As a Foster mum of over 20 years I thank you for offering your knowledge without putting any of your foster children at risk by filming them. I am always shocked at how many children are presented online like animals at the zoo. I know what you do everyday and I understand why. Keep educating people (in Europe where I leave the rules a bit different) . I wish you strong nerves and Gods blessings
I agree with you. Although I do know sometimes it's done by well-meaning people. I would also like to point out that I don't think in any of the United States they are allowed to post online foster kids who are still in the foster system (maybe kinship care where they are fostered by a relitive). Once adopted they are allowed to be posted as much as the biological children in the home. Even then I wouldn't be surprised to find some states don't allow that either. It is definitely better for the child to not be put on social media.
We like watching it to help us be better parents. "This is how the good parents do it" 😂😅😢🎉🎉😅❤ honestly how people are so calm and clean all the time is so impressive
I'm amazed. Being a foster parent to someone else's children sounds and looks like more work than being birth parent to my own children. So many details you have to keep track of. And you do everything with so much honor toward the child and to their parent. I'm floored by your care, thoughtfulness, and attentiveness. Also these resources are great.
I think the menu is a great idea. Many children come from situations with very limited diets. Either the parents don't know how to cook, don't have time, or sadly don't care. So the children have very narrow diets. They may have lived their whole lives eating burgers, chicken nuggets, or pizza. Think of it this way: You're suddenly dropped in a foreign country. You're now surrounded by food, but NONE of it looks familiar, and it tastes different. How many ADULTS are going to struggle? I've known several. One lived in India, one in South Korea, one in China, one in Qatar. It took them awhile to become adventurous. All of them craved familiar, comforting meals. A child placed in Foster Care is even MORE in need of comfort and familiarity. If professional adults are thrilled to visit a McDonald's or find a restaurant that makes "American" cuisine, then a foster child gets a free pass.
Very thoughtful. I think also it’s good idea to introduce fresh fruit and vegetables plater available every day fresh for kids to munch instead of junk snacks
@@usa2342 yeah, I think that both should be offered to provide some stability. Like to make the veggies fun I've seen yellow and purple carrots before, along with orange ones. Making a veggie or fruit tray (I'd start with fruit tray) and have them graze on it.
My daughter and son-in-law have been trying to conceive for several years now and are having a very hard time. They love children so much and have decided they want to foster and possibly adopt later on. I ran across your channel and have been sharing your videos with them. We've been learning so much! Thank you for taking the time to share with us!! God bless! 🥰
I’m so sad to hear that you’ve gotten bad feedback on the menu idea! I think it’s wonderful! As an adult who has struggled with ARFID for most of my life, I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome and helpful a picture menu could be for kids like me. People often forget: children WILL literally STARVE themselves to death if they perceive a lack of “safe” foods, and sometimes people have sensory issues with certain types of foods that may NEVER go away. It’s super important to give these people OPTIONS. Some nutrition is almost always better than no nutrition at all. And forcing kids to eat their “unsafe” foods will likely only hurt your relationship with the child and make YOU unsafe, without addressing why the child finds the food unsafe/unpalatable in the first place. Often, the child WANTS the nutritional benefits of the food (what kid doesn’t want to grow up big & strong?), but simply can’t bear the texture (or a similar sensory aspect). Thus, they need to find textures they enjoy. Misattributing this purely as greed or stubbornness on the child’s part will erode trust & make the child feel misunderstood. As a small child, my family had to start checking my face while I slept, because I developed a habit of chewing meat & storing it in my cheeks like a little hamster, because I refused to swallow it due to the texture. Apparently I used to try to escape to the bathroom to spit the food out, but when my parents caught on, I started just going to bed with food in my cheeks. In my experience, having options with food actually teaches MINDFULNESS, as the person learns to check in with themself and evaluate what they actually DESIRE to eat, rather than what they’re SUPPOSED to eat. This is the exact method I used to accidentally “cure” myself of my own ED in only one month’s time, after severely struggling with it for several years. For about a month, anytime I was hungry or knew I needed to eat, I just went to the grocery store and picked out whatever I wanted at the time. I usually went at least once a day (only buying food for that day in particular, and maybe breakfast the next day) and I always went alone. Eventually, I learned to develop a positive, non-judgmental, accepting attitude toward myself with food (and grocery stores too, which can also be a sensory nightmare). While browsing the aisles, I also learned ways I can “sub out” certain foods for sensory/flavor equivalents (I.e. swapping out sweets for fruits; swapping out ice cream for yogurt). I’m now in a better place with food than I’ve been in for over 5 years, and I attribute my success almost entirely to my lack of restriction, giving myself options, & respecting my own free will. Fine-tuning our diets to support our health goals can come with time, but sometimes just getting food in the body and feeling better is the most important thing, and a good starting point. And sometimes you need to just shirk all the social expectations and meet people where they’re at, within their own reality, rather than expecting them to suddenly find sense in your reality (even if your reality is THE reality). Sorry if I’m getting a bit abstract lol, I could rant about this for days. TL;DR: In this era of week-ahead meal prepping, there MUST be room for spontaneity, or else disordered eating may develop.
I found a lot of value in your comment. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences figuring out workarounds to unpalatable (not sure if there's a better way to put this, but I'm sure you'll know what I mean) foods and how sensory processing can affect nutrition.
Thanks for putting this out there. I grew up in an Indian Residential School in 🇨🇦. We had mush with wheat weivels in it three times a day. The same pot until it was gone. When I worked in the staff kitchen (this was a primary through middle school), I used to put the pealings of the vegetables at the top of the garbage in a separate bag so that the boys who worked the farm outside could get some food. As all the food experts say, the vitamins are just under the skin. Anything inedible went "on the compost pile" which was always my excuse for saving the peals in a pristine condition. We got no salt, no sugar and no protein while living in the school. It was a dairy farm (boy's work) and a laundry, (girl's work) and yet we never saw an ounce of milk the whole time that we were there. Even though it was our labour that produced it. Some of us knew how to forage and we'd do that when we could. As I worked in the staff kitchen, I was in charge of taking care of the pantry items and was to dispose of any out of date items that I came across. So I would hand out any table salt that I came across that they wouldn't miss so that we wouldn't get sick from a deficiency of that for the time being anyway. They used to give us powder skim milk that was so thin that it was practically tap water. When I got into Foster Care when this Hell hole was over, after grade 8, I landed up in a United Nations of different households, I guess because they were trying to fit my exotic look with the family so that I would visually fit in. I'm tri-racial Indigenous 🇨🇦, Black 🇨🇦, and European 🇨🇦, the Europeans were German and English. So they would give me a lot of placements in Asian homes, early placements were Jewish homes because bio-mother had a German -Jewish maternal grandfather. My white bio-mother used to get groceries once a month around the time she figured that there was a chance that she was going to get inspected. The rest of the time, no groceries in the house. I baby sat so I bought my food with that money, far as it could go. I am so glad that you said what you said. There are so few people who can even remotely understand what I am feeling around food and yet they are just fine about telling me what I should be doing with food and how I choose to nourish my body. My Father's people have forgotten more about sound nutritional habits than the newcomers will ever know in a trillion years. You put it all so well. I'm afraid that I am still very angry about what was done to me and my sisters and brothers as to have put things so succinctly, and kindly as you have here. But I totally know that you totally get it. ✌🏽🧓🏽🍽️
@@andreevaillancourt2177thank you for sharing your experience with us. That must have been so terrible to live through and must still live with you every day. I hope that your future is brighter and full of love, joy, health, wealth, and an abundance of every kind of good food
Your videos keep making me cry. I am a kid who probably should have been put in care. Just cause mom is physically in the house that does not mean it is a safe place for kids. Your trauma informed lens is helping me reparent myself.
