Su*cide Journey-Britton
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- Опубликовано: 7 май 2024
- Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Britton, a man who is considering suicide in the near future.
Britton’s website is thesuicidemonk.com.
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I’m a Police Officer and I, too, have dealt with the same ideations for most of my life. The biggest wake up call for me that completely dissolved my desire to end myself was being on scene of a self inflicted GSW to the head. The man was found dead by his brother in the bathroom. The man had shot himself with the same gun his brother had loaned him the week prior. It was gruesome. Skull fragments. Teeth. Brains. It’s an awful thing to see.
I then stood outside of the closed bathroom for two hours, making sure no unauthorized personnel entered the bathroom. I stood there and watched about two dozen family members slowly arrive on scene one by one. I saw each person deal with the death at that moment in their own way. It was heartbreaking. When we rolled the body out in the body bag and with the American flag draped over his body (he was a veteran), his mother asked permission to hug him. We granted it and she wailed on her son’s body. I suddenly saw my own mother in her place. I then imagined my wife and kids in the house and imagined myself in the bag.
I decided right then I would never do that to my family. I hope this guy gets the clarity he needs to keep going.
Good story 😊
Bless you for thinking outside of your own internal monologue, which is very difficult.
The devastation suicide leaves us with with is a never ending cycle of pain that comes in waves out of nowhere. Suicide leaves us, the family with so many unanswered questions that will never be answered. Thank you for your service and your daily sacrifice for the public and our safety. YOU are NEEDED here more than many, please never forget that.
GSW=Gun shot wound
Perfectly said.
Good man. Never desert your family. Not all got this experience, clearly.
I can’t quite get past his contradictory nature. He’s basically resigned himself to being a lost cause, but still wants other people to get help and find hope. He wears his ideation like a badge of honor. My husband took his own life and left two boys without a father and me to pick up the pieces. Wanna talk about angry? The devastation left behind is now a daily effort to keep my oldest son alive and not relive the fate of his father. My youngest son is crippled with guilt and shame thinking he could have and should have saved him. He was 16. The damage spreads far and wide. Your pain will be over, but the rest of us are left to suffer.
Yes, you are right. I had an uncle who shot his wife and then himself and the trauma that everyone goes through is never forgotten. Family members blame one another and live with the pain of blame.
I was thinking something similar!!!
My thoughts as well
Just because someone commits suicide doesn't mean their pain is over. There's no telling what goes on after we die. May peace be upon you
Yeah...he's obviously very, very conflicted about his life and worth and is completely confused. One the one hand, he has a date, place and method planned out and isn't sharing that info with anyone. That's pretty definitive. Then he says, "Oh...I've gone from being at 90% to 40% I wanna die." So it seems like now, today, he has hope. My feeling is that he's tired not so much of living--he seems to have found purpose when he feels likes he's living--but of failing. His failures have, in his mind, been astounding, traumatic, varied, and chronic. So if he goes through psychedelic treatment and things don't work and he can't get any satisfactory traction in his podcast, then my guess is that he'll just quit. Let's hope not.
I met Britton several years ago. Britton, I don’t know if you remember me. I made coffee at church. I distinctly remember your kindness towards me man. You’re a good man, you are loved, and your presence has made an impact on many people, I am completely certain of this. And the Lord loves you too.
My beautiful friend Aicha ended her life last Friday.
She was only 27.
It's absolutely horrible.
Her mother is totally lost.
The pain is unbearable.
And yet I totally understand her decision.
Respectfully Mark, your statement is not always true. My mom told us several times over a 3 month period that she was going to kill herself. She was put on a 72 hour/5150 hold but let go after 24 hours with the doctors telling me she was "just sad". A month later, she did exactly what she said she would, and ten years later, it's still a gut punch.
His statement isn't true, periodt.
@@thematriarchy2075i think it’s more of an over generalization based on the majority of his experiences.
@@5cry7he5ky Yes, i understood, but my point is, that this is not true, it is the opposite and having so many viewers, it would be better to not say this
I've not seen this video all the way through, but my mom has said she was going to commit s*icide for 25 years. The first time I heard it, I was 17 and she said she was going to kill herself while I was in school. I always believed her. Back in 2020 after my father died, I had to convince her on a daily basis to not kill herself for like 3 months. My mom has always been extremely manipulative, and in recent years I've come the conclusion that she uses it to get sympathy. It's really fucked up, because you can't ever truly know, so if she threatens with it, we have to treat it seriously. But I feel with almost a 100% certainty that it is an act.
He made that statement from his experience, not yours
Life starts at 53 sometimes
ABSOLUTELY!!!!
…sometimes even 54
I laughed when reading this comment. I’m just 53 and going through a hard time. Would like to believe this
@@anthonypowell7959 Didn’t say life was easy… just said sometimes it starts at 53. Lol
@@boardgamesonthemoon WORD!
any talk of suicide should be listened to and taken very seriously .....from experience
People think you’re sad it’s not sad it’s torture
Yeah I don’t like how right off the bat it was said that someone talking about committing suicide isn’t going to do it.. it seems sour and more importantly, *unethical*
My father threatened to do it many times, and he did.
However, my grandmother was doing the washing with my mother, said nothing, walked inside - gone!
Unimaginable heartache!
Not always. Sometimes, people use the threats to emotionally blackmail others.
@@lmzaadiseems like a ploy for attention
I lost my daughter Victoria on July 4th 2008 from a combination of sleep medication. I begged her not to move out because of her restless leg situation. She was only 3mo.s out of our house.
My daughter Ashley never got over it. Ashley took her life August 30th 2016. The day she was planning to take her life, she told me I know what I'm going to do. I never thought she would do this. Now my husband and I can only visit their grave. No children left and our hearts are broken. We can't be our most people when they talk about their children or grandchildren. Life is very hard without them. We had a wonderful life, but I do know Ashley never meant to hurt us. My poor baby was suffering. Maybe this is a good thing for people to talk about and be more open about this.
