Thanks so much for watching!! Hope ya liked it - hope you chuck a dark why or 2 in these comments for other people to get inspired by And huge thanks to Aura for supporting the channel (as well as my wellbeing and sleep... or lack of *glares at beautiful baby*) Get started with Aura today for free & the first 500 people to use my link will also get 25% off+ free trial to the Aura membership: www.aurahealth.io/struthless Also have a lovely day (in case you were planning otherwise)
Hey brother what do you think about people who are scared deep down inside, and stressed out, so they take it out on the World by focusing on the negative? In other words for some people using Darkness as motivation could mean they are always focused on that which has no solution. It could be a motivator to the individual, but from the outside be seen as something to avoid?
Hey I wanted to ask - is your merch shop sale going to end soon? Will it come back? Even though it's on sale I cant afford it but EVERY SINGLE DESIGN is so cool Will it be up and on sale next year or are some things limited time?
@struthless You'd love the book "Existential Kink" by Carolyn Elliott - it's like taking your dark why and making it hottttt - which makes it even more effective 😂
When I was staying in Thailand a while back, I used to go exercise in the nearby park early in the morning. There was a surprising amount of people who were there at the same time as me and going around the loop in the park felt kind of like a group thing, even if you were going alone. Anyway, I used to half-jokingly say that I was imagining that we were all trying to run away from Godzilla (not that far-fetched if you've ever seen one of the giant lizards they have over there) together as we were circling that loop. I didn't take it seriously, of course, but just the thought amused me and put me in a good enough mood to keep on going. Then there were the people going in the wrong direction who were obviously sacrificing themselves for the cause to save the rest of us. Bless them.
it's a good attribute to have, viewing life through a more humorous perspective for your amusement, I try to lean towards that too. And yes bless their altruistic souls, those Thai philanthropists 😆
I was in the best shape of my life a few years ago at the same time I got into a cartoon called Miraculous Ladybug (a superhero show set in France). I’d get myself to go to the gym by imagining that I needed to get buff so I could help save the citizens of Paris.
the dark why thing is really fascinating when you compare it to why some neurodivergent people struggle with task paralysis & executive dysfunction… UNTIL we’re put under an imminent deadline or pressure, and then we shine. that’s such a cool connection
Right? I watched Impact podcast, and they mentioned something similar. People who are only moderately discomforted will find ways to justify it, it is only when you are in extreme discomfort, that you will actually progress much further. Really interesting, and very applicable to my own life
I once had a friend, who was super fit, working as a personal trainer and living what looked like a good life. I asked him, what made you wanna start this lifestyle and he told me his dark why, but he framed it like this. ”You have a plot of land that’s empty. You hate looking at the empty plot and you know your plot would be amazing if it had a house in it.” It wasn’t the want for a house that made him built the house, it was the empty sad looking plot that he wanted to get rid of. This video made me understand why hating the empty plot works.
That's actually very useful. It's like, instead of figuring out what you love and want, you first figure out the opposite and let the rest reveal itself.
Thoughout the video I wasn't sure if I like to try this method, but now your example made me realize why. I am quite like this when it comes to my home interior. When I broke up with my ex, I couldn't stand the sight of my flat so I furiously and intensely did a lot of nice changes to it. And today, although it looks nice and although I'm mentally in a better place, I don't look at my nicely decorated bathroom thinking oh what a nice place I've created. My friends love it and always compliment me on it, but in my head it is stained with that initial fury that I had, and I can't experience the pure joy that I have when I do things with positive motivation. It is as if you've done it for others, for some cruel judge out there, and not for yourself.
I began real estate at 35 as a newly divorcing waitress with three small children. During a heated conversation he said do you actually think you going to do anything with that real estate license!? I told him," You just watch me" I sold so much property my first year that the Board of Realtors created a Rookie of the Year award. My fourth year I sold more homes (120) than anyone in the history of the valley. Started my own real estate company in 2010 with 60 agents own my own commercial building, multiple rental properties, and an escrow company. I have been able to provide my children a life that even I never imagined. I assume his dismissive assessment of my abilities have been galling for him as he has watched my success but I on the other hand am grateful for the fuel that his negativity put in my tank!
I love this! I have one caveat/critique though. The Dark Why needs to be VERY intentional, because for a lot of people it could be reinforcing internalized values that don't ring true, and lead to executive dysfunction. To use your car analogy...the hotwire works in the short term but if you don't find your keys it leaves your car vulnerable to anyone malicious, or just selfish. That person can jump in your car and use your tank of gas for themselves. They might not even be bad, they might just not have a key to their own car but they see yours ready to hotwire. So the Dark Why is useful, but also prone to abuse by others. If you use shame to motivate yourself, and then your partner or loved family member ends up using that same shame against you, even innocently but misguided, it can have a lot more negative impact on you. Sorta a "screw it, you take the car, I didn't want to go out anyway" type effect. I was one that used the Dark Why for years (namely fear of homelessness, a fear I don't really have but internalized from my entire family) and it led to extreme burnout and dissatisfaction with my entire life. So again, the Dark Why would keep me off the streets for a short term, but over time I'd crash and burn because I still wasn't finding my proper and reliable key to my car.
I really love the expansion on the ability for others to take advantage of hot-wiring your car themselves!! That really helps my mind get a better awareness of the situation - thanks! 😊
Thank you so much for this necessary addition to the great points in the video. I've met some terrible bitter negative selfish people who use dark whys to the extreme, which is why I personally have been so turned off of it. This video changed my mind but I still felt a bit uneasy until I read your comment!
My psychologist told me, not too long ago that we should start seeing our anger as a superpower because essentially anger is just a feeling telling us that we wish for a change. Next time you feel anger, try to look for the change you desire in the situation. It can be as simple as you breaking your phone’s screen and getting angry - the change you want is for your screen not to be broken anymore. Changing your focus from the anger feeling to the change you desire, can also help you focus and point out the next course of action more clearly.
I find that the "dark why" is really what makes us human. I don't think a person can honestly say they have lived their whole life having never motivated themselves with a selfish reason. Even as a kid; I started to take drawing 'seriously' and trying to improve myself in 6th grade, because I was jealous my friend could draw better than me and everybody wanted her to draw pictures. Now I've graduated uni with a BFA, hoping to do a master's some day. To deny or repress those negative motivations creates a cycle of selfhatred and might even leave you more unmotivated, I used to be stuck in that cycle for years and I accomplished nothing. Once I forgave myself for being human and needing to 'hotwire the car', I embraced my more toxic initial thoughts (providing I don't let them feed into depression where I just lay in bed and shit on myself for hours) and was able to start the roll of motivation, even overcoming a lot of anxiety by just pushing through difficult tasks with negative selfstarters. I always love your videos but this is such an important message to get out. In this crazy capitalist world that tries to force us to be positive all the time so we can be "more productive" with altruistic nonsense, we need more people openly sharing their dark why's, and how through that they were able to be the person they wanted to be.
I completely agree with you. When we tell ourselves we are wrong for our dark why, it does make us sink into depression. I did. I began to question myself, who I am, and what motivates me. Am I a bad person for having a dark why? I have decided I am not a bad person. My actions prove that I am not. Just because I need a negative motivator to get started doesn't make me, as a whole, a bad person. My negative motivators have pushed me to help clean up the environment, inspire others, feed homeless, and show everyone I meet the love I wish I had received from others. Sometimes we have to know what we do not want to know what we do want.
I've always struggled with getting started on things. Could be anything; things I don't enjoy and things I do. I would procrastinate on getting a pedicure just as much as I would on cleaning the bathroom. I always felt ashamed of how lazy I was, and tried to hide that part of me. I'd say things like " I'm too tired right now because I've had so many stressful things going on. Once I rest and feel better, then I'll tick off all the to-do's." Always trying to justify to myself why it wasn't that I was lazy, but "tired", "sick", "too busy", etc. Recently I've started to feel more compelled to lean into and accept my shadow side. I started thinking about laziness, and how laziness itself is not "bad", it just is. Like a strong work ethic is not "good", it just is. It's a trait, and whether it becomes good or bad depends on how we use it. So I stopped labeling myself as "bad" because I'm lazy, and instead started thinking of it as just another one of my personality traits. Now when I don't want to do something (which is always, no matter what the thing is), I say to myself "I don't want to do this because I don't want to get up. I don't want to get up because I'm lazy. Ok. Laziness is making me feel like I don't want to get up, and that's ok." This allows me to non-judgmentally accept my full self, shadow side included. That acceptance seems to automatically knock down a wall that prevents me from moving. Basically telling myself it's ok that I'm lazy. That's fine, I can be lazy and still do the things I want to do. I don't know if this makes sense, but it's like if you had poor vision, you wouldn't sit in the back row in class and not wear your glasses and try to pretend like your vision was fine. You'd accept that you have poor vision and need to sit in the front row in class and wear your glasses. With that acceptance of what is and not treating it as "bad" or something to hide, you just do what you need to do to manage your issue and get on with things.
@@1marya. I also have adhd and I'm trying to learn the same lesson myself... I've had some success getting my life on track since being medicated but it can turn into this internalized need to live up to expectations or put pressure on myself to be productive just because I'm actually capable of it now. I love how you said, "a strong work ethic is not "good", it just is", I think I need to practice allowing myself to do what I can do without holding myself to unrealistic expectations.
This make so much sense. We are being told now that shame is bad. Don't be so hard on yourself. But I think context is everything. We can shame ourselves into paralysis or action. I struggled with my ADHD, dyslexia, and bipolar disorder for years without diagnosis or treatment. There was a lot of toxic shame because I just couldn't do what was expected. When I was finally diagnosed with the bipolar and got treatment it flipped those years of shame around. I thought "Hey, you weren't a worthless basket case, you had undiagnosed mental illness. In fact it is pretty damn amazing what you did accomplished without help." However, I never would have been diagnosed if I hadn't acted on that pain to push me to keep looking for the answer. The reason I pushed myself was I desperately wanted to prove my father wrong. Fast forward 16 years later, mid pandemic, I'm trying to finish my degree and I'm about to completely blow it. I'm literally about to have a nervous break down in the middle of my senior thesis research. That toxic shame came up. "Yep. that's me. Always a quitter. Dad was right." But then I flipped it. "No, that is not me anymore. I will graduate. I can do hard things. Something must be wrong." Talked to my psychiatric nurse and she sent me for ADHD evaluation. ADHD was the basket that all the other stuff fit into. Now my whole past is re-framed and I'm not stupid or lazy or defective, my brain is just different. Had I not experienced that adversity, that negativity, my own doubts, I never would have gotten to the place I am now. Had I not been shaken to my core by almost blowing my degree in the last semester, I wouldn't have found the answer to why there was always this ceiling I couldn't get past. I am now studying to be an ADHD coach and an instructor for the Mental Health First Aid program. I believe my Dark Why pushed me to save my own life and finally find the Big Why - my purpose. I feel more purpose and drive than ever before. And that doesn't happen from medication alone. As always, thanks!
As someone who wasted years on toxic positivity and waiting for the perfect emotional state to get motivated, finally realising that any emotion can be used to set me into motion was absolutely life changing.
"a lack of self-respect is just the dark side of knowing what you want to be in this world." BAM! That one struck deep! Thank you for making such incredible content. It really has nothing to do with those "other" motivation/productivity types, the humanity is woven into every moment. I feel much more motivated with much less guilt when I watch your videos.
This is literally how I got over my depression lmao, I hit a point where I realised that I was going to go down one of two paths, I was either going to kill myself, or I was gonna change. I figured, what do I have to lose from doing things differently? This is already the worst I could ever possibly feel, the worst thing that could happen is I feel the same as I do now. So I just. Stopped doing shit the way I had been doing it. Instant improvement, instant motivation, it took a couple more years for that to extend to like. Basic functioning stuff like going back to school and learning how to do chores (my depression started very young) but eventually it did, I just realised again that no matter how many problems I had with the idea of trying, at least if I was trying something would happen. If I did nothing nothing would change. I haven't slowed down since, I'm still not as "grown up" as I maybe should be by this age, but I'm not holding that against myself anymore, I'm using it to push myself forwards so that I can be.
