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I have an interesting update to share with you guys... In this video, I mentioned how I kept comparing myself to my female friend's experience, particularly with this straight guy that night who treated her so well... Well, it turns out that guy was being disingenuous about a lot of things, such as his age and his intentions. She caught him in multiple lies, and decided to stop dating him. What this taught me is that "the grass is always greener"...I saw an example of a straight gentleman, and ironically fell for that bait too. So in a sense, he was deceptive just like the guy I spoke to that night. The moral of the story is don't compare yourself to others & don't make assumptions. You never know what's going on over there, either. Learn, heal, and move onto the next thing 💫😘
I relate to every emotion you expressed here so deeply. I have always felt like trash compared to women, because that's exactly how these "straight"/bisexual men treat us, and tbh, unlike you most of my experiences with men have been with that type. So I'm pretty accustomed to being treated like trash. That's just what being gay has meant for me.
I understand what you mean completely, but there's also that saying "people will treat you how you allow them to treat you." Over the last few years, I've "evolved" quite a bit when it comes to dating. I don't pursue guys anymore who don't lift a finger. If it doesn't FEEL right, why give someone so much attention? There's a lot of things we normalize that are frankly not normal. I think that applies to all people but I believe as gay men, we're a step behind others when it comes to this - we allow even more nonsense to happen because of the shame complexes from childhood, this idea that we're not even supposed to BE gay in the first place, etc. To go back to your point - why even allow yourself to engage in conversation with a guy who identifies as "straight" or "DL" when he's clearly seeking a gay interaction? I'm at a point now where I avoid guys who identify this way. Same with guys who feel the need to mention "only looking for masculine guys" etc. Yes we all have our preferences, but you learn a lot by how people present themselves to the public. Hope this makes sense 😘
That's VERY unusual behavior of him to reject your number after connecting so much over conversation. Most people just take a number to be polite and then ghost if want to. Did you even tell him directly you were into him? It's possible it was his gf and he was uncomfortable with himself and maybe was scared of bringing you into his life
I think you're fine here. If you felt like he was leading you on, that's valid. It sounds like he was uncomfortable with a dude being into him (he needs to look inward).
Based off my experience if you felt he was interested, he probably is closeted or repressed and didn’t want to connect with you further for fear you would force him to confront his sexuality
He may have seen that you were shocked by what he said so he wasn't brave enough to move forward by cheating on his girlfriend for fear that you would tell her immediately afterwards. Poor girl. I don't think any straight guy would have done what he did so he needs to come out to her.
True. It could be so many things...ugh. I felt really guilty the next day that I even engaged with him at all. But the things you do when there's alcohol and libido...
Yeah, that was a dic* move on his part. And the fact that he felt comfortable enough to flirt with you in front of his "girlfriend" makes you question if that was really his girlfriend. Guys like that are just selfish.
I tend to believe he was what he said he was, a straight guy with a girlfriend. It's impossible to know what his sexual relationship with her is like, but as I listened I had this thought: Maybe she's in to guys that other guys would be in to. Perhaps in some strange way she's more attracted to him because you were attracted to him. Maybe he flirted with you to excite her. It would be cliche to assume you're in to Sex and the City, but did you see the episode in the original run of the series when Miranda answers a couple's threesome ad? As soon as they invited her to join them she said, essentially, "I'm good" and left. She didn't want the 3way, she wanted the invitation. That was validation enough. Maybe his girlfriend doesn't want him to be with men, but she wants him to be wanted by men. She gets excited and he gets good sex (presumably). Just a thought.
Wow didn't even consider that. Another possibility too is they were looking for a 3rd person to take home that night. The point is, it could be a million things - but you just have to stay away from people like this!
Keven, I'm sorry that interaction ruined your night. You tend to overthink things sometimes. Anyway, if you really had five seconds of eye contact with him, I bet he's gay. But you don't know his psychology either. Perhaps, he a gay man who has not come out to himself yet and is that state of ambivalence or denial or... Clearly, he had some attraction to you, or he would not have made eye contact and engaged in conversation. I'd not take it personally. Most likely the issue was him and not you.
How did this guy know you were into him and not just trying to be friends? Just from the chemistry and body language you had with him or did you tell him you were attracted to him??
I have an interesting update to share with you guys...
In this video, I mentioned how I kept comparing myself to my female friend's experience, particularly with this straight guy that night who treated her so well...
Well, it turns out that guy was being disingenuous about a lot of things, such as his age and his intentions. She caught him in multiple lies, and decided to stop dating him.
What this taught me is that "the grass is always greener"...I saw an example of a straight gentleman, and ironically fell for that bait too. So in a sense, he was deceptive just like the guy I spoke to that night.
The moral of the story is don't compare yourself to others & don't make assumptions. You never know what's going on over there, either. Learn, heal, and move onto the next thing 💫😘
I relate to every emotion you expressed here so deeply. I have always felt like trash compared to women, because that's exactly how these "straight"/bisexual men treat us, and tbh, unlike you most of my experiences with men have been with that type. So I'm pretty accustomed to being treated like trash. That's just what being gay has meant for me.
