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- Опубликовано: 7 июл 2024
- Oh heyyyyyyyyyyyyy gurlllll. I'm back 🙃 Today is a sort of grwm. I wanna talk to you about all the things I learned while I was gone...My 'time off' did not go as planned 🥲 Grab a snack and let's chat 🍎
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Dude like.. you cannot have chosen any better timing. Literally like its the season of sadness for so many people and your videos were like therapy for so many. Although I am happy you realised you needed to take a break and be with yourself, im just gonna express a little selfish feeling here : I am glad you are back. Thank you❤
Just know that when I do take breaks I will always give you heads up! 💜💜💜
Why season of sadness
@@AM-zh3ydim wondering this too, even though im also sad 😂
@@bexk9713 yess lol May/June wasn’t my greatest self
@@AM-zh3yd bro the next time I’m sad I will think of you and we can be sad together ❤️🔥
I think to stay away from social media is super important to our mental health.
For real. I haven't been on Insta in like two years, FB and Twit literally never (aside from seeing tweets/posts embedded in articles). Even though my Insta was mostly friends and fellow weirdos (no following diet-shilling influencers and hyper-filtered "check out my unachievable [fake] lifestyle and unachievable [fake] body/face/hair" garbage) I do nottttt miss it.
agreed!
Welcome back.
So why are you on here.
We should start a month off. No June Social Media.
I am almost 71 years young and have never done makeup like you do and never would, but I love watching you 🤩 It is very important for us to take care of ourselves, no matter what it looks/sounds like to anyone else.
Welcome fellow wise woman ❤
OCD is truly a horrid curse. Would love to hear more people talk about it! I have been in CBT several times for several types of OCD, and I am beginning to think that my brain is wired to always have some kind of compulsion, it just seems to move around to different subjects. It isn't "I just like it when things are organized, I'm such an OCD idiot, lol!", it's more like "these pants pinch in a way that makes me have a full blown panic attack, so I'm rotating in and out of every pair I own for 2-3 hours just getting more and more frustrated, and I will not make it to work today". I am at the point in my life where I can speak about it in a light hearted way, but I definitely know that there are people that feel the weight of shame that almost always comes with it. So please share your stories as you discover them!
I was diagnosed with OCD and anxiety in 2002? 2003? and it took a couple of years to find the right combination of meds but they were life changing. I'm now in SUCH a better place that could never have happened without that understanding that my brain is just wired that way. My husband has been such a supporter and he has seen the change.
There needs to be more talk about mental health and stupid brains. Hugs.
You will be ok! It's a struggle but anyone with ocd can live a healthy life😊
‘Sane people stay silent’ So true!
I get what you mean but also not always
hi alex!! im a late diagnosed ADHDer & OCD. these two tend to have similar traits & what you’ve described def sounds like obsessive compulsive behavior, so strong that that they can cause anguish or for you to feel very uncomfortable & anxious if not done.
Getting diagnosed with ADHD has changed my life 🥹 i would love videos on that topic (that is if/when you feel comfortable in doing so) bc it’s insufferable 😭 i truly hope the therapy helps you. best of wishes
I also thought this sounded a lot like OCD.
Definitely OCD. Me and my mum have it. It's so difficult to deal with.
Same, not treating my medically but finally understand myself has given myself grace - and also finding others like me, allow me to not feel so bad about it.
sometimes being scared is how you know you’re going in the right direction. important things are high stakes, but being nervous doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong. thanks for being so real, it’s reassuring to see you critically reflecting on what you want and need because it reminds me to check in with myself too
Alexandra’s voice is a whole therapy session i swear to god
I’ve over 50 and struggled with OCD + perfectionism, anxiety all my life. It hit a fever pitch once I moved into a much larger house that was really hard to maintain + work. I’ve learned to embrace the beauty in the imperfect, taken ownership for my choices - sometimes that means I choose to be happy and enjoy myself instead of having a perfect house, things or me - and live in the now. That often means compromising with myself on expectations and not judging myself and understanding where those judgments are coming from and why I NEEDED to have things a certain way. Therapy helped me significantly after I found my therapist, embraced the process and did the work- in my case a couple years of EMDR. I almost never have these feelings now and if I do, I move on quickly.
As someone who was diagnosed with *severe* OCD by a neuropsychiatrist 15 years ago, I get it. And as someone who spent years on and off in therapy that included treatment for my OCD, I get it.
It is life changing, and challenging, and mind-effing at times working through and finding the sheer *amount* of layers of stuff under the rug so-to-speak. BUT, now it has minimal impact on my life (oh, there's PLENTY of other things I'm working on still) but to not be controlled by every intrusive thought and the hamster wheel of compulsions is...anyone who lives with OCD gets it. It is *unreal* how much of your energy and day is returned to you.
