I just happened to stumble across this. As a survivor of sexual abuse really, it’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone talk like this. You are amazing! And your wife is so very lucky to have someone like you in her life. I see this is five years old and I hope this finds you both healing and living wonderful lives!
I know where you’re coming from. I felt the same way when my wife told me about her abusers. I will tell you the best thing your wife needs now is for you to listen and let her know you are on her team and that you are going no where. A strong oak tree for her. Some one she can trust. Let me know if you’d like to talk further. It would be my honor.
I feel the exact same way. It hapend to my girlfriend before I met her. Right now she cannot bare to look at me or my pictures but her safe zone is when we communicate over the phone
@DNaWhoot I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@baekagilesehume1734 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Thank you for this. I am trying so hard to help her, she isn’t my wife but my gf and we’ve talked about marriage already.. I have been having a hard time because when I do something simple like touch her shoulder wrong or say a wrong phrase it puts her in a panic attack.. and that hurts me because I hate seeing her hurt. Pray for me guys, I really want to help her and support her and I could use all the prayers I can get.
Insist she goes to counseling while doing her work. For heavens sake DONT have kids with her until she has worked through her issues. Childbirth, especially that of a girl sent me into a tizzy.
@vexriki4265 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
You reminded me of my boyfriend. I’m battling really severe ocd and he’s fighting just as hard sometimes harder. I wish you both luck and happiness. If there’s been improvement, I hope it continues this year❤
Wow...I was raised around a lot of toxic people, especially men, never really been used to hearing or seeing that there are men who actually understand. I see it on social media and movies and yeah it's great to know there's at least some guys like this somewhere in this world, but when will I actually meet one face to face? That's my #1 prayer right now. I pray for healing and closure in Jesus name. And God bless you for your advice to men who need to hear this.
Glad you see the hope! It is possible to meet a wonderful man! If we work on healing so that we attract the perfect man God made for us. That is important too.
Yeah my girlfriend was raped a little over a month ago. It’s been a really big struggle. Most days are a rollercoaster for both of us, regardless I’m standing by her all the same . She can rely on me always, throughout all of this. I love her deeply and nothing is going to destroy that. There’s definitely evil out there but I’m gonna prove to her everyday that there’s good too. Best of luck everyone.
It’s okay my girlfriend found one and that’s why I am here ❤️, to help her and to help our relationship. I really do think I found the one so I’m not going to give up on her
@gracecarmona4256 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@AdventureMan07 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@scooby91981 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
These are the same for the reverse, wives supporting their husbands. Thanks for posting this. I especially struggle with trying to fix it. It is so hard because you are seeing and hearing your partner struggle in a way no one dhould have to.
Agreed!! Pain on both ends. Thats why constant communication and support are necessary from both directions, because over time life can still be amazingly good!!
Thank you for this powerful speech. I have been pestering my wife for years to stand up to her parents and it kept creating horrible fights, the last of which split us up. I couldn't figure out why my intelligent, caring, strong wife could never defend herself or me when her parents kept getting entangled with us. I kept thinking of it as an enmeshed toxic parent problem because of how casually her and her sister brushed off the topic of their childhood molestation. I was literally shoving my wife into battle with her abusers. I was taking away her power just like they did. I feel absolutely terrible. Wish me luck in getting her back.
Hi Tom. Thanks for your comments. I have a few thoughts of my own experience for you to ponder. Although my wife Vicki and I did not split, I can feel the anxiety of your separation. I found that my wife had her ability to trust anyone taken from her, because those who were supposed to defend her, didn't. as we struggled through this, I realized that my wife needed my unconditional support and belief in what she was going through and had gone through so that she could feel the care and support of that person closest to her , me, grow behind her like an Oak. I also found that I had to put aside my ego and ask for forgiveness for my short-sidedness and lack of understanding. And I admitted to her that I needed to learn and grow through this process as she did. That then linked us as a couple to not only grow stronger together and also be that much stronger to be able to face what we needed to deal with. If you would like to contact me directly, you can email me at Tom@TeamDau.com. My prayers are with you as you work to regain your relationship with your wife. Let me know what could help you. Tom
@@TeamDau my wife took off tobvagas during our relationship.. She came back and i fell in love with her like never before.. But she jad to take care of some business at the company where she works.. The company had a mixer and my wife says that she was drugged and doesn't remember what happend and woke up in a closet.. She's now pregnant and she is worried the baby is not mine.. I snapped amd lost my cool and accused her of cheating.. But i know in my heart that she's not that type of women.. I didnt want to believe she was raped. We are not in a good place now. On top of that she fainted and was hospitalized and was found to have tumors in her head.. And she needs to take it easy cause she gets sever head aches.. But I tryed to keep calm and just be good to her but my insecurities beat me and i have done nothing but push her away from me
Thanks for sharing, Ronny. These are always difficult and complicated situations. I’m going to be posting another video on my thoughts from a husbands angle, but I will tell you and anyone else who may be in a similar situation, that for me, it quickly became a time of compassion, trust, and strength from me to her. My focus has been and will continue to be on supporting my wife, and just as importantly, making sure I’m also caring for myself. I have found, the more I work on my own issues and weaknesses, the better I will be in caring for my wife and our marriage.
@@ronnymoran907 Hi Ronny, I'm sorry I never saw this post. I hope you are well, that's an absolutely frightening circumstance. I don't think I have any useful advice, but wish you the best.