In middle school, I read “13 Gifts” by Wendy Mass. It started off with Tara, a girl who was being sent away over summer to a relative’s place because she did something (I don’t recall). She did wronged a lady on the train (or perhaps had something stolen from her?) and had to complete favors to make it up. She was sent all over the town to complete little acts of kindness, which spiraled into large acts of kindness. At the end, Tara gets her things back, but questions the legitimacy of her acts because she was doing them for selfish reasons. She voices them aloud to the train lady, and the lady responds, “Does it matter what your reasons were? Would it have gotten done otherwise?”
Negativity motivation also ties into fight/flight/freeze response. Your negative emotions can push you to freeze- to shut down and do nothing- or they can push you to fight- take control and accomplish that thing that's bothering you. Turning freeze into fight is the struggle I'm facing right now.
why is it that ex-addicts have the best life advice ever? this video is life changing- as one of those that feel shame when accessing my 'dark-why' just, thank you (and wishing the best for you and your fam!)
@@struthless had a feeling like this on the first video I saw from you. My guess is you have seen REAL depths of your life. Real scarry s***. If you survive, that can be a real wake up call. While a lot of others may not even notice they have just slightly bad circumstances, slightly boring life, just a bit fat, just a bit toxic family / friends / relationships. But slowly drift deeper and deeper. You need a wake up call. If you had that at late teens, climbed out, you have more than two decades head start compared to someone who just figured that out at 40...
@@struthless daww 💕 i am /sure/ there are tons more people just like me that value you and your advice but are too afraid of the comment trolls to post lol
🤣🤣🤣 I laugh because I developed a drinking problem while going through a rough divorce, and have realized that it really is one of the best things that ever happened to me. Why? Because people who are genuinely in recovery are genuinely trying to be better people. They have no pretenses, no judgements, and no rules about how to get it done. They're the only people who are proud of their shitty days. Seriously, becoming a drunk was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
i think giving good life advice requires you to have your shit together, or at least know what having your shit together feels like. and most people dont, because they dont need to. if conditions are suitable you can coast by life without needing to have your shit together (over much). but if you get addicted, you need to get your shit together before you can kick that addiction. of course this is all relative, there is not binary 'shit together' state and there is no binary 'shit not together state' but generally speaking ex-addicts have thier shit together better than most addicts and probably better than most average people who haven't had to fight through that. tldr suffering build character, and addiction is suffering.
Something I got out of therapy recently is that there are two lists in my head: the organic, genuine motivations to do things, and the 'should' reasons to do things. The 'should' list is the list of why I'm supposed to do the thing, like: i should get a job because I'm supposed to, bc I have to, bc I don't want to be poor, I don't want to be a slacker, etc. The organic motivation list is the stuff that makes me want to do the thing, like: I want a job because I enjoy learning new things, having cash for fun and financial security, having a way to meet people and get out of the house, etc. The 'should' list kills my motivation instantly, even for things I really really want or need to do and have my own sense of motivation for, but I usually disregard my organic motivations for things instead of pursuing things out of genuine desire, and find it easier to do nothing at all, or something of low investment like vacuuming or video games. The hard thing for me is trusting that trying is worth it and that the things I want are valuable. The idea is that I'd rather look back on the past having invested in the things I care about and will be a lot less likely to see that investment as a failure or as worse than the low investment, short term things I find easier to do. As such, the goal is to listen to those moment to moment thoughts and feelings a lot more, and to shame and avoid those things a lot less. This channel is really cool, I've been watching it for over a year, but it often takes a very personal level of reflection and conversation to recognize just how close to home the ideas are to what I'm trying to learn. I'm glad to have both, because videos like this are so important and they remind me of what I want to value and do with my life
I just left an awful, awful job with an awful boss. I'm using the fact that i never want to be in the position i was in again, to change my approach to life, and think differently about what i'm doing with my career. The negativity has driven me to positivity.
This made me realize several things, but there's one thought in particular I want to share for the sake of other nuerodiverse and/or disabled/chronically ill folk (particularly ADHD in my case, but this may be interesting to think about in other contexts as well) In this car analogy, even if your circumstances have given you a key, we haven't been given a car with a nuerotypucal ignition. It doesn't matter how many keys you have if you haven't been given a brain or body that can use them. In fact, it may as well not have an ignition at all, if it weren't for the times it randomly starts for unrelated tasks or runs itself off the road to chase trivial sidequests. Every time I've improved my general productivity, it's been by ignoring conventional wisdom and finding ways to trick my brain into starting the tasks it desperately wants to do So learning to hotwire the car isn't just a quirky little gimmick you can use every once in awhile to bring a task to the next level, but a key tool for daily survival that should be factored in at all times to preserve your sanity. After all, there's only so many times you can sysiphus the car up the road before you completely mentally and physically burn out
This happened to my husband recently. He was overweight for the longest time and struggled with high blood pressure and constant migraines. He had some blood tests and was told that he was at risk of becoming a diabetic if he didn't drastically change his lifestyle. He was so terrified of getting diabetes that he started Keto and stuck with it for months, not cheating once. He ended up losing over 30kg, corrected his blood pressure, his mood improved, and he had more energy to play with our kids. The negativity thing definitely works!
I always say that suffering is always worth something - when we embrace the negativity for our own growth, rather than shun and shame it, the suffering becomes radically transformative.
Rich Roll, this channel and a dash of a few other creators allowed me to change my life. I definitely used my dark why. I thought about my son growing up to be a fat loser and realizing he was taught to be this way by me. It’s really my fear of being a fat dad that keeps me sober and running. Thanks my para-social digital mentor. You’re awesome. Your family is lucky to have you.
I have been on the struggle bus with uni for years now and am constantly trying to work through the fear and negativity that my past mistakes define me and that it is futile to continue my studies. This video has helped me let go of some of that shame and made it feel okay to harness that energy to be determined to finish this degree out of spite and proving people wrong lol
Keep going just one day at a time, keep picking yourself up for each assignment even when it's so hard to be motivated. One day it will end and you cant imagine now how proud of yourself you are going to be. And noone can ever take that away.
yes my dude, i wish you so much strength with this! i just wrapped up my master's after what felt like an endless spiral of shame, regret, and anxiety. harness that shit, get it done, and explore new possibilities that could bring you joy moving forward. wishing you all the best!!
I feel you, and I'm wishing you strength too. I've had a rough ride during my degree too. This video touches on something I try to remember to remind myself. Ten years down the line, these struggles could pay dividends - when I'm in the middle of things, it's hard to see how my most negative experiences can be my most positive ones. May your grappling with these issues now be a source of strength and wisdom in your future
If you really like your degree, it’s a totally acceptable motivation to keep going. But if you’re only doing the degree to spite others, that’s when I believe it’s a losing battle.
@@louera I think the point is you use that negativity strategically as a device, and then reap the transformative wisdom that comes from getting unstuck and realizing through action the accomplishment. Otherwise, you could be stuck with perpetuating guilt, shaming yourself, etc.
To me, anger directly translates to action. That's the evolutionary reason it exists. I get angry because something needs to change. It's hard to capture that feeling and use it positively because I don't often get that angry. I'm thinking I can either try focusing on my more common negative emotions or I can try "angry meditation." Deliberately invoking the feeling of anger when I need to get something done.
I just want to say, that as someone with a mental illness, this tactic would never work for me. My darkness does not inspire action - all it does is make me hide from the world and avoid my responsibilities. I have OCD, so there's a real danger that using hatred toward myself or others will cause me to spiral out of control for weeks or months at a time. I wish that I could make this work because trust me when I say that I have A LOT of darkness that would be great to transform into something positive... But, if I start a task or project from that place, I'll never be able to transition my motivation from darkness to something more healthy. I think that transition is key to making this tactic work for someone like me long-term. Using shame and disgust with myself as my only motivator is Not The Move. I'm really glad this method works for some! But if it doesn't work for you, that's okay too!
This is true. Now that my depression is controlled, this tactic would work for me, but in the thick of it the darkness was ALL I could see and it didn’t motivate me, just made me sad and lethargic and hopeless. Different strategies work for different people for sure.
First of all, I LOVE your channel and advice. I've been thinking about this a lot and felt compelled to put a little warning about using this mindset and some cases where it could be really dangerous. Obviously I know this example I'm giving it not what you're promoting, but hear me out. I realized my kind of "darkest dark why" is based in comparison to others and severe fatphobia. I have absolutely tapped into this as motivation before and IT WORKED! I lost 20 pounds, looked great... but I also basically stopped eating for months and still hated myself (because that was the habit I was practicing). I would tell myself "you won't be loved if you're fat... Only skinny people are pretty, happy, successful...etc." Worst of all, my brain became obsessed with this idea that weight=worth and I couldn't turn it off when I looked at others. It's an idea we're subconsciously fed through the media all the time. I judged myself and others all the time based on appearances and that is a truly miserable way to live. I've since worked really hard to get out of that mindset and now, I do struggle to find the keys to the car or healthier ways to hotwire it. My point is that there are limitations to this and ESPECIALLY if you have a history of eating disorder or an obsession that got out of hand, please think hard about what you use as motivation. It can lead a dark place.
My dark why: being in a severely controlling relationship where I could not do what I wanted or be who I wanted caused me to really look at who I am. I broke out of that situation and now I'm more me than I've ever been. Very happy to be on this new journey to find my truth. Thank you for your videos. All the best to you always 💜
I’m not sure this dovetails exactly with what you were saying but this year, to get through a terrifying major surgery, I used the words of marathon runner Eluid Kipchoge: ‘I try to control my brain and tell myself, listen: where the pain increases, that is where the success is.’ I’m actually very frightened of pain. On the other side of the long dark run into the surgery and the painful long recovery, the worst thing ever really did turn out to be the best thing.
Great video! I really like that "best thing that ever happened to me" exercise. I've used that a few times since first hearing you talk about it. I also wanted to say that your advice has altered my life for the better. I interviewed for a job last month and they offered me the position, but the salary was too low. So I decided to take your advice in a previous video and "say no with a price" by asking for a salary much higher. Surprisingly, they gave it to me! I just wanted to say thanks!
Remember when you were like "I struggle with perfectionism an am tackling it by lowering my standards" and now your videos have even higher production quality?
Thank you so much for making videos like this. In a world full of toxic positivity, you're great at reminding a lot of us that it's actually OK to embrace all aspects of your humanity, even those "negative" emotions. I also really appreciate that you always acknowledge that everyone has come from a different starting point, that we're not all running the same race
Everything I've ever accomplished has been inspired by the chip I carry on my shoulder from everyone who ever told me that I couldn't. There is nothing more motivating that "fuck you, watch me."
I have used the "dark why" so much times in my life since I have memory that I don't want to torture me anymore to reach goals, doing everything driven by negative emotions kills my ability to want. Be careful people, don't understimate your mental health.
Oh my god, I just wrote out your decision matrix for replacing junk food with healthy food, and I really struggled to come up with a single short-term gain for eating healthy. This really drove home why I find it such a challenge - like yeah there's loads of long term benefits, but honestly the only two short term ones I could think of is not being constipated and a vague sense of having made the 'right' choice. Neither of those are particularly satisfying. Healthy home-cooked food doesn't make me feel good in the moment, it takes a while to start seeing the benefits and honestly it just doesn't taste as good. This exercise has really clarified what I need to look at to suceed. Thank you so much.
Also, not only using the dark why for motivation but even the act of acknowledging it in the first place and coming face-to-face with it alleviates shame, like a lot. Instead of allowing it to ruminate inside of you and trying to ignore its existence, consciously bringing it to the forefront of your mind is empowering. So it’s a twofold win. I hadn’t thought of this until I watched this video. But now I’m going to think about it a lot and definitely use it. I keep saying this but I’m gonna keep on saying it anyway I’m really happy you are doing what you are doing. I absolutely love your content!!
Negatively can definitely help fuel personal growth and positive change. I once left a bad job and out of pure anger and spite, I was able to find a secure a better one in less than a week. If you can learn to control negative emotions you can make them work for your benefit.
