In the shows the actors are attractive and everyone’s fav so ppl just let it slide while in real life if those forced kissing scenes repeat, it will traumatise the girl because im 100% sure if a girl says no that means no so yes u r right 👏🏻 it’s really dangerous
Yes and they really don't talk about when celebrities in programs say that a guy asking "can I kiss you?" or "can I hold your hand?" is cringy and annoying.. How is asking for consent cringy and annoying?? If they think the romantic nuance is ruined by their partner asking for consent before initiating skinship then there is definitely something wrong with their mindset, not their partner's
Wrist grabbing is terrifying. Imagine trying to leave a situation and suddenly you're held back and trapped by someone with more physical strength/pinned against a wall. That's police call behaviour.
@@hobatae215 that's right, I also stopped watching it when she started to like the male lead. I don't understand how she could like him after what he did to her.
I hope this topic would be given more spotlight and be more discussed. I also hope that writers will soon eliminate these kind of behaviors which are often portrayed as heart fluttering. Signs of abuse or violence shall not be tolerated or shown even on dramas. Hats off to Run On for actually calling out wrist grabbing. Hats off to Record of Youth too for showing that consent matters. ◡̈
Actually as I was watching this I was thinking of *Run* *On* and how it proves that love can be as pure and innocent that they didn't need to add those harsh and violent scenes. Plus hats off to the drama for portraying a "healthy" relationship full of trust ,respect and mutual encouragement .
Run On was SUCH an excellent drama. For this reason and many others. I really hope the writers/creators keep that same energy on their next projects--I'm excited to see what else they do.
would like to add that when the psychiatrist is talking, he did not use any pronouns. he is saying them like “when a person does this”, “the other partner/party ...” but the subtitles does write the pronouns as “he”. females can be abusive too!! let’s all take care and make sure both parties are safe and healthy and loved in your relationships, including yourself!
@@esther6664 yes but the subtitle is still wrong tho. They were talking about male lead in drama but they got into the subject more and they talked about how people can abusive in general, not subjecting the topic to only a male
I agree. Another thing that's not okay but normalize in drama is woman hitting and slapping people (including boyfriends), some times they do it for comedy's sake, but it's not a funny behave, at all.
The glamorisation of toxic relationships in kdrama made me cringe. I hope there is more drama such like Age of Youth, Be Melodramatic, Unfamiliar Family, Once Again, Run On etc when the character growing their toxic unhappy relationship become healthy one.
I am glad they addressed this issue. "When the male lead of a drama does this, it's often glamorized as being romantic. But this is actually a typical form of dating violence." The way some dramas glamorised these toxic actions/behaviours thinking it's romantic when it is downright disturbing and a form of abuse. :/ I hope screenwriters/pds/directors will not include these scenes anymore and understand the concept of consent. There is a drama that understands the concept of consent between both main and second couple. It's called Run On, available on Netflix. Give it a try if you guys have not yet! It stares Im Si Wan, Shin Se Kyung, Choi Soo Young and Kang Tae Oh!
YES! That god damn wrist grab... It is so dangerous to romanticize that behavior, making it look loving and caring when it is in fact the opposite. Dramas affect so many young people's minds and ought to be scrutinized
I hate the wall slap and blocking exit. It seams better than a rough grabbing of wrist because there's no physical touching. But that agression can condition you to expecting them to throw things and the dumb "Didn't actually hit me" so is it abuse thought to creep into head.
@@jaymieindigo-blue4203 I actually hate the wall slap more than the wrist grab, idk seems more suffocating, even more when the one who's doing it is a lot taller than the other one
@@jaymieindigo-blue4203 I'm 157cm and I get uncomfortable really fast when someone taller than me (not that hard to find) gets this close, it already feels like being trapped even without a wall, but its true, short people can do it too, it's still wrong in every situation I just assumed the taller one may be stronger but that's not necessary the case for everyone
@@nn6090 it's a common misconception that just because of height people are stronger or more likely to be aggressive. Am really careful to not intimidate people with my height. You know unless I need to protect others then I'm 100% mumma bear and can make myself look massive and terrifying. Also have to make sure I make sound when walking because have a bad habit of walking very lightly and scaring people as I pass them very fast, because at this height am mostly leg so move fast.
I'm really happy that the gentlemen (in cream white ) talked about red flags. That's not just in kdramas but in real life too. It's a valuable lesson we should consider in thinking of starting any sort of romantic relationship.
I hate when a couple starts dating and the man tells the woman she's showing too much skin and he doesn't want other men to see her that way/looking that beautiful. They say it in a nice way and we have to see it as caring, but it's actually an unnecessary possessive comment.
not the one guy saying "oh I never did anything abusive i just punch walls alone :)" and then the psychiatrist immediately saying "actually your partner punching walls in anger is a sign that they could become abusive" SKDJSKDJSL 💀
He just kept staring off like that damn Prob realizes he needs to vent out his frustration and anger elsewhere like working out or therapy or anything else
They might be joking around but they brought up some really good points and red flags everyone should know about. That weird deleting friends and not allowing you to have contact with people doesn't just happen like on 2nd date. Demanding the phone deleting all the males, then stopping you from going out with girlfriends. Had one where my BF was so embarrassing, racist and rude to my friends that I thought it was better to avoid my friends because they deserved better than that. It never even occurred to me 3 years into a relationship to dump him and get out because he'd pecked at and eroded my confidence before he started isolating me.
@@tsuyu1181 that's why it's good to talk honestly about it. Because if you don't know and wouldn't do it yourself... it makes it harder to spot it. But if you've heard people talking about it than it's easy to know what's happening.
This dating violence doesn't only pertains to guys, although yeah mostly are guys, but there are also girls who are pretty abusive towards their boyfriends/husbands.
