omg. It's so weird. Sometimes when I'm singing, writing, etc. I feel my mother is going to interrupt at any moment to tell me what a stupid idiot I am for pursuing those things. Fighting that while fighting my own self-doubt.
Venting has driven me into the ground and prevented me from accepting things and moving along! I have never liked the term empath because if I was so good at reading others how did I give 15 of my best years to a covert npd man! Letting go is crucial to your own happiness and I want mine back
@AmyBrooksbank Don't blame yourself. They are particularly exceptional at what they do. They've been perfecting their skills since infancy. It's the only way they can assure their survival. Glad that you're out of that mess and moving forward.
@@Barbara_Banks_1 THAT'S me cleaning up my house and other's also my anger and thinking has me to clean up lol idk why i do it other than stress and pissed
Thank you for sharing this view! I'm HSP (hate the phrase for some reason) and I cannot read people for the life of me and really struggle with social nuance. It never pays off to be highly empathetic
I for one do not hate you, Sir. I think you are a great asset to society, and despite all you say about yourself that is not positive, just know that your being in this world helping others, makes a great difference. You have saved many lives, for all you know literally. Your knowledge has saved many people. And I agree with this thing about "venting". After all, venting out just brings you right back to memories more times. It might not always be "healthy to go back there". Instead of learning lessons, you might inadvertently even be entertaining "frenemies" (or even "flying monkeys!)...you never know. As for those who do love and care for you, you'll cause them to worry etc. Everyone is already burdened with their own lives and worries. No matter how much they love and care, there is only so much they can do, really. As for what you said about "Empathy", oh yes, it is so true. I hope people listen to this very closely. In the end...It's up to you to avail of the help you need, and march on with thoughtfulness and consideration for others as you move on. So Mr. Sam Vaknin, Thank you for all you do.
The comment about the lack of empathy in spaces consisting of people with the same experiences is so on point. It's shocking and disorienting to go into these spaces and attempt to have conversations addressing both points of view or atleast attempt to understand the other sides motivations. I often feel dumber coming out of it, it's like bashing your head against a wall!
I am currently in a divorce process from a narcissist and I am also a mother of an 8 year old boy with autism and ADHD. Our familly ticks all the boxes, as I am an "empath" who cannot read other people's intentions. Throughout life I have learnt not everyone is well-intendent but it took me a while. Thankfully, I've done therapy and learnt to trust my gut and the only idea of venting, creeps me out. Thank you so much prof Vaknin for contributing and addressing these topics on an academic level. And I looooove your sense of humor. P.s. I've met literally hundreds of children and people with autism and they are all emphatic. some of them less and some more, same as NT's. They just show it in a different way due to their lack of social skills. Spiritually, they operate in realms we cannot even begin to understand or grasp, trust you me ;)
You are sooooooo right! I’ve been waiting for someone to speak about this! I’ve had these thoughts as questions running through my mind for a few years now. I always questioned if empathy skewed accuracy. I also knew venting always made me feel worse! So did talk therapy. Im a HSP and I swear it has always felt like I was autistic in terms of misreading people’s intentions!!! This actually made me laugh when you said it because it connected the dots for me. Anyway. Thank you!!!!!
My intuition really does clue me in immediately when something is up but I always lied to myself and repressed it. Narcissism is count intuitive so I see what you mean though. It makes no sense why someone would destroy what's in their own self interest. I never understood that part until you explain splitting.
I have thought about some of these issues a lot over the past few years. After reading and learning more I think venting also makes you relive the situation over and over and makes you share things with people you really shouldn't share anything with. You're opening yourself up to abuse. How will you reach calmness, peace and stability if you relive the stressful situations over and over? People often mistake taking responsibility for your own part in abuse for saying it's OK what an abuser did. While in my opinion your responsibility is actually your card to being free and learn, so you can protect yourself next time. I am not saying it's OK someone abuses, but that's an external thing you can't fix or understand, it just is. You can only learn about yourself and fix your own behavior. I think abuse is like a dance between two minds, the of the abuser & the one of the victim.
"Intellectually challenged anti-vaxers", that's hilarious and worthwhile remembering just for the fun of it. Thanks again, I really enjoy the way and level on which you explain things and the referral to several studies. It's refreshing. Thanks for spreading some knowledge during Covid!
I always thought I was the odd duck out because I choose to not vent. I'm sure my reasons for not talking out my problems are very different. However I've always encouraged friends, family and ppl to vent. I am 40 yrs old and this is the first time I've heard this and I feel relieved. I have justification to why I won't vent (several friends have pushed and pushed me to talk and I obliged somewhat on a rare occasion and I felt worse after. I felt like they were being pushy and just wanted to know the things that make me feel vulnerable. They were nosey. I gave in once but that wasn't enough and they continued to push me until I had to pull away from the friendships. They are good ppl and we're still friends today but I felt bullied by them even though we've been taught that we need to vent out our problems or issues to move past them. My problems are mine alone and my choice to share and my problems aren't holding me back that I'm aware of. I dont consider my hurt feeling of when I felt wronged by someone to even been a problem. Others do though. I have bigger real problems that are plainly visible that hinder me) also now I don't need to push this false advice, that I never believed in (for myself, thought I was not like the others) on to anyone anymore. Thank you
I have, and still do, watch alot of these youtube styled so called experts and none of their nonsense rings true. Your work describes my experience to the tee. I won’t self diagnose my person with NPD but I suspect he is a fully fledged somatic, cyclic collapsed, covert, overt narcissist with some sort of overlay, I regularly see his inner child. Your work gets me through many ‘many’ nights Sam. Words can not express the appreciation I have for you. Similar I guess to how you said their are no words to describe the inner pain of the narcissist. I am growing stronger through your work to eventually leave the empty mirror maze world of the narcissist. What does one do when their own abandonment trauma rubs up against theirs..... no question mark as I’m not sure there is an answer. Many Regards.
This is probably the most pertinent video that I've seen on RUclips. Everyone should see this. It destroys so many myths, particularly around 'victimhood'. If you think of yourself as a victim, you will remain a victim. If you join other victims, they will reinforce your feelings. The punchbag reference was particularly good...if you use a punchbag, you become good at punching and gain nothing else except, maybe, cardiovascular fitness which means you can punch more often and for longer. The self styled gurus, life coaches, 'recovering victims' only preach victimhood. I may have lived with narcissists but I am not a victim. I'm choosing to be with a histrionic personality now and I am not a victim. It's my choice, like every other person who has been in a relationship with a narcissist, unless it was a parent. My first narcissist was a parent
@@nabilc1667, sorry, when I wrote narcissist, I meant histrionic...my ex-wife was a somatic narcissist. As to why I'm with a histrionic. It's a long story, that involves a lot of boundary setting and a lot of Taoism...I can't change her, but I can enjoy my time with her. If she breaks the boundaries, I walk away. I will never marry again so I can just walk away. I don't see relationships as being forever, so I just enjoy what I have today.
