Girlhood, Purity and Religious Trauma: A Taylor Swift Study 💜 Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve analysis
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- Опубликовано: 1 май 2023
- Hi guys :) I'm honestly really nervous posting this video today because I know it's more of a personal and sensitive topic than those I normally share, but from the day Would've, Could've, Should've came out, I knew this was something I wanted to dive into and talk about. I would love (if you feel comfortable) for you to share your own interpretations of religious themes throughout Taylor's music and lyrics. Thank you for making this such a safe space to explore ideas together, whether we come from the same lifestyle or not. I really love you guys!!
Today we are talking about purity culture, age gap relationships and religious themes.
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thank you so much for spending this time with me and allowing me to talk about something so vulnerable 💖
This was so eye opening. Thank you.
Could you please link your friend's podcast? When I search is brings up non-exmo sources, which is the opposite of what I was looking for.
Thank you for sharing your heart!
@@c471 of course!
open.spotify.com/show/1MwARAN5oYCfztPfiofK30?si=i6CKY3-aRBKFVQfj7lupsw
PERFECT TIMING COUNTING THAT SHE JUST ANNOUNCED SPEAK NOW (TV)
@@esmeroro i cannot believe the timing of this!!
“younger people will always have crushes on older people, that’s just how life works. and it is the older person’s responsibility to not reciprocate feelings.” it’s literally THAT easy.
Literally “and now that I know, I wish you left me wondering” !!
strangely enough, i only had a crush on someone older than me ONCE, in like, 12 crushes and relationships or more. i don't know what that says about me but everytime i realize i like someone i end up finding out they're one month, or six, or one or two years younger
@@str33t3r who hurt you?
@@str33t3r literally, why are you here? Just to rage watch? Go take a blood pressure pill and chill out.
@@khall0304 I spat my coffee😅 lmfao. Thank you for that. I needed that 😅
The line about “girlhood” is a great articulation of the fact that virginity is a construct but innocence is universal.
No both exist. Virginity is a biological fact even when specifically talking about females anatomy. Society wants to claim your "number" has no meaning but it does. If you can cannot wait for marriage the number still should be extremely low. Sexual intercourse, the act that creates offspring - babies, us taken extremely lightly & has gone from vital biological function for a mated pair to a pastime... and there is zero evidence for that being a good or healthy change.
and very individual. I know myself I was a kid for a lot longer than some of my peers and I got all my emotional abuse after college lol
she really saw john mayer perform at the grammys and was like "hang on i've got more shit to say"
YUPPPPPPP
"Oh, you thought you're safe now? That's cute"
@@justwonder1404 and now she’s re recording speak now john better sleep with one eye open
@@emilybaxter29 I'm so eager to see her version and watch everyone go crazy like how they did with all too well
@@emilybaxter29 I wasn't there for the most of her previous albums and even I'm eager to hear this TV
"Promising grown man" is one of my favorite lines she's ever written.
I noticed it immediately and I was stunned
Ref to promising young woman !! powerful feminist film
@@margarettaylor473,my fav
I think it also referenced that somehow when you are young you believe it’s actually cool that an older guy notices you
@@margarettaylor473fun fact: the Movie is called promising young woman because in the reporting/debates about men on college campuses crossing women‘s boundaries they would often say: should one incident define the whole future of „the promising young man“? There where no regards to how the future of the traumatized women was impacted. Who were as promising as the men. Yet the adjective was only used to describe men. The women too were excellent students with a bright future. Yet for some people only the men‘s future and how a criminal offence would look on their record was important and not the impact of the trauma. I love that Taylor changed „young“ to „grown“ since in that context the word „young“ was used to justify the recklessness.
The best thing that's happened to Taylor is that she became brave enough to express her female rage and I love her so much for this
Amen dude, amen
and is so sad that the media slutshamed her so bad for that when its really an achievement
Exactly
I mean she expressed it in Speak Now with the song Better Than Revenge
@@MayaLove777 No, that was misdirected rage at the “other woman”, instead of the man who was committed to her and cheated on her. She felt afraid to get angry at a man. So she directed her internalised misogyny towards another female. She’s grown in her power since then and is able to direct her anger where it’s warranted. And in songs like illicit affairs, she’s able to empathise with the other woman and the fact that she’s a victim of the disloyal partner just as much.
"i wish you'd left me wondering" is THE lyric from this song for me. The defeat in the way she sings those words just sums the whole song up to me
yep yep yep
Am I the only one who hears similarities between that line and “your body is a wonderland”?
this also hit me hard
"Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first" made me cry and it also had NOTHING to do with sex or virginity. Corruption can happen in many ways and things can be taken that you didnt really realize would matter at the time. This makes me think of my younger childhood and of a lot of stuff that was taken or done, that I never let myself be angry for until I was an adult and realized they were valid.
The way I can relate to this sm. I always get emotional from either the possible "sex or virginity" meaning, but also just personal reasonings that make this song hit hard for me :(
Narcissistic abuse, all her songs that reference this guy and Jake are so so so clear to me how narcisits operate, by personal experience how they swoop in and make you feel amazing and then make you feel agonized for years where you slowly realize this isn't right. Taylor's songs really speak to me bc I to want to give my wholeself to a partnerself and that is so often taken advantage of, and the way she tries to equalize it and blame herself for their bad behavior was really hard to listen to for a long time. It's not fair and she was trying to make it fair, and now that she's angry and admant I love her so much more now. She's coming into her power and I want her to keep going!!
To the people who commented “she was a legal adult, why is she still singing about this” … beyond the totally inappropriate age difference, there was emotional abuse. That causes trauma no matter the age and Taylor can sing about her experience and help other people identify it and overcome it.
I read Jessica Simpson's book and JM messed her up so bad. It's a good indication of some of what Taylor went through, too.
Like being a legal adult magically prevents being a victim of abuse 🤣 the ignorance
shes a legal adult, but not an adult. she still had TEEN in her age. u dont fully develop ur brain until you’re 25. men in their thirties should not be going for women with “teen” in their age regardless of whats legal
@@freeenah You are correct on everything except for the brains developed at 25! That has actually been debunked. I just wanted to point it out as misinformation solely because it's been cropping up in laws lately and it's just...a completely random number so it's not really great. But everything you said is right!