Would love to hear your journey, and thank you for sharing and being vulnerable. You're absolutely not alone, and I'm excited for you that you're making time and space to better prioritize your wellbeing as well as passions. Here with you always, even though I'm usually a lurker. ❤❤❤
My physical compulsions are the worst part. I can handle the horrible intrusive thoughts but getting stuck doing the same thing over and over again, or sitting on the bathroom sink picking my skin raw 'til it bleeds for absolutely no reason, really sucks. And I start bawling because it hurts me internally to be trapped in the cycle but it also hurts to just walk away without "finishing" the cycle.
OCD is a very complex condition and it’s brilliant you are sharing some of your struggles, as well as brave. I hope the therapy helps you. I spent 3 years in therapy going between once a week and once a month for my anxiety and relationship patterns.
It can be so hard. All I can suggest is lean in to the discomfort. Embrace it if you can ❤
I have diagnosed OCD, and the part about what I assume is an OCD and anxiety talk in this video - I find it so interesting that I tend to gravitate towards people online and in person, and then I later find out they also have OCD or are neurodivergent. I just think its interesting to know other people out there are dealing with the same things. I tend to stick with watching certain youtubers when I'm having anxiety attacks or can't get past certain routines I've made up in my mind, including this channel, its just overall really calming and informative:) I also relate immensely to the things you said about the clothing changes and dishes and etc. Thankyou for sharing !
Your content is important. Not because your makeup applications are out of this world creative and beautiful, but because it is inspirational. And when we are inspired, we have the biggest chance to get in touch with the deeper part of ourselves, that helps us to move forward better in life, and connect with our own creative flow. Art is beauty, and beauty is one of the high values of life that connects us to Truth. And your makeup applications are definitely Art.
Beautifully said ❤
Girl we are here for whatever you want your channels narrative to be!
My man also deals with some obsessive behaviour. Mostly around hygiëne. He's aware of it, it annoys him sometimes, but he's not atm actively trying to change it. He has done so in the past and it felt really liberating to him. Things like taking time of of work or travelling can (in my experience) really help with more rigid mindset/patterns.
I hope you can also get some liberating for yourself. Kuddos for actively making yourself learn and grow eventhough it's scary❤
I just love how the visual Alexandra is so respectful of the talking Alexandra,
silently presenting and showing products to the viewer without disturbing talking Alex who is baring her soul to us.
Love you Alex!
I’m so sorry excited you are back and I am sure the break was beyond needed. Your mental health and having time to yourself is beyond important. Having your space and your time is the best for you.
I’m glad you had this time and those that support you will be here.
I loved the pictures of your cats and made me smile.
Freakin gorgeous!! I’m 75 and that makeup look is pure art!!! You’re fantastic and pretty normal! But I certainly get the it, the need to re-define who you are, who you think you are and appreciate who you thought you were! Best advice I can give anyone is “to thine own self be true”! Thank you for sharing! ❤
You look beautiful and I never would have guessed you're 75!
@@IntheHazeX thank you!!
I’m a musician, and I feel like all people in the arts go through the same crushing perfectionism. After about 10 years of therapy I can now take time off and not feel guilty. I hope you get where you need to go! We all watch your videos because it’s your art, not anyone else’s:)
💯
That’s so funny, I subscribed to your channel yesterday, because someone from makeup Rehab Reddit recommended your channel. I struggle with obsessing over things, currently it’s about makeup and watching RUclips, and before like you it was about how things were arranged in my home and furniture placement, other times about declutterring etc. There’s always something. Totally get the prison feeling, thanks for sharing. It’s been a year I’ve been unemployed due to chronic pain and it messes me up too so I try to focus on other things other than pain/anxiety over it. Yesterday watched inside out 2, was crying the whole movie but really makes you think about emotions lol. Sorry for the long comment lol
I'm so sorry to hear about your chronic pain. I can imagine that not being able to work as a result would contribute. You're not alone! If it would be helpful for me to share my experience dealing with my obsessions/compulsions I absolutely will. Never apologize for a long comment, they always remind me that REAL people are watching my videos! ❤️❤️❤️
@@AlexandraAnele thank you, and thank you for replying 💕:)
I have depression and anxiety like pretty much everyone else, but I recently was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and when I tell you the dots in my life that connected?! Wow 🫣 proud of you for taking the necessary steps to protect your mental HEALTH 👏
welcome back! ⭐️ as someone recently diagnosed with ocd (Dx about a month or two ago), this was very relatable and (if/when you’re comfortable) i’d be among the many who want to hear more about your thoughts and experiences 💌 wishing you well through this treatment, whether it works for you or not, and in your overall journey!
Just wanted to say ditto to this! I was diagnosed with OCD two years ago. It was such a relief to know I’m not alone in this and my feelings are valid and experienced by many. I wish you luck and anyone reading this who is going through anything similar 💚💚💚
I also have OCD, I found out when I was younger, like 10 years old. I'm 53.now.
