Looking back on my relationship. I never thought I was settling for less. I was blinded and lost in it to the point where I didn't know myself anymore. There definitely was a few moments or so I thought I was settling for less and she was holding me back. But I ignored it and kept on pushing because I loved her quite a bit and we had a great connection. Looking back, of course it could've worked but I get why she thought we weren't meant for one another at that time. Unfortunately, I disagree but that's my selfishness talking lol. She has her own fears and insecurities she's never dealt with. I hope she does deal with them in her future. Thanks again, loving the workbook and videos a ton!
I'm pretty sure many people think they are honest, loyal and communicate well. My ex was often keeping the truth from me (which is a form of lying) and project her flaws on me (also lying) and when confronted with unpleasant stuff, she always drew the "I don't remember" or "I forgot" card (lying and somewhat gaslighting!) and yet she and her best friend think that she is the most honest person on Earth. And to be honest I also thought that for too long. She rarely told her problems to me and was even upset that I don't complain about her to my friends, claiming I'm the unhealthy one, because whenever she had a problem with me, she told it to her girlfriend. And she was surprised I didn't fulfill her needs. Yet, she told me I'm bad at communication. Which is true by the way, but seems she was worse. She started dating my best friend one month before she broke up with me, they both said they were dating, yet she claimed she didn't cheat on me, because she didn't sleep with him. How can you date someone without cheating on your partner? Or her other excuse is that we weren't dating at the moment, even though we were FWB with a pact that we would warn the other if we start to fancy someone else. But guess what, when confronted with the pact, she claimed she forgot about that. Because an agreement like this is so hard to forget. I'm pretty sure that while FWB is not healthy at all, the healthiest form of it is an exclusive FWB, so even if she really forgot the pact, she should've thought of it as cheating. But guess what, we made the pact, because she almost did a ONS with some shady dude when we were out drinking once. Also quite easy to forget, right? So yeah, she also thinks she is loyal. We had countless talks about shitty people with these horrible traits and she always agreed with me to the fullest and now she has became one of them and she doesn't even admit it to herself. So in conclusion it's quite a high expectation, because it's hard to figure these out by just talking to them. You figure it out when you are already attached and it's too late.
@@MrRennuj34 Thanks, I'm more than 3 months after the breakup and I think the very first day I won't think about her is just around the corner, because I think less and less of her :)
I think your values are a good measure to determine if you are settling for less. For example, if you are totally loyal, honest and trustworthy, you don't want a partner who lies about silly things otherwise he is going to lie about bigger things too, or a partner who flirts either openly or behind your back and you suspect or have evidence that he does. This type will never match your values therefore make a conscientious decision earlier on rather than later (and avoid getting hurt) that this person will never match your values, no matter how gregarious, friendly and awesome in other areas he may be! Know what you want, and stand by it!
Here for the workbooks coach. The questions in the workbooks made me think about what I really want in a partner. Back then, I didn't really care so much and just hooked up with anyone that gave great sex. Now, I'm a lot more picky when choosing a partner, especially in dating apps :P
I've been about 3 weeks no contact. He has never tried to reach out to me. I have panic attacks every day because he's not here. Some days I can't even get out of bed. When will the constant pain subside? It's exhausting..
He didn't reach out, I did at first. We slowly came back together and are now living together. I used techniques from Agnes Vivarelli here on RUclips and that's exactly what brought him back. Self love comes first definitely :)
Ih, sister... wish I could help you. I know that pain. The only thing I can say is that you're much more stronger than you think e you actually don't need him. And it will pass and never to return again, even if you have to deal with breakups again.
This is the SAME EXACT situation for me. I told him the same thing because he still wanted to keep in contact until he solved his "financial issues". I told him I don't want to be your friend and you never have time for me, so when you are ready, call me. If I am available we can pursue it further. It was weird because he was taking a little too well after almost 2 years. We had always discussed marriage and a future together. In the past, he would never have let me go like that. Come to find out last night through Facebook, he had been cheating on me all along. I wasn't on Facebook for a while and reactivated my account. He didn't know that we are still "Friends" on there. So I didn't have to dig too hard to find out. I was his back up plan. He didn't have time for me not because of work, but because there was someone else. That hurts!! I slept one-hour last night and have no appetite. Now he won't answer his phone. It goes straight to vm. He is with her and can't answer. He never shuts off his phone because it's also his business line. I can't believe I have been played like this after being an understanding and loyal gf. I hope she does the same to him that he has done to me.
