Signs of Internal Transphobia!
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- Опубликовано: 8 сен 2024
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🙋♀️Hello! My name is Natalia Zhikhareva known as Dr Z in transgender community and I am a clinical psychologist or gender therapist, specializing in transgender field and I work with adults only. I provide online therapy for California, New York, Texas and Florida residents. My pronouns are she/her and you can visit my website for more info at drzphd.com/abo...
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😀DISCLAIMER: Note as a clinical psychologist I created this channel to share information. Therefore I won't be providing or offering therapeutic advice. I am also not a medical doctor. When I speak on medical issues such as hormones or surgical procedures, the goal is to share information, and not to provide medical advice and you should always consult with your medical doctor. Additionally, this channel is for those seeking information, understanding, and to gain awareness.
thank you, dr z.... i realize that my own transphobia was a big reason why I've only come out at 55.
This kind of thing stopped me from transitioning when I was still young. I knew I was a girl since as long as I can remember. But that sort of thinking led me to spend key years desperately trying to deny who I am so I could have a "normal" life. Even when I accepted I am trans, it still led me to deny it to everyone around me. It only resulted in self hatred, depression, and shame for something I shouldn't be ashamed of. It made my journey to be the person I really am so much harder than it needs to be. Despite recognizing it in myself, it's still a struggle to overcome it and stop that kind of thinking from holding me back in my goals and from judging others.
I don’t have transphobia for others but I know I do for myself. It usually comes in the form of “I’ll never be pretty enough “ “I’ll always look like a man” “it’s all in my head “ and so many narratives pushed by people who say these things about trans people. It sucks to deal with but things will look up soon I think. I’m out now which means I can have the freedom to explore my identity and figure out what’s right for me.
Im dealing with a lot of the same thoughts but i add 'im too old' 'ill never pass becasue im too old and my voice is too deep' i try really hard not to dwell on these thoughts or they will drag me down into the pit of despair
I mean if you are a man, then that's true. You'll always be a man.
You don't have gender dysphoria
You have reality dysphoria
I’ve directly confronted my internalized transphobia via a very good therapist who guided me into the deepest well of my own feelings. I harbored self hatred towards myself even years after I started transitioning. I was raised to view people like me as purely taboo. Thanks to this therapist I was able to draw this poison out. Am I fully cured, no. But I have been able to confront and overcome it. It’s a process.
Aaahhhh I hate it >_
I often do the opposite and often think I wish I could look light that especially if they are very young. Trans envy where I guess I direct transphobia towards myself and often comes with deep dysphoria.
My internalized BS was so bad that it took me decades to even begin to overcome it. I'm still working through it as I get further into transition. It just sucks that certain social media personalities are being seen as representing all trans people.
I have such a fucked up internalized transphobia that I decided to force myself to spend the rest of my life closeted
Please go talk to a therapist
I'm nonbinary and a gender abolitionist, so my transition goals are to be gender ambiguous. I don't fit neatly into predesignated categories, so I don't want people to put me into those categories. I want them to look at me and go, "WTF?"
Just wanna be edgy. Can find so many ways to express talent, but choosing to gain oppression points. This decade is pathetic
@@chari---zard Being trans isn't a choice, and you have no clue about other people's lived experiences. Most of the people here are likely much older than you. Do yourself a favor and stop running your mouth on topics you know nothing about. While you're at it, why don't you crawl out of the basement and touch grass, instead of obsessing over the lives of people who don't affect you in any way?
Just letting you know that "gender abolistionist" is TERF rhetoric
@@thelemon5069 No it's not, because they appropriated it. When they use the term, they think it means abolishing "gender ideology" or their term for simply being trans, which is not what gender abolition means at all. The original meaning is to abolish gendered hierarchies, roles, and expectations that society imposes on people. This is clearly something TERFs disagree with, considering that they rigidly enforce patriarchal gender roles.
I didn't leave the binary to willingly walk back into it.
My friend is transphobic and I’m really scared because my aunt is trans and many people I know are and I’m scared she won’t accept me for being Pansexual
The way i started to overcome this was to hangout with more trans people and stop avoiding and cringing out on the inside. It’s awkward at first but it gets better. Us trans people need to support one another 🙂💛
i love all trans people and ill support them no matter what i don't spread hate in my own community I spread only love
Well, I disagree with one point.