Oh girl I relate so hard and it's comforting to hear that other people experience it too. For me, it's almost better for my mental health to be swamped with work because when I have time to myself, my brain has the time to over-analyze EVERYTHING and tell me how I'm doing everything wrong in life. And then there's the pressure to "maximize" time off/spend it "perfectly" which...is not the purpose of resting. But also rest is important. Blech. It's great to have you back and hear your thoughts!
Such a relief when OCD came into the video towards the end! Hearing your description of your first week I was like *oh shit she’s like us & she doesn’t know!* Looking fabulous as per.
It's lovely to see you back. I was diagnosed with OCD earlier this year and I completely relate to most things you're saying. I have my fiancé wash our dishes as normal, and then I go in and do a second (and sometimes third) safety wash lol. Even if they're very clean, I do not feel right and cannot use anything until I've re-washed every single piece. I knew I had OCD way before being diagnosed, it runs in my family, but whew. It soo so hard to live with. I hope you are doing okay. If you ever need to talk about it, we're all here x
It's lovely to see you back and minty fresh!
I struggle with anxiety and perfectionism too. I am lucky enough to work from home 3 days a week but was still very rigid with my thinking and routines. I think they feel safe and familiar the more we do them.
Taking time to reset can help you figure out what that fear is behind the strict routine or thought pattern. With me, it's usually anxiety around people or not wanting to leave my safe, comfy apartment with my kitties. Once you give a nod to that fear and acknowledge it without judgement, it can be a little like a little kid who feels seen and then you open up a bit more.
FWIW, you're normal and you're taking time to get to know your brain. My brain and I are friends, even if he pisses me off sometimes!
🧠🤣
“Prison” really struck me-that’s a really powerful word. Having a routine is more often than not really helpful and important! Punishing myself/feeling bad when I don’t finish those tasks is a constant struggle that’s only gotten a little easier with some lowkey anti-anxiety meds and a therapist who ~gets~ me
💯 on not self-punishing for breaking "the rules" of self imposed structures. There's a great spiritual phrase that helps me = "Make no rules about what must happen next."
What's not to love about any aspect of this? Glad you're back! Killer vibe, killer vulnerability, killer look.
Alexandra, you can't imagine how much i can relate to you. I can't leave "a task" 'til it turns out "perfect". You're not alone. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.
Welcome back 💕🙏🏻
Well done for choosing yourself. It takes guts to commit the time and space to focus on yourself and realise that you need to get back in control of your mental health and environment.
So nice to have you back girl. My daughter has an anxiety disorder & is on medication for it. I never knew anxiety could be so debilitating - my heart breaks for her. She is beautiful and kind and sweet and talented - like you - but does not see any of these things in herself, it got so she couldn’t even go out to a supermarket or be in a room with people she didn’t know. I hope your month off was fruitful & you feel better for it, you obviously needed the time. Those of us who watch your videos & love you will always be here for your particular brand of sunshine ❤
I’m a teacher and of course I get summers off. To preface this comment, while I am working during the school year, I get to work an hour early and often stay an hour or two after school is over (So about 10 hours a day). I would often go home exhausted which takes a toll on my home life. Anyways… when it comes to summer, I have the freedom to do the things I have neglected (and pushed onto my partner). I noticed that I only have 2 modes: either I’m on a cleaning binge deep cleaning things that haven’t been done to the point of exhaustion or I literally don’t do anything- like can’t even bring myself to turn the TV on to watch a movie or show. I would just lay down and watch insta stories or RUclips shorts. I would then feel very shameful that I’ve been so lazy and it would jump start the “manic” phase again. This video definitely resonated with me
I can 100% relate to this video. Thank you so much for being so open.
My mom, son and I struggle hard with diagnosed OCD (along with a few other neurodivergent items sprinkled in). The struggle is phew, something else! My mom is more on the compulsive side and my son and I are more on the intrusive thoughts/obsessions side. All of us have anxiety to the max. Therapy has helped and meds were a game changer for us. I know not every one is med centric but it was the answer for us.
Good luck on your continued journey! ❤
Oh and a side note !! Not trying to be “that” person … but 🫣my pet peeve is when someone likes order and says “OMG Im so OCD” 😬 I wish it was as easy as just liking to straighten up and be tidy!
Treat Yourself like someone you are responsible for helping ❤
The to-do list thing rings true for me. I’ve felt like crap for a little while-performance anxiety and an edge of depression-so I write to-do lists full of random tasks so I can just pick something off it to keep a depression spiral from being the only thing I have to show for my time. Today’s to-do list? Completely done. All boxes ticked. Still feel like I’ve done nothing.
I relate to this a lot.
Hey! It's great to see you back. I'm doing my nails while listening to you. I'm glad you felt the support to take free time and now you know some radio silence won't be the end of your life
I have suffered from various types of OCD since childhood. There were aspects of my childhood way beyond my control... like abuse of all kinds.
