Is living with your parents the new American dream? | Freethink
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- Опубликовано: 28 фев 2022
- Is living with your parents the new American dream
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Tae and Monica Kim began their marriage with over $100,000 dollars in student debt.
It’s an albatross around the necks of many young Americans: how to pay down debt, create savings, afford to start a family - childcare, food, clothing - and own a house? “We couldn’t afford a house,” Tae, a financial blogger, says. “We couldn’t afford childcare. It kind of felt like you got one or the other.”
A decade after beginning their life together, however, the Kims have two children, a Golden State home of their own, and no more debt, having cleared the ledger in just three and a half years.
The key for them was to not be beholden to the classic vision of the American Dream - strike out on your own, find a home, begin a family - and to instead find and live their version of the American Dream. And what does that dream look like?
The Kims live with Tae’s parents, an arrangement which allowed them to afford to keep both of their careers, put them in a house of their own, and provided access to childcare. Financial burdens were lessened - one set of utility bills, one mortgage, a whole kitty to help pay for groceries - and social support was built right into the arrangement.
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Would you live with your parents as an adult?
Yes I would! Absolutely!
A good country management system, An affordable house. An easy job with less effort. An easy transportation system like single person lightweight fuel efficient vehicle. Like bicycle with battery. And a way of life.
Kind of optimised life.
is the USA catching up with reality and the rest of the world? (yes)
Yes, and be happy to do so.
Heck no! My parents and I didn't get along. I've been gone from their house for over 20 years and I can't imagine ever living there again.
In entire Asia and Africa people live like this. Our Parents put our happiness first before theirs, their whole life. We cant just let them live alone/separated. When they get old we take all their burden/responsibilities
Thanks for sharing. Often we have blinders to other ways of living that can be as good or better because every society has its own traditions, and it's great to be able to learn from each other.
It’s a cultural thing, is not that we are bad or selfish daughters and sons. Our parents like being independent and living on their own. As you said, they put our happiness before theirs for 20+ years non-stop, after that they just want to relax and live a much more slow and serene life. They don’t want kids 24/7 running around the house, everything being dirty and untidy, etc. Yes, they might enjoy it every once in a while when their grandsons visit them or stay with them for the weekend or a even a whole week, or they might prefer to go visit the kids themselves whenever they want. And they are just older, still capable of doing everything they always did, they aren’t vegetables for god’s sake. And how is a person supposed to take care of their parents all day on top of working full time and raising their children? How does someone make time to do all that and also have a life of their own..
@@agme8045 most of you are selfish
@@redx11x source? CCTV lol
@@agme8045 i live here in England. I see old people live a miserable life. Their kids cant wait for them to die and inherit their houses. The relationships generally are absolutely terrible. Amongst many people in this country, they have very little or fragile relationships with their parents.
I bet you hardly see your parents.
Can we talk about the fact that this is just basically saying how do we cope with the destruction of the middle class. It was constantly said in this video, they can't afford to live the origonal American dream. Finding solutions is great to surviving, but can we also try to make a plan to go back to a world where the average person can afford a comfortable life?
10000% agree
Sure, there are many ways, but getting the majority to move and demand more, until that doesn't happen, guess it's a dream not fitting the current reality.
But this is comfortable life, compared with the one you would have in a big city, living in a studio for $1000 per month, plus expensive food, expensive transportation, not very cheap services and everything you know and imagine.
The slogan "American dream" has been forged to sell houses. Constructors, speculators, don't want you understand that if you own a home, you don't need another one. USA don't really need more houses, it's well known. You can't think to build a new residence for every new family when every city is rich of old houses to restore or refit for the future. Which generation is going to stop the sprawl? It's an emergency, a disaster, created by speculators.
And it's true, this is the image of the disintegration of the middle class. USA are a marvelous country but lately they look like a nightmare, with your eyes open. Be free to comment.
I hope you know your conception of middle class, i.e. being able to live on your own just when you start working, is an anomaly in human history and not the norm, right? Moreover, the jump in production capacity and abundance of resources in post WW2 US was a big factor why that standard of living became so prevalent there.