I will mention Seo Ye Ji's character in IONTBO. The fans can attack me on this I don't care. I just want to point out that she had antisocial personality disorder and what she did to Gang Tae was inappropriate at times
Which is why the psychiatrists never used any pronouns when discussing abusive and predatory behaviours. But the reason they are putting the emphasis on men is because they are specifically talking about kdramas. In the vast majority of kdramas, it's almost always men who exhibit these abusive behaviours that are being romanticized, thus perpetuating this idea that that's how men should act in relationships.
That kiss without consent of the person is actually really one of the problematic scenes People Learn from dramas and it’s not necessary that this scene will be implemented among people in relationship
I think this is a problem in media all around the world, not just in Korean dramas. I really wish abusive behavior and toxic relationships weren’t romanticized at all.
May I say that Record of Youth is giving us something different about consent in kissing and grab hand? And how the process of their break up with so realistic without too much drama?
That drama is like a relationship taking the hard way which is climbing the stairs rather than taking the easiest way by riding a elevator. But that drama is dating a model/actor from a make up artist
Record of Youth is the first drama in a very long time that actually has a healthy and mature main leading couple relationship. Every kiss is consensual. No accidental or forceful kisses. He asks for permission and she asks for it too. Mutual permission has never been sexier and I'm so happy to see it in a Kdrama! Even the way they dealt with problems in their relationship was mutually respectful. No abusive quarrels. No violent fights. They expressed their unhappiness like mature adults would and made up without the male lead "kissing the problem away" like so many other dramas do. There are people who dont like the way the relationship went but I think it's one of the very best relationships ever shown in Kdrama.
@@moovie3602 i'm happy you wrote this in details. 100% agree with you. Beside, they put so much meaningful scenes of relationship between parents and kids, the family matters that maybe we can't speak up as kids. But they deliver it through the drama.
@@johncalanno6837 that's the reality :) relationship is not easy and takes time to process everything. Thank God there is a drama that not just offer a fantasy or entertainment, but also try to deliver a message for the viewers :)
A drama that I can remember is The Heir/Inheritors. Both guys chasing the female protagonist did that to her but they romanticize the actions as they want to suit the plot. When the girl has chosen her hero, suddenly the other guy action is not romantic.
@@tshepinicol Same. I saw so many "second lead syndrome" posts for The Heirs and on all of them I was like "Excuse me? He did awful things to her. Why would you have second lead syndrome for that character?" The answer...."He's so hot so it's okay."
OMG I had the same thought. So I watched the heirs when I was in high school and I started watching again as an adult and I wanted to puke. I could not get past the 4the episode. The abuse was too much and just looked over. Like you bullied her all this time busy suddenly you love her🤬 Kdrama 🤝 toxic relationships. That’s why I love Run On and Record of Youth🤍
Let's also recognize that flipping the genders doesn't make it okay. Women slapping (typically)men is not funny either. Basically, STOP ROMANTICIZING VIOLENCE
I agree. I never found it 'funny' or 'cute' when a girl thinks it's ok to slap a man (or anyone). It's uncalled for and definitely a warning sign for future abuse. I think it's partly due to the toxic belief that a man should be able to defend himself against a woman, forgetting that men are abuse victims too
Thank you so much for talking about this. I've had my wrist grabbed in the past, pushed against a wall, and I've been forcefully kissed and it wasn't romantic at all. It was terrifying. I love kdramas but those scenes make me cringe, because it's not the way a real-life partner that respects your boundaries should behave...
Dang.. I honestly never thought those attitudes are abusive except for suddenly grab hands..but when i heard their explanation now make sense since those attitudes can lead to other danger in real life.. Tq for great info.. Now i cant giggly like those scene in dramas anymore
So glad this is being talked about more, I can't recall watching a kdrama where there wasn't at least one scene that made me wince because they were portraying predatory or abusive behaviour as romantic. It's also good that they are not just calling out this behaviour but giving people the tools to recognize when someone is being predatory and to escape those kind of abusive relationships.
I’m so glad they’re talking about this. People need to be more aware and educated about red flags in toxic relationships. It could be happening to anyone around u.
This is so true. I watched so many romances drama and they are glorifying violence. I think from all of them the only romance drama with good story is only Run-On.
Heechul is making everyone laugh. Love how even the doctors are enjoying themselves. They are talking about men but can’t some women be like that also. I have a friend who just divorced someone who isolated her.
I never understood glamorizing wall slams/kabedon or why the one pushed on the wall just stays there staring at the person. Isn't it basic instinct to push someone who gets too close to your face away? If someone did that to me, even if i was physically attracted to them, I would slam his nose or punch him in the gut instinctively.
The "fight/flight" response under stress is well known, but what's less well known is that "freeze" is another way people respond. Sometimes it feels impossible to move, no matter how much one might want to. (Another response is "fawn", where the victim tries to appease the abuser to make the abuse stop.)
They did a very good job talking about this. I hope this topic will be talked about more in different shows too and not just being a one time discussion.
this same problem are really big in my country (Thailand) because the scripts are not just kiss or grab ...a lot of drama here have like male lead rape female lead and they end up fall in love.
Same as Malaysia, not only in drama but also in romance novels.. I really hate rape-romance, it doesnt made sense and the fact that it really happened in real life (the victim has to marry the rapist which just another uncivilised thing to do) made my blood boiled.. Romantising rape is NO!
Here's my list Wrist grabbing Dragging Force kissing Pushing to the wall JEALOUSY (mental violence) Almost every popular drama uses these kind of violence to spice things up. And some kids misunderstand these as love. Ex : the heirs BOF True beauty Fight for my way Cheese in the trap Manager kim Almost every popular drama Edit : I'll add more
her private life and run on are my favorite kdramas for how they portray healthy relationships and a sweet and understanding couple between both male and female leads. i hope they can be the pathway to more kdramas that have more healthy and loving relationships onscreen.