WAIT, before you judge him I can see your needy and that's why he pulled away and placed you as an option, it's not cheating unless he sleeps with her, if not then all you need to do is pull away till he freaks out and he will because men freak out faster than women, just go no contact and watch him crawling back, and try to fix ur attachments style issues like being needy, etc
@@OmarBestREI I see my bf maybe 2 times a month. No one woman who is needy could possibly date a truck driver who is always on the road. I am the least needy woman I know. But we have had constant communication for almost 2 years now. We both looked for each other. Him more than me really. That's why I could see the change. He just called me yesterday and finally admitted he had been cheating for months. Now he is wanting me back, likely because the other woman dumped him. But I don't stay with cheaters. I am walking away from this relationship.
@@nikiali7051 Thank you so much! I’m in a much better place and in a healthy relationship. He tried to come back while I was already with my current bf. He promised me the stars and moon and I said, nope! I’m way over him and could never ever trust him anyway. Thank you for your kind words! God healed my broken heart and now I’m a new woman! 💯
I met my wife when she was in my country to take care of 2 young schooling siblings. We dated briefly before getting married. She expressed her desire to have our own home and to let her siblings stay with us after much drama, so I decided to buy a house and renovated it, brought all 3 of them in. She also wanted to work after getting a green card, and I supported her choice. But while I have been doing all these, she took for granted and expected more, spending most time at work without much communication, coming home late and felt I hadn't done enough to make her and her siblings feel home. She then initiated divorce, moved out with her siblings and leaving me devastated with an empty house. I now understand this boundary from the video but just feel that my wife didn't reciprocate much in our marriage and was selfish in just thinking for her own needs without standing in my shoes to understand for me.
Its a feminine trait to keep taking with offering very little in return and being ungrateful, need to find a woman that recognizes this and works to not do it. They do exist.
Women over 30 put their lives at risk carrying a baby - hit me really hard. Men do waste time. We really need to get ourselves sorted. Think we need to choose a better father than a partner lol
Craig, I keep listening to many of your vids. What I keep getting frustrated with is how you make it sound like it should so easy to realize we could be in all these toxic and unrealistic relationships and there will be a more perfect person "right around the corner." That we need to let go of the toxic person and "move on" I broke up with a man 15 yes ago and there's been no other man in the picture. I've even been online dating. He moves on... has more botched relationships and always come as back to me.
Craig do you have advice for dating widowers that just can’t get over their late wife after 7 years? I thinking of breaking up with my bf because he couldn’t stop bringing up his past in the 7 months we dated. He has her pictures everywhere including his office. The icing on the cake was a ceramic chef with a chalkboard printed in his wife’s name “Lynn’s kitchen” and it was a new house, she never cooked a single meal there. We saw each other once a weekend sometimes twice, only at my place which was less than an hour away. He only text me hello and goodnight during the week and didn’t call. I said I needed more throughout the relationship and I didn’t get it. I told him I was feeling resentful and at the end of dinner with his friends at a restaurant I got up and said I have to leave, I can’t do this anymore, too much hurt, I have to leave and I drove home. Afterwards I emailed that I got home ok, and I was sorry I left and embarrassed him. I said I wasn’t breaking up with him, I was upset. Never heard another word from him. It’s been two months. And of course I did everything wrong, texting and emailing a letter, etc. I know now that it was anxiety and my attachment style that had me doing this. Thanks to learning from your videos. I just discovered you this week and I think you give great advice. I look forward to learning and growing with your weekly advice and being the best me.
Margot Campos He's not ready to date anyone. He's still "stuck" in 2011. I hope he can get some professional help to process the trauma of his wife's death.
Hi Craig - I like the idea of getting my partner to look at some of your videos. We are separated but living in the same house. She is most definitely a avoid attachment, and I am an anxious attachment. What would you recommend she view? Rick
Coach Craig, I have been going through a friendship break up and while it's not romantic you have taught me so many things about effective communication and boundaries. Thank you for always making videos and putting so much work into helping us! If I had the money, I would set up a Skype with you, but since I don't these videos have helped me every day for now. Thanks again!
