When ADHD Makes Money Feel Impossible
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- Опубликовано: 12 июн 2024
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Chelsea sits down with guest Nikita Miner to talk about money, ADHD, and finally getting your life together as a grown-up.
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Late Diagnosed at 35 with ADHD, keeping a job is not easy. It's not just doing the job itself, its washing work clothes, dishes, making dinner, packing a lunch, making coffee, leaving the house on time. With ADHD, balancing all that isn't easy.
This is really reassuring. At (almost 33), I’ve been in one of those ruts of exhaustion with how much there just is to DO to be able to work. I was about to just call it a personal failing, despite having my ADHD diagnosis. It’s helpful to see another adult talking about how difficult it is to just… function.
True!
Not to mention the social cues, office politics, and mind games. Dealing with that is like a second (unpaid) job 😒
And then the work environment can also be exhausting.
Same 😢
Happy to see this discussed at TFD. A lot of the tips are not “ADHD friendly” so I appreciate seeing this side represented.
I relate so hard to her point of previously hating herself for all the things that actually were stemming from adhd. The last year and a half since getting diagnosed, I’ve been the kindest and most patient with myself that I’ve ever been in my life. Because now I understand my struggles are valid, while previously I’d just thought I was a failure full of character flaws.
Same. Probably the most important aspect of me getting a formal diagnosis was the recognition that actually my problems are not due to a character failing.
Yeah same. I forgot, so I must not care, I wasn't able to get up and do something, so I must be lazy, etc etc etc. I was really strict and kind of mean to myself, even when I knew full well that I didn't forget on purpose and that I cared very deeply, or that I wasn't lazy, because I wanted to do the thing so much, but I simply could not get up.
My adhd diagnosis has helped me so much, it has given me clarity and insight in my young self struggling with planning schoolwork, reassurance that I'm not a horrible terrible person, and so much more patience and care for myself. I've also gotten a lot of apps and tools to help me plan better and keep track of things, and I would have never gotten those without access to a psychologist or a specialist nurse, and of course medication, which makes everything 10 times easier.
I also have ADHD and automation is vital! I’m so grateful to live in a time when I can check my balances at any time, view pending transactions and set up automated reminders and transfers. Before I would overdraft just because I had no clue what was coming out when. Having ADHD on a lower income would be so tough and I commend Nikita for talking about it.
Automate! Automate! Automate!
Anything I can do automatically with money I do. That was very validating to hear from her as well. It took a while to set up, but it saves so much brain space.
But what happens when automation fails, glitches etc etc... bugs in software happen. Microsoft currently has a security update issue from January that hasn't been resolved. This means you have weak security if you use Microsoft. Nothing customers can do but wait .. I get the automation makes life easy but you better have a back up basket with some eggs or your screwed
@@Ann-op5kjnotifications usually go out when an auto payment fails. Manually making payment on an insecure operating system is just as much of a security risk as just using automation.
Just diagnosed last year at 50. Will never have enough to retire or rest easy. Dying at my desk I guess. Nice to finally know where my issues have come from.
This was so nice to listen to. Please talk to people with other disorders too. My partner is on autism spectrum and is high functioning. Just a regular work life tires him so much. His constant fear is losing work and how to ask for fewer hours while not missing career opportunities. It’s so tiring and a constant struggle.
I love that someone with dyscalculia speaks on this important topic, thanks for this interview :)
Omg I love this real people series because as another person with ADHD from West Michigan I can just tell this is going to be relatable.
Neurodivergent queers Michiganders represent! ✊
I also have a background of homelessness and I’m finishing up at community college toward my goal of getting an MSW to become a therapist. Due to my age, rather than beginning a therapist immediately working with marginalized populations, my plan is to put ten years of service as a public school social worker. This will give me summers off to provide childcare for my granddaughter while forgiving college loans and securing a pension. After that I can pursue my dream work.
I wish you success in your path. They tend to understaff those positions at public schools Make sure to take care if your mental health!
Thank you so much, @@KS0102 . I was telling my best friend, who works as OT in the schools, that I thought it would suck the life and hope out of me, not being able to transform the school experience to positive for and affirming & supportive of the students. She told me that she would be burned out fast if she wanted to thwart harm of students throughout their school experience. As she focused on making her therapy room a safe and supportive space for the students, she could keep going on.
I definitely need to work on setting reasonable expectations of what I can do in any position to have any longevity in doing good in my career. Heck, I need to adopt that practice now as I work part-time jobs while going through school. Need to get on that.