Wow, the same job situation happened to me. I’m guilty of taking too many punches for my own well-being, but seeing my amazing boss be forced into retirement was my last straw. It took me witnessing someone else being mistreated to realize that I was as well. I made my last day the same as hers in solidarity which surely left our employer in a gigantic mess. I happily gave them more than I had in me most of the time without it ever once being noticed outside of my department. Company size was no excuse as we had 40 people in total. They tried the “what can we do to make you stay” bit after I gave notice. My manager (second in charge) asked how I held back throwing two middle fingers in HR’s face. Now I have a better job, better pay, and feel appreciated despite the company being 3x the size.
Im at that point in my life where I needed this reality check. Truly, noble intentions are are a privilege for those who can afford, for those whose lives are paved with gold. For those of us who live in the mud, we have to crawl on our hands and knees just to get out. There's no beauty in sinking gracefully, so better to just claw our way to the surface by whatever thought and tool we can use.
A bit of a side topic but what that runner said made me think about it- visualizing yourself as someone who already overcame some obstacles that you're facing is really helpful. I am a self taught snowboarder and my mom told me something a long time ago, she said that if i want to be better at snowboarding i should just act as if I'm a pro. Best advice ever. If you're really playing this character of someone really good at something (especially connected with moving your body) it really makes you unconsciously more brave and adapt certain behaviors intuitively
Amazing video, as usual! My dark why stems from my mom. She had a stroke when I was 10, I had to help her learn to talk and walk again. I need to get fit and my dark why is….if I don’t get fit I’ll also have a stroke and my kids will have to see me go through what I went through with my mom. As morbid as it sounds, I think it’s powerful!
Wow! Strokes are literally one of my biggest fears. I think the more independent of a person you are the more devastating the stroke can be on you. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to _know_ what you want to say and how you want to express yourself yet being unable to do so.
It strikes me that ultimately that why sounds like it's about your love for your kids and your mom. It's dark...but also not. Truly seems like a really beautiful sort of dark why. The kind that seeks to avoid pain for those you love. Seems quite beautiful to me. Definitely powerful like you said! Thank you for sharing!
Another bangin' vid! I'm 34 and I've just gone back to uni and trying to get assessments done when you also work full time and have two kids can be harddddd. My dark why is definitely attempting to beat all of the fresh out of high school kiddies because I have "life experience" and "more wisdom" ahaha.
I clean like a mad women before I have people over, things get deep cleaned. I’ve always loved that extra push high I get when deep cleaning because I don’t want to look like a slob. Now I know why! I can definitely apply this in other areas of my life. Crazy I never thought of it like that before. 🤯🎉
I’m the same way! Lol I sometimes convince myself that people are going to submit me for a game show and they’ll show up with cameras unannounced and then I freak out and start cleaning because I’m terrified! 😂
I like the idea of making up a story to help motivate you. This way, you can tap directly into your insecurities. Here's mine: "There’s another person on the other side of the world who is just like me and is working on the exact same project. If I don’t finish before them, I will be ridiculed, I’ll become homeless, and my cats will be lost without me to care for them."
For me I really like who I am on good days, but really dislike myself when it's a bad day and I'm procrastinating or being lazy - what helps me get out of that sometimes is imagining I'm my own Dad looking at myself in disgust at the idle-teenager type behaviour 😂 reminds me that I'm capable of doing better and that I much prefer being the adult me! Thanks for another awesome video mate!
Wow, this video made me even cry a lil bit, the moments of biggest inspiration for me were I was soo angry and infuriated because of some situation I hated, this video helped me feel a little less guilty of not having a "pure and innocent" reason to do the things I love. Thanks!
Thank you for explaining why I could never get through “Start with Why,” and for redeeming me to myself for not having one of those golden shiny altruistic motivations behind why I bust my ass to achieve my goals. BLESS YOU SIR!!! ❤
Being able to turn disadvantages into advantages is something not many people even consider. Being lazy makes me think about giving myself rest. Being jealous makes me want to push harder, same as thinking myself as "not good enough". Fear is a great motivator for the development of humanity. Thanks for the video.
Whenever I am in a depressive episode or I am particularly upset about something, I try to turn it into anger. My philosophy is: Turn sadness into anger, because anger leads to passion, which turns into action. I think this video explains why it works so well for me!
This is a topic I'd been discussing with myself for almost a month now and it is refreshing to see this. At first I was completely against "the dark why" and wanted to avoid it at all costs because I had been living the last 10 years of my life under the idea that I needed to be a good person. A few trips to the psychologist later (if you're reading this go to therapy (idc if you don't think you need it), if you already are keep going) I started doubting myself as if I wasn't an actual good person. I discovered that my "obsession" with being a good person came from my childhood when I told myself that I was better than others. I was on a dark path, but luckily asked myself the question of "What is being better than others?" and I arrived at the conclusion that someone "better" is just a good person with good motives that takes care of others and themselves. So this was my first "dark why", but it led me to good actions and then good motives. Now I believe that I am actually a good person (and I no longer think that I am better than others). I've used other "dark why's" without noticing that led me pretty cool stuff, but I always had some trouble with using more "dark why's" (or at least acknowledging them) because it went against a somewhat two-dimensional perception of a good person that I had, but I worked on it with my psychologist and this video helped me click with some ideas that were already brewing in my mind. I wanted to share that "dark why" and show some appreciation because this video helped me quite a lot. Thanks!
I think one of the most intense "dark why's" is with trying to get someone to love you. Michael Jordan said in The Last Dance his extreme competitiveness began when he was a kid, competing against his brothers for their dad's love. When the wires get crossed in your brain that your worthiness of being loved is tied to you achieving or attaining some thing, shit gets real intense real quick.
THIS. But that's also so dangerous and will not lead to longterm happiness... mostly misery because then when you get to that place and you are the best, you most likely won't even be able to enjoy it.
This video is so accurate. I like how you acknowledge that sometimes it can be toxic to think negativity will beg action. But in the video your discussion did justice to how our insecurities and challenges can be used to act. "Is this the best I can do reframes the question where we are forced to get out of our self-pity mindset and get to asking the right question where we can acknowledge shame and guilt. I have tried and tested this. I used to ask "am I doing enough?" And it was never enough! But I have now started asking 'is this the best I can do?' I go back and look at my resources, calculate what I need to do and then move to action. Motivation follows. The more I finish tasks the more motivation I get and I am only focussed on my actions not how 'good enough' I am.
Thank you Campbell for articulating a part of me that I couldn’t for years. My dark why has been the main spark for my studies, work and gym goals. To add to your awesome analogy, I view my dark why as that demon fox from Naruto. For a lot of my life, the dark why has been a chaotic/wrath driven part of me, sure it got results, but they would be messy, similar to how the demon fox takes over Naruto at the start of the series. But as I have gotten older and learned to love my self a bit more, my dark why is in sync with me, plus much stronger, just like when Naruto can control the demon at the end of the series. Which means just like our virtuous why, or dark why can be refined and enhanced over time as our lives change and grow. Thanks king
There’s a maybe 8 year old kid named Jeremiah who interviews pro athletes. Anyone who’s seen his work as a journalist is impressed because of his vocabulary and professional decorum at such a YOUNG age! He shared on the Jennifer Hudson show that because his parents are older than typical parents with an 8 year old son, and his mother has very serious health concerns, it drives him to achieve as much as possible at an early age. It brings tears to my eyes and it explains how he’s so excellent this early in life with his dark why acting as the fuel for his actions
- "husband runs off w a politician, make good art". - write what makes you angry. - embrace and use the negativity - use ur demons to move you forward - ultra runners: use negativity as motivation "suck it, mr smith" - find your (dark) why: insecurity, jealousy, revenge, guilt etc. any energy "is this really the best i can do?" short term vs long term - self awareness, create hypothetical scenario: worst you/ best you - reframe: how are the worst things that ever happened to you the best things that ever happened to you? - everybody has acces to hot wiring! - jealousy: sense of direction - apathy: fearlessness - guilt: empathy - anger: drive - sadness: honesty - lack of self respect: knowing what no longer want to be in this world
Man, I vibe so much with that comment at 17:16, and I think this is also highly related to toxic positivity. I think like that person all the time, also because people just parrot positivity non-stop. I'd constantly hear things like "You just have to do it!" and "You have to be positive about it!", leaving me puzzled about how you're supposed to do that. It's worse when that supposed positivity turns into guilt tripping and gaslighting. Some of the most painful things I've found people say is stuff like "You just didn't want it enough" and other variants of it, like "I don't think you love X as much as you think you do". Me being very insecure and (as it turns out) autistic I always just took that as truth, so I figured I just wasn't good at something or wasn't meant to do whatever I wanted to do. I'm only just figuring out that that's all nonsense and that you should live by your own nature, and not just to get validated by someone else. Find what works for you, whether it's positive or negative, and just go. You can adjust your course along the way, but you can only do that when you're in motion.
instead of asking "why is this happening to me?" I ask "what is this trying to teach me?" biggest game changer ever. just that flip of perspective was able to get me through some of the toughest times, just changing the negativity into something to grow from. great vid :)
Awesome video, as usual. I'll stick with the quick fix of 18:24 Jealousy = Sense of direction Apathy = Fearlessness Guilt = Empathy Anger = Drive Sadness = Honesty Lack of Self Respect = Know what you DONT want to be Thanks, mate.
"What you're looking for is energy. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad. Find a power source you can use. " This hit me. I have so much repressed rage and anger that I've come to regard as "bad" energy. As if where it came from will somehow corrupt the actions it's used for. Fuel is fuel. Get it. Thank you.
I have to say there's also a trap you can fall into by following your dark why, and that is doing something that you don't really want to do and which will not make you feel complete and accomplished. I did that a lot when I was a bit younger (although I'm 26 now lol). I think the idea of getting motivated by negativity is great and can lead to results, but for me it would just turn on my monkey brain and I made decisions that were irrational. What I'm saying is: think about what you're motivating yourself for. Are you doing this for yourself or for others who won't care anyway?
It's amazing how you put words and images on deep and secret thoughts. I really needed to accept my own process on how I turn-on the car because sometimes its by using the keys but other times, I can't find them, so demons come but I'm trying so hard not to listen to them that they paralyse me and they turn on the car and I'm ashamed wich sometimes can make me go less fast or far... You taught us how to live with our demons but also make them our allies so we can both achieve what we want : Demon get peace and I get motivation. I'm so glad you publised it on january, feels like I might achieve big things this year ! THANK YOU a lot 🥰(Sorry my english is not so good, I'm french !!)
I read somewhere that jealousy alerts us to what we want for ourselves. I find this incredibly helpful for identifying what I want, and it's stopped me feeling like I have to suppress jealousy. Now I see it as a good thing
I just love your style, man. The way you personify and illustrate concepts just makes it so unconfrontational even when addressing these heavy topics. Top notch work as always 🙏
One of my dark why has been with me since childhood. I always felt like the adults around me discouraged me and put me down, and I felt like they all expected me to fail in life. My aunt told my mother that I'd be a good-for nothing because I started staying up late in middle school and another family friend of 50 years old "jokingly" asked me if I was doing videochat while I was playing on my computer at 14 yo. This year I'm finishing my masters and everyone is "so proud of me", especially since I'm the first to get to this point in my immediate family. I'm glad I proved everyone wrong but now I need a new "out of spite" goal LOL
Your videos are so inspiring. I've been struggling a lot at the moment with the number of ways the world feels like it's going wrong and some days I end up either crying on the floor or with this feeling of total apathy. It's so encouraging to hear someone say that you don't have to be perfectly sunny and positive all the time, just find any reason for doing what you know to be the right thing. I haven't really explored my "dark why" yet, but visualisation is such a good technique. I was talking to my husband about how it's so much easier if you're Aragorn fighting Orcs because you know who the bad guys are and that you're doing a good thing. On days when I am finding life difficult, I try to imagine that all my negative thoughts are demons and I am some fantasy/anime protagonist doing battle with them. Doesn't always work but it's a start.
the concept of the dark why really speaks to me. ive been using spite to motivate me as a way to survive abuse for years, and even though im no longer in an abusive situation, it still helps me when trying to move on from that to something better.
