If parts' jobs are managing a sense of safety, they don't let go of their acts when the abuse ends. This is because ADULT LIFE is challenging, and being triggered doesn't always diminish that much w/DID. A healthy life still has car problems, medical problems, disagreements with bosses and coworkers, etc. Parts need to see that the adult(s) have the ability to navigate adult-life challenges and triggers, and regulate emotions, or they will not abandon their actions. And of course, if they aren't oriented to the current time and place, this won't matter. They could still think they are in school, still think abusers are alive, still think they cannot drive or escape the house.
Thanks, Cathy. It isn't about abandoning actions, more to offer choice about when and where action 'jobs' are required. When needed, they are there, when not, they can find 'downtime'. This can create safety where it exists in the present from the perspective of the whole.
What worked well for our system was realizing we were ALL created for the same purpose which is protection and help, when there was none to be found externally. We ALL came from the same source. Love. We just had different ideas of how to go about "protecting". Once we all understood we basically want the same thing, we began to hash out what that might look like if we all worked together as a team instead of internal fighting which was a repeat of the chaos the abusers put us through. Realizing that the greatest level of safety and protection will come from all of us working together in an ever more kind, respectful manner and ultimately creating the loving, safe family on the inside that we never had, moves us ever forward to greater co consciousness and integration which, in truth, will provide the best possibility of the kind of security and safety that we ALL longed for so desperately. It took us many, many years to get the external sorted, getting away from the abusers, getting our finances under control etc. and now we are focusing on this aspect of our healing. Everyone's path will be unique but I think there are similarities.
I tried doing the exercise, because I miss the communication with our system that we used to have. I could feel fear and frustration and pushback. I've had suspicions that we aren't in a 'safe situation' and this felt like strong confirmation of that. It would be great if you could do a video on how to help foster internal communication for systems that have lost it. I think for us it mostly comes down to unsafe living arrangements, but it might help a number of systems that are struggling. - Jamie
I didn’t know that I was a system, but I’ve been in the process of doing this for a while now. It’s incredibly disorienting because dormant parts and alters are showing up now that it’s safe but it’s been years so it’s incredibly startling and jarring. The fact that I finally feel safe is amazing, the process right now is exhausting.
I'm such an unfair host. I'm aware of some things, yet, I'm out most of the time and do my own things. Like, at times, we do agree that the others get to do their stuff, but most of the time I just let my own things go ahead of them and I don't think of the others.. Man this really hit.. I'm pretty self-centered, aren't I.. I need to change this. And sure, I just kinda fear that something happens, while I'm not out. It's about keeping things under control and stuff.. I need to fix my own mistrust too.
No need to feel bad, Sieggis! It isn't always clear what 'should' be done, most people make it up as they go along if help isn't available. This is simply something to consider when the time feels right.
Interesting you mentioned that @sieggis because I, as the host & gatekeeper, do the same! The reasoning behind it is very similar to yours, I want control and fear that my alters will act in a way that I don't approve. I believe that understanding comes from being raised of not being trusted as a young individual or young adults from my parents, so I end up carrying those same bad behaviors towards my alters and then it leads to shame, embarrassment, and guilt towards myself and my alters. I guess it's a trust issue as well. This is eye -opening that I'm not the only one feeling or experiencing this as well. 💜🙏🏻 -Key
If you fully switch or are co-conscious with the parts having executive control, then they certainly could be, as Janina Fisher puts it, "driving the bus". Better internal communication is a great goal if you don't want them to do that. This isn't the same as not caring for them. At all. It is the best kind of caring. The kind we did not get. We don't let our children drive our cars or take them along to the GYN. For a reason. We care far too much for them.
I have been working with Lori, a 7-year old mute part who’s job was watching & listening for danger. A lot of her memories are the endings of different abuse incidents held by others. This whole time (25+ years in therapy) memories would just loop in our head & they never had an ending. We have found out in the last 3 weeks that she holds these endings. Our therapist has recently been helping me go in & move her into the present, but she is holding on tight to the past. We did ask her what she would like to do instead, but she’s sooo scared to make any noise & to be seen that this has been incredibly hard. This video has been very helpful in knowing that we’re on the right track. I think she’s stuck in keeping the secret. She has written that she cannot leave the house we grew up in. But, there have been glimmers of hope in that she has told us that she likes horses (toys). This is soooo hard. ❤️
Thanks v much. Currently trying something similar - not being negative and we will be patient but these are our challenges; still working on some parts even being able to understand we are a ‘system’, parts don’t actually know what they ‘like’ and some don’t experience positive emotions so there is no reward / feedback loop so we need to come up with a list of things to just try & go through the motions maybe, next a trigger for some is actually being alone, so they want company and we are not yet co-con so we need help of an outside person to do things outside of the therapy room, next is we get triggered by receiving compassion (especially from selves) As you said Mike it may sound v simple but even just this one task takes a lot of work. We like these ‘doing’ and achieving focused videos. Thank you
I understand exactly what you are talking about and feel the same: I am still dealing with alters who don't know they are a system. We are trying to establish an award system to reinforce positive behavior, because I noticed that the lost time disrupts natural reinforcements (and hopefully tie that into an effective way to divide resources between us). I, too, am looking for constructive advice for living with this disorder. I'm still on my own with this goal, even after 2 years of getting ineffective mental health care. So far, I'm liking the CTAD Clinic videos. Our system would love to chat with yours.
We've been working on this recently. i'm really excited to go to the arcardes and bowling. There's others who want to get pancakes, go on a train, go on a bouncy castle, go out for coffee and wine, go to a museum to see a dinosaur skeleton. It's really helping. It helps that we have a safe person in our life who can be out with our littles and help them where needed and keep us safe.
We did something similar but before we had easy communication with words, I could often get emotional bleedover from those nearby so I started really listening to that when I was grocery shopping or maybe at a thrift store. I didn’t always know who really wanted the tortilla and salsa, but I knew it wasn’t me - this allowed me to show I was listening and buy it for that alter to enjoy later. Same with the thrift store, sometimes someone just really liked the look of a shirt and sometimes it wasn’t my personal style, but again it was that willingness to show that I wanted to listen. That built the bridge to clearer internal communication with actual words and built trust between everyone. It’s been 6+ years and we’ve got effortless communication most of the time now.
Thanks, Sammy, that is precisely what one of tghe next videos will be about, helping 'read' what is being felt or heard in productive ways. If you have a question specifically about an aspect of this, I would be happy to include it!
I have been doing that as well. My little alter loves cute things so I get her the stuffed animal, crayons, toy, and let her watch cute animal videos, build a fairy house, etc. I often feel weird, being that I am 59 and she is 5, but it works! She helps me connect with my inner child and brings joy to my life.
@@thectadclinic I am very interested in this subject. "How to 'read' what is being felt or heard in productive ways' I am 10 months in from an OSDD diagnosis and have only just begun to strongly read 1 part that evidently leaves the kitchen cabinets and doors open while exploring and having fun. My awesome Therapist and my dear husband saw this part clearly. This was something I scolded and blamed on the four offspring when I was raising them in my house; poor babies. No one is left in the house to blame now as they are all grown so is evident tis me... lol It was a joyful & sad moment to realize this little bit of information. I'd like to learn more about some other parts but I haven't gone there yet. Although I know there will be a time. I'm not in a rush. My communication hasn't fully commenced yet although writing is a strong suit of mine I think might come in handy later. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the diagnosis and realize that my physical symptoms convince me it's true and undeniable. I appreciate you and your videos. I've been educated and validated. Blessings!
Thank you for another great video Dr Mike 😊❤️ Our Inner World is designed specifically so that our System Members have the opportunity to explore their interests and who they are outside of their roles in a safe, supportive, and nurturing environment. One of our Protectors even chose to age down so that he could have the experience of being a kid and growing up without having to be a Protector. It’s unbelievably healing for each of us to be able to step outside of just being our roles and into who we really are.