I'm so sorry 🧡
🕊️🕊️
❤️ 🕊 🫂 ❤!!!
I'm so sorry for your loss
Hi Brit,
Thankyou for your interview.
I feel you have been deeply affected by your Mothers suicide attempt, when you were a child.
I feel like it shattered everything in you and went against every moment of your life.
Because when someone that close to you as a parent, lover, best friend... chooses to do this it is shattering, and I can't imagine what that would do to a child. Also, I'm very sorry how your Mum treated you; she obviously had alot of pain in herself and inflicted it on others.
Sewerside is a terrible thing, for the victim, and for the victims of the victim - those left behind...now struggling with a shattered will to live, and possibly guilt, regret, blame, anger, sadness...a whole myriad of strong emotions
Sewerside goes against ever waking moment of our days in which we sustain our own lives constantly from dawn to dusk.
When someone close to us does this, or seriously attempts it - it puts sewerside in our own consciousness as a possibility, a choice, a reality...whereas before we never thought about it, as it was a no-go zone for our brain.
You said you have found truth and beauty in your journey, in your people who also feel this way, battling sewersidal thoughts in your and their consciousness.
You also said how strong you are.
Life is a gift.
I feel you can choose to be a gatekeeper, choosing to hold back people not as strong as you, from entering the field containing the vortex of sewerside, which sucks grieving, tormented souls into hopeless, endless darkness...
I truelly hope you use your strength and kindness to be a gatekeeper.
Because, if you sewerside, others will follow you.
But if you decide not too, you can help others stay here, in light and life and healing and healthy expression. And that is a great and noble purpose in life.
I hope you fight the darkness within you and conquer it.
My pets have kept me alive at times in my life when I think my family would be better off without me.
For those who love you and need you! Your people.
Please keep living, loving, and shining as you do.
Fight for your life.
Your people need people like you.
Please don't give up.
🌈 🙏 🤲 ❤️ ; ❤ 🫂
Addiction to being a victim keeps people from looking at being a survivor.
You nailed it, 100%.
This is SO TRUE. I was a victim until I decided not to be…and it has set me free ❤
100%
Wow. This is such an uncomfortably powerful truth..
Well said.
Beautiful!! Agree 100%…
It’s 6 seconds into the video and you guys are all trying to hang mark for his laugh. It’s a natural reaction. I’ve seen people laugh out of disbelief and surrealism during tragic situations as a ICU social worker. It’s the human way of deflection and the incapability to process that chaotic moment.
Exactly, thank you.
Plus, we have no idea what was being discussed before the tape started rolling.
Absolutely!! I am the same when it comes to laughing during uncomfortable moments.. that some people may think are inappropriate. It’s a natural reaction. There’s a difference in a genuine laugh and a “woooww this is uncomfortable” kind of laugh.
Exactly. I do it and I understand it comes across as insensitive but it's just a reaction. I usually feel the need to apologize for it.
❤
I'm 60ish, female.
I've come to the conclusion that most, not all, people who take their own life (unless they're very jacked up on
drugs/alcohol, at the very end of the day are 100% exhausted.
Mentally/physically completely 'drained.'
Nothing left in their emergency tank.
I only have ONE sibling. One very sweet brother.
A few years ago,
he used a gun.
My heart ❤ still breaks for him.
He was always very strong, in every way.
But, he had a very tender heart.
He told me once, that he would never live longer than our mother (died @ 47 from a brain tumor in the 80s) he felt he didn't deserve to live longer than her.
Many years later, one day before his 47th birthday he did just that. I truly believed that one time statement was just a one time emotional thing. Well, .... No,
it wasn't.
Always HUG the people you love & care about. Always.
❤
What does your gender have to do with anything
You're right that not all of us are on drugs or alcohol.
Been there for awhile
Sending healing light and love to you ❤
Hugs. I am sorry to hear.
i listened to this interview on my 300 mile drive today. now that i'm home i can leave a comment. i've been in your shoes. my BIL killed himself a few months ago. my son is su*cidal. i just came on here to say, we love you. stay with us. you can not reason nor imagine the amount of destruction you will cause to your family, your children, their children, their friends... it is way beyond what you think you've considered. stay and fight. i hope you do.
I hope your son will be ok. As you unfortunately know, suicide has a terrible ripple effect on the people left behind, a ripple that never stops and goes farther than one might think.
I first thought of suicide at 7. It's an everyday struggle for me. I'm almost 54 now living with severe unmedicated depression. I'm still managing to work, and eat. I eat healthy, take vitamins, and try to exercise to help with my symptoms, but thoughts of suicide are constant demons I live with. It's why I don't own a gun, and likely never will.
Don’t be afraid of medication. Love from your earth sister.
Consider medication.
Totally relate. And I’m with you on the non medication route. Sometimes that just makes everything worse.
I finally got myself medication and I was on it for about 6 years. During that time after I found the right medication I was able to think more clearly and feel emotions appropriately and heal so much better with my brain working correctly. That’s what I call it lol after those 6 years I decided to come off and see how I would be. It’s been 4 years and I’m doing well. I was able to get to a place of being content. I feel happy part of the time. But I don’t believe we are supposed to feel happy all the time. For me getting to a place of being able to be content and feeling my emotions appropriately helped so much. I don’t know if you are against meds or possibly in a place of them being hard to get because of insurance or financial reasons. But I would say maybe give it a chance if you can. You deserve to not have to live in that depression all the time. I always just tell people pay attention to how you are feeling when taking them. The one I started with made me angry all the time and made me feel worse. But I gave another one a chance and it changed my life. I wish you all the best and wish peace for you. You deserve to feel better.