I watch your videos all the time and they are all great. My dad is a narcissist 150% and my mouth still almost hits the floor when I listen to you. You describe my dad to the T. You have helped me learn so much in the past year I have listened to you. Thank you so very much for all of your videos and all of the hard work you do to help so so many people all over the world. 🙏😇
Wow! The part where you explain the paranoia of the 'victim' of past abuse bringing it into present relationships was an epiphiny moment for me. I often wonder "why have I gone through the same abusive relationship 3 times?" always blaming the abuser and feeling helpless! Maybe it's me!?
When I was in the throws of mental illness, in a loop of abusive relationships, I would have cursed you and rebuked everything you said. 😂 It takes time to get to a place where you're ready to hear this stuff, but it needs to be heard! I would not be as good as I am today without facing the harsh truth.
Ohhh what a relief to know that we use most of our brains all of the time!! That explains why I'm exhausted after going about the day in different ways.
My family pushed christianity onto me but were non believers. This set the stage for all the waiting I was encouraged to do. And made me content to take their word that I would get my reward in the next world. Because they knew damn well I would never get it in this world. They all made sure it would never happen in any setting. Contacting employers and all friends they knew about. Thank you for pointing out the bad effects of venting. This will help me stop my online venting. And working on my goals offline. Thanks for the time saver.
My nephew has early been diagnosed with autism plus more diagnoses and my niece has at least two diagnoses too. I have lived with their mother and I've heard that these children have been exposed to extreme fights and constant abuse. My sister says there is something wrong with her children and she just has had bad luck with her children and she is a victim always. I had no contact with my sister long ago and understand that her children must develop coping strategies to survive with her as a mother. She has never wondered if what she does is hurtful for her children. Never ever. And she is supported by our mother as the eternal victim. I've lived with my sister for 20 years and dealt with her for 30 more years. She got children because she felt entitled to be with a man who didn't want to have children. Now the children suffer.
I've wondered about this a long time now because I do MANY of the behaviors TO my narc. I'm apparently pretty manipulative. We manipulated each other and I don't know just how much has always been there and what was simply reaction to his manipulation.
Hi...I listen to you often and find you most informative. Love your sarcasm and ability to put certain people in their place. I ve been in a relationship that often made me question reality. We didnt cohabitate so the effects weren't as damaging as they could have been but I now understand what I m dealing with and this knowledge helped me make informed decisions about exiting the relationship. Thank you for being blunt. Love you...you dont have to love me back. Lol. Not a requirement.
I think what no one wants to admit is that you grew as a person because of the abuse, and you hate it as much as you appreciate it. And we all have amnesia for those times when we were the ones inflicting pain, but the memory of those events is distorted.
i really agree with you Dr S. we need to own our part in the abuse we suffered i personally saw the red flags and thought i could change another person i was foolish and acted the fool and paid the price and i know that i can't be angry at my abuser because i saw everything build up i was aware i did not know the name of the demon or storm but i knew that something was not right i stayed ,i played, i got burned and i could have walked out from the very first time i felt uncomfortable with the abusive signs i made myself available to be abused and i covered it up to protect my abuser because at some point it gave me such a high that i felt like i needed to provoke him because i craved the beatings as it made me feel closer to my deceased mother who used to beat me all the time
Yep. I knew it from the start as well. mine didn't abuse me physically, but the mind games...wow. But I new he was playing them. I think I was just in some weird state of shock.
Awesome presentation and explanation of psychological/neurological myths and the research which corrects them. I have only just started to watch Professor Sam's presentations recently and know I will spend much more time in the future to do so. He is a deep thinker who isn't afraid to look outside of the box and research what may or may not back what's outside of it. Also he is has a good and self-depracating sense of humour. I look forward to many more hours of listening to his work, Thanks very much Professor Sam!
I would be forever grateful if you can make a video on hsp. Because I am tried of the nonsense going around about hsp and I highly appreciate your opion on this topic. Because your are literally the only one source I can count on and trust with eyes wide shut. Thank you sir 🙏🏽🙏🏽
My God! This is unbelievable! Makes me feels extremely gullible and egocentric thinking it was okay to express my anger only to be a self defeating concept all along. I just feel like a lowly intelligent human being, even though I’m a college graduate. No wonder my Attorney told me not to get into an argument with my soon to be ex-husband. He went full throttle on that shared fantasy discard to the tune of almost two hundred thousand dollars.
Your channel and knowledge is great yeah I stopped ranting on the internet it was useless and just waste of time and now I feel better. I don't even read political writings and comments anymore and now I feel more stable and productive. I have a male nick but I am a woman and have typical "male" personality (low empathy, loner, interested in math and science, don't care about fashion etc.) but somehow I can read people better than highly sensitive women and I have never had pathological relationship and I avoid most psychos/creeps/narcissist because I can see them (in most cases not 100%) and I don't have empathy to feel sorry for them I just cut contact. It was weird to me why I can see them who they are because I have low empathy afrer all so theoretically I should attract creeps and narcs. Now I know why :)
12:16 I don't want to overstep my bounds but my idea of empathy is this. Most people believe empathy is "understanding" what other people is feeling and how other people considering their situation. Which is a total misdescription. Why? First of, "understanding" is about mind. Emotion, whereas, have no business with mind at all. Empathy is not about "description" of things. Empathy is not about "knowing", even "feeling" what other's feel. Why? Let's take male-female relationship as an example. A male will never understand what a female feel in love and vice versa. A male will never truly know what a female feels in an intercourse of sex. So what is empathy? Empathy is the interconnection of the emotion, feels. Again, let's come from a broader perspective. Let's consider the being as a mix of body, mind and emotion. Let's start with body. When you shake hands with other, you don't physically feel what they physically feel. You only have the capacity to feel what your own receptors tell you, which says I'm holding a hand of other, I feel hot/cold the surface I touch etc. But you are aware that there is a hand that is touching you. You know that is a hand and there is a physical human body in front of you. Let's say you are having a conversation. You only know what yout thoughts are, and what the other participant choose to tell. You don't know what's in the other's mind, yet you know there is a mind in front of you. And in the emotion side, it's the same. You don't know what the other feels, you can't know, but you know there is a -let's say- emotion body. And I am not using the word knowing as the understanding via mind. I am using it as an occurance of reality. So, claiming to know what other person is feeling is like holding your own hand in the physical sense. You are the subject, you are the recepient. You are holding your own hand and actually forcing or projecting another to experience your own interpretation. If you are both subject and the recipient there is no room to other, which is the sole obligotary for empathy. Again, let's go with male-female relationship. There are so many man wondering they say they understand women, yet they get no-one. Plus, they wonder and actually blame woman for how they are going to man that are not as empathic as them. Even, hurtful to them. So, in mainstream channels, what we call empathy is projection. (And high percentage of so-called empathic people are victims of emotional blackmail. That's why they believe they know what other people have in their minds and that is their responsibility to know.) We mostly see that polarized man, and polarized woman has better relationships than the ones who that claim man and woman are basically the same. It's same with the intercourse of sex too. A man dominates, uses power over another, some acts that can be considered as violent takes place, and yet the man doesn't feel guilty. Why? Because he knows (again not about the mind) there is a recipient of the feeling of it. One is dominant the other is submissive. They are interconneced. If it was two dominants, the guilt would be appearing, because you'd be a forcing power then. So, lack of empathy is lack if understanding (again it's not about mind) that there is a recipient emotional body. That is why the people that lack empathy easily push your buttons, have problems with boundaries or those nice guys are not empatetic at all. To sum up. It's like hugging. You don't know what the other physically feels but you know the other has a physical body, there is a reality of him in the physical realm and he recieves information like me from his receptors of the physical body. Emotionwise, you hug him with a good emotion and good intent; saying he feels the same about your action, the good intent and good feeling is not empathy but an assumption of the mind, but the feel and trust on the feel of there is an emotional being that is recipient of my good intent and good feeling which has its own feelings and knowing internally I am not gonna be able to "know" them yet I'm recieving what he gives me back, that is empathy.
