To learn more about "morbid and delusional jealousy" within the family, click here to see my live chat: ruclips.net/user/liveWf7vJ_A3Xuw?si=ovNznGwE8X7j_Fkv
There are mothers who neglect, abuse, abandon & even murder their children. And stepmothers are even worse sometimes. All one has to do is turn on Nancy Grace and hear these stories where mothers and stepmothers commit these acts on their child/stepchild. It happens and our society needs to stop being in denial, otherwise more children will suffer alone in silence & die. I know because I’ve lived it with a mother, grandmother & 2 stepmothers who have harmed me.
Making abortion legal everywhere would guard against so many future children being born unwanted to mothers who already know they are ill equipped either financially and/or emotionally to deal with a child. Our global society needs to respect the wishes of pregnate women; rather than deny anyone the right to abort. Preventing future victims begins at conception. No soul deserves to be born where their needs will not be provided by a doting primary care giver. If adoption were the solution, orphanages would not be over crowded. During Covid, not only did "already full" animal shelters report a doubling of surrendered pets, but Children's services (which already had more cases than foster parents or staff), reported a doubling of parents wanting to give up custody of their children to the States.
My mom is like that. She's narcissist and she doesn't even know it. She would discourage me when I would tell her a good idea that I had, by planting fear. I later learned she's just a negative person but also I think she gets joy out of causing drama and planting fear and finding ways to triangulate, she's very competitive, there's this weird smirk on her face when she knows she says something crazy or to deter someone from a right decision she likes to fixate on people in their twenties or young that are still figuring things out so that she can steer them wrong or make them codependent. And if anybody gets strong enough and independent, she just causes problems and I think it's cuz she has to be the center or something. I feel like we are paying for the attention that she did not get as a child so boundaries are important because I can only take her in doses😂😂😂 I have raised my kids and there's so many things that I realize now that I never do to my kids that she would do to me. She will never be well I will have peace when she dies. That's very crazy sounding to say but it's a sad reality. People that don't have crazy mothers or jealous mothers cannot fathom the torture
I had an adopted mother whose mother would call me her “Little girl”. Being young, I did not know what that meant. My grandmother tried to make her jealous of granddaughter. I said one time, “No, there’s your daughter right there.” And there was a snicker like, “Right”. It makes me really wonder what the heck had happened during her childhood between her and her father. My mother was so passive aggressive of me to the point of being sadistic. She been dead for 10 years now. Way past the trauma bond. I made myself a vow to boot out these strangers and their ongoing war that I got stuck in. I had no reason to be in this sick family dynamic and I will love myself enough to emancipate myself from this family. I will do this for my sons who she treated like crap. People can be so deceptive and I will always remember this joke of a family for as long as I live. It make me furious when I think about all the lies I have no idea she told to complete strangers. Just a sad situation I want no pity for. It was child abuse all day long. A codependent who should have never been handed over a child to make her look good. But I didn’t. I made sure to not let her use me as a tool or a slave and I advise anyone whose mother acts this way to see this possibility. Gossips. That’s all they are. No respect for any of that trashy conduct.
Often times, when a father is a sexual predator of their own child, the mother will be jealous of the child. So, instead of protecting the child, she blames and punishes the child, and/or denies some or all of the abuse. She may also verbally, psychologically and physically abuse that child.
@@chantemoody8416, yes!!!! This happened to me. My dad molested me. The stepmothers (2) both knew about it and were jealous. It’s a horrible way to have to live for the abused child. One of those stepmothers… who had been divorced from my dad for decades… was still trying to make problems for me (lies & slander) right up until her death. The other stepmother is alive but has turned family, extended family and friends of family against me (more lies & slander). The vindictiveness over something a child had no control over is unbelievable. Such hate….
Hi, I always wondered how people were able to dive into these difficult situations. I often ask my therapist. I am going to be vulnerable. I had a mother who couldn’t see me. I made mistakes in parenting my daughter. Thankfully, people like you work with people like me; we become better people. Thank you.
In my childhood, whenever my jealous mother would lash out at me because of her envy, it would make me cry and ask her things like, "What's wrong?" "Why are you mad at me?" "What did I do?". These questions would cause my mother to rage and stonewall me for days at a time. I have been no contact with my family for years.
Yeah, I honestly didn’t figure this out until I was almost like 40 or around 40. I assume just like everyone else that she was my mother and she wants the best for me but I’ve come to some very hard realizations that I have shattered my whole world actually.
What I don’t understand is how they tried their best to sabotage you or make self sabotage and make sure that you don’t have anything in comparison to what they have but then they’re still jealous of you somehow.
I'm one of those generational victims... All my fears, and insecurities during my whole life come from there... It was my Mother, and the first time that I was put to face that reality, was because a Priest told me... I remember the internal impact of that, because that sounded so impossible to me, because I considered it like a big crime... and years later a very wise Nun told me the same, and some more years later a Woman Priest from the Christian Church told me the same things... To tell you the truth ... I was kind of overlooking what these very Respectful Persons were telling me... I understood the why of all my fallings, and the attitude of my sisters many years later... Incredibly I was the one that took care of them ( both of my Parents ) in their elderly years... And sacrificed myself to put my service to prioritize others in the Family... "Generational Traumas", I know now... I'm in my 60's... And now is when I'm starting to feel some Freedom from the limiting feelings, and thoughts about myself... It's so exact as you described it... Again, to tell you the truth... Since a little girl my Mother was Jealous of Me... I even continuously had Dreams back then for many years of Dark Witches attacking me, and stabbing me with their nails, since before my 6 years old... Yes, She influenced the whole Family... I'm so sorry that She had to play that so Negative Character... because each time that She did something awful to me, I just could Cry, I cry so much during my whole life, because of her... And the feeling that I had was an Immense, and an increasing pain for Her, because I wanted to please Her, I needed her Love so much, that my life was always like living a suffocation ... Jesus !!!!, it was very difficult, because it was so hidden behind this Natural veil to See Mothers or Fathers like God... She treated me lower, and as the "last thing", after other 3 Sisters... ( I was the 4th, and youngest)... Exactly, She never Celebrated any of my Triumphs, but She just enjoyed it so much when I made a mistake, and told me You just poop 💩 on it... She was GOD to me...I understand what a Mother is supposed to be... Because I was correct on Love, and Respect Her the right way, and now I understand how wrong She was... That's why I'm so sorry too, for Her... because my Heart doesn't Judge Her... I just feel a lot of pain for Her, because of the Damage that was done on Her, when She generationally received this kind of Information...to be Envy, and seek revenge because of it.. sad, sad History for Her... Like why my Mother, and I had to have this Terribly Sad Storyline... I still can Cry...but I detach from it, because there was also something going on in the Collective Consciousness, that had his time and Cycles ... And we Humans had to understand, and overcome it.... Happy to find your Channel,.. Thank You so much, it has resulted in great Interest for Me. ✨💖📖👍🏻🌷✨
Well the priest and nun were able to tell you that because you said somethings that they picked up on about the mother. It's hard to fathom that someone that God told us to honor can be that way. However, Yeshua our King said these things will happen. So don't be too downcast in your soul.