@sheilat2014 well said.
I lost my beautiful son Brandon at age 19 5 years ago and the pain and grief is still so raw
I am very sorry for your loss,JulieAnne. ❤
@@user-bh6sc4nq9b thank you so much , love him and talk to him every day
I’m very sorry. I can’t imagine.
That’s something you never get over you just try to learn how to live with it I also lost my beautiful son suicid is not selfish you truly think you just you’d be better off dead so you stop hurting the people you love I’m so sorry for your loss love and light
So sorry, how awful and you never get closure for these things, I don't believe in closure, the pain just gets slightly easier to bear over time. 😢
Coming from someone who’s watched this channel for some time now.. this interview really stuck out to me. I don’t know that I’ve heard another person articulate exactly what I’ve lived for many years. Man it’s tough
Same
I understand exactly what he’s saying.
It’s scary to think others go through this too.
Exactly.
I can't stop him, but I wish he decides to live for the people who love him.
That will never work. He will never stay alive for the people that love him, there's an obsession with the self when somebody is enamored with suicide. Virginia Wolf said it, I'm only staying alive to satisfy you" . She spoke those words to her husband, and then she killed herself.
When the people who are supposed to love you shun you and cut off contact, what's the point?
If it's one thing I've learned in life, it's that you can't live for anyone else. You have to live for yourself.
Otherwise, it's just endless torment, feeling trapped and held hostage by love, making you a spiteful piece of shit.
If it weren't for what it would have done to those who love me I wouldn't be alive. You have to look for the good things and find reasons to be strong for them. Because they are enough of a reason! They are worth it...
I did 30 years of therapy, told my “story “ many times, read the books, took the courses , medication, workshops, inpatient, outpatient etc, still depressed, heard about somatic therapy which deals with the trauma stuck in the body, 3 years later I’m a completely different happy person.
Have never heard of this. I am happy to hear you have healed. That gives so much hope to so many.
@@enlighteningprayers6727 thank you kindly 🙏 it’s worth checking out.
Wow
Absolutely. The body stores trauma.
There's a great book called "The Body Keeps The Score".
I also think about dying everyday. It's a horrible battle I'm in with myself.
You aren’t alone
@MenifeePeeWeeD
Same here. My very existence is one of torment. I hate my life but, like Britton, I don't want to attempt it more than once. I sure don't want to mess it up and be stuck here maimed, which would be an even worse existence than the one I am in now.
Same 🥺
Are there any human beings in your vicinity whose day you could make better? While you’re still here, maybe someone could use some of your compassion. Maybe it’s worth a try.
Hugs ❤
We all need that one friend to just listen. It makes a world of difference.
Definitely agree with you.
The most hurtful part of suicide is the ones you leave behind. You are gone, but those that love you are haunted by grief, regret, and a myriad of feelings that never go away. My Grand daughter's Dad jumped off the Skyway Bridge in Florida. She lives with believing he did not love her enough to want to live.
Horrible things happen to people. Things that can feel overwhelming enough to not want to be here anymore. I am grateful I believe my life is not mine to take. I have a Creator that it belongs to.
Listening to this young man's story I realize again, the best way to overcome whatever has hurt us in life is to give of ourselves. That is what he is doing, and has worked for him. He is still here.
Thank you Mark, for bringing this into the light.❤
If you truly believe human life belongs to god then how do you explain him letting people kill themselves ?
@@AntiGuru498 It is my choice, my will to write back to you or not write back to you...thus free will.
@@bambineal1956 Precisely, so for deciding to live or not it's the same thing. Free will.
God is always watching.
@@shawnmendrek3544 Maybe instead of watching he should start acting because the world is going to shit.
My sister took her life 2 weeks ago it was sudden and tragic she is only 21 it’s very painful to think about and I’ll never understand why she felt it was her only option. Fortunately our family was able to donate her organs and 5 people get a chance to live…
That was brave of your family. When my Husband suicided 13 years ago I did the same. It gave me hope. I hope you find some peace. There's a group called Survivors of Suicide and some on line sites I found helpful. ❤✌️
Sending you so much love. I'm so sorry.
Ridiculous
Don't assume he won't kill himself because he talks about it. I made that mistake once.
Having an absent father and a mentally ill mother is a perfect setup for a lifetime of anger issues and mental health problems. I'm not even half this dude's age and I feel like I'm in the exact same boat. It's eye-opening realizing that this is how a lot of people who come from situations like this end up.
He is a man in so much pain. What a shame he’s life has been ruined by horrendous people
He allowed that, for whatever reason. Ultimately, we are responsible for ourselves once we become adults. You can choose to dwell on the negative or try to find the light at the end of the tunnel, as long as you don't give up and throw in the towel. I find that self pity can be a form of deep internal sloth, unwillingness to do the soul searching necessary to be able to find gratitude for being alive
@@carynmartin6053some of us don't know how to do that and we don't have the support from our loved ones which makes it even harder.
We don’t have to allow people to ruin our lives.
@@carynmartin6053 All of this, are just words and words after words, without any solution, empathy and feeling that you can even relate to his pain. Just very one dimensional perspective of the subject which gives a whole a lot of nothing. A pain like this is a multilevel and complex, and paradoxical. Just saying something "you need to do soul searching" like what?! Perhaps you could provide a tool if not solution for it, because how the hell one can do something, which he doesn't know how to do, or have a mental resources to do? Or...you could just be quiet, and say nothing which doesn't help.
@@carynmartin6053
Karen has entered the chat 🙄
My friend, my brother Franny took his own life. This was a good looking, popular, successful young man BUT I think it was the BULLYING that left him with severe PTSD...I HATE BULLIES!!!
@OasisWullie1872
So sorry, honey. And I know this is cold comfort, but, I've been bullied my entire life. Had I had the courage and skill to have offed myself when I was young, it would have saved me a lifetime of further bullying. So, in a way, your brother escaped a life of misery.
