The only 2 things I did to avoid tearing were a water birth and having a midwife who didn't tell me when to push; she let my body tell me when to push, and coached me through bearing down ONLY when my body was pushing itself for a few pushes just to help me find a groove. I, a 5ft 6in 125lb-prepregnancy woman, pushed out a 9lb 3oz baby with his arm against his face with only a very minor 1st degree tear that needed 2 stitches. You got this mamas, listen to your body and work with it ❤️
I'm so grateful to have found your videos. I searched but in the not best places for info with my first. And no one as far as my nurses or ob bothered to tell me the things I needed to know but didn't know to ask. They were all very nice to me but they didn't give me what i NEEDED nevermind what i wanted. Things went very wrong and that only bothers me because had i been better informed and better supported, it may not have. You are doing a great service to all of us who aren't lucky enough to have you in the delivery room! ❤❤❤
I’m actually REALLY surprised that medical professionals DON’T try to inform patients of what to expect or how we can handle the birth process. I know they’re taught in school, and it’s info that would help us have better informed consent. It’s really scary how much it seems like they want us to know as little as possible about things. That way we’re at their mercy and c judgement when the time comes.
@@jenniferb9506 so true. That's why with my 2nd child (who is 2 weeks old today!) the first thing I did was get a doula. This birth was RADICALLY different than with my first.
I'd love for you to talk about labial tears as well. With my first baby i tore both front and back (during the last big push his shoulder got caught coming out and it was too late for me to stop the motion). The perineal tear wasn't nice but the labial tear is the one that has caused me the most discomfort, mostly because it healed a little wonky. I'm about to have my second baby and scared of it happening again! I've tried finding information about this topic but it doesn't seem as commonly talked about as perineal tears.
This! I had the warm compress on the perineum, so I didn’t tear down, but I tore up all the way. My clit was free hanging and they tried stitching it but they fell out and now I have a split labia and it catches when I wipe or have intercourse. So painful! How do I avoid that?
I had reconstructive surgery after my second birth (4.5 years later) because this happened to me. I labored med free until about an hour before I needed to push and then I got an epidural so that I wouldn't have to go under general anesthesia for the surgery and got to hold my baby instead, and my doctor was able to classify it as a birth repair for my insurance instead of an elective procedure so they would actually cover it.
Just a lil TMI but I've used this breathing technique on the toilet many times. I'm on methadone so I get constipated often so I have to push a lil more to relieve myself in that way. And both ways help but I'm a lil more relaxed when I hum a bit when I'm in that situation. 😂
Huh. I didn't realize a long pushing phase was linked to more severe tears. I actually kind of thought it was the opposite--that tears tended to be worse if the baby came out fast, with less opportunity to control pushing and let things stretch.
I could be wrong but my guess is if it's something like shoulder dystocia and the baby is having difficulty coming out and we keep having to work hard at pushing then this would increase the risk. I've had 5 and slowly pushed them out as much as possible and had great luck with no tears.
Thank you for all the info I’m studying to become a doula all your videos are so helpful and go into greater extent then the course I’m studying really thank you this information I’m going to use as part of my practice.
LOL when I saw the thumbnail, I read “stop tEars” with your channel, I immediately thought this video was going to be about not crying during labor And then I saw the actual picture and I said nope that’s teArs not tEars 😂😂😂😂
Thank you for all these greats tips ! I am getting married soon, I am not pregnant yet, but we are both a bit worried about the tearing during the delivery process. My fiancé wants to be present. I think I will give him a few tasks to assist with the delivery :)
Why would he be worried? It’s not like he has to feel it or is he just annoyed that he might have to help you more so you won’t be able to do everything…
I'm pregnant with my first and I am so scared to give birth. These are really good videos to watch in preparation, but it is really scary to think that I might tear, or have something go wrong where they'll have to use forceps or a vaccuum, or even a c-section.
Get an Epi-No! I have done a bunch of research it’s an amazing product. It’s a ballon that slowly stretches you to 10cm. I have to smuggle mine from a family member in Europe because they are banned in the US since it’s marketed as a medical device.
When i was born the doctor told her to stop pushing and they had to cut so that they could get me out because she was not only tearing but also my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and they almost lost me.
I’ve been reading that the cord being wrapped around the neck is actually not a threat to the baby and can be gently unwrapped immediately as the baby is born.