It's hard, but it's possible. Same principles apply as usual, you just have to recognize that the distance is a factor. But if they really care about you and miss you, give it time. After a period of no-contact or even casual small contact (if you agreed to be friends) they will start missing the parts of you that they got when you were in a relationship (time, priority, extra warmth). I have thankfully been able to do it myself and that's why I wanted to share it with you. Best of luck!
Kamal Al-Dheeb but she sees me only as friends, told me that she doesn't love me anymore and also found someone else which is also from another country and she gets angry if I talk to her about the past and things I can do for her, but she says your just a friend now, and tells me that I can only have you as a friend on PS4, can you tell me what can I do to have her back as a girlfriend, and btw she doesn't respect me anymore because I begged and pleeded and appeared very needy when she blocked me from every where and I told her I beg you please don't leave me have me as a friend but I want her as the person I love, please advise me what to do in this situation? Btw she is from Saudi Arabia, and she is 30 I'm 22...
Aundrix that's a rough one, not gonna lie to you, friend. I don't know if you familiar with coach Corey Wayne, he and Coach Craig have very similar systems but coach Corey has more videos talking about particularly this kind of situation. One thing that I can tell you personally is, it could be over, and it could be not over. Depends on her attraction level. You may have done too much, or maybe you haven't. But, if she still has some attraction to you, it might be that eventually if she strikes out with that guy and you are her best option, she will message you out of the blue and stuff. But meanwhile, you have to work on yourself and work on why this happened in the first place. You can't stay beholden to her when she discarded you. You need to move on one way or another. And if or when she comes back, she will see you are a different person, for the better, and things might work out. Good luck to you!
Kamal Al-Dheeb thanks bro it's means a lot to me that your helping me out, so should I still talk to her as a friend and be around her online or should I ignore her and walk away and show her that I don't care anymore, which one of this thing will be more effective, because even I know I'm here best option she can ever get but she's hurt and angry to me and right now she only wants me as a friend....
Andria happy to help :) It really does depend on you. I have done both with same girl (she is wonderful, but has commitment issues). First time I did the no contact and told her I can't be friends, and that was true when I said it. The best way to gain attention is to remove yours. But the second time, I was honestly okay with staying friends because the circumstances were different and we spent about a year and a half as a couple. I wasn't just going to cut her off at that point because we truly still had love for each other, but circumstances were just in the way. Now we are together again because she realized as much distance is bad, losing me or even having me as a friend and seeing me date someone else is worse. So that really is case by case. Depends on what you want and what you are able to do. One thing I would tell you is to be true to what YOU want. Don't try to fake your way in. If you are genuinely okay with being friends and dating someone else while she figures herself out - do it. If not, and even the thought stings - don't go along with that. Tell her that you love her and adore her, and you can't be just friends with her because you want more. And you want to be honest with her. She will appreciate and respect it on some level, even if she throws it in your face. You are being true to yourself. And when she doesn't hear from you (no contact means absolutely no contract at all in any situation), she will be thinking about you and after some time, we humans naturally forget the bad and remember only the good. When she hits that point (if she does), she will contact you again. But then you have to know how to handle that from then on. I really advise watching more videos from coaches Corey and Craig to help with that
![Tee Grizzley - Robbery 8 [Official Video]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/34_vkNV6wrU/mqdefault.jpg)
I wasted my 30s stuck in a 10 year abusive relationship, I got out in 2017, now Im in my 40's...wish I had the strength to get out earlier....
Looking back on my relationship. I never thought I was settling for less. I was blinded and lost in it to the point where I didn't know myself anymore. There definitely was a few moments or so I thought I was settling for less and she was holding me back. But I ignored it and kept on pushing because I loved her quite a bit and we had a great connection. Looking back, of course it could've worked but I get why she thought we weren't meant for one another at that time. Unfortunately, I disagree but that's my selfishness talking lol. She has her own fears and insecurities she's never dealt with. I hope she does deal with them in her future. Thanks again, loving the workbook and videos a ton!
