Diazepam is out now on all major streaming platforms smarturl.it/RenDemosVol2 Oh my my my I seem to feel so much better when it kicks in, chemical kitchen Feel my brain destruct Oh die, die, diazepam you turn the volume down on my demons and you give me relief just for a second and you make it all so numb Oh why, why, diazepam do you make me feel like every things not dissolving? Spinning doors are revolving Swallow a tablet I’m over indulging I’ve tried, tried diazepam to be the optimist and resist cards folding You’re the crutch that I’m holding Don't want tomorrow ‘cause right now I’m golden Oh die, die diazepam Done lie, lie diazepam Oh my, my, my, my When you leave why can’t I breathe like you’ve stolen My very essence my coding Went for a swim and then drowned in your ocean Don't lie lie diazepam you Promised me the world but now I’m rotting and moulding and my face it feels swollen Anaesthetic I block that emotion Synaesthetic dreaming I’m carried away Anaesthetic bleeding; a place for the pain self destructive healing its one and the same Oh, die, die diazepam Synaesthetic dreaming I’m carried away Anaesthetic bleeding; a place for the pain self destructive healing its one and the same Oh why, why diazepam
I do not care what anyone in this world says. This man is poet, so cliché but this music never changed my life but allowed me to feel seen and put words to the feelings. Love you, Ren, Thank you, man x
Everybody sleeps differently. I sleep on my side, my non-existent boyfriend sleeps on his stomach, my cat sleeps on his back but The Whole World Sleeps On Ren's Amazing Music!
ironic because seems every feels the same way but it's like Ren and the music was tailored for my life. All of it, the deep emotional stuff and the upbeat rap, it's mad
Everywhere I dig with Ren's catalog, I find gold. He is so ridiculously talented that other music today is no longer tolerable. Go get it Ren, it's your time now.
Love your music…it’s real! Powerful! And if people didn’t like poetry..it’s rap poetry with life! Much Aroha from NZ! Ur heard alover the world bro! That’s how many ppl ur reaching with ur music..words..real stories! ❤️
so theres been a road of epiphany ever since i stumbled on hi ren a few weeks ago... come to the realization my childhood diagnoses of depression and social anxiety are actually symptoms of my adhd, waiting on the dr now.... might have to go private route to expedite. saddens and enrages me that it took me to 45 years, turns out im not an asshole im just a burnt out mid aged nondiagnosed warrior... i dont know you, but i love you. thank you.... every thing makes sense now every little fckn thing in every fckn way.
I'm on diazepam for terminal leukaemia. I can't listen to this without tearing up. How can some capture the essence of a tablet and it'd effects in a song like this just blows my mind
I lay still for a moment on my sofa in Greenwich just sitting with this comment. The internet crosses our lives with strangers in such curious ways like satellites passing in orbit and I guess we'll never meet but for however many days you are with us, I hope you're about to live them fully and with love. How long is a long life really? I don't know.
@@LukeFlegg I went onto his RUclips channel, his name is Rob Hale from Thornbury. Rob sadly lost the battle to myleoid leukaemia about a month after he commented here. I hope he's resting easier now. RIP Rob 33 years young.
@@LukeFleggThis is such a precious reply.. So well worded & true.. The connecting part is so amazing.. Wishing love & peace to all from a gal here in North Carolina, USA!❤
I keep telling everybody in most recent comments. We have to share him with the rest of the world eventually and these interactions with him are precious . He won't be as available the more he ascends into stardom
I have stiff person syndrome and diazepam and plasma infusions keep me walking and able to stand. Id probably be dead without them. It’s been 20 years of sps, cancer, 2 spinal cord surgeries, doctors not believing me, multiple misdiagnoses and then a broken vertebrae before finally getting diagnosed and the diazepam and plasma i needed. Im literally kept alive by the generosity of people donating literally part of themselves. I only recently started listening to Ren, but I deeply connect a lot with Ren’s music and appreciate it a ton.
Keep coming back to this tune. Still remember you playing it to me on your computer before you dropped it. Timeless painful beautiful truth in every word. I felt it. Lush animation too, before you were proper famous. Kudos to this artist.
When you leave, why can’t I breathe, like you’ve stolen, my very essence my coding, went for a swim and then drowned in your ocean. I had a really significant loss last year and this fucks me up Everytime. Rens hands down the best musician our eyes will ever likely see.
What is going on?!?!? ... Never heard of Ren until I stumbled upon him yesterday and now I just can't stop listening to all his music.. Ren if you read this I swear we have shared same experiences .. your music is sooo relatable 💯
I've followed him from the beginning and at first I couldn't believe he wasn't massive but now he's got a huge following and he's earned it and deserves it. I show his music to everyone! So glad he's finally making it now. I love everything he's done from Freckled angels till now!
I'm so pissed off I discovered their music just 4 days ago. And I'm listening them since, every free moment I have. It was decades I wasn't so thrilled and happy to have discovered a new musician.
It’s honestly crazy how EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. he manages to come out with a better tune. I always think “there’s no way he can do better than this” and he ALWAYS proves me wrong. Keep it up dude. Love from Sweden!
Right? Sometimes I think I am just so obsessed that I think, that every song he make is an absolute banger, but I am not the only one, so he is just perfect. Or also we're all obsessed.
This guy has the whole package. He can sing, he can write, he can rap and also he can play the guitar. And yet he seems so down to earth. Hopefully he never gives up.
His music is unequivocally perfect for every little thing he does with his style. Ren has literally formed a new genre for his music and is going to shape a generation once everyone sees the true power of his talent
It does sound like a love/heartache song. Especially "Went for a swim and drowned in your ocean." I've often felt that way in relationships. But then, I was also on mild antidepressants for a short time and this is exactly how they make you feel
It's not a love it's need due to his chronic illness Lyme disease. Believe me it's not as fun as it sounds being on such drugs all the time because you need them for an illness...one that no one can see to make matters even worse. This is actually a dark song.
@@cathywethington5913Google emotions chronic pain, that's what this song is about, dealing with life while you're ill and on prescription drugs, that most folk think would be great to try for fun. Different story when you have to have them. Having been prescribed diazapam and having a similar condition to Ren I can absolutely say this song hits the nail on the head. Your point about relationships it's valid but this is about dealing with life, just living, while I'll and pulled up to the eyeballs so much so you can barely distinguish what's your feelings and what the meds are driving.
@@libertasdemocratiam887 I think we understand this. This is like one of those love songs about having your heart broken by the one who was wrong for you. Definitely dark, yet beautiful
@@cathywethington5913 no you don't because it's like losing you, while you're still here, it's like the you you feel you still are is dead. It's not like dealing with a broken heart from failed relationship, it's like dealing with the death of a loved one. You have to deal with all that while being on incredibly strong medications, when you're in agony at 2am and tired but you can't sleep because of the pain the side effects of the medication.
I lived a real life purgatory for three years because of these little blue pills. Hell on earth, and inside my head, no exaggeration. Found your music a day ago - you’re the one. Be blessed.
I had a doctor prescribe me Ativan/Lorazepam 12 years ago, prior to that diazepam and Xanax. I have literally lost years of my life… memory problems, body is addicted, along with other terrible things. I would have never taken one had I know what I know today. Any benzodiazepines are not to be prescribed for more than a few weeks. 12 years later I get a new script every month for 90 2 mg tablets. I have sought help at recovery centers across the country. They all tell me they cannot help me because it’s prescribed. Unbelievable! To anyone who reads this, please DO NOT take these meds. You will get addicted very quickly and they destroy you and your mind.
@@melissawilliams1050 I’m so sorry to hear that, Melissa. There are a few twitter accounts and a whole community out there that you can get info about tapering off benzos, there’s also a RUclips channel called ‘Benzodiazepine Information Coalition’ which also has informative vlogs from a doctor who has first hand experience with benzos. I wish you all the very best .
@@melissawilliams1050 I wanted to also extend my love and good wishes to you. If you could find a doctor who might be willing to read some probably unfamiliar research, refer them to the Ashton Protocol. They would have to be willing to allow it to be 'patient directed'. Much luck and grace to you
From someone in recovery from multiple drug addictions, multiple prescription drug addictions, alcohol, smoking, multiple suicide attempts, self harm and mental health.. this hits in many different ways 💙
Glad you're in recovery too! I hope you discover trauma counseling - which can help with physical AND mental issues. Somatic tracking too helps with the dysregulated nervous system trauma causes, and Peter Levine's books and videos are wonderful. Good for you - quitting meds with all you've been through is amazing! You should be VERY proud of yourself. You're a Benzo Warrior, my friend!
