I've been with my partner 1.5yrs and I wish I knew about NPD before. I've discovered in the last 6months that she is in fact a vulnerable narc that has used all the text book narc moves. What dr Z and Dr Terri Cole have discussed here is so unbelievably relatable. I've been isolated, insulted thru humor, gaslit, manipulated, made to feel responsible for the situationship. It is so hard to get out once in. One thing I can add is that in the beginning love bomb stages, they will also trauma dump on you, because most narcs are attracted to kind, caring and gentle people, they know they will have you if they share things that have happened to them. This narcissism is an epidemic and also can be related to the Wetiko spirit that native American people speak of.
Feel like telling my therapist..Yes my therapist... to go parasite elsewhere Clients are not supposed to know.. very little of anything personal about a therapist. It's pronounced, "professional" July was the last of Long term High dose Benzo hell (taper) Am not a healthy person. Don't attract or attract healthy....not for a long time. 12 years with this therapist... July was the 40th year of poly psych chemical abuse(prescribed-i took as prescribed as a good sg) I've not been. Last I realize my feelings.. I'm twenty. Before the psychiatric pill brain fog. Also just coming to terms with some blow me away FOO info. Realizing I have traits too. Having so much difficulty getting to " a safe place " Finding my body knows.. .. if narcs are there(near) My tolerance may be lessening.... Progress!! Thinking out loud.... thank you for this. Peace 🕊️
Yes, the distinction between real remorse, and no remorse by a narcissistic family member. When you have experienced this, it is a struggle to communicate those experiences, you get hurt, you fall, and then you have to learn fast to protect yourself.
Since I set boundaries to the sister of my husband and I don't want to apologise for it like my husband wants, he uses silent treatment, tries to avoid me, no hugs, no touch, all the lovely details from before 2 weeks ago are totally gone, no love. Everything I say I uses against me like awareness, authentic, respect, integrity, values, etc... He says I want it for myself but I don't do it for others. He calls me an extremist, etc... I set my boundaries respectfully, but also clear. I'm not an extremist, I just want respect. I'm a good person. I guess I'm also in a narcissistic relationship.
so true. I am a daughter of a narc mother and wish I knew how to spot the future pacing, us against the world and slow trickle sooner. I went to the other side of the world to live my own life and even went no contact, now I'm worried I'll never be able to escape control since I moved into a condo under both of our names due to being unemployed for a while. I'm constantly living in fear not knowing when she will suddenly come back.
It makes sense, it still the same all around, nothing new and yet I can’t get enough of these videos.. seems like I will never accept it as a fact. It’s so confusing. I am frustrated with myself for not letting go the thought of that maybe one day it will change.
Na Talia, thank you for saying so about the struggle to let go of the idea they might change. Makes me not feel so idiotic/alone. Even with ample evidence of npd, even with literal years of crying very hard from the npd effects, I am *still* de-brainwashing myself from the notion of "he might change". I am at the stage now where it's not that I don't believe he might change (I still wonder that). It's that I have come to terms with the disintegrating effect I observe in myself when I think those thoughts that "he might change." What disintegrating effects? Emotional disregulation, physical illness, mental insanity, an increase in self-gaslighting, a decrease in my trust of my own perception, and a moving away from personal healing and growth. Not sure if all this resonates with you too , there's a lot of flavors of how it can affect us. Much love 🤍
@@lilithjesus7718 thank you for sharing your experience… I think yours is even worse. I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful healthy kids… it’s my mother and my brother who are narcissistic… I was sexually abused by my brother as a little girl. I don’t care about him. It’s my mother who I struggle with internally. She puts him on pedestal and I can’t stand it. I wished I could talk to her honestly but they are not capable to do so. The reality twisting is unbelievable. I am scared of future I don’t know how will I be able to take care of her. She has no one but him and since narcissist are the way the are he won’t take care of her. I wish I could run from my family (which I partly did, I moved 2 states away) but I can’t in my mind. I want to fix it but it’s not fixable. I can’t imagine though having a man who I deeply love and who is not able to honestly reciprocate feelings. Do you have children with this man?