As I said, I know it's cold comfort, but, try to shift from focusing on your own pain, to realizing he's at peace, and didn't have to go through 40 or 50 or 60 more years of being bullied. Because some people, like me, are always always targets for bullies. Bullies in school, bullies in the workplace, bullies at the damned doctor's office reception desk, ffs. So, wish your brother Franny a restful sleep, and remember him fondly.
🕊️
@@lisahinton9682 ❤
This man isn’t alone. So many people are feeling the fears and suffocating reality of this life. He is worthy of so much. To use himself as an example on how to learn how to live in this life with these tragedies. Please live!
Britton, when you get back to Indiana, see if you can get referral for the Neurological Diagnostic Institute in Indianapolis. It is a state psychiatric hospital that specializes in healing childhood trauma.
Hope he sees your good suggestion. Have a nice day ✌
Please don't ever challenge someone who is having suicidal ideations as talking about it because they aren't going to do it. The last time I heard someone say that to someone, the person killed themself that night to prove them wrong. Whether they are expressing their feelings due to needing to feel like they were heard or matter, take it seriously.
This!!! It really upset me when he did that. It doesn't matter how many people don't actually follow through after talking about it because there will always be that 1 in a hundred that follows through.
Yep.
Here here!
My sister was 21 when she committed suicide. I was 33. We were never close, but I miss her terribly. I never told her enough how much I loved her, even tho I didn't necessarily like her most of the time. Tell your people you love them, please 💔
❤❤❤
There is a young person out there who needs you.
Best comment!
Mark, THANK YOU! Your videos have taken such a turn and now it's my favorite show of all time. So, thanks.
Stay here with us, Brit! You're needed - especially by your babies! Much love from Alabama💜
I really hope this man does not commit suicide. There is so much value to him despite all the struggles he has experienced. C'mon Britton, don't do it! Please like this comment and leave a comment to show your support. I want him to see how much people care.
This guy could be a great youth mentor or anything he wants to be… but he shouldn’t be dead and I hope he changes his mind.
People usually laugh because it's uncomfortable, or to keep from crying. I get it. When you hear yourself say it out loud you feel like it sounds ridiculous than when you hear it in your own head.
This..
At the very least do not be a bully on here. Their is a reason he’s telling his story, wether you believe it or not! You are meant to be here, don’t give up!!!
some people on here are truly awful. kicking someone when they are down is a bad look.
Mark, I hope you’ll keep us updated if possible on this wonderful man❤️
Do you think all humans are wonderful by default?
@@francoisfrancois7353 Some are disqualified by asking stupid questions. Consider this for a moment... Rgr
@@francoisfrancois7353 I do think we all have the potential to be wonderful. Whether we chose to be that is within our control and only our control.
I, like many MANY people, have depressive episodes. I know far to well how dark it can get, and you always forget that the depression will eventually end, and you'll eventually feel good again. but when you're stuck in those down times, it never fails, you always feel like the light is not coming back on this time
Well said!!!! I will re read this during rough times
My 27 year old sweet darling son died of an accidental overdose in March and I am beyond devastated. I've wanted to commit su my whole life but now I have to live on for my other son. I will never leave him because he is so precious to me and now he will need my love and support forever. No one could measure how much i love them both. At some point you have to make the decision to keep on living.
Thank you for telling your story. You are not alone. The exhaustion from the constant torment is very real.
I lost my brother to su*cide 5 years ago next month. And for years I’ve wished I could switch places with him, I’ve even attempted multiple times but I’m still here because of a loving family and it breaks my heart that so many people don’t have that and are suffering the same.
Please don't do it. Your family sounds wonderful and they would suffer so much if you were gone 💔. Haug in there, life will always have its ups and downs . But it is worth it. God bless you 🙏 ❤️.
It helps me to know that God loves me.
Britton, you're an incredible person. Talking about the things you've been through with a smile on your face, you take strength to another level
Mark, the statement you made in the beginning isn't true at all. My mom told me about a week before she attempted to commit suicide that she wanted to die. I took her seriously and tried to get her help, but it wasn't enough. A little over a month after her first unsuccessful attempt, she made a second attempt and was successful.
Just because people tell someone they're suicidal doesn't mean they won't go through with it! This is a terrible thing to say to someone who is suicidal. It's highly dismissive and causes the suicidal individual to be less likely to come foward when they are suicidal!
I agree with you completely. I am aghast at how much of a dunce Mark is in these very serious situations. He has no business conducting these interviews.
So much contradiction just by listening to him. It must be a painful, daily, exhausting, torment to live like that. Wish him peace and love for whatever he decides to do.
You know, those meaningful breakthroughs only happen WHEN YOU'RE ALIVE.
I lost my only Son to suicide when he was 15. It has totally broken me. Please stay! Tomorrow can be better. The pain you leave behind is horrific. ❤
❤❤❤ I'm sorry . Sending you love ❤
So this is his process to unalive himself yet all I hear are the reasons for him to stick around. Mark I hope we are here in a year listening to a follow-up.
"This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you". One of my favorite song lyrics and you reminded me of it.
Vincent 🥺
I appreciate this interview so much. He reminds me of my friend that took his own life. My friend was around 70 when he passed. He suffered from depression his whole life. He had multiple attempts throughout his life. His depression would go in waves. He would be good for a few years and then suffer for a few years. Towards the end, there was a 5 year episode, the last 2 years being debilitating. He also planned his suicide and told everyone. Of course all his loved ones tried to help. They made him promise he wouldn't do it until it was the last resort. He was in therapy all his life. At the end, he also tried electric shock therapy and ketamine treatments, none were successful. When he finally did it, none of us were shocked. Of course we were sad but also somewhat relieved that he wasn't in pain anymore. I agree that this needs to be talked about more and not just lock up anyone that says they're suicidal.