I’ve very recently opened communication with my system. For so long I’ve pushed them away when they try to talk/front, because I’ve been scared. I’ll try this, to see what comes of it. Thank you ❤️
Thank you. I really wish we could communicate and/or I (the host) could access the headspace to talk. It doesn't ever really feel like there's fluidity. We'll just randomly switch without anyone saying "hey, I'm gonna front", so sometimes I know we switched, but no idea to who it is until later. Lots of our alters are males, dominant, and very very focused on the fighting side of fight or flight. Most of them get me in trouble because they tend to become angry and assertive. Honestly, one of our alters, Oswald, has chased someone around with a metal water bottle and tried to hit them with it. He swears, yells, makes threats. I just wish we could communicate more, so I can see what's really going on. I feel left out and alone without being able to hear them all, and I don't even know if I'm faking or not. Tried to bring it up to my therapist I'd been going to since I was 8. She totally shot me down and kept trying to switch the topic to how she wanted "to *fix* me first before talking about anything else". I don't even know what that means. I just wish I could have a medical professional in my state to talk to. It's so angering to only be able to talk to counselors or therapists who just don't get it and can't do anything for us.
I can totally relate. I have a male alter who's a Protector - been with me since I was a young teen - and oh my god, he almost got me beaten up on a few occasions when I worked in a nightclub as a student! He's never physically attacked anyone, but when huge drunken guys started getting aggressive while I was working behind the bar, I could feel him 'taking over' to sort them out. I'd be a passenger in my own body, completely powerless to stop him squaring up to these angry thugs, swearing and calling them out with all this "come and have a go if you think you're hard enough" -type stuff. He completely forgets that, while HE might be a reasonably tall and solid bloke in his forties, he's actually in the body of a five-foot-two, 114lb woman! I think the only reason I didn't get knocked out in the past was because, when these angry drunken men were confronted head-on a tiny little woman facing them down, they just backed off out of sheer confusion. Basically, I just got lucky, and I was very aware that kind of 'luck' could run out at any time. And then, once the danger was over, he'd just calmly step down and hand control back to me again... except I'd be a shaking, hysterical mess for a while afterwards, from the terror of him ALMOST GETTING US KILLED..! I've had A LOT of therapy since then, (and also move in different circles, so 'opportunities' to tangle with angry drunks are waaay fewer these days🙂) so thankfully he next to never has a need to go that full-on anymore. But I still have this fear in the back of my mind that he still might, should the circumstance ever occur again.
This is exactly where I have recently felt stuck. I have a conforming alter that is very hypervigilant toward threat from my family. I went no contact about 12 years ago. My daughter is moving back here and my alter fears she will bring my families perceptions. Even though I know this is not true (webhave a great relationship), my alter wants to prepare. Your video gives me a new approach with her. I am excited to try it!
even though not the full exercise...we now PAINT and COLOR! For us, it's just trying to go with a flow that is foreign. and the paintings? oh my, there is definitely a truth teller that has a lot of information!
This is super helpful. We will have to try this. We know what our primary protector wants to do already and we will have to engage in what he wants to do probably more when we are in a safe place - right now we are focused on survival. Trying to get a therapist that works with DID/OSDD (by the way thank you for recognizing OSDD so many people don’t) but is very hard because our insurance covers so few therapists. I wish we could see you as a doctor, you seem so knowledgeable and good, but we are in the USA! thank you for this video!
I love doing this - - my therapist did this with us, and now that he's gone the communication isn't as easy - but i do get answers ; The problem that i have now is there are many things that well , i would love to do and can't because i got hit by a snowplow 3 years ago. I can't walk. . . and that was really my thing - walking all over the place , singing , feeding animals in the cemetery . . . and the pain is trouble too. I have found that it's alot more chaotic since then and that makes me quite sad because i can't fullfill 'lets' do this' in many ways.
We are on day two of trying to process this. We told our therapist about this video yesterday in our therapy session. Such a hard session, this is huge stuff, as sometimes we loose co-con when issues are overwhelming us. Thank you so much for this video, it is at the heart of the work we are needing/trying to do.
We connect inside when painting, drawing and writing. I began painting as a mean to stop overeating. Back then I did not know, that there were insiders / alters as my strongest alter with ANP role sort of kept everybody locked up.
Great content as always! Definitely the best I’ve found on RUclips and has helped people tremendously from what I can see. Maybe making a TikTok discussing DID/OSDD to reach a larger audience would be helpful and something to consider? I wish the disorder wasn’t so stigmatised so maybe hearing the facts from a therapist will help sway the people that don’t think the disorder even exists or discredit systems experiences for a “very rare disorder” implying that they don’t have it that it in fact does exist
Thank you for this information. We are a fairly new system in Australia. We have great healthcare but the system is so crap with acknowledgement of this disorder. I suffered traumatic ongoing ab and trauma as a child . Grew up with amneisa thinking it was fine/normal. Had so many traumas over our life. Even to date. Woke up one day literally roughly mmm maybe like 4-5 years ago. Probably around my son's birth era . Had trauma with the twins (Prems) a year and half prior. But this is all I can figure out. Around the time of my son's birth year. I had a conversation with a family member idk what. Woke up next day completely different. Short term memory went . Speech was diff. And much more but from there on nothing was the same I " woke up" with like 5 main alters from memory (very amnesic ATM idk why but at one point we had a great functioning system for a breif time. Maybe cos everyone we reached out too told us we were fakes or liars or demonic ect. Maybe that shut it down I don't remember. But our system grew over the years with some new traumas to like 14 maybe 🤷🏽♀️ I can't remember but I've seen a written list in journals somehwere. And now I'm alone again. Completely blank . No memory of what's going on lost 2020 and really this year too. I dunno who I am in this system. Why everyone has left me so to speak. Occasionally they pop out. But I've sought medical help over again from my gp (who doesn't even know what dissociation means) my psychologist I had gave up on me cos I forgot we had one off and on so I guess she thought I flaked. Idk. No I've left dv, become homless, everyhting centred around severe mental health but no one here seems to deal with personality disorders or complex trauma ect without huge huge costs. Not this stuff. So It was suggested I had it than I must have swapped host to me and year or two went by and nothing's changed . I am writting this to ask do you know any good psychiatrists whom deal with did ect in Melbourne Australia 🇦🇺 because I'm at a loss to find anyone who's not private or expensive or years waiting lists to be seen. I lost my family. My life. My mind. My EVERYTHING and I need real help weekly and trained help from someone like you. And I can't find anyone 😭😭😭😭😭😭 This system is suffering from being discriminated and abused for so long that we are forced into a blended I. Which is me. I'm just a blank nothing. Others have names and roles ect from what I know and I'm just existing . Just. I am so lost. Please if you know any Australian clinics can you drop me some names. I'm in Victoria, Australia 🐺🖤 we would love some assistance from some one who respects the disorder and knows the go how. If I could fly to see you and your clinic I would. So much proof in journals video logs ect ect over so many years and no help. Even when in hospital . Everything gets ignored here as BPD . Which was my teenage DX . Everyone I know with BPD doesn't have the personalities. The odd journals . Videos of different people. The voices so to speak . The wardrobes . Accents. I have a Russian alter for crying out loud. 🤣😭🐺 SOS FROM AUSTRALIA Love your work and care and compassion. Love the LoneWolf Family 🐺
Each of my alters have their own book. I have 8 books (different colors) and each alter has their own book in which they communicate with me through their posts...For example, 7 wants to go fishing, so we are going to buy them a fishing pole...My alters want to have their own lives which is so hard for me...there is alot of conflict, my alter Tessa is christian and wants to go to church...I am pagan and will not step foot in a church..very disconcerting...Not all my alters can write, like my little Ally, so just just draws pictures in her book...I am learning about my alters and their specific jobs in my system...the books, diaries, are a positive way that all my alters like their books...