Ive been being hurt so much... unfortunately , its been oozing over, and no its not alright. Yes, cptsd, scapegoated and all that goes with. Now, learning, making mistakes. thinking lots. Remembering.. feeling overwhelmed. Only a few months in. So glad i physically got away after i crossed something in me. I stayed away. With no idea about any of this information. Including about siblings. Isn't hindsight grand. My addiction issues and being suicidal, inpatient and homeless. I want to become so unloyal. I do know i dont want to hurt anyone or be hurt. I realize it happens just feels like all at once. I need to become more aware of so much, and truly know this is not my fault. With no boundaries and human brain im doing the best I can do for where im at. Am a child of a narc Am sixty . Physically i got away.. Emotionally im only realizing, becoming aware. Struggling with being numb and reactive. Didn't stop drinking to be like this. Doing a day at a time.And showing up. Big trouble with trust and leftovers in my head. Noticing them in my body ss well --a new and different --being in my body, Yoga helps me with this. Thank you for the information in this video.
WOW The two starting statements regarding high school boyfriend and getting married both mirror what happened to me when I tried to have a boyfriend in high school and when I announced that I was getting married. My marriage happened when I was 30 years old and I was told that I was too young by the problematic Authority figure.
What if your wife has diagnosed depression, anxiety, and an addictive personality. My wife is an alcoholic and she has called me a narcissist. I believe that what she sees as me being narcissistic is actually me trying to keep her safe when she has been drinking. Reasoning with an alcoholic is never possible. Any recommendations other than creating better boundaries for myself to work on while she is working on herself?
My codependent upbringing thought anyone w his problems would want to change-it took 20 yrs for hi functioning alcoholic x to say “I’m not going to change, if u think I am ur crazy” when I stopped trying to fix him -it was very difficult but I started getting better.
Hi Anna- Yes, but the odds of that happening are small. It is more likely that they have narc tendencies or that one is diagnosable and the other has tendencies. Either way, having two parents with limited empathy is painful, indeed. ❤️
Since I set boundaries to the sister of my husband and I don't want to apologise for it like my husband wants, he uses silent treatment, tries to avoid me, no hugs, no touch, all the lovely details from before 2 weeks ago are totally gone, no love. Everything I say he uses against me like awareness, authentic, respect, integrity, values, etc... He says I want it for myself but I don't do it for others. He calls me an extremist, etc... I set my boundaries respectfully, but also clear. I'm not an extremist, I just want respect. I'm a good person. I guess I'm also in a narcissistic relationship.I hope I'm wrong
Ask urself if what u just told us is signs of a narcissist. Listen to ur intuition. My voice was so small compared to all the signs but I look back & my discomfort was there. Easy to get in relationship w them & hardest thing in life is to get away. Sooner u get away the better u will be.
What if you mother throw you out of the apparment, when you are getting out of an acusive mariage? What if she thretening with suicide or cuting you out of the will?
That is mean and controlling and I am sorry you are going through that, Irina. ❤️ I don’t know enough to say if your mother is a narcissist. Either way, I encourage you to actively protect yourself from her. I have a list of free resources that might help here: terricole.com/gethelp
@@terri_cole I know that she is. I was at a therapy. She is a covert one. Always playing a victim. Even during my suffering in the narc abussive mariage, she was greater than me, because " she had suffered in life more than me", as she said. Like it is a competition. A total lack of empathy. She wants her way or the high way. She wanted a total control over me at this age. I went no contact. I had to.
Hi SA- studies show that many folks with narcissism may also suffer from addiction to drugs, sex, alcohol or even social media. However, not everyone with narcissism has addiction issues and not every addict is a narcissist. Hope that helps ❤️
I've been with my partner 1.5yrs and I wish I knew about NPD before. I've discovered in the last 6months that she is in fact a vulnerable narc that has used all the text book narc moves. What dr Z and Dr Terri Cole have discussed here is so unbelievably relatable. I've been isolated, insulted thru humor, gaslit, manipulated, made to feel responsible for the situationship. It is so hard to get out once in. One thing I can add is that in the beginning love bomb stages, they will also trauma dump on you, because most narcs are attracted to kind, caring and gentle people, they know they will have you if they share things that have happened to them. This narcissism is an epidemic and also can be related to the Wetiko spirit that native American people speak of.
I am so sorry you are experiencing this, Renee ❤️ Sending you so much strength.
