Learn from my mistakes.
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- Опубликовано: 11 сен 2024
- It's okay to be alone
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You guys are the sweetest. Obviously I'm in a very positive and healthy place in my life now, but I had to fight for it and make it through on my own. Retrospectively, I can see every mistake I made so clearly and I hope that I can save someone some heartache, depression and anxiety by making them realise they have self worth and they deserve to be happy. Nothing worth having in life comes easy, but if you don't change anything then nothing changes.
you are so wise, jake. i really appreciate you being there for all of us and posting/streaming, and honestly just being you haha. youre great, man. i hope you have/are having a great day.
@@JakeMunro Everyone needs to listen to this. Made many same mistakes over my life and feeling even more connection now!
We love you and appreciate you so much!!!! Your journey has been so inspiring and awesome to watch🖤
You are so amazing Jake and you care about people that’s why I love you and your videos ❤❤❤❤
Thank you for reaffirming a lesson I learnt long ago man found your video by the grace of the algorthm and it has helped a lot :)
I really needed this. The past ten years have been a hurricane. I’m 34 now, I’ve spent a lot of time giving to others. And not self preserving, just exhausting myself. I have finally realized I need to put me first and I have to make the difficult decisions. I don’t have to convince people anymore or give myself completely to a partner that doesn’t do the same for me. Those people that take advantage of me and I forgive over and over. It’s killed me. I’ve been selfish about not wanting to be alone. It’s done, over!
WOAH BUDDY😮😯😲
You should probably try not to lean so hard into Nihilistic or Relativistic or Anti‐Heuristic mindsets during such obviously emotionally inspired levels of reactions, for such pendulum based ebbs and flows in ALL OF THE IMPORTANT AREAS OF YOUR DAILY AND OVERALL LIFE. BAD IDEA. Since long before the idea of any of these philosophical precepts that use Latinized Greek Philology to try and impart an entire novel's worth of explication, into the less than "7 or 8 syllables", it has been known well, the worth of "negative interaction" over that of "positive reaction" or so called "neutral indifference". But be it that the aforementioned language group would agree to an equivalent ethnosynchronistic recognition amongst "the learned populous"...I hope the reference is more than slight and acknowledged by any who make it this far into the pointlessly meandered soliloquy... that of which I, thusly and quite arbitrarily verbosely, if I might add, have forthrightly and post-requisitively, gave my R.S.V.P., as well as, in the vain of remedial expediency, as of right now, just responded.
Yours, Most Assuredly
Jeffrey David Bonanno
? In English! Can you summarize any of that to the main point.@jeffreybonanno8982
As someone that doesn't call a lot of people "close friends" for this exact reason, this hits close to home.
Jake I love this, it's very philosophical and very deliberate. This is the kind of content I love. It reminds me of your early days when you used to say "I had a great day today cause I made it a great day" You saying that always left me think about more deeper topics. Thank you jake.
I was inspired by my wonderful live chatters to return to some of my old school content. I really did enjoy doing some of the "Life lessons" videos, because I always wished I had heard it when I was going through certain things.
@@JakeMunro Hearing your "I had a great day today because I made it a great day." at the end of your old videos got me through hard times back then. It was always a reminder to try and gain as much control as I could of my emotional state.
@@CierraxTessa yeah sometimes its the simplest of things that help the most, cuz life can get more complicated than it needs to be at times. ie you can’t change or control others or how they act, you can only control yourself and how you will react. ❤
I have that on my fridge because of Jake and I see it everyday. I haven't been much of a commenter until recent but I have benefited from his content so much. Not even a gamer but just listening to his videos and lives have helped me greatly and made me feel less alone often and made lol when I really didn't feel like it.
Shit, I kinda needed this. It helps knowing I'm not alone in this shit. I mean I know I'm not but when others are actually speaking out on it, it actually helps. I appreciate you bro. Seriously. Keep being you man.
Need more real people in the world.
My mother is the most manipulative, selfish, gaslighting person I’ve ever known. I’ve tried to have a healthy relationship with her and she gets so angry about my personal adult boundaries. Not only does she not respect them, she pushes them out of the way to intentionally make me get angry so she can be the victim. I finally made the decision last month to relieve her from mine and my husband’s lives. It makes me really sad bc she’s the last of my immediate family but I can’t let her ruin what I have built for myself. I understand deeply and anyone struggling w something like this, do what brings you peace. I beg of you.
wow. same!! I had to cut her off and people dont understand it and people who dont even know me that well tell me i shoud "give her another chance" because she is my mother. They dont know sh is the person who has ever hurt me the most... and its also very hard to cut her off... I didnt do it because I wanted it, but because I had to so our relationship woudnt "explode" completely. Sorry for the english but anyways... its hard! Lets do what is best for us!
My mother is litrally like that too she's litrally never put her children first even when a member of the family had sexually assaulted her child she never filed a police report or callled police and cared more about her rather than doing what was best for a child then it went on to ruin relationships and life and love. Then even being suicidal depressed anxiety and abused by her and then financially trapped by her she then tried to say it was my fault and then got my brother and sister his wife and her husband to stand up for her because she had a heart attack and if I argue or say anything about me trying to discuss it to her she's suddenly having chest pains. I know she's like that and she's cause me a lifetime of issues but it's hard to get away or escape people like that when they control your money, your home and your health. I even made counsellors and therapists cry because they literally don't know how to help me and honestly I'm out of option I either run away leave everything with no money phone or belongings risk my relationships with friends and family to escape it. Sad part is my siblings and my dad wouldn't allow or have me for few days or weeks while I try to move out.