I am so grateful someone is talking about this! I had a dream two years ago, when I was going through a very difficult time during quarantine, where I wrote this sentence down in a journal: "use whats holding you back as fuel to move forward." And when I woke, I immediately wrote it down. I usually never write or see many words in dreams, so this was a really unusual dream. Idk if I saw that statement somewhere or what, but it's stuck with me. I believe this truly is the realistic perspective of persevering, especially for those who aren't neurotypical. It's so important to know how to influence ourselves, and every emotion has a distinct purpose, weakness AND advantage.
this is really interesting for me. as someone who is all about positive self-talk i think that perhaps i let too much slide -habits i want to change but haven’t let myself “bully” myself into consistently improving. i try to always make decisions out of love and joy, not fear and insecurity. but this concept really makes me want to try this to give myself that extra push to really take action. thank you for sharing!!
This was really interesting. I think spite is a really great motivator personally. I try to be careful with dark why though, I don't want to end up ruminating constantly on negative things. It takes balance to maintain my mental health and if getting things done requires that much negativity, then it isn't worth it to me. But people definitely talk about positivity as if it is the only healthy framework which is definitely not the case every time.
I’m so glad I found this video. I’m one of those people who has a lot of demons but feels like it’s wrong to let them be my “why.” I’ve been severely depressed for so many years, feeling guilty that I’m not motivated by the same things as others. The dark why concept doesn’t necessarily solve everything, but I feel like this video gave me permission that I’ve been subconsciously waiting for.
OK, here is my dark Y. I survived breast cancer… Twice. Two different kinds, one estrogen, positive and estrogen, negative… Etc. etc. It’s stuck me with Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, myofascial, pain, syndrome, and a myriad of other comorbidities. But, I am alive. So I win! Now I’ve started my business… From years of being “artistic.” I am creating beauty and joy and fun and happiness, and I am sharing it. Because had I taken this the other direction, I wouldn’t be doing any of those things. I would be dead. Negative motivation works. Thank you for this… I enjoyed your RUclips.
I love you man ! I have been through hell in my twenties. To clarify, i did not almost die burned in a forest fire. But, I have stayed in my room in complete apathy 2 summers in a row. Got tired Looking for the key man The fear of not being on the good path is a terrible one to face on your own and you're doing a good job to help others overcome it with great imagery we can integrate and clever tricks. Thank you Camp. Its also a beautiful act to sometimes start each others cars and your videos (and your book) often do the job for me. Cheers from Belgium, im gonna go journal in a coffee and clarify my head so it will be easier to start tomorrow. 🌻 J
after watching this video, it immediately clicked. this is NOT the best that i can do , its no fucking near it. thank you for this i really needed this!! a month ago i started feeling like not myself, i started to isolate myself and i lost interest in some of the things i did before. i am aware that this is not me, so i've let myself feel the sadness, feel the pain instead of running away from it. but i had to make sure that i know how to get back where i'm supposed to be, right now i'm having trouble finding my way back. this video made me feel like its my map. my philosophy with life lately: what is life when its just full of highs? life needs a bit of balance. the lowest of lows will give you the highest of highs.
I am personally someone who is drawn to good more than bad (atleast, I hope I am). If "dark why" quite doesn't sound good for you like me, think of this entire video as "better and happier ways to look at tragic times". Unlike what I initially thought, struthless here isn't trying to propagate harm to serve oneself. The darkness here refers to yourself getting stuck in negativity and one day looking within the same negativity to see reason and hence the light. This really is positive thinking wrapped up to appeal to those minds which are attracted to bad happenings!
I think I'm lucky enought to have many positive reasons (as of right now) to keep pushing: I want to be an athlete, I want my family to be happy and economically stable, I want to play competitive games, I want to know how it feels to put the same effort as the 'bests' there are. But a dark why that helped me was to think that I didn't have any initiative and confidence in myself to take past opportunities, and I won't allow myself to repeat those mistakes again. I know we all are going to make it, and this is a great way to show us that there's no fixed fuel to keep us moving! Thank you for sharing
i just saw a study that was saying that imagining the good outcome of your goal its often counter productif as it become day dreaming (guilty of that) … they say its more productif to imagine what your life will be if you dont. its pretty much what your saying and i couldn’t agree more 👌🏻
This video is life-changing!! I’ve struggled with getting things done my entire life and no advice seems to work for me, but THIS, this is so powerful. I’ve struggled with severe depression, SAD, GAD and OCD pretty much my entire life. I’m EXTREMELY perfectionistic and on top of that I have a VERY LONG list of childhood trauma and parent issues. (I’m 20 female btw) I turned to drinking and I would surround myself with toxic men to give me the attention I never got, you know the drill my life is pretty shitty. I get BAD intrusive thoughts all the time but I’ve never thought about using it to my advantage. Been in and out of therapy since I was like 12 and it never really helped. Now I’m on antidepressants and I only drink when with friends or when partying/clubbing, never alone anymore!! I just wanna say thank you!! 💕Your advice has helped me so much, you’re hands down my fave productivity/life advice channel. I love how you keep it real and personal, your advice is GOLDEN
Here's something that helped me: I wrote down a positive future scenario (2-3 years in the future in this case): the things I want to do and how I want to feel day to day. and then I mapped out what the worst kind of life I could imagine would be (that was somewhat realistic and in my power to change). This made me realise that some current behaviours could lead me straight to my 'horror' scenario and motivated me to shift. E.g. I realised that feeling the freedom to steer my life was more important to me than the security of a job, so I was able to set that as a goal. When I came across that list some 2-3 years later, I saw that I avoided all 'horror' scenarios and pretty much moved into all aspects of my 'ideal' scenario. I might not be a super successful entrepreneur, but I achieved that feeling of freedom and that gives me so much more confidence from day to day than what drudgery employment was. This now salient fear of living my 'nightmare' life managed to banish some unconscious belief that I had: Pushing through the discomfort/fear of change is just something for Iron Man participants not for sloths without discipline like me 😅
So true. This has played out in my life on many occasions. About ten or so years ago, my health started to rapidly deteriorate and at the same time, my mom had a stroke. I was terrified of turning out like her, so I started eating healthy, and over the next couple of years I lost about 100 pounds. I did become much more focused on being healthy over time, but it was sheer terror that got me started and motivated me to keep going. I joined several diet forums (this was before FB took over everyone’s groups) when I first started out, and after about 6 months, I got really good a predicting which new people would stick around and stay with whatever program they were doing; if they showed up wanting to lose weight for cosmetic reasons, they didn’t usually stick around, but the people who had intense health issues tended to stay around. Fear seemed to be a strong factor. I also have severe anxiety and I hate calling places for appointments or to fix problems. But recently I had a lab office send me a bill for something I’d already paid for, and the anger I felt totally overrode my anxiety. 😅 It was a huge relief to call someplace without feeling that pit of dread rushing through me. (Don’t worry, I was nice to the lady I talked to, but I also wasn’t about to let them charge me twice for a test they’d completely effed up.) I never thought about purposely tapping into the dark side of my motivation before. So, I really enjoyed this video. Thanks for all your helpful suggestions ❤☮️
Watching this all the way through for a 2nd time, taking notes, etc., I realized yours is the only channel I watch at regular speed. Thanks for these excellent, dense ass videos.
I agree with Dustin Short's comment on your dark why needing to be very intentional, and perhaps used when you've got a healthy dose of self-awareness and understanding of our own issues and what makes you tick. For example, I grew up with a suuuper unconventional education and didn't go to high school, or get my GED. I did eventually do it, but used what you could suggest was a dark why to motivate myself ("if you don't get your diploma you're worthless!"). This powered me through my high school education, and even my university education. But boy, was it a bumpy ride. Since then I've grown a LOT and have had a healthy dose of therapy. I love myself and value myself so much more than I did back then, and recognize the unhealthy coping mechanisms I used to survive some pretty gnarly scenarios. But doing what I did back then, I can see the lack of intent behind it, that it was almost like an autopilot response. I didn't know I was motivating myself that way, and it was something that opened me up to being mistreated by others. But I know it now and can recognize it when it creeps up. So, now I can create my own dark whys that feel a bit cheeky, maybe give me subtle evil genius vibes (if only in my head), and rather than turning it on myself, I can, perhaps, turn it on other people (just in my head of course). Say, for example, my awful ex who always used to make me feel bad for not having the motivation to do art (spoiler alert: it was because I was in a horribly draining relationship with a jerk). Now, I can take that and say "screw that guy, I'm going to make so much art and prove that jackass wrong." So, if I ever need some motivation to live my life more authentically me, I can either tap into my self-love or, when I'm feeling maybe less self-lovey, tap into those slightly darker feelings.
Around minute 11:00 when the question is asked to oneself of, "Is this really the best you can do?". I started crying. Crying because I have reached a point in my life where I have had to ask myself hard questions like this one. I'm struggling quite a bit with eating and food in general. I don't like where I am at with my habits and how that affects what I see in the mirror. I relate on many emotional levels with this example you've shared and I thank you for that because it created a good perspective for me.
man, I have just watched until minute 1:32 and this is exactly what I needed to hear. The question you throw up was precisely the one I had in my head. Love you in the distance, thanks for making my life better.
Ok here’s my dark why - I am a musician and I am super competitive. There was this lead singer who I was jealous of a little, and I honestly for a while I just wanted to be her. It made me feel worthless and afraid to fail. So I worked on learning one of their songs, and gave it everything I had even if it meant my voice cracked or wobbled. I not only got better, but also was able to start to like my own voice. I kinda take myself back to that jealous angry place when I need that extra push. Hope this helps someone, gonna have fun reading the rest of the comments now😊
Thanks so much for watching!! Hope ya liked it - hope you chuck a dark why or 2 in these comments for other people to get inspired by
And huge thanks to Aura for supporting the channel (as well as my wellbeing and sleep... or lack of *glares at beautiful baby*)
Get started with Aura today for free & the first 500 people to use my link will also get 25% off+ free trial to the Aura membership: www.aurahealth.io/struthless
Also have a lovely day (in case you were planning otherwise)
Hey brother what do you think about people who are scared deep down inside, and stressed out, so they take it out on the World by focusing on the negative? In other words for some people using Darkness as motivation could mean they are always focused on that which has no solution. It could be a motivator to the individual, but from the outside be seen as something to avoid?
You are 100% the best person on RUclips. I am subscribed to 300+ people and none of them make me think the way you do, so thank you.
Hey I wanted to ask - is your merch shop sale going to end soon? Will it come back? Even though it's on sale I cant afford it but EVERY SINGLE DESIGN is so cool
Will it be up and on sale next year or are some things limited time?
Have you considered doing a vlog? It'd be cool to hear you troubleshoot your life in real time.
@struthless You'd love the book "Existential Kink" by Carolyn Elliott - it's like taking your dark why and making it hottttt - which makes it even more effective 😂
"I'm tired of the people I don't respect living the life I want." I was not proud of this thought, but it got me moving forward.
Same
When I was staying in Thailand a while back, I used to go exercise in the nearby park early in the morning. There was a surprising amount of people who were there at the same time as me and going around the loop in the park felt kind of like a group thing, even if you were going alone. Anyway, I used to half-jokingly say that I was imagining that we were all trying to run away from Godzilla (not that far-fetched if you've ever seen one of the giant lizards they have over there) together as we were circling that loop. I didn't take it seriously, of course, but just the thought amused me and put me in a good enough mood to keep on going. Then there were the people going in the wrong direction who were obviously sacrificing themselves for the cause to save the rest of us. Bless them.
it's a good attribute to have, viewing life through a more humorous perspective for your amusement, I try to lean towards that too.
And yes bless their altruistic souls, those Thai philanthropists 😆
Bless them! Their sacrifice will never be forgotten 😂
That last bit was funny, thanks for the chuckle.
You're talking about Lumphini Park in Bangkok?