Gotta disagree with the point Sam vaknin made at 14:00, Venting on the internet seems cringe and pointless to me too but my friend is also a victim on Narcissistic abuse by parents, and talking to him has helped me a ton, so it did to him as well, we don't spew out poison about our immediate families rather mostly talk about experiences and how to reconcile and heal from them, a big thanks to Sam vaknin and few others for that.
So that role if its not empathy what it can be ? I think its a kind of manuplation cause i can see everything that doesnt matches the idea of " this person is an angel " but for some reason seeing the reality and excrpting it is so hard . and its beautiful that our inner voice calls us to set ourselves free .
Dr. Vaknin, your presentations actually soothe me compared to those presentations from the 'self-styled'. I believe you nailed autistically sensitive people, my name was called as I have difficulty discerning intentions. My mantra has always been the 'golden rule'. It appears now to be a 'cop out' as I review the ruins of my life journey. Idealistically though I do believe if all adhered to the 'golden rule', the lamb would lay with the lion.
These times we live in are a breakdown .... of old institutions and paradigms ...keep the golden rule and add the silver : do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.
Thanks for the advice about venting! I have tried venting, or “angering out”, and it didn’t work. What should a do instead? Meditation? What activities help move to a new mental state? Please tell us the strategies that work, Sam :) I’ve watched the moving on videos, and they’re your shortest videos. Can you give any more detail?
Good morning Professor, my daughter is diagnosed with aspergers, which is now called high functioning autism. As her father, what's the best approach towards helping her fulfill her potential?
Common sense is what hurts the most sometimes. my siblings used to often use this common sense weapon to alienate me while I was just suffering from identity crisis lead due to having selective mutism. Idk if I am HSP but I’ve often struggled with understanding people but yet very empathetic ,when I was young my dream was become “normal” which ended up as a complete nonsense. I agree with you a lot.
I'm highly sensitive, and feel this. My brother is an Aspie, s I grew up with an Autistic person in my life. A HSP being similar in many ways to someone on the autism spectrum. Yes, completely.
@Sugar I try to stay away from people who have issues. I tried Aa and similar. Picked up some good ideas. Mainly got a break from my regular pattern at home. But today i do all my addiction remedies by my self. Works best for me.
The 12 steps are actually a great model for living. Mostly because it makes you aware of your own insignificance so you quickly get humble! Then it makes you look at your part in all the ways you hurt and manipulated the people in your life so you learn to take responsibility! And then you try to be a better person by understanding others, taking steps to improve the way you treat others and loving with others. And then you help other alcoholics when they ask for help with their hopeless unmanageable life. A perfect solution to insanity and I live it
Its a insightful lense... I didnt like the culture of it. I like the roots of the AA... The guy (inventor) had ground breaking ideas. Plus he was into lsd and was Buddy with Jung. Whatever means makes your life worth living go for it. I love you ❤️ like I love all living things! Besides that its morning here in sweden! Time for a coffee! Thanks for interacting. Had forgotten about this! Sam Cheers keep going! More videos! ☕
Thankyou this is so true. I've been coming to this conclusion and pondering on it some time now. Can I ask you what you think about Talking Therapy, would that also not be regarded as a form of venting?
Therapy has nothing to do with venting. It is structured, goal oriented, consensual, and aimed to get rid of an aggressive and entitled victim mentality.
true that venting makes you feel and look insane and stuck in the same zone triggering victim mindset in you. true about reading people wrong because your easily fooled by your own internal feelings and memory triggers so your feelings are self reflective rather than anything to do with the other person's actual emotions thoughts or feelings
Albert Camus was not Jew but was not antisemite Dear Mr Vaknin. He was born in Algeria as a French citizen from various European descent.(German Italian, Spanish,Maltese) Exactly what I am,un pied-noir.
I am a Moroccan Jew and it was a joke, not a factual statement. If anything, he was an atheist. Camus was a great friend to the Jews during the second world war, though. I added a clarification in the description, thank you. My deadpan humor got me in trouble yet again - and with a pied noir this time! (shivers)
@@samvaknin Thank you Mr Vaknin, yes he was a great friend to the Jews and any oppressed human beings. He wrote "Chroniques Algeriennes" in which he exposed the sad state of his brothers Kabyles.I see him as a intemporal philosopher, who was burning from a unique quest.What is to be truly just? Where to place the thin limit...This man was made of fire. I look forward to receive two of your books this week,and would like to thank you to exist.You too are made of fire. Part of my family are Jews from Alexandria live in Australia since Nasser...
Since I was a child this is why Church or AA meetings Neve mace sense to me. I'd hear maladjusted people give bad advice. I eventually made friends with compassionate English students. They were patient about my anxieties and I learned more from their normal caring daily behavior than I have from other wounded adults.
Albert Camus (November 11, 1913, Mondovi, Algérie française -January 4, 1960, Yonne, metropolitan France; youngest Nobel Prize in literature, 1957, translator of William Faulkner, adapted and directed Dostoyevsky for the theater...) was violently rejected by Jean-Paul Sartre for his anti-communism, and stance on French Algeria. "La Peste" ("The Plague", 1942) takes place in Oran, then French Algeria. Other major works include "The Myth of Sisyphus", "The Stranger", "L'Homme révolté". When confronted with an absurd and tragic world, the only logical response is non-violent rebellion. Tragedy is incontrovertible. PS: Thank you as always Professor regarding Gaussian distribution /IQ tests. My two brothers have tested 175 + aged 3, never got stupid as far as testing goes with age; I'm a bit duller at 170. Thank you so much for letting me know I'm a freak-:)
i left the narcsissit,sociopath , and psychopath, i no longer give my time to a person who shows me the red flags no matter how good they think they are grooming me or love bombing me etc etc , all people are the same no matter how sick they are it seems that this has becoming the biggest troubles and problems with these type of people i learned the very hard way in my life that i really no longer trust any humans out here period,if a person has been through abuse or what ever they been through and they become abusers and bullys and i found that these people use that as an excuse just because they are wicked and just hateful people,,,, i was very badly abused and yet i dont go out there and abuse people ,people in this day are just evil and wicked i from now on as an empath no longer am as friendly with the human race as i use to be, i pull my self away from trying to do good or be around this type of people,i am clean and happy ever since i got rid of them,trust no one .......
Thank you for your great information. If venting doesn’t work do we assume journaling your day to include troubling actions for the day is detrimental as well? Thank you
Thank you for another insightful video. I live in Portland, OR. I suspect the prolonged protests for BLM have an element of venting and have contributed to unhealthy interactions and violence. Any thoughts on a better way to bring attention to social injustices?
