Yeah, and that is what makes speaking fun because I have to rapidly read the room to set what is gone, and phrasing up should say if it's even appropriate for the mood accordingly this isn't normal 9r healthy my therapist said
@@HunterNeyorApollo Sounds typical, to me. I'm on the autism spectrum with ADHD and other fun ingredients, so entering a room and beginning to calibrate myself to the setting, the population, their relationships to each other, and then navigating what I do with whom, where and when. It's a constant stream of social calculations on my part. (Between loads of reading, people watching, and playing with analog and digital dolls, I could make loose associations that acted like pop-up compartmentalizations, changing with new data.) I also spent 3-8 hours per day, on average, practicing my facial expressions and vocal expressions, linking them to emotions built from scenarios I'd enact and roleplay. So... most people Not on the spectrum, seem to find it hard to believe. Most folks on the spectrum might be unsurprised, unless we're complete strangers to one another. People with anxiety, especially social anxiety, do seem to get this calibration system more than other of my presentations, besides the 'tism.
So by your logic if I were to Go out of my way to help somebody the other person would see it as Good Samaritan but I just don't want to help a different person. So is that manipulation?
same it always has to come to me yelling and then i get painted as this terrible crazy disappointment of a daughter who yells at her own mom when she "wasnt even yelling" ok but u wrre refusing to listen and kept interrupting me and apparently the only way u can actually hear me is when i raise my voice so wtf am i supposed to do w that bro
Same, if I speak I'm apparently interrupting them; but if I'm silent I'm ignoring them. Yet they don't think they're doing anything wrong when they talk over me.
“You don’t like when we yell at you, don’t you mean you don’t like being parented?” No, I mean I don’t like being brutalized for every imperfection I have
God, I feel this. My parents love to point out my flaws a lot. Like sure, I know I’m a kid with a lot of bad things about me, but you don’t have to point them out all the time. What makes it worse is how they almost don’t do it for my little sister, when she arguably has the same flaws as I do.
I had a recent series of moments of surgically and methodically photographing and documenting evidence of all the critical hazards around my parent's property- including but not limited to chemical, biological and somehow even nuclear hazards (ancient isotope-based smoke detectors) and also cybersecurity hazards I am surprised they are criticising my attempts to safely dispose of the stuff and components of their house to make sure they don't get themselves killed or incapacitated, let alone anyone else- I have noticed they seem to be aware they can't keep running their mouths to me knowing what hypocrites they are now tbh
Also yes, people do not actually like being constantly berated and yelled at, that doesn’t somehow magically change because you are 'right' as a parent to do so! We take people's dogs away if they discipline them too harshly, so what gives people the idea to treat children like that in the name of 'parenting'?
Somehow I "hurt" my mom so deeply even though I never berated her, gaslit her, humiliated her, insulted her, put my hands on her... The few times I go against her wishes when not distancing myself, all I did was admit how much she's hurt me...
Denial is a plague in our society. Denial is the disease that kills relationships that would otherwise thrive if both sides would accept the truth and work towards a better end goal. 😢
Yeah my step dad make jokes about me when all I want to do is relax and my room is my space where I'm not judged and I laugh and relax the most hell I've laughed more with strangers though a screen then I have with my stepdad
That’s why I hate “brutally honest” people. There’s a difference between being direct and transparent when the truth needs to be said vs. Being mean-spirited and cruel and acting as if you couldn’t have said the exact same information in a way more considerate packaging.
Imo brutal honesty is a necessity, there's times when people act like kn*bheads and need to be told the harsh truth or times where people refuse to listen and the only way the message will get through to them is by being brutally honest. It may seem harsh but that really is just life.
@@lilskipper4683Yet you seem like you apply it preemptively, exaggerating the necessity of when you use it to rid yourself of guilt. Before being so harsh, try being kind first, getting to the point without adding insults to it.
@@lilskipper4683Not only are you twisting what they said, but you're clearly one of those people that no one likes. You aren't being honest, you're being an asshole.
@@catgotyourcontroller8823 That's fair but ig that's just my 2 cents on the matter.. I'd rather a doctor be blunt/brutally honest than beat around the bush yk?
I'm glad to hear this, stranger. I hope you can be happy, healthy and safe going forward. Life will always throw obstacles your way but this is a huge step, be proud of yourself for that.
I'm still where you used to be stuck, and I know how painful it is. As it is, I've spent the last five days feeling like I want to do nothing but cry and sleep. I'm really glad you managed to escape and that you're finally allowed to heal in peace, away from those excuses of parents you had the misfortune to meet
@@DrummerrDuckie I’m sorry to hear it’s going like that, it’s okay to just lay there and cry, sometimes it’s all you can. You won’t be stuck there forever, the annoyingly basic statement that life gets better is true, but I know sometimes it doesn’t help to hear. I sincerely hope things improve for you sooner or later. Don’t give up, you can do it.
Me and my parents have fought about this a few times before. I hope they raise my siblings better than they rose me. They even told me I was a test trial kid, that it was “ok” if they did it wrong. I didnt deserve that just because *I* was born first. No one does.
