15 Assertive Rights of an Adult (Part 2 of 3)
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- Опубликовано: 20 окт 2024
- Part 2 of 3
Have you wondered what are normal thoughts and behaviors for adults? This is part TWO of a three-part series on normal assertive rules for adults. Jerry Wise discusses rules 6-10 assertive rules of the 15 rules. Many of us have grown up with NON-assertive rights within our family of origin. We do have emotional rights. Practicing these is a means of self-differentiation. Jerry Wise blends a list using Manuel Smith's work and his own family systems approach.
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Jerry Wise, MA, MS, CLC, has helped 10,000s of people heal from family dysfunction and become the true self they were never allowed to be. As a family systems and self-differentiation coach, he leverages 45 years of experience to help clients permanently break free from family-of-origin dysfunction, cultivate healthy relationships, and build a strong sense of self.
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"I don't care" is something that I have learn to embrace in my mid 30's. I was raised by a people pleasing, externally validation seeking sperm donor.
Not only is Mr. Jerry very knowledgeable and I’m learning so much, he has a great sense of humor!!😃😃💯
I appreciate that
Your videos are so helpful, especially because they aid us in focusing on ourselves instead of those that mistreat us.
Assertive rights:
6 (0:45) right to say “I don’t know”
7 (6:22) right to separate good will from intention
8 (11:20) right for illogic decisions
9 (15:04) right to say “I don’t understand”
10 (20:22) right to say “I don’t care”
Watch the video in full, it’s Jerry’s way of explaining topics that makes him so good!
Sooo helpful. Thankyou!!
Especially the time stamps!!
Every minute of this is pure gold. Already listened to #1, can't wait to listen to #3. Thank you so much!
Let us be wise. Thank you 🙏
Using good deeds to get someone to do think or feel like you d; my mother's manipulation 101. Alternatively spouts how helpful she is but when challenged screeches "well I'm just a bad mother then aren't I". My father, I should be allowed to help you(shouting this whilst I'm visibly upset); me asks for help "no im busy". They're both a pain in the asse.
It was almost impossible to apply logic in my house of origin . When I was 16 news came that 'Aunt Flossie" had just passed . I had NEVER heard of this woman - she had never been spoken of much less visited by anyone I knew of . Of course my fully covert narcissist mother turned this into a crisis and railed against me for not being' sorry' or bereaved . I told her I didn't feel much of anything as I'd never even heard of this person . This was when I was told 'YOU aren't even HUMAN !' .This was the level of crazy at our house , Never entitled to express an opinion , feel emotions , think independently let alone think logically . Only by going for years NO CONTACT I was able to separate my interests and will from crazy narcissistic family members .
It sounds like this is a way of thinking that can lead to self-differentiation. It also sounds like ways to stop enmeshing with others. It is finding where I end and someone else begins with their own values, thoughts, and beliefs that have nothing to do with mine. This is very healthy stuff.
😀
I've been saying no a lot lately and I feel better and happier.
Every no is a yes to something else
@@jerrywiseAnother gem. Thank you!
We have the right to say no, I don't care, I'm not interested without feeling guilty
I appreciate your calmness and maturity as always jerry
This helps me understand enmeshment more specifically. Thanks!
This is golden!
Such helpful and encouraging stuff, Jerry. I’m 65 soon and have only started learning these 15 rights in the past 2 years. Thank you and God bless you!
It’s never too late to work on our self differentiation❤️, I’m glad you found it helpful and encouraging!
Thank you "manipulation is speculative". I'm trying to reduce self blame and am distancing from toxic people . It just emotionally easier.
I think you are very much underrated Jerry. Thank you so much for doing this
Being Assertive is fundamental to self 📈 growth.. it's like a bill of rights you draft for yourself.. Being assertive requires a new posturing aligning with your values n needs. The manner of your conduct and Cadence of your voice all require an overhaul n this can be done slowly once u have made up your mind..
🙏🏻🙏🏻🎧
Now I know how to reply to these codependent muddle statements.
Prior to listening to this video I just did not say anything but thought to myself why is this person using an indirect way of communicating.
Thanks Jerry, this video is so enlightening.
Thank you for your work I like you very much
Jerry, you are the type of thinker I would have deeply appreciated growing up around. Thank you for sharing this knowledge, you are saving lives.
Just found you Sir. I can’t thank you enough for your videos. Deeply grateful.
You are very welcome Melina
Thank you, your videos are so helpful and enlightening. 🙏🏼🙏🏼
So glad!
I learned these basics from years in Adult Children of Alcoholics so Freeing!!!
Unfortunately we don’t learn not to care about others people opinions, respects, and values until after age 40. 🤷🏻♀️ I am 44 and am “barely” getting it.
In my house, once a mistake was made I had no hope of recovering. As a female, I wasn't considered bright to begin with. Add on top of that, once I make a mistake I was too stupid to breathe. By about age six there was no way for me to have brains.