This absolute LEGEND has done more for my mental health since i stumbled upon him a year ago, than multiple psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, medication blah de blah de blah has done for me for the last 25 years. Unheard, cheated, misdiagnosis , the list goes on. . . 'Professionals' need to listen to you. You have single handedly helped me view my 'conditions' ( there's been a few!) differently and gave me the courage to scream and shout until i got the help i desperately need. For that, i thank you. Keep doing what you are doing. Superstar ⭐
Am so freaking glad to got to witness this amazing artist thank you god am finally living a sober life off drugs finally at 53 years old and living my life to the fullest and staying humble and kind no matter what thank you Ren let’s spread his message out to everyone ❤❤❤
Personally I think it's amazing that you are writing/making music regarding medicine that is frequently prescribed and mental illness struggles...So many of us have been there but often feel shameful about our experiences. You Ren have shone the light on all our dirty secrets and we love you for it... The world is listening🎼❤️
@@saszablaze1 all medicines are drugs, but not all drugs are medicines. Diazepam is still a medicine that can be used for legitimate medical purposes, it's just also addictive and can be abused.
@@saszablaze1 it's a prescribed medication for anxiety, seizures and muscle spasms. The word "drug" is usually to refer to one's being used illegally, when it's your prescribed meds..its your medication.
@@ARL1977 usually, sure these things cause harm. unl;ike changing your diet, your lifestyle,, learning to breathe and think different;ly to self regulate, instead of slapping a bandaid plaster on a chainsaw wound, never really addressing teh actual problem. i've taken diazepam aka valium. i used to take it for fun with a few beers, maybe a lil morphine. it's a drug, it has an effect which we can get by ourselves. it's also addicting. just because they're prescribed by a bunch of corporate drug pushers doesn't make it any more healthful or legit.
Thank you ren, your music is the only thing i have been able to hold on to when i was completely alone in the world. This song has done more for me than words can describe
Ren, 70 yr old here, diagnosed Bi polar with ultra mania & treatment resistant depression. Shrinks put me on Clonazepam for 33 years consistantly.. & Most All the other types of psych meds along with it, Thats damn near half my fkng life!! I tapered off the crap over 2 yrs. I feel better & way more clear now. Im an illustrator & musician/composer. I was turned on to you by a friend & major creative in UK Birmingham [Im in USA] Illinois. What Youve Overcome is on another level Ren.... Im Thanking You from my very soul. An Inspireng, Talented & Severely Motivating Artist... You Are. Thankyou for Making It Through. I look forward to your posts.. Theyre reeeli fkng great.. Stay Frosty Ren... You Are Appreciated~ 9/14/24~
I love how the instruments are muted while the vocals are sharp, almost overly so, on purpose. That effect really gives off the vibe of being on heavy opiates.
I'm a bit older now, my brother is four years younger than me, sister 1 year older. Our parents divorced when I was 13. Dad went downhill shortly after with failed relationships and whatnot. Then it was pshychiatrists and pills (anti-depressants, sleeping pills, valium, dexamphetamine etc.) for him, along with copious amounts of alchohol. Me and my brother lived through the worst of it, Ren outlines a part of it in Sick Boi. It made a big blow on me and him. Sis was with mum. It took a long time for me to understand the condition. The hardest part is constantly explaining to extended family. I feel like they think I'm cold about it, but I've dealt with it for so long that I'm done explaining how to deal, and that you just have to enjoy to good times and endure the bad. Sis didn't get to evolve with it and they had a falling out which hasn't been resolved. He's off the piss now, completely. Huge step, some 20 years later, never too late though.
That was one of the most beautiful videos I've ever seen. I love you Ren, I pray you will find comfort and relief from the pain. You must keep fighting and looking forward to the future.
Only Ren could take the simple act of taking a Valium and turn it into a real work of art. Im 61yrs old, you are the most original talent I have seen in my whole life. and i grew up in the 60's. Ren you are true artist in its finest definition. Bravo young man. in the 60's The Rolling Stones had a song, "Mothers little helper" about the use of Valium back then.
You are amazing my new friend you have reached the heights of Rodger Waters with your guitar work. I am a 52-year-old from Australia and you have touched my heart with your words and music. ❤️
Just discovered this Ren song today. Never heard a song before that, for me, is so fucking personal. I have been addicted, physically, mentally etcetera for 30-some years because of a string of over-enthusiastic doctors who could not find another single medicine that could begin to help my specific afflictions, many years ago. I am agoraphobic now. I haven't really left my house in more years than I even want to admit. I literally cannot function without benzodiazepines. However, the days of those easy prescriptions are long long past. So, my loved ones must descend into dangerous places and situations on the regular in order to avoid my withdrawals. The first day is very bad. The second day, I begin to slip, unwillingly, in and out of my own body. The third day is when the seizures begin. The third day, if I am here at all, I am a ghost with no power to do anything but watch the mayhem as if on a screen. I have almost set my house on fire attempting to make soup. I have called someone I didn't know well, told him I had been kidnapped by my husband. He showed up at our place with three big friends to 'rescue' me. I had no memory of this call. I was surprised and pleased to see him. My husband was trying to explain that this was a difficult situation and not one they would easily understand. As they were discussing this, I apparently removed my pants and shoes and walked out into very busy traffic, smiling all the while. At one point, I went to my mother's after miscalculating my medication. I was entirely crocked. My family started looking up interventions for disrupting addiction to these medications. Surprise surprise, no one ever mentioned it again. When done correctly, it can take up to two years to withdraw, however, when one rushes it, they risk instigating PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome), which can take up to four years to recover from. And all of the above estimates are for people who have no true underlying panic disorder. Maybe taking these drugs solely for recreational use. I reassure myself that I will be free one day, when I am dead. Because I can't recall anything. I have the most profound memory loss. Every day seems dreamlike. Especially now, when many or most of the medicines we are able to acquire are actually 'pressies'. Pressies are made in homes and biker clubs and Mexico and China. They contain fentanyl a lot. They contain many mystery or experimental research chemicals. For almost a year, I had to take Ambien. It was literally all we could find. I don't remember any of it. You're really not supposed to take Ambien and stay awake. I don't know if Ambien is even a benzodiazepine, but because these were pressies, they contained something that prevented the withdrawals at least. The other thing about medicine made by inexpert people without the correct equipment, is hot spots and not spots. I'll let you surmise what that means. I doubt anyone has taken the time to read this. But if you have, just for god's sake and your own, be careful whose advice you follow. Just because they have an M.D. does not make them any smarter than you are about your own body.
@@Zonaskiosk1 Thanks for the love, bro. Just re-read this, and was thinking about the general stupidity of the admission of criminal stuff online. Didn't really remember writing it. But, I think I'll leave it because it's the only true credentials I have, and it might help someone? For anyone who is trying to get off of benzos: Please look up Dr. Ashton, (I think?) She has a patient-directed protocol that, if followed, •would• work. And don't lose hope. Your life is your own. People have successfully mastered ending this addiction, without ending their lives. And my earnest love goes out to all those who are in this unholy mess. And please forgive my whining. Obviously, I am exceedingly blessed by any measure.
I have so much respect and admiration for I know how even putting your struggle into words, is such a difficult thing and takes real courage to do. Rens music gives people courage to find their own strength and that's just what the world needs, I hope you find some peace, much ❤
Benzodiazepines have the worst withdraw hands down. Those and Alcohol are the only ones that can kill one vial heart attack seizure, or stroke. I knew the dangers, got prescribed it. Thought I’d be fine. I pray I can taper at 3%-6% a month. You are so right about it talking 1-2 years to taper off. It is so rare to read A comment like this/ someone else who is physically dependent on benzos. I with you nothing but the best and wish more knew I would not wish This withdrawal on my worst enemy. I’ll try to spread the Knowledge of how bad the withdrawal is. I’d rather and ironically be better off as a heroin addict. One feels like they will die on opiate withdrawal but one doesn’t and is usually better much faster. Sorry for the long comment. Hang in there, fuck benzos, I wish you a good day.
i am a 60 year old music lover of all kinds not a big fan of rap that being said discovering ren on line has been a moving experience a genius a true artist and a poet just freaking amazing i have never been so moved by a few songs in all my life
I am 52 and feel the same. One thing I love is what his music evokes. Music wise what's available commercially doesn't wake up your mind let alone your soul. Rens music lights up places I didn't even know I had.
48 and been involved in music for years ..found Ren when his busking vids starting making waves a few years back ..always been of the opinion that he's the most talented, exciting and unique artists to come out of the UK for as long as I can remember...