888887
The most succeful history I ve ever seen with confident behaviour.
I admire this woman's behavior in this situation. We could all take a page out of her book!!
expectations?
is honesty, communication and loyalty too much to ask for?
::: sigh with a mad and broken heart:::::
Jenny Pannkuk I guess it is ): the hunt goes on
I'm pretty sure many people think they are honest, loyal and communicate well.
My ex was often keeping the truth from me (which is a form of lying) and project her flaws on me (also lying) and when confronted with unpleasant stuff, she always drew the "I don't remember" or "I forgot" card (lying and somewhat gaslighting!) and yet she and her best friend think that she is the most honest person on Earth. And to be honest I also thought that for too long.
She rarely told her problems to me and was even upset that I don't complain about her to my friends, claiming I'm the unhealthy one, because whenever she had a problem with me, she told it to her girlfriend. And she was surprised I didn't fulfill her needs. Yet, she told me I'm bad at communication. Which is true by the way, but seems she was worse.
She started dating my best friend one month before she broke up with me, they both said they were dating, yet she claimed she didn't cheat on me, because she didn't sleep with him. How can you date someone without cheating on your partner?
Or her other excuse is that we weren't dating at the moment, even though we were FWB with a pact that we would warn the other if we start to fancy someone else. But guess what, when confronted with the pact, she claimed she forgot about that. Because an agreement like this is so hard to forget. I'm pretty sure that while FWB is not healthy at all, the healthiest form of it is an exclusive FWB, so even if she really forgot the pact, she should've thought of it as cheating. But guess what, we made the pact, because she almost did a ONS with some shady dude when we were out drinking once. Also quite easy to forget, right?
So yeah, she also thinks she is loyal.
We had countless talks about shitty people with these horrible traits and she always agreed with me to the fullest and now she has became one of them and she doesn't even admit it to herself. So in conclusion it's quite a high expectation, because it's hard to figure these out by just talking to them. You figure it out when you are already attached and it's too late.
@@andrasziegenham6766 I was like that is gaslighting and then you mentioned it. I am so sorry you are going through this.
@@MrRennuj34 Thanks, I'm more than 3 months after the breakup and I think the very first day I won't think about her is just around the corner, because I think less and less of her :)
How about some early dating issues for older adults in 40’s, 50’s, and 60’s. Thanks.
That would be awesome. It's far more difficult for older people to find ideal partners and we cannot take the risks at our age either!
Great idea!
I think your values are a good measure to determine if you are settling for less. For example, if you are totally loyal, honest and trustworthy, you don't want a partner who lies about silly things otherwise he is going to lie about bigger things too, or a partner who flirts either openly or behind your back and you suspect or have evidence that he does. This type will never match your values therefore make a conscientious decision earlier on rather than later (and avoid getting hurt) that this person will never match your values, no matter how gregarious, friendly and awesome in other areas he may be! Know what you want, and stand by it!
Here for the workbooks coach. The questions in the workbooks made me think about what I really want in a partner. Back then, I didn't really care so much and just hooked up with anyone that gave great sex. Now, I'm a lot more picky when choosing a partner, especially in dating apps :P
Excellent video, she did outstanding and gave me a lot of pointers for if and when my ex comes back
I've been about 3 weeks no contact. He has never tried to reach out to me. I have panic attacks every day because he's not here. Some days I can't even get out of bed. When will the constant pain subside? It's exhausting..
Hi, did he reach out? Can you update? :)
He didn't reach out, I did at first. We slowly came back together and are now living together. I used techniques from Agnes Vivarelli here on RUclips and that's exactly what brought him back. Self love comes first definitely :)
Ih, sister... wish I could help you. I know that pain. The only thing I can say is that you're much more stronger than you think e you actually don't need him. And it will pass and never to return again, even if you have to deal with breakups again.
Lexi White I hope you are feeling better and happier after 11 months
It would be nice if you gave us an update now that it has been over 1 year.