I am so glad to have found this video, many more people should be aware of this. I hope writers improve their portrayal of romance in the future and don't glamourize what is in fact red flags
This is such a important theme, korean dramas really make it seen all romantic and a dream come true when the male leads do that, because usually they are cold with the girl, so it's their first time showing interest. But it's so wrong to force pull someone, push someone and force physical contact with someone without consent. I'm glad they are talking about this
I'm so glad they touched on this issue! I have to praise a lot of the recent dramas that try to portray things in a different light: no wrist grabbing or forced kissing, respect for each other even when you break up, asking for consent, etc. The shift has been subtle, but it's definitely changing. In fact, I recently watched a drama from 5 years ago, and I remember feeling really uncomfortable as it went on, but I couldn't really work out why. It wasn't until the male lead grabbed the female lead's wrist and kept her from leaving, that it dawned on me that it's been a while since I watched such interactions in K-drama, and I was unconsciously reacting to all the dominating behaviour by the male lead in the name of romance.
runon influence... It's not a top rated drama but it open our eyes to certain things which are of social and relationship relevance... So proud I watched and cherished that drama!
I'm so incredibly happy this was discussed! On variety shows, clips of that type of behaviour are sometimes played and everyone says 'ohhh you're a real man' and then the amount of young people I see romanticising this type of behaviour... please remember, fictional characters are fictional for a reason, enjoy a show or film by all means but make sure you can distinguish abusive or unhealthy behaviour from the fantasy romance that you're labelling the entire thing as
Love that we’re talking about the damn wrist grab. The first time I seen it I was like “that’s disrespectful” and then I noticed it happened ALL THE TIME and I didn’t get why the girl would always fall for them after that it was so frustrating 😭
I just hope that everyone knows that this applies to women/girls as well, it was very focused on the men - ofc because these traits often are found in the male leads, but irl just as any girls ask their partners to slowly cut people from their lives, and can be extremely emotional manipulative as well. Just happy that they brought it up
Everything that was said they abuser does is so true. When I was young and didn't know any better my ex did so many of those. It's such a red flag. I got out after 13 months.
About time this was spoken on TV lol So happy to hear the guest talk about abusive patterns, especially in preventing one from having contact with other people. (This can also happen to male victims where their female partner becomes abusive and prevent the guy from being in contact with everyone else).
Consent, consent, consent. Freely, even enthusiastically given consent. Not forced consent, not manipulated consent, not forced, pleaded for, or cajoled consent.
I’m soo happy to see hear them talking about these kind of issues. I never like that wrist grabbing thing in kdramas and it’s ALWAYS in romcoms and it annoys me so much.
i'm late but i'm glad that this is finally being talked about! those kind of behaviors are so glamorized and/or normalized that most ppl don't bat an eye when they see them... even when idols do drama parodies, they might think it's supposed to be funny but i find it concerning, like what if someone watches it and think it's okay to do so 😢
this is so important and i’m so glad they’re talking about it. i was in an abusive relationship and it would have helped to know more about what warning signs to look out for because it’s very insidious and subtle. you think you’re isolating yourself with him for love, but it’s not love - it’s control. love is equal and trusting. don’t doubt your gut feelings...and that’s why it’s important to have a support network. you can check in with them, “hey, this upset me, am i being weird? do you think that’s okay?”
Just like Start Up. He keeps on bragging that he has nothing to show off while the 2nd lead is an orphan and the original guy who is on the letters and suddenly you want her. And too much unnecessary scenes in the work place that supposedly to be tackled more into building a business like small time or bigtime. Also the guy isn't sorry at all + the 2nd lead fixes all their dumb decisions in their start up company.
I'm not team goodboy or team dosan. The story itself is stupid. Idk why some of this so called kdrama fans are so pathetic that they called it a masterpiece which is clearly not.
He also kept eavesdropping on her private conversations, stalked her when she clearly asked for space, left her drunk in the park to wear a suit, left his mother in the middle of nowhere to play the knight in shining armor for her, referred to her as his dream and trophy after he clearly told his parents he didn’t wanna be their pride, was possessive and entitled, had anger management issues. Not to mention all the awful things he did to the 2nd lead just because he was his love rival. like dude! He’s older than you and he’s actually been so helpful to your company. Not everything is about Dalmi, show some respect. And he got away with everything smh
I love that they are having these conversations. More recent dramas haven't been much like this but boy were there many of these abusive type men in older dramas. whew
I'm so glad they're talking about this. The sheer number of dramas (both korean and other countries) where i felt the male lead was toxic and abusive is way too high. And seeing comments of viewers who find it romantic is very disturbing. They've practically mindwashed people for generations into believing this kind of behaviour is okay, so women and men so easily become victims of abuse before they even realise something is wrong. It's high time we discuss this
I'm glad they started to talk abt this, it's really important and the way they romanticize the violence affects the new generation perception Btw punching a wall is also violence, problematic and a red flag
The wrist grab thing. Yeah. I never could understand why they romanticized that thing. My ex-bf did that once. He pulled me really hard and I ended up with a dislocated shoulder. I had to go to the hospital that night to have it corrected. I broke up with him after that because I had the gut feeling that if I didn't, he might do something even worse than that. I was right though cause 4 years later, he got arrested for physical violence and marital abuse with his now ex-wife.
YES OMG i'm really happy they talked about this cause this type of behavior is getting wayy to romanticized to the fact that little kids who watch this type of stuff will think it's ok when it's not.
im glad they brought this up for discussion, the romanticization of abuse esp in kdramas often goes ignored in korea and its definitely something more people need to talk about and bring awareness to cuz then not only will people feel like they're entitled to others cuz the drama depicts it as romantic, but also would make many people think its normal or okay to treat someone else that way
When I was -14, in a(super crazy rich guy - poor girl show) when J kissed J forcefully that wasn’t that affected and I thought it was cute and felt bad for J but as I grew UP I REALISED WHAT A GROss scene it was and felt bad for my younger self for not realising that earlier We have been brainwashed by those scenes since our teenage years I hope those scenes won’t be normalised anymore (i think everyone know JJ show)
I’m glad they’re speaking about this, normally people glamorise these types of characters and say they’re are “romantic”, which isn’t ok since these characters can be very toxic
While it is very good that they addressed this problem of males forcing their attention on women, I wish they also addressed the fact that women can also be the abuser in a relationship. This is an issue even more ignored in the media. Abuse can come from both genders!