After reading through many of the comments, I feel compelled to write this. I realize how difficult it is for most people to understand feelings like these, so I want to try and help you see the other side. I can't speak for this man, but I will speak for myself and what I know.
_"He's faking and just wants attention"_
That could be the case, but it's important to realize there's a difference between superficial validation (posting pictures to get likes, for example) and someone who has been taught they're worthless timidly reaching out in the hope that someone will tell them they have some sort of value. Unfortunately, their low self image makes positive statements impossible to believe, so they never feel whole and eventually stop trying.
_"He's laughing and joking around"_
It's been my experience that the funniest people are often also the most messed up. Humour is a way to cope with negative emotions and/or make people like you, so it's natural to see those traits develop together. People also learn to make light of their pain just to get from day to day. Things like that are very hard to talk about because people are often mocking or entirely indifferent, so you learn not to ask for help and just hope someone will recognize your suffering unsolicited.
_"Everybody has bad stuff happen to them"_
Absolutely, but it's a question of degree and perspective. There's a difference between feeling blue and being depressed. If your goldfish dies, you might be sad for a couple of days. Depression is a different thing entirely. I've seen people take the stoic's position of "you choose to feel bad", but clinical depression isn't something a sufferer has any control over. It's like telling someone in a wheelchair that they're just choosing not to walk.
_"Get some hobbies/passions" or "Hit the gym"_
There's definitely value in this idea, especially for younger people. If you're feeling low because you got dumped, get your ass in gear and work on yourself to get better. But it's not the same for depressed people. I have tons of interests, but you reach a point where you're so low that you just can't do them. Your greatest passions bring you no joy at all. If anything, they only make you feel angry and empty.
_"It's a cowardly/selfish thing to do" or "It's hardest on those left behind"_
If you think about it, isn't it just as selfish to demand someone keep suffering just because it would make you feel bad to lose them? Another brutal irony is that it's often the very people who complain about someone deleting themselves who did nothing to ease their pain while they were alive. If someone you love is talking about harming themselves, take it seriously and be willing to understand you could be part of the problem.
_"There's always hope"_
No, there isn't. Again, a lot of this comes back to age. A 20 year-old still has a huge amount of potential and opportunity to change, so should be encouraged to do so. A 50 year-old doesn't have that same luxury. Most folks fail to understand that hope comes with an expiry date stamped on the corner. At some point you reach a precipice where the hope is gone and all that's left is the certainty of suffering. Talking about it or "trying to work through it" means nothing because nothing can be fixed or made better at that point. Sometimes you just can't get there from here.
I'm 47 and have experienced a lot of what Britton talked about. It's not that you want things to end, it's that you experience such an immense and immovable weight by simply existing. The colour literally leaches out of the world around you. You realize there's nothing left. Younger people should be helped and encouraged, but it gets harder as you get older.
This!!!!!!! 💯 Thank you! ❤️
@thealrightestguitarist9135
This may be the best, most well-thought-out, succinctly-expressed, comment I've ever read on RUclips. Thank you. And you are spot-on.
I wish we were neighbors as I'd invite you over for a cuppa, but, I suspect you live on the other side of the world. (I am in Phoenix, Arizona.)
Absolutely beautifully and perfectly expressed. Thankyou for enlightening people.
Wow! Beautifully put. Couldn't agree more.
@@lisahinton9682 Thanks very much, Lisa. I had intended to write more, but ended up deciding to leave it there.
I'm not on the other side of the world, but I'm definitely too far away to pop over for coffee (I'm on the east coast of Canada). I used to have a friend who lived in Phoenix, though. It's a small big world, lol.
His poor children. I feel for them big time.
Thanks for all the uploads Mark / Soft White Underbelly .
Very interesting and thought provoking . 👍✌️🙏🇭🇲
What he said.
Was so profound to me.I lost my mom when I was 10, and there was no therapy.... to help me through it! No one helped me throw it!
Buffalo NY fam sends u prayers. We understand..hope ur ok
I'm very sorry for your loss. It's never too late to get the help you need. Hope you're doing better today because you know better now. You certainly wouldn't then? Far too young. Sending love from Atlantic Canada 🇨🇦 ❤️ 🙏
I'm so sorry.
Hope you are getting help now.
There are "survived after suicide" courses.
Please look after yourself.
🙏 🤲 ❤️ 💐
Sorry you had no help. I hope you have it now. There is many online sources now too.
And now?
This video has helped me. Thanks to everyone involved
I've attempted 3 times. The nervous / uncomfortable laughter is something I have also done when speaking on those attempts. He was not laughing at the situation. I appreciate you Mark 🧡
This popped up on my screen yesterday. I prayed for you several times throughout the day …. I’m so sorry that you have suffered so.
I live in Northeast Indiana myself, not far from South Bend . I will continue to pray that the tormentors will not have access to you anymore. You have so much to offer people ….
Lost my dad to su#cide 😢He suffered from depression, After years of battling drug use😢,He just got so tired and gave up, Reach out friends if this is how your feeling,im sure they have a number
May your Dad rest in peace, and may you live in health, peace and happiness. 🙏
@@robynconcannon7134 ty ❤️
Much needed video Mark! Thank you
I feel so bad that he is suffering the way he is. He really seems like a great person who has had so many hardships. Listening to his story made me realize a great deal about life and myself. I hope he finds the inner peace he needs. He seems like a really great guy.
just had a patient talking about suicide all day, i used my entire repertoire, couldnt brighten his day to (for me) acceptable levels
i felt powerless and amateur; overhelming me as i tried to suppress
watching this, sitting on my balcony after work, unwinding, coffee water and smoke
helps getting to see such an in depth perspective, thank you for participating and thank you for all your videos!