Feel like telling my therapist..Yes my therapist... to go parasite elsewhere
Clients are not supposed to know.. very little of anything personal about a therapist.
It's pronounced, "professional"
July was the last of Long term High dose Benzo hell (taper)
Am not a healthy person. Don't attract or attract healthy....not for a long time. 12 years with this therapist... July was the 40th year of poly psych chemical abuse(prescribed-i took as prescribed as a good sg)
I've not been. Last I realize my feelings.. I'm twenty. Before the psychiatric pill brain fog. Also just coming to terms with some blow me away FOO info. Realizing I have traits too. Having so much difficulty getting to " a safe place " Finding my body knows.. .. if narcs are there(near)
My tolerance may be lessening....
Progress!!
Thinking out loud.... thank you for this. Peace 🕊️
Yes, the distinction between real remorse, and no remorse by a narcissistic family member. When you have experienced this, it is a struggle to communicate those experiences, you get hurt, you fall, and then you have to learn fast to protect yourself.
Thank you for sharing Jen ❤️ I am witnessing you with compassion.
Thank you Terri ... for the continued education ❤
Since I set boundaries to the sister of my husband and I don't want to apologise for it like my husband wants, he uses silent treatment, tries to avoid me, no hugs, no touch, all the lovely details from before 2 weeks ago are totally gone, no love. Everything I say I uses against me like awareness, authentic, respect, integrity, values, etc... He says I want it for myself but I don't do it for others. He calls me an extremist, etc... I set my boundaries respectfully, but also clear. I'm not an extremist, I just want respect. I'm a good person. I guess I'm also in a narcissistic relationship.
I have been brainwashed for 50 years that I am crazy by my Narc mom.
I am witnessing you with compassion, Irina ❤️❤️
@@terri_cole ❤❤❤
Somehow I missed this the first time. Thanks for reposting. ❤
You're so welcome! ❤️
so true. I am a daughter of a narc mother and wish I knew how to spot the future pacing, us against the world and slow trickle sooner. I went to the other side of the world to live my own life and even went no contact, now I'm worried I'll never be able to escape control since I moved into a condo under both of our names due to being unemployed for a while. I'm constantly living in fear not knowing when she will suddenly come back.
I am witnessing you with compassion and sending strength your way, D K ❤️
It makes sense, it still the same all around, nothing new and yet I can’t get enough of these videos.. seems like I will never accept it as a fact. It’s so confusing. I am frustrated with myself for not letting go the thought of that maybe one day it will change.
Na Talia, thank you for saying so about the struggle to let go of the idea they might change. Makes me not feel so idiotic/alone. Even with ample evidence of npd, even with literal years of crying very hard from the npd effects, I am *still* de-brainwashing myself from the notion of "he might change". I am at the stage now where it's not that I don't believe he might change (I still wonder that). It's that I have come to terms with the disintegrating effect I observe in myself when I think those thoughts that "he might change." What disintegrating effects? Emotional disregulation, physical illness, mental insanity, an increase in self-gaslighting, a decrease in my trust of my own perception, and a moving away from personal healing and growth. Not sure if all this resonates with you too , there's a lot of flavors of how it can affect us. Much love 🤍
@@lilithjesus7718 thank you for sharing your experience… I think yours is even worse. I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful healthy kids… it’s my mother and my brother who are narcissistic… I was sexually abused by my brother as a little girl. I don’t care about him. It’s my mother who I struggle with internally. She puts him on pedestal and I can’t stand it. I wished I could talk to her honestly but they are not capable to do so. The reality twisting is unbelievable. I am scared of future I don’t know how will I be able to take care of her. She has no one but him and since narcissist are the way the are he won’t take care of her. I wish I could run from my family (which I partly did, I moved 2 states away) but I can’t in my mind. I want to fix it but it’s not fixable.
I can’t imagine though having a man who I deeply love and who is not able to honestly reciprocate feelings. Do you have children with this man?
I am witnessing you both, Na and Lilith, with so much compassion and sending strength to you both ❤️❤️
You are so amazing!❤
❤️❤️
Ive been being hurt so much... unfortunately , its been oozing over, and no its not alright.
Yes, cptsd, scapegoated and all that goes with. Now, learning, making mistakes. thinking lots. Remembering.. feeling overwhelmed. Only a few months in. So glad i physically got away after i crossed something in me. I stayed away. With no idea about any of this information. Including about siblings. Isn't hindsight grand.