I had a third-degree tear with both of my babies. Had my son, tore during birth, had to go to the ER (gave birth with midwives), got pregnant again 3 months after birth, gave birth to my daughter, tore 3rd degree again and had to go to the ER for repair. Healing actually went smoother the 2nd time around, and it's been almost 2 years since I last gave birth - about to have my last baby in September and will be in a hospital setting. Doctor assured me she'll do whatever she can to minimize tearing. I really hope it goes well this time, because I still have sensitivity in the perinium because of the damage. It just feels strange at times.
@@tryphenarose384half information is dangerous ! Did you have a homebirth in hot water during your 1st and 2nd baby ?? Were you lying down or crouching ? Did you massage your vaginal area with oil before delivery??
@tryphenarose384 I got degree 3 tear after giving birth 70 days ago for my first child Still very sensitive😢 Were you exclusively breastfeeding when you got pregnant the second time? Because I have not got my period back yet
Why would they want to plan to induce you??? Especially before you even reach full term?? Even if you're having multiples this seems like a weird thing to intend to do. I get that you wrote this 2 months ago and you're probably there now! Lol, sorry!
Pro, if planned its predictable. And there is no risk of trauma to your perineum which can be intense if its third and fourth degree. Cons are major surgery, major recovery, a scar (though a lot of providers do an amazing job and its not big or terrible), sometimes delay in skin to skin, risk of pain and infection...
This is tmi but for perineal massage, would it still be functional to reach behind to dodge the big belly entirely? Start with one finger and then go to two to mimic the thickness of the thumb?
I blame the midwives for my tear. They didn't listen to me, gave me too much oxy, sent my baby into distress, made me panic & push early. I couldn't be in the position I wanted, there was no coaching, and I strained myself and tore (2nd degree). He was less than 2.5kg. I never want to go back to that hospital. 4 days later, my sister gave birth to a slightly more than 4kg baby, naturally and at home. She got a small graze.
I had a vacuum delivery because my baby had heart decels caused by a nuchal cord. This gave me a third degree tear, which was awful, but I can live with it because it means my baby was delivered quickly and safely. I just hope I don't have another complication and can have less tearing with my current pregnancy's birth. My anus is misshapen from the tear and my doc says I can have surgery to correct it after I'm done having babies.
Yep that’s very common but absolutely pushing in the position of your choice should be allowed without question. Unless it’s unsafe for you or unsafe for baby. Make sure you voice your wishes, ask them to explain the reasons they are telling you to be on your back and have a strong support person with you willing to amplify your voice!
@@Regansaidso That's a great idea for a video. This would really vary hospital to hospital though as some have policies that others dont and what should happen is they should be explained to you and then you can choose to follow policy or you can choose to decline. You always have a right to your own body!
I think it completely depends on the hospital. I'm very thankful the hospital I will be giving birth at allows anything. I can be in the water, on a birth seat, on the floor, on the bed etc. Whatever I want. I hear a lot of stories about women physically being forced to lay down on their back and I would rather stay home than go through that 😕
@@ekatrinyathis absolutely infuriates me! I absolutely had this feeling with my first, that I was allowed to have wishes but i had to be a "good patient" and be ready to put them aside and do what I was told. My birth went absolutely nothing like i planned, and while I get this is always possible, it upsets me because I feel like it didn't need to be that way. If only I had known then what I know now. I'm 21 weeks now and I'll be dammed if I let it happen like that again! I have a doula this time and I'm taking the classes i should've taken before. Last week my dr made a comment that set off all the bells, one that he probably made the first time too. Last time I heard the message "remember, you're not in charge!" and took it. This time I heard it and switched to a midwife! DO NOT let anyone tell you what you are and aren't "allowed" during your birth. (Obviously without being absurd, like "I insist my 9 pets come to the hospital!"). Your position, your partner, your setting, your blankets, your wishes as far as when baby arrives too! This is YOUR body, YOUR baby and how they first experience the world matters!
Absolutely so long as your epidural isn't too heavy. If it is too heavy you can ask them to turn it down so you can move and feel your legs better. I have a short on my page about epidural friendly pushing positions!
One question: will massage increase the chances of staying stretched out after birth, or will things still go back to normal? These are greatly appreciated! I intended to start the perineal massage with my husband a few weeks ago, but we have a small business, and he's gone quite often, and exhausted when he's home, so I felt bad asking. I think I will ask tonight, though, and get whatever benefit I can, haha. (The baby's due tomorrow.)