I second that! We weren't allowed to go in the frig or cabinets. We couldn't go to kitchen at night to get a drink of water. We couldn't help on the kitchen at all. We couldn't have friends over. My mother wanted us silent and still......like dead people. I wish I had a mother like you.
I’m a 13 year old girl, and I’m very lucky to have never been through the system. My big plan when I grow up is to be the best foster mom in whole world! Your videos are my favorite, and I love learning from them, and seeing things I would not have thought have. Thank you! ❤
As someone who’s stepparents used food as a way of abuse, I love the menu!! If you’ve never had a parent use food as a way of abuse, then do us a favor and keep yr mouth shut about how you don’t like it! If you’ve never been there then u don’t get it!
With you 100%, when she mentioned that people didn’t like the menu I was immediately like “WHO?!” I thought it was a brilliant way to not get in a power struggle over food, give the child agency, and also limit the options to semi-balanced meals that you actually have the ingredients in your house to make:) The child is in foster care… they are having a stressful enough time without the foster parent going all “it’s my house you’ll eat what I cook you” 🙄 some parents see parenting as such a power trip and not about what’s best for the kid. When they’re adults they’re gonna get to pick their meals too Karen 🙄 you aren’t preparing them for anything.
I worked with foster kids in a group home for five years. Your approach for working with self parented kids is so respectful and spot on. They took care of themselves and others and they deeply resent going what they see as backwards. It's hard for them to see the gift of childhood or that they are missing some developmental milestones. It really has to be a partnership to build the trust and respect.
There’s so many requirements! I don’t even keep my kitchen this clean and organised for myself 😅 But I respect those who put so much work into being foster parent. And I really like your channel!
my mother was an accidental foster parent. the police and social workers came to take my brother's best friend from his home and he ran to our house. she asked the social workers to let him stay with her. (Ireland 1990s) she got emergency consent and then did the work to get properly certified. from 10 to 22 he stayed. she because a foster parent specifically for teenagers who were troubled. it was tough for the whole family but the kids would stay until they aged out of the system and then longer because they would be part of the family at that point.
I appreciate the tips for being supportive for older kids/teens in foster care. It's a big life goal to get to a financial place where I can offer safe space for them. Every tip gets filed away in a mental folder and helps inform my future plans. Thank you for your work and for sharing your experience!
You seem like such a genuinely AMAZING person to be around. ❤ You're intelligent and thoughtful, but also open and honest. Which isn't a typical combination. Lol your friends, family, and kids are so lucky to have you in their lives, and I'm so glad that you have started making these videos that are fun and extremely informative!
I am so glad that I have found you! I watch all of your videos that I find. Thanks for all the tips and making things seem a little more doable. I hope one day that I can be a great foster parent. 💗
Man, I really hope my health gets better, so we can do what you do. I'm working through trauma, the effects of malnutrition, and underactive neurons in my brain. I always hope the healing breakthroughs will happen before our finances run out. Both my husband and I want to foster/adopt at some point, but right now the video just feels overwhelming. Thank you for all you do! ❤
Makes feel so sad about the kids who were traumatized. Thanks so much for helping, what an important job you are doing! Keep up the great work. Helping parents and helping kids ❤❤❤❤
While I understand all these regulations and inspections and lock ups it definitely isn't for me. I myself would never feel at home having this always over my head . Kudos to all the foster parents out there thank you for all you do..
Your county/state is way more strict that ours! We didn't have to lock up knives and scissors or have outlet covers (though we did on the wall outlets, not in the kitchen). We did have to lock up medicines, soaps, detergents or place a sign for the fire extinguisher (though we did have to have one). We didn't have to secure our trash, though we eventually did because our foster child had a habit of throwing everything he found into the trash can. We lost one of our son's Christmas presents less than 24 hours after he got it because our foster child threw it in the trash and we didn't realize it. He wasn't being malicious, just two and a stinker :-)
I've been a respite support in a foster home for years, I love watching them grow and being able to support them. I love your videos and your insite have you done one on what your go to dinners would be or what to do if a kid refuses to eat anything that isn't their parent’s, snacks or take out he has been in out care for years but he's recently started refusing to eat.
You seem like such an amazing, caring, thoughtful person! Always thinking of anything and everything a child in crisis will need or want. The children placed with you are so fortunate! P.S. your menu seems perfect to me! My Littles would feel at home with that menu! Lol! I mean they're kids! It was perfectly healthy and rounded!
I wanted to become a foster mom. I was an adopted mom and one of best things I've done. Thank anyone that does this & not for money because it's not enough. Have to want to help the kids of all ages🙏🙏❤️❤️
I just started going down a rabbit hole of your videos. I'm 16 and it is now one of my life goals to either sponsor a foster parent if I'm unable to or become one.
People seriously didn't like the menu??? I thought that was an amazing idea even just for myself because I'm visual and having an example of how to make a healthy meal seemed revolutionary
When I was living w my dad, my stepparent made me eat food I hated and refused to buy what I liked. It gave them jollies. So dinner was super traumatizing for me. I never knew what was coming. I also had a parent who did the same thing. It amazes me how parents can find unique ways to torture kids. Having a menu feels so safe to me!! It’s like a hug. I’m amazed how these videos make me see what life can be like for abused kids. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
@@kimdkus We have picky kids in my house and a good thing to do if you have a specific dinner planned is gently encourage them to try a bit, but reassure them that if they don't eat it they will still get something to eat. Usually it will be 'Well okay, do you want some beans on toast or maybe some pasta? Or you can get something from the cupboard'. I don't understand how someone could let a child go to bed without dinner and call themselves a good parent.