If you’re a therapist, your job is not to “brighten a suicidal patients day.” My God, that’s so sophomoric. 🤦🏻♀️
Seeing such a handsome grown man fight his tears 😢😢 its heartbreaking, wishing him all he desires ❤
Such a beautiful smile, Britton has. I hope he finds relief and decides to stay around awhile.
I think the very same. Britton’s face just lights up when he smiles
Mark, I’ve had two friends commit suicide and in hindsight they did leave hints and made statements
Britton, i’m really glad to see you’re so very passionate to help other suicidal people with your own experience, (as someone who also is bipolar) in the other hand, i hope you can find your rest, for suffering from those devestating thougts for years and years.
Here in the netherlands we have assisted suicide(euthenasie) also for people with severe mental illness. I know a few (Young)people who choose this way, a less painfull and better goodbye for client And family/ friends.
Thank you for sharing your story❤
Mark laughed because the situation was extremely uncomfortable.✌️🤟
No he laughed because this guy seemed to be confirming Marks - absolute horshit - hypothesis that people who talk about killing themselves never do.
It is not only not true but it's massively irresponsible to mock someone like this because the only way they can prove they are serious is to now actually do it.
This was a terrible interaction and you covering for him doesn't help
@@willsmith39go slap Chris rock
@@SkycladWanderer Thanks for that. Extremely original 👍
@@willsmith39 said it very well. This is a delicate topic and Mark isn't new to it.
You're 100% right. That was sad. And you can See the look in His eyes, when Mark laughed. It had impact
I wish him well, where ever his journey takes him. I understand much of what he feels. I didn't suffer any trauma but felt invisible growing up which led to years of alcohol abuse(24 years sober thus year). It's taking me to be 70 years old to finally realize what's important. P.S.....I hug people too, it feels soooo good.
Thank you for sharing I appreciate you telling us this please continue to share with us. Blessings Be.
You so clearly have an important job here. You are helping others in deep, healing ways. There is joy in these experiences! Connection is key and you are connecting on a deep level with these anguished humans. Please stick around. They need you. And we need you! ♥️
I feel you’re an empath. Being an empath is so difficult because of feeling so much. Not knowing our purpose. I connect with so much your saying. I wish you all the best. You sound like such a wonderful person ❤
A deeply complex individual - but underneath all the complexities - I feel he is playing to the SWU gallery - he gives off vibes of a victim drama queen😮
@@thematriarchy2075Trolling me as usual - you are such a sad fvck😮
Not trolling, just tired of your dismissive nature. People sitting on that chair don't need to be treated the way you treat them, that's all. @@forplexforplex8831
@@thematriarchy2075Harsh reality frightens negative folks like you...😮
@@forplexforplex8831i respect your opinion. But that comment by them is no longer here. I wonder why
Agreed 100%
A voice... The things - our feelings, our thoughts, our shame - when we "voice" them in the way we need to, we find our hearts and minds are lightened. Thank you for sharing your voice.
You have been such a gift. Thank you. I dance with similar tormenting. What's so ironic.... I grew up in immense indoctrination. Bible belt. You may not be a Christian. But I see Him in you. You're a beautiful, empathetic soul. Thank you for being a spark. All I needed was a spark. I'm sick in the hospital right now. The physical hospital.
I hate hugging. But I'd hug the hell out of you if i could. Thank you for being my spark. The one thing that i have learned is to nurture myself, as i do others.
You are so loved.
P.s good luck at treatment ❤
hey, nurse here, hit me up if u have any treatment/procedure-questions!
AMEN AMEN AMEN ❤❤❤
This is so true my 3 su*cide attempts i never spoke about it but i do remember having a sense of relief, content, id even go as far as saying i was happy idk hard to explain its kind of a calm and feeling content and at peace with knowing all of my pain and hurt in my heart would be gone
It isn't true, actually, because the people that do talk about it, can commit suicide. Talking about it is good though, because not talking about it doesn't help, at all.
I am glad you are still here and working through it. I think the only thing in this world helps us heal from loss and pain and suffering is being of service to others that are hurting. Purpose is our only hope. I hope you will find a way to fulfill your aching soul,my dear❤
@@user-bh6sc4nq9binspirational 👍
Hope you stay ok. There are people who care❤
You had a horrific childhood. Your mom was not mentally stable and sounds like a narcissist. You can only get hit so many times, no wonder you have rage. You are definitely dealing with PTSD. Yes AA works but alot in AA are adult children of dysfunctional families. They need the extra help with healing the adult child. It's a great program if you have one in your area. You have a very soothing voice. I could listen to you forever. You should really apply for some disability benefits if you feel that working is impossible. I love what you said about your daughter. My dad has often said I saved his life when I was born. Sexual abuse in childhood really messes kids up. Same with mental and physical abuse. Your mom was CRUEL. She didn't deserve to have a child as sweet as you. Please stay around for your kids and for the qualities we all see in you that you don't see in yourself. One day at a time, one minute at a time. I learned from my dad that anger is really HURT. You are hurt and haven't healed. Even though you missed alot with your kids, you did have some positive impact. Working on your inner child first will help your relationships with kids, grandkids. Just wait it out and see. Your kind heart will help others in the mental health and addictions field because lived experience is the best kind of help for those who have the disease. Look into becoming a peer support worker/specialist. The people who hurt you will be taken care of by the man above. Walk away from their harm. Do better for the next generation. Because you are SO Good. You are intelligent. You are the professional in your own therapy. The paid therapists who allow you to be the professional in your own life are the best ones. They just guide the process of what you already know. Please don't give up there are people who care. People who love you. Solace rest hope you have experienced it. It seems you may have purely obsessional OCD. My brother is the same. He finatgot stabilized on lamotrazine (mood stabilizer), clonazepam for social anxiety and an SSRI for the OCD. You have done your own kind of exposure therapy for things that you are afraid of and that's commendable. One of your biggest issues is you not seeing your own self worth. Please try to believe you are so very kind loving and capable of helping yourself and others. So much potential. Would love to meet you chat and have a tea. Please take care and respond anytime. You will find your tribe. Keep hugging! Keep showing love. Please don't take your life friend. Better times for this world are soon ahead if you look into the bible like you said. Pray for the strength to keep going until this crazy life changes for the better. God's purpose was never for us to be unhappy. He's going to fix it soon. ❤
I sure can relate to so much of what you said. I'm on medication, and it has definitely helped. I was hospitalized twice for suicide attempts. I'm 59, this was 6 years ago. I'm numb now, because of the medication. I relate to you're anger, you're disdain for the human race, for squandering my life, for failing at relationships, the depression, etc.
