The Family Dynamic Of Having 2 Narcissistic Parents
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- Опубликовано: 31 июл 2024
- Having two narcissistic parents is a stress and a pain no child should endure. You have two selfish, egotistical, immature people trying to take care of a child. When you are a child of this environment, you are deprived of so many things and it is all about survival. Today we will be talking about what it is like growing up with two narcissistic parents and the dynamics between you and your parents. What do you guys think? leave it all in the comments below! Thanks for watching!
#narcissisticparents #narcissist
TLDW (too long didn't watch)
0:00 Intro
1:32 How having a narcissistic parent will affect you as a child
6:00 The neglectful narcissists
8:50 The narcissists that hated each other but used you as a pawn
11:24 The "nice" narcissistic parent and the mean narcissistic parent
14:00 The narcissists that come together and gang up on you
17:17 Outtakes
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This is THE most accurate description of 2 narcissist parents, that ever existed.. you validated my experience entirely. Thank you, you can’t imagine how much this helped me.
Young lady it took me 53 years to figure this out thank you. It probably explains why I’m a shopaholic, always trying to fill a void, they also use this against me bc “I don’t know how to handle money”
I literally drank myself to death for 25 years. There was no other way in 20th century to deal with this shit.
I am so grateful to technology and the younger generation for being open to self-reflection🎉
UGH. IT'S SUCH A PROJECT I NEVER SIGNED UP FOR.
Social media makes it worse. It's "Let's put your two sisters on my profile picture and cover photo but not you."
No and limited contact are the only healthy options.
i think to summarize your whole channel is: if kids have these parents who have issues to act like they should then kids should strive hard to get away from these people. get fast reliable meaningul friends, solid income, significant other who really cares for them. it's not about finger pointing it don't fix them it's like a chain these people probably had unhealthy parenting pushed on them also and it means if nowadays we have info we can break free of this.
Yes!! Great summary. I'm glad that is what you got from the channel
Get help
I am 60 and always thought everything was my fault. My parents fought and put me and my sister in the middle of their fighting. I am a people pleaser. In order for me to feel love I have to give to the point of not having for myself. I'm doing work on me and trying to understand that it was not my fault and have healing. I have forgiveness but working on healthy relationships and boundaries with them. Thank you.
I’m sorry you had to go through all this, it’s very typical for narc. parents what you described and what she described in the video. If only all those children would have known back then that it was not their fault. And if they only had the chance to experience good loving parents. It always hurts to hear how many people had to go through this. I can relate very well and it is so unfair that all those kids were put through all this 💔😔💔
Yay. I'm not the only one.
This. This here was my entire childhood. Then I married someone who also grew up with two narcissistic parents. Smh
What ?!?! 🤣 WOW that's a match made in a hellish heaven
This is literally the most accurate description of my father and mother dynamic against me. Wow.
Same!! It's like a light bulb went off!!!
Thank you for this video. It's the best description of my own family dynamic that I've ever come across. I've been watching narcissism youtube videos for years, and they've all been a bit helpful, but there was always something that didn't make sense or that I couldn't relate to. But this video really gets there. It's been especially difficult to see my mother's narcissism, because she was the kinder of the two, so I 'attached' to her more, and needed to keep up the self-delusion that she was normal and caring and kind, which is how so many people in the outside world see her.
Im so happy it brought a little more clarity! I’m sorry for all you have experienced
This is so spot on for my family situation as well. I recently came to understand that both of my parents are narcissists too. I have always known that they weren't like other parents (they are very mentally and emotionally immature, manipulating, and insincere when showing "affection") but when reading up on symptoms and actions that narcissists have or does, that really established it for me. Especially about my mother's extreme outbursts and her 2 sided personalitys (the cold, angry and lack of empathy behind closed doors and the very happy, love showing and caring in public). I've talked to a therapist about my parents before but felt like the therapist thought I was overreacting or simply just making my situation up. This has made it difficult for me to open up and be honest with other people about my difficult family relationships and I feel very alone in this. I don't really know how to cope. I feel very insecure in myself and I have no faith or feeling of safety in my parents and I'm scared when reading about the affects that an upbringing like this can have on an individual. I'm scared that I've become broken or that I will turn in to my parents (because my mom is almost a replica of her mother "that she hates" but can't see the frightening similarities.
Same.
Wow, I can very much relate to your comment @loshshoe.
Try having 4 of them....remarriage for both at an early age. All varying degrees of toxic behaviors but all with high narcissistic traits. Controlling financially, Triangulation, neglect, berating and belittling all while praising in public. High manipulation. Oddly or luckily I have severe dissociation and became emotionally distant from all of them, played the dutiful child. I'm independent, fairly successful and healthy. Two have passed, the other two are old. I do have difficulty in choosing partners and remain single too long due to picking the familiar glitter that isn't gold...I'm one of the lucky ones because I'm not in the mindset of agreeing to self- sabotage. I never accepted their abuse or praise. To me it was one and the same-' to garner control.