This is part 1 of my comment to this video and that is to simply say that YOU DID NOT SAY THAT BAD MOTHERS CAUSED AUTISM!!! I’m thinking of the video that you are referring to, something titled like ADHD - Autism - Dead Mother Tirade, I believe. You NEVER said that dead mothers caused this. So to anyone who misunderstood what he was saying, please just pay attention to him when he is speaking. Sorry Dr. Sam, I get triggered when people twist someone’s words, mine included. I will be back with Part 2 of my comment once I have finished this video 😁
Professor, would you please clarify something for me- do you mean to say that I as a child participated in being sexually abused by my caregiver? I’m trying very hard to understand what I need to do to get well and I’m having a really hard time understanding what is happening to me. I very much appreciate the information you provide, Thank you.
@@samvaknin Thank you sincerely for taking the time to respond. That is so very helpful. I can’t believe it’s taken all these years for me to become introduced to your work and the work of Bessel van der Kolk.
Hi Sam, first of all, thanks for sharing your knowledge and insights. This and other videos posed a question on me: I'm not very knowledgeable in psychology at all, but it seems to me that all personalities are a set of traits acquired through time, experiences, culture, etc. that shape thoughts, feelings, behaviors, reactions, decision making, etc. So, in this sense, what would you say is the difference between the false self of a narcissist that you call "fiction", and a real personality of someone without NPD?
Healthy people have one self and it is real, not authored by them. It develops organically. The narcissist has two selves and he invents the False Self as a god or an imaginary friend: samvak.tripod.com/faq48.html
Well I'm happy to know that I cant actually tell what is going on in others due to me being overly emphatic.... now I can sit back and not feel like its my duty to help because I don't actually know either
Gender diverse? Disassociated personality, depression but wouldn't we being natural himans and linging nature are out of our element when we do not get enough of nature?
Meaningless true . but must that also imply that ones reaction to this abuse must also be without meaning ? You did not mention revenge or retribution though taboo it can be a reality like all the other forbidden acts. We have been taught that revenge is as wrong as the offense and will only lower us to the same level as that of the offender not to mention earn us a place in Hell next to them. I am certainly not advocating violence or attempting to justify revenge I am Simply posing a view of this social problem and affliction from a different perspective. One that I have not heard but that could be my own lack of information. We are speaking of Predatory individuals .Individuals who leave in their wake an incredible amount of damage that often has the capacity to ripple through countless other lives and possibly generations. Predatory behavior of this nature is the antithesis of humanity and a blight to civilization . Malignant Narcisism and pedophilia both share this predatory nature and the premeditated intent of violating and using another person for self gratification without regard for anything else. Predators must have prey. As Individuals who have been victimized what is the responsibility if any to the Predators next victim? Most current advice for the unfortunate and often unwitting prey is to run away and dont look back. This is undoubtedly reasonable and sound advice for the damaged victims of these Predators most who are in no way stable or strong enough to engage in active hostility towards their abuser but maybe there are some who are in the position to and of the mind to switch these roles? Most of these Predators are extremely cowardly individuals and that is why they prey upon the vulnerabiliy of the innocent or ignorant and do so deviously and insidiously. I am not advocating vigilantism. These predators are dangerous and no one should pick a battle that they are unable or unwilling to see to completion. Many innocent lives may be endangered and one risks their own life and sanity in committing to battle which I imagine should cull out the unable and tame the overzealous. But what about the crazy ones? The individual who feels compelled by more than simple revenge. Only Fools go to war based solely upon Revenge alone. Possibly the reasons for their not running are not always easily discernible or understandable by conventional thinking and are most often framed in the same light as the offender. Why is this ? What does this accomplish? Of course not everyone is fit for such arduous, ugly business but individuals who are unfit or unwilling do not undertake or contemplate such things so not wanting to encourage them really is not an issue. We all know that in Christian ideology revenge is forbidden to us and only reserved for the judgment of God and generally that's a solid case. but damn it how many people are going to be damaged and violated before the good lord gets to these pieces of shit? There are no laws other than possibly civil that have any potential for recourse to the victims of Malignant Narcissists and there seems to be no shortage of pedophiles either unknown or unaccounted for who have slipped through the cracks of the system and are continuing to create damaged and broken people for No reason other than that is what predators do. Meaningless, Senseless Violations and abuses of others ? Those words combined in a sentence?. That is a disturbing and disgusting combination of words that should cause us to bristle as a society and maybe even question when do we run and when do we stand ?
Hi Sam, enjoyed your your lecture. Thought provoking, entertaining and enlightening. Your non Gaussian distribution of IQ was astounding but it must be true because it agrees well with my intuitive experience.
Would you be inclined to look into autism? Reason I mention it is because I did learn that autism is formed from trauma. Actually. A very very hush hush theory. If a gene alteration is found, a brain deformation…doesn’t matter - that can come from a neglectful mother even in the womb. I learned
Because. Genetic components - if you can open your mind in this way … is passed on things. And when u behave in a way for generations, the brain for generations does reform. Behaving like a dead mother for example - generation after generation. Because so much of autism looks like cptsd. The autism that is far from looking like it, I learned - is just too much trauma. That particular person in the family line, their brain couldn’t take it like the rest of the families did that didn’t develop the “full noticeable” autism. I’d love to hear if there is any thread of possibly for this
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"venting enhances your anger" - true.
Energy flows where attention goes.
omg. It's so weird. Sometimes when I'm singing, writing, etc. I feel my mother is going to interrupt at any moment to tell me what a stupid idiot I am for pursuing those things. Fighting that while fighting my own self-doubt.
Venting has driven me into the ground and prevented me from accepting things and moving along! I have never liked the term empath because if I was so good at reading others how did I give 15 of my best years to a covert npd man! Letting go is crucial to your own happiness and I want mine back
So let it go...move on. Get therapy. EMDR therapy works. Meditate. Love yourself!!
@@isolationqueen-thesilverli4055 I am working on it!
@@Barbara_Banks_1 Thank you this is a good idea x
@AmyBrooksbank Don't blame yourself. They are particularly exceptional at what they do. They've been perfecting their skills since infancy. It's the only way they can assure their survival. Glad that you're out of that mess and moving forward.
@@Barbara_Banks_1 THAT'S me cleaning up my house and other's also my anger and thinking has me to clean up lol idk why i do it other than stress and pissed
Thank you for sharing this view! I'm HSP (hate the phrase for some reason) and I cannot read people for the life of me and really struggle with social nuance. It never pays off to be highly empathetic
It isn't good to vent. It starts bad habits and no one wants to listen to it anyway.
I for one do not hate you, Sir. I think you are a great asset to society, and despite all you say about yourself that is not positive, just know that your being in this world helping others, makes a great difference. You have saved many lives, for all you know literally. Your knowledge has saved many people. And I agree with this thing about "venting". After all, venting out just brings you right back to memories more times. It might not always be "healthy to go back there". Instead of learning lessons, you might inadvertently even be entertaining "frenemies" (or even "flying monkeys!)...you never know. As for those who do love and care for you, you'll cause them to worry etc. Everyone is already burdened with their own lives and worries. No matter how much they love and care, there is only so much they can do, really. As for what you said about "Empathy", oh yes, it is so true. I hope people listen to this very closely. In the end...It's up to you to avail of the help you need, and march on with thoughtfulness and consideration for others as you move on. So Mr. Sam Vaknin, Thank you for all you do.