So good! I feel I'm on the right path I'm still do not have access to my therapist but I'm trying also with increasing the fund to have enough in the future your channel is a main source of information that I'm rely on for my future treatment. I'm struggling with communication with them on my own. They aren't willing to communicate with me and when they come out they are in their trauma stages and I don't have a safe place and person/therapist to help me with. I'm looking forward to be relocate to a new home where I can access a therapist there as well 🙂
Thank you for this. So much. I can tell that since I know and accept the lives they have as a rule gotten quiet, I experience a sort of lonesome echo chamber of just one voice. At first I began to doubt and think imposters are us. Some one said no we're here. I grasped their skill to hide especially from me. I've come to know the congruent moods shared u[beat and as a team effort each one is given time to work on their projects. After a few hours irritation and "move you take too long type bickering frustrations come up and I get lost somewhere and they carry on without my attentive mindset. I don't feel "put out of the picture but more allowed to rest somewhere or come and go as I wish. And my memory during 'nap" is sketchy. I verbalized wanting to know as they feel okay to share. But no one will (except about four ) tell me their name. ha One day someone said they were all named my birth name so there was no hints of their existence. Say I have heard them so clearly so long if they were calling oddd names I'd catch on. Then lol another said "ever heard of the five George foreman children? boys and girls all had the first name George". I laughed saying how smart of a thing that is. I'd become aware of a set of behaviors I recognize from even in childhood that pushes everyone out of the front or even near it, they are In Charge and extrememely defiant, wont' do housework, take care of business, stay in a threatening mildly hostile affect, nearly non-verbal out of a place like noone deserves to be answered and don't talk to me. I just observed and made myself familiar with the present actions to discover intent or what purpose. Silence, Then last week. I had fun things to do and it was me host and I sort of grumbled about doing some quick chores before the fun would begin. Man DR, the person pushed everyone away and instant defiance and affect of I don't do housework but they let me watch from a couple place behind the front. I was thinking oh no I won't be fun what happened why? Don't you like fun I said, The female stood up and started walking went past me and said now I can show you how not to do chores if you want to grumble some more. She smiled said you best do this and be happy you can. I said OOOHHHH I see yep, ha thank you for showing me. She smiled again and started walking faster away. So now I can have a tool to offer as you suggest. Thank you so much. I wish I could come to the UK to the clinic there. My original family is from Essex however the head of the family sailed to the Americas in 1650 John Churchman the seperatist Quaker is my gggggggggggrandfather. I do want to see UK I've been to Portugal we love it there and the Azores especially.
I seem to have identified four definite alters. They consist of a Father figure, daughter, my younger self and a dog. I only recently "discovered" these alters. I am slowly and carefully starting to understand them. I am going to explore if they might want to communicate with each other. Maybe they already do, but I am not aware. I guess alters were meant to remain covert so that your main self can live a relatively normal life not enduring the full impact of the trauma. I know the collective of the alters is often referred to as a "system". Because my alters seem to be a family, I have replaced the word "system" with "house". They need some where to live after all. I looked on the internet to find a nice house that is a representation of where they live. My partner made a suggestion that I am living in a fantasy world and that I am making it up as I go along. Could this be a point? I am starting to doubt my own "sanity" ! Thank you in advance Dr Lloyd for answering my question 😎
Hey, I hope you all are doing well, now. I’m sorry that your partner said that to you. It’s okay to question things as you go along, but please don’t doubt your sanity!
A while back, there was a thought like this, on our private just for us chat server the following message was left. (We so far, only really communicate in writing. Plus the rare moments of, empathy?) Help me know you all. How would you want to spend an evening? What would you want to eat? Where would you like to go? What do you like to do? Only got a couple answers, out of 30 Alters even months later. With the two that have though, things have gotten easier with them. Even if only a little.
It helped to improve things, then some strangeness happened, now a few of us have some better communication. A combination of them sending mental images plus empathy, which is a lot better than things were.
Question: Because of current living situation, I've been having to try and explain my condition (DID) to my family, who are not exactly dealing with it too terribly well. Their exposure to DID is Split, Many Faces of Death, and TikTok. How could I provide them with accurate and reliable info? How do I manage to get the rest to deal with the family? Been asking around.
We produced two videos for this purpose, available for download from the First Person Plural website. One is about describing dissociation the other how to manage it therapeutically. Perhaps get the first one and look at it chapter by chapter with your family? Social media is often not the ideal place to get the information needed to work through something like this.
I was told that as the host I will always in some capacity, be tied to the front. And while I understand that, I want to be able to properly commune to everyone that isn't through text or talking out loud. I hope this video helps.
Do you have any advice for an extremely covert system? We have very little communication and almost never experience full switches. We do experience co-con more often but their voices sound muffled to me and I don't think they can really hear me either when they're closer to the front. It makes keeping denial at bay really hard and I just don't know how to find a way to work together.
Hi Toria, we can’t give individual clinical advice, so really hope you are or can work with a skilled therapist. There are ways through this but if reasons for the ‘silence’ are deeply embedded, cautious approach in therapy is advised.
What’s the best way to learn your parts mine are a war inside is it good to learn parts map name them etc what you suggest I’m absolute mess thank you I listen to you and it’s such relief someone gets me understands me I dint have to work to get them to understand people here see it as a choice a behaviour and shut my parts down never used to be like this now look at you thank you dr Mike
Thanks, Michelle. Mapping can be very helpful, but can also get pushback if alters are not wanting to be ‘seen’. I always recommend doing this within therapy, but I know you are struggling to access anything where you are. Hopefully this will change for you.
@@thectadclinic thank you I sobbing listening to you and reading your reply I want to work to get well get. A life i never had but I feel misunderstood I want learn my parts how best way to map I’m in psych hospital and they don’t get D I D well most don’t and do t want get it they honk choice behaviour do I switch dissociate they think it’s my control I can’t be free to be in parts I like Steiger pin cushion all day switching I do badly won’t be heard understood if I was in your country England it is I puked week you out You make me feel safe just listening to you and even heard like someone gets it all these parts trapped inside screaming I get n trouble o switch and get distressed they don’t want hear from pets they want them to get together already like it’s my fault there’s all these walls up between parts I have no control and I know I jus want be understood and heard
I tried doing this with one of the alters I've known the longest in my system... and he hated the question. I felt him walk away without answering it, and I could feel he was very hurt. Hurt and, I think, scared - like he perceived it as rejection. I don't know why. I feel guilty as hell now, because, even though we haven't always seen eye to eye over the years, he's always taken his job seriously and more than stepped up for all of us when he felt he needed to (even if some of us others wished he hadn't!) I guess you did say it might be a while before an answer comes, so maybe he'll feel better eventually and have something to say.
I guess the alter is feeling mocked by the question. They might be hating themselves and can't cope with sympathy. Also there are alters fearing to be getting trapped by kind offers because this has happened to them in trauma. There needs to be some stabilisation before an alter can accept even a positive feeling. First there must be realised that trauma has ended.Then the alter must learn how helpful they have been and that they can be valued. It is a long way.
I’m 17 and I really need help with my DID but I don’t have access to a therapist and my parents don’t take me seriously, they say I’m having mood swings because of my age but I’ve had this since I was 6 and it is a colossal pain in the ass for everything and has played a big role in destroying my life so far and I really need help
It would help if you had timestamps to distinguish between the disclaimers and the actual start of the content. By the time I hop through the long explanations of the recommendation to work with a therapist, I'm usually so triggered that I can't understand the content. Considering how terrible the majority of "therapy" was for most of the 20th Century, I doubt I'm the only one whose OSDD stems largely from the cripplingly toxic mind-melting abuse of therapists.
Thanks so much for the video. I'm fairly new to this and I am wondering how does a person 'know' that the response is coming from a 'part/alter' as opposed to the imagination?
I was diagnosed with osdd in 2017. Im very aware of them the others but I am my own control till there’s someone who can switch I don’t like how they can take over 😑
Please include captioning, as I truly am getting a lot out of your videos, but due to auditory issues, watching/ hearing a video is very difficult. Thank you.