The chorus sounds like how Diazepam makes you feel especially those reverb falsetto group vocals. Plus the visuals of being surrounded in warm gold. Absolutely brilliant Ren. Love from Scotland xxx
All Ren's work is incredible. My wife said "He just doesn't make a bad song". The guitar double stops on this are sublime and the solo is perfect with a beautiful tone. The vocals are so powerful and his range is phenomenal. Thank you Ren for all healing music you have given us. It's a great time to be alive.
You're one of my favorites! Keep being you and being honest. That's what makes us great. We can all enjoy the same things for different reasons and prespecitives. Love your sense of humor. And if those listening are truly a Ren fan, they will not beat ya up. 😊
I'm in awe of who you are and what you do. 'Hi ren' and the tales trilogy blew me away! For the future I'd love to hear something centred around a female character with mental health issues. Not sure how it would work since your stories can sometimes relate to yourself and your experiences. But anyway.... You're one in seven billion. Please keep up with your magnificent art, take care of yourself and know you've engaged me so much through your words. Much love and respect - Danielle xx
I had an instant connection with this song. Because of the way you wrote this i was able to explain my mother how i felt. But also tell my therapist i wanted to quit this mediaction. It was hard but i did it. I thank you very much. Because your lyrics give me the right words to express myself without being unintentionally harsh or rude.
Very relatable, 6 years now on diazepam.. tapering off. I want my personality back and for this numbness to go away. Been hiding behind it, blocking my emotions for way too long now.. This song is one of my many favourites! Nat, Australia (originally UK...) thanks Ren
I have to keep repeating myself with every song I hear from REN connection soul soup feeds the mind and heart - totally sated but keep going back for more and more - REN is on another level - Im in my 60s and it never ceases to amaze me how this artist has just appeared like a magician on the world stage of life to give us all peace of mind
So sad I hadn't discovered you when you first started putting out music. To think I could have had all of this incredible art to listen to all these years. I started with HI Ren, sick boi, and jenny/screech/violet like everyone else and have listed to all of them... so many times now... but going deeper, I have been listening to 1 masterpiece after another no matter the style. Not a miss yet. Thank you. Thank you for putting all of this into the world. And, if you happen to read this, from one autoimmune patient to another, more importantly from one human trying to find their way in this life, I sincerely wish you the utmost success with your treatment and a life of physical wellness and inner peace.
Wow wow wow @renmakesmusic 👌 🙏💯☮️♥️✌️👏 I felt this 💯🙏💚 I feel the same way all my life 💯🙏 keep shining, your music is amazing 💯🙏💚 your a genius my brother 🙏 wish you all the success in the world, keep healing through your music.. it helps so many people.. you are Not alone 💯🙏💚 I feel your pain 💯✌️☮️🙏♥️ @Ren
Blasted this on my headphones walking around, engrossed in the music and detached from life, I imagine it's a similar feeling to diazepam. Also, Ren hitting the synths making an artificial sound to convey an artificial feeling is nuts.
My sister listens to all your songs she was gonna buy your merch but she sadly passed away 2 months ago she introduced me to your music keep it up bro you got this I'm gonna save up some money an buy your merch!!
I'm 14 I was prescribed diazepam first when I was 12 I think. I told CAMHS not to put me back on it because I have a history with addiction they didn't listen and put me on it with out consent when I was suicidal and now I'm fully addicted to it again I don't know what to do honestly . Ren this is an amazing song you talk about things that no one else does and it true helps so many
I had an online relationship with a man that lived in Amlwch, Isle of Anglesey... he died in early 2022. He had a serious addiction to benzodiazapines & I only found out how sick he was after he died. This song hit hard 💙
I am deep in the rabbit hole right now. I don't want to come out, this art/poetry/rapping is just amazing. I don't have the words to explain how it makes me feel. I feel connected to amazing people on Patreon and on YT, and it's solely because of Ren's music. Thank you Ren! 🖤
Best thing that ever happened in my life, next to my kids is discovering rennfrom a random comment on a video on Facebook. I truly hope to meet you one day man!
Working my way through your catalogue. All gems so far, not a scrap of filler anywhere. Each song stands on its own merits, when you chain them together with little links I end up in emotional overload and have to time out to cool my heart. You're a Wizard, Ren.
You perfectly captured the feeling of when it kicks in, and it starts relieving your anxiety in the "ah - e - ah - e - ih ah - e - ah - e - i" part that's sang in an ethereal heavenly way. You captured the flipside also, where if taken too long and/or too often, it loses the relieving effect and just numbs you instead. It's good temporarily and taken not often, but beyond that, it's downwards you go. At that point, it subdues your thoughts and emotions, so you can never do the work you NEED to do on yourself. All Benzodiazipines included!
I love all Ren's music but this one hits different. I was prescribed diazepam 3 x a day at 19 for PTSD & anxiety. The years I was on it felt like a fever dream. Grateful it's been 7 years now since I titrated off. Life's good now.. not perfect, but I'm so grateful not to feel numb.
I was prescribed diazepam for hip spasms when in uni. My final year, I was taking so much just to keep the pain down. I never really got the floating that many experience - I just wanted the pain to lift. I took more and more and it wasn't until I realised how many I was rattling through that I started pulling back. I came within a hair's breadth of addiction. My final year at uni was a bust and I hated it. I barely scraped a 2.2. I was too embarrassed to go to graduation. My hip problem wasn't diagnosed correctly for a further fifteen years, by which time the damage was done, and I've been disabled since. I also found out that diazepam makes you mentally slow. Aka stupid. No wonder finals were also such a struggle. I still hurt for young, confused me who tried to get help and was failed by the system and so many so-called professionals.
Ah seriously, stop now. It's been 48hrs now and I'm still discovering more amazing music from you. Give it a rest will ya, I've got my life to live too!
I listen to ONLY your music daily wether it’s any one of your albums or videos of you busking but I love EVERY single song of yours and I cannot get enough. Please don’t ever stop doing what you do Ren ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Benzos are very serious and powerful class of drugs. I suffer from panic attack disorder. Benzos are the only thing that can stop them but over time you get used to them and need more to stay in control. However the more you take the more you actually lose control. Depression sets in, anxiety and fear of the next bout of panic attacks consumes you. If you try to regain control and back off the benzos you become sick and fearful. Its vicious and cruel and others do not understand you. Thanks for the music.
This song sings my medicated life. I hit rock bottom and got trapped in a place I couldn't see a way out of. I thought I had done so much wrong in the world there was no way back for me. Guilt, regret, self blame, Grief, hate, resentment and on and on kept me in hell and pushed me further in every day. The medication helped me forget and ignore my problems but prevented me from dealing with them. This song is so true in it's story. Medication was my crutch and I held on to it tightly for 9.5 years. Medication allowed me to get out of bed, it allowed me to stop crying and to talk to family. FLIP side if used for long enough Medication will make you forget who you are and why you should be better. Mental health Medication is a must for a lot of people like me but it isn't a fix, it's a helping hand to a better place. I eventually found a true place to be settled in and I found it with Psilocybin. Everyone look it up. Ren I'm sorry for bullshiting about myself but your music is just to relatable
As someone who has abused benzos (2 seizures from xanax withdrawl in my 20s) and someone who still relies on medication to conbat my anxiety this hits so hard 💔
This genius has the absolute best music/ art ever it sucks what he went through but in the end it seriously enriched his philosophy & ability to put it all in an outlet,music biggest Renegade out there 💯💪😍❣️❗❗
I hear you - was on benzos for 20 years. But I escaped from Benzo Oz and busted out of Pharma Prison. I'm free of them now - and thrilled to my toes. I got my life back, learned new ways to cope with the pain and insomnia that led me to them. Best of luck!
You're literally my favorite artist right now, man. Unbelievable talent still exists, and you're the living proof. I'm happy you're here, hope you have a good night Ren.
Thank you ren, this song has helped me in my tough times, makes me cry and chills every time, love you brother grow strong everyday your an absolute fucking legend, you’ve saved lives.
