Why your DNA matches don't respond (and how you can fix it)
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- Опубликовано: 12 июл 2023
- Getting a genetic match on AncestryDNA or 23andMe to respond can be hard. Here are the most common reasons why they don't -- and how you can increase the odds of getting an answer.
🔴 Common pitfalls in DNA for genealogy: • What You NEED to Know ...
#genealogy #familyhistory #ancestrydna
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➡Avoid the pitfalls in DNA testing with these tips: ruclips.net/video/YLC3jJNd55o/видео.html
I can’t understand people sometimes, if someone contacted me and we were related in anyway, I’d love to hear from them and be very interested in anything they could help me with or anything I could help them with. Maybe we can’t figure anything out 😂😂😂 who knows. But always be polite to people if they take the time to contact you. It doesn’t cost you a penny to be polite people. Thank you all for taking the time to read my message people and I wish you all the luck in the world in your journey of your ancestors. 🇮🇪🇮🇪🇮🇪
My uncle had a whole other family in California. Wife, kids the whole scheme. They made contact with us, and they are crazy, wish we had never found them.
That's a naive approach.
I’ve reached out so many people and one person responded who actually tried to help me find my father’s paternal family .. and we still can’t figure out how we are related but I appreciated him responding .. I had to learn to understand that everyone is not taking the dna to find someone !
@@tonyasprings3588upload to gedmatch and my heritage
The reason I took a DNA test was so future generations can find _me_ !
Finding my own ancestors through traditional evidence has been pretty straightforward. DNA just confirmed some things I already knew. But future descendants will have name changes etc to deal with so I wanted to easy their burden.
That is a cool thing to do. Be cool if your still match some that's a 7th great grandchild in the future.
Odličan razlog.Velika odgovornost.
@@vesna.zemunica Lijepo od vas što kažete. Hvala vam.
Another "trick" is to check the profile page for the user you are sending the message to - you access that by clicking on their account name. At a minimum it lists when they joined and when they last logged into their account but it can include lots of other information like a description of who they are, their age, how experienced they are, and who they are researching. This can give you a pretty good indication as to whether they are active and if they are, how to craft your message to increase the change you will get a response. You can ever check later to see if they have logged on and (likely) seen your message.
Great video. I think there are a few things on Ancestry you can also do to maximize the potential for a response that you didn't mention. Firstly I would say that if they've got a tree, linked or unlinked, with a certain number of people on it (the more the better chance) then they are interested in genealogy and not just an Ethnicity Estimate and might be willing to respond. Then before sending a message click through to your DNA match's profile page by clicking on the name and see when they last logged into Ancestry, and also their age and when they joined. Some people also put information about what they are researching and whether they are willing to help (I do this and even though it's few and far between many others do as well). If they've not logged in for a while then you can still send a message but don't expect a response. Maybe this is being a bit of a stalker but after sending a message to say someone who hasn't say logged in 3-11 months, to back to their profile and see if they have logged in since you sent the message. If they haven't they won't have read the message and so you're not going to get a response.
I hate to say this but it is another reason and especially pertinent with what we have all been through over the past few years but the person who you are messaging may have passed on, for many reasons, and no one else has access to their account. It's sad, but must happen in a lot of cases, though I'd expect many children of elderly relatives manage their DNA tests and so should be around, though if they are doing the research for them and they pass away they may not be so interested. I know it is morbid to think of this, but I think most people who are into genealogy are at least 40+ years of age, and at least settled down with families. Anyone who has put down their age on their profile but it is otherwise blank, who is under the age of 40 I wouldn't expect a response from.
Lastly I would do some clustering of the DNA matches into groups before messaging anyone, except for very speculative reaching out. This way you might be able to not put all your eggs into one basket and might find someone you can collaborate with who might be able to get you to a similar place, or at least further down the path on finding how that match links to you. If one person doesn't respond you can move on to the next best. I know this isn't ideal, I've seen matches that I think wow, they are just so I had hoped for, dropped them a message, and then silence. Sometimes I can even see they've logged in since I sent the message and they will haven't responded. It's frustrating when this happens, I almost feel disrespectful to not just drop a quick message back saying they aren't interested but good luck in your research, but it is what it is. They might have still not seen the message having never used the messaging system and not even realise what that icon at the top of the screen that says there is a message waiting. In that case there's not much you can do, just move on. Maybe they will contact you in the future, who knows.