And here we have the "whataboutism" that always pops up. This question was specifically about kdrama where the males are 99.9% of the time the aggressors. Also in reality by far the majority of abusers are men. Stop trying to deflect.
Those kind of things should be regulated by the KCC to not appear in dramas if they really want to take care of society and the kids. This is also the kind of stuff k netizens should write petitions about, not Sayuri deciding to be a single mother.
I finally got around to watching and finishing The Heirs/Inheritors (왕관을 쓰려는 자, 그 무게를 견뎌라 - 상속자들) over the last few weeks, and it honestly made me quite sick! There are so many red flags in the relationship between 이민호 and 박신혜, as there are in many other K dramas 😓 Thankfully I'm old and wise enough to not be impressionable, but if I had watched the show when it was released and I was still in secondary school, I can imagine that my mind and my view of an "ideal relationship" would be massively warped!
A continuation of this discussion would be how to stop men (and women) from becoming so abusive in relationships. Teaching children empathy from young age. Showing men that women deserve to be respected and are equal to men, and worthy of their respect. That comes from parents, to schools, to drama and society as a whole.
to be honest i never really thought about it before when i watched dramas, but when i did watched dramas, especially the arm grabbing scenario, i never found then romantic and they never really made my heart flatter so i personally never romanticized them. its just felt odd to me
It always bothered me how they always romanticized this part in dramas. What also bothers me is their bullying scenes. They always brush them off and don't give them any sort of punishment for their consequences. There are many things dramas need to be aware of and this was a great start for awareness in future topics too
Que bueno que hablen de estos temas, es una de las grandes razones por las que no me gustan los k-dramas (ni las novelas latinas), hay muchas acciones que estan mal y fomentan violencia. Por eso que comiencen a notarlo y hablar de ello es un gran primer paso, espero que las cosas cambien.
I'm so glad to see people are actually starting to talk about all of that!!! especially while "she would never know" from day JTBC is airing... honestly the toxicity the first two episodes contain is unbelievable
![[EP 8 PREVIEW] Elevator flirting? | When the Phone Rings | Netflix [ENG SUB]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/a2uA7_WUnvE/mqdefault.jpg)
I’m so glad they talked about this. It allows people to open their eyes more and not glamorize things that are potentially dangerous.
In the shows the actors are attractive and everyone’s fav so ppl just let it slide while in real life if those forced kissing scenes repeat, it will traumatise the girl because im 100% sure if a girl says no that means no so yes u r right 👏🏻 it’s really dangerous
This is sooo true of so many Asian movies. They glamorize the macho guy who forces himself on the girl
Yes and they really don't talk about when celebrities in programs say that a guy asking "can I kiss you?" or "can I hold your hand?" is cringy and annoying.. How is asking for consent cringy and annoying?? If they think the romantic nuance is ruined by their partner asking for consent before initiating skinship then there is definitely something wrong with their mindset, not their partner's
I agree. I watch kdrama but I think some people too much invested in it. We all need to differentiate between drama and reality.
@@ashablue78 And the good/polite guy becomes a side kick and has to settle for someone else
Wrist grabbing is terrifying. Imagine trying to leave a situation and suddenly you're held back and trapped by someone with more physical strength/pinned against a wall. That's police call behaviour.
100%
Seriously, it's so scray to even think
its about time they talked about how toxic some of the drama men are
honestly... especially in boys over flowers. Like the male lead was straight up abusive
@@hobatae215 that's right, I also stopped watching it when she started to like the male lead. I don't understand how she could like him after what he did to her.
@@yuhyi0122 same but I watched the Chinese version goddamn that was painful to watch..
@@tete8151 the 2001? it's one of my fav dramas not because of the violence but how raw and unfilter the drama is.
seriously is not just dramas guys are really like that in korea they make u cut out everyone and such things
I hope this topic would be given more spotlight and be more discussed. I also hope that writers will soon eliminate these kind of behaviors which are often portrayed as heart fluttering. Signs of abuse or violence shall not be tolerated or shown even on dramas.
Hats off to Run On for actually calling out wrist grabbing. Hats off to Record of Youth too for showing that consent matters. ◡̈
@Manasa Tilakraj I was going to write the same thing 😂
That's why I liked Run On
Now I might have to watch both dramas just for their bravery in breaking the mold 🙂
"Extraordinary You" doesn't have that kind of behaviors for the main couple ^ ^ is really good.
guys why wrist grabbing is not good? i had no idea until i watch this video
Actually as I was watching this I was thinking of *Run* *On* and how it proves that love can be as pure and innocent that they didn't need to add those harsh and violent scenes. Plus hats off to the drama for portraying a "healthy" relationship full of trust ,respect and mutual encouragement .
I know right. And there was no unnecessary second male lead who was also "fighting" for the girl.
@@tshepinicol exactly I forgot to mention it u're right !!
Run On was SUCH an excellent drama. For this reason and many others. I really hope the writers/creators keep that same energy on their next projects--I'm excited to see what else they do.
@@abrosal if they do plz let me know 😍
Wow! I need to look this up on Viki
would like to add that when the psychiatrist is talking, he did not use any pronouns. he is saying them like “when a person does this”, “the other partner/party ...” but the subtitles does write the pronouns as “he”. females can be abusive too!! let’s all take care and make sure both parties are safe and healthy and loved in your relationships, including yourself!
Oh thank u so much, I was wondering if the actually were just talking about men.