Fuck me, I feel that… the only difference is that nobody else is willing to admit that I’m the less than successful trial. I’ll always be the one that was almost great. I have so much hope for my sisters and their futures. Most nights I lay awake for hours wondering who I am. Am I a deadbeat? A monster? (For context I have one hell of a temper and very little patience, especially when it comes to children). I’ve seen my mother look at me like a wild animal. She doesn’t trust me around my youngest sister. To be fair, I was an awful older brother to my middle sister. But it’s so god damn painful to have your mother look at you with abject terror. Even if she is a manipulative, self-righteous, narcissistic c**t. Part of me still idolizes her. Part of me agrees with her fear.
First pancake kid. 'Cause the first pancake always comes out weirdly shaped & too thin & burnt on one end & too thick & undercooked on the other & is usually thrown away or fed to the dogs. Or given to the first pancake kid. The thing that really sucks? I was an only child. My kids were their 'do-over' kids.
if someone asks your opinion on their outfit, and you dislike it, you can go about it a few ways: -"it looks great!" (lie) -"it's so ugly lmao you want to leave the house in *that?"* (honest, but mean) -"it's not really my thing, but hey if you like it, that's cool" (honest AND kind) "brutally honest" and "always honest" are not the same. you can be truthful always without resorting to brutality
i usually try to give people specific advice on how or why i do or don't like certain aspects and how i'd change them to suit my personal tastes, but it never goes as far as insulting or putting them down
My response is usually “it’s not my style but you look amazing in anything you wear!!” It’s not lying cause I do think they look amazing in anything but it also give them my opinion! And then if they ask I give them my advice on what I think would make the outfit better! (In my opinion lol) ❤
I usually go with the third. I have an odd sense of style. .. Ok. I have no sense of style. I also sometimes add things like "that blue matches your eyes." "I like the pockets".
I've never understood the "don't talk to me like that," as they proceed to say the most vile things to their child while you're not allowed to defend yourself.
This is a damn good message, and I hope it finds people in this situation and helps them realize how bad it is. With this being said, I would like to make a slight comment. The truth can hurt, but it isn't something that seeks to hurt. Like how I'll never be a woman.... Still cis though.
As a mom of 3 kids I like being frank with my feelings when I hurt them, and luckily they do the same to me. Normalize knowing ur kids feelings it's not that hard to tell them that you're tired, mad, or disappointed, ask them how they feel if you feel that way.
this omg. i adopted my little sister(she s 7 years younger than me, currently in high school), and when she upsets me, or disrespects me i tell her how i feel, and why i feel, while being respectful and treating her like a human being. no need to yell, beat, or anything like that. and yet she s compassionate, she cleans her room all by herself, she listens to my advice and actively asks for advice. like con it takes effort especially if you ve been abused yourself, but it s not that hard. thank you for being a wonderful mother to your kids
It’s actually gotten so bad that I can’t accept ANYTHING positive or that makes me feel good as the “truth”. Compliments? Can’t be true. You’re just being nice. Praise? You’re only saying that because I’ve tricked you into believing I’m a good person. Gifts? Why….I don’t deserve this… It’s completely warped my sense of reality and my mother wonders why I’m chronically depressed
Tell yourself a compliment every day. Doesn’t matter what it is. I know it sounds odd, but if you say something enough, you’ll eventually come to believe it. You are capable of strength, and you can accomplish great things, but you must first give yourself a chance. Sorry if this sounds like preaching, just thought it might help.
I always taught myself that the kindest thing I can do for someone else is give them the truth. Life taught me that all the truth in the world doesn't matter if it's not paired with compassion and kindness.
I'm a full on adult ( ok age wise, but honestly I swear I have the maturity of a 14 year old lol ) with my own kids, and my dad still talks to me like this. I tell my son every chance I get I love him and am proud of him simply because I am. Not because of anything he's done. There's nothing he could ever do or say that's going to change those things. Danny, you are a wonderful soul with more courage than I ever have had. Arnie too. Ya'll make me smile amd thank you for that. 😊
It truly makes me sad that not everybody who has gone through situations like this has gotten a chance to see the parent/s that put them through all this apologize and realize what they did wrong. My mother apologized for that kind of stuff and I wish everybody who had gone through a similar situation could feel the same feeling I did when she acknowledged her wrongdoings.
im so glad that my parents werent like this to me, of course somethimes they arent amazing, but i feel so bad for people who has relationships like this with their parents ..
I'm tired of being what you want me to be Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface I don't know what you're expecting of me Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) I've become so numb, I can't feel you there Become so tired, so much more aware I'm becoming this, all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you Can't you see that you're smothering me? Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control 'Cause everything that you thought I would be Has fallen apart right in front of you Every step that I take is another mistake to you (Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow) And every second I waste is more than I can take I've become so numb, I can't feel you there Become so tired, so much more aware I'm becoming this, all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you And I know I may end up failing too But I know You were just like me, with someone disappointed in you I've become so numb, I can't feel you there Become so tired, so much more aware I'm becoming this, all I want to do Is be more like me and be less like you I've become so numb, I can't feel you there I'm tired of being what you want me to be I've become so numb, I can't feel you there I'm tired of being what you want me to be
This… this unlocked memories of my first crushing heartbreak and no it was never over a crush or flirtation. It was being a small small child and realizing that the people I loved with my entire soul wanted to hurt me. Then would pretend it was all better. And get mad when I couldn’t let it go. I learned to cry silently. My sister taught me how.