Clean from vallium and Xanax now for a yr. 5 yr addiction from 19-24 started with 10mg a day endid up on 150mg-250mg had a fit when went cold turnkey. Stuff is bad news
THANK YOU Ren for writing music that speaks to people like me. People who struggle with mental health issues, and who maybe have a past they aren't so proud of, and who are so often misunderstood. I've struggled with treatment-resistent Major Depressive Disorder and multiple anxiety disorders for over 20 years, and the only thing that provides me any real relief are benzodiazepines (like diazepam...tho for me, it's clonazepam). I only feel like the real me when I take them. Unfortunately, they can't be taken daily, or even every other day. Not only that, but the DEA here in the states has so heavily restricted them, that few doctors will prescribe them, and those that will, can't prescribe very much. I'm lucky to get a few days of feeling normal every month. Since I live alone and can't function normaly without meds, I have to use those few days to get things like laundry, housekeeping, and errands done, because I just can't do those things the rest of the time, and I definitely can't work. My depression has also destroyed my passions. I'm a musician and an artist, and just have no desire to do those things anymore. I'd love to do those things when I have my meds, but I can't, because I have to use that time to take care of my basic responsibilities. I'm 43 and have to rely on my very emotionally abusive family for financial support. I was a bit of a criminal in my 20's, but turned that around 13 years ago, and my family hasn't even acknowledged the drastic change for the better. If I were to ask them if they prefer criminal me, or disabled me, I have no doubt they'd say criminal. They treat me far worse now than ever before. Benzodiazepines are a comfort that I can never describe accurately...but they're also a curse. They're addictive, and can significantly alter your personality in the worst ways. I'm a nice, very non-confrontational guy...but not when I take benzo's. I become a f*cking Karen, which I absolutely hate. They also super-motivate me, so despite being a sedative, I don't sleep when I take them. It feels like wasted time if I do, especially since I only get a few days/month to feel normal. Lack of sleep makes me hallucinate after awhile, which can be scary. I've also had some close calls while driving without sleep. I can't even count how many times I've blacked out and lost large chunks of time without even knowing it. Taking too many benzo's will do that. Often times someone will mention something that happened months earlier, and I have no memory of it at all. I've gone on road trips with friends, and have zero memory of it. I've also done awful things while blacked-out, like stealing from friends...and they aren't always understanding or forgiving, even tho I feel terrible about it. I can relate to a lot of music...but you're the only artist (well, you and Chinchilla) whose music so accurately and vividly describes the harsh realities that other artists are afraid to write about. You don't just hint at the tough topics...you paint such a beautiful portrait of them, that it can both warm the heart and break it at the same time. This song is a great example. It captures both the relief AND the darkness that drugs like diazepam can provide, and also seems to express how they can often be a necessary evil. For me they certainly are. Nothing else works. I've tried nearly everything. My mental health has left me unable to function normally, and I've forgotten how to be me (another amazing song, btw). Benzo's are the only thing that will make me myself again for a few days every month, and I desperately need that occasional relief. I have to accept the bad with the good, tho. I control myself pretty well. I've had many years of practice. But black-outs and lack of sleep are always a risk. Sorry for the novel...but thanks for doing what you do, and PLEASE never stop. You make me feel a little less alone.
I love you Ren man, you've brought me so much hope and enjoyment with all your unique genius! I hope you live a happy healthy life for as long as possible so you can keep on with your love and message to the masses who feel pain for whatever reason. I never experienced anything like you musically before. Stay strong brother x
The irony in this song for me, my names dai, im on diazpam found you from Instagram, played this on my drums now my hands are swollen, put alot more cymbals in my version but it made a good diversion for my anxiety
Never heard anyone come up with a song that resonates with the harsh tasks of dealing with you're emotions and just being you when you have chronic pain, and the medication in top of it, like diazapam. Wish I'd found this guy sooner.
Just found your songs, and thank you for that!! When I was 20 I was the 6th person in Canada to be diagnosed with a rare Sarcoma in my spine, needless to say, I’m now in a wheelchair! I’ve been on diazepam for almost 20 years now, and I just wanted you to know how much I relate and respect your music! It really resonates and I appreciate everything you do!!!
Ive had to take 8 pills a day (anti psyc) for about 15 years diazepam being one. I know the feeling well. I suffer from PTSD and mania. Love my brother. Psycoogical warfare has taken half my life. But its my life and i accept who i am.
No doubt about it! I was always told to get over myself or ignored when trying to get help for my mental health when I was younger, so I am beyond thankful that Ren takes the time to speak to us and make us feel human again! ♥️ #LifeChangingMusic #ThankYouRen
Once again I find that’s it’s a travesty that you’re not more well known. Your talent and meaningful content needs to be heard by the world. I’m a 50 something head banger. You are amazing!!!
Stumbling upon ur music i felt like I've met u before. Listening further in i realized i am not alone in this world. As a kid ive always kinda been brutally honest an spoke how i felt from my heart. It had outcasted me in life because not everyone understands that type of communication. Its kept my circle small since ive been alive. So it leaves me speechless with a million things to say to have ran into a voice of our generation that is completely transparent. Normally, when i listen to a new artist i get a little anxiety because im worried i wont vibe with them as hard with their other tracks. I have not listened to an album all the way through since marshal mathers lp. I Have listened to almost 2 of ur albums without skipping a beat. Hahaha. My mind and my heart are just fucking at an "awe." Plus the amount of ppl that also recognized the honesty in ur music. Gives me hope in the world
Back again-i'm a 71yr old sic puppy-i love chillin' with this song so much, even tho i had to go to rehab 40 yrs ago to get off valium. when detox got messy, i was attached to a pole, there were drains in the tile floor and there were water hoses involved. you get the picture. but what is sick, i'm remembering how it felt to be "golden". no worries, tho. i got other drugs to finally quit, not picking up any more.
![Noob To Max With DRAGON REWORK In Blox Fruits [FULL MOVIE]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/LnBMOinoOvA/mqdefault.jpg)
Diazepam is out now on all major streaming platforms
smarturl.it/RenDemosVol2
Oh my my my
I seem to feel so much better when it
kicks in, chemical kitchen
Feel my brain destruct
Oh die, die, diazepam you
turn the volume down on my demons and you
give me relief just for a second and you
make it all so numb
Oh why, why, diazepam do
you make me feel like every things not dissolving?
Spinning doors are revolving
Swallow a tablet I’m over indulging
I’ve tried, tried diazepam to
be the optimist and resist cards folding
You’re the crutch that I’m holding
Don't want tomorrow ‘cause right now I’m golden
Oh die, die diazepam
Done lie, lie diazepam
Oh my, my, my, my
When you leave why can’t I breathe like you’ve stolen
My very essence my coding
Went for a swim and then drowned in your ocean
Don't lie lie diazepam you
Promised me the world but now I’m rotting and moulding
and my face it feels swollen
Anaesthetic I block that emotion
Synaesthetic dreaming I’m carried away
Anaesthetic bleeding; a place for the pain
self destructive healing its one and the same
Oh, die, die diazepam
Synaesthetic dreaming I’m carried away
Anaesthetic bleeding; a place for the pain
self destructive healing its one and the same
Oh why, why diazepam
thank you! for the lyrics was looking for them
💯
You've missed the anaesthetic blocks that emotion. Much love though love the song.
Fuck you're cute. Big hugs🥰
I fucking love your music, keep on keeping on dude
I do not care what anyone in this world says. This man is poet, so cliché but this music never changed my life but allowed me to feel seen and put words to the feelings. Love you, Ren, Thank you, man x
Everybody sleeps differently. I sleep on my side, my non-existent boyfriend sleeps on his stomach, my cat sleeps on his back but The Whole World Sleeps On Ren's Amazing Music!
Aha what a poetic comment, I love it
Stolen comment
So does his stomach exist then?
@@dalydaly999 i don't think so?
So basically what you're saying is that your cat is floating
ironic because seems every feels the same way but it's like Ren and the music was tailored for my life. All of it, the deep emotional stuff and the upbeat rap, it's mad
Everywhere I dig with Ren's catalog, I find gold. He is so ridiculously talented that other music today is no longer tolerable. Go get it Ren, it's your time now.
❤❤❤
Totally. I keep thinking I’ve heard my favourite Ren track, and then I find another one. 🎶 ❤️
Same for me, in my 63 years....
Amen to that brother haha I feel ya❤
Facts.
Trapped on an empty subway car looking out the window and watching the world pass by is such a great metaphor for how substance abuse feels.
His voice has so much power, he is really an incredible artist
@@ajax1812 it really is
@@ajax1812 ikr
@@ajax1812 like how? They must have horrible music taste of they ain't here 😅
Love your music…it’s real! Powerful! And if people didn’t like poetry..it’s rap poetry with life! Much Aroha from NZ! Ur heard alover the world bro! That’s how many ppl ur reaching with ur music..words..real stories! ❤️
so theres been a road of epiphany ever since i stumbled on hi ren a few weeks ago... come to the realization my childhood diagnoses of depression and social anxiety are actually symptoms of my adhd, waiting on the dr now.... might have to go private route to expedite. saddens and enrages me that it took me to 45 years, turns out im not an asshole im just a burnt out mid aged nondiagnosed warrior... i dont know you, but i love you. thank you.... every thing makes sense now every little fckn thing in every fckn way.