I have mostly a one way communication with from my knowledge one alter. They can’t really hear me but I can hear them. They might just ignore me as host, in particular this alter is very destructive to everything and everyone
I have known since i was five my alters name is sam i am constantly in fight mode always have been i have blackouts when in defense mode thing is i want my alter concious at the same time with me or take over full conciousness and let me stay blacked out
I’m in a third layer. In #1 and 2, I have established communication with several parts. In this layer (3), all I hear is screaming; my reaction is to step back and cause a distraction to avoid hearing it. There’s something horrible there and too much to know.
Hi Mike, please can you recommend a book that we can work through whilst waiting for therapy to start/restart. Take care, Cath. Ps; apologies if this is not appropriate to ask.
So.... I can attest that this is a very useful way of interacting with old and new headmates. While everyone may have a job to do, listening to them getting feedback and their perspective, showing them that their job it is not all that they are, can be a way of building resiliency, cooperation, and a sense of tribe/belonging. Additionally letting alters shift roles or take on new responsibilities can be a way of growth for them internally. It's funny reflecting on how my own system handled, and continues to handle this. Because as a protogenic system this is something that we figured out on our own without a therapist, so it's incredibly validating to hear that we stumbled into one of the recommended paths.
Hello, We habe a lot of little Alters, Childs from Age 2 to 12. All of them are listening All the Day what me is doing outside in the "adult world" to make security save. Somtimes, when I struggle with an adult Problem, i ask: who is the best to Challenge this Problem? This often helps. But, if i ask, what would you like to do, spend your time with? The littles react with fear, they dont know the world of today. They live in Kind of "cold" remember after trauma therapy. And they are very Young children, makes it difficult for me to corrsepondent with. If you habe any Suggestion to this, i would appreciate. Sorry for my flawliy Englisch? Haha, greetings from Germany!
isolerar mig .Har fått EMDR behandling .Men i slutet av 2 år sa min psykolog upp sig från jobbet .Nu känns det som en lång väntan och mår sämre igen. Men jag ska till vuxenpsykiatrin 18/3 2022 . Om jag skull få önska .Skulle jag önska att bara kunna gå ut var och när som helst utan känna skuld .
I do this regularly but my problem is I have 20 voices all telling me what they want and I don’t know how to meet all of their needs. And the worst thing is I keep discovering new alters. I know all therapists say you have to negotiate, but how do you negotiate and try to meet the needs of 20+people especially when you have to do all the normal tasks of day to day life. Any suggestions Mike?
What do you do if acknowledging parts have needs causes more dissociation and more disconnection between parts? We have been working with our therapist in communication between parts. We have been encouraged to ask parts what they need and to try to soothe them. Through trying this over a period of weeks and months it has caused more and more destabilisation. We are trying to explain this to our therapist but unsure what is happening really or why. It has got to the point where we are dreading sessions because she keeps asking what parts need and it’s too overwhelming it is making everybody shut down and we aren’t functioning in day to day life well. We trying to explain it but don’t know how to communicate this. We feel like we are just failing because we can’t do what is asked of us to move forward. It’s destroying us, frankly.
Hi Ellie, when a new method is tried that causes distress or more dissociation, I usually back off a bit and allow things to settle. This pause gives chance to send a message inside to check if everything is ok. This may be a sign that more stabilisation is needed before progressing with new techniques.
Thank you that’s really helpful to hear. I think that’s what is happening and we are slowing down, it’s hard to understand and calm down when in a triggered state
I wish this video had been more helpful, but the reality is that I already have pretty good communication and coordination between my parts. I know what my parts want, I just don't know how to get it for them. They want safe and rewarding social connections. But I'm autistic and socially awkward and it's hard to connect with people. Social situations stress me out, and I rarely feel seen or understood. I can mask and not be disliked, but then I'm not authentic and no one really gets to know me, and it's exhausting and unrewarding. Or I can be myself, and people think I'm weird and rude and they don't get me. I don't know how to find people who would be interested in me as I am. I need help building social connections and keeping my nervous system regulated, but I have no idea how to get that help.
I went to a psychologist twice and twice, they invalidated everything and told me that I was just stressed out and it's normal. I feel like I'm about to go crazy :'(
This may well be the case, in which case, try and work out what the part/alter needs (like, patience, understanding, quiet…). This can be found through observation of what seems to either raise or reduce stress, sadness, anxiety etc.
@@thectadclinic Now the referral letter says referred to someone who specializes in dissociation AND/OR psychotic episodes. I can't believe this. This makes it sound like I'm crazy. I am not psychotic and those are not psychotic episodes. It's not just scary things, I'm not insane, I become a child too. It's not psychotic. I can't believe this is happening. I went into that session with the thought "I can't talk about it" and then I talked about it. I should have never said anything.
I'm so scared they will take away the hormones I'm taking, and I think there is an alter who really needs the hormones, it could just be me making this up or thinking that this is what is happening to me, but I'm definitely not crazy.
I have parts like that. Maybe their way of protecting us is to be fearful so that we are aware that they perceive danger,like the trauma is still happening. Some of My little parts just cry and curl up in a foetal position. I'm learning to be protective of them and show them that we are not in danger so they don't need to be scared. That I am the adult now and can look after them.
My Partner has did.. But they are all called Michael.. Have you heard of this before.. He has 5 alters. A child alter an angry alter. Funny happy alters.. But he doesn't have. Memory of them.. I showed him the video of his alters.. He doesn't belive it because he doesn't remember it..
Hi, what end up happening?(not to intrude but be careful..sometime telling systems they are a system when they themselves don't know can lead to bad things, but it really depends on each systems situation !)
Unsafe living spaces Counts for a lot of hiding. Abuser parts, even just memories suck. Just like the electronic trash abuser that keeps cutting into my videos I watch. I am looking forward to their judgment day.
If parts' jobs are managing a sense of safety, they don't let go of their acts when the abuse ends. This is because ADULT LIFE is challenging, and being triggered doesn't always diminish that much w/DID. A healthy life still has car problems, medical problems, disagreements with bosses and coworkers, etc. Parts need to see that the adult(s) have the ability to navigate adult-life challenges and triggers, and regulate emotions, or they will not abandon their actions. And of course, if they aren't oriented to the current time and place, this won't matter. They could still think they are in school, still think abusers are alive, still think they cannot drive or escape the house.
Thanks, Cathy. It isn't about abandoning actions, more to offer choice about when and where action 'jobs' are required. When needed, they are there, when not, they can find 'downtime'. This can create safety where it exists in the present from the perspective of the whole.
Absolutely correct😁but we will ALWAYS have our role🥰just may not act on it as much or as intensely.
What worked well for our system was realizing we were ALL created for the same purpose which is protection and help, when there was none to be found externally. We ALL came from the same source. Love. We just had different ideas of how to go about "protecting". Once we all understood we basically want the same thing, we began to hash out what that might look like if we all worked together as a team instead of internal fighting which was a repeat of the chaos the abusers put us through. Realizing that the greatest level of safety and protection will come from all of us working together in an ever more kind, respectful manner and ultimately creating the loving, safe family on the inside that we never had, moves us ever forward to greater co consciousness and integration which, in truth, will provide the best possibility of the kind of security and safety that we ALL longed for so desperately. It took us many, many years to get the external sorted, getting away from the abusers, getting our finances under control etc. and now we are focusing on this aspect of our healing. Everyone's path will be unique but I think there are similarities.
@@thectadclinic Is the ultimate goal of treatment for a person with DID/MPD, to integrate all personalities into one?
I tried doing the exercise, because I miss the communication with our system that we used to have. I could feel fear and frustration and pushback. I've had suspicions that we aren't in a 'safe situation' and this felt like strong confirmation of that.
It would be great if you could do a video on how to help foster internal communication for systems that have lost it. I think for us it mostly comes down to unsafe living arrangements, but it might help a number of systems that are struggling.
- Jamie
I didn’t know that I was a system, but I’ve been in the process of doing this for a while now. It’s incredibly disorienting because dormant parts and alters are showing up now that it’s safe but it’s been years so it’s incredibly startling and jarring. The fact that I finally feel safe is amazing, the process right now is exhausting.