The comment about the lack of empathy in spaces consisting of people with the same experiences is so on point. It's shocking and disorienting to go into these spaces and attempt to have conversations addressing both points of view or atleast attempt to understand the other sides motivations. I often feel dumber coming out of it, it's like bashing your head against a wall!
I am currently in a divorce process from a narcissist and I am also a mother of an 8 year old boy with autism and ADHD. Our familly ticks all the boxes, as I am an "empath" who cannot read other people's intentions. Throughout life I have learnt not everyone is well-intendent but it took me a while. Thankfully, I've done therapy and learnt to trust my gut and the only idea of venting, creeps me out. Thank you so much prof Vaknin for contributing and addressing these topics on an academic level. And I looooove your sense of humor. P.s. I've met literally hundreds of children and people with autism and they are all emphatic. some of them less and some more, same as NT's. They just show it in a different way due to their lack of social skills. Spiritually, they operate in realms we cannot even begin to understand or grasp, trust you me ;)
You are sooooooo right! I’ve been waiting for someone to speak about this! I’ve had these thoughts as questions running through my mind for a few years now. I always questioned if empathy skewed accuracy. I also knew venting always made me feel worse! So did talk therapy. Im a HSP and I swear it has always felt like I was autistic in terms of misreading people’s intentions!!! This actually made me laugh when you said it because it connected the dots for me. Anyway. Thank you!!!!!
My intuition really does clue me in immediately when something is up but I always lied to myself and repressed it. Narcissism is count intuitive so I see what you mean though. It makes no sense why someone would destroy what's in their own self interest. I never understood that part until you explain splitting.
Sam, you helped me tremendously 10 years ago and I have learned so much from you. I thank you for the work you do in this arena.
"...and they observed The Sopranos on television" 😂😂😂
I have thought about some of these issues a lot over the past few years. After reading and learning more I think venting also makes you relive the situation over and over and makes you share things with people you really shouldn't share anything with. You're opening yourself up to abuse.
How will you reach calmness, peace and stability if you relive the stressful situations over and over?
People often mistake taking responsibility for your own part in abuse for saying it's OK what an abuser did. While in my opinion your responsibility is actually your card to being free and learn, so you can protect yourself next time. I am not saying it's OK someone abuses, but that's an external thing you can't fix or understand, it just is. You can only learn about yourself and fix your own behavior.
I think abuse is like a dance between two minds, the of the abuser & the one of the victim.
"Intellectually challenged anti-vaxers", that's hilarious and worthwhile remembering just for the fun of it.
Thanks again, I really enjoy the way and level on which you explain things and the referral to several studies. It's refreshing. Thanks for spreading some knowledge during Covid!
I always thought I was the odd duck out because I choose to not vent. I'm sure my reasons for not talking out my problems are very different. However I've always encouraged friends, family and ppl to vent. I am 40 yrs old and this is the first time I've heard this and I feel relieved. I have justification to why I won't vent (several friends have pushed and pushed me to talk and I obliged somewhat on a rare occasion and I felt worse after. I felt like they were being pushy and just wanted to know the things that make me feel vulnerable. They were nosey. I gave in once but that wasn't enough and they continued to push me until I had to pull away from the friendships. They are good ppl and we're still friends today but I felt bullied by them even though we've been taught that we need to vent out our problems or issues to move past them. My problems are mine alone and my choice to share and my problems aren't holding me back that I'm aware of. I dont consider my hurt feeling of when I felt wronged by someone to even been a problem. Others do though. I have bigger real problems that are plainly visible that hinder me) also now I don't need to push this false advice, that I never believed in (for myself, thought I was not like the others) on to anyone anymore. Thank you
I have, and still do, watch alot of these youtube styled so called experts and none of their nonsense rings true. Your work describes my experience to the tee. I won’t self diagnose my person with NPD but I suspect he is a fully fledged somatic, cyclic collapsed, covert, overt narcissist with some sort of overlay, I regularly see his inner child. Your work gets me through many ‘many’ nights Sam. Words can not express the appreciation I have for you. Similar I guess to how you said their are no words to describe the inner pain of the narcissist. I am growing stronger through your work to eventually leave the empty mirror maze world of the narcissist. What does one do when their own abandonment trauma rubs up against theirs..... no question mark as I’m not sure there is an answer. Many Regards.
i always say: being victim of a narcissist = play stupid games, win stupid prizes. None of my narcissist abuses in the past happened without consent.
This is probably the most pertinent video that I've seen on RUclips. Everyone should see this. It destroys so many myths, particularly around 'victimhood'. If you think of yourself as a victim, you will remain a victim. If you join other victims, they will reinforce your feelings. The punchbag reference was particularly good...if you use a punchbag, you become good at punching and gain nothing else except, maybe, cardiovascular fitness which means you can punch more often and for longer. The self styled gurus, life coaches, 'recovering victims' only preach victimhood. I may have lived with narcissists but I am not a victim. I'm choosing to be with a histrionic personality now and I am not a victim. It's my choice, like every other person who has been in a relationship with a narcissist, unless it was a parent. My first narcissist was a parent
@@nabilc1667, sorry, when I wrote narcissist, I meant histrionic...my ex-wife was a somatic narcissist. As to why I'm with a histrionic. It's a long story, that involves a lot of boundary setting and a lot of Taoism...I can't change her, but I can enjoy my time with her. If she breaks the boundaries, I walk away. I will never marry again so I can just walk away. I don't see relationships as being forever, so I just enjoy what I have today.
I watch your videos all the time and they are all great. My dad is a narcissist 150% and my mouth still almost hits the floor when I listen to you. You describe my dad to the T. You have helped me learn so much in the past year I have listened to you. Thank you so very much for all of your videos and all of the hard work you do to help so so many people all over the world. 🙏😇
Wow! The part where you explain the paranoia of the 'victim' of past abuse bringing it into present relationships was an epiphiny moment for me. I often wonder "why have I gone through the same abusive relationship 3 times?" always blaming the abuser and feeling helpless! Maybe it's me!?
When I was in the throws of mental illness, in a loop of abusive relationships, I would have cursed you and rebuked everything you said. 😂
It takes time to get to a place where you're ready to hear this stuff, but it needs to be heard! I would not be as good as I am today without facing the harsh truth.
Ohhh what a relief to know that we use most of our brains all of the time!! That explains why I'm exhausted after going about the day in different ways.
My family pushed christianity onto me but were non believers. This set the stage for all the waiting I was encouraged to do. And made me content to take their word that I would get my reward in the next world. Because they knew damn well I would never get it in this world. They all made sure it would never happen in any setting. Contacting employers and all friends they knew about.
Thank you for pointing out the bad effects of venting. This will help me stop my online venting. And working on my goals offline. Thanks for the time saver.