The truth doesn’t hurt, it is the means by which the truth is delivered that gives its sharpness in the same manner a hand does not hurt until its owner gives it velocity
You... never chose to be FtM, brother. You were dealt an awful hand and were forced to play it to the best of your ability. Do you know how *strong* that makes you? That you're still choosing to stand despite everything? You are what I aspire to be. Good job.
Danny has a point and I'm so so so thankful that Danny is delivering messages like this. I've had a pretty toxic parent the was like this, cut ties with them for my well-being, and watching danny's videos helps me actually see that most of what Danny goes through I can relate to. Thank you so much for helping me see that most of the subjects that you touch on help me forgive myself and the people that have hurt me. Thank you so much, Danny💜💜💜
I want to send so many of your videos to my parents as a passive aggressive note like "hey you kinda upset me sometimes please stop" but they've made me so afraid of me getting ranted at that I can't even do that :3
When my parents used that card on me I always used the “Well the truth doesn’t always need to be said.” One. It always got me grounded, but at least I’m teaching them a lesson, even if it barely does anything.
Reminds me of that quote about how brutally honest people enjoy the brutality just as much as the honesty, sometime more. Honestly and kindness are rarely if ever mutually exclusive
Just peacefully scrolling shorts when I reach a Danny video, and am happy to see Danny...and then we get hit by that. Love you Danny, hope you're doing well
"You are the one who can't accept the truth that you are NOT a good parent, and I'm not even trying to be mean, it's just a fact that goes on for years."
Sure but...the truth can hurt 😅 I learned that from Rafiki ❤ And experienced that when I tried to parachute my toys, I was hurt I couldn't figure out how to do it right and ended up just dropping them from up high.. damaging them🙃
The truth hurts sometimes, like when you find out the waiting list for public housing is 10+ years. However things like "you're a failure" are just opinions.
"The truth never set me free so i did it myself" I find that lyric to be quite relatable to this video. The truth isn't the truth half the time it's just something people say that they cover up as the truth. Sometimes parents don't tell their kids the truth but rather tell them THEIR truth. Causing the kid to have to find their own truth and not just something their parents say. (If that makes sense) Song: Careful by Paramore
Sometimes people mean respect as "treat me like a person" and sometimes they mean "treat me like an authority figure". Sometimes people who say "I won't respect you unless you respect me" mean "I won't treat you like a person unless you treat me as an authority"
It's really comforting to see this video right now since I had a bad argument with my narcissistic grandmother last night. She said all sorts of mean things about me and she will never understand she's the problem. She called me her "biggest enemy" but she will never understand she's been mine all along...
I didnt know i needed help right now, you gave me a moment of clarity and restfulness. Thanks Danny, this cleared my foggy mind for a little while, i wish you well in the upcoming week
Danny, I had a family member who would always be like "Oh but the truth hurts." after calling me a mistake and saying other shit. Basically what you said in the video. Even now I choose to bottle up everything. The thing is that 1 it wasn't a parent and 2 I loved her so so much. Possibly one of my favourite family members that I had a lot to do with. But she changed after something.
I’m so sorry. If it makes you feel better, flaws don’t detract from your value as a person because all people are flawed. Keeping your emotions to yourself never ends well. I hope you find someone you trust to talk about your emotions with. You deserve it by virtue of existing.
Let’s hope that your tears won’t be beat out of you till you can’t cry anymore. Stay human for the people who aren’t we need someone to respect and listen to our feelings. Much love
I feel this on another level and it hurts.. The fact that THIS is the truth.. It's not that this truth hurts.. It's that they're like this in the first place..
The truth is relieving Telling my parents that the best revenge I could give them is to do nothing at all to them and leave them to their own devices, actions and consequences was a moment I shouldn't have had such satisfaction with but 15 years of memories is a significant motivation
My professor in uni said these type of people don’t have empathy and are narcissistic, i said why , he said as a society( im moroccan) that is used to even saying the truth you have to sweeten it up and or make it in between the lines , so i said why do we have to beat around the bush while the truth is cruel we can’t mask it , if they don’t like it’s true and they can’t handle it they are week or well childish ,soo uuh teah i got oke point deducted mind you these prof likes me ( not the bad way i mean as a student) since i am the most one participating, answering, memorising evrything lol
To those who relate, here’s a little message of hope🫶🏼 Not all parents are like this, I promise. My parents are genuinely amazing and I love them with all my heart. I can’t speak for them, but I can say *I* am proud of you and send my love to you. And I do that because my parents are living examples of that love and kindness. There is hope for humanity, I promise.❤️
My second sister is problematic on sooooo many levels and when after years anyone finally started confronting her she was also trying to blame it on 'just being * høňèşť * and you just can't handle the truth'. But in fact she did tell many lies and she also did say a lot of things that were simply mean just to be mean. (She also always keeps projecting btw) So even some more years later the new narrative then was that she just always gets SO MISUNDERSTOOD bc of her issues with her thyroid gland that she is getting meds for and had to go to hospital with in the past ... and apparently that made her voice lower and rougher. So she insists that her voice just makes her SOUND rude occasionally while she actually isn't. And I was over here like "Giiiirl, I have known you my whole ass life and most of yours. 1. The procedures didn't even noticably change your voice all together - or at least not nearly as much as drinking regularly in your youth did. 2. With this explanation you are trying to pertain also to incidents that happened LONG BEFORE you ever got a diagnose or prescription. 3. The sound of your voice is not the (only) problem. If your throat is oh so rough, why do you enjoy yelling and screaming about everything so much? It is the volume and words that YOU CHOOSE to use and the 'tone' like where you put the emphasis in the sentence that tells everyone clear as day that all you aim for is to humiliate/humble ppl around you... Even your own freaking children (Lord have mercy on them, she got three by now)
My parents are just like this, just like the rest of my extended family, and I'm still stuck with them for the time being. Thank you for shining light on things like this, Danny, because it's real. I've seen it. Someone has to do something about it.