@@TeamDau Hi Tom, just wanted to give you an update, we are doing well. In the midst of all the chaos we found therapists that we trusted and were able to open everything up. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me a year and a half ago and encourage me. I hope you are well and that the home remodel turned out well.
@anubajwa6895 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
As a csa survivor myself as well as my fiance being an SA survivor its necessary to get the treatment and therapy before entering marriage, I would never trust someone who hid such a subject in this era until after marriage. While being empathetic its also important for a woman to work through this or choose to not be in a relationship. Very few women gave a crap about my abuse or fear of intimacy until i met her, everyone needs to figure it out themselves.
We would agree that nothing should be intentionally hidden, but with us, Vicki's SA memories were repressed. A woman definitely needs to work on this and we have found with Tom supporting Vicki the way he has has helped create a life we both love. We are sorry for those who didn't care about your abuse and am glad you met someone now who does care.
You are welcome!! Compassion and belief in the story!! And getting “him” your partner on board is paramount. Working this out together will make your relationship stronger.
Thank you for this advice. It is very hard, especially considering I feel loved through physical touch and she wont touch me. So when you say love and trust and be her best friend and all that my heart is broken, I'm depressed and crushed and while I know its NOT MY FAULT! I feel that someone out there took something from my wife that didn't belong to them, that cannot be restored and that something is a thing that should exist between husband and wife and because of that person, that thing is not present in our marriage, and so I have to bear the full responsibility of someone else's actions. Someone who likely has no remorse for that crime! That disgusting person did something, and I have to carry that cross of consequences of his weak willed, manchild actions. it crushes my soul and I have to hide all this from my wife because she is carrying a load and cannot help me carry mine. FUCK IT SUCKS!
@HalfInsaneOutdoorGuy I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Thank you so much for this video. I just entered this new arena in our relationship. Although she always knew about the abuse, it reached the point of collapse, and she was ready to commit to therapy. Life as we knew it is gone... or so it seems. Your three tips resonate, although I struggle with "She Needs You". I've been told to leave so many times, I question her needing me. However, I am committed to the process and haven't abandoned her or us. Thanks for your video; I needed that today, as I am new to this and struggling to find resources for the Partner of a Survivor.
She is truly blessed to have someone committed to sticking around to support her. it is critical that she also address her processing. It is a tricky thing-- but That is something we specialize in. I'll put another link here that she may be interested in.
I also have a playlist that teaches EFT Tapping, which is VERY helpful to calm her system down in order to function and process. Just talking about stuff isn't enough, our bodies need to calm down and I LOVE tapping to help do that. ruclips.net/p/PLU9GO0M-PtAqZ7MYJzyoTuNU1x7h3wUBi
I’m going through something similar with my gf. I just wish I had someone to talk to about this, someone with experience or anyone who just wants to listen. I want to be strong, just need some help and support
@stanelkin470 I wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
This sounds great, and I tried everything for 17 years, but the pain of a sexless marriage turned me into a victim full of resentment and anger. Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and both of you end up losing.
Yes this is typical. It is unfortunate. Please seek outside help. You as the husband will not be able to combat this alone. Her thinking isn’t rational and you won’t be able to make her see reason, don’t bother to try. Get professional help!
Glad you found it beneficial. Hopefully he had a chance to watch it. You might find this beneficial for you Jenna. ruclips.net/video/vXArIv58uYY/видео.html
@jennajeffries6872 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@bmc5075 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
I’m going through this exact thing right now thank you so much for this post. All the things that you have spoken about our things that have led to us splitting up two times. I was ready to walk out, but I realized some of the things that you were saying in this video, I’ve been making a concerted effort to reconnectthat she has lashed out against me unknowingly. You are absolutely right this takes patience. I pray that I able to be that listening ear now that I have the knowledge thank you.
@curlyfine907 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@@thefnaffan2 depending on how much processing and healing she has done, this will be a factor in your relationship. Not to shy away, but for awareness. It is absolutely something that can bring a depth and richness to your relationship but also some difficulties as well. But we believe with love and openness and perseverance, your relationship can be amazing!
@thefnaffan2 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
What a story indeed. I like your words saying love sees more but that can cause one to see less. The more I listen to these stories the more it appears that even with all the pain of abuse the woman very often refuses to seek help and the spouse is left trying, usually in vain, to hold the relationship together. I’ve been blessed that my wife sought healing immediately after the memories surfaced in our marriage and have never stopped working to cope and find peace, and I never left her side. We’ve moved forward with this as a team. I can appreciate your pain and hope the right person comes into your life quickly. Thank you for sharing that part of your life’s journey with me.
I am so very sorry to hear about this. Was the assault recent? or did you just find out about it and it happened a while ago? Is she getting help to process?
@@TeamDau it happened before I started dating her, and we’re now one year in on dec 4th, she has only told a few people like her aunt and a close friend, but she has never told me the full story and I just feel terrible knowing this man is walking around freely with no justice being served, she says it’s already too late and she wants nothing to do with him. But I honestly just feel hurt for her and for my self Too. Cuz it’s been a little more of a struggle making her happy again cuz she randomly gets flashbacks and she just can’t get it out of her head. Like I found the love of my life after a while of dating and some guy ruined her whole confidence and happiness cuz he was too horny. So In return I just wanna find him. I don’t want to murder a man but beating someone up still wouldn’t even help but that’s what I want either ways cuz he hasn’t had any type of justice being served
@@tonytone6664 unfortunately the journey healing from past trauma can be a long one. But it doesn't have to be hard all the time. there will be more struggle some times than others but it is a journey for sure. Totally understandable how you feel about this guy. Most perps walk away with no justice as the abuse doesn't get reported. That piece of bringing the perp to justice is a whole other type of trauma. If you are in this relationship for the long haul, the best thing the both of you can do is work on the healing TOGETHER. Supporting her but also letting her know that you can be ally for her and even though she endured the abuse alone, she doesn't have to heal alone. if you'd like help with that, that's what we specialize in.