Now my life is pretty good. I got on disability, I take care of my elderly mom, I have 9 cats and a dog, I don't go anywhere, Walmart, is pretty much it. I absolutely can't deal with people though. I describe it as 99% hate, 1% love people. I'm looking forward to death, not dying. What I can say is we do melow out when we get old. I understand where you're coming from. I hope you find some peace and purpose in the time you've got left. I don't like it here either. It fucking sucks. It does sound like you're making a difference in peoples lives, this is a really positive and powerful thing. I wish you love and light on you're journy♡♡♡♡
I hope this man finds peace in his heart. Thanks for posting.
This one was a good interview to fall asleep to. I got a great nights sleep, but I missed most of the interview.👍🏻 but I do appreciate it
I believe Suicidal traits can be passed down to your kids. Especially if you go through with it. My aunt and older female cousin (mom and daughter) lived successfully and beautiful lives but both ended up committing suicide out the blue 😪 still don’t understand it 😢 TALK TO SOMEBODY PPL 🙏
It is hereditary, yes.
Suicidal thoughts and suicide completion are NOT hereditary. Mental illness can be, though.
@@PBJ-17 Yes, it is, although there isn't a "suicidal gen"
And no, also people without a mental illness can commit suicide
If his dad had him at 40, but then says his dad was 76 when he died and he was in his forties? I ain’t no mathematician but the math ain’t mathing
He said he has trouble with his timelind
He said his dad just died recently. He said at 76 he thought he could finally kick his dad's button, that how tough he was. Listen to it again
What I’ve learned from my coaching individuals, these videos, and being around depressed and self-destructive people is that they hang on the negative events in life - death, accidents, abuse. It’s stuck in the mind forever. My take is that they, at some point, were kind, meek, and sensitive children who grew up in the most terrible of circumstances. They cannot dig out of the layers and layers of emotions that were created to protect them from the constant abuse that wrecked them. The negatives are what are familiar and all that they know. I am so sorry for their loss of joy or sense of purpose in life. It is saddening to watch. I just want to hug them all and say, “ you are loved.”
Thanks for sharing your story and helping others. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.
I relate so much. And my name is Brittany. Everyone called me Brit growing up, too. Never fit in. Suicidal since I was 11. Thank you for your story ❤
Hey Britt! You are beautiful and you have a purpose here! Please don't leave us ,you are loved ❤
Come on, Brittany. You're pretty. Creative. You have a sense of style. You have musical talent... You can have a great life! It's normal to feel that you don't fit in when you're young because you're forced to live in a social environment created by others, rubbing elbows everyday with people you have nothing in common with... But, as you get older, you can create your own little world with like-minded people (and, believe me, there's a lot of people who always have felt that doesn't fit in)... Take it from someone who went through the same as you: the best is yet to come!
PS: sorry for my English, it's not my first language.
That’s what makes you beautiful ❤ you don’t have to fit in! You are a perfect you.
OMG my husband went to Teen Challenge and his experience was EXACTLY the same!!!!! I pushed so hard for him to go there because he was addicted to heroin and he needed the help. The first time I went to see him he was at a big like charity event at a nice hotel and when I left there I called my girlfriend and told her "I think I just made the biggest mistake in my life, those people are NOT genuine!"
It was like listening to my own story. Another comment stated it was hard to understand his contradictions. But I can speak from experience that me.ory loss and the ability to express it in words is very hard to put into words because so many blanks are in our memories. And for me... my whole childhood is more dreamlike. So his struggle to tell his story is very real bcs the recall is hard to piece together chronologically. Put the memory loss, emotional aspect and ptsd makes it hard to articulate it. It is the way our brains protect us. The memories we don't remember comes in bits and pieces. So more power to you bro for telling your story. I also commend you for facing your fears. That's the part I lack in. And as you probably know. We are our worst enemies. But I mirror so much of your story. So thank you for your courage to tell your story.
just watching him and seeing his facial expressions. i can tell this guy is deeply depply holding onto a lot of pain and has been everyone elses comfort and needs the comfort he gives for himself. im the same exact way. HUGS
This was a difficult watch/listen for me. Burst out crying a couple of times, still thankful for the experience and opportunity to listen in.
Britton's absolutely correct regarding which demographic that most commonly commit suicide today, and I believe that some part in fixing/improving those sad statistics, should be talking about it more openly.
Another side note; while I recognize there's substance behind those claiming that people who actually commit suicide don't talk about/mention it to anyone leading up to that fact- however, that's definitely no general/universal rule.
Especially someone who has experienced (seriously attempted) suicide by a close relative, like Britton- I clearly see&hear that he's very capable of actually 'checking himself out prematurely', still.
I just deeply hope that he'll keep choosing to not act on those dark thoughts. I believe he can still help others, as he can speak on some of these dark things from extensive personal experience.
Thanks for your talk Britton, please take care of yourself.