No other trans person does, can or will define me as a trans person. That's not internalised transphobia, that's me respecting our individuality because there isn't one singular way to be trans.
Agree.
Wow this resonates! This was something I suffered from early on in my own gender journey. I would attack myself because of it, and even being around other trans folks in my early days made me deeply uncomfortable. I had to challenge this shit, in the end though my own internalized transphobia came from the fact that I hated myself at the time for being "me". This is my own personal experience, and years later I've grown and dealt with my own shit and hopefully better off for it.
My mom thinks cis as a term that shouldn't be used but its for a conversation about people Trans(does not define as biological gender, etc) and Cis(derogatory term for heterosexual, etc). And she also was like "it's like when you thought you were a boy-"
And on, as I came out around last year maybe, she either forgot or tried to push me not to, also saying that transitioning around 16 is bad and do it at eighteen and I try to reason that technically your body is fully grown around 16 and you know what you want.. you should be able to make that choice, but she didn't listen.. made me feel like crap lol, and won't even let me get anything for my trans stuff.
So I guess it caused me to think different a bit..
I struggle with this all the time😢 I know it’s wrong thought process and I’m learning to accept myself by accepting others as they are. I’m 42 years old now! and have this behavior deeply rooted with in, it’s just going to take time and effort to permanently remove. 😊
I admit, it’s very difficult for me to see some people as Trans until maybe a year into their Transition as I will still see them as their birth sex until they look different enough that they look like the opposite sex they were born as. I don’t treat them badly and use their preferred pronouns, but find it hard to look at them as a different sex until their body changes enough on HRT. I certainly don’t see myself as a Transwoman a week on pills. Maybe in six months to a year.
Yeah no there’s basically a miniature TERF in my head who never shuts up, that’s the extent of my internalized transphobia
same
@@Bambibel ah the joys of being raised by conservatives
@@isabellerror yeah but i ain’t even been raised by conservatives i’ve just exposed myself to so much transphobia online 😭
@@Bambibel oh yeah that’ll do it
I think I may tend to have this with masculine nonbinary people who also identify as lesbians 🙃 because I wouldn't want anyone to ever assume I'm a lesbian as a trans masc nonbinary person who's attracted to all genders.
Im nonbinary trans person whos well bi but ive mostly only dated women so im seen as a lesbian. I may not identify with the label but i dont see an issue with it personally. No wrong way to be. Imo
On Point ! Thank you for clarifying this. So wise.
My trans friend says there's hugbombing within trans communities and that people say everyone passes, even though they claim some of those people who are told they pass don't pass at all, according to my friend. Is that internalised transphobia or realism?
this is denialism.
A lot of us do not pass, and telling those of us who don't that we do is actively a disservice in places where we may face violence or ostracism for our presentation.
The important part is that you don't have to pass to be who you are and to deserve respect.
Im transphobic to myself not tae wards others. I admire other Trans-folks
Edna Moda teaching us to be human🎉🎉🎉🎉
The first time I transitioned as a woman born in a male body, I did not want to be around other trans folk despite my gender therapist recommending me to be around them as it could be beneficial psychologically, I couldn't, I wanted to be around cis women. I detransitioned a few years later largely due to fear and self hatred, it took me years to find love for myself as a trans person while not going through transition, and at first I started gradually finding so much love for other trans people that I just wanted to be around them so much, I had tears in my eyes when I saw them or met up with some of them, I felt almost like I was home around my family that I have abandoned a long time ago, that is when I found courage to re-transition 13 years later, and without dealing with any internalized transphobia anymore, perhaps I needed to take this long journey to reach this point, my re-transition was empowered by the smile on my face instead of tears, fear or hatred. I found myself.
get help bro
@@GmarineIraqVetw
@@GmarineIraqVet is a bot offering nothing constructive to the conversation, you can ignore it entirely. Trans people are just people with a specific lot in life, like everyone.