My way of organizing my mind to live through the day and feel as though I had some power, was OCD tendencies. The perfectionism, the magical thinking (which simply means that if I do THIS, then everything will be okay) and also the cleanliness aspect of OCD, have haunted me my whole life.
It has not been until I reached my mid '50s that I had finally gone through enough therapy and self work that I have been able to live with myself and others in a reasonable way.
The other thing that happened was people in my family had to put boundaries on me to curb the behaviors. I don't want to get too messy on here, but it does get very messy and I get that.
Alex you need to give yourself some gentle time to realize these feelings are stemming from something in your life that you felt at one point out of control about, and you have been trying to fix that in any way your mind concocted since. I only speak because I have had extensive therapy around this and there are ways to curb and reprocess the thinking in your brain to form new synopsises.
There is hope and I know you are smart and very wise. You will find your way out of this.
As I am a mental health advocate and I speak on mental health issues, and I'm actually starting a RUclips station for it, I want to appreciate you for bringing these things to light. You certainly have a massive audience to listen and observe, who enjoy you and will learn from you. I pray you continue to take steps in a direction to heal within the hurting child. God bless you always Alex, Alice❤
As an afterthought, and it just came to me, I would love to interview you on my station one day in the future on this topic. It really escalated with COVID and many people suffer. It's because we couldn't control anything about COVID that many people fell into OCD thinking. I hope this is something that happens, us being able to talk.😊
I am currently a therapist in training in my internship right now and I just received intensive training on ERP treatment for OCD two weeks ago. Through that process I also realized that I myself have struggled with various obsessions and compulsions that I didn’t even realize were technically OCD related! I completely understand why this process would feel so scary- your therapist will support you the whole way through. this might sound generic but you’re not alone in the experience ❤ I truly thank you so much for sharing
I’m telling the truth: I just learned about 4 days ago that I was diagnosed with OCD years ago. I had no idea. It’s wild you are talking about it. I’d like to hear whatever you’re comfortable sharing. Welcome back!
I'm 44 and have had OCD since I was in middle school (diagnosed at 18). Thank you for sharing yourself with us. It's comforting to know that we aren't alone out here ❤ The community is here for you, too.
My best friend is in targeted therapy for OCD and it's such a process, but it definitely works. They're going through "triggers" right now from the softball to the hardest, and she's so relieved with how much progress her therapy has fostered. I'm over the moon that you took some time off, and I'm so excited to see more boxless Alex content, you deserve the world!! ❤🎉
So glad you took the month off and glad to see you back. This may feel a bit random but when you were talking I had a vivid memory of a a metal sculpture a friend of mine made. The sculpture was of a cage with two hands tightly grasping the cage bars on one side, on the opposite side of the cage is an open door. It is all about those cages we create for ourselves and can leave if we find the way. It sounds like at a minimum you are loosening your grip on the bars and planning a path to get to the open door and break down those boxes.. ❤
I can’t tell you how relatable this is to me. I’m so emotional right now… thank you for making this video. I feel so heard
🫂
I’m so happy for this video, thank you for being so real and raw with your emotions… you have no idea how much this helps so many people including myself… btw the makeup looks fierce and the nails match beautifully.
Alex, as a fellow perfectionist I can say I hear you and am sending you a big effing hug. I started painting about 6 years ago in lieu of journaling to see if it helped. I wanted to paint how I felt and that first time painting I was painting and bawling. It was wild. Now as a wannabe pro artist I can say if I haven’t painted in a few weeks, I feel the swell of anxiety build. After I paint I feel like the steam has been let out of the kettle. And obviously, the painting process can and does create stress in my mind because I feel inadequate but when I let myself paint whatever and not have expectations, I feel so much better. So, my unsolicited advice is free yourself with your paint and canvas. Paint your feelings and get that shit out. Please give yourself a break!! You’re amazing and so loved. And you’re “perfect” just as you are. ❤❤❤❤.
I just love you. I’m glad you’re back. Randomly found your video one day and i think i have binged almost all of them until i saw this one. You’re awesome and I’m just glad i found ya. Vulnerable chats are always good. ❤
Love this makeup look and welcome back. We missed you but glad you took time off.
Welcome back! It’s good to see your face and hear this update. I hope that you are able to dismantle those boxes and find more peace. I think it would be great if you shared whatever you want about your OCD treatment. I think mental health is getting discussed a lot, but I haven’t heard people talk about anything specific for OCD. I’ve done a couple of decades of therapy for cPTSD, and I think the fact that you feel terrified at the outset is a really good sign. You wouldn’t feel afraid unless you felt, on some level, that it will work (or change things at least), and you also wouldn’t feel afraid unless you were open to that change. I used to have some of the same issues, not necessarily being OCD, but definitely feeling like things needed to go a certain way and having a hard time adjusting when, inevitably, things didn’t go the way I expected. What really changed things for me, unfortunately, was developing a debilitating chronic physical condition. When you literally can’t even pretend to try to control things, and you realize you don’t want to waste your very limited energy worrying about things that don’t really matter, it becomes a lot easier to just…let it go. I can’t recommend getting a debilitating chronic physical illness (0 stars, do not recommend), but acceptance has been the best silver lining imaginable. Good luck with your treatment, and give yourself grace through the ups and downs.