@@EvaPascual-z7b Thank GOD for u reading ur comment I felt a good warmth sense of goodness I would love to connect with u if GOD allows it my socials are my first & last name I been seeking healing from my Narcissist Mother who has every characteristic & more of this Mrs Hill is speaking on I feel people cross paths for reasons so as I pray & wait for a response or contact I’m welcoming any one who can be that person I’ve always needed my 52 years #ineedtosharemystory!
Dr Tamara, I would love if you could explain why a narcissistic parent loves their own parents very much but not their own child. Both my narcissistic parents really loved their mom & dad but they don’t love me. My dad didn’t love my half sister that died… and he doesn’t love my stepbrother (that he adopted) anymore. It seems like they cared more when we were little kids but not as adults. Why do narc parents not love their children but long for their own parents’ love? I’m really hurt and confused by this. It seems like their children should be the most precious relationships to them… but they’re not.
Hi there, Absolutely. I will add this to the list of topics. I'm sorry you have experienced this. I do hope you are finding peace in other areas of life.
I thoroughly appreciate your posts on jealousy because 1. The validation is like a balm & 2. It really helps articulate where words are lacking and just make us sound like we're being petty
@Tamara Hill Wow this is exactly my mom mind you I'm the only daughter out of 4 brothers and never had a real mother daughter relationship let alone good siblings she even tries to use my kids and some family members to try to push her agenda as if she wasn't the abuser as well as emotional abuser with one of my oldest brothers and this has been going on since i was a little kid it's so draining overwhelming and hurtful to the point i can't even communicate or be around her let alone talk to her about life decisions 😢😢😢
I'm sorry to hear this 😔 This is a typical dynamic, however, when there is only 1 girl and the other siblings are boys. The chances of mother-daughter issues seem higher in these dynamics. Not sure what the research says about the gender roles, but clinically I have seen the mother-daughter relationship derailed because she is the only girl.
Its such a let down to come from a womb that rejects you in your face when no one is looking but act like she loves you so much when Grandma +Grandpa and others are looking. But when Grandma and Grandpa dies the swords and knives and other weapons come out. But take heart Isaiah 54:17 says: No weapon formed against thee shall prosper [•••] Being like that to a child you owe love because you birth him or her that's beyond cold, and is super machiavellian psychologically and spiritually...etc, Plus never be jealous of any family you are Family by blood get it? That alone should mean a lot to you if you VALUE THE FAMILY STRUCTURE and the great blessing it is. Plus, being so jealous of others ask oneself if you have the heart to walk a mile in their shoe. For example, some hardships that may have broken any human's spirit to go through and they went through it.
I'm so done with these like I love my children with all my heart and I'm being stalked online as I have tones of pictures to prove it. I want to be left alone. Big games are being played on me and my ex husband was diagnosed a Narcissist and he has fought like hell to brainwash, alienate, triangulize, shift blame and there is a court case that is 8 volumns full in the kenai courts.
I have a younger sister who is extremely jealous of my brother, me, and many other people. She forced her daughter to lie on our brother and neighbors to claim they assaulted her, to get them arrested, because she was jealous of them. My poor niece admitted this. My sister sabotages and takes advantage of our brother, and even vandalises his property, out of jealousy. Yet, he is nothing but loving, kind, and generous to her. She physically attacked me and vandalized my boyfriend's property simply out of jealousy. My mom is also jealous over my sister and I being mixed race, because she has self-esteem problems, being ashamed of being black. She married and had kids with a white man, then blames me for being too white. She has always told me I am ugly and she is ashamed of how white I look and act in comparison to other mixed people. She suffers from borderline personality disorder too. She was very abusive physically, verbally, and psychologically. She has sabotaged me many times too.