@inihos I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@BrettRoeller I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
I am so sorry for not replying sooner- I thought I had! I am glad you found the information helpful. I know I was shocked when Tom shared with me that he always that it was something he did that was upsetting me. But how would he know unless I tell him differently.
@kytrpekka5750 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
It all boils down to most men abuse and those who don't can't face the fact that it's their kind who caused their partner's pain. From reading the comments, their fix is to "leave her." How about using your voices to speak out against it. That would go a long way and mean a lot to your violated partner. But no, just leave. Leave your daughters, too.
there is obviously pain in your experience. It been my experience and lots of those we work with that men aren't abusers. I am sorry if that is your experience. I know once I shifted my mentality, the energy around me shifted. Took dedication but it shifted.
To have a supportive man must be awesome. Abused since a baby, divorced in 1979, i havent been game to try marriage again. A lifetime of running from men who see only the body and dont care about anything else.
So sorry to hear your story!! My wife’s is very similar but her memories weee suppressed until 18 years into our marriage. I will say this to you bluntly but with as much love as you can receive. We have found through our marriage of 38 years that the things we praise we raise. We both have found that as we think and plan on the positive those items will find their way to us. And as we focus on the opposite of what we desire those will come equally as much. This is not a blame or put down to you and your pain and frustration must be enormous, but continued thoughts of the “dream” will by science have to appear. My thoughts and prayers are for your extremely peaceful and enjoyable future starting now.
@tomdau7971 that's sweet, and thank you. I have always found it inspiring to meet a couple who work successfully together and move forward, empowered. I admire men tremendously who care enough for their lady to do this.. I just haven't found one, myself, although believe me, I have searched. The 'wouldn't it be nice' is a fond thought. I have more love from my wee dog than any human being has shown me, so I consider myself blessed. I have the Lord, he loves me. It's now just a story in an old book I've ditched along the way. But who knows. I'm nearly 75, and never say never.
I started to talk to a lady that was interested in me I think might have had bad things happen to her like this I accidentally woke her up and triggered her she told her dad and said I ruined it then two years later her dad is trying to get me to make contact with her again I think he did this because he knows and understands her and was protecting her it’s really complicated I could use some advice thank you
I pray to God that he sees this. He doesn’t trust me anymore after what happened to me and decided that we can’t save the relationship. I’m not mad at him but I pray for him and his healing coz I know that he needs it too.
I’m that your WIFE is battling with that horrible experience, believe her and don’t feel like you have to fix something like he said is not her HUSBAND’s fault, things happened I wishing you and both the best and a open communication a lot of dates and fun times. I will keep respect their relationships, good luck 👍🏾
If a woman has childhood sexual abuse history , not necessary to relay the traumatic details. But she has to be able to let her partner know. If you cannot talk to your partner, the relationship WILL Fail. Be open to seeing sex therapist if necessary.
@RavenMadd9 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@travishicks5447 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@taurean2realnofilter523 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
We are not saying it’s not you, but that what you might be doing or not doing is triggering unresolved stuff. IT’S HARD FOR SURE!! Hopefully she is working on her healing as well and this video gives a few tips and insights to help you support her.
@goose9747 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
How can a HUSBAND let his WIFE alone? In situations like this. How does he won her trust at the beginning, how do people change after they sign the contract ?
@aylex1974 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
My wife told me that she was sa bu her stepdad and says she told her mom and aunts but her aunts didn’t believe her and her mom just does t respond when she brings it up as to why she didn’t step in or take her side in the matter. I said I love you and I’m on your side but what I can’t understand is that if you think your mom doesn’t believe you or doesn’t want to leave because of money and not wanting to work , why would she want her kids to be around that type of person. I dont get it . After 5 years of being married I have learned that she has lied about some things. And is terrified of therapy . She constantly gets depressed and gets overwhelmed. And views everyone as A threat in my family that actually loves her and misses her
the biggest thing that stands out is "I don't get it." Nothing makes logical sense does it?! And you are right! why can't she just walk away from her aunts/mother who aren't supporting her? It's our wiring. I can't tell you how many sa survivors I've talked with, even though they were abused by their fathers, still want their father to love them. UGH. Me included. Her nervous system is in overdrive. She doesn't feel safe as evidenced by her feeling depressed and overwhelmed. There are parts of her rallying to help her feel safe but what is belief and what is truth can sometimes be very different. I understand exactly what she is going through and my husband can totally relate to you. It's hard. but it can be different- AND BETTER! I use EFT Tapping to calm my nervous system down and also breathing exercises and other tools to help calm my nervous system. when we calm the nervous system, the blood stays in our brain and we can think more clearly. let us know if you need something more.