I'm guessing, in a reasonable circumstance only people with well paying jobs can achieve such lifestyle.
If a comfortable life involves kicking kids out at 18 to rack up debt, shipping your folks off to a lonely nursing home and living in chronic debt yourself to chase the McMansion ideal, you can count me happily "uncomfortable"
This is most common in Asian countries - living with the parents even after one is 18 years old or married.
It's not a taboo thing.
It's normal.
I'm from the Philippines where family is still above anything else.
I believe 'westerners' should learn from this.
It has way more short & long terms benefits than not.
As an Indian I must feel proud to say that we never felt ashamed to live with our parents and we will be there for them till their last breath
Idk why western countries have a mindset if a person living with their parents considered to be loser or jobless
It is because the economy used to pay people 2-3x what they make now in real dollars. One man could graduate at 18 get a job in a factory and pay for his house, cars, education, his kids education and family Healthcare and a good retirement. Now you don't get that even with years of self paid education and two parents working most of the time. It used to be a sign of laziness. Now it hardly matters how hard you work.
@hemal That's great to have that kind of family cohesion. In the US it was actually typical to live at home until you got married until after World War 2. Then it became typical to move out after high school, and if you didn't there was some stigma attached.
Really there are two separate questions here:
1) As @Jim points out, the cost of living in sectors like housing, health care, etc. has spiraled out of reach for most families. How do we reverse that?
2) Is it always better to live on your own, or does this stigma prevent people from living better lives by having families better able to take care of the young and old and/or have more disposable income?
While #1 is a big question, the short answer as it pertains to housing is that there's a longstanding shortage of housing relative to demand nationally and particularly in areas like California where this was shot. We built tons of houses and apartments relative to our population in the 50s, 60s, and 70s, and then many cities made it largely illegal to build more because higher property values and less density were seen as good things. Now that we are struggling with ridiculous housing costs and unsustainable sprawl, there are moves to return to policies that made it less expensive to build and find housing. Here's a longer and more detailed history if you're interested! archive.curbed.com/2018/4/10/17219786/buying-a-house-mortgage-government-gi-bill
There’s a difference between never leaving your parents house bc you never got independent, and being a fully independent adult and taking your parents in in your own house. The stigma is with the first one. Living with your parents isn’t necessarily a bad thing, being economically maintained by your parents and never leaving your childhood home is what’s not well seen.
I think people want a healthy balance. We want our independence and privacy, but we also want the social community and comfort of our families. Those two things are pretty much opposite in most cases.
It's a difficult line to balance honestly, and is probably why our western culture is the way it is; We represent a break of ancient traditions (whether good or bad), while the east maintains traditions.
@@canadajimeven millionaires living with their parents
Having a couple of retirees around does make juggling a busy career and a bunch of kids so much easier. Plus parents don't get abandoned to retirement homes. Less social isolation all around.
Yeah, absolutely. Both in terms of childcare costs and flexibility--it's not like you can get a babysitter every time you need an hour or two to do stuff.
In Puerto Rico … we do this too
This is literally how humans have lived for millennia; in multi-generational households with grandparents help looking after the kids.
In this millenia a single male who lives in his parents basement will never find a girl in a thousand years. Unless they are college aged.
Families need life, land and legacy
Youngest generation provides life (energy and children)
Middle generation provides land (financial security, peak earnings)
Oldest generation provides legacy (meaning, purpose, stewardship)
If generations are too far apart, they lose those various aspects
❤
Is an option that more people should consider. However, this particular couple had parents who A) already owned a house large enough for space for all of them including two kids, B) had parents that seemed reasonable enough to work out appropriate boundaries. This won't apply to everyone
theres literally a line about how it might not be for you and a whole bunch of points about the downsides. how is your commment a constructive addition exactly?
Cultural factors at play too.. probably more traditionally accepted in east asian cultures
@@demonz9065 by pointing out the specific conditions that could lead this arrangement to be successful?