I'm from Spain and my parents both had white skin but hair and brown eyes, the sterotycal Spanish look but I look like my grandfather who was Brittish so I was born blond, blue-eyed and too white for their taste. I have been treated and mocked as the "foreigner". Now I'm old and I have belly fat but I have always been thin which I think it has more to do by being in survival mode since childhood. I was the gofer too; go for this, go for that. I think it has to do with what they lack more than what we have. Envy doesn't have to be rational. I have met women who were jealous of what I didn't have (because I didn't want to) at the moment; husband to control me and children to care for. My mother is always looking for a woman who is fatter than her. What I mean is that although narcissists can be jealous of our features, they are more jealous of our traits because we can feel joy, they don't, unless they are hurting someone. There's an old movie called "Malena" starring Mónica Belluci. It's about how beauty can feel like a curse. Take care 💜
Thanks for this so much I absolutely love your channel it’s really helped me so much this just confirmed what I’ve felt my whole life with my mom everything you described is her to a T I’ve always felt she was happy when I was at my lows not to mention other horrible things she’s done and said to me now I don’t feel crazy god bless you ❤
Through the last few chats, I've had the eureka moment of seeing how jealousy is one of the generational traumas in my family. Aunts jealous of nephews, aunts jealous thinking grandma loves these kids more than theirs, grandma's sisters jealous of my teen mom that her men would look at that pretty teen more than her, brothers jealous about who dad applauded, mother jealous which kid dad smiles at. I found how I been at the crossroads of so much jealousy that I had nothing to do with. Other people's relationships with someone else but somehow I was stamped the issue. I have one aunt who is seen as the perfect catholic and Sunday school teacher but is extremely jealous of her husband's hobbies (he pets a horse and she pouts) and I took some attention away from her daughters just because I was born months before. I found the extended family had that secret amongst the elders that one other aunt had the same jealousy. They swore my grandma had exaggerated favoritism. Only 2 adults amongst a huge family poisoned the whole well with that bar they set. The eggshells they set everyone to walk on is that I have to be made lower so they could feel satisfied with the weather. I could go on. How my sister in law and her family project their narcissism onto their golden child and the other kids have this hypersensitive family ego that demands the eldest son should have ALL the attention and affirmation while their second born son is expected to constantly cut himself at the knees and not allowed new clothes without buying the eldest designer clothes. The other family never saw us interact with these kids but swore to heaven we had favoritism for one and neglect for the other. All the while it's their mode of operation and a mentally unwell projection they're threatening everyone with. Delusional, hateful, and paranoid to their own toddler. I read many times these families sacrifice one to a ever hungry God of their narcissism. That example is wild because my bro and his wife have a quiet agreement that this middle son is open season for neglect but her eldest golden son is off limits and his youngest golden daughter is off limits. My bro was a golden and I think he knows the tune to play to satisfy his wife and sacrifice one kid to her ego. I read in "Entitled, Shamed, and Blamed" (scapegoat book) that the golden and the narc parent learned to only have enmeshed relationships so they perpetuate that. A wild thing about my brother's scapegoat son is he is my mom's dearest but he's going through the curse she perpetuated on me. One kid must lay down in a puddle so another can stay dry. When you talk about the deep hate and anger they have at the core, that clarity was appreciated especially when everyone insist they love you but their contempt says otherwise. Also wanted to bring up Dr. Otto Kernberg and how some parents project their own narcissism onto a child. So their child can never do wrong, must always won, is completely perfect, is given self-serving distortion instead of life lessons. And everyone should be beneath their child especially their other children. The lack of empathy and inability to reflect is almost unbelievable. The case example you used with the father, I'm glad you intervened with that boy and his dad's wounds. It shows jealous people kind of know but it's buried under tons of defense or denial. I could go on and on. That sis in law is jealous about others weight, joy, good manners, hair, clothes, anything it seems! Lastly, I use to purposely swim slower and under perform less than my brothers subconsciously. I swear it's brainwashing and it boggles my mind how there's a desperate voice in me that warns me to duck my head or lose it. And my aunt's legacy with me isn't love but a hateful side eye.
I'm sure narcissism was manifesting during ancestral time in the shape of human sacrifices. It's told in the Bible, innocent children sacrified to Baal, which had other names, and that's the reason Jesus was sent by God so people would stop those evil practices and those practices have been around all around the world in many cultures. What we have been living comes from the same mindset; they have to sacrificy someone from the family for them to feel "blessed". By the way, the scapegoats have always been the most innocent, healthy and good looking; in ancient times no one would sacrified a sick child or animal to the gods. Neither the chieftain or the shaman. Same way nowadays, narcissists won't pick on someone who has no value.
When they can't control you they will tell ppl that you're crazy. My mother's husband picked a 7 year old 60 lb girl up by the neck and then smooshed her little head on the bed and threatened her that he would fill the tub up and drown her and what does mommy dearest do? Begs him not to leave but today she has amnesia
at christmas i received $150 to amazon for my 2 year old son. after everyone left the party my mom said “why didn’t I get 150 to amazon” in a childish voice and then nervous laughed it was so awkward cause i didn’t respond
Mine used to speak with a child like voice I think that sometimes they act But they also regress to a child like state because of trauma I had to quit forgiving my mother because no matter if its unconscious its still death from a thousand cuts
Indelible means to making marks you can not remove ooooo😮❤ ( I just looked it up very nice way to help me that’s the nudge I needed; I am goo to do something very cool for the librarians at the library where I record music) I will use that word indelible wow THANKS TAMARA ❤
What finally did it for me officially was: a bold lashing out against me threatening my livelihood with my children; she did NOT succeed but it showed me history can repeat IF. You don’t wisen up. If you haven’t learned to out grown bad habits attributed resulting from being her victim: you become better and slowly become even better stronger and always stay preventative do what you can when you can stay calm when they bring duress your silence is very loud is the honest truth you can breathe and think again just always know they are going to try to bother you again but stay quiet I sent a ✅ instead of words that they never respected or listen to their rain of terror is no more I told you tube I went no contact I told the police about them I’m not playing I just want them to leave me alone 😊❤
My mother, my 2 older sisters, and my older brother are exactly like this. I am the youngest of 4 children and the age gap between us is large (19 years between my eldest sister and me). My siblings were primarily raised by my grandparents and my mom meanwhile when I was born I spent a lot of time with my dad growing up. I happen to be intellectually and artistically gifted like my dad and I also have natural talent for cooking. My older siblings always said I was spoiled and lucky. I literally can feel their resentment, envy, and jealousy of me.
It's been shown kids misbehave much more around their mother's. Watch the kids who are suddenly angelic and doting when they are around their mothers..... something is wrong in that child's life.
Not always! I think it just depends on the situation and to avoid generalization of this thinking, we should probably say that there is no research to support this but in some cases, this seems to be the case! I have seen a family or two with odd dynamics like this. Sadly, we need more research!