@@GmarineIraqVet w
Thank you so much for sharing your story, I'm so sorry you've been held back from feeling comfortable with being yourself and being around others who might've helped you in your transition, I know how hard it is myself and it's completely society's fault. I'm glad things are better now and I hope you're in company that gives you the care and kindness you deserve, much love and luck to you ❤
Hang on a minute - the definition of transphobia is 'dislike of or strong prejudice
I am rather envious, because they know 100% who they are 😱
If a person looks like a man in a dress, it's not transphobic to think that they look like a man in dress.. I think you're not 100% certain on what transphobia means Doc. It's also ok to not want to be seen certain ways.
It's transphobic if you see a trans person, think that they don't pass and then think that that's a bad thing. That's because you're evaluating that it's not OK to be seen as trans.
Look, I'm trans I know I'm transphobic
My opinion hasn't changed. it's not enough to be passing for me. I need to be attractive, or I'm hurting the community
You see this in non trans female relationships
Honestly, we are trying to be women, and that's a $571.1 billion industry men and trans men. Are fine they can look loke shit but when we became women we entered a competition to be treated like a human to be treated like a woman if you're not a cut above the rest of your just a man in a dress to the rest of society that goes for cis women however as trans women we have a inherent disadvantage
After one of your videos I started to actually accept being trans and I saw pretransition trans peoples bodies as their gender but it also confused me if i am still trans if I feel euphoria about usually seen as feminine parts of my body (i am trans masc)
I have external and internal transphobia 🗿
I hope you can work on both of those as time goes on. It can be hard to love yourself and others.
@@thelemon5069 I love myself and others and im not going to work on those, im proud of them. Also obligatory anime profile pic moment
Edna?
She’s not iconic Edna is 💀
Lady all that means is the person is realizing there is nothing wrong with them . They are not transphobic they are simply coming to their senses. And they need to learn to love the body they have . They need to learn to love the body they were born in.
You are wrong lady.
You also have a masters degree? 😅
You are delusional, lol. No YOU are wrong, most therapists and psychoilogists agree with her. Hormonal therapy is no different from going on a diet, doing exercise or water fast, they are changing the body to acommodate the spirit by accepting the way they were born. Only thanks to acceptance they are able to transition. Trans perople are teachers for people like you, so you better sit down and listen, you may learn something, they have been wisdom teachers and great healers for this reason.
absolutely not. I have a transphobic voice in my head and it’s more like a bully. Nothing changes about myself and it doesn’t cure my dysphoria or something.
I have a bit of a problem with this statement. This isnt and cannot be transphobic, its outside of mine, yours and everyones controll.
Our brain are trained to recognize things as fast as possible. It is straight up impossible to recognize someone that looks like a man as a woman no matter their expression. The only thing you can do is accept it.
If you see that someone is trans it means you do see his or her birth sex, otherwise you wouldnt see it and think they are cis.
Not wanting to look like that also cannot be transphobic, it is a 100% valid feeling and does not mean you have a problem with them. If they get a net positiv out of it thats fine and Im happy for them. This doesnt mean that this has to be true for me, Im not thransphobic if I consider it a net negative for me personaly.
What you are saying is essentially if a trans person wants to pass they are transphobic.
That is ridiculous.
What is a birth sex other than cultural conditioning based on social gendering (categorization) of the body, someone who genders trans person based on their birth sex purposefully is indeed transphobic, if their brain does this automatically then that is a result of social conditioning rooted in systemic mysogyny and sexism, and dont mean to be harmful necessarily, but these kinds of subconsicous reactions or perceptions are a product of that system and sometimes even an unconscious weapon of that system. There are intersex people who would come off as the opposite sex of what they are as well, these assumptions are conditional, and not based in reality, this is why assumptions are ultimately toxic and harmful in our human interactions, and lead to conflicts. I always say, don't assume, ask, get to know them. We are a walking mystery, and I think intersex and trans people examplify that aspect of life for the society very well. If a trans person wants to pass they can be transphobic if they do so out of fear and self hatred, I have experienced that myself, thats why I wanted to pass.
@@Shalanaya This is just ridiculous.
@@Shalanaya I have never said anthing about misgendering someone.
What Im saying is that every human automatically recognizes birth sex, I do, you do and Dr. Z does, if you tell me othewise you are lying to me and to yourself.
Birth sex is NOT social conditioning, that is ridiculous. It is an obeserveable physical fact, by denying that you put tremendous fuel into the hands of actual transphobes.