This is the SAME EXACT situation for me. I told him the same thing because he still wanted to keep in contact until he solved his "financial issues". I told him I don't want to be your friend and you never have time for me, so when you are ready, call me. If I am available we can pursue it further. It was weird because he was taking a little too well after almost 2 years. We had always discussed marriage and a future together. In the past, he would never have let me go like that. Come to find out last night through Facebook, he had been cheating on me all along. I wasn't on Facebook for a while and reactivated my account. He didn't know that we are still "Friends" on there. So I didn't have to dig too hard to find out. I was his back up plan. He didn't have time for me not because of work, but because there was someone else. That hurts!! I slept one-hour last night and have no appetite. Now he won't answer his phone. It goes straight to vm. He is with her and can't answer. He never shuts off his phone because it's also his business line. I can't believe I have been played like this after being an understanding and loyal gf. I hope she does the same to him that he has done to me.
WAIT, before you judge him I can see your needy and that's why he pulled away and placed you as an option, it's not cheating unless he sleeps with her, if not then all you need to do is pull away till he freaks out and he will because men freak out faster than women, just go no contact and watch him crawling back, and try to fix ur attachments style issues like being needy, etc
@@OmarBestREI I see my bf maybe 2 times a month. No one woman who is needy could possibly date a truck driver who is always on the road. I am the least needy woman I know. But we have had constant communication for almost 2 years now. We both looked for each other. Him more than me really. That's why I could see the change.
He just called me yesterday and finally admitted he had been cheating for months. Now he is wanting me back, likely because the other woman dumped him. But I don't stay with cheaters. I am walking away from this relationship.
He's unfaithful partner as I can see and yes you should move on and stop wasting time with him
@@MonicaD444 I'm sorry to hear what you went through. I hope you've been doing better since.
@@nikiali7051 Thank you so much! I’m in a much better place and in a healthy relationship. He tried to come back while I was already with my current bf. He promised me the stars and moon and I said, nope! I’m way over him and could never ever trust him anyway. Thank you for your kind words! God healed my broken heart and now I’m a new woman! 💯
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Excellent Craig & Emailee 👍
I met my wife when she was in my country to take care of 2 young schooling siblings. We dated briefly before getting married. She expressed her desire to have our own home and to let her siblings stay with us after much drama, so I decided to buy a house and renovated it, brought all 3 of them in. She also wanted to work after getting a green card, and I supported her choice. But while I have been doing all these, she took for granted and expected more, spending most time at work without much communication, coming home late and felt I hadn't done enough to make her and her siblings feel home. She then initiated divorce, moved out with her siblings and leaving me devastated with an empty house. I now understand this boundary from the video but just feel that my wife didn't reciprocate much in our marriage and was selfish in just thinking for her own needs without standing in my shoes to understand for me.
Its a feminine trait to keep taking with offering very little in return and being ungrateful, need to find a woman that recognizes this and works to not do it. They do exist.
Women over 30 put their lives at risk carrying a baby - hit me really hard. Men do waste time. We really need to get ourselves sorted. Think we need to choose a better father than a partner lol
Craig, I keep listening to many of your vids. What I keep getting frustrated with is how you make it sound like it should so easy to realize we could be in all these toxic and unrealistic relationships and there will be a more perfect person "right around the corner." That we need to let go of the toxic person and "move on" I broke up with a man 15 yes ago and there's been no other man in the picture. I've even been online dating. He moves on... has more botched relationships and always come as back to me.
Craig do you have advice for dating widowers that just can’t get over their late wife after 7 years? I thinking of breaking up with my bf because he couldn’t stop bringing up his past in the 7 months we dated. He has her pictures everywhere including his office. The icing on the cake was a ceramic chef with a chalkboard printed in his wife’s name “Lynn’s kitchen” and it was a new house, she never cooked a single meal there. We saw each other once a weekend sometimes twice, only at my place which was less than an hour away. He only text me hello and goodnight during the week and didn’t call. I said I needed more throughout the relationship and I didn’t get it. I told him I was feeling resentful and at the end of dinner with his friends at a restaurant I got up and said I have to leave, I can’t do this anymore, too much hurt, I have to leave and I drove home. Afterwards I emailed that I got home ok, and I was sorry I left and embarrassed him. I said I wasn’t breaking up with him, I was upset. Never heard another word from him. It’s been two months. And of course I did everything wrong, texting and emailing a letter, etc. I know now that it was anxiety and my attachment style that had me doing this. Thanks to learning from your videos. I just discovered you this week and I think you give great advice. I look forward to learning and growing with your weekly advice and being the best me.