It's simply because they are talking about dramas specifically and in 99% of the case it's men doing those things, it doesn't mean women can't
Thank you for clarifying! I was just thinking that some women do that, too!
@@esther6664 yes but the subtitle is still wrong tho. They were talking about male lead in drama but they got into the subject more and they talked about how people can abusive in general, not subjecting the topic to only a male
I agree. Another thing that's not okay but normalize in drama is woman hitting and slapping people (including boyfriends), some times they do it for comedy's sake, but it's not a funny behave, at all.
The glamorisation of toxic relationships in kdrama made me cringe. I hope there is more drama such like Age of Youth, Be Melodramatic, Unfamiliar Family, Once Again, Run On etc when the character growing their toxic unhappy relationship become healthy one.
don't forget Because This Is My First Life!
And don’t forget Record of Youth too.
Run on is a very realistic drama
Yes Run On
Run onnnnnnnn!!!!!
I am glad they addressed this issue.
"When the male lead of a drama does this, it's often glamorized as being romantic. But this is actually a typical form of dating violence."
The way some dramas glamorised these toxic actions/behaviours thinking it's romantic when it is downright disturbing and a form of abuse. :/ I hope screenwriters/pds/directors will not include these scenes anymore and understand the concept of consent.
There is a drama that understands the concept of consent between both main and second couple. It's called Run On, available on Netflix. Give it a try if you guys have not yet! It stares Im Si Wan, Shin Se Kyung, Choi Soo Young and Kang Tae Oh!
YES! That god damn wrist grab... It is so dangerous to romanticize that behavior, making it look loving and caring when it is in fact the opposite. Dramas affect so many young people's minds and ought to be scrutinized
I hate the wall slap and blocking exit.
It seams better than a rough grabbing of wrist because there's no physical touching. But that agression can condition you to expecting them to throw things and the dumb "Didn't actually hit me" so is it abuse thought to creep into head.
@@jaymieindigo-blue4203 I actually hate the wall slap more than the wrist grab, idk seems more suffocating, even more when the one who's doing it is a lot taller than the other one
@@nn6090 am 183cm and it's still really horrible if a short angry person does it.
@@jaymieindigo-blue4203 I'm 157cm and I get uncomfortable really fast when someone taller than me (not that hard to find) gets this close, it already feels like being trapped even without a wall, but its true, short people can do it too, it's still wrong in every situation I just assumed the taller one may be stronger but that's not necessary the case for everyone
@@nn6090 it's a common misconception that just because of height people are stronger or more likely to be aggressive.
Am really careful to not intimidate people with my height.
You know unless I need to protect others then I'm 100% mumma bear and can make myself look massive and terrifying. Also have to make sure I make sound when walking because have a bad habit of walking very lightly and scaring people as I pass them very fast, because at this height am mostly leg so move fast.
I'm glad this is being spoken about so openly. The glamorized violence has to be exposed amd terminated
I'm really happy that the gentlemen (in cream white ) talked about red flags. That's not just in kdramas but in real life too. It's a valuable lesson we should consider in thinking of starting any sort of romantic relationship.
I hate when a couple starts dating and the man tells the woman she's showing too much skin and he doesn't want other men to see her that way/looking that beautiful. They say it in a nice way and we have to see it as caring, but it's actually an unnecessary possessive comment.
not the one guy saying "oh I never did anything abusive i just punch walls alone :)" and then the psychiatrist immediately saying "actually your partner punching walls in anger is a sign that they could become abusive" SKDJSKDJSL 💀
lmaooo I- he's not wrong tho
He just kept staring off like that damn
Prob realizes he needs to vent out his frustration and anger elsewhere like working out or therapy or anything else
@@Hersheychocolate12 He could also go to a destruction room I heard those help release anger.
@@chocobun4879 yea.. it release the anger.. i used to do that too
@@chocobun4879 my life is a destruction room 💀😩
They might be joking around but they brought up some really good points and red flags everyone should know about.
That weird deleting friends and not allowing you to have contact with people doesn't just happen like on 2nd date.
Demanding the phone deleting all the males, then stopping you from going out with girlfriends.
Had one where my BF was so embarrassing, racist and rude to my friends that I thought it was better to avoid my friends because they deserved better than that.
It never even occurred to me 3 years into a relationship to dump him and get out because he'd pecked at and eroded my confidence before he started isolating me.
i am so sorry you had to go through that :(
@@umaimah5271 thanks Bubs. I'm good now and helping others.
@@tsuyu1181 that's why it's good to talk honestly about it. Because if you don't know and wouldn't do it yourself... it makes it harder to spot it. But if you've heard people talking about it than it's easy to know what's happening.
It’s great to hear this from a korean show and from men nonetheless
one reason why i love run-on drama is because it doesn't romanticize toxic behavior and show healthy relationship
So sad it didn’t get the recognition it deserves
Well at least it have a special place in our heart ☺
This dating violence doesn't only pertains to guys, although yeah mostly are guys, but there are also girls who are pretty abusive towards their boyfriends/husbands.
I was about to ask this ,thank you
Yesss! Amber Heard is waving. 🤪
I will mention Seo Ye Ji's character in IONTBO. The fans can attack me on this I don't care. I just want to point out that she had antisocial personality disorder and what she did to Gang Tae was inappropriate at times
Like they use the slap or throwing their drink in the guy face make the girl look "badass"
Which is why the psychiatrists never used any pronouns when discussing abusive and predatory behaviours. But the reason they are putting the emphasis on men is because they are specifically talking about kdramas. In the vast majority of kdramas, it's almost always men who exhibit these abusive behaviours that are being romanticized, thus perpetuating this idea that that's how men should act in relationships.
That kiss without consent of the person is actually really one of the problematic scenes
People Learn from dramas and it’s not necessary that this scene will be implemented among people in relationship
I think this is a problem in media all around the world, not just in Korean dramas. I really wish abusive behavior and toxic relationships weren’t romanticized at all.