I was not to strive for anything. I was to graduate high school, get married and have kids - ONLY. My biggest ambition was supposed to know how to clean house. I manage to drive, run a household, go to school and even make decisions regarding my own life regardless of how stupid I was. Haha
Well, this masters degree in Justice Studies I have says otherwise. It took decades but I have achieved some of the items in MY bucket list. Education, travel, I am qualified to be a college professor if I choose.
That narrative got into my hands and I haven't let go of it.
Point being, I do have the right to make mistakes and I'm not permanently unable to recover or learn. Take that, family of origin!
Amazing channel.
I love this! I think it would cause chaos, but that's probably just my dysfunction. I'll have to listen to this multiple times. I'm glad someone commented that there's a book about this. I'll have to get it.
resonate, very helpful, much appreciated as always Jerry.
I absolutely love being reminded of the responsibility I hold for myself only with out owing the world other than basic right and wrong which sometimes I really don't know...lol
Dziękujemy.
I came across the 3 videos out of order. It doesn't matter, I'm just glad that I was able to see all 3.
Love this, Jerry. Very timely for me, and very helpful. I’m looking forward to part 3!
I am glad this was helpful Lim
Thank you for watching my videos.
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@Krishna Patel it’s a slow and challenging process, give it time and stay persistent. Doing this inner self differentiation work will get you closer to answering yes for all of those questions
This is a great video series and I agree with a lot of what you've covered. Btw, you have some great comedic timing. "mom's hemorrhoids"? I laughed unintentionally because it was not expected. Thank you for the video
I agree w/ Jerry’s comedic timing. It feels so good to laugh!
17:10 "it's just policy" thing is very common in Japan. If you ask questions there (even pertinent) you're usually looked down on.
So very helpful Jerry, thank you!
Thank you so much for this. Honestly I didn’t realize how many of these things were ingrained in me (the opposite of each right) and how I was doing them as well. I was honestly exhausted from trying so hard. It’s freedom from shooting my self in the 🦶 for the rest of my life! Again thank you very much. It’s a process not an overnight fix but it’s a great start. At least I know where to start! Thank you and bless you for sharing these videos.
My crazy narcissist mom: How does the printer warranty work?
Me: I don't know
Mom: You are useless, I always have to do everything, she screams, tears and that's a tragedy.
💔
You’re fantastic ✨
Good Job Jerry! This was very helpful and right on
Thanks so much!! Super helpful videos as always! :) I think the feeling that you owe people something after they've done one nice thing for you is something for me to work on!
I love this!! I'd like to send it to my son, but he probably doesn't care about it.
Yes, logic isn't the best guide in many cases, in my experience. Listening to the body, the intuition and the higher self's guidance within (which feels very much like instinct) has proven far more accurate and wise in my case when making decisions. In fact, whenever I let logic override my intuition, odds are high things won't turn out as well. Question everything. Even a local hospital was found to be selling patient info illegally (presumably to insurance companies) via their portal service. Logically, would one expect this? No. But instinct/intuition could have warned the patients had they listened within and not presumed they were being paranoid.
Logic is not the determining factor in 90% of our decisions. It's a myth that we make our decisions based on logic.
Thank you.
Our Subconscious could be sensing Positives and or Dangers that "Logic" Can't see to Calculate.
When someone asks, " you dont know"
Say "no... not everyone knows what you know... And nor do they necessarily care..." 😏
I'm chuckling over Appalachia being it's own country. It has felt like that to me at times.
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I would assume at a doctors office they’re not taking your picture for fun. They do that now.
"I dont know" is an ever- expansive state...
“…mom’s hemorrhoids…” 🤣🤣🤣🤣
This is really good and necessary info, the adds however, take away from content!
Thank you Anna, I'm glad this Information was helpful. And thank you for directing my attention to this issue, this was just fixed on this video:)
@@jerrywise thank you :)
Is Part 3 available?
Just uploaded 😊
One psychiatrist to rule them all...
Logic isn’t black or white. Logic is logic, and then there’s plain being wrong. That doesn’t mean people shouldn’t be free to be wrong. Just that wrong and right aren’t the same.
There's a whole generation of people that act as though you're supposed to know everything. They're usually the ones who have had everything handed to them. A good economy that was handed to them. Opportunities that were handed to them. Assets, social security, pension, all handed to them. Now when they need extra money for more, more, more they take up all the entry level jobs that should go to someone who needs it to survive.
Deplorable people. My mother told me she could go out and get a job right now no problem to show me 'how it's done." Yeah, and they`d hire her for sure. It would be a downgrade for her. it proves nothing. I haven't had the opportunity for a legitimate job ever. I have a bachelor's degree. If it were the 60s they'd be throwing jobs at me.
I'm sorry, I refuse to be a slave and live like this until i die. I deserve better than this. This is my right as a human being.
Oh yeah, it’s a great excuse for narcissists to not know….
I don’t think it’s helpful to articulate that people have a right to be “illogical,” because it’s not “illogical” to take specific circumstances and context into account rather than rigidly and dogmatically applying algorithmic rules. It’s actually illogical to NOT account for specifics and contexts. Rather than pointing at logic as the limiting factor, maybe it would be more accurate to point to dogmatic thinking ad the problem. We have the right to choose logic over dogmatism.