Ahhh that’s so tough. You’re so brave and inspirational with the fact that you’ve come on top and have done better than your parents
Good GOD. OMG.
OMG. This is what the dynamic in my family was. It was always as someone had to be the punching bag. Whenever there was peace between them then I was to become a punching bag.
Thanks for this extremely insightful and powerful video. I know my stepdad is a narc and I'm slowly realizing that my mom is too. Or has adapted many maladaptive traits in her marriage. I am an only child as well.
I'm reading Dr. Ramani's book, "It's Not You" and it's so eye opening and validating. It's also made me realize that I've coped by being a people pleasing codependent, but ALSO having some narcissistic traits as well. I really appreciate how you said to be kind and forgiving to ourselves as we work through these things. 💜
I always thought i was the problem countless times tried to end my own life went down a bad road of addiction. I believed I didn’t deserve to have them . Thank u for sharing
I am so sorry you experienced this. Please know it was them who didn’t deserve you. You deserve all the love and feelings of being wanted. I’m happy you’re here
My parents blamed me for their failed relationship , My mother had a huge crush on her sisters husband and flirted with him shamelessly and openly which Triggered my Father and my Father took out all that rage and Frustations on me and somehow I was the reason what went wrong with their relationship
I can't even begin to describe the hell I grew up in both at home and daily bullying at school. Kids at school used to tell me I should kill myself, and I would go home and try to take my life. At the same time my parents would tell me I was bad, and blamed me for everything that went wrong. I was also the secret keeper for my mother's adulterous affairs and her giving me to the same men to have sex with from early childhood. I coped by developing alternate personality, hiding at night in different parts of my room because mother could burst in when I was asleep to beat me. Dad didn't protect me. Both of them were narcissists. I was isolated from other children too. I only had one little girl that they liked and allowed me to have as a friend that I could have sleep overs with and to go to their home after school sometimes. But they moved away in 4th grade after our town was devastated by a tornado where they lost their home. This was when the bullying at school really got bad and constant. I just wanted and begged God to let me die. I still feel that way. I am glad that I am older and closer to the end of life than the beginning. Been a rough ride! I will really appreciate the peace of my Home in Heaven with Jesus.
thats rough,they also isolate and abuse the kid, its indeed a awfull childhood, had me some as well
I am so sorry that you had to go through all of that. It isn’t fair what we are dealt sometimes. The only thing we can control is ourselves, and I hope that you have found some peace and separation from them. You deserve all of the happiness that life has to give! ❤️
You are so kind@@jennimckay4994 . Thank you for understanding and caring. Some people can move on, and I have. But I also have lasting trauma and the changes all I went through as a child didn't go away. Blessings to you~
I'm sorry you went through some of this too. I'd not want anyone to go through even a smidgen of what I experienced. @@saradigota7201
What's hard is abusive partners. I'm 36 and I literally feel like I'm dying. I'm seeking to become financially independent but being with abusive partners has set me back a bit. I won't make the same mistake twice. Once I leave now I leave for life
I have 1 alter and borderline among 15 other mental issues I've dealt with.
2 narcissistic parents and narcissistic elder sibling, the sibling was very abusive to me growing up. I've let it go and have forgiven now, for me.. but i'm just trying to work through and heal the effects of all of this in my adulthood.
.
Never forgive....
Wow! You just explained my whole childhood to me. Thanks.
Edit: there is 1 parent that is better at seeming like the good one. But they are actually the much worse one.
There is a third option. You can choose to let go of needing approval from others and just decide to be a good person whether it's rewarding or not. You expect nothing. You assume nothing. You recognize that you get to keep nothing and that people in general will reinforce you to the degree that you meet their needs.
You get yourself to a safe place with safe people. You choose to take up a healing process and you get better.
Thankyou for this. I’m trying to kill these narcissistic traits I’ve picked up and hearing it explained like this is really giving me hope🖤
I applaud your efforts and the fact that you can acknowledge these traits and work towards being better, is proof that you are not a narcissist in spite of possessing some narcissistic traits. God bless you.