I was in the best shape of my life a few years ago at the same time I got into a cartoon called Miraculous Ladybug (a superhero show set in France). I’d get myself to go to the gym by imagining that I needed to get buff so I could help save the citizens of Paris.
the dark why thing is really fascinating when you compare it to why some neurodivergent people struggle with task paralysis & executive dysfunction… UNTIL we’re put under an imminent deadline or pressure, and then we shine. that’s such a cool connection
I had a similar thought. I can put things off for months, and then be the most productive person on earth once the deadline's bearing down on me
As a physician with ADHD I can atest, the thought of people dying does wonders for my productivity.
Right? I watched Impact podcast, and they mentioned something similar. People who are only moderately discomforted will find ways to justify it, it is only when you are in extreme discomfort, that you will actually progress much further. Really interesting, and very applicable to my own life
@@IAmWillingTo Ahh yes, I saw a Lex Fridman podcast with Tim!
me as a PDAer - I use my need to break the rules as my dark why! its changed my life!
I once had a friend, who was super fit, working as a personal trainer and living what looked like a good life. I asked him, what made you wanna start this lifestyle and he told me his dark why, but he framed it like this. ”You have a plot of land that’s empty. You hate looking at the empty plot and you know your plot would be amazing if it had a house in it.” It wasn’t the want for a house that made him built the house, it was the empty sad looking plot that he wanted to get rid of. This video made me understand why hating the empty plot works.
That's actually very useful.
It's like, instead of figuring out what you love and want, you first figure out the opposite and let the rest reveal itself.
Thoughout the video I wasn't sure if I like to try this method, but now your example made me realize why. I am quite like this when it comes to my home interior. When I broke up with my ex, I couldn't stand the sight of my flat so I furiously and intensely did a lot of nice changes to it. And today, although it looks nice and although I'm mentally in a better place, I don't look at my nicely decorated bathroom thinking oh what a nice place I've created. My friends love it and always compliment me on it, but in my head it is stained with that initial fury that I had, and I can't experience the pure joy that I have when I do things with positive motivation.
It is as if you've done it for others, for some cruel judge out there, and not for yourself.
I began real estate at 35 as a newly divorcing waitress with three small children. During a heated conversation he said do you actually think you going to do anything with that real estate license!? I told him," You just watch me" I sold so much property my first year that the Board of Realtors created a Rookie of the Year award. My fourth year I sold more homes (120) than anyone in the history of the valley. Started my own real estate company in 2010 with 60 agents own my own commercial building, multiple rental properties, and an escrow company. I have been able to provide my children a life that even I never imagined. I assume his dismissive assessment of my abilities have been galling for him as he has watched my success but I on the other hand am grateful for the fuel that his negativity put in my tank!
I love this! I have one caveat/critique though. The Dark Why needs to be VERY intentional, because for a lot of people it could be reinforcing internalized values that don't ring true, and lead to executive dysfunction. To use your car analogy...the hotwire works in the short term but if you don't find your keys it leaves your car vulnerable to anyone malicious, or just selfish. That person can jump in your car and use your tank of gas for themselves. They might not even be bad, they might just not have a key to their own car but they see yours ready to hotwire. So the Dark Why is useful, but also prone to abuse by others. If you use shame to motivate yourself, and then your partner or loved family member ends up using that same shame against you, even innocently but misguided, it can have a lot more negative impact on you. Sorta a "screw it, you take the car, I didn't want to go out anyway" type effect.
I was one that used the Dark Why for years (namely fear of homelessness, a fear I don't really have but internalized from my entire family) and it led to extreme burnout and dissatisfaction with my entire life. So again, the Dark Why would keep me off the streets for a short term, but over time I'd crash and burn because I still wasn't finding my proper and reliable key to my car.
Thanks for this comment - the video felt like something was missing and this was it.
I really love the expansion on the ability for others to take advantage of hot-wiring your car themselves!! That really helps my mind get a better awareness of the situation - thanks! 😊
Thank you so much for this necessary addition to the great points in the video. I've met some terrible bitter negative selfish people who use dark whys to the extreme, which is why I personally have been so turned off of it. This video changed my mind but I still felt a bit uneasy until I read your comment!
@@LowestofheDead i came to second this comment!
THIS. To paraphrase an existentialist cliché, "Negativity is other people"... LOL
My psychologist told me, not too long ago that we should start seeing our anger as a superpower because essentially anger is just a feeling telling us that we wish for a change. Next time you feel anger, try to look for the change you desire in the situation. It can be as simple as you breaking your phone’s screen and getting angry - the change you want is for your screen not to be broken anymore. Changing your focus from the anger feeling to the change you desire, can also help you focus and point out the next course of action more clearly.
I find that the "dark why" is really what makes us human. I don't think a person can honestly say they have lived their whole life having never motivated themselves with a selfish reason. Even as a kid; I started to take drawing 'seriously' and trying to improve myself in 6th grade, because I was jealous my friend could draw better than me and everybody wanted her to draw pictures. Now I've graduated uni with a BFA, hoping to do a master's some day. To deny or repress those negative motivations creates a cycle of selfhatred and might even leave you more unmotivated, I used to be stuck in that cycle for years and I accomplished nothing. Once I forgave myself for being human and needing to 'hotwire the car', I embraced my more toxic initial thoughts (providing I don't let them feed into depression where I just lay in bed and shit on myself for hours) and was able to start the roll of motivation, even overcoming a lot of anxiety by just pushing through difficult tasks with negative selfstarters. I always love your videos but this is such an important message to get out. In this crazy capitalist world that tries to force us to be positive all the time so we can be "more productive" with altruistic nonsense, we need more people openly sharing their dark why's, and how through that they were able to be the person they wanted to be.
So you were jealous of your friend and never dealt with it. Just skipped over it and got a BFA. Okay 👍🏼.
@@elsagrace3893what was the purpose of this comment?
Well, I have lived my whole life having never motivated myself with a selfish reason. But I still have years ahead of me.
I completely agree with you. When we tell ourselves we are wrong for our dark why, it does make us sink into depression. I did. I began to question myself, who I am, and what motivates me. Am I a bad person for having a dark why? I have decided I am not a bad person. My actions prove that I am not. Just because I need a negative motivator to get started doesn't make me, as a whole, a bad person. My negative motivators have pushed me to help clean up the environment, inspire others, feed homeless, and show everyone I meet the love I wish I had received from others. Sometimes we have to know what we do not want to know what we do want.
@@elsagrace3893 Ah, the dregs of social media. Your name is Grace?
I've always struggled with getting started on things. Could be anything; things I don't enjoy and things I do. I would procrastinate on getting a pedicure just as much as I would on cleaning the bathroom. I always felt ashamed of how lazy I was, and tried to hide that part of me. I'd say things like " I'm too tired right now because I've had so many stressful things going on. Once I rest and feel better, then I'll tick off all the to-do's." Always trying to justify to myself why it wasn't that I was lazy, but "tired", "sick", "too busy", etc. Recently I've started to feel more compelled to lean into and accept my shadow side. I started thinking about laziness, and how laziness itself is not "bad", it just is. Like a strong work ethic is not "good", it just is. It's a trait, and whether it becomes good or bad depends on how we use it. So I stopped labeling myself as "bad" because I'm lazy, and instead started thinking of it as just another one of my personality traits. Now when I don't want to do something (which is always, no matter what the thing is), I say to myself "I don't want to do this because I don't want to get up. I don't want to get up because I'm lazy. Ok. Laziness is making me feel like I don't want to get up, and that's ok." This allows me to non-judgmentally accept my full self, shadow side included. That acceptance seems to automatically knock down a wall that prevents me from moving. Basically telling myself it's ok that I'm lazy. That's fine, I can be lazy and still do the things I want to do. I don't know if this makes sense, but it's like if you had poor vision, you wouldn't sit in the back row in class and not wear your glasses and try to pretend like your vision was fine. You'd accept that you have poor vision and need to sit in the front row in class and wear your glasses. With that acceptance of what is and not treating it as "bad" or something to hide, you just do what you need to do to manage your issue and get on with things.
have you considered adhd?
@@elliehanger2163 I have adhd, that's a big part of my struggle 😣
Love your analogy of having poor vision..
@@1marya. I also have adhd and I'm trying to learn the same lesson myself... I've had some success getting my life on track since being medicated but it can turn into this internalized need to live up to expectations or put pressure on myself to be productive just because I'm actually capable of it now. I love how you said, "a strong work ethic is not "good", it just is", I think I need to practice allowing myself to do what I can do without holding myself to unrealistic expectations.
Thankyou for this
This make so much sense. We are being told now that shame is bad. Don't be so hard on yourself. But I think context is everything. We can shame ourselves into paralysis or action. I struggled with my ADHD, dyslexia, and bipolar disorder for years without diagnosis or treatment. There was a lot of toxic shame because I just couldn't do what was expected. When I was finally diagnosed with the bipolar and got treatment it flipped those years of shame around. I thought "Hey, you weren't a worthless basket case, you had undiagnosed mental illness. In fact it is pretty damn amazing what you did accomplished without help." However, I never would have been diagnosed if I hadn't acted on that pain to push me to keep looking for the answer. The reason I pushed myself was I desperately wanted to prove my father wrong. Fast forward 16 years later, mid pandemic, I'm trying to finish my degree and I'm about to completely blow it. I'm literally about to have a nervous break down in the middle of my senior thesis research. That toxic shame came up. "Yep. that's me. Always a quitter. Dad was right." But then I flipped it. "No, that is not me anymore. I will graduate. I can do hard things. Something must be wrong." Talked to my psychiatric nurse and she sent me for ADHD evaluation. ADHD was the basket that all the other stuff fit into. Now my whole past is re-framed and I'm not stupid or lazy or defective, my brain is just different. Had I not experienced that adversity, that negativity, my own doubts, I never would have gotten to the place I am now. Had I not been shaken to my core by almost blowing my degree in the last semester, I wouldn't have found the answer to why there was always this ceiling I couldn't get past. I am now studying to be an ADHD coach and an instructor for the Mental Health First Aid program. I believe my Dark Why pushed me to save my own life and finally find the Big Why - my purpose. I feel more purpose and drive than ever before. And that doesn't happen from medication alone. As always, thanks!
🎁👆 Thanks for watching... You have been selected among the winners of the ongoing iPhone 14/MacBook/PS5 giveaway. Message the name above 👆🎁
As someone who wasted years on toxic positivity and waiting for the perfect emotional state to get motivated, finally realising that any emotion can be used to set me into motion was absolutely life changing.
"a lack of self-respect is just the dark side of knowing what you want to be in this world." BAM! That one struck deep! Thank you for making such incredible content. It really has nothing to do with those "other" motivation/productivity types, the humanity is woven into every moment. I feel much more motivated with much less guilt when I watch your videos.
This is literally how I got over my depression lmao, I hit a point where I realised that I was going to go down one of two paths, I was either going to kill myself, or I was gonna change. I figured, what do I have to lose from doing things differently? This is already the worst I could ever possibly feel, the worst thing that could happen is I feel the same as I do now. So I just. Stopped doing shit the way I had been doing it. Instant improvement, instant motivation, it took a couple more years for that to extend to like. Basic functioning stuff like going back to school and learning how to do chores (my depression started very young) but eventually it did, I just realised again that no matter how many problems I had with the idea of trying, at least if I was trying something would happen. If I did nothing nothing would change. I haven't slowed down since, I'm still not as "grown up" as I maybe should be by this age, but I'm not holding that against myself anymore, I'm using it to push myself forwards so that I can be.
In middle school, I read “13 Gifts” by Wendy Mass. It started off with Tara, a girl who was being sent away over summer to a relative’s place because she did something (I don’t recall). She did wronged a lady on the train (or perhaps had something stolen from her?) and had to complete favors to make it up. She was sent all over the town to complete little acts of kindness, which spiraled into large acts of kindness. At the end, Tara gets her things back, but questions the legitimacy of her acts because she was doing them for selfish reasons. She voices them aloud to the train lady, and the lady responds, “Does it matter what your reasons were? Would it have gotten done otherwise?”
Damn.
You have to go to your darkest side to see whats blocking the light. the only way out, is through.