Its part of why their movement gains so much strength.
If you can cope this way fine, but dont put it on other people.
@@Miriam-nb9sh I understand your perspective, but still I would recommend to look up all the pieces written by numerous biologists and scientists examining how birth sex can not be determined, only chosen, because there is no absolute biological distinction between males and females (look up animals like Spotted Hyenas, Bearded Dragon, Slippery Limpet), male and female body are not two distinct categories, it is an ideology. It is observable because humans have chosen to use a certain parameter of the sexually dimorphic body how to gender it. Social gender categorization does not exist in the animal kingdom, it exists amongst humans for the purpose of control and repression of our authentic sexual expression, because it poses a threat to the authoritarian structure, read Wilhelm Reich's book on fascism how repression of sexual energy produces obedient slaves. When you divide humanity by sex defined by the lower body (root chakra) where most trauma is stored within humans around shame, guilt, fear, then you are perfectly in control of that energy within humanity.
The way we define and understand biological sex is shaped by gendered norms/values and social reality around us. This is why there is so much medical intervention imposed on infants just to maintain the appearance of a neat binary even when their deviance poses no danger to their health at all. In other words, our nuance and autnenticity is sacrificed to satisfy the extreme polarity for the purpose of outside control by the human ego. Our most binary parts (gametes) take precedence over any other dimorphic aspect, because they serve a cohesion of a social sytem and not the cohesion of our own body, self alignment and well being. This is why when people cling to the chosen definition of biological sex in the presence of a transgender person, they are defending a belief system by denying or disregarding the individual in front of them, and therefore support the oppressive system of control.
Many of us misunderstand or underestimate how ideology works. It's subconscious. I have no issue recognizing that many medical professionals don't consciously think "I have to maintain the gender binary". However, because of the society and cultural context they operate in, their idea of health and normality is very much shaped by binary heteropatriarchal gender norms which subconsciously inform their perceptions and decisions. It is a reflection of the dimension where the collective consciousness is locked-in, and also the dualistic system of control they support. True authenticity exists beyond duality, it is within the trinity, it is the I AM in between the two.
Gametes are not used to define or create a birth sex or sex binary in humans, because no gametes can be present along with ambiguous or mixed gonadal tissue. When this happens, other sex markers have to be considered, none of which are binary. The need to use other biological markers for sex identification in people with no gametes and ambiguous/mixed gonads confirms sex is composed of a mosaic of traits. Other critical sex markers beyond gametes include: gonads, genitals, chromosomes, sex hormones and secondary characteristics (trans people), gene expression, hormone receptor sensitivity, internal and external genitalia, brain structure and gender identity as a physically observable neurological part of the brain.
Many newborns born with the common gamete types (eggs/sperm) can present with sex characteristics typical of the “opposite” sex, and because other sex traits do not always match gametes, believing in a gamete “sex binary” means you will assign some individuals with vaginas and breasts as “Male” and some people with a penis and facial hair as “Female”. This can occur with CAIS, high-grade PAIS, CAH, 5-ARD, and a variety of other conditions. Gametes are not used to “sex” people in any of the 195 countries worldwide. No government or military ID worldwide has ever been issued based on gamete type.
So again what is the birth sex? It is naive and highly delusional to claim that every human genders people based on their birth sex, I do not gender people in my mind, I observe people based on the sexual energy they are radiating the same way animals do in the presence of other living life forms. Birth sex is an illusion, because we talk about categorization, which is made up. All those transphobes riled up about this are ignorant about all of this, they defend this oppressive system without even realizing it, because they want control, which comes from fear, they do not care how mother nature has created us, and they do not want to free us collectively from this system through our sexual energy.
Anyways, I wanted to share this, because it is clear to me most people are not aware about this at all. Anyway, have a nice day.
Doublethink: to hold two contradictory thoughts in your mind and accept both of them equally as and when required and to deny that there is any contradiction and to then forget the process. What's more, one should forget the act of forgetting. A truly 'woke' person should be capable of doing this as if, by extinct at the threshold of any unorthodox thought. A woke person should, as nearly as possible, be able to perform such mental gymnastics unconsciously; orthodoxy is unconsciousness.
How do I detox?
