I've done absolutely nothing to deserve being on the receiving end of a nasty family coalition, quite the opposite. It's like they're projecting their nonsense into me. I decided to leave the situation entirely. I'm finding out more and more nasty family secrets, this is the reason they need a distraction!
Don't take it so hard. Research the spiritual side of it also and you will understand what's going on. Many have devil spirits at the root of it. There's not much you can do but ensure you are not under such control it's spiritually esoteric stuff like Ephesians 6:12 says and needs discernment. For example, I remember having a dream about a dear family member I love who I didn't know was of a dark triad but I had dreams about her hinting things I ignored in past because love and trust was there. This is one of the dreams. I was going somewhere with another Mishpocha/ family and was stopped by a behemoth being who looked like muddy water. He actually came out of his way to provoke me because, he was giant. He said I am going to marry such and such and take her up to my tree root of wives and you will never reach up there. Long story short I rebuked the muddy one, and threw him down from his height in the true name of God. His height was levels up in the sky. Once he was down I was curious determined to see who were his wives but saw more than that. When I climbed up to his huge tree root to see what wives he was talking about and to see if any other family were there what I saw shocked me. And so I understood peeping up there what I was dealing with. It lead me into the deliverance studies, and unclean demonic spirits studies, and so much is clearer to me that occurs in my life through the grace of God. Now I don't trust anyone but God Blessed be He and one neighbor. The day is evil as Ephesians 5 says no doubt.
I am currently in the process of leaving them permanently, as my mom and half sister won't grow up and hold themselves accountable. Acting like a child - which is my ignorant narc mom, need I say more - I don't have to put up with her weak behavior that she won't change. I have given her enough time since my aunt's eviction notice, and she never held herself accountable (fake apology with no change in her worsening behavior, not getting the help SHE NEEDS, etc). By the way, not only did she triangulate me against my older half golden sister + gossips over the phone about me, but she is 30 years older than me. Such loser behavior, but that's what you get from a unhealed abuser claiming to be a mother.
When you know, you know. I removed myself from the abuse. I refuse to be the scapegoat and punching bag due to others mental and physical abuse. Remove yourself from them and let them continue to live their false facade. I will have no part of the games, manipulation and absolute mental abuse and triangulation with these emotionally empty beings.
This is all too familiar to me. It’s me against the “coalition” because the “matriarch”in my family can do no wrong except towards me and I see right through it.
My pregnant younger sibling posted a video saying that I’m jealous that I’m older than her and she got pregnant first ..she also stated that I’m jealous because my husband and I can’t get pregnant and have been trying (we have not been trying btw). My gyn literally stated “everything kinda looks too good down there, so when you’re ready to have kids things look great”- my sister also doesn’t know that I’m leaning towards not ever having children because i like having my fur babies. The scary thing is she made an entire video about me when I haven’t spoken to her for two years smh 🤦🏽 very scary to create false narratives in your head. She views having kids and marriage as a competition. This example is just one of the many reasons why I had to cut my mother and siblings off. Another scary and weird factor is that the same sister claims that she’s the one who cut me off. This just further confirmed to me that I made the right decision to block all of them..
Oh my gosh Tamara, this explains the Dynamic I grew up in perfectly. Parents chose one child, Grandparents chose another and a power struggle ensued my whole childhood. Thanks for making it make sense a little. so confusing to me as an adult, I can just imagine how confused I was as a child. I'm no contact now because my sibling has managed to turn the family against me but its ok I'm educating myself and continuing my beautiful life. Thank you Tamara
How does the outcasted family member dynamic differ when they develop into an addict? It’s like the drug masks the previous abuse. I feel my big sister has been outcasted. I used to be the rescuer, turned enabler but I’m 34 now she is 38. I stopped contact and now she is far far away due to drugs but I feel an underlying sense that she has been “forgotten” singled out and abandoned. To some degree it’s self inflicted, drugs etc but what about the rescuer in me? I feel that was more of a reaction & I don’t want her legacy to be centered around that. She has a story and I feel she has been silenced 😢
Sounds like what I'm dealing with 😢unfortunately he's turned my sister against me she don't believe anything I say but she believes and defends anything and everything my dad does and says .