The worst experience I have had was someone I reached out to who was from a branch I wasn’t familiar with. They immediately responded with questions for me - which I answered. But they NEVER answered any of mine. ALL my info was put into their tree with no attribution but several errors. I never heard again when I suggested corrections or collaboration. It was very aggravating.
Someone did that to me earlier this year. As it turns out they were a child of the person who murdered my GGF. They didn't reveal who they were until *after* I had told them everything that I knew up to that point. P!ssed me off. I've since blocked them.
Nice job! I would add some things to your advice section. I know you were keeping it short and know these things.
This is more for others....
1. If this is a close match - 1st cousin or closer, WAIT. Think and find advice from good online sources before messaging at all.
2. Explore the match, and shared matches, and any available tree before messaging. People are far more likely to respond to something like "From shared matches, it looks like you might be related to Families X-Y or X-Y. Do you have any connections to southern LA?" than "Looks like we are cousins on my mom's side".
3. If you have ANY way to gently imply you are adoption-friendly, do it. Toward the end of the message, unless it is clear they are searching something related.
4. Always offer to share/help in any way you can.
5. And always note what test you match, right from the git! If someone manages 17 tests, and your note says "We match at 74 cMs!" you may get a response of "who do you match?" but it is more likely they may not respond at all.
6. If they don't respond, do your own homework! One long-time non-responder responded when I sent a later message "Here is what things look like (paraphrase) and was your grandmother Ethel Robinson?" He answered, and she was! Solved a mystery ;)
6. No matter how impatient you are feeling, take a deep breath, and invoke your zen.... Responses can come much later.
Move on to the next match....
Thanks for this, some things I hadn't considered. I've have a 594.98 cM match, that I would love to speak to, even more so as I can see it is from a 'brick wall' part of my family but hasn't responded. I introduced myself, along with the parts of the tree where I believe our paths cross and willingness to share information, very informal but no response. A month later I followed up again informal, to let them know I understand they may not want to talk but that if they ever changed their mind they know how to contact me. I hope one day to hear from them as it's such a big match, and could knock down a wall my grandfather couldn't even help with.
Some of my DNA matches, who I knew well for years before DNA, have passed away. One is in hospice care right now. I wish there was a way to alert people to this. I do not manage any of their kits. 😢
Hi Amy. My DNA test resulted in a surprise 1st cousin whom I reached out to last year. She read my message but hasn't responded (yet), and I suspect it's because of one of the reasons you've mentioned here. Maybe her parentage is/was a surprise to her, or she's adopted and not ready or interested in connecting. I hope she reaches out one day!
A very similar situation has happened to me (my mom was the adoptee.) However, in my case, the cousin responded immediately saying she was going to find out more information from an older relative. That was 2 months ago so I followed up with another message. No response despite her logging on last week.
I am familiar with all the companies. I agree. The messenger system is not the best in letting you know you have a message waiting. Sometimes, I'm wondering how many years ago the person did the test. Sometimes, the person is not alive anymore or changed email address.
So many possibilities like the person in the video explained.
Interesting thoughts. You know I have a 4th cousin who reached out to me and she was adopted. I guess that was a different case. She really wanted to find out about the family. We talked on Skype and she wanted to learn everything there was to know about the family. I helped her out and we became friends. =D
That's awesome! It sounds like she was further along in her genealogy journey when she reached out to you. That's great that you could connect and help her out!
@@AmyJohnsonCrow Yep! And some people were surprised to find they were part Italian and wanted to know what the deal was. I guess it just depends on the person.
Too funny! I just received a message yesterday from a person on Ancestry I had messaged 1-1/2 years ago. This person wasn't a DNA match, but a few of the accounts she manages are matches. I always send a message. If they respond, great. If not, oh well. It's a hobby. Keeps me out of the bars I tell my wife.
They have to check their messages (they don't just get notified). Use their user name to do a Google search. Use their username and pop it into Facebook, etc.
We did DNA testing on my daughter's 3 adopted children (2 are full siblings). Imagine our surprise when the 2 siblings turned out to be cousins! Even more of a surprise was the fact that the children of one of my high school classmates were 2nd cousins. I have tried contacting my friend's children (friend passed away about 5 years ago), but no response. We have even tried contacting their birth parents...he doesn't know anything and she won't respond.
I've been using your suggested approach in the contact message of explaining how I think we're related. Even still, the response rate on 23andMe is well under 1 in 10, though Ancestry has been a little better. It's worth it though to keep trying. I've had a few responses that have solved puzzles -- in one case hearing from a fifth cousin who still lives near the Scottish island community my ancestors came from in 1851.