As for taking time off, if you decide that you want to take a longer break but want to maintain some activity on your channel, I really like what Hannah Louise Poston did with her channel while she was on maternity leave. She and her husband basically repackaged a lot of the content she had already done over the years and put out these incredibly long videos, like 5 hours of every review she’d ever done of such and such a brand. It seems like they posted one of those about once a week. It was so fun to watch her evolve during these long videos going back ~5 years. Your content is more focused on tutorials, and I think it would be great to see massive compilations of every contour tutorial you’ve done, or brow tutorial, etc. Just a thought if you wanted to take a long break without disappearing.
My first comment on this youtube channel. Everything you’ve said it’s all about me..anxiety, compulsive things to do, lists, controlling and rules. Man just love your profile and your makeup and thoughts. I agreed with this stuff, thanks for being a human. So much love ❤️
I rarely comment on videos but I had to comment on this. I can completely relate to the mental space you're talking about - it's like a melange of OCD, perfectionism, anxiety and more. You start out with good intentions and slowly but surely there's a pressure to do ALL the things. It's all good info to take in. You gave yourself time and space and your body communicated some stuff to you that you get to look at if you choose. Thanks for being real, it's refreshing. And you'll never lose your followers 💙
Alex, i watched one of your very early videos a few weeks back and girl, you’ve come a long long way in terms of how your speak to yourself and about yourself. You were so hyper-critical back there that your fantastic sense of humour was completely muddled and squashed.
You should be so very proud of yourself. I know i am.
1. Doesn’t everyone wash their dishes before they put them in the dishwasher?!?!
2. Life is this strange journey. At least that’s been my experience. I started out as a music major and now I’m a data scientist.
3. Anxiety is my middle name - since I was a toddler. I used to keep lots of lists and then…it just stopped about 9 years ago. I have no explanation.
4. Taking time off for me always results in some reset / self-reflection for me.
5. You do you. You owe that to yourself.
Oof, I feel this perfectionism SO MUCH. It usually completely paralyzes me, or forces me to hold on to projects LONG past they should be completed. It's getting better with age and a lot of therapy to find areas where I can practice letting perfectionism go. Interestingly enough, KC Davis' "How to Keep House While Drowning" helped a lot with that, because it turns out I was equating perfectionism with moral goodness.
I'm so glad you took the break you needed and gained the insights you couldn't get while in the daily grind.
Glad to see you back! It’s not easy to identify that you need assistance and then go get it. I’m proud of you. Having OCD is nothing to be ashamed of. Compulsions are a canary in the coal mine letting people know that our anxieties need addressing because compulsions can control and curtail our happiness and possibilities. Proud of you!
I'm glad you're back. I imagine that being a video content creator is kind of like being a writer. There's a constant push to come out with the next thing that's authentic and on brand for you.
So good to have you back Alex, and even better to have you open up about how you worked your way through the month of June. Alex, you’re NOT ALONE in what you’re going through. Trust me please when I say that you’re already miles ahead because of how you strive to identify and remedy where you feel weakest. The thing is, it’s REAL to you so it totally makes sense for you to begin the hard journey of working your way through it and learning to understand and accept these things about yourself. It’s important to be KIND to yourself through that journey. You are not alone sweet girl. Sending love from Australia. 🤗🇦🇺
LOVE the look!! My daughter and I have been diagnosed with OCD, and completely relate to your challenges with being uncomfortable. It’s a struggle. 💖
First, great to see you!
I recently asked for a week off at work. Unprecedented for me. I just knew I needed it. Like you, had a list of things I HAD to get done. By day 3, I had a handful of projects half done. 😅
I am TOTALLY a victim of my own expectations. I'm learning to let go, not care, etc. It's obvi a work in progress, but I'm trying! Can totally relate to your month!
Also, love that you said "just take a walk & don't look at this"...😅❤
Thank you for being very real and vulnerable. I also have a stupid anxiety brain. I’m much older than you are, and although I have figured some things out, I am still learning. One thing I have learned is that the need to control, perfect, organize, while not bad things by themselves are definitely signs of an anxious mind. Glad you took some time off to take care of yourself.