Especially in some of the teen romances on Netflix now. Kissing Booth was so toxic.
@@aileendemong1410 I think the worse was the film about Sierra, felt so sorry for the guy...
awesome that they are discussing about this kind of topic with professional guests, so necessary
May I say that Record of Youth is giving us something different about consent in kissing and grab hand? And how the process of their break up with so realistic without too much drama?
True. They show how a realistic relationship is.
That drama is like a relationship taking the hard way which is climbing the stairs rather than taking the easiest way by riding a elevator. But that drama is dating a model/actor from a make up artist
Record of Youth is the first drama in a very long time that actually has a healthy and mature main leading couple relationship. Every kiss is consensual. No accidental or forceful kisses. He asks for permission and she asks for it too. Mutual permission has never been sexier and I'm so happy to see it in a Kdrama!
Even the way they dealt with problems in their relationship was mutually respectful. No abusive quarrels. No violent fights. They expressed their unhappiness like mature adults would and made up without the male lead "kissing the problem away" like so many other dramas do.
There are people who dont like the way the relationship went but I think it's one of the very best relationships ever shown in Kdrama.
@@moovie3602 i'm happy you wrote this in details. 100% agree with you. Beside, they put so much meaningful scenes of relationship between parents and kids, the family matters that maybe we can't speak up as kids. But they deliver it through the drama.
@@johncalanno6837 that's the reality :) relationship is not easy and takes time to process everything. Thank God there is a drama that not just offer a fantasy or entertainment, but also try to deliver a message for the viewers :)
A drama that I can remember is The Heir/Inheritors. Both guys chasing the female protagonist did that to her but they romanticize the actions as they want to suit the plot. When the girl has chosen her hero, suddenly the other guy action is not romantic.
And the second male lead was awful and I don't get why fans were crazy about that character
@@tshepinicol Same. I saw so many "second lead syndrome" posts for The Heirs and on all of them I was like "Excuse me? He did awful things to her. Why would you have second lead syndrome for that character?" The answer...."He's so hot so it's okay."
And "It's obvious that he's in love with her that's why." I just shook my head. I don't deal with those posts anymore.
I know right. As years went by I no longer watch dramas with unnecessary and unhealthy love triangles.
OMG I had the same thought. So I watched the heirs when I was in high school and I started watching again as an adult and I wanted to puke. I could not get past the 4the episode. The abuse was too much and just looked over. Like you bullied her all this time busy suddenly you love her🤬 Kdrama 🤝 toxic relationships. That’s why I love Run On and Record of Youth🤍
I'm really glad that they are speaking about this
Let's also recognize that flipping the genders doesn't make it okay. Women slapping (typically)men is not funny either. Basically, STOP ROMANTICIZING VIOLENCE
I agree. I never found it 'funny' or 'cute' when a girl thinks it's ok to slap a man (or anyone). It's uncalled for and definitely a warning sign for future abuse. I think it's partly due to the toxic belief that a man should be able to defend himself against a woman, forgetting that men are abuse victims too
Thank you so much for talking about this. I've had my wrist grabbed in the past, pushed against a wall, and I've been forcefully kissed and it wasn't romantic at all. It was terrifying. I love kdramas but those scenes make me cringe, because it's not the way a real-life partner that respects your boundaries should behave...
Dang.. I honestly never thought those attitudes are abusive except for suddenly grab hands..but when i heard their explanation now make sense since those attitudes can lead to other danger in real life.. Tq for great info.. Now i cant giggly like those scene in dramas anymore
I hope this segment has gotten the attention that it deserves.
So glad this is being talked about more, I can't recall watching a kdrama where there wasn't at least one scene that made me wince because they were portraying predatory or abusive behaviour as romantic. It's also good that they are not just calling out this behaviour but giving people the tools to recognize when someone is being predatory and to escape those kind of abusive relationships.
Run On doesn’t have any of that toxicity trust me! They emphasized boundary, trust, communication and respect! Best kdram hands down
I’m so glad they’re talking about this. People need to be more aware and educated about red flags in toxic relationships. It could be happening to anyone around u.
NO MEANS NO
CONSENT IS A MUST
love that there is a program like thus in korea rn
This is so true. I watched so many romances drama and they are glorifying violence. I think from all of them the only romance drama with good story is only Run-On.
Heechul is making everyone laugh. Love how even the doctors are enjoying themselves. They are talking about men but can’t some women be like that also. I have a friend who just divorced someone who isolated her.
1:12 Thats just a protective instinct. You can see parents doing that to their kids usually...
I never understood glamorizing wall slams/kabedon or why the one pushed on the wall just stays there staring at the person. Isn't it basic instinct to push someone who gets too close to your face away? If someone did that to me, even if i was physically attracted to them, I would slam his nose or punch him in the gut instinctively.
The "fight/flight" response under stress is well known, but what's less well known is that "freeze" is another way people respond. Sometimes it feels impossible to move, no matter how much one might want to.
(Another response is "fawn", where the victim tries to appease the abuser to make the abuse stop.)
Park Joon Young from "Do you like Brahms?" Is my best boy🥺💓
They did a very good job talking about this. I hope this topic will be talked about more in different shows too and not just being a one time discussion.
And kdramas are still doing that wrist grabbing thing ugh . So happy they talked about this
this same problem are really big in my country (Thailand) because the scripts are not just kiss or grab ...a lot of drama here have like male lead rape female lead and they end up fall in love.
That's straight up awful 😩
i remember watching early 2000s lakorns. almost all of them have the same plot of kidnap-rape-fall in love like urghh pls
yyesss almost all lakorn like that,it made my blood boill
What kind of twisted storyline is that???
Same as Malaysia, not only in drama but also in romance novels.. I really hate rape-romance, it doesnt made sense and the fact that it really happened in real life (the victim has to marry the rapist which just another uncivilised thing to do) made my blood boiled.. Romantising rape is NO!