I was honestly wondering that. I’m glad you pointed that out. I didn’t think about it that way.
I totally understand why Taylor would probably never perform WCS live, as you've mentioned before it could resurface a lot of trauma for listeners in the audience, but sometimes I imagine an entire stadium screaming GIVE ME BACK MY GIRLHOOD, IT WAS MINE FIIIIIIIIIIIRST and the thought alone is so powerful
so true. for me i would be so healing.
this would be so powerful but i know this would also really destroy me too
LITERALLY ! considering the power, heartbreak, and catharsis i feel singing it alone in my car at night, i think an entire stadium could shatter the planet
So true, would be epic!!
There is definitely a difference in revisiting the past processing consciously and triggers that come unexpectedly as stabs and actually hurt you again.
I’ve been TERRIFIED she’s going to sing it as a surprise song at my show… It’s one of my favorites, but I really don’t know how I would react if she sang it. Maybe it would be healing, but maybe it would trigger me.
she was insane for making us stay awake til 3AM just to burst into tears with our little tired eyes
… “i spy with my little tired eye”
@@fionasimon5701 pun intended 😜
fun fact: the job I was working at the time was on weekends only and it was out of state so I went to bed early and woke up to the chaos of the 3 AM announcement only to sob straight through my shower after hearing that song and then I got to spend 4 hours in the car with my grandpa (who, luckily, likes Taylor Swift and didn't complain when I played the album the entire way there) who was working at the same place so we were commuting together, lol. fun time!
fck you for reminding me the existence of sweet nothing. I'm now gonna cry.
for years and years i thought it was “good girl thing and a tight little skirt” now that i know it’s “faith” it adds a whole extra layer to me about how she wanted/needed to be perceived
someone else commented they had been thinking it was good girl face!
I knew that song wasn’t about Styles. I thought she wrote it about Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez (who has a song about a “tight little dress”)
@@nuclearcatbaby1131 i didn’t know that either abt justin and sel wow
I thought it said good girl fade
Isn’t it good girl fig… like she’s been eating right and “watching her figure” so she’s in a tight little skirt? That’s always what I hear
I got married to my awful ex husband at freshly 19, had our first child at 20. Would’ve could’ve should’ve blew me away for a million reasons. She is now 18 1/2 and seeing just how young she truly is absolutely unreal. So grateful for Taylor and her music, thank you for this video ❤️
i am so sorry
I feel you but not for the direct reason of that is my experience.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets choked up by the line in The Man “when everyone believes you, what’s that like?” Like I actually tear up singing it even tho it’s a bop. That kind of lyricism and what she wrote in Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve is one of the top reasons Taylor is the biggest influences in my life.
it's so casually said in such a "surface level" song (not really surface level but you know what i mean!!) ooft it caught me off guard and still catches me off guard every time!! so simple --- but SO relatable
I do too! I think it's one of the most casually heartbreaking lyrics she's ever written.
Omg I thought I was the only one crying on the way home listening to them man😭the frustration is real
There are countless times when I’ve said something, been brushed off, then have my husband later say exactly what I said after a male friend of his told him the same thing I said.
@@ascendednightingale2456 I cannot tell you how much I understand that
The times I’ve screamed “give me back my girlhood, it was mine first” from the top of my lungs can’t be counted anymore
And I’m not even a girl
it is a lyric for all
You could always pull a Dylan Mulvaney. I wonder whose girlhood he took and appropriated.
@@nuclearcatbaby1131 as a cis girl who's experienced sexual abuse, my girlhood and experiences are completely intact after dylan mulvaney's transition. i'm confident in my gender and the different ways it can look for the countless people who experience it, and having it in common with someone who's learned more about herself doesn't change that in any way.
@@nuclearcatbaby1131MOST REAL COMMENT EVER LMAOO
@@nuclearcatbaby1131 um what?
I also love the parallel between "And I'll look back and regret how I ignored when they said 'run as fast as you can'" in Dear John and "I regret you all the time" in Would've, Could've, Should've. It shows her prediction came true. She already regretted it, but now it's a fully conscious feeling. She regrets it all the time, all of it, not only the relationship, but him too.
Her singing Clean in that reputation concert always breaks me 🧸❤️🩹 It’s still one of my absolute favorite songs ☔️🌈
SO AMAZING i wish i could have included the full clip
My first romantic experience was with a 32 years old man. I was 21 but had never even had my first kiss and had just lost my dad a couple months prior. He was my roommate and used my feelings towards him against me. He knew I thought I loved him. He used me. He tore away my young innocent romantic view of the world. Taylor Swift is such a poet
I'm so so sorry that happened to you - it's horrifying and sad that almost every woman relates to this song in one way or another, but I'm glad it's a comfort to you (and me as well)- Sending you the biggest hug
I am so sorry for what you've been through... Since i was very young teenager as well, older men in their twenties literally took advantage of me, psychologically before all. Hearing them say 'you are mature for your age' were flattering, used to make me feel like what they said, or what we did was normal,.. As a teenager we often want to experience things, grow up faster, fall in love and get butterflies. Now these words ' you are mature makes me sick to my stomach. because 'I didn’t know who I was supposed to be at fifteen' and even now i am 22 and i still don't know... I did not know it was not right for me. but HE knew.
That amount of trauma is hard to bear, for anyone, but I know how strong you are and i am sure the sun will shine bright light on your world. ♡
The “more like half of my age” line will forever be iconic
Half her age is underage 😱
@@nuclearcatbaby1131 it’s a joke chill
The lyrics "God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be" are so powerful and they really stand out to me as someone who has gone through a similar situation of your innocence being taken from you. I look at pictures of my younger self and I just get so choked up and emotional and I find myself grieving for the girl I used to be before everything changed. Also the lyrics "I can't let this go, I fight with you in my sleep" are so relatable in how my trauma affects me. I often have dreams or bad nightmares about who hurt me in unforgivable ways. It's like I'm actually fighting with them in my sleep, and I can't get away from them even in my dreams.