I’m in the same boat, you are not alone love, I see you ❤️🥺
Hope u can find a sense of peace...
Breathe.
One way or another it'll work itself out.
Don't stress waitin for that moment thow or you WILL end up ruinin what you've built.
Just live & let live , & see what works out in time (whether that's sooner or way later than the present moment 🤷🏽♀️). You can't force things nor make them come faster, & u also can't control most things in life.
.. . So come what May. ;-)
^^ SO that's for ever one here then (now that I just read the comments above, lol).
Don't stress y'all selves out over it ✌🏽
When I asked the universe to give me a sign, I was not expecting Jake to tell me to be selfish and value my life. This struck accord with me but it’s a sign, all I got to say is thank you Jake!! 🖤🖤🖤
Brother, I felt this. This entire topic is why my circle went from a circle, to basically a dot. My Grandfather taught me that you'll only be as successful as the people you choose to keep close. I had to cut my own dad out because of him only seeing me as a financial escape. I didn't speak to him for 7 years and then the last time I saw him was him in a coffin. I cut my brother out for the exact same reasons. I was also married for a short while and during that...man, I lost everything that made me who I was. I was so ashamed of my interests and who I was. I spent 5 years cut off from romantic relations and decided to fully focus on myself. Now, you couldn't kill my confidence if you tried. I've sat and thought about everything and played it through my mind until I was able to accept every decision I ever made. It is very hard. But I now know what I stand. The hardest part is getting to a point where you're basically Teflon, dipped in carbon fiber liquid. It's worth it in the long run, though.
Out of all of the RUclipsrs I watch as a gen Z kid, you are the most relatable and inspiring RUclips I ever watched. I know how you feel and I used to be like the people you’ve described and after watching your Breaking my silence video, I have made an amazing change for my family, thank you for being you, you are exactly where you need to be. 🖤
It took me a LONG time to realize the difference between friends and acquaintances.
I had "friends" from work, the club, from school, and from other "friends".
I think social media has made us believe people we "know" (people we know exist in the world) are actually our friends.
True relationships only exist between people who make time for you and go out of their way to be there for you.
The amount of ACTUAL friends I have decreased when I finally realized this fact. At first it was kind of depressing, but all in all.... it's a relief. I feel less crowded and don't feel like I have to keep up with SO MANY people who didn't want to keep up with me.
Having a small group of people you love, trust and enjoy isn't a bad thing ❤
FR. FROM 20 TO 1.
This video is exactly why I have stayed a fan of Jake from the moment I started watching his Vlog videos. He does not BS or hype himself up, but tells it as it is. He is articulate and to-the-point, and doesn't try to sell some BS message that doesn't mean anything at all. Thanks for this video.
i started crying cause, yeah 99% of family and friends do this to me. why cant i have someone care about me
Jake, I may not be a fan of some of the choices you have made in your life, but it IS your life to make choices about, and I'm genuinely happy to have watched you claw and crawl your way out of a very bad beginning to be in a good place. I did the same. Shitty childhood, clawed my way out and made a family, and that collapsed. Started all over again at 40 and thought I was just gonna give up and ride out the rest of my life. And then I met the most amazing woman in the world, younger than me by a bit, but just like me in all the important ways. She makes me feel alive again, my kids adore her, my ex hates her because she is everything my ex isn't (lol). I clawed my way back out again. It's always good to see someone else thrive in this shitty world.
Keep it up.
Dude, this was really helpful. I recently moved to a small town after my dad passed away, and I don't have any physical friends here. It's been isolating. His passing changed me deeply, and it hurt that my family didn't seem to understand or care that I was grieving and growing from the experience. Meanwhile, random people I've met online were the ones checking in, asking if I was okay or needed help (And those "strangers" didn't know my dad had passed they only knew I vanished offline), while my family told me to stop being dramatic and selfish. The world is weird, and life is too short to care about anyone who doesn't have your best interests at heart. Family can become strangers, and friends can become family.
Its me Jake, this talked right to my heart. There is a kid involved so it multiplies the difficulty, but it has to happen.. Thanks for putting this video out.
Can agree, I was in a 7 year toxic relationship, you get to a point where you become emotionally detached from them and or everything, there repeated actions, there lies, there empty promises and the way of twisting or making it your fault/ making you feel its your fault.
And you just want out because every effort was made by you or when they wanted something in particular, and you just want any little sign that they care, a little non benefited gesture or to make that person smile, nothing more. but have never had a sign or can't even remember the last time it happened.
One thing I learned was they change the second you say no, it's like you have told them the most horrible thing in the world, and how dare I say no or actually want something even the most smallest of things.
Plus, after all the chaos of that friendship or relationship the being alone is a particular peace that is a wonderful comfort that not many people will ever understand.
I am glad your happy, and the same for anyone else that has had similar in the past, I hope you have nothing but happiness, joy and success in the future.
spent half my life with "friends" that were very good at "yeah but you" while being absolutely drunk pretty much every weekend, some of them moving on to other substances.
I'm glad I cut this cord^^
Thx for this Video! Pretty much sums up my late 20s and now beginning of 30s, can absolutely relate! Glad you were also able to get out of this cicle!