That is the best thing to go no contact; my kids see them Sunday afternoon they probably will find a way to annoy me if not either way I still am annoyed BUT it’s still a lot better because I am protecting my peace my mentality. The second my kids aren’t happy then I will have to take action to enforce some dang counseling for them already like Jeesh
It’s very possible that the Nmom is afraid to be alone and so chooses the child that is most likely to sacrifice her independence and in order to keep Nmom company…enmeshment.
Can't this have something to do with a lack of truth,...true, genuine love - like" I won't ever love any one ever,...as much as I love you (my child). ------- This is how I feel towards my only child. I think this type of love is missing in these Mother's. And they confuse love with true, genuine love.
I like that! There may be, at some level, an inability to show and feel genuine love. I would say this has a lot to do with personality pathology and negative self-talk about themselves. That low self-esteem and personality problem can lead to a skewed view of the parent-child relationship.
My biological mother always acted like an evil step-Mother or Ursula … she is so jealous of me! Including my relationships and friendships, gifts/talents, possessions, hell she even tried to take my pets from me!!! I HATE Mother’s Day!!!! I hope I can board my fur baby next year and go on vacation an entire ocean away from her!
My mother always gives me a hard time about things and is mean to me, especially as I get older and my kids are becoming adults. My two aunts (paternal) told me a few years ago that she's jealous of me. I laughed it off, but I now get it. My mother-in-law and sister-in-law have also given me a VERY hard time over the past 20 years (we no longer talk). I was told that they're jealous, too! Not of ME, personally, but of the life I have. I have a completely supportive husband who has always worked his butt off so I could stay home with my children...something they never had. My children have all done very well and are great kids. I think that my mother, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law are all jealous of what I have. It's worse with my in-laws because they feed off of each other and have most of my husband's extended family believing lies they made up about me. It hurts me to my core, but what can I do, but continue to live my life and and be as happy as I can? I've done nothing to them.
They can for sure. The research on this is very minimal. But there is a such thing as adult child jealousy of a parent. Less likely, but it does happen.
@TherapistTamaraHill it will be a big help in particular to me, because I don't have much data. As it was, I had to ride my bike to a Wendy's and sit outside of it because it was closed and use their wifi, which I do from time to time.
What’s the role of fathers/men in this family constellation in mother/daughter envy. I have a feeling it is the male’s injust distribution of attention that can trigger these envy reactions.
My Mother was 1 billion times the Parent to ALL my Siblings, a true Family person, even Friends, extended Family, her only Grandson. She got along with 99.999% of the world and watched all my life how in different ways it was reciprocated back to her. This topic is foreign territory to me, my Fahza was/is the problem still, ❤ goes out to people who had a Mother(s)*Mother Figures who were/are like my Fahza ( i get it foreal) 😮 Srry i missed the live..busy.😉
59:35 yes ma'am. AAMOF because the theme of opposite-gendered child as murderous rival appears in the mythologies of many cultures from all eras it seems Freud's formulation of the Oedipus complex (a type of retaliatory pettiness children can't even begin to formulate) arose from still blaming himself for his own abuse. He was insightful enough to recognize Sophocles had been inspired by his own inner experience but mischaracterized it as a childhood fantasy rather than an adult delusion because of the sexual abuse that caused Freud to oversexualize so many other things. I don't think he ever recognized his own distortion but I do think the reason he recanted his claim of having been molested by his father was his recognition that it was his mother's psychopathology that taunted his father into retrieving her diverted affection from the child she'd set-up to appear to have stolen it. I think he realized maternal rejection (counterintuitively) is frequently what motivates fathers to molest sons and daughters alike...because it prompts clinging. Yup. Freud was an exceptional genius (and anything but sexist as almost all of his patients were women) who wasn't trying to give fathers a pass. Dude just recognized that the indistinction about being our own biological processes which is catastrophic to mammalian socioemotional development in organisms who begin life as our mothers' biological processes arises from the objective biological reality that maternal postpartum psychosis is both 1) the pathogenic etiology of emotional non-separation from one's mother and 2) the insulting stressor psychogenic to paternal postpartum psychosis. Straight up.
13:06 it's also feeling good to see the bad guy loose or punished. I think that's the only time it's not pure evil. 25:34 same 3 times that I know of. Also almost 3 years and it's been bliss.
To learn more about "morbid and delusional jealousy" within the family, click here to see my live chat: ruclips.net/user/liveWf7vJ_A3Xuw?si=ovNznGwE8X7j_Fkv
There are mothers who neglect, abuse, abandon & even murder their children. And stepmothers are even worse sometimes. All one has to do is turn on Nancy Grace and hear these stories where mothers and stepmothers commit these acts on their child/stepchild. It happens and our society needs to stop being in denial, otherwise more children will suffer alone in silence & die. I know because I’ve lived it with a mother, grandmother & 2 stepmothers who have harmed me.
I agree. Maternity is sacralized.
You're right! They also hex and curse their children, too! Smh
Making abortion legal everywhere would guard against so many future children being born unwanted to mothers who already know they are ill equipped either financially and/or emotionally to deal with a child. Our global society needs to respect the wishes of pregnate women; rather than deny anyone the right to abort. Preventing future victims begins at conception. No soul deserves to be born where their needs will not be provided by a doting primary care giver. If adoption were the solution, orphanages would not be over crowded. During Covid, not only did "already full" animal shelters report a doubling of surrendered pets, but Children's services (which already had more cases than foster parents or staff), reported a doubling of parents wanting to give up custody of their children to the States.