I was diagnosed with ADHD at age 21. Not long after my dorm rent was so far overdue I was about to get kicked out because I was scared to open the mailbox/bills and yet impulse spent money everywhere. There was no quick fix for it. First there was meds with therapy (individual, group and cognitive behavioural) - which helped me improve habits. It didn't remove the anxiety aspect around money though. That went away after 10 years with an ex who was methodical, controlled and calm with money. I learned a lot from him and now I'm literally a budget queen.
Yes not long after I got married by wife suggested I may have ADHD. Saved my professional life and saved us from debt collectors as I now understood why I wasn’t doing what I needed to di
@@malaquiasalfaro81 For years I just hated myself - I just thought I was a bad person, basically. Then once I got my diagnosis - which was very emotional - I was like... oh my god I'm not an asshole, I just need some help.
@@GoblinsAreAGirlsBestFriendHits hard & it really doesn't stop ❤
We love Neurodivergent Rep ❤
I'm a neurodivergent TFD fan! 😃 💙 Thank-you for helping & representing us Chelsea. I feel seen!
I'm 36 and just got diagnosed with Adhd. The amount of peace I've felt in these last few weeks is amazing. I finally sat down and scheduled my month which is very difficult but ling story short, I'm trying to start being more focused on better money skills. Paycheck to paycheck is 😢. I'm a teacher and I feel her with peace over money.
I've never related to a TFD video SO hard! People look at us & make a whole lot of assumptions about what we *should* be able to do (especially if you have any higher education).
It's so endlessly frustrating seeing money affluent people treat money like a game when it's a system that literally costs people their lives. We think we're not in the Hunger Games...
So much of this hit home for me; my mom also had me at 20 and was homeless for a period of time when I was a baby, I also felt (and continue to feel as a grad student) alone among my peers who seemingly didn't have the same financial/home life struggles that I did, and the experience of financially contributing to your parents' household. Thank you for speaking to all of these experiences, it makes me feel less alone.
I’m going through the same! Just diagnosed depression and adhd at 28, still uncovering and working through shame around money and impulsive decisions in the past. Really needed this video!
I have been loving this season of TFC. Thank you for sharing Nikita, your voice is absolutely needed in the space!
Breaks my heart hearing you say you always thought you were a bad kid. 🖤 I’m so glad you were able to get a diagnosis and make sense of it all.
This is awesome! My ex has ADD and I wish I knew what I know now about the disorder rather than giving him such a hard time for 6 years. If I could do it over again I would be so much more patient and adjust my Type A behavior.
Oh wow, it's so unusual to hear this perspective (Im AuDHD). You may have been a bit late to the game, but we are glad you're here now❤✨️
My ADHD tip for budgeting is to make super broad categories. I always see budget templates that have like rent, utilities, groceries, entertainment, hobbies, household, personal care, etc. That's WAY too much extra work. My only budget categories are rent, gas, and misc. (All of my short and long term savings and retirement stuff is automated, it never gets to my checking account)
My "rent" bucket includes all of my fixed costs like phone, internet, etc. I just think of it as one big chunk that's the same amount every month, instead of remembering like 5 different subsections.
I only bother to separate gas because it's like, critical to get to work and it's usually around the same amount each month. I have a separate credit card that I only put gas on to get the 3x points.
So basically everything else that I buy just goes on one credit card and I already know the max amount I can reasonably spend is the same each month. When it's all coming out of one bucket it's easier to "feel" when I'm spending a lot. Plus I can always check the app and see how close I am to my budget limit.
I live in a LCOL area so personally the misc. bucket is about $600/month that I can spend on groceries, household stuff, clothes, car maintenance, entertainment, whatever; basically everything that I buy other than healthcare, housing, and gas for my car. Some months I spend like 90% of it on dining out. Some months I want to buy a fancy expensive vacuum and I don't dine out once. The flexibility really helps my ADHD brain.
(Pro tip, I have a card that auto detects what category I spent the most on that month and gives me the reward bonus on that category, so I don't have to ever think about the points game.)
that was confusing for me and im neurotypical, lol
Just as a different view - it makes perfect sense to me. I had to track everything in detail when my budget was tight and $5 could mean not being able to pay off my cards in full, but I’ve relaxed into something similar to this now, just with a smaller miscellaneous/ everything bucket.
@@cwicseolformask Huh, I feel like if my budget was very tight it would be even more critical for me to have simplified categories.
I'd be interested to know more about why/how the more detailed tracking worked better for you when your budget was tight?
I've tried to keep a budget the "normal" way a few times and I end up purposely trying to spend the full amount for each category ASAP so that I can "check it off the list." 🤦♀️
I guess mostly the answer is just "different things work for different people," but I'm still curious to understand better.