For real. For real Yohai.
So true 😌, too bad a lot of people are afraid of the dark, that's why so many never truly start to live their lives. 🤔
how
@jojojojoora by looking at your deepest and darkest fear without avoiding or running from it.
@@inuhundchien6041 how to
Negativity motivation also ties into fight/flight/freeze response. Your negative emotions can push you to freeze- to shut down and do nothing- or they can push you to fight- take control and accomplish that thing that's bothering you. Turning freeze into fight is the struggle I'm facing right now.
Me too 😢 I feel like I have shut down with such little energy 😞
why is it that ex-addicts have the best life advice ever?
this video is life changing- as one of those that feel shame when accessing my 'dark-why'
just, thank you
(and wishing the best for you and your fam!)
Idk why this comment made me choke up a little but thank you 💕💕💕
@@struthless had a feeling like this on the first video I saw from you. My guess is you have seen REAL depths of your life. Real scarry s***. If you survive, that can be a real wake up call. While a lot of others may not even notice they have just slightly bad circumstances, slightly boring life, just a bit fat, just a bit toxic family / friends / relationships. But slowly drift deeper and deeper.
You need a wake up call. If you had that at late teens, climbed out, you have more than two decades head start compared to someone who just figured that out at 40...
@@struthless daww 💕 i am /sure/ there are tons more people just like me that value you and your advice but are too afraid of the comment trolls to post lol
🤣🤣🤣
I laugh because I developed a drinking problem while going through a rough divorce, and have realized that it really is one of the best things that ever happened to me.
Why? Because people who are genuinely in recovery are genuinely trying to be better people. They have no pretenses, no judgements, and no rules about how to get it done. They're the only people who are proud of their shitty days.
Seriously, becoming a drunk was one of the best things that ever happened to me.
i think giving good life advice requires you to have your shit together, or at least know what having your shit together feels like.
and most people dont, because they dont need to. if conditions are suitable you can coast by life without needing to have your shit together (over much). but if you get addicted, you need to get your shit together before you can kick that addiction.
of course this is all relative, there is not binary 'shit together' state and there is no binary 'shit not together state' but generally speaking ex-addicts have thier shit together better than most addicts and probably better than most average people who haven't had to fight through that.
tldr suffering build character, and addiction is suffering.
Something I got out of therapy recently is that there are two lists in my head: the organic, genuine motivations to do things, and the 'should' reasons to do things. The 'should' list is the list of why I'm supposed to do the thing, like: i should get a job because I'm supposed to, bc I have to, bc I don't want to be poor, I don't want to be a slacker, etc. The organic motivation list is the stuff that makes me want to do the thing, like: I want a job because I enjoy learning new things, having cash for fun and financial security, having a way to meet people and get out of the house, etc. The 'should' list kills my motivation instantly, even for things I really really want or need to do and have my own sense of motivation for, but I usually disregard my organic motivations for things instead of pursuing things out of genuine desire, and find it easier to do nothing at all, or something of low investment like vacuuming or video games.
The hard thing for me is trusting that trying is worth it and that the things I want are valuable. The idea is that I'd rather look back on the past having invested in the things I care about and will be a lot less likely to see that investment as a failure or as worse than the low investment, short term things I find easier to do. As such, the goal is to listen to those moment to moment thoughts and feelings a lot more, and to shame and avoid those things a lot less.
This channel is really cool, I've been watching it for over a year, but it often takes a very personal level of reflection and conversation to recognize just how close to home the ideas are to what I'm trying to learn. I'm glad to have both, because videos like this are so important and they remind me of what I want to value and do with my life
I remember hearing ages ago a phrse you may like: Stop Shoulding all over yourself. If said loudly and quickly it still gets a giggle.
I just left an awful, awful job with an awful boss. I'm using the fact that i never want to be in the position i was in again, to change my approach to life, and think differently about what i'm doing with my career. The negativity has driven me to positivity.
This made me realize several things, but there's one thought in particular I want to share for the sake of other nuerodiverse and/or disabled/chronically ill folk (particularly ADHD in my case, but this may be interesting to think about in other contexts as well)
In this car analogy, even if your circumstances have given you a key, we haven't been given a car with a nuerotypucal ignition. It doesn't matter how many keys you have if you haven't been given a brain or body that can use them. In fact, it may as well not have an ignition at all, if it weren't for the times it randomly starts for unrelated tasks or runs itself off the road to chase trivial sidequests. Every time I've improved my general productivity, it's been by ignoring conventional wisdom and finding ways to trick my brain into starting the tasks it desperately wants to do
So learning to hotwire the car isn't just a quirky little gimmick you can use every once in awhile to bring a task to the next level, but a key tool for daily survival that should be factored in at all times to preserve your sanity.
After all, there's only so many times you can sysiphus the car up the road before you completely mentally and physically burn out
This happened to my husband recently. He was overweight for the longest time and struggled with high blood pressure and constant migraines. He had some blood tests and was told that he was at risk of becoming a diabetic if he didn't drastically change his lifestyle.
He was so terrified of getting diabetes that he started Keto and stuck with it for months, not cheating once. He ended up losing over 30kg, corrected his blood pressure, his mood improved, and he had more energy to play with our kids. The negativity thing definitely works!
I always say that suffering is always worth something - when we embrace the negativity for our own growth, rather than shun and shame it, the suffering becomes radically transformative.
Rich Roll, this channel and a dash of a few other creators allowed me to change my life. I definitely used my dark why. I thought about my son growing up to be a fat loser and realizing he was taught to be this way by me. It’s really my fear of being a fat dad that keeps me sober and running. Thanks my para-social digital mentor. You’re awesome. Your family is lucky to have you.
I have been on the struggle bus with uni for years now and am constantly trying to work through the fear and negativity that my past mistakes define me and that it is futile to continue my studies. This video has helped me let go of some of that shame and made it feel okay to harness that energy to be determined to finish this degree out of spite and proving people wrong lol
Keep going just one day at a time, keep picking yourself up for each assignment even when it's so hard to be motivated. One day it will end and you cant imagine now how proud of yourself you are going to be. And noone can ever take that away.
yes my dude, i wish you so much strength with this! i just wrapped up my master's after what felt like an endless spiral of shame, regret, and anxiety. harness that shit, get it done, and explore new possibilities that could bring you joy moving forward. wishing you all the best!!
I feel you, and I'm wishing you strength too. I've had a rough ride during my degree too. This video touches on something I try to remember to remind myself. Ten years down the line, these struggles could pay dividends - when I'm in the middle of things, it's hard to see how my most negative experiences can be my most positive ones. May your grappling with these issues now be a source of strength and wisdom in your future
If you really like your degree, it’s a totally acceptable motivation to keep going. But if you’re only doing the degree to spite others, that’s when I believe it’s a losing battle.
@@louera I think the point is you use that negativity strategically as a device, and then reap the transformative wisdom that comes from getting unstuck and realizing through action the accomplishment. Otherwise, you could be stuck with perpetuating guilt, shaming yourself, etc.
So many folks think I'm joking, when I say, "I run on tea, bullet points, and spite." Not a joke. So affirming to hear similar viewpoints
To me, anger directly translates to action. That's the evolutionary reason it exists. I get angry because something needs to change. It's hard to capture that feeling and use it positively because I don't often get that angry. I'm thinking I can either try focusing on my more common negative emotions or I can try "angry meditation." Deliberately invoking the feeling of anger when I need to get something done.
I would do that with dance sometimes. It's a good warm up to get the energy flowing.
My husband was voted least likely to succeed in his high school yearbook. He said it was the best motivator of his life. 👍
I just want to say, that as someone with a mental illness, this tactic would never work for me. My darkness does not inspire action - all it does is make me hide from the world and avoid my responsibilities. I have OCD, so there's a real danger that using hatred toward myself or others will cause me to spiral out of control for weeks or months at a time.
I wish that I could make this work because trust me when I say that I have A LOT of darkness that would be great to transform into something positive... But, if I start a task or project from that place, I'll never be able to transition my motivation from darkness to something more healthy. I think that transition is key to making this tactic work for someone like me long-term. Using shame and disgust with myself as my only motivator is Not The Move.
I'm really glad this method works for some! But if it doesn't work for you, that's okay too!
This is true. Now that my depression is controlled, this tactic would work for me, but in the thick of it the darkness was ALL I could see and it didn’t motivate me, just made me sad and lethargic and hopeless. Different strategies work for different people for sure.
First of all, I LOVE your channel and advice. I've been thinking about this a lot and felt compelled to put a little warning about using this mindset and some cases where it could be really dangerous. Obviously I know this example I'm giving it not what you're promoting, but hear me out.
I realized my kind of "darkest dark why" is based in comparison to others and severe fatphobia. I have absolutely tapped into this as motivation before and IT WORKED! I lost 20 pounds, looked great... but I also basically stopped eating for months and still hated myself (because that was the habit I was practicing). I would tell myself "you won't be loved if you're fat... Only skinny people are pretty, happy, successful...etc." Worst of all, my brain became obsessed with this idea that weight=worth and I couldn't turn it off when I looked at others. It's an idea we're subconsciously fed through the media all the time. I judged myself and others all the time based on appearances and that is a truly miserable way to live.
I've since worked really hard to get out of that mindset and now, I do struggle to find the keys to the car or healthier ways to hotwire it. My point is that there are limitations to this and ESPECIALLY if you have a history of eating disorder or an obsession that got out of hand, please think hard about what you use as motivation. It can lead a dark place.
My dark why: being in a severely controlling relationship where I could not do what I wanted or be who I wanted caused me to really look at who I am. I broke out of that situation and now I'm more me than I've ever been. Very happy to be on this new journey to find my truth. Thank you for your videos. All the best to you always 💜
Good for you man! Live your fullest most authentic life
I’m not sure this dovetails exactly with what you were saying but this year, to get through a terrifying major surgery, I used the words of marathon runner Eluid Kipchoge: ‘I try to control my brain and tell myself, listen: where the pain increases, that is where the success is.’ I’m actually very frightened of pain. On the other side of the long dark run into the surgery and the painful long recovery, the worst thing ever really did turn out to be the best thing.
Great video! I really like that "best thing that ever happened to me" exercise. I've used that a few times since first hearing you talk about it. I also wanted to say that your advice has altered my life for the better. I interviewed for a job last month and they offered me the position, but the salary was too low. So I decided to take your advice in a previous video and "say no with a price" by asking for a salary much higher. Surprisingly, they gave it to me! I just wanted to say thanks!
Remember when you were like "I struggle with perfectionism an am tackling it by lowering my standards" and now your videos have even higher production quality?
That's because now he has a team! Teamwork makes the dream work
Thank you so much for making videos like this. In a world full of toxic positivity, you're great at reminding a lot of us that it's actually OK to embrace all aspects of your humanity, even those "negative" emotions.
I also really appreciate that you always acknowledge that everyone has come from a different starting point, that we're not all running the same race
Everything I've ever accomplished has been inspired by the chip I carry on my shoulder from everyone who ever told me that I couldn't. There is nothing more motivating that "fuck you, watch me."
You have no clue how much your videos benefit my anxiety, depression & ADD riddled mind.
Your videos are incredible ❤
Same to you!
I have used the "dark why" so much times in my life since I have memory that I don't want to torture me anymore to reach goals, doing everything driven by negative emotions kills my ability to want.
Be careful people, don't understimate your mental health.
Oh my god, I just wrote out your decision matrix for replacing junk food with healthy food, and I really struggled to come up with a single short-term gain for eating healthy. This really drove home why I find it such a challenge - like yeah there's loads of long term benefits, but honestly the only two short term ones I could think of is not being constipated and a vague sense of having made the 'right' choice. Neither of those are particularly satisfying. Healthy home-cooked food doesn't make me feel good in the moment, it takes a while to start seeing the benefits and honestly it just doesn't taste as good. This exercise has really clarified what I need to look at to suceed. Thank you so much.