My mom is like that. She's narcissist and she doesn't even know it. She would discourage me when I would tell her a good idea that I had, by planting fear. I later learned she's just a negative person but also I think she gets joy out of causing drama and planting fear and finding ways to triangulate, she's very competitive, there's this weird smirk on her face when she knows she says something crazy or to deter someone from a right decision she likes to fixate on people in their twenties or young that are still figuring things out so that she can steer them wrong or make them codependent. And if anybody gets strong enough and independent, she just causes problems and I think it's cuz she has to be the center or something. I feel like we are paying for the attention that she did not get as a child so boundaries are important because I can only take her in doses😂😂😂 I have raised my kids and there's so many things that I realize now that I never do to my kids that she would do to me. She will never be well I will have peace when she dies. That's very crazy sounding to say but it's a sad reality. People that don't have crazy mothers or jealous mothers cannot fathom the torture
I had an adopted mother whose mother would call me her “Little girl”. Being young, I did not know what that meant. My grandmother tried to make her jealous of granddaughter. I said one time, “No, there’s your daughter right there.” And there was a snicker like, “Right”. It makes me really wonder what the heck had happened during her childhood between her and her father. My mother was so passive aggressive of me to the point of being sadistic. She been dead for 10 years now. Way past the trauma bond. I made myself a vow to boot out these strangers and their ongoing war that I got stuck in. I had no reason to be in this sick family dynamic and I will love myself enough to emancipate myself from this family. I will do this for my sons who she treated like crap. People can be so deceptive and I will always remember this joke of a family for as long as I live. It make me furious when I think about all the lies I have no idea she told to complete strangers. Just a sad situation I want no pity for. It was child abuse all day long. A codependent who should have never been handed over a child to make her look good. But I didn’t. I made sure to not let her use me as a tool or a slave and I advise anyone whose mother acts this way to see this possibility. Gossips. That’s all they are. No respect for any of that trashy conduct.
Right!!! It's so insane when the people who were supposed to love you most backstab you.
Often times, when a father is a sexual predator of their own child, the mother will be jealous of the child. So, instead of protecting the child, she blames and punishes the child, and/or denies some or all of the abuse. She may also verbally, psychologically and physically abuse that child.
Absolutely horrible.
@@chantemoody8416, yes!!!! This happened to me. My dad molested me. The stepmothers (2) both knew about it and were jealous. It’s a horrible way to have to live for the abused child. One of those stepmothers… who had been divorced from my dad for decades… was still trying to make problems for me (lies & slander) right up until her death. The other stepmother is alive but has turned family, extended family and friends of family against me (more lies & slander). The vindictiveness over something a child had no control over is unbelievable. Such hate….
Yes please do videos about methods of re-Parenting oneself and how to do it.
Hi,
I always wondered how people were able to dive into these difficult situations. I often ask my therapist.
I am going to be vulnerable. I had a mother who couldn’t see me.
I made mistakes in parenting my daughter.
Thankfully, people like you work with people like me; we become better people.
Thank you.
I have had this experience. My grandmother favoured me and my mother rejected me, blamed me picked at me, invalidated my feelings all my life
In my childhood, whenever my jealous mother would lash out at me because of her envy, it would make me cry and ask her things like, "What's wrong?" "Why are you mad at me?" "What did I do?". These questions would cause my mother to rage and stonewall me for days at a time. I have been no contact with my family for years.
Yeah, I honestly didn’t figure this out until I was almost like 40 or around 40. I assume just like everyone else that she was my mother and she wants the best for me but I’ve come to some very hard realizations that I have shattered my whole world actually.
Sometimes it takes time to see what we're in. We're so close to it.
I am so glad that i took a chance on a new narcissism yt channel. This is valuable.
What I don’t understand is how they tried their best to sabotage you or make self sabotage and make sure that you don’t have anything in comparison to what they have but then they’re still jealous of you somehow.
They’re terrified you might recover.
Would definitely love an episode on reparenting myself. It's necessary for breaking this cycle.
I’m so happy that I’ve found your channel. You helped me understand more about my personal experiences. Thank you💛
❤You're welcome! So glad to have you on the channel. Welcome!
I'm one of those generational victims... All my fears, and insecurities during my whole life come from there... It was my Mother, and the first time that I was put to face that reality, was because a Priest told me... I remember the internal impact of that, because that sounded so impossible to me, because I considered it like a big crime... and years later a very wise Nun told me the same, and some more years later a Woman Priest from the Christian Church told me the same things... To tell you the truth ... I was kind of overlooking what these very Respectful Persons were telling me... I understood the why of all my fallings, and the attitude of my sisters many years later... Incredibly I was the one that took care of them ( both of my Parents ) in their elderly years... And sacrificed myself to put my service to prioritize others in the Family... "Generational Traumas", I know now... I'm in my 60's... And now is when I'm starting to feel some Freedom from the limiting feelings, and thoughts about myself... It's so exact as you described it... Again, to tell you the truth... Since a little girl my Mother was Jealous of Me... I even continuously had Dreams back then for many years of Dark Witches attacking me, and stabbing me with their nails, since before my 6 years old... Yes, She influenced the whole Family... I'm so sorry that She had to play that so Negative Character... because each time that She did something awful to me, I just could Cry, I cry so much during my whole life, because of her... And the feeling that I had was an Immense, and an increasing pain for Her, because I wanted to please Her, I needed her Love so much, that my life was always like living a suffocation ... Jesus !!!!, it was very difficult, because it was so hidden behind this Natural veil to See Mothers or Fathers like God... She treated me lower, and as the "last thing", after other 3 Sisters... ( I was the 4th, and youngest)... Exactly, She never Celebrated any of my Triumphs, but She just enjoyed it so much when I made a mistake, and told me You just poop 💩 on it... She was GOD to me...I understand what a Mother is supposed to be... Because I was correct on Love, and Respect Her the right way, and now I understand how wrong She was... That's why I'm so sorry too, for Her... because my Heart doesn't Judge Her... I just feel a lot of pain for Her, because of the Damage that was done on Her, when She generationally received this kind of Information...to be Envy, and seek revenge because of it.. sad, sad History for Her... Like why my Mother, and I had to have this Terribly Sad Storyline... I still can Cry...but I detach from it, because there was also something going on in the Collective Consciousness, that had his time and Cycles ... And we Humans had to understand, and overcome it....