@@autobotdiva9268 I have adhd and understood perfectly. It's basically a bag of money that's not for spending but for rent, and the rest.
I'm so happy I made productive decisions about my finances that changed my life forever,hoping to retire next year.. Investment should always be on any creative man's heart for success in life
Thanks for the advice! I'm new to financial planning and wasn't sure where to start. Any tips on finding a reliable financial adviser or resource to guide beginners?
As a beginner, it's essential for you to have a mentor that is verified by finra and SEC to keep you accountable. I'm guided by a widely known financial consultant Stacey Macken
Truly, investing has changed my perspective on how one can succeed in life; working multiple jobs isn't the optimal way to attain financial freedom and unfortunately, we discover this later in life. Currently earn as much as 12 grand weekly and this has improved my financial life
YES! that's exactly her name (Stacey Macken) I watched her interview on CNN News and so many people recommended her trading skills, she's an expert and I'm just starting with her....From Brisbane Australia
This Woman has really change the life of many people from different countries and am a testimony of her trading platform .
This may be not intuitive but as a 31 year old diagnosed with ADHD at 29, tracking every expense I make and budgeting every dollar I have (zero based budgeting) has changed my life. Went from pay check to pay check to saving more than 50% of my income (yes, we are relatively high income which makes it more embarassing that we lived pay check to pay check). For me, if I'm not in the weeds of my money and know exactly what's happening I will just 100% avoid it. The all-or-nothing is obviously not the healthiest attitude but throwing myself into it has literally been life changing. For me I use ynab but that software is not necessary to do it
My ADHD tip is to put any long term savings in a place which is difficult to access (but which doesn't prevent you from accessing it in emergencies). Making frivolous behaviour with savings actively difficult has really helped me.
My secons tip I wouldn't necessarily recommend to everyone. I have greatly benefitted from sharing current account finances with my husband, and that tends to alter my behaviour, as I don't feel I'm spending only "my" money. I only recommend this in relationships where there is a lot of trust and no sniff of controlling behaviour. But I think if an ADHD person can tie the idea of our financial behaviour to something or someone external to ourselves it can be helpful.
Yeah, externalising the control helps, it doesn't have to be a person.
I have a cleaning app that has a little anthropomorphised bucket that looks happy if I clean something that day, and it helps a lot that he's there to show whether I did something.
I also made lists of how often I have to clean things, so the app tracks when I last cleaned it and when it's due again. It helps for me to be able to say that I don't need to do [X] today because Sweepy said I only need to do that every three days, and it's not due until tomorrow. I made the planning, I decided on the frequency, Sweepy is not involved in that really, but being able to give myself permission to not do a task was so much harder than being able to say Sweepy says I don't have to do that task. Sweepy gave me permission to skip that task.
i clicked so fast when I saw this! money stresses me out so much. i'm in college so like. i can barely afford anything and when I do get money(tax return) it disappears
I set timers and rotate different tasks. Seems to be the most effective for me to maximize
This is so healing, i got diagnosed with PTSD & ADD in 6th grade but my mom never told me bc i wasnt struggling in school. Even though i relate to a lot of adhd inattentive content i always felt like i couldnt have it because my doctor told me if i didnt get diagnosed as a child i couldnt have it (again i didnt know i was diagnosed as a child till i was 20)
Well I’m not sure why your doctor said that. Someone can be diagnosed with adhd at any age😗 I’m glad you felt the video was healing though😊
Probably because one of the criterion is that adhd symptoms are present throughout childhood. Which does make sense. So if you never struggled with working memory until you were 30, its something else. That can make it harder to get a diagnosis even with doctors who dont say that adhd can only be diagnosed in childhood because now you have to establish that the symptoms go back 20+ years because they actually are making sure it isnt something else.
So many people are missed as children if they happen to really enjoy learning. The criterion in the US is not a diagnosis in childhood, but the presence of symptoms in childhood. That's determined by a mix of school records, medical records, and anecdotal evidence. I was diagnosed at age seven, but was an amazing student in-class besides too much talking out of turn. However, (even medicated) my homework was rarely done and I was always having to beg teachers for extensions on projects and papers. Once I left school for the day, it basically stopped existing. PTSD and ADHD symptoms overlap quite a bit, the difference is that PTSD symptoms will be alleviated with treatment for PTSD, while ADHD symptoms only diminish with medication (managing ADHD symptoms does not make them go away, it just makes it easier to live WITH the symptoms). The dark irony is that living with ADHD, even diagnosed, can cause depression, anxiety, and PTSD.