Thank you for this video I plan to be a foster carer in the near future and this is really helpful FYI I think maybe you should have top draws locked because the kids could just pull out the top draw and get to it.
So my friend did something that you may find help, she took what was left of that stuff you put under carpets to keep it in place and cut it into different smaller shapes to put under experiments and art things to help keep containers from moving when they are supposed to sit and saved a few things from being knocked over when she had extra kids around like cousins or friends that needed a lot of reminders about being gentle and using inside behavior like walking
I've heard and seen, usually on the news, about foster parents, obviously only fostering for the additional state income, who not only do nothing you've said but use foster children as servants, don't provide adequate food, don't have safety measures in place and often are actually dangerous places for kids. I am a counselor (adults only, specializing in addiction) and I've had clients tell me THEY are foster parents despite often being in actual active addiction. How are so many substandard homes being licensed as foster homes?
I think in some places this is true, but in many the vast, vast majority of foster parents are good people doing good. I have been a foster parent and in our large group of people being trained to be foster parents, only one seemed possibly in it for the money. And frankly, the money barely covers food and as our trainer said, “one new shoe”.
@@rainzohav2181 I'm glad to be reassured by you. I adore children and while it was never my plan to have any of my own, the thought of someone taking advantage of a child's misfortune for money sickens me. I'm not even allowed to foster (I'm gay and live in TX) and some of the people I've heard rumors of fostering for money is tragic.
Me, as a neurodivergent adult, is so tempted to pick up the visual calendar and the food menu 😂. Im diagnosed adhd but have bad sensory issues and so they're are days i wont eat until 8 pm because nothing sounds appetizing or eberything feels overwhelming. I love it!
Thank you for all the tips! Do you have an Amazon storefront with links to the products you find helpful, like those magnetic cups, the schedule, the counter standing stools, etc?
I also offer a menu of familiar foods, but I offer to let them try things too. For example, I'll make myself something and ask if they want to try a bite, but don't put any pressure on them to have any.
i feel like some of your tips make a ton of sense, like the visual calendar - I have to remember that. however to me, sooo many of the agency requirements seem utterly ridiculous. i feel like I'd absolutely never foster if I lived in the US.
Here’s what’s hard for me: we are open to older children and have only gotten older preteens and teens. Those kids are learning life skills and having tools to cook are important. Having everything locked up is diminishing in the way to their real life growth. When we have children in the house that are on safety watches we always put away every sharp thing and vitamin. However, when there is a child that is about to age out, it does seem a bit restrictive to hide knives behind locks or not allow them to take their own vitamins. I don’t know that there is any middle ground given the legal but there is that conundrum.
Okay I have a question according to food! Let’s say a child has a nut allergy and cannot be around tree nuts, peanuts what so ever. Would you get rid of anything in your home that could had come in contact with tree nuts or peanuts? What would you do? I know for some children (like me) it’s touch on touch so nothing can come in contact with the food, even if a salt from let’s say a cashew is left on the counter you can still have an allergic reaction. I’m just curious because I know that can be a big problem in the foster care/ adoption world.
Do they give you an allergy list before the child is in your home? how do you take care the yes bin/basket doesn't contain allergens the child might not be comfortable telling you they have? I'm genuinely curious
Foster agencies do not expect the children to provide their own medical records or info, as that would be a very unreliable way to pass on information. If you are considering becoming a foster parent, then yes, you should avoid offering the child any foods their medical records indicate that they're allergic to. If you discover a food allergy while the child is under your care, that will need to be documented with their PCP.
It's astonishing to me how many people have a problem with that menu! I feel like these people have never been through a crisis, let alone a crisis in childhood or one as absolutely world-shaking as being moved at short notice away from your parents. Hot dogs are not the problem.
I know this is kinda unrelated to the vid but what do the kids call you? If they WANT to do you let them call you and your partner mom/dad? Use your name? Is it allowed for them to call you mom/dad? If there’s no visitation does this change?
since they already have a mom and dad, calling them mom and dad would be in appropriate -- From a previous video -- they call them by their first names and/or whatever the child feels appropriate (within reason, of course!)
One of my foster babies was jut turning one and they called me “mama” and their biological mother “mami” because that is what they came up with. Usually they call you your name. Another foster child wanted me to introduce myself as their foster mother. I think it’s important to empower the children themselves to choose how they call you. And if at all possible, do not put down their birth parents.
@@YeshuaKingMessiah For a couple reasons. #1. To ensure the food is within date, not out of date. #2. For allergy info. #3. If the foster parents are dealing with babies, then it could also be to ensure it is safe for babies. There are some common foods that are NOT safe for babies, unless they are specially prepared.
Your yes drawer in the fridge. Is this food they can get on their own at any time like the yes basket? Or is it food they can eat anytime But you need to know so you can prepare it. Like cutting grapes for younger chidren or making sure someone washes the fruit ? Or is it all prepared ...cut, washed,etc so they Can just get it by themselves? I like that you have some stuff that may Not need to be refrigerated, like pouches, but may be child's preference to have it refrigerated in the side of your fridge door at a smaller child's height.
But what if they zoom through your yes food in a day and then you refill, and they zoom through that, and again and again... how do you afford that? Also, binging can be a form a self-harming... how do you address this?
things like the water temperature or excessive food labeling seem so odd to me - but i do realize theyre probably part of american safety culture and would be entirely different in europe
@@katphish30 I don’t really understand what that has to do with each other. If the foster parent wanted to harm the child they could, whether the tab produces really hot water or not?
Because the water heater was turned to an unsafe level. What are you not grasping about this as a safety issue? Don't answer, I don't care. Just think about it for five damn seconds.
Kids use knives, but some kids also self harm! Important to keep sharps away from self-harmers as the impulse can pass if there's nothing to use and alternatives. I know I'm far less likely to if I have nothing at hand.
This is what gets me so to foster a child that’s being abused you need to run a prison, but then they’ll take the kid and put them back in the hands of a drug addict that ends up hurting them or killing them.