Happy to find your Channel,.. Thank You so much, it has resulted in great Interest for Me. ✨💖📖👍🏻🌷✨
Well the priest and nun were able to tell you that because you said somethings that they picked up on about the mother. It's hard to fathom that someone that God told us to honor can be that way. However, Yeshua our King said these things will happen. So don't be too downcast in your soul.
@@EvaPascual-z7b Thank GOD for u reading ur comment I felt a good warmth sense of goodness I would love to connect with u if GOD allows it my socials are my first & last name I been seeking healing from my Narcissist Mother who has every characteristic & more of this Mrs Hill is speaking on I feel people cross paths for reasons so as I pray & wait for a response or contact I’m welcoming any one who can be that person I’ve always needed my 52 years #ineedtosharemystory!
Dr Tamara, I would love if you could explain why a narcissistic parent loves their own parents very much but not their own child. Both my narcissistic parents really loved their mom & dad but they don’t love me. My dad didn’t love my half sister that died… and he doesn’t love my stepbrother (that he adopted) anymore. It seems like they cared more when we were little kids but not as adults. Why do narc parents not love their children but long for their own parents’ love? I’m really hurt and confused by this. It seems like their children should be the most precious relationships to them… but they’re not.
Hi there,
Absolutely. I will add this to the list of topics. I'm sorry you have experienced this. I do hope you are finding peace in other areas of life.
@@TherapistTamaraHill, thank you! 🩵
Thanks!
You're welcome! And thank you for the superchat 😊
Grateful to see a Beautiful Vibe on YT speaking Life back into their Subscribers.
I will try to watch ALL videos 😂.
Thank You! 💪🏼💥🌞🙏🏼🌻😎
Yes, me too!! I love the people on here. They help me to have successful live chats!
Maaaaaaaaan this was good. I needed this lovely Tamara. Thank u
You are so welcome!!
My first clue in life was watching Mommy Dearest and the pool scene. Thank you Christina Crawford wherever you live.
I thoroughly appreciate your posts on jealousy because 1. The validation is like a balm & 2. It really helps articulate where words are lacking and just make us sound like we're being petty
Sadenfreude (I don't know if I spell it right) is a German word which means "pleasure watching the pain and sorrow of others". Sadism.
I love that you spend so much time with tte audience, hive us research, and then give us the topic. Feels personal and entertaining at the same time.
💖💖
@Tamara Hill Wow this is exactly my mom mind you I'm the only daughter out of 4 brothers and never had a real mother daughter relationship let alone good siblings she even tries to use my kids and some family members to try to push her agenda as if she wasn't the abuser as well as emotional abuser with one of my oldest brothers and this has been going on since i was a little kid it's so draining overwhelming and hurtful to the point i can't even communicate or be around her let alone talk to her about life decisions 😢😢😢
I'm sorry to hear this 😔
This is a typical dynamic, however, when there is only 1 girl and the other siblings are boys. The chances of mother-daughter issues seem higher in these dynamics. Not sure what the research says about the gender roles, but clinically I have seen the mother-daughter relationship derailed because she is the only girl.
Its such a let down to come from a womb that rejects you in your face when no one is looking but act like she loves you so much when Grandma +Grandpa and others are looking. But when Grandma and Grandpa dies the swords and knives and other weapons come out. But take heart Isaiah 54:17 says: No weapon formed against thee shall prosper [•••] Being like that to a child you owe love because you birth him or her that's beyond cold, and is super machiavellian psychologically and spiritually...etc, Plus never be jealous of any family you are Family by blood get it? That alone should mean a lot to you if you VALUE THE FAMILY STRUCTURE and the great blessing it is. Plus, being so jealous of others ask oneself if you have the heart to walk a mile in their shoe. For example, some hardships that may have broken any human's spirit to go through and they went through it.
I'm so done with these like I love my children with all my heart and I'm being stalked online as I have tones of pictures to prove it. I want to be left alone. Big games are being played on me and my ex husband was diagnosed a Narcissist and he has fought like hell to brainwash, alienate, triangulize, shift blame and there is a court case that is 8 volumns full in the kenai courts.
I have a younger sister who is extremely jealous of my brother, me, and many other people. She forced her daughter to lie on our brother and neighbors to claim they assaulted her, to get them arrested, because she was jealous of them. My poor niece admitted this. My sister sabotages and takes advantage of our brother, and even vandalises his property, out of jealousy. Yet, he is nothing but loving, kind, and generous to her. She physically attacked me and vandalized my boyfriend's property simply out of jealousy.
My mom is also jealous over my sister and I being mixed race, because she has self-esteem problems, being ashamed of being black. She married and had kids with a white man, then blames me for being too white. She has always told me I am ugly and she is ashamed of how white I look and act in comparison to other mixed people. She suffers from borderline personality disorder too. She was very abusive physically, verbally, and psychologically. She has sabotaged me many times too.
I'm from Spain and my parents both had white skin but hair and brown eyes, the sterotycal Spanish look but I look like my grandfather who was Brittish so I was born blond, blue-eyed and too white for their taste. I have been treated and mocked as the "foreigner". Now I'm old and I have belly fat but I have always been thin which I think it has more to do by being in survival mode since childhood. I was the gofer too; go for this, go for that.
I think it has to do with what they lack more than what we have. Envy doesn't have to be rational. I have met women who were jealous of what I didn't have (because I didn't want to) at the moment; husband to control me and children to care for.
My mother is always looking for a woman who is fatter than her.
What I mean is that although narcissists can be jealous of our features, they are more jealous of our traits because we can feel joy, they don't, unless they are hurting someone.