Yes. I do have nightmares were I'm literally fighting my abuser when he just shows up to try to manipulate me again. This song is the closest thing to me to talk to someone who gets it.
on my tiktok fyp a woman was telling her experience with a mentor from the mormon church and how the priest didn’t believe her and instead accused her of having a “weird and close relationship with her father” and it’s scary that women get told they are the problem instead of fathoming that the man might be just a horrible person. this entire song feels like every woman’s inner anger with the world and men that have hurt them.
It’s not even they can’t fathom it. If it’s always the girl’s fault, the men have never done anything wrong. There isn’t a framework for the men being at fault. They were always tempted by the girl. They were dragged into sin against their will. And why do we have this narrative? Adam and Eve. Eve convinced Adam to take the fruit, right? Because they weren’t both humans with brains. Forget that Eve was supposedly made FROM ONE OF HIS RIBS. They’re made of the same thing. She is made of him. Yet the story is that she fell and took him down with her. Maybe if he had been made of stronger stuff, she never would have fallen in the first place? In their minds, women are only intelligent when they’re seducing men into wickedness. So convenient.
I have no religious trauma lol. None.
yeah, the mormon church, like many others, is going to be dragged kicking and screaming into the age of equality.
This song means so much to me as someone who went through SA as a teenager (I’m fine now and I’ve worked through my trauma). It’s the closest representation of PTSD in my books.
completely agree about the PTSD - the lyric "memories feel like weapons" is the most relatable to me
Sending you love you are so strong ❤
i also hope you know that none of it was your fault 💙
thank you for being brave enough to share that here
Thank you to both of you ❤ I’m ok now and I know sharing my story can help other people.
I’m so impressed with Taylor and her ability to give us a full picture of what trauma looks like. She is so raw and vulnerable in this song and she shares every aspect of her trauma, even the ugly parts. I mean the self-blaming, the shame, wishing you could have a do over of your life and wondering who you would be if you hadn’t met the person, obsessing over the past, the flashbacks and nightmares, the anger, the loss of innocence, the victim shaming… literally EVERYTHING. Even the highs only a toxic relationship can give you “and the God’s honest truth is that the pain was heaven”. There’s a lot of guilt wrapped in that, I think. It’s important we understand to understand the mechanisms of abuse in my opinion.
While working through my SA trauma in therapy, I hit a stage that was just pure, uncontrollable, blinding, devastating rage. Would've could've should've is one of the things that got me through without killing anyone. I scream-sang that song in the car every drive for almost a month 😅
I’m so happy i found this little corner of the internet feels like a cozy group therapy session
The line in this song that always chokes me up is “and now that I know, I wish you left me wondering”. I think about this with my disabling mental and physical illnesses that have taken over my life in recent years, making me almost entirely housebound.
Sometimes I wish I never knew, but instead was left to wonder how painful and limiting life can be
Sending you love. As someone dealing with some chronic pain/illness, too, my heart goes out to you. 💞
"stigmata" -- the unhealed wounds Jesus endures in crucifixion. "the wounds won't close". It also makes me think of the fact that when Jesus is crucified he cries out "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" It just gives the same desperation that Taylor has as she asks when she'll get over this trauma.
Stigmata that’s it!!!
So sorry to fact-check here, but stigmata is actually when “normal” catholics get those wounds, like St Francis of Assisi.
Ew could you please not involve him in this? Thats insulting and just gross.
@@Hannah-uf1qk thanks for telling me, you’re right that that wasn’t a good thing for me to say. But WCS is about him in the way that’s it’s a response to him, so talking about him at all isn’t all that unwarranted?
@@alien-chat It’s not about Jesus, like at all? No one really knows what it’s about. She’s using religion as a metaphor which is fine, but to equate Taylor’s song to his literal death is just disgusting, sorry.
Edit: sorry I’m replying to the original comment, not yours. I get being upset about trauma but to use his death is just so tasteless. I don’t think that’s what Taylor meant, she’s just using imagery.
I was groomed in a sexual way and i have spent sleepless nights when the person who groomed me was 5 years older than me i was 11 at that time and now im 16 once would have could hv shld hv cane out i was able to be more vocal and open abt being groomed and taylor helped me find my voice and inspired me to get help i will forever be grateful and respect this song. Taylor also encouraged me to keep on living she has been through so much and shes still alive i can do it too! 💪. To anyone reading this i wish you guys the best in life and ally i love you so much your content is very entertaining and puts me in a good mood! 😊 #swiftyforlife
I am so, so sorry for what you went through, you are truly a warrior and should be so proud of how far you've come. I hope you know that none of it was your fault, and I hope you live every day filled with happiness in spite of what that person did. Sending you the biggest hug
I am really sorry that happened to you. You are so strong to make it through that. You are also really smart to come to that conclusion, and brave to be using your voice. Thank you so much for sharing, it means a lot ❤ 🙏🏾
I love you so much okay? Oh god i wanna cry, you're so strong and I'm proud of you
Coming from someone who went through a similar experience, even if it's never easier to get back to those times, relive it, remember it, and try to heal from it, it still doesn't define us. It was never our fault, we should have been protected. Keep finding your voice, never let others dismiss you or take lightly what you went through. We will be alright, time will help us heal and if you have any religion or faith, I believe that can help you as well. Remember a stranger on the internet, maybe across the world from you, believes in you too. We keep on living, fighting, and surviving. We are greater than our trauma.
Totally agree with your reading of the girlhood line. It's possible for a young woman to be sexually active, even married, and still have this optimistic, a bit naive view of the world. Most of us grow out of this, but it's one thing to gradually wisen up and the other to learn the hard way after being screwed over by someone you love and trust. To narrow down girlhood to just virginity is not only very simplistic, but also a little creepy imo.