@@TeamDau thank you for your response. I appreciate advise that may help me to help her with whatever I can. At times she seems like she Is opening up to therapy then goes back to her safe place “in a manner of speaking “ which means shutting everyone out . She had a ppd incident 5 years ago and one major depression incident at 12 and when she told the CPS therapist what happened to her as a child in that home (with me there ) and still to this days tries to alienate my family from our children . I see that she goes into defensive mode in most situations straight to extreme anger , or a remember what your mom said 5 years ago …. I’m pushing more and more to get into therapy and I’m willing to go as well for support but also to learn how to better address these things. I really appreciate replying back to me. I’ve noticed the things you described in your msg , especially the feeling scared , anxious, nervous and it’s hard , every day for like half of the day . I’m gonna look up what you recommended. And if you have any other ideas I appreciate it
@@JR-ld1et OMG- I never saw your response until now! I am so sorry! Not sure how things are going as it's been 3 months 😑😶😬. Maybe this video from me to her may help her? ruclips.net/video/aEoXZUbh6CI/видео.html
@@JR-ld1et I also have a playlist that teaches EFT Tapping, which is VERY helpful to calm her system down in order to function and process. Just talking about stuff isn't enough, our bodies need to calm down and I LOVE tapping to help do that. ruclips.net/p/PLU9GO0M-PtAqZ7MYJzyoTuNU1x7h3wUBi
@JR-ld1et I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@MalcolmEspinosa1980 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
So hard!! The best we can do is show trust and belief in their story so they realize we are not the enemy. They probably trust no one so we work to build that trust with them and work hers to listen to their needs and story.
@davidroblesyoung6580 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@briang1561 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
If your wife tells you she was abused sexually. Run away! You can't help her you can't save her she will make you miserable and crazy. The relationship will be just insanity. I lived it for 4 years
That could be true but if she shares, you believe, you accept, and support and she receives your partnership, healing and goodness can be achieved. My wife shard her abuse with me over twenty years ago. She is my best friend and I love doing life with her.
@pjmendoza8871 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
You are not wrong. unfortunately during the trauma, some learned to equate sex with love. only when we realize that and choose differently can a healthy nurturing relationship happen
While you can consider divorce as an option for you, we have found that the husbands that resonated with our message really love their wives and want to help them but don't know what to do. As long as the relationship isn't abusive, just getting a divorce rarely solves the root issue so the same things will surface over and over in subsequant relationships. Or you end up alone. When both partners are committed to working on themselves that also greatly improves their interactions. Sticking it out, if it isn't abusive, is incredibly satisfying for everyone involved.
I’m going through this exact thing right now thank you so much for this post. All the things that you have spoken about our things that have led to us splitting up two times. I was ready to walk out, but I realized some of the things that you were saying in this video, I’ve been making a concerted effort to reconnectthat she has lashed out against me unknowingly. You are absolutely right this takes patience. I pray that I able to be that listening ear now that I have the knowledge thank you.
I am so sorry, i thought I had already replied to you! so glad it helped! If you are interested in even more guidance, I just published an ebook with daily tips and video support. Let me know if you are interested.
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I just happened to stumble across this. As a survivor of sexual abuse really, it’s the first time I’ve ever heard someone talk like this. You are amazing! And your wife is so very lucky to have someone like you in her life. I see this is five years old and I hope this finds you both healing and living wonderful lives!
Thanks for your kind works and YES she and I love doing life together!! 38 years of marriage strong!! I hope you are also well.
Brother, my wife just told about her experience. I am floored. I can't feel anything but anger for her. I want vengeance.
I know where you’re coming from. I felt the same way when my wife told me about her abusers. I will tell you the best thing your wife needs now is for you to listen and let her know you are on her team and that you are going no where. A strong oak tree for her. Some one she can trust. Let me know if you’d like to talk further. It would be my honor.
I feel the exact same way. It hapend to my girlfriend before I met her. Right now she cannot bare to look at me or my pictures but her safe zone is when we communicate over the phone
@@tomdau7971can I talk with you? Please!
@DNaWhoot I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@baekagilesehume1734 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Thank you for this. I am trying so hard to help her, she isn’t my wife but my gf and we’ve talked about marriage already.. I have been having a hard time because when I do something simple like touch her shoulder wrong or say a wrong phrase it puts her in a panic attack.. and that hurts me because I hate seeing her hurt. Pray for me guys, I really want to help her and support her and I could use all the prayers I can get.
Thanks for your comment and I am glad it helped! Does she have resources to help her process and calm her nervous system?
Insist she goes to counseling while doing her work. For heavens sake DONT have kids with her until she has worked through her issues. Childbirth, especially that of a girl sent me into a tizzy.
@vexriki4265 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
You reminded me of my boyfriend. I’m battling really severe ocd and he’s fighting just as hard sometimes harder. I wish you both luck and happiness. If there’s been improvement, I hope it continues this year❤
Wow...I was raised around a lot of toxic people, especially men, never really been used to hearing or seeing that there are men who actually understand. I see it on social media and movies and yeah it's great to know there's at least some guys like this somewhere in this world, but when will I actually meet one face to face? That's my #1 prayer right now. I pray for healing and closure in Jesus name. And God bless you for your advice to men who need to hear this.
Glad you see the hope! It is possible to meet a wonderful man! If we work on healing so that we attract the perfect man God made for us. That is important too.
Yeah my girlfriend was raped a little over a month ago. It’s been a really big struggle. Most days are a rollercoaster for both of us, regardless I’m standing by her all the same . She can rely on me always, throughout all of this. I love her deeply and nothing is going to destroy that. There’s definitely evil out there but I’m gonna prove to her everyday that there’s good too. Best of luck everyone.
It’s okay my girlfriend found one and that’s why I am here ❤️, to help her and to help our relationship. I really do think I found the one so I’m not going to give up on her
@gracecarmona4256 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
@AdventureMan07 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
I’m not married but I am steeping into a new relationship with these issues
So you are the one who was abused or supporting someone who has been ?