There's an old movie called "Malena" starring Mónica Belluci. It's about how beauty can feel like a curse. Take care 💜
Thanks for this so much I absolutely love your channel it’s really helped me so much this just confirmed what I’ve felt my whole life with my mom everything you described is her to a T I’ve always felt she was happy when I was at my lows not to mention other horrible things she’s done and said to me now I don’t feel crazy god bless you ❤
Thank you so much!! And you're welcome. It's wonderful to know that this channel is helpful to you and the others on here.
God's blessings to you!🤗
Thank you for giving your time to us!! Another incredible topic! Please do a live or series on how to reparent ourselves. 😊
You're welcome🤗And thank you! So glad this is helpful.
That video topic/live chat topic is coming soon!
That is a GREAT question @Elizabeth
Not in the Live, but truly Listening.
Through the last few chats, I've had the eureka moment of seeing how jealousy is one of the generational traumas in my family.
Aunts jealous of nephews, aunts jealous thinking grandma loves these kids more than theirs, grandma's sisters jealous of my teen mom that her men would look at that pretty teen more than her, brothers jealous about who dad applauded, mother jealous which kid dad smiles at.
I found how I been at the crossroads of so much jealousy that I had nothing to do with. Other people's relationships with someone else but somehow I was stamped the issue.
I have one aunt who is seen as the perfect catholic and Sunday school teacher but is extremely jealous of her husband's hobbies (he pets a horse and she pouts) and I took some attention away from her daughters just because I was born months before.
I found the extended family had that secret amongst the elders that one other aunt had the same jealousy. They swore my grandma had exaggerated favoritism. Only 2 adults amongst a huge family poisoned the whole well with that bar they set. The eggshells they set everyone to walk on is that I have to be made lower so they could feel satisfied with the weather.
I could go on. How my sister in law and her family project their narcissism onto their golden child and the other kids have this hypersensitive family ego that demands the eldest son should have ALL the attention and affirmation while their second born son is expected to constantly cut himself at the knees and not allowed new clothes without buying the eldest designer clothes. The other family never saw us interact with these kids but swore to heaven we had favoritism for one and neglect for the other. All the while it's their mode of operation and a mentally unwell projection they're threatening everyone with. Delusional, hateful, and paranoid to their own toddler. I read many times these families sacrifice one to a ever hungry God of their narcissism.
That example is wild because my bro and his wife have a quiet agreement that this middle son is open season for neglect but her eldest golden son is off limits and his youngest golden daughter is off limits.
My bro was a golden and I think he knows the tune to play to satisfy his wife and sacrifice one kid to her ego. I read in "Entitled, Shamed, and Blamed" (scapegoat book) that the golden and the narc parent learned to only have enmeshed relationships so they perpetuate that.
A wild thing about my brother's scapegoat son is he is my mom's dearest but he's going through the curse she perpetuated on me. One kid must lay down in a puddle so another can stay dry.
When you talk about the deep hate and anger they have at the core, that clarity was appreciated especially when everyone insist they love you but their contempt says otherwise.
Also wanted to bring up Dr. Otto Kernberg and how some parents project their own narcissism onto a child. So their child can never do wrong, must always won, is completely perfect, is given self-serving distortion instead of life lessons. And everyone should be beneath their child especially their other children. The lack of empathy and inability to reflect is almost unbelievable.
The case example you used with the father, I'm glad you intervened with that boy and his dad's wounds. It shows jealous people kind of know but it's buried under tons of defense or denial.
I could go on and on. That sis in law is jealous about others weight, joy, good manners, hair, clothes, anything it seems!
Lastly, I use to purposely swim slower and under perform less than my brothers subconsciously. I swear it's brainwashing and it boggles my mind how there's a desperate voice in me that warns me to duck my head or lose it. And my aunt's legacy with me isn't love but a hateful side eye.
I'm sure narcissism was manifesting during ancestral time in the shape of human sacrifices. It's told in the Bible, innocent children sacrified to Baal, which had other names, and that's the reason Jesus was sent by God so people would stop those evil practices and those practices have been around all around the world in many cultures. What we have been living comes from the same mindset; they have to sacrificy someone from the family for them to feel "blessed".
By the way, the scapegoats have always been the most innocent, healthy and good looking; in ancient times no one would sacrified a sick child or animal to the gods. Neither the chieftain or the shaman.
Same way nowadays, narcissists won't pick on someone who has no value.
When they can't control you they will tell ppl that you're crazy. My mother's husband picked a 7 year old 60 lb girl up by the neck and then smooshed her little head on the bed and threatened her that he would fill the tub up and drown her and what does mommy dearest do? Begs him not to leave but today she has amnesia
Bc her self worth was being with him
Great insight! Please let us know why some children are jealous of their mother.....thank you.
at christmas i received $150 to amazon for my 2 year old son. after everyone left the party my mom said “why didn’t I get 150 to amazon” in a childish voice and then nervous laughed it was so awkward cause i didn’t respond
Mine used to speak with a child like voice
I think that sometimes they act
But they also regress to a child like state because of trauma
I had to quit forgiving my mother because no matter if its unconscious its still death from a thousand cuts
Indelible means to making marks you can not remove ooooo😮❤ ( I just looked it up very nice way to help me that’s the nudge I needed; I am goo to do something very cool for the librarians at the library where I record music) I will use that word indelible wow THANKS TAMARA ❤
Thank you 😊 🤗
Yes, that's it!!
What finally did it for me officially was: a bold lashing out against me threatening my livelihood with my children; she did NOT succeed but it showed me history can repeat IF. You don’t wisen up. If you haven’t learned to out grown bad habits attributed resulting from being her victim: you become better and slowly become even better stronger and always stay preventative do what you can when you can stay calm when they bring duress your silence is very loud is the honest truth you can breathe and think again just always know they are going to try to bother you again but stay quiet I sent a ✅ instead of words that they never respected or listen to their rain of terror is no more I told you tube I went no contact I told the police about them I’m not playing I just want them to leave me alone 😊❤
My mother, my 2 older sisters, and my older brother are exactly like this. I am the youngest of 4 children and the age gap between us is large (19 years between my eldest sister and me). My siblings were primarily raised by my grandparents and my mom meanwhile when I was born I spent a lot of time with my dad growing up. I happen to be intellectually and artistically gifted like my dad and I also have natural talent for cooking. My older siblings always said I was spoiled and lucky. I literally can feel their resentment, envy, and jealousy of me.