Ren is what the world needs. It just doesn't know yet.
Absolutely agreed !!
The world can't handle Ren yet even though they so need him..
I'm on diazepam for terminal leukaemia. I can't listen to this without tearing up. How can some capture the essence of a tablet and it'd effects in a song like this just blows my mind
I lay still for a moment on my sofa in Greenwich just sitting with this comment. The internet crosses our lives with strangers in such curious ways like satellites passing in orbit and I guess we'll never meet but for however many days you are with us, I hope you're about to live them fully and with love.
How long is a long life really? I don't know.
@@LukeFlegg I went onto his RUclips channel, his name is Rob Hale from Thornbury. Rob sadly lost the battle to myleoid leukaemia about a month after he commented here. I hope he's resting easier now. RIP Rob 33 years young.
@@LukeFleggThis is such a precious reply.. So well worded & true.. The connecting part is so amazing.. Wishing love & peace to all from a gal here in North Carolina, USA!❤
Prayers for you and yours to spend as much time together.
@soulTraveller144 even vegans get cancer. Don't be ignorant of things that rob people of their lives.
It's not at all hyperbole to say that if Ren continues this trajectory he will be among the best artists of this generation.
He already is. He took his broken heart and made it into art.
He already is indeed
Of any generation coming from a 47-year-old
I keep telling everybody in most recent comments. We have to share him with the rest of the world eventually and these interactions with him are precious . He won't be as available the more he ascends into stardom
Yes he will.
I have stiff person syndrome and diazepam and plasma infusions keep me walking and able to stand. Id probably be dead without them. It’s been 20 years of sps, cancer, 2 spinal cord surgeries, doctors not believing me, multiple misdiagnoses and then a broken vertebrae before finally getting diagnosed and the diazepam and plasma i needed. Im literally kept alive by the generosity of people donating literally part of themselves. I only recently started listening to Ren, but I deeply connect a lot with Ren’s music and appreciate it a ton.
Ren will live as a legend for those who found him.
Yeah man.
Yuppum
It's a crime that everyone doesn't know. Thank God for Ren. A light shining, showing other artists the way.
Found him!! Thank goodness :)
I feel a bit lame for only discovering him when Hi Ren blew up. There's people that have been following him for actual years.
Keep coming back to this tune. Still remember you playing it to me on your computer before you dropped it. Timeless painful beautiful truth in every word. I felt it.
Lush animation too, before you were proper famous. Kudos to this artist.
And before Luke was a famous (in renegades eyes) camera man
When you leave, why can’t I breathe,
like you’ve stolen, my very essence my coding, went for a swim and then drowned in your ocean.
I had a really significant loss last year and this fucks me up Everytime.
Rens hands down the best musician our eyes will ever likely see.
What is going on?!?!? ... Never heard of Ren until I stumbled upon him yesterday and now I just can't stop listening to all his music.. Ren if you read this I swear we have shared same experiences .. your music is sooo relatable 💯
Same
I've followed him from the beginning and at first I couldn't believe he wasn't massive but now he's got a huge following and he's earned it and deserves it. I show his music to everyone! So glad he's finally making it now. I love everything he's done from Freckled angels till now!
I'm so pissed off I discovered their music just 4 days ago. And I'm listening them since, every free moment I have. It was decades I wasn't so thrilled and happy to have discovered a new musician.
Exactly the same happened to me, and a few months later I have a YT channel, solely evolving around Ren!! 😅😅
Same ❤❤❤
It’s honestly crazy how EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. he manages to come out with a better tune. I always think “there’s no way he can do better than this” and he ALWAYS proves me wrong. Keep it up dude. Love from Sweden!
Right? Sometimes I think I am just so obsessed that I think, that every song he make is an absolute banger, but I am not the only one, so he is just perfect. Or also we're all obsessed.
Man does the dam ring always very consistent
nämen tjenare
Have you seen what he did 6 days ago? I'm new here. And holy shit this person is... In tuuuuuune
This was two years ago, you're in for a treat fam
Did u guys hear the part from 0:00 to 3:30, that part was amazing
flawless really
Nah 0:00 to 3:30 was better imo. Boils down to preference I suppose
❤️
Shiiit I think I missed it. Let me run it back 3 or 4 more times just to be sure.
I didn't like the part that comes after 3:30 though
Me showing your songs to my friends like a proud mom: 🥺🥺❤❤🥺❤🥺🇧🇷
YESSS
HONESTLYYYYY
Samesies! :)
Br fã de Ren? Achei que era o unico
tem alguns
This guy has the whole package. He can sing, he can write, he can rap and also he can play the guitar. And yet he seems so down to earth. Hopefully he never gives up.
And piano. He's a prodigy
All that is true, and he fine!
awesome and original a man in a million
Ren changed my outlook on life, straight up.. things are just different now for the better
His music is unequivocally perfect for every little thing he does with his style. Ren has literally formed a new genre for his music and is going to shape a generation once everyone sees the true power of his talent
I know... i think the same. He's such a talented man, I can't get tired of hearing his songs. I feel obssesed lol
By the way, if you’ve never taken diazepam this song is the next best thing 👌🏻
Couldn't be better said!
@@dalydaly999 my thoughts exactly
THIS COMMENT
Thank God someone finally came along & started singing love songs to drugs with their full chest. 🙂
It does sound like a love/heartache song. Especially "Went for a swim and drowned in your ocean." I've often felt that way in relationships. But then, I was also on mild antidepressants for a short time and this is exactly how they make you feel
It's not a love it's need due to his chronic illness Lyme disease. Believe me it's not as fun as it sounds being on such drugs all the time because you need them for an illness...one that no one can see to make matters even worse. This is actually a dark song.
@@cathywethington5913Google emotions chronic pain, that's what this song is about, dealing with life while you're ill and on prescription drugs, that most folk think would be great to try for fun. Different story when you have to have them.
Having been prescribed diazapam and having a similar condition to Ren I can absolutely say this song hits the nail on the head.
Your point about relationships it's valid but this is about dealing with life, just living, while I'll and pulled up to the eyeballs so much so you can barely distinguish what's your feelings and what the meds are driving.
@@libertasdemocratiam887 I think we understand this. This is like one of those love songs about having your heart broken by the one who was wrong for you. Definitely dark, yet beautiful
@@cathywethington5913 no you don't because it's like losing you, while you're still here, it's like the you you feel you still are is dead. It's not like dealing with a broken heart from failed relationship, it's like dealing with the death of a loved one. You have to deal with all that while being on incredibly strong medications, when you're in agony at 2am and tired but you can't sleep because of the pain the side effects of the medication.
45mg a day... this song hits hard... Ren, thank you, for creating masterpieces that make me feel less alone in the world. Thank you 🖤
"My very essence, my coding. Went for a swim and I drowned in your ocean." Love it!!
I lived a real life purgatory for three years because of these little blue pills. Hell on earth, and inside my head, no exaggeration. Found your music a day ago - you’re the one. Be blessed.
I had a doctor prescribe me Ativan/Lorazepam 12 years ago, prior to that diazepam and Xanax. I have literally lost years of my life… memory problems, body is addicted, along with other terrible things. I would have never taken one had I know what I know today. Any benzodiazepines are not to be prescribed for more than a few weeks. 12 years later I get a new script every month for 90 2 mg tablets. I have sought help at recovery centers across the country. They all tell me they cannot help me because it’s prescribed. Unbelievable! To anyone who reads this, please DO NOT take these meds. You will get addicted very quickly and they destroy you and your mind.
Hell is right by the way!
@@melissawilliams1050 I’m so sorry to hear that, Melissa. There are a few twitter accounts and a whole community out there that you can get info about tapering off benzos, there’s also a RUclips channel called ‘Benzodiazepine Information Coalition’ which also has informative vlogs from a doctor who has first hand experience with benzos. I wish you all the very best .
@@melissawilliams1050 I wanted to also extend my love and good wishes to you.
If you could find a doctor who might be willing to read some probably unfamiliar research, refer them to the Ashton Protocol. They would have to be willing to allow it to be 'patient directed'.