Also, not only using the dark why for motivation but even the act of acknowledging it in the first place and coming face-to-face with it alleviates shame, like a lot. Instead of allowing it to ruminate inside of you and trying to ignore its existence, consciously bringing it to the forefront of your mind is empowering. So it’s a twofold win. I hadn’t thought of this until I watched this video. But now I’m going to think about it a lot and definitely use it.
I keep saying this but I’m gonna keep on saying it anyway I’m really happy you are doing what you are doing. I absolutely love your content!!
Negatively can definitely help fuel personal growth and positive change.
I once left a bad job and out of pure anger and spite, I was able to find a secure a better one in less than a week.
If you can learn to control negative emotions you can make them work for your benefit.
Wow, the same job situation happened to me. I’m guilty of taking too many punches for my own well-being, but seeing my amazing boss be forced into retirement was my last straw. It took me witnessing someone else being mistreated to realize that I was as well. I made my last day the same as hers in solidarity which surely left our employer in a gigantic mess. I happily gave them more than I had in me most of the time without it ever once being noticed outside of my department. Company size was no excuse as we had 40 people in total. They tried the “what can we do to make you stay” bit after I gave notice. My manager (second in charge) asked how I held back throwing two middle fingers in HR’s face.
Now I have a better job, better pay, and feel appreciated despite the company being 3x the size.
Im at that point in my life where I needed this reality check.
Truly, noble intentions are are a privilege for those who can afford, for those whose lives are paved with gold. For those of us who live in the mud, we have to crawl on our hands and knees just to get out. There's no beauty in sinking gracefully, so better to just claw our way to the surface by whatever thought and tool we can use.
A bit of a side topic but what that runner said made me think about it- visualizing yourself as someone who already overcame some obstacles that you're facing is really helpful. I am a self taught snowboarder and my mom told me something a long time ago, she said that if i want to be better at snowboarding i should just act as if I'm a pro. Best advice ever. If you're really playing this character of someone really good at something (especially connected with moving your body) it really makes you unconsciously more brave and adapt certain behaviors intuitively
This video feels life changing, not only accepting but also teaming up with your demons to get your goals
honestly all my productivity and motivation problems started once i stopped hating myself. as they say - comfort is what kills potential.
Amazing video, as usual! My dark why stems from my mom. She had a stroke when I was 10, I had to help her learn to talk and walk again. I need to get fit and my dark why is….if I don’t get fit I’ll also have a stroke and my kids will have to see me go through what I went through with my mom. As morbid as it sounds, I think it’s powerful!
Wow! Strokes are literally one of my biggest fears. I think the more independent of a person you are the more devastating the stroke can be on you. I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to _know_ what you want to say and how you want to express yourself yet being unable to do so.
It strikes me that ultimately that why sounds like it's about your love for your kids and your mom. It's dark...but also not. Truly seems like a really beautiful sort of dark why. The kind that seeks to avoid pain for those you love. Seems quite beautiful to me. Definitely powerful like you said! Thank you for sharing!
it is so so refreshing to hear someone talk about self improvement in the way that you do. never stop sharing :)
Another bangin' vid! I'm 34 and I've just gone back to uni and trying to get assessments done when you also work full time and have two kids can be harddddd. My dark why is definitely attempting to beat all of the fresh out of high school kiddies because I have "life experience" and "more wisdom" ahaha.
I clean like a mad women before I have people over, things get deep cleaned. I’ve always loved that extra push high I get when deep cleaning because I don’t want to look like a slob. Now I know why! I can definitely apply this in other areas of my life. Crazy I never thought of it like that before. 🤯🎉
I’m the same way! Lol I sometimes convince myself that people are going to submit me for a game show and they’ll show up with cameras unannounced and then I freak out and start cleaning because I’m terrified! 😂
@@webecamefire666😂😂 Good one!! I’m going to try that.
I like the idea of making up a story to help motivate you. This way, you can tap directly into your insecurities. Here's mine: "There’s another person on the other side of the world who is just like me and is working on the exact same project. If I don’t finish before them, I will be ridiculed, I’ll become homeless, and my cats will be lost without me to care for them."
For me I really like who I am on good days, but really dislike myself when it's a bad day and I'm procrastinating or being lazy - what helps me get out of that sometimes is imagining I'm my own Dad looking at myself in disgust at the idle-teenager type behaviour 😂 reminds me that I'm capable of doing better and that I much prefer being the adult me!
Thanks for another awesome video mate!
Wow, this video made me even cry a lil bit, the moments of biggest inspiration for me were I was soo angry and infuriated because of some situation I hated, this video helped me feel a little less guilty of not having a "pure and innocent" reason to do the things I love. Thanks!
Thank you for explaining why I could never get through “Start with Why,” and for redeeming me to myself for not having one of those golden shiny altruistic motivations behind why I bust my ass to achieve my goals. BLESS YOU SIR!!! ❤
Being able to turn disadvantages into advantages is something not many people even consider.
Being lazy makes me think about giving myself rest. Being jealous makes me want to push harder, same as thinking myself as "not good enough".
Fear is a great motivator for the development of humanity.
Thanks for the video.
🎁👆 Thanks for watching... You have been selected among the winners of the ongoing iPhone 14/MacBook/PS5 giveaway. Message the name above 👆🎁
Whenever I am in a depressive episode or I am particularly upset about something, I try to turn it into anger.
My philosophy is: Turn sadness into anger, because anger leads to passion, which turns into action.
I think this video explains why it works so well for me!
This is a topic I'd been discussing with myself for almost a month now and it is refreshing to see this. At first I was completely against "the dark why" and wanted to avoid it at all costs because I had been living the last 10 years of my life under the idea that I needed to be a good person. A few trips to the psychologist later (if you're reading this go to therapy (idc if you don't think you need it), if you already are keep going) I started doubting myself as if I wasn't an actual good person. I discovered that my "obsession" with being a good person came from my childhood when I told myself that I was better than others. I was on a dark path, but luckily asked myself the question of "What is being better than others?" and I arrived at the conclusion that someone "better" is just a good person with good motives that takes care of others and themselves. So this was my first "dark why", but it led me to good actions and then good motives. Now I believe that I am actually a good person (and I no longer think that I am better than others). I've used other "dark why's" without noticing that led me pretty cool stuff, but I always had some trouble with using more "dark why's" (or at least acknowledging them) because it went against a somewhat two-dimensional perception of a good person that I had, but I worked on it with my psychologist and this video helped me click with some ideas that were already brewing in my mind.
I wanted to share that "dark why" and show some appreciation because this video helped me quite a lot. Thanks!
I think one of the most intense "dark why's" is with trying to get someone to love you. Michael Jordan said in The Last Dance his extreme competitiveness began when he was a kid, competing against his brothers for their dad's love. When the wires get crossed in your brain that your worthiness of being loved is tied to you achieving or attaining some thing, shit gets real intense real quick.
THIS. But that's also so dangerous and will not lead to longterm happiness... mostly misery because then when you get to that place and you are the best, you most likely won't even be able to enjoy it.
This video is so accurate. I like how you acknowledge that sometimes it can be toxic to think negativity will beg action. But in the video your discussion did justice to how our insecurities and challenges can be used to act. "Is this the best I can do reframes the question where we are forced to get out of our self-pity mindset and get to asking the right question where we can acknowledge shame and guilt. I have tried and tested this. I used to ask "am I doing enough?" And it was never enough! But I have now started asking 'is this the best I can do?' I go back and look at my resources, calculate what I need to do and then move to action. Motivation follows. The more I finish tasks the more motivation I get and I am only focussed on my actions not how 'good enough' I am.
Thank you Campbell for articulating a part of me that I couldn’t for years. My dark why has been the main spark for my studies, work and gym goals.
To add to your awesome analogy, I view my dark why as that demon fox from Naruto.
For a lot of my life, the dark why has been a chaotic/wrath driven part of me, sure it got results, but they would be messy, similar to how the demon fox takes over Naruto at the start of the series.
But as I have gotten older and learned to love my self a bit more, my dark why is in sync with me, plus much stronger, just like when Naruto can control the demon at the end of the series.
Which means just like our virtuous why, or dark why can be refined and enhanced over time as our lives change and grow.
Thanks king
There’s a maybe 8 year old kid named Jeremiah who interviews pro athletes. Anyone who’s seen his work as a journalist is impressed because of his vocabulary and professional decorum at such a YOUNG age! He shared on the Jennifer Hudson show that because his parents are older than typical parents with an 8 year old son, and his mother has very serious health concerns, it drives him to achieve as much as possible at an early age. It brings tears to my eyes and it explains how he’s so excellent this early in life with his dark why acting as the fuel for his actions
i get so excited when i see a new struthless video on my feed. Real conversations mixed with someone who loves spending time making pieces of art.
- "husband runs off w a politician, make good art".
- write what makes you angry.
- embrace and use the negativity
- use ur demons to move you forward
- ultra runners: use negativity as motivation "suck it, mr smith"
- find your (dark) why: insecurity, jealousy, revenge, guilt etc. any energy "is this really the best i can do?" short term vs long term
- self awareness, create hypothetical scenario: worst you/ best you
- reframe: how are the worst things that ever happened to you the best things that ever happened to you?
- everybody has acces to hot wiring!
- jealousy: sense of direction
- apathy: fearlessness
- guilt: empathy
- anger: drive
- sadness: honesty
- lack of self respect: knowing what no longer want to be in this world
Man, I vibe so much with that comment at 17:16, and I think this is also highly related to toxic positivity. I think like that person all the time, also because people just parrot positivity non-stop. I'd constantly hear things like "You just have to do it!" and "You have to be positive about it!", leaving me puzzled about how you're supposed to do that. It's worse when that supposed positivity turns into guilt tripping and gaslighting. Some of the most painful things I've found people say is stuff like "You just didn't want it enough" and other variants of it, like "I don't think you love X as much as you think you do". Me being very insecure and (as it turns out) autistic I always just took that as truth, so I figured I just wasn't good at something or wasn't meant to do whatever I wanted to do. I'm only just figuring out that that's all nonsense and that you should live by your own nature, and not just to get validated by someone else. Find what works for you, whether it's positive or negative, and just go. You can adjust your course along the way, but you can only do that when you're in motion.
instead of asking "why is this happening to me?" I ask "what is this trying to teach me?" biggest game changer ever. just that flip of perspective was able to get me through some of the toughest times, just changing the negativity into something to grow from. great vid :)
Awesome video, as usual.
I'll stick with the quick fix of 18:24
Jealousy = Sense of direction
Apathy = Fearlessness
Guilt = Empathy
Anger = Drive
Sadness = Honesty
Lack of Self Respect = Know what you DONT want to be
Thanks, mate.
"What you're looking for is energy. Doesn't matter if it's good or bad. Find a power source you can use. "
This hit me.
I have so much repressed rage and anger that I've come to regard as "bad" energy. As if where it came from will somehow corrupt the actions it's used for.
Fuel is fuel.
Get it.
Thank you.
Part of my motivation is to create a teaching moment for my relatives.
I have to say there's also a trap you can fall into by following your dark why, and that is doing something that you don't really want to do and which will not make you feel complete and accomplished. I did that a lot when I was a bit younger (although I'm 26 now lol). I think the idea of getting motivated by negativity is great and can lead to results, but for me it would just turn on my monkey brain and I made decisions that were irrational. What I'm saying is: think about what you're motivating yourself for. Are you doing this for yourself or for others who won't care anyway?
It's amazing how you put words and images on deep and secret thoughts. I really needed to accept my own process on how I turn-on the car because sometimes its by using the keys but other times, I can't find them, so demons come but I'm trying so hard not to listen to them that they paralyse me and they turn on the car and I'm ashamed wich sometimes can make me go less fast or far... You taught us how to live with our demons but also make them our allies so we can both achieve what we want : Demon get peace and I get motivation. I'm so glad you publised it on january, feels like I might achieve big things this year ! THANK YOU a lot 🥰(Sorry my english is not so good, I'm french !!)