@scooby91981 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
These are the same for the reverse, wives supporting their husbands. Thanks for posting this. I especially struggle with trying to fix it. It is so hard because you are seeing and hearing your partner struggle in a way no one dhould have to.
Agreed!! Pain on both ends. Thats why constant communication and support are necessary from both directions, because over time life can still be amazingly good!!
Thank you for this powerful speech. I have been pestering my wife for years to stand up to her parents and it kept creating horrible fights, the last of which split us up. I couldn't figure out why my intelligent, caring, strong wife could never defend herself or me when her parents kept getting entangled with us. I kept thinking of it as an enmeshed toxic parent problem because of how casually her and her sister brushed off the topic of their childhood molestation. I was literally shoving my wife into battle with her abusers. I was taking away her power just like they did. I feel absolutely terrible. Wish me luck in getting her back.
Hi Tom. Thanks for your comments. I have a few thoughts of my own experience for you to ponder. Although my wife Vicki and I did not split, I can feel the anxiety of your separation. I found that my wife had her ability to trust anyone taken from her, because those who were supposed to defend her, didn't. as we struggled through this, I realized that my wife needed my unconditional support and belief in what she was going through and had gone through so that she could feel the care and support of that person closest to her , me, grow behind her like an Oak. I also found that I had to put aside my ego and ask for forgiveness for my short-sidedness and lack of understanding. And I admitted to her that I needed to learn and grow through this process as she did. That then linked us as a couple to not only grow stronger together and also be that much stronger to be able to face what we needed to deal with.
If you would like to contact me directly, you can email me at Tom@TeamDau.com. My prayers are with you as you work to regain your relationship with your wife. Let me know what could help you. Tom
@@TeamDau my wife took off tobvagas during our relationship.. She came back and i fell in love with her like never before.. But she jad to take care of some business at the company where she works.. The company had a mixer and my wife says that she was drugged and doesn't remember what happend and woke up in a closet.. She's now pregnant and she is worried the baby is not mine.. I snapped amd lost my cool and accused her of cheating.. But i know in my heart that she's not that type of women.. I didnt want to believe she was raped. We are not in a good place now. On top of that she fainted and was hospitalized and was found to have tumors in her head.. And she needs to take it easy cause she gets sever head aches.. But I tryed to keep calm and just be good to her but my insecurities beat me and i have done nothing but push her away from me
Thanks for sharing, Ronny. These are always difficult and complicated situations. I’m going to be posting another video on my thoughts from a husbands angle, but I will tell you and anyone else who may be in a similar situation, that for me, it quickly became a time of compassion, trust, and strength from me to her. My focus has been and will continue to be on supporting my wife, and just as importantly, making sure I’m also caring for myself. I have found, the more I work on my own issues and weaknesses, the better I will be in caring for my wife and our marriage.
@@ronnymoran907 Hi Ronny, I'm sorry I never saw this post. I hope you are well, that's an absolutely frightening circumstance. I don't think I have any useful advice, but wish you the best.
@@TeamDau Hi Tom, just wanted to give you an update, we are doing well. In the midst of all the chaos we found therapists that we trusted and were able to open everything up. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me a year and a half ago and encourage me. I hope you are well and that the home remodel turned out well.
Just thank you for understanding....and for putting this out on the internet..thank you..
You are so very welcome!
If you would like to chat more contact me at support@teamdau.com
@anubajwa6895 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
As a csa survivor myself as well as my fiance being an SA survivor its necessary to get the treatment and therapy before entering marriage, I would never trust someone who hid such a subject in this era until after marriage.
While being empathetic its also important for a woman to work through this or choose to not be in a relationship. Very few women gave a crap about my abuse or fear of intimacy until i met her, everyone needs to figure it out themselves.
We would agree that nothing should be intentionally hidden, but with us, Vicki's SA memories were repressed. A woman definitely needs to work on this and we have found with Tom supporting Vicki the way he has has helped create a life we both love. We are sorry for those who didn't care about your abuse and am glad you met someone now who does care.
Thank you. Compassion is vital!
You are welcome!! Compassion and belief in the story!! And getting “him” your partner on board is paramount. Working this out together will make your relationship stronger.
Thank you for this advice. It is very hard, especially considering I feel loved through physical touch and she wont touch me. So when you say love and trust and be her best friend and all that my heart is broken, I'm depressed and crushed and while I know its NOT MY FAULT! I feel that someone out there took something from my wife that didn't belong to them, that cannot be restored and that something is a thing that should exist between husband and wife and because of that person, that thing is not present in our marriage, and so I have to bear the full responsibility of someone else's actions. Someone who likely has no remorse for that crime! That disgusting person did something, and I have to carry that cross of consequences of his weak willed, manchild actions. it crushes my soul and I have to hide all this from my wife because she is carrying a load and cannot help me carry mine. FUCK IT SUCKS!
@HalfInsaneOutdoorGuy I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Sir. Thank you so much for this video. You have no idea sweet and easy you’ve explained it. So easy for me to explain it to my partner, thank you!♥️
Glad to be here for you, both. Work to share and to get them on board. Working together makes the journey so much easier!!
God bless and keep you. ❤😊❤
Thanks!!