I had to make the decision to go no contact with my dad and stepmom a few months ago. it was one of the hardest things I've had to do, but I couldn't deal with the emotional abuse anymore. My relationship with my dad has been basically one sided for a long time now, I was the one who had to make all the effort, and he claims that it's my fault. Thank you so much for this video Jake, I needed to see it.
I wasn't expecting to cry from a video by you. Lol
About a month ago I had to make the difficult decision to leave my bf of 9 years because they acted just like this. It's been very difficult these past couple of weeks and this video really helped me understand I am doing the right thing for me. 🖤🖤
One of the most difficult parts of life is trying to find people who truly understand us. I've had friends who, as you said, "used and abused" me for their own benefit. The great part of having "close friends" is that you can hold each other accountable. You can say critical things to each other because you're trying to help them get out of their fear or dark place.
You almost said it earlier; I think you wanted to. There is a difference between holding a friend accountable and trying to fix them. We cannot fix each other, as much as we would like to. I often wish I could bring my tool bag and simply start fixing someone’s life. I, too, have fallen into this trap where I start to wonder, what in the world am I doing?
Here's what I know. As a Christian, I must challenge myself every day to change. I must do something different with the course of my life. What can I do to impact those around me for the better, even in cases where they use me until the last drop. I know Jesus can heal me, and my hope is that He will heal them. Just like you, I think we can both agree that when we see these types of people again in our lives, they’re typically not happy and are often alone. If all I can do is tell them, as a friend, what the deal is, they either get it, or they simply don’t. When I look back at all my choices in life, I cannot change what has happened, but I can most certainly control how I react to them.
Jake, you're a funny, smart, and good man, becoming wiser by the day. God bless you and yours.
-SingByDeath
I see you've finally come to grips with the fact that it is okay to being angry. You just need to handle it in a way more beneficial to everyone involved, putting only those that deserve to be number one number one. You first until you find that one.
And damn the accountability thing. I literally just had a long rant status conversation about this just yesterday with a friend. Everybody has no problem trying to force accountability onto others when it isn't even their place but SELF ACCOUNTABILITY is becoming more and more rare.
I'm so glad I had my dads in my life to teach me.
Enough rambling from another internet stranger for you. Kudos though. Big kudos and good luck!
I love this, the realness, the vulnerability. It makes so much sense. Thank you for the perspective. Plus, I like listening to you talk 🖤
Thank you. I'm having a difficult time with my sister and her family. I've been left in limbo waiting for her conversation for six weeks and it's messing up life for my parents. Trying to be accountable is difficult when no one else tells you _why_ they are upset, but they tell everyone else. I can't put into words how desperately i needed to hear this. Thank you, Jake. 🖤
You know, it's nice to hear someone outright say this and do so in a way that makes you really think about it. I've spent most of my life either worrying about what people think of me or what I can do to help them and it's absolutely taken a toll on me both physically and mentally. Worrying about what I can provide, how useful I am or what I can do to help others but not receiving help or even being scared to ask for it when it's needed in return. It's like I'm stuck in a loop now of 'all work and no play' due to being the helpful or responsible one both in friendships as well as relationships. Thankfully my partner recognizes it and snaps me out of it so I actually take time for myself to breathe and recharge. Unfortunately, since I've done it for so long - Yes, I feel guilty if I'm not being productive or helping in some way. It's a difficult cycle to break but it's progress and I want to thank you for putting it into just the right words.
Hey Jake, I was the lucky person who thankfully partnered up with someone who showed me how toxic my people pleasing behaviour is. Not just to me, but to them, as my partner. My people pleasing behaviour is just as manipulative as the people around me who took advantage of me as well.
Because essentially what it is, like you said Jake, is that I was so terrified of conflict, of being left alone, and my self hatred was so bad that I couldn't stand myself and how scary being alone could be. Therefore I behaved in ways that are not authentic to myself, suppressed everything inside and let the demons and contempt brew, all for the sake of making others feel pleased of myself. As if somehow all of the things I did and said and gave to them, suddenly made me a person who SHOULD be getting their love and affection. Somehow because of what I did and said and sacrificed and gave alllllll those things to them, that I am now ENTITLED to them being pleased of me. When in fact I am not entitled to it. And I am, in my own way, lying and manipulating people to like me. All because of my deep sense of loathing and hatred towards myself.
It is a lesson I learned the HARD way. Deeply painful and upsetting to unpack everything. But my partner wanted me to cut that shit out and just say the shit I want to say instead of lying to them to avoid conflict.
Fucking terrifying. I still struggle with it because bad habits are hard to reverse, especially if it was your survival instinct as a kid who just wanted her parents to love her. But I am grateful that my partner is patient in letting me learn and grow to fight for myself. I am a slow learner, but I learn.
Stop bullshitting people so that they like you. Otherwise they will stick around and like you for your bullshit instead of the authentic you.
I was talking to one of my friends about this a few days ago. I told her this
"People are like rubix cubes. Some combos work, and some don't. People have different ways to complete the puzzle and sometimes the strat doesn't work, all you gotta do is keep trying but DONT PUSH yourself for you might lose some pieces of the cube by clutching it to hard" I'm so happy you talked about this❤ you are amazing Jake!!!
You're so wise☺️ I love this way of putting it
I'm autistic and have been in and out of abusive relationships most of my life, one of which was my own parent. Honestly needed this vid today. I mean, not like I had parents to tell me.. lol. No seriously. Thank you.