It should go back to normal the same as it should after delivery of your baby. Perineal massage won't stretch it out nearly as much as baby would and it goes back to "mostly normal" after that
I never had any children, but when I was young I went to a famous gynecologist in Houston he was known for his natural childbirth. But the minute he examined me he said it wasn't much bigger than a breadbox in there and I would be a C-section I was small at the time 103 lb and he asked me what size my shoe was I told him but I was dumbfounded I said size 5 1/2 or a 6 later I learned this is an old midwives trick. Small feet small pelvis, anyways I appreciated him telling me that. I now at 66 have vaginal atrophy very bad and I will need to use estrogen cream and dilators if I ever want to have intercourse again. And this is actually very common.
About episiotomy, it is not really true. The studies are not concluded. I saw women with and without. And not necessary was worst. In usa you don't use the episiotomy, but the births are not better than in other places.
Me: **has never been pregnant and is not currently pregnant**
My brain: Make a note of that, that's good advice.
Same. Someday I would like to have children... but stories of treating make me fear labor a little.
You and me both, I want to be as informed as possible when I get to this point
The only 2 things I did to avoid tearing were a water birth and having a midwife who didn't tell me when to push; she let my body tell me when to push, and coached me through bearing down ONLY when my body was pushing itself for a few pushes just to help me find a groove. I, a 5ft 6in 125lb-prepregnancy woman, pushed out a 9lb 3oz baby with his arm against his face with only a very minor 1st degree tear that needed 2 stitches. You got this mamas, listen to your body and work with it ❤️
I'm so grateful to have found your videos. I searched but in the not best places for info with my first. And no one as far as my nurses or ob bothered to tell me the things I needed to know but didn't know to ask. They were all very nice to me but they didn't give me what i NEEDED nevermind what i wanted. Things went very wrong and that only bothers me because had i been better informed and better supported, it may not have.
You are doing a great service to all of us who aren't lucky enough to have you in the delivery room! ❤❤❤
I AGREE!!!
Same in my case.
I’m actually REALLY surprised that medical professionals DON’T try to inform patients of what to expect or how we can handle the birth process. I know they’re taught in school, and it’s info that would help us have better informed consent. It’s really scary how much it seems like they want us to know as little as possible about things. That way we’re at their mercy and c judgement when the time comes.
@@jenniferb9506 so true. That's why with my 2nd child (who is 2 weeks old today!) the first thing I did was get a doula. This birth was RADICALLY different than with my first.
I'd love for you to talk about labial tears as well. With my first baby i tore both front and back (during the last big push his shoulder got caught coming out and it was too late for me to stop the motion). The perineal tear wasn't nice but the labial tear is the one that has caused me the most discomfort, mostly because it healed a little wonky. I'm about to have my second baby and scared of it happening again! I've tried finding information about this topic but it doesn't seem as commonly talked about as perineal tears.
This! I had the warm compress on the perineum, so I didn’t tear down, but I tore up all the way. My clit was free hanging and they tried stitching it but they fell out and now I have a split labia and it catches when I wipe or have intercourse. So painful! How do I avoid that?
Oh my goodness! I'm so sorry you experienced that. This would be great information to have because I've heard of it but never in detail. 😢
I had reconstructive surgery after my second birth (4.5 years later) because this happened to me. I labored med free until about an hour before I needed to push and then I got an epidural so that I wouldn't have to go under general anesthesia for the surgery and got to hold my baby instead, and my doctor was able to classify it as a birth repair for my insurance instead of an elective procedure so they would actually cover it.
Just a lil TMI but I've used this breathing technique on the toilet many times. I'm on methadone so I get constipated often so I have to push a lil more to relieve myself in that way. And both ways help but I'm a lil more relaxed when I hum a bit when I'm in that situation. 😂
Thanks Always looking for tips. I’m 36 weeks and need to start the massage !
Excellent...getting close!
This has been the most useful, informative video on tearing prevention I’ve watched! Thank you so much
Huh. I didn't realize a long pushing phase was linked to more severe tears. I actually kind of thought it was the opposite--that tears tended to be worse if the baby came out fast, with less opportunity to control pushing and let things stretch.
Think of it as more time the vaginal/perineal tissues are under tension, the more chances of a tear.
@@harringt100 you are also right, if baby comes too fast there's a higher chance, but also a prolonged time pushing I guess
I could be wrong but my guess is if it's something like shoulder dystocia and the baby is having difficulty coming out and we keep having to work hard at pushing then this would increase the risk. I've had 5 and slowly pushed them out as much as possible and had great luck with no tears.
Thank you for all the info I’m studying to become a doula all your videos are so helpful and go into greater extent then the course I’m studying really thank you this information I’m going to use as part of my practice.
LOL when I saw the thumbnail, I read “stop tEars” with your channel, I immediately thought this video was going to be about not crying during labor
And then I saw the actual picture and I said nope that’s teArs not tEars 😂😂😂😂
Great tips, thanks! ☺️🙏🏻
Thanks for watching!