My nephew has early been diagnosed with autism plus more diagnoses and my niece has at least two diagnoses too. I have lived with their mother and I've heard that these children have been exposed to extreme fights and constant abuse. My sister says there is something wrong with her children and she just has had bad luck with her children and she is a victim always. I had no contact with my sister long ago and understand that her children must develop coping strategies to survive with her as a mother. She has never wondered if what she does is hurtful for her children. Never ever. And she is supported by our mother as the eternal victim. I've lived with my sister for 20 years and dealt with her for 30 more years. She got children because she felt entitled to be with a man who didn't want to have children. Now the children suffer.
I've wondered about this a long time now because I do MANY of the behaviors TO my narc. I'm apparently pretty manipulative. We manipulated each other and I don't know just how much has always been there and what was simply reaction to his manipulation.
Hi...I listen to you often and find you most informative. Love your sarcasm and ability to put certain people in their place.
I ve been in a relationship that often made me question reality. We didnt cohabitate so the effects weren't as damaging as they could have been but I now understand what I m dealing with and this knowledge helped me make informed decisions about exiting the relationship. Thank you for being blunt. Love you...you dont have to love me back. Lol. Not a requirement.
I have always professed to have been able to read people well. At 50 I realize I knew no one!
I think what no one wants to admit is that you grew as a person because of the abuse, and you hate it as much as you appreciate it. And we all have amnesia for those times when we were the ones inflicting pain, but the memory of those events is distorted.
So groups that form jurors are not a good idea? Wow what an eye opener to ponder.
Sam is not only a genius he is hilarious!!!!!!
“.... it didn’t help them, it drowned them...”
i really agree with you Dr S. we need to own our part in the abuse we suffered i personally saw the red flags and thought i could change another person i was foolish and acted the fool and paid the price and i know that i can't be angry at my abuser because i saw everything build up i was aware i did not know the name of the demon or storm but i knew that something was not right i stayed ,i played, i got burned and i could have walked out from the very first time i felt uncomfortable with the abusive signs i made myself available to be abused and i covered it up to protect my abuser because at some point it gave me such a high that i felt like i needed to provoke him because i craved the beatings as it made me feel closer to my deceased mother who used to beat me all the time
@@goodgracious6364 So well said.
Yep. I knew it from the start as well. mine didn't abuse me physically, but the mind games...wow. But I new he was playing them. I think I was just in some weird state of shock.
Awesome presentation and explanation of psychological/neurological myths and the research which corrects them. I have only just started to watch Professor Sam's presentations recently and know I will spend much more time in the future to do so. He is a deep thinker who isn't afraid to look outside of the box and research what may or may not back what's outside of it. Also he is has a good and self-depracating sense of humour. I look forward to many more hours of listening to his work, Thanks very much Professor Sam!
I would be forever grateful if you can make a video on hsp. Because I am tried of the nonsense going around about hsp and I highly appreciate your opion on this topic. Because your are literally the only one source I can count on and trust with eyes wide shut. Thank you sir 🙏🏽🙏🏽
Search this channel.
@@samvaknin thank you 🙏🏽💙
😁 “It’s a crisis because something happened." Lmaoo that’s me everyday 😄😂
My God! This is unbelievable! Makes me feels extremely gullible and egocentric thinking it was okay to express my anger only to be a self defeating concept all along. I just feel like a lowly intelligent human being, even though I’m a college graduate. No wonder my Attorney told me not to get into an argument with my soon to be ex-husband. He went full throttle on that shared fantasy discard to the tune of almost two hundred thousand dollars.
Jo Welford Thank you for your kind words!
Your channel and knowledge is great yeah I stopped ranting on the internet it was useless and just waste of time and now I feel better. I don't even read political writings and comments anymore and now I feel more stable and productive. I have a male nick but I am a woman and have typical "male" personality (low empathy, loner, interested in math and science, don't care about fashion etc.) but somehow I can read people better than highly sensitive women and I have never had pathological relationship and I avoid most psychos/creeps/narcissist because I can see them (in most cases not 100%) and I don't have empathy to feel sorry for them I just cut contact. It was weird to me why I can see them who they are because I have low empathy afrer all so theoretically I should attract creeps and narcs. Now I know why :)
12:16 I don't want to overstep my bounds but my idea of empathy is this. Most people believe empathy is "understanding" what other people is feeling and how other people considering their situation. Which is a total misdescription. Why? First of, "understanding" is about mind. Emotion, whereas, have no business with mind at all. Empathy is not about "description" of things. Empathy is not about "knowing", even "feeling" what other's feel. Why? Let's take male-female relationship as an example. A male will never understand what a female feel in love and vice versa. A male will never truly know what a female feels in an intercourse of sex. So what is empathy? Empathy is the interconnection of the emotion, feels. Again, let's come from a broader perspective. Let's consider the being as a mix of body, mind and emotion. Let's start with body. When you shake hands with other, you don't physically feel what they physically feel. You only have the capacity to feel what your own receptors tell you, which says I'm holding a hand of other, I feel hot/cold the surface I touch etc. But you are aware that there is a hand that is touching you. You know that is a hand and there is a physical human body in front of you. Let's say you are having a conversation. You only know what yout thoughts are, and what the other participant choose to tell. You don't know what's in the other's mind, yet you know there is a mind in front of you. And in the emotion side, it's the same. You don't know what the other feels, you can't know, but you know there is a -let's say- emotion body. And I am not using the word knowing as the understanding via mind. I am using it as an occurance of reality. So, claiming to know what other person is feeling is like holding your own hand in the physical sense. You are the subject, you are the recepient. You are holding your own hand and actually forcing or projecting another to experience your own interpretation. If you are both subject and the recipient there is no room to other, which is the sole obligotary for empathy. Again, let's go with male-female relationship. There are so many man wondering they say they understand women, yet they get no-one. Plus, they wonder and actually blame woman for how they are going to man that are not as empathic as them. Even, hurtful to them. So, in mainstream channels, what we call empathy is projection. (And high percentage of so-called empathic people are victims of emotional blackmail. That's why they believe they know what other people have in their minds and that is their responsibility to know.) We mostly see that polarized man, and polarized woman has better relationships than the ones who that claim man and woman are basically the same. It's same with the intercourse of sex too. A man dominates, uses power over another, some acts that can be considered as violent takes place, and yet the man doesn't feel guilty. Why? Because he knows (again not about the mind) there is a recipient of the feeling of it. One is dominant the other is submissive. They are interconneced. If it was two dominants, the guilt would be appearing, because you'd be a forcing power then. So, lack of empathy is lack if understanding (again it's not about mind) that there is a recipient emotional body. That is why the people that lack empathy easily push your buttons, have problems with boundaries or those nice guys are not empatetic at all.
To sum up.
It's like hugging. You don't know what the other physically feels but you know the other has a physical body, there is a reality of him in the physical realm and he recieves information like me from his receptors of the physical body. Emotionwise, you hug him with a good emotion and good intent; saying he feels the same about your action, the good intent and good feeling is not empathy but an assumption of the mind, but the feel and trust on the feel of there is an emotional being that is recipient of my good intent and good feeling which has its own feelings and knowing internally I am not gonna be able to "know" them yet I'm recieving what he gives me back, that is empathy.