Last year my parents were at the vet because my cat was sick and nobody was answering my texts or calls when I was home alone. When my parents got home they yelled at me for texting and calling them while they were deciding if they were gonna have my cat put down or not. The next day I told someone that I cried after my parents said that and they said “well yeah the truth does hurt”. Lmao I guess the words that my cat might’ve died hurt me more than my parents yelling and cussing at me for texting them when they were gone for 3-5 hours. Oh yeah btw the cats better now unlike me, maybe they should open their eyes and see the scars on my arms and the fact that I have barely eaten but they prob don’t care :)
Its so relatable i wanna cry 😭 my dads getting better at being a dad after attending therapy but its still hard and he still treats me like shit sometimes but hes getting better and im happy for him
Is this a quote? This felt like it came from some book. And it was Deep 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾. Also it Definitely says a lot because people don't really know when they've gone too far, especially parents to kids or even sometimes when it's kids to parents. Cruelty shouldn't follow the Lessons they teach us. And then trying to Gaslight others when they start speaking back isn't disrespect, if anything that's one of the biggest signs of Growth by finding Self-Respect and standing on it against emotional and sometimes physically battery. Plus if you do nothing but show them negativity that's all you're going to get in return. Love isn't always tough, so there's no reason why we should always be to one another.
True, i remember before the school year started I told my mom that my uniform's pants didn't fit me anymore, she said "it's not that they don't fit anymore, you've fattened" those words made me hate my body and eat less to try to lose weight, this happened in september and i was 13 years old, that honestly shouldn't be said to a self concious, worrying teenager
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Honesty without kindness is brutality. Kindness without honesty is manipulation.
Yeah, and that is what makes speaking fun because I have to rapidly read the room to set what is gone, and phrasing up should say if it's even appropriate for the mood accordingly this isn't normal 9r healthy my therapist said
Kindness with kindness is a good relationship 😊
@@HunterNeyorApollo
Sounds typical, to me.
I'm on the autism spectrum with ADHD and other fun ingredients, so entering a room and beginning to calibrate myself to the setting, the population, their relationships to each other, and then navigating what I do with whom, where and when.
It's a constant stream of social calculations on my part. (Between loads of reading, people watching, and playing with analog and digital dolls, I could make loose associations that acted like pop-up compartmentalizations, changing with new data.) I also spent 3-8 hours per day, on average, practicing my facial expressions and vocal expressions, linking them to emotions built from scenarios I'd enact and roleplay.
So... most people Not on the spectrum, seem to find it hard to believe. Most folks on the spectrum might be unsurprised, unless we're complete strangers to one another.
People with anxiety, especially social anxiety, do seem to get this calibration system more than other of my presentations, besides the 'tism.
Hotel is Trivago
So by your logic if I were to Go out of my way to help somebody the other person would see it as Good Samaritan but I just don't want to help a different person. So is that manipulation?
Unrealistic. My mom would never give me this much time to speak let alone this calmly.
Real, the moment I open my mouth it’s over for me.
same it always has to come to me yelling and then i get painted as this terrible crazy disappointment of a daughter who yells at her own mom when she "wasnt even yelling" ok but u wrre refusing to listen and kept interrupting me and apparently the only way u can actually hear me is when i raise my voice so wtf am i supposed to do w that bro
@@aquademoney so real😞 hope it gets better for u tho
lol same
Same, if I speak I'm apparently interrupting them; but if I'm silent I'm ignoring them.
Yet they don't think they're doing anything wrong when they talk over me.
“You don’t like when we yell at you, don’t you mean you don’t like being parented?” No, I mean I don’t like being brutalized for every imperfection I have
They would woop your ass if they heard you say that. Its like they want to hurt you when you’re vulnerable
Yes. That's not parenting, that's bullying
God, I feel this. My parents love to point out my flaws a lot. Like sure, I know I’m a kid with a lot of bad things about me, but you don’t have to point them out all the time. What makes it worse is how they almost don’t do it for my little sister, when she arguably has the same flaws as I do.
I had a recent series of moments of surgically and methodically photographing and documenting evidence of all the critical hazards around my parent's property- including but not limited to chemical, biological and somehow even nuclear hazards (ancient isotope-based smoke detectors) and also cybersecurity hazards
I am surprised they are criticising my attempts to safely dispose of the stuff and components of their house to make sure they don't get themselves killed or incapacitated, let alone anyone else- I have noticed they seem to be aware they can't keep running their mouths to me knowing what hypocrites they are now tbh
Also yes, people do not actually like being constantly berated and yelled at, that doesn’t somehow magically change because you are 'right' as a parent to do so!
We take people's dogs away if they discipline them too harshly, so what gives people the idea to treat children like that in the name of 'parenting'?
And then they get hurt when you tell them the truth.
This is so true 😔
The truth only hurt them because they couldn’t accept it, and that’s the issue. Honesty is only harmful to those who don’t want it.