Welcome back Alex! Thank you for sharing and I love that you spoke about how much it helps to feel not alone. I can definitely relate to some of what you're saying & feeling. I hope that the treatment avenues you are taking help. Sending some love ❤
Thank you to you for making me feel normal. I too have anxiety over cleanliness because I can clean something and step back several times to look at before it’s clean enough for me. I can also relate to be comfortable and feel good about myself when I’m made up and have on a nice outfit. I’m afraid to go on for I would take up so much space. But I definitely have OCD!
So happy that you’re back and that you were able to take some time off. I missed you and it was a treat to hear you rambling lol. I can totally relate to the perpetual state of anxiety; I have to actively work to calm myself if my house isn’t clean… and it’s never totally clean. Thank you for continuing to share yourself and your experiences ❤
Hi, I took a good amount of time off and also felt it was the only way I could identify and break through my own patterns and personal narrative , so to speak. I’m glad you were able to do that for yourself !! I’m also so happy you’re back. In the last month I’ve had so many major life changes , and sitting down with your video is so comforting like a warm blanket and cup of hot tea, but in video form!
Self care is more than facials and coffee…you’re showing yourself real self care by stepping back and reevaluating things. More power to you. Can’t wait to hear more. ❤
Omg I can totally relate, I do things to prevent myself from being uncomfortable to the point that it becomes borderline OCD. For ie: taking showers often because it keeps me relaxed, changing clothes often etc. I need to do things to prevent the uncomfortable feeling always.
Awww. I missed your face, Alex. Sounds like the month was VERY productive. Speaking as a control freak with OCD issues who was diagnosed with a disease that meant both of those issues literally hit a brick wall. No control over anything, no ability to plan a day let alone my life, an inability to control the environment I was living in because I literally could not get out of bed to do something as simple as move something that was out of place on the dresser across the room that was driving me batshit crazy as I was forced to just lay there and look at it for hours on end. Anyway, all that to say that finding that sweet spot between having a routine and being disciplined that leads to productivity and a feeling of accomplishment vs feeling like your routine and discipline has created a prison that fuels negative self talk and feelings of failure is actually something that can be LEARNED was a huge relief. The learning was not fun. The payoff, the first time I actually felt the feeling of contentment and was able to name it as such and sit with it for a period of time and just kind of revel in the feeling.....well, it was definitely worth it. I wish you luck and joy on the journey you're undertaking. Also, the makeup was freakin' cool. Glad to see you back.
Well I for have really missed you and I am so happy your time off gave you a lot of insights! Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing ❤
Hey girl. Glad you took some time and glad to see you back! ❤❤
Slowing down, sitting with ourselves, and reflecting on potential life rebalances are all amazing things to try and do for ourselves. We do care about you and, I speak for myself, am also a "normal person." Sending love!
So lovely to have you back ❤ I think it’s nice sometimes to have even a stranger reach out from the internet and just say “I’m not perfect”. There’s comfort in that in a world that makes it so difficult to know what’s real sometimes. Also that eye look is 🔥👏
I'm glad you took a break! Thanks for sharing your experience with anxiety! As someone with OCD, I can say that starting treatment can definitely be scary, but it changed my life and completely altered my relationship with it. I hope it is helpful for you and I wish you the best of luck!
I am so sorry for your mental health, I’m also struggling with stuff at the moment, so that hits home , but I’m glad you took your time, and I hope things are going to be better and improve even more soon. You got this.
I can really relate to what you have experienced. I have recently started cleaning out my house and feeling initially free and then quickly it has become compulsive. I have Adhd,and with that the ups and downs of mild depression and anxiety, as well as ocd symptoms. So I am not surprised that it quickly became compulsive. I cope with my all or nothing mentality with cleaning out by saying “ make progress everyday” to help myself get going , and then “ live to fight another day” when I recognize it is time to stop cleaning out for the day. This has been really helpful- I say them out loud. I also want younger women to know that sometimes perimenopause and menopause ( you are too young I know), can really exacerbate the anxiety and ocd. I have found a tremendous amount of relief with HRT . Just for the future for you.
For me, theres always this balance between caring for myself by accomodating myself, and working on my growth by expanding the edges of my window of tolerance. I mostly focus on what my capacity is in each moment and how I can be kind to myself. I also love to try to see things through a neutral lense like seeing things as temporary sensations that I can be curious about and play with.
I’m so glad you’re back and I’m sorry that you’ve been dealing with all that!! I hope the treatment you are pursuing helps you because you are a beautiful soul ❤
I have always enjoyed your realness in your videos. This was so real and also vulnerable, and so I can’t tell you how much it’s appreciated and valuable. We all need to take time every now and then to take care of ourselves. We need mental resets, and time to hear our own thoughts. It can be illuminating as you found, and sometimes is more about opening awareness or paths or ideas more than rest. When someone with the audience you have talks about this stuff, it does help others feel not alone. These are much more universal struggles than many believe. Thank you as always! And beautiful and interesting makeup as always! Welcome back!