Really needed this. I’m 36 and still catch myself people pleasing. I have been aware of it but this really helped to put things into perspective. Thank you so much for your words. You’re appreciated!!
Watching you grow and "weed" your garden of all the thorns and lifeless elements has been a pleasure. You continue to live and learn and share, helping others to see it is possible to move forward. Always setting a goal, achieving it and setting a new one.
At 54 I have been down the road of life and have also "weeded" my garden and it is no small feat.
I still look at you like another of my many "children" and can not wait to be a part of your next chapter.
Thanks be to the gods i found you.
As always much love to you and yours.
If a person really loves you as much as you love them, they will put in the effort. The squeaky wheel gets the oil, so don't be afraid to start the conversation in a calm controlled way. The outcome of that conversation is all you'll need to know.
I think what hurts the worst is when you just…need…HELP. You get home from work and you’re like “…babe, I’m exhausted. Can you take the fur baby for a walk?”. Then, somehow you still end up having to do it. You’re tired, you’re hungry, you need to go to the bathroom too. OR it happens and you INSTANTLY regret asking because, now you’re getting attitude or a guilt trip. Then, there’s the “I hear you. I hear that you NEED help. You’re struggling” response you might get from them. In this moment life feels good. They SEE the struggle. They see all the hard work you’re doing for the ‘team’. You go about life thinking, “Oh, thank God. They understand how heavy life is for me right now. They’re willing to pull their weight and help.” But, then the patterns just continue. The help lasts 1-2 days and it’s right back on you again. All the things they said they’d do? Yeah, no. But, you love this person. You keep telling yourself they don’t mean to hurt me. I’m just not communicating in the right way. Let me talk with them AGAIN. Maybe I didn’t articulate my needs clearly. Ugh. Makes me tired just typing that, much less living it. I 👏 FEEL 👏 you, dude! I’m still working on NOT being the perpetual people pleaser.
I had to take a step back from my family after a long time of negative patterns. I cried so much, and felt like such a horrible person, but being able to breathe and be myself and enjoy my life was worth the hard trade off. I hope you all find the peace you deserve. Thanks for talking about this Jake ❤
I'm so tired of telling someone I'm a fan of you and getting a dirty look, you make good content so I'm just going to keep defending my statements bc I love watching your videos
I'm sorry if this is long and possibly over-sharing, but this video really made me reflect on my life. I recently turned 22. At the end of last year, I finally got out of a 5-year relationship. It was very turbulent and on/off. Still to this day, I blame myself for the fact that it didn't work out in the end. I realised that, in my mind, I've had her placed up on a pedestal throughout all these years. She was mentally unwell and used that to rectify her bad behaviours and I learned to wholeheartedly accept the imbalance that this caused in our relationship, even though I wasn't doing well either. Looking back on it, it was almost a form of self-harm. For example, when I found out that she was in a relationship with my sister, I blamed myself for not being there for her as much as she needed me to be. In my mind, at the time, the fact that I went to school made it justifiable for her to be seeing someone else behind my back when I was away. It seems absolutely demented now that I look back on it. It's almost like I was taught to internalise the pain that she caused me, over and over again, until the day that I started questioning her. Then I was seen as being too difficult and she dumped me for "it". I'm done blaming myself for what did and didn't happen. It's over. I deserve better and there's nothing that anyone can say or do that takes away from my experience. I don't have to let it define me anymore.
Thank you for talking about this difficult topic.
I've got a funny story of someone not taking accountability. It was in art class and this girl who was renowned for getting others to help with her art asked me to draw a pine tree for reference. But when I drew a pine tree and she laughed at my, "Stupidity," and questioned what I was drawing. She didn't believe me when I said pine tree and as she continued to make fun of my, "Stupidity," I realised through her descriptions in her mockery what she meant to say was palm tree. But even then when I told her instead of accepting she made a mistake she told me I'm the stupid one and I should've known what she meant. Hey, I'm not the one who got names of trees mixed up, and I wasn't the one who was making a big deal about it. She was literally escalating and was willing to die on this hill all because of a word mix up anyone could've made.
omg... I felt this on a spiritual level... especially the part about when you bring up your grievance and they respond with "yeah but you", except in my case it was I brought up my grievance and they tried to make it out to be my fault...
I think you've just helped save my life... I'm with a guy who says "Yeah, but you..." along with other mean stuff. I love him, but he seems to be pretending to love me.
The way he makes me feel has caused me to try to unalive myself recently (1 week ago) and now I've got a bit of voice box damage. As a vocalist, I'm scared it's permanent.
I need to leave him before it k1lls me. Thank you for this video. These are tools I needed
Jake, I hear you and I feel you! I was in a place so similar a few years ago, and it took me years to get well again and learn to be happy. I'm really glad I realized it had to be changed. And I'm also really glad that you did the same with your life. I feel happy for both of us for changing our lives for the better and surrounding ourselves with good, healthy, safe persons. ❤
Expecting people to love you like you do is insane. I know, I would get let down every time I would have a birthday or anything like that. But I would remember a comment a friend or family member left about something they really wanted 5 years ago and I would get it for them. My point is it was never reciprocated and the thought was just never there and as soon as I realized that I was set free. In 2019 I finally told myself I am going to treat people how they treat me and needless to say I now only have my SO and kids around. It can be a blessing in disquise.