Much luck and grace to you
@@melissawilliams1050your stronger than all of those
From someone in recovery from multiple drug addictions, multiple prescription drug addictions, alcohol, smoking, multiple suicide attempts, self harm and mental health.. this hits in many different ways 💙
Glad you're in recovery too! I hope you discover trauma counseling - which can help with physical AND mental issues. Somatic tracking too helps with the dysregulated nervous system trauma causes, and Peter Levine's books and videos are wonderful. Good for you - quitting meds with all you've been through is amazing! You should be VERY proud of yourself. You're a Benzo Warrior, my friend!
This absolute LEGEND has done more for my mental health since i stumbled upon him a year ago, than multiple psychiatrists, psychologists, counsellors, medication blah de blah de blah has done for me for the last 25 years. Unheard, cheated, misdiagnosis , the list goes on. . . 'Professionals' need to listen to you. You have single handedly helped me view my 'conditions' ( there's been a few!) differently and gave me the courage to scream and shout until i got the help i desperately need. For that, i thank you. Keep doing what you are doing. Superstar ⭐
Absolutely brilliant LYRICS
Am so freaking glad to got to witness this amazing artist thank you god am finally living a sober life off drugs finally at 53 years old and living my life to the fullest and staying humble and kind no matter what thank you Ren let’s spread his message out to everyone ❤❤❤
I'm completely obsessed with this song rn. Such melancholic nostalgia, it kills me! What's the word?....Suadade!
Ren you're a genius gdi
Personally I think it's amazing that you are writing/making music regarding medicine that is frequently prescribed and mental illness struggles...So many of us have been there but often feel shameful about our experiences. You Ren have shone the light on all our dirty secrets and we love you for it...
The world is listening🎼❤️
Not medicine
It's a drug
@@saszablaze1 all medicines are drugs, but not all drugs are medicines. Diazepam is still a medicine that can be used for legitimate medical purposes, it's just also addictive and can be abused.
@@saszablaze1 it's a prescribed medication for anxiety, seizures and muscle spasms. The word "drug" is usually to refer to one's being used illegally, when it's your prescribed meds..its your medication.
@@ARL1977 usually, sure
these things cause harm. unl;ike changing your diet, your lifestyle,, learning to breathe and think different;ly to self regulate, instead of slapping a bandaid plaster on a chainsaw wound, never really addressing teh actual problem. i've taken diazepam aka valium. i used to take it for fun with a few beers, maybe a lil morphine. it's a drug, it has an effect which we can get by ourselves. it's also addicting.
just because they're prescribed by a bunch of corporate drug pushers doesn't make it any more healthful or legit.
Thank you ren, your music is the only thing i have been able to hold on to when i was completely alone in the world. This song has done more for me than words can describe
Ren, 70 yr old here, diagnosed Bi polar with ultra mania & treatment resistant depression. Shrinks put me on Clonazepam for 33 years consistantly.. & Most All the other types of psych meds along with it, Thats damn near half my fkng life!! I tapered off the crap over 2 yrs. I feel better & way more clear now. Im an illustrator & musician/composer. I was turned on to you by a friend & major creative in UK Birmingham [Im in USA] Illinois. What Youve Overcome is on another level Ren.... Im Thanking You from my very soul. An Inspireng, Talented & Severely Motivating Artist... You Are. Thankyou for Making It Through. I look forward to your posts.. Theyre reeeli fkng great.. Stay Frosty Ren... You Are Appreciated~
9/14/24~
I love how the instruments are muted while the vocals are sharp, almost overly so, on purpose. That effect really gives off the vibe of being on heavy opiates.
I'm a bit older now, my brother is four years younger than me, sister 1 year older. Our parents divorced when I was 13. Dad went downhill shortly after with failed relationships and whatnot. Then it was pshychiatrists and pills (anti-depressants, sleeping pills, valium, dexamphetamine etc.) for him, along with copious amounts of alchohol. Me and my brother lived through the worst of it, Ren outlines a part of it in Sick Boi. It made a big blow on me and him. Sis was with mum. It took a long time for me to understand the condition. The hardest part is constantly explaining to extended family. I feel like they think I'm cold about it, but I've dealt with it for so long that I'm done explaining how to deal, and that you just have to enjoy to good times and endure the bad. Sis didn't get to evolve with it and they had a falling out which hasn't been resolved. He's off the piss now, completely. Huge step, some 20 years later, never too late though.
That was one of the most beautiful videos I've ever seen. I love you Ren, I pray you will find comfort and relief from the pain. You must keep fighting and looking forward to the future.
Only Ren could take the simple act of taking a Valium and turn it into a real work of art. Im 61yrs old, you are the most original talent I have seen in my whole life. and i grew up in the 60's. Ren you are true artist in its finest definition. Bravo young man. in the 60's The Rolling Stones had a song, "Mothers little helper" about the use of Valium back then.
You are amazing my new friend you have reached the heights of Rodger Waters with your guitar work. I am a 52-year-old from Australia and you have touched my heart with your words and music. ❤️
Just discovered this Ren song today.
Never heard a song before that, for me, is so fucking personal.
I have been addicted, physically, mentally etcetera for 30-some years because of a string of over-enthusiastic doctors who could not find another single medicine that could begin to help my specific afflictions, many years ago.
I am agoraphobic now.
I haven't really left my house in more years than I even want to admit.
I literally cannot function without benzodiazepines. However, the days of those easy prescriptions are long long past.
So, my loved ones must descend into dangerous places and situations on the regular in order to avoid my withdrawals.
The first day is very bad.
The second day, I begin to slip, unwillingly, in and out of my own body.
The third day is when the seizures begin.
The third day, if I am here at all, I am a ghost with no power to do anything but watch the mayhem as if on a screen.
I have almost set my house on fire attempting to make soup.
I have called someone I didn't know well, told him I had been kidnapped by my husband. He showed up at our place with three big friends to 'rescue' me. I had no memory of this call. I was surprised and pleased to see him. My husband was trying to explain that this was a difficult situation and not one they would easily understand.
As they were discussing this, I apparently removed my pants and shoes and walked out into very busy traffic, smiling all the while.
At one point, I went to my mother's after miscalculating my medication. I was entirely crocked.
My family started looking up interventions for disrupting addiction to these medications.
Surprise surprise, no one ever mentioned it again.
When done correctly, it can take up to two years to withdraw, however, when one rushes it, they risk instigating PAWS (post acute withdrawal syndrome), which can take up to four years to recover from.
And all of the above estimates are for people who have no true underlying panic disorder. Maybe taking these drugs solely for recreational use.
I reassure myself that I will be free one day, when I am dead.
Because I can't recall anything. I have the most profound memory loss.
Every day seems dreamlike. Especially now, when many or most of the medicines we are able to acquire are actually 'pressies'.
Pressies are made in homes and biker clubs and Mexico and China. They contain fentanyl a lot. They contain many mystery or experimental research chemicals.
For almost a year, I had to take Ambien. It was literally all we could find. I don't remember any of it. You're really not supposed to take Ambien and stay awake. I don't know if Ambien is even a benzodiazepine, but because these were pressies, they contained something that prevented the withdrawals at least.
The other thing about medicine made by inexpert people without the correct equipment, is hot spots and not spots.
I'll let you surmise what that means.
I doubt anyone has taken the time to read this. But if you have, just for god's sake and your own, be careful whose advice you follow. Just because they have an M.D. does not make them any smarter than you are about your own body.
❤
@@Zonaskiosk1 Thanks for the love, bro.
Just re-read this, and was thinking about the general stupidity of the admission of criminal stuff online.
Didn't really remember writing it. But, I think I'll leave it because it's the only true credentials I have, and it might help someone?
For anyone who is trying to get off of benzos:
Please look up Dr. Ashton, (I think?)
She has a patient-directed protocol that, if followed, •would• work.
And don't lose hope. Your life is your own. People have successfully mastered ending this addiction, without ending their lives.
And my earnest love goes out to all those who are in this unholy mess.
And please forgive my whining. Obviously, I am exceedingly blessed by any measure.
Sending you love. You’ll find a way. ❤
I have so much respect and admiration for I know how even putting your struggle into words, is such a difficult thing and takes real courage to do. Rens music gives people courage to find their own strength and that's just what the world needs, I hope you find some peace, much ❤
Benzodiazepines have the worst withdraw hands down. Those and Alcohol are the only ones that can kill one vial heart attack seizure, or stroke.
I knew the dangers, got prescribed it. Thought I’d be fine.
I pray I can taper at 3%-6% a month. You are so right about it talking 1-2 years to taper off.
It is so rare to read
A comment like this/ someone else who is physically dependent on benzos.
I with you nothing but the best and wish more knew I would not wish
This withdrawal on my worst enemy.
I’ll try to spread the Knowledge of how bad the withdrawal is.