Here's my list
Wrist grabbing
Dragging
Force kissing
Pushing to the wall
JEALOUSY (mental violence)
Almost every popular drama uses these kind of violence to spice things up. And some kids misunderstand these as love.
Ex : the heirs
BOF
True beauty
Fight for my way
Cheese in the trap
Manager kim
Almost every popular drama
Edit : I'll add more
I'm glad I'm not the only one who gets flutters when these tropes are used during a "romantic" scene.
her private life and run on are my favorite kdramas for how they portray healthy relationships and a sweet and understanding couple between both male and female leads. i hope they can be the pathway to more kdramas that have more healthy and loving relationships onscreen.
hope all directors out there take note of this.
I’m loving how the comment section is filled with run on. Y’all who haven’t watched, DO IT!
omg im so freaking happy korean entertainers of such high status actually talked about this on tv
I am so glad to have found this video, many more people should be aware of this. I hope writers improve their portrayal of romance in the future and don't glamourize what is in fact red flags
This is such a important theme, korean dramas really make it seen all romantic and a dream come true when the male leads do that, because usually they are cold with the girl, so it's their first time showing interest. But it's so wrong to force pull someone, push someone and force physical contact with someone without consent. I'm glad they are talking about this
I'm so glad they touched on this issue! I have to praise a lot of the recent dramas that try to portray things in a different light: no wrist grabbing or forced kissing, respect for each other even when you break up, asking for consent, etc. The shift has been subtle, but it's definitely changing. In fact, I recently watched a drama from 5 years ago, and I remember feeling really uncomfortable as it went on, but I couldn't really work out why. It wasn't until the male lead grabbed the female lead's wrist and kept her from leaving, that it dawned on me that it's been a while since I watched such interactions in K-drama, and I was unconsciously reacting to all the dominating behaviour by the male lead in the name of romance.
runon influence... It's not a top rated drama but it open our eyes to certain things which are of social and relationship relevance... So proud I watched and cherished that drama!
Literally every Kdrama ever, I’m glad they are shining a light on this.
I'm so incredibly happy this was discussed! On variety shows, clips of that type of behaviour are sometimes played and everyone says 'ohhh you're a real man' and then the amount of young people I see romanticising this type of behaviour... please remember, fictional characters are fictional for a reason, enjoy a show or film by all means but make sure you can distinguish abusive or unhealthy behaviour from the fantasy romance that you're labelling the entire thing as
Love that we’re talking about the damn wrist grab. The first time I seen it I was like “that’s disrespectful” and then I noticed it happened ALL THE TIME and I didn’t get why the girl would always fall for them after that it was so frustrating 😭
I was nodding all the time. Very informative episode. Nice 👍🏼
Finally someone speaks out about this, THANK YOU!!
That's not your heart being fluttering but you being scared and shock that make your heart beat faster.. Many times we confused of that fact..
I hope a lot of people come across this and take heed of their advice. It's necessary to talk bout things like these as well.
im glad this will lead to less toxic dramas, i thought we were complaining about this but never being heard
I just hope that everyone knows that this applies to women/girls as well, it was very focused on the men - ofc because these traits often are found in the male leads, but irl just as any girls ask their partners to slowly cut people from their lives, and can be extremely emotional manipulative as well. Just happy that they brought it up
korean shows need more conversations like this!!!! so refreshing and informative.
Everything that was said they abuser does is so true. When I was young and didn't know any better my ex did so many of those. It's such a red flag. I got out after 13 months.
About time this was spoken on TV lol
So happy to hear the guest talk about abusive patterns, especially in preventing one from having contact with other people. (This can also happen to male victims where their female partner becomes abusive and prevent the guy from being in contact with everyone else).
It's good to see people from the industry talk about problems openly, and putting together their thoughts on the matter
Consent, consent, consent. Freely, even enthusiastically given consent. Not forced consent, not manipulated consent, not forced, pleaded for, or cajoled consent.
omg YESSS i'm so glad this aired! it was about time people start to see that isn't romantic and just straight up abuse
I’m soo happy to see hear them talking about these kind of issues. I never like that wrist grabbing thing in kdramas and it’s ALWAYS in romcoms and it annoys me so much.
I think drama does not need to stop showing these type of behaviour, they just need to show that this behaviour is TOXIC/ABUSIVE not romantic.
i'm late but i'm glad that this is finally being talked about! those kind of behaviors are so glamorized and/or normalized that most ppl don't bat an eye when they see them... even when idols do drama parodies, they might think it's supposed to be funny but i find it concerning, like what if someone watches it and think it's okay to do so 😢
One of the dramas with great character build up is Still 17. I love how they respect their boundaries 💕💕
this is so important and i’m so glad they’re talking about it. i was in an abusive relationship and it would have helped to know more about what warning signs to look out for because it’s very insidious and subtle. you think you’re isolating yourself with him for love, but it’s not love - it’s control. love is equal and trusting. don’t doubt your gut feelings...and that’s why it’s important to have a support network. you can check in with them, “hey, this upset me, am i being weird? do you think that’s okay?”
i love that someone finally talked about this on korean tv
This is a great topic.
I’m reminded of someone who logged in to their partner’s phone and delete all messages from opposite gender 🤭
So Won and Jin Hua?!
@@Irie2286 Who??
Just like Start Up. He keeps on bragging that he has nothing to show off while the 2nd lead is an orphan and the original guy who is on the letters and suddenly you want her. And too much unnecessary scenes in the work place that supposedly to be tackled more into building a business like small time or bigtime. Also the guy isn't sorry at all + the 2nd lead fixes all their dumb decisions in their start up company.
Han jipyeong supremacy❤️
The biggest problem is that he conned in order to seduce her which is .. a crime
not to mention that he's taking the advantage of the girl who has thought he is the guy from the letters by dating her without telling her the truth
I'm not team goodboy or team dosan. The story itself is stupid. Idk why some of this so called kdrama fans are so pathetic that they called it a masterpiece which is clearly not.