The way you define it, empathy is easily faked.
Gotta disagree with the point Sam vaknin made at 14:00, Venting on the internet seems cringe and pointless to me too but my friend is also a victim on Narcissistic abuse by parents, and talking to him has helped me a ton, so it did to him as well, we don't spew out poison about our immediate families rather mostly talk about experiences and how to reconcile and heal from them, a big thanks to Sam vaknin and few others for that.
So that role if its not empathy what it can be ? I think its a kind of manuplation cause i can see everything that doesnt matches the idea of " this person is an angel " but for some reason seeing the reality and excrpting it is so hard . and its beautiful that our inner voice calls us to set ourselves free .
Ha! Yes, watching Sopranos is a great source for understanding mental disorders. We be experts now 😁
Dr. Vaknin, your presentations actually soothe me compared to those presentations from the 'self-styled'. I believe you nailed autistically sensitive people, my name was called as I have difficulty discerning intentions. My mantra has always been the 'golden rule'. It appears now to be a 'cop out' as I review the ruins of my life journey. Idealistically though I do believe if all adhered to the 'golden rule', the lamb would lay with the lion.
These times we live in are a breakdown .... of old institutions and paradigms ...keep the golden rule and add the silver : do unto yourself as you would have others do unto you.
Thanks for the advice about venting! I have tried venting, or “angering out”, and it didn’t work. What should a do instead? Meditation? What activities help move to a new mental state? Please tell us the strategies that work, Sam :) I’ve watched the moving on videos, and they’re your shortest videos. Can you give any more detail?
@@katenkaren6692 👍
Good morning Professor, my daughter is diagnosed with aspergers, which is now called high functioning autism. As her father, what's the best approach towards helping her fulfill her potential?
Super grateful sir. Thanks a lot for sharing these!
Common sense is what hurts the most sometimes. my siblings used to often use this common sense weapon to alienate me while I was just suffering from identity crisis lead due to having selective mutism. Idk if I am HSP but I’ve often struggled with understanding people but yet very empathetic ,when I was young my dream was become “normal” which ended up as a complete nonsense. I agree with you a lot.
I'm highly sensitive, and feel this. My brother is an Aspie, s I grew up with an Autistic person in my life. A HSP being similar in many ways to someone on the autism spectrum. Yes, completely.
So the alcoholic anonymous model is also doomed? I guess.
Thanks for refreshing insights.
@Sugar I try to stay away from people who have issues. I tried Aa and similar. Picked up some good ideas. Mainly got a break from my regular pattern at home. But today i do all my addiction remedies by my self. Works best for me.
@SugarI agree. Thanks for taking your time and replying. And that's a great turn around your neighbour did.
One of those can inspire many more!
The 12 steps are actually a great model for living. Mostly because it makes you aware of your own insignificance so you quickly get humble! Then it makes you look at your part in all the ways you hurt and manipulated the people in your life so you learn to take responsibility! And then you try to be a better person by understanding others, taking steps to improve the way you treat others and loving with others. And then you help other alcoholics when they ask for help with their hopeless unmanageable life. A perfect solution to insanity and I live it
Its a insightful lense... I didnt like the culture of it.
I like the roots of the AA... The guy (inventor) had ground breaking ideas. Plus he was into lsd and was Buddy with Jung.
Whatever means makes your life worth living go for it.
I love you ❤️ like I love all living things! Besides that its morning here in sweden! Time for a coffee!
Thanks for interacting. Had forgotten about this! Sam Cheers keep going! More videos! ☕
Thankyou this is so true. I've been coming to this conclusion and pondering on it some time now. Can I ask you what you think about Talking Therapy, would that also not be regarded as a form of venting?
Therapy has nothing to do with venting. It is structured, goal oriented, consensual, and aimed to get rid of an aggressive and entitled victim mentality.
@@samvakninThankyou for your reply. You have given me a sense of relief, hope and excitement. Much gratitude 😊
true that venting makes you feel and look insane and stuck in the same zone triggering victim mindset in you. true about reading people wrong because your easily fooled by your own internal feelings and memory triggers so your feelings are self reflective rather than anything to do with the other person's actual emotions thoughts or feelings
Albert Camus was not Jew but was not antisemite Dear Mr Vaknin. He was born in Algeria as a French citizen from various European descent.(German Italian, Spanish,Maltese)
Exactly what I am,un pied-noir.
I am a Moroccan Jew and it was a joke, not a factual statement. If anything, he was an atheist. Camus was a great friend to the Jews during the second world war, though. I added a clarification in the description, thank you. My deadpan humor got me in trouble yet again - and with a pied noir this time! (shivers)
@@samvaknin Thank you Mr Vaknin, yes he was a great friend to the Jews and any oppressed human beings. He wrote "Chroniques Algeriennes" in which he exposed the sad state of his brothers Kabyles.I see him as a intemporal philosopher, who was burning from a unique quest.What is to be truly just? Where to place the thin limit...This man was made of fire. I look forward to receive two of your books this week,and would like to thank you to exist.You too are made of fire.
Part of my family are Jews from Alexandria
live in Australia since Nasser...
Since I was a child this is why Church or AA meetings Neve mace sense to me. I'd hear maladjusted people give bad advice. I eventually made friends with compassionate English students. They were patient about my anxieties and I learned more from their normal caring daily behavior than I have from other wounded adults.
Albert Camus (November 11, 1913, Mondovi, Algérie française -January 4, 1960, Yonne, metropolitan France; youngest Nobel Prize in literature, 1957, translator of William Faulkner, adapted and directed Dostoyevsky for the theater...) was violently rejected by Jean-Paul Sartre for his anti-communism, and stance on French Algeria. "La Peste" ("The Plague", 1942) takes place in Oran, then French Algeria. Other major works include "The Myth of Sisyphus", "The Stranger", "L'Homme révolté".
When confronted with an absurd and tragic world, the only logical response is non-violent rebellion. Tragedy is incontrovertible.
PS: Thank you as always Professor regarding Gaussian distribution /IQ tests. My two brothers have tested 175 + aged 3, never got stupid as far as testing goes with age; I'm a bit duller at 170. Thank you so much for letting me know I'm a freak-:)
Nice to know....so venting isn't helping? Gad. Pre marriage sex doesn't help! And the Narc is not going to change ever... Thanks Sam!!!
i left the narcsissit,sociopath , and psychopath, i no longer give my time to a person who shows me the red flags no matter how good they think they are grooming me or love bombing me etc etc , all people are the same no matter how sick they are it seems that this has becoming the biggest troubles and problems with these type of people i learned the very hard way in my life that i really no longer trust any humans out here period,if a person has been through abuse or what ever they been through and they become abusers and bullys and i found that these people use that as an excuse just because they are wicked and just hateful people,,,, i was very badly abused and yet i dont go out there and abuse people ,people in this day are just evil and wicked i from now on as an empath no longer am as friendly with the human race as i use to be, i pull my self away from trying to do good or be around this type of people,i am clean and happy ever since i got rid of them,trust no one .......
Thank you for your great information.