Yeah
Somehow I "hurt" my mom so deeply even though I never berated her, gaslit her, humiliated her, insulted her, put my hands on her... The few times I go against her wishes when not distancing myself, all I did was admit how much she's hurt me...
✨️Danny in his relatable era✨️
....wish it wasn't though
Real :(
Yes this happened to me cuase i am worng 24/7 i guess......
@@STZ-Straykids-for-lifesame
Denial is a plague in our society. Denial is the disease that kills relationships that would otherwise thrive if both sides would accept the truth and work towards a better end goal. 😢
ahhhh yeah 😞
And they never understand why we are in our rooms all the time wasting away..
Very true
Yeah my step dad make jokes about me when all I want to do is relax and my room is my space where I'm not judged and I laugh and relax the most hell I've laughed more with strangers though a screen then I have with my stepdad
That’s why I hate “brutally honest” people. There’s a difference between being direct and transparent when the truth needs to be said vs. Being mean-spirited and cruel and acting as if you couldn’t have said the exact same information in a way more considerate packaging.
Imo brutal honesty is a necessity, there's times when people act like kn*bheads and need to be told the harsh truth or times where people refuse to listen and the only way the message will get through to them is by being brutally honest.
It may seem harsh but that really is just life.
@lilskipper4683 yeah but that's not the context they're talking about at all.
@@lilskipper4683Yet you seem like you apply it preemptively, exaggerating the necessity of when you use it to rid yourself of guilt. Before being so harsh, try being kind first, getting to the point without adding insults to it.
@@lilskipper4683Not only are you twisting what they said, but you're clearly one of those people that no one likes. You aren't being honest, you're being an asshole.
@@catgotyourcontroller8823 That's fair but ig that's just my 2 cents on the matter.. I'd rather a doctor be blunt/brutally honest than beat around the bush yk?
I just moved out today, away from my parents, I can finally be myself.
Congrats! You did it!!!
Yay! It’s going to be hard sometimes, but so worth it. I hope you find chosen family worthy of you! Best good luck to you in everything. 💜
I'm glad to hear this, stranger. I hope you can be happy, healthy and safe going forward. Life will always throw obstacles your way but this is a huge step, be proud of yourself for that.
I'm still where you used to be stuck, and I know how painful it is. As it is, I've spent the last five days feeling like I want to do nothing but cry and sleep. I'm really glad you managed to escape and that you're finally allowed to heal in peace, away from those excuses of parents you had the misfortune to meet
@@DrummerrDuckie I’m sorry to hear it’s going like that, it’s okay to just lay there and cry, sometimes it’s all you can. You won’t be stuck there forever, the annoyingly basic statement that life gets better is true, but I know sometimes it doesn’t help to hear. I sincerely hope things improve for you sooner or later. Don’t give up, you can do it.
It’s like that bit in Glass Onion where Benoit Blanc says “It’s a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth.”
"So then why are you talking to me like this? I love you"
Damn
Sad thing is I don't.
The only thing that isn't relatable is the fact that the kid can talk without the parent not walking away or not listening or not interrupting.
I think this is more of a I wish this is how it would have gone/letter to how they feel rather than an actual experience.
Me and my parents have fought about this a few times before. I hope they raise my siblings better than they rose me. They even told me I was a test trial kid, that it was “ok” if they did it wrong. I didnt deserve that just because *I* was born first. No one does.
My whole family calls me the trial kid. Both my parents are first borns and I'm the first born
Fuck me, I feel that… the only difference is that nobody else is willing to admit that I’m the less than successful trial. I’ll always be the one that was almost great. I have so much hope for my sisters and their futures.
Most nights I lay awake for hours wondering who I am. Am I a deadbeat? A monster? (For context I have one hell of a temper and very little patience, especially when it comes to children). I’ve seen my mother look at me like a wild animal. She doesn’t trust me around my youngest sister. To be fair, I was an awful older brother to my middle sister. But it’s so god damn painful to have your mother look at you with abject terror. Even if she is a manipulative, self-righteous, narcissistic c**t. Part of me still idolizes her. Part of me agrees with her fear.
First pancake kid.
'Cause the first pancake always comes out weirdly shaped & too thin & burnt on one end & too thick & undercooked on the other & is usually thrown away or fed to the dogs.
Or given to the first pancake kid.
The thing that really sucks? I was an only child. My kids were their 'do-over' kids.
I'm sorry. I hope you find someone who treats you like a priority they can't afford to mess up!
That's horrible, I'm so sorry you were told that.
if someone asks your opinion on their outfit, and you dislike it, you can go about it a few ways:
-"it looks great!" (lie)
-"it's so ugly lmao you want to leave the house in *that?"* (honest, but mean)
-"it's not really my thing, but hey if you like it, that's cool" (honest AND kind)
"brutally honest" and "always honest" are not the same. you can be truthful always without resorting to brutality
this omg
i usually try to give people specific advice on how or why i do or don't like certain aspects and how i'd change them to suit my personal tastes, but it never goes as far as insulting or putting them down
My response is usually “it’s not my style but you look amazing in anything you wear!!” It’s not lying cause I do think they look amazing in anything but it also give them my opinion! And then if they ask I give them my advice on what I think would make the outfit better! (In my opinion lol) ❤
whenever I've tried the third option, I'd always get yelled at for 'lying' 😭😂😂
I usually go with the third. I have an odd sense of style. .. Ok. I have no sense of style. I also sometimes add things like "that blue matches your eyes." "I like the pockets".