Thank you so much for this video. I just entered this new arena in our relationship. Although she always knew about the abuse, it reached the point of collapse, and she was ready to commit to therapy. Life as we knew it is gone... or so it seems. Your three tips resonate, although I struggle with "She Needs You". I've been told to leave so many times, I question her needing me. However, I am committed to the process and haven't abandoned her or us. Thanks for your video; I needed that today, as I am new to this and struggling to find resources for the Partner of a Survivor.
She is truly blessed to have someone committed to sticking around to support her. it is critical that she also address her processing. It is a tricky thing-- but That is something we specialize in. I'll put another link here that she may be interested in.
ruclips.net/video/aEoXZUbh6CI/видео.html
I also have a playlist that teaches EFT Tapping, which is VERY helpful to calm her system down in order to function and process. Just talking about stuff isn't enough, our bodies need to calm down and I LOVE tapping to help do that. ruclips.net/p/PLU9GO0M-PtAqZ7MYJzyoTuNU1x7h3wUBi
I’m going through something similar with my gf. I just wish I had someone to talk to about this, someone with experience or anyone who just wants to listen. I want to be strong, just need some help and support
You can email me at support@teamdau.com We can exchange some added information and see if I can be of help to you. Tom. @stanelkin470
@stanelkin470 I wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
This sounds great, and I tried everything for 17 years, but the pain of a sexless marriage turned me into a victim full of resentment and anger. Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and both of you end up losing.
We are so sorry to hear that! It does take both of you to make it work for sure. So sorry for your situation.
In my situation it feels like she’s blaming me today on what happened in her childhood
Leave her she needs help
Yes this is typical. It is unfortunate. Please seek outside help. You as the husband will not be able to combat this alone. Her thinking isn’t rational and you won’t be able to make her see reason, don’t bother to try. Get professional help!
That’s never ok. I was abused but never blamed my partners or took it out on them.
@djla1mic she is blaming you cut your losses and walk
As a woman who was SA’d growing up… I fully agree.
Sorry for your circumstance, but glad we connected.
Thank you for this my fiance dosen't always understand what I'm going thru and frankly I dont know how to explain to him how to help
Glad you found it beneficial. Hopefully he had a chance to watch it. You might find this beneficial for you Jenna. ruclips.net/video/vXArIv58uYY/видео.html
@jennajeffries6872 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Thank you
Thank you
My husband is strong but I'd love him to listen
So very glad that you found it helpful. Hopefully he will too!
@bmc5075 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
I’m going through this exact thing right now thank you so much for this post. All the things that you have spoken about our things that have led to us splitting up two times. I was ready to walk out, but I realized some of the things that you were saying in this video, I’ve been making a concerted effort to reconnectthat she has lashed out against me unknowingly. You are absolutely right this takes patience. I pray that I able to be that listening ear now that I have the knowledge thank you.
I needed this. Thank you.
You are very welcome! Glad it helped
@curlyfine907 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
This woman I am talking to was sexually assualted and she trusted me enough to tell me. My gut is telling me to get consent before touching her.
She must trust you to share that so early on. Are you a couple? or is it early in your relationship. It sounds like your gut is spot on.
@Team Dau pretty early and looking to get serious I believe.
@@thefnaffan2 depending on how much processing and healing she has done, this will be a factor in your relationship. Not to shy away, but for awareness. It is absolutely something that can bring a depth and richness to your relationship but also some difficulties as well. But we believe with love and openness and perseverance, your relationship can be amazing!
@@TeamDau thank you
@thefnaffan2 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Powerful stuff. Unfortunately, my story didn’t have a happy ending despite my best efforts. Grew up in the same small town of
What a story indeed. I like your words saying love sees more but that can cause one to see less. The more I listen to these stories the more it appears that even with all the pain of abuse the woman very often refuses to seek help and the spouse is left trying, usually in vain, to hold the relationship together. I’ve been blessed that my wife sought healing immediately after the memories surfaced in our marriage and have never stopped working to cope and find peace, and I never left her side. We’ve moved forward with this as a team. I can appreciate your pain and hope the right person comes into your life quickly. Thank you for sharing that part of your life’s journey with me.
I’m here cuz my gf told me some guy has sexually assaulted her and at this point I just wanna find him and don’t feel okay
I am so very sorry to hear about this. Was the assault recent? or did you just find out about it and it happened a while ago? Is she getting help to process?
@@TeamDau it happened before I started dating her, and we’re now one year in on dec 4th, she has only told a few people like her aunt and a close friend, but she has never told me the full story and I just feel terrible knowing this man is walking around freely with no justice being served, she says it’s already too late and she wants nothing to do with him. But I honestly just feel hurt for her and for my self
Too. Cuz it’s been a little more of a struggle making her happy again cuz she randomly gets flashbacks and she just can’t get it out of her head. Like I found the love of my life after a while of dating and some guy ruined her whole confidence and happiness cuz he was too horny. So In return I just wanna find him. I don’t want to murder a man but beating someone up still wouldn’t even help but that’s what I want either ways cuz he hasn’t had any type of justice being served
@@tonytone6664 unfortunately the journey healing from past trauma can be a long one. But it doesn't have to be hard all the time. there will be more struggle some times than others but it is a journey for sure. Totally understandable how you feel about this guy. Most perps walk away with no justice as the abuse doesn't get reported. That piece of bringing the perp to justice is a whole other type of trauma. If you are in this relationship for the long haul, the best thing the both of you can do is work on the healing TOGETHER. Supporting her but also letting her know that you can be ally for her and even though she endured the abuse alone, she doesn't have to heal alone. if you'd like help with that, that's what we specialize in.
Thank you for this.