If venting doesn’t work do we assume journaling your day to include troubling actions for the day is detrimental as well?
Thank you
No. Journaling is a very effective tool.
In terms of ADHD and trauma, can you comment on the ACE test?
This video is amazing 😌❤️⚘️
i agree, from experience only i found that in life there are more stupid people that we think... yes being smart is a binary.
Thank you for another insightful video. I live in Portland, OR. I suspect the prolonged protests for BLM have an element of venting and have contributed to unhealthy interactions and violence. Any thoughts on a better way to bring attention to social injustices?
Definitely not by creating more injustice! Many victims act like narcissists and psychopaths (watch the videos in this channel on this inversion).
This is part 1 of my comment to this video and that is to simply say that YOU DID NOT SAY THAT BAD MOTHERS CAUSED AUTISM!!! I’m thinking of the video that you are referring to, something titled like ADHD - Autism - Dead Mother Tirade, I believe. You NEVER said that dead mothers caused this. So to anyone who misunderstood what he was saying, please just pay attention to him when he is speaking. Sorry Dr. Sam, I get triggered when people twist someone’s words, mine included. I will be back with Part 2 of my comment once I have finished this video 😁
My fiance would always yell use common sense at me
You tell me truth I needed to hear it
In islam we are adviced to not vent and just submit and say what ever god wants we are submissive and close the file .
Yet so much violence in those countries…hmmm.
Is venting bad because it becomes a habit?
It is self-reinforcing. Watch my videos on victimhood and victim mentality.
masterpiece thank you
Professor, would you please clarify something for me- do you mean to say that I as a child participated in being sexually abused by my caregiver? I’m trying very hard to understand what I need to do to get well and I’m having a really hard time understanding what is happening to me. I very much appreciate the information you provide, Thank you.
Children are never responsible for their abuse.
@@samvaknin Thank you sincerely for taking the time to respond. That is so very helpful. I can’t believe it’s taken all these years for me to become introduced to your work and the work of Bessel van der Kolk.
Hi Sam, first of all, thanks for sharing your knowledge and insights. This and other videos posed a question on me: I'm not very knowledgeable in psychology at all, but it seems to me that all personalities are a set of traits acquired through time, experiences, culture, etc. that shape thoughts, feelings, behaviors, reactions, decision making, etc. So, in this sense, what would you say is the difference between the false self of a narcissist that you call "fiction", and a real personality of someone without NPD?
Healthy people have one self and it is real, not authored by them. It develops organically. The narcissist has two selves and he invents the False Self as a god or an imaginary friend: samvak.tripod.com/faq48.html
@@samvaknin Thank you, I'll dig more into it.
That would explain my narc ex who now claims he's a prophet, lmfao.
I just can't....I-
Hi Sam, you keep referring to people who "develop" autism. Do you mean get diagnosed, as I wasn't aware that autism "develops" as such? Thanks
Autism is a progressive developmental disorder.
Well I'm happy to know that I cant actually tell what is going on in others due to me being overly emphatic.... now I can sit back and not feel like its my duty to help because I don't actually know either
What is your take on Limerence?
samvak.tripod.com/lovepathology.html
Entropy - is there a pseudo-equivalent of entropy as it relates to psychology, human behavior and/or intellect?
Ageing (gerontopsychology).
Now I’m listening further to ur video. So yes - coincidence so so many mental illness coincides with autism? And mental illness is from trauma
Gender diverse? Disassociated personality, depression but wouldn't we being natural himans and linging nature are out of our element when we do not get enough of nature?
Humans.. longing
Meaningless true .
but must that also imply that ones reaction to this abuse must also be without meaning ?
You did not mention revenge or retribution though taboo it can be a reality like all the other forbidden acts.
We have been taught that revenge is as wrong as the offense and will only lower us to the same level as that of the offender not to mention earn us a place in Hell next to them.
I am certainly not advocating violence or attempting to justify revenge I am Simply posing a view of this social problem and affliction from a different perspective. One that I have not heard but that could be my own lack of information.
We are speaking of Predatory individuals .Individuals who leave in their wake an incredible amount of damage that often has the capacity to ripple through countless other lives and possibly generations.
Predatory behavior of this nature is the antithesis of humanity and a blight to civilization . Malignant Narcisism and pedophilia both share this predatory nature and the premeditated intent of violating and using another person for self gratification without regard for anything else.
Predators must have prey.
As Individuals who have been victimized what is the responsibility if any to the Predators next victim?
Most current advice for the unfortunate and often unwitting prey is to run away and dont look back.
This is undoubtedly reasonable and sound advice for the damaged victims of these Predators most who are in no way stable or strong enough to engage in active hostility towards their abuser but maybe there are some who are in the position to and of the mind to switch these roles?
Most of these Predators are extremely cowardly individuals and that is why they prey upon the vulnerabiliy of the innocent or ignorant and do so deviously and insidiously.
I am not advocating vigilantism.
These predators are dangerous and no one should pick a battle that they are unable or unwilling to see to completion. Many innocent lives may be endangered and one risks their own life and sanity in committing to battle which I imagine should cull out the unable and tame the overzealous. But what about the crazy ones? The individual who feels compelled by more than simple revenge. Only Fools go to war based solely upon Revenge alone.
Possibly the reasons for their not running are not always easily discernible or understandable by conventional thinking and are most often framed in the same light as the offender.
Why is this ?
What does this accomplish?
Of course not everyone is fit for such arduous, ugly business but individuals who are unfit or unwilling do not undertake or contemplate such things so not wanting to encourage them really is not an issue.
We all know that in Christian ideology revenge is forbidden to us and only reserved for the judgment of God and generally that's a solid case. but damn it how many people are going to be damaged and violated before the good lord gets to these pieces of shit?
There are no laws other than possibly civil that have any potential for recourse to the victims of Malignant Narcissists and there seems to be no shortage of pedophiles either unknown or unaccounted for who have slipped through the cracks of the system and are continuing to create damaged and broken people for No reason other than that is what predators do.
Meaningless, Senseless Violations and abuses of others ?
Those words combined in a sentence?. That is a disturbing and disgusting combination of words that should cause us to bristle as a society and maybe even question when do we run and when do we stand ?
Hi Sam, enjoyed your your lecture. Thought provoking, entertaining and enlightening. Your non Gaussian distribution of IQ was astounding but it must be true because it agrees well with my intuitive experience.
Would you be inclined to look into autism? Reason I mention it is because I did learn that autism is formed from trauma. Actually. A very very hush hush theory. If a gene alteration is found, a brain deformation…doesn’t matter - that can come from a neglectful mother even in the womb. I learned
Because. Genetic components - if you can open your mind in this way … is passed on things. And when u behave in a way for generations, the brain for generations does reform. Behaving like a dead mother for example - generation after generation.
Because so much of autism looks like cptsd. The autism that is far from looking like it, I learned - is just too much trauma. That particular person in the family line, their brain couldn’t take it like the rest of the families did that didn’t develop the “full noticeable” autism. I’d love to hear if there is any thread of possibly for this
Would you be inclined to search the channel?
Haha the part about iq-tests is so much fun 😬🤪😂😍❤️🩵🩷