I've never understood the "don't talk to me like that," as they proceed to say the most vile things to their child while you're not allowed to defend yourself.
I feel like all of danny video are like this are things he want to say to his mom, which he didn't
That's a big percentage of what media content & art is.
Bro, I'm trying to make spaghetti, but I'm not trying to use my tears to salt the water.
This is a damn good message, and I hope it finds people in this situation and helps them realize how bad it is.
With this being said, I would like to make a slight comment. The truth can hurt, but it isn't something that seeks to hurt.
Like how I'll never be a woman.... Still cis though.
That makes sense❤️
…And that shouldn’t have made me laugh-🥲
I saw shadows on your pfp & got intrigued, so I went to get a closer look, & FUCK, low opacity Edgeworth rlly got me lmao (˃ᗒᗒ͐ ᗜ ᗕ᷾ᗕ˂)
- breaks through the non-binary quantum fabric of reality -
I have been summoned
As a transmasc person a feel you...
@@AverageAstronomyEnjoyer why? I'm not trans. Totally a guy.
As a mom of 3 kids I like being frank with my feelings when I hurt them, and luckily they do the same to me. Normalize knowing ur kids feelings it's not that hard to tell them that you're tired, mad, or disappointed, ask them how they feel if you feel that way.
this omg. i adopted my little sister(she s 7 years younger than me, currently in high school), and when she upsets me, or disrespects me i tell her how i feel, and why i feel, while being respectful and treating her like a human being. no need to yell, beat, or anything like that. and yet she s compassionate, she cleans her room all by herself, she listens to my advice and actively asks for advice. like con it takes effort especially if you ve been abused yourself, but it s not that hard. thank you for being a wonderful mother to your kids
this is so true…that’s why I go to therapy…bc of my parents..
This. . 😢.. hits 🎯 harder than it really should
I feel like this is interchangeable between my narcissistic mother and my narcissistic ex-girlfriend
"The truth never hurt me, you did..." that part makes me sad that these types of parents exist
This is the most genuine like real thing I have ever seen in this app ever (But I kind of wish it was Wasn't)
Real T^T
It’s actually gotten so bad that I can’t accept ANYTHING positive or that makes me feel good as the “truth”.
Compliments? Can’t be true. You’re just being nice. Praise? You’re only saying that because I’ve tricked you into believing I’m a good person. Gifts? Why….I don’t deserve this…
It’s completely warped my sense of reality and my mother wonders why I’m chronically depressed
Tell yourself a compliment every day. Doesn’t matter what it is. I know it sounds odd, but if you say something enough, you’ll eventually come to believe it. You are capable of strength, and you can accomplish great things, but you must first give yourself a chance. Sorry if this sounds like preaching, just thought it might help.
I always taught myself that the kindest thing I can do for someone else is give them the truth. Life taught me that all the truth in the world doesn't matter if it's not paired with compassion and kindness.
I'm a full on adult ( ok age wise, but honestly I swear I have the maturity of a 14 year old lol ) with my own kids, and my dad still talks to me like this. I tell my son every chance I get I love him and am proud of him simply because I am. Not because of anything he's done. There's nothing he could ever do or say that's going to change those things. Danny, you are a wonderful soul with more courage than I ever have had. Arnie too. Ya'll make me smile amd thank you for that. 😊
Your doing well, friend. Your giving your son stability and foundation. Be proud of yourself for that.
It truly makes me sad that not everybody who has gone through situations like this has gotten a chance to see the parent/s that put them through all this apologize and realize what they did wrong. My mother apologized for that kind of stuff and I wish everybody who had gone through a similar situation could feel the same feeling I did when she acknowledged her wrongdoings.
Danny in his childhood trauma era
My mom and I are in a good place now, but this made a part of myself from years ago feel seen and nurtured. Thank you.
The parents years later: Why don't they talk to us anymore?
literally lmaoooo
im so glad that my parents werent like this to me, of course somethimes they arent amazing, but i feel so bad for people who has relationships like this with their parents ..
U good?
Ha
no 😢
are any of us
I think hes made it clear that he's not 😅
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
Can't you see that you're smothering me?
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control
'Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
And I know
I may end up failing too
But I know
You were just like me, with someone disappointed in you
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
Become so tired, so much more aware
I'm becoming this, all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
I've become so numb, I can't feel you there
I'm tired of being what you want me to be
@@-Alari- linkin park🥲
gosh, i hate that i relate so much
Can’t wait to move out 😃🙏🏻
Same
same..
Oh my god
You are right
It was never the truth
It was them
:')
This… this unlocked memories of my first crushing heartbreak and no it was never over a crush or flirtation. It was being a small small child and realizing that the people I loved with my entire soul wanted to hurt me. Then would pretend it was all better. And get mad when I couldn’t let it go. I learned to cry silently. My sister taught me how.
I admire how you showcase these difficult things so openly. You are a gift Danny
The truth doesn’t hurt, it is the means by which the truth is delivered that gives its sharpness in the same manner a hand does not hurt until its owner gives it velocity
I needed this to be voiced because I can't put what I feel into words so this helps a lot Danny ❤
...