For me, Dear John also recognises that she was in an emotionally abusive relationship. The lines about needing to be careful how you step, how he painted blue skies and then made them rain, how every day was a game she couldn't win, how she could never predict his behaviour (wondering which version of you I might get on the phone). To me it's not a song sad about a break up, it's about a 19 year old girl realising she's been abused and being irritated and upset at herself for not listening to the people who cared about her but now she's free of him ( I'm shining like fireworks over your sad empty town), and acknowledges that he was in the wrong (you should've known). But I agree with you that the level of maturity to write this at 19. I'm blown away. Thank you for making this video, I've been waiting to be in a better headspace to watch it 🩷
100000% agree with everything you said, and i'm so glad you were able to watch it!
Would've, Could've, Should've is the reason I blocked my John Mayer on every social media and erased him com-ple-te-ly out of my life (TEN years later!!), and I'll forever be grateful to Taylor that she wrote it. She truly made me see how wrong it was and how I don't carry any blame out of that situation. Thank you for this video, Ally, you have such a unique spark to you, I'm really happy to see that your John was never able to take that away from you :).
Thank you so much!!
I looked back at his videos and he spoke of Taylor in such a glowing way that none of her other boyfriends have. Maybe it was a manipulation tactic. How he made her feel important.
Those songs are not really about John Mayer, though. They are about another ex she hid, Martin Johnson. As well as, Love Story and I Knew You Were Trouble (IKYWT) bc her parents did not like him. If you look at him and the guy from the IKYWT music video they look and they are dressed almost the same. All those songs are about him, but Taylor hid him also to spite him bc she did not want him to get more fame of her back.
@@zkxnkj534 IKYWT is about Harry, would've could've should've is very obviously about John Mayer I mean the obvious she dated John when she was 19 and all the references, it's about him. He was 32 and she was 19 and he was extremely emotionally and psychological abusive. This song is about John mayer.
@@kaydence1313 the lyrics are quite general and could also be addressed to Martin JOHNson, bc of his name and the period it was written in. also, when IKYWT came out, Taylor and Harry weren't even dating yet. That song was written way before their relationship, but people just liked assuming it was a about him and the rumor picked up.
The fact that you were also 19 when someone took your girlhood/innocence honestly makes me feel good in the sense that I’m not alone 🥺 I too was 19 when I was in a relationship gone wrong, and he took EVERYTHING from me 🥺 my innocence, my happy view of the world, my red scarf (if you know what I mean), and just forced me to grow up in ways I shouldn’t have been forced to yet. On top of that, it was my very first relationship. I didn’t get to experience a first happy fun cute relationship, I hit the wall before I even got to walk down the hall. So “give me back my girlhood it was mine first” hits me SO DANG HARD, I tear up every single time I hear it, imagining myself screaming it in his face (he’s a Taylor fan, how ironic 😂), and it just gets me right in the soul.
I love songs like bejeweled and anti-hero, but NOTHING will hit me as hard as WCS, and nothing will relate to me and how I feel as much as that song does.
19- the age where the pain is Heaven, until we grow up and learn it was actually Hell. (A nightmare dressed like a daydream?)
I’m sorry you went through that but I love your comment and your humor. @Sarah Allison
Your story could be mine. I feel it and it still bothers me and I'm 41 now.
False God from Lover is a rich source of religious references. Easily in my top three favorite songs from Taylor and one of her sexiest songs. It very much gives "reclaiming the divinity of sexuality from religious trauma." And not to speculate on Taylor's sexuality, but *personally* as a queer person, the song really resonates and feels like reclaiming not just sexuality, but the divinity of queerness in particular. It's idolatry, it's deviancy, but "we might just get away with it / the altar is my hips / even if it's a false god."
Huh what a beautiful way of thinking about it. It really is a special song, I never really paid that much attention to it. Gonna be doing that from now on, thanks!
Take me to Church was the song that I used to take back my stolen sexuality from religion.
"Memories feel like weapons" is so powerful
Taylor is empowering to me. I love the lyric in Vilgante Shit where she says “he was doing lines, while crossing all mine” I think that is quite empowering of her to say. Also the lyrics “baby boy I think I’ve been a little too kind, didn’t notice you walking all over my peace of mind, in the shoes I gave you as a present.” Or “baby boy I think I’ve been too good of a girl” proceeds to say “I can reclaim the land and I miss you but I miss myself more. (Sparkling) Best believe I’m still bejeweled, when I walk in the room, I can still make the whole place shimmer. “ And not remembering if she has a man or not. She’s a really empowering woman ❤
I'm currently deconstructing my faith. "Would've, Could've, Should've" has been one of my favorite songs to listen to while processing my feelings. I have thankfully never been in a relationship with someone way too old for me or been a victim of SA. That said, I have my share of religious trauma, especially from something I don't feel comfortable sharing yet in a RUclips comment section. Let's just say sometimes I wished I allowed myself to be who I am without what others thought. Songs like this help me feel less alone in what I'm going through right now.
I am so sorry about any bad experience you've had with the church. I don't know if you mean specifically the Christian church. I would never ever force someone into a religion or going to church but I just wanna let you know that even though you have valid bad experiences with the church, God will always love you and there is nothing you could ever do that would make him love you any less. I know there are so many churches out there that are a inappropriately representation God. A real God's church would never discriminate to ANYONE- Not trying to force you into anything i just wanted to remind you that there are good churches out there and even if you never decide to go back, because I understand how hard religious trauma can be to get over, God will always be there for you.
@@julia-ur4gvstop forcing your beliefs on people, especially people who are struggling. It’s predatory.
@@janielee6018my main point is i dont wanna force my religion i just wanna let them know that all people arent like that- i never once said anything that shows me forcing my religion i never want anyone to feel that way
@@julia-ur4gv saying things like god loves you or will always be there for you is tryin to force your beliefs on other people.
@@janielee6018 i wasn't forcing anything though, i never said "you need to go back to church" or anything like that. I respect all people and all religions and i never want anything to feel any differently- Im sorry if i offended any in these comments
The fact that Taylor just announced she’s dropping Speak Now in July and this vid was posted 3 days ago!! You definitely pushed her to release it 😏
It's gonna be released on 7-7-7 bc 2023= 2+0+2+3=7.