Thank you for all these greats tips !
I am getting married soon, I am not pregnant yet, but we are both a bit worried about the tearing during the delivery process. My fiancé wants to be present. I think I will give him a few tasks to assist with the delivery :)
Why would he be worried? It’s not like he has to feel it or is he just annoyed that he might have to help you more so you won’t be able to do everything…
This video makes me want to do a water birth in hopes I don't tear down there....
Water births look so lovely ♥️
I love your videos, so informative and helpful. Thank you. 🙏🏽
I'm pregnant with my first and I am so scared to give birth. These are really good videos to watch in preparation, but it is really scary to think that I might tear, or have something go wrong where they'll have to use forceps or a vaccuum, or even a c-section.
10 weeks till due date, im hoping i can avoid tearing, shes likely to be smaller due to a medication im on so i have my fingers crossed
When's your due date? Mines October 10!
My husband keeps saying our boy is going to be 9lbs 🥴 lol
Praying for you!!!
@@SomeonesGhost mines 24th september, my partners family say shes gonna be a tiny baby at 6/7 lbs!
How are you? Did you go into labor yet?
Hey mama. How was your labour. Hoping you had a safe delivery @SomeonesGhost
Get an Epi-No! I have done a bunch of research it’s an amazing product. It’s a ballon that slowly stretches you to 10cm. I have to smuggle mine from a family member in Europe because they are banned in the US since it’s marketed as a medical device.
Your vagina or your cervix??
Some great tips! Thanks
When i was born the doctor told her to stop pushing and they had to cut so that they could get me out because she was not only tearing but also my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck and they almost lost me.
That’s what happened to me. Both my heart rate and my mother’s was going up. My earlobes are uneven from where the umbilical cord was wrapped.
I’ve been reading that the cord being wrapped around the neck is actually not a threat to the baby and can be gently unwrapped immediately as the baby is born.
I'm really scared of unnecessary episiotomy. I hope they let me move how I need it while delivering. Episiotomy is way too common here in Japan.
Tearing was never a fear of mine until I tore with my daughter haha ouch. I hope it never happens again
I had a third degree tear, it took me a year to heal 😭
I had a third-degree tear with both of my babies. Had my son, tore during birth, had to go to the ER (gave birth with midwives), got pregnant again 3 months after birth, gave birth to my daughter, tore 3rd degree again and had to go to the ER for repair. Healing actually went smoother the 2nd time around, and it's been almost 2 years since I last gave birth - about to have my last baby in September and will be in a hospital setting. Doctor assured me she'll do whatever she can to minimize tearing. I really hope it goes well this time, because I still have sensitivity in the perinium because of the damage. It just feels strange at times.
Can I ask you in what context? Episiotomy? Forceps, vacuum? Position you were in? Big baby?
@@soulquest13 He wasn’t big. No episiotomy/forceps/vaccum. I think with induction and very strong contractions!
@@tryphenarose384half information is dangerous ! Did you have a homebirth in hot water during your 1st and 2nd baby ?? Were you lying down or crouching ? Did you massage your vaginal area with oil before delivery??
@tryphenarose384
I got degree 3 tear after giving birth 70 days ago for my first child
Still very sensitive😢
Were you exclusively breastfeeding when you got pregnant the second time?
Because I have not got my period back yet
Thank you for all of this. I’m almost 31 weeks and they’re planning on inducing at 39 (which Indid not want). I have been TERRIFIED.
Why would they want to plan to induce you??? Especially before you even reach full term?? Even if you're having multiples this seems like a weird thing to intend to do. I get that you wrote this 2 months ago and you're probably there now! Lol, sorry!
Random question but what are the pros and cons of giving birth by c-section 🤔?
Pro, if planned its predictable. And there is no risk of trauma to your perineum which can be intense if its third and fourth degree. Cons are major surgery, major recovery, a scar (though a lot of providers do an amazing job and its not big or terrible), sometimes delay in skin to skin, risk of pain and infection...
Can you be in different birthing positions if you have an epidural?
I think she has a video or at least a short talking about different positions you can be in with and without an epidural!
Would induction increase the chance of a tear?
This is tmi but for perineal massage, would it still be functional to reach behind to dodge the big belly entirely? Start with one finger and then go to two to mimic the thickness of the thumb?
I blame the midwives for my tear. They didn't listen to me, gave me too much oxy, sent my baby into distress, made me panic & push early. I couldn't be in the position I wanted, there was no coaching, and I strained myself and tore (2nd degree). He was less than 2.5kg.