Ive always felt like a horrible son for being FtM especially with whats been happening..
Now i wanna cry..
You... never chose to be FtM, brother. You were dealt an awful hand and were forced to play it to the best of your ability. Do you know how *strong* that makes you? That you're still choosing to stand despite everything? You are what I aspire to be. Good job.
Danny has a point and I'm so so so thankful that Danny is delivering messages like this. I've had a pretty toxic parent the was like this, cut ties with them for my well-being, and watching danny's videos helps me actually see that most of what Danny goes through I can relate to. Thank you so much for helping me see that most of the subjects that you touch on help me forgive myself and the people that have hurt me.
Thank you so much, Danny💜💜💜
The truth is just words, your tone and the words you use hurt
“The tone of a message affects its meaning”
-Some smart person
Why is this so real..😔
I want to send so many of your videos to my parents as a passive aggressive note like "hey you kinda upset me sometimes please stop" but they've made me so afraid of me getting ranted at that I can't even do that :3
i feel you. i also wanna do that, but i cant bc my parents don t speak english lmao
i WISH I could let myself be vulnerable and open enough to say things like this to my parents
Awww I really need to give this man a hug 😢❤❤❤❤❤❤
Didn't know I was gonna get budget therapy today
When my parents used that card on me I always used the “Well the truth doesn’t always need to be said.” One. It always got me grounded, but at least I’m teaching them a lesson, even if it barely does anything.
Reminds me of that quote about how brutally honest people enjoy the brutality just as much as the honesty, sometime more. Honestly and kindness are rarely if ever mutually exclusive
When I look up after getting run over to see the license plate says “truth”
I wish I had the balls to say this to my parents...
Just peacefully scrolling shorts when I reach a Danny video, and am happy to see Danny...and then we get hit by that. Love you Danny, hope you're doing well
"You are the one who can't accept the truth that you are NOT a good parent, and I'm not even trying to be mean, it's just a fact that goes on for years."
Having parents that love you but don’t like you…
There are such better ways for them to tell the truth, and they get mad when we tell the truth, but it makes them look bad. Make that make sense
Sure but...the truth can hurt 😅
I learned that from Rafiki ❤
And experienced that when I tried to parachute my toys, I was hurt I couldn't figure out how to do it right and ended up just dropping them from up high.. damaging them🙃
The truth hurts sometimes, like when you find out the waiting list for public housing is 10+ years.
However things like "you're a failure" are just opinions.
“HEY DONT TALK BACK!”
Me, who sat there trying to prove a point, when in apparent reality….. I was wrong, heh….. what a surprise..🙂
"The truth never set me free so i did it myself" I find that lyric to be quite relatable to this video. The truth isn't the truth half the time it's just something people say that they cover up as the truth. Sometimes parents don't tell their kids the truth but rather tell them THEIR truth. Causing the kid to have to find their own truth and not just something their parents say. (If that makes sense)
Song: Careful by Paramore
Words themselves are not inherently good or bad. It’s the way in which they are delivered that makes the difference.
FACTS! If the truth "hurts" its a trigger within the self about a situation
parents also say "i am ur parent and u should respect me!"
but isnt respect earned?
Sometimes people mean respect as "treat me like a person" and sometimes they mean "treat me like an authority figure". Sometimes people who say "I won't respect you unless you respect me" mean "I won't treat you like a person unless you treat me as an authority"
@@littlepixieme1 idk why but i literally had a stroke reading that
@@vinny_washere would it be more helpful if I separated the 1st sentence from the 2nd one more?
@@littlepixieme1 i read it correctly after the forth try
It's really comforting to see this video right now since I had a bad argument with my narcissistic grandmother last night. She said all sorts of mean things about me and she will never understand she's the problem. She called me her "biggest enemy" but she will never understand she's been mine all along...
I'm thankful that my mom wasn't like this, but my heart goes out to everyone who did had a parent like this growing up ❤️🩹
I didnt know i needed help right now, you gave me a moment of clarity and restfulness. Thanks Danny, this cleared my foggy mind for a little while, i wish you well in the upcoming week
Danny, I had a family member who would always be like "Oh but the truth hurts." after calling me a mistake and saying other shit. Basically what you said in the video.
Even now I choose to bottle up everything. The thing is that 1 it wasn't a parent and 2 I loved her so so much. Possibly one of my favourite family members that I had a lot to do with. But she changed after something.
I’m so sorry. If it makes you feel better, flaws don’t detract from your value as a person because all people are flawed. Keeping your emotions to yourself never ends well. I hope you find someone you trust to talk about your emotions with. You deserve it by virtue of existing.
I'll take "We Don't Mince Words In This Family" for $500, Alex!
Danny you didn’t need to make me cry today 😭😭
Lots of hugs and love to you Danny, and anyone who is struggling with parents.
Danny are you okay and also I hate my parents arguing I mostly just cry when they argue
Let’s hope that your tears won’t be beat out of you till you can’t cry anymore. Stay human for the people who aren’t we need someone to respect and listen to our feelings. Much love
Making me cry, but thanks Danny
Everyone talks about brutal honesty, but never about compassionate honesty, kind honesty, gentle honesty.
I feel this on another level and it hurts.. The fact that THIS is the truth.. It's not that this truth hurts.. It's that they're like this in the first place..
Bro spitting facts tho 😭
I hate how adults don’t realize that kids are humans too and deserve to be treated with respect
How about be nice?