Great advice.
Hi Amy, one other reason for someone not replying is that the DNA test taker might have passed but they haven't transferred the management of their dna to another family member. I know this because one of my 1st cousins has done this which is quite sad. Kind Regards, Dave
Excellent video. I refuse to do DNA for some of these reasons. I know that my mother's father was adopted. I'm afraid of getting matches for his biological side of the family. It will just open up a can of worms...
Great tips. Thank you. I use most already. I get about and 80-90% response. It took five years for one of my matches to contact me.
Thank you! Your recommendations are very good. If I'm interested especially in some match, I try to introduce myself very detail as much as possible (as well as my question to him/her). This makes future conversation more possible
My cousin travelled to northern Italy where our Great Grandparents immigrated from. When he arrived at the village he spoke with numerous people to see if they knew anyone with our surname. Everyone he spoke with told him don’t bother looking for relatives because they won’t speak with him. The reason was because they thought family coming from the US were looking for something, be it personal property, land or physical property that they wanted a share of.
That happens in Ireland too 😀
Hi Amy, we are one hundred and seventy fifth cousins. :-) I have a DNA match on Ancestry of 1600+ cm. I contacted her and she denied that we were related. Said she knew her parents. Previously my father had told me he "thought" I had some half siblings"out there". He knew darn well. My Mom told me of a co-worker of hers that harassed her saying "I have (your husband's) baby." This person even followed my Mom in a job change. A couple of years later I got another Ancestry DNA match of 1700 cm. I sent a message to this person and got radio silence. Personally I am not interested in 3rd, 4th , etc cousins. I don't know how they would benefit my research. I assume somebody will edumackate me on my error. thanks for your vids.
A grand uncle seems to have made a number of children without being identified on records as the father. He has many grandchildren testing around the same time and not all know each other: I have the answers and not all respond on Ancestry. My family knew enough to solve their mystery if only they would all communicate with each other.
Sperm donors are going to have the same issue.
I have a insight. Some people take the dictum, “Don’t play with matches”, a bit too far… And it’s true even with these ones a person can get burned.
There are DNA matches on my mother's side who can't be any more distant than second cousins to me. I would really like to know where they fit in to the family tree but none of them have responded to my messages. My uncles or my mother's cousins might have secret children and I would like to know.
Secret children! You have a right to know that? There might be a reason it was secret.
I wish I had known some of these tips, when I reached out to a possible match a few months ago. They responded initially, then just stopped.
I get responses from DNA matches maybe 20 percent of the time, and most of them just acknowledge my email, ask no questions, provide no information, and are never heard from again. Only two matches have provided any useful info.
To be blunt, the "DNA match" might not want to meet their rapist's child, or the half-sibling from the affair that broke up their family.
Hi Amy! Love your show! Try never to miss it! When my aunt took the Ancestry DNA test, (I manage 30 of my Family and Friends tests), I discovered my aunt and her child are only half the expected centimorgans for a full aunt and full cousin. How do I go about enlightening my cousin about this, (my aunt died a year ago)? So, my cousin is obviously my half cousin. She is a maternal cousin to me and my family photos, papers, etc are now in her possession and she is not related to my grandfather, only my grandmother. ❤️🔥 Help! How do I approach this situation? Any advice you can give would be appreciated! Thanking you in advance. Warm regards, Pamela 💐
Thank you very much, Amy! ❤️
😮😮My husband and I took the DNA test years ago. It was interesting. We screen shot the info we wanted and haven’t looked at in years. However , my sister called me. Her daughter just popped up related to my husband. Hmm. Lol she is related thru her dad.
One of the things ypu dodnt mention here that is extremely relevant to this topic (especially if you match is older.) Is that they might have passed away since taking the DNA test.
For the record, distant cousins get me excited. These are the people that corroborate ancestry from centuries ago. That's certainly been the case for me.
Two different DNA companies, my brother and I ended up less than seventy percent a match between us
Hi! I didn’t hear who is allowed to send and receive messages on Ancestry. Do both parties need a paid-up subscription? What if they let their subscriptions lapse? Thank you!
Interesting
My grandpop was not my biological grandfather. He adopted my dad and my aunt after my grandmother had been widowed. I cannot find a record of my grandmother’s first marriage. (Germany) I know her maiden name. I met my greatgrandparents as a young child. I know the married name as she and the kids carried that name on the ship and at Ellis Island. I wanted to learn about my biological background. I am getting no where. As for the family of my adoptive grandfather the trees show no DNA match. This makes me feel like an outsider who would have no business making contact. I do not remember ANY family of my grandfather. He was one of several siblings.