Therapy
It's a natural reaction to the uncanny valley.
look at this absolute brain actively demonstrating that they don't know what the uncanny valley is. Dunning and Kruger are once again vindicated.
I’m not workin on crap for you people, if I’m transphobic than so be it but I don’t hate anyone. God Loves You🙏🏻❤️ repent from your sins and accept Jesus as your savior🙏🏻❤️
Yes amen 🙏
It’s sad how society tells us to normalize sins these days
The sin IS transphobia, Christians themselves are confirming it. So you refusing to work on yourself is perpetuating sins. It comes from fear and it is an unconscious hate. The idea of normalizing sins is a self projection, it is you normalizing your own invalidation of other life existing around you, it goes exactly against what Jesus used to teach. You are the opposite of who Jesus was, he would be standing with trans people these days just like more and more Christians do. He was all about honoring the divine by shaping the body to reflect it, instead of honoring the physical matter by shaping the divine to reflect the matter. Materialistic society has lost this connection to divinity, so we're correcting it with new ways of parenting and teaching to bring children back to their own nature instead of social system concerned more with procreation than actual authentic expression and creation of sexual energy. We were not all created equal with the same biological purpose, hence why some species are born with mutiple sexes, without gametes or infertile altogether. This is why we are making sure trans people are able to transition their body still in their childhood, I was able to get dozens of children on hormones just within the last year, they are still alive today thanks to these efforts to live a life in accordance with God.
Transphobia is not a sin hating peoples is though and I don’t hate anyone🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿🗿 God Bless You🙏🏻❤️
@@KingJackstone Invalidation (which is what transphobia is) is a reflection of the invalidation of our own divinity by doing this to others, that is what sin is, and that's what many Christians are also awakening to these days, that is what trans-phobia is about, i would recommend to google the definition, it is not disagreement or fear.
Disagreement is the same as invalidation🗿 God Bless You❤️
Sad fact is we had MEN and WOMEN die for a better future, not this stuff
Yeah it sucks that not us nor those that came before us still havent gotten our society to a place where trans people feel safe and loved.
But don't give up hope. We've gotten very far as a community!
Ok dr. Edna 😂💀
I am transphobic and proud
Cult
This person is not anyone important. Don't talk like you have authority on this subject. You don't!
Yes she does! Most psychologists and therapists share the same views on this subject.
@@hanziumterra That does not make them right. If you are calling people transphobic who are not, then you are just another bully.
🤢🤮🤮
no
Edna had such a rough night she thinks u can change ur gender💀
r/accidentalally moment: you correctly gendered a trans person
I am a trans woman. Trans women are men 😎
No you are not, trans women are and always have been real women, that's why they transition, but feel free to call yourself however you want to.
@@hanziumterra The only requirement to be a trans woman is to be a man :)
@@trevorchester4439 The most offensive thing about your comment is that you think you're either funny, or actual doing something cool and edgy. You're doing neither, you're actually being very boring and run-of-the-mill.
@@Jane-oz7pp Uh huh? Gender is a social construct. Social constructs are things that only exist because people come to a collaborative consensus. The collaborative consensus regarding gender is that your gender is determined by your sex, there's only 2 genders and you're either one or the other and you can't change your gender and your gender is permanent :)
@@hanziumterra 😂😂😂😂😂 no, they will never ever be women. They are men in dresses
I identify as transphobic and I ask you to respect my identity.
It will NOT be respected when its core of identity is to disrespect other identities, only narcissists talk like you who think they're free to harm others. The viewpoint diversity cancels itself out when those views devalue that diversity, that is the basic law in any hierarchy that tries to preserve harmony, this is why there is cancel cutlure in the first place to function as a tool that preserves the individual freedom against the actual dictatorial system, it acts as a bufer against it. No one dictates to others who they are, people are expecting to be respected, devalue it and you are voting for oppression of individual freedom to be themselves and self actualize, and also your own self destruction, it is a trajectory of extinction.
Thats like saying im racist now respect me black people
@@lulalela542 No…. If we can identify as whatever we want, it’s our choice, and people need to respect whatever we identity as no matter how stupid. You know like a man saying he’s a woman or a fox or anything, then what I’m saying is completely relevant, so respect my identity.