I have lived alone since moving out and I am almost 40 now and I don't regret it just need my 1 friend that only uses me for the 1 thing I have, all the butt scratches and belly rubs they could ever want. I learned early on there are a lot of stupid people out there in the world and its not worth spending 1 second on them because there is no cure for stupid.
Honestly, my husband and I understand where you are coming from. I myself do not have friends, and there are just a few family members that I still talk to. My husband talks to his family, including those that have burned him (he will hear them out for a few minutes, before he leaves and or hangs up on them).
I also am easily manipulated, so that is why I do not talk and or keep it brief, because I don't want to get sucked into drama.
It's okay to not talk to people who have hurt you, until he/she/they realize and are ready for a real conversation. That real conversation, can not happen until he/she/they wake up mentally and are ready to admit to mistakes that happened.
You are a great guy, and you are doing a great job as an influencer.
When you said that we have to give up a part of ourselves to be accepted by others really just hit me hard. Its so true in a way that’s so simple but I don’t think we want to actually see it that way so we don’t. 😞
ive been waiting for this since i suggested it, still cant believe it is real now. im going to watch this and enjoy so much. edit: thanks, supernatural tessa for making this happen!! you, the other snaccs, and jake ofc, are all awesome folks.
sup jake first of all great video and its a good thing u said all those things,my wife past away last year and since then i lost all my friend and ppl keep away from me so being alone is something i understand every day it hurts to the point u jus wana giv up,looking for happiness in ur life has a big cost.ive also been used n ppl only speak to me wen they want sumthin so i understand that to.keep wel bro an stay strong wel all of shud try n find sumthin our lives that push us forward.
A lot of this comes with learning to set boundries. I have never been a people pleaser. I have two best friends, all of us will go to the ends of the Earth to help eachother but none will leech off the other.
Parents are a different story unfortunately, they are absolutely the ones that cant stand to hear their faults and get defensive and lash out.
This made me realize a lot about myself and about my relationship. I have been “this person in your life” with my gf, family members, friends and this video was the true wake up call I needed to take accountability and learn from my mistakes and shortcomings.
There’s also people who could be trying to be better, but still fall short because of some personal issue or trauma they have. There’s a million different possible toxic dynamics, and very few 100% symbiotic equal exchanges in partnerships. I know this is probably not ideal, but I lower my expectations and try to accept people for their flaws when there are redeeming qualities otherwise. Boundaries are healthy, but seeking to change or fix everyone can be a toxic quality in itself. If a dynamic feels fruitful like you’re both bringing out the best in each other or truly appreciate some of the respective qualities each other has it’s important to acknowledge the good collaborative moments, as well as the bad. Unfortunately it’s up to each of us to decide what we will tolerate and what are deal breakers. We all have different love languages, and if you seek to be empathetic and actively enriching you have to at times compromise. I don’t have a lot of tangible things people would USE me for, but I try every day to be there for my partner or loved one in a way that makes their life easier. If someone is honest and vulnerable sharing their faults from the start, you can try to help them work through them in patient and understanding ways that don’t cause a sense of urgent obligation. Forcefully trying to change a person with constant ultimatums rarely works and can create insecurities and resentments. We are all only human and have strengths and weaknesses. If you consistently meet people and think, it’s going to be a challenge to get them to fulfill my basic requirements, then at some point it’s on you to do some introspection on why you are continuously surrounding yourself with people who seem to always fall short. Not addressing you specifically Jake, but just posing a counter point to this kind of… interpersonal turbulence.
Bruh i needed this that part about attracting the same kind of people that drain the goodness out of you when all you doing is being the good person or friend. As an artist I’ve had people run out with original art without paying me and lying on me and even had people misuse my kindness and disrespect the trust. I’ve had a BEST friend I’ve known since school move into my home with her autistic child a year ago. Once the new year started she stopped paying me rent and dropping her adult responsibilities on me when I don’t HAVE nor want kids they are too expensive. Yes I end up kicking her out bc she don’t open her mouth when she choose not to communicate and I’m 34yrs old and communication is KEY! I have no problem helping anyone that asks for it as genuinely need it. But when I kicked her out bc she was messing up my home and costing me money she goes and lie and call the cops on me as RIGHT then I cut our friendship off bc a friend would never do that and afraid to take accountability of her actions and she don’t need a autistic child and she needs legit help.
YES. This is one of the hardest truths to confront and accept. I'm *very* chronically ill. My meat suit is a fucking dumpster fire. If I am not selfish with my time/resources, my quality of life decreases and over time that becomes incredibly dangerous. It is very hard to watch people leave your life when you start to enforce the boundaries that you need for your own wellbeing, but I agree that after some reflection and time the end result is a much more peaceful existence. Thank you for sharing this, I really enjoy when you speak on more serious topics. You tend to be very well spoken with interesting insights, and you fact check. Honestly would love to see more "shit I learned the hard way and am now sharing so you don't have to"
Oof big same. Chronically ill and on disability for it, and good lord if I'm not selfish I'll combust or possibly end up in the ER (no joke, has happened a couple times). Somehow a lot of my fellow chronically ill folks are the ones that seem to struggle most with the notion it's okay to be selfish, and I'm so sad to see it.
@babowasalwayshere yeah I feel that in my spoonie soul. It's damn hard to accept and it doesn't help that a massive burden complex tends to come in the fuckmylife welcome basket lol because physical health being a dumpster fire isn't bad enough OH NO the universe just has to fucking bend you over sans lube and make sure mental health matches.