I've been saying this for years: There will come a time that we will have to go back to this kind of living just to survive! It's barely enough to make it these days, even with a two parent/income household! So for me, I think this is a great idea! Thanks for sharing!
As an asian , I will state the perks of living with parents -
You get to see your parents everyday .
You can take care your parents when they get old.
Happy family is healthy family.
@@mandeepkumarray9050 good points, also parents will shoulder lots of the burden of child raising, and the children liven up their retirement years.
@@RR-us1lt most parents don’t want to raise their grandchildren. If you can’t raise your kids yourself, then don’t have them or have less of them. Your parents shouldn’t have to be worrying about that kind of stuff, specially not as they get older and older and they require more care themselves. There’s a big difference between a grandparent taking care of their grandchildren for an afternoon or a weekend, and using them as nannies. They’ve already raised you and your siblings.
I’ve been living with my folks ever since I graduated from high school in 2011. I started to go to Community College, took a $5,000 loan, then got my first job in 2013. Ever since, I was able to work and pay my college fees up front since I don’t pay rent.
Now, having graduated, I’ve payed all my loans and now building up wealth to make a down payment for my first home.
You know, living with your parents throughout college is the most common thing everywhere outside the US tbh. The thing is that most people don’t really move cities to go to college or have an urge to be independent straight out of high school. So why would you leave your parents house at 18, 20, 22 or even 25? Most people are barely making any money at that age. It also has to do with the fact that Americans marry really young. If you married at 20 I’d understand why you’d want to get your own place, but most people are merely dating at that age.
I am big on family & community. That’s how you remain mentally stable and not like Will Smith. I love this ❤️ 👏
This should be more normalized in the US for sure.
American guy: I am a 40 year old, living with my mom.
Me in India living with my 45 year old father, who lives with his 78 year old father: uhuh. Wow, that's so shocking.
Lol fair play. "You merely adopted intergenerational living...I was born into it."
@@freethink Bane!!
america sounds like a nightmare tbh
Living with your parents (assuming they're happy to have you around) is definitely great for finances and sharing tasks. Of course, there are situations where parents and their adult kids simply can't stand living together, which is understandable. But considering the increasing cost of living, it's worth considering. I live with mine and its nice to have a close bond with them :)
Why did Americans discover this so lately. We have been doing this in India since millenniums
We need the community of family. If not living in the same home, at least living close. The idea of being an adult meaning living far from family is sometimes necessary, but not necessarily ideal.
The American dream is being single and not having any kids or families and get out of debt to stay afloat and pay cash, because cash is king.
Here in Brasil this is cultural, not because we can't live by ourselves, but because we appreciate our families above all. I always thought it was very strange this american/european culture of leaving your elderly parents behind while they clearly need more assistance as the age grows. I don't know, it is really hard for me to understand how can someone leave to "start a family" like if your parents weren't your family and put them in nursing homes to avoid reponsibility. This is kinda sad, in my opinion. My parents took care of me since I can remember and they still do watch my back, I'll never leave and will take care of them until they pass.
living wiht ur parents is the norm around the world. its not some rediscovered lifestyle. when a man marries the wife is expected to live in her home with or close by her in laws. its not a necessity but its not anything new
The idea of getting into debt to go to university sounds so foreign to me. Like you are literally going to school, you are studying! You aren’t buying a house or a car for god’s sake. It sounds as if you were buying an education more than getting one by yourself. If Americans didn’t have to get into debt so early maybe they wouldn’t struggle so much afterwards.
Wow, I realized I would never own my own house in my 40's too and single. I lost my job in my 50's forced to move home where my brother lived also with Aspergers then ended up with Cancer and my parents took care of me. Got well my parents helped during my cancer treatment so I decided to live at home and help my parents and brother a multi-generation household. I was able to pay for new windows, roof and other things so decided to stay. Now fast forward to retirement it help save a bunch of money, although taking care of my parents till they passed was a challenge. But I got through it and will probably have a better retirement for it. Unfortunately, it was hard but now I realize worth the sacrifice as I got to enjoy my parents during their final years. I do wish we had children so going forward is going be a challenge. But your right the American dream is impossible to archive on your own these days. Your video brings wisdom to a new generation.