@@Crazymelvis genuinely go to hell you are not funny
Bluds yapping up a storm
Im sorry to everyone who has to deal with this problem. But people have to go through life with real problems of how are they gonna survive. How are they going to feed their kids. Whats my next meal. Growing up in dangerous environments. Etc. You are so privileged to have this be your main problem in life. Its arguably a problem you are creating in your own head. This shouldnt be what defines your life
There are people like you described that also have gender dysphoria. Its not a privelage to have negative thoughts about one's situation.
I would argue those you mentioned should be happy to have the privilege to struggle for a family. Your argument breaks down to "just be happy you're alive" and could be thrown at anyone complaining about anything in their life.
@@neowolf09 I understand. But gender dysphoria is an extremely rare condition which does not apply to probably even 1 in 10 people who transition or think of transitioning. I'm simply saying that if your life was more about surviving your environment and real life trials then you wouldn't even have the time to think about things like this. It wouldn't even cross your mind because you'd be dealing with what's around you. Nowadays struggles seem to be more internal than external. Which I relate to on smaller scale
@@D.E.N.N.I.S. that's a false dichotomy. Just because other things are going on in your life doesn't mean you don't suffer from it. That's like saying ADHD only exists because of our lack of external struggles.
In fact it was during an external struggle I first learned about GD and related to it heavily personally. So you're wrong in that aspect at least.
Also claiming that 1 in 10 thing with a vague description of who you're even talking about is fairly arrogant. While you may even actually be correct in this no evidence to back it claim, there is absolutely no way for you to prove it true. You don't get to dictate what other people are feeling. That's for them to decide. You can only honestly speak for how you feel.
@@neowolf09 I can totally agree with most of that and I'm nog trying to come off in any sort of negative way. I think adhd is probably the most wrongly diagnosed condition ever imo but that's not on topic so I won't say much lol. I just look at everyone I went to high school with a few years ago before this became such a phenomenon. They were all the gothic/emo, quiet, and not fitting in type. For whatever reason. And now in their mid/early 20's. Very impressionable and lost. And literally all 5 of them went this route. Even more confused then ever. Switching names on Facebook from a man to a woman's constantly. And imo they don't actually feel that way. This is a group to latch onto and fit into. I'm still friends with them and have had conversations. Nobody really can properly explain what they're feeling or why they'd go this route
You have no idea, it is a problem that can save someone's life, it is a neutrological problem, the reason you see depressed or suicidal people, is soemtimes because of their biology, and amongst those are trans people, but you may have not known this. Hormonal therapy is solving this and people like you can not see it. Being trans is much harder than having a cancer or not enough food on the table, I can assure you of that! This therapy makes life worth living in the first place., but obviously some people dont care about mental health of this world. We are at a point in lfie when we are self empowering and awakening ourselves on an individual level, that is why we have this privilege, we are becoming more of who we are, more healthy, why do you want to bring more misery into this world, we are upgrading, discovering ourselves, this is part of an evolution.
How do you know it is not just projected dysphoria versus transphobia? What I mean in more laymens terms, often when I see another trans woman who obviously does not pass like I do or tends to gravitate towards the male spectrum either intentionally or unintentionally, their looks freak me out and makes me start to question my own looks. It starts to make me think things in my head like "Does my jaw stand out like that too? Can people see the left over hairs of my beard through my make up?" etc. I'm not afraid of who they are. I don't care who anyone else is or what they look like. In fact I feel more comfortable around people in drag from gay bars and stuff I've been to that have been wonderful happy environments. As I said though, every time I see a trans woman struggling in her journey it reminds me of my own horrors. So again, how would I know this is not just my own self-consciousness vs transphobia?
VALID‼️🔥
The irony is that transphobia is a form of social dysphoria itself!!! It is induced by social factors, gender dysphoria purely physical would not make you react towards other trans people like this, you would not care to pass as much either. There is a difference between these two factors, many gender non-conforming people develop this kind fo dysphoria as well, but in their case there is no genetic origin to their gender dysphoria, that is why most of them grow out of it, for trans people it stays, because it is internal, it is a deep desire to express the body in a certain way outside of any social influence how that bopdy should look, it is far more authentic, and not rooted in fear how others will see you, which is a social dysphoria/transphobia.
Its not transphobia to point out someone who has no style or class