@@Birdie336 yes, I am. CPS is saying put key locks on food in the refrigerator. Put key locks on every cabinet if there’s a teenager in the house, lock everything up from them but they just took them from the house where needles are laying all over the floor roaches are crawling on top of them, but they are top worry from a foster parent is you putting key locks on your refrigerator. I get if you have a gun in the house keeping it in a gun safe. If you have small children keeping a lock on your knives and cleaning products food should never be locked up. There shouldn’t be a yes basket and I get that this is not this lady‘s choice. She’s just trying to help and has to to go by the system but the system should never say lock food up and make kids feel like they’re total garbage and you think they are some type of thief or lowlife in your home and that’s exactly what locking everything makes an older child feel like. How do you feel welcome and cared for in a home where somebody has a key to every single thing?I understand having a private room saying you know this is our bedroom the doors locked so we can have privacy or this is the bathroom and the door is locked for privacy but imagine if you have biological kids and the biological kids have a key to get in everything and here you are the foster kid not welcome to touch anything because the state says you’re worthless. Again I know it is not the woman in the video. She seems to be a very caring person who’s doing everything she can but the state should never treat children like their prisoners check in lockdown that’s not acceptable from the state.
@@Thepublicaccount there doesn't seem to be a lock on any of the food, just have to have a lockbox in case a kid needs meds that have to be kept cold. Also she mentioned that the knives etc are kept locked initially until the safety assessment where they make things available depending on the child. This is probably to make sure that a scared and traumatized child doesn't take a knife to themselves or others when they arrive, and to keep it locked of it's determined there's a risk.
@@katphish30 yes, I watch the video and yeah I do see what goes on. Just because you call out the truth. Doesn’t mean that you don’t get what’s going on. They absolutely have foster parents treat these kids like prisoners telling you to lock up this don’t allow them to do that but then they will turn around and put them right back in a home at times that the kid begs not to go back to, and you know how many kids die when they go back to the real home. But if you want to be a foster parent, you got a padlock your whole house.
if only ppl would not be able to conceive until they have clean, tidy and safe stable home .. that would make foster parents way less needed so sad for those kids .. so many unstable homes .. lord oh mighty so heartbreaking I remember when my kids were kids, their friends would love to hang out here - "your mom is so cool " trust me im not cool xD never have been, but i am clean, tidy and have a safe home, and i am clear i have boundaries that are clear to everyone that means that it is also clear what you can do in my home .. so i always had (actually still have it eventhough the kids are adults and moved out now ) a closet with games and toys , it is for guest kids .. they are free to check it out and play with whatever they want, aslong as you tidy up behind yourself and as a mom you make time for your kids, that is what you are supposed to do .. when you become a mother (or father) it is your job to teach that child what life is about, how to take care of themselves, how to deal with other people, how to overcome "i dont want too"s and be respectable human beings we are the ones who have to teach them how to deal with feelings and anything life throws at them how would you do this if your home is mayhem ? (cluttery/unclean) being a parent is a job ,. gosh im gutted reading some of the comments .. so sad for those kids .. so so heartbreaking
If there is this much scrutiny by the system why do we hear so many horror stories of children being taken to 'foster' homes and being abused, raped, trafficked and everything else? I know 'those' types of people are NOT presenting a spotless clean house with covers over the outlets and all that. What gives?
Yeah I don’t get it. This seems so excessively restrictive. Having to completely revamp your entire kitchen to these rules would be so disruptive to out life. I have two kids and just put a gate up at the entrance to our kitchen when they were little. I can’t imagine having to unlock a knife every single time you need to cut up some food for a snack. Like kids are getting molested in foster care but we’re worried about the cabinet of ibuprofen and Tylenol in my kitchen? Or my expired canned foods? Canned foods don’t go bad! Do these people really think that after one year the can explodes and gets full of botulism? That’s just crazy to me.
@Lara how do you let the children go back to their parents? I understand that is what they want to happen, but just because the social workers want that it doesn't mean it is the best for a child.
As a Foster mum of over 20 years I thank you for offering your knowledge without putting any of your foster children at risk by filming them. I am always shocked at how many children are presented online like animals at the zoo. I know what you do everyday and I understand why. Keep educating people (in Europe where I leave the rules a bit different) . I wish you strong nerves and Gods blessings
🙌
It’s against the law to put foster kids online unless they’re adopted or they get permission from the judge in most states if not all of them
I agree with you. Although I do know sometimes it's done by well-meaning people. I would also like to point out that I don't think in any of the United States they are allowed to post online foster kids who are still in the foster system (maybe kinship care where they are fostered by a relitive). Once adopted they are allowed to be posted as much as the biological children in the home. Even then I wouldn't be surprised to find some states don't allow that either. It is definitely better for the child to not be put on social media.
You know I never thought of that. She manages to be informative about her day to day life without exploiting kids
We like watching it to help us be better parents. "This is how the good parents do it" 😂😅😢🎉🎉😅❤ honestly how people are so calm and clean all the time is so impressive
I am a retired CPS Social Worker and I love these videos and think they should be used in all Foster Parent Training.
I am nothing of the sort but I cannot agree with anything more. Perfect may not exist but I couldn't imagine someone being closer than her at her job.
I'm amazed. Being a foster parent to someone else's children sounds and looks like more work than being birth parent to my own children. So many details you have to keep track of. And you do everything with so much honor toward the child and to their parent. I'm floored by your care, thoughtfulness, and attentiveness. Also these resources are great.
Well said. I agree 100%. I love the idea that a very scared and possibly traumatized child can come to your home and feel safe and valued.
Alot of it is because of the trauma these kids already come with.
True. Foster parents and their households get inspected and have many rules.
Wow a lot of this i would pass already.
But you also get money and don’t have to be pregnant.
I think the menu is a great idea. Many children come from situations with very limited diets. Either the parents don't know how to cook, don't have time, or sadly don't care. So the children have very narrow diets. They may have lived their whole lives eating burgers, chicken nuggets, or pizza.
Think of it this way: You're suddenly dropped in a foreign country. You're now surrounded by food, but NONE of it looks familiar, and it tastes different. How many ADULTS are going to struggle? I've known several. One lived in India, one in South Korea, one in China, one in Qatar. It took them awhile to become adventurous. All of them craved familiar, comforting meals. A child placed in Foster Care is even MORE in need of comfort and familiarity.
If professional adults are thrilled to visit a McDonald's or find a restaurant that makes "American" cuisine, then a foster child gets a free pass.
Military?
@@JaneDoe-qf1kk Interpreters & Engineers.
Very thoughtful. I think also it’s good idea to introduce fresh fruit and vegetables plater available every day fresh for kids to munch instead of junk snacks
@@usa2342 yeah, I think that both should be offered to provide some stability. Like to make the veggies fun I've seen yellow and purple carrots before, along with orange ones. Making a veggie or fruit tray (I'd start with fruit tray) and have them graze on it.