The best thing I've heard in my lifetime which brings some sort of clarity is this: you are the villain in someone else's story. And that hits home. Doesn't mean you are one, sometimes people just can't take accountability for their own actions and paint you out to be the bad guy. Since streaming, I've made friends and also lost them. I have a standard and if people don't meet it I let them go. This in turn has meant my lifelong best friend doesn't want me telling people we are best friends because she's a people pleaser. So I've taken a huge step back from her. Life is a difficult mess if you let it be. Taking control and putting yourself first should never be seen as a bad thing and you've absolutely hit the nail on the head with everything you've said. Thank you
I know we don't chat like we used to and the time we spent hanging out was short lived, but I want you to know without a doubt I never approached our moments as a means to gain anything. I simply enjoyed existing and getting to make memories. I enjoyed the whacky, fun community you've fostered, and those I've met along the way. I could chalk up a laundry list of my reasons for not being around much anymore: from real life problems keeping me back to my lack of social capability as negative thoughts (toward myself) rear their ugly heads. That's not my reason for commenting, though. I just want to wish you well and that things continue to improve for you. Be it surrounded by thousands or alone. I know I wasn't around for a lot of things that occurred in the past few years, appearing a little later in life, but that doesn't change my opinion. I like to see others grow, show true interest in topics that they could talk about for hours, and just be happy.
I have had to many of these types of people in my life and when I cut them out, I had more money, more time to do what I wanted to do, and I could spend more time with my spouse who is absolutely amazing. I think this is one of my favorite videos of yours. Thank you so much Jake 🤘
This video is so real, watching your videos over the years has made me want to try. I have always come back to watch your old videos bc you've always had really good advice
I’m super happy you say it, because when I do say it to my loved ones it may seem like I just want to benefit from that decision of theirs. Even if it’s not about that. But it’s sometimes hard to explain it to a mentally messed up person who’s been in it for so long. A heads up from a stranger sometimes is the best.
you know today is my birthday. And this video really hit home harder than most people can imagine.
Spend majority of my time alone, and I’m not making TikTok and being on twitch.
But you posting this video today and it just happened to be on my birthday and I’m just sitting on my couch watching my favorite movies really made me think about some of the people in my life that have been there for me for the best of times and the worst of times and how grateful I am for them
But also, let’s not forget about the people to make you the villain because selfish. As you said it is OK to be selfish. It’s OK to step away and become the villain and their story to make you the hero and yours.
Jake, you’re an amazing person. You’ve been through a lot for the last few years if not your entire life. Never change who you are we all make mistakes and we are all definitely not perfect. For you, sir I respect more than you can know.
Im going thru a divorce now after 14 years of abuse. This is exactly my experience. He had No accountability and no willingness to change or even try to change. I wish I got out sooner.
My parents were cut out of my life years ago, mainly to protect my kids' mental health (and my own) because they were the people you talked about and worse. In the last few years a couple of my own kids have started cutting me out of their lives and to be honest I don't know why. They grew up watching everything including their fathers try to tear me apart and keep me down and they've watched me fight my ass off to simply survive all the bullshit... but apparently it wasn't good enough, I'm not good enough. I don't make enough money, I don't work hard enough. Since they were in my life they have been my reason to breathe, everything I've done, every sacrifice I've made has been for them... yet somehow... I'm the "toxicity" they want gone. EVERY little thing I do for myself makes me feel guilty, and even the biggest things I do for myself are to make myself better... for them. Maybe some day they will understand that life isn't as easy as they think it is.
But Thank you, Jake... truly.
OHMG I needed this so badly! I lost both my brothers died within 3 years of each other and then my dad was diagnosed with prostate cancer and I need to move out because my mother was and still is taking all of it out on me and she was an incredible verbally abusive mother. Im disabled with a rare dwarfism and am struggling with my mental health and health issues. My older brother had the same dwarfism and my mom doesn't believe to me anything I say....
I'm am to blacklist my mom
This helped a lot. Going through this right now with my mom. There’s a certain point where you realize you deserve respect and love too.
I've been a peopleplease for 30 years. After 2 years with my wonderful girlfriend, I can see how much it been destroying me. Now I'm almost 32 and I can't work because of all the shit I've taken. So I've been pushing my mom out of my life and now I' ve been taking time away from my best friend that I've been living with for almost 3 years. Cause she has not been a good friend. Something I feel like all the people I love, always let me down. But I do not want to allow it anymore. And this video got me thinking more. We all deserve to be happy and some people can't be in our life for us to feel that. It's hard, but it's true. So now I'm going to active look for a new place to live, cause I deserve better. ❤
I love your videos! Been a fan for years! Stay safe man and keep up the amazing work!!!
Thank you. I was trying to sleep but my brain wont turn off.
I was about to search for "being ok with being alone" and i clicked on your video instead..... what are the chances, eh. Guess this is what i needed to hear. Thanks big guy ❤
Glad you're doing so well. You're an inspiration.
This video was amazing
The part and being with someone who you just beg in your head to do something to show they care(19:39 )
Needed that advice and comfort in knowing it happens and others feel that way
I appreciate these type of videos so much 🖤
Thank you for this video. I really needed this although none of it is new information I just need to keep having it beaten into me. I need to stop trying to get toxic people to take accountability and stop stooping to their level of toxicity.