@inihos I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Thank you Tom.
You're welcome!! If you would like to chat more contact me at support@teamdau.com
@BrettRoeller I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Solid advice as one who use to blame my self contently for being raped I never thought he might blame his self to he need me as much as I need him 🙏
I am so sorry for not replying sooner- I thought I had! I am glad you found the information helpful. I know I was shocked when Tom shared with me that he always that it was something he did that was upsetting me. But how would he know unless I tell him differently.
@kytrpekka5750 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
It all boils down to most men abuse and those who don't can't face the fact that it's their kind who caused their partner's pain. From reading the comments, their fix is to "leave her." How about using your voices to speak out against it. That would go a long way and mean a lot to your violated partner. But no, just leave. Leave your daughters, too.
there is obviously pain in your experience. It been my experience and lots of those we work with that men aren't abusers. I am sorry if that is your experience. I know once I shifted my mentality, the energy around me shifted. Took dedication but it shifted.
@TeamDau I shift everytime I hear of another women being violated. And, yes, they can fool even YOU!
@TeamDau Great. Delete my response to you.
It not my fault thanks sir 🙏
To have a supportive man must be awesome. Abused since a baby, divorced in 1979, i havent been game to try marriage again. A lifetime of running from men who see only the body and dont care about anything else.
So sorry to hear your story!! My wife’s is very similar but her memories weee suppressed until 18 years into our marriage. I will say this to you bluntly but with as much love as you can receive. We have found through our marriage of 38 years that the things we praise we raise. We both have found that as we think and plan on the positive those items will find their way to us. And as we focus on the opposite of what we desire those will come equally as much. This is not a blame or put down to you and your pain and frustration must be enormous, but continued thoughts of the “dream” will by science have to appear. My thoughts and prayers are for your extremely peaceful and enjoyable future starting now.
@tomdau7971 that's sweet, and thank you. I have always found it inspiring to meet a couple who work successfully together and move forward, empowered. I admire men tremendously who care enough for their lady to do this.. I just haven't found one, myself, although believe me, I have searched. The 'wouldn't it be nice' is a fond thought. I have more love from my wee dog than any human being has shown me, so I consider myself blessed. I have the Lord, he loves me. It's now just a story in an old book I've ditched along the way. But who knows. I'm nearly 75, and never say never.
I started to talk to a lady that was interested in me I think might have had bad things happen to her like this I accidentally woke her up and triggered her she told her dad and said I ruined it then two years later her dad is trying to get me to make contact with her again I think he did this because he knows and understands her and was protecting her it’s really complicated I could use some advice thank you
I pray to God that he sees this.
He doesn’t trust me anymore after what happened to me and decided that we can’t save the relationship.
I’m not mad at him but I pray for him and his healing coz I know that he needs it too.
Got a great resource in case this is something you can share with him. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Sorry I walked these eggshells for 17 years, never again
So sorry for your experience
I’m that your WIFE is battling with that horrible experience, believe her and don’t feel like you have to fix something like he said is not her HUSBAND’s fault, things happened I wishing you and both the best and a open communication a lot of dates and fun times. I will keep respect their relationships, good luck 👍🏾
Thanks!!
Great informative message 🙏
Thanks for your support!!
If a woman has childhood sexual abuse history , not necessary to relay the traumatic details. But she has to be able to let her partner know. If you cannot talk to your partner, the relationship WILL Fail. Be open to seeing sex therapist if necessary.
Great advice indeed. Thanks for sharing
Thank you Tom .....
You are very welcome
@RavenMadd9 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
This is widespread
It is indeed. Way more than people admit or realize
@travishicks5447 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Man thank you its hard
@taurean2realnofilter523 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Thank you
Very welcome!!
He wont hear me out.
We are so sorry Jennifer. Have you tried showing him this video?
I have to train my mind to believe that it’s not me
We are not saying it’s not you, but that what you might be doing or not doing is triggering unresolved stuff. IT’S HARD FOR SURE!! Hopefully she is working on her healing as well and this video gives a few tips and insights to help you support her.
@goose9747 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
How can a HUSBAND let his WIFE alone? In situations like this. How does he won her trust at the beginning, how do people change after they sign the contract ?
We would like to help you by gaining a little more information from you. Email us at bit more detail at support@teamdau.com
@aylex1974 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
My wife told me that she was sa bu her stepdad and says she told her mom and aunts but her aunts didn’t believe her and her mom just does t respond when she brings it up as to why she didn’t step in or take her side in the matter. I said I love you and I’m on your side but what I can’t understand is that if you think your mom doesn’t believe you or doesn’t want to leave because of money and not wanting to work , why would she want her kids to be around that type of person. I dont get it . After 5 years of being married I have learned that she has lied about some things. And is terrified of therapy . She constantly gets depressed and gets overwhelmed. And views everyone as A threat in my family that actually loves her and misses her
the biggest thing that stands out is "I don't get it." Nothing makes logical sense does it?! And you are right! why can't she just walk away from her aunts/mother who aren't supporting her? It's our wiring. I can't tell you how many sa survivors I've talked with, even though they were abused by their fathers, still want their father to love them. UGH. Me included. Her nervous system is in overdrive. She doesn't feel safe as evidenced by her feeling depressed and overwhelmed. There are parts of her rallying to help her feel safe but what is belief and what is truth can sometimes be very different. I understand exactly what she is going through and my husband can totally relate to you. It's hard. but it can be different- AND BETTER! I use EFT Tapping to calm my nervous system down and also breathing exercises and other tools to help calm my nervous system. when we calm the nervous system, the blood stays in our brain and we can think more clearly. let us know if you need something more.
