 20 years ago. Great Podcast. There definitely needs to be more awareness around mental health, impacts of family of origin and treatment options especially in a country like India where the vast majority operate from a foundation of 'shame' and 'guilt'.
Well said. Hence we avoid labels and measure
Progress on key parameters
I disagree with one thing. Social media making people aware of these things is just making a lot of them see the littlest of things through a magnifying lens. I strongly believe the psychologists/psychiatrists who speak on such platforms should emphasize on the fact that people should never self diagnose any mental illness/disorder/issues and blame others for their situation. They should get a definitive diagnoses/answers from a psychiatrist/psychologist. This way it doesn’t take away necessary care and affection needed from actually suffering people. Not everyone comes from bad families or have any form of trauma( abuse, depression, ptsd, generational trauma, bipolar etc) but I’ve seen some people use that as an excuse to garner sympathy and attention. Please tell your audience to get a proper review of their trauma/situation from a professional and never to self diagnose. Lifestyle coaches without practicing psychological degrees are not professional enough for this.
I posted a similar comment on instagram and got attacked instantly because it triggered fake feelings of people strongly believing they have such a condition . I took it down the comment on instagram because of the constant hate pings that I couldn’t keep up with and try to make them understand what I mean.
I speak as a person who took care of her mom for several years with severe schizophrenia (hallucinations, clinical depression, anxiety,etc ) who passed from suicide. She was of course clinically diagnosed and was on medication for a long time.
Some People use these psychology terms to get attention and validation and that is a disgrace to people who are/were suffering.
This has been one of the best videos I have ever seen in my life. Clear and extremely relatable.
Forgiveness is not tolerating someone's shitty behaviour. it's about letting go of imprints of your past trauma.
It's very hard to implement.. devastating
@@sukanyajoshi6205 To free yourself you have to do it.
@@InterDstar yes ofcourse
He is asking really good questions and she is answering them brilliantly.
This podcast is worth watching...
Dear raj shamani. Its almost an year am following u... U r taking this whole podcasts things so passionately that u have really changed... I remember u used to interrupt guests a lot(out of curiousity) but now i realise that u have restructured urself too much... In a way to follow ur passion or curiousity to gain the knowledge.. Its all about the passion u follow... Good going
. Keep it up
I have no words to express my thoughts on this. This single podcast is equivalent to all podcasts on life lessons I have watched till date. Excellent podcast!!! 👍🙏 thank you so much
1:42:24 we are not slaves of our past. Excellent words.
Still women are the one who fights for it the most 😂
Cried multiple times watching this. Thank you. I hope we all get out of abuse.
Unbelievable! Amazing Podcast! I m feeling so blessed to have this podcast in this moment of my life...my baby is 11 months old and I have so much to do 🌞 Thank you so much for this beautiful podcast 🙏🏻❤
Thank you! Glad you have awareness at the right time
I realised parenting mistakes we have done
Dont stress yourself in doing so much......take your time 😅😅
Never thought I would be hit by truth which I might realise but to hear it , is something different... Thanks for this 🙏🏻
The most important program! Such program must be conducted again and again not onlyfor nation but for whole humanity. Because all the world is about thoughts which must be prerequisites in life for upbrinhing !!!
that was really an excellent podcast, probably one of the best for the topic! can relate so much to it from own personal experience...
This is how most podcasters should conduct a podcast. Good points, perfect examples. So much helpful. Kudos to Raj and the team. Thanks for bringing such a nice guest.
My parents have been fighting ever since I was born, and I’m exhausted by it all. My mom even tried to divorce my dad, but he refused. What started as small arguments has now turned into a constant, daily battle, and sometimes their fights even become violent. You can imagine how this could affect me mentally, yet despite everything, I’m actually a happy and joyful person. I don’t really understand why this is, but I believe it’s all about how our minds work. If we tell ourselves the situation is bad and react that way, we’ll act like it. But if we don’t let it control us, we can still stay happy. It’s really about how we manage our thoughts.🕊️✨
God has blessed you. I am so happy for you
@@ashapatel4887 thank u so much 😊❤️
I learned many things from this podcast, thanks....please bring more psychologists and mental health experts on the show
Lovely content Raj shamani..