You explained my mother perfectly.
Excellent. Thank you.
You are welcome! Thank you!
This was really good. Explains a lot.
Thank you! I'm glad this was helpful to you.
It's been shown kids misbehave much more around their mother's. Watch the kids who are suddenly angelic and doting when they are around their mothers..... something is wrong in that child's life.
Not always! I think it just depends on the situation and to avoid generalization of this thinking, we should probably say that there is no research to support this but in some cases, this seems to be the case! I have seen a family or two with odd dynamics like this. Sadly, we need more research!
That is the best thing to go no contact; my kids see them Sunday afternoon they probably will find a way to annoy me if not either way I still am annoyed BUT it’s still a lot better because I am protecting my peace my mentality. The second my kids aren’t happy then I will have to take action to enforce some dang counseling for them already like Jeesh
It’s very possible that the Nmom is afraid to be alone and so chooses the child that is most likely to sacrifice her independence and in order to keep Nmom company…enmeshment.
Can't this have something to do with a lack of truth,...true, genuine love - like" I won't ever love any one ever,...as much as I love you (my child). ------- This is how I feel towards my only child. I think this type of love is missing in these Mother's. And they confuse love with true, genuine love.
I like that! There may be, at some level, an inability to show and feel genuine love. I would say this has a lot to do with personality pathology and negative self-talk about themselves. That low self-esteem and personality problem can lead to a skewed view of the parent-child relationship.
My biological mother always acted like an evil step-Mother or Ursula … she is so jealous of me! Including my relationships and friendships, gifts/talents, possessions, hell she even tried to take my pets from me!!! I HATE Mother’s Day!!!! I hope I can board my fur baby next year and go on vacation an entire ocean away from her!
My mother always gives me a hard time about things and is mean to me, especially as I get older and my kids are becoming adults.
My two aunts (paternal) told me a few years ago that she's jealous of me. I laughed it off, but I now get it.
My mother-in-law and sister-in-law have also given me a VERY hard time over the past 20 years (we no longer talk). I was told that they're jealous, too! Not of ME, personally, but of the life I have. I have a completely supportive husband who has always worked his butt off so I could stay home with my children...something they never had. My children have all done very well and are great kids.
I think that my mother, my mother-in-law and my sister-in-law are all jealous of what I have.
It's worse with my in-laws because they feed off of each other and have most of my husband's extended family believing lies they made up about me.
It hurts me to my core, but what can I do, but continue to live my life and and be as happy as I can? I've done nothing to them.
Merci ❤
Adult children can be jealous of their own parents, children who've murdered their own parents...
They can for sure. The research on this is very minimal. But there is a such thing as adult child jealousy of a parent. Less likely, but it does happen.
Jealousy of a parent is usually created by an alienating coparent.
I think I speak for everyone, but we are going to need you to get a Spotify channel. So we can listen offline. 😅😅😊
🥰🤭🤣you never know!
@TherapistTamaraHill it will be a big help in particular to me, because I don't have much data. As it was, I had to ride my bike to a Wendy's and sit outside of it because it was closed and use their wifi, which I do from time to time.
What’s the role of fathers/men in this family constellation in mother/daughter envy. I have a feeling it is the male’s injust distribution of attention that can trigger these envy reactions.
Hey Phoenix I’m so sorry go no contact and free your mind from future burdens
My Mother was 1 billion times the Parent to ALL my Siblings, a true Family person, even Friends, extended Family, her only Grandson. She got along with 99.999% of the world and watched all my life how in different ways it was reciprocated back to her.
This topic is foreign territory to me, my Fahza was/is the problem still,
❤ goes out to people who had a Mother(s)*Mother Figures who were/are like my Fahza ( i get it foreal)
😮
Srry i missed the live..busy.😉
Let it flow, let it flow.
★★★★★
😊👍
B9 envy works better friends too and that’s far from abuse
59:35 yes ma'am. AAMOF because the theme of opposite-gendered child as murderous rival appears in the mythologies of many cultures from all eras it seems Freud's formulation of the Oedipus complex (a type of retaliatory pettiness children can't even begin to formulate) arose from still blaming himself for his own abuse. He was insightful enough to recognize Sophocles had been inspired by his own inner experience but mischaracterized it as a childhood fantasy rather than an adult delusion because of the sexual abuse that caused Freud to oversexualize so many other things. I don't think he ever recognized his own distortion but I do think the reason he recanted his claim of having been molested by his father was his recognition that it was his mother's psychopathology that taunted his father into retrieving her diverted affection from the child she'd set-up to appear to have stolen it.
I think he realized maternal rejection (counterintuitively) is frequently what motivates fathers to molest sons and daughters alike...because it prompts clinging. Yup. Freud was an exceptional genius (and anything but sexist as almost all of his patients were women) who wasn't trying to give fathers a pass. Dude just recognized that the indistinction about being our own biological processes which is catastrophic to mammalian socioemotional development in organisms who begin life as our mothers' biological processes arises from the objective biological reality that maternal postpartum psychosis is both 1) the pathogenic etiology of emotional non-separation from one's mother and 2) the insulting stressor psychogenic to paternal postpartum psychosis. Straight up.
My mother is jealous of me she keeps her distance from me the same with my sister's
Please pinpoint the difference between jealousy and envy.
13:06 it's also feeling good to see the bad guy loose or punished. I think that's the only time it's not pure evil.
25:34 same 3 times that I know of. Also almost 3 years and it's been bliss.
I can totally understand that! It just feels like the saying/verse "you reap what you sow."