He also kept eavesdropping on her private conversations, stalked her when she clearly asked for space, left her drunk in the park to wear a suit, left his mother in the middle of nowhere to play the knight in shining armor for her, referred to her as his dream and trophy after he clearly told his parents he didn’t wanna be their pride, was possessive and entitled, had anger management issues.
Not to mention all the awful things he did to the 2nd lead just because he was his love rival.
like dude! He’s older than you and he’s actually been so helpful to your company. Not everything is about Dalmi, show some respect.
And he got away with everything smh
Dramas like bof was so toxic
I love that they are having these conversations. More recent dramas haven't been much like this but boy were there many of these abusive type men in older dramas. whew
I'm so glad they're talking about this. The sheer number of dramas (both korean and other countries) where i felt the male lead was toxic and abusive is way too high. And seeing comments of viewers who find it romantic is very disturbing. They've practically mindwashed people for generations into believing this kind of behaviour is okay, so women and men so easily become victims of abuse before they even realise something is wrong. It's high time we discuss this
I'm glad they started to talk abt this, it's really important and the way they romanticize the violence affects the new generation perception
Btw punching a wall is also violence, problematic and a red flag
The wrist grab thing. Yeah. I never could understand why they romanticized that thing. My ex-bf did that once. He pulled me really hard and I ended up with a dislocated shoulder. I had to go to the hospital that night to have it corrected. I broke up with him after that because I had the gut feeling that if I didn't, he might do something even worse than that.
I was right though cause 4 years later, he got arrested for physical violence and marital abuse with his now ex-wife.
This is one of the best question they bring up
I love this video so much
It's so important, I hope a lot of people see this and talk more about it
Love this program so much for talking about these issues
YES OMG i'm really happy they talked about this cause this type of behavior is getting wayy to romanticized to the fact that little kids who watch this type of stuff will think it's ok when it's not.
im glad they brought this up for discussion, the romanticization of abuse esp in kdramas often goes ignored in korea and its definitely something more people need to talk about and bring awareness to cuz then not only will people feel like they're entitled to others cuz the drama depicts it as romantic, but also would make many people think its normal or okay to treat someone else that way
And almost everyone is Team Sun Oh. This is the reason why Im Team Hye yeong
yes in s2...stalked her, wrist grabbing, kiss her even tho their relationship has ended years ago
@@fatemontiel9506 even from season 1. He kissed her even when he knows she is in a relationship
Team hye yeong
Which drama???
@@sankeerthanareddy6509 love alarm
When I was -14, in a(super crazy rich guy - poor girl show) when J kissed J forcefully that wasn’t that affected and I thought it was cute and felt bad for J but as I grew UP I REALISED WHAT A GROss scene it was and felt bad for my younger self for not realising that earlier
We have been brainwashed by those scenes since our teenage years I hope those scenes won’t be normalised anymore
(i think everyone know JJ show)
Yeah boys over flowers
Gu junpyo and geum jandi
I hope this will open up more discussion and analysis of the normalised and romanticised behaviour of men in dramas and in life
I hate that wrist grab
Like that signals to be we about to square up
I’m glad they’re speaking about this, normally people glamorise these types of characters and say they’re are “romantic”, which isn’t ok since these characters can be very toxic
Thank god they talked about this! I hope more people talk about this
While it is very good that they addressed this problem of males forcing their attention on women, I wish they also addressed the fact that women can also be the abuser in a relationship. This is an issue even more ignored in the media. Abuse can come from both genders!
And here we have the "whataboutism" that always pops up. This question was specifically about kdrama where the males are 99.9% of the time the aggressors. Also in reality by far the majority of abusers are men. Stop trying to deflect.
Those kind of things should be regulated by the KCC to not appear in dramas if they really want to take care of society and the kids. This is also the kind of stuff k netizens should write petitions about, not Sayuri deciding to be a single mother.
This was my most favourite episode. I hope the brothers will come back.
sameeee. i loved this ep and i learned a lot too!!!!
I'm so glad that they talked about this
I finally got around to watching and finishing The Heirs/Inheritors (왕관을 쓰려는 자, 그 무게를 견뎌라 - 상속자들) over the last few weeks, and it honestly made me quite sick! There are so many red flags in the relationship between 이민호 and 박신혜, as there are in many other K dramas 😓 Thankfully I'm old and wise enough to not be impressionable, but if I had watched the show when it was released and I was still in secondary school, I can imagine that my mind and my view of an "ideal relationship" would be massively warped!
A continuation of this discussion would be how to stop men (and women) from becoming so abusive in relationships. Teaching children empathy from young age. Showing men that women deserve to be respected and are equal to men, and worthy of their respect. That comes from parents, to schools, to drama and society as a whole.
to be honest i never really thought about it before when i watched dramas, but when i did watched dramas, especially the arm grabbing scenario, i never found then romantic and they never really made my heart flatter so i personally never romanticized them. its just felt odd to me
Thank you for talking about this. Indeed they glamourize such behaviour. In reality it is absolutely abusive.
Where ever heechul is i can't help it but click.. hehe..love suju, ,
Same
It always bothered me how they always romanticized this part in dramas. What also bothers me is their bullying scenes. They always brush them off and don't give them any sort of punishment for their consequences. There are many things dramas need to be aware of and this was a great start for awareness in future topics too
Que bueno que hablen de estos temas, es una de las grandes razones por las que no me gustan los k-dramas (ni las novelas latinas), hay muchas acciones que estan mal y fomentan violencia. Por eso que comiencen a notarlo y hablar de ello es un gran primer paso, espero que las cosas cambien.
I'm so glad to see people are actually starting to talk about all of that!!! especially while "she would never know" from day JTBC is airing... honestly the toxicity the first two episodes contain is unbelievable