I’d rather and ironically be better off as a heroin addict.
One feels like they will die on opiate withdrawal but one doesn’t and is usually better much faster.
Sorry for the long comment. Hang in there, fuck benzos, I wish you a good day.
i am a 60 year old music lover of all kinds not a big fan of rap that being said discovering ren on line has been a moving experience a genius a true artist and a poet just freaking amazing i have never been so moved by a few songs in all my life
I am 52 and feel the same. One thing I love is what his music evokes. Music wise what's available commercially doesn't wake up your mind let alone your soul. Rens music lights up places I didn't even know I had.
53 and love all his music!
I’m 27 and also not a big fan of rap but yes I have to fully agree with 3 it’s great music!
46 and feel the same!
48 and been involved in music for years ..found Ren when his busking vids starting making waves a few years back ..always been of the opinion that he's the most talented, exciting and unique artists to come out of the UK for as long as I can remember...
The chorus sounds like how Diazepam makes you feel especially those reverb falsetto group vocals. Plus the visuals of being surrounded in warm gold. Absolutely brilliant Ren. Love from Scotland xxx
Almost 2025, 🖤🖤🖤
Ren sending love to you this festive season.🇿🇦🇿🇦🇿🇦
This might be the weed talking but this song put me in a hypnotic trance a few minutes ago. I swear to god my soul left my body for a second.
I don't smoke it but........yeah, get you xx
I'm almost 50 and here I am on a Sunday morning just soaking up the sun and Ren's beautiful music
I wish him health and long happy life!
I just woke up at 1am and I'm waiting until sunrise to fall back asleep 🗿
All Ren's work is incredible. My wife said "He just doesn't make a bad song". The guitar double stops on this are sublime and the solo is perfect with a beautiful tone. The vocals are so powerful and his range is phenomenal. Thank you Ren for all healing music you have given us. It's a great time to be alive.
Absolutely love the guitar on this song❤
You're one of my favorites! Keep being you and being honest. That's what makes us great. We can all enjoy the same things for different reasons and prespecitives. Love your sense of humor. And if those listening are truly a Ren fan, they will not beat ya up. 😊
I'm in awe of who you are and what you do. 'Hi ren' and the tales trilogy blew me away! For the future I'd love to hear something centred around a female character with mental health issues. Not sure how it would work since your stories can sometimes relate to yourself and your experiences. But anyway.... You're one in seven billion. Please keep up with your magnificent art, take care of yourself and know you've engaged me so much through your words. Much love and respect - Danielle xx
I had an instant connection with this song. Because of the way you wrote this i was able to explain my mother how i felt. But also tell my therapist i wanted to quit this mediaction. It was hard but i did it. I thank you very much. Because your lyrics give me the right words to express myself without being unintentionally harsh or rude.
I JUST GOT TURNED ON TO REN TODAY AND I AM OH MY GOD I CAN'T EVEN WRAP MY HEAD AROUND THIS GUY F****** AMAZING
2024 and Ren, your words have saved me so mavy times. some how your voice and message stops the worst. i love your work
Damn! This is a great song! Way to crush it!!!
Very relatable, 6 years now on diazepam.. tapering off. I want my personality back and for this numbness to go away. Been hiding behind it, blocking my emotions for way too long now..
This song is one of my many favourites!
Nat, Australia (originally UK...) thanks Ren
I have to keep repeating myself with every song I hear from REN connection soul soup feeds the mind and heart - totally sated but keep going back for more and more - REN is on another level - Im in my 60s and it never ceases to amaze me how this artist has just appeared like a magician on the world stage of life to give us all peace of mind
52 and what you just said is spot on
So sad I hadn't discovered you when you first started putting out music. To think I could have had all of this incredible art to listen to all these years. I started with HI Ren, sick boi, and jenny/screech/violet like everyone else and have listed to all of them... so many times now... but going deeper, I have been listening to 1 masterpiece after another no matter the style. Not a miss yet. Thank you. Thank you for putting all of this into the world. And, if you happen to read this, from one autoimmune patient to another, more importantly from one human trying to find their way in this life, I sincerely wish you the utmost success with your treatment and a life of physical wellness and inner peace.
I’m so glad for you ren.
I was addicted to this for 11 years due to GAD and serious panic attacks and was the hardest thing to come off… I can relate to this made me cry
Wow wow wow @renmakesmusic 👌 🙏💯☮️♥️✌️👏 I felt this 💯🙏💚 I feel the same way all my life 💯🙏 keep shining, your music is amazing 💯🙏💚 your a genius my brother 🙏 wish you all the success in the world, keep healing through your music.. it helps so many people.. you are Not alone 💯🙏💚 I feel your pain 💯✌️☮️🙏♥️ @Ren
Blasted this on my headphones walking around, engrossed in the music and detached from life, I imagine it's a similar feeling to diazepam. Also, Ren hitting the synths making an artificial sound to convey an artificial feeling is nuts.
My sister listens to all your songs she was gonna buy your merch but she sadly passed away 2 months ago she introduced me to your music keep it up bro you got this I'm gonna save up some money an buy your merch!!
I'm 14 I was prescribed diazepam first when I was 12 I think. I told CAMHS not to put me back on it because I have a history with addiction they didn't listen and put me on it with out consent when I was suicidal and now I'm fully addicted to it again I don't know what to do honestly . Ren this is an amazing song you talk about things that no one else does and it true helps so many
Proud to be Welsh amazing your songs got me though so much last 2 weeks Llanelli
Such a deep, heartwrenchingly beautiful song. Could never get bored of the fire Ren puts out, he makes it look so easy 😂🖖🤯
I had an online relationship with a man that lived in Amlwch, Isle of Anglesey... he died in early 2022. He had a serious addiction to benzodiazapines & I only found out how sick he was after he died. This song hit hard 💙
I am deep in the rabbit hole right now. I don't want to come out, this art/poetry/rapping is just amazing. I don't have the words to explain how it makes me feel. I feel connected to amazing people on Patreon and on YT, and it's solely because of Ren's music. Thank you Ren! 🖤
2023 was a monster year for Ren. Let's make 2024 even bigger.
Best thing that ever happened in my life, next to my kids is discovering rennfrom a random comment on a video on Facebook. I truly hope to meet you one day man!
Rens one of those artists where u can just feel his music in ur soul
Working my way through your catalogue.
All gems so far, not a scrap of filler anywhere.
Each song stands on its own merits, when you chain them together with little links I end up in emotional overload and have to time out to cool my heart.
You're a Wizard, Ren.
You perfectly captured the feeling of when it kicks in, and it starts relieving your anxiety in the "ah - e - ah - e - ih ah - e - ah - e - i" part that's sang in an ethereal heavenly way. You captured the flipside also, where if taken too long and/or too often, it loses the relieving effect and just numbs you instead. It's good temporarily and taken not often, but beyond that, it's downwards you go. At that point, it subdues your thoughts and emotions, so you can never do the work you NEED to do on yourself. All Benzodiazipines included!
I just found this. I know this stuff dissolves a life into a dull existence. The music and your vocals are golden.
OMG another amazing song that shines on his genius I swear I cannot get enough of him God his vocals r beautiful ❤️
I love all Ren's music but this one hits different. I was prescribed diazepam 3 x a day at 19 for PTSD & anxiety. The years I was on it felt like a fever dream. Grateful it's been 7 years now since I titrated off. Life's good now.. not perfect, but I'm so grateful not to feel numb.
I was prescribed diazepam for hip spasms when in uni. My final year, I was taking so much just to keep the pain down. I never really got the floating that many experience - I just wanted the pain to lift. I took more and more and it wasn't until I realised how many I was rattling through that I started pulling back.
I came within a hair's breadth of addiction. My final year at uni was a bust and I hated it. I barely scraped a 2.2. I was too embarrassed to go to graduation.
My hip problem wasn't diagnosed correctly for a further fifteen years, by which time the damage was done, and I've been disabled since.
I also found out that diazepam makes you mentally slow. Aka stupid. No wonder finals were also such a struggle.
I still hurt for young, confused me who tried to get help and was failed by the system and so many so-called professionals.
Ur voice wtf it's unbelievably beautiful
❤❤❤
Ah seriously, stop now. It's been 48hrs now and I'm still discovering more amazing music from you. Give it a rest will ya, I've got my life to live too!