Yep, I can relate to having my dad and stepmom like this. Then they get mad when we say the truth and act all hurt.
This hits way too close to home, and it sucks that a lot parents are like this
Why does all of his videos make me cry. They're so beautiful.
The truth is relieving
Telling my parents that the best revenge I could give them is to do nothing at all to them and leave them to their own devices, actions and consequences was a moment I shouldn't have had such satisfaction with but 15 years of memories is a significant motivation
My mom knew I was having a breakdown. She didn’t help. She started antagonizing me. I went to my room. She screamed at me for crying.
My professor in uni said these type of people don’t have empathy and are narcissistic, i said why , he said as a society( im moroccan) that is used to even saying the truth you have to sweeten it up and or make it in between the lines , so i said why do we have to beat around the bush while the truth is cruel we can’t mask it , if they don’t like it’s true and they can’t handle it they are week or well childish ,soo uuh teah i got oke point deducted mind you these prof likes me ( not the bad way i mean as a student) since i am the most one participating, answering, memorising evrything lol
This is so poetic this speech is amazing I love this sm
Danny, buddy, I was not ready to feel feelings!
To those who relate, here’s a little message of hope🫶🏼
Not all parents are like this, I promise. My parents are genuinely amazing and I love them with all my heart. I can’t speak for them, but I can say *I* am proud of you and send my love to you. And I do that because my parents are living examples of that love and kindness. There is hope for humanity, I promise.❤️
My second sister is problematic on sooooo many levels and when after years anyone finally started confronting her she was also trying to blame it on 'just being * høňèşť * and you just can't handle the truth'.
But in fact she did tell many lies and she also did say a lot of things that were simply mean just to be mean. (She also always keeps projecting btw)
So even some more years later the new narrative then was that she just always gets SO MISUNDERSTOOD bc of her issues with her thyroid gland that she is getting meds for and had to go to hospital with in the past ... and apparently that made her voice lower and rougher.
So she insists that her voice just makes her SOUND rude occasionally while she actually isn't.
And I was over here like "Giiiirl, I have known you my whole ass life and most of yours.
1. The procedures didn't even noticably change your voice all together - or at least not nearly as much as drinking regularly in your youth did.
2. With this explanation you are trying to pertain also to incidents that happened LONG BEFORE you ever got a diagnose or prescription.
3. The sound of your voice is not the (only) problem.
If your throat is oh so rough, why do you enjoy yelling and screaming about everything so much?
It is the volume and words that YOU CHOOSE to use and the 'tone' like where you put the emphasis in the sentence that tells everyone clear as day that all you aim for is to humiliate/humble ppl around you... Even your own freaking children (Lord have mercy on them, she got three by now)
Why is Danny being so real-
My parents are just like this, just like the rest of my extended family, and I'm still stuck with them for the time being. Thank you for shining light on things like this, Danny, because it's real. I've seen it. Someone has to do something about it.
If we’ve been suffering under lies and misconceptions like, ‘I deserve to be treated like crap,’ the truth can finally heal us.
Last year my parents were at the vet because my cat was sick and nobody was answering my texts or calls when I was home alone. When my parents got home they yelled at me for texting and calling them while they were deciding if they were gonna have my cat put down or not. The next day I told someone that I cried after my parents said that and they said “well yeah the truth does hurt”. Lmao I guess the words that my cat might’ve died hurt me more than my parents yelling and cussing at me for texting them when they were gone for 3-5 hours. Oh yeah btw the cats better now unlike me, maybe they should open their eyes and see the scars on my arms and the fact that I have barely eaten but they prob don’t care :)
Agree. I feel like some people hide resentment behind "brutal honesty." Ironically making the "Brutality" honestly brutal, and the "Honesty" murky
Its so relatable i wanna cry 😭 my dads getting better at being a dad after attending therapy but its still hard and he still treats me like shit sometimes but hes getting better and im happy for him
Is this a quote? This felt like it came from some book. And it was Deep 👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾👌🏾.
Also it Definitely says a lot because people don't really know when they've gone too far, especially parents to kids or even sometimes when it's kids to parents. Cruelty shouldn't follow the Lessons they teach us. And then trying to Gaslight others when they start speaking back isn't disrespect, if anything that's one of the biggest signs of Growth by finding Self-Respect and standing on it against emotional and sometimes physically battery. Plus if you do nothing but show them negativity that's all you're going to get in return. Love isn't always tough, so there's no reason why we should always be to one another.
Telling someone "I love you" can be truth too
The truth doesn't have to hurt
True, i remember before the school year started I told my mom that my uniform's pants didn't fit me anymore, she said "it's not that they don't fit anymore, you've fattened" those words made me hate my body and eat less to try to lose weight, this happened in september and i was 13 years old, that honestly shouldn't be said to a self concious, worrying teenager
It's the way that it's said that makes it hurt
Also Danny's face at the end made me want to cry 😭
Me in the bathroom mirror 😮💨 I wish I had the bravery to stand up to my mom, but I don't, and that also kinda hurts .
My mom called me ugly and said “I’m just being honest”. That was just cruelty to a 16 year old girl.
I had the world to teach me to have a tough-skin, i needed you to teach me to be kind.
The way this made me sob- why tf must Danny be so relatable😭😭😭
Now that…. Is something I understand 100%