Also, TS is a 7
The drums are such a highlight for the song and its really a sort of signature feel of Bryan Devendorf, the drummer of the National, his drumming is so emotionally charged.
Wow I'll have to finally check them out, as a mostly country/pop girly can you recommend any songs that might be more my style from them?
Screaming "give me back my girlhood it was mine first" has healed my inner child so much... I am a survivor of childhood SA, and still over 20 years later, it sometimes still haunts me. But this song in particular has helped little me heal and finally be okay to let out the anger. Also, I was really religious before the SA and never went back...
Omg i had no idea that she started working on wcs after the 2021 grammies, when she saw jm on stage...it adds another layer
how insane!!
the girlhood line in WCS chokes me up more than it originally did. when I heard it there was this feeling that it was an amazing song but the more I listened and connected the more I was so deeply affected by this song. I was very naive when I began dating for the first time in my early twenties and dated a man in his 30s. months after I had finally ended things with him for good he reached out to apologize, and admitted he knew I was naive and manipulated that. men in their 30s dating women 10 years younger know EXACTLY what they are doing. I'll love TS endlessly for writing WCS. I never noticed the build-up to that moment but now that you mentioned it OH my god. thank you for all the effort you put into this video this was amazing
As a newer swiftey, this is exactly the video I needed to get the gist and don’t feel left out. Like the need of understanding what had happened but not wanting to dig in someone else’s trauma. Thank you ally!!!
i relate to this, as someone who was groomed by a 23 year old man at 17, and continued to go through a horrendous year long relationship with this person. i scream this song allll the time, and remember guys: the best revenge is happiness. karma will get them back ❤️
I love your interpretation of "Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first" bc that is how I relate to the song too.
No offense to anybody, but I have a feeling TS isn't religious anymore. She may say she is because it's still extremely taboo to come out as an athiest. If she were to do that, she would immediately be labeled as a "bad influence", which is something she has worked her whole life to avoid. I would not be shocked if years from now she comes out as having deconstructed and lost her "faith" for a long time. She's a highly intelligent and careful person. I respect her completely, regardless of her religious beliefs. I appreciate that she doesn't lay it on too thickly in her music nowadays though.
@@eleanorquinn6066 I personally always thought by that line she meant in her desperation for her mum to get better she would try literally anything, but I don't know that she's implying a sense of genuine belief in God. A lot of non-religious people in crisis pray because they feel powerless and it's worth a shot even if there's only a tiny chance it might work.
@@hopetikvah4906 thats not an atheist, probably she has doubts like all believers do, or she has not giving her heart totally to jesus christ, but it seems she believes in god.
You may be right, but she explicitly said she was a Christian in the Miss Americana documentary, which was released in 2020. Granted, that was 2-3 years ago and it may have changed, but I feel it's inappropriate to speculate that she's secretly holding views which are the polar opposite of her most recent public statements on the topic. I may be being too overly sensitive about it, though.
It isn’t extremely taboo to be an atheist. 💀
It's taboo...? Where? Lol
"I miss who I used to be" is so sad to me. I agree on your reading of the "Give me back my girlhood" line.
you didn't mention it as one of the potential songs for john, but i've always interpreted haunted as being about that as well. it ties in with the religious trauma she talks about in would've, could've and it's a very fascinating parallel to enchanted - she clearly showed us she could write this beautiful song about not being able to get someone out of your head, but instead she chooses to use the imagery of something haunting you, so it has to be a bad person/feeling. i love the line "don't leave me like this", i can certainly imagine 19yo her being so confused and not really knowing how to feel about this relationship bc he drove her to believe things would be different with her.
yes!! i think i only made that connection towards the end of the video -- it's so clear! between superman, ours, the story of us, haunted and dear john there's such a storyline
I really like the way you interpret the word "girlhood" because to me, it's more like a mental shift than a physical shift when it comes to transitions in life.
I also don't feel comfortable when people talk about Taylor's virginity lol I was so surprised when she indirectly mentioned it in All Too Well and was shocked when I first listened WCS. But anyway, she couldn't decided how her fans and audiences understand the deep meaning of her songs. So, I just keep preventing myself from linking the songs to her personal life. I hope she could feel that she completely owns her personal life instead of answering questions from the world.
Damn. Tbh, I’ve never really been into Taylor’s music and the lyrics I’d hear from her songs over the radio totally went over my head. Now that I know the story and understand the trials and tribulations she’s been through, they hit a lot harder. What a strong woman she’s truly grown into. Think I’m gonna listen to her music more often now, it’s so poetic. Heartbreaking and profound.
Great video. ❤
Thanks so much for taking the time to watch my video, that means a lot seeing as she's not someone you even listen to!! I definitely would recommend her discography, if you like the poetic stuff start with Folkore and then maybe Red :)
“A promising grown man” is such a great line as well.
This is such a thorough, important, and integral discourse that deserves to be discussed at length and seen by a lot more people. Thank you for bringing all of this to light through the scope of TS and culture ❤
Wow, thank you so much!! Those are such kind words
WCS was the song that made me start listening to Taylor. It's been 5 months since I started seriously listening to her and she has completely changed my life. I left my ex, who had been grooming me for 8 years. I have cried and cried and she helped me realize that I deserved better and had to save myself, regardless of the consequences.
I don't know if you've heard of the 7 female archetypes, but they are a sort of categorization that can help women with introspection and self-awareness. And the way that you described 'girlhood' is almost spot on for the experiences of "the maiden" archetype; in which a woman of this archetype experiences life through an innocent lens until something psychologically life-altering changes her and pushes her towards adulthood. Definitely didn't explain this well but it's a cool observation I think!
Wowww thank you for sharing that, i'll have to look into it!
It reminds me a little of that thing how men view all women as one of 4 archetypes: ruclips.net/video/Fu4VWoWMDag/видео.html
@@AllySheehan that is so true, and I completely forgot I had seen this movie a year ago for a university class.