I'm such an unfair host. I'm aware of some things, yet, I'm out most of the time and do my own things. Like, at times, we do agree that the others get to do their stuff, but most of the time I just let my own things go ahead of them and I don't think of the others.. Man this really hit.. I'm pretty self-centered, aren't I.. I need to change this. And sure, I just kinda fear that something happens, while I'm not out. It's about keeping things under control and stuff.. I need to fix my own mistrust too.
No need to feel bad, Sieggis! It isn't always clear what 'should' be done, most people make it up as they go along if help isn't available. This is simply something to consider when the time feels right.
Interesting you mentioned that @sieggis because I, as the host & gatekeeper, do the same! The reasoning behind it is very similar to yours, I want control and fear that my alters will act in a way that I don't approve. I believe that understanding comes from being raised of not being trusted as a young individual or young adults from my parents, so I end up carrying those same bad behaviors towards my alters and then it leads to shame, embarrassment, and guilt towards myself and my alters. I guess it's a trust issue as well. This is eye -opening that I'm not the only one feeling or experiencing this as well. 💜🙏🏻 -Key
It's okay they have protected you from the beginning the best they know how and they will continue to do so don't worry 💗
Thank you so much for the answers!
I'll think of these too.
💚
If you fully switch or are co-conscious with the parts having executive control, then they certainly could be, as Janina Fisher puts it, "driving the bus". Better internal communication is a great goal if you don't want them to do that. This isn't the same as not caring for them. At all. It is the best kind of caring. The kind we did not get. We don't let our children drive our cars or take them along to the GYN. For a reason. We care far too much for them.
I have been working with Lori, a 7-year old mute part who’s job was watching & listening for danger. A lot of her memories are the endings of different abuse incidents held by others. This whole time (25+ years in therapy) memories would just loop in our head & they never had an ending. We have found out in the last 3 weeks that she holds these endings.
Our therapist has recently been helping me go in & move her into the present, but she is holding on tight to the past. We did ask her what she would like to do instead, but she’s sooo scared to make any noise & to be seen that this has been incredibly hard.
This video has been very helpful in knowing that we’re on the right track. I think she’s stuck in keeping the secret. She has written that she cannot leave the house we grew up in. But, there have been glimmers of hope in that she has told us that she likes horses (toys). This is soooo hard. ❤️
I don’t know if I have OSDD or DID. I at least have CPTSD, but I can relate SO much to what you’ve written here. Wow…
iS it possible that Lori Is only visible to you and none of the others? she could be invisaile or made before the rest.
Thanks v much. Currently trying something similar - not being negative and we will be patient but these are our challenges; still working on some parts even being able to understand we are a ‘system’, parts don’t actually know what they ‘like’ and some don’t experience positive emotions so there is no reward / feedback loop so we need to come up with a list of things to just try & go through the motions maybe, next a trigger for some is actually being alone, so they want company and we are not yet co-con so we need help of an outside person to do things outside of the therapy room, next is we get triggered by receiving compassion (especially from selves) As you said Mike it may sound v simple but even just this one task takes a lot of work. We like these ‘doing’ and achieving focused videos. Thank you
I understand exactly what you are talking about and feel the same: I am still dealing with alters who don't know they are a system. We are trying to establish an award system to reinforce positive behavior, because I noticed that the lost time disrupts natural reinforcements (and hopefully tie that into an effective way to divide resources between us). I, too, am looking for constructive advice for living with this disorder. I'm still on my own with this goal, even after 2 years of getting ineffective mental health care. So far, I'm liking the CTAD Clinic videos. Our system would love to chat with yours.
We've been working on this recently. i'm really excited to go to the arcardes and bowling. There's others who want to get pancakes, go on a train, go on a bouncy castle, go out for coffee and wine, go to a museum to see a dinosaur skeleton. It's really helping. It helps that we have a safe person in our life who can be out with our littles and help them where needed and keep us safe.
We did something similar but before we had easy communication with words, I could often get emotional bleedover from those nearby so I started really listening to that when I was grocery shopping or maybe at a thrift store. I didn’t always know who really wanted the tortilla and salsa, but I knew it wasn’t me - this allowed me to show I was listening and buy it for that alter to enjoy later. Same with the thrift store, sometimes someone just really liked the look of a shirt and sometimes it wasn’t my personal style, but again it was that willingness to show that I wanted to listen. That built the bridge to clearer internal communication with actual words and built trust between everyone. It’s been 6+ years and we’ve got effortless communication most of the time now.
Thanks, Sammy, that is precisely what one of tghe next videos will be about, helping 'read' what is being felt or heard in productive ways. If you have a question specifically about an aspect of this, I would be happy to include it!
I have been doing that as well. My little alter loves cute things so I get her the stuffed animal, crayons, toy, and let her watch cute animal videos, build a fairy house, etc. I often feel weird, being that I am 59 and she is 5, but it works! She helps me connect with my inner child and brings joy to my life.
@@thectadclinic I am very interested in this subject. "How to 'read' what is being felt or heard in productive ways' I am 10 months in from an OSDD diagnosis and have only just begun to strongly read 1 part that evidently leaves the kitchen cabinets and doors open while exploring and having fun. My awesome Therapist and my dear husband saw this part clearly. This was something I scolded and blamed on the four offspring when I was raising them in my house; poor babies. No one is left in the house to blame now as they are all grown so is evident tis me... lol It was a joyful & sad moment to realize this little bit of information. I'd like to learn more about some other parts but I haven't gone there yet. Although I know there will be a time. I'm not in a rush. My communication hasn't fully commenced yet although writing is a strong suit of mine I think might come in handy later. I'm still trying to wrap my head around the diagnosis and realize that my physical symptoms convince me it's true and undeniable. I appreciate you and your videos. I've been educated and validated. Blessings!
Thank you for these videos, everyone system should have access to professionals with this level of knowledge and skill 😭✌️
Thank you for another great video Dr Mike 😊❤️
Our Inner World is designed specifically so that our System Members have the opportunity to explore their interests and who they are outside of their roles in a safe, supportive, and nurturing environment.
One of our Protectors even chose to age down so that he could have the experience of being a kid and growing up without having to be a Protector.
It’s unbelievably healing for each of us to be able to step outside of just being our roles and into who we really are.
Will share this with my therapist. Thanks.
I’ve very recently opened communication with my system. For so long I’ve pushed them away when they try to talk/front, because I’ve been scared. I’ll try this, to see what comes of it.
Thank you ❤️
Hey, how's it going?
We would love to hear more about the safety protocols (mentioned at 4:48 ) in future videos! Thank you for all your content!
Thank you. I really wish we could communicate and/or I (the host) could access the headspace to talk. It doesn't ever really feel like there's fluidity. We'll just randomly switch without anyone saying "hey, I'm gonna front", so sometimes I know we switched, but no idea to who it is until later. Lots of our alters are males, dominant, and very very focused on the fighting side of fight or flight. Most of them get me in trouble because they tend to become angry and assertive. Honestly, one of our alters, Oswald, has chased someone around with a metal water bottle and tried to hit them with it. He swears, yells, makes threats. I just wish we could communicate more, so I can see what's really going on. I feel left out and alone without being able to hear them all, and I don't even know if I'm faking or not. Tried to bring it up to my therapist I'd been going to since I was 8. She totally shot me down and kept trying to switch the topic to how she wanted "to *fix* me first before talking about anything else". I don't even know what that means. I just wish I could have a medical professional in my state to talk to. It's so angering to only be able to talk to counselors or therapists who just don't get it and can't do anything for us.
I can totally relate. I have a male alter who's a Protector - been with me since I was a young teen - and oh my god, he almost got me beaten up on a few occasions when I worked in a nightclub as a student! He's never physically attacked anyone, but when huge drunken guys started getting aggressive while I was working behind the bar, I could feel him 'taking over' to sort them out. I'd be a passenger in my own body, completely powerless to stop him squaring up to these angry thugs, swearing and calling them out with all this "come and have a go if you think you're hard enough" -type stuff. He completely forgets that, while HE might be a reasonably tall and solid bloke in his forties, he's actually in the body of a five-foot-two, 114lb woman!
