My miserable life began at age 3....1963. I lost my childhood and became an empty soul. With emotionally absent parents who didn’t appear to love me, I had no choice but relying on myself and shunning everyone else. Puberty brought knowledge and the realization of what had happened to me....the crystal clear memories I had confined to a dark place inside my brain, then came out exploding turning my adolescent World upside down, making me feel awkward, awfully shameful, not man enough, worthless....it was the worst time of my life. Eventually college and independence brought some happiness to my miserable life. I married the first woman I got sexually involved with, not because love, but because I wanted to escape my life, the place I was born, my past. The memories of the abuse have not subsided the vivid reality of it all ....it is burned into my memory ....always raw and bleeding continually. I have come to realize things about my mother, how she compounded my sexual abuse depression, the awful things she would say to me, as a boy going through puberty, how she would shame me if my always erect penis showed through my trousers (70’s fitted pants). So my shame compounded, my sexuality was confusing me, the imprinted images of the male abuser’s nude body. What a mess I was. I feel attracted to women, but highly distrust them, I definitely distrust all males....in fact, I despise all males, including myself. I challenge all authority figures, I believe in no God. I have learned to live in misery, dealing with my chronic depressive cycles as best as I can. Solitude I embrace because I am an awfully damaged human shell without anything to offer, other than warning parents about the dangers of abandoning their little kids.
It is very brave of you to speak out, congratulation of facing your truth! My words of encouragement are to forgive your offenders and forgive yourself. Added to that, please purchase a HOLY-BIBLE, and in your own seclusion, please pray and read the bible beginning by the new testament (books on Jesus's life"). It is touching that you do not believe in God, because you question why he did not step in and prevent that nightmare. Certainly as you read and pray, and express how you feel to God, you will in time get a Word from God. There is no need to belong to a "church", or even involve people in your praying and reading of the Bible. Just take that private time, and you will get surprised that God will heal your wounds, and once healed, you will help so many other. Once again i congratulate all you bold men for coming forward to educate society, on these hidden realities.
you have this tragic story to offer if it saves 1 person u are an angel in human feet. Try to find the beautiful person inside. Jay he is there. your soul.we are all damaged human shells with a level of degree and i know you have so much to offer.
If you want it you can heal from this... I was molested at 5 to 7 years old... I was abandon, and later i abandon myself... I found myself during a meditation and I was chocked of how i looked... I saw myself as the uglyest, most discusting child in the world, so filthy and vile.... This was 10 years ago and today i speak to him every day... I have washed him and shampoo his hair and he is Beautiful today... He is me and I are him... And that love he didnt get in his childhood he gets today from me... You can have a good life, but you have to work on it... I mean really really work and have currage to see your self... And remember, it was not your fault, you have no responsebility for this, but you have a really big responsebility to your inner child to heal..
I was molested by a "friend" at age 12 repeatedly for a year..... It was bad enough that I had a father who was verbally abusive..... then it got worse at age 26 when I was in a devastating car accident where I suffered serious physical injuries-( Concussion,Broken Left Hip Socket,Shattered Right Wrist And Arm,Broken Right Ankle)..... then 9 years more devastation .. A dear female friend of mine was murdered by her fiance.... nothing but a life of pain.... 53 years old and still trying to deal with all of the anger and rage toward my molester and my Friends murderer.. sad😢
I was physically abused by my step father for 7 years (3-10) and when I was 6 I was sexually assaulted by a teen age I knew from the neighborhood. Even at six, I knew if I told my mom, she would tell my step father, they would question the teenage girl's parents, she would deny it of course, and my step father would kill me or I would wish he would have. I never said anything to anybody about the physical abuse or sexual assault. I'm 35 now and both of those people have forever scared my mind and shaped my personality into something I hate living with.
Sammy Sam Hey Sam. Sometimes it can be difficult with these type of things. I was molested by my elder brother at the age of 10-11. Message me if you'd like to chat, I'd like to help if possible
You deserve to be free from it! You deserve to be happy and who you were meant to be! You deserve freedom and happiness! I know that it is hard but you must free yourself. Take baby steps. Start with counseling of those who have experience with this. Let the little boy inside grieve and become empowered! Do not allow the criminal to have control of your entire life. Tell him/her, NO MORE! My husband just revealed the same to me and my heart hearts so much for him. My grief has turned into righteous anger towards the perpetrator and I have become protective toward that little child inside; and I will fight for my husband to break free from the bondage! He deserves it, and YOU deserve it! Love to you. 💗
A survivor of childhood sexual abuse myself , I understand! I also understand it wasn't my fault, I have no shame in what I had no control , I hold no shame ! But then I became frustrated with a Male, thought his behaviour to be the most cowardly of anyone I've ever known and a user of women! I used to say of him , something happened to him , someone hurt him , I tired to figure him out ! Then remembered what someone in his " camp told me about him , now thinking back it all makes sense ( as much as child abuse makes sense, he is bruised. Never broken, used and abused !! It takes courage to speak out !