Wow I didn't know about this, that's a cool point, thank you for sharing
Thank you, Thank you Ally for discussing "Would've Could've Should've"!!!😭💙💜 It's in my top 3 Taylor songs, and is so heartbreaking!! Love you Ally. 💙
it was so overdue to talk about!! love you too
Loved your interpretation of “stained-glass windows” using like a double meaning of stained and being fractured beyond repair. I always picture it as like the memories are so well preserved in this glass like the tales of the bible are in church etc as she remembers it all too clearly still years on. Also it’s similar to “he’s got my past frozen behind glass but I’ve got me”
I had been staying away from this video and today I feel like was the right moment to see it. I'm almost 23, when I was 18 I dated a 30 year old for a short period of time, and I hadn't processed how it really impacted me until WCS. I would say I am not as hurt as many people that have gone through something similar but I found myself trying to trick my mind into believe it was nothing, when it WAS something. This person knew what they were doing and now I see it for what It was.
Where i am from, 18 is the legal age, so you grow up thinking 18 year olds are adults when they really aren't.
I was also raised in a catholic household and went to a catholic school, so yeah, this song and video really hit.
Thank you for sharing this vulnerable but so strong side of you Ally, it meant so much more than you can imagine and it helped me so much.
Such a powerful video. ♥️ My dad is a Baptist pastor and so her religious references always stand out to me as I deal with my own trauma and journey. I really felt all the moments where it was obvious your emotions were getting to you, and I’m sorry you have to feel that. Side note, your pronunciation of Pontious Pilate was hilarious to me. Much needed levity. 😉🥰
HAAH i looked up how to say his name after filming it and was like.... oops
oh well he won't hear it
@@AllySheehanwell you're not really wrong! In English we wouldn't say it that way, but in Latin pronunciation it's correct!
i just love how open you are in this and i just thank you for sharing this. a lot of us have our own trauma and it’s just so amazing to hear someone else who experienced similar things to us. literally love you so much and i’m so proud of you
thank you so much, i love you too and people like you are the reason i felt safe to be so open on here
“When everyone believes ya, what’s that like?”
I have an interpretation of this that’s a little different. Not to take away it’s intended meaning because that’s very deep and powerful. But I’m a person with a strong sense of intuition and as I’ve gotten older a lot of what my intuition went off about was right. I’ve always, without fail, had my intuition questioned or waved away and I’ve never seen that happen to a man. We reward those keen instincts and ability to trust your gut in a man and in a woman it’s reduced to paranoia and we’re made to feel crazy and out of line.
I think about this kinda often and it really does bother me.
So true
“It’s not our fault”, thank you so much for this video
sending you the biggest hug
I LOVE that you compared this song to Stevie Nicks because I also get those vibes. When you listen to Silver Springs by Fleetwood Mac and you hear the anger in Stevie at the end of the song it really gives you a similar feeling to WCS. The pain and anger of a woman that has been hurt and used by a man.
completely completely silver springs vibes!!!!
something that a friend recently discovered: the chorus of mean overlays perfectly with the chorus of would’ve could’ve should’ve. they started singing mean while WCS was playing and i said NO STOP DON’T DO THAT because it was too much.. a song that feels so young over one that’s about how weary you are looking back at the past. ugh. it also feels like she’s taunting him through it. from “some day i’ll be big enough so you can’t hit me” to “look at me now, i looked up to you back then but now i’m BIGGER than you and people finally believe me”
I cant listen to Bigger Than The Whole Sky. It’s so difficult for me to listen to it because of how sad it is, and the perspective of others to relate in their loss makes it even sadder. Some people related to it on miscarriages, since they’ll never see what would’ve, could’ve, and should’ve been their child who they were gonna see grow until their an adult just like them. And then in Taylor’s perspective, where it’s about losing what could’ve been her if John didn’t do what he did to her. I cry every time I hear this song and I honestly can’t bear having to think about the tragedy he caused in her perspective but in such a deep way. That fact that she will never know what kind of person she would be if she didn’t have to suffer. The fact that she will never be able to know what her true child self could be from her girl hood. The fact that she didn’t even get a proper girl hood to begin with.
I also loved “stained glass windows” because the color what you see on the other side, how you’re seeing the world. He ruined her worldview and her innocent rose colored glasses optimism
As someone who is a practicing Christian, thank you for not bashing religion in this video. When I saw 'religious trauma' in the title I was really afraid you were going to paint anyone who believes in a higher power as backwards, bigoted, or a generally worse person. I really appreciate the tolerance you showed. Allowing those with religious beliefs to be seen as equal to those without, not having preferencing one and deeming the other as bad/evil/worse. A really thoughtful video, I liked it a lot
Thank you!! I have equally been so grateful for how much grace and understanding people who are religious have shown me in the comments, nobody trying to convert anyone or shame me for not being Christian (especially when it was never a choice I made, but one that was made for me at birth). I think there is already so much unnecessary hatred and disconnect in the world, when deep down most of our core values are probably the same 💖
This really is my comfort channel just feels like having a conversation with my sister love you ally
love you too sis!!
The story of us is about John! They were sat next to each other at an award show shortly after they broke up and that’s why she feels like she’s standing alone in a crowded room
i’ve never been groomed or experienced SA but i was a little really young when i discovered adult content on the internet and i always feel like my girlhood was taken away from me, even if it was just me. i can never explain it… it feels like i should have been doing normal kid things, but that was completely ripped away from my hands. WCS encapsulates that feeling i have unbelievable well.
I was never groomed or SA'd (until I was an adult) but I understand how it feels to have your girlhood taken away from you with adult content online. I didn't know what "lemons" meant in fan fiction and found out the hard way. I was so embarrassed and I felt utterly betrayed because it was the Harry Potter fandom and I felt like that should have been a safe space for kids and teenagers.