My addiction issues and being suicidal, inpatient and homeless. I want to become so unloyal. I do know i dont want to hurt anyone or be hurt. I realize it happens just feels like all at once. I need to become more aware of so much, and truly know this is not my fault. With no boundaries and human brain im doing the best I can do for where im at.
Am a child of a narc
Am sixty .
Physically i got away..
Emotionally im only realizing, becoming aware. Struggling with being numb and reactive. Didn't stop drinking to be like this. Doing a day at a time.And showing up. Big trouble with trust and leftovers in my head.
Noticing them in my body ss well --a new and different --being in my body, Yoga helps me with this. Thank you for the information in this video.
I am witnessing you with so much compassion ❤️❤️
WOW The two starting statements regarding high school boyfriend and getting married both mirror what happened to me when I tried to have a boyfriend in high school and when I announced that I was getting married. My marriage happened when I was 30 years old and I was told that I was too young by the problematic Authority figure.
What if your wife has diagnosed depression, anxiety, and an addictive personality. My wife is an alcoholic and she has called me a narcissist. I believe that what she sees as me being narcissistic is actually me trying to keep her safe when she has been drinking. Reasoning with an alcoholic is never possible. Any recommendations other than creating better boundaries for myself to work on while she is working on herself?
My codependent upbringing thought anyone w his problems would want to change-it took 20 yrs for hi functioning alcoholic x to say “I’m not going to change, if u think I am ur crazy” when I stopped trying to fix him -it was very difficult but I started getting better.
Hey there Chris - I highly recommend Alanon as a place where you can get support and education. Sending strength your way ❤️
Can both parents be narcissists, mother and father?
Hi Anna- Yes, but the odds of that happening are small. It is more likely that they have narc tendencies or that one is diagnosable and the other has tendencies. Either way, having two parents with limited empathy is painful, indeed. ❤️
Since I set boundaries to the sister of my husband and I don't want to apologise for it like my husband wants, he uses silent treatment, tries to avoid me, no hugs, no touch, all the lovely details from before 2 weeks ago are totally gone, no love. Everything I say he uses against me like awareness, authentic, respect, integrity, values, etc... He says I want it for myself but I don't do it for others. He calls me an extremist, etc... I set my boundaries respectfully, but also clear. I'm not an extremist, I just want respect. I'm a good person. I guess I'm also in a narcissistic relationship.I hope I'm wrong
Ask urself if what u just told us is signs of a narcissist. Listen to ur intuition. My voice was so small compared to all the signs but I look back & my discomfort was there. Easy to get in relationship w them & hardest thing in life is to get away. Sooner u get away the better u will be.
@@SA-ww1ge am I'm exagerating when I feel I've to set my boundaries
I have a vid on 10 signs of an abusive relationship, in case it helps shed any light: ruclips.net/video/GMfyJv98N5A/видео.html ❤️❤️
@@terri_cole ok thanks very much Terri 👍♥️🌺🌈🙏
What if you mother throw you out of the apparment, when you are getting out of an acusive mariage? What if she thretening with suicide or cuting you out of the will?
That is mean and controlling and I am sorry you are going through that, Irina. ❤️ I don’t know enough to say if your mother is a narcissist. Either way, I encourage you to actively protect yourself from her. I have a list of free resources that might help here: terricole.com/gethelp
@@terri_cole I know that she is. I was at a therapy. She is a covert one. Always playing a victim. Even during my suffering in the narc abussive mariage, she was greater than me, because " she had suffered in life more than me", as she said. Like it is a competition. A total lack of empathy. She wants her way or the high way. She wanted a total control over me at this age. I went no contact. I had to.
Do narcissists commonly have addictions-alcohol, drugs, sex, food, porn, entertainment, shopping, violence etc.
Multiple addictions never seen one wo
All the above
Yes because those vices provide escapism for them
Hi SA- studies show that many folks with narcissism may also suffer from addiction to drugs, sex, alcohol or even social media. However, not everyone with narcissism has addiction issues and not every addict is a narcissist. Hope that helps ❤️
@@terri_cole Can alcohol bring out narcissistic traits in someone?
The swear words is not something I want to hear. Ruined it for me.