All this just seems like an arrangement for economic convience which to me sounds ridiculuous. The issue is the way we look at things. The reason why we should stay close or live with our parents or in-laws is to take care of each other like family. Money or finance shouldn't be the primary motivation for living together. Grand kids bring new life to grandparents, but grandparents are not resources to take care of kids. We should be asking why it is getting more and more expensive to live a normal middle class life.
This is how humans have lived for thousands of years. It's difficult but good things are rarely easy.
Sad to say but Yes it is.
I only say sad to say because of the $ part of how much buying your home costs now days.
Yes there’s inflation but it’s not equal to pay. It’s WAY out of proportion.
But also I think that people now days more often tend to realize how fast time flies and so we actually want to enjoy the people we love more and are not in such a hurry to get away.
Our parents now days are not so over bearing as they were with our grandparents to our parents.
So now it’s an easier thing to do anyways , most of Us have cool parents.
I might end up living with my mom and siblings.
No judging, cause you have differing circumstances than anyone else.
I don't know if this is possible for international students who have become citizens.
It's possible. It's a matter of accepting the fact
The day a person moves out of their parents home is the day they start to become an adult
It's called the american dream cause you have to be asleep to believe it
with all that upbeat background music, one could almost believe that this is a novel solution, when in reality, the fact that something like this is necessary in the first place shows in what horrible state this country - and by extension the global economy - is in.
It makes better financial sense BUT….
Couldn't be me.
Brilliant!
This is normal in Mexican households, with the exception of very wealthy people and very poor people who immigrate to a different country when they are teenagers or in their early 20s.
Zoning needs to stop and implement structures like in Europe
This is an American ideal. Destroys the family.
I hope I NEVER wound up like this... I'd rather be homeless than living with my parents.. the movie "failure to launch" comes to mind
Sounds like you don’t get along with your parents.
Do you own your own home?
I have met a "type" of women who deeply enjoy raising their grandchildren. They get all creepy around kids, you probably have met some of this type of woman.
This is nothing new or different in Mexico, generational living is and has been a thing and living with grandparents also provides security if anything goes wrong
This is normal in india.
This video shows how living in America today, you need to have multiple streams of income. Only way to keep up with inflation, income taxes, and insurance.
Asia parents 💕
Time to move to Europe. Europe is looking like the move
War
I can't stand my in-laws, so it's a big NO.
Nope.
Me, my wife, and my six kids aren't going to fit in my parents house.
This channel is marketing for the great reset.
What
How so? The channel as a whole? What in this video? Would love your thoughts.
@@AndrewWillisTN this channel as a whole.
Stop normalizing the horrendous affordability crisis as some feel-good story. A generation having to delay their independence because of an economy that shuts them out isn't anything to celebrate.
There is definitely a stigma around living with your parents in the West, and while it should direct less judgment towards those that choose it, how is it a good thing that the ticket to financial independence is to just delay. Until when? What about the generation after us? When does this cycle end?
I do love this channel, I really do. But this video is just tone-deaf and feeds into the narrative that Millennials are failing at the economy, and need to just work harder, rather than how this economy has failed us.
Negative.
This is a consequence of poor life choices, for example, taking on unmanageable student debt.
Or capitalism just sucks
Or maybe jobs don't pay people as much anymore and you've swallowed so much propaganda that you don't realize this is the new American reality.
But sure people are busting their ass for years at a time to get ahead and they've made "poor life choices". 🙄
@@JoeBauers8 Copeium overdose much?
@Nicholas Hildenbrand hey man, not my fault your family decided not to prepare for the future. It literally just takes some effort and you can pave the way for yourself and your family to live comfortable lives.
Imagine crying about propaganda lmao
@@alex08642tesla damn you’re dense