I listen to ONLY your music daily wether it’s any one of your albums or videos of you busking but I love EVERY single song of yours and I cannot get enough. Please don’t ever stop doing what you do Ren ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
Benzos are very serious and powerful class of drugs. I suffer from panic attack disorder. Benzos are the only thing that can stop them but over time you get used to them and need more to stay in control. However the more you take the more you actually lose control. Depression sets in, anxiety and fear of the next bout of panic attacks consumes you. If you try to regain control and back off the benzos you become sick and fearful. Its vicious and cruel and others do not understand you. Thanks for the music.
This song sings my medicated life. I hit rock bottom and got trapped in a place I couldn't see a way out of. I thought I had done so much wrong in the world there was no way back for me. Guilt, regret, self blame, Grief, hate, resentment and on and on kept me in hell and pushed me further in every day. The medication helped me forget and ignore my problems but prevented me from dealing with them.
This song is so true in it's story. Medication was my crutch and I held on to it tightly for 9.5 years. Medication allowed me to get out of bed, it allowed me to stop crying and to talk to family. FLIP side if used for long enough Medication will make you forget who you are and why you should be better. Mental health Medication is a must for a lot of people like me but it isn't a fix, it's a helping hand to a better place. I eventually found a true place to be settled in and I found it with Psilocybin. Everyone look it up.
Ren I'm sorry for bullshiting about myself but your music is just to relatable
One of those rare songs I can listen to on repeat and let the world just fade away.
As someone who has abused benzos (2 seizures from xanax withdrawl in my 20s) and someone who still relies on medication to conbat my anxiety this hits so hard 💔
This genius has the absolute best music/ art ever it sucks what he went through but in the end it seriously enriched his philosophy & ability to put it all in an outlet,music biggest Renegade out there 💯💪😍❣️❗❗
F the bs reaction videos. This is for real. The pain is real. Being lost in doctors prescriptions is a terrible thing. I know, I'm living it every day
Too true.. me? 32 years now.. I'm starting to fear i may be immortal
I hear you - was on benzos for 20 years. But I escaped from Benzo Oz and busted out of Pharma Prison. I'm free of them now - and thrilled to my toes. I got my life back, learned new ways to cope with the pain and insomnia that led me to them. Best of luck!
But why f the reaction videos.... what did they do?
All reactions I've seen are very supportive?
Same sucks ❗
You're literally my favorite artist right now, man. Unbelievable talent still exists, and you're the living proof. I'm happy you're here, hope you have a good night Ren.
"dont want tomorrow cuz right now Im golden" hits my sweet spot
Especially after few Diazes xD
My favorite song so far! Still heading down the Rabbit Hole!
Thank you ren, this song has helped me in my tough times, makes me cry and chills every time, love you brother grow strong everyday your an absolute fucking legend, you’ve saved lives.
Clean from vallium and Xanax now for a yr. 5 yr addiction from 19-24 started with 10mg a day endid up on 150mg-250mg had a fit when went cold turnkey. Stuff is bad news
THANK YOU Ren for writing music that speaks to people like me. People who struggle with mental health issues, and who maybe have a past they aren't so proud of, and who are so often misunderstood. I've struggled with treatment-resistent Major Depressive Disorder and multiple anxiety disorders for over 20 years, and the only thing that provides me any real relief are benzodiazepines (like diazepam...tho for me, it's clonazepam). I only feel like the real me when I take them. Unfortunately, they can't be taken daily, or even every other day. Not only that, but the DEA here in the states has so heavily restricted them, that few doctors will prescribe them, and those that will, can't prescribe very much. I'm lucky to get a few days of feeling normal every month. Since I live alone and can't function normaly without meds, I have to use those few days to get things like laundry, housekeeping, and errands done, because I just can't do those things the rest of the time, and I definitely can't work. My depression has also destroyed my passions. I'm a musician and an artist, and just have no desire to do those things anymore. I'd love to do those things when I have my meds, but I can't, because I have to use that time to take care of my basic responsibilities. I'm 43 and have to rely on my very emotionally abusive family for financial support. I was a bit of a criminal in my 20's, but turned that around 13 years ago, and my family hasn't even acknowledged the drastic change for the better. If I were to ask them if they prefer criminal me, or disabled me, I have no doubt they'd say criminal. They treat me far worse now than ever before. Benzodiazepines are a comfort that I can never describe accurately...but they're also a curse. They're addictive, and can significantly alter your personality in the worst ways. I'm a nice, very non-confrontational guy...but not when I take benzo's. I become a f*cking Karen, which I absolutely hate. They also super-motivate me, so despite being a sedative, I don't sleep when I take them. It feels like wasted time if I do, especially since I only get a few days/month to feel normal. Lack of sleep makes me hallucinate after awhile, which can be scary. I've also had some close calls while driving without sleep. I can't even count how many times I've blacked out and lost large chunks of time without even knowing it. Taking too many benzo's will do that. Often times someone will mention something that happened months earlier, and I have no memory of it at all. I've gone on road trips with friends, and have zero memory of it. I've also done awful things while blacked-out, like stealing from friends...and they aren't always understanding or forgiving, even tho I feel terrible about it. I can relate to a lot of music...but you're the only artist (well, you and Chinchilla) whose music so accurately and vividly describes the harsh realities that other artists are afraid to write about. You don't just hint at the tough topics...you paint such a beautiful portrait of them, that it can both warm the heart and break it at the same time. This song is a great example. It captures both the relief AND the darkness that drugs like diazepam can provide, and also seems to express how they can often be a necessary evil. For me they certainly are. Nothing else works. I've tried nearly everything. My mental health has left me unable to function normally, and I've forgotten how to be me (another amazing song, btw). Benzo's are the only thing that will make me myself again for a few days every month, and I desperately need that occasional relief. I have to accept the bad with the good, tho. I control myself pretty well. I've had many years of practice. But black-outs and lack of sleep are always a risk. Sorry for the novel...but thanks for doing what you do, and PLEASE never stop. You make me feel a little less alone.
Hope ya doing okay Tim
Just jumped on the band wagon......sooooooo good! better late than never....
I love you Ren man, you've brought me so much hope and enjoyment with all your unique genius! I hope you live a happy healthy life for as long as possible so you can keep on with your love and message to the masses who feel pain for whatever reason. I never experienced anything like you musically before. Stay strong brother x
The irony in this song for me, my names dai, im on diazpam found you from Instagram, played this on my drums now my hands are swollen, put alot more cymbals in my version but it made a good diversion for my anxiety
Never heard anyone come up with a song that resonates with the harsh tasks of dealing with you're emotions and just being you when you have chronic pain, and the medication in top of it, like diazapam.
Wish I'd found this guy sooner.
Just found your songs, and thank you for that!! When I was 20 I was the 6th person in Canada to be diagnosed with a rare Sarcoma in my spine, needless to say, I’m now in a wheelchair! I’ve been on diazepam for almost 20 years now, and I just wanted you to know how much I relate and respect your music! It really resonates and I appreciate everything you do!!!
Ive had to take 8 pills a day (anti psyc) for about 15 years diazepam being one. I know the feeling well. I suffer from PTSD and mania. Love my brother. Psycoogical warfare has taken half my life. But its my life and i accept who i am.
One of the best artists I've ever met. Guys talent has always been untouchable, literally a different class ! ✌
Thankyou!!!❤❤❤
No doubt about it! I was always told to get over myself or ignored when trying to get help for my mental health when I was younger, so I am beyond thankful that Ren takes the time to speak to us and make us feel human again! ♥️ #LifeChangingMusic #ThankYouRen
Once again I find that’s it’s a travesty that you’re not more well known. Your talent and meaningful content needs to be heard by the world. I’m a 50 something head banger. You are amazing!!!
Stumbling upon ur music i felt like I've met u before. Listening further in i realized i am not alone in this world. As a kid ive always kinda been brutally honest an spoke how i felt from my heart. It had outcasted me in life because not everyone understands that type of communication. Its kept my circle small since ive been alive. So it leaves me speechless with a million things to say to have ran into a voice of our generation that is completely transparent. Normally, when i listen to a new artist i get a little anxiety because im worried i wont vibe with them as hard with their other tracks. I have not listened to an album all the way through since marshal mathers lp. I Have listened to almost 2 of ur albums without skipping a beat. Hahaha. My mind and my heart are just fucking at an "awe." Plus the amount of ppl that also recognized the honesty in ur music. Gives me hope in the world
Back again-i'm a 71yr old sic puppy-i love chillin' with this song so much, even tho i had to go to rehab 40 yrs ago to get off valium. when detox got messy, i was attached to a pole, there were drains in the tile floor and there were water hoses involved. you get the picture. but what is sick, i'm remembering how it felt to be "golden". no worries, tho. i got other drugs to finally quit, not picking up any more.