Wow. You just described my mother to the T. She struggled with anxiety, was obsessed with time management, felt self doubt & lack of self worth, had to scrub her stove with a toothbrush, etc. She was clinically diagnosed with OCD. It made me very empathetic to people who struggled with this but it also made me upset how loosely that term is thrown around. If a person is too tidy, they'll flippantly say - "Im so OCD" 🤦♀️
I was diagnosed with OCD for my intrusive thoughts. I had people tell me that I don't have OCD and my doctor was wrong. It's so weird for people to gate-keep things like this.
Hey girl! THANK YOU for your honesty - this brought me tons of comfort. OCD + perfectionism for reals! You can def break the habits - it's slow going but takes concentration and commitment to moving *through* the uncomfortable. I'm in the process with you :) ALSOOOOOOOOOOOO, Give No F's 2024 is my mantra and I / we completely support you reclaiming your channel. Obvi your authenticity is what brought all of us here (and your brow tuts, doi!). That teal eyeliner tho! 💖 🌈 💖
I recently went on a medical leave from work for 5 weeks and spent that entire time feeling like I needed to be productive, but just taking off all the pressure of myself to just BE instead of DO! No regrets.
We set certain expectations for ourselves, only to realize we maybe can’t or don’t even want to meet them. I’m glad you took that time off and put yourself first. I struggle a lot with OCD symptoms but I have never pursued help for it, so I would absolutely be interested in your experiences whenever you feel called to share them. ❤
Wow. Its crazy how much I relate. I was diagnosed with GAD and panic disorder almost 20 years ago and I've been in therapy for 7 years consistently and we just now realized how my perfectionism is such a major contributor to my anxiety. Don't ask me why it took so long. I'm the same exact way with dishes, I wash them INTENSELY before putting them in the dishwasher and my partner is not allowed to wash dishes because I don't trust anyone else to do it "right." I used to wash dishes when my panic attacks would appear too cause it was the only thing I could do in that moment...I know that's strange. Lol. Anyway, I'm glad you're figuring shit out for yourself and I hope your new treatment goes well! You got this! Sometimes it helps just to know we're all dealing with similar shit, even though I wouldn't wish panic disorder on my worst enemy its still somehow comforting to know you're not alone in it.
Yes to more rambling 😂 it was much needed. Thank you for sharing your story. And your makeup look is so friggin cool
I love the look! ❤
And I loved the format of doing makeup and talking about life through it. Welcome back! ❤
I’m sorry you’ve been struggling. I was able to take a month off work last year (I’m lucky, because my workplace was very supportive even though I hadn’t been there that long) to take some control of my depression and anxiety and, boy, did I need it, so I totally get where you are coming from. I mean, by the sounds of it, what I struggle with is very different from what you struggle with, but, like, it’s essentially all the same, right, stuff going on in the brain that we need to get a handle on. I’m glad you were able to take the time.
Also, your cheeks looked stunning in that makeup look! I love it!
As someone who recently got diagnosed with OCD, I’ve realized it aids me in my job because I’m a highly functioning perfectionist. However, it can be quite dysfunctional in my personal life. I can empathize with your current state and am proud that people like you are transparent because it makes us all feel a little less crazy
I've been on a social media detox and it's nice to get that downtime back vs endless doomscrolling. I have been more productive and creative and my brain definitely needed the break.
Glad you're taking care of your mental health, it's important. We love you, glad to see you're back! ❤
Hey Alex! So glad you’re back and that you took the time you needed! I can definitely relate to taking time to reset and figure my head out. I would love for you to express your experience of that if it helps you. I love when people are that honest and relating with that. I generally always love what you do, so you do you with your channel! In particular, I love olive content, colour theory stuff and seeing you take specific inspo from things, but, as I said, I love it all! This channel is yours and your place to express yourself! ❤️
I'm glad you're being proactive about yourself. You're being so incredibly vulnerable with us. Proud of you 😊
Girl, I relate to a LOT of what you say! I have a lot of the same tendencies that you talk about: perfectionism at work, endless lists, etc. It’s great that you recognize this in yourself.
You are so fucking dope too ❤thanks for sharing what you learned.
I never comment but am a long time watcher of all your vids :X. I felt compelled to comment bc I also deal with anxiety / OCD and just started medication after years of therapy and it’s been incredibly helpful. But what’s also so helpful is hearing people talk about dealing with similar issues, it really helps in not feeling so alone in it or so ashamed of it. So I really appreciate you chatting about it and reading all the relatable comments! Good luck on your mental health journey babes, wishing you the best! ❤
I don’t know if you’ll read this - but sounds like you’re a perfectionist and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s what makes you an exceptional makeup artist and I’m sure a great painter as well. I’m sure the pressure of social media has a huge impact on self esteem and mental health, but you’ve gotten so much love on here because you’ve been so genuine and it shows how much you love what you do. I resonate with everything you’ve said - even washing the dishes. But i embrace my OCD. I’ve learned to love that about myself because it’s made me thrive in what I love. It’s my normal and it’s made me accomplish more than I could imagine. The internet has a way of making people feel bad about themselves for having a big nose or wearing an orange jacket, or even just cleaning your house. Everything we do has to be labeled or diagnosed because it needs to have an explanation. I’m glad you got some down time to feel out what you need and you’ve realized this is YOUR channel! And we love it.