The Russian novelist said in his book Anna Karenina "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way". But he was wrong, sure details may be different but the basics are the same; disrespectful/superior attitude, emotional and other forms of abuse, gaslighting, selfishness and deception.
Im not even sure of how I found this channel but you are what I have needed for years Tamara! To hear my struggles etc so eloquently put and your sincerity, the way you go into detail about topics is truly a breath of fresh air I'm a "disabled" vet and have yet to find someone thru the VA or otherwise in 15+ yrs that I I feel truly understands my trauma and struggles in general. THEN I've never even heard of others going thru the toxicity have been thru w my family ...so this, YOU! Aww man gratitude attitude you are truly a blessing and are appreciated. Ahhh trying not to over consume ur content and watch one a day...journal and process Anyways thank you Miss Tamara much love peace power and respect to you
You're very welcome. I completely understand that feeling. I do pray you find peace. Once you make up your mind like you have, life can sometimes get much better.
Wow I am so happy that I found your content. Thank you for breaking down trauma in toxic family structures. Your teaching and sharing of these topics are very inspiring and gives me a sense of peace. I know that I am not alone in my journey.
It was done to me recently. A family member by marriage. Because she steps over boundaries AS A JOB 💡😛🤟she seems to think she has the entitled judgement to say something about me in public without ever saying TO ME, to my wife/fiancé. She just went way out on a limb to describe my family dynamics without any concern whatsoever for what we had to say about it.” 😂❤yikes. Yucky. 🤢🤮😆🤘🏼💯
What about my child,not sibling?im an only child,my mom is taking over my" mom role "of my 16 year old son,! She has got him totally brain washed against me!and he lives with me when he isnt staying with her!!!! Getting worse and i need to know what to do,i try to distance myself from my mom,and then im out of loop as to whats going on with my son,so ill be nice,and she will hurr me again,5 yrs ago,giing to sons soccer game,she is driving,my son says somthing rude to me,so i say something like" dont disrespect me! And my mom says " you two need to stop it" what us two!i said dont group me with my child im mom! " Sums up situation real quick,he is 16 now have gone thru this crap forever,he knows he will never have consequences because she will always believe him,and take his side,example,one morning before school he told me to f off,(happens a lot now) and so i said,"you can walk to school,no ride from me" only half a mile away btw.so he calls grandma and says im loosing my mind,and will she come get him,and she comes to get him,now this is tuff!!!
Happening within toxic Sisters-In-Law. We are all in our middle 69s. They have always been the mean girls to me. I was the goody-two-shoes sending anniversary and birthday cards to everyone. That lasted 20 years. When I finally realized that I had not received ANY in those 20 years, they started talking about me behind my back. Then it got to where they would see something that my grown children posted, and they would gossip about that: can you BELIEVE her Son is dating THAT girl?! 🙄🙄😮. Snobby things like that. Finally I realized there was nothing I could do to get them to like me, so I deleted them off my social media. My family and I see them for Christmas, but they no longer have direct access to me. 😁
Glad I came across your channel today. Just subscribed. Watched a few videos so far. Good to see a professional who is breaking things down at every level. You don't come off as one of those cookie cutter therapists who seem to be repeating what they've memorized out of a book using the same tactics on every client who have different issues to deal with. We know one size does not fit all. I'm looking forward to more of your videos. I like how you use detailed examples to break things down.
❤❤ thanks so much Tamara 100 my case exactly the way you explained it narcissistic Sun turns on dad and coalition forms on the rest of the family sorry I missed your live thing is what to do about it thanks for all your work😢❤
Thanks so much for doing this video I needed this been going through this very same thing on both Mom and Dad's side of the family. It seems to never end
Thank you want to note the play back was often paused note sure if is on my end or something you can advise your portal about will try on another device such as at work.