I just watched The Florida Project for the first time and I am in awe. Newest addition to my forever favorites!
In 2024,don't set new year financial goals without consulting a financial adviser.there expertise ensure a solid plan for success.Building wealth involves developing good habits like regular putting money away in intervals for solid investments.
Thanks for the advice! I'm new to financial planning and wasn't sure where to start.Any tips on finding a reliable financial adviser or resource to guide beginners?
I agree, based on personal experience working with an investment advisor, I currently have $650k in a well diversified portfolio, that has experienced exponential growth. It is not about having money to invest in stocks,but also you need to be knowledgeable, persistent,and have strong hands to back it up.
How can I participate in this?I sincerely aspire to establish a secure financial future and am eager to participate.who is the driving force behind your success?.
Marie Ann Treloar
She has been my counselor and coach.
Fabulous episode! As someone who was also late-diagnosed with ADHD (at 28) this was incredibly relatable.
I never comment on videos but this one was such a good one. They spoke with such authenticity. Very relatable; very helpful.
I really enjoyed this interview!! And I love the name of Nikita’s blog 😊 reminds me of a song called “local construction”. Reminds me that I can be a work in progress and that isn’t a bad thing.
Also thank you so much for sharing the accommodation you request. That is exactly what I need. Having a document I can reference is such a security blanket.
I could listen to this forever. 😍 Is there a 10h uncut version of this? 😆 I've never felt so validated in my life!
late diagnosed adhd (a year ago at 32). felt your frustration at having the tools but not the executive function SO HARD. i have the best $ skils in my family, but my undiagnosed adhd meant i spent my 20s moving from place to place and job to job and my pmdd with migraines meant i worked less even when i did stay put. so i have siblings and parents who are in much better financial spots just because they had the stability and income to actually apply my advice.
That was so good and she was so well spoken and eloquent, she explained everything so well ❤
Late diagnosed with ADHD myself at 39 years old.
howd you survive that many years? 😥
@@sp123 not well. No magic pill to treat it either. Been tapering off my Adderall because is don’t see the point of fruitless productivity for the sake of making others rich. Just looking for joys in other things in life.
@@TheCoolOwen For me, the medication made just existing so much easier, I no longer forgot that I needed the bathroom and hyperfocused for 3 hours, and then had to race to the toilet when the urge became unavoidable. Or no longer stare at a glass I want to clean, but being unable to get up and clean. Just existing in my head is so much easier, no million thoughts that demand attention, and a million outside stimuli that demand attention too, I can focus on what I want so much easier, and keep track of my train of thought.
The medication isn't a magic pill that will fix everything, but it made my life so much easier in every way, it's such a relief.
I was actually kind of annoyed the first time I got to try out the meds. I felt so calm and was able to just think about things without every single object in the room drawing my attention. I kind of felt cheated, neurotypical people experience this all the time? For me it felt like I was completely zen and calm and that was the normal state for most people? What kind of a bullsh*t brain did I have?
Def want to see more on ADHD tools for money management
This is an amazingly validating video as someone with ADHD.
This was such a great video, thank you TFD and Nikita!
Thank you Nikita and Chelsey for shedding light on this. Loving all of these guests on the channel lately. It was thoughtful, articulate and heart warming to know that we aren’t alone ❤
I enjoyed this discussion, thank you for this!
This was very enlightening. Thank you
One of the best guests you’ve had on in awhile! Loved hearing her story
Love this episode! Thank you Nikita ❤
Thank you for sharing this. It seems like this lady has had a lot on her plate. Good on her!!!Keep it up, sweetheart!!!!!💘💘💘💯💯💯
loved it! great insights
I love you TFD team
I think this is one of my favorite interviews yet. I relate so much with a lot of what is said in the video. Amazing interview ❤
6:04 I also have dyscalculia and mental math is impossible for me, so while grocery shopping I have my phone and I manually add the prices as I put things in my cart and round up the prices to overestimate for taxes.
What drives me crazy in USA is half the stores don't even have price tags for items or places like whole food for example make it.impossible to know how much it's actually going to cost because some items have %off some don't some are extra discounts with prime etc Target have zero price on anything around where I am. Prices if you order for pick up vs directly in stores are also very different. It's really confusing , time consuming/mentality draining even if you don't have executive difficulties it's almost impossible to calculate on purpose.
Great interview
Thanks for this amazing collab! :) HUGS!!!! OMG I also LOVE The Florida Project, seriously gutwrenching.