I think the only reason I didn't get knocked out in the past was because, when these angry drunken men were confronted head-on a tiny little woman facing them down, they just backed off out of sheer confusion. Basically, I just got lucky, and I was very aware that kind of 'luck' could run out at any time. And then, once the danger was over, he'd just calmly step down and hand control back to me again... except I'd be a shaking, hysterical mess for a while afterwards, from the terror of him ALMOST GETTING US KILLED..!
I've had A LOT of therapy since then, (and also move in different circles, so 'opportunities' to tangle with angry drunks are waaay fewer these days🙂) so thankfully he next to never has a need to go that full-on anymore. But I still have this fear in the back of my mind that he still might, should the circumstance ever occur again.
This is exactly where I have recently felt stuck. I have a conforming alter that is very hypervigilant toward threat from my family. I went no contact about 12 years ago. My daughter is moving back here and my alter fears she will bring my families perceptions. Even though I know this is not true (webhave a great relationship), my alter wants to prepare. Your video gives me a new approach with her. I am excited to try it!
even though not the full exercise...we now PAINT and COLOR! For us, it's just trying to go with a flow that is foreign. and the paintings? oh my, there is definitely a truth teller that has a lot of information!
That’s great news, Jamy, what a wonderful achievement!
I’ve never thought of it like that. V good info. I wish I knew what my self harming part wants to do
This came really well-timed, thank you.
This is super helpful. We will have to try this. We know what our primary protector wants to do already and we will have to engage in what he wants to do probably more when we are in a safe place - right now we are focused on survival. Trying to get a therapist that works with DID/OSDD (by the way thank you for recognizing OSDD so many people don’t) but is very hard because our insurance covers so few therapists. I wish we could see you as a doctor, you seem so knowledgeable and good, but we are in the USA! thank you for this video!
Wow I never thought to even ask them that. This is an awesome video, will definitely report my results.
This is such an interesting, yet strangely scary thought!!
Again, brilliant Dr. Mike! One would be a jeweller/gemologist, another a mathematician, one a lifeguard, and one wants to just meditate on Scripture.
We do this. We end up discovering more parts that we didn’t know were there.
I love doing this - - my therapist did this with us, and now that he's gone the communication isn't as easy - but i do get answers ; The problem that i have now is there are many things that well , i would love to do and can't because i got hit by a snowplow 3 years ago. I can't walk. . . and that was really my thing - walking all over the place , singing , feeding animals in the cemetery . . . and the pain is trouble too. I have found that it's alot more chaotic since then and that makes me quite sad because i can't fullfill 'lets' do this' in many ways.
We are on day two of trying to process this. We told our therapist about this video yesterday in our therapy session. Such a hard session, this is huge stuff, as sometimes we loose co-con when issues are overwhelming us. Thank you so much for this video, it is at the heart of the work we are needing/trying to do.
We connect inside when painting, drawing and writing. I began painting as a mean to stop overeating. Back then I did not know, that there were insiders / alters as my strongest alter with ANP role sort of kept everybody locked up.
This sounds like fun. I'm going to try this in the a.m.
Great content as always! Definitely the best I’ve found on RUclips and has helped people tremendously from what I can see. Maybe making a TikTok discussing DID/OSDD to reach a larger audience would be helpful and something to consider? I wish the disorder wasn’t so stigmatised so maybe hearing the facts from a therapist will help sway the people that don’t think the disorder even exists or discredit systems experiences for a “very rare disorder” implying that they don’t have it that it in fact does exist
NOT ANY TIKTOKS! Lots of people are suffering and TikTok teens think that faking complex dissociative disorders is cool.
I watched this the moment it came out 19 hours ago (aprox) .... so one .. wants to cry .... great 👍 ... now that seems easier than it actually is ...
Very helpful. Thank you Mike!
Brilliant content, thank you! This is very helpful for inner communication 💙
Thank you, Nadia!
Great I was just wondering how to do this. Now I know. Thank you.
Thank you again Dr Mike Lloyd this is very helpful and practical and do-able thank you 😁
Thank you for this information. We are a fairly new system in Australia. We have great healthcare but the system is so crap with acknowledgement of this disorder. I suffered traumatic ongoing ab and trauma as a child . Grew up with amneisa thinking it was fine/normal. Had so many traumas over our life. Even to date. Woke up one day literally roughly mmm maybe like 4-5 years ago. Probably around my son's birth era . Had trauma with the twins (Prems) a year and half prior. But this is all I can figure out. Around the time of my son's birth year. I had a conversation with a family member idk what. Woke up next day completely different. Short term memory went . Speech was diff. And much more but from there on nothing was the same I " woke up" with like 5 main alters from memory (very amnesic ATM idk why but at one point we had a great functioning system for a breif time. Maybe cos everyone we reached out too told us we were fakes or liars or demonic ect. Maybe that shut it down I don't remember. But our system grew over the years with some new traumas to like 14 maybe 🤷🏽♀️ I can't remember but I've seen a written list in journals somehwere. And now I'm alone again. Completely blank . No memory of what's going on lost 2020 and really this year too. I dunno who I am in this system. Why everyone has left me so to speak. Occasionally they pop out. But I've sought medical help over again from my gp (who doesn't even know what dissociation means) my psychologist I had gave up on me cos I forgot we had one off and on so I guess she thought I flaked. Idk.
No I've left dv, become homless, everyhting centred around severe mental health but no one here seems to deal with personality disorders or complex trauma ect without huge huge costs. Not this stuff. So It was suggested I had it than I must have swapped host to me and year or two went by and nothing's changed . I am writting this to ask do you know any good psychiatrists whom deal with did ect in Melbourne Australia 🇦🇺 because I'm at a loss to find anyone who's not private or expensive or years waiting lists to be seen. I lost my family. My life. My mind. My EVERYTHING and I need real help weekly and trained help from someone like you. And I can't find anyone 😭😭😭😭😭😭
This system is suffering from being discriminated and abused for so long that we are forced into a blended I. Which is me. I'm just a blank nothing. Others have names and roles ect from what I know and I'm just existing . Just. I am so lost. Please if you know any Australian clinics can you drop me some names. I'm in Victoria, Australia 🐺🖤 we would love some assistance from some one who respects the disorder and knows the go how. If I could fly to see you and your clinic I would. So much proof in journals video logs ect ect over so many years and no help. Even when in hospital . Everything gets ignored here as BPD . Which was my teenage DX . Everyone I know with BPD doesn't have the personalities. The odd journals . Videos of different people. The voices so to speak . The wardrobes . Accents. I have a Russian alter for crying out loud. 🤣😭🐺 SOS FROM AUSTRALIA
Love your work and care and compassion. Love the LoneWolf Family 🐺
Have you seen the Blue Knot Foundation in Australia? They would be better placed to offer help and advice closer to you.
This is so helpful! Thank you so much!
Each of my alters have their own book. I have 8 books (different colors) and each alter has their own book in which they communicate with me through their posts...For example, 7 wants to go fishing, so we are going to buy them a fishing pole...My alters want to have their own lives which is so hard for me...there is alot of conflict, my alter Tessa is christian and wants to go to church...I am pagan and will not step foot in a church..very disconcerting...Not all my alters can write, like my little Ally, so just just draws pictures in her book...I am learning about my alters and their specific jobs in my system...the books, diaries, are a positive way that all my alters like their books...
So good! I feel I'm on the right path I'm still do not have access to my therapist but I'm trying also with increasing the fund to have enough in the future your channel is a main source of information that I'm rely on for my future treatment.
I'm struggling with communication with them on my own. They aren't willing to communicate with me and when they come out they are in their trauma stages and I don't have a safe place and person/therapist to help me with.