“”When you don't want to feel, death can seem like a dream. But seeing death, really seeing it, makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous.”” - Girl interrupted. I hope you get the help you need. Your life has value.. the joy in life can come back , but you need the right help from the right person. Please keep looking until you find the right match for therapy
I pray that in sharing your story, you may receive healing and restoration.
Mark, what you said at the beginning was spot on! I've survived ideation, major depression, and even a few attempts. Ive also overcome alcohol addiction. And homelessness. I never asked anyone for help. I never made threats. Never asked anyone to let me move in. I always just ghosted and handled my problems alone.
I hope he is getting help from a supportive and compassionate therapist.
I once almost died in a vehicle incident. "Would have been written as su*cide by the morgue". Dead men can't defend there actions even in suspected su*cide
Can you please explain why the police would have thought su* side to be the cause? Thank you.
Barely survived a staged "traffic accident" June 2022. "They" informed me 2019 it might going to happen, (they=unit I was part of in a civil war).
The hospital incl myself, can't believe I survived, should be cleared up as traffic accident on my E-Scooter, all staged 02.00 AM.
A female journalist warned me I have to watch my back (I blew the whistle 2019), she told me about 3 different fatal "accidents", 1 in Britain, 2 in the US (or the opposite).
All 3, so called traffic accidents, 1 on bicycle (female), 2 walking on the sidewalk (male).
I believe you 100%, they some times choose easy solutions.
@naturaljustice4654 I'm not understanding what you guys are talking about. Would you mind explaining please 🙏
Britton, I pray you can find peace through this therapy.. I truly do. I actually have a very similar story to yours. My children gave me purpose though. They are my reasons for living. But I understand where you’re coming from. You will never be able to get that love that you so desperately needed/wanted during your childhood. You will never be able to truly understand why you were neglected by your mother. But I want you to know, that wasn’t your fault. It took me years to finally come to terms with that fact. Especially being a mother myself. I didn’t get that love from either parent. So I felt that same type of loneliness growing up/throughout my teen years/and all through my 20s. My 30s have brought me a lot of clarity, healing, wisdom/knowledge, self acceptance, self awareness, forgiveness, and purpose. I pray you can gain that one day. I pray you can forgive those who wronged you (even if they don’t deserve it) one day. Not for them.. but for you. I pray that you can find value in yourself one day. We tend to want to help others who are broken because it does give us purpose… but unfortunately, we can’t always help ourselves. We have ALL of the answers.. but we cannot convince ourselves that those same answers for others, apply to ourselves. You’re worthy of the same love and compassion that you want to pour into others. I hope you realize that one day. Your interview (if you even see this comment) was so relatable to me. But it also helped me understand just how far I’ve come and how much my mindset has changed. You like to tell/show others that they are not alone.. but please know that you’re not alone. I hope this therapy helps you and I hope your future is brighter than your past.. your light shines bright in this dark world. You do have a purpose. Don’t let the darkness rob you and all of us of that light. It’s much needed. Thank you for telling your story ❤❤
I have so many things in common with this guy. Been offered therapy but turned it down again and again☹️
Thanks for being so open
If you have a huge heart for people that are suffering, think of your daughter and your grandchildren that you can’t be unselfish enough to be a good man for them
Thank you!! Total self-absorbed bullshit. And he actually says that the pain of not seeing his daughter is one reason to kill himself. Maybe she's got a very good reason to NOT want him to see her or the grandkids. Two sides to every story, and I'll bet hers ain't pretty.
I would have loved to hear what you think happens to you when you die, Britten.
I myself have struggled with suicidal thoughts most of my life, but fear of "punishment on the other side" alongside with not wanting to hurt any loved ones, have made me reach out when I no longer could stand my pain
You talk about learning to love other people, wich is fine, but I think what you really need to do, is to learn to love and forgive your self. You are worth it, but the problem for many of us with childhood trauma is that we become our own worst enemies. We hate our selves and believe that we aren't worthy of love.
I really hope that you end up giving yourself and life more chances. It might be worth it 😘
Praying for you Britton to overcome your torture and find the beauty in life.
Thank you Britton for who you are, I will not forget you and I really hope you will live in peace sometime because you are a wonderful person.
26:17 mark compliments him being likable and this and that, he lights up. He assures mark he’s on the edge.
He seems like a vulnerable narcissist.
He’s also “ the strongest man he knows”
He’s also not able to love he says.
@hextorcampis6113 Maybe he "lights up" (I noticed that, too) because everyone else in his life, and he himself, is telling him he's no good at anything, is a failure, can't even have a strong relationship with his daughters, on and on. Ever think of that??? Maybe that is why when he gets a tiny crumb of an "Atta boy!", he lights up.
Ffs.
@@lisahinton9682 people that are not used to getting “atta boy” don’t respond with lighting up with pleasure of getting the ego rubbed. Not a “atta boy “ but w.e , like I was saying they don’t light up they tend to feel extremely uncomfortable when they are complemented and aren’t able to take compliments.
You are in need of unleashing anger I can see. Try journaling and taking a long walk
Suicide prevention awareness 🙏💪
My 5 year wedding anniversary is today .. my close friend at work told me it’s also the 1 year anniversary of her best friends suicide. The pain I saw on my colleagues face I would not wish on anyone.. my husband suffers from depression and I worry daily he could hurt himself one day. I spent the last 2 days crying non stop .. seeing the pain suicide has caused someone, considering what a life without my husband would do to me or his parents.. the loss of someone’s life .. all they could experience if they got help .. don’t do this.. your life has value and the Iives of all that love you will become the pain you are experiencing now.. why transfer that to others ?!? You have to get help for them..for YOU… for your future.
I spent 20 years of my life living angry. I know now it was to cover up the deep fear and hurt inside.
Pain can be healed. There is hope that change can come. It starts from the inside and grows it’s way out.