I recently got my DNA results from Ancestry and I texted a few people but one of them it shows that he read it but no response
I have someone who is coming up as likely a half 1st cousin. She’s also half my age. I reached out but no response.
I'm curious to know what you, and anyone reading this, think about Ancestry's new group message feature. I have only messaged people one to one, I feel if people feel it is more personal then they are more likely to respond, but I have done some clustering of my matches and wonder what you think of messaging say 5 or 6 people in one message explaining where in my tree I think they may fit and dates and locations. Have you, or anyone else, tried this yet? I've watched other videos about messaging matches and I think, if I remember rightly, they say don't just cut and paste the same message to multiple people (I guess if the people you are messaging are say siblings and they compare it might make them less likely to get in touch). What are your thoughts on this?
Just as an aside I've had many message responses from many people, sometimes initiated by them, sometimes by me. I've been disappointed when researching a certain group of matches, messaged a few matches, and heard nothing back as well, so I guess the thing is that if people respond that's great, but if they don't take don't get disheartened, and don't take it personally, there are many reasons they might not have gotten back to you from personal circumstances to just forgetting about the message and being busy with life outside of genealogy.
I think the group message feature is more suitable for collaboration with already-established contacts that have expressed a willingness to work together.
This is just my opinion but, if a group of say 7 cousins all receive a message and they know that 6 other cousins got the same message at the same time, it might allow each individual to feel less responsible for replying.
Haven't tried it yet myself, though I think it is a timesaver. I think it overwhelming to have DNA matches to distant cousins, like I get it, but "who cares"? I only try near, like 3rd cousin or closer and yet sometimes no reply. Who wants to hear from a distant relative, at an adult age? It's like too late, you know?
One thing I always do is to enumerate the surname chain so they do not have to work out how we are related.
@@yvonnefarrell1029 I've been doing genealogy research for quite some time now, or rather my parents have, and sorry if this sounds kinda condescending but unless you are adopted or don't know who a parent is, or even your grandparents then you can build your family tree in the traditional way using records, you don't need DNA matching for that. Maybe I'm wrong, everyone has different circumstances but I would feel a lot of people interested in genealogy are doing it to try and find it where their ancestors back in the old country came from, so this will be distant cousins. Also if I knew the surname chain I wouldn't need to message them in the first place, I'd know where they fitted in to the tree. The whole point of messaging them is giving them possible dates and locations in, say Ireland, where the link may be. I'm using DNA to try and break down brick walls.
@@KimberlyGreen I'm guessing by this you mean that you are already in conversations with matches who all have similar shared matches individually, and that you've already asked about collaborating? That would make more sense. As I said I've not used it yet and I'm curious if anyone has.
I have over 2,000 ppl I can't figure out where they go... No one responds especially they ones that are the closest matches🤦
YOU CAN HELP ME The results are real if I go to the registry office and pay to set up a family tree according to the birth certificates, since here in Brazil in the birth certificate they put the full names of the parents and grandparents
I've found that very few matches will respond. And I haven't always responded either. Why? Because I don't feel any obligation to respond to someone I don't know.
I had a cousin that I didn't know that I had reach out to me. We met for lunch. She's the spitting image of my mom's sister. She had me a file folder several inches thick. She had interviewed an older member of our shared branch and got details on how and who murdered my GGF.
You don't know what you might be missing out on when you don't respond.
I think it is a big waste of time to try and trace a family link with someone who is a 4th or 5th cousin. You are talking about dozens of grandparents they have which have nothing to do with you. This basically just makes us all strangers; related but NOT REALLY. Give it UP!!!
Very Good!... #9 ✝ {7-13-2023}
Let the dead Rest In Peace and stop giving away your info to the AI overlords.
Explain to me how having a family tree is going to wreck my future?
That's a poor reason for abandoning a tree that I've been working on for decades
It's a little early for the AI overlord take. AI is still in diapers.
@@hemichallenger3643 maybe not your individual future ,but all that amassed information on a molecular level being manipulated by an agenda that is neither transparent nor accountable presents a threat to us all . What is the difference between removing the gene for the common cold and removing the gene for any other human trait?
@@nnonotnow And somehow we are just starting to deal with the shit.