I'm looking forward to be relocate to a new home where I can access a therapist there as well 🙂
Very helpful way to approach this. We'll have to try this. Thank you! 💜
Thank you for this. So much. I can tell that since I know and accept the lives they have as a rule gotten quiet, I experience a sort of lonesome echo chamber of just one voice. At first I began to doubt and think imposters are us. Some one said no we're here. I grasped their skill to hide especially from me. I've come to know the congruent moods shared u[beat and as a team effort each one is given time to work on their projects. After a few hours irritation and "move you take too long type bickering frustrations come up and I get lost somewhere and they carry on without my attentive mindset. I don't feel "put out of the picture but more allowed to rest somewhere or come and go as I wish. And my memory during 'nap" is sketchy. I verbalized wanting to know as they feel okay to share. But no one will (except about four ) tell me their name. ha One day someone said they were all named my birth name so there was no hints of their existence. Say I have heard them so clearly so long if they were calling oddd names I'd catch on. Then lol another said "ever heard of the five George foreman children? boys and girls all had the first name George". I laughed saying how smart of a thing that is. I'd become aware of a set of behaviors I recognize from even in childhood that pushes everyone out of the front or even near it, they are In Charge and extrememely defiant, wont' do housework, take care of business, stay in a threatening mildly hostile affect, nearly non-verbal out of a place like noone deserves to be answered and don't talk to me. I just observed and made myself familiar with the present actions to discover intent or what purpose. Silence, Then last week. I had fun things to do and it was me host and I sort of grumbled about doing some quick chores before the fun would begin. Man DR, the person pushed everyone away and instant defiance and affect of I don't do housework but they let me watch from a couple place behind the front. I was thinking oh no I won't be fun what happened why? Don't you like fun I said, The female stood up and started walking went past me and said now I can show you how not to do chores if you want to grumble some more. She smiled said you best do this and be happy you can. I said OOOHHHH I see yep, ha thank you for showing me. She smiled again and started walking faster away. So now I can have a tool to offer as you suggest. Thank you so much. I wish I could come to the UK to the clinic there. My original family is from Essex however the head of the family sailed to the Americas in 1650 John Churchman the seperatist Quaker is my gggggggggggrandfather. I do want to see UK I've been to Portugal we love it there and the Azores especially.
Thank you for the video! 🥰🙏
Direct, practical and helpful as EVER! Yes... hard to do! lol
Thank you so much for these videos! They are so helpful to us!
You are most welcome, glad they are useful!
Thank you for this. I found it helpful and would like to see more videos on this topic.
More will be produced on this, keep watching!
Hopefully I’ll be able to discuss this with my therapist soon! Still got my fingers crossed Mike.
Take care.
Wow, this was very helpful
I seem to have identified four definite alters. They consist of a Father figure, daughter, my younger self and a dog. I only recently "discovered" these alters. I am slowly and carefully starting to understand them. I am going to explore if they might want to communicate with each other. Maybe they already do, but I am not aware. I guess alters were meant to remain covert so that your main self can live a relatively normal life not enduring the full impact of the trauma. I know the collective of the alters is often referred to as a "system". Because my alters seem to be a family, I have replaced the word "system" with "house". They need some where to live after all. I looked on the internet to find a nice house that is a representation of where they live. My partner made a suggestion that I am living in a fantasy world and that I am making it up as I go along. Could this be a point? I am starting to doubt my own "sanity" ! Thank you in advance Dr Lloyd for answering my question 😎
Hey, I hope you all are doing well, now. I’m sorry that your partner said that to you. It’s okay to question things as you go along, but please don’t doubt your sanity!
We've only tried this once, but the answer that came back was 'I could finally {end myself}.' A bit tricky to deliver that request.
Absolutely. Good that a reply was received, shows the level of work needed to help that part/voice find safety and something better than that outcome.
A while back, there was a thought like this, on our private just for us chat server the following message was left.
(We so far, only really communicate in writing. Plus the rare moments of, empathy?)
Help me know you all.
How would you want to spend an evening?
What would you want to eat?
Where would you like to go?
What do you like to do?
Only got a couple answers, out of 30 Alters even months later. With the two that have though, things have gotten easier with them. Even if only a little.
Do you have a journal close by and use it?
🐉At this point our journal is our phone, and it is nearly never more than a foot from us.
@@Nahli2001 OK I have just seen iy work for one person everyone is different.
It helped to improve things, then some strangeness happened, now a few of us have some better communication.
A combination of them sending mental images plus empathy, which is a lot better than things were.
Thank you
Question: Because of current living situation, I've been having to try and explain my condition (DID) to my family, who are not exactly dealing with it too terribly well. Their exposure to DID is Split, Many Faces of Death, and TikTok. How could I provide them with accurate and reliable info? How do I manage to get the rest to deal with the family? Been asking around.
We produced two videos for this purpose, available for download from the First Person Plural website. One is about describing dissociation the other how to manage it therapeutically. Perhaps get the first one and look at it chapter by chapter with your family? Social media is often not the ideal place to get the information needed to work through something like this.
I was told that as the host I will always in some capacity, be tied to the front. And while I understand that, I want to be able to properly commune to everyone that isn't through text or talking out loud. I hope this video helps.
Thank you. I would be very interested to know about the safety mechanisms to put in place to engage in this kind of work. Thanks
That's the point!
Do you have any advice for an extremely covert system? We have very little communication and almost never experience full switches. We do experience co-con more often but their voices sound muffled to me and I don't think they can really hear me either when they're closer to the front. It makes keeping denial at bay really hard and I just don't know how to find a way to work together.
Hi Toria, we can’t give individual clinical advice, so really hope you are or can work with a skilled therapist. There are ways through this but if reasons for the ‘silence’ are deeply embedded, cautious approach in therapy is advised.
my system is very similar, very covert and apparently the "administrators" don't want me to know anything. It's very frustrating.
What’s the best way to learn your parts mine are a war inside is it good to learn parts map name them etc what you suggest I’m absolute mess thank you I listen to you and it’s such relief someone gets me understands me I dint have to work to get them to understand people here see it as a choice a behaviour and shut my parts down never used to be like this now look at you thank you dr Mike
Thanks, Michelle. Mapping can be very helpful, but can also get pushback if alters are not wanting to be ‘seen’. I always recommend doing this within therapy, but I know you are struggling to access anything where you are. Hopefully this will change for you.
@@thectadclinic thank you I sobbing listening to you and reading your reply I want to work to get well get. A life i never had but I feel misunderstood I want learn my parts how best way to map I’m in psych hospital and they don’t get D I D well most don’t and do t want get it they honk choice behaviour do I switch dissociate they think it’s my control I can’t be free to be in parts I like Steiger pin cushion all day switching I do badly won’t be heard understood if I was in your country England it is I puked week you out You make me feel safe just listening to you and even heard like someone gets it all these parts trapped inside screaming I get n trouble o switch and get distressed they don’t want hear from pets they want them to get together already like it’s my fault there’s all these walls up between parts I have no control and I know I jus want be understood and heard
Do you have a journal? it helps my friend with DID I can't tell you what she writes because I cant read it but she swears by it
I tried doing this with one of the alters I've known the longest in my system... and he hated the question. I felt him walk away without answering it, and I could feel he was very hurt. Hurt and, I think, scared - like he perceived it as rejection. I don't know why. I feel guilty as hell now, because, even though we haven't always seen eye to eye over the years, he's always taken his job seriously and more than stepped up for all of us when he felt he needed to (even if some of us others wished he hadn't!) I guess you did say it might be a while before an answer comes, so maybe he'll feel better eventually and have something to say.
I guess the alter is feeling mocked by the question. They might be hating themselves and can't cope with sympathy. Also there are alters fearing to be getting trapped by kind offers because this has happened to them in trauma. There needs to be some stabilisation before an alter can accept even a positive feeling. First there must be realised that trauma has ended.Then the alter must learn how helpful they have been and that they can be valued. It is a long way.
I’m 17 and I really need help with my DID but I don’t have access to a therapist and my parents don’t take me seriously, they say I’m having mood swings because of my age but I’ve had this since I was 6 and it is a colossal pain in the ass for everything and has played a big role in destroying my life so far and I really need help
Classic IFS question :)
Thank you. Are people with DID more likely to get chronic illness?