My daughter and son-in-law have been trying to conceive for several years now and are having a very hard time. They love children so much and have decided they want to foster and possibly adopt later on. I ran across your channel and have been sharing your videos with them. We've been learning so much! Thank you for taking the time to share with us!! God bless! 🥰
I’m so sad to hear that you’ve gotten bad feedback on the menu idea! I think it’s wonderful! As an adult who has struggled with ARFID for most of my life, I can’t even begin to tell you how awesome and helpful a picture menu could be for kids like me.
People often forget: children WILL literally STARVE themselves to death if they perceive a lack of “safe” foods, and sometimes people have sensory issues with certain types of foods that may NEVER go away. It’s super important to give these people OPTIONS. Some nutrition is almost always better than no nutrition at all. And forcing kids to eat their “unsafe” foods will likely only hurt your relationship with the child and make YOU unsafe, without addressing why the child finds the food unsafe/unpalatable in the first place. Often, the child WANTS the nutritional benefits of the food (what kid doesn’t want to grow up big & strong?), but simply can’t bear the texture (or a similar sensory aspect). Thus, they need to find textures they enjoy. Misattributing this purely as greed or stubbornness on the child’s part will erode trust & make the child feel misunderstood. As a small child, my family had to start checking my face while I slept, because I developed a habit of chewing meat & storing it in my cheeks like a little hamster, because I refused to swallow it due to the texture. Apparently I used to try to escape to the bathroom to spit the food out, but when my parents caught on, I started just going to bed with food in my cheeks.
In my experience, having options with food actually teaches MINDFULNESS, as the person learns to check in with themself and evaluate what they actually DESIRE to eat, rather than what they’re SUPPOSED to eat.
This is the exact method I used to accidentally “cure” myself of my own ED in only one month’s time, after severely struggling with it for several years. For about a month, anytime I was hungry or knew I needed to eat, I just went to the grocery store and picked out whatever I wanted at the time. I usually went at least once a day (only buying food for that day in particular, and maybe breakfast the next day) and I always went alone. Eventually, I learned to develop a positive, non-judgmental, accepting attitude toward myself with food (and grocery stores too, which can also be a sensory nightmare). While browsing the aisles, I also learned ways I can “sub out” certain foods for sensory/flavor equivalents (I.e. swapping out sweets for fruits; swapping out ice cream for yogurt). I’m now in a better place with food than I’ve been in for over 5 years, and I attribute my success almost entirely to my lack of restriction, giving myself options, & respecting my own free will.
Fine-tuning our diets to support our health goals can come with time, but sometimes just getting food in the body and feeling better is the most important thing, and a good starting point. And sometimes you need to just shirk all the social expectations and meet people where they’re at, within their own reality, rather than expecting them to suddenly find sense in your reality (even if your reality is THE reality). Sorry if I’m getting a bit abstract lol, I could rant about this for days.
TL;DR: In this era of week-ahead meal prepping, there MUST be room for spontaneity, or else disordered eating may develop.
I found a lot of value in your comment. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts and experiences figuring out workarounds to unpalatable (not sure if there's a better way to put this, but I'm sure you'll know what I mean) foods and how sensory processing can affect nutrition.
I thank you SO MUCH for this comment. Never in life I had figure that by myself! ❤
Thanks for putting this out there. I grew up in an Indian Residential School in 🇨🇦. We had mush with wheat weivels in it three times a day. The same pot until it was gone.
When I worked in the staff kitchen (this was a primary through middle school), I used to put the pealings of the vegetables at the top of the garbage in a separate bag so that the boys who worked the farm outside could get some food. As all the food experts say, the vitamins are just under the skin. Anything inedible went "on the compost pile" which was always my excuse for saving the peals in a pristine condition.
We got no salt, no sugar and no protein while living in the school. It was a dairy farm (boy's work) and a laundry, (girl's work) and yet we never saw an ounce of milk the whole time that we were there. Even though it was our labour that produced it.
Some of us knew how to forage and we'd do that when we could. As I worked in the staff kitchen, I was in charge of taking care of the pantry items and was to dispose of any out of date items that I came across. So I would hand out any table salt that I came across that they wouldn't miss so that we wouldn't get sick from a deficiency of that for the time being anyway. They used to give us powder skim milk that was so thin that it was practically tap water.
When I got into Foster Care when this Hell hole was over, after grade 8, I landed up in a United Nations of different households, I guess because they were trying to fit my exotic look with the family so that I would visually fit in. I'm tri-racial Indigenous 🇨🇦, Black 🇨🇦, and European 🇨🇦, the Europeans were German and English. So they would give me a lot of placements in Asian homes, early placements were Jewish homes because bio-mother had a German -Jewish maternal grandfather.
My white bio-mother used to get groceries once a month around the time she figured that there was a chance that she was going to get inspected. The rest of the time, no groceries in the house. I baby sat so I bought my food with that money, far as it could go.
I am so glad that you said what you said. There are so few people who can even remotely understand what I am feeling around food and yet they are just fine about telling me what I should be doing with food and how I choose to nourish my body. My Father's people have forgotten more about sound nutritional habits than the newcomers will ever know in a trillion years.
You put it all so well. I'm afraid that I am still very angry about what was done to me and my sisters and brothers as to have put things so succinctly, and kindly as you have here. But I totally know that you totally get it. ✌🏽🧓🏽🍽️
@@andreevaillancourt2177 Thank you for sharing some of your experiences.
@@andreevaillancourt2177thank you for sharing your experience with us. That must have been so terrible to live through and must still live with you every day. I hope that your future is brighter and full of love, joy, health, wealth, and an abundance of every kind of good food
Your videos keep making me cry. I am a kid who probably should have been put in care. Just cause mom is physically in the house that does not mean it is a safe place for kids. Your trauma informed lens is helping me reparent myself.
Me too!! ❤❤❤❤
I’m sorry your going through that, everyone deserves a parent that is consistently active in their lives and keeps you safe
I second that! We weren't allowed to go in the frig or cabinets. We couldn't go to kitchen at night to get a drink of water. We couldn't help on the kitchen at all. We couldn't have friends over. My mother wanted us silent and still......like dead people. I wish I had a mother like you.
I wish you well in the future.
I’m a 13 year old girl, and I’m very lucky to have never been through the system. My big plan when I grow up is to be the best foster mom in whole world! Your videos are my favorite, and I love learning from them, and seeing things I would not have thought have. Thank you! ❤
I think you will be a great foster mom! You're getting a huge head start learning all these things now ❤
What an inspiration you are. I believe you will accomplish what you seek. ❤
As someone who’s stepparents used food as a way of abuse, I love the menu!! If you’ve never had a parent use food as a way of abuse, then do us a favor and keep yr mouth shut about how you don’t like it! If you’ve never been there then u don’t get it!