@@TeamDau thank you for your response. I appreciate advise that may help me to help her with whatever I can. At times she seems like she Is opening up to therapy then goes back to her safe place “in a manner of speaking “ which means shutting everyone out . She had a ppd incident 5 years ago and one major depression incident at 12 and when she told the CPS therapist what happened to her as a child in that home (with me there ) and still to this days tries to alienate my family from our children .
I see that she goes into defensive mode in most situations straight to extreme anger , or a remember what your mom said 5 years ago …. I’m pushing more and more to get into therapy and I’m willing to go as well for support but also to learn how to better address these things. I really appreciate replying back to me. I’ve noticed the things you described in your msg , especially the feeling scared , anxious, nervous and it’s hard , every day for like half of the day . I’m gonna look up what you recommended. And if you have any other ideas I appreciate it
@@JR-ld1et OMG- I never saw your response until now! I am so sorry! Not sure how things are going as it's been 3 months 😑😶😬. Maybe this video from me to her may help her? ruclips.net/video/aEoXZUbh6CI/видео.html
@@JR-ld1et I also have a playlist that teaches EFT Tapping, which is VERY helpful to calm her system down in order to function and process. Just talking about stuff isn't enough, our bodies need to calm down and I LOVE tapping to help do that. ruclips.net/p/PLU9GO0M-PtAqZ7MYJzyoTuNU1x7h3wUBi
@JR-ld1et I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
Good video
Glad you enjoyed it. Hopefully helpful.
I would very much like to speak with you sir.
What did you have in mind? Would you like to connect on a call?
@@tomdau7971 Yes I would. I'm in a very bad situation with my wife.
@MalcolmEspinosa1980 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
But.. when they make you the Devil for what may have happened long before you knew them….😢
So hard!! The best we can do is show trust and belief in their story so they realize we are not the enemy. They probably trust no one so we work to build that trust with them and work hers to listen to their needs and story.
I would love to talk to you I need help.
Please send an email to support@teamdau.com with a few details and your cell number and we’ll reach out today .
@davidroblesyoung6580 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
That is why I don't want to be in a relationship with anyone who faces those things.
It's tuff. This is why is so much important to bring this stuff up early. Don't have to go into great detail but just ask carefully.
I never tell men I date I was raped. Ever. They’ll blame every challenge on me. I’ve healed from that experience so there’s no reason to tell.
Best video
so glad you liked it. Anything in particular that was helpful?
@briang1561 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
The smell of quinoa triggers one of my loved ones
If your wife tells you she was abused sexually. Run away! You can't help her you can't save her she will make you miserable and crazy. The relationship will be just insanity. I lived it for 4 years
That could be true but if she shares, you believe, you accept, and support and she receives your partnership, healing and goodness can be achieved. My wife shard her abuse with me over twenty years ago. She is my best friend and I love doing life with her.
What a man.
Did he know about her trauma before they got married or did he find out afterwards?
I did not know about her trauma until 14 years into our marriage when her memories started to resurface. How does your story compare?
Like to talk to you if I could. I'm in a blaming / should have been there thing
Would love to support you. Please email Tom at Support@teamdau.com
@pjmendoza8871 I know it's been a while since you watched this but i wanted to let you know that I have an amazing resource called The Digital Survival Guide for Husbands in case you'd like to check it out. teamdau.my.canva.site/survival-guide-for-husbands
I'm a sexual assault survivor by my father
I am so very sorry to hear that. Do you have support ?
My husband is the one who did it
I am so sorry!! It is our strong belief the no one should remain in an abusive relationship!!
😭😭😭😭😭😞
Would you like to explain the sadness and tears?
I don’t trust anyone snymore
I am so sorry to hear that. Trust is definitely something that is precious . May I give you an invitation to take a step to trust yourself?
One thing he needs to know…she likely was
Trust and belief in the story is so important. We can’t work through this together without a partnership.
"Likely." Well that's reassuring.
Lots of times in my experience there sexually promiscuous and they chest on you. Not saying there bad there not it just what happens it seems
You are not wrong. unfortunately during the trauma, some learned to equate sex with love. only when we realize that and choose differently can a healthy nurturing relationship happen
No one should be with a person who hasn't heeled you shouldn't be a doormat no excuses
No one should be a doormat.
Abused people become abusers .
Just get a divorce. No one needs to get through this.
Something this means she will ABUSE you to no end she might even cheat. Why put up with it.
While you can consider divorce as an option for you, we have found that the husbands that resonated with our message really love their wives and want to help them but don't know what to do. As long as the relationship isn't abusive, just getting a divorce rarely solves the root issue so the same things will surface over and over in subsequant relationships. Or you end up alone. When both partners are committed to working on themselves that also greatly improves their interactions. Sticking it out, if it isn't abusive, is incredibly satisfying for everyone involved.
Did you have kids together?
I’m going through this exact thing right now thank you so much for this post. All the things that you have spoken about our things that have led to us splitting up two times. I was ready to walk out, but I realized some of the things that you were saying in this video, I’ve been making a concerted effort to reconnectthat she has lashed out against me unknowingly. You are absolutely right this takes patience. I pray that I able to be that listening ear now that I have the knowledge thank you.
I am so sorry, i thought I had already replied to you! so glad it helped! If you are interested in even more guidance, I just published an ebook with daily tips and video support. Let me know if you are interested.