Thank you for discussing this. I am almost 50 and my family has virtually destroyed me. I have decided to live my life without them because the abuse I suffered was getting worse and physical, so I had no choice to walk away. They hatred they had for me derived from my father, sister and mother went along for the ride. My father hates women who are intelligent and independent and that's what I was. He did everything to destroy me. He also beat down my mother and sister and so my confidence had threatened them I imagine. He is sick and enjoying every second of the fact that they are not in my life. He still blames me and claims he only wanted me to be wise, which has nothing to do with it. Their life is a game and they don't care if it hurts you. Please stay away from these people as early as possible and don't turn back because the hate will never fade. They are unable to fix themselves and just find the "weakest" or kindest person to beat down. It's wicked and sick.
To see my live chat on deceptive affection, click here: ruclips.net/user/liveFM8d4Kts8lM
I've done absolutely nothing to deserve being on the receiving end of a nasty family coalition, quite the opposite. It's like they're projecting their nonsense into me. I decided to leave the situation entirely. I'm finding out more and more nasty family secrets, this is the reason they need a distraction!
@@Andronicus2007 stay strong it’s not easy but we can do it.
Same
Don't take it so hard. Research the spiritual side of it also and you will understand what's going on. Many have devil spirits at the root of it. There's not much you can do but ensure you are not under such control it's spiritually esoteric stuff like Ephesians 6:12 says and needs discernment. For example, I remember having a dream about a dear family member I love who I didn't know was of a dark triad but I had dreams about her hinting things I ignored in past because love and trust was there. This is one of the dreams. I was going somewhere with another Mishpocha/ family and was stopped by a behemoth being who looked like muddy water. He actually came out of his way to provoke me because, he was giant. He said I am going to marry such and such and take her up to my tree root of wives and you will never reach up there. Long story short I rebuked the muddy one, and threw him down from his height in the true name of God. His height was levels up in the sky. Once he was down I was curious determined to see who were his wives but saw more than that. When I climbed up to his huge tree root to see what wives he was talking about and to see if any other family were there what I saw shocked me. And so I understood peeping up there what I was dealing with. It lead me into the deliverance studies, and unclean demonic spirits studies, and so much is clearer to me that occurs in my life through the grace of God. Now I don't trust anyone but God Blessed be He and one neighbor. The day is evil as Ephesians 5 says no doubt.
I am currently in the process of leaving them permanently, as my mom and half sister won't grow up and hold themselves accountable. Acting like a child - which is my ignorant narc mom, need I say more - I don't have to put up with her weak behavior that she won't change. I have given her enough time since my aunt's eviction notice, and she never held herself accountable (fake apology with no change in her worsening behavior, not getting the help SHE NEEDS, etc). By the way, not only did she triangulate me against my older half golden sister + gossips over the phone about me, but she is 30 years older than me. Such loser behavior, but that's what you get from a unhealed abuser claiming to be a mother.
When you know, you know. I removed myself from the abuse. I refuse to be the scapegoat and punching bag due to others mental and physical abuse. Remove yourself from them and let them continue to live their false facade. I will have no part of the games, manipulation and absolute mental abuse and triangulation with these emotionally empty beings.
CONGRATULATIONS 🎉 I'M STUCK ROOMMATING WITH BOTH MY NARCISSISTIC MOM AND SISTER 🤢💔🙏
This is all too familiar to me. It’s me against the “coalition” because the “matriarch”in my family can do no wrong except towards me and I see right through it.
It’s the no family & no support that hurts the most
I went no contact. They tried to ruin my family.
My pregnant younger sibling posted a video saying that I’m jealous that I’m older than her and she got pregnant first ..she also stated that I’m jealous because my husband and I can’t get pregnant and have been trying (we have not been trying btw). My gyn literally stated “everything kinda looks too good down there, so when you’re ready to have kids things look great”- my sister also doesn’t know that I’m leaning towards not ever having children because i like having my fur babies. The scary thing is she made an entire video about me when I haven’t spoken to her for two years smh 🤦🏽 very scary to create false narratives in your head. She views having kids and marriage as a competition. This example is just one of the many reasons why I had to cut my mother and siblings off. Another scary and weird factor is that the same sister claims that she’s the one who cut me off. This just further confirmed to me that I made the right decision to block all of them..