Late diagnosed too!! It’s a club 🎉
I also went to uni largely to have somewhere to live! Nice to know I'm not the only person that made that sort of decision.
This was really good! I feel seen.
Damn Chelsea asks the good questions!
Dear girl, I love your content and the way you conduct the interviews. Can you tell me your process? What software you use host the interviews? Is it over zoom? I know you then edit the interview into your main format. Do you use capcut? Or any other software?
Grand Rapids friends!!! How cool
Hey girl! Sounds like you went to Calvin 😅🙃 I'm glad you made it out alive! And shout out to Ypsi!
Im sure there many of us decided to remain single and childless so we dont have to drag an innocent child along for the horrendous ride..
42:00 :( I literally was on duo lingo studying 4 languages instead of doing mygrad school homework.........
I spent 70k in one year , I have adhd . I cannot manage large amounts of money.
Did you enjoy spending it though?
Having 70k to spend is impressive if you earned that yourself. Dont be too hard on yourself
where can we find Nikita’s blog???
I find people use their mental health issues as a clutch for too many things. U can control it. Also adhd superpower is concentration on tasks that interest them. My mom did not care about the adhd label. She pushes me and provided me with tutors till i was 12 (im lucky with that). School was boring and easy i guess so i just take more courses and do more activities to push myself. If i stay idle i tend to slack off and fail. U do need a good parent to keep pushing u. I remember having 2 science majors in college and do 3 hours of martial arts everyday. If i find myself slackong i just do more physical activities to expense energy and calm myself down. Do i slack off sometimes, yes. I do not let it be my excuse though for my financial failures.
6:12 Are there people who can mentally calculate what is in their cart?? I always thought this was something everyone struggled with and I blamed myself for not getting out the calculator...
Yes, I can somewhat. When I am limited in what I have to spend, I can keep an approximate running tally of cost. Its hard over a bigger shopping trip, but rounding to whole numbers or 1/2 dollars would let me keep a running tally so long as I can actually remember the number in my head. More interestingly I can look at what I bought and how much and approximate the cost somewhat based not on actually knowing what each item costs, but what totals have come out to in the past.
Yes, I had to live for years estimating the cost plus the tax for our household groceries in my cart bc I’d only have so much I could spend on groceries for the week. So stressful but I was able to do it, it’s fascinating learning how people’s brains are different and how that makes life easier or harder in that one way. It makes me far more compassionate to others and even to myself bc while I could do that other things are hard for me and I’ve got plenty of weaknesses too.
By the way...I got out of debt using 3 systems. I am happy to share !
Gah the story of 5th grade school records is so infuriating to me! I remember my schools’ hyper fixations on ~aTtiTuDE~ which looking back, was an actively harmful message. Now that I’m a parent I firmly believe that kids do better when they CAN. If they’re struggling, the adults in their lives need to help them identify and meet their unique needs, not feed them victim-blamey garbage advice like “attitude is everything,” the goal of which is probably just to make life easier for the adult.
How are there comments about how good the video is when the video is almost an hour long and it was uploaded literal minutes ago....
Do you not see that they are all p0rn bot accounts? Lmao
They're bots advertising their NSFW content (check the profile pictures). They do it hoping someone thinks they're real and clicks on them and follows through to where the cash is. Just ignore,
You should really be more observant 😂
No they're commenting about how they loved this financial talk. @@Pushkina2
it’s just THAT GOOD?!?! 😆
Hello from the United States 😊
lol a 52 minute targeting people with adhd. (Imma do my best to watch it all.)
Hahaha girl I'm really struggling too. X2 for the win 😂
unfortunatley, she said a lot of nothing.
Maybe you’re just not able to parse it.
@@hazeljust7001 k
Tapped out. Nothing against the video… it just felt like I’m now carrying someone else’s baggage along with my own.
I feel so sorry for you. You all wrapped up on your own thoughts.
This interview was informative
It shows how someone can overcome obstacles even with having mental health issues and being homeless
As someone who came to Canada as a refugee and is a millionaire now I'm forever grateful for TFD team for coordinating and facilitating this interview.
For your own success.. change your own mindset 💯
@@miaa7097how exactly did you become a millionaire in a country with such expensive housing?
Stip buying processed foods and you will have more money in your pocket and less ADHD symptoms.
What about ASD? April is Autism Awareness Month! We have many more challenges than ADHD. People with ADHD don’t often have issues with Section 504 sped services or need Medicaid Waiver funding?
Not surprised millennials DO NOT get-us like this urban knowitall/street bimbo. We were institutionalized as out of district students anyways