I've been following you for years, and seen you go through all the things life tends to throw at people. Even through some of your tougher spots, you always had this care about you. Unfortunately, youth is and always will be wasted on the young. People will always have to go through their own trials and reach an age where the clouds open and there is that life changing moment of self awareness. Unrelated is my occasional pointing out of how you morphed your accent into something of your own. I feel like you have worked just as hard on changing that piece of you as you have working through the curves of life. Life is a ball of play dough, morph it until its right.
Thanks for making this video means a lot and i think i needed to hear this. Thanks ❤️
Christ this resonated in my soul. About a year ago I completely cut off my “friends” the drain on my time and mental stability was just overwhelming. I’m in my 30’s happily married with two boys and a third kid on the way I just don’t have the extra for others anymore it was genuinely killing me slowly and I’m far better off now. Even funnier was two days ago I reached out to let them know about my next kid on the way cause I thought they should know and immediately first reply was the old crap all over again nothing about my kids or anything just straight too the shit again and honestly it was good affirmation of what I had done and wouldn’t change a thing
EVERYONE needs to watch this.
I might have to make an actual video about my own experiences. I'm going to share this with my entire but tiny world.
Thank you, Sir. Four years watching you, now. It was a similar type of video of yours ( how to not care what others think, maybe?) that hooked me. And here I am again needing this message not only for myself but a few friends, too. 💜
Damn this made me cry. Thank you.
So relatable. Thank you Jake ❤ I have been 5 months no contact from my trauma bond. I have a lot of good days, a lot of bad days & the bad days are self reflecting. Very weary on the heart
I'm 8 months post divorce from a very toxic ex and his family that I lived with for 2.5 years. I can absolutely say I was guilt tripped for being selfish in divorcing him and I've cut out so much of him and his family as much as I could (we have a child together). I've cut out friends who were just soul suckers... I'm so alone, and this was such a good reminder that it's ok to be alone and make the selfish choice. I have peace, as much as I can have of it. Would I like someone to share my peace with? Yes, BUT.. they must also bring their peace... sorry, bit of a ramble.. I appreciate you Jake, thank you for the wisdom as always.
I want to remind you and Jake that cutting off toxic, manipulative people is not selfish. It's selfless, self care and should always been seen as such. So many people don't make this jump because they don't want to seem selfish is ridiculous, it's just as important as eating and drinking. Normalise living happy 🖤🫶🏻
Definitely been going through a similar situation, and this was hard to hear but much needed. This is my last year in my 20s and I've sacrificed more than 10 years of my life for people who don't care. Getting comfortable being alone
It's funny, when you start pulling away and protecting your peace, the right people find you. It's never too late for anything.
@@JakeMunro Agreed! Even if it's uncomfortable being alone at this point in time, it's still been an enjoyable experience doing things for myself rather than making excuses because "they" wouldn't agree
I cut friends out of my life and starting living for myself, happily as a part time hermit, years ago. Every 'best friend' I ever had used and abused me, and took everything I had and returned NOTHING.
I'd rather be alone.
Thankfully I met my husband around the time I was done with 'friends' and he was in the same boat.
15 years of 'selfishness' later and we are happier than ever
i agree 1000%.
This hit hard. I truly get it now. Wasted years of my life. Im stronger on my own anyway. I'm in a better place now.
I have no idea where my last relationship went wrong. I was so blindsided and heartbroken. I had no warning. They tried to tell me that I wasn't supportive and that I was "weird about people," but I don't think that's true. I am introverted, and shy and that got WAY worse when they told me I'm "weird about people," but I've always tried to be mindful and available and thoughtful.
Honestly, to be able to take a step back and realize these things at a relatively young age is amazing. I didn’t even learn how to walk away from these types of relationships until my late 30s, after tons of therapy. Don’t look back. Live life to the fullest. Give your self grace and love. Nobody is going to know what you need more in this life better than yourself. ❤
I feel like I’ve had a whole 10 years of therapy. Thank you for putting this into perspective finally. I had to come to a hard realization that I am not meant for close relationships. It’s a shame but I waste years and assets on others for no reason. Thank you.
Some folks are just meant to be on their own. When you think you have friends, and you find out you’re the disposable one in the group, it’s hard to come to terms with. I ghosted my last friend after 24 years back in May. I’m slowly feeling better and can feel myself healing
I saw a quote today that said “the worst I ever wish on people is that they meet themselves in someone else” & I wholeheartedly agree. I also spent my 20’s as a defeated people (or rather person) pleaser, it’s empowering when you finally get free of it.
Glad you’re happy and peaceful 🖤
I was used by a friend who wanted to be a model really bad. I have constant inspiration for photo shooting and a good sense of fashion, for a long time I thought I shared a hobby with her and we did some fun stuff together😂 in the end of the day I found she was kind of faking most of that stuff and she cared about luxury brands more than creativeness and expression and kind of use me as a free portfolio inspiration source. 😂 most of my friends around me tried to warn me they thought something was weird about her, but I really needed someone who understood my artistic creativeness I was blind to what they were trying to hint. That was one lesson. Before this, I never thought anyone would deliberately fake a personality trying to get close to you, or at least, I never thought of myself as being that valuable😢
I honestly feel this really much the same..i was always the kinda person, who would give money, give advice/ a listening ear, gave much love and affection in relationships..but after i got mental issues (due to a lot of shit going on in my life and also being diagnosed with multiple things) all the "friends" where gone. I got abused mentally and psyhical in relations..and that drove me to a point that it said..fuck this shit..i'm no longer gonna be people pleaser! Thank God i do have one super good friend, he is always there for me when i need him and vice versa. And i rather have that one good and trustfull friend than a bunch of fake friends who only need you when it comes in handy from them.