I am so sorry. We need to be aware. The strength and willingness to drop the resistance in order to speak on this truly moves me. I hope sharing was cathartic and at least started ya on the path to peace. WARRIORS, VICTORS, ON THE BRINK OF GREATNESS. that is who and what we are.
Amazing presentation, Chris - congratulations on such great awareness of your situation! Sounds like you're on an amazing path. You mentioned you were going to start facilitating groups and that's pretty exciting. This video is 3 years old as I'm watching it today - I'd love to hear where you are now! Good luck on your healing journey! Love to you!
Hello.Are shelters Bias toward men in Canada?I am in the US.I am in Illinois, and we have shelters in the Winter months for homeless men and women.The problem is, so many of these people take advantage and can't even throw there garbage away when given a paper bag lunch, because some of these shelters are not open for the people to stay all day,but just for the night.We also have the housing Athority and other Organizations to help with housing for men and women, not sure about Canada.I have been watching these Videos.Thank you so much.I Know there is a big need for mens issues to be talked about, for every one to learn to be happy.Thank you.
If a man is sex assault in United States he’s not beloved especially if he’s bigger. They don’t want believe it can happen. Anything is possible men can be a victim of assault
I was molested by my older cousin and it left me secluded. I feel love Is based on how i can sexually please my partner with no joy in it myself depression is an understatement and i drink to forget but it always amplifies.
Pete Walker's "Surviving to Thriving" (Cptsd) Amazon sells copies for 8 or 9 bucks- Loads of helpful information and coping techniques/ strategies... I find it to be an extremely helpful tool, and probably one of the best investments I have ever made. I usually keep it in my car, when I'm not at home ❤ Best wishes
![Quando Rondo - Life Goes On [Official Music Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/eIf3fhMXAow/mqdefault.jpg)
My miserable life began at age 3....1963. I lost my childhood and became an empty soul. With emotionally absent parents who didn’t appear to love me, I had no choice but relying on myself and shunning everyone else. Puberty brought knowledge and the realization of what had happened to me....the crystal clear memories I had confined to a dark place inside my brain, then came out exploding turning my adolescent World upside down, making me feel awkward, awfully shameful, not man enough, worthless....it was the worst time of my life. Eventually college and independence brought some happiness to my miserable life. I married the first woman I got sexually involved with, not because love, but because I wanted to escape my life, the place I was born, my past. The memories of the abuse have not subsided the vivid reality of it all ....it is burned into my memory ....always raw and bleeding continually. I have come to realize things about my mother, how she compounded my sexual abuse depression, the awful things she would say to me, as a boy going through puberty, how she would shame me if my always erect penis showed through my trousers (70’s fitted pants). So my shame compounded, my sexuality was confusing me, the imprinted images of the male abuser’s nude body. What a mess I was. I feel attracted to women, but highly distrust them, I definitely distrust all males....in fact, I despise all males, including myself. I challenge all authority figures, I believe in no God. I have learned to live in misery, dealing with my chronic depressive cycles as best as I can. Solitude I embrace because I am an awfully damaged human shell without anything to offer, other than warning parents about the dangers of abandoning their little kids.
It is very brave of you to speak out, congratulation of facing your truth!
My words of encouragement are to forgive your offenders and forgive yourself. Added to that, please purchase a HOLY-BIBLE, and in your own seclusion, please pray and read the bible beginning by the new testament (books on Jesus's life"). It is touching that you do not believe in God, because you question why he did not step in and prevent that nightmare. Certainly as you read and pray, and express how you feel to God, you will in time get a Word from God.
There is no need to belong to a "church", or even involve people in your praying and reading of the Bible. Just take that private time, and you will get surprised that God will heal your wounds, and once healed, you will help so many other.
Once again i congratulate all you bold men for coming forward to educate society, on these hidden realities.
@@nikkipj3410 get a holy bible wtf is that your a asshole
you have this tragic story to offer if it saves 1 person u are an angel in human feet. Try to find the beautiful person inside. Jay he is there. your soul.we are all damaged human shells with a level of degree and i know you have so much to offer.
@@tlee4118 stfu you fuckin feminazi .
If you want it you can heal from this... I was molested at 5 to 7 years old... I was abandon, and later i abandon myself... I found myself during a meditation and I was chocked of how i looked...
I saw myself as the uglyest, most discusting child in the world, so filthy and vile.... This was 10 years ago and today i speak to him every day... I have washed him and shampoo his hair and he is Beautiful today... He is me and I are him... And that love he didnt get in his childhood he gets today from me... You can have a good life, but you have to work on it... I mean really really work and have currage to see your self... And remember, it was not your fault, you have no responsebility for this, but you have a really big responsebility to your inner child to heal..