Margot Campos He's not ready to date anyone. He's still "stuck" in 2011. I hope he can get some professional help to process the trauma of his wife's death.
great video
Hi Craig - I like the idea of getting my partner to look at some of your videos. We are separated but living in the same house. She is most definitely a avoid attachment, and I am an anxious attachment. What would you recommend she view? Rick
hey, how's it going? any update please?
Winkyface!!! So funny
Coach Craig, I have been going through a friendship break up and while it's not romantic you have taught me so many things about effective communication and boundaries. Thank you for always making videos and putting so much work into helping us! If I had the money, I would set up a Skype with you, but since I don't these videos have helped me every day for now. Thanks again!
What happen to the email sessions???
Hey Craig, I wish you can make a video on how to get your ex back in a long distance relationship... When you both didn't met in real life
It's hard, but it's possible. Same principles apply as usual, you just have to recognize that the distance is a factor. But if they really care about you and miss you, give it time. After a period of no-contact or even casual small contact (if you agreed to be friends) they will start missing the parts of you that they got when you were in a relationship (time, priority, extra warmth). I have thankfully been able to do it myself and that's why I wanted to share it with you. Best of luck!
Kamal Al-Dheeb but she sees me only as friends, told me that she doesn't love me anymore and also found someone else which is also from another country and she gets angry if I talk to her about the past and things I can do for her, but she says your just a friend now, and tells me that I can only have you as a friend on PS4, can you tell me what can I do to have her back as a girlfriend, and btw she doesn't respect me anymore because I begged and pleeded and appeared very needy when she blocked me from every where and I told her I beg you please don't leave me have me as a friend but I want her as the person I love, please advise me what to do in this situation? Btw she is from Saudi Arabia, and she is 30 I'm 22...
Aundrix that's a rough one, not gonna lie to you, friend. I don't know if you familiar with coach Corey Wayne, he and Coach Craig have very similar systems but coach Corey has more videos talking about particularly this kind of situation. One thing that I can tell you personally is, it could be over, and it could be not over. Depends on her attraction level. You may have done too much, or maybe you haven't. But, if she still has some attraction to you, it might be that eventually if she strikes out with that guy and you are her best option, she will message you out of the blue and stuff. But meanwhile, you have to work on yourself and work on why this happened in the first place. You can't stay beholden to her when she discarded you. You need to move on one way or another. And if or when she comes back, she will see you are a different person, for the better, and things might work out. Good luck to you!
Kamal Al-Dheeb thanks bro it's means a lot to me that your helping me out, so should I still talk to her as a friend and be around her online or should I ignore her and walk away and show her that I don't care anymore, which one of this thing will be more effective, because even I know I'm here best option she can ever get but she's hurt and angry to me and right now she only wants me as a friend....
Andria happy to help :) It really does depend on you. I have done both with same girl (she is wonderful, but has commitment issues). First time I did the no contact and told her I can't be friends, and that was true when I said it. The best way to gain attention is to remove yours. But the second time, I was honestly okay with staying friends because the circumstances were different and we spent about a year and a half as a couple. I wasn't just going to cut her off at that point because we truly still had love for each other, but circumstances were just in the way. Now we are together again because she realized as much distance is bad, losing me or even having me as a friend and seeing me date someone else is worse. So that really is case by case. Depends on what you want and what you are able to do. One thing I would tell you is to be true to what YOU want. Don't try to fake your way in. If you are genuinely okay with being friends and dating someone else while she figures herself out - do it. If not, and even the thought stings - don't go along with that. Tell her that you love her and adore her, and you can't be just friends with her because you want more. And you want to be honest with her. She will appreciate and respect it on some level, even if she throws it in your face. You are being true to yourself. And when she doesn't hear from you (no contact means absolutely no contract at all in any situation), she will be thinking about you and after some time, we humans naturally forget the bad and remember only the good. When she hits that point (if she does), she will contact you again. But then you have to know how to handle that from then on. I really advise watching more videos from coaches Corey and Craig to help with that
Oh - and she's the one who made the decision for us to split