I've had so many friendships fall apart for no reason, I've put effort/time/money and get told I'm the bad guy. I've saved friends from dying and they use it against me somehow, that I'm a bad person, I cleaned up your drunk vomit ass in your sleep and I'm the ass! I don't keep any close friends because of the amount of times extroverted friends have treated my introverted ass like shit. All my friends are casual and I don't care, cuz I need to protect my peace/mind/emotions.
Putting boundaries is healthy but hard. People that respect you will not step on your boundaries, people who wants to take advantage of you will test you out and push those boundaries. Its on us to reinforce that boundrie and make the person accountable for breaking it. Weather is another warning or removing them from your life. I'm also in my 30's now and I spent 12 years in an abusive relationship. I managed to get out if it 7 years ago and the process of healing is hard. You get to hate yourself for allowing all the abuse, then the forgiveness and compassion to yourself comes up, and then your unconsioness creates defense mechanisms. Im not afraid anymore of removing people from my life that I find unhealthy. Ive done it with people that used to be my support system. Its hard as hell because little peaces of yourself break, sometimes you get to feel very lonley. However, you are still capable to meet new people and stablish healthy boundaries since the beginning and you become more vocal on the things that bother you.
Thanks for this video, it reinforces recent experiences and decisions I've made. Keep true to yourself 🤘🏻
Jake, Thank you So much for this Inspiring message.
You just described the 20 years I lost in my nightmare of a marriage. Apparently God,the universe,whatever,decided that I had too much to deal with because last year,an hour after I got home from my hundredth cancer removal surgery,we got a call from our landlord that the rent was going up,and we had 90 days to be out. It was exactly what needed to happen. My son and I are now in our own place,and I have some peace for the first time in too many years to count.
This is why I choose to stay by myself, best alone than in bad company ... thank you for your words
Thank you bro I didn’t even realize I needed to hear exactly this. Your guidance is more candid and comprehensive, and resonates more with me than any advice I’ve sought anywhere else. I’m so glad you’ve found resolution in peace in every unfavorable social relationship you’ve been involved in and although I’m sorry you endured a lot to get there, I’m grateful for everything you’ve shared with us about your moving on and healing. I so wish you will write a memoir or publish something that will reach more people because you really have some enlightening things to share. Thank you for your help🤍
I relate so hard to this I suffer with BPD and autisim and its hard for me to keep friendships or keep people around I feel extremely alone in this world and I've accepted that
Thank you, I needed this.
Yaaaaas! Finally, a full video with you talking about life! It is a bless when u do talk about life! It's the only thing that I feel makes sense, in a world of people so predictable! I think like this and in this world it does not fit... I hope that you write a book one day, bc u inspire me so much! Your words makes me feel less lonly... Thank you for making this video! ❤
Thanks for that Jake. I needed that today, great timing. Thank you for the wisdom and sharing how a lot of us feel right now, but might have been afraid to share it. Thanks again, keep going buddy.
Hey stay strong and know you make a difference in people's world...i have a terminal illness called Huntington's disease and i am mostly bed bound and house bound i dont want sympathy as this is not about that...but i have suffered from my mental health problems and have wanted to end things..and also self harmed...but i always beleive that sometimes you have to go to dark places in the mind to be abke to fight them...also i lost my soulmate to cancer in 2016 my world turned upside down...the only blessing i have is that one day i shall be with him again and for now i get my head into music and also i have children who i try to stay positive for...but as for you i came across you because you remind me of my son yes i am 56..so im old enough to be your mum lol..but i chose to subscribe to you because there is a honestly about you and you care about others..so please stay strange and emo goth rock soul that you are and know you maake a difference in peoples lifes...💚💚💚
This is an amazing video & is the same thing I realised in my last 20's each n every word coming out of Jake's mouth is lit af true to the fact that we gotta start living for ourselves man & this is for everyone out there I'm sharing this with everyone who need to hear it out ♥️🔥
Thank you Jake, I really needed this, I feel like all I do is let people walk all over me because I am a people pleaser, recently had to cut out a friend because of it
This was said so well. Easy to digest and easy to reflect upon. As someone who has been no contact with people I’ve tried dozens of times to convince were hurting me, I wish someone had told me this years ago!
It was the frist video to show up for me and I found it funny as im Australian 😂
I feel like alot of people needed to hear this, including me. Thank you.
Dude, why is it EVERYONE in my life. Maybe 2 friends will contact me if I stop reaching out. But no one reaches out to me. And every time I've brought up reciprocation from others, they always have the "but this" response. I'm about to hit 30 and I feel like the only reason I haven't cut everyone is cause I spend long periods of not talking to people to the point where it feels unhealthy and I'm the one reaching out. And than when it comes to hanging out I'm always doing what others want to do and they never want to do the things I'm into. Or god forbid having a convo with some people. It's like talking to a brick wall. Jesus this video hits me at this point in life.
As a follow-up to the other comment, this has been on my mind all night. Then, your video popped up. I needed to hear this.
It’s so funny that you posted this, I struggle with guilt surrounding this very topic, all the time, but august is always the hardest part of the year. Very few people will give support or encouragement on this topic, this can honestly save people’s lives.