I was molested by a "friend" at age 12 repeatedly for a year..... It was bad enough that I had a father who was verbally abusive..... then it got worse at age 26 when I was in a devastating car accident where I suffered serious physical injuries-( Concussion,Broken Left Hip Socket,Shattered Right Wrist And Arm,Broken Right Ankle)..... then 9 years more devastation .. A dear female friend of mine was murdered by her fiance.... nothing but a life of pain.... 53 years old and still trying to deal with all of the anger and rage toward my molester and my Friends murderer.. sad😢
I was physically abused by my step father for 7 years (3-10) and when I was 6 I was sexually assaulted by a teen age I knew from the neighborhood. Even at six, I knew if I told my mom, she would tell my step father, they would question the teenage girl's parents, she would deny it of course, and my step father would kill me or I would wish he would have. I never said anything to anybody about the physical abuse or sexual assault. I'm 35 now and both of those people have forever scared my mind and shaped my personality into something I hate living with.
Sammy Sam Hey Sam. Sometimes it can be difficult with these type of things. I was molested by my elder brother at the age of 10-11. Message me if you'd like to chat, I'd like to help if possible
can I have your email id. I would like to talk @Zainy B?
Bss VVv praying for you guys
You deserve to be free from it! You deserve to be happy and who you were meant to be! You deserve freedom and happiness! I know that it is hard but you must free yourself. Take baby steps. Start with counseling of those who have experience with this. Let the little boy inside grieve and become empowered! Do not allow the criminal to have control of your entire life. Tell him/her, NO MORE! My husband just revealed the same to me and my heart hearts so much for him. My grief has turned into righteous anger towards the perpetrator and I have become protective toward that little child inside; and I will fight for my husband to break free from the bondage! He deserves it, and YOU deserve it! Love to you. 💗
@Bss VVv not your fault. Jesus does not blame you.
A survivor of childhood sexual abuse myself , I understand! I also understand it wasn't my fault, I have no shame in what I had no control , I hold no shame ! But then I became frustrated with a Male, thought his behaviour to be the most cowardly of anyone I've ever known and a user of women! I used to say of him , something happened to him , someone hurt him , I tired to figure him out ! Then remembered what someone in his " camp told me about him , now thinking back it all makes sense ( as much as child abuse makes sense, he is bruised. Never broken, used and abused !! It takes courage to speak out !
I am so sorry. We need to be aware. The strength and willingness to drop the resistance in order to speak on this truly moves me. I hope sharing was cathartic and at least started ya on the path to peace. WARRIORS, VICTORS, ON THE BRINK OF GREATNESS. that is who and what we are.
Amazing presentation, Chris - congratulations on such great awareness of your situation! Sounds like you're on an amazing path. You mentioned you were going to start facilitating groups and that's pretty exciting. This video is 3 years old as I'm watching it today - I'd love to hear where you are now! Good luck on your healing journey! Love to you!
Hello.Are shelters Bias toward men in Canada?I am in the US.I am in Illinois, and we have shelters in the Winter months for homeless men and women.The problem is, so many of these people take advantage and can't even throw there garbage away when given a paper bag lunch, because some of these shelters are not open for the people to stay all day,but just for the night.We also have the housing Athority and other Organizations to help with housing for men and women, not sure about Canada.I have been watching these Videos.Thank you so much.I Know there is a big need for mens issues to be talked about, for every one to learn to be happy.Thank you.
If a man is sex assault in United States he’s not beloved especially if he’s bigger. They don’t want believe it can happen. Anything is possible men can be a victim of assault
Thanks for being brave...you are paving the way for men...Dr. Kelli Palfy Author of:Men Too: Unspoken Truths About Male Sexual Abuse.
I was molested by my older cousin and it left me secluded. I feel love Is based on how i can sexually please my partner with no joy in it myself depression is an understatement and i drink to forget but it always amplifies.
I'm so sorry for your pain. You're a good person and you deserve pleasure. Sex is like a conversation. Slowly find your voice.
Pete Walker's
"Surviving to Thriving"
(Cptsd)
Amazon sells copies for 8 or 9 bucks-
Loads of helpful information and coping techniques/ strategies...
I find it to be an extremely helpful tool, and probably one of the best investments I have ever made. I usually keep it in my car, when I'm not at home
❤
Best wishes
Bless you. I can identify. My cousin was and I suppose, still a bully and and ass. But he labeled me " the queer."
I used to have drunks to self medicate...
I know this path
Was the opening gay or what? Really mixed signals with the hottie stuff. Exactly the Eagle Scouts we see coming out all over.
just a by the way - people don't really use the adjective gay as a pejorative any more.. you could say confusing or unnecessary perhaps