As someone who was raised very religious and an SA survivor, this song (and analysis!) means a lot to me
ooh we are in for a feast today!
but in all seriousness, this is a very important video. i commend you for discussing the topics that you did in this video. would’ve could’ve should’ve is truly one of the most compelling, raw and vulnerable songs taylor has ever put out. this song truly feels like a last hurrah for her as a candid, autobiographical writer. i’m very proud and honoured that you trusted us with your rawness and vulnerability in this video🫶
"The wounds won't close" also makes me think of stigmata on saints, the idea that some particularly devout people spontaneously develop crucifixion wounds which never heal. It's a very interesting rabbit hole to go down.
That and Doubting Thomas. Jesus’ wounds needed to stay open so Thomas could touch them in order to believe. It makes me think about how people are expected to prove their trauma in order for it to be seen as real (and even then it may not be believed to be valid). Telling the truth isn’t enough; you have to let someone poke around the hole left in you from where you were killed before they’ll take your word for it. Did the wounds not close because they just hadn’t healed yet, were they open because they kept being agitated, or were they open because people didn’t really get it yet? I hope that, if the latter, writing WCS helped her validate her own feelings and feel seen, understood, and believed so that those wounds could start to close.
I am so so grateful you made this video- being raised Catholic, Taylor's religious references are often the ones that hit me the hardest. I am always so in awe of how genuine you are and it means the world that you were so respectful and intuitive in discussing these songs and the religious allusions. You put into words SO many things that I've felt while listening to Taylor's music and really articulated so much of what it means to be a girl. As someone still trying to hold onto her girlhood- you (& Taylor of course) are such an awesome person to look up to & your advice and vulnerability are honestly so uplifting. Sending lots of hugs & a big congrats on 60k!!! 🤗
as someone who’s sixteen, the thought of being pursued by someone in their twenties even is sickening to me, so i cannot comprehend that this full adult man in his THIRTIES was interested in a thought it was acceptable to ‘date’ a nineteen-year-old. so amazing of taylor to turn that disgusting man’s actions into beautiful art and financial profit.
btw i think its pronounced pon-shus pilot (that’s what i’ve heard in england at least)
The bigger than the whole sky lyrics and sygb about God and Jesus definitely hits really hard. I am Jewish, and my dad has had cancer all my life (he is still struggling with it, but it’s not life threatening and he’s getting better!!!) but during the worst of his cancer I definitely struggled a lot with religion and God. you’re thinking “if God loves me so much why would he do this” and all that jazz. I have figured out how to balance religion and life and stuff like that now though. When sygb came out, I didn’t even get through the third line without sobbing. Taylor, even though writing her own life and her own personal experiences, can make it so relatable. Her music definitely helped me through the worst points in my life, and this video really helped me to understand more about this song which means a lot to me and her religion and stuff so thank you! I’m a first time viewer but I will definitely check more of your stuff out!
I'm so glad I found this video and your channel. Imagine relating to everything said in a single video... It's still blowing my mind. I've struggled for decades now with feeling like no one would understand. It's amazing how much clarity and growth comes in time. And with finding people who will accept you and potentially relate. I'm now going to slowly work my way through the rest of your videos. ❤
wow ally. thank you sm for this video and for your vulnerability. i’m so glad i found your channel and painting my nails while watching your videos as become one of my favorite self care moments. sometimes being part of a fandom can be hard, there’s so much negativity and nonsense, but swifties like you are the reason i love it. taylor has been starting important conversations like this one since the very beginning of her career. i’m so glad you shed some light on the depth of her songwrititing and please, make this a series!
I really appreciate how you handled this subject. I feel very safe here, and I'm grateful to have found your channel. 💕
thank you for this video ally, it really made me think about these themes in taylor's songs that are so complex and human and so hard to even aknowledge. this makes me admire taylor even more because now i understand how difficult it is to create art the way she does, reflecting all these intense and heartbreaking feelings, and making a difference in so many people's lives. i love her and i love you
I'm almost exactly 1 year older than Taylor, and so many of her ideas and musings, her music and her poetry have mirrored my experiences. She is so emotionally intelligent, she can make us all feel like she's writing about us.
I myself came out of an age gap relationship a couple years ago, and to this day I am TRAUMATIZED and can't really move on from that. WCS hit me really hard when I first heard that, to the point where I almost had a panic attack. And while I recognize the brilliance of this track and the mastery behind Taylor's ability to capture emotions with words so well, I don't even have this song saved in my library because my reaction to this is so visceral. Genius writing.
And a brilliant video essay as well!!! Was super interesting listening to your take on this part of Taylor's artistry!
I’m so so sorry. No one should have treated you that way. I don’t want to say too much because I don’t want to accidentally bring anything up for you but you aren’t alone and I’m wishing you the best with healing ❤️🩹
Omg I have never been more excited for a video. Would’ve could’ve should’ve is a song I NEEEEEDDDDED and I can’t believe it exists. It’s so beautifully written and so heartbreaking but so therapeutic at the same time.
thank you for being so vulnerable, it makes me feel sad that its a relatable thing but it makes me feel so empowered that we all support one another and can look at taylor as an inspiration.
i wanna thank you for making this video, i just love to see your perspective on taylor’s songs! thank you for being so vulnerable in this video, this meant a lot to me in so many ways! ily ally ❤️
I loved how you explained the stained glass lyrics...I didn't realize that they are indeed like broken pieces connected to make smth beautiful 26:24
thank you Ally! this song was my #1 Song on Spotify 2022. I've also giving it so much thoughts and I truly needed another swiftie to talk about it!
This was the first video I saw from your channel and you’ve become such a comfort watch for me. So grateful to rewatch this months later.
oh wow! so happy to have you here
This was a touching and insightful video. Thank you for being open and vulnerable to us strangers. I hope everyone here knows they are worthy and loved. ❤
Ally, all I wanted to say is thank you for uploading this, I know this is a hard video to create and for you to bring up this conversation and that is powerful 💖 again thank you and this song has so much power, even if I haven't been through what Taylor's been through, it is so emotional and mentally painful, I can relate to it in a different way and it hurts, so again, thank you so much 💖
thank YOU so much!! i really appreciate that
I love the lyrical analysis that you're doing in this video! Thanks for talking about something that was obviously very, very emotional for you. You did a beautiful job.