🎁👆 Thanks for watching... You have been selected among the winners of the ongoing iPhone 14/MacBook/PS5 giveaway. Message the name above 👆🎁
I read somewhere that jealousy alerts us to what we want for ourselves. I find this incredibly helpful for identifying what I want, and it's stopped me feeling like I have to suppress jealousy. Now I see it as a good thing
I just love your style, man. The way you personify and illustrate concepts just makes it so unconfrontational even when addressing these heavy topics. Top notch work as always 🙏
One of my dark why has been with me since childhood. I always felt like the adults around me discouraged me and put me down, and I felt like they all expected me to fail in life. My aunt told my mother that I'd be a good-for nothing because I started staying up late in middle school and another family friend of 50 years old "jokingly" asked me if I was doing videochat while I was playing on my computer at 14 yo. This year I'm finishing my masters and everyone is "so proud of me", especially since I'm the first to get to this point in my immediate family. I'm glad I proved everyone wrong but now I need a new "out of spite" goal LOL
Your videos are so inspiring. I've been struggling a lot at the moment with the number of ways the world feels like it's going wrong and some days I end up either crying on the floor or with this feeling of total apathy. It's so encouraging to hear someone say that you don't have to be perfectly sunny and positive all the time, just find any reason for doing what you know to be the right thing.
I haven't really explored my "dark why" yet, but visualisation is such a good technique. I was talking to my husband about how it's so much easier if you're Aragorn fighting Orcs because you know who the bad guys are and that you're doing a good thing. On days when I am finding life difficult, I try to imagine that all my negative thoughts are demons and I am some fantasy/anime protagonist doing battle with them. Doesn't always work but it's a start.
the concept of the dark why really speaks to me. ive been using spite to motivate me as a way to survive abuse for years, and even though im no longer in an abusive situation, it still helps me when trying to move on from that to something better.
I am so grateful someone is talking about this! I had a dream two years ago, when I was going through a very difficult time during quarantine, where I wrote this sentence down in a journal: "use whats holding you back as fuel to move forward." And when I woke, I immediately wrote it down. I usually never write or see many words in dreams, so this was a really unusual dream. Idk if I saw that statement somewhere or what, but it's stuck with me. I believe this truly is the realistic perspective of persevering, especially for those who aren't neurotypical. It's so important to know how to influence ourselves, and every emotion has a distinct purpose, weakness AND advantage.
this is really interesting for me. as someone who is all about positive self-talk i think that perhaps i let too much slide -habits i want to change but haven’t let myself “bully” myself into consistently improving. i try to always make decisions out of love and joy, not fear and insecurity. but this concept really makes me want to try this to give myself that extra push to really take action. thank you for sharing!!
This was really interesting. I think spite is a really great motivator personally. I try to be careful with dark why though, I don't want to end up ruminating constantly on negative things. It takes balance to maintain my mental health and if getting things done requires that much negativity, then it isn't worth it to me. But people definitely talk about positivity as if it is the only healthy framework which is definitely not the case every time.
I’m so glad I found this video. I’m one of those people who has a lot of demons but feels like it’s wrong to let them be my “why.” I’ve been severely depressed for so many years, feeling guilty that I’m not motivated by the same things as others. The dark why concept doesn’t necessarily solve everything, but I feel like this video gave me permission that I’ve been subconsciously waiting for.
OK, here is my dark Y. I survived breast cancer… Twice. Two different kinds, one estrogen, positive and estrogen, negative… Etc. etc. It’s stuck me with Fibromyalgia, ME/CFS, myofascial, pain, syndrome, and a myriad of other comorbidities.
But, I am alive. So I win! Now I’ve started my business… From years of being “artistic.” I am creating beauty and joy and fun and happiness, and I am sharing it. Because had I taken this the other direction, I wouldn’t be doing any of those things. I would be dead.
Negative motivation works. Thank you for this… I enjoyed your RUclips.
I love you man ! I have been through hell in my twenties. To clarify, i did not almost die burned in a forest fire. But, I have stayed in my room in complete apathy 2 summers in a row.
Got tired Looking for the key man
The fear of not being on the good path is a terrible one to face on your own and you're doing a good job to help others overcome it with great imagery we can integrate and clever tricks. Thank you Camp. Its also a beautiful act to sometimes start each others cars and your videos (and your book) often do the job for me.
Cheers from Belgium, im gonna go journal in a coffee and clarify my head so it will be easier to start tomorrow. 🌻
J
after watching this video, it immediately clicked. this is NOT the best that i can do , its no fucking near it.
thank you for this i really needed this!! a month ago i started feeling like not myself, i started to isolate myself and i lost interest in some of the things i did before. i am aware that this is not me, so i've let myself feel the sadness, feel the pain instead of running away from it. but i had to make sure that i know how to get back where i'm supposed to be, right now i'm having trouble finding my way back. this video made me feel like its my map.
my philosophy with life lately: what is life when its just full of highs? life needs a bit of balance. the lowest of lows will give you the highest of highs.
I am personally someone who is drawn to good more than bad (atleast, I hope I am). If "dark why" quite doesn't sound good for you like me, think of this entire video as "better and happier ways to look at tragic times". Unlike what I initially thought, struthless here isn't trying to propagate harm to serve oneself. The darkness here refers to yourself getting stuck in negativity and one day looking within the same negativity to see reason and hence the light. This really is positive thinking wrapped up to appeal to those minds which are attracted to bad happenings!
I think I'm lucky enought to have many positive reasons (as of right now) to keep pushing: I want to be an athlete, I want my family to be happy and economically stable, I want to play competitive games, I want to know how it feels to put the same effort as the 'bests' there are.
But a dark why that helped me was to think that I didn't have any initiative and confidence in myself to take past opportunities, and I won't allow myself to repeat those mistakes again. I know we all are going to make it, and this is a great way to show us that there's no fixed fuel to keep us moving! Thank you for sharing
i just saw a study that was saying that imagining the good outcome of your goal its often counter productif as it become day dreaming (guilty of that) … they say its more productif to imagine what your life will be if you dont. its pretty much what your saying and i couldn’t agree more 👌🏻
This video is life-changing!! I’ve struggled with getting things done my entire life and no advice seems to work for me, but THIS, this is so powerful. I’ve struggled with severe depression, SAD, GAD and OCD pretty much my entire life. I’m EXTREMELY perfectionistic and on top of that I have a VERY LONG list of childhood trauma and parent issues. (I’m 20 female btw) I turned to drinking and I would surround myself with toxic men to give me the attention I never got, you know the drill my life is pretty shitty.
I get BAD intrusive thoughts all the time but I’ve never thought about using it to my advantage. Been in and out of therapy since I was like 12 and it never really helped. Now I’m on antidepressants and I only drink when with friends or when partying/clubbing, never alone anymore!!
I just wanna say thank you!! 💕Your advice has helped me so much, you’re hands down my fave productivity/life advice channel. I love how you keep it real and personal, your advice is GOLDEN
I love whereever you shoot these videos. This shows such a great sense for interior design
Here's something that helped me: I wrote down a positive future scenario (2-3 years in the future in this case): the things I want to do and how I want to feel day to day. and then I mapped out what the worst kind of life I could imagine would be (that was somewhat realistic and in my power to change). This made me realise that some current behaviours could lead me straight to my 'horror' scenario and motivated me to shift. E.g. I realised that feeling the freedom to steer my life was more important to me than the security of a job, so I was able to set that as a goal.
When I came across that list some 2-3 years later, I saw that I avoided all 'horror' scenarios and pretty much moved into all aspects of my 'ideal' scenario. I might not be a super successful entrepreneur, but I achieved that feeling of freedom and that gives me so much more confidence from day to day than what drudgery employment was.
This now salient fear of living my 'nightmare' life managed to banish some unconscious belief that I had: Pushing through the discomfort/fear of change is just something for Iron Man participants not for sloths without discipline like me 😅
So true. This has played out in my life on many occasions. About ten or so years ago, my health started to rapidly deteriorate and at the same time, my mom had a stroke. I was terrified of turning out like her, so I started eating healthy, and over the next couple of years I lost about 100 pounds. I did become much more focused on being healthy over time, but it was sheer terror that got me started and motivated me to keep going. I joined several diet forums (this was before FB took over everyone’s groups) when I first started out, and after about 6 months, I got really good a predicting which new people would stick around and stay with whatever program they were doing; if they showed up wanting to lose weight for cosmetic reasons, they didn’t usually stick around, but the people who had intense health issues tended to stay around. Fear seemed to be a strong factor.
I also have severe anxiety and I hate calling places for appointments or to fix problems. But recently I had a lab office send me a bill for something I’d already paid for, and the anger I felt totally overrode my anxiety. 😅 It was a huge relief to call someplace without feeling that pit of dread rushing through me. (Don’t worry, I was nice to the lady I talked to, but I also wasn’t about to let them charge me twice for a test they’d completely effed up.)
I never thought about purposely tapping into the dark side of my motivation before. So, I really enjoyed this video. Thanks for all your helpful suggestions ❤☮️
Watching this all the way through for a 2nd time, taking notes, etc., I realized yours is the only channel I watch at regular speed. Thanks for these excellent, dense ass videos.
I agree with Dustin Short's comment on your dark why needing to be very intentional, and perhaps used when you've got a healthy dose of self-awareness and understanding of our own issues and what makes you tick.
For example, I grew up with a suuuper unconventional education and didn't go to high school, or get my GED. I did eventually do it, but used what you could suggest was a dark why to motivate myself ("if you don't get your diploma you're worthless!"). This powered me through my high school education, and even my university education. But boy, was it a bumpy ride.
Since then I've grown a LOT and have had a healthy dose of therapy. I love myself and value myself so much more than I did back then, and recognize the unhealthy coping mechanisms I used to survive some pretty gnarly scenarios. But doing what I did back then, I can see the lack of intent behind it, that it was almost like an autopilot response. I didn't know I was motivating myself that way, and it was something that opened me up to being mistreated by others. But I know it now and can recognize it when it creeps up.
So, now I can create my own dark whys that feel a bit cheeky, maybe give me subtle evil genius vibes (if only in my head), and rather than turning it on myself, I can, perhaps, turn it on other people (just in my head of course). Say, for example, my awful ex who always used to make me feel bad for not having the motivation to do art (spoiler alert: it was because I was in a horribly draining relationship with a jerk). Now, I can take that and say "screw that guy, I'm going to make so much art and prove that jackass wrong." So, if I ever need some motivation to live my life more authentically me, I can either tap into my self-love or, when I'm feeling maybe less self-lovey, tap into those slightly darker feelings.
Around minute 11:00 when the question is asked to oneself of, "Is this really the best you can do?". I started crying. Crying because I have reached a point in my life where I have had to ask myself hard questions like this one. I'm struggling quite a bit with eating and food in general. I don't like where I am at with my habits and how that affects what I see in the mirror. I relate on many emotional levels with this example you've shared and I thank you for that because it created a good perspective for me.
I have been watching youtube for 10 years now, i can safely say that you have become my favourite youtuber of all time, THANK YOU for your videos
man, I have just watched until minute 1:32 and this is exactly what I needed to hear. The question you throw up was precisely the one I had in my head. Love you in the distance, thanks for making my life better.
Ok here’s my dark why - I am a musician and I am super competitive. There was this lead singer who I was jealous of a little, and I honestly for a while I just wanted to be her. It made me feel worthless and afraid to fail. So I worked on learning one of their songs, and gave it everything I had even if it meant my voice cracked or wobbled. I not only got better, but also was able to start to like my own voice. I kinda take myself back to that jealous angry place when I need that extra push.
Hope this helps someone, gonna have fun reading the rest of the comments now😊
This is one video I MUST come back to every month. I love this guy so much.
Thank you for your videos. For making me feel uncomfortable, for encouraging me to question my beliefs, for reigniting my curiosity.
My friends always get a kick out of me saying, “I can do all things through spite which strengthens me.”
🎁👆 Thanks for watching... You have been selected among the winners of the ongoing iPhone 14/MacBook/PS5 giveaway. Message the name above 👆🎁
I love how you brought up Tyler. Highly motivating to me seeing him be genuine.
"A lack of self-respect is just the dark side of knowing what you no longer want to be in this world. " That's f@#*ing brilliant. Thank you for that.