Currently that I love myself and feel I am surrounded by love from the spirit world is and has been enough.
I swear you’re a psychic therapist!
🙊🙈🙉
Oh my gosh Tamara, this explains the Dynamic I grew up in perfectly. Parents chose one child, Grandparents chose another and a power struggle ensued my whole childhood. Thanks for making it make sense a little. so confusing to me as an adult, I can just imagine how confused I was as a child. I'm no contact now because my sibling has managed to turn the family against me but its ok I'm educating myself and continuing my beautiful life. Thank you Tamara
I am 60 years old and I am through with my family ❤❤❤
I get you! When enough is enough, it's enough!
Wish you the best, peace, joy, happiness!
Here's To Loving Authentically not Perversely
How does the outcasted family member dynamic differ when they develop into an addict? It’s like the drug masks the previous abuse. I feel my big sister has been outcasted. I used to be the rescuer, turned enabler but I’m 34 now she is 38. I stopped contact and now she is far far away due to drugs but I feel an underlying sense that she has been “forgotten” singled out and abandoned. To some degree it’s self inflicted, drugs etc but what about the rescuer in me? I feel that was more of a reaction & I don’t want her legacy to be centered around that. She has a story and I feel she has been silenced 😢
Sounds like what I'm dealing with 😢unfortunately he's turned my sister against me she don't believe anything I say but she believes and defends anything and everything my dad does and says .
This is tough. I'm sorry you are experiencing this.
@@TherapistTamaraHill Thanks for your understanding and support !
@mikesmith6594 you're welcome. Absolutely.
The Russian novelist said in his book Anna Karenina "Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way". But he was wrong, sure details may be different but the basics are the same; disrespectful/superior attitude, emotional and other forms of abuse, gaslighting, selfishness and deception.
My narcissistic father did the same with my two younger sisters.
Im not even sure of how I found this channel but you are what I have needed for years Tamara! To hear my struggles etc so eloquently put and your sincerity, the way you go into detail about topics is truly a breath of fresh air I'm a "disabled" vet and have yet to find someone thru the VA or otherwise in 15+ yrs that I I feel truly understands my trauma and struggles in general. THEN I've never even heard of others going thru the toxicity have been thru w my family ...so this, YOU! Aww man gratitude attitude you are truly a blessing and are appreciated.
Ahhh trying not to over consume ur content and watch one a day...journal and process
Anyways thank you Miss Tamara much love peace power and respect to you
It's comforting knowing that I am not alone
Absolutely 💯 agree! Glad this is helpful to you. Hopefully you are now on a journey of healing.
Thank you so much for your help. I've been so sad about this for so long but I'm not going to let it hurt me anymore.
You're very welcome. I completely understand that feeling. I do pray you find peace. Once you make up your mind like you have, life can sometimes get much better.
Much needed topic!! Right on time! You were sent from heaven!!
❤Thank you🙏 Very glad this was helpful to you.
Wow I am so happy that I found your content. Thank you for breaking down trauma in toxic family structures. Your teaching and sharing of these topics are very inspiring and gives me a sense of peace. I know that I am not alone in my journey.
That's so good to hear! Thank you. And that's an answered prayer if this conent is helping you. Welcome to the channel!