Thank you so much!!
Same thing happened to me at 19… coming near 23 now. So seeing someone decode this in the way that feels so authentic to me is really comforting. Thank youuu
(Also you seem like such a cool person to be around, this is the first video I’ve seen of yours, so all the love to you)
Thank you for being so vulnerable in this video!!! You mentioned Kelsea Ballerini- I’d love to see to see you make a video on her EP!
The fact that some people still think that age gap is okay… crazy to me. If someone has a kid at age 24-25, and that kid grows up and is 19,,,, a 32-year-old would be closer to the age of the parent (43-44) than the 19-year-old kid they’re trying to date. THATS INSANE
dear john is my favourite song ever and would’ve could’ve should’ve is up there. i love this video ally and i’m so happy you felt comfortable to make it
Thank you for sharing something so well spoken and vulnerable, as there are many topics spoken upon in this video that some people need to hear. I hope you know that a video such as this can really have an impact on many Ally
i suffered several times with SA and one 4bus3 when i was a kid. i feel so much better and i feel listened, thank you for this, ally
I come back to this song every couple days to break my heart over and over again. As Ms. Taylor, I got put through a very belittling "relationship" with a man twice my age, at only 20. Now, 9 months later, trying to break free from the guilt, this song is both healing and devastating. Knowing that decade later I will still think of the trauma this person caused me and the amount of times I cried myself to sleep and screaming my lungs out w the "Give me back my girlhood, it was mine first" lyrics. unfair. Also this line brings out so much pure fear and even more anger in me, knowing that this-too-old-of-a-person didn't always take NO for an answer. Brings out the worst in me, almost wanting to hit him where it hurts the most and forever and always regretting ever looking his way.
also it never phased him too, Mr. perfectly fine (i hope not for long xoxo).
I’m so sorry. That’s devastating and he should never have treated you like that. I was 19, and even though it could’ve been way worse (an older woman who’d been through it too persuaded me to cut him off) it still wasn’t okay. A while later I ran into him and I didn’t cut him off again until several years later. I felt pressure to from my then bf who didn’t know how to support me well. And the idea that he still had a hold on me was scary, even though in my mind I’d moved on ages ago it actually wasn’t that long since we’d messaged. 9 months later isn’t long at all in some ways, I haven’t reached 10 years later yet but I’m getting closer. I won’t lie, I still think of that trauma along with many others. But you’ll have more strength, you’ll have other things that have filled up your life which will mean more to you. Maybe friends, pets, family, plants, causes you work on, days spent cozy and safe, days in the sun or the rain. I promise that there is more in this world! It doesn’t make the unfairness and hurt disappear, but it makes it less overwhelming. And maybe one day you’ll be the older woman who really listens to someone and gives them the strength to leave or avoid a shitty situation. Take care, I’m so proud of you for healing as much as you have! Your anger is valid, I hope he suffers too. But it’s also okay to put that aside to focus on your own future. It wasn’t your fault, you deserve so much better and I hope you find whatever that is for you ❤️
your analysis was amazing! i already loved the song but had no idea it could mean so much and have that many references, it really has grown even more for me
You are brilliant, thank you so much for this video! I had already obsessed over the lyrics but I did not know John lived in an old church with stained glass, and I had no idea they had a song together. It makes even more sense now, thank you! Taylor doesn't write something without a meaning. I look forward to more videos from you! xoxo
This is gonna be a bit of a long comment, since I'm copying from a google doc essay I wrote, but I absolutely love how in the 3AM tracks, The Great War, BTTWS and Would've Could've Should've form a thematic trilogy about loss and healing, in a very similar way to how Betty/August/Cardigan form a narrative trilogy about lost love.
The chronology of the story goes WCS → BTTWS → The Great War in which WCS explores the toxic and emotionally abusive relationship the narrator goes through at a young age, BTTWS is her grieving her sense of identity/self that she feels she lost during that time, and The Great War shows how the trauma of this relationship affects her behavior and perception of all future relationships.
As the first chronological song, WCS lays the groundwork with some important imagery: "the tomb won't close," and "I fight with you in my sleep." These two are referenced again in The Great War, with "spineless in my tomb of silence" and "cursed you as I sleep talked." The tomb in WCS is a representation of that sense of self she is grieving in BTTWS, emblematic of the effects this relationship had on her psyche. She now hides away in this tomb, isolates herself from her current lover because she is so impacted by this relationship that came before. Every time she fights this old lover in her nightmares, he turns into her current lover; she is unable to separate her past experience from her current one, and is convinced this one will turn out much the same. All of this is echoed in TGW's lyric, "maybe it's the past that's talking, screaming from the crypt."
Additionally, WCS is fraught with religious imagery and metaphor; among many others, "I would've stayed on my knees, and I damn sure never would've danced with the devil" and "you're a crisis of my faith." This also draws another parallel between WCS and BTTWS, where in BTTWS, she asks "did some force take you because I didn't pray?" in this case perhaps referencing to herself and her sense of self.
In conjunction with the TGW lyric that touches on the "past that's talking," WCS also personifies her memories as weapons ("memories feel like weapons"). These lines are then flipped on their head in The Great War by a poignant shift in the narrative: "We can plant a memory garden, say a solemn prayer, place a poppy in my hair." This lyric serves multiple functions: it transforms the weaponized memories of WCS into new flowers, something meant to cause harm now becoming something beautiful and healing as she allows herself to truly trust in this new relationship. It also takes a moment to offer a prayer and plant a memorial for the things that were lost along the way, namely, that person she would've been if she had never entered this relationship (BTTWS).
The way these three songs explore the idea of loss of identity, innocence and trust and eventually culminate in the desire to begin healing.... I'm fragile.
Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.
I did not expect to be jumpscared with Last Kiss like that and now I am crying literal tears
I’m glad that you talked about this. I haven't had a similar experience, but I did appreciate you talking about the religious stuff. I've been having a crisis of my faith for reasons (in particular the stance that they take on LGBTQIA+). I felt very seen with this, so thank you.