I did some of that at least the ones I could stop. It's SO hard to do though. I'm sure there are more, but I've done all I can for the time being but maybe need to read the Bible more
My dad regularly says to
me *You are a burden!* as
well as *Nobody wants you!*
Excellent and very helpful video!
beckya got me cryin at the end much love
Thank you so much for this video, dear Missy!!! I can totally relate - it took me a while to figure out how it all stemmed from my family dynamic! All the gaslighting, cognitive dissonance and feeling empty/invisible... I have been healing/coming to wholeness in the past few years, which includes a lot of forgiveness, creating strong boundaries and focusing on my dreams/goals. Just when I think I am good, another layer appears and I keep going deeper/feeling better after that. It's so interesting as well how from our trauma our purpose emerges ❤
You are spot on 👍
life changing video❤
I'm still trying to figure my parents out yet the idea that they both might be narcissist is the only thing that makes any kind of sense to me. My Dad mostly ignored us kids, it was always about his job, his boats, his house, his cars, very status focused my dad. He didn't particularly care what happened to us kids, that was mum's job. My entire childhood revolved around what Dad wanted.
Mum was a registered nurse who ignored and did nothing about the fact her husband and three kids all had a rash, blood shot eyes, fevers and a bunch of other symptoms that turned out to be a chronic illness. Even though she had the training, education and knowledge to at least try and figure out what was wrong with us and at least make some sort of effort to make sure we were comfortable and looked after. Mostly we went to bed hungry, cold, in pain and abandoned by both parents all the while living amongst all Dad's stuff.
thank you
This is a great video thank you sooo much both my parents are narcs mom milignant and dad covert
Spot on
But the real question now is what do we do?! if we live with them lol just be aware and accepet it focus on your vibe happiness ?
Good question! Now its a matter of learning survival mechanisms. So things like responding not reacting, grey rocking, detaching and protecting your energy.
Have limited contact and get out ASAP. That's what I'm doing
@@bonezbaaaby that's my plan but i come from way behind. So it will take a while before my financial health and my life is good enough for me to leave :) Thank You for the advice!
Yes I'm in the stage of unlearning and relate to g myself
And if you have SIBLINGS, watching these videos, I was jealous of my siblings, but after watching many like this I realized WE ALL HAD 4+ high ACEs scores which is less than 16% of the population and they are NOT your enemy although you may have to no contact them as well. I was at a 7 because I was made to be their fill in parent, and my parents allowed the younger a 5 to abuse me and my youngest is at a 4 that I know of anyway
YUP, THAT'S BOTH OF MY PARENTS; ADD THE TRAUMA, HOW DID I COME OUT OF IT AS AN INFJ, SOMEWHAT AUTISTIC ! NOW, 80 Y.O.
I wasn't even fed daily as a kid. My parents both treated me so awful that I suspect their respective pathologies were something far worse than just personality issues. I suspect that they both are psychopaths. However both possess very strong narcissistic traits, so these videos do provide some insight but it still doesn't explain the levels of abuse that I sustained. "They are both mean all the time" really resonated with me though.
My mom has antisocial
I’m the only child of 2 narcs
Me too. 💜
@@melissamonson9792 it’s tough but we are strong 💪🏽
Do you have a vid about going no contact?
nice but what's the solution for people who are kids and should break this as adult this is all wasted healthy years, i can watch hours of this content it won't give healthy childhood back. it's the issue with narcs like vampires they suck life time away and you cringe so hard when in the end you see it trough.
That's a good question. Yes, unfortunately, you can't get your childhood back and that is something you will need to grieve over and then accept. You can't go backwards, only forwards. As an adult, you can now give your inner child the things and treatment you didn't receive as a child. At least in the end you have the ability to see it through and have a better life. The narcissists live in misery and have to live with themselves being miserable and never being able to change or move forward.
My mom and stepdad are both narcissists. My biodad is antisocial. I really need to have less contact with my mom.
Have yoy limit contact with her? I blocked my mom 2 days ago, i can never go back this time.
Missy the life helper; Did you cut them both out of your life? I also think my parents both are narcs. Im trying to figure out my dad now also. I might need to cut off contact with him also. My mum has now playing issues I mean she plays away money and she tells us she doesnt have money but she gets her parent to give her money all the time. Now my daughter is with my mum for 3 weeks cause I needed to leave cause both my mum and my sister got maniac. I think they are both covid vaccinated too. I hope my daughter is safe. I told my daughter to pray to God. I hope she listens to me. I will work on my daughter never going to my mother again like ever! She uses both her kids as supply and her grand children. She is not a good person at all. She will get her karma.
I’m the youngest of 3, only girl. My middle brother paid for it with his life (overdose), currently trying to save the oldest from the same fate. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!
no advice to give, just wish you all the best, I cried when I read your post.
Your parents are rich but you're poor.
Everyone has judgement day and unless these parents repent and apologize to us, they will never hit those pearly gates.
Girl, tie your hands behind your back or something. Soooo distracting and it looks like you are having a seizure....
Are you okay? Sounds like you’re having a rough time and projecting your hatred of yourself onto others. Feel better