Agree. These kids are strangers moving in with strangers. Why make mealtime stressful.
With you 100%, when she mentioned that people didn’t like the menu I was immediately like “WHO?!”
I thought it was a brilliant way to not get in a power struggle over food, give the child agency, and also limit the options to semi-balanced meals that you actually have the ingredients in your house to make:)
The child is in foster care… they are having a stressful enough time without the foster parent going all “it’s my house you’ll eat what I cook you” 🙄 some parents see parenting as such a power trip and not about what’s best for the kid. When they’re adults they’re gonna get to pick their meals too Karen 🙄 you aren’t preparing them for anything.
@@OpalBLeigh I thought it was because some of the choices weren’t healthy like burgers
@@pisces2569 that’s just stupid, restricting kids meals to only salad and fruit is what causes food related trauma (and also eating disorders!!)
@green mayo man🍓 not really. Some foods are unhealthy and should be eaten once in a while or in small amounts. It’s science
I worked with foster kids in a group home for five years. Your approach for working with self parented kids is so respectful and spot on. They took care of themselves and others and they deeply resent going what they see as backwards. It's hard for them to see the gift of childhood or that they are missing some developmental milestones. It really has to be a partnership to build the trust and respect.
There’s so many requirements! I don’t even keep my kitchen this clean and organised for myself 😅
But I respect those who put so much work into being foster parent.
And I really like your channel!
my mother was an accidental foster parent. the police and social workers came to take my brother's best friend from his home and he ran to our house. she asked the social workers to let him stay with her. (Ireland 1990s) she got emergency consent and then did the work to get properly certified. from 10 to 22 he stayed. she because a foster parent specifically for teenagers who were troubled. it was tough for the whole family but the kids would stay until they aged out of the system and then longer because they would be part of the family at that point.
This is what I want to do. People think I’m weird for wanting to foster teens.
I appreciate the tips for being supportive for older kids/teens in foster care. It's a big life goal to get to a financial place where I can offer safe space for them. Every tip gets filed away in a mental folder and helps inform my future plans. Thank you for your work and for sharing your experience!
There's a huge need for foster parents for teenagers
I love how safe I feel watching your videos. Thank you for keeping your kids safe and confidential.
I like your approach. Having an example and ideas on how to do it (in comparison to just a list of this is what they check for) is really helpful.
Thank you!
Looking for foster parenting
Thunder Bay
You seem like such a genuinely AMAZING person to be around. ❤ You're intelligent and thoughtful, but also open and honest. Which isn't a typical combination. Lol your friends, family, and kids are so lucky to have you in their lives, and I'm so glad that you have started making these videos that are fun and extremely informative!
I don’t foster kids, nor am I a foster kid. But for some reason these videos make me feel rlly safe :)
same!
I love that youre putting this info out here for free and giving resources. Youre awesome!!
I really love the menu!!!!! Please don’t stop doing it it’s amazing
I am so glad that I have found you! I watch all of your videos that I find. Thanks for all the tips and making things seem a little more doable. I hope one day that I can be a great foster parent. 💗
Man, I really hope my health gets better, so we can do what you do. I'm working through trauma, the effects of malnutrition, and underactive neurons in my brain. I always hope the healing breakthroughs will happen before our finances run out. Both my husband and I want to foster/adopt at some point, but right now the video just feels overwhelming. Thank you for all you do! ❤
This channel has been super helpful!! My fiancé and I are planning on fostering after we get married. This channel is a goldmine of info!
You have the most helpful channel.
Makes feel so sad about the kids who were traumatized. Thanks so much for helping, what an important job you are doing! Keep up the great work. Helping parents and helping kids ❤❤❤❤
While I understand all these regulations and inspections and lock ups it definitely isn't for me. I myself would never feel at home having this always over my head . Kudos to all the foster parents out there thank you for all you do..
Your county/state is way more strict that ours! We didn't have to lock up knives and scissors or have outlet covers (though we did on the wall outlets, not in the kitchen). We did have to lock up medicines, soaps, detergents or place a sign for the fire extinguisher (though we did have to have one). We didn't have to secure our trash, though we eventually did because our foster child had a habit of throwing everything he found into the trash can. We lost one of our son's Christmas presents less than 24 hours after he got it because our foster child threw it in the trash and we didn't realize it. He wasn't being malicious, just two and a stinker :-)
I've been a respite support in a foster home for years, I love watching them grow and being able to support them. I love your videos and your insite
have you done one on what your go to dinners would be or what to do if a kid refuses to eat anything that isn't their parent’s, snacks or take out he has been in out care for years but he's recently started refusing to eat.
You seem like such an amazing, caring, thoughtful person! Always thinking of anything and everything a child in crisis will need or want. The children placed with you are so fortunate! P.S. your menu seems perfect to me! My Littles would feel at home with that menu! Lol! I mean they're kids! It was perfectly healthy and rounded!
I love the magnet drawer locks. We had them for my daughter cause she loved getting into the drawers
Another awesome video. I wish my county had standards like these.
I’m in IL and a lot of what you mentioned is the same in IL. Great tips.
Love your videos!
Very cool. Thank goodness the kids have a foster parent like you
You truly care for your kids
You're an actual superhero. This is so much.
I wanted to become a foster mom. I was an adopted mom and one of best things I've done. Thank anyone that does this & not for money because it's not enough. Have to want to help the kids of all ages🙏🙏❤️❤️
Thank you for making these videos! I'm hoping to start fostering kids in the future, so this is a great resource. :)
This is so wonderful! Thank you for the amazing work that you do
Thank you for watching and considering!
That still blows my mind that people have issues with offering a menu. Go foster momma!
I just started going down a rabbit hole of your videos. I'm 16 and it is now one of my life goals to either sponsor a foster parent if I'm unable to or become one.
People seriously didn't like the menu??? I thought that was an amazing idea even just for myself because I'm visual and having an example of how to make a healthy meal seemed revolutionary
When I was living w my dad, my stepparent made me eat food I hated and refused to buy what I liked. It gave them jollies.
So dinner was super traumatizing for me. I never knew what was coming. I also had a parent who did the same thing. It amazes me how parents can find unique ways to torture kids. Having a menu feels so safe to me!! It’s like a hug. I’m amazed how these videos make me see what life can be like for abused kids. There is a light at the end of the tunnel!
@@kimdkus We have picky kids in my house and a good thing to do if you have a specific dinner planned is gently encourage them to try a bit, but reassure them that if they don't eat it they will still get something to eat. Usually it will be 'Well okay, do you want some beans on toast or maybe some pasta? Or you can get something from the cupboard'. I don't understand how someone could let a child go to bed without dinner and call themselves a good parent.