I never want to go back to that hospital.
4 days later, my sister gave birth to a slightly more than 4kg baby, naturally and at home. She got a small graze.
I had a vacuum delivery because my baby had heart decels caused by a nuchal cord. This gave me a third degree tear, which was awful, but I can live with it because it means my baby was delivered quickly and safely. I just hope I don't have another complication and can have less tearing with my current pregnancy's birth. My anus is misshapen from the tear and my doc says I can have surgery to correct it after I'm done having babies.
Funny video. Thanks.
I had to have an episiotomy with both my babies.
I never tore on the back.. always up the front 😢
Would they even let you push a baby out at a hospital not on your back and in stirrups? Seems like that’s how it is
Yep that’s very common but absolutely pushing in the position of your choice should be allowed without question. Unless it’s unsafe for you or unsafe for baby. Make sure you voice your wishes, ask them to explain the reasons they are telling you to be on your back and have a strong support person with you willing to amplify your voice!
@@mamanursetinacan you do a video about your rights during labor at the hospital?
@@Regansaidso That's a great idea for a video. This would really vary hospital to hospital though as some have policies that others dont and what should happen is they should be explained to you and then you can choose to follow policy or you can choose to decline. You always have a right to your own body!
I think it completely depends on the hospital. I'm very thankful the hospital I will be giving birth at allows anything. I can be in the water, on a birth seat, on the floor, on the bed etc. Whatever I want. I hear a lot of stories about women physically being forced to lay down on their back and I would rather stay home than go through that 😕
@@ekatrinyathis absolutely infuriates me! I absolutely had this feeling with my first, that I was allowed to have wishes but i had to be a "good patient" and be ready to put them aside and do what I was told. My birth went absolutely nothing like i planned, and while I get this is always possible, it upsets me because I feel like it didn't need to be that way. If only I had known then what I know now. I'm 21 weeks now and I'll be dammed if I let it happen like that again! I have a doula this time and I'm taking the classes i should've taken before. Last week my dr made a comment that set off all the bells, one that he probably made the first time too. Last time I heard the message "remember, you're not in charge!" and took it. This time I heard it and switched to a midwife!
DO NOT let anyone tell you what you are and aren't "allowed" during your birth. (Obviously without being absurd, like "I insist my 9 pets come to the hospital!"). Your position, your partner, your setting, your blankets, your wishes as far as when baby arrives too! This is YOUR body, YOUR baby and how they first experience the world matters!
Can you have a epidural and birth in different positions?
Absolutely so long as your epidural isn't too heavy. If it is too heavy you can ask them to turn it down so you can move and feel your legs better. I have a short on my page about epidural friendly pushing positions!
@@mamanursetina Thank you! I want to try for baby #2 but the first one was rough so I'm doing my research. lol
@@krista9054 yea!! Be your own best advocate!
Or hire a birth doula ❤ best advocate and helpers so that way you can focus on the birthing process .
U could buy an EPI NO.
I have heard pretty mixed reviews on the epi no from providers. But if it’s something you are looking into chat with them 😊
A episiotomy equals perforation
What does that mean??
@@mountain85 a perforation is the little slit in a package to help you open it
One question: will massage increase the chances of staying stretched out after birth, or will things still go back to normal?
These are greatly appreciated! I intended to start the perineal massage with my husband a few weeks ago, but we have a small business, and he's gone quite often, and exhausted when he's home, so I felt bad asking. I think I will ask tonight, though, and get whatever benefit I can, haha. (The baby's due tomorrow.)
It should go back to normal the same as it should after delivery of your baby. Perineal massage won't stretch it out nearly as much as baby would and it goes back to "mostly normal" after that
@@mamanursetina Ah, okay. Thanks for the clarification!
I never had any children, but when I was young I went to a famous gynecologist in Houston he was known for his natural childbirth. But the minute he examined me he said it wasn't much bigger than a breadbox in there and I would be a C-section I was small at the time 103 lb and he asked me what size my shoe was I told him but I was dumbfounded I said size 5 1/2 or a 6 later I learned this is an old midwives trick. Small feet small pelvis, anyways I appreciated him telling me that. I now at 66 have vaginal atrophy very bad and I will need to use estrogen cream and dilators if I ever want to have intercourse again. And this is actually very common.
In other words everything shrinks and shrivels up after menopause😢
About episiotomy, it is not really true. The studies are not concluded. I saw women with and without. And not necessary was worst. In usa you don't use the episiotomy, but the births are not better than in other places.