So difficult, I think I have psychosis too! So I don't understand how to differentiate
It would help if you had timestamps to distinguish between the disclaimers and the actual start of the content. By the time I hop through the long explanations of the recommendation to work with a therapist, I'm usually so triggered that I can't understand the content. Considering how terrible the majority of "therapy" was for most of the 20th Century, I doubt I'm the only one whose OSDD stems largely from the cripplingly toxic mind-melting abuse of therapists.
Thanks so much for the video. I'm fairly new to this and I am wondering how does a person 'know' that the response is coming from a 'part/alter' as opposed to the imagination?
There are different ways, like speaking back and receiving an ‘unexpected’ response, but ideally this is worked through in therapy.
I was diagnosed with osdd in 2017. Im very aware of them the others but I am my own control till there’s someone who can switch I don’t like how they can take over 😑
Please include captioning, as I truly am getting a lot out of your videos, but due to auditory issues, watching/ hearing a video is very difficult. Thank you.
Odd, captions should have been on when this was set up. I will try and reconfigure!
Captions now on, it seems to take at least a day for RUclips to process this.
Awesome! I guess I get so excited so watch!
I have mostly a one way communication with from my knowledge one alter. They can’t really hear me but I can hear them. They might just ignore me as host, in particular this alter is very destructive to everything and everyone
I have known since i was five my alters name is sam i am constantly in fight mode always have been i have blackouts when in defense mode thing is i want my alter concious at the same time with me or take over full conciousness and let me stay blacked out
I’m in a third layer. In #1 and 2, I have established communication with several parts. In this layer (3), all I hear is screaming; my reaction is to step back and cause a distraction to avoid hearing it. There’s something horrible there and too much to know.
Hi Mike, please can you recommend a book that we can work through whilst waiting for therapy to start/restart.
Take care, Cath.
Ps; apologies if this is not appropriate to ask.
It's alright to call ourselves by our individual names as long as we understand we're "one person" all together, right?
My angriest and most persecutory part wants to "write, learn and fight with people online" 😁😂😂
So.... I can attest that this is a very useful way of interacting with old and new headmates. While everyone may have a job to do, listening to them getting feedback and their perspective, showing them that their job it is not all that they are, can be a way of building resiliency, cooperation, and a sense of tribe/belonging. Additionally letting alters shift roles or take on new responsibilities can be a way of growth for them internally.
It's funny reflecting on how my own system handled, and continues to handle this. Because as a protogenic system this is something that we figured out on our own without a therapist, so it's incredibly validating to hear that we stumbled into one of the recommended paths.
How do I get to know learn all my parts I’m just starting to learn
Hello,
We habe a lot of little Alters, Childs from Age 2 to 12. All of them are listening All the Day what me is doing outside in the "adult world" to make security save. Somtimes, when I struggle with an adult Problem, i ask: who is the best to Challenge this Problem? This often helps.
But, if i ask, what would you like to do, spend your time with? The littles react with fear, they dont know the world of today. They live in Kind of "cold" remember after trauma therapy. And they are very Young children, makes it difficult for me to corrsepondent with.
If you habe any Suggestion to this, i would appreciate.
Sorry for my flawliy Englisch? Haha, greetings from Germany!
it is helpful to have soft stuffed animals für the little ones to cuddle... but I am sure you know that already
isolerar mig .Har fått EMDR behandling .Men i slutet av 2 år sa min psykolog upp sig från jobbet .Nu känns det som en lång väntan och mår sämre igen. Men jag ska till vuxenpsykiatrin 18/3 2022 . Om jag skull få önska .Skulle jag önska att bara kunna gå ut var och när som helst utan känna skuld .
I do this regularly but my problem is I have 20 voices all telling me what they want and I don’t know how to meet all of their needs. And the worst thing is I keep discovering new alters. I know all therapists say you have to negotiate, but how do you negotiate and try to meet the needs of 20+people especially when you have to do all the normal tasks of day to day life. Any suggestions Mike?
Set a simple target of half an hour a day, and take it slowly with one or two?
What do you do if acknowledging parts have needs causes more dissociation and more disconnection between parts? We have been working with our therapist in communication between parts. We have been encouraged to ask parts what they need and to try to soothe them. Through trying this over a period of weeks and months it has caused more and more destabilisation. We are trying to explain this to our therapist but unsure what is happening really or why. It has got to the point where we are dreading sessions because she keeps asking what parts need and it’s too overwhelming it is making everybody shut down and we aren’t functioning in day to day life well. We trying to explain it but don’t know how to communicate this. We feel like we are just failing because we can’t do what is asked of us to move forward. It’s destroying us, frankly.
Hi Ellie, when a new method is tried that causes distress or more dissociation, I usually back off a bit and allow things to settle. This pause gives chance to send a message inside to check if everything is ok. This may be a sign that more stabilisation is needed before progressing with new techniques.
Thank you that’s really helpful to hear. I think that’s what is happening and we are slowing down, it’s hard to understand and calm down when in a triggered state
I wish this video had been more helpful, but the reality is that I already have pretty good communication and coordination between my parts. I know what my parts want, I just don't know how to get it for them. They want safe and rewarding social connections. But I'm autistic and socially awkward and it's hard to connect with people. Social situations stress me out, and I rarely feel seen or understood. I can mask and not be disliked, but then I'm not authentic and no one really gets to know me, and it's exhausting and unrewarding. Or I can be myself, and people think I'm weird and rude and they don't get me. I don't know how to find people who would be interested in me as I am. I need help building social connections and keeping my nervous system regulated, but I have no idea how to get that help.
Is the best book for my therapist Coping with Trauma related dissoication? He is not familiar with this level of dissociation.
That and ‘The Haunted Self’ are excellent.
I went to a psychologist twice and twice, they invalidated everything and told me that I was just stressed out and it's normal. I feel like I'm about to go crazy :'(
Important to know your own truth, not everyone can see properly what you may be carrying. Keep trying and see.
I REEEAALLY THINK - ‘KNOW WE SHOULD AAALLL BE ‘SAYING PART OF ‘YOUUUU’. NOT A PART. NOT APART. A PART OF YOU YOU YOU YOU !!
But what if the alter doesn't know what he wants?
This may well be the case, in which case, try and work out what the part/alter needs (like, patience, understanding, quiet…). This can be found through observation of what seems to either raise or reduce stress, sadness, anxiety etc.
@@thectadclinic Thank you! I think that I know what to do right now.
Today I started talking about my symptoms and now my therapist says she can't be my therapist anymore.
That can happen if a therapist feels the work is not what they can do, I certainly hope they help you find someone else.
@@thectadclinic Now the referral letter says referred to someone who specializes in dissociation AND/OR psychotic episodes. I can't believe this. This makes it sound like I'm crazy. I am not psychotic and those are not psychotic episodes. It's not just scary things, I'm not insane, I become a child too. It's not psychotic. I can't believe this is happening. I went into that session with the thought "I can't talk about it" and then I talked about it. I should have never said anything.
I'm so scared they will take away the hormones I'm taking, and I think there is an alter who really needs the hormones, it could just be me making this up or thinking that this is what is happening to me, but I'm definitely not crazy.
My parts don’t protect me. They are in distress and scared.
I have parts like that. Maybe their way of protecting us is to be fearful so that we are aware that they perceive danger,like the trauma is still happening. Some of My little parts just cry and curl up in a foetal position. I'm learning to be protective of them and show them that we are not in danger so they don't need to be scared. That I am the adult now and can look after them.
My Partner has did.. But they are all called Michael.. Have you heard of this before.. He has 5 alters. A child alter an angry alter.
Funny happy alters.. But he doesn't have. Memory of them.. I showed him the video of his alters.. He doesn't belive it because he doesn't remember it..
Hi, what end up happening?(not to intrude but be careful..sometime telling systems they are a system when they themselves don't know can lead to bad things, but it really depends on each systems situation !)
Unsafe living spaces Counts for a lot of hiding. Abuser parts, even just memories suck. Just like the electronic trash abuser that keeps cutting into my videos I watch. I am looking forward to their judgment day.
Thank you