I understand what you mean completely, but there's also that saying "people will treat you how you allow them to treat you."
Over the last few years, I've "evolved" quite a bit when it comes to dating. I don't pursue guys anymore who don't lift a finger. If it doesn't FEEL right, why give someone so much attention?
There's a lot of things we normalize that are frankly not normal. I think that applies to all people but I believe as gay men, we're a step behind others when it comes to this - we allow even more nonsense to happen because of the shame complexes from childhood, this idea that we're not even supposed to BE gay in the first place, etc.
To go back to your point - why even allow yourself to engage in conversation with a guy who identifies as "straight" or "DL" when he's clearly seeking a gay interaction? I'm at a point now where I avoid guys who identify this way. Same with guys who feel the need to mention "only looking for masculine guys" etc. Yes we all have our preferences, but you learn a lot by how people present themselves to the public. Hope this makes sense 😘
I feel for you. Seeking out quality people is tough for anyone; it is particularly tough as a gay man.
I’m sorry you had to go through this shit again. It’s all too common. Next time just run!!
🏃🏻♂🏃🏻♂🏃🏻♂
@@KevenTalks run Forrest run!!
Been down this path several times, and you’re right. It sucks. And it lingers - messes with your head for a while. Sorry you had to experience it.
Yeah, I hate being mind-fucked 😢
You are such an awesome friend and human being!
Thanks 🥲
@@KevenTalks You are very welcome Keven!
That's VERY unusual behavior of him to reject your number after connecting so much over conversation. Most people just take a number to be polite and then ghost if want to. Did you even tell him directly you were into him? It's possible it was his gf and he was uncomfortable with himself and maybe was scared of bringing you into his life
It was all so strange and confusing 🤷🏻♂
I think you're fine here. If you felt like he was leading you on, that's valid. It sounds like he was uncomfortable with a dude being into him (he needs to look inward).
Yeah 🤷🏻♂️
Maybe he was taking part in a childish " bet". Watch me pick up a guy sort of thing..
But who was he betting with? The "girlfriend?" 🤷🏻♂️😅
Based off my experience if you felt he was interested, he probably is closeted or repressed and didn’t want to connect with you further for fear you would force him to confront his sexuality
Yep, totally possible
He may have seen that you were shocked by what he said so he wasn't brave enough to move forward by cheating on his girlfriend for fear that you would tell her immediately afterwards.
Poor girl. I don't think any straight guy would have done what he did so he needs to come out to her.
True. It could be so many things...ugh. I felt really guilty the next day that I even engaged with him at all. But the things you do when there's alcohol and libido...
Yeah, that was a dic* move on his part. And the fact that he felt comfortable enough to flirt with you in front of his "girlfriend" makes you question if that was really his girlfriend. Guys like that are just selfish.
Totally. Just odd
I tend to believe he was what he said he was, a straight guy with a girlfriend. It's impossible to know what his sexual relationship with her is like, but as I listened I had this thought: Maybe she's in to guys that other guys would be in to. Perhaps in some strange way she's more attracted to him because you were attracted to him. Maybe he flirted with you to excite her.
It would be cliche to assume you're in to Sex and the City, but did you see the episode in the original run of the series when Miranda answers a couple's threesome ad? As soon as they invited her to join them she said, essentially, "I'm good" and left. She didn't want the 3way, she wanted the invitation. That was validation enough. Maybe his girlfriend doesn't want him to be with men, but she wants him to be wanted by men. She gets excited and he gets good sex (presumably). Just a thought.
Wow didn't even consider that. Another possibility too is they were looking for a 3rd person to take home that night. The point is, it could be a million things - but you just have to stay away from people like this!
Keven, I'm sorry that interaction ruined your night. You tend to overthink things sometimes. Anyway, if you really had five seconds of eye contact with him, I bet he's gay. But you don't know his psychology either. Perhaps, he a gay man who has not come out to himself yet and is that state of ambivalence or denial or... Clearly, he had some attraction to you, or he would not have made eye contact and engaged in conversation. I'd not take it personally. Most likely the issue was him and not you.
Yep, I think it's a big trigger for us gay guys but at the end of the day this is someone else's problem, not yours (mine).
Game playing is tiresome.
Right? 😓
Kevin you will find love one day you are a nice guy mate
🙏
How did this guy know you were into him and not just trying to be friends? Just from the chemistry and body language you had with him or did you tell him you were attracted to him??
There was definitely a body language & eye contact chemistry thing going on
He could be truly straight and was just simply having a friendly conversation with you?
No way, it was clear from the eye contract, trust me on this one lol.
I think he was tempted, but you intimidated him. I think it was a him thing, and not you. So...it is his loss. On to the next.
Who would be intimidated by little ole' me? 😅🤷🏻♂️
@@KevenTalks Intimidated by confronting his hidden feelings. Another smouldering glance into your eyes would unbalance his world view.
@@dol674 You have a way with words 👌