I definitely can relate lto the anxiety aspect. Im 58 and while it isn't crippling, it does affect my sleep. Social media breaks arrle healthy whether you do it as a living or consume its content. I do appreciate sane and constructove comments and i like to follow people who's subscribers are similar. Glad you are back though! Thanks for the video!
Sitting with the uncomfortable is so hard and so important. I feel like I learn a lot about myself when I do it. Also, I recently moved to my own place for the first time and I'm coming face to face with the fact the safety and happiness of my space relies completely on me. I can complete responsibility to make my life what I want it. I've been incredibly independent but so many times we are our own prisons and it's frightening.
Anyway, I think your audience is chill because you are. You always give us very authentic and not pushy or performative videos. So I think people who watch you look for the genuineness in themselves and others. You can thank us, but thank yourself. You curated this following
Glad everything is going well for you!
Also loooving the baby blue C:
You make the safest of spaces to chat about mental health and just being a human! Thank you. So relatable and so needed. ❤
Hi precious Alex. So good to see you and Kuddos to you for speaking out a bit about Self Reflection. I am much older than you and oh my word, OCD ! My father was the worst, but guess what, I too was so bad and yet would deny it until later on in life. My daughter has it as well. 😢 thank you for opening up a little bit about it as OCD just isn’t talked about much at all. I am so glad you took a month off for YOU! And did what Alex wanted and needed to do to refresh self? You sweetie would never be forgotten. And I’m sure thousands among thousands watched and continue to watch your (this) comeback video. Love love your makeup look. You’re gorgeous inside out. Please, take care of self ok. We all love you
I had to take about a month off from my harp music due to my health, and I know exactly what you're talking about. It can be so difficult for creative people to just take a minute and focus on rest. Worth it though!
I’m glad you took time for yourself! I hope that you continue to take more frequent breaks! Love your creativity!
I was just wondering what to watch while I’m getting ready today. Great to have you back ❤
I relate word for word with the things you stated about having to have things just so, arbitrary rules, adding to the completed to-do list, etc. My anxiety is sometimes debilitating, and I still have not found a good solution for this, or even a good way to cope.
Sometimes I realize I'm not letting myself be alone with my thoughts because the hamster wheel will just spin at light speed forever.
It is really hard for me to take time for myself or "take a break", but I am always SO happy and excited to see others taking that big step for themselves. It really is so important.
We build this little system of a "house" for ourselves, and somehow feel like if we choose to check out, it's going to wholly collapse on our absence. But if we're forced to tap out, we (hopefully) realize little is actually so life and death, and it's okay to relax.
Everything you're saying in this video makes a ton of sense. I connected with you and this video immensely, and it helps me feel really normal for once, instead of a freak. Everyone else in my life operates so differently from myself, and it really makes me feel like I'm doing something very wrong or... inappropriate? I don't know the right word for it.
Thanks for sharing so much with us. It really is nice to just listen to you chat. All of your videos make me feel like it's okay to be different and remind me there are other people who do feel like me. You would be wonderful to get a coffee with or just go to the beach with. You're definitely one of those folks that if I ever came across in public, I would want to pick up the tab for your morning coffee as a way of saying thanks for continuing to put such good energy out into the world and normalize not always being "on".
It would be wonderful to hear your experiences with therapy and self exploration of your mind and habits, if you feel comfortable sharing. And if you don't, that's okay! We still support you! 🩷🫶🏻
As always, what a gorgeous look, and thanks for the friendly ramble! 🥰
Thank you so much for sharing this, it’s crazy how we can all feel so alone but so many of us are experiencing the exact same things. Reading this made me feel so much more connected! ❤️❤️❤️
@@AlexandraAnele I'm so honored to be able to connect with you! 🥹 Take good care of yourself! 🩷🫶🏻
Thank you for sharing your story my mom has ocd and it’s so difficult I hope you get a lot of help and find peace in your journey
Glad you're "back in business" 😊 just a side note to say what an astonishing makeup you did and as for the more intimate chat, I'm sure many people relate to what you feel. I certainly do. Kisses from Portugal!
I'm glad you found something out about yourself during this time off. I'm sorry you felt uncomfortable, I've felt that difficulty sitting still and not being "productive". I can relate.
Omg, I am having a dull summer. This year I thought I was tired and low on motivation because it was winter and thought it'll get better when it's warmer and brighter. Now it's been summer solstice and yeah I'm still low energy.