God bless you for all you do ❤
Me in my microscopic NYC apartment going “Small?!”
Thank you for including open captions!
I love your home ❤its sweet and comfortable.
🏠
Great video! I’m going through my process now. I just got fingerprinted today. I’m going to buy those cabinet locks!
I have those exact locks to keep my cats out of my cupboards! Highly recommend
Great organization and thoughtfulness.
You are a great mom!
This is a really nice video. When we were foster parents they did not check like any of this other than that there wasn't medicine around.
Wow this has really put this into perspective for me
This is beautiful!
I love your picture menu
You are an ANGEL.
You do great work, Laura! Also, need to mention the need for a carbon monoxide detector and smoke alarm.
Thank you for this video I plan to be a foster carer in the near future and this is really helpful
FYI I think maybe you should have top draws locked because the kids could just pull out the top draw and get to it.
So my friend did something that you may find help, she took what was left of that stuff you put under carpets to keep it in place and cut it into different smaller shapes to put under experiments and art things to help keep containers from moving when they are supposed to sit and saved a few things from being knocked over when she had extra kids around like cousins or friends that needed a lot of reminders about being gentle and using inside behavior like walking
I've heard and seen, usually on the news, about foster parents, obviously only fostering for the additional state income, who not only do nothing you've said but use foster children as servants, don't provide adequate food, don't have safety measures in place and often are actually dangerous places for kids. I am a counselor (adults only, specializing in addiction) and I've had clients tell me THEY are foster parents despite often being in actual active addiction. How are so many substandard homes being licensed as foster homes?
I think in some places this is true, but in many the vast, vast majority of foster parents are good people doing good. I have been a foster parent and in our large group of people being trained to be foster parents, only one seemed possibly in it for the money. And frankly, the money barely covers food and as our trainer said, “one new shoe”.
@@rainzohav2181 I'm glad to be reassured by you. I adore children and while it was never my plan to have any of my own, the thought of someone taking advantage of a child's misfortune for money sickens me. I'm not even allowed to foster (I'm gay and live in TX) and some of the people I've heard rumors of fostering for money is tragic.
Me, as a neurodivergent adult, is so tempted to pick up the visual calendar and the food menu 😂. Im diagnosed adhd but have bad sensory issues and so they're are days i wont eat until 8 pm because nothing sounds appetizing or eberything feels overwhelming. I love it!
Thank you for all the tips! Do you have an Amazon storefront with links to the products you find helpful, like those magnetic cups, the schedule, the counter standing stools, etc?
I also offer a menu of familiar foods, but I offer to let them try things too. For example, I'll make myself something and ask if they want to try a bite, but don't put any pressure on them to have any.
So beautiful 💞🙏
i feel like some of your tips make a ton of sense, like the visual calendar - I have to remember that. however to me, sooo many of the agency requirements seem utterly ridiculous. i feel like I'd absolutely never foster if I lived in the US.
Plus it’s different for every agency. Ours had a rule about how sharp a corner could be before we had to put something on it.
This is so good ! Spot on very helpfull
Here’s what’s hard for me: we are open to older children and have only gotten older preteens and teens. Those kids are learning life skills and having tools to cook are important. Having everything locked up is diminishing in the way to their real life growth. When we have children in the house that are on safety watches we always put away every sharp thing and vitamin. However, when there is a child that is about to age out, it does seem a bit restrictive to hide knives behind locks or not allow them to take their own vitamins. I don’t know that there is any middle ground given the legal but there is that conundrum.
Ur caseworker won’t let u leave out knives & vitamins etc for older kids?
33 angel number🙏 I wish they were all like you and your fam 😭
Can you show us what the rooms look like?
How do you deal with bedtime "goodnight" routine. For ect hugs, kisses, songs, books? ❤️
Okay I have a question according to food! Let’s say a child has a nut allergy and cannot be around tree nuts, peanuts what so ever. Would you get rid of anything in your home that could had come in contact with tree nuts or peanuts? What would you do? I know for some children (like me) it’s touch on touch so nothing can come in contact with the food, even if a salt from let’s say a cashew is left on the counter you can still have an allergic reaction. I’m just curious because I know that can be a big problem in the foster care/ adoption world.
Where do you get the visual calendar I am a neurodivergent preteen and that would make my life so much easier
Wow, I had no idea there were so many requirements!
Hi! Where can I find the list of the questions for placement calls please?? I just started watching you tonight and love your videos!
Hi love your video. Where did you get the magnetic cups on the fridge?
you attach a magnet to the cup :-)
Do they give you an allergy list before the child is in your home?
how do you take care the yes bin/basket doesn't contain allergens the child might not be comfortable telling you they have?
I'm genuinely curious
Foster agencies do not expect the children to provide their own medical records or info, as that would be a very unreliable way to pass on information. If you are considering becoming a foster parent, then yes, you should avoid offering the child any foods their medical records indicate that they're allergic to. If you discover a food allergy while the child is under your care, that will need to be documented with their PCP.
It's astonishing to me how many people have a problem with that menu! I feel like these people have never been through a crisis, let alone a crisis in childhood or one as absolutely world-shaking as being moved at short notice away from your parents. Hot dogs are not the problem.
I’ve been licensed for 3 years and no one has ever taken the temp of my water or checked the date of our food… I’m in NC
I have a toddler and my kitchen would not pass an inspection if he were a foster kid 🤦🏻♀️ something to fix!!
I know this is kinda unrelated to the vid but what do the kids call you? If they WANT to do you let them call you and your partner mom/dad? Use your name? Is it allowed for them to call you mom/dad? If there’s no visitation does this change?
since they already have a mom and dad, calling them mom and dad would be in appropriate -- From a previous video -- they call them by their first names and/or whatever the child feels appropriate (within reason, of course!)
One of my foster babies was jut turning one and they called me “mama” and their biological mother “mami” because that is what they came up with. Usually they call you your name. Another foster child wanted me to introduce myself as their foster mother. I think it’s important to empower the children themselves to choose how they call you. And if at all possible, do not put down their birth parents.
@@rainzohav2181someone else does not choose my name
I may make any easier version for small child but I choose it as its my name
Pls can you answer this can you bring the Foster children to your parents house
Working windows I understand, but why do the window screens have to be "perfect"???
Why do the labels have to be on food?
Bureaucracy
@@YeshuaKingMessiah For a couple reasons. #1. To ensure the food is within date, not out of date. #2. For allergy info. #3. If the foster parents are dealing with babies, then it could also be to ensure it is safe for babies. There are some common foods that are NOT safe for babies, unless they are specially prepared.