It was done to me recently. A family member by marriage. Because she steps over boundaries AS A JOB 💡😛🤟she seems to think she has the entitled judgement to say something about me in public without ever saying TO ME, to my wife/fiancé. She just went way out on a limb to describe my family dynamics without any concern whatsoever for what we had to say about it.” 😂❤yikes. Yucky. 🤢🤮😆🤘🏼💯
What about my child,not sibling?im an only child,my mom is taking over my" mom role "of my 16 year old son,! She has got him totally brain washed against me!and he lives with me when he isnt staying with her!!!! Getting worse and i need to know what to do,i try to distance myself from my mom,and then im out of loop as to whats going on with my son,so ill be nice,and she will hurr me again,5 yrs ago,giing to sons soccer game,she is driving,my son says somthing rude to me,so i say something like" dont disrespect me! And my mom says " you two need to stop it" what us two!i said dont group me with my child im mom! " Sums up situation real quick,he is 16 now have gone thru this crap forever,he knows he will never have consequences because she will always believe him,and take his side,example,one morning before school he told me to f off,(happens a lot now) and so i said,"you can walk to school,no ride from me" only half a mile away btw.so he calls grandma and says im loosing my mind,and will she come get him,and she comes to get him,now this is tuff!!!
My son has power, did I mention my parents in coalition with his dad! We aren't together!!!! This is awful
I deal with this alot in relatives and Families
That it’s not even Funny
Kinda sad because I’m experiencing this now. I lost my sister to this nonsense and we used to be so close.
Happening within toxic Sisters-In-Law. We are all in our middle 69s. They have always been the mean girls to me. I was the goody-two-shoes sending anniversary and birthday cards to everyone. That lasted 20 years. When I finally realized that I had not received ANY in those 20 years, they started talking about me behind my back. Then it got to where they would see something that my grown children posted, and they would gossip about that: can you BELIEVE her Son is dating THAT girl?! 🙄🙄😮. Snobby things like that. Finally I realized there was nothing I could do to get them to like me, so I deleted them off my social media. My family and I see them for Christmas, but they no longer have direct access to me. 😁
Glad I came across your channel today. Just subscribed. Watched a few videos so far. Good to see a professional who is breaking things down at every level. You don't come off as one of those cookie cutter therapists who seem to be repeating what they've memorized out of a book using the same tactics on every client who have different issues to deal with. We know one size does not fit all. I'm looking forward to more of your videos. I like how you use detailed examples to break things down.
❤❤ thanks so much Tamara 100 my case exactly the way you explained it narcissistic Sun turns on dad and coalition forms on the rest of the family sorry I missed your live thing is what to do about it thanks for all your work😢❤
You are so welcome😊 Very glad this has been helpful!!
Thanks so much for doing this video I needed this been going through this very same thing on both Mom and Dad's side of the family. It seems to never end
You're welcome! Glad this was helpful to you. And I'm sorry you have experienced this dynamic.
@@TherapistTamaraHill thank you!❤
May the sunshine of His love embrace each of you today ❤
This is beautiful! Thank you. And same to you.
This is Our Situation. My husband and I with his Siblings. My husband is the Scapegoat Now for 2 yrs
Thank you want to note the play back was often paused note sure if is on my end or something you can advise your portal about will try on another device such as at work.
Thank you! It may have been on your end. If not, I will watch this over and see if I see it too.
Thank you for discussing this. I am almost 50 and my family has virtually destroyed me. I have decided to live my life without them because the abuse I suffered was getting worse and physical, so I had no choice to walk away. They hatred they had for me derived from my father, sister and mother went along for the ride. My father hates women who are intelligent and independent and that's what I was. He did everything to destroy me. He also beat down my mother and sister and so my confidence had threatened them I imagine. He is sick and enjoying every second of the fact that they are not in my life. He still blames me and claims he only wanted me to be wise, which has nothing to do with it. Their life is a game and they don't care if it hurts you. Please stay away from these people as early as possible and don't turn back because the hate will never fade. They are unable to fix themselves and just find the "weakest" or kindest person to beat down. It's wicked and sick.
Lol, i stay in my mom's yard because my daughters dad moved in the house and they are supporting him with his wish to take my daughter.
I see only two exits from my situation,to get rid of the system that is make us miserable,or to move elsewhere where system don't oppress people.
My Parents, stepparent and my ex