There is a quote i read somewhere which says "Be the one you needed when you were younger"
This line moved me that day. I also have personally gone through lots of childhood traumas or bad experiences which made me a very low self esteemed person until i read that line. This content moved me a lot!
Today I'm a mother of a 2yr old son & I'm continuously working to give him a good childhood, to be a person whom i needed when i was younger. And I'm healing gradually from pain. Though i haven't forgive my parents but im trying to heal myself for a better life. Luckily in my 2nd innings i have got a good husband & great inlaws. So god has been kind to me ❤
Thankyou so much for bringing up contents like this. People need to hear this.
Keep up the good work 💐
Bhai Aaj Tak ka sabse jyada useful youtube video hai ye
For youth this podcast was much needed ❤
Only for gen z
Best podcast ive ever watched. @Raj pls rename it ..its not just about abuse in fact its much much beyond that...its about how to become a better human before becoming a better parent. To be watched till the end.Neuroplasticity allows everyone to transform themselves regardless of what they've gone through. Nothing is permanent.
Well researched and great stuff. Good one. Please invite the person again for more detailed discussion
The best podcast I ever heard, everything she said was spot on.
This is one of the bestest podcast ever made. Thank you
About time that indian society looks and addresses the elephant in the room. Kudos to you for bringing this to light.
This is a life saving podcast.. Finally I got the perfect guideline to how to raise a child.. I shared this to all my loved ones.. Thank you so much 🙏🙏
Your best podcast till date. She has so accurate answers and reasons.
Excellent work... one of the best podcasts that I have ever watched on parenting and childhood trauma, everything said here is so true for so many people in our society today...keep up the great work...!!!
Thank you🙏🏼
Amazing Raj Shamani 👏 This is something that everyone of us should be aware of and not so much discussed topic and you got such an apat person to talk on it.
When there is any podcast related to pshychology or trauma Raj shamani becomes more serious , i notice this
Also control his tears in 34:30
He must have suffered in his growing age some kind of trauma.
Yes most likely @@tarunakhosla7773
@@nikitadawale2503it looks like ,
One of the much needed topic for us in youth who are facing anxiety,depression,constant criticiisam
Such an informative and comprehensive talk. She is so knowledgeable and wise. I agree there is hardly any awareness on Complex PTSD and we need to invest so badly in it. Thanks for this interesting and thought provoking interview 👏👏
It is like a whole emotional movie on somebody's life, rather than a podcast.
One of the most insightful videos I have come across 🙏thank you for this
Hi raj, glad to see riri, just one suggestion plz podcast pure Hindi main banao. Childhood trauma BPL population main bahut jyada hai. They need such knowledge n awareness but mostly psychology related videos n podcasts are in hindi. Being a clinical psychologist myself I too face this issue of language at times.
Bro ! I can surely pridict now why there is too much difference between my both kids ..bcos i wasn't emotionally n physically available for my first child he found himself in creach only ... N his dadi was not available..she was like is ko school chod do .. meri khud ki routine ha .. husband was working out of station.. so he is quite .. n so much responsibe .. dutyful .. care taker but he don't knw how to initiate talk or handle people ..
On the other hand ..i left job ..after my second child.. always available.. husband was also in town. .she is very cool, talkative , expressive... ..
Sometime now after 12-13 years sometimes..i regret leaving the job n progress.. but this podcast .. made me feel otherwise.. that decision of being with the kids was the best one ..
❤
👍👏
Wrong..I am housewife but both r different
@@Wimpy-f61 every one have different scenario.. but it was not about being house wife but giving positive time to your kids .. being available emotionally... certain factors matters.. apart from individual personality of kids .. you know your case better ..I can't say as u said wrong .. assertively.. but I'm open to listen .. your point can be valid in your case ..so chill
@sonasandhuji ....no I still not agree it's how they are genetically made..it's all about genes...so don't regret..both my kids received same upbringing same..values..
@@Wimpy-f61right. your first child is responsible n second is naughty right? It's mine scenario...
Great talk. We need more of this talk
Thanks a lot for this episode, Raj. We as society is falling apart, and max of them doesn't know/ accept that it starts from the way parents used to treat their kids while bringing them up. Gratitude 🙏🙏