Is that a Jonathan van ness magnet I spy on the fridge 😉❤
I'm curious about butter knives
Your yes drawer in the fridge. Is this food they can get on their own at any time like the yes basket? Or is it food they can eat anytime But you need to know so you can prepare it. Like cutting grapes for younger chidren or making sure someone washes the fruit ? Or is it all prepared ...cut, washed,etc so they Can just get it by themselves? I like that you have some stuff that may Not need to be refrigerated, like pouches, but may be child's preference to have it refrigerated in the side of your fridge door at a smaller child's height.
But what if they zoom through your yes food in a day and then you refill, and they zoom through that, and again and again... how do you afford that? Also, binging can be a form a self-harming... how do you address this?
I’ve wondered these too lol
But 🤷🏼♀️
Beautiful that the crisis numbers includes something for LGBTQ+ kids ❤🧡💛💚💙💜
Looking for foster family
I grew up with a bad food insecurity and im still guilty for eating as a adult
💜
things like the water temperature or excessive food labeling seem so odd to me - but i do realize theyre probably part of american safety culture and would be entirely different in europe
It’s definitely not typical of families I know in the US. I’m guessing it is so the state doesn’t get sued.
I'm guessing you've never seen a kid with permanent burn scars from being scalded in the bathtub, but I have.
@@katphish30 I don’t really understand what that has to do with each other. If the foster parent wanted to harm the child they could, whether the tab produces really hot water or not?
@@laurajpr2 The child harmed herself accidentally, you absolute turnip.
Because the water heater was turned to an unsafe level. What are you not grasping about this as a safety issue?
Don't answer, I don't care. Just think about it for five damn seconds.
That is by no means a tiny kitchen...
Why is your menu controversial?
some people don't think she should give the child(ren) a choice of what they are comfortable eating.
Wow I never realised that to foster u need to have dates n labels on food like in a kitchen or daycare
Not every place is as strict
Kids use knives, but some kids also self harm! Important to keep sharps away from self-harmers as the impulse can pass if there's nothing to use and alternatives. I know I'm far less likely to if I have nothing at hand.
When kids are on watch all sharp things must be locked up
People got upset about a menu? When you often get very little info about the child?
This is what gets me so to foster a child that’s being abused you need to run a prison, but then they’ll take the kid and put them back in the hands of a drug addict that ends up hurting them or killing them.
Are you comparing what is in this video to a prison?
@@Birdie336 yes, I am. CPS is saying put key locks on food in the refrigerator. Put key locks on every cabinet if there’s a teenager in the house, lock everything up from them but they just took them from the house where needles are laying all over the floor roaches are crawling on top of them, but they are top worry from a foster parent is you putting key locks on your refrigerator. I get if you have a gun in the house keeping it in a gun safe. If you have small children keeping a lock on your knives and cleaning products food should never be locked up. There shouldn’t be a yes basket and I get that this is not this lady‘s choice. She’s just trying to help and has to to go by the system but the system should never say lock food up and make kids feel like they’re total garbage and you think they are some type of thief or lowlife in your home and that’s exactly what locking everything makes an older child feel like. How do you feel welcome and cared for in a home where somebody has a key to every single thing?I understand having a private room saying you know this is our bedroom the doors locked so we can have privacy or this is the bathroom and the door is locked for privacy but imagine if you have biological kids and the biological kids have a key to get in everything and here you are the foster kid not welcome to touch anything because the state says you’re worthless. Again I know it is not the woman in the video. She seems to be a very caring person who’s doing everything she can but the state should never treat children like their prisoners check in lockdown that’s not acceptable from the state.
@@Thepublicaccount there doesn't seem to be a lock on any of the food, just have to have a lockbox in case a kid needs meds that have to be kept cold. Also she mentioned that the knives etc are kept locked initially until the safety assessment where they make things available depending on the child. This is probably to make sure that a scared and traumatized child doesn't take a knife to themselves or others when they arrive, and to keep it locked of it's determined there's a risk.
@@Thepublicaccount Did you actually watch the video? You don't seem to understand anything in it.
@@katphish30 yes, I watch the video and yeah I do see what goes on. Just because you call out the truth. Doesn’t mean that you don’t get what’s going on. They absolutely have foster parents treat these kids like prisoners telling you to lock up this don’t allow them to do that but then they will turn around and put them right back in a home at times that the kid begs not to go back to, and you know how many kids die when they go back to the real home. But if you want to be a foster parent, you got a padlock your whole house.
Friendly request: can you please ensure that captions are accurate to what you’re saying?
if only ppl would not be able to conceive until they have clean, tidy and safe stable home .. that would make foster parents way less needed
so sad for those kids .. so many unstable homes .. lord oh mighty so heartbreaking
I remember when my kids were kids, their friends would love to hang out here - "your mom is so cool "
trust me im not cool xD never have been, but i am clean, tidy and have a safe home, and i am clear i have boundaries that are clear to everyone
that means that it is also clear what you can do in my home .. so i always had (actually still have it eventhough the kids are adults and moved out now ) a closet with games and toys , it is for guest kids .. they are free to check it out and play with whatever they want, aslong as you tidy up behind yourself
and as a mom you make time for your kids, that is what you are supposed to do .. when you become a mother (or father) it is your job to teach that child what life is about,
how to take care of themselves, how to deal with other people, how to overcome "i dont want too"s and be respectable human beings
we are the ones who have to teach them how to deal with feelings and anything life throws at them
how would you do this if your home is mayhem ? (cluttery/unclean)
being a parent is a job ,.
gosh im gutted reading some of the comments .. so sad for those kids .. so so heartbreaking
If there is this much scrutiny by the system why do we hear so many horror stories of children being taken to 'foster' homes and being abused, raped, trafficked and everything else? I know 'those' types of people are NOT presenting a spotless clean house with covers over the outlets and all that. What gives?
Yeah I don’t get it. This seems so excessively restrictive. Having to completely revamp your entire kitchen to these rules would be so disruptive to out life. I have two kids and just put a gate up at the entrance to our kitchen when they were little. I can’t imagine having to unlock a knife every single time you need to cut up some food for a snack. Like kids are getting molested in foster care but we’re worried about the cabinet of ibuprofen and Tylenol in my kitchen? Or my expired canned foods? Canned foods don’t go bad! Do these people really think that after one year the can explodes and gets full of botulism? That’s just crazy to me.
no wonder they have promblems getting foster parents
@Lara how do you let the children go back to their parents? I understand that is what they want to happen, but just because the social workers want that it doesn't mean it is the best for a child.
it is not a matter of 